I take a deep breath as I stand on my mark at the end of the street,
flanked by four other young women the same age as me. We're all dressed
more or less the same- either loose summer dresses or (in my case at
least) a floaty tank top and a short denim skirt, along with strappy
summer sandals and thick make-up. I know I look gorgeous and I know I
look effortlessly, perfectly feminine, but I'm still nervous- after
all, there's a lot riding on today, and the tiniest flaw in my look
could ruin everything.
"Take one," the director announces. "Action!" The girls and I all grin
and giggle together as we slowly walk down the street, while a gentle
guitar riff starts playing in the background. Seconds later, with the
five of us still walking in time to the music, the guitar riff is
joined by a slow bass rhythm and a drumbeat. And then, shortly after
that, the lyrics begin.
"There she goes..." the soft male voice sings.
"There she goes again
Racing through my brain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains..."
As the song goes on, I gradually drift ahead of the rest of the group,
dancing and skipping down the otherwise deserted road, giggling and
playing with my hair until I reach where the band are playing, where I
slowly make my way through them, gently resting my head on their
shoulders and leaning in close to them before skipping toward the
camera as the song eventually draws to an end.
"...Okay, cut," the director says. "Reset, we'll go for take two in a
bit. Laura, guys, take a couple of minutes, get your breath back."
"Thanks, Tony," I say before skipping over to the side of the road,
where a refreshments table has been set up- and, more importantly,
where the rest of the band are gathered.
"Hey guys!" I giggle as I grab a bottle of water. "Good first take?"
"Yeah, it went well," Mikey, the band's lead guitarist, says with a
grin. "Hopefully, my wife won't get TOO angry at me for having a
teenage girl drape herself all over me this morning."
"Seeing as your wife choreographed the video AND cast Laura as the lead
dancer, I think she can let you off this one time," Ms. Fullerton- the
same Ms. Fullerton who taught me ballet for five years (and just so
happens to be Mikey's wife) says with a grin as she gives me a gentle
hug. "You were great out there, all of you. I reckon we might even nail
this video in as few as four takes."
"Yep," Tony confirms. "You're doing great work for people who've
supposedly never been on camera before, heh!"
"Well, sort-of, anyway," Jonathan, the band's drummer, chuckles.
The reason for his ambiguity is no doubt due to the fact that three of
the five members of the band- himself, Mikey and rhythm guitarist
Stuart- are husbands of members of The Angels, and as such, are more
than a little used to being on camera. More significantly from my
perspective, though, is the fact that Jonathan is also the office
manager of Heavenly Talent, with whom I have an interview on Friday
afternoon, and appearing in this video and doing a professional job
will make things go a LOT easier at said interview. And I have one very
special friend, the band's bassist, to thank for this opportunity.
"Hey you," I purr at the nineteen-year-old man, who grins as I slide in
close to him.
"Hey," Ian replies with a boyish smirk. "You looked good out there."
"Thanks," I giggle girlishly. "You didn't look too bad yourself, heh!"
"Yeah, well, don't let your brother hear you say that," Ian says,
making me giggle again even as internally, I cringe.
Ever since separating from Kain, I've been on a few dates with boys
(usually friends from college) and had the occasional bit of 'fun' with
others. This Sunday just gone, I spent the morning at Ian's house,
where we both had a lot of 'fun'- right up until Ricky showed up and
nearly beat Ian to a pulp. And annoyingly, it's not the first time he's
'interfered' like that either. While the other boys are usually scared
off by him, though, Ian was able to stand his ground, but even
afterwards, we decided not to enter a relationship, even a casual one;
instead preferring to keep the special friendship that's grown between
the two of us- special because just like me, he is a member of Jamie-
Lee Burke's 'Fellowship', and as such is very sympathetic to what girls
like me (and boys like him) go through.
And no, just because he's lacking 'equipment' (the same 'equipment' I
can't wait to get rid of), it doesn't mean he isn't a great lover,
making it all the more frustrating that we've decided our friendship
would be better off not being 'with benefits'. And in recent weeks,
I've definitely been needing 'benefits' more and more...
"Okay, on your marks everyone," Tony announces, prompting me to cut my
conversation with Ian short and head back up to the top of the road,
where the other girls are waiting. We smile politely at each other as
we wait for Tony to call 'action', but deep down, I can tell there's
some resentment there. Many of them are no doubt jealous that I beat
them to the lead part in this video- and I'd be surprised if none of
them are angry that they were beaten by someone they see as a boy. If
they are, it's their problem, not mine. I earned this music video
through hard work, and I definitely earned the right to be a girl
through hard work, and there's nothing they or anyone else- especially
Robert Fucking White- can do about that.
As Ms. Fullerton predicted, we only need another three takes before he
wraps up filming for the day, with later afternoon gradually giving way
to early evening. Even though it's still light outside (it's the middle
of June so the Sun doesn't set until after 9pm) it's still the middle
of the week, so we all decide to head back to our respective homes. The
grin I've been wearing all day doesn't leave my face as I slide onto
the back seat of Stuart's car alongside Ian, who I notice taking a very
long look at my bare, slender legs as he fastens his seatbelt.
"Thanks for the lift home," I say as I switch my phone back on.
"You're very welcome, all three of you," Stuart replies, earning
derisive snorts from both Ian and the band's lead singer Paul, who's
sat in the front passenger seat.
"Yes, yes, thanks," Ian sighs. "Do you want any petrol money? Now that
I've not got a massive lawsuit hanging over my head, heh."
"It's fine," Stuart replies. "I'll take it out of your cut of the
massive amounts of money we'll get when we upload the video to
YouTube!"
"I hope some of that 'massive amount' will be heading my way?" I ask.
"Of course," Stuart replies. "Minus the cut for your agent, anyway."
"Who'd better enjoy you making money for him while it lasts!" Paul
teases, making me giggle and blush.
"Yep," Stuart concurs. "Doing a music video for the guy who's actually
interviewing you on Friday isn't a bad way of impressing him, heh!"
"Thanks guys," I say with a giggle. "Though if you want me for any
future music videos, it does mean that my price will go up."
"Money well spent," Paul says with a nervous, awkward-sounding chuckle.
"In all seriousness, though," Stuart says, "a lot of big actresses got
their breaks in music videos. Alicia Silverstone's one, Courtney Cox is
another."
"And now Laura Whi- Laura Ruddock," Ian says confidently, grimacing as
he nearly accidentally uses my old, 'dead' surname- a particularly bad
mistake for him given that he changed his own surname at the same time
he abandoned his deadname. Fortunately, I know it was a slip of the
tongue and nothing malicious, and the sympathetic smile I give him
should hopefully set his mind at ease.
"No argument here," Stuart says. "You back at college tomorrow, Laura?"
"Yep," I say with an overdramatic sigh. "Deep in rehearsals for the
college's end of year production." Not that I consider this a problem,
though- I'm loving college more than ever, and yes, I do mean the work
rather than the boys. If anything, the constant work I'm putting in for
rehearsals has been a welcome distraction from my singleness. And my
upcoming driving test. And my upcoming interview. And my weight (which
is at least stable for now). And the other, biggest problem that's been
following me around for seventeen and a half years...
"Well, save us a few tickets for opening night," Stuart says with a
smile.
"And we'll save you a few tickets for our first match," Paul says,
reminding me of Saturday, when I went to see Sean and Ricky (and, as it
transpired, Ian and one of his friends) try out for his amateur cricket
team.
"More like 'or we'll save you a few tickets'," Ian says, making me and
Stuart laugh while Paul rolls his eyes and pouts.
"Don't make me put 10CC on the stereo," Paul grumbles.
"If you dare touch my stereo-" Stuart threatens.
"BOYS," I say, silencing the car as I immerse myself in my phone.
I'm the first to be dropped off at home a few minutes later, and I make
sure to give gentle hugs to all three of the young men before heading
into my house, and I can't help but be amused at the difference in the
three men's demeanours as I hug them. Stuart's hug is polite, as you'd
expect from a married man hugging someone much younger than himself.
Ian's hug is more playful, as I'd expect from someone closer to my age
(and who I've had sex with), but Paul... It's hard to read him. On the
one hand, he's astonishingly attractive. He's 6' 1", has the kind of
body you'd expect from a 28-year-old fitness trainer who was very
nearly a professional sportsman (even if that sport is cricket), a
strong, masculine face and styled blond hair. On the other hand, he's
so shy it's almost painful, almost like he has no idea what to do with
his hands, his eyes or any other part of his body. I don't know why,
but I can't help but find the combination of 'body of a god' and 'shy
as a kitten' really attractive...
"Hi guys, I'm back," I say as I walk through the front door.
"Hi," Lily replies, not looking up from her videogame. "Mum and dad are
in the kitchen getting dinner ready."
"Thanks," I reply, grinning at how quickly Lily has grown used to
referring to my mother (her stepmother) as 'mum'- almost as quickly as
I've grown used to referring to Sean as 'dad'. "Good day at school?"
"Meh," Lily shrugs.
"That good, eh?" I chuckle.
"It's school," Lily retorts, to which I can only chuckle and nod. "Got
ballet later, though. Ms. Fullerton's giving us ANOTHER pre-pointe
test."
"Well, that's good, at least," I say. "Right?"
"Yeah, I guess," Lily says, making me frown.
"What's up?" I ask the twelve-year-old girl.
"Meh, I dunno," Lily replies. "I'm just, you know, a little nervous
about this whole 'pointe' thing. Like, will it hurt?"
"At first, a bit," I reply. "You'll get used to it, though. It's the
price we girls pay to be beautiful ballerinas, hehe!"
"Yeah," Lily says with a smile that I mirror. If Lily found it easy to
think of my mum as her mum, it's nothing compared to the ease with
which she accepted me as her sister- not stepsister, not even
'transgender' sister, just sister. If only all of my family could be as
open-minded as a twelve-year-old girl...
"Hey guys," I say as I leave Lily to her game and enter the kitchen.
"Ah, the big movie star returns!" Sean teases, making me roll my eyes.
"Eating dinner with us today instead of at the Savoy, then?"
"Funny man," I snort.
"How did the filming go today, Laura?" Mum asks, bringing the smile
back to my face.
"It was okay," I reply. "The choreography was easier than I expected,
we got it done in just a few takes."
"Well, you've always been a great dancer," mum says with a proud grin
that I mirror. "And it'll look great on your CV ahead of the big
interview on Friday!"
"Yep!" I say with a nervous giggle. "And the fact that the guy I'll be
interviewing with is the drummer of the band, heh!"
"Never too early to suck up to the boss," Sean says with a smile. "As
long as it's only metaphorically."
"Sean!" Mum and I protest simultaneously, before smirking as the
middle-aged man sighs and shamefully averts his gaze.
"...I'm just worried, you know?" Sean says. "This whole 'casting
couch', Harvey Weinstein thing..."
"Well, I've been assured that absolutely nothing like THAT goes on at
Heavenly Talent," I say. "And even if it did, I wouldn't want any part
of it. Seriously. Even if I have been single for months..."
