Jokes indian porn

A Joke Ch 02

The Conclusion I really didn’t want to write an ending to this story. I was hoping someone else would volunteer to do it, but I’ve received so many requests, pleas and demands to finish it that I will attempt an ending and hopefully get closure on this story. Many writers provided their own suggestions for an ending and some were quite original in their thinking and maybe my ending will include some part of their input. However it turns out, I know some will be unhappy and others content that...

Some Joke

My name is Jim, and I began my story in "A Joke," which was posted by Agena. If you haven't read that yet, please hunt it down and read it. It'll help you understand this story. Go ahead. I'll wait. In "A Joke," I was torn over what to believe about Flo, my wife of 23 years, and my jokester next-door neighbor, Roger Kubiak. Roger and his pretty, buxom wife Alice had moved into the big house next door about five years ago. In many ways we'd become pretty good friends. We were of...

No Joking Matter Part 3

The flight was faster than expected but saw Denise being forced to look after Pena and Bollinger kids at their insistence. Ella and Flora stayed back to take care of business and run media interference about what was going on with Denise with Junior and Billy spending time at the house to ensure that it wasn't being infiltrated by paparazzi hoping to get shots of Francesca or Denise in compromising positions. It was no big deal to the duo to stay, especially as Junior and his wife Aggy...

The Joke

The Joke By Margaret Jeanette Sonia Livingston was going over last month's report. The company had done better than it had ever done before. Her eight women had done a great job and were setting things up to grow some more. She marveled at how her husband, Jerry had done the report so it was easy to read. He had the office next to hers and he took care of all the financial matters. Her happiness was interrupted when Katie Swanson came in. Katie was obviously upset and sat down...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 496

This One Is Compliments of Mike A girl wakes, after a heavy night on the booze, to find an elephant in bed with her. She mutters, "Gawd I musta been tight last night" The elephant turned over and said "Yes, -- just a little" This One Is Compliments of Johnny M Another version of the second in yesterday's 'Jokes and Giggles'. A biker struggles to wake up after a night on the bender. Aware of a weight on his right arm, he turns to see; - the ugliest woman outside of a horror...

FUNNY JOKES

joker: "Ok pronounce.. M.A.C. D.O.U.G.L.E.S.S" fool: "Its pronounced MacDougless" joker: "Ok now pronouce M.A.C. D.O.U.B.L.E." fool: "Ok MacDouble" joker: "Last one now pronouce M.A.C. H.I.N.E " fool: "Ok MacHine" (sounds like mac hind) joker: Points at old house phone and says "Now what is that?" fool: "An answering machine" joker: "Ok now spell machine" fool: "Ok? M.A.C.H.I.N.E. " joker: "Yup you just spelled MAC...

A Joke

‘It was just a joke.’ she told me and he tried to back her up, but my perception of the whole episode was such that I couldn’t believe her. It was so real at the time and they didn’t have any way of proving it hadn’t happened or that maybe that it had happened for real before. If my perception was that they did it and I couldn’t believe that it was just a joke then I couldn’t live with my wife of 23 years anymore. I guess I’d better tell you the story so you can understand my dilemma. Just the...

Depression SoupChapter 8 Bad Jokes

The rest of the winter, starting right after New Year's Day, the weather turned unseasonably cold. The deep muddy ruts had formed when there was a thaw and then froze up again. They were so deep Pa could let go of the steering wheel and the old truck seemed to steer itself. Although the county commissioners had decided to grade the road smooth in the springtime there was little to be done when it was so cold like it was right then. Even though it was the middle of the week we had little we...

CONTEST Poetry Jokes Category

Dear Authors, We hope you’re doing well. ISS would like to invite you to participate in a competition in the ‘Poetry/Jokes category.’ The contest: 1)The contest will run from 05 February 2023 to 19 February 2023. 2)The content can have any number of jokes or poetry, but it should be adult/xxx jokes/poetry. 3) It should be a minimum of 1000 words of content. 4) There shouldn’t be any sort of plagiarism. The entire work should be original and not be published anywhere on the internet...

