The First Ranma: A Really Twisted Tale free porn video

Urusei Yatsura/Those Obnoxious Aliens*Lum [The manga ran 9 years, the TV show from 1981-86.] Was created by Rumiko Takahashi; along with such later manga/anime as "Ranma 1/2" The First Ranma: A Really Twisted Tale By Ron Dow75 It was a typical day at Tomobiki High School: "A boy went into the girls' room!!" a long raven-haired girl yelled in the hall. "A-ta-ru!" Lum yelled, giving off lightning flashes within her long blue sailor suit, and flying off for the door. There was a cheer from the by-standers, both female and male commented: "Mohoboshi is going to get zapped!" "Mohoboshi always gets zapped!" "And somehow he always survives." "That pervert only has one thing he's lucky at, surviving!" "Ataru! This is too much, even for you!!" Lum declared as she flew over the stalls. The girls within yelled their displeasure with Lum looking down on them while they were in the awkward positions they were in. The alien with the long green hair and the two small yellow horns sticking out from it ignored all else but her hunt for the Greatest Lecher in the Galaxy, her husband! It didn't take long for her to find somebody dressed in the boys' black plebe uniform squatting over the Japanese toilet in the floor! "Dahling!! How many unforgivable things do you think I can forgive you for!!?" The boy in the stall first tossed up his leather book bag, then the toilet paper up at the space princess; but with the speed of one born and bred to self-defense, he snapped off the end the latter. By the time Lum had knocked the bag out of the way, and burned the roll to ashes with her lightning attack, the black haired boy had wiped his crotch, from front to back, and tossed it in the toilet bowl. Then, the bolt of lightning got through. He stood up. Unsinged. "What ya do that for, Lum!?!" "Ryuunosuke??" Lum blinked at her unhurt victim. "Ryuunosuke's in here?!" a girl asked. "Now, look what you did," the mild mannered student of Tomobiki High frowned, zipping up his pants. "The thought that I'm in the next stall!" another girl said. "I'm sorry, Ryuunosuke!" Lum said. "But a girl said-" "(HmmH!) She must be new to the school." Taking a breath like a martial artist would give himself just before meeting a challenge, Ryuunosuke opened the stall door, and went out. "Ryuunosuke is in here!" "Should he really be allowed in here?" "Who cares! Just the thought of it makes my day!" "Oh-woo! I have to go back into the stall!" Lum looked down at all the silly human girls, and yelled, "Ryuunosuke is a girl!!" "I don't care," one girl giggled. "That makes him the perfect boyfriend!" declared another. Lum flew down so she didn't have to see what the girl who'd gone back into the stall was doing. "I'm sorry, Ryuunosuke!" "(HnH!)" The brunette with the dark mood grunted, putting his hands in his pockets as he ambled his way past the girls looking at him with goo-goo eyes. "It happens all the time." Lum found that she had to get in front of him, because the girls wanted to close in around, and follow in his wake. "Ryuunosuke, may I ask a question?" "You're not going to ask me for a date, too?" If it was a joke, he asked it without any humor. "I just want to know how come you weren't electrocuted?" The one, whose life had left her looking like a cute, disengaged boy in the semi-long, barely combed hairstyle of the day, said, "Your attack has one flaw. Your adversary has to be grounded." Lum stopped. "I knew that." But not too many on Earth seemed to. If they, now, started doing things like wearing shoes with insolating soles... +++ Ataru Mohoboshi looked around, up and down the school hall. The brown haired, rather homely looking boy cackled, "I don't see Lum anywhere. (He, ha, hah!) I escaped from your fangs again!" Of course, he knew she would be in his next class; she was in all of his classes (even gym!). But it was the principle of the thing! He didn't ask to be married (Not to her, anyway). He saved the world single-handedly from alien invasion! He should have gotten a reward, not this life sentence! A door opened, and he knew which one it was without having to look. And what did he see when he did look? A parade of five girls led by one boy. That wasn't a boy; that was: "Ryuu-chan!!" Ataru grinned, rushing for her. Lum was the last to leave, and was just in time to see what happened. Ataru went crashing through the second floor hall window, while Lum zapped her husband for good measure. He had the further misfortune to fall on a small alien with one little yellow horn who had just happened to be toddling along over the school. All Oni had one special power. Jariten's was fire-breathing. +++ "Ten!!" the smoldering Ataru yelled from the now smoldering, defoliated bush he'd landed in. "If I hadn't been singed already by your cousin Lum, that'd hurt!!" Looking up at the broken window: "That was Lum-chan's lightning flash I saw?" asked the very little kid (his yellow tiger-striped swim trunks were often called diapers) who was her most loyal of kin. "What did you think it was?!!" he shook a fist at the second most obnoxious of the aliens he'd had the misfortune to meet. Maybe the most obnoxious: Lum, at least, looked like a beautiful girl. And she liked to wear that tiger-striped bikini. If she didn't insist she was his wife, he might actually chase her. "With you around, I though something had happened to a science project, or school projector." "I'm not that unlucky!!" "You are the unluckiest boy in the world," Cherry, the short, chinless, frog-faced Buddhist monk with the huge lobes pronounced. "YAAA!!!" both of them cried. Ten breathed fire on him; then Ataru hit him over the head with a very large wooden mallet. The later only served to break the char off of the mad monk. Which left the potbellied gnome in just a loincloth. "Don't you want to mitigate your bad luck, or not?" the monk asked, still on his feet, despite the large lump on his bald dome. "A man makes his own luck!!" Ataru told him. "Exactly." +++ "Lum-chan! Lum-chan! Wait up!" asked a very kawai schoolmate with very long, naturally curly maroon hair and a narrow ribbon in its side. The sailor scarf under her middy collar was red, not yellow like Lum's. Ryuunosuke stopped at the sound of her voice, "Ran." The human girls saw his reaction, and, grumbling, walked as gracefully away as their hurt pride could. They knew they could not compete with the most girlish of girls. "Ryuunosuke! Remember, you're a girl!" Lum said, coming down next to him. "I know I'm a girl," Ryuunosuke frown, as he turned to look upon Lum's oldest and dearest childhood friend. Breathing a little hard from the short jog, Ran was still able to speak, "You promised to have tea on my UFO!" "When did I promise that?" Lum asked, her eyes with as much of that vacant, slightly cross-eyed innocent look she'd practiced so hard to get. "Oh," she sounded disappointed. "Then I guess I'll just have to find some other amusement. Perhaps a date with your Ataru!" "Ran! You leave my husband alone! I'm the only one he can date!" "Er, Ran, uh," Ryuunosuke stammered. "If you want to do something, that is, uh..." "I'd love to, Ryuu-chan!" Ran beamed. "That is, if Lum objects?" "I object!" Lum told her. "Good!" Ran's said, delighted. "Ran-chan, why won't you believe Ryuunosuke's a girl?" "Silly Lum! Have you realized that Ataru cannot return your love? Is that why you're staking your claim on the only real man at this school?" And she fluttered her eyelashes at her target, "Perhaps in all of Greater Tokyo." "This is not about me, Ran!" Lum nearly cried in frustration. "Ryuunosuke, why would you want to go out with Ran?!" "Nobody wears a sailor suit better," Ryuunosuke said, lost in admiration. +++ Somehow, the penniless monk had managed to produce