A Matter Of Trust - Must Read free porn video

CHAPTER 1: A GAME OF CHANCE

It was a hot summer night in Philadelphia and Colin, as usual, was out with Sheryl. He probably wouldn't be home until late. With nothing better to do, Aileen went to the small alcove of their apartment where the computer was set up and signed on. Perhaps she would play a couple games of gin rummy, but what she hoped for most was that Ben would be online.

Aileen Reilly had been divorced for almost ten years. Even though she hadn't had a serious relationship since her divorce, it was only in the last year or so the absence of a significant other in her life had really made itself felt. The reason was because she did have someone significant in her life, her son Colin. They spent a lot of time together and did numerous activities, and it was always a blast being with him. She loved her son and was totally dedicated to him. His company had always been all she needed to be happy. But Colin was s*******n years old now and every day Aileen felt him move a few steps closer to leaving her and going out on his own. She was beginning to feel a loneliness and isolation she hadn't known since before Colin was born. She knew her boy had to grow up, but it saddened her that in doing so it made them grow apart.

Nearly two years ago Colin had met Sheryl and she eventually became his steady girlfriend. Their relationship had blossomed over the past couple years and they were now seriously involved with each other. It didn't surprise Aileen that her son would find a girlfriend so devoted to him. Colin was a handsome young man. He was over six feet tall, lean and muscular, and he had strong facial features with russet colored hair and insightful brown eyes. But aside from the way he looked, Colin also had the sweetest personality a boy could have. Aileen took pride in her son having grown into such a fine young man.

Sheryl monopolized most of Colin's time now and it resulted in making Aileen feel she had lost her best friend. Her main purpose in life, however, was to see Colin happy and if being with Sheryl did that, well then Aileen couldn't disapprove. It still didn't stop her from feeling lonely though.

Aileen held a nine-to-five job as a bank teller, which kept her busy enough during the week, but on the weekends she was off work and frequently found herself with nothing to do. She had a few friends, though no one she was especially close to, and once in a while she would do something with them. She had an older brother, Patrick, who ran a successful local pub and restaurant, but he was always busy with his own family or his business. While she enjoyed being in the company of Patrick and his family, she didn't want to infringe too much on their hospitality.

One way she found to alleviate her boredom was to play gin rummy via the internet. She enjoyed the card game but she hadn't really had anyone to play with in real life. She used to frequently play with Colin, they played gin rummy and a whole slew of other games, but ever since he began dating Sheryl, he didn't seem to have the time. So, online she found a place where there was always someone wanting to play a friendly card game anytime she felt like it.

Online is where she met Ben. He became a frequent and then favorite companion to play cards with. They would communicate with each other by way of the game's chat room during their play. They talked to each other about what was going on in their lives, frivolous things at first, but then more intimate. They became good friends.

It wasn't after too long that they began communicating more by instant messaging than during a card game. Ben was twenty-two and Aileen was thirty-six. Aside from similar tastes in movies and music, Aileen often wondered what Ben saw in her that made him always seem so eager to be talking with her. She didn't understand why he would want to spend so much time talking to someone so much older than him, but she really enjoyed his company and was flattered by his attention. Ben's company had become a decent substitute for Colin's.

Tonight, when she saw that Ben wasn't online, she felt a bit disappointed, but then about twenty minutes later, she saw Ben's screen name, Bender069, pop up indicating he had just signed on. Aileen felt a thrill run through her from seeing her friend now online. With her own screen name, IrishRose36, she instant messaged him.

IrishRose36: Hey Hon, how are you?

Bender069: Doing pretty good here, how about yourself?

IrishRose36: I'm fine, and happy to see you.

Bender069: Me too.

IrishRose36: So what have you been up to?

Bender069: Just got finished taking a nice long shower after a hard day's work.

IrishRose36: You got all nice, clean, and fresh just to come and talk to me? LOL

Bender069: LOL Yeah, I did.

IrishRose36: Ha, it's Friday night, I bet you are getting ready to hit the town.

Bender069: No, I don't have anywhere else I'd rather be than here talking with you.

IrishRose36: You flatterer. You need to find a girlfriend and take her out.

Bender069: What about you? Why aren't you going out with a boyfriend?

IrishRose36: Because I'm not interested in that. Besides who would be interested in me? I'm old and fat.

Bender069: No you are not! I saw that picture you sent me, you're beautiful! What man in his right mind wouldn't want to go out with a tall redhead like you?

IrishRose36: You forgot fat.

Bender069: You're not fat, you're voluptuous.

IrishRose36: LOL that's just a polite way of saying "fat".

Bender069: Bullshit! My cock is hard right now just thinking about you.

Aileen froze in the middle of typing a response when she read what Ben said. She was shocked. While they had discussed their love lives with each other, neither of them had said anything so direct like that before. Their conversations always stayed friendly and polite, but what Ben just said indicated their relationship might be going in a new direction. Aileen wasn't sure how to respond. Should she feel offended? She didn't. In fact, she felt somewhat...aroused. Before she could type something Ben typed more:

Bender069: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so forward. Please don't be mad.

IrishRose36: It's ok, I'm not mad.

Bender069: Good.

Aileen hesitated a moment, not really believing what she was going to ask, but thought, What could be the harm in it?

IrishRose36: Is it really hard?

Bender069: Yes

IrishRose36: Because of me?

Bender069: Always because of you.

IrishRose36: What do you mean?

Bender069: I hope you won't hate me for saying this, but I have been fantasizing about you for a while. I've gotten hard just talking several times but never mentioned it. I think I'm falling in love with you.

Aileen felt a shiver run through her body. She couldn't believe she was letting this conversation continue in this direction but she couldn't help it.

IrishRose36: I don't hate you. In fact, hearing you say that has made my pussy wet.

And it was the truth, her pussy was wet. Aileen had never thought of cyber sex as something she would be into. She hadn't gone looking for this, but she had to admit, talking like this with Ben over the internet was awakening certain urges in her body faster and stronger than she could have imagined. She was horny.

Bender069: Oh God, Aileen, I wish I could see your wet pussy!

IrishRose36: What would you do if you saw it?

Ben went into luscious detail describing what he would do to her longing cunt. He talked about touching it, exploring it with his fingers, fondling her most private pleasure zones. Then he started to describe performing cunnilingus on her. What he wanted to do to her sopping wet pussy with his tongue. He wanted to play with her clit, stick his tongue deep inside of her, and slurp her juices. Then he talked about feeling her breasts, how he longed to touch them, to suck on her nipples, how wonderful he thought they were.