"Yeah, well, you're seventeen, so you're not in any rush," mum says,
though the tone of her voice was less 'helpful advice' and more 'direct
order'.
"Meh, I guess," I shrug. "And I guess this time next week, I'll have an
army of cute male models to choose from, hehe!" Needless to say, this
doesn't get a positive reaction from my parents.
"Just as long as you know you're there to work and not just to flirt,"
mum says, frowning as I roll my eyes. "Now come and give us a hand
dishing up." I force a smile onto my face as I help my parents finish
preparing our evening meal.
After dinner, while Lily gets ready for ballet and mum and Sean watch
TV, I head up to my bedroom to practise my lines for the play. As has
become tradition whenever I do any form of coursework, this lasts for
about fifteen minutes before I switch on my iPad and log in to
Facebook, where I'm almost immediately drawn into a group chat.
'Hey girlie!!!!!' Nicole types.
'Superstar girlie!' Megan types, followed by several 'film reel'
emojis.
'Aww, you guys...' I type, followed by 'blushing' and 'giggling'
emojis.
'Do you know when the video will be out?' Ashley asks.
'Dunno, probably early next month,' I reply. 'When I'll hopefully have
a new agent...' Another 'giggling' emoji follows my message, which
earns a lot of 'sticking out tongue' emojis in reply.
'SO jealous!!!' Suri types, and I can't help but feel a little guilty-
Suri is on the same course as me, after all, and we're getting around
the same grades, but I'm the one who got the interview with Heavenly
Talent. I have agreed, however, to put in a good word for her if I do
get signed, just as I know she'd have done for me if our places were
reversed.
'She's more jealous that you got to hang out with the band,' Priya
types, earning 'angry' and 'middle finger' emojis from her sister in
reply.
'UGH, straight people...' Harriet types with a 'shaking head' emoji.
'Do NOT start kissing Mia!' Nicole types followed by several 'angry'
emojis.
'She's AFK at the moment anyway,' Harriet types. 'Doing something with
her family.'
'And you weren't invited?' Ashley types with a 'rolling eyes' emoji.
'Nope,' Harriet types, followed by the same emoji as Ashley. 'Still
don't think they take us two seriously, and no prizes for guessing
why.'
'Ugh, homophobes,' Nicole types, earning 'nodding' emojis from all of
us in the chat.
'And speaking of AFK,' Priya types, 'I thought you were helping out at
Ms. Fullerton's class tonight?'
'Not at pointe or pre-pointe class,' Nicole replies. 'Not yet anyway.
Don't think Madame Renou-Briggs has forgiven me yet for what happened
to my ankle. But maybe when the new school opens in September I'll get
to help out more.'
'Fwiw Cassie really likes you being in her class,' Ashley types. 'Are
you doing dance again next year for A2 level?'
'If I get a good enough grade,' Nicole replies. 'Hopefully I'll get to
do exercise and fitness too.'
'Maybe you should be signing for Heavenly Talent as well?' Megan types
with a 'sticking out tongue' emoji.
'Maybe,' Nicole replies with the same emoji. 'But they own a gym as
well, don't they? Laura, are the same guys from the band the same guys
who run the gym?'
'One of them is the singer,' I reply.
'Is he hot?' Nicole asks, predictably earning 'eye rolling' emojis from
Harriet and Ashley.
'He's not bad looking, I guess,' I reply. Fully clothed, anyway, I
think to myself. 'Used to go out with Hannah Dexter.'
'!!!!!' Nicole types. 'Someone who dates her must be better than just
'not bad looking'!'
'We know where Nicole's doing work experience this summer then,' Ashley
types with a 'sticking out tongue' emoji that makes me giggle.
'I haven't decided that yet,' Nicole retorts. 'I'd prefer to do it at
Ms. Fullerton's summer school though.'
'Yeah, I miss that place too,' Suri types.
'You could always join the adult class?' Priya suggests.
'Not the same,' Suri types. 'Adult class is all ages and all skill
levels, it'd be like starting again from scratch. And our college has a
great ballet club anyway.'
'It does,' I confirm, before smirking as I get a notification that
another friend has just signed in. I minimise the group chat for now
and open up another chat window with my newly arrived friend.
'Hey Ian!' I type, followed by several 'smiling' emojis.
'Hey Laura,' Ian replies. 'Great seeing you this afternoon, you were
really good today.'
'Thanks,' I type, accompanied by a 'smug' emoji that matches my real-
life facial expression. 'You weren't bad either, strumming away on your
guitar!'
'Yeah, but no one looks at the bassist on a music video,' Ian types.
'That's what Stuart and Mikey say anyway. Suits me though.'
'Just means more camera time for me,' I type with another smug emoji
that gets a 'smiling' one in reply.
'Suits me fine,' Ian types. 'You up to much this evening?'
'Not really,' I reply, before grinning devilishly. 'Need me to drop
round again?' My grin widens as Ian replies to my 'winking' emoji with
a 'blushing' emoji. Just because our friendship doesn't come with
'benefits' doesn't mean I can't tease or flirt every now and again.
'Probably not a good idea as the guys are all here tonight for a gaming
session,' Ian types.
'I know when I'm not wanted,' I type with a 'sticking out tongue'
emoji.
'Nah, it's not like that,' Ian types. 'It's just that you probably
wouldn't want to be stuck in a room with five sweaty guys playing video
games all evening.'
'Maybe if you stopped typing after the word 'guys',' I reply with a
'winking' emoji that clearly makes Ian pause, as it takes him several
seconds to start typing again.
'Lee says thanks for making his VR headset smell all perfumey btw,' Ian
types, to which I reply with a 'giggling' emoji-after Ricky ruined the
mood on Sunday, I hung around with Ian for a while longer and had a go
on his friend's virtual reality PlayStation, which was fun, but
definitely not as fun as what we were doing immediately beforehand.
'Yw,' I type with yet another 'smug' emoji. 'I'll let you get back to
your gaming and sweating, just wanted to say hi to see how you were.'
'Thanks,' Ian types. 'Talk soon!'
'Before you go,' I type, 'Do you have any contact details for the rest
of the band? I've got Stuart on my Facebook as we're both in the
Fellowship but I'd kinda like to connect with the others as well.'
'Sure,' Ian types.' I'm friends with all of them on here, you can find
them on my friends list easily enough.'
'Thanks,' I type with a 'smiling' emoji. 'Talk soon!' I also smile in
real life as I browse through Ian's friend list and click 'add friend'
for Paul, Jonathan and Mikey, before turning my attention back to the
group chat.
'Hopefully her parents won't be as much of a pain for her birthday at
the end of the month,' Harriet types, obviously referring to her still-
absent girlfriend.
'Well we'll just have to make sure her party is amazing, won't we?'
Nicole asks to unanimous agreement. 'Though I guess we'll have to leave
our boyfriends at home for that one.'
'Good guess,' Harriet types with a 'sticking out tongue' emoji that
makes me laugh, though as Mia's birthday is only two and a half weeks
away, the chances of me actually having a boyfriend by then are pretty
slim...
The chat lasts until long after 10pm, none of us wanting to go to bed
in the summer heat, but eventually my tiredness catches up with me and
I change into my soft, loose nightdress before climbing under my
sheets. Before closing my eyes, though, I check my phone again to see
if any of the band have accepted my friend request yet. Much to my
surprise, both Mikey and Jonathan have, the latter making me feel
particularly optimistic about my interview on Friday. No reply from
Paul yet, though...
My alarm wakes me just after 7am the following morning, and even though
I enjoy college, it still feels like a bit of a comedown after
yesterday's fun filming. Nonetheless, after breakfast, I still have a
smile on my face as I shower, apply a very light layer of make-up
(we're doing dress rehearsals today so I'll be wearing stage make-up
anyway) before pulling on a floaty cami top, a tight black miniskirt
and one of my favourite pairs of low-heeled wedges. After dropping Lily
off at my old school, Sean drives me straight to my college, where I am
as always greeted by my petite Indian friend at the main entrance.
"Hey Laura!" Suri says with a giggle as we exchange a gentle hug.
"You're actually acting with us today, then? Not been snapped up by any
big movie studio or some-"
"Yes, yes, very funny," I interrupt, making my friend giggle again,
before also giggling myself. "Ah, but seriously, though, it IS a bit of
a comedown, you know?"
"Well, I will if I ever get MY face on camera," Suri retorts, making me
grimace and blush.
"Ah- yeah, sorry..." I mumble.
"What's there to be sorry about?" Suri asks with a giggle. "You went
for a role and got it, acting's, you know, a competitive industry.
Can't fault you for making contacts, right?"
"I guess," I chuckle.
"Including the boss of Heavenly Talent itself," Suri teases, making me
blush again. "Don't deny it, I saw your friends list get bigger last
night!"
"...Maybe," I reply with a smug smile that makes my friend roll her
eyes.
"Well, either way, I am pleased for you," Suri says. "Just don't forget
who your friends are when you're living it up in Hollywood!"
"Ah, like I ever would?" I reply, making Suri giggle as I give her a
gentle hug en route to our first class.
Fortunately, I know that Suri knows me well enough to know that I am
sincere when I say I'll never get 'too big for my boots', especially
where the Excellent Eight are concerned. Ashley's recent troubles with
her 'fake friends' have taught me just how precious true friends are,
and that I should never take them for granted, especially after the
love they've shown me over the last six years. Even if I do become a
famous Hollywood actress, I'll never abandon my seven best friends.
Even if I only become famous in Britain, I'll never abandon my seven
best friends. Even if I find a boy I truly love...
After half an hour in the classroom, Suri and I head to the college's
changing rooms, where we change into the costumes we'll be wearing both
today and for the play proper. Even though I've been here nine months,
I still grin every time I enter the changing rooms and start undressing
like there was nothing amiss- which, of course, there isn't. Despite
the initial 'friction' with Melanie and her morons during my first few
days in the college, my presence in the girls' changing rooms quickly
became seen as normal. This is a room where teenage girls get changed,
and I am a teenage girl, end of story. But still, this 'unspoken
acceptance' still puts a smile on my face, especially after five years
of having to change by myself at school.
Of course, back then I was changing into either a pair of shorts and a
t-shirt or into a gymnastics leotard- I certainly never wore anything
like this at school! The play we're doing for the end of the school
year is one written from scratch by Mr. Irwin and is, in his words, a
cross between 'The Hunger Games' and 'Batman' with traces of 'Black
Mirror' thrown in for good measure. The plot is that in the play's
world, the ruling elite have forced street gangs to fight for their own
amusement, but now the street gangs have united and are fighting back.
Both Suri and I have landed roles with a good number of lines each- and
very exciting costumes too!
As I glance over at Suri, I can't help but feel a little bit jealous of
her costume and her role. As she's one of the 'elites', her costume is
very refined and expensive looking- a slinky, knee-length black
cocktail dress on top of what I'm told is an uncomfortable corset,
smart shoes with an extra high stiletto heel, a fake fur stole and
opera gloves, along with very demure make-up and an elaborate updo
hairstyle. Suri looks effortlessly elegant and feminine in her costume,
and while my costume is certainly feminine, it most definitely isn't
elegant.
