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ANGELS WITH SMUDGED WINGS BY CATHY_T_ Another assignment. I sighed as I took one final sip of the ambrosia and, setting the glass on the bar, I turned to leave the lounge. Seeing a friend, Mark as he entered the room, I paused to greet him, saying, "How goes it Mark? You off today or do you have an assignment as well?" "Nope, old pal", he replied. "I'm off for the next two days. I did such a good job on my last job, they rewarded me with two full days off and a trip to the Beach!" "The Beach?" I responded with some surprise. "That's usually reserved for the higher-ups, isn't it?" "Yeah, but they said I did SO well on that last job that they were giving me a ?special dispensation' and allowing me to have FULL use of the Beach. Cool, huh? I can hardly wait to get there, I can tell you! Just think, while you are down there on the Earth working, I'll be lazing on that beautiful white sand, checking out the babes instead of BEING checked out, for a change." "You lucky son of a bitch." I retorted. "I've been trying to get a weekend there for AGES it seems, but I always manage to fall just short of qualifying for it. Well, have fun you old bastard. Try not to have TOO much fun, okay? Don't forget, come Monday morning it's back into heels and skirts, you know." "Argh!." He groaned. "You just had to remind me, didn't you? I get a whole weekend out of that crap and you go and throw a monkey into the wrench (Mark is famous for his mixed up metaphors). Thanks a LOT, old pal! I'll remember that when YOU get a shot at the Beach!" "Hey, what are friends for, Mark?" I replied and I grinned at him. "Seriously Mark, nice job on that last one. You really did go the extra mile on that job." "Thanks, Jerry. Well, I hadda show that guy that just because he liked the finer, softer things in life, like silk stockings and lace, that didn't mean he was any less a person and certainly not a candidate for suicide. You know, it's funny. When I first got posted here I had a completely different idea of what heaven was like." "Tell me about it, Mark! I figured I was headed for the ?other place', if you get my meaning. Then I get here and they tell me that I can't qualify for full ?membership' until I complete a ?few little tasks to prove my worthiness'. HAH! A few little tasks! This has GOT to have been the most trying time in my whole life - or maybe I should say my afterlife." Just as I said that, a buzzer sounded, followed by a voice saying, "Probie Jerry. Report to the interim office immediately. Your next assignment is waiting." "Well Mark, there's my ?master's voice' I gotta head out. You have a great time this weekend and don't get used to that male body. Come Monday it's back to boobs, butts and makeup." I just had to get in one last shot at him. "Don't I know it, Jerry? I'm gonna take full advantage of the next two days, though, you can bet on that! I'll worry about Monday on Monday. 'Till then, it's bare chest and something swinging between my legs, and don't you think for a minute that I won't take advantage of THAT little fact either. Have a good time on your new assignment, my friend. Got any idea what it is yet?" "Nope." I replied. I'm sure that they'll tell me all about it when I get to the office and I'd better scram. See ya!" and with that, I left the lounge, headed for the office. On my way there, I mused on the circumstances that had led me here, to what was called, "The Interim Office Of Intervention And Prevention." This office, or rather this branch of Heaven was designed as a way for folks like me to earn our wings, as it were. A way for us to earn our way into Heaven proper. See, I was a closeted crossdresser in life. I'd always been ashamed by my desires to experience my feminine side and had never let it go beyond the doors of my home. I'd lost two wives because of what I considered my ?perversion' and had never gotten any help in dealing with it, being too ashamed of it to admit it. Fortunately for me, my ex-wives hadn't been vindictive about it and had settled for getting out of the marriage with just alimony, instead of ?outing' me to friends and co-workers. I had let my disgust with what I thought I was, build and build until, one rainy day, I killed myself with a combination of pills. I knew that suicide was wrong, but I couldn't live with being a pervert anymore. Had I known then what I know now, I never would have done it, but hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it? Anyway, I experienced all those things that the ?life after death' or ?near death experience' folks talk about. The long tunnel, the bright white light at the end and all that. I remember seeing my body laying on the floor of my bedroom and the feeling of weightlessness as I floated above it, watching