and put on a new robe. "This is an unusually long break between classes," Cherry noted. "Do you think Lum-chan may have blown some fuses?" little Ten asked, looking up at the windows as he hovered five feet above the ground. "If the bells don't tell me to, I'm not going to classes," Ataru cackled, leaning against a wall, his black plebe coat was completely unbuttoned and open, now, revealing his red T-shirt. "You are just delaying the inevitable," Cherry said. "Death is inevitable. But I live for the moment! If I live enough moments, then I won't die." Ten frowned, "Is that how you've been able to survive?" "It is a logic worthy of a mystic," Cherry said. "If there are no classes, Lum-chan can play!" Ten smiled, put- putting up towards the broken window. A passing jet stream caused the little boy to spin like a ball in mid-air. "Ataru!" Lum cried, swooshing down from the busted window. "Ran and Ryuunosuke are going on another date!" "Ran-chan and Ryuu-chan!!?!" Ataru cried, suddenly erect and alert. "Girls should not date girls!! That is against all of morality! Against the very Laws of Nature! Without the proper functioning of Nature, where would the World be! Were would Japan be!?!! It threatens to upset the very foundation of our national security! For the sake of future generations, we must rescue them from their misguided straying from the path of virtue, and set them on the path of righteous love!" Cherry's staff with the bells tripped the boy before he'd made two steps. "They do not need your luck. Let Ryuunosuke's luck handle this." "Luck!?! Luck!!?" Ataru yelled, shaking his fist at the most obnoxious human of all time. "If poor Ryuu-chan had any luck, would that girl who had every right to be a vision of loveliness be bound by the lie that she's not a girl!?!!" "Cherry's right, Dahling! You will only cause more trouble; like you did on their last date," Lum said, hovering above him. "And what of Ran's own luck, Lum," Cherry suggested. "I don't know what you're talking about, Cherry," Lum said, trying not to let any guilt show. "Since you were little girls, she's only had bad luck when she's near you." "Ah-HA!!" Ataru was up on his feet to accuse, "Lum's a carrier! She's the reason for all of my bad luck, too!!" "You were bad luck before Lum showed up!" Jen told him, floating down to nearly an arm's length to him, ready to spit fire on him. "Human weird luck when added to alien weird is Super weird!!" Ataru told him. "Cherry is right," Lum admitted her guilt. She hung herself in the air. "No wonder my best friend in the universe hates me while she loves me." "Ran has a real Jekyll and Hyde personality disorder," Cherry said. "Stop spreading lies about fair damsels!!" Ataru cried as he kicked the monk so hard he landed in a tree. Still slumped over in mid-air, Lum said, "Perhaps we should listen to Cherry, and stay out of it this time." "Listen to Cherry!? Never!! Not when it involves cute girls like Ran-chan and Ryuu-chan!" Ataru declared, his eyes afire. Lum became less of a dishrag: "Now I know we should stay out of it! The only reason I told you was because the last time they went on a date, we went on a date." "It wasn't a date!!" Ataru yelled at her. Ten finally made it up to the level Cherry was draped over some tree branches. "Why did you interfere to stop trouble? That's not like you." "I'm a mysterious monk with motivations beyond the reasoning of the uninitiated." "The only motivation you have is, 'what can I do to get something to eat'?" "That reminds me: Lum! If you're not going on a date, which means you'll be eating at the Mohoboshi's, right?! It is a good deed to give a bowl of rice to-" Lum's response was to scream, and send out such a massive bolt from her body that the charred, again, monk was sent falling down the split that had opened up in the tree. +++ As soon as the last bell of school had rung, Ryuunosuke rushed to the one-room apartment in the back of the school store. "I'm going out with Ran! I have a second chance!" He dropped the blue wool plebe coat that buttoned up the neck as soon as he got in the door, "This time! This time!" He headed straight for the alcove with the deep cement sink, pulling up his white T-shirt, "This time: I will do it! I am prepared, now! I know what to expect!" He tossed the shirt away "This time, I Will ask her! I won't take no for an answer!" In his haste, he fumbled at the knot that kept the long cloth bandage strip in place "Girls! Girls, they're... Girls are... Girls are Wonderful!" he told himself. "Girls are the most wonderful things there are..." he smiled at the thought of them, as he pulled out the ends of the bandage from where they'd been tucked in to further tourniquet them. "And Ran is the cutest: The most Girl of Girls!" Ryuunosuke, at last, could unwind the strip of cloth that was so tightly wound around his chest that day as one had been everyday for five years. If anybody asked about it, his father would say his son had injured himself. Anybody who knew the Fujinami family at all knew that the way father and son yelled and fought each other (everyday, in every way) it was no wonder that Ryuunosuke would be injured. "A guy'd have to be a fool not to get what he can from her." His ardor took sudden flame: "Yes! With her, I do it! I will be a girl!!" he said holding the bandage in a hand while his good size tits now swung free in the daylight coming from the long window in front of him. "Ryuunosuke! Ryuunosuke! You dog, you! You, Don Juan! You, chip off the your Old Man's block!!" declared a craggy and weather- beaten man in the white pants and shirt of a beachcomber, and a woven virility belt around his waist. In his haste he'd left the sliding double doors open! "Stay out of the lav when I have nothing covering my chest!!" he ordered his father, as he put his right arm across his tits, the hand in a tight fist, like the other. "Men do not have to be modest among each other!" "I am not a man!!" he roared in a monotony that echoed his whole life. "I'm a girl!!" he cried, lashing out with all the power his left fist possessed at the man who'd ruined his life. "Nonsense!" his father easily got out of the way on tiptoe. "Your dating proves that you're, at last, a man!" "We were through this crap the last time I went out with Ran!" he turned around after the momentum had carried him out of the alcove in the one room apartment. "I don't date!! I'm doing this to get the straight skinny on how to be a girl!!" "Just like an inexperienced boy! Say what you want, you always make your father proud of you, Ryuunosuke! You leave a callow lad, but you'll come back a man!" And he held up two white Japanese rooting fans with the red circles on them: "Score! Score!" "Why you!!!" Ryuunosuke screamed with all his might, running at the demon with his left fist out stretched, his right cocked over his chest. "Do you think you can score?" his father smiled, challenging him to get a blow to him. At the last possible moment, Ryuunosuke unleashed his right punch while replacing it with his left to cover his tits. At the last possible moment, Fujimi Fujinami moved his chin to the side. Ryuunosuke fell back into the lav area. The Old Man looked in past the door. His son was bent over the sink, his right holding onto the rim, his left arm still over his chest, and his cheek against a cracked pane. "You should've freed your hands!" +++ Ataru came into the apartment from the school store, "Ryuu-chan! Don't do this! Only men and women belong together! Let me show you what dating a man is like!" "My son will never date another man!" Fujimi Fujinami declared. "What do you think he is!? A pervert?!" Ataru's girl-trained senses quickly found, on the paper panes of one of the sliding double doors across the alcove, the silhouette of a