As Ben went on describing the things he wanted to do to her, Aileen undid the sash of her blue terrycloth robe. She slipped her hand inside and then under the white cotton tee shirt she wore. She brought her hand up to her full breasts, her nipples were very hard and erect. She rubbed her finger tips over one of them and tweaked it, and then she did the same to the other. The sensation sent chills all over her body, most strongly felt in her pussy. Aileen slid her hand down her tummy, her fingers made contact with the waistband of her panties, slowly she slipped them inside and her hand continued on its southern course.

Her fingers made contact with her pubic hair, it was wet, and the further down she went the wetter it got. She was already in a very high state of arousal by this point and when her hand brushed over the lips of her hungry cunt it sent her to an even higher plateau. She took in a deep breath as she stroked her hand over her excited sex. She slid her fingers inside her pussy and a "MMMMMMMM" escaped from her mouth. She delved into herself with one finger and then two, running them along the inner walls of her cunt. Then she found her clitoris. The sensitive little nub was firm and it stirringly responded to her touch. She gasped at how good it felt. She played with her clit running her finger round and round in circles over it.

Ben asked her what she was doing. With her free hand she typed in a response and told him exactly what she was doing. Ben then informed her that he had removed his towel and was now totally naked as he was running his hand up and down his hard cock thinking of her. Aileen had never considered herself a very sexual person, never having had a very good sexual experience. Her husband, Fred, had been a selfish and mean lover, only engaging in intercourse when he wanted to and it always had to be his way. After her divorce Aileen rarely dated, she primarily focused on bringing up Colin, and in truth she had soured on the idea of relationships. She masturbated sometimes, but even then it was mostly by thought rather than touch. Sometimes to get to sleep she imagined the perfect loving man having his arms around her and making passionate but tender love to her, and touching herself didn't seem to please her as much as fantasizing in her mind did.

But now something had come over her and her body felt truly alive and sensual. The thought that Ben was actually naked and so excited by thinking of her was making her feel hornier than she ever had before. She typed about doing things to him that she never thought about doing in real life, or had done but not really cared for, but now the idea of titillated her. She described touching his cock, rubbing her hand up and down it. She typed about taking his cock into her mouth and sucking on it.

Ben informed her that his cock was throbbing from her saying those things and that made her all the more excited. It also amazed her how much the idea of doing these things really appealed to her now. She was plunging her fingers in and out of her pussy now in a furious motion, imagining that it was Ben's cock pumping in and out of her. She felt something building up inside her. She felt she was close to achieving something grand. She typed to Ben that she was getting close to cumming, he replied he was too. She plunged her fingers deeper inside her, she was closer, she rubbed her clit with her thumb, oh so much closer. Ben typed that his cock was so hard it was ready to burst with cum for her. That did it, her body spasmed and her sopping wet cunt clenched around her fingers, wave after wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure shot through her as her pussy squirted its juice. She let out a loud "OHHHHHHHHHHHH" as she came.

She typed to Ben that she was cumming and cumming hard, and he replied that he was as well, that his cock was shooting cum all over the place. It felt devilishly good to her that she could make a man do that just by talking to him over the computer and that a man could make her feel this way. She hadn't known she had it in her, but now that she did know, she wanted more.

* * *

Ben and Aileen continued their cyber relationship for the next couple of months. They usually engaged in cyber sex on weekend nights when Aileen didn't have to worry about having to be up early the next morning for work. Also, now that it was September and school had resumed, she only allowed her son out late on weekend nights. She could pretty much count on him being out with Sheryl every Friday and Saturday. It comforted her on those nights to have Ben and she didn't have to be alone. Aileen felt some guilt over what she was doing and a part of her kept telling herself that a thirty-six year old woman shouldn't be doing these things with a person she hasn't even actually met. But that part of her was overshadowed by the sexuality that had been roused in her. It felt good to be doing this, good in a way she never expected to feel, and she didn't want to lose that feeling.

She was indulging her newly discovered sexual appetite and for the most part felt safe about the way she was doing it. She felt she could talk to Ben about anything because he could talk about anything to her. She could consider and explore erotic desires she never would have thought about doing in real life. Like sucking a cock, something she had never done before but Ben seemed to enjoy the idea so much she enjoyed playing along and describing how she would suck Ben's. After a while she began to really wonder what it was like, if just the suggestion of doing it turned a guy on like it did with Ben, how much more rewarding would it be doing it for real? She began to think she really might like to try giving a real blowjob.

Ben reciprocated her talk of fellatio with generous talk of cunnilingus. The actions he depicted doing to her pussy with his mouth made her more than curious to truly feel a man's hot breath and warm wet tongue roaming over her pussy. She masturbated more intensely than ever before, no longer only thinking abstractly about being with someone, but now touching herself with vigor. That she communicated what she was doing with Ben made it all the more thrilling for her.

Over the course of her association with Ben, Aileen discovered something about herself; she needed something more in her life. Her son would always reign supreme in her life, but he was almost grown up now and starting to make a life of his own. Since Colin didn't seem to need her as much anymore, why couldn't she find someone else to share time with? She wanted a relationship, someone to be with in actuality. She was developing deep feelings for Ben, but she was afraid that with him being so much younger than her, he wouldn't want to be with her in a real relationship. Also, they lived so far apart; she didn't know if she could handle a long distance relationship. But Ben had shown her that she wanted more out of life and she thought she wanted it with him. She felt herself growing closer and closer to him every day. She trusted him. She felt she could tell him anything.

Before she had a chance to discuss these feelings with Ben, he once again did something that changed the course of their relationship. Maybe he was feeling that their affair was losing some of its spice which triggered him to say what he said. It was a Saturday night and they were chatting online as usual, but this time when their dialogue began to get more amorous, he made a drastic suggestion.

Bender069: How do you feel about role playing?

IrishRose36: What do you mean?

Bender069: You know...Pretending we were other people when we cybered.

IrishRose36: What roles do you have in mind?

Bender069: Promise you won't get mad at me?

IrishRose36: Of course I won't, you know you can tell me anything.

Bender069: Ok...what if we pretended we were mother and son?

