The Ultimate Spells-R-Us Combat Challenge by Mr. Duck
The Spells-R-Us Universe, was, of course, created by Bill Hart. This story
may be posted on any site as long as you don't make money of it or alter it
in any way.
**************************************
"Dude, you are the worst driver I have ever seen."
"Shut up, man. Just cause I look where I'm going."
"It was still yellow! You're not gonna get pulled over if it's still yellow.
The cops go through it when it's yellow."
"Look, it was red, all right? Would you guys shut up?"
"Oh, look at that chick in the Caravan. She wants to drag, dude, I'm tellin'
you."
"Marc! Listen to me! The lady in the minivan doesn't want to drag race, all
right? She's probably just some nice woman who's driving her ten-year-old kid
to his friend's house for a sleepover, all right?"
"Then why is she goin' faster than we are?"
"I'll tell you why, 'cause she's listening to good music, I bet. Better than
this shit, man."
"Hey, don't start talking trash about Zeppelin. Zeppelin's the bomb."
"Listen, Luke, I got my Blink CD right here. Can I pop it in?"
"No way. No Blink-182 allowed in my car. Punk wannabes."
"Dude! Come on! Blink!"
"No way, man. We're listening to Zeppelin."
"You're killin' me, man. You're goddamn killin' me. Next time I'm driving.
I'm telling you, my parents."
"Your parents are not buying you a Viper, okay? Shut up. We're here."
Luke Sharpe turned the ignition of his Jetta and parked it. Then he turned
around to his three friends.
"We woulda been here ten minutes ago if I was driving," announced his friend
Kevin Jacks, the Blink-182 fan, from the shotgun seat.
"Does it really matter?" Luke asked. "We're here. Get outta my car, you guys
are stinking it up." The guys climbed out of the car and into the parking
lot.
"So what's the plan?" Luke continued.
"You know the plan," said Dean Cusack. "We just go in the mall, go cruising
for chicks for a little while, then we take 'em back to my house and fuck
their brains out."
Luke paused. "I don't think eight people can fit in my Jetta."
"They'll just have to sit on our laps," interjected Marcus Wishbone, the
drag-racing proponent.
"That's what I'm talking 'bout," Dean laughed.
Luke shrugged, and walked with his three friends up to the mall entrance. He
knew the real reason why the four of them were here: basically, to pretend
like they were doing something cool on Saturday night. They were here on the
pretense of picking up girls from their high school, which would be quite a
feat since they usually weren't capable of talking to a real-life girl for
more than ten seconds without turning red. Luke, in fact, was the only one of
the four who had ever been on an actual date. It had been almost one year to
the day since he had asked out Marcy Pulaski while barely managing to not
slur his words. But it had just been a one-time thing because they really
hadn't been able to talk. Luke still wasn't sure why, but these guys seemed
to be the only people he could talk to without having long, awkward pauses in
the conversation.
"So which of these prime pieces do you think I should take home with me
tonight?" Dean asked as the four paused on their way through the food court.
He was pointing at Lisa Willis and Sarah MacGregor, who were chatting over a
small dinner. Lisa and Sarah were two of their classmates at the high school.
"I don't know, man," Marcus said. "I'm thinkin' I'm gonna go after Lisa."
"Yeah, you wish!" Kevin laughed. "Both of them are way outta you guys'
leagues. I'll take 'em both."
"The hell you will!" Dean said, and the three had a big laugh over this.
"Come on, let's go upstairs." Dean, Marcus and Kevin all headed upstairs to
the main portion of the mall.
"Luke, are you coming?" Kevin called when Luke didn't immediately follow.
"In a minute," Luke said. "I'm gonna grab something to eat first."
"What?" Kevin replied. Impatiently, Luke indicated for Kevin to come closer
so there wouldn't be any shouting involved. Kevin shrugged, and shouted,
"We're gonna keep cruising. We'll meet you up here." Luke nodded, embarrassed
to find that their shouting match had gained the attention of many people.
Luke glanced over at Lisa and Sarah, and saw them both smiling at him. He
reddened and slowly walked over to their table.
"Hi, Luke," Sarah said. "You think your friends are gonna wait up for you?"
"I doubt it," Luke said, leaning against the table awkwardly. "They're way
too busy cruising for girls," he said, slightly mockingly. Lisa and Sarah
shared a knowing smile.
"Yeah, we know," Lisa said. "We saw them looking over here."
"You did?" Luke said.
"Yeah. But it's okay. At least they didn't actually say anything to our
faces."
"Thank God for that," Luke said, and the girls laughed.
"Luke, you're a cool guy," Sarah said. "Why do you hang out with those
jerks?"
"Oh, they're not really jerks. They just act like jerks, well, pretty much
all the time. No. They're cool. We get along pretty well."
"Okay," Sarah said. "You really oughta ask somebody out, though. Do you want
me to set you up with one of my friends?"
"Ooh, me, me!" Lisa cried, and they all laughed again.
"No, that's okay," Luke said.
"Are you sure? Nicki's available, she just broke up with Jim..."
"No, it's okay, really," Luke said, forcing a humble chuckle.
"Okay," Sarah said. "Just thought I'd ask."
"Well, thanks," Luke said. "I better be catching up with my friends though."
"All right. See you at school Monday," Sarah said.
"Yeah. Monday," Luke replied. "Bye." The girls both waved good-bye to Luke as
he scaled the steps up to the main portion of the mall. Predictably, Kevin,
Dean and Marcus were nowhere to be seen. Luke sighed, figuring his friends
would probably get pissed at him if he drove away and stranded them. So he
had no choice but to search the mall.
Luke wandered past the ticket booth and scanned Sam Goody for his friends,
but they were nowhere to be found. Luke thought furiously to himself about
where he would go if he were his friends. First he checked out the other
music store in the mall, and they weren't there. They weren't in Spencer
Gifts or the Sharper Image, either. Then suddenly it occurred to Luke that
there was a little nook in the mall that housed a great little ice cream
shop. His friends might be there looking for girls, and if they weren't, it
couldn't hurt to get some ice cream for himself anyway. Luke hustled over to
the little hallway next to the Sunglass Hut, ducked into it, and walked down
to the end, but the ice cream shop wasn't there.
Luke was disappointed, but not particularly surprised to find that the ice
cream store had gone out of business. Stuck in this little back room like it
was, it couldn't have been getting a lot of sales. Still, though, Luke was a
bit surprised to see that the space had been converted so quickly. It had
only been a couple weeks since he had last been in the mall and the ice cream
store had been there now, and all Luke could do was stare in surprise at what
its former space had become.
It was now a second entrance to the newly enlarged Sunglass Hut.
Luke bitterly turned back towards the main section of the mall. He hadn't
needed any sunglasses, but would have liked some ice cream. It just figured
that the stupid Sunglass Hut would turn the only decent ice cream place in
this whole country into a back room and-
Luke stopped.
