A Ballet Tale Two: The Turning Point free porn video

A Ballet Tale Two: The Turning Point Belladonna Phillip woke up on the floor. He felt the wetness of the milk that had seeped between his face and the cold tile. He forced himself up and steadied himself on a chair beside the kitchen table he had been sitting at. His heart started to race as he grabbed a napkin off the table and wiped the milk off the side of his face. He remembered the shock that had made him lose consciousness. He peered back down at the newspaper that still rested on the table. His eyes fixated on the background of the picture. He saw his familiar face still staring back at him. He closed the paper hastily and started taking short, quick breaths. Phillip's frantic mind thought that if he closed the paper, his potential problem would not only be out of his sight but out of his mind as well. As Phillip went to take hold of some paper towels so he could clean up the mess he had made, he knew that the proverb was of no help to him. Even though he was not looking at the picture, he could not help but think about it. Phillip kept thinking that someone would certainly see the ballerina in the background of the picture. His face was too clear. He was sure that someone would connect his face with that of the person in the picture wearing white tights, pointe shoes and a white tutu. He was not certain when it would come up, but he figured it was only a matter of time before someone made the connection. It did not help Phillip at all that his ex-girlfriend had been in the audience. He figured that Olivia would certainly read the review of the performance she attended. He was well aware that she knew his face very well. Phillip could only hope that she would not give the picture a scrutinizing look. He hoped that no one would. Phillip looked up at the clock and noticed that he was late. He hastily readied himself for a day at school. He finished up and headed to his car. He pulled into the senior parking lot at the school with his stomach in knots. He walked up to the door and walked through the school without anyone giving him any indication that they had seen the picture. With the passing of every minute, Phillip became more confident that he would get away with his cross-dressing episode unscathed. Homeroom came and went without anyone saying a word about the ballet. Phillip sighed with relief as he walked to his first class. He had heard nothing out of the ordinary. His classmates just talked about school, dating, sex, sports, music, alcohol and drugs. Phillip heard no veering from those ordinary topics to things like the ballet or cross-dressing. Phillip never heard those topics discussed in high school years, outside of the abuse he took on both of the topics when he had been a male danseur. Since he had stopped dancing, he only heard about ballet from the few girls who still danced, while cross-dressing was only brought up to jest about some male's sexuality. As Phillip went to walk into his first period classroom, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Phillip shook a little as he glanced down into the eyes of his ex-girlfriend. Phillip wondered if she had seen the photo or had realized that he was in the performance that she had gone to. Olivia tugged at Phillip shirt. His fear started to dissipate as she led him towards her locker, which was only a few feet from the classroom door. She had done similar things when they had dated. Phillip began to wonder if she had decided to reconcile with him. Olivia smiled as she looked up at him and said, "So you're a swan are you?" Phillip face lost all expression. Olivia pulled his head down so she could whisper in his ear, "I saw you last night. I didn't realize it at first, but then mom showed me the article. I wasn't very interested in it until I saw the picture. I noticed that face and just kept looking at it. Then I was really interested in ballet. I never knew that it could give me such a rush. Why didn't you tell me it could?" Phillip asked with a noticeable tremble in his voice, "You know?" "Oh, yes," Olivia whispered. She smirked at him before she continued, "I got to witness your metamorphosis from a swan to a sissy. I should have known you were just acting with me." "It's not like that," Phillip began to plead. "I know it is, Phillip. I saw you with my own eyes. I used to be willing to look past what I thought in the back of my mind. I knew you danced for so long, and I know what that means. A man in tights equals a fag every time. "No, it doesn't. I really like you..." "Like me like a girl who was your friend not a girlfriend, Phillip. Every time you kissed me, you were probably thinking about some silly guy." "No, I wasn't. You don't understand. My mom made...." "Mommy made you put on a dress and prance around on a stage. Oh, yes, that's not something a sissy would do, is it? Would a man ever let that happen to him?" Phillip stared at her in silence as tears started to form in his eyes. He batted them away while Olivia continued, "Don't cry, Phillip. You don't want everyone in school to know that you're not a real man, do you?" Phillip shook his head as she continued, "That's right. So if you don't want me to tell, you're going to do something for me?" "What's that?" Phillip asked. "You're going to leave me the hell alone. I'm tired of you coming around and