Jokes indian porn

Jokes and GigglesChapter 613

An Israeli doctor says: “In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s testicles, put them on another man and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work.” The German doctor says: “that’s nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work”. The Russian doctor says: “gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another’s chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work”. The United States doctor laughs: “You all are behind us....

Jokes and GigglesChapter 732

This one is compliments of Mike... Best Lawyer joke I ever heard (quoted from a lawyer who was candidate for mayor 20+ years ago): What does a lawyer have in common with Sperm? Both have a one-in-a-billion chance of being human. Best Blonde joke I ever heard (told to a blonde mom by her six year old son): Mommy, Mommy, what does a blonde have in common with a porch door? The more you bang it, the looser it gets. (The mother said she wasn’t sure whether to beat the crap out of the kid...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 885

These are compliments of Aussie John Paddy was walking through a town one day when he saw a shop with a notice in the window. The notice said “We sell everything”. Paddy could not believe this so he went inside. He walked to the counter and asked the salesperson, “Do you really sell everything?” The salesperson said “Yes, everything”. Thinking this was too good to be true Paddy said “OK then could I have a jumper for a chicken?”. The salesperson said “A jumper for a chicken?, hold on I will...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 316

This compliments of Budhah It is a response about the chicken joke from yesterday's submission; Enjoy his personal experience Love the Chicken joke. The next really happened, and figured you might accidentally fit it in somewhere. My wife is from the Philippines, and when she came over to marry me in 1989, we would always go out to eat from Sunday dinner after going to the local Newman Center for services ... She had been here for about 6 weeks, and i asked her where she wanted to go ......

Jokes and GigglesChapter 324

This is compliments of the 'Shy One'. JEWISH LDIES BRAGGING ABOUT THEIR SONS... Four Jewish ladies meet after 30 years at their High School Reunion. One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became. No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a Ferrari. No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet. No. 3 said her son became an...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 400

A few Gems from Dorsetmike Having stolen a truckload of inflatable mattresses, the gang had to lilo for a while. What is brown and fizzy and lives in eucalyptus trees? Coca-Koala. How do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor. What do you call a red haired baker? A ginger bread man. My old Granddad always used to say ‘when one door closes another opens’ Lovely man. Rubbish cabinet maker. Be careful what you binge eat. Yesterday I ate a can of alphabet soup and today I had...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 473

???????????????? An item from Reltney McFee, enjoy!! Here’s a joke my father told us boys, something approaching a half a century ago. So, no, it is NOT “PC”. So, during the Second World War, the Allies and the Japanese were locked into a life-or-death struggle in the western Pacific. The war, in 1945, was not going well for the Empire of Japan, and desperate times, such as the Empire was facing, called for desperate measures. Hence, the KamiKaze. The underlying tale was of a “Divine Wind” that had...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 577

???????????????? jus-dafax is at it again!!!! ???? Filling a Whoopie cushion with chocolate pudding adds a whole other dimension to the joke. Warning: The joke is much funnier if you do it on someone else’s couch. ????????‍♀️????????‍♀️????????‍♀️ ???????????????? Reltney McFee has to much time on his hands!! ???? What’s the difference between being married & being in prison? The warden won’t max out your credit card. ???? ???? ???????????????? ????????‍♀️????????‍♀️????????‍♀️ jus-dafax is at it again!!! ???? ???? As I slid my finger into her hole, I could feel it...

Sex Joke

Introduction: Quick little jokes/comebacks. As confused as a infant in a titty bar.As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market.Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?A. A navel.Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.Q. Why did god create Adam...