Aileen just stared at the computer screen for a couple minutes not knowing how to respond. She supposed she should have been repulsed, but she wasn't. She was definitely stunned, but after all she and Ben had done together the idea of pretending to do something so forbidden was...exciting. Aileen felt a warm gush spread through her and goose bumps pop up on her arms. Her pussy had become wet just like the first night when they began to have cyber sex. Before she could respond to him though, Ben typed something else.

Bender069: I'm sorry, forget what I said, it was just a thought.

IrishRose36: No, wait. Um...how would we go about it?

Ben began to set up an elaborate scenario involving a mother and son being sexually attracted to each other. Aileen took her cues from Ben, and in no time they had fallen into their roles as pretend mother and son playing off each other in more and more explicit manners. The deeper Aileen got into her role, the more her pussy dripped at the idea of it. By the time they actually got to the describing of having sex as mother and son, Aileen was three fingers deep in her sopping wet cunt drawing in and out of herself like a madwoman. She climaxed and let out a dramatic moan. It was incredible! She was flabbergasted that the concept had turned her on so.

Aileen had never in her life imagined what it would be like to have an i****tuous relationship, or if she did she was repulsed by it, but now she was turned on by it, at least in theory. She assured herself it wasn't like she actually desired an i****tuous relationship with her own son; she was just excited by the fantasy of a hypothetical mother/son tryst. There was something about the idea of it that pushed all the right buttons in her. It was just so naughty, but at the same time the trust and security she felt with Ben, that whatever they did would stay between them, made her feel adventurous and extremely aroused. But there was something more to it as well, something she couldn't conceptualize at that moment.

All the while these thoughts were running through her mind, Aileen was casually running her hand over body in the comfortable aftermath of her orgasm. Her hand was lingering over her breasts and playing with her still erect nipples when she heard the lock at the front door click open. She grabbed for her robe in haste and scrambled to cover herself up. She managed to make herself decent enough by the time her son had come through the door and noticed her at the computer.

"Hi, Mom," Colin said.

"Colin, I didn't expect you home so early!" Aileen said as her heart raced from almost being caught in a very unseemly state. Her face felt flushed and she hoped Colin didn't notice if she was blushing.

It didn't look as if he did. Colin shrugged in an indifferent manner and said, "Sheryl said she had some things to do tonight, so I decided to just come home. I guess I could use the opportunity to catch up on some schoolwork."

"That's a good idea. You don't want to get behind now that you're in your senior year." Aileen said trying to sound like she was having a normal conversation.

"True," Colin agreed. "So what have you been up to mom?"

Aileen felt even more flushed than before. "Uhhh...just playing on the computer." She said. Did her voice sound higher than usual? If so, it seemed Colin still hadn't picked up on anything being unusual.

"You and your card games," Colin said laughing. "Since I'm home early, if you feel like playing with a real person I could play a couple hands of something. I know we haven't had much time together lately..."

"No, sweetie, that's all right, I'm fine. School's more important anyway, so you go take care of that. But thank you for the thought."

"I suppose you're right. Well, 'night Ma, in case I don't see you till tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Darling." Aileen said and Colin went off to his room.

Aileen let out a sigh of relief when she heard Colin's door close. Then a potent feeling of guilt racked through her. What would her son think of her if he had known what she had been doing?

She turned back to the computer screen. Ben had tried to instant message her several times wondering what was going on since she went silent. She responded to his queries informing him she was all right, she just had been distracted for a few moments. She told him she needed to take a shower and then would probably turn in for the night. She would be back at another time.

Aileen signed off from the computer and then headed for the bathroom. Once there she turned on the hot water of the shower. She took off her robe and then her panties, when the bathroom started to steam up from the water she stepped into the shower. The nights were starting to get a little bit cold and there had been a chill in the air. Aileen hadn't realized how cold she was until she got under the hot water. It felt so good to feel the warmth seep into her body all the way to her bones.

Aileen replayed the events of the night in her mind while the water beat down on her melting the tension out of her body. How could she have gone along with Ben's scenario, and worse how could she have enjoyed it? Was she perverted? Maybe she was. A couple of months ago she would have thought just having cyber sex was perverted, but now she thought of that as an acceptable thing for two people who were close to each other to do. But pretending to be mother and son...that was taking it too far. She shouldn't have done that and she wouldn't do it again. But even as she made that resolution, another part of her mind drifted back to how it felt, how it felt to be imagining a son so in love with his mother that he desired her sexually. As she thought of this her hands began moving over her body. She massaged her breasts, her nipples were hard again, and she gently pulled and rubbed her fingers over them as water fountained down on her tits.

She imagined how truly devoted a son could be to his mother, the safety, security, and love she must feel knowing what he wanted most was to please her. Aileen's hand found its way to her crotch and began touching it. She discovered her clit protruding and craving to be touched. Aileen condemned herself for being a weak and depraved woman but was too far gone to stop now. She fingered her cunt in a frenzied fashion, her digits repeatedly going in and out lubricated by the shower water and her own juices. Then she turned on the hand held spray and set it to pulsate, she positioned the spray between her legs. The pulsating water hit directly on her clit and Aileen rolled her eyes back in ecstasy. For the second time that evening she had a powerful orgasm.

Clean, dry, and dressed in her nightgown, Aileen lay curled up in bed, but her thoughts were too troubled to sleep. Guilt still plagued her for what she had done. She couldn't get over feeling ashamed that she had done something wrong, but what was worse was the shame she felt for enjoying it. Every time she went over what happened too thoroughly she started feeling horny again, which inevitably brought on more guilt. After going through this cycle for about the hundredth time, she finally felt merciful sleep coming on. One of the final thoughts she remembered before drifting off into a troubled slumber was that maybe talking this over with Ben would help. It was a comforting thought that at least she wasn't alone, that she had someone she could share her concerns with.

* * *

The next day Aileen talked to Ben online about the concerns she had.

Bender069: Don't worry about it, we are not doing anything wrong. We are both adults and whatever we talk about or do with each other is no one else's business. If we both get enjoyment out of pretending to be mother and son in a sexual relationship, what harm is it to anyone else as long as it stays between us?

IrishRose36: I suppose you're right.

Ben was really only echoing Aileen's own thoughts when she tried to rationalize what they had done, but it did alleviate some of her guilt seeing him confirm those thoughts.

IrishRose36: But still, I know legally you're an adult but you're only twenty-two. I'm f******n years older than you, I feel I should be more responsible. Maybe it is wrong to be encouraging you.

