Mistrusting a MemoryChapter 2
- 4 years ago
- 26
- 0
Lacey went back to see Claire ahead of schedule, and told her everything that had happened. Claire put her under again, and spent an hour exploring the details of the rape that she hadn't gone after earlier. As each horrible part of the assault was revealed, Claire worked more instructions into the dialog, intended to minimize the emotional impact of the memories. Then she brought Lacey out of the hypnotic trance and spent another hour with her, concentrating on the things that Lacey felt were better in her life.
"Is it weird that I love Bob, even though we don't really have all the history my mind keeps telling me is there?" she asked.
"Love is weird," said Claire, smiling. "Love doesn't make any sense at all sometimes. We don't know where it comes from, or why it centers on the people it does. There might be no logical reason for you to love Bob at all, but that doesn't mean anything. It's what you feel that's important."
"But how do I know I really feel that way?" asked Lacey.
"You're afraid that one false memory means you have other false memories," suggested Claire.
"Yes."
"Let's go back to your relationship with Paul for a minute, OK?" Claire crossed her legs. "When you married him, you loved him, right?"
"I remember loving him," said Lacey. It was obvious she didn't trust that memory.
"And you remember being unsatisfied and frustrated with him, right?"
"Yes."
"At this point in the game," said Claire, "what difference does it make if either or both of those memories is a result of the accident, instead of being historically accurate?"
"But what if I really still love Paul?" asked Lacey, getting agitated. "What if the bad memories of him are false?"
"DO you still feel like you love Paul?" asked Claire quietly.
"No." Lacey sounded defeated. "But what if I'm supposed to? I mean if the accident had never happened, I might still love him. This is all so confusing!"
"Look," said Claire, her voice soothing because she made it that way. "The unfortunate fact is that truth is relative sometimes. Some things appear to be true because we BELIEVE they're true. In cases like that, it doesn't really matter whether something is actually true or not. If the mind believes it, then the mind acts on things based on that belief. In this case, you believe you don't love Paul any more, and you believe you do love Bob. Unless something changes to alter that belief, then, for all intents and purposes, it is true."
"So you're telling me not to worry about it," said Lacey.
"Not at all," said Claire. "The purpose of education and debate is to explore those things that people accept as truth. Your experience during the rape is a perfect example. You believed that if you had an orgasm during the attack, that it meant you were enjoying it. So did Paul, for that matter. But the truth is that something else was going on there. What you both believed wasn't true, but you both acted on it as if it were. Now that you understand the truth of what happened, your feelings of guilt are gone. There's nothing wrong with seeking to clarify things that are uncertain, for one reason or another. If you're not sure about something, it's a very good idea to investigate that."
"So I should question how I feel about Bob?" Lacey didn't sound happy.
"Not question ... explore." Claire re-crossed her legs. "What you feel for Bob is real, but it's based on something that may not be true. I suspect that you felt the attraction ... the attachment ... before any of this happened. All the accident did was let you expand on that and believe it consciously. It freed you to feel the way you wanted to feel. What I'd suggest now is that you explore the relationship, and begin to base it on things that are real in the present. This isn't radical thinking, Lacey. This is the kind of thing that married couples need to do all the time. People change, and getting married doesn't stop that. If you stay together for longer than a few years, you need to keep falling in love with your spouse, because he or she keeps turning into a new person."
"I never thought of relationships like that before," said Lacey. "But it makes sense. It's obvious when you think about it. Why didn't I ever think about it before?"
"We get stuck in ruts," said Claire. "It's easy to just stay in them. They make it so we don't have to think about where we're going. We think the ruts will just take us where we want to go."
"So people are in these ruts, believing things that may not be true, and not really thinking about what's going on in their lives. That's so sad." Lacey sighed.
"It can be," said Claire. "But change is very hard. Look what happened to you when you bounced out of the ruts you were in."
Lacey's reaction was slightly different than Claire thought it might be. Her patient smiled.
"I'm glad I got out of the ruts I was in," she said. "This has been very difficult for me, but I know I'm in a better place than I was. Isn't that strange? I was raped, and in a terrible accident ... and yet I'm actually glad it happened. That's just so strange!"
"Not strange at all," said Claire firmly. "It simply means that you're dealing with the circumstances that fate has visited upon you. Hope and joy and love are stronger than the bad things. You've recognized that, and have chosen to seek out the good things in your life. I'm very happy about that, Lacey. It means you won't be needing me much longer."
Ironically—and there's no better word for it—Lacey's reaction to her latest session with her psychiatrist resulted in her settling into a new set of ruts in her life. She decided not to question her feelings for Bob. Paul was gone, and the dim memories she had of him weren't appealing, so she didn't think much about him either. Her business was doing well. She was happy. Though there were still holes in her memory, she didn't worry about them. She developed another "belief" that wasn't based on facts. As far as she was concerned, if she didn't remember something, it wasn't very important. Life was good, and she intended to enjoy it.
Part of that was enjoying being in love with, and being loved by Bob Duncan. And part of THAT was the physical love they shared, which she no longer associated with anything unhappy in her history.