begging me to take you back. It's not going to happen. It wasn't' going to happen before, and it definitely won't now that I got to see the real you. I've got to thank mom for that. She forced me to go to the ballet and read that article to culture myself, and I actually got something out of it. Not what she had in mind, but something useful instead." Phillip nodded and said, "I understand. I won't talk you again." Olivia smiled and said, "See that you don't." Olivia turned and walked away from Phillip. Phillip stared at her as she walked away. He finally knew that it was really over between them. He would never kiss her or feel her body again. Phillip stupor was broken by the feeling of another hand on his shoulder. Phillip head turned, and he saw his teacher. "Time to get into your seat, Phillip," he said. Phillip nodded and headed into the classroom. He took his seat and zoned out as the teacher taught the class. His mind kept thinking about what Olivia had said. He could only wish that she would keep her word. Phillip heard his teacher's words, but he did not remember a single one of them as the class ended. He headed out of the classroom and looked around to see if he was garnering any odd looks. He saw none as he went to his next classroom. Phillip began to relax as the day went on, and no one said a word to him about what Olivia had seen. However, as Phillip went into his sixth class, he saw Olivia's friends laughing in his direction. He began to wonder if she had already broken their deal. Perhaps she didn't think his word was enough to keep him at bay. He wondered if Olivia thought that she had to destroy him to be rid of him forever. He sat through the class with his left foot tapping on the ground constantly. Some of his fellow students asked him to stop. He made efforts to, but his nervousness got the better of him time and again. No matter how he tried, he would unconsciously start tapping his foot again. The class ended, and Phillip headed out into the hallways. He saw more people looking at him as he walked through the corridors. A few more laughs were directed at him from afar before a male classmate walked over and asked, "How's the ballet?" Phillip blushed and replied, "How should I know?" as he walked along. A girl then chimed in, "You look dainty in white, ballerina boy." Phillip froze. He knew then that the girl had been told. The laughter that surrounded him made it clear that Olivia had not kept her word. Phillip started to walk fast trying to escape the taunts that were coming from all direction. He went to his locker and saw the newspaper picture tapped to it. Phillip heard laughter around him as he looked at the picture with his face circled and an arrow pointing to it with his name next to it. After changing his books as quickly as he could, Phillip hurried over to Olivia's locker. Her friends were standing around and broke out into laughter when they saw Philip's flustered face coming towards them. He looked down at Olivia's deceivingly angelic face and said, "You lied to me. You told everyone, didn't you?" "No. I only told my friends. I can't keep anything from them," Olivia replied with a smile. "We told everyone, gorgeous," Olivia's best friend Cassandra replied. Phillip watched as the girls broke out into further unison laughing. He hurried away from them and towards his next class hearing the slurs that had once been used against him when he was known as the male ballet dancer in the school. Now, all the slurs were being used against him again. Phillip knew that there was no way to rehabilitate his image this time. He knew that for the rest of his high school life he would be branded with the words he was hearing. The rest of the day, Phillip was targeted with further mean spirited remarks. He lost count of the amount of times he was called a sissy, queer, pansy and a fag. He fled from the school at the end of the day. As he rushed up to his car, he saw the words "Ballerina Fag" written in large pink letters on his rear windshield. Phillip smeared the words as best he could with a rag from his trunk before he got in the car. He drove out of the lot seeing his classmates pointing and laughing at him. Phillip went straight home and collapsed on his couch. He was a defeated man. Phillip put on the television and sobbed into a pillow on the couch. He felt like he was the words he was being called. His purely heterosexual orientation meant nothing to his peers now. From the simple fact that he was caught dressed as a ballerina once, all of his fellow classmates concluded that he was undeniably gay. Being the ballet boy had been a terrible burden for Phillip, now, he was the ballerina boy in school. Phillip knew that he was going to be experiencing far worse than he had when he was young. Before it had been rumors and speculation that he was gay, the cross-dressing aspects of his latest dance performance confirmed them all. Phillip was well aware how people thought. He knew that they think that if a man wears women's clothing and it's not Halloween, then he's gay. The sound of the front door opening reached Phillip's ears a little after 6. Phillip heard his mother walking around the house. She came into the living room and saw her red eyed son. She hurried over to him and asked, "What's wrong Phillip?" Phillip snapped, "Everything is wrong, and it's all your