Across the hall from the second entrance to the Sunglass Hut was another
shop.
A shop called Spells R Us.
This surprised Luke even more. He had been pretty sure that there had only
been an ATM there last time he was here. But here it was, Spells R Us. It
looked like a pretty rustic place, definitely different. Luke thought for a
moment to himself and considered it wouldn't hurt to take a quick look around
the store. Just to see what it was. His friends would eventually turn up.
Luke pushed open the door to the shop and heard a little bell ring over his
head. He shrugged at this oddity and looked around the store. It definitely
looked like the owners had just moved in. There was stock all over the place,
on every shelf, on the floor, on hangers, and no two things were the same.
Bizarre stuff. Weird-looking dolls, cheerleader outfits, and.
"Wow," Luke thought, inspecting a vial on a shelf. The liquid inside the vial
kept changing colors, from white to blue to red to gold to clear. "This place
is crazy."
"Now, now, we're not crazy, we just stock some items you may be unfamiliar
with," said a voice behind him suddenly. Luke whirled around and found
himself looking at an old man. An old man wearing what appeared to be
a.bathrobe.
"Hey, uh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you crazy, it just looked."
"I know what my shop must look like to you, Luke. It's quite all right. I get
that reaction often. What can I do for you?"
"Oh, well, I'm just." Luke blinked. "How did you know my name?"
"Very simple. I'm a wizard."
"A wizard."
"Yes. And this is my store. I sell magical items. How can I help you?"
"Ummmm.." Luke said, eyes briefly glancing back at the door. "I'm not sure
exactly what kind of help I need."
"Oh?" said the old man.
"Well, I mean, I'm not sure I need.uh.magic, so, well, I."
"Luke, are you telling me you have no problems whatsoever?"
Luke swallowed. "Well, I've got problems, sure, everybody's got problems."
This old man was really starting to freak Luke out.
"And that's what I'm here to help you with," the old man concluded. "Wait
here, I think I know what might serve you well." And he disappeared into the
back room. Luke glanced at the exit again, tempted to make a run for it. But
his curiosity got the better of him and he decided to wait and see what the
old man would bring out.
Moments later, he reemerged, and said: "Ah, Luke, I'm glad you decided to
stay after all."
"Huh?" Luke said.
"Never mind," the old man said. "I think this item here is exactly what you
need." He handed a rectangular box over the counter and Luke looked at it.
"Spells-R-Us Combat? What the heck is this?"
"Luke, that is the premier fighting game for your Nintendo 64 system. Simply
put the game in, and I guarantee you will be stunned."
"Why is it so special?" Luke asked.
"You will see once you play," the old man said simply.
Luke paused. "I'm sorry, I really don't mean to say you're dishonest or
anything, but how do I know I'm not getting ripped off?"
The old man smiled. "I'll tell you what. If you're dissatisfied, bring it
back here and I'll give you double your money back."
Luke's eyes widened. "Sounds good! How much is it?" he asked, taking out his
wallet.
"Just ten dollars." Luke pulled a ten out of his wallet and gave it to the
old man. Then he tucked the game under his arm and started to walk out of the
shop.
"Oh, Luke!" the old man called out.
"Yeah?"
"Be sure to read the instructions," he said.
Luke smiled slightly. "Never have, never will."
The old man smiled too. "Be sure to read the instructions," he repeated. Luke
shrugged and walked out of the shop. Moments later a very attractive girl
walked out of the store's back room and approached the old man.
"Do you think he'll read them?" she asked.
"Of course not," the old man chuckled.
"I bet he reads them," she said defiantly. "He seems like a smart guy."
"Dannie, when you get to be more experienced, you'll get to have pretty good
feelings about these things."
"Hey, speaking of me getting experience, when am I gonna learn."
--------
Luke emerged back into the corridor, feeling strangely bothered by what had
just happened. It seemed like a real easy twenty bucks.yet somehow the old
man seemed so sure that he wouldn't be dissatisfied. Maybe there was
something special about the game.
Luke's train of thought was interrupted as his three friends suddenly emerged
from the new door of the Sunglass Hut. They were all sporting ridiculously
stupid-looking new pairs of sunglasses.
"Damn, man, I guarantee the chicks will be attacking me once they see me
wearing these babies!" Dean declared.
"Yeah, sure! Did you see that hot girl checking me out back in there? I was
gonna go talk to her but I didn't want to intimidate her, you know, cause of
the glasses, I'd look pretty scary," Kevin said.
"You'd look even scarier without 'em," Marcus opined. "Hey, look who it is!"
"Hey guys," Luke said. "Nice glasses."
"What the hell is that?" Kevin said, walking over to Luke and grabbing the
box. "Spells-R-Us Combat? What the hell is this? Some crappy N64 game?"
"I dunno. The guy said he would give me twice my money back if I wasn't
satisfied, so I figure, what the hell."
"What guy?"
"The guy in that store," Luke said, indicating with his thumb over his
shoulder.
Kevin looked past Luke. "What store?" Luke turned around.
The ATM was back in place. Luke's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. He
could've sworn he had just stepped out of that store. Where the hell else
could he have come from? Was he imagining things, or was he.what?
"There was a store there." Luke said feebly. "I.uh.don't know where it went,
but I."
"Whatever. Kay-Bee toys, right? Is that what's going on?"
"I don't know what's going on, man," Luke said. "You guys wanna get outta
here?"
"But I haven't gotten laid yet," Dean pouted.
"You're not ever gonna get laid, dumbass," Kevin snapped. "Not while I'm
around. See, all the girls we see want me, and since there's three of us,
they feel bad about all coming to me and ignoring you guys."
"Four of us," Luke said mildly.
"Four, whatever. Sure, let's get outta here," Kevin said. "Let's go to your
place, Luke. Play some 64. Mario Kart, man, I call Yoshi."
"All right, fine," Dean muttered. "Let's go. I guess I'm the only one around
here who's not some kind of fag."
"Hey, fuck you," Kevin said. "I'll kick your ass."
"I'll kick both your asses," Marcus put in.
"Nobody's gonna kick anybody's ass," Luke said. "Let's go to the car."
"Hear that, guys? I think Luke's plannin' on whooping all our asses!" Dean
crowed.
"So you guys wanna do anything else, or do you want to go home?" Luke asked.
"It's only ten fifteen, man," Kevin said. "I can't go home at ten fifteen on
Saturday night. My sister would laugh at me, and it would be totally
justified. What else you got to do here?"
Luke shrugged. "We could play Spells-R-Us Combat."
"That bullshit game?" Dean cried. "We're not all pathetic losers here, Luke.
We don't wanna waste our Saturday night."
"You got any other ideas?" Luke challenged.