It wasn't so easy for Bob. His memory was fully intact, and his moral code was unaffected by trauma. Irony was also present in the way he tried to deal with the situation. In his case, what he chose to believe wasn't based on "facts." Instead, it was the LACK of facts that let him tell himself that there was no PROOF that Lacey Fetterman had murdered a man. Unfortunately, his experience and intellect kept telling him otherwise.
That Lacey loved him was no longer in question. They talked about the things she and Claire had discussed. Lacey found innumerable reasons to love Bob, and told him about them. And his feelings for her were unquestionable too. He was well aware that part of his attraction to her was based on lust. He had lusted after her when he first met her. What had changed was that now he couldn't imagine his life without her.
And if he acted on what he knew ... or thought he knew ... she could very easily be snatched out of his life, possibly for years, while prison destroyed her. He had no doubt prison would destroy a woman like Lacey. She was too bright, and active, and involved in life to survive sitting in an eight by ten room for hours on end, watching daytime television, and trying to just survive when she was outside that room.
The place he directed her to was a tiny hole-in-the-wall that she would have never given a second glance. She realized how hungry she was the instant she walked in, through the door Bob held for her, and the odor of wonderful, delicious things hit her like a sledge hammer. "Vinny!" Bob called out to a man, standing at the grill, wearing a white paper hat. Vinny looked over his shoulder, grinned, and held both hands up in the air, a spatula still in one. "You got me, copper," he said....
Lacey was ferrying a flash drive containing hundreds of photographs from the dig to the museum. A major discovery had been found. A collapsed cellar had been uncovered and, inside it, there were bones. Human bones. It wasn't clear yet how they had come to be there, but there were no indications of intentional burial. The artifacts found with the bodies suggested that people had taken refuge in the cellar and had died there. The pictures were needed at the museum as soon as possible, so that...
Bob had just left the briefing room, coming on shift. He hadn't even buckled his seat belt when the radio squawked to life, telling him of a multiple injury accident, with an explosion involved. Paramedics and the fire department were already on the scene. Three patrols were being dispatched, and all three were still in the parking lot, after the briefing in the squad room. Three engines roared, and three sirens began to wail, as tires screeched. It was impossible to get close to the...
When Bob went off shift, he returned to the hospital. "How come you're the only cop who ever checks on her?" asked the head nurse. "It's my case," he said bruskly. "How's she doing?" "Better," said the nurse. "She should be awake. All her vitals are normal. The sedative has been stopped. The only reason she's still in ICU is that she won't wake up." "I'll just sit with her for a while," said Bob. He'd stayed in uniform, since that got him almost anything he wanted, with...
Sleep came with difficulty for Bob. His mind roiled with the import of what he knew ... or thought he knew. He tried to convince himself that cars caught on fire all the time. There was only circumstantial evidence that the dead man was her rapist at all. Even the fact that there had been no more rapes with that modus operandi didn't prove anything. Like Lacey, no one had come forward to ask where their son, or brother, or father, or husband was. The crispy critter, still unidentified, was...
He took her to the impound lot, answering her questions when he thought he could do so safely, and dodging them or changing the subject when it got close to something he didn't want to talk about. She was appropriately awed by the damage to her car, and only glanced through the box of her possessions. The attendant brought out a bill for storage, and Bob tore it up. "Hey, you can't do that!" said the attendant. "I just did," said Bob. "The lady was in the hospital while it was...
He took her to Santini's. On the way, he told her a car had sideswiped hers, and that she hadn't been injured. While she was trying to help others involved in the accident, an explosion had occurred. He left it simple. "Explosion," she said, her voice far away. "I remember light ... all over ... I was submerged in light." "What else do you remember?" he asked, his voice guarded. "Just that. When you said explosion, it just came to me." When they walked into Santini's, Donna met...
Bob eventually slept, despite the erection between his legs that demanded attention. It was still demanding attention when he woke the next morning, with a soft, naked woman pressed against his body. It had been a long time since there had been a naked woman of any kind pressed against his body when he woke. That had been a result of long hours, and an unwillingness by Bob to turn over part of his life to any woman. It wasn't that he didn't like women ... it was more that he hadn't found a...
Bob went back to his apartment. The bed was still unmade and the wrinkled linens held the imprint of a bed that had been slept in by a couple. The pillow she'd used was lying against his own, like her head had lain close to his. On impulse, he bent to sniff the sheets where she had lain. They smelled like ... her. He hadn't missed the verbal slip that the doctor had made. She'd been about to say that as much as she would have liked to get naked with him, right there in the office, it...
Bob sat and read magazines, until there were none left to examine. There was no noise coming through the door—it was so quiet he felt like he was the only person on the planet. Eventually, his ears detected the hum of air being pushed here and there by the building's air handler units. He heard a siren dimly, through the walls, but no traffic noises. He checked his watch so frequently that he finally took it off and put it in his pocket. Finally, he dozed off. He woke, when the door opened...
Bob popped two Vivarin when he got into the squad car the next morning. She had kept him up all night, satisfying her own needs and making up for the dry spell Bob had been in. He felt drained, but also more relaxed than he'd been in years. He was no longer distracted, either. Lacey had another appointment with Claire, but he was no longer worried that she'd suddenly realize there was no past between them. That had already been addressed. Now all he had to worry about was the return of...