the paramedics try to bring me back to life, without success. Then, I simply floated upwards until I found myself in, of all things, a waiting room of some sort! I was sitting there in my jockey shorts(since that's what I slept in) and feeling more than a little bit embarrassed by being in such a public appearing place in nothing but my tighty whities. No one else seemed to be a bit put off by it though. There were at least 5 others sitting there with me, all in more or less the same things except for one guy who was completely dressed as a female. We all kind of looked at one another and then looked away. I guess they were as embarrassed as I was, all except for the guy in the dress. Looking back on it, I could see that, while he seemed a little unsure, he didn't seem to be as embarrassed by his attire as I was by mine. In truth, he looked quite good, with makeup tastefully applied and not looking tarty or overdone at all. I remember thinking that if I had been able to look as good as he did, I wouldn't have been as hesitant about going out in public dressed that way, as I had been. So, there we all sat, waiting for who knows what. At periodic intervals a voice would come, seemingly from mid- air, calling out a name and one of us would get up and walk to a door, and leaving the room. I tried to get up and leave the room, but something kept me in my seat until, finally, my name was called. I rose, crossed the room and opened that door, closing it behind me. I found myself in a comfortable office, with a pleasant looking woman who was seated behind a desk. Imagine my surprise when she rose from behind that desk and greeted me in a husky baritone voice, "Well, welcome Mr. Jennings. My name is Jeremy and I'm here to offer you an opportunity. If you take it, you'll be able to earn your way into Heaven. If you turn it down, well I'm afraid that you'll have to leave us and take a rather lower destination, if you get my drift." Now, I hadn't been a BAD sort of guy in my life. I hadn't been religious or anything like it, but I hadn't put down or made fun of those who were. Yes, I had taken some shortcuts in my working life, maybe stepping on a few people here and there on my way up the ladder, but it had just seemed the way to do things if you know what I mean. So, I guessed that, since I HAD done some things that could be considered as bad, and I HAD been a crossdresser, that this was an alternative to going straight to ?the other place'. "You're absolutely right, Jerry." Said the woman in her deep, male voice. Apparently she could read my mind as well. "This is where you will hopefully learn that crossdressing and many of the other so called ?perversions' are NOT bad things. You know, of course, that God is not an avenging terror as some would have you believe, right?" "Well," I replied, gulping a bit, "I'd never really thought about it, quite honestly. It wasn't a part of my daily thinking and I guess if I thought about it at all, I'd have to say I was really one of those people who couldn't quite grasp the idea of an all knowing, all seeing deity. I figured that what you did was your own free choice and the end of one's life was, well, the end." I looked up at her, (or was it him?) hoping I wasn't saying anything that would end this confrontation badly for me. She(he?) was smiling however, nodding occasionally and letting me have my say. When I ran down, or out of words anyway, she took my hand and led me to a comfortable looking chair opposite from her desk. Seating me there, she retreated behind the desk and sat down, never taking her eyes off me. "Jerry." She said. You don't mind if I call you Jerry, do you? Good. Now Jerry, the reason you're here is that, although you HAVE done a few bad things in your life, you never really caused any harm to anyone. The people you ?stepped on' as you put it, were not injured in any way by you moving past them on the ladder of success. In fact, you probably would have earned a spot in Heaven regardless of those few ?indiscretions' if not for your attitude toward your crossdressing and your eventual suicide." She paused to offer me something to drink and I asked for a Pepsi™, if one was available. She got me one along with a glass with ice in it and then continued. "Now, this opportunity we are prepared to offer you is designed to accomplish several things. Number one, it's offered to give you a better view on crossdressing and other things normally referred to as ?perversions,' such as Transexualism. If you can perform some tasks for us and help to keep some others from ending up as you did you'll earn your wings, as it were, and your way into Heaven proper. This is merely a way station, a stopping off place where, if you perform well and learn from this experience, you'll be able to become