"We could go cruise the bars," Dean suggested.
"Oh, please," Luke said.
"You got a fake ID?" Marcus asked eagerly.
"No," Dean said. "But I could pass for twenty-one."
"No you couldn't," Kevin laughed. "You could pass for twelve, maybe."
"Hey, fuck you, asshole. You're the one they won't let into PG-13 movies
without his mommy."
"Guys!" Luke said. "It's Spells-R-Us Combat or nothing. You wanna play or
what?" There was a moment of silence. Then, when the other three sighed
collectively, Luke could tell he had won. He took out the box, opened it up,
and dropped out the cartridge. It had the words "Spells-R-Us Combat" written
across it in bold black letters. Underneath was the notation: "Spells-R-Us
not to be Held Responsible For Improper Use of This Cartridge." Luke read
this, and then pulled the instructions out of the box.
"Why are you reading the instructions?" Marcus asked. "We can figure out the
buttons for a stupid fighting game."
"The guy at the store said to read them."
"Oh, you mean the guy at the store that wasn't there?" Kevin snapped. "Give
up, Luke. We know you just bought this at Kay-Bee."
"Your favorite store," Marcus laughed.
"Yeah, we know you're just making it up, so let's just play, and get this
over with, all right?" Kevin added.
Luke looked at his three friends. "Am I the only one here who thinks
something really weird could happen if we don't read these instructions?"
"Yep," Kevin said.
"Okay," Luke said hesitantly. He put the instructions back in the box and
tossed it behind the couch.
-----------
"Well," Dannie said. "I guess I owe you a Coke."
-----------
"Well?" Marcus said. "Just put it in, and let's play already." Luke picked
the cartridge back up, and put it into his Nintendo 64 game system. Flipping
the power on, the four guys watched as the words "Spells-R-Us Combat" flashed
onto the screen. It was white lettering on a black background, and there was
literally nothing else in the picture.
"This looks so fucking lame," Dean groaned.
"Give it a chance, man," Luke said.
After a moment the words disappeared. Then they reappeared as the heading
over a list. The list gave the options of Player V. Computer, Player V.
Player, and 4-Player Challenge. It was all written in the same
white-letters-on-black-background format, with no graphics of any kind.
"All right," Kevin said. "I'll play one of you bums." He grabbed the first
controller and moved it down to the Player V. Player option. After a couple
of tries he found the right select button and chose the option.
A new screen appeared on Luke's TV set. There was now a blue side and a red
side to the screen, with a vertical line down the middle to separate the two.
Once the screen appeared, the blue side immediately displayed the message
"Loading Player One Information".
"What the hell is this?" Kevin groaned. "I can't even choose my own character
or anything?"
"Yeah, it's probably gonna give you some lame ass fag, just like you," Dean
cracked.
"Hold up, the message is." Luke began, and then stopped.
He had been interrupted by a bright white flash coming from the left side of
his TV screen. The four guys all covered their eyes reflexively and recoiled
in surprise.
"What the fuck was that?" Dean shouted.
"I don't know, man! What the hell is this game you picked up, dude?" Kevin
cried.
Luke said nothing. He had been the only one yet to uncover his eyes and look
back at the TV screen.
Something was different.
"Luke? What the hell is this shit?" Kevin added. "Dude?" He finally uncovered
his eyes and looked at the TV. "Whoa, dude." he trailed off.
On the blue half of the screen stood none other than Kevin himself. The game
had somehow gotten down every last detail of Kevin's body, from his short
brown hair to the big freckle on his left cheek. The on-screen Kevin was
standing with the same relaxed posture Kevin was accustomed to, and even had
his thumbs in his pockets in Kevin's typical way. The name "Kevin" had
appeared above his head in the plain white lettering. On the red side, the
screen now said, "Awaiting Challenger".
The guys all looked at each other uneasily.
"Well?" Kevin said weakly. "Who's up for a brawl?"
"I'll go," Dean offered after a moment. He slowly approached the second
controller, and with much trepidation picked it up off the floor. The same
thing happened, and after a moment, a carbon copy of Dean was standing on the
red side of the screen.
"Ready?" flashed the TV. Kevin and Dean looked at each other warily, then
Dean pressed the start button. Kevin pressed the same, and suddenly the
screen changed dramatically. No longer was the game totally devoid of
graphical enhancement.
This looked nothing like a video game. This looked like a totally real TV
presentation. A person walking in on the guys would have no way to tell that
this wasn't a live broadcast from Madison Square Garden. The Garden appeared
to be totally packed with completely real people, all here to see the bout
between Kevin and Dean. The camera zoomed around in the stands for a moment,
lingering every now and then on a hot girl or a celebrity. Woody Allen was in
the audience; Spike Lee was courtside. After a few moments of this the camera
panned back out to reveal the ring in the center of the basketball court.
Standing in the blue corner was Kevin, wearing the same outfit as the
real-life Kevin. In the red corner was Dean.
"Holy shit, dude," Kevin said.
"Ready?" flashed the TV again. "3..2..1.FIGHT!"
The bell rang, and the fighters on TV remained motionless.
"Come on guys, move!" Marcus urged. "Let's see some ass-whooping!"
"All right!" Dean cried. "Let's go, punk!" He moved his controls around and
his character ran over to Kevin's. The on-screen Dean paused there for a
moment, apparently trying to figure out how to punch his opponent. The crowd
grew restless as Dean and Kevin stood right in front of each other, both
apparently making no effort to cause the other any actual harm. Then, all of
a sudden, Kevin pushed the right button and kicked Dean in the ribs.
The crowd roared.
"You fucker!" the real Dean howled. "You are such a dead man!"
---------
About an hour later several matches had taken place. The on-screen Marcus had
taken the heaviest beating, having not won a single match. In fact, some
members of the Garden crowd had begun carrying signs to Marcus's matches;
these signs said things like "Snap Wishbone!" and "Beat up the pansy boy!"
much to Dean's, Kevin's, and even Luke's amusement.
The Garden crowd had also become pretty big Luke fans since the matches
began. Luke had only lost once, to Kevin, and that had been a total fluke.
Kevin was about to be wiped out when he accidentally found some bizarre
button combination wherein his character leapt into the air, kicked Luke's
knees to make him fall, and landed on Luke's head, knocking him cold. The
crowd had since dubbed this the "Kevin Jacks Jack" move, despite the fact
that he hadn't remembered how to perform it since. Other than that, though,
the crowd was pretty much on Luke's side, which annoyed the other three guys
to no end.
"I can't believe this fucking crowd," Marcus groaned. "Do they have to chant
you goddamn name?"
