A Life Everchanging I
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A Life Ever Changing #41: Who Am I To Disagree? free porn video
"Sweet dreams are made of these..."
- The Eurhythmics
A Life Ever Changing #41
Who Am I to Disagree?
By Angel
Rita and I laughed and giggled all the way into the house...
I helped Rita put away the groceries as Barbara hurriedly put away the
unmentionables. Rita smiled at me and said, "Rachel, I have waited for
this moment for a very long time. You just don't know how I have ached
to take you shopping with Barbara and me for years. The year you came
over dressed on Halloween was a dream come true for me and a turning
point for Barbara as well. Did you know she was so surprised at your
appearance she wanted to have me help her get you in a dress the very
next day?"
I looked at Rita with a very surprised expression on my face! I just
couldn't believe my girlfriend would want me in a dress! Not back then
anyway. So I answered, "Rita, she must have known how uncomfortable I
was and that I had only dressed that way because of Terry and not out
of any desire on my own part! It turns out that I was tricked by my
mother and Aunt Harriet into wearing that outfit. Your guests didn't
help me much either!"
Rita chuckled and said, "Honey, you looked beautiful and your outfit
fit you very well. The colors and the way you carried yourself were
perfect! Most of my guests and even the children thought you were a
very beautiful girl. Even after I told several of my friends who you
were they would not believe me! They thought I was trying to pull a
prank on them and even after they introduced themselves to you and
talked with you they still thought you to be a very pretty girl dressed
for Halloween. When they all had left and you stayed behind to help me
you were even more convincing. You relaxed and were at ease in your
costume. You put on that pretty apron I gave you like a pro and you
carried yourself as a girl, not as a boy named Rich. Barbara even
noticed that you acted more like her and her girlfriends when you were
dressed in that costume. I have never seen you so alive and animated as
you were that night. That is, once the others had left.
"You have always been quiet, shy and a loner with seemingly no place of
your own. You are always doing things for others and as Rich your
identity seems to be neutral to passive. When I think of you as Rich it
is with the thoughts of service. Rich aims to serve and always puts
others first and foremost. As a girl you are more alive and join in
with the girls as one of them even without realizing it. It's like a
natural part of you to do that."
What could I say to that? How many people are going to tell me these
things? How many times have I heard these words in so many different
ways? A lot of times! I looked at Rita and said, "But Rita, I have
always had a good relationship with girls and I was always dressed in
boy's clothes. It is just easier to be with the girls for me because
everything is not a contest and they like to share openly without all
the crap the boys do."
Rita smiled real big as Barbara walked into the kitchen joining us.
"Barbara, dear, remember Halloween night that Rich came over with Terry
in costume?"
"Oh boy, do I! At first all I could do was stare at her, I mean him."
She turned a little red at saying this. "He was so beautiful and
convincing! With just that little bit of make up and that costume he
was a very beautiful girl. I remember I wanted to have her both ways,
as my boyfriend and as my best girlfriend."
I was shocked! I turned red as a beet as I looked at them both. "You
really can't mean that Barb, do you?"
"Oh yes, I do! Don't you remember my girlfriends picking on you? I had
to actually pull them away one by one and talk to them before they
would leave you alone. Ginny even wanted you to try out for
cheerleading, remember?"
Oh shoot! I did remember. She was only teasing me as they all were.
They even invited me to the next sleep over they were having. I did not
like it one bit, I knew they were just teasing me and having fun at my
expense. "I was glad you got them to leave me alone, I wanted to leave,
but Terry was having a great time and I did do it for her."
Rita decided to add something here and said, "Honey, some of it was
teasing at first, but their invitation for you to join them as a girl
was genuine. I know because I talked to them several times after that
night. Barbara often has these girls over as you know and they talked
about you often and still do."
Oh GEEZ! Barbara jumped in and said, "Rachel, you just don't know how
much the girls like you. They love you! When they saw you in that
costume and how beautiful you were, they wanted you to join the group
as a girl not out of meanness or spite. We wanted you to join our group
because you belonged already, in a way and as a girl you would not be
so shy and maybe even be more of a person."
What, more of a person? "Barb, what do you mean by 'being more of a
person'?"
"Every time we started talking about girl stuff you shut up and drifted
away, remember?"
I had to nod at this because I did remember. "I didn't feel right being
a boy and talking about that stuff. I thought they would think of me as
a sissy or gay or something like that. I had enough of that said about
me at school I did not need it at home to."
"You are my boyfriend! Everybody knows that! How could you think we
would think you liked boys? Everybody knows you don't like boys at all.
Even the ones that talk behind your back know better. That's why they
say things behind your back! They know you would pulverize them if they
said it to your face."