Bender069: LOL I assure you, I'm old enough to be responsible for my own actions and I love the fact that you are older than me. I've always found mature women attractive and I used to fantasize about them before I met you. Now your beauty is all I fantasize about. I don't believe a woman can be truly beautiful until she is at least thirty.

Aileen didn't know whether to feel complimented that Ben thought she was beautiful, or insulted that he acknowledged she was over thirty. She supposed that since she brought up their ages, she couldn't really blame him for commenting on it. He had done his best to say he liked that she was older, but it still irked her some that he recognized it. However, with Ben she had found that she couldn't stay even slightly angry with him for long. Talking to him was intoxicating and she soon realized that she wanted to do anything to please him.

Eventually their conversation came back to mother/son role playing. Ben wanted to do more of it, and even though she still felt conscience-stricken about it, she couldn't refuse him and she really couldn't refuse herself. Her biggest concern was would she be hurting Colin in any way by engaging in this activity and she told herself that as long as he never found out about it, it wouldn't hurt him. Aileen and Ben had a secret. She felt guilty and ashamed because of this secret, but also deliciously naughty. It would remain a secret and she would continue to indulge herself because it felt so good.

For the next few weeks they got deeper and deeper into their role playing game and Aileen was astonished at how she hungered for more and more of the fantasy. Ben began directing her to websites that featured erotic i****tuous stories. They always focused on the mother and son stories and read them together. The stories aroused Aileen like nothing had before. She became addicted to reading those stories and now that she knew where the sites were that had them she would go and read them even when Ben was not online. There was something about the idea of a mother and son; it didn't seem obscene if they loved each other, their love seemed pure. There was something else about it too, something she couldn't describe, but it made her hunger for these stories. She was hornier than ever and masturbating as often as a teenage boy

Aileen was beginning to think that maybe this was all she needed. She had Ben through the internet and the secret they shared. Maybe that was all the relationship she needed to keep her satisfied. She still had Colin for actual human companionship, and his time actually seemed to be freeing up. Sheryl had a new job at the video store and the hours she worked were different from the hours Colin worked at his part time job, helping out at his Uncle Pat's pub. Colin and Sheryl were seeing less of each other but still managed to go out one weekend night a week, so those were the nights Aileen would spend on the computer with Ben. So Aileen found herself with two young men in her life eager to have her company and she was happier than she had been in a long time.

* * *

The last Monday in October was Colin's eighteenth birthday. Aileen threw a big party for him and invited all his friends, family, and Sheryl. It was a wonderful party and she thought Colin was really pleased with it, but Aileen knew that what her son was really itching for was a night out on the town to celebrate this milestone. Colin was a responsible boy, which allowed Aileen to give him a certain amount of freedom, but even though he was now eighteen, she didn't want to give him carte blanche. He still had school in the morning. She made Colin promise to at least wait until Friday to go out partying, and not to get too wild. Colin acquiesced to her wishes with a quirky grin but Aileen trusted him, he wouldn't do anything that would really disappoint her

In addition to it being Colin's first Friday night as an eighteen-year-old, it was also Halloween. Colin was out with Sheryl and Aileen knew he wouldn't be in until late, so she devoted that night to being with Ben. Once she knew the trick-or-treaters were done for the night, she got into some intense mother/son role playing cybering with Ben.

Suddenly, in the middle of the session, right when Aileen was getting the most aroused, Ben stopped typing. It still indicated on the computer that he was online, but he wasn't responding.

IrishRose36: Ben, are you there?

Aileen typed, but there was no answer. Then she typed,

IrishRose36: Ben, are you ok? Please answer me!

Still no answer. She waited for ten minutes and finally she got a reply.

Bender069: Ben won't be talking to you anymore.

Aileen was totally confused.

IrishRose36: What?

Bender069: You heard me you perverted bitch, go find your own fucking man!

IrishRose36: Ben, what's going on? You're scaring me!

Bender069: What are you stupid as well as twisted? This isn't Ben, this is his wife!

Aileen felt her heart fall into her stomach. Was this some cruel Halloween trick?

IrishRose36: Wife? He never told me he was married. I didn't know.

Bender069: We've been married for fifteen years!

IrishRose36: Fifteen years? He told me he was 22!

Bender069: He's 43, now fuck off you home wrecking slut!

Aileen was stunned, she didn't know what to feel. Hurt? Anger? Fear? Despair? Her emotions seemed to be swirling around in a big ball in her stomach fighting for dominance. Aileen rushed to the bathroom where she promptly lost everything she had eaten that day. It felt like she lost everything she had eaten in her life, plus a whole lot more.

After cleaning herself up, Aileen went back to the computer. The last message from Ben's wife was still on the screen staring at her. With tears in her eyes she shut the machine down. She then made her way to her bedroom and shut the door tight. She collapsed onto her bed, buried her face in her pillow, and let out the sobs that had been building up in her. How could she have been so stupid after all that had happened to her? All she ever heard was don't trust anyone you meet on the internet, they could be anybody, and what did she do? She foolishly got involved with a man and believed he was who he said he was. She trusted him, she let him see a side of her that even she was hardly aware of, and he betrayed her. How many times would she have to be betrayed by people she cared about before she finally learned her lesson not to trust anyone? Aileen continued to deliver sobs of anguish into her now soaking wet pillow. She cried until she exhausted herself and finally fell asleep.

CHAPTER 2: INTERLUDE OF A PROMISE

She was awakened by the sound of the phone ringing. Her bleary eyes focused on the clock on her night stand. It was past two o'clock in the morning. Who could be calling at this hour? Aileen thought she knew. She picked up the phone and answered, "Hello?"

"Aileen, it's me." Why did I have to give him my phone number? she thought.

"Ben, what do you want?"

"I want to explain..."

"Are you really married?"

"Yes."

"Are you really forty-three?"

"Yes."

"Then what is there to explain? You lied to me."

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I was going to tell you the truth, I never meant for you to find out this way, I'm so sorry. My wife caught me while I was talking to you and saw what we were writing..." Aileen thought she was going to be sick again, a total stranger had been reading her most intimate thoughts. But wasn't Ben a stranger too? He might as well have been for all she thought she knew him. Anger was burning in her now.

"When were you going to tell me? After I had told you every deepest darkest secret I have and you were still pretending to be twenty-two years old and single?"