girl's form. Form!! It looked like she wasn't wearing any clothes!! "Ryuu-chan!!" he cried, racing at the door, ignoring her fight-crazy father. The father simply smiled under his thick eyebrows. A fist broke through the door and Ataru ran into it. He fell unconscious to the green tatami-mat floor. "See!? See, my son!?!" his father said, coming over. "This is what happens when you let boys think you're interested in boys!" "I never let him think I'd date him! I don't want to date boys!!" Ryuunosuke cried, ripping a hole in enough of the paper door panels to stick his head through. "The thought makes me want to puke!" "Spoken like a true man!" his father said, reaching down and picking up Ataru. "I'm A Girl!!" his years of conditioned reflexes forced him to scream and lash out at the man. He broke through the sliding door, and into the room. He really was naked. His father was leaving with the pervert Ataru over his shoulder. Ryuunosuke hurried back through the door to finish cleaning up. He didn't have the time to go to a public bath, so he had to do it this way. He ran enough water to wet the bar of soap, and then lathered up his body; he would then go back over the area with a damp cloth. It was always strange when he got to his tits. He was used to feeling them tightly, even painfully squashed up against his pecs (and with the amount of upper body exercise his fighting gave him, they were well-developed muscles). Unbound, the tits dangled and rolled like something unreal...even ethereal. They were not really a part of him, but the ghostly, the haunting reminder of what he could-Should-have been! He knew he could not stay there any longer; he moved down to his hips and butt. This was only body he'd know; puberty was slow enough, and his dad had provided enough distractions, for him to get use to curves. He wasn't all that round; even in the T-shirt and shorts he'd wear at the Hama tea shop on the beach, he would be mistaken for a boy. When his hand moved to his groin... He did it as quickly and matter-of-factly as he could. He sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a cock. He knew they bulged in swim trunks and pants in many different ways. But every time he'd had a chance to actually see one, he'd turned away in shame and disgust. That's how he felt when he thought about having one as a man. While, when he thought about having one as a girl... would mean coming to terms with what he did have in place of a cock. Ryuunosuke was very careful around his own tiny, little cock; he was afraid of what his fantasies might reveal. +++ "There you are, Ataru!!" Lum said flying over to the just awakening boy who'd been put out with the school garbage. "Are you ready to give up this interference, and come home with me?" "Never!" he sat up in the garbage from a couple of busted plastic bags. "For the sake that is all righteous and virtuous, I, Ataru Mohoboshi, must save those girls!" "You just want to date them yourself!" she tried to burst his pretentious bubble. "Of course! That would prove they were saved!" "Then we'll end up going through what happened the last time," Lum sighed. "History does Not repeat itself! That is a bald-faced myth!" he declared getting up and out of the garbage. "No, it doesn't. They say that the second time is a farce." "The first time was a farce!" "Then, what will it be this time?" Lum asked herself with that cross-eyed innocent look. "There's not going to be a next time!" "Dahling!!" Lum threw her arms and herself around him. "You have given up!" "No! I'm going to learn from history!" Ataru smiled with great determination in his eyes. "I'm going back in time, and Not do what made my noble mission a failure!" "I was the reason you couldn't go through with your plans!" "Exactly!" "And how are you going to go back in time without me?" Ataru wanted to scream; instead he smashed his fists down onto thin air, as he bowed his head. +++ Ryuunosuke was now in front of the dresser. "(Hunh!) We can't even afford a towel large enough to cover my body," he grumbled, pulling up his boxers. "Just small Japanese towels." "You better hurry up! You don't want to keep the girl waiting!" his father said, seeing that his son'd rewrapped his chest in the bandages. "I'm hurryin' as fast as I can!" he yelled, holding up his T- shirt for emphasis as he nearly looking over his shoulder. "Tea parties are supposed to begin at four!" "Tea parties? You're not actually going to a tea party, Ryuunosuke?!" "I am," he stated, as he pulled on the fresh T-shirt. "What kind of a date is that for a man?!" "It's not a date! I'm not a man! I'm a girl!!" he spun around, ready for another attack. But his father only had a gleam in his eyes. "I'll save this fight until after I find out how your date went." Still not trusting the man, Ryuunosuke decided to put on his white oxford shirt first; he wouldn't want to have his legs caught in pants when his dad did attack him. "Why're you goin' to wait?" The father sat down at the only other piece of furniture in the room, a small low Japanese table. "It'll be horrible, if the girl gets turned off because your body got beaten up right before your sate." "It's not a date," he said, yet again, having put his arms in one at a time. "And you said that the last time I went out with Ran." "See!? I am consistent in my views!" "I wish you weren't," his frown deepened, buttoning the shirt, now. "Then I would've had some chance to know what it feels like to be a girl." "(Ha! Ha! Ha!) That's what a date is for!" "I said "feels like to be a girl" -Not what a girl feels like!! I already know that!!" He hadn't even finished buttoning his shirt, and here he was ready to get into that fight he didn't want to get into. Not now. Like his dad said: Wait until he saw how his time with Ran went! He went back to buttoning, "But that's exactly why I am goin' out. There is no girl who knows more how to be a girl than Ran." +++ Lum had her own personal yellow tiger-striped UFO saucer levitate Ataru up inside. Everywhere he looked there was equipment (all without square corners) straight out of pre-Star Trek sci-fi shows or comic books. If it did not look high tech alien, it did not belong in view, he thought. "I knew you'd have a time machine! You have a ray gun for everything! If it's not a ray gun, then its something so weird, nobody in their right mind could think of it!" Lum, now in the yellow tiger-stripes that were the national colors of the Oni race of Uru (the bikini-style reflecting the fact that she hadn't been officially recognized as married), explained, "I am a space princess. What would it look like, if another space princess had something I didn't have?" "Why couldn't those other space princess think the same way, and want me!?" he wanted to sulk. "Because you're somebody only somebody who loves you could want?" Lum said, kneeling in front of a piece of equipment that looked like a one-legged metal table coming from the floor-deck. In the middle of it was something that looked like a teacup. Ataru walked over to the table. "Don't I get any tea?" "This tea isn't for drinking. This tea is for time traveling!" "What?" Ataru said, dropping down to sit Japanese-boy-style, knees wide out. "Are you saying all we have to do go back in time is to drink some tea?" "Of course not!" Lum smiled at the idea. "The tea is to provide the time tunnel swirling effect as we go back in time!" "What??" Ataru asked, clueless. Lum pulled out a little doohickey from the bikini top. "This is the time machine!" "That little thing's going to open up time for us?" "The real time machine is already at the time between time. This is like a doorbell button! It's keyed to me, personally!" Lum smiled. She wasn't about to tell him she had more than one time machine, each working under