"I can't help it if they love me," Luke laughed. His on-screen character
leaped into the air and kicked Marcus's under the chin. It was the final blow
to seal the match, and the crowd roared appreciatively. The camera caught a
shot of Jerry Seinfeld leaping into the air and waving his fist around in
joy. It scanned over to another shot of a beautiful woman bouncing up and
down cheering for Luke. Then it cut back down to the ring where Luke was
triumphantly waving. The screen then faded out and went back to the menu.
"All right, it's my turn to play Marc now," Kevin said.
"Hold up." Luke said suddenly. "We still haven't tried the 4-Player
Challenge."
Kevin paused.
"What do you guys think?" Luke asked. "4-Player Challenge? I got the two
extra controllers."
"Let's do it," Dean said. Luke reached into the nearby cabinet and pulled out
his two extra game controllers, plugging them into the proper slots. Then he
moved the cursor down to the Challenge option and selected it.
"4-Player Challenge" the screen announced. "Is this OK?"
Luke selected "Yes".
"Are you ready to take the Ultimate Spells-R-Us Combat Challenge?"
"Yes".
"Are you sure?"
"Yes".
"Are you absolutely certain you are totally prepared to take on the Ultimate
Spells-R-Us Combat Challenge Event?"
"Jesus Christ, man," Dean muttered. Luke pushed "Yes" again and the screen
divided into four boxes: a red one, a blue one, a green one, and an orange
one. Each boy quickly seized a controller and watched their characters appear
in the boxes.
"Are you ready?" the game asked.
"YES!" screamed Marcus and Dean. The scene cut again to the Garden. This
time, though, the ring in center court was slightly different. There were now
no neutral corners. There was one of the guys in each corner of the ring.
"Fucking awesome, dude," Dean said.
"It's Royal Rumble, man! This kicks ass!" Kevin whooped.
"3..2..1..FIGHT!"
The fighting began in the ring and everyone started beating each other up.
Naturally, Marcus was very quickly down to the low point in his power bar,
and Luke had him cornered and was about to finish him off.
"Come on, Luke, dude, what the hell did I ever to do you, man." Marcus
groaned.
Luke just smiled. His character picked up Marcus, lifted him way over his
head, and threw him as far as he could out of the ring. The screen decided to
follow Marcus's flight path, and when he landed just short of Billy Crystal's
front row seat, announced that Marcus was the first player out of the
Challenge.
"Fuckin' bullshit, man," Marcus muttered. "Pickin' on me."
The camera pulled back to the main portion of the ring. Kevin and Dean were
busy beating the heck out of each other while Luke stood at the edge, along
the ropes.
"What the hell are you guys doing?" Marcus yelled suddenly. "Go get this
asshole!" Dean and Kevin stopped suddenly, and they both looked over at Luke.
"Let's get that fag!" Dean cried. Both characters suddenly charged over to
Luke.
"Teamwork, baby!" Kevin shouted. "Now we can beat the shit out of this loser
and get him out of the way!"
As the two approached Luke's character, the crowd suddenly hushed, realizing
what was about to happen to their beloved Luke. But all of a sudden, Luke
pushed the right combo of buttons, jumped high into the air, and kicked both
oncomers in their faces.
Kevin and Dean fell to the ground hard. Dean, having already lost a lot of
energy fighting with Kevin, was instantly announced as having lost the
Challenge. Kevin still had a little bit left, but not too much. His character
barely managed to get back onto his feet.
Luke regarded Kevin grimly. Obviously he had to finish him off if he was
going to win. After just a moment's hesitation, Luke reared back with his
left arm, released, and socked Kevin in the stomach. Kevin clutched his
abdomen, collapsed back to the ground, and the screen announced his defeat.
"Luke.Luke." the crowd chanted.
"Congratulations, Luke Sharpe," the screen announced. "You are the victor of
the Spells-R-Us Combat Ultimate Challenge."
"Lucky ass bastard, man," Dean muttered.
"Do you accept your victory?" the screen now asked.
"Accept my victory?" Luke said. "What does that mean?"
The choices Yes and No appeared on the screen.
"Just accept it, man. Who gives a fuck," Marcus snapped.
"Hey, you don't want it, I'll take it," Kevin offered.
Luke glanced at Kevin anxiously.
"I'm getting a really weird vibe from this," he said. "I'm thinking maybe I
shouldn't accept it."
"Hell," Kevin said, "if you don't accept the victory, I call I get it. I
win."
"You don't win," Luke said. "I just think I'm gonna choose no."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean cried. "It's a fucking video game.
It's a weird fucking video game, I'll give you that, but it's still a fucking
video game. What the fuck is it going to do? Suck you into the TV?"
Luke listened to Dean and looked back at the TV screen. The Yes/No question
was still being posed. Luke looked down at his controller, and after a
moment's pondering, selected "Yes".
"Took you damn long enough," Dean snapped.
"Congratulations, Luke," the TV announced in the white lettering. "Your
victory has been noted. Press Start." Luke did and the screen then declared,
"Estimated Loading Time, 72:00:00". Then it started to tick down. Luke turned
the TV off, but the timer remained. He flipped the power switch on his N64
back and forth too but nothing happened. He couldn't pull the cartridge out
of the console. Even unplugging the TV set had no effect.
"I don't know what's going on, dude," Marcus said. "Fuck it. I'm going home."
"Yeah, I think I'm gonna head on back, too. This has been one hell of a crazy
night," Kevin observed. "I need some sleep."
"Me too," Dean said. "I'm gonna call one of my ladies and get a ride."
"You don't have any ladies, loser," Kevin laughed. "Who would want you when
she could have me?"
"Look," Luke said. "I'll drive you guys home."
"Hell no!" Dean cried. "Why get a ride in your loser ass car when I can ride
in Paula Somers' sweet Mercedes?" Then the four piled into Luke's car and he
drove them all home.
-----------
"Now," said the old man, "we wait."
"Well, that's boring," Dannie said. "I don't want to wait."
"In that case you can go help out our next customer."
"What next."
Ding-ding.
"Ah." Dannie walked out front. "What can I do for you today, Tyler?"
-----------
Sunday night, at a little bit after eleven-thirty, Luke was in the bathroom
brushing his teeth before he went to bed. He had spent much of the day
receiving annoying prank phone calls from Dean, Marcus and Kevin, where he
would answer the phone and they would do things like play loud music or use a
voice changer to mess with his head. All Luke wanted to do now was get
cleaned up, and get a decent amount of sleep before school.
He finished up with his teeth and left the bathroom to go upstairs, when all
of a sudden he heard a series of beeps coming from the TV room. He dashed
into the room, and the screen displayed the following message:
"Phase 1 Fully Loaded!"
Luke read this, puzzled. After a moment, the message changed:
"Estimated Loading Time Remaining - 48:00:00", it said. And the ticking
began.