Instead of a cocktail dress, I'm wearing a threadbare tiger print one-
piece swimsuit underneath a pair of equally tired-looking denim shorts.
Instead of stilettos, I'm wearing torn fishnet tights and a pair of
girly blue trainers. Instead of a stole, I'm wearing a faux leather
jacket covered in badges and patches, and instead of opera gloves, I'm
wielding a very nasty-looking chain (that is, of course, made of
Styrofoam). Needless to say, I'm on the side of the street gangs! It's
a costume that's undeniably sexy and feminine, and yet I can't help but
feel slightly uncomfortable. The trainers on my feet are the only non-
heeled shoes of any of the girls in the play, and while I'm told it's
for practical purposes due to my height (at 5' 9" I'm easily the
tallest girl in the cast), the fact is that I wouldn't be this tall if
it wasn't for my 'faulty genes'. The irony, of course, is that because
my puberty was suppressed for so long by anti-androgens, I spent
several months as the shortest girl among my friends, and when I
finally had my growth spurt, I was elated. Now... Not so much. Also,
while Mr. Irwin didn't explicitly say anything, I'm convinced the
reason I'm wearing the multiple layers of the swimsuit, the tights and
especially the shorts is to keep me 'under control', even though the
anti-androgens have also left hardly anything to 'control'. From my
months of learning about the theory of theatre production, I know that
costumes have to be as practical as they are 'showy', but while I
understand that it must be 'practical', it still makes me frown that it
needs to be 'practical' in the first place. The one relief is that I'm
told I don't need a corset to create a feminine 'shape'...
Fortunately, any discomfort I have with the costume fades once I'm
wearing my extra-thick stage make-up- pale foundation, extra-thick
mascara and dark red lipstick- and my long blonde hair is tied into
wild, messy braids. When I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is
an undeniably sexy seventeen year old girl, and when we emerge from the
changing room, the gazes of the boys in the cast immediately give away
the fact that they agree too. If ever I need my confidence boosted, all
I need to do is take a look at the nearest boy and the way he's
inevitably looking at my body. Knowing that even one person looks at me
and sees a sexy girl (and it definitely helps if he's sexy too) is as
big a help as any counselling session, and this costume is definitely
getting me looks. Though oddly enough, I find myself preferring
yesterday's plainer costume...
"Hi boys..." I purr to the boys cast as part of the 'street gang',
making most of them chuckle and even making some of them blush as I
approach and we start reading through our scenes. The fact that my
swimsuit is really low cut certainly doesn't hurt either...
"Okay," Mr. Irwin announces, ending our revision session almost as it
starts. "We're going to run through the whole play, off book, from the
top. Street leaders, that means you're up first." I smile as I and the
other 'gang leaders' head up onto the stage and take our marks.
"We've been pushed down for too long," my classmate Sean- or, as he's
known today, 'Blood'- says.
"Treated like dirt by those who won't even give us basic dignity," my
classmate Dannii- or rather, 'Needle'- says.
"It's time we fight back," my classmate Craig- or rather, 'Pyro' says.
"It's time we take what's rightfully ours," I- or rather, 'Chain' says.
And god knows I've worked hard to claim the femininity that's
rightfully mine, I think to myself.
The run-through of the play goes well, and just after 12:30 we're
excused to go and get some lunch, attracting more than a little
attention from the diners in the cafeteria as we walk through in our
costumes and make-up!
"Okay, now THAT was cool," Phoebe (who was playing one of the 'elites')
says as we sit down at our usual table with our meals.
"Totally," Rachel giggles. "Even if I did have to walk through the
cafeteria dressed as a French maid." I giggle along with Suri and
Phoebe as Rachel gestures to her costume- she's playing one of the
servants of the 'elites' who later on in the play defects to 'my' side.
"Lucky you," I tease, earning an eye roll from my friend.
"Oh please," Rachel snorts. "Like your costume ISN'T cooler? And
sexier? And like you weren't wearing an even cooler costume yesterday
afternoon?"
"Ah- well, yeah..." I giggle as I brush my messy braids out of my face.
"That wasn't, you know, a 'costume', though, that was just, like,
clothes."
"You still wore it on camera, though," Rachel reminds me. "More than
I'll do with this, heh."
"And why would you want to wear a maid's outfit, anyway?" Phoebe asks
me- and this question is easy for me to answer.
"Because I've never worn one before," I reply, before letting out a
tired sigh. "I- I still have a lot of lost time to make up for, you
know? In being a girl?"
"You've been a girl for six years," Suri reminds me.
"Exactly," I say. "ONLY six years. Not even half my life. I want to,
you know, experience everything every girl experiences. Everything that
I can, anyway."
"Most girls DON'T experience wearing a maid's outfit," Rachel says.
"You are," I retort with a shrug.
"Laura, seriously," Suri says with a sigh that I echo- this is a
conversation we've had plenty of times before. "After six years you
really have nothing to worry about girl-wise. Literally nobody thinks
you're even slightly boyish."
"You know THAT's not true," I snort as I await the inevitable retort
that's become so familiar.
"Well, anyone who does IS a nobody," Phoebe says. "So literally only
nobodies think you're boyish."
"I would honestly kill for a body like yours," Rachel says, making me
roll my eyes.
"What, ALL of it?" I ask.
"You can get an operation for THAT, right?" Rachel asks.
"And you've told us you're going to get it as soon as possible," Suri
reminds me.
"So once you're, well, 'done'," Rachel says, "you're going to have a 5'
9" model's body, a cute face and you'll have every straight guy in
London drooling down your cleavage."
"Cleavage that you can see more of than the three of us put together,"
Suri reminds me as I adjust my swimsuit. "I'd settle for just being as
tall as you." I grimace as I suddenly feel guilty for sulking about my
height- at 5' 1", Suri has the opposite 'problem'.
"...Okay, fine," I sigh. "Sorry for bringing it up..."
"No, I get that it must be hard at times," Rachel says. "You know,
being in the wrong body? It's something that, like, I'll never really
understand."
"It's okay," I shrug. "And some days are better than others, heh. Ugh,
I dunno why it's so bad today, maybe I- maybe I'm just stressed about
the interview, I dunno."
"God, I bet!" Phoebe chuckles. "If I had an interview with a place like
Heavenly Talent, I wouldn't be able to even sleep or eat, heh!" ...And
thanks for reminding me I've suffered with bulimia too, I think to
myself as my stomach starts to grumble.
"Yeah," I say with a forced chuckle.
"I think what Phoebe's saying is that she wants you to put in a good
word for us," Rachel says, making me giggle.
"Well, I- I kinda have to get in first myself," I chuckle.
"Don't think that'll be a problem somehow," Phoebe says with a
supportive grin as was eat our lunches.
The rest of the afternoon is spent rehearsing different scenes from the
play, which gives those of us in the cast very little time to chat and
relax, but the college day eventually ends with us heading back to the
dressing room to remove our make-up and costumes. However, rather than
change back into the clothes we wore to college, Suri and I instead
change into a different costume- the black leotard, pink tights and
soft ballet slippers that make up the uniform of the college's ballet
club.
After untying my elaborate braids and retying my hair into a severe
ballerina's bun, I follow the rest of the girls into the dance studio,
where I begin my warm-ups at the barre. As I stretch, I muse on how the
clothes I'm wearing now are no less 'controlling' than the swimsuit and
the shorts I wore in rehearsals, and yet I don't feel even slightly as
self-conscious as I did. Perhaps it's because as I look around, I can
see that all the other girls in the room are dressed identically to me-
that despite my height 'advantage' (once again, I'm the tallest girl in
the room), I blend in effortlessly with all the other ballerinas. Or
maybe it's because the three boys in the room are all dressed
conspicuously differently to us girls, and all three of them have
smiles on their faces as they look at us girls- myself included...
Despite being tired after a whole day of rehearsals, I still put
maximum effort into my dancing, especially during the pas de deux
practice where the male dancers are all too eager to place their hands
all over my body. Needless to say, this puts a smile on my face that
lasts until the end of the class, and that my friend immediately picks
up on as we head back to the changing room to free our feet from our
stiff pointe shoes.
"Feeling a little better, then?" Suri asks with a sly grin.
"Dunno what you mean," I reply semi-truthfully.
"Oh come on," Suri pleads. "You were all down at lunch, and now you
won't stop smiling? I get that you do get down at times, and I do get
why, I'm just happy that, you know, you're feeling better now."
"Meh, maybe a bit," I shrug, before giggling. "...Yeah, okay. Ugh, I
dunno. Maybe I'm just oversensitive."
"You're a girl, you're allowed to be sensitive," Suri says, making me
giggle again. "Though I did notice that your moves improved a LOT
during pas de deux..."
"I was being pawed at by three very fit guys," I retort. "What girl
wouldn't like that? Well, apart from Harriet, Mia or Ash, hehe!"
"Meh, Mia's bisexual, so she still might," Suri chuckles. "Though I do
remember when you hated ANY boy touching you, even your boyfriend."
"Only if I'm not expecting it," I say. "If I want a boy to touch me,
he'd better damn well touch me, hehe!"
"Yeah..." Suri says awkwardly. "You know there- there are rumours going
around the college, and- and I'm not saying I believe them, but when we
came out of the changing room, you, umm, kinda-"
"Meh, rumours are just that- rumours," I shrug. Even if some of them
ARE true, I think to myself. "So I like flirting, there's no harm in
that, right?"
"...Fair enough," Suri shrugs.
"Though I won't lie, I AM missing Kain a bit more than usual," I sigh.
"Four months of being single is four too many, as far as I'm
concerned."
"Well, it's not like you can't take your pick of any of the boys in
college," Suri says.
"...Maybe not ALL of them," I chuckle. "Ugh, I dunno. You've told me in
the past I should enjoy being single. Kinda hard to do that without a
boyfriend, heh."
"Well, just make sure you get a NICE boyfriend," Suri advises.
"Are there really any NICE boys?" I ask, sharing a giggle with my
friend as we pull our street clothes back on and head out to the
college car park, where Sean is waiting for us.
"Hi girls," Sean says as I climb onto the passenger seat while Suri
slides onto the back seat. "Good day at college?"
"Meh, not bad," I reply with a shrug. "Did a full dress rehearsal
today, that was fun."
"I can't wait to see the full play," Sean chuckles. "Last time I did
any acting was in a nativity play when I was five, heh. I played one of
the wise men."
"Umm, okay..." I say, trying not to feel embarrassed by my stepfather's
attempts to be relevant.
"Is Lily not into acting?" Suri asks.
"Not really," Sean replies. "She likes her ballet, though. She keeps
talking about those heavy toe shoes you wear. THAT's an extra expense
I'm looking forward to, heh!"
"Yeah, well, Laura will be rolling in acting and modelling money before
too long, so she can always help out," Suri teases, making me roll my
eyes.