a real Angel and enjoy all that the title infers. If you don't learn from this, or if you fail to perform up to our expectations, well??.I don't think I need to tell you what awaits, do I?" I sat there thinking very hard. Could I have been wrong in what I felt about being a crossdresser? Were all the things I'd heard and believed about people like me, and those who actually CHANGE their sex, have been wrong? Was this person talking to me a man or a woman? Did it matter? I was here, of that I was certain. This wasn't some illusion or nightmare caused by my overdose of pills. I decided right then that it was to my best interests to take this proposition and worry about what it entailed later. The alternative was too frightening to contemplate, quite frankly. "Yes it is, Jerry." The woman said, reading my mind yet again. " Quite frankly Jerry, this program is relatively new and untried. We've been forced to pass more than a few through here, on their way down, who didn't deserve to go to that ?other place', but there seemed to be no alternative for us, as painful as it was for us. We hate to lose a good recruit you know, but there seemed to be no alternative?..until recently, that is." She got up from behind the desk and came around to perch on the front of it, looking at me very intently. "Jerry. There HAVE been those who, for whatever reason DID deserve to go ?down there.' NOT because of what they were so much, as what they did along the way to understanding what they were. Those who descended to depths of depravity, torturing others or taking advantage of them, well, there was no saving them, I'm afraid. By taking the roads they chose, they sealed their final fates. Unfortunately, along with those who DID deserve their fates, many who DIDN'T deserve it were lost as well. So we came up with an idea." "I'm sure it'll be difficult for you to understand at first, although I hope you'll come to understand later, the reasons for what you'll be required to do." She began to pace back and forth in front of her desk, never taking her eyes from me. "What we want you to do Jerry, what we NEED you to do, you and some others, is to go back to Earth, as our representatives and mentor those who are in the same straits as you were. We'll identify those who are ready to take their own lives through frustration or shame, simply because they consider themselves perverted or worthless because they don't measure up to what society expects from them as men or women. We'll send you to them to become their friends, their guardian angels as it were. Your job will be to convince them to accept themselves for what they are and to make them understand that God doesn't hate them for what they are." She stopped at that point and fixed me with a discerning stare. "We don't know if this is going to be successful or not, Jerry. We hope it will be. Every soul is special and every soul deserves every chance to have peace and understanding, and the chance to go where you will hopefully go when you've finished this task. We hope that you and the others who will follow you will be able to lead these poor tortured souls to an understanding and acceptance of their situations. We NEED you to do this Jerry, not only for yourself, but also for all those you might be able to save by being an example to them. Do you think you can do this? Do you want this chance, or do you want to simply give up on yourself the way you did down there? The choice is yours, Jerry. You decide, but you have to do it now. There is no leaving this room without making a choice." I sat there, astounded at what was being asked of me. I knew I didn't want to go ?down there', but could I do for others what I wasn't able to do for myself? Could I convince people who suffered from what's called gender dysphoria that they WEREN'T sick or perverted? Could I prevent others from taking the ?easy way out' as I had done? I knew one thing for sure though. I didn't want to go to that other place without a fight. If I ended up there it wasn't going to be because I didn't try my darndest to avoid it. Maybe my motives weren't above reproach right then, but I knew I was going to try to do what they were asking of me. "YES!" I almost screamed. "I'll do it. I don't know how successful I'm going to be at it, but if I fail it won't be for a lack of trying. I mean, I don't even understand why I was the way I was, but maybe by trying to help others, I'll come to understand why I was that way and, if I can help others along the way, then I've GOT to try it, so yes, you have yourselves a recruit." "Good!" She shouted back at me. "That's the answer I'd hoped you'd come up with. It won't be easy Jerry. I won't kid you about that. It's going to be a long, hard row to hoe, but it's a job that needs to be done and I have the