Luke tried to flip the power switch again, but there was nothing doing. Then,
all of a sudden, he got a hunch and looked behind the couch for the
instruction booklet. He had forgotten that it was there! Leaping onto the
cushions, Luke searched desperately for the booklet, but it was nowhere to be
found. He stuck his arm under the couch trying to find it, but it just wasn't
there. Then it hit him. It was Sunday. Cleaning day.
His mom must have tossed it.
-----------
Luke shuffled into his first period math class begrudgingly. He had a hell of
a lot on his mind right now, and knew he wouldn't be able to pay attention to
another lecture on sines, cosines and tangents. And it was his experience
that the days when he failed to pay attention were usually the days that had
the most test- pertinent material. Oh well. At least Kevin and Marcus were in
this class. The only thing about the class was that the teacher sat the
students in random order, so Marcus was way over on the other side of the
room from Luke and Kevin, who happened to be next to each other from pure
luck.
He plopped down into his seat and looked grimly up at the blackboard, where
his teacher was already in the midst of writing one of the millions of
equations he'd probably have to memorize. Luke started to take out his books
so he could get a head start on his note taking when Kevin walked in.
"Hey, what's up, loser?" Kevin asked, giving Luke a sock on the arm.
"What's up yourself," Luke murmured. "Haven't had enough of my ass-whoopings
or something?"
"Huh?" Kevin said.
"I mean, 'cause you're trying to start a fight, and we all know I'd win."
Kevin looked at Luke for a minute. Then he smiled slightly. "You talking some
trash there, Lukester?"
"I think I have the right," Luke said, with a hint of smugness.
"Oh yeah?" Kevin said. "You wanna validate that claim?"
"I'd say I already have," Luke laughed.
Kevin frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about whooping your ass Saturday night."
"Whooping my ass? What the hell are you talking about, dude? Look, first of
all, you didn't kick anybody's ass Saturday night, and more important, you
couldn't whoop my ass ever, so don't even think that. You get drunk after we
left or something? Is that why you can't remember?"
"What are you talking about? I kicked your ass in that video game."
Kevin shrugged. "Uh.I guess, uh, metaphorically, you kicked my ass.but that
doesn't mean you'd beat me in a fight or anything.you did get drunk, didn't
you?"
"What? Metaphorically? What the hell are you talking about?"
"You're asking me?" Kevin cried. "Dude, I haven't understood a word you've
said yet, all right? All I remember is you, Dean and me spent all Saturday
night playing MarioKart and Zelda at your house, all right? Nobody kicked
anybody's ass."
Luke stared at Kevin, utterly perplexed. "What about Marcus?"
Kevin sighed. "Who the fuck is Marcus?'
All of a sudden, Luke felt the back of his neck turn very, very hot.
"What do you mean who is Marcus? Our friend, Marcus?"
"Don't know any Marcus, man. Goddamn. I bet you drained a whole fuckin'
bottle of Captain Morgan, didn't you?"
Luke was getting frantic now. "Dude! Marcus Wishbone! He's been one of our
best friends since seventh grade!" Luke grasped Kevin's shoulders and shook
them maniacally. "You've gotta know who I'm talking about!"
Kevin threw Luke's hands off of him violently. "Luke! Relax, man! All right?
I don't know any Marcus Wishbone. The only Wishbone I know is Kaitlin. Does
she have a brother or something?"
"Who the hell is Kaitlin Wishbone?" Luke howled. "Why are you acting like
this? Is this another one of your jokes?"
Kevin looked Luke right in the eye and spoke in as calm a voice as he could
manage. "Listen to me, Luke. Just shut up and fucking listen. I don't know
any Marcus Wishbone. I know a Kaitlin Wishbone. She's in this class.
Remember? The hot blonde chick who sits in front of Pete. Okay? I don't know
what you think happened Saturday night, but you obviously got very drunk
after me and Dean left, so you'll have to take my word about what happened.
We played MarioKart and Zelda all night. That's the end of it."
Luke suddenly remembered that it had originally been Marcus's idea to go to
the mall.
"We didn't go to the mall or anything? You didn't get those stupid
sunglasses?"
Kevin shook his head. "No mall, no sunglasses. No beer, either. At least," he
paused, raising his eyebrows, "not for me."
"Would you stop saying I got drunk? I didn't, I swear, I."
"Hey Luke," Kevin said suddenly.
"What?"
"There's the girl you think is a guy," Kevin said, pointing to the front of
the room.
Luke whirled around in his seat. "Oh god," he whispered faintly.
The hot feeling in the back of his neck grew worse. Luke knew he hadn't seen
the girl ever before; he had a feeling he might have noticed her. He wasn't a
big fan of sexist language, but Luke had to admit it, this girl was hotter
than hell. She was maybe about five feet five, from his perspective, and she
had an incredible pair of legs that probably made up about half of it. Luke
couldn't help but stare at them. Then when he moved up he got an even bigger
shock. She was all girl, that was for sure. Luke didn't have much (hell, any)
experience with bras but he guessed the girl was in the C or D range. Luke's
eyes wandered up further still, and his attention was immediately drawn to
her hair. It was long, blonde, and so shiny it almost hurt your eyes to look
at it. It hung down her back almost to her rear, and once Luke noticed this
he couldn't help but keep his eyes on it for a few moments. Then, once he got
back up to her face, he was stunned once more. She looked!
like a cross between Marcus and Mena Suvari. She had the same kind of eyes as
Mena, but more importantly, had the exact same pinkness to her cheeks that
Dean occasionally mocked Marcus for.
Kevin looked at Luke, chuckling audibly. "Damn, Luke. Even Dean wouldn't
stare that much." Luke ripped his eyes away from the girl, probably far too
late to have gone unnoticed.
"Who is that?" Luke asked, knowing the answer.
"I swear, dude," Kevin laughed. "You're really acting like you never saw her
before in your life."
"I...I don't know what to say.who is she?"
"Kaitlin Wishbone, dude. We've both known her since seventh grade. I don't
know what the hell's gotten into you, man."
"But.that's not possible."
"I know, man. Tits like that.I didn't think they were possible, either."
"That's not what I'm talking about."
"It was, Luke. Admit it."
"Why won't you believe me, man?"
"Cause you're talking crazy talk, dumbass. There's no way you don't know who
Kaitlin is. End of story." Kevin turned away and began to unpack his math
materials as the bell rang.
"All right, class," the teacher announced. "Open your books to page 449."
But Luke couldn't pay attention. All he could do was stare over at the girl
sitting in Marcus's seat. What the hell was going on here? It had to be the
game, of course. Something about accepting the challenge.but had he ever
played the game, anyway? Kevin sure didn't seem to think so.had he just been
dreaming his whole life up, and imagined that there was some guy named Marcus
Wishbone instead of the girl Kaitlin he had apparently known for years? Was
there.