"I won't be making THAT much money," I snort.
"And it'd be kinda bad of me to ask for help for that, anyway," Sean
says. "Though you'll still be paying more board. You know, for other,
less important things, like food, water, electricity, that stuff."
"Yes, yes," I sigh.
"Ah, the joys of almost being an adult," Sean chuckles as I feel my
embarrassment grow even higher. "On the plus side, you'll at least be
doing a job you love, heh. Not everyone can say that."
"Well- true, I guess," I shrug. "And work with people I like, too. For
now, anyway."
"Even better," Sean says, making me smile as I switch my phone on and
check Facebook, where I grin when I see that every member of the band
has now accepted my friend request.
After dropping Suri off, we head straight home, where after a quick
dinner, I head up to my bedroom to do some coursework and go over my
lines, but as always, college work goes out of the window within twenty
minutes when I log in to Facebook on my iPad. As usual, I'm drawn into
a group chat with the Excellent Eight, but today I'm also contacted by
someone unexpected.
'Hi Laura,' Jonathan Benedict- the drummer from yesterday's band and
the man who'll be interviewing me on Friday- types.
'Hi!' I reply with a 'smiling' emoji that I pray doesn't come across as
too familiar.
'Wasn't sure you should be adding your potential boss on Facebook,'
Jonathan types, making me shiver with nerves. 'Then my wife reminded me
that we do kinda know each other already!' I smile as I suddenly
remember that Jonathan's wife is Viks Benedict, nee Viks Brooks, aka
'older sister of my first boyfriend'. Or 'older sister of my worst
boyfriend', I think to myself with a frown as I remember the last time
Phil and I spoke.
'Well, kinda,' I type, hesitating as I ponder whether to add a
'winking' or a 'smiling' emoji, before ultimately sending the message
emoji-free.
'I won't play favourites on Friday, though,' Jonathan says with a
'smiling' emoji of his own. 'But thought I should say hi anyway to say
thanks for yesterday, Stu and Ian were right, you were really natural
in front of the camera.'
'Remember that on Friday, please?' I type, earning a 'laughing' emoji
in reply.
'It's in your portfolio, don't worry,' Jonathan replies. 'Anyway, can't
stay long, heading out for dinner with Viks's family tonight. Nothing
special, just a family meal.' Before I know what's happening, my thumbs
immediately start composing a message.
'Will Phil be there?' I ask, groaning with frustration immediately
after I press 'send'.
'Viks's creepy little brother?' Jonathan asks, making me smirk. 'Wait,
you guys used to go out, didn't you?'
'Briefly, yeah,' I type, hoping my 'rolling eyes' emoji lets Jonathan
know that the memory of the relationship isn't a pleasant one.
'He'll probably be there, yeah,' Jonathan types. 'I can tell him you
asked after him if you'd like?' Okay, maybe the emoji didn't work, I
think to myself as I squirm and grimace.
'I'd prefer it if you didn't,' I reply. 'Kind of a bit too much baggage
there if you know what I mean.'
'Fair enough,' Jonathan types. 'I think I remember Viks saying she had
to give Phil a bollocking once for the way he spoke to a girl, I'm
guessing that girl was you?'
'Yep,' I reply, smirking at the memory of Viks yelling at Phil after we
were both in a play together.
'Well, really got to go now before Viks bollocks me,' Jonathan types,
which I reply to with a 'giggling' emoji. 'I'll see you on Friday.
Maybe even see you twice if everything goes well?' I frown in confusion
at Jonathan's used of the word 'twice', as everything I've read about
Heavenly Talent and heard first-hand from people like Alice tells me
that the agency is about as ethically sound as it gets- no 'Harvey
Weinstein' moments, so for Jonathan to proposition me like this is
completely out of the blue, especially for someone like Jonathan, who I
know is happily married. He IS fit, though, and much taller than me, so
if he is asking me what I think he's asking me... I'd be a fool to say
'no'.
'I can probably make it twice on Friday, yep,' I type with a 'winking'
emoji.
'Your brother will be pleased to hear that,' Jonathan types, making me
screw up my face in confusion. The way he's been acting recently,
'pleased' is the last thing I'd expect Ricky to be at the thought of me
and one of his friends together, especially a married man.
'Umm, why does Ricky need to know?' I ask.
'Umm, because it's his birthday?' Jonathan replies, making me cringe
even harder as my face turns red. Of course it's Ricky's birthday on
Friday. Mum's even reminded me of it several times over the last few
weeks, but between college, work and the interview, I'd completely
forgotten about it. I haven't even bought him a present yet...
'Yeah,' I type hastily.
'Had you forgotten it was your brother's birthday?' Jonathan asks with
a 'grinning' emoji. 'I thought it was only guys who did that?' Despite
the fact that Jonathan might soon be my boss, I still reply to his
'grinning' emoji with an 'eye rolling' emoji.
'I've had a lot on my mind lately,' I type. 'I'm being interviewed by
one of the biggest agencies in the UK on Friday?'
'Fair enough,' Jonathan types with a 'chuckling' emoji. 'I'll let you
get back to being distracted. What did you think I meant, though? That
your brother doesn't need to know?' Shit, I think to myself as I
hastily wrack my brains.
'I thought you meant you'd be giving me work straight after the
interview,' I type, hoping this excuse will be good enough.
'Not usually, but okay,' Jonathan types, and I can immediately tell
that he doesn't believe me, but thankfully isn't going to make any more
of it. 'I'll talk to you on Friday. See ya!'
'Bye,' I type, letting out a long sigh as Jonathan logs out. Not only
have I just potentially embarrassed myself in front of my future boss,
but I've also got to shell out for a birthday present for my brother
too. And worst of all, I had the promise of sex with a really hot guy
dangled in front of me, only to be cruelly snatched away...
I spend the next hour and a bit alternating between practising my lines
and chatting with the rest of the Excellent Eight, but both of those
things go by the wayside when I spot a new name logging into Facebook
messenger. I waste no time in composing a message to my new friend-
after Jonathan got my hopes up only to dash them, hopefully Paul will
be a little more 'interested'.
'Hi Paul,' I type to the blond-haired singer/fitness instructor with a
'smiling' emoji.
'Hey,' Paul replies. I pause as I wait for another message to come
through, but after a whole minute passes I realise that this is all I'm
going to get from him. Okay... I think to myself as I compose another
message.
'Was great meeting you and the guys yesterday,' I type. 'You're a
really great singer.'
'Thanks,' Paul types, making me frown in frustration again, though the
frown fades when I see Paul typing another message- albeit one that
takes over two minutes to come through to me. 'Do you do much singing?
On your course, I mean.'
'Not as much as I'd like,' I reply. 'There are better singers on my
course, and I prefer acting and dancing anyway.'
'Cool,' Paul types, leading to another awkward pause.
'So, how did you get into cricket?' I ask.
'I've loved it as long as I can remember,' Paul replies. 'I used to
play with my dad in the park, then he took me to see England vs the
West Indies in 2000 and I got hooked ever since then. I actually had a
trial with Surrey but didn't quite make it.' Okay, I think. So you CAN
talk to women, even if it's just about sport...
'How did you get into singing?' I ask.
'Stuart and Mikey formed a band and I can't play any instruments,' Paul
bluntly replies. Yet again, I wait for Paul to say more, and yet again,
my wait is in vain.
'Well you sound great, from what I heard yesterday,' I type with a
'smiling' emoji that Paul at least reciprocates. 'Are you doing
anything tonight?'
'Just reviewing a few personal training plans for some of our clients
at the gym,' Paul replies. 'Dan usually does that but he's kinda got
his hands full right now!'
'Lol,' I type, before biting my lip as I carefully consider the wording
of my next message. 'How about tomorrow evening?'
'The same, probably,' Paul replies. 'Why are you asking?' I'm very glad
you asked, I think to myself as I grin devilishly.
'Just wondered if you fancied meeting up to chat face to face?' I ask.
'Maybe get a coffee after college?'
'I dunno,' Paul types. 'Do you mean like a date?'
'If you want,' I reply with a 'winking' emoji.
'I dunno,' Paul repeats. 'Aren't you 17?'
'So?' I ask.
'I'm over 10 years older than you,' Paul replies. 'And Ricky's a mate,
it wouldn't be right if you're suggesting what I think you're
suggesting.'
'Ricky doesn't need to know,' I type with a 'winking' emoji. 'Come
onnnnnn! Where's the harm in a little fun?'
'Okay, I guess,' Paul replies, making my whole body tingle with
anticipation. 'Is there a coffee shop near your college where we can
meet?'
'I'll send you the directions,' I reply, finding the coffee shop
nearest our college on Google and forwarding the directions to Paul.
'Really looking forward to seeing you again!'
'Yeah, me too,' Paul replies after a long pause. 'I kinda need to get
back to my work, though?'
'Sure,' I type. 'See you tomorrow!' I end the message with several
'kissing' emojis that hopefully gets my intended message across. I grin
expectantly as I turn my attention back to the group chat, where it
seems my absence has been noticed.
'Earth to Laura?' Nicole types. 'Anyone there?'
'Yeah, sorry, was talking to someone else, I reply. 'What's up?'
'Well, who were you talking to, for starters?' Ashley asks with a
'sticking out tongue' emoji that I reply to with a 'rolling eyes'
emoji.
'It's too hot to wear tights on my legs never mind my head!' I reply,
grimacing and blushing as I await the inevitable responses from my
friends.
'And we all know what THAT means, don't we?' Nicole asks as I roll my
eyes both in emoji form and in real life.
'Laura's got a boyfriend...' Ashley types, replying to my 'angry' emoji
with a 'giggling' one.
'He's not a boyfriend yet,' I type. 'We're just seeing each other
tomorrow after college, that's all.' Though I'm not sure yet exactly
how much of each other, I think to myself.
'Who is he?' Suri asks. 'Does he go to college with us?'
'No, he's someone I met online,' I half-lie. 'And yes, we've spoken
face-to-face so there's no need to worry about THAT.'
'Well, cool,' Megan types. 'Good to see you're finally getting over
Kain.'
'Oh I am WELL over Kain,' I type, even though I know this isn't exactly
true.
As insensitive as he could be, Kain was pretty close to the ideal
boyfriend- tall, sexy, very 'eager to please' (a little TOO eager
sometimes) and utterly besotted with me. Okay, he could be a little shy
sometimes and a little over-obsessed with his favourite sport, but that
describes most boys. It even describes Paul- just replace basketball
with cricket and you've got an 11 years older version of Kain. Which
should at least mean he's more experienced with women. I will admit,
though, there are times I miss cuddling up next to Kain, and while some
of the boys I've dated have been 'fun', there's only so much 'fun' you
can have before you just want to find someone you can cuddle up next
to. Though it IS summer, I AM seventeen, and there's plenty more 'fun'
to be had yet...
'Good,' Megan types.
'Especially as it means we can move the conversation on from BOYS!' Mia
types, earning 'cheering' emojis from everyone else.