different principles. (Like she'd said, a space princess had to have one of everything!) "Well," Ataru eyed it, "At least it's a machine, not some stupid tea. But you sure I can get in?" "If you're with me!" she smiled, and dropped the doohickey into the cup. Before Ataru could ask, now what? he found himself slurped in, and going down the drink! "LuMUUUU!!!" he screamed. +++ In still unaltered time: Ran was in her UFO saucer. She was out of her school sailor suit, and in her normal Earth attire: A twirlable midi dress (this time white with pink trim) with petticoats, a wide bow behind her waist, and some simple frills to soften the edges, and (pink) heels. Unlike her fellow Uruan, Lum, Ran did not like to display all of her technology. Her spacecraft had been modified by a program labeled "Euro-kitsch, Japanese Translation". Kitsch, kawai, girly, or cutesy, whatever a local called it, that's how she wanted the world to see her. That's what she felt like: And it was all Lum's fault!! Unbidden, an old childhood memory resurfaced: They were very little girls at school. There were rows of tables, and Ran and Lum were sitting at a middle one; they were just about the only humanoids in the class. The rest were what the humans would call monsters, but that wasn't why Ran and Lum sat next to each other. Ran's mothership was parked within a flying-scooter ride of Lum's mothership. And there were hardly anybody else on the planetoid they lived on. (Lum's father was "Mr. Invader", and Ran's mother was "The Enforcer". And though she did not understand it at the time, her family was key to the alliance of the Oni and Gaki races; their Gestapo tactics carried over to the way they raised their child.) Lum was in her yellow tiger-striped short strapless shift, and she was in her opaque angelic gossamer one. (Did they ever have hair that short?) "I'm almost finished with my temporal transmat for arts and crafts!" she said merrily. "I'm adding something extra to mine!" Lum said, her little tongue out as she worked with only the molecular manipulation tools they allowed kids to play with. "A Random Access Memory!" "Oh, no, Lum! Don't you remember what they said about Chaos Theory?!" "A little chaos is fun! Oops!" "What did you do, Lum!?!!" Ran cried, worried about the end of time. "My hand just slipped," Lum told her worrywart friend. "Slipped!!?!" Ran went very pale at the thought. Suddenly Errp the Anuran inflated its throat, and croaked at her, "This is all your fault!!" This surprised Little Ran so much, she cried. "Sensei!" Ocho the Octopian said, as he embraced Errp with all eight of his arms. The whole class began to chase each other, all saying they loved this monster, or that monster, but few saying it to the monster who said they that loved them. They didn't care if Ran was in their way, they'd run right over her, even as she sat at the table. And if somebody got caught, they fought them off as they tried to get to the one they said they loved. Again, they didn't care if Ran got mixed up in their frays. And the worst part, what made her cry even more was: Nobody said they loved her!!! No one trampled Lum; who was laughing and clapping her hands, thoroughly amused. In the middle of this, the Mrs. Janus, the Siamesean humanoid female with two fronts and no back, stormed over to Ran, and yelled at her: "You leave my Dahling alone!! I won't let you suck the youth out of him!!" The teenage face of Ran's present being was anything but cute, as rage filled every fiber of her being: "I see, now, that was the future Lum that yelled at me. Traumatized me because I thought the teacher was yelling at me for something I hadn't done! If that hadn't been the feedback tension of the quantum string from around the nexus point that chaos might've lasted longer than a few minutes! "Lum..." Ran's voice took on a terrible tone, "I have always been at the wrong end of your reckless pranks. One day, one day: I Shall Get My Revenge!!! Bwa-Ha! Ha! Ha..." +++ Ataru saw that he Was in a swirling of something that was tea colored. It would have been more dramatic if cream and sugar had been added. But this was traditional Eastern tea, not the Western stuff that came in a bag; there were tea dregs everywhere. If he knew how to read tealeaves, he would have had an idea of just how bad his luck was going to be this time. "Dahling! Hold my hand!" the bikini-clad alien said to him, reaching out her hand for him. "Why should I!?!" he asked, keeping his hands to himself. "If we don't stay together, we might get separated!" "Good!" he told her, putting both hands behind his back, and away from her. "Then I can change time without your-" And just like a skater spins faster with his limbs in, so, now, too, did Ataru! "Lum!!" he wanted her to hold his hand now: Any hand! A foot, even! He fought against momentum and put his limbs out until he was spinning less quickly. But now he was no longer spinning smoothly; his thrashing about was sending him out of control, deeper and deeper into the teacup of time. "Lu-Ummmm!!..." "Ataru!!" Lum yelled, using her flying power to try and reach him. +++ In still unaltered time: Ryuunosuke was dressed in his best clothes, the same clothes he'd worn the last time he'd gone out with Ran. He had on black, polished oxford shoes, and a white oxford shirt, his slacks were navy blue, and his sweater-vest was gray; he even wore a correctly noosed red tie. Maybe it was a little stupid wearing this when he wanted to know how to be a girl; but you dress up for a girl like Ran, right? After all, he was going out with somebody special, and these were the best-his Only best-clothes he had. "Once I know how to act like a girl, people won't ever think of me as a guy, again! I can wear dresses, and nobody'll stare, and point, and say I'm just a stupid guy in a dress! I can relax, and be the girl I was meant to be! I could then... I could then wear..." and a mirage, like the kind that pull men lost in a desert after them, appeared before his thirsty spirit, "...a girl's school uniform... sailor suit... fuku!" The problem with this fantasy vision was that Ryuunosuke wasn't in it; Ran was. He at last came to a vacant lot. There on top of its grass knoll was the pink UFO saucer. The ramp was down, as if welcoming him. +++ Ataru felt like a drip as he fell back into time. "Ataru! Ataru!" It was Lum's voice! She had followed him. He could even get rid of her in time! Maybe what she'd told him earlier was all a lie! "Shinobu! Shinobu!" a preschool little boy who looked more than just vaguely familiar called out. The little dark brown haired girl ran from the little boy. But he caught her. Only to be shocked by the cloth Lum doll holding onto the back of his head. But that didn't stop him: He immediately chased the teenage beauty Sakura. And got shocked again, while the real bikini-clad Lum flew overhead. "Ataru! When are you going to learn your lesson?" she said as she watched the little boy glom onto every girl, teen, and pretty woman he came upon, only to be shocked again and again. +++ In still unaltered time: Ran looked at the mega-huge close-up of the one and only true love of her life, the Oni Rei, arguably the handsomest male humanoid in the universe. She set the tray with her daily offering of food before the shrine, "Don't look at me that way! No! No! It's you, and only you, I wish to date! There is no other in my heart!" She crawled up on the table, getting closer to her idol, "But you're not here! A girl can't sit home and wait every evening! I need to keep in practice, for when you do call for me!" "Oh, yes, I know! I wish I wasn't stuck on this primitive planet, too! But, soon, soon, I promise, there will be no more Lum for you to love, and you can give me all of your attention!" Ran kissed the picture