A Joke Surviving Armageddon

Foreword: READ THIS FIRST After reading Agena's "A Joke", then reading all of the endings, I wasn't ever really satisfied with any of them. Even Triple T's "Texas Ending" and "Texas Epilogue" just didn't sit right with me. I understand where he's coming from, and both his Ending and Epilogue are 5 star reads. However, I just felt my teeth itching to take Agena up on his invitation to write my own. READ "A Joke" first, if you haven't already. I take over this one as the "sex...

No Joking Matter Part 2

Valerie Finn and Rick Samuels handled Denise's affairs on her behalf, with Denise in no condition to do anything other than cry and sit in her room staring out of the window in silence. Fiona Flynn came over to talk to Denise but Denise would only say a few things and look out the window at the birds and squirrels in the trees. Denise was showing grief and regretted what happened to the Halls, but it was clear that the biggest issue with her was what she had wanted them to not be...

A Joke

"It was just a joke." she told me and he tried to back her up, but my perception of the whole episode was such that I couldn't believe her. It was so real at the time and they didn't have any way of proving it hadn't happened or that maybe that it had happened for real before. If my perception was that they did it and I couldn't believe that it was just a joke then I couldn't live with my wife of 23 years anymore. I guess I'd better tell you the story so you can understand my dilemma....

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 58

What I want in a Man, Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 274

This explains why friends forward jokes. I’ve never thought of it this way before. A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a...

Hindi sex jokes 8211 Gande chutkule

August mahine ko humor se start karte he! Aaj aap ke lie mast 10 Hindi sex jokes add kiye he hamne aap ki pasandida site ISS par! To abhi ye desi sexy chutkule padhe aur unhe dosto ke sath bhi share kare. 1) Ek din mummy kitchen me khana bana rahi thi tab uski beti kamre me aai. Aur usne maa ko pucha, mummy bache kaise aate he? Maa ne ek minute soch ke bola, dear mummy aur papa ko pyar hua. Aur fir dono ki shadi hui. Dono ne night me kamre me pyar kiya., kiss kiya aur chudai ki. Ladki abhi...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 803

For the Politically INCORRECT!! The “M” word ... by Jeff Foxworthy. Have you ever wondered why it’s OK to make jokes about Catholics, Jews, Christians, the Pope, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Hungarians, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians), the elderly, bad golfers, men/women, blacks/whites, Republicans/Democrats etc, but its insensitive to make jokes about the Muslims? Well, it’s time to level the playing field and be politically incorrect, by including our...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 883

A GREAT HUNT Shot my first turkey yesterday! Scared the shit outta everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome! Getting’ old is so much fun ... Remember: Don’t make old people mad! We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off. These are compliments of Pat W Wayyyyy back at the dawn of T.V. A man walked into an agent’s office for an audition, as he had a strong desire to be an actor. He acted, he sang, he danced, he told jokes, and did...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 226

These are compliments of Mikey Very Punny... I tried to catch some fog ... I mist. When chemists die they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier that survived salt spray, mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian restaurant but I never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 151

These are compliments of Fmwarmac ‎ Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?” Brunette: “I don’t know.” Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!” Yo momma is so fat when she went to KFC the cashier asked, “What size bucket?” and yo momma said, “The one on the roof.” Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the “CALL” button. Yo momma’s so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 170

Another short one from joevsr: Short One! Jokes about pole vaulters, don’t go over very well!! This group is compliments of a Friend of J & G. Jokes The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff”. “Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked. “I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other wanker using my stuff”. She...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 215

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 480

The difference between oO and Oo; Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday" On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 511

This compliments of Pepere Quote of the day: “It’s good to see that a country that’s $20 trillion in debt and on the verge of financial collapse is spending countless millions of dollars to change pictures on money to make people, who don’t earn any money, happy.” This group is compliments of John M Irish jokes The reason there are so many Irish jokes is because the Irish have a quaint way with words. Like the Irish patient who hobbled into the Surgery waiting room. “I hope to God the...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 551

These are compliments of the web_magician More lawyer jokes... Q: How can you tell a lawyer is lying? A: Other lawyers look interested (they are gathering new material for future use). Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort? A: Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors. Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school? A: Now she’s a loan shark. Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood? A: Law school. Q: How do you define...

