Mistrusting a MemoryChapter 2
- 4 years ago
- 22
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Lacey went back to see Claire ahead of schedule, and told her everything that had happened. Claire put her under again, and spent an hour exploring the details of the rape that she hadn't gone after earlier. As each horrible part of the assault was revealed, Claire worked more instructions into the dialog, intended to minimize the emotional impact of the memories. Then she brought Lacey out of the hypnotic trance and spent another hour with her, concentrating on the things that Lacey felt were better in her life.
"Is it weird that I love Bob, even though we don't really have all the history my mind keeps telling me is there?" she asked.
"Love is weird," said Claire, smiling. "Love doesn't make any sense at all sometimes. We don't know where it comes from, or why it centers on the people it does. There might be no logical reason for you to love Bob at all, but that doesn't mean anything. It's what you feel that's important."
"But how do I know I really feel that way?" asked Lacey.
"You're afraid that one false memory means you have other false memories," suggested Claire.
"Yes."
"Let's go back to your relationship with Paul for a minute, OK?" Claire crossed her legs. "When you married him, you loved him, right?"
"I remember loving him," said Lacey. It was obvious she didn't trust that memory.
"And you remember being unsatisfied and frustrated with him, right?"
"Yes."
"At this point in the game," said Claire, "what difference does it make if either or both of those memories is a result of the accident, instead of being historically accurate?"
"But what if I really still love Paul?" asked Lacey, getting agitated. "What if the bad memories of him are false?"
"DO you still feel like you love Paul?" asked Claire quietly.
"No." Lacey sounded defeated. "But what if I'm supposed to? I mean if the accident had never happened, I might still love him. This is all so confusing!"
"Look," said Claire, her voice soothing because she made it that way. "The unfortunate fact is that truth is relative sometimes. Some things appear to be true because we BELIEVE they're true. In cases like that, it doesn't really matter whether something is actually true or not. If the mind believes it, then the mind acts on things based on that belief. In this case, you believe you don't love Paul any more, and you believe you do love Bob. Unless something changes to alter that belief, then, for all intents and purposes, it is true."
"So you're telling me not to worry about it," said Lacey.
"Not at all," said Claire. "The purpose of education and debate is to explore those things that people accept as truth. Your experience during the rape is a perfect example. You believed that if you had an orgasm during the attack, that it meant you were enjoying it. So did Paul, for that matter. But the truth is that something else was going on there. What you both believed wasn't true, but you both acted on it as if it were. Now that you understand the truth of what happened, your feelings of guilt are gone. There's nothing wrong with seeking to clarify things that are uncertain, for one reason or another. If you're not sure about something, it's a very good idea to investigate that."
"So I should question how I feel about Bob?" Lacey didn't sound happy.
"Not question ... explore." Claire re-crossed her legs. "What you feel for Bob is real, but it's based on something that may not be true. I suspect that you felt the attraction ... the attachment ... before any of this happened. All the accident did was let you expand on that and believe it consciously. It freed you to feel the way you wanted to feel. What I'd suggest now is that you explore the relationship, and begin to base it on things that are real in the present. This isn't radical thinking, Lacey. This is the kind of thing that married couples need to do all the time. People change, and getting married doesn't stop that. If you stay together for longer than a few years, you need to keep falling in love with your spouse, because he or she keeps turning into a new person."
"I never thought of relationships like that before," said Lacey. "But it makes sense. It's obvious when you think about it. Why didn't I ever think about it before?"
"We get stuck in ruts," said Claire. "It's easy to just stay in them. They make it so we don't have to think about where we're going. We think the ruts will just take us where we want to go."
"So people are in these ruts, believing things that may not be true, and not really thinking about what's going on in their lives. That's so sad." Lacey sighed.
"It can be," said Claire. "But change is very hard. Look what happened to you when you bounced out of the ruts you were in."
Lacey's reaction was slightly different than Claire thought it might be. Her patient smiled.
"I'm glad I got out of the ruts I was in," she said. "This has been very difficult for me, but I know I'm in a better place than I was. Isn't that strange? I was raped, and in a terrible accident ... and yet I'm actually glad it happened. That's just so strange!"
"Not strange at all," said Claire firmly. "It simply means that you're dealing with the circumstances that fate has visited upon you. Hope and joy and love are stronger than the bad things. You've recognized that, and have chosen to seek out the good things in your life. I'm very happy about that, Lacey. It means you won't be needing me much longer."
Ironically—and there's no better word for it—Lacey's reaction to her latest session with her psychiatrist resulted in her settling into a new set of ruts in her life. She decided not to question her feelings for Bob. Paul was gone, and the dim memories she had of him weren't appealing, so she didn't think much about him either. Her business was doing well. She was happy. Though there were still holes in her memory, she didn't worry about them. She developed another "belief" that wasn't based on facts. As far as she was concerned, if she didn't remember something, it wasn't very important. Life was good, and she intended to enjoy it.