of the giant screen. "Yes!! Yes!!" she hopped down, and kept on hopping. "You do understand!" The doorbell chimed. "Until after the date, when I tell you all about it!" she said, pressing a button to have the screen draw a curtain over the picture. ""That will prove you have nothing to be jealous over!" +++ "What kind of monster are you, electrocuting little kids!!" Ataru screamed. "I wasn't electrocuting you! I was trying to condition you not to chase after girls!" the second bikini-clad Lum, the one he'd tea traveled with, defended herself. "Well, you failed! I still chase girls!" he stabbed himself his thumb, proud of his words. "I could try it again!" Lum brightened. "No you can't!!" he ordered. "You're right," she sighed. "I am?" he looked at her suspiciously. "History cannot repeat itself. We cannot do the same idea over again without a significant change in plot." "Is that why we're back way before Ran's and Ryuunosuke's first date?" "We're back here because you wouldn't hold my hand when I asked you to!" +++ In still unaltered time: "Uh,... Hello, Ran," Ryuunosuke stumbled. "Ryuunosuke!" Ran greeted him with good cheer. "You really shouldn't have met me at my place. And not so early! It's not something a gentleman should do!" she was serious, but her tone told him that she forgave this boy so very na?ve about dating. Even though she was thinking: This guy's seriously horny! "I am no gentleman!" "What?" Ran lost her mood of forgiveness. "Ran! Before, when you asked Lum to join you -Were you really going to have a tea party!?!" That's an approach she hadn't expected. "I always have a tea party on stand-by. Tea parties give me the excuse to eat all those foods I shouldn't eat!" she giggled at the girlish admission she'd made, deciding to continue with the role she was most comfortable with. "You, you get to Eat at a tea party?" he said with big, eager black eyes. "Oh, yes! There are all sorts of cakes and pastries, and canap?s- and chocolate!" "It, it, it all sounds so girlish! So indulgently feminine! Ran! May I, perhaps, have tea with you?!! I beg you!" he was practically down on one knee! Ran was a little startled and confused by this response. "I told you I don't want you in my house. What would people say? It's not proper. Especially, for a girl living alone." "Then, then, we'll eat outside! Like a picnic! But I must, I must know what a tea party is like!!" "Eat outside, with the insects?!" Ran-chan said, showing her displeasure with the idea. "Yeah," Ryuunosuke wave had crested, and his spirit was ebbing away. "My Old Man probably followed me, and would ruin everything to keep me from really enjoying myself. He has a long list of things I can't do, because they're things only girls can do." "Tea parties aren't just for girls!" Ran-chan said as if it were a silly idea. She looked at the young man; she actually believed he wanted a tea party, and not her. "Okay!" she said. "We shall have a tea party! And all that scrumptious food! Come in, please!" "Re, really..." Ryuunosuke looked at her with big, wide, hopeful eyes. But no sooner had he crossed the threshold, than: "ALERT! ALERT!" +++ Ataru was passing cars on metal roller skates he'd "borrowed". "Why can't your time machine just take us there!!" he screamed. Lum was behind him, pushing him, "Then where would the UFO Company be?" "What does unidentified flying objects have to do with anything!?!!" he yelled through his fears. "A Uruan Flying Object can always be identified!" Lum said sounding a little insulted. "Daddy owns a lot of stock in the company!" "That still doesn't explain why you can't just zip us there!!!" "If time machines could place you anywhere you wanted to go in time, then, by being in the future, you could go anywhere you want to in the present, because it would be the past: Then, why would people need vehicles!?!" she said as if it were all too obvious. "That's not the reason you're doing this!!" Ataru shook his fist up in the air (and nearly lost his shaky balance). "You've become a Buddhist, and want me to suffer so much I'll give up my desire for girls!!" "Oh! We're coming to the end of this hilltop," Lum announced. They had; and it was steep: You could practically see the sea in the distance. "Time to let you coast; I'll take the shortcut by air, and meet you when you run out of momentum!" "No!! Lum!! Don't do this..." But she did. As she hovered, a little worried that he might not make it safely, he yelled, "I will not become a practicing Buddhist!!!" +++ In still unaltered time: "ALERT! ALERT! Security scans shows that this is an impostor!" Ran's computer announced. "What!?!? You're Not Ryuunosuke Fujinami?!!" the glaring Ran said, stepping significantly back from the imposture. "I am! I am Ryuunosuke! That computer is wrong!" he protested, seeing his hope of being feminine again about to be dashed. "Data on this culture shows that "Ryuunosuke" is a male's name, and only a male's name. This is a female." "WHAT!!?!!" Ran screamed! Ryuunosuke ran-And slammed into the closed airlock. "What did you do with the Real Ryuunosuke!!" she screamed at the fake boy. The cutesy girl was gone; a de-manic personality had taken her place. "Lum put you up to this, didn't she?!! She was jealous that the most thoroughly manly and honorable boy in all of Japan was interested in me, the most popular girl in all of the Pacific Rim, and not her-So she had her computer find a girl that looked like Ryuunosuke so she could substitute her, and make a fool out of me again!!!" He was down on his butt, his back up against the airlock: "What are you screaming about?!" Ryuunosuke yelled only because she was yelling. "I don't follow you at all!" "Or Lum really showed her twisted evil!! Maybe she used a sex- change gun to turn you into a girl!! Is that what she did to you?!!" "Lum had nothing to do with making me a girl!" Ryuunosuke rose up. Standing with as much dignity as he could muster, he said, "I, Ryuunosuke Fujinami, have always been a girl." "Always!?!!" Ran studied Ryuunosuke, deciding if she should make the fraud her next victim. "It was my dad's idea. The only property he owned was the Hama teashop on the beach. He claims it was the original, and had been in the family for three generations. But under Confucian Law, a girl cannot inherit anything herself. So, he decided to make me a boy. If your computer looks, it'll see plenty of Eastern stories with variations on the theme. Though, I bet, nobody ever tried to so hard to make the girl into a real man." "Confirmed," Ran's computer said. "A very long explanation," Ran said, still frowning hard at Ryuunosuke. "But understandable, even by Uruan standards." "I'll leave, now. I'll never ask you to go out with me again," he said, turning to do just that. Only the door still had not opened, "Hey, Ryuunosuke, why did you want to date me? This had better be good. Every Uruan has a special power of their own. You don't want to find out what mine is." "I... I... I wanted to learn to be a girl," he finally admitted. "A girl? You don't know how to be a girl?" she looked at him very skeptically. "No," he hung his head, his back to her. "My dad did every single dirty trick he could think of to make sure I acted like a man. And ever since I got... breasts, I knew I could not be like real girls. They are the most wonderful beings there ever was, and I was like them only in my black and blue body." Suddenly, Ryuunosuke turned around, desperate for this one last chance, "Until I saw you, Ran!! You're the most wonderful of all girls! No one knows how to be more feminine than you! You're perfect! You're my ideal-You're my idol! If I could be just a fraction of the woman you are, I know I would have what it takes to overcome my training in the manly arts!!" The demon was gone, "Me?!" she