No Joking Matter Part 5

The girls talked about the show throughout the week and actually wrote out plans for what they thought should happen, especially little things that would help build Denise's character. They were mostly left alone by the others while Nathan and Phillip kept anyone at bay who might get too close to the trio. It was hard not to shake their heads at them portraying boys as brutes but had to smirk as they clearly had two boys join Denise's character and her future girlfriend, a new character...

No Joking Matter Part 1

Benny Herman and Jack Bollinger were a pair who had grown up together in Winnisimmet, MA and who had spent their entire life never going more than a few days apart. They had an even bigger link as Jack's cousin married Benny's sister with Jack's father being Benny's parents' principal/friend. The two were born to be close, and showed that they were meant to be friends immediately after birth. Benny's sister was a link that was hard to ignore, one that shocked the family as she broke...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 15

-- A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?" "Well... , you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus." The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?" "You gotta pay...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 813

These are compliments of Joe S. Just a few Puns... 1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. 2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. 3. Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says “I think we got this joke wrong” 4. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down. 5. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 49

This one is compliments of grandpa 3 Blonds decided to go for walk in the woods. Being blond they got lost. They then decided that the best way to find their way back home, was to find some animal tracks. So they could follow them to some water then follow the water to the river and then back to town. Simple right? But NO you forgot they're blond. So they looked and looked and finally found some tracks. The First Blond yells "we're saved." The other two ask her what is she yelling...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 122

Say thanks to a great supporter of J & G for these. Trump Jokes In a recent survey, 70% of Americans responded that Donald Trump becoming president has made them nervous. The other 30% said it will make them Canadians. Donald Trump has announced that now he’s president, he’s going to put a wig on the Presidential plane and call it Hair Force One. Donald Trump becoming President isn’t the first time he’s kicked a black family out of their home. I just found out Donald Trump ran...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 74

Distress At 18,000 Feet... An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees. The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled, "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 88

Two good old boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from privates to Lance Corporals. Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in." "But we're only privates," protests Paddy. "We're Lance Corporals now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. "Now, Paddy, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But we're privates," says Paddy. "You blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 289

Say thanks to Pepere for this one!! In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter. When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven. Each of the nuns has studied their bible well, so they don’t feel worried by this. The first nun steps forward and tells the saint that she’s ready. “Who was the...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 523

The following is certainly not politically correct, if you are a bit squeamish just don’t read. Female Jokes What’s the definition of the perfect woman? She’s three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth and her head is flat so you can put cocktails on it. The sports model has pull-back ears and her teeth fold in. The economy model - she fucks all night and at midnight she turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack. Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 540

???????????????? ???????? If you are not vaccinated, I respect your choice. I am vaccinated, please respect my choice. I’m vaccinated, not to please the government but: * To not die from Covid-19. * To NOT occupy a hospital bed if I get sick. * To give our healthcare workforce a bloody break * To hug my loved ones. * To Not have to do PCR or antigen tests to go to a dance, go to a restaurant, go on vacation and many more things to come... * To love my life. * For Covid-19 to be an old memory. * To protect...

Men Jokes

One day God called Adam to him and said: "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?""The good news," replied Adam."Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain.""OK.." said Adam warily. "And what's the bad news?""I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."Why are men so bad at sex and driving?Because the bastards always pull out with no thought of who else might be coming.What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 652

Will Rogers once said “There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.” Another RabbiRabbit special: I was almost a Doctor When I was young in 1970’s, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 715

Well FINALLY, it just had to come to this sooner or later! A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?” He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do ... it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine. A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND.” He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 21

And these are from RabbiRabbit. She was standing in, the kitchen preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 40