Suddenly, Kaitlin turned around slightly in her seat and noticed Luke was
staring at her. Hideously embarrassed, Luke instantly turned red. Kaitlin
gave him a little smile, and he tried to give one back before looking away.
"Great," Luke thought. "Now she thinks I've got a crush on her."
"Now, the rule is, the sine of alpha over the length of side A is equal to."
--------------
RING!
The students filed out of the math class as fast as they possibly could. Luke
watched Kaitlin as she headed out into the hallway. Okay. So she was a
beautiful girl. Luke could have some trouble talking to beautiful girls. But
he had to know what happened.he had to.he had to do something, or.
Luke tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey, uh, Kaitlin?"
She whirled around gracefully. Her blonde hair billowed around her
majestically as she spun, and for a frightening moment Luke totally forgot
what he was going to say.
"Yes?" Kaitlin asked.
"Ummm.." Luke stammered. "Oh, yeah. Listen, uh, Kaitlin, I was gonna ask you,
do you have a brother named Marcus?"
Kaitlin frowned slightly. "No, I don't have any brothers or sisters."
"You don't?" Luke asked frantically. "What about a cousin? Do you have a
cousin named Marcus or something? A second cousin?"
"No," Kaitlin said, beginning to laugh a little. "Why? What's wrong?"
Luke sighed. "Oh, nothing. Tell me something. Were you born on July 9?"
Kaitlin smiled, surprised. "Yeah, I was. How'd you know that?"
"Just a hunch," Luke said gravely.
"Are you going to get me a present?" she said, teasingly. As she said it, she
reached out and pushed him gently on his arm. Luke looked down at his arm for
a moment, then looked back up at Kaitlin. Was she flirting with him?
"I dunno, I guess we'll see," Luke said, forcing a weak smile. "I gotta run."
"Okay, see ya," Kaitlin said. Luke took off the other direction, doing a very
fast walk-run. There was no doubt in his mind now. That game had done
something to Marcus. Somehow it had turned him into this girl, this girl who
was touching Luke's arm, who was flirting with him! Jesus! That girl who was
just flirting with him used to be his friend Marcus! Sickened by the thought,
Luke practically broke into a sprint the rest of the way as he headed to
second period history. Dean was in that class. But he was probably gonna
remember all the same stuff as Kevin. There seemed to be no other option now.
Luke had to go find that wizard.
-----------
After school that day Luke blew off Kevin and Dean, who along with Marcus he
customarily gave rides home to. Instead, he ran out to his car, and motored
as fast as he could to get to the mall. Once he got there, he ran upstairs,
and as quickly as possible ran over to the nook where the Spells-R-Us store
had been. He wasn't really expecting it to be there, but when he made it,
there it was and he headed on in.
The bell tinkled above his head as he violently shoved the door and emerged
into the shop. The old man wasn't there, but there was an attractive young
woman standing behind the counter.
"Who are you?" Luke said.
"My name is Dannie," said the girl pleasantly. "How can I help you today,
Luke?"
"Where's the wizard?"
"He's not available right now. Is there anything I can help you with?"
"I don't know," Luke said suspiciously. "Do you know anything about that
Spells-R-Us Combat game he sold me?"
"I do," Dannie said. "Incredibly realistic, isn't it? I played the wizard a
few times, I always beat him. Spike Lee's my biggest fan."
"Yeah, well, I've got a few problems with the game I want to discuss."
"What problems would they be?" Dannie asked innocently.
"Well, hmmm, first of all, it." Luke began.
"Actually, Luke, I know what the problem is, so you don't have to tell me.
The 4-Player Challenge, right?"
"Huh?"
"You played the 4-Player Challenge without reading the instructions, didn't
you?"
Luke swallowed guiltily. "Yeah, I guess we did."
"I'm sorry, Luke, but we can't be held responsible for customers who
deliberately neglect our advice on how to use our products."
"So.you won't."
"I'm sorry, Luke. I can't do anything."
"Just accept it and let him go," said a new voice. The old man now appeared
from the back room and stood next to Dannie.
"But.Marcus was one of my best friends." Luke said.
"I'm sorry, Luke. This is the sort of thing that has been known to happen
with our products," the old man said. Dannie smiled to herself.
"Ah, it's okay," Luke said dejectedly. "It's not you guys' fault. I guess I
shoulda done what you said."
"Don't beat yourself up, Luke," Dannie said. "Your friends were the ones who
said not to read them in the first place."
"Yeah," Luke murmured, and slowly wandered out of the shop.
"Poor guy," Dannie said.
"He'll be fine," said the old man. "You'll see."
-----------
At about 11:30 that night, Luke was trudging into the TV room to watch
Letterman and maybe cheer himself up a bit. When he got there, he received a
harsh reminder of the truth. His TV, of course, was still counting itself
down.
"Estimated Loading Time Remaining - 24:00:17" it announced. Luke stood and
grimly watched it continue to tick down. After a moment, it emitted a series
of beeping noises, causing Luke to jump. Then the message changed: "Phase 2
Fully Loaded!" it declared proudly. Then the timer again.
Luke sighed deeply, and turned around to go to bed. He had a feeling there
would be something different about Dean tomorrow.
-----------
Luke walked into math class as usual, feeling even more depressed than ever.
It seemed a lot worse to know that Dean would be changed than it did to
discover that Marcus had been. He plopped down into his seat, as early as
ever, and gravely watched the other students walk in.
Kaitlin was one of the very next people to come in and she gave him a big
smile and a bigger "Hi". This surprised Luke a little bit, but he waved back
in what he hoped was a jaunty way. After a few more moments, Kevin walked
into the class and silently took his seat next to Luke.
"Hey Kevin," Luke said absently.
Kevin turned his head slightly in Luke's direction, and quietly murmured,
"Oh. Hey."
"Sorry I ditched you yesterday, but I had something really important to do,"
Luke added.
"Ditched me?" Kevin said. Luke rolled his eyes, knowing he ought to figure
out some way to seem normal this time.
"Oh, wait, I must've been thinking of something else," he said, thinking
quickly. "What did happen yesterday?"
"What do you mean, what happened yesterday?" Kevin asked.
"After school. How'd you get home?"
"Why?" Kevin said.
"I mean, did I give you a ride or what?"
"Why would you give me a ride?" Kevin asked, obviously very confused.
"What do you mean why would I give you a ride? I give you a ride almost every
day."
Kevin looked at Luke for a minute, then turned back away. "Just leave me
alone, all right, man? Stop fucking with me. What the fuck did I ever to do
you?"
"Kevin? Dude, what are you talking about?"
"Hey, Luke," called another voice. Luke looked up, and saw Jeremy Fitzhugh
standing in the doorway of the classroom. Jeremy was not someone Luke
traditionally socialized with. He was the bass player for the best school
band, the alternative rockers Evil Petting Zoo. He had always been really
popular with everybody, girl or guy, and Luke and his friends generally
didn't get to talk with him much.