smiled with delight. "I am your most perfect feminine idol?! (Tee, hee). You want to be just like little me?!" "No!! I could never be as wonderful as you, Ran! No one could! I just want to learn from the sensei-sama!" "Sensei-sama! Sensei-sama!!" she bounced around, her hands to the sides of her face. "Nobody's ever called me a Teacher-Mistress, before!" "Then... then, you will be?!" Ryuunosuke almost dared to smile. "Am I more wonderful than Lum?" "I'm in the same class as Lum. I came to you for my Guru!" "Yum!! Mm-Mmm!" Ran said, having an orgasm with the thought that one of her fantasies was, at last, fulfilled. +++ Ataru was still screaming. Instead of slowing down to a stop, a car had caught up with him going almost at the same speed. Now, its grill was pushing him along. "Do something!!!" he cried when the very alien girl was within yelling distance. "Hm! I guess I'd better," she said. She flew down to the level Ataru's body was pressed up against the car. She pushed him ahead of it enough for her to get between the two. She then used her booted feet to push off them off the grill and speed them on their way. Ataru realized that all she'd done was substitute herself for the car. "Why'd you do that for!?!!" "I saw it using its turn signals! I'm going to have to be the one to get you up this next hill." "Another hill!!?!" +++ In still unaltered time: "The, uh, closet?" Ryuunosuke said, pushing his thumbs and fists together as he became very bashful. "Part of the whole reason for a proper tea party is to have an excuse to dress up!" Ran-chan smiled, and did a little curtsy in her own frilly frock, modeling it. "Eh, I am dressed up." "You are dressed up. For a man! Listen to your Mistress-Teacher. Or, don't you think little me can teach you anything?" Ran-sama looked like she wanted to pout from hurt feelings. "No! No, if anybody can teach me how to be a girl, it's you!!" Ryuunosuke raised his hands, and tried to reassure her. "It's just that, that before I wear nice things, I want to feel nice! I don't want to be some stupid dude in a dress! If people say the wrong thing, I get into fights. Bam! Automatic!" "As your Mistress-Teacher, you must not question my methods. Go to the closet. Mh, Mh!" she shook her locks. "Yes, sensei-sama," Ryuunosuke relented. He gazed at the door. Throwing his shoulders back, and screwing up what courage he had left, he marched himself to the closet. He was just reaching for the door, when he hesitated, "It's not going to be too girly, is it? What kind of dress are you going to put me in?" "Oh! I'm not going to put you in anything!" Ran-chan smiled impishly. The door opened; giant mechanical, white-gloved hands reached out and pulled a yelling, struggling Ryuunosuke inside the closet. +++ When they'd gotten to the top of the hill, Ataru and Lum could see the beach below. Ataru could also see how far down the bottom of the hill was. And it was getting further away! "Lum!! What are you doing?!!" "I'm adding as much momentum as I can after I've launched you!" she said sweetly. "Launched me!!?!" Yes, the hill was several meters, even decameters below! And as his arc peaked, it was approaching a hectometer-a hundred yards! "I just have to make sure you're pointing in the right direction," Lum said, aiming through one eye, her slim tongue out. "LuMUUUU!!!" Ataru yelled as he began his trajectory down towards the beach. +++ In still unaltered time: The giant mechanical hands gently placed the girl who looked like a girl outside the closet. Never in his life had Ryuunosuke had fantasized about wearing a metallic pink alien bikini and long, high heel boots. "Uh, Ran, I, uh, think there's something' wrong with your closet," he said, trying to cover up with his own hands. "There's nothing wrong (Tee, hee!). You're not my size, and Earth clothes do not shape themselves to fit their wearer." Ryuunosuke looked down and saw, as if for the first time, that he had cleavage. No longer was his tits flattened; the bikini top had not just wrapped itself around them, they lifted and separated, making his rather ample bosom more ample! "Uh, they, uh, 'fit'. Alright." "Mm, hm! It's made with a simply marvelous "living metal". It tunes itself to your own electrical patterns, and adjusts itself to keep itself and you at your most comfy level! The E-M field it puts around me makes me feel all snuggly, like when I first wake up in my cozy bed in the morning!" "That's not what I feel," Ryuunosuke muttered. His hands had gone from trying to cover his top, to pulling down on it: It wanted to raise his tits too high! "Oh?!" Ran said, getting a dirty look in her eyes. "If you're 'married', then it can make you feel like you're in your 'husband's' embrace!" "Husband!?" Ryuunosuke yelped. "A-l-l over your bo-dy..." Suddenly his top flattened his tits flat against his chest, compressing them as much as he'd ever done with his bandages. "I'm not married: And I'm not Ever going to have a 'husband'!!" +++ Ataru was still screaming as the he approached the beach sand head first, going at what must be the maximum Earth speed limit for falling: Why would I want to remember my Physics at a time like this!?!! His momentum disappeared just inches from the solid sand. "At last!" Lum said, delighted, clapping her hands. "I overrode the overrides!" "What!?!!" Ataru asked still hovering upside down in thin air. "Since our tea is inside my UFO, I was able to get it to direct the levitation beam into the cup!" "You could have done that all the time, Couldn't you!!?!!" he yelled his accusation. "I could have; but it would have been dangerous," Lum said with all her sincerity. "I don't believe you!!! What makes now any different!?!!" "If I hadn't broke the rules of time travel, you would've been hurt!" "What rules!?!!" he yelled as the beam lowered him softly, but face first, onto the beach. "Ppph! Pthu! Ptu!" She flew down to within an arm's reach to him. "We are disturbing time by being here. Because of the Chaos Theory, we have no idea what changes might happen just by our being here. By adding an outside force, like my UFO's levitation beam, that cuts through time from the what was-will-be to the what is-could-be we stir things up even more!" "I have no idea what you're talking about!!" Ataru yelled, most of the sand out of his mouth now. Lum took on a differential wifely tone, "I'm just saying that every time I have to use anything I didn't bring with me there's just going to be more chance for bad luck." "Bad luck is for losers!!" her 'husband' declared. "That's how I'm able to, to-" he rubbed his throat. "I need something to drink." +++ In still unaltered time: Ryuunosuke saw that the short time he'd been in the closet with that molesting machine, a one-legged table with a glass-like top had risen from the floor. Besides the flowery table setting and teapot and cups, on it was laid out the most glorious banquet of snacks he'd ever, in his entire miserable life, seen! He ran over to it in the bikini and boots, and stood (with his legs bent out at the knees) and gaped, "C... cakes! And coo... cookies! And little sandwiches! And, and..." he dared not say the what they were, afraid that they might be taken away from him just by his speaking the taboo word. "Chocolates!" Ran-chan said it for him, enjoying the taste of the word on her tongue. "I've never! Ever had chocolate!! Or cakes! Or cookies! And little sandwiches! Those are all things my Old Man calls 'girly food'! He says that if I eat that kind of stuff, I'll turn into a girl!" "Well, isn't that why you're here?" Ran-sama smiled. "Yes! That's why I'm here." Then the light bulb went on: "Yes!! That's why I'm here!!" And he started grabbing all the food he could, loading up like he was a starving man at an all-you-can- eat buffet. "I'm