A blind guy sits down in a diner and says to the waiter, "I'm sorry, but I'm blind and I can't read the menu. So just bring me a dirty fork, I'll smell it, and order from there." The waiter picks up a greasy fork, and hands it to the blind guy. The blind guy puts the fork to his nose, breathes deep, and says, "Ah ... that's what I'll have ... meatloaf and mashed potatoes." The waiter can't believe it, and he goes and tells his wife, Rose, who's the cook. The next day the...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 835

These are compliments of a number of readers who forwarded them to me Via G-Mail Wayyyyy back at the dawn of T.V. A man walked into an agent’s office for an audition, as he had a strong desire to be an actor. He acted, he sang, he danced, he told jokes, and did pratfalls, after which the agent said. “You’ve got a lot of talent. Whats your name?” “Penis Van Lesbian, Sir.” “Excuse me? What did you say?” “Penis Van Lesbian” “You CAN’T have a name like THAT in show business.” The agent...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 854

This compliments of J & B... when jokes were clean, many years ago. Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin... ‘ - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) **** I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’ - Eleanor Roosevelt **** Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 862

This group of Serious Thoughts are compliments of J & B If you are looking for the usual Jokes, this is not them!!!!!! Empathy These twelve short stories are all very good stories and should make us think twice about the daily happenings in our lives as we deal with others!! Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 879

These are compliments of J & B: The Final Exam - Gotta admire this teacher!!! There were four seniors taking Microbiology and all of them had an ‘A’ so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends in Butte and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Montana State University in Bozeman until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 886

A GREAT HUNT Shot my first turkey yesterday! Scared the shit outta everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome! Getting’ old is so much fun... Remember: Don’t make old people mad! We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off. CAUTION: The following are not ‘Politically Correct’ Compliments of A. von W Female Jokes First Woman: “This is very embarrassing, but every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.” Second Woman: “You poor dear! Are you...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 903

Blond/blonde jokes Two blondes were riding up in an elevator. Long before reaching their floor the elevator stopped and a really great looking guy got on. He smiled at the blondes and reached over and hit the button for the next floor. Then he stood and admired the scenery as the elevator went up. When the door opened behind him he smiled at the blondes, turned and went out the door. When he turned to leave the blondes saw a large number of dandruff flakes down his back. The first blonde...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 921

These are compliments of @C Jokes. A Beautiful Woman Loves Growing Tomatoes A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, “What do you do to get your tomatoes red?” He replies, “Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.” The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, “How did it go? Did...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 164

HOW VERY TRUE! My mum used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread butter on bread on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e.Coli Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake or at the beach instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then. We all took PE ... And...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 180

"Only The Irish Have Jokes Like These!!" Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 229

This one is compliments of Gary with thanks... A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..." The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me." As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too." The old woman says, "Thank...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 255

Apolitical Aphorisms If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno~ The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII~ We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop~ If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these Election speeches, There wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers~ Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 274

Men's Thoughts For The Day The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters ... Do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"... ? The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the crap storm that's coming... Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 309

Compliments of one who is shy. 1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams 2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain 3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain 4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 318

These are compliments of kept Jack, A few more jokes for you (apologies, in advance, to all the Italians out there) Call for Help (Note 1: on receiving a distress call, normal practice with Australian Maritime Safety Authority [AMSA] was to send out a spotter aircraft to precisely locate vessel in distress and, sometimes, drop life rafts if possible & needed. For quite a number of years the aircraft type used was a Focker F27 - the Focker Friendship) (Note 2: Bass Strait is the...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 36

More from dorsetmike‎ many thanks to him and all who submit Jokes. An elderly married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel... The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: “For god’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!” I opened my bedroom curtains very early this morning and to my astonishment saw a fox having a fight with a hedgehog. The...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 51

Compliments of Reltney McFee‎ So, once upon a time, a construction crew was working outside a convent. This was long ago, in a more delicate time, and, well, the workmen were a plain spoken lot. After a time, the Mother Superior invited the construction foreman to meet with her, so they could discuss some things. She related how the tender sensibilities of the sisters were tested by the Anglo-Saxon terms employed by the workers, and could the foreman please encourage his employees to tone...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 343