Perverted Jokes

Introduction: These are funny,perverted, and just wrong all at the same time.A Penis StudyIn 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 610

This One Is Compliments of Dom A A young and inexperienced guy was taking advice about how to get a date warmed up. He was told by a sage peer that getting right and clear about his intentions was the way to go; just take her hand and place it around his erection. That evening, having parked with his date for more than an hour and only encountering sisterly kisses he decided to try the technique. The response was instantaneous: she gave him the longest stream of invectives he’d ever heard,...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 611

This compliments of John A. A older man goes to his Dr. When his exam is finished he asks “can he can ask him a question.” The Dr. “said of course” “Dr. when I was a young man and got a erection I couldn’t bend it. Then I got in my thirties and I could bend it a little. In my 60’s I could bend it even more. My question to you is how much stronger am I going to get?” Now this is not part of the joke. When I pulled this on my Dr. about 15 years ago he almost fell out of his chair...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 621

This is compliments of mark b A farmer named Gerry Drover had a car accident. He was hit by a PEI potato truck owned by the MacLean Company. In court, the Maclean Company’s hot-shot solicitor was questioning Gerry. “Didn’t you say to the police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’” asked the solicitor. Gerry responded: “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I’d just loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into da...” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the solicitor interrupted. “Just answer the...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 622

This item is from a concerned reader in regards to previous posting. Take Heed! I enjoyed the joke about the dog but I just want to let you know something about amanita toadstools. Squirrels can eat amanita toadstools and suffer no ill effects at all. However if a human eats an amanita toadstool and it gets into the system there’s nothing that can be done. Pumping the stomach won’t save the victim. This is especially true if the victim is a child. Just thought I’d let you know. The genus is...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 640

BEST bar joke EVER Canadians will appreciate this! A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there is a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have? The guy replies, “Whiskey.” The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?” The guy say, “168.” The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology. After the guy leaves and the more he thinks about it, he the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back. The robot asks, “What’s your...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 717

This one is compliments of J and B. Marine Humor The Korean War in which the 1st Marine Division fought and won some of its most brutal battles was not without its humor. During one such conflict, an ROK (Republic of Korea) Commander whose unit was fighting along with the Marines called legendary Marine General “Chesty” Puller to report a major Chinese attack in his sector. “How many Chinese are attacking you?” asked Puller. “Many, many Chinese!” replied the excited Korean...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 725

This one is compliments of tony k I don’t remember seeing this one. Maybe there’s a reason?: Jesus and God are playing golf one Tuesday afternoon. They get to the Twelfth hole, which has a water hazard between the tee box and the green. Jesus steps up with his 7-iron and makes ready to hit it. God clears his throat. “Son, I think you need more club. Maybe a 4-iron?” Jesus says “I watched Tiger Woods play this hole last weekend, and the 7 is what he used. Have a little faith, Dad!” So...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 726

This one is compliments of John A. The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people’s love advice is hilarious and genius! The query: Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications,...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 785

A Wee Scottish Joke An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn’t be found locally, the call went out around the world. Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 30

The Real Story Osama Bin Laden was living with three wives in one compound and never left the house for 5 years. It is now believed he called the Navy Seals himself. Your smile for today... Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it." So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back,...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 71

This is not a joke per say, but an inspirational piece that may help one through a bad day. Enjoy. Jack A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Wal-Mart. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence... It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout ... We all stood there, under the awning, just inside the door of the...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 78

The Masters A man had two of the best tickets for the Augusta Masters. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him "No", he says, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?" He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife always would come with me, but she passed away. This is the first...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 87

This joke makes sense if you live in Ontario Canada A platoon of soldiers was marching north of Kandahar when they came upon an Afghani terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was a Canadian soldier in a similar but less serious state. The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured Canadian what had happened. The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 882

This compliments of J & B One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose. ‘Oh please excuse me, ‘ said the bunny. ‘I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.’ ‘That’s perfectly all right, ‘ replied the snake. ‘To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?’ ‘Well, I really don’t...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 106

New Flash as reported by John, the First Earl of Ucolta. P.S. I was saddened to hear, the other day of the passing of Grandfather Rabbit of Everett Mountain (Died of old age), it is reported that he is survived by his six widows, one hundred and seventy children, 2295 grandchildren, 1262 great grand children, with a further 10 litters on the way (confirmed) & 578 great great grand children. These are compliments of John, the First Earl of Ucolta I went to the races. My spirits were...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 901