"I was going to tell you, I swear I was!

"Why did you lie to me, Ben? I was totally honest with you."

"We had something special, you and me, I was afraid to lose you. I thought I would if you knew the truth. Things aren't working out well between me and my wife...I'm going to leave her."

"Why couldn't you have been upfront from the beginning?"

"I'm sorry, sometimes I like to pretend I'm a young guy online, then we met and things were going so well and I just thought it would be better for you to accept the fantasy if you thought I was younger..."

"You preyed on me from the start, didn't you? You had it in you're head to find some lonely old woman, befriend her, then slowly get her involved with your sick fantasies! You played me for a fool!"

"Aileen, you enjoyed it too..."

"Your wife wasn't into that kind of stuff; was she? Or maybe you just can't satisfy a woman in real life? So you found me, and I trusted you, you bastard! You know how hard it was for me to do that! I trusted you and you betrayed me!"

"Now wait a god-damned fucking minute! I have to take this shit from my wife, but I'm not going to take it from both..."

"Fuck you, Ben!" Aileen hung up on him. Her eyes, sore from her previous crying, began to burn as tears started to swell in them anew. There was a knock on her bedroom door.

"Mom, are you okay?" Colin's voice came from the other side of the door. Aileen swallowed a couple times to steady her voice before answering him.

"Yes, Sweetie, I'm fine." She called to him. "Did you just get in?"

"Yeah, about twenty minutes ago. I was just having a bowl of cereal before bed when the phone rang. Who was calling at two in the morning?"

"Just a wrong number,"

"You sure you are okay Mom? I thought I heard you yelling at someone?"

"It was an obscene caller, don't worry about it Honey, I took care of it."

"Maybe we should report him Mom?"

"Don't worry. He's not going to bother us again. Go to sleep Dear." Aileen almost managed not to sound choked up when she said that, and it was true, Ben would not be bothering her ever again!

"Okay Ma, good night then," Colin said through the door.

"Good night Honey."

Aileen thought Colin had left, but then she heard him say, "Mom?"

"Yes, Dear?"

"I love you."

Oh thank God for you, my precious, darling boy! Aileen thought to herself as tears coursed down her face. She didn't realize how desperately she needed to hear those words until this moment.

Once again she swallowed to gain some control of her voice, then answered him, "I love you too sweet baby."

"Night Ma,"

"Night Honey." Once she was sure Colin had actually gone to bed this time, Aileen flung herself back down on the bed. Oh, Colin, I pray you never find out what a fool I was! She thought to herself. She didn't know if she would be able to stand it if her son knew she had gotten into another bad relationship. What was wrong with her that she kept falling in love with men who hurt her? She knew there were good men in the world, Colin was proof of that. Look at tonight, if there was any night where he could possibly think he had an excuse to get into some trouble, it was tonight, but here he was home safe and sound, just like he promised he would be. She could always trust him. Aileen had no delusions either that it was due to her parenting that made Colin that way. She tried her best to raise her c***d right but she knew she made mistakes, but still Colin had grown naturally into the kind of man that gave her faith in the decency of the human race.

Why couldn't she find a man like Colin, someone who was kind, gentle, and trustworthy? She was just beginning to come to a place where she thought she could trust a man in her life again, her old wounds felt like they had finally healed, but Ben had deceived her and ripped them open again. Now it hurt worse than ever and she didn't think she could ever trust another man again. Aileen wept silently as memories of her past resurfaced from the depths of her mind, her new pain clearing a pathway for her old pain to return.

It began with her parents. Her father beat her severely when she was growing up; sometimes for no reason she could understand at all. Her mother never confronted her father about it, even when her father was in the worst of his rages she would still stand by and do nothing to stop him. Sometimes it felt as if her mother's noninterference hurt more than her father's beatings. She grew up in constant fear that she would be assaulted at anytime, and in emotional turmoil that maybe somehow she deserved it. Why else would she be beat like that, if it wasn't for doing something wrong? Her father beat her and her mom let him because they loved her; that had to be it. It scared her that sometimes she didn't even know what it was she had done wrong to deserve a beating, she had thought if she couldn't tell right for wrong, she must indeed be a bad person.

Her brother, Patrick, wasn't much better when they were growing up. He received his fair share of beatings too. You would think that having a common fear would have made them closer, but Patrick hadn't been there for her. He never paid her much notice except when he wanted to tease her, and when he did that it wasn't a playful teasing, it was cruel and relentless. She recalled one incident when her brother found her secret stash of romance magazines. Patrick gleefully reported to their father that she had "dirty magazines" in her room. They weren't really even dirty magazines; they just had stories in them about people falling in love. But that didn't stop her father from giving her one of the worst beatings of her life and then throwing out the magazines afterward.

He had taken his belt and whipped her repeatedly using the buckle. She was stung and cut and battered, she thought the pain would never end. Aileen cried and screamed until her voice was ragged and her tear ducts were depleted and still the lashes came. She was sore for weeks after that. She had welts and black and blue marks all down her backside and whenever someone made a sudden move, especially her father, she flinched, thinking another blow was about to come.

Whenever Patrick saw her flinch, he snickered. He actually thought what had happened to her was funny. Adding further insult to injury, she had known for a while that her brother had magazines like Playboy and Penthouse hidden in his room, but she had never told on him and still wouldn't. What good would it have done if she told on Patrick? It would have just made him angry and want to get back at her for getting him in trouble, which would just result in her being hurt again. For Aileen, life was about surviving, she couldn't afford revenge.

By the time she was s*******n Patrick had left home and gotten married. Even if they were never that close as brother and sister, at least when Patrick was living at home he would sometimes draw some of their father's ire, but when it became just Aileen all his attention focused on her. It was a bad situation that kept on deteriorating and she had had enough of it. She had to get out of there. That was when she met Fred Martin. He was tall, strong, and good looking and she was flattered that he was interested in her. They began going out. He was so powerful he even intimidated her father, which completely awed Aileen. She felt she had found a protector and that was part of the reason she fell in love with him. In Fred she had thought she found her salvation.

Fred asked her to marry him and the day after she turned eighteen they were wed. Eight months later, Colin Martin was born. Aileen never spoke to her parents again. Six years later when she heard her mother died after being severely beaten by her father she grieved and felt guilty for leaving her with that man even though she never did anything to stop him when he was beating her. Her father had been sent to jail on the charge of manslaughter for murdering his wife and two years later that's where he died. When Aileen heard about his passing she felt nothing.