Hope this gives your day a chuckle. As I was driving home and worrying about all the stuff going on in my life, my family's lives, my friends' lives and what's happening in Paris, Washington, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East, Trump, Trudeau, CBC News, the downgrading of our military, 25,000 Syrian refugees, the terrorists infiltrating our border, the illegal's, and how our country is rapidly losing its sanity and its Christianity, I saw a yard sign that said: NEED HELP? CALL...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 63

Dead Penguins - I never knew this! Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they all go? Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird and lives an extremely ordered and complex life. Penguins are extremely committed to their family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with their offspring throughout the remainder of their life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface,...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 68

Valentine’s Day Jokes Dreaming of Gifts One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, “I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine ‘s Day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” Jim said. That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it – only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”. Lots of Letters Mike walked into a post office just before...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 79

Jokes for children A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer; bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.” Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse. What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh. What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 80

Jokes A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher “This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I’ll give you a handsome tip”. The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. Yep. 25 cents. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers “The wife did it”. A man stood outside his house after a bitter divorce and noticed a crate of beer...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 383

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a government. John Adams If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. Mark Twain I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. Winston Churchill A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 385

These are compliments of Jerry Problems with the new open carry law in Texas: Yesterday, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 386

These are compliments of Jerry Problems with the new open carry law in Texas: Yesterday, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 115

Stay thanks to St John‎ for this group... Two homosexual guys were walking down the road when one looked at the other and said “You see that guy across the road?” “Wow, he’s cute!!” the other said. “Well, I had sex with that guy a couple of years back.” “No shit??” the other asked. “Not much...” replied the first. A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there’s nothing special ... we just flat out tell’ em they’re gonna die... Paddy was planning...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 413

The true story of the Chicken Gun. Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist! Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound Dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space Shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the Frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of The windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 162

A Well Run Business Me: I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. I took my computer down to the bar to do some data entries. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, ‘What’s the w ifi password?’ Bartender: ‘You need to buy a drink first.’ Me: ‘Okay, I’ll have a beer.’ Bartender: ‘We have Molson’s Canadian on tap.’ Me: ‘Sure. How much is that?’ Bartender: ‘$8.00.’ Me: ‘Here you are. OK now, what’s the wifi password?’ Bartender: ‘ “youneedtobuyadrinkfirst”; No spaces and...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 423

ETHNIC JOKES A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 172

These are from a friend of J & G: Darren marries this girl, and they go on their honeymoon. He leaves the room the first night to go down to the lobby to get a pack of cigarettes. When he gets back, his bride is lying on the bed naked fucking one of the bellhops. Another one is under her, getting her in the ass. She’s sucking off the desk clerk, and she’s jerking off a cab driver and the dishwasher. Darren screams “What the fuck are all these jerk-offs doing in here?” She says “Well,...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 175

Some shorty’s from Dorsetmike I bought a 12yr old scotch. His parents weren’t pleased about that. What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad. My boss has announced he’ll sack the employee with worst posture. I’ve a hunch it’ll be me. As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. From a Friend of J & G. Jokes Recession beater. Wife says to husband “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 209

Astute (but true) Observations There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit’s. ✧ ✧ ✧ The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. ✧ ✧ ✧ I live in my own little world, but it’s OK. Everyone knows me here. ✧ ✧ ✧ I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it. I said, “Left Tackle?” ✧ ✧ ✧ I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. ✧ ✧ ✧ I don’t like political jokes. I’ve seen too many get...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 485

These are compliments of Anonymous Irish Smiles: I Thought you would get a smile out of some of these... Irish Smiles Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn’t kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does. Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife makes him walk. The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they’re always assured of having a worthy...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 501

These are compliments of the magician 1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it, I said "Implants?" She hit me. 4. I don't do drugs, I get the same effect just standing up fast. 5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea." 6. I live in my own little world, it's OK, they know me here. 7. I got a...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 298

