Surekha Part I
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Be Sure To Wear Panties free porn video
BE FREE TO WEAR PANTIES
By Androgynous Bosch
Ladies and gentlemen of the Class of Two Thousand and Two:
Wear panties.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, panties would be it. The
long-term benefits of panties have been proved by scientists, whereas the
rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering
experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, nevermind. You will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until you've tried makeup.
But trust me, after a little experience, you will look back at photos of
yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp how much improvement your
masculine face needed and how fabulous you look now. You are not as
masculine as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to get size 10 hips into size 4 panties. The real
troubles in your life are apt to be things like never crossing your delicate
legs, the kind that make that horny guy in your 4 PM Tuesday Bio lab gawk.
Do one thing every day that scares your best friend.
Dance.
Don't get reckless with other people's underwear. Don't put up with people
who are reckless with yours.
Pluck your eyebrows.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Some have good breasts, some have good
behinds. The race is long, and, in the end, it's only with yourself (and/or
your Dominatrix).
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in
doing this, tell the butch dyke next to you how.
Keep your psych's referral letters. Throw away your endocrinologist's
bills.
Do yoga.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life. The most
interesting people I know learned what to do with their life at 22 from a
good dominatrix. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know are good
dominatrixes.
Get plenty of estrogen. Be kind to your boobs. You'll miss them when
they're not as perky.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll wear a frilly maid's
uniform, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll get SRS at 40, maybe you'll still be
doing the wild thing in bed on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you
do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your
chromosomes are half-chance. So are everyone else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what
other people think of it. Finger the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Model, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions and follow them, because you'll never find that store or
that wizard back.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Come out to your parents. You never know, you might get rid of them for
good. Be nice to your siblings, but not too nice, because incest is wrong.
Understand that friends come and go, but lovers come and come and come
again, but your real friends you'll hold on to when you come out. Work hard
to bridge the gaps between male and female, because the older you get, the
more the people who knew you when you were young will need to get with the
times.
Masturbate, but stop before it makes you hard. Take Premarin, but stop
before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Bread will rise. Televangelists do
Satan's work. You, too, will learn to love Diet Coke. And when you do,
you'll fantasize that Jim Bakker, Jerry Falwell, and Pat Robertson are
wearing skimpier undergarments than yourself.
Respect your elders, unless they self-medicate with 'mones.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you'll have to break your
trust fund. Maybe you'll find a rich sugar daddy. But you never know when
either one might run out.
Don't mess too little with your hair or by the time you're a 40 year old
woman, it will look like a 55 year old bum's.
Be careful whose stories you read, but be patient with all the authors. Not
all of them are CD, TV, TG, TS, gay, straight, furry, or bi. And if you
like this parody, it's copyright 2002 by Androgynous Bosch, so don't post it
anywhere unless you post it in its entirety, CREDIT ME FOR IT, and you email
me at [email protected]
I am the shit.
Nevermind. But trust me on the panties.
--Androgynous Bosch, 4/29/02
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