'What we were asking while you were distracted,' Ashley types, 'is
where you want to go for our big beach trip this summer?'
'Didn't we already agree on Brighton?' I ask.
'Yeah, unless anyone has any other suggestions,' Priya types.
'Well, I don't,' I type. 'Brighton works fine for me. Are we still
going the weekend after AngelCon?'
'Works for me,' Ashley replies.
'Yep, me too,' Suri types. 'This summer is going to be AWESOME!'
'Totally,' I type. It'll be even more awesome if I have a nice, hunky
guy to cuddle up to...
With it being a weekday, I head to bed just after 10:30pm, leaving the
chat while it's still in progress, though I do check to see whether
Paul's online before climbing under my sheets, only switching off my
iPad once I see that he's offline. As I drift off to sleep, I can't
help but feel giddy with excitement about tomorrow- all the boys I've
'been' with so far have been precisely that- boys. Teenagers who have
hardly any 'experience' and barely know what to do with a woman. When I
think about it, I realise that Ian is actually the oldest guy I've ever
been with, and even though he's just two years older than me, and
despite his 'obvious advantage' when it comes to women, even he doesn't
know everything. Paul, on the other hand, almost certainly will do.
Maybe I'll develop a taste for older men...
Unsurprisingly, I'm awake before my alarm goes off the following day,
and after a quick breakfast and shower, I head back upstairs to
carefully consider my outfit for the day. Even though we're doing dress
rehearsals again today, the promise of this afternoon means that I take
a lot more care with my look. Instead of a floaty top, I opt for a
stretchy, white cap-sleeved bodysuit with a thong back, and instead of
a denim skirt, I choose a short black bodycon skirt that shows off all
of my fledgling curves. I swap yesterday's wedges for a pair of sandals
with a chunky 3" heel, and spray on a cloud of my favourite perfume.
Before I head out, I make sure to put my travel make-up kit in my
handbag, along with a small tube of lubricant and a couple of condoms-
for obvious reasons. I have a sly smile on my face as I head down to
Sean's car, where he and my sister are waiting for me. My smile doesn't
fade when my stepfather almost immediately picks up on it.
"Looking forward to today, then?" Sean asks.
"Hmm?" I reply as I get my phone out of my bag. "Umm, yeah, we're doing
more dress rehearsals again, should be cool."
"The real question should be, are you looking forward to tomorrow?"
Sean asks with a chuckle.
"What, the interview?" I ask. "Yeah, I kinda am, heh. I actually spoke
to the guy who'll be doing the interview last night, helped, you know,
ease the nerves a little."
"I was actually thinking of your brother's birthday," Sean says. "But I
get why you're focussing on the interview as well, heh!"
"Ah- yeah..." I grimace as I formulate a plan in my mind. I haven't
actually told my parents yet that I'll be seeing Paul after college,
and this presents a great opportunity... "I- I kinda still need to get
Ricky a present, so I'll be going shopping after college, so I might be
a bit later home than usual."
"Oh, okay," Sean says. "Do you need to borrow any money, for a present
or a bus home? Borrowing rather than giving as you'll be rolling in it
from tomorrow onwards, anyway?" I roll my eyes as Sean chuckles at his
own joke.
"...Maybe a tenner," I say with a smile.
"Can I have ten quid too, please?" Lily asks from the back seat.
"You've already bought a present for your brother," Sean reminds the
young girl, once again making me smile as he refers to Ricky as Lily's
brother, despite the fact that they aren't blood related. However, as
always, this thought doesn't make my sister smile at all.
"Yeah, but can I have it anyway?" Lily asks. "As, like, compensation
for having to be there tomorrow?"
"If you get ?10 for putting up with Ricky tomorrow," I say, "I'm due
back pay of, like, thousands."
"What your sister said," Sean says. "Or in short, no."
"Maybe we can go out to celebrate me getting signed to Heavenly
Talent," I say with a smile.
"Oh, we'll definitely be doing that!" Sean chuckles proudly, bringing a
smile to my face.
"Won't Ricky want to go along to that as well?" Lily asks.
"Meh, if it's a public place like a restaurant, he'll behave himself
more," I reply. "And he'll be with Alice tomorrow anyway, she usually
keeps him under control."
"That'll be cool, if you get to work with your potential future sister-
in-law," Sean says.
"Yeah, I wish," I snort. "She's an Angel, she gets, like, thousands of
quid for every appearance she makes, or every promotion she does on her
Instagram. I'll be lucky to make a thousand quid a month working for
HT."
"Hey, when I was seventeen, I'd have killed to make a thousand quid a
month," Sean muses.
"Yeah, but back then, you could, like, buy a loaf of bread for 4p,"
Lily says, making me giggle as our parent groans.
"Hey, watch it you!" Sean chastises Lily as we both keep smirking. "I
was seventeen in 1995, which isn't THAT long ago!"
"It's before either of us were born," I say, smirking again as Sean
rolls his eyes. "Do you actually know how much a loaf of bread cost
back then?"
"More than 4p," Sean replies firmly. "Which is how much I'll be lending
you if you keep talking to me like that!"
"Yes, okay, sorry," I mumble, the grin not fading from my face.
"Apology accepted," Sean says as we pull up outside my college and he
hands me a ten pound note. "Text me when you're on your way home, or if
you need a lift home."
"Sure," I say, grinning at the thought that Sean may be waiting a while
for his text.
My grin stays in place as I head into college and am greeted as always
by Suri, who mirrors my grin when she sees how I'm dressed.
"Hubba hubba Miss Ruddock!" Suri cheers as I show off my plain but
still sexy outfit. "No prizes for guessing why you're dressed to kill
today! Any prizes for guessing WHO you're dressed to kill?"
"Meh, you'll find out eventually," I reply, my grin widening as we head
to our classroom, attracting a lot of stares from a lot of boys along
the way.
As with yesterday, we only stay in the classroom for a short while
before heading to the dressing room to get changed into our (thankfully
freshly laundered) costumes. However, unlike yesterday, as I change
into the swimsuit and the shorts, I don't feel any of the awkwardness I
previously did. The swimsuit hugs my curves, the shorts show off my
pert bottom and long, slender legs and even my 'chain' makes me feel
sexy as I playfully wrap it around my slender, feminine body. I don't
even feel as 'controlled' as I did yesterday- maybe it's because I've
changed from a bodysuit into a swimsuit, two items of clothing that are
similar in style, I don't know. All I know is that when I exit the
make-up room and feel the eyes of every boy in the room turn in my
direction, I have never felt sexier.
"Hi boys..." I seductively purr as I approach the rest of my 'gang'.
"Hey Laura!" Craig (or as he's known in costume, 'Pyro') says. "Ready
for today?"
"Ugh, I just want to get on stage properly already!" I reply in an
overdramatic fashion that makes Craig laugh.
"Think we all do," Craig says. "But, you know, we need to make sure
we're getting it right, this IS the biggest performance of the year,
you know?"
"That's why I want to get on stage!" I giggle. "Want to, you know, show
off to the world what I can do!" And what I've got, I think to myself
as I lean forward, giving Craig a better view of my cleavage.
"Yeah," Craig chuckles nervously. "Do you- do you want to run through
some lines?"
"Sure," I say, grabbing my script and following the teenaged boy to a
quiet corner, where we sit and run through our lines together. As we
rehearse, though, I can't help but notice his eyes repeatedly darting
back and forth over my body, and the fact that his face seems to get
redder as I lean in closer to him...
"Okay, everyone," Mr. Irwin says, bringing a premature halt to mine &
Craig's rehearsal session. "First positions, everyone." I grin as I
head up to the stage alongside Craig, Sean and Dannii, adopting a
serious expression on my face as we prepare to run through the
production yet again.
As with yesterday, the rehearsal takes us right up to lunch, and I yet
again have a grin on my face as I head through the cafeteria in my
skimpy costume, toward the table where my friends are waiting for me as
always.
"Hey girlies!" I giggle as I sit down with my lunch. "Great run-through
again!"
"Yep!" Phoebe giggles. "SO can't wait to actually get on stage in front
of an audience, you know?"
"Totally," I say.
"Even though you've got something even more nerve-wracking tomorrow?"
Rachel teases me, making me giggle and blush.
"Ah, yep!" I squeak excitedly. "Just 24 hours to go! God... You know, I
feel like I should be more nervous than I actually am? Like, this is an
absolutely HUGE opportunity, but, you know, I'm prepared for it, I know
what I'm gonna say..."
"Still so jealous," Rachel sighs happily. "Though I guess it does help
when your brother's already dating an Angel, heh."
"Yeah, but, you know, I want to do this by myself?" I reply. "Sure,
Heavenly Talent's one of the biggest nepotism places in the world, but
I want to actually earn my spot there, not just 'cause of my links with
Alice, or Jamie-lee, or Viks..."
"How d'you know Viks?" Phoebe asks.
"Used to date her little brother," I reply. "TOTAL creep."
"I can vouch for that," Suri says. "He was totally self-centred too."
"Ugh, that's a pity," Rachel sighs. "Dating the brother of an Angel
sounds like hitting the jackpot, heh."
"Yeah, well, you're welcome to him," I snort. "I've got much better,
anyway!"
"Ah, yes, the big date!" Suri teases, making me blush. "Are we ever
going to find out who it is?"
"Ooh, have you got another new boyfriend, Laura?" Phoebe asks, making
me roll my eyes.
"Not 'another' new boyfriend," I reply. "Just a guy I'm seeing after
college, that's all."
"It- it's not Craig, is it?" Rachel asks. "'Cause I saw you and him
before the run-through..."
"You said it wasn't someone from college," Suri asks as I suddenly
start to feel VERY uncomfortable. "And I thought Craig was going out
with Leighanne Coulson? She's not someone whose boyfriend you want to
steal..."
"I was just talking to Craig, that's all," I sigh. "Most of our scenes
are together, it makes sense that we, you know, talk before
rehearsals." Though I definitely wouldn't say no if he 'asked', I think
to myself.
"Well- okay," Suri says, not even bothering to hide the fact that she
doesn't believe me.
"Besides, it's hardly a crime to flirt, is it?" I ask.
"Depends on who you flirt with," Suri says cautiously. "You know you'd
have flipped if you'd seen Kain flirt with another-"
"Okay, okay," I interrupt. "I'll turn down the flirting a bit. As for
Kain, well, he can flirt with whoever he wants now, can't he? And god
help the poor girl he DOES flirt with."
"Is he a creep too?" Rachel asks. "'Cause the way you talked about him
when you two were going out, well..."
"He- he's a bit awkward around girls," Suri explains. "Especially
Laura. It took him MONTHS to ask her out and even longer for her to say
yes!"
"And he's utterly oblivious to, like, EVERYTHING," I snort. "Though
that- that was kinda sweet in its own way, heh... Anyway, I've moved on
now. I prefer MEN to BOYS, hehe!"
"Hell yeah!" Phoebe giggles as we enjoy our lunch. A quick glance at
Suri, though, reveals that she's not convinced by my explanation.