She chuckled then and I had to agree with her. Nobody said things like
that to my face anymore. If they did, somebody else put them up to it
and mostly it was new students trying to prove themselves. They did get
pulverized each and every time. Mostly all I had to do was grab them
and toss them into the lockers or walls. Then again there were a few I
did have to fight, mostly new jocks trying to prove themselves to the
other jocks.
I was confused again. What did she really mean by me being a real
person? I was always me! Wasn't I a real person? To me Rich was and is
me! Rachel is a means to become a fuller and more knowledgeable Rich!
Rachel would be only the person to help Betty and her children. Rachel
would make it easier for Rich to learn and begin in this health care
field run by women. The deal was an awesome one as well. To have
everything provided and paid for and even my college afterwards! I
turned to Rita and held her hands in mine so I would have her full
attention for my next question.
"Rita, please explain to me why Rich was not a real person. Please tell
me clearly, I have to know."
"Oh Honey, she did not mean it like it sounded. We heard the stories
about your past, when you were little and even then you set yourself
apart from the other children. Sweetheart, just think for a minute
about what I am going to tell you, okay? First, as a boy, you have very
few male friends your own age. Those you do have are all beholden to
you because you protect them. You know who I am talking about, the
handicapped kids at school along with the geeks and the nerds. All
those children that are different than the 'in crowd'. But, are they
really your good friends? Do they come to your aid or defend you? No,
they are still afraid of the others and turn their backs and walk away.
You defend them and protect them because you feel it is the right thing
to do. As Rich, you do not seek friends at all! It is like you don't
need anyone or anything unless it serves some purpose or fulfills
someone else's request of you. Rachel, Rich is only happy and outgoing
with his family and with us. Even Fred noticed and mentioned to me that
he thought you would be much happier as a girl. Rich just does not know
any other way. Through Rachel we all believe he will.
"Rachel, just be Rachel now okay? We are about to go shopping together
and I know just the place we have to go. Barbara and I have wanted to
take you shopping with us for years and now we are going to do just
that. Barbara go change and do it fast, we are leaving in ten minutes,
so get a move on, girl!"
Barbara took off running upstairs to her room as Rita gave her a
playful smack on her butt. "MOTHER!"
Rita and I giggled watching her grab her butt as she ran.
Barbara returned in record time wearing a wrap around skirt like mine,
pantyhose and flats with a pullover blouse.
Rita said "LET'S GO SHOPPING!"
We all giggled as Rita locked the front door and we all piled into the
front seat of the car.
"Well girls, we are going shopping at a very elegant place that comes
highly recommended and not only that, but we have an appointment after
that."
Barbara and I asked at the same time "where?" Rita would only smile and
had that 'you will see' look.
We drove for at least forty five minutes on the highway and then took
an exit that seemed familiar to me. The longer we drove the more
familiar things looked. Oh my God! We were headed to Helen's shop! Mrs.
Helen Whitmore, the very same women who befriended my mother and me
when I was ten and known as Angel and a girl. She was a very talented
dressmaker and specialized in matching women and young girl's fancy
clothes. Mother-daughter sets she called them. She was very rich and my
family stayed with her for some time. She helped us when my mother was
raped by my father and even more. I had not seen her for six years,
ever since my breakdown. It was her that had made my Soloist costume
and had me do some modeling for her. I owed her a great deal for all
that she had done for me and my family. I know it hurt her deeply when
we had to leave her house and it was my fault!
I was getting very excited and turned to Rita and said "We are going to
Helen's shop and I know she will be there waiting for us. Thank you
Rita, I really want to see Helen and I know she would want to meet
Rachel. The last time I remember being with her I was Angel and then I
was nowhere and no one for awhile. I owe her so much!"
Rita looked over at me and smiled. Barbara wanted to meet Helen because
of all that she had heard about her. We three were all very happy as we
pulled into the parking lot of Helen's shop. The last time I remembered
being here I was driven in a limo and ended up being in a modeling
shoot. Wow, what a day that was!
We pulled into a parking space we found a few rows back from the
entrance. The parking lot was pretty full, but not packed. We all got
out and Rita led the way as Barbara and I walked together. We entered
the shop and it was a lot different than I remembered from years ago.
It now had very elegant and very expensive decor. There was less
merchandise on display and more room to walk around with sitting areas
with small tables next to the couches and very comfortable chairs.
Yes, the main floor was more of a viewing area than one for browsing.
There was even a small runway leading off the dressing rooms for models
or customers to display the chosen clothing. A group of women were
sitting, some drinking from tea cups as they watched a young girl walk
down the runway. The girl was wearing a beautiful dress, white and
yellow, lace and satin. She was very happy wearing a huge smile while
she twirled in front of the women. All the women were telling her how
beautiful she looked and that the dress was perfect for her.