feeling that you are going to be good at it. Thank you, Jerry. Thank you very much." She came over to me, pulled me up out of that chair and hugged me. Now that was a little bit unsettling for me as I STILL wasn't certain of whether she was a she or a he, but I told myself that, if I was going to embrace this job fully, it shouldn't matter what her outward appearance was, so I relaxed into the hug, even returning it a bit, and she whispered in my ear, "That was the first step Jerry. If you'd refused my hug, or held back, you would have failed before you even started. I'm so glad you reacted the way you did. By the way, I am a female. I chose this voice to test applicants. You passed. Welcome to the corp. Your training will begin immediately. When you leave here there will be someone waiting for you. Go with them and trust them." She released me from the hug and stepped back, motioning to a door I hadn't seen before. I was still a bit embarrassed by being in nothing more than my BVDs, but it hadn't seemed to make a difference to her or to anyone else I'd seen so far, for that matter, so I walked to the door and opened it, closing it behind me. Waiting outside that door was a good looking young woman who motioned to follow her, so I did. She led me down a confusing series of hallways to another door where she indicated to me that I should wait outside. She entered and, in a few minutes, she motioned me to come inside. As I entered the room, I noted that was pretty much featureless. I looked at her and started to ask about that, but she motioned me to silence and turned to face one of the walls. In a pleasant voice she then began to speak. "I have a new recruit, ready for orientation and uniforms. You wanna quit screwing around and help him or do I have to go to Beth and tell her you're not co-operating again?" For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then, as if I was watching David Copperfield or some other stage magician, a roomful of furniture began to shimmer into existence around us. Again I started to say something, but the woman motioned me to silence yet again. I held back my exclamation of wonder and remained silent. Finally the room coalesced into what appeared to be the supply room of any military base you'd care to name. A wizened old man appeared along with the furnishings and he gave the woman a look of exasperation. "You just don't understand what it is to have a little fun with these newbies, Marci! This job is pretty darned dull and if I want to give them a little hazing, well who are you to say I can't?" Marci looked at me as if to say, what are ya gonna do with people like this and then she said, to the old man, "Look, Zeb. I don't like this part of things any more than you do, but we got a job to do here and your little tricks sometimes put new recruits off. Why don'tcha just do what you gotta do and leave the hazing for AFTER they settle in a little bit? Now, can we get Jerry here some stuff and get ON with it? Or do we gotta go through your little charade games again? Jeeze! If you keep this up, Beth'll have BOTH our butts in a sling! You WANT that, or what?" She stood there, tapping one high-heeled toe and waiting. Zeb finally said, "Okay! Okay!! Darn it, woman, you just ain't got a funny bone in your whole body. Sheesh! Um look, Marci? Don't tell Beth, okay? We'll just let this be our little secret, okay?" Then he turned to me and said, "Okay, newbie Jerry, what's yer sizes?" "My sizes? What do you mean?" "I mean yer SIZES newbie! Geeze! Didn't they tell ya nothin? Criminey sakes!" He moved from behind a counter that had appeared somewhere in there when I wasn't looking and produced a tape measure from his pocket. "Now hold still, newbie Jerry. This ain't gonna hurt, no matter how it looks." He began measuring me and the darndest thing happened! When he measured my chest, BREASTS grew there! He moved to my waist and it thinned, becoming MUCH smaller! The same thing happened when he measured my hips and along my inseam! Things CHANGED, becoming more feminine appearing as he went. By the time he was done, the only thing about me that hadn't changed was my face and the hair on my head! My hands, arms, legs, feet and everything else, changed as he measured and I was getting more than a little bit concerned, but Marci just stood there as if nothing unusual was going on, so I kept quiet and hoped that there'd be some kind of explanation forthcoming. Somewhere in there, my jockey shorts fell off my much smaller waist, momentarily hanging up on my wider hips, but then they hit the ground and I stood there, in front of two strangers, completely naked and looking for all the world like a woman with short hair and a masculine face! Marci finally spoke up, saying, "Are you gonna tell him, or do I have to??again?" Zeb breathed out a long suffering sounding sigh and said, "Okay Marci. I'll tell him. I don't get to have ANY fun in this job at all. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother DOING it at all! Okay, recruit Jerry, listen up. Don't bother yourself about the changes you see happening here. They're only temporary for the purposes of getting you fitted with your uniforms and casual clothing, all of which will be supplied by me. When you finish your indoctrination, you'll understand more, but for now, just relax." Well, his explanation didn't comfort me much, but I figured I'd wait until later to ask Marci or someone else about it. I did want clarification on one point though, so I asked Zeb, "Um?how long, exactly, is ?temporary'? "Well, it depends on a lot of things, but I'd say, oohh, not more than thirty years. Like I said, temporary. ?Course, things might change depending on your assignments, but your normal measurements will always be roughly what they are right now. At least until you finish your job and move on." I guess I must have fainted at that point, because the next thing I remember is Zeb and Marci gently slapping my face as I lay on the floor. "Zeb!" Said Marci. "You always carry things too darned far! I wish just once YOU'D find yourself in the situation that these recruits find themselves in! If this gets back to Beth, there'll be ?you know what' to pay! Now help me get Jerry to his feet and let's get this over with!" Grumbling about not getting to have ANY fun again, Zeb complied and they managed to get me to a standing position again. I stood there, wavering somewhat, not really steady on my new, smaller, narrower feet and trying to adjust my balance wasn't easy, but, supported and helped by Marci and Zeb, I finally managed it. I had about a million questions that I wanted to get answers to, but I didn't trust my voice just then. I just stood there, trying to come to grips with the changes. "Jerry? Jerry?" Marci was calling my name, but it didn't register with me right away. Finally she yelled in my ear, "JERRY! SNAP OUT OF IT!" Oh, I came to, all right. I came to, shaking and shivering and looking for the door OUT of here! I tried to break away from Marci and Zeb, but they were a lot stronger than they looked and I was unable to get free from their grip. Marci was talking to me and so was Zeb, but I don't remember what they were saying. I only had one thought in my head and that was, "GET OUTTA HERE!" Well, eventually, Marci and Zeb were able to calm me down and seated in a chair that appeared out of nowhere like everything else in this room had. I sat there, naked and FEMALE, for all intents and purposes, with my mind refusing to accept delivery on what my body was trying to tell it. I remember saying something like, "What? Where? Whaaaa? How? But I?? You?!" But it might have been much more incoherent than that! Marci finally got through to me, saying, "Look, Jerry. Don't let this worry you. I know that sounds like a lot to ask of you right now, and I don't blame you for being upset about all this, but just relax if you can. This will all be explained to you very shortly. Trust me, no one here means you any harm and this is all necessary so you can begin working on your task. Just keep that thought uppermost in your mind and all will be well, okay?" Well, just then I didn't FEEL like everything was going to be okay, but when I thought about for a few moments, I realized, remembered actually, where I was and what I was supposed to getting ready to do, and I calmed down a bit. "Okay, Marci." I managed to get out. "I'll try. You know, this whole thing MIGHT have been a little easier to accept if someone had told me what was gonna happen! In case you've forgotten, this is all new to me, not to mention being just downright weird! Do you have ANY idea of just how I feel right now?" "Actually Jerry, I DO know how you feel right now. You see, I've been through this very same process myself, and not that long ago. So just trust me when I tell you that this is all necessary and will be explained in it's own time. I can't say more than that." Well, I did calm down some and I got a bunch of clothing. Oh yeah, the uniform? Believe it or not, it consisted of heels, pantyhose, a micro-miniskirt, a tube top and a bra and thong set! Oh, and WINGS for crying out loud! WINGS! Not white wings, mind you, but slightly off white. Kind of a real pale gray actually, and seemingly grafted right onto my back at that! Sigh. Well, from ?costuming' we went to a couple of other rooms where I got makeup and a lot of other things. They changed my face to make it more female and, when I got the chance to look in a mirror, I gotta admit, I looked hot! I looked even better after they made my hair grow out and styled it. What