However, my love life is also none of her business, which I remind
myself later in the afternoon when we change out of our costumes and
back into our day clothes. I smile as I head to the girls' toilets,
where I brush my hair out into a loose, cute style and touch up my
make-up with thick, smoky eyeshadow and blood red lipstick. With my
look complete, I head out of the college, not even waiting to say
goodbye to Suri or the others first, and head straight to the nearby
coffee shop, where I order myself a skinny latte and wait at an outside
table for the arrival of my date.
I'm not waiting long before I see the familiar face of a tall, blond-
haired man approaching with a nervous-looking smile on his face. As I
stand up to greet him, I smile- both at the fact that's arrived and
that I have that kind of effect on someone as sexy and 'experienced' as
Paul.
"Hey you!" I purr as I greet Paul with a gentle kiss on his cheek.
"H- hey Laura," Paul says as we head back into the coffee shop. As I
adjust the hem of my skirt, I cast a sly glance back at Paul, who looks
very interested in what he sees.
"Good day at work?" I ask.
"Yeah, same as always," Paul shrugs. "It's summer, most people would
rather be outside than stuck in a gym, heh."
"Meh, I get that," I shrug as Paul orders his drink. "So, umm..."
"Yeah," Paul chuckles. "I- I wasn't 100% sure I was gonna show up, heh.
I wasn't 100% YOU were, heh."
"Well, I'm glad you did," I say, leaning forward so as to show more of
my cleavage to the sexy man. "And believe me, I was never not going to,
hehe!"
"Yeah," Paul chuckles nervously. "So, umm, did- did you have a good day
at college?"
"It was okay," I reply. "We're doing dress rehearsals for our end of
year play, which we're starting a week tomorrow."
"Ah, that sounds cool," Paul says. "What- what's your costume like?"
"Pretty, well..." I say, before grinning devilishly. "...Tight."
"Cool," Paul chuckles. "So, umm, how long have you been into acting?"
"Since I started secondary school," I reply. "I dunno how much of my
history you know, but that- that was when I started to be, well,
'Laura'."
"Yeah, I- I know about THAT," Paul says. "I actually used to go out
with, you know..."
"A transgender girl?" I ask, my heart starting to beat faster as I
realise that Paul has more 'experience' that I previously thought.
"Umm, yeah," Paul replies. "Irish girl, worked for that French airline,
the one that's been in the news lately 'cause of the strike."
"Ah, cool," I giggle. Paul's obviously trying to impress me, and in
fairness, it IS working. "And to answer your question about acting,
I've always loved the idea of being up on stage, acting or dancing. I
kinda, you know, get to show the world the 'real' me, like, the real me
is girly and gorgeous, and I want everyone to know that."
"Yeah," Paul says with a nervous chuckle. "I guess in a way, acting
isn't that much different from, you know, professional sport. You're
doing what you love, putting yourself out there in front of an audience
who are, you know, emotionally invested in what you're doing."
"Huh, I never thought about it that way before," I muse. "But yeah, I
guess it makes sense. The difference is that I know in advance how my
'performance' is going to end, even if the audience doesn't."
"I suppose," Paul says. "Like, if a football match is 4-0 going into
the last ten minutes, it's a pretty safe bet there's not going to be
some sudden miracle to make it so that the losing team wins."
"I suppose," I shrug. "So, do you, like, have any non-sport hobbies?"
"Meh, goes with the territory of being a personal trainer," Paul
replies with a shrug. "We're also the gym of choice for Acton Rovers,
the football club that the owner of Heavenly Talent bought. So, like,
everything's under the same roof, sort of thing."
"Which will hopefully include me tomorrow," I say with a smug grin.
"Yep," Paul says. "I don't think you've got much to worry about, you'll
probably walk the interview."
"Aww, thanks!" I giggle as I sip my drink. "I won't lie, I am REALLY
nervous about the interview. Almost as nervous as I was about this
date, actually, hehe!" I giggle as Paul once again blushes and averts
his gaze.
"Yeah, umm..." Paul mumbles. "What- what time do you have to be home?"
"I can stay out as long as I want," I reply with a confident grin.
"Why, do you need to get home?"
"I have got a bit of work to do for tomorrow," Paul says.
"You said summer was your slowest season?" I ask, frowning as Paul
starts to fidget uncomfortably.
"Well, it's not like I have NOTHING to do," Paul mumbles.
"Do- do you find me attractive?" I ask.
"Well- yeah, of course I do," Paul replies.
"So, then..." I coo. "How about we go back to your place and I can, you
know, 'help you out'?"
"Are- are you sure?" Paul asks, his eyes widening in (what I assume is)
anticipation.
"Where's the harm?" I ask with a playful giggle.
"Well- only if you're absolutely sure," Paul says.
"Yes, 100%, come on already!" I plead teasingly.
"Well- okay," Paul says, finishing his drink before composing a quick
text message on his phone. "My flat's actually only half a mile from
here."
"Cool!" I giggle, finishing my drink before following Paul down the
road, giggling at his bashfulness as I lean in close to him.
Once we're through the front door of his flat I waste no time in
jumping at Paul and giving him a long, deep kiss, gently probing his
mouth with my tongue as I trace a line with my finger from the centre
of his chest to just above the hem of his shorts. It quickly becomes
obvious that Paul is VERY 'eager' for what's about to happen.
"Bedroom?" I ask between deep breaths.
"L- living room," Paul replies, pointing to a door that I immediately
open, only to receive an unexpected and very unwelcome surprise.
"Wh- what?" I ask as I survey the scene.
Rather than being empty, as I expected, the room is packed with both
familiar faces and a couple I don't recognise. Ian's here, as are
Ashley and Megan. Nikki Phillips-Thomas is here along with her wife and
an older woman I don't recognise. And sat in the middle of them all are
my brother and his girlfriend.
"Hello Laura," Ricky says sternly. "Sit down."
"Wh- what is this?" I ask, anger and embarrassment quickly filling my
body. "What the fuck is this!?"
"Like I told you last night," Paul says softly. "Ricky's a mate."
"So- so you just told him about me and you?" I snort.
"There isn't-" Paul says, before sighing. "There isn't a 'me and you'.
You messaged me and asked me out for a drink. I thought, well, 'sure,
why not', but then I told Dan, who told Stuart, who told Ian."
"And I remembered what your brother told me on Sunday," Ian says in his
soft Welsh accent. "He told me that I wasn't the first, well, first guy
since you split from your boyfriend. I didn't want to believe him. But
when I heard about this date, like, less than a week later, I- I
started thinking."
"Which is more than could be said for you," Ricky snorts as my face
starts to turn red from embarrassment and rage.
"I thought we'd just meet for a drink and a chat," Paul explains. "When
Ricky heard about it, he told me you'd probably try to persuade me to
take you home with me. The text I sent before we left the caf? was to
Ricky, to let him know he was right."
"So- what?" I ask. "You brought everyone here to humiliate me?"
"I brought everyone here to help you," Ricky says, anger starting to
seep into his own voice. "Laura, this- this isn't you. You haven't been
yourself lately. For the last few months, even."
"We've all noticed it," Megan says softly as I feel my own anger start
to dissipate. "Laura, just- just look at what you're doing."
"And what's that?" I ask.
"You were about to jump into bed with a guy ten years older than you
that you hardly know," Ricky says firmly.
"...So?" I shrug, though inside, I can feel my defiance fading-
especially when my brother lets out an exasperated sigh.
"Laura, you- you of all people should know not- well..." Ricky mumbles.
"'I of all people'?" I snort. "And what does that mean, exactly?"
"Well, umm..." Ricky says, lost for words for the first time in his
life.
"You see me as a victim, don't you?" I ask. "Well I'm sick of being the
victim. For once in my life, I want to be a winner. I want to come out
on top. And if that means having sex with a cute guy, or an older guy,
or even more than one guy, then that's what I'll do. It's my life, and
I'll do what I want with it."
"You said you want to be a winner," the unidentified older woman says.
"Who is it you want to defeat?"
"I- I'm sorry, who are you?" I ask.
"My name is Doctor Beverly Phillips," the older woman replies. "I'm a
psychiatric counsellor specialising in gender identity. I'm Ian's
counsellor, along with many others. I'm also Sarah's mother."
"I asked if she could come along today," Sarah (Nikki's wife) says
softly. "You might be more comfortable speaking to someone you didn't
know than to friends or family."
"If you'd like to speak privately, we could always go to the kitchen,"
Dr Phillips says softly, with Paul nodding in agreement. As the eyes in
the room turn back toward me, I feel the last of my anger dissipate and
tears start to form in my eyes. As much as I hate to admit it, Ricky IS
right- objectively, the notion of having sex with a stranger is
appalling. But Paul isn't a stranger, not really, and Ian certainly
isn't, and nor were the boys from college... And it IS my life.
"I haven't done anything illegal," I whisper, my voice shaking.
"Maybe not," Ricky concedes. "But think about this. Lily is twelve.
Five years younger than you. Imagine if, five years from now, Lily
starts behaving the way you are now. How would YOU react?" I bite my
lip, but to no avail, as tears quickly start to stream from my eyes.
Within seconds, Megan, Ashley and Alice surround me in a group hug as I
bawl my eyes out and mentally pray for the ground to open up and
swallow me.
Before I finish crying, I'm led through to the kitchen, where I'm left
in peace to speak to Dr Phillips privately. It takes me several minutes
to calm down, but once I have, I'm finally able to answer the
counsellor's question.
"...My dad," I whisper.
"I'm sorry?" Dr Phillips asks gently.
"You asked me who I wanted to beat," I say. "I want to beat my dad. I
want to make him feel like a failure, not just as a father but as a
human being."
"I am familiar with your 'history' with your father," Dr Phillips says
softly. "And your resentment toward your father is completely
understandable and reasonable."
"He's also the reason I had an eating disorder," I say. "And
depression. And everything else wrong with me. Heh, I guess you can
include 'nymphomania' now..."
"If you want," Dr Phillips says. "But let's look at these things
individually. I've spoken to true nymphomaniacs before, Laura, and
believe me, you don't fall into that category. Believe me when I say
that it's not unusual for a seventeen-year-old to have a healthy sex
drive, or to find older men attractive. It's also far from unusual for
teenagers to date people their family might find inappropriate."
"But it IS unusual for teenage boys to go around wearing miniskirts and
having sex with other men, right?" I ask.
"Do you view yourself as a teenage boy, though?" Dr Phillips asks,
making me sigh.
"...I don't want to," I mumble. "But- but every time I think about my
father..."
"The obvious advice would be to stop thinking about him," Dr Phillips
says. "But you don't need to tell me that's easier said than done."
"Yeah," I snort. "So every time I think about him, I- I think how angry
he'd be seeing me dressed like this, or acting in a play, being a
ballerina... I definitely think about how angry he'd be about his
'little boy' having sex with other men."
"...But you have to acknowledge that you're the one who's choosing to
sleep with these men," Dr Phillips advises. "Does your father even know
about these relationships?"