going to eat all of this girly food, and turn into a girl!!" Ran slapped his wrists. Whether she knew what she was doing, or he reacted from conditioning, Ryuunosuke immediately had to let go of all of the food. They fell all around him. "If you eat all of that food, you will not be the kind of girl that can get the most out of being a girl. You must think of your diet." "I've never been on a diet!" Ryuunosuke said. "Except the starvation diets my dad's put me through! Damn it! We ran a Hama teashop! We sold junk food! You'd think I'd get to sample the inventory!!" "None of that yelling!" Ran-sama reproved him. "A proper lady knows when it's appropriate to yell." "You were yelling at me earlier!" Ryuunosuke told her. "I'm a proper lady, and know when it's appropriate to yell. And when it's not. You do not yell at tea parties. You have pleasant conversation and chitchat." "Er, do we hafta? I'm not big on small talk." "Are you smaller than guys?" "Only in my size!" he said as if some guy had challenged him. "Girls are smaller than guys, and talk about smaller things." "That doesn't sound right," Ryuunosuke mumbled. "While guys talk about the big things, we girls take care of the little things." Ran-chan said; then some of her Gaki-self appeared, "So we can fly in under their radar, and bomb them into submission!" +++ Ataru, walked the beach. Lum, instead of flying, was walking with him. Ataru thought: She must think she blends right in with that bikini of hers. It's made of fur! And so are the boots! He glanced over at him, and pulled his arm away when she wanted to hug it to her. He added, in his thoughts: Blend in!? She has green hair and horns!! Up ahead was a typical open restaurant-sized shack. It had the signs any typical Hama beach teashop had. He'd be able to by a Coke there, and get the grit out of his mouth and throat. Maybe he'd get a raman, too. "(He, he, he!) Then it's settled, my old friend!" said a rather round-faced man with a moustache who looked something like a hippy with sandals, yellow pants, red T-shirt, and a bandana worn like a cap. He had Eastern-style glasses, looped around his ears. The unseen man inside the teashop laughed, "(Mhya! Ha! Ha!) That it is, Shiowatari! A toast to the contract!" "That voice! That loud, obnoxious voice!" Ataru said. "Ryuunosuke's father!" Lum agreed. +++ In still unaltered time: While the table disappeared beneath the floor, and the nearly silent robot vacuum cleaner cleaned up the spilled food, Ran-sama taught Ryuunosuke, "Tea parties are one of the best things about diets! After starving yourself to keep your (tee, hee!) girlish figure," and she ran her hands down along her own curves, "you indulge your cravings with only the most delightful, and delectable delicacies! (Oh! Yum!!) The pleasures are, then, multiplied!" It looked like to Ryuunosuke that memory and anticipation were among Ran's pleasures, nearly physical ones, too. "And all without guilt, because you were such a good girl, and had kept on your diet! (Mmm...)" "Unh, hunh," Ryuunosuke nodded. Not for the first time did he wonder if he could ever get himself to think the way girls think. They were just so weird. "And by keeping our talk on matters we do not have think about, we can turn our minds over to enjoying the food and all the other things that make being a girl a joy!" "Oh! That's why girls talk," Ryuunosuke said, thinking he may've gotten it this time. "It's to keep them from thinking." "We think," Ran-chan said, emphasizing the "we", smiling. "But we think about our bodies." "Eh?" he hadn't gotten it. "Sit down," Ran-sama told him. He sat down on the floor. "There!? See?! That's what I was talking about." "What?" he frowned looking down at squashed-in cleavage, and legs bare from the bikini bottom to the boot tops. "You're sitting like a Japanese guy! You should be sitting with your knees together, and your ankles under you." "Okay," he said, repositioning himself. Sitting on his heels, now, he fidgeted, trying to get comfortable. "Girls like to sit this way?" "Yes!" Ran-sama said, still standing herself. "That is the whole point of teas. It's like a Japanese tea ceremony; only the spirituality is yang, female. We remind ourselves how we can act and behave to get the most femininity out of our lives!" "'Femininity'?" Ryuunosuke repeated the magic words. The table rose from floor, laid out as it was before, with no item on the previous menu missing. But the floor beneath Ryuunosuke was also rising. "Hey!" he looked down. He was now on a chair, not the floor. "Teas are a European concept, and rightfully belong on chairs." "Then why didn't you give me a chair before!?!" Ryuunosuke almost yelled in his old boyish manner. "Watch how I sit," Ran-sama said. Ryuunosuke looked through the glass-like surface of the table. Ran ran her hands under her butt and down the back of her thighs; she then sat with her knees pressed together under her long skirt, and with her ankles crossed and under the chair's seat. "Same idea?" Ryuunosuke guessed more than knew the answer. "Only on chairs?" Seeing the look on Ran's face, Ryuunosuke felt that he, at last, had gotten one idea right. One by one, he pulled his lower legs out from under his thighs, and put his knees together, and his ankles under himself. +++ Sure enough, when Ataru and Lum were at the proper angle, they saw a younger, but, even then, craggy, weather-beaten, version of Fujimi Fujinami, Ryuunosuke's father. He was even dressed the same. "How old are his clothes?" Ataru said in a low voice to Lum. He was toasting another man with a bottle of Beer. "To the marriage!" "To the marriage!" the hippie-looking man with his own, more ornate, virility belt returned the toast with a clunk of beer bottle against beer bottle. "What marriage!?!" Ataru demanded. "Dahling! Stay out of it! This is among family! We have no business interfering!" Lum told him, trying to pull her own husband away. "Then why did you bring me here!!?" "Listen to the weird-looking girl! Marriage is only something between two families!" Ryuunosuke's father told him. "It's too important to be left up to children! And anything really important should be left up to men!" "Arranged marriages are an ancient tradition," the other man pronounced. "Arranged marriage!!?" Ataru cried. "Who is Ryuunosuke going to marry?!! Tell me! I'll fight him for her! I'll make my own bid! I'll save her from a loveless marriage!" "So you can date her," Lum said looking up at nothing, knowing what his fancy words always meant. "That's right! If she's not engaged, then anybody can date her! Let her practice for when she finds somebody she does love!! By practicing on me, Ryuunosuke'll finally get it right! A girl's place is next to a guy!" The two men looked at each other, frowning. Then, Fujimi called out, "Ryuunosuke! Come over here!" "Yes, Daddy!" came the reply. Boing! Went Ataru, burying his head down between his shoulders. "Ryuunosuke is still a little girl?" "My son is a boy! And will grow up to be a real man," Fujimi told the impudent teenager. "Unlike I see you are." "Even now," Lum sighed, feeling sorry for the little girl in a tank top and shorts running up to them. "I beat you!" she laughed. "You had a head start!" the brown haired boy in just trunks she was with said. The little girl pulled a lower eyelid down, and stuck out her tongue, "You just don't like losing, Ryuunosuke!" +++ In still unaltered time: Ryuunosuke sat up straight in the chair, knees together, ankles crossed, feeling the hips of her legs jut out. Even her back was arched, pushing her flattened circular cleavage out. "Sitting like this does emphasize my body," he conceded. "I'm even more aware of my thighs and butt." "Please! You don't talk about body parts, you experience them!" Ran-sama told