fault?" "Mine? Why?" Marie asked. "You made me go out and perform for you. Olivia was there. She saw my picture in the paper. Now, everyone knows I was one of your swans." "I'm sorry, Phillip, I didn't think..." "I know you don't think. If you thought, then you would have at least one back up for your dancers. You wouldn't have had to use your son as a ballerina, if you ever thought ahead." Marie retorted, "You will not talk to your mother like that young man!" "You ruined my life; I'll talk you however I want to." "You're overreacting..." "I'm not overreacting. Everybody at school saw a picture of me dressed up like a swan. They all think I'm gay now. I'm the school's sissy ballerina. I can't show my face there without being taunted." "Phillip, I'll talk to your principal about it." Phillip shook his head and replied, "Oh, thanks. That's just what I need, mommy to come down and fight my battles for me. That'll make me a man again in everyone's eyes." Marie glared at Phillip for his sarcastic tone and shouted, "Don't speak to me with that tone, young man." "Young man? Oh, that would be great if everyone thought that's what I was, but thanks to you, they don't!" Marie replied, "Calm down. It's not the end of the world. It's only high school. You're a senior. You won't even care about these people in a year." Phillip jumped off the couch and said, "You don't know me, mom." Marie watched Phillip walk past her and head for the stairs in the kitchen. She shouted as he walked past, "Oh, yes, Phillip. I don't know you. You're the first teen to be concerned about his reputation and get angry about it." Phillip shook his head as he walked up the stairs. He wanted to be free of all reminders of what had happened to him. Phillip went through his drawers and collected his tights, ballet shoes and everything else he had accumulated to practice dancing at home. He threw them into a trash bag and brought them outside. He tossed them into garbage can and went up to his room to sulk. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- As the weeks past after the revelation of Philip's performance with the ballet company, Phillip acclimated himself to his new position in the school. He was an outcast and no longer attempted to seduce any girls. He knew that everyone thought he was gay, so he saw no point. He went out of his way to avoid talking to anyone at school. While very few people were interested in him, a few other outcasts wanted to bond with him. Phillip, however, had no interest in talking with them. He knew his only similarity with his fellow outcasts was that no one wanted to associate with any of them. Phillip resigned himself to solitude for the rest of the school year. He knew that life after high school would offer him the chance to reinvent himself as a man again. He could leave and be around people who never knew that he had ever danced ballet. The passage of time also helped Phillip come to terms with his passion for dance. He regretted throwing away his dance wear when he realized that he no longer had anything to lose by dancing. Shortly after News Years Day, he went and bought new pairs of tights, danseur's shoes and a male leotard. Phillip took to practicing dancing in his room again. It did not take him long to realize that his love of dancing was as strong as ever. Even though dancing had taken a lot from him in terms of his social status, Phillip still could not help but enjoy it. With nothing to lose any longer, Phillip decided to ask his mother to start teaching him dance again. As they ate dinner together, Phillip asked her the question. Marie was startled and asked for clarification, "Did you just ask me to start teaching you ballet again?" Phillip nodded. Marie smiled and said, "I would love to." Starting that night, Marie instructed Phillip for three hours each night. With his continued practicing on his own, Phillip was dancing for six hours each day. Given his lack of a social life after his exposure, Phillip did not have any distractions from his dancing besides his school work. As January came to an end, Marie bought him a new pair of pointe shoes. Phillip was a little reluctant to start the primarily female training again, but he knew that his concerns were baseless. Everyone thought he was gay already. If anyone from school found out that he was dancing like a ballerina, it would not change their opinions of him anyway. Marie instructed Phillip, and he danced as effortlessly as he had before. Every step came naturally to him. Marie could not help but smile as her son demonstrated once more the gifts that had made him a prodigy. She could not help but be enthused about how he was finally embracing his talents. As the winter break loomed towards the end of February, Marie asked Phillip if he would like to spend the week with her as she directed the company. Phillip was a little torn about it. He wanted to be around other dancers. He wanted to dance with them, but he was not sure how he could face any of them after they had seen him dance a girls' part with such ease. Despite his worries, Phillip desires convinced him to take up his mother's offer. Phillip went back to the company wearing his male dance gear. He wore black tights, a white t-shirt and unisex black, canvas, ballet slippers. Phillip walked in, and a few heads turned to give him a good look when they saw him. Some of the