"No," I mumble. "I- I haven't even seen him since he was sent to
prison. Well, apart from at my grandmother's funeral."
"Your brother did explain that the funeral was a catalyst for the
recent change in your behaviour," Dr Phillips says softly. "Would it be
reasonable to say that you hate your father?"
"Yes," I reply, my cheeks burning with shame. "And I- I genuinely don't
think I'll be able to feel truly, you know, 'safe' until he- until he's
dead. But he's only, like, fifty, and he- he'll be out of prison in a
couple of years anyway, he only got seven years..."
"Does your father know how much you hate him?" Dr Phillips asks.
"I don't see how he can't," I snort.
"Have you ever told him, face to face?" Dr Phillips asks, chilling my
blood as I contemplate the prospect of being in the same room as
Robert.
"I- I can't," I say, gasping for air until Dr Phillips gives my hand a
supportive squeeze.
"It's okay, it's okay," Dr Phillips says in a soothing voice. "No one
can force you to see him. But at the same time, if you continue the way
you're going, you will be putting yourself in unnecessary danger."
"...I know," I sigh. "If I was still with my boyfriend, it wouldn't be
an issue, but- ugh."
"I'm listening," Dr Phillips says.
"I- ugh," I spit again. "We- we broke up on Valentine's Day. We were
meant to have a romantic date, but the night before, I had a nightmare
about dad, and- ugh. Even now, five years later, I- I can't stand it
when people touch me when I'm not expecting it. Which, I guess, is why
I, you know, 'want it' a lot..."
"That's not entirely unreasonable," Dr Phillips says. "And as I said,
there's nothing wrong with having a healthy libido. Have you spoken to
your ex-boyfriend about this?"
"Where's the point?" I snort. "He'd hardly understand..."
"I wouldn't be so sure," Dr Phillips says. "You never know until you
try. Similarly, you'll never know how your father would react if you
never-"
"No thanks," I interrupt.
"...As you've already said, it's your life, and no one can force you to
confront him," Dr Phillips concedes. "All I can do is offer my
suggestions and recommendations. Do you have a counsellor?"
"Yeah," I reply. "Dr Williamson, at the Tavistock centre."
"Yep, I know her," Dr Phillips says. "I've worked with her a lot,
though as you're nearly eighteen you'll likely be moving on soon. I'm
not an NHS counsellor, but I can certainly recommend several adult
counsellor, and with your permission only, I'd like to share what we've
discussed with Dr Williamson."
"...Sure, fine," I sigh. "If anything, it'll save me from having to say
everything again to her, heh. Do- do I owe you any money for this?"
"Not for this session, no," Dr Phillips reassures me. "It's my daughter
and her wife who owe me for this one, along with all the other favours
they ask me to do for their friends, heh. But I'm happy to help where
I'm needed."
"Thank you," I whisper. "It has kinda, you know, opened my eyes a bit."
"You're very welcome," Dr Phillips says.
"Just-, umm," I mumble. "Can- can you ask everyone out there to leave
before I come out, please? I don't think I can face everyone again..."
"They're all here because they care for you, Laura," Dr Phillips says
softly.
"Yeah, I know, but- ugh," I sigh, earning a sympathetic smile from the
older woman.
"I'll ask them to give you some space," Dr Phillips says. "Is there
anyone who you want to stay?"
"...Just my brother," I mumble, earning another sympathetic smile.
"I'll let him know," Dr Phillips says, leaving the kitchen only to be
replaced by my brother a few seconds afterward.
"...Are you okay?" Ricky asks in an uncharacteristically caring voice.
"Meh, I guess," I sigh. "Sorry- sorry if I ruined your birthday..."
"That's not until tomorrow, so you're fine," Ricky shrugs as he sits
down next to me. "Do you want a lift home? We shouldn't really chat in
here, I think Paul will want his kitchen back at some point."
"Fine," I sigh, heading through to the thankfully deserted living room
to grab my handbag before following Ricky out to his car, where Alice
is waiting in the passenger seat. "Would it- would it really have been
THAT bad if I had slept with Paul? I mean, he's not THAT bad a guy,
right?"
"He did prove that by telling you about the date," Alice reminds my
brother.
"Exactly," Ricky says. "By not taking advantage of you, Laura, he
showed that he was a good guy. If he had slept with you, he'd have been
no good for you."
"Wait, let me get this straight," I say. "The only guys who are good
enough for me to sleep with are the guys who wouldn't want to sleep
with me?"
"Yep," Ricky replies bluntly.
"Do you realise how hypocritical that is?" I ask.
"It's not hypocritical," Ricky retorts. "It's a Catch-22, I'll grant
you that, but it's not hypocritical to not want you to get hurt."
"I know I have a lot of regrets from when I was your age," Alice says
softly. "Neither of us want you to go through your life regretting what
you did when you were younger."
"I don't have any regrets," I mumble. "And what if, when I'm older, I
regret not having any regrets from when I was younger?"
"...Okay, now THAT is a Catch-22," Alice chuckles.
"And- ugh," I sigh. "And in fairness, I- I do regret ending it with
Kain the way I did."
"He wasn't a bad kid," Ricky says. "No reason you couldn't, you know,
shoot him a message on Facebook. As long as you only ask him to talk,
nothing else."
"Yeah..." I grimace. "I think I'm going to lay off the 'not talking'
for a while, heh."
"I'm glad this afternoon's done some good, then," Alice says. "I know
it must've sucked to be in the middle of everyone like that."
"Meh, I'd better get used to being in the spotlight if I want to be an
actress," I shrug. "And being grilled like that is good practice for
tomorrow, heh."
"Oh, the interview!" Alice says excitedly. "I almost forgot about that!
Don't worry about it, seriously. Jonathan's an absolute teddy bear and
you've got one and a half feet in the door already as it is. Krystie
showed us the first edit of the video today, and you were really
great!"
"Thanks," I chuckle.
"Just as long as you know that any celebration tomorrow is for me and
me alone," Ricky says, earning a punch in the arm from his girlfriend.
"Just ignore him, Laura," Alice says with a warm smile. "We're having a
party tomorrow night at my place for the meathead here, I know you're
under eighteen but I'm sure your mum would let you come along for a
couple of hours."
"I know I'd like that too," Ricky says. "We'll ask her when we get
home."
"Will- will Paul be there?" I ask, grimacing as my question is met by a
stern silence from the front of the car. "It's just that if he is, it-
it might be a little, umm, awkward..."
"Ah- fair enough," Alice says. "And it's not like there won't be loads
more Angel parties for you to go to once you're signed up and eighteen,
hehe!"
"Just as long as you behave yourself at them," Ricky cautions. "I was
looking forward to my little sister being at my party, too..."
"Oh- well, I wouldn't have spent any time hanging out with you anyway,"
I say. "I'd have spent most of my time talking with the other WOMEN."
"You go, girl!" Alice cheers as we pull up outside my home.
Thankfully, both Ricky and Alice agree that mum and Sean don't need to
know about what happened this afternoon, avoiding any awkward
conversations, and when I remember that I still haven't bought Ricky a
birthday present, Alice volunteers to take my tenner and get something
for him from Amazon. I spend the rest of the evening reading my lines
and preparing for tomorrow's interview, not even logging into Facebook
out of fear of what Megan and Ashley might have told the rest of the
Excellent Eight and out of fear that Paul might message me. I know that
latter is unlikely, but the possibility is enough to keep me away from
Facebook all night- as is Dr Phillips's recommendation that I message
Kain. With everything that's happened over the last few months, he's
the last person I want to talk to right now...
Despite my anxiety over the interview, I'm so emotionally and
physically exhausted that I fall asleep seconds after my head hits the
pillow, and I'm still asleep when my alarm goes off the following
morning.
As my interview is immediately after college today, I dress a lot more
conservatively than I did yesterday. Instead of my clingy bodysuit, I
wear a clean white blouse. Instead of my tight skirt, I wear a smart,
knee-length black pencil skirt. I briefly even consider wearing
trousers to college today, but that was never an option. Every day I
choose to wear a skirt instead of trousers is a 'win' over Robert, and
even though Dr Phillips is right when she says that he wouldn't know
what I'm wearing, I know what I'm wearing. I'm not hurting anyone
(certainly not myself) by wearing a skirt, so that's what I'm going to
wear. Besides which, I loathe trousers. Skirts are much more
comfortable, and much more feminine- though as far as I'm concerned,
they're both the same thing. I finish my look with a pair of smart
black ballerina pumps and a delicate silver necklace, before dropping a
load of my favourite make-up into my handbag and heading downstairs,
where I'm unsurprised to find an extra person sat on our sofa.
"Hey Ricky," I say breezily. "Happy birthday!"
"What, that's it?" Ricky asks indignantly. "You're just going to say
'happy birthday' and skip on out of here?" Seven years ago, this would
have aggravated me and would have caused Ricky to wind me up until I
was a hysterical mess. However, seven years ago, I was a confused
little boy, not the mature, confident woman I am today. Well, okay, as
yesterday proved, I'm not TOTALLY mature just yet. But I am mature
enough to recognise when my brother's taking the piss.
"Yep," I reply as I put on my favourite pair of designer sunglasses.
"Oh, and you know I'll be late home tonight because of my interview."
"So I'm not going to see you at all today, then?" Ricky asks.
"If I'm lucky, no," I reply, before giggling, crouching down next to
the birthday boy and giving him a long kiss on his cheek. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," Ricky whispers, giving my hand a gentle pat as I head
out to Sean's car, where he and Lily are unsurprisingly already sat,
seatbelts fastened and waiting for me.
"Let me guess," I say as I elegantly slide onto the front passenger
seat and take care not to crease my clothes as I fasten my seatbelt,
"you came out here just as Ricky arrived?"
"Just before he arrived," Lily replies. "And I'm going to be eating
dinner at Molly's house tonight."
"I tried to talk her out of it," Sean says. "Tried to persuade her that
Ricky can behave, but- nah. She wasn't having any of it."
"I'm not having any of his bullying either," Lily says with an angry
scowl. "No offence, Laura, but he is a total jerk."
"Well- most of the time, yeah," I sigh. "Sometimes, though, he can
actually make you glad he's your brother..."
We arrive at college a short while later, where Suri greets me with the
customary hug and, of course, a comment about my unusual attire.
"Hello miss businesswoman!" Suri teases, giggling as I roll my eyes.
"No prizes for guessing what the outfit's for, right?"
"Yep!" I say with a nervous giggle- though it's yesterday I'm more
nervous about than today.
"I'm guessing that's also why you were offline last night?" Suri asks.
"We missed you in the chat, all the girls asked me to pass on their
best wishes and good luck for the interview."
"Thanks," I say. "Did- did Megan or Ashley say what happened
yesterday?"
"Umm, no..." Suri replies with a frown. "Did- did something happen
yesterday?"
"...Nothing important," I semi-lie with a wide grin- I should've known
better than to doubt Ashley or Megan.