A history lesson from squaddie117 ‎ How lucky can we get???? It is a little-known fact that King Arthur had more knights than is usually believed. They included: Who was the devastatingly handsome, but disappointingly shallow knight? - Sir Face Who was Arthur’s best knight of all? - Sir Pass Who was the knight that is a great help to all the other knights? - Sir Port Who was the knight who got around a bit - popular at parties? - Sir Culation Who was the knight who could always be relied...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 320

“Allan B” If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. (Ann Landers) The other day upon the stair I saw a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today I think he’s from the CIA. The BBB (Blonde Bimbos Bureau) wishes to thank AOC for single-handedly putting an end to dumb blonde jokes. What is the most popular Country song n Iran? Sweet Home Allahbama... The female praying mantis devours her male minutes after mating, while the female human...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 548

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, ‘Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?’ Grandma replied, ‘Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh ... I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.’ Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible....

Jokes and GigglesChapter 550

POLICE DOG A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’. ‘His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 552

Obscene phone call? The phone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, “I bet you have a tight arsehole with no hair.” Woman replies, “Yes, he’s watching TV. Who shall I say is calling?” LEXOPHILIA - WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP? A lexophile of course! • Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! • How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it. • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. • I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. • They told me I had type-A...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 355

Here is an opposite point of VIEW from Dominions Son “I don’t know why people are so concerned about the corona virus. Most people know to put a piece of lime in the bottle to kill the virus.” No, no, no. Then you get corona and Lyme disease. ✧ ✧ ✧ A Few from Dorsai about his Hero!!! Here’s a few jokes with a common theme. I don’t THINK they’re duplicates. After a difficult year, President Trump decides he needs a nice break from work and, as he’s heard about this big horse race but...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 360

Some Thoughts from doral!!! Presidential sayings George Washington - “I cannot tell a lie.” Donald Trump - “I cannot tell the truth.” Harry Truman - “The buck stops here.” Donald Trump - “The buck is someone else’s responsibility.” Teddy Roosevelt - “Walk softly and carry a big stick.” Donald Trump - “Talk loudly but make no sense, just ramble on about things that you know nothing about and do not concern anyone at all but find someone else to blame it on because it must be the...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 361

An interesting thought from Mark!! While I don’t have any jokes about rabbits ... The following has been tweeted several times but is worth another mention: As we end week 2 of lockdown, I have been thinking about Osama Bin Laden. He was stuck in his house with three wives for five years. I am beginning to wonder if he called in those Navy Seals himself. And this is what dorsetmike had to contribute: It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 557

Male Blond Jokes!! A friend told the blond man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.” The blond man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.” Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?” The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.” A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?” He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do ... it’s for dry hair,...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 564

GREAT TRUTHS 1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams 2. If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain 3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain 4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 395

Thanks to Pedant for this one Boris Johnson goes to a little rural village and asks them what he and his government can do for the local people. “We have two major problems,” says a local official. “Firstly, we have a health center, but no doctor working there.” Boris whips out his phone and talks into it for a minute. “I have made a call to my team in Westminster,” he announces, “and we’re going to have an absolutely top-notch doctor here next week to cater to everyone’s needs! What was...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 446

Not many Trump Jokes left so here is one last... ! Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. “I don’t know what to do,” says the Devil. “You’re on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three people here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.” Trump thought that sounded pretty good so...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 478

Some interesting observations from OldGreyDuck to contemplate over a few drinks this weekend. 1. Ration of an Igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi. 2. 1 millionth of a mouthwash: Microscope. 3. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup: Won Ton. 4. The time between slipping on a peel and hitting the pavement: Bananosecond. 5. Weight a televangelist carries with god: A Billigraham. 6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knotforlong. 7. 365.25 days of drinking low...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 514