The following is not politically correct Please don’t read through your rose colored glasses. Compliments of pigs41‎ Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night. Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement... ! That’s when I thought “Wait a f’ing minute...” In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 929 All Kinds of Limericks

These are compliments of Rick M. Air Lingus A mother and her young son were flying Air Lingus. The son, who had been looking out the plane’s window, turned to his mother and said, “Mom, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” Stumped, the mother suggested to her son that he ask the stewardess. The boy promptly got out of his seat and wandered back to the service area. “Excuse me,” the boy said to the stewardess. “If big dogs have...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 943

The following are compliments of Pete C. One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Shepherd. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse,...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 146

These are compliments of gimpy Why did the religious conservative want more testing in the public schools? Because Bill O'Rielly on Fox News said "That as long as there are tests, there will be prayer in the public schools" Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 957

Say thank you to Dorsetmike for this one: A Story of True Love!! Dear Wife Im writing u this letter 2 tell u that Im leaving u 4ever. I’ve been a good man 2u for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell ... Your boss called 2tell me that u quit your job 2day & that was the last straw. Last week, u came home & didnt even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked ur favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2minutes,...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 983

Compliments of A. von W. A man meets up with an old roommate whom he has not seen for many years. The roommate has had a sex-change operation. “Was it painful?”, asks the former. “No, not really” says the second. “How about when they cut off your dick?” “No that really wasn’t the worst of it.” “Really?” says the first. “How about when they had to create the new hole? That must have been painful.” “No the worst part was when they stuck the straw in my ear and sucked out half my...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 986

This item is not a joke or a giggle, but an item all Canadians can be proud of: Amazing story of planes headed to U.S. on 9/11 A tribute to fine people “Newfies” was recently viewed by a presentation on a Broadway theatre with the production of “Come from Away” The hospitality and generosity wasn’t just shown to Americans but passengers on planes coming from many other countries heading for the US. I believe the production it is still playing in Manhattan A bit long, but a beautiful story...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 1000

N. B.: Idiot Trudeau is the Prime Minister of Canada ... Yes we blew it too... A GOOD CATHOLIC JOKE The Pope and Trudeau are on the same stage in the new Edmonton Arena in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Trudeau and said “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!” Trudeau replies, “I...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 201

These are compliments of John Z GOT MY CONCEALED GUN PERMIT YESTERDAY ... and went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 221

Miracle Surgeons Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England. The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 238

A true Canadian joke! A female Mountie pulled over a drunk Newfie fisherman driving home down a back road. She said, "You're under arrest. Anything you say, can and will be held against you." "Tits!" replied the Newfie. Something to think about... As we grow older, and hence wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $300 or $30.00 watch ... they both tell the same time... Whether we carry a $300 or $30.00 wallet/handbag ... the amount of money inside is the same; Whether we drink...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 241

Ahhhhh the wisdom of the ages. A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN....

Jokes and GigglesChapter 252

This May Be No. 1 Joke for the Year A young man and let's say his name is Frank just to be fair, moved out from home and into a new apartment. All on his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 273

Whether Conservative, Liberal or Labour, I think you'll get a kick out of this! A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 293

This one is compliments of Mike: A Cornish joke! An American photographer on holiday was inside a church in Plymouth taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call' The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 306

This one is compliments of Gary, his wife didn't like it, and he has the black eye to prove that: Getting a word in edgewise with a lot of women is like trying to thread a sewing machine needle while the motor is running. This one is compliments of Johnnymax, a contrast to the MS Windows joke. a variation came to mind. Wife texts husband on a beautiful day after a fruit picking weekend: "Apples driving me nuts, what to do." Husband texts back: "put in cider maker and crank up the...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 2