"What is it?" Luke said.
"C'mere," said Jeremy. Luke got up from his seat and headed out to the
hallway.
"Hey, dude, what's up? You excited?" Jeremy greeted him, raising a hand to
slap five. Dazed, Luke put his hand in the air and went through the ritual.
"Huh?"
"Huh?" Jeremy mimicked, goofily. "Didn't Damon call you last night?"
"No," Luke said. Damon was one of Jeremy's best friends.
"He didn't? So wait. You don't know yet?"
"Know what?"
"Oh my god!" Jeremy laughed. "You don't know?"
"Know what?" Luke repeated.
"We got the gig, dude!" Jeremy cried.
"The gig?" Luke said, confused.
"Yeah, dude! Jake and Rita's Coffeehouse! We're opening for Last Man
Standing!"
"We are?" Luke said, baffled.
"Yeah! Aw, man, I can't believe Damon didn't tell you! You sure he didn't? He
called me at nine and he said he was gonna call you right after me."
"Well, uh.I wasn't home then, and I didn't check for messages or anything.
When I got home," Luke improvised weakly.
"Well, I'm sure Damon knows enough to try you at Lisa's before giving up on
you," Jeremy said.
"Oh.uh.I wasn't there, either. I was at.the mall. I had to get...something."
Jeremy looked at Luke for a moment, then shrugged. "Whatever you say. But we
gotta practice, all right? Damon's, at four. You need a ride?"
"No," Luke said. "I.can get there."
"All right," Jeremy said. "We gotta work this stuff out before next Friday."
"Okay. You better get to class, though," Luke said.
"Yeah," Jeremy said. "I'll see ya."
"Right," Luke said, and walked back into the classroom in a daze. What on
earth was going on here? How the heck could he be in Evil Petting Zoo? He
didn't even play an instrument, he had never.
Suddenly Luke remembered something.
Fourth grade. Music class. The teacher had passed out slips of paper to each
student so they could sign up for special classes where they could learn to
play an instrument. And, since his father had always said that Ringo was the
true walrus, Luke had been about to sign up to learn to play the drums.
And Dean had convinced him not to.
--------------
When the bell rang at the end of first period, Luke sprinted out of his desk
and headed for second period. If his hunch was correct, and he was entirely
certain that it was, he would be seeing a new person walk into his history
classroom pretty soon. And in a few moments this proved to be true.
A girl walked into the classroom, chatting with a friend. This girl was
short, only about five feet one. She had shockingly electric red hair that
was tied in a short ponytail. Her face was pretty, but not in the same way as
Kaitlin's. It was more of the good old-fashioned girl-next-door type of
pretty, with lots of freckles. Luke studied her for a few seconds, then
realized he was looking at Dean and made himself turn away.
Well, there went our third place finisher.
--------------
After history ended, Luke had barely stepped into the hallway when he felt a
tap on his shoulder.
"Hey, Luke," said a feminine voice behind him.
"Yeah?" he said, turning around. It was her.
"I heard about you guys getting that show next Friday."
Luke forced a smile. "Oh. Yeah."
"Are you ready?" she asked, smiling brightly.
"I'm not sure," Luke answered honestly. "I sure hope so."
"I bet you'll be great. You were awesome last week."
"Oh. Well. Thanks."
"Sure," she said. "I'll be at the show."
"Great," Luke said, baffled. "I guess I'll see you there."
"Sure," she said again. "Maybe we can talk a little bit afterwards, you know,
get a cup of coffee."
"I'm sorry, Casey," interrupted another voice behind Luke. Turning his head
slightly, he found that it was Lisa Willis. To his total surprise, she put
her arm around his shoulders and hugged him to her tightly. "I think Luke and
I already have something planned for that night, don't we?"
"Uh, yeah, I think we do," Luke stammered.
"Oh, that's too bad," Casey said.
"Yes, it's a shame," Lisa said, with enough syrup in her voice to cover a
million pancakes.
"Well, I guess I'll still see you there," Casey said to Luke.
"I'll see you," Luke said feebly.
"Bye," Casey said, and walked away. With Casey gone, Lisa turned Luke towards
her and put both her arms around him.
"I don't know what she was thinking," Lisa said.
"What do you mean?" Luke asked.
"Oh, Luke," Lisa said. "The whole school knows you're mine."
"Oh, yeah," Luke said.
"So anyway. I heard about the show! That's so awesome!"
"I know," Luke said. "I'm, yeah, I'm in awe myself."
"So you guys are probably gonna have to practice a lot for the next couple of
weeks, huh?"
"Yeah," Luke reflected. "I know I'm gonna be practicing harder than I ever
have my whole life."
"Well," Lisa said, "That'll just make next Friday night even more special. If
you know what I mean," she added seductively.
"I'm not sure I do," Luke said.
Lisa laughed, pulled Luke towards her, and aggressively kissed him full on
the lips. It lasted for about twenty seconds. After they finally pulled apart
Luke looked at her trying hard to hide his feeling of total shock.
"Oh, so that's what you meant," Luke said, smiling faintly.
"I'll see you at lunch, okay?" Lisa said.
"Okay," Luke said, realizing he had no idea what table he sat at now.
"Bye," Lisa said, slowly bringing her arms back around front. She let them
linger at his waist for a moment then walked away, waving. Luke waved back.
"Huh," Luke muttered. "I definitely don't understand what the hell is going
on here."
-----------
When the lunch hour rolled around Luke walked into the lunchroom with
absolutely no idea of where to go. He first headed for the table where he,
Kevin, Dean and Marcus had customarily sat. It was now populated by a bunch
of sophomore girls. Luke looked around some more, and after a moment spotted
Kevin sitting at a different table. But he was surrounded by another crowd.
People the old group never talked before. Luke knew that somehow, because
Dean never existed, he had never become friends with Kevin. But that didn't
explain why he was suddenly running with the most popular crowd in school.
Luke wandered around the lunchroom for a minute more searching for one of his
new friends, and amongst the crowd, spotted Sarah MacGregor. She was Lisa's
best friend. The odds were that she would probably be sitting with them,
wouldn't she? Crossing his fingers, Luke walked up to Sarah and said hello.
"Oh, hi, Luke," Sarah said. "What's up?"
"Not much."
"Hey, I heard about the show. Way to go!"
"Thanks," Luke said. Even though he hadn't played the drums in his life, it
was starting to feel really natural to assume he did.
"You looking for Lisa?" Sarah asked.
"Well, she'd be at the table, wouldn't she?" Luke asked hopefully.
"Probably, yeah."
"So then let's go to the table," Luke continued, trying to hide the
desperation in his voice.
"Sounds good," Sarah said. "I'm just gonna get some food first, okay?"