Part of that was enjoying being in love with, and being loved by Bob Duncan. And part of THAT was the physical love they shared, which she no longer associated with anything unhappy in her history.
It wasn't so easy for Bob. His memory was fully intact, and his moral code was unaffected by trauma. Irony was also present in the way he tried to deal with the situation. In his case, what he chose to believe wasn't based on "facts." Instead, it was the LACK of facts that let him tell himself that there was no PROOF that Lacey Fetterman had murdered a man. Unfortunately, his experience and intellect kept telling him otherwise.
That Lacey loved him was no longer in question. They talked about the things she and Claire had discussed. Lacey found innumerable reasons to love Bob, and told him about them. And his feelings for her were unquestionable too. He was well aware that part of his attraction to her was based on lust. He had lusted after her when he first met her. What had changed was that now he couldn't imagine his life without her.
And if he acted on what he knew ... or thought he knew ... she could very easily be snatched out of his life, possibly for years, while prison destroyed her. He had no doubt prison would destroy a woman like Lacey. She was too bright, and active, and involved in life to survive sitting in an eight by ten room for hours on end, watching daytime television, and trying to just survive when she was outside that room.
The place he directed her to was a tiny hole-in-the-wall that she would have never given a second glance. She realized how hungry she was the instant she walked in, through the door Bob held for her, and the odor of wonderful, delicious things hit her like a sledge hammer. "Vinny!" Bob called out to a man, standing at the grill, wearing a white paper hat. Vinny looked over his shoulder, grinned, and held both hands up in the air, a spatula still in one. "You got me, copper," he said....
Lacey was ferrying a flash drive containing hundreds of photographs from the dig to the museum. A major discovery had been found. A collapsed cellar had been uncovered and, inside it, there were bones. Human bones. It wasn't clear yet how they had come to be there, but there were no indications of intentional burial. The artifacts found with the bodies suggested that people had taken refuge in the cellar and had died there. The pictures were needed at the museum as soon as possible, so that...
Bob had just left the briefing room, coming on shift. He hadn't even buckled his seat belt when the radio squawked to life, telling him of a multiple injury accident, with an explosion involved. Paramedics and the fire department were already on the scene. Three patrols were being dispatched, and all three were still in the parking lot, after the briefing in the squad room. Three engines roared, and three sirens began to wail, as tires screeched. It was impossible to get close to the...
When Bob went off shift, he returned to the hospital. "How come you're the only cop who ever checks on her?" asked the head nurse. "It's my case," he said bruskly. "How's she doing?" "Better," said the nurse. "She should be awake. All her vitals are normal. The sedative has been stopped. The only reason she's still in ICU is that she won't wake up." "I'll just sit with her for a while," said Bob. He'd stayed in uniform, since that got him almost anything he wanted, with...
Sleep came with difficulty for Bob. His mind roiled with the import of what he knew ... or thought he knew. He tried to convince himself that cars caught on fire all the time. There was only circumstantial evidence that the dead man was her rapist at all. Even the fact that there had been no more rapes with that modus operandi didn't prove anything. Like Lacey, no one had come forward to ask where their son, or brother, or father, or husband was. The crispy critter, still unidentified, was...
He took her to the impound lot, answering her questions when he thought he could do so safely, and dodging them or changing the subject when it got close to something he didn't want to talk about. She was appropriately awed by the damage to her car, and only glanced through the box of her possessions. The attendant brought out a bill for storage, and Bob tore it up. "Hey, you can't do that!" said the attendant. "I just did," said Bob. "The lady was in the hospital while it was...
He took her to Santini's. On the way, he told her a car had sideswiped hers, and that she hadn't been injured. While she was trying to help others involved in the accident, an explosion had occurred. He left it simple. "Explosion," she said, her voice far away. "I remember light ... all over ... I was submerged in light." "What else do you remember?" he asked, his voice guarded. "Just that. When you said explosion, it just came to me." When they walked into Santini's, Donna met...
Bob eventually slept, despite the erection between his legs that demanded attention. It was still demanding attention when he woke the next morning, with a soft, naked woman pressed against his body. It had been a long time since there had been a naked woman of any kind pressed against his body when he woke. That had been a result of long hours, and an unwillingness by Bob to turn over part of his life to any woman. It wasn't that he didn't like women ... it was more that he hadn't found a...
Bob went back to his apartment. The bed was still unmade and the wrinkled linens held the imprint of a bed that had been slept in by a couple. The pillow she'd used was lying against his own, like her head had lain close to his. On impulse, he bent to sniff the sheets where she had lain. They smelled like ... her. He hadn't missed the verbal slip that the doctor had made. She'd been about to say that as much as she would have liked to get naked with him, right there in the office, it...