with nails and perfume and all that, I was pretty darned tired, I can tell you. I mean, in the course of a very short period of time, I had been changed from the guy I WAS, into a hot looking woman! Marci stayed right with me, calming me down after each step. The last stop took care of my voice, changing it into something I'd expect to hear on some phone sex 1-900 line. I was on the verge of freaking out at each stop and with each change, but Marci kept reassuring me that all was well and all would be explained. I took her at her word, but I was still pretty darned shook up! We stopped to get something to eat and I was very apprehensive about going in where there were other people, but Marci told me that this was nothing unusual and that everyone where we were going to eat had been through or was going through the same things as I was, so in we went. I was pleasantly surprised when I was told that I could eat anything I wanted and it wouldn't affect my figure. I was also surprised to find that anything I could want, food wise, was available. I settled on prime rib with French fries and a small salad. I really never cared for rabbit food(salad), but this one was really good! While we ate, I heard bits and pieces of conversations from other tables where there were people who were, as Marci told me, going through the very same things as I was. There were some who looked like they were all the way done and some who looked to be halfway through the process, and that put me a little more at ease. What I could hear was pretty much what I had been asking. A lot of confusion, even a little griping about the changes, but their escorts seemed to be saying the same things to them, that Marci was saying to me. When we finished, I asked Marci how much more of this I was going to have to go through and she said there were only two stops left. I didn't ask what they were for. I figured, what could be worse than what I'd already gone through? Heh. I shoulda asked. The first stop was a room with just a chair in it. That's all, a chair. Marci told me to sit down and relax. Yeah. Relax. Well, I tried. I sat down. I heard a voice, but I couldn't tell what it was saying. I really don't remember much about that room at all, except that when I came out, I was moving on those heels like I'd been born in them. I didn't find anything unusual about it either. As a matter of fact, I suddenly wasn't finding anything at all odd about the way I now looked or the fact that I was moving and sounding like I'd been born a sexy woman. Our last stop was another of those plain rooms with just a chair in it. I sat down and heard that voice again. When I came out of that room, I had a complete knowledge of what was done to me, why it was done, and how to change it! I could even change back into me, the GUY me, I remembered, or into ANY other human form I could imagine! The only thing was that the form I now wore had become my primary form. In other words, I could change all I wanted, but I'd always have to return to the form I now had, eventually. Marci said this was done to make me understand the feeling of being trapped in a body I never wanted. "See?" Said Marci. "I told you everything would be explained to you. I couldn't say more than I did, because, well, that's just the way THEY want it to be. I think it's sort of a test to see if you can adjust to all the changes before they give you the final explanation. Now, there's only one thing left. You are going to have to go through one more indoctrination, as it were. I CAN tell you about this one though. What this one will do is give you a full knowledge of what it means to be transgendered. There's more to it than you could know, and you HAVE to understand in order to help those we'll be sending you to help. It also deals with the various types of TG like transvestites, crossdressers, and all the other permutations. You'll also be given the ability to emulate all types of TG behavior so you'll be able to identify with those you'll be helping. Hang in there, Jerri, it's almost over." Again the plain room. (I wondered why we had to keep switching rooms for the different stages, but who was I to question Heaven, right?) I sat down and I don't remember much past that action. When I stood up again, I had full knowledge of what it meant to be Transgendered as well as all the other permutations. It was scary for me to realize how wrong I had been, my whole life. How completely wrong my thoughts and feelings had made me feel about being a crossdresser and how senseless it had been to take my own life. I knew now that I could and would help anyone I was assigned to, if they'd let me help. Oh I knew it wasn't gonna be easy, but I also knew that I'd have all the back-up that Heaven could provide. Next time. My First mission.