him. "During tea, you have the chance to exaggerate all of your gestures, and make them completely feminine. Watch what I do, and do the same. Feel the way you move, and get in touch with the woman that you are." "Alright!" Ryuunosuke said with a sharp nod of his head, determined to do just that. +++ Ataru squatted down to the little girl's level, "Aren't you confused, Ryuunosuke?" The girl looked back at him, "My name isn't Ryuunosuke. It's Nagisa." "Nagisa??" "Nagisa has just become my son's fianc?e!" Ryuunosuke's young father said, coming out of the snack shack. "Hai!" the other man nodded, looking ready to back up that claim. "Ataru," Lum asked, "isn't Nagisa only a girl's name in Japanese?" "That's because I'm a girl," she smiled, under no pressure to deny it. "It's better to be a boy!" her playmate told her. "It is not! Girls get to do things boys can't do!" "Who wants to do things girls want to do!" the little boy teased the girl. "I'll show you what girls can do!" she said running at him. "You'll have to catch me, first!" the little boy said. "Now, who's got the head start, Ryuu-chan!" the Nagisa said, already catching up. "I'm confused," Ataru said. "Ryuunosuke really is a boy?" He then pulled his hair, "Then way doesn't he look like that girl!?!!" Suddenly Lum became very apprehensive, "The other end of a quantum string! Random Access Memory!! I was their age when I- This may be all my fault!! Ataru we must separate those children at once!!!" +++ In still unaltered time: Ryuunosuke sat as still as she could in this unfamiliar posture, and watched Ran-sama act like the perfect example of femininity there was. Ran-sama was putting on little white lace gloves. There were some beside Ryuunosuke's fancy china plate, too. She picked them up, and tried to remember how Ran had put on her gloves. Ran saw this, and pretended she had to adjust her left glove; she took it off, and put it back on one lady finger at a time. "Ah, Ah! Slowly!" Ryuunosuke said. "Take the time for each finger! Then pull the whole thing at the wrist!" Ran waited as long as she could while Ryuunosuke fumbled putting on the gloves in her nervousness. "We are having a nasty spell of weather." "Hunh?" Ryuunosuke said, pulling two fingers out of one finger hole. "It hasn't been bad." "I'm talking about the humidity," Ran-chan informed him. "What about the humidity?" Ryuunosuke was still distracted; he was pulling so hard at the left wrist now, his middle finger poked a hole in it. Ran-sama rolled her eyes, and tried to not comment on any possible Freudian meaning behind that accident. "Humidity is bad for the hair." "It is?" Ryuunosuke said, deciding to be satisfied with how well the gloves fit (they felt crooked). "Don't aliens have something for that?" "Ryuu-chan! This is not about hair. This is about weather. Weather is the number one topic of small talk." "It is? Even among aliens?" Ryuunosuke wondered, now that he had the gloves on, what he was to do with them. Why were they wearing gloves? "Ryuunosuke, forget I'm an alien. This is Earth, and while on Earth you do as the most Earthly feminine do! That is the task I set my computer to define, and, then, program into me." "You know how to be the perfect female because of a program!?!" Ryuunosuke was shocked. "Ran... Ran, I, I, --I want to be programmed, too!!" "Ryuu-chan, it isn't that easy. You see you're not an alien." Crushed, Ryuunosuke lost his erect posture, and slumped back in the chair. "I feel like an alien." +++ Little Nagisa had caught Little Ryuunosuke, and immediately turned to run away, "Tag! You're it!" "Am not!" Ryuunosuke cried, but chasing after her anyway. "You leave my son alone, you pervert!!" Fujimi cried, trying to play a form of catch of his own with Ataru. "I'm not that kind of a pervert!!" Ataru protested, almost catching the boy-before he saw how close the kid's father was to catching him. "Leave my daughter alone, pervert!" the other kid's father said, chasing Lum. "I'm not any kind of a pervert!!" the alien said catching the girl. --Only to have Nagisa's father snatch his little girl out of her hands. "You are, too!!" Ataru told her, leaping up in the air to avoid Fujimi's karate blow. He pushed the man over when he used the man's back to leap away, "You're an exhibitionist in that bikini!!" "I'm not an exhibitionist!!" the alien with more flesh than fur showing protested as she zapped the sand in front of the man trying to escape from her with his child. "All unmarried eligible women in space wear this style!" Nagisa's father slipped on the glass the sand under his feet had turned into. The rest of his body fell on sand. But he made sure his little girl was raised as high up off the ground as he could keep her. "C'mere!!" Ataru ordered the boy, just missing him as he zigged at the last moment. "Tag! You're it!" he told Nagisa, still in her father's hands. "Am not!" she said, jumping out of them to continue their game. +++ In still unaltered time: Ryuunosuke sat limply back in the chair, watching unenthusiastically what Ran was doing. She had taken a fancy napkin (A "serviette" she called it) and used it to hold the handle of her fancy china teapot with it. But that wasn't enough of a ceremony. Ran had taken another of those napkins, and used it to push the front bottom of the teapot back so that the tea poured gently from the pot as it was tipped over the first of the fancy teacups. At last Ryuunosuke spoke, "Why can't your alien computer program me to be a real girl?" Ran-sama held out the saucer with the cup of tea she'd just poured on it. "Because," she said. But did not finish. Ryuunosuke looked at Ran sitting politely frozen with the cup beginning to shake in her hand. He sighed, and sat forward so he could receive the cup from her. She then waited for him to adopt the posture again. Ryuunosuke put his knees together, and arched his back, feeling his flattened tits become even flatter. Only then did Ran-sama give Ryuunosuke the teacup; she smiled, satisfied that the proper etiquette was being maintained. "My computer's set up to my own specifications. I'd have to change all of its silly 853,000 or so parameters. That would be after we'd done scads of tests to find out what your parameters are. And then, and then..." she got the look of somebody who was trying not to think of something that she'd rather not think about. "...And then, errors as simple and as awful as noise might've gotten into the original program that told the computer who I really am. No! No!" she shook her head like a girl frightened of the Boogie Man. "I might never become who I was again!" "All this technical stuff wrapped in sugar and spice is giving me a headache and a toothache," Ryuunosuke said. "See?" Ran-sama said, pouring her own cup of tea. "Small talk is better. What do you think the weather's going to be like this week?" +++ While the two fathers tried to chase the two pervert strangers away from their kids, and Ataru was trying to not get hit by one of Lum's electrical discharges ("I'm a pervert because I hang Out with a pervert!!?!") Nagisa and Ryuunosuke exchanged "its" back and forth; no sooner would one tag the other, than the other would turn around and tag the one who was turning around. "Tag! You're it!" they both said to each other at the same time. "Ryuunosuke!! What did you do!?" Ryuunosuke cried. "Me!!? You tagged me with your girl cooties!!" Nagisa cried. "You wanted me to be a boy!!" "Not if I had to be a girl!!" "Liar!! Girls are better!!" said the boy. "They are not!!" said the girl. "What did you two damned perverts do to our kids!!?!" the fathers howled. Ataru and Lum had another reason to run. +++ In still unaltered time: "One lump or two, Ryuu-chan?" Ran-chan asked Ryuunosuke. She had taken the lid off her fancy sugar bowl