When she married Fred, he had taken her away from her parents and finally she felt she had freedom, but then she soon realized she had only traded one abusive captor for another. Fred liked to drink and when he got drunk he turned mean. The first time he struck her they had only been married a few weeks. They were having an argument and she said something flippant and he backhanded her across the face so hard he cut her lip and made it bleed. Then he apologized profusely and promised never to do it again and she forgave him. That began a familiar pattern for them, he would hit her and then apologize and she would always forgive him. He always blamed it on the drinking and always promised to quit and never hurt her again, but he never kept his promises and his beatings steadily grew worse and worse.

Life with Fred would have been just as miserable as it had been with her parents if it wasn't for one thing: Colin. Now she had her son and he was the sole reason she had any happiness in life. He was so sweet and gentle hearted, it made her own heart swell with pride and love every time she looked at him. He was her reason for living.

Colin was also part of the reason she stayed with Fred. She thought her boy needed his father. The other part of the reason she stayed with him was that she had accepted that this was just what love was. After all, her father had beaten her pretty bad and her mother had let him. Weren't parents supposed to love their k**s? Fred said he loved her and he beat her as well. Aileen came to understand that the ones who loved you would hurt you sometimes. She took the abuse during those years because she thought she didn't deserve any better.

The thing that triggered Aileen to leave Fred was when he started his abuse on Colin. There had been times when Fred hit Colin before, but Aileen had convinced herself that he was only being a strong disciplinarian. Then the day came when he took things way too far.

It was when Colin was eight years old. One day he was running around the house playing with a plastic water gun. He had squirted Aileen a few times and she reprimanded him for it but she could never get truly mad with Colin, he was just caught up in his play and Aileen had to admit it always gave her joy to see Colin in a happy mood, so she hadn't been too stern with him. That had been a mistake.

Colin eventually found his father in the den watching a baseball game. Fred was drunk and his team was losing. Aileen arrived in the den just in time to see what Colin was about to do, but too late to stop him. In a playful manner Colin squirted his dad with the water gun. Fred was totally stunned for a moment when he felt the cool jet of water hit him. When he saw Colin with the water gun pointed at him, an impish grin on his face, Fred completely lost his temper. He shot out of his chair and charged toward his son. Colin, seeing the rage in his father's face, quickly switched from an expression of amusement to one of pure terror. Aileen understood what the look in her husband's eyes meant and she screamed at him to take a moment to calm down, that she would punish the boy, but Fred had lost control of his senses and he was too focused on Colin to even register that she was saying anything.

Aileen stepped in front of Colin but Fred just shoved her aside hard like she was nothing, so hard she fell to the floor. She lifted her head from the floor to get her son back into view and saw that he had backed up all the way against the far wall. He was futilely looking for a way to escape, but he had no where to run. Colin still had the water gun in his hand as his dad closed in on him, he brought the gun up and pointed it at his dad and resumed shooting him with water. It didn't look like Colin even knew what he was doing at that point, like it was some reflex making him do it. The water pistol was all he had to defend himself with and his finger locked on the trigger out of instinct not of his own volition. A continuous stream of water struck his father until the gun emptied of ammunition. All he had done was add more fuel to his father's rage.

Fred got to Colin, stripped the toy gun from his hand, and used it to hit Colin over the head. Fred struck his son hard and repeatedly. Colin tried to apologize through his screaming and crying, but Fred was furious and paid it no heed. Aileen rushed from the floor to once again try to rescue her c***d. She tried to pull Fred away from Colin but Fred turned and struck her forcefully right in the jaw with a closed fist. Aileen fell back to the floor and Fred continued laying massive wallops on Colin.

Aileen was dazed for a moment, the pain in her jaw was intense, she tasted blood and she spat out two teeth. Then she once again looked at her son, his nose was bleeding, one eye was swollen shut, and he had stopped screaming. Fred was still hitting him though. Colin had surrendered to the assault. He had retreated within himself waiting for it to end one way or another. Seeing her son being hurt like that brought on a rage of her own from Aileen. She quickly got to her feet and tackled Fred screaming at him not to dare lay another hand on their son. Both of them fell to the floor. Now she was pounding Fred with her fists repeatedly, something had snapped in her mind and it seemed as if all the anger she had ever felt though never acknowledged was released and flowing through her. The pent up rage for all the times he had hurt her, for the times her father had hurt her, and most significantly, for what Fred had done to their son propelled her fury intensely onward. She screamed at Fred as she hit him, "NEVER! NEVER, NEVER, AGAIN!"

All of a sudden Aileen was on her back and Fred was hovering over her and severe pain was emanating from her face, chest, and stomach. Fred had recovered from the stun of Aileen's attack, had managed to push her off, and now she was the object of his rage as he pummeled her. "You fucking bitch, I'll fucking kill you for that!" He shouted as he struck her. Aileen tried to fight back, tried blocking his punches, and tried to get in some more of her own, but Fred just overpowered her. He laid a particularly hard wallop to the side of her head and she blacked out.

She awoke what seemed only a few minutes later but Fred was gone. Aileen felt bruised and battered all over but her first thought was for Colin. She frantically looked around for him but instead of seeing her boy, she saw strangers in the room. As her eyes focused a bit more she saw they both were wearing dark blue clothes and then she saw their badges. The police were here, later she would find out that a neighbor had called them after hearing all the commotion coming from their home.

"Colin! My son! Where is he?" Aileen managed to get out through her voice that was hoarse from screaming. She tried to stand up, but was racked by a pain so intense she felt she would throw up.

"Easy, ma'am," One of the police officers said as he put a hand gently on her shoulder to keep her from moving. "You've taken a pretty bad beating and the paramedics will be here to take you to the hospital in a moment. Your son is all ready on the way there."

Then paramedics came into the room with a stretcher, she must have blacked out again because the next thing she knew she was riding in the ambulance, then she lost consciousness for a third and final time and didn't wake up until the next morning.

She awoke feeling sore all over, but it didn't hurt as bad as she thought it would, like the pain was being dulled and her mouth felt like it was full of cotton. She saw she was in a hospital bed and also that she had an I.V. tube running out of her arm. She assumed she must be on some medication for the pain.