Bob sat and read magazines, until there were none left to examine. There was no noise coming through the door—it was so quiet he felt like he was the only person on the planet. Eventually, his ears detected the hum of air being pushed here and there by the building's air handler units. He heard a siren dimly, through the walls, but no traffic noises. He checked his watch so frequently that he finally took it off and put it in his pocket. Finally, he dozed off. He woke, when the door opened...
Bob popped two Vivarin when he got into the squad car the next morning. She had kept him up all night, satisfying her own needs and making up for the dry spell Bob had been in. He felt drained, but also more relaxed than he'd been in years. He was no longer distracted, either. Lacey had another appointment with Claire, but he was no longer worried that she'd suddenly realize there was no past between them. That had already been addressed. Now all he had to worry about was the return of...
Bob heard her gasp as he left the bedroom. His head swiveled and he saw her standing there, bent slightly forward, her arm outstretched, hand turned sideways in a fist at the top of a candle. Her face was so pale it looked almost ghostly. Her mouth opened and an agonized groan was torn from her throat as she dropped the lighter and reeled backwards. Her eyes stared at the tall, pale yellow flame that the lighter had created at the tip of the candle, but her mind saw the same hand,...
Back in the apartment, Claire asked questions. They were not "What did you do?" type questions, but rather were "How do you feel about what you did?" type questions. Lacey didn't feel good about any of it. For the psychiatrist, it was like walking a tightrope. Or, perhaps it was like making her patient walk the tightrope. There needed to be remorse for a bad deed, for there to be health in the mind and spirit. But it could be taken too far, and the patient could begin to hate herself,...
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"Has the jury reached a verdict?" asked Judge Gunderson. Maggie stood. "We have, your honor." The bailiff took the folded piece of paper from her hand and walked it to the judge. He opened it. He looked at the jury, and then back at the paper. "Was this unanimous?" he asked. "Yes, sir," said Maggie. Gunderson handed the paper back to the bailiff, who returned it to Maggie. "The defendant will stand," intoned the judge. Lacey and McDill stood. Lacey looked like she might fall...
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When I returned to the estate agent’s office, it was closed. I cursed myself for hanging around too much whilst viewing the property. Nicola had given me the keys so that I could do a cursory check before deciding if my wife needed to view it as well. In truth I knew on first glance it wasn’t what we wanted, but, having got the hots over Nicola, who was covering holiday leave in the local office, I succumbed to the urge of having a quick wank whilst visualizing her being fucked over the desk....
"Could you please go and put something on that fits you correctly?" My mother was standing in front of the stove while she cooked my breakfast. I had on a tee shirt and a pair of cut off jean shorts. She was pretending to be pissed off because the end of my cock was sticking out the leg of my shorts. This was not an accident, I had cut the legs off this pair of jeans myself, and had made sure that the end of my cock would be exposed when I sat in the right position."I don't know what you're...
L'histoire commence d'abord sur le premier jour de l'été . Ma première année de collège vient de se terminer et je suis enfin à la maison pour les vacances d'été . Le jour où je suis rentré , j'ai rencontré nos nouveaux voisins de l'autre côté de la rue . Depuis que je vis dans la maison en rangée est honnêtement un deux pas de chez moi. Ils étaient un couple musulman , sa femme était dans un jilbab et le niqab sur donc je Son visage était couvert d'un voile . Je ne pourrais pas dire si elle...
I stood in the foyer, shivering from cold, and holding a woman to whom I never thought I would get this close. She shivered too. We had been outside, and fallen in a heap in the snow. For the most part, my jeans and dad’s old work jacket saved me from getting soaked, but Olive hadn’t been as fortunate. She had a long, fur-lined coat, which was heavy and could keep a snowman warm, but it couldn’t work as well while unbuttoned and open, as it currently was. She wanted to show me what she wore...
Hello people, this Is SRK again. You guys might have read my previous stories my email This is about my past, before marriage, I used to date a girl called Natasha. This was back in college days; she had a great figure 34-24-35, clear complexion and very cute face, fair girl. A perfect chick back those days, we both started dating from our first year of college, I used to regularly go to her place for tuition and spend lots of time together listening to music, studying, watching TV, and...
Living in a high rise among regular rooming houses and homes gave me the chance to use my binoculars. I had found a woman on the second floor of an apartment building across the parking lot from my building, and in full view from my room on the 5th floor, who liked to do her exercises in the nude. And she never bothered to close her curtains. Either she didn’t know she could be seen or she didn’t care. Today I had stripped down and I was naked with a boner and ready for her. She did not fail me.