???????????????? Fofo Xuxu is to thank for this group!! Here are a few jokes. Hope you can use them. A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?” “No this is a bar and we don’t serve ducks, now get out of here.” Next day the duck comes back, “Got any grapes?” “No, I do not and if you come here again, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor.” Next day the duck comes back again and asks, “Got any nails?” “No.” “Got any grapes?” Everyone’s Buddy At a wedding reception I recently attended, the...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 516

???????????????? Important News Bulletin: from fagan8300 The Energizer Bunny has been arrested. The charge is Battery ???????????????? This one is from Durock: An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished came to a roadside Inn with a sign that read: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window, looked him up and down and said, “we got no room for the likes of you!” “Could ye just spare some victuals then?”, he asked. The woman once again looked at his...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 579

???????????????? ???????? OldGreyDuck is digging deep for these three!!!! ???????? I went to a comedy club last Friday evening. There was a woman there telling nothing but chicken jokes. She called herself a “Comedi-hen”. ???????? ???????????????? I was stuck driving behind a car today. The license plate read: G4ND4LF/ No idea who was driving, but he wouldn’t let me pass. ???????? ???????????????? In case you didn’t know, Weddings at Nudist Camps are highly unsuitable. ???????????????? Biiguy came through again!!!! An Englishman’s wife had died. Somewhat...

No Joking Matter Part 4

Overnight news hit the airwaves about a massive search across Kensington and two surrounding towns in regards to the police department and city council. Lost in the news was the false arrest and release of a couple from Winnisimmet who were driving home from an evening out at a beach restaurant. There were rumors about why they were arrested, with the Kensington Police refusing to comment on it. After 9AM, Reed released a statement. "Last evening a couple from Winnisimmet were stopped...

April Fool s Joke Gone Bad II 1999 It Gets Worse

April Fool's Joke Gone Bad II 1999 It Gets Worse! by Steve Zink This story uses characters owned by Warner Bros./DC Comics, and in no way uses those characters to make any money. This story is a parody using the characters in a fan fiction for strictly fan enjoyment. Batman had left the Batcave early in the morning of April 1 to join the rest of the members of the Justice League of America. They were meeting for a monthly get together and situational awareness briefing...

The sex joke and how it really happened

Introduction: I got the chance to teach my little sister about sex and it started like a sex joke I heard as a kid. The publishing rules say that everyone in these stories has to be at least 16 so even though the story is totally fiction, everyone in it is at least 16. Enjoy. ______________________________________________________________ One of my favorite sex jokes is one we probably all heard when we were kids. Little Debbie came skipping into the kitchen with a shinny new quarter in her...

April Fools Joke Gone Bad

Some comic characters mentioned in my stories could be the property of these respective comic book publishers, Marvel, DC, or Image. If they are being used, this a work of fictional parody. April Fool's Joke Gone Bad by Steve Zink Here's a quickie for April Fool's Day from Steve Zink Batman had gone to a meeting downtown at the Gotham City Police Station, where he would be occupied for the whole day. Robin, being young and with a mind fully open to off the wall jokes,...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 112

Thanks John JOKE OR ANTI-JOKE? A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that. The midget fortune...

Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 173

Say thanks to fmwarmac‎ for the following: An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by Staying overnight in an expensive hotel. When she checked out next Morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250... 00. She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. “It’s a Nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight Stay! I didn’t even have breakfast.” The clerk told her that $250.00 is The ‘standard rate’, so she...

The sex joke and how it really happened

One of my favorite sex jokes is one we probably all heard when we were kids. Little Debbie came skipping into the kitchen with a shinny new quarter in her hand. Her school uniform skirt swaying around her, she showed it to her mother. "Debbie, where did you get the quarter?" "Billy said he would give it to me if I climbed the tree," Debbie answered. Mom replied, "Don't you know he only wanted to see your panties?" "Yes Mom, so I fooled him. I took them off." Here's how...

Dirty Jokes

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells niceQ: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? A: Your job still sucks! Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist!Q: How do you kill a circus clown?A: Go for the juggler!Q: Why couldn't they get the dead mans casket lid shut?A: Because he overdosed on viagra!Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?A: Because his wife died!Q:...

Porn Trends