"Meh, if you insist," Suri shrugs. "What IS important is how we're
going to celebrate tomorrow, hehe!"
"Yep!" I squeak excitedly as we head to our first class.
Yet again, after half an hour in class, we head to the changing rooms
to change into our costumes, and after removing my skirt and my blouse
(and making sure to carefully hang them up in my locker), I change into
the all too familiar swimsuit and shorts, musing today on how these
clothes are just a normal costume for any girl.
"Hey guys," I say in a plain, nonchalant voice as I approach my
castmates, adjusting my swimsuit to show as little cleavage as
possible.
"Hey Laura," Dannii (or as she's known in costume, 'Needle') says.
"Finally Friday, hehe!"
"Yep!" I giggle. "Just one week to go!"
"Ugh, I can't wait for it to just start already!" Dannii moans. "I'm
rehearsing this play in my sleep!"
"That's good to hear," Mr. Irwin says with a smile as he ushers me,
Dannii and the two boys onto the stage. "You won't have any problem
with the run-through, then. From the top, please." I smile as we take a
deep breath and get ready to begin.
After lunch, which is thankfully spent talking about the play and my
interview and NOT about my love life, we head back through to the stage
to do yet more rehearsals, before thankfully being allowed to change
out of our costumes and back into our street clothes- or, in my case,
my smart clothes. My nerves start to jangle as I replace my stage make-
up with a subtle, professional but still feminine look, and tie my
previously braided hair back into a smart ponytail. I know Alice told
me yesterday that I have nothing to be nervous about, but Jonathan must
by now have heard about yesterday's 'intervention', and I can't help
but worry that I've killed my Heavenly Talent career before it's even
started...
"Good luck." Suri whispers as she gives me a hug at the college exit, a
sentiment echoed by Sean and Lily as they drop me off outside the fancy
modern office of Heavenly Talent. I hold my head high as I confidently
stroll through the reception area, inwardly marvelling at all the
famous faces whose pictures line the walls- many of whom I already
consider to be my friends, one of whom may even become my future
sister-in-law. Before I reach the reception desk, though, I'm
intercepted by another friendly face- one I saw exactly 24 hours ago.
"Hey Laura," Nikki says in a soft, sympathetic voice. "Jonathan's just
getting ready, I'll let him know you're here, but I- I just wanted to
see how you were first, after yesterday."
"Oh- oh god, does- does Jonathan know about that?" I ask, biting my lip
to try not to cry.
"He does," Nikki replies, making my heart sink into my intestines
before she, for some reason, smiles. "What, you think you're the first
supermodel to behave a little 'inappropriately'? Never heard of Dannii
Samson?"
"Who, the Constellation girl?" I ask.
"Former Constellation girl," Nikki corrects me. "Also former Teen Angel
and current porn star. She got up to so much shit when she was signed
to HT that it makes what you nearly did look like nothing, really.
Hell, at least one of the Angels posed topless before being signed to
HT! But my point about Dannii is that she was given so many chances and
was too stupid to make the most of them. I know you won't be, and
Jonathan knows that too."
"Thanks," I whisper.
"And if it makes you feel any better," Nikki says, "you're talking to
someone who has an honest to god criminal record for assault. And I got
a second chance. So you will too. Make the most of it."
"I will," I say, exchanging a quick hug with the older girl before
taking a deep breath as Jonathan appears at the entrance to his office
and waves me toward him.
"Knock 'em dead," Nikki says with a smile as I head up the stairs,
grateful to have worn flats today.
"Thanks for coming," Jonathan says as he closes the office door behind
us. "I'm sorry it had to be a Friday afternoon, but it was the only
time we could fit around your course."
"No, I'm sorry for being so awkward," I chuckle.
"Don't apologise for getting an education!" Jonathan chuckles. "That
really is a major tick in your favour, my uncle respects people who
work hard at college or university, and so do I. Though I will say
before we start that if it was my uncle who was interviewing you, he'd
have done it already as he doesn't believe in giving people time to
prepare, heh! I prefer to do things a bit more traditionally."
"Okay," I say, smoothing my skirt over my legs as I sit down.
"I've reviewed your portfolio," Jonathan says. "Which does have a lot
in it for someone of your age, even if I can tell some of it is padded
a bit."
"S- sorry," I grimace.
"Trust me, I've seen worse!" Jonathan chuckles. "Your references are
what's impressed me the most, though, and the fact that you've worked
for the coffee shop for a year with no hassle definitely helps too.
Your current agent has told me that he would be really sorry to lose
you, and most teenagers don't come in here with references from four
Angels, heh!"
"F- four?" I ask. "Umm, Alice, Ms. Fullerton...?"
"My wife- which really is a tick in your favour- and Jamie," Jonathan
explains. "So basically, this interview is just a formality, really. By
showing up dressed the way you are, you're telling me you take this
opportunity seriously, and that's good enough for me. Normally we'd do
a photoshoot as the last part of the interview, to get some headshots,
that sort of thing, but seeing as you recorded a whole video with us on
Tuesday, I think we can call it done. So how'd you like to be
represented by Heavenly Talent?"
"Oh- oh my god, really?" I squeak.
"On a twelve month provisional basis," Jonathan explains. "Same
contract we give everyone under the age of eighteen. But I really think
we can work well together. I've even lined up a few jobs I reckon would
fit you well, one as a model, two as an extra on upcoming TV shows.
They're yours if you want them?"
"...Let's make some money!" I reply, giggling as Jonathan stands up and
gives me a firm handshake.
"That's what I like to hear!" The tall, dark-skinned man cheers. "Well-
welcome to the family, Laura!"
"Thanks!" I giggle as the enormity of what's just happened dawns on me-
Jonathan's last comment in particular.
I'm now part of a bigger family, a professional family, sure, but a
family that looks out for each other nonetheless, just as Nikki did
when she spoke to me before the interview, or Jonathan did when he
didn't grill me on the 'Paul incident' during the interview. It's going
to be hard work- they will expect me to make them money, after all- but
it should lead to countless opportunities to make contacts in the
industry and become the actress I've dreamed of being for so long. And,
of course, I'll have the chance to make countless new friends.
Of course, that doesn't mean I'm going to even slightly turn my back on
my actual family, all of whom- even Ricky- celebrate with me when I
return home and inform them of the good news. Ricky and Alice again
invite me to the party at Alice's flat, but again, I decline- I'll have
plenty of time to make those new, famous friends, after all, and I'm
really not in any immediate rush- I am only seventeen, after all.
And, of course, the reason I'm in no rush is because I already have
seven of the most amazing friends in the world. Two of the seven cared
enough about me to help me away from a path that could've ended up
severely hurting me, and cared so much that they saved my blushes by
keeping it a secret from the others. Needless to say, I spend Saturday
celebrating my signing with the Excellent Eight, going on a quick
shopping trip before relaxing in Priya and Suri's back garden on a sun
lounger, with just my favourite bikini covering my slender body. Though
this does remind me of last year, when we celebrated the end of our
exams the same way- only last year, I wasn't alone on the sun lounger.
Though so what if I'm single for now? I've got ages to find my perfect
man, and being signed to Heavenly Talent certainly gives me 'access' to
plenty of candidates- though I'm going to take it slow for now. Dr
Phillips is right- sleeping around to spite my 'father' is ultimately
pointless, and almost certainly would be even if he was aware of it.
One piece of Dr Phillips's advice I'm definitely not going to follow is
when she said I should speak to him, confront him about what he did. As
far as I'm concerned, he's dead, buried, forgotten, a part of my life
that no longer exists. I just wish I could really believe that, deep
down...
One piece of advice I did follow, though, was to speak to Kain, to
clear the air between us. After a brief Facebook chat on Saturday
evening, we agreed to meet up on Sunday, at the same coffee shop near
my college where I met Paul on Thursday. Only this time, I'm wearing a
much higher-cut (but still form-flattering) t-shirt and a looser summer
skirt instead. That hasn't stopped Kain from being very attentive to my
body, though, especially my legs...
"That sounds really cool!" Kain says as I finish telling him about my
new contract.
"Oh- you have no idea just how cool!" I giggle. "I've already got
modelling work lined up for next month, hehe! And I'm still working
part-time at the coffee shop too, so I should be raking money in."
"Are you still planning on going to university?" Kain asks.
"Hopefully," I reply. "heavenly Talent actually encourage their talent
to get degrees, especially industry-related degrees like in theatre,
and they'll help with student loan repayments if I'm still signed to
them and doing enough work per month."
"So cool," Kain chuckles. "So, umm, do- have you, umm, have you, like,
hooked up with any models yet?"
"...I've only been signed with them for two days!" I chastise my ex-
boyfriend, who frowns and blushes. Though if I hadn't had my
'intervention' three days ago, you might have had a point, I think to
myself.
"Sorry," Kain mumbles. "I just figured, you know, that- that guys would
be, like, throwing themselves at you..."
"D'aww," I giggle. "And, you know, a few guys have, but- but I don't
want just ANY guy. I'd rather wait for a good boyfriend than, you know,
jump into bed with someone unsuitable."
"So... What was I, then?" Kain asks, making me bite my lip as I
contemplate my answer.
"...Good, but with a few flaws," I reply. "Nothing, you know, beyond
repair."
"Thanks," Kain says with a bashful chuckle.
"So, umm, are- are you seeing anyone right now?" I ask.
"Not- not seriously," Kain replies. "Just, umm, just a girl from
college, we've been on a couple of dates, that's all."
"Oh," I say suddenly feeling deflated.
"I'd much rather have you back, though," Kain says, making me bite my
lip again. Despite my 'intervention', I still have 'urges', and nothing
would satisfy those urges more than taking Kain home with me right now
and letting him do whatever he wanted with me. However, I felt the same
way about Paul three days ago, and the fact that I'm sat at the exact
same table I was three days ago is enough to tell me how much of a bad
idea it would be to jump Kain right now...
"How about- how about we see how we go as friends first," I say. "And
go from there."
"...I'd prefer it if you didn't, you know, keep me hanging," Kain says,
making me sigh.
"I won't," I say, before leaning across and giving Kain a gentle kiss
on his lips. And the funny thing is, I get more of a 'tingle' from this
one kiss than I did from all the sex I've had with other men over the
last four months- even more than from Ian.
"...O- okay," Kain stammers.
"I- I need to go now," I say with a sigh. "Promised my parents I'd
babysit my sister this evening so they could have some time to
themselves."
"Oh- yeah," Kain says with a sad sigh. "I never asked you how the
wedding went."
"It was great!" I reply with a grin. "Mum was beautiful, and Sean-
well, I'm glad he's my dad now, heh."
"Yeah, I bet," Kain chuckles. "Well- see you around, Laura."
"See you," I whisper, giving Kain another kiss on his cheek before
heading toward home.
Thanks to the people who love me, I've avoided what could've been a
very messy situation and ended up in a better place than I've ever been
before. I may even end up getting Kain back. I just wish I could feel
truly happy about my life, and that I could stop panicking that I'll
lose everything I have at a moment's notice...