There was someone in the room with her. When her eyes focused on him, she saw that it was Patrick. He was sitting in a chair beside her bed and smiling at her, but she could see concern in his eyes. It was still strange to see Patrick showing any kind of sympathy for her, but he had changed over the years, mostly thanks to Sarah, his wife. He seemed ashamed for the way things had been when they were k**s and had apologized to her on several occasions for not being the older brother she needed, he seemed to be sincerely trying to redeem himself. Aileen had forgiven Patrick for the way he had been in the past and was proud of the way he changed, but she could never forget.

"Colin, where is he?" Aileen said. She couldn't believe how raspy her voice sounded. Patrick handed her a cup of water and patted her hand.

"He's all right, Leena" Patrick said. "He's in pediatrics, Sarah is with him. He took some rough treatment from that bastard, but the doctor said he would make a full recovery. He's a tough lad."

Only then after finding out the condition of her son did Aileen allow herself to drink the water her brother had given her. The cool drink felt like liquid satin as it cooled her dry and raw throat. "I want to see him." Aileen said.

"You will, in time, but you need to do some healing of your own. That son of a bitch broke two of your ribs." Patrick said. "You will be fine as well, though you need to let yourself recover."

"I'm fine enough as it is now. He needs his mother. He needs to know I'm here for him." Aileen said with determination.

"I know, Leena, I know, but if you could just rest awhile..."

"Now, Pat, please!" Aileen said.

Patrick hesitated but finally he said, "Okay, I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you, Pat." Aileen said.

Patrick nodded and made eye contact with her conveying he understood how badly she needed to be with her boy, and then left the room to track down her doctor.

A few hours later, Aileen found herself being taken by wheelchair to the pediatrics ward to see Colin. It took a bit of cajoling with the doctors and nurses, but eventually they relented and told Aileen she could have a brief visit with her son. They had him in a private room, and as the orderly rolled her into it she immediately laid eyes on her son. Her heart broke as she looked upon him. She was wheeled right up to the side of his bed and she saw how bad the damage was. Aileen couldn't hold in the loud sob that escaped from her lips as she put her hand over her mouth. Tears started flowing down her cheeks.

Sarah was still there with Colin. Sarah had always been a tactful and empathic person and without a word she placed her hand on Aileen's shoulder giving her a gentle squeeze of support then left so Aileen could be alone with her son.

Colin was asleep. He looked so small and precious; that he was also covered in bruises and bandages was obscene. She forced herself to look at her son. The angry red and purple welts covering his face and arms, the swollen eyes and lip, the I.V. fluids hooked up to his arms sustaining his life, she took this all in and wept. She folded her arms over the guardrail of the bed, laid her head down on them, and wept like she had never wept before. How could someone do this to such an innocent little boy? How could she have let it happen?

The people who had been most influential to her in her life were running through her mind; her father, her mother, and Fred. They never once admitted that what they did was wrong and Aileen hadn't believed it was. If she was beaten, she had done something bad because it was somehow always her fault. She thought she deserved everything she got. Sometimes the ones who loved you had to hurt you. They had to show you how wrong you were and all you could do was try to be as good as you could be so they didn't feel the need to hurt you. Aileen had always believed that deep down, but now seeing Colin in this condition, the sweetest boy she had ever known with not one ounce of malice in his heart, seeing her son like this shook Aileen's beliefs to the core.

How could a loved one do this? Colin didn't deserve what happened to him, and if he didn't deserve it, maybe she hadn't deserved it either. She felt betrayed. Betrayed by what she had been taught, betrayed by the people in her life who were supposed to have loved her, but instead had abused her. But more than that, she felt she in turn had betrayed Colin by letting this happen and, by far, that was the worst feeling she ever felt. It pierced her to the soul. She betrayed him just like her mother had betrayed her by letting her father beat her so badly. Now she understood. She understood what love really was. It wasn't a power trip and it wasn't acquiescence out of fear, it was tenderness, kindness, devotion, and above all else it was trust. Trust that the ones you love would never do anything to hurt you and were always looking after your best interests. Trust that the ones who loved you would always do their best to protect you no matter what the cost. Trust that you could feel safe with someone who loved you.

Aileen reached out and took Colin's tiny hand in her own. She looked at her son, bruised and broken. He would recover physically and at that moment she vowed he would recover emotionally as well. "I promise you Colin," Aileen whispered to the sleeping c***d, "I promise I will never ever let this happen again! I will always be there for you, to love you and cherish you. No matter what you will always have one person in the world that you can count on, someone who will fight to her last breath to keep you safe! Even if you never forgive me for allowing this to happen, I promise to always love you more than anyone else ever will. You are the one thing on this planet that I live for, you are the joy in my life, and I swear that I will never let another day go by without you feeling how special you are to me!"

After she and Colin had both recovered enough to be discharged from the hospital, Aileen divorced Fred and was able to get sole custody of their son. She changed her last name back to Reilly and she and Colin were granted a restraining order against Fred. He was brought up on charges for his assault on them and was sentenced to two years in prison, but he was out on parole in less than a year.

The restraining order didn't stop Fred from coming into contact with Aileen and trying to win back her heart, but now Aileen's heart was totally devoted to her son and she would not tolerate Fred's attempts to charm his way back into their lives. When charm didn't work, Fred got mean, but luckily during that time Patrick and Sarah had opened their home to Aileen and Colin giving her a place to stay until she was able to get on her feet. When she had been married to Fred, they had always lived paycheck to paycheck, and after her divorce she found she had no means of supporting herself. Patrick, the brother who had once tormented her as a c***d, now became their provider and protector, and was very good at the job. Fred never got within ten feet of Aileen or Colin when Patrick was around. Whatever harm Patrick had done to her when they were k**s he more than made up for now, he had become the friend and big brother to Aileen she always wished he would be. She and Colin owed him and Sarah so much for helping them through this time.

When Aileen heard Fred had been killed in a car crash, she felt saddened that a man she had once loved was gone and that her son had to hear that his father had died, but more than anything she felt relieved. She was relieved that Fred had not taken out anyone with him when he went—he had been driving drunk, had fallen asleep, and smashed into a cement wall—and she was relieved that he would never hurt her or Colin again. She realized that the three people she had depended on most in her life, and yet had hurt her so badly, were gone for good. She didn't feel happy or sad about this realization; the scars these people had given her, emotional as well as physical, would stay with her for the rest of her life but at least now she felt a certain sense of closure.