This one is compliments of R. McFee The Weasel Joke So, these two weasels were sitting in the bar, nursing their umpteenth drinks. One would, tip his drink, set it down; the other would tip his drink, set it down. This went on for some time, until one abruptly stood up, waggled his finger in the face of the second weasel, and shrieked, “I’ve slept with your mother!” The bar went silent. Several of the patrons casually looked about, marking the nearest exit. The second weasel said not a...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 10

This one is compliments of R. McFee‎ This is an old Woody Allen joke. So, there was this fellow, who was undergoing counseling. (isn’t everyone?) One day, he arrived for his appointment, and seemed more morose than his baseline. The counselor asked him about it. “Well, Doctor, it’s my brother. He thinks he’s a chicken. He crows at daybreak, he scratches in the dust for insects, he struts, and does that chicken chirp, and he sets himself on a perch, all night long, to sleep. Gotta tell...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 19

Say thanks to dorsetmike‎ for this group Wee boy goes to his dad and asks how he got his name; the dad reply’s that it as an anagram of his mother’s favourite thing. The wee boy says “Thank you dad” and his dad says “No worries Alan, glad to help” I’ve been back to the doc again. I’ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. He says I have Feefiphobia. “Orion’s Belt is a big waist of space.” Terrible joke. Only three stars. Scene: costume party A: what are you dressed...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 57

Compliments of c0ffee‎ A chap was in the pub enjoying a pint, and went to the vending machine to buy some cigarettes. As he put his coins in, the cigarette machine said: ‘Look at the state of you. That shirt is hideous, your haircut is terrible, and those shoes make you look like a clown.’ Stunned, the man presses the reject button and gets his money back. He goes back to the bar, mulling over what happened, and takes a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the bar. The bowl pipes...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 363

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 107

Political Quotes: “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.” Groucho Marx “Politics is made up of two words... ‘poli’ which is Greek for ‘many’ and ‘tics’ which are blood sucking insects.” Gore Vidal “Politics is War without bloodshed, while War is Politics with bloodshed.” Mao Zedong “Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there is no river.” Nikita Khrushchev “Too...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 142

This is compliments of Pepere Now We Know Why He Was a General In an interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His answer was classic Schwarzkopf. The General said, “I believe that forgiving them is God’s function ... OUR job is to arrange the meeting.” Dana Perino (FOX News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 425

These are compliments of the 'Shy One'. FOR ALL YOU TRIVIA PEOPLE TRUE OR FALSE? Can you guess which of the following are true and which are false? (Answers are below.) 1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. 2. Alfred Hitchcock did not have a belly button. 3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years. 4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more. 5. When you sneeze, all bodily...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 427

This is another RabbiRabbit Joke When my wife left, I was sad, upset, and lonely. Since then I've got a dog, bought a new motorcycle shagged two women, and blown a grand on drugs and booze. She'll go fucking mental when she gets home from work. This one is compliments of a reader... I bought beautiful Lab Puppy by the name of Cocoa as a surprise present for my wife, but, as it turns out, she's allergic to dogs. So, unfortunately, I am going to have to find a new home for her and I...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 186

You’re fired On my first day working at the gas station I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under-ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. “What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?” I joked. “It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly. “Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?” My co-worker answered “No....

Jokes and GigglesChapter 439

The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper... A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00 His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!" The lawyer,...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 441

This one is compliments of J & B. What Religion is Your Bra? A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 222

This one is compliments of Pepere One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. “Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 229

Say thanks to Dramoth1964‎ for this one: A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!’ so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 235

From a Friend of J & G. An avid golfer married a stunningly attractive young lady, but on returning from their honeymoon found his game had suffered, he was distraught. Then one Sunday morning a man knocks on his door, produces an emerald green ball with a shamrock logo and announces that using this ball his game will be back, better that ever before, the catch, the man wants to take his wife to bed. The guy barely had time to explain this to his wife before grabbing up his clubs and...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 470

This a think piece, not a joke or a giggle. Compliments of Jim7 This was written by a 21 yr. old female who gets it. It's her future she's worried about and this is how she feels about the social welfare big government state that she's being forced to live in! These solutions are just common sense in her opinion. This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco, TX. PUT ME IN CHARGE... Put me in charge of food stamps no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 241