"Okay." Luke decided to follow Sarah through the line to get some lunch, and
after a couple of minutes finally was able to find his way over to his new
table, where everyone else had already filled in.
It was an eight-seat table. Sarah sat down next to her boyfriend, Jeremy. The
rhythm guitarist, John Crantz, was sitting next to Nikki Fred. On the other
side of the table Luke took a seat next to Lisa. But what surprised Luke the
most was that on his right side, sitting next to Damon, was Kaitlin.
"All right," Damon said. "Now that we're all here, I'd like to start off by
making a toast." Everybody raised their drinks into the air. "To Evil Petting
Zoo, who's going to rock the house next Friday night!" Everyone clinked their
drinks.
Then, Jeremy stood up. "I'd like to make a better toast," he said, grinning
at Damon. "First, to Damon, for working his ass off to get us this gig, for
writing some of the best music I've ever heard, and for just being an
all-around great guy. Cheers."
"Next. To Johnny C. Johnny, you're the rhythm guitarist, yeah, but this band
wouldn't work without you, dude. You sing like Michael Jackson." Jeremy said,
getting some laughs, "and you act like him too. No, no, Johnny, you're the
man."
"And," Jeremy continued. "To Luke." Everyone at the table looked at Luke,
smiling. Luke was trying hard not to turn red. "Lukester, you're the man in
so many ways, I don't know where to begin. First of all, I can honestly say
you're the best drummer I've ever heard. Period. Some of our songs would've
gotten tossed out a long time ago if you hadn't reworked the rhythms on 'em,
no offense to you, Damon. And dude, you're also totally the glue that holds
this band together. I know you guys remember that show we had at the park
back in March. You know, we came this close to breaking up, but you wouldn't
let us, man. You were totally right, we've come way too far and worked way
too hard to throw it all out just like that."
"Geez," Damon interrupted. "Why don't you just tell him you love him and get
it over with?" Everybody laughed, including Luke.
"No, no, lemme finish," Jeremy said. "I just got one more thing to say about
the Lukester. We're just lucky we got him as a friend, 'cause he's one of the
coolest guys I know. Cheers." Everybody clinked drinks again.
"And finally," Jeremy said, "to me. For being perfect." Nobody clinked drinks
this time. "Well, I'll drink to me, if nobody else will," Jeremy snapped
jokingly, and chugged the remainder of his Coke. Then he sat down and
finished.
Luke was nothing less than shocked.
Was this the way friends were supposed to treat each other?
-----------
"Estimated Time Remaining: 00:00:24"
Luke looked at the TV slightly ruefully. This timer represented a hell of a
lot of change in his life in the past 72 hours. He had gone from the outcast
in a group of four friends to the drummer of a great band and one of the most
popular guys in school in a pretty short time.
The drumming had actually ended up coming surprisingly naturally. Luke tried
as hard as he could that day to "remember" his drumming lessons, but when the
moment of truth came, all he had to do was go and he had no problems
whatsoever.
His new friends were great, too. The toast at lunch had been slightly out of
character for Jeremy who didn't usually get that sappy, but he was still a
really cool, decent guy. Johhny C and Damon were great guys, too. The best
thing about them, Luke reflected, was that they treated him like they thought
he was a cool guy, too. Maybe he had been a cool guy all these years. Maybe
he had just spent too much time hanging out with people who told him he
wasn't. This world just seemed to represent what would have happened if he
hadn't let Kevin, Dean and Marcus convince him that he was a loser.
"Estimated Time Remaining: 00:00:01"
"Phase 3 Fully Loaded!"
"Congratulations Luke Sharpe. Your victory has been noted." Then it went back
to the main menu. At long last, Luke reached down and turned the power off.
David Letterman appeared on the TV screen in the midst of telling some joke
about the latest celebrity to publicly humiliate himself. Luke took the
Spells-R-Us Combat cartridge out of his N64 and looked at it for a minute. He
reread the label on it that said "Spells-R-Us not to be Held Responsible For
Improper Use of This Cartridge" and laughed a little to himself. Then he put
the cartridge in the trash.
-----------
"You gotta gimme just/
one time, two times/
you know it's just where I'm at/
I'm waving as I go/
whoa-hoa-hoa.
The crowd roared tremendously as Evil Petting Zoo finished the last notes of
its most popular song. Everybody took their bows, then the guys stepped off
stage to their adoring fans.
"Great show, guys! You were so awesome!" Sarah cried as she ran up and gave
Jeremy a big hug.
"That was the greatest show you've ever done, I swear!" Nikki put in as she
embraced Johnny C.
"Did you hear me cheering for you guys?" Kaitlin ran up asking.
"How could we not?" Damon asked. Kaitlin hugged him tightly for a moment,
then, crying, "Luke, you were great!" hugged Luke. Luke, rather startled by
this turn of events, gave Damon a look which plainly said "Hey, it was her
idea." Damon shrugged.
"It's cool, man," he said. "I know you're not after her."
"Ooh, but I'm after him," Kaitlin cooed.
"Oh no you're not," said Lisa as she joined the scene. She jokingly shoved
Kaitlin out of the way and grabbed Luke. "C'mere. You're mine."
"Please, no fighting," Luke said. "There's enough of me for all of you!"
Everybody laughed. "I'm gonna get something to drink," he whispered in Lisa's
ear. "I'll be right back." Luke pried her arms off of him and headed over to
the counter to get something.
"What'll it be for you?"
"A bottle of water, please. Way too hot for coffee."
"Comin' right up."
"I'm buying," said a new voice. Luke looked over at who it was. It was a girl
from his school, pretty attractive. She had brown hair a little bit down past
her shoulders, and a nice face. She was wearing a shirt that was obviously
designed to accentuate her impressive breasts. The look in her eyes also
suggested that she was here after one thing, and one thing only. Luke tried
hard and kept a smirk from his face.
"Hey, thanks, I appreciate it," he said.
"You're welcome, Luke," said the girl.
"Hey, I know you," Luke said, faking an epiphany. "You sit next to me in my
math class. Alice, right?"
"Yeah," Alice said. "You wanna go someplace and talk?"
"Well, gee. You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tied up tonight," Luke
said. He turned around slightly and waved at Lisa, who was watching the scene
with much amusement. "So maybe some other time, huh?"
"But."
"Thanks for the water," Luke said, and walked back over to Lisa. "Ah," he
said. "I relish the small revenges."
"Small revenges?" Lisa asked. "What do you mean, small revenges?"
"Oh, nothing," Luke said, and he leaned in and kissed her. After a moment,
they broke apart and Lisa put her head on Luke's shoulder.
"You want to go someplace less crowded?" she whispered.
"Sure," Luke said. "But I need to stop by the mall first."
"Why the mall?"
"Just somebody I got to thank," Luke said.
The End