While Aileen and Colin were living with Patrick and his family, Aileen entered the work force again. She started by helping out at Pat's pub, but then she got the job at the bank. Eventually she was making enough money to get an apartment of her own.

Through all that time Aileen strived to keep her promise to Colin. There had been some rough spots when she didn't always know what to do, but she always put the best interests of her son first in her life. She was always there for him and did her best to protect him from being hurt in any way. They had always been close, but after Aileen made her promise, it bonded them even tighter.

However, as Colin began getting closer to adulthood, he was spending more and more time away from home. Without anyone else really in her life, Aileen had been lonely. Then Ben showed up and she thought she found a new companion. No matter what, Colin would always come first in her life and she'd be there whenever he needed her. He came first over Ben, over herself, over anyone. But when he didn't need her was it so wrong to indulge herself in something that made her happy? That was how she rationalized her guilt before, but now any happiness she had felt had turned to ashes.

After this debacle with Ben, the full ramifications of what she did impressed on her mind and she agonized over the thought that she may have broken her promise. What would she do if Colin ever found out what she did with Ben? How would he take it? Would he ever forgive her? Aileen couldn't stand the thought of hurting Colin and now, however unintentional, she may have done so. And yet, as long as Colin never found out, he would never be hurt by what she did. She would just have to see that he never did.

CHAPTER 3: A STORM OF WORDS

For weeks after she found out the truth about Ben, Aileen wallowed in self pity and self loathing. She had done wrong and she was paying for it. She kept up a brave front whenever she was with Colin or other people, but every night she cried herself to sleep. The month of November went by like a slow agonizing time of incarceration, she was imprisoned by pain. Thanksgiving eventually came and she and Colin were invited over to Patrick's for dinner. They accepted the offer and Aileen acted like everything was normal, but the holiday barely even registered with her. However, a few days later something happened that shook her out of her obsession over her own inner turmoil.

The first of December was on a Monday this year and it was the day school resumed after Thanksgiving break. Aileen had been home from work for about an hour and was preparing dinner. Colin wasn't home, but basketball season had started and he had practice on Mondays. He usually got home around four-thirty on days he had practice, however, it was now past six and Aileen was beginning to worry. When Colin finally came in through the front door he slammed it closed...hard. She could tell immediately that something was wrong. He had a pained expression on his face that made her wince just by looking at him.

"Honey, are you all right?" Aileen asked, even though she could tell something was clearly wrong.

Colin just stared at her for a moment, as if debating with himself whether to tell her anything or not, and then he spoke. "Two years! Two fucking years we been going out and she dumps me!" Colin shouted then stormed off to his room. He never used foul language in front of her, that he did so now was just another strong indication of how distressed he was.

Oh no! Aileen thought. No, not this. She rushed to Colin's room. She found her son sitting on his bed with his back up against the wall, one leg tucked under himself, and staring out into space.

"Colin? What happened?" Aileen asked as she sat down next to him.

"What happened?" Colin repeated in a neutral calm voice. "What happened was I walked into the cafeteria today at school and there I see Seth sitting next to Sheryl with his arm around her. I asked him what he thought he was doing and he told me matter-of-factly that he was having lunch with his girlfriend

"I was ready to smack him upside the head for saying that but then I see Sheryl. She has this embarrassed look on her face, she looks at me and says she's sorry and she was going to tell me she was seeing Seth now. I just left. I've been wandering around the city for the rest of the day.

"So that's it. Two years with her down the drain. I thought we meant something to each other, but I guess it didn't mean as much to her as it did to me." Colin reported the entire series of events without showing any emotion, but Aileen could tell he was torn up inside.

"She told me she loved me." Colin said softly.

"Oh my dear, sweet, boy!" Aileen said and she took her son in her arms.

"Mom, please, I'm not going to let myself get upset over this more than I have to." Colin said in a shaky voice. "I'm not going to cry."

"Then let me cry for you." Aileen said with tears all ready flowing from her eyes. Her son was trying to be brave, but she knew (Oh, how she knew!) how he really felt. It hurt her just as bad, if not worse, to know what he was feeling. Colin didn't say anything else, but he didn't pull away, so Aileen just sat there holding her son and cried.

How could Sheryl do this? She had thought more highly of her than to hurt Colin like this. Of all the people Sheryl could have left him for, why Seth? The hairs raised on the back of her neck as she realized the answer to that question. Because Seth was the only one who could have taken her away. She had no doubt he was the main force behind the break up.

Seth was Patrick and Sarah's boy, Colin's cousin. They were the same age; Colin was just a couple months older. Seth was Patrick all over again, the Patrick Aileen remembered as a c***d, that is. Except maybe Seth was even meaner and more devious. When Aileen and Colin had moved in with Patrick and his family, it seemed wonderful at first. Colin loved his cousins, Seth, Morgan, and Kyle, and got along with them quite well. Being raised an only c***d Colin had to cope with a certain solitude, having the constant companionship of his cousins made him overjoyed.

Seth and Colin, being so close in age, also became the closest of friends. They liked to do a lot of the same things together, sports, video games, and getting into general mischief. However, there was also the sadistic side to Seth and a need to dominate. Seth was the oldest of his siblings and was used to being the one in charge, meaning it was his right to tease and torture his sister Morgan and his brother Kyle whenever he felt like it, much like Patrick had done with Aileen when they were k**s. Colin, being who he was, presented a challenge to Seth's power.

It was subtle at first; Seth would try to persuade Colin what game to play, or what to watch on television. Colin was a fair player, and he knew this was Seth's territory, so he would most often acquiesce to Seth's wishes. But if Colin was right in the middle of playing a video game or watching a television program and Seth ordered him to stop, Colin would balk him. Seth was the more aggressive one and Colin more laidback, but when push came to shove, Colin would not back down when Seth became overbearing. When Seth tried to push Colin around, Colin pushed back, Seth soon learned that his cousin couldn't be intimidated like his brother or sister could. That Colin couldn't be forced by Seth to do what he wanted grated on him, it got under his skin and began to fester.

It exacerbated matters when Seth took out his frustration by being even crueler to Morgan and Kyle. He would tease them ruthlessly and when no adult was around they would naturally turn to Colin. Colin would protect his younger cousins and not stand for Seth's brutal teasing of them. This only infuriated Seth further, but soon he learned how to get back.

Seth became very adversarial with Colin. Whatever opinion Colin had, Seth's had to be th