Say thanks to bobw40 for this one: ARROGANCE OF OLD AGE Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home. ✧ ✧ ✧ I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. ✧ ✧ ✧ It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 250

Maybe the Best Newfie Joke Ever! Two Newfies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, ‘I’m...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 478

ROBOT FOR SALE... A father buys a robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn." Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 491

This one is compliments of Paul A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.” The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 492

This Ought to Make All Grandpas Feel All Warm and Fuzzy A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa’s room. “Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!” “What?” said her Grandpa. “Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World!” This one is...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 497

The Following Are Compliments of John A Bert, at 85 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like Freddie Couples, so seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided to wear them home to show the misses. Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret at age 83, looked him over and replied, "Nope." Frustrated as all get out, Bert...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 503

You can thank Joe S for this one!!! Fred was driving home from one of his business trips in Northern Arizona when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the man if he would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the Indian got into the car. Resuming the journey, Fred tried in vain to make a bit of small talk. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 310

Nod your head to Dorsai for this one!!! One morning the Mother Superior at a convent summons all 100 nuns to a special meeting, attendance mandatory. “My sisters,” announces Mother Superior, “it saddens me that I have discovered that one of our nuns has not been faithful to her vows!” 99 nuns go “{Gasp!}”, and one nun goes “{Tee-Hee}”. “How I know this is that I have evidence a nun has bought a man into an area of the convent only nuns are permitted to enter.” 99 nuns go “{Gasp!}”, and...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 520

This is a serious thought piece from George Ever been anywhere women weren’t complaining about being too cold and men weren’t complaining about being too warm? Well, neither have I. Got it figured our though. If women would wear more clothing instead of parading around in all that bare skin, men wouldn’t become over heated being aroused by them. Want proof? Ever hear a Muslim woman complain about being cold? Ever hear a Muslim man complain about the heat? (That of course assumes he’s not...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 526

This One Is Compliments of David M YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN ARIZONA WHEN: You’ve signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can’t remember the name of the incumbent. You notice your car overheating before you drive it. You can say Hohokam and people don’t think you’re laughing funny. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink. You can say...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 531

This one is compliments of Gary Not a joke or giggle but some interesting comments: Interesting& Amazing Facts - Geography Alaska More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska. Amazon * The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% the world’s oxygen supply. * The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea, off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. * The volume of water in the...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 542

This One Is Compliments of Joe S A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 334

Send a smile to Yoes for this one... This is one is from my childhood. Problem is that the punchline is telegraphed from the middle of the joke. Here goes: A couple marry and the husband announces that the only food he likes is pumpkin stew. Not any old pumpkin stew, but the way his now deceased mother made it. Since her death, no-one has ever been able to replicate her recipe. So when she presented the dish to him that evening, he took one bite of it and pushed it away from him in disgust...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 341

Many thanks to neuberd for this submission!!!! Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy. After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 375

Another one from dorsetmike: Have decided that as from next week I am going to dress as a different type of bread each day... Roll on Monday! Two men working in a factory were talking. “I know how to get some time off,” said the first one. “Oh yeah, how are you going to do that?” asked the second. “Just watch,” he said, and climbed up onto a rafter. After a short while, the foreman spotted him. He shouted “What the hell are you doing up there?” The first man replied. “I’m a light...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 397

HarryCarton’s submission, very interesting. For purposes of this joke, pretend the President isn’t Trump, or Obama, or Bush or anyone else in particular. The President of the U.S. is campaigning for re-election. He goes to an isolated American Indian town with his entourage, to give a speech. The Leader of the Indian Nation welcomes him and after a brief introduction, stands back to listen. “My fellow Americans,” begins the Pres. “I’m from Washington, and I’m here to help...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 402

Joke # 1 Sent for Vetting Sept. 10, 2020 ✧ ✧ ✧ RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart: Dear Mrs. Xxxxxx: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 420