I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see who it was. There
standing so close was Auntie Helen. She opened her arms and I fell into
them and we hugged close and tightly. She was smiling and she was
shedding silent tears as was I. She took my hand and turned to Rita and
Barbara saying, "Let us go to a more private location shall we."
Hand in hand Helen led me with Barbara and Rita following close behind
to a private elevator and once we reached the second floor, into a
sitting room. Once we were all seated Helen used a phone next to her
chair and ordered us up some tea. She looked at me with a smile and a
gleam in her eyes which were no longer teary.
"Can I still call you Angel, Rachel?"
"If I can still call you Auntie Helen you can."
She chuckled and said "You had better!"
We both laughed and I made the introductions and Auntie Helen shook
both Barbara and Rita's hands saying "I have heard so much about you
both and I am pleased to meet you at last."
Rita answered "We have heard just recently about you Mrs. Whitmore and
all that you have done for Rachel and her family. We are very happy to
meet you as well."
"Please call me Helen, Mrs. Nelson, and Barbara can call me Auntie
Helen since she is so close to Angel."
"Call me Rita, Mrs. Nelson makes me sound so old and all my good
friends call me Rita."
Helen thanked her as Barbara spoke up, "Auntie Helen, I would love to
hear all about Angel. I was only able to learn a little about those
days."
Helen laughed and said, "Some other time, Barbara, right now it is I
who must catch up. Angel, your mother has kept me informed pretty well
through these years. There is just one thing I would like you to tell
me and you must be honest and truthful with your answer, ok?"
I answered with a smile and said "You can ask me anything and I have
always been truthful and will continue to be, especially with you,
Auntie."
She smiled and asked, "Are you prepared to stick this out until the
end. What I mean to ask is, are you doing this for you as well as for
the others? I know you well, Angel, and you would do things for others
even though you did not want to do them yourself."
WOW! She did get right down to it! I sat and thought, gathering my
words carefully and answered.
"In the beginning, it was very confusing and I must admit hurtful to me
when I was told I was androgynous and even gender neutral which I know
now is not true. I am not gender neutral. From the beginning I was very
nervous and even suspicious. I knew it was all pre-planned, but I just
could not put it all together until later. At first I let them convince
me because I saw it was what they thought was best for me and something
they felt I must do. Then, I just couldn't take it because I just did
not understand. All those I trusted and loved were telling me I was not
a real person, that I was for the most part always a girl. My body was
more girl than boy and even my manliness was deformed and useless for
all its intended purposes. The real shock came to me when it was so
easy for them to make me appear as a girl. I knew that it would take
more than that to make me appear as a man. That is when I lost it. I no
longer knew who I was or even what I was. I went within and almost
stayed there."
Helen began to softly cry then, probably she was remembering when Angel
had gone within for months locking out the world.
"With Marjorie's help and the others intervention I did snap out of it.
I now know that there is no escape that way. It is a foolish and
selfish thing to do. It serves no purpose other than to just give up
and I can't do that. The last thing I want to do is hurt others and
that is what I did. I did this once before as you know and it did more
harm than good for everyone involved. Auntie, not only will I stick
this out, but I have to! It is for me as well as for the others I do
this. Like when I sang as Angel and then became a model for Auntie
Sylvia and you. To be very truthful about it, I loved being Angel. I
wanted to remain being Angel forever. I was never happier and never did
I have so many good friends as then. I miss that dearly. I can only
hope as Rachel I can come close to what Angel had going for her. I will
become Rich once again and this I am certain about. I only hope and
pray I can be accepted as a male as well as I am accepted as a female."
That said I looked around and all three of them were sobbing. GEEZ! As
in answer to an unspoken prayer there was a soft knock on the door and
when no answer came from us a more insistent and louder knocking.
Helen, Rita and Barbara seemed to gather themselves at the same time as
Helen got up and opened the door. A young lady came in wheeling a tray
containing our teas and a platter of pastries. Helen thanked her and
she left closing the door behind her.
Helen served and offered the pastries and we sat drank and munched. She
said, "After our tea we will go back downstairs and get you young
ladies a few things."
I chuckled hearing that and Barbara looked at me with that look, that
'why are you chuckling' look.
I said "The last time I heard Auntie Helen say that, I ended up being
the 'princess model' and there was no end to the outfits." I really
laughed then as did Helen.
We were finally finished with our tea and pastries as Helen dialed the
phone once again.
Oh memories, we relive them each and every day. If only we were more
aware!
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