Bob heard her gasp as he left the bedroom. His head swiveled and he saw her standing there, bent slightly forward, her arm outstretched, hand turned sideways in a fist at the top of a candle. Her face was so pale it looked almost ghostly. Her mouth opened and an agonized groan was torn from her throat as she dropped the lighter and reeled backwards. Her eyes stared at the tall, pale yellow flame that the lighter had created at the tip of the candle, but her mind saw the same hand,...
Back in the apartment, Claire asked questions. They were not "What did you do?" type questions, but rather were "How do you feel about what you did?" type questions. Lacey didn't feel good about any of it. For the psychiatrist, it was like walking a tightrope. Or, perhaps it was like making her patient walk the tightrope. There needed to be remorse for a bad deed, for there to be health in the mind and spirit. But it could be taken too far, and the patient could begin to hate herself,...
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"Has the jury reached a verdict?" asked Judge Gunderson. Maggie stood. "We have, your honor." The bailiff took the folded piece of paper from her hand and walked it to the judge. He opened it. He looked at the jury, and then back at the paper. "Was this unanimous?" he asked. "Yes, sir," said Maggie. Gunderson handed the paper back to the bailiff, who returned it to Maggie. "The defendant will stand," intoned the judge. Lacey and McDill stood. Lacey looked like she might fall...
As it turned out, Claire's misgivings were justified. Nothing like this had ever happened before, and she had no clue as to how to proceed. Had she been in her professional setting, she would have controlled the conversation. She couldn't really do that, there in the restaurant. So, she chose to try giving Lacey the redemption she sought. "They forgave you," she said, her voice tight. Bob shot her a look that said very clearly, "What the fuck? You don't mean that." Lacey didn't see...
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Hi dosto sandy again . Apni story complete karne ke liye . Aap logo ne kuje bohat sare mail kiye hai unsab ka me sukargujar hu aur me un logo se mafi bhi magta hu jinka me reply nahi de paya hu. Muje mumbai ke bohat sari aunty ke mail aye hai. Aur sply divorcy aunty ke bhi me unka bohat bohat sukar gujar kwrtahu jo unhone mujse itha viswas dokaya hai aur mujse dosti ki hai aur hum ek grop banakar bate karte hai . To chalo dosto ab apni story ko pura karte hai. Aap logo ne padha hoga ki kis...
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Mathew's mum Janet had just come off the phone and was both angry and disgusted. Mr Nesbitt who owned the local newsagent had called to tell her that he was detaining her teenaged son Mathew after catching him red handed stealing. The shop owner was a no nonsense sort of man who had a dim view on sticky fingered youngsters. It was only that he had a soft spot for Janet (or a hard one more like) that he didn't bother reporting Mathew to the police, which was his usual course of action. When...
SpankingTera knew that she had been bad Part One Tera knew that she had been bad.? Her Master had given her simple instructions that would have worked well within her life and also provided him pleasure, but she chose to ignore them.? For two weeks she had been reading his writings and had increasingly realized that her own life was not as satisfying as she thought.? She had stopped wearing panties at work and found her hands frequently straying beneath her desk to touch her sensitive nether lips...
She saw me and walked down. She said, "I saw you leave and thought you wanted some alone time." "No. I just wanted to make sure I was safe before I put you into harm's way. It was easy to learn so here I am. You may want to bring a towel with you so you can lie down. She went back and got a towel and her sunglasses. I was able to push the boat out again and made sure I had the boat pointed in the right direction before I hopped on and hauled in the sail to capture the wind and move us...
I was pleasantly surprised when Belinda slipped into my room before bedtime. My cock throbbed to life knowing that my sister had come to honor her promise to me and also that she had not showered since soccer practice and our taboo encounter. Mom and dad had retired for the night making it possible for Belinda to slip into my room. I watched as my sexy dirty sister slipped off her sweat pants and pulled her T-shirt over her head. Her firm small sexy tits were illuminated by the moonlight...
IncestThrough the time in the shower, Tamara would wash and shampoo her hair and body before taking a seat in the bathtub.Stretching her legs out, and leaning her back against the back of the tub she let out a sigh. As she sat there, Tamara couldn't help but think about the way her father looked on the bed, his cock bulging, and straining against his pants trying to get out--wanting to be free of its confines. As these thoughts among others ran through her mind, she couldn't help but notice her...
Vor achtzehn Jahren erblickte eine Elfe das Licht der Welt. Geboren durch das erste Lachen eines Kindes begann ihre Reise. Nie hätte sie ahnen können, wohin ihr achtzehnter Geburtstag sie führen würde. Tabitha erwachte, als die Sonnenstrahlen durch ihr Fenster drangen und in ihr Gesicht und auf ihr zart lilanes Haar fielen. Sie blinzelte mit ihren meerblauen Puppenaugen der Sonne entgegen, ihre spitzen Ohren zuckten leicht. Ihre Pflegeeltern hatten ihr bereits das Geburtstagsfrühstück ans Bett...
Fantasy