Not much of a Joke, but a bit of advice you may be able to use: GOOD VISION IN A DOWNPOUR How to achieve good vision while driving during a heavy downpour. We are not sure why it is so effective; just try this method when it rains heavily. This method was given me by a Police friend who had experienced and confirmed it. It is useful ... even driving at night. One method used by Canadian Military Drivers for years. Most of the motorists would turn on HIGH or FASTEST SPEED of the wipers...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 427

Say thanks to johnaye3 for this one! A little girl complained to her father, “Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!” Trying to be funny, her father joked, “But, honey, you already have a sister.” Confused, the toddler asked, “I do?” “Sure,” her dad said, smiling. “You don’t see her because every time you come in the front door; she scoots out the back door.” The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, “You mean just like my other daddy?!”

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 431

This is compliments of Hitemp A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 438

These are compliments of netmanager99 Have you heard the Lego store is open for the first time since the COVID shutdown? They’re lining up for blocks. (It took me a second to piece that joke together.) My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed. I have had a Canon printer for years. Are people born with a photographic memory? Or does it take time to develop? What does a condiment wizard perform? Saucery I bought a new pair of...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 439

Say thanks to Dorsetmike If a cow stops giving milk is that an udder failure? It’s weird being the same age as old people. When I was a kid I wanted to be older ... this is not what I expected. Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby. If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof? Say Thanks to jimq21 Lovable Inflatable Christmas Louise As a joke, my brother used to...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 441

Joke # 1 Sent for Vetting Jan. 3, 2021 After ten years a wife started to think their child looks kinda strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not theirs, she told her husband what she found out, the husband replied, You don’t remember do you?? When we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped and you told me to go and change him, so I went inside and got a clean one and left the dirty one there! The wife fainted!!! ✧ ✧ ✧ A guy wants a divorce. He tell the judge, “I just...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 452

From jimborh Smile in his honor! By chance I have here a joke just posted by my middle sister on the family messenger board. She is somewhat younger than myself and is not yet (I think) 70 years old so she may not qualify as “old”. We’re still battling ???? COVID-19 ????, and the next thing is here already ???????? ???? The NILE Virus, type C Virologists have identified a new Nile virus - type C. It appears to target those who were born between 1940 & 1970 Symptoms: 1. Causes you to send the same...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 459

⊹⊹⊹ ⊹⊹⊹ Netmanager99 Gave an Opportunity to Enjoy This One !!! Finding a frog... A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. But She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 494

Thank olddave195 for this one: Busty Mary Ann was stopped on her way into church by the self-appointed old biddies. They complained her overly developed chest was distracting the preacher. “I’m sorry but it is what nature has given me. What do you suggest I do?” “Well”, replied biddy #1, “perhaps you could rub alum on them when you dress next Sunday.” So Mary Ann did and the following Sunday presented herself for inspection. Biddy #2 approved. However as the preacher stood to announce...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 497

???????????????? Smokeyjoe has some time to think and this was the result. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is insufficient funds? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’? What is the...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 542

Joke # 1 Sent for Vetting Sept. 29, 2021 ???????????????? ???????? Another one from Telephoneman: Cop: You were going way too fast. Me: I was only trying to keep up with the other traffic. Cop: There is no traffic. Me: I know, that’s how far behind I am. ???????????????? ???????? Alphqwe is at it again!!! If a tree falls on your ex in the forest and no one hears it, you should get rid of the chainsaw, just in case. ???????????????? ???????? reader459 sent this one! This from Fitz in The Sydney Morning Herald: My car wouldn’t...

Cosmic Joke

Eric Otten and I (Raven) have been working on a true collaboration on this story. We'd like to believe that it's coming out very well. This story contains adult themes, and some graphic scenes. If you do not like this sort of thing you should not read this. The purpose of this story is not to offend as recent private e-mails to me have implied. The copyright is the possessed by the authors alone. there should be no reposting, etc., without the express consent of the...

April Fools Joke Gone Bad Y2K The Mystic Lipstick

The following story contains characters owned by DC Comics/Warner Bros. It is written as a fanfic parody story not intended to make any use of actual story lines in published books. The story is purely for fun, with no profit to be made by the author. It is free to be archived on any site wishing to do so, provided the author is given proper credit. I would really love to hear any comments you'd like to send me. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy it! This story, like my past...

What Started As A Joke

What Started As A Joke My name is John, and I'm going to tell you about what went on at a Saint Patrick's day party. But to do that I have to go back about a week or so. You see I work at a company with several attractive women, and I've been working with the same women for several years now. And when you spend more time with people you work with, you learn some intimate details about them. On a normal afternoon Stephanie, a blonde girl I work with who has a nice pair of breasts on her,...

I joked one too many times

The wife and I met young, and honestly it was the perfect high school sweetheart scenario. We were both fresh in our teens and lust hit us immediately and learned the joys of sex together. Until recent years I have been totally content with Kay and i's relationship, only having one other partner my entire life. This was up until I had turned 40, where my wife was physically in body and looks in her prime in her late 30's. Her evolving lifestyle and constant work had left her with a curvy...

My joke on my husband backfired

Troy had been home and leave for a week and it was so good to have him home, we fucked for the whole week and then on the Saturday night his old mates form his school days decided to come around for some drinks and catch up with him, the guys arrived about 7pm and by that time Troy had already had a few beers too many but was in a really good mood, five of his mates turned up, John, Ross, Will, Andrew and Ben and Ben’s girlfriend Sharon, Sharon was nice but easily lead, she did exactly what...

A Joke another Conclusion

This is my offering of a conclusion to Agena's story 'A Joke'. If you have not already done so, I strongly suggest you read it before reading this. - POL I had heard from Alice, the wife of the man who may have cuckolded me, my wife's sister and my daughter regarding how to resolve the issue with my wife, Flo. I knew if I went to our pastor he would expect me to forgive her just as they had suggested. I finally decided I would wait for the results of the lie detector tests before making...

The world s longest story joke

in the World * * * Lost in the Desert So, there's a man crawling through the desert. He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out...

The world s longest joke

in the World * * * Lost in the Desert So, there's a man crawling through the desert. He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out...

A Joke Alternate Ending

When Roger and Flo came down to release me from the handcuffs, he tried futilely to get the key into the cuffs, but was so shaky, he just fumbled with them. I looked up into his eyes and said, "Roger "give the keys to Flo and then run. "If I catch you I'll beat you to a bloody fucking pulp". With trembling hand, he gave the keys to Flo. She came over and as she squatted down I could see something dripping down her leg. I knew then that this was more then a joke. I could hear Roger run...

No Joke

I have to disagree with you. Race is not a real problem these days. Nothing compared to what it was years ago, certainly. And it was a lot worse than that before my time, from what I have read and heard from people -- black or white -- who are older than I am. There are people who make their living by stirring others up, so there is still conflict, but most of us get along pretty well. The races often lead separate lives, but what do you want? And there are a lot of exceptions...

The Joke That Backfired

It all started with a joke. I have to go out of town three times a year with my high school students for regional competitions in various technical fields. We have to have a proper teacher/student ratio on these trips. With money tight in the districts, the teachers have to double up in the hotel rooms. My husband always teases me with comments like, ‘Which male teacher are you rooming with this time?’ or ‘Make sure to pack your red lace teddy.’ Har har. So this trip I was rooming with Melanie,...

A poetic story and a joke

I have been going through a terrible time for so many years.I can't go into details about what happened to me, because I'm not supposed to.One day I will tell my wives about it. One day we will all lie in bed together and talk of the things I suffered.But allow me to describe those many sexual events in a poetic way.It was like being in a plane piloted by a fool. A girl. He parents are the best of their generation. I was still a baby when they were making history.They could not accept that...

Porn Trends