male danseur's greeted him kindly, but others were indifferent to his presence given that he had quit dancing earlier despite his gifts. The female dancers that said hello to him addressed him as Fanny despite his male appearance. Phillip tried to correct them, but they continued calling him Fanny. Carlotta was the most happy to see him. She hugged him when she first saw him and asked what he was doing there. When Phillip told her why he was there, she said, "That's great, Fanny. I'm so happy you decided to come back to us." As unhappy as he was to be known as Fanny to Carlotta, he was happy to see that she was excited by his return. Phillip quickly found that his relationship with Carlotta picked up right where he left it when he danced alongside that night almost two months earlier. Carlotta treated him like a friend. She was cordial with many of the other dancers, but she seemed especially drawn to Phillip. Phillip had no idea why she took such an interest in him, but he was happy that she did. Phillip practiced alongside her during the company's barre exercises. Given that he had no assignments since he was not a member of the company or a guest dancer, Phillip also tagged along with her during floor exercises and rehearsals. Carlotta was happy to have his company. Phillip gave her little tips as she danced that she felt helped her. Carlotta also found that he was better company than her fellow ballerinas or the danseurs. She had gotten used to her coworkers having large egos. Since she spent virtually all of her time with them, it was a relief for her to hangout with Phillip because he lacked the ego of the company's professional dancers. Phillip had once had a similar ego to them. However, the humiliation that his dancing had caused him over the years had humbled him. Even though Phillip knew he was more talented than most of the company, he never held it over any of the dancers. That conduct was a breath of fresh air for Carlotta. She enjoyed having Phillip to talk to and frequently walked around the theater arm and arm with him. Carlotta began to feel that Phillip was the best girlfriend she had had since she was a child. Marie noticed his relationship with her, but she decided not to question it. She knew that Phillip was enjoying himself while he practiced ballet, and she did not want to risk Phillip quitting again if she snooped around on him. When she felt that Phillip was ready, Marie decided to try to further secure that Phillip would continue his dance training. She knew the perfect way to get him back. She was going to get him to dance on his toes in public again. Marie knew full well he could dance the role she wanted to give him since he had danced it for her during one of their private practices. She also had seen his pointe work as he practiced it alongside Carlotta at the theater. She knew that he was ready for what she had planned. After running the idea past her subordinate ballet masters and mistress, she asked Phillip if he would like to dance the part of one of the ugly stepsisters in the company's production of Cinderella as a guest dancer of the company. Phillip was surprised by her question. He was not sure how he should respond. While he wanted to dance the part, he was hesitant about doing so. He did not want his mother to know that he wanted to dance in a dress again even if the part was often performed by male danseurs. However, Phillip badly wanted to take the part away from the company's male danseurs because they were still giving him a hard time about his previous performance in Swan Lake. Phillip pretended to be on the fence about it before he agreed to dance the part. Marie smiled and walked away knowing that ballet was quickly becoming Phillip all consuming passion once more. She knew that a performance was just what she needed to get him to consider it his future career again. Soon thereafter, the company learned that Phillip was going to be dancing with them during their production of Cinderella. Phillip noticed that some of the danseurs were upset about losing out on the role. He smirked at their scowling faces before his mother told him to stop. The ballerinas were more accepting of the choice with the exception of Lucile. After hearing Marie's announcement, Lucile asked, "Aren't the ugly step sisters usually more masculine?" Phillip glared at Lucile before he heard Carlotta reply for him, "Are you saying that Fanny is to too pretty to be one of the sisters?" Lucile stared at her dumbfounded while smirks came upon a few of the ballerinas' faces as well as Marie's. Marie then left it to Alexander to get Phillip ready for the role. He quickly realized that that was not going to be hard. Alexander watched as Phillip danced the role perfectly. He knew then that it was not the first time Phillip had danced it. Consequently, he spent most of his time working with the danseur dancing the role of the other ugly sister. Phillip liked practicing the ballet. He enjoyed dancing with the cast, particularly Emma Livry who was cast as the Wicked Stepmother. Phillip was familiar with Emma. She was one of the oldest dancers in the company and remained well respected even though her talents were beginning to erode because of her advancing age. She was egotistical, but Phillip felt that she had earned the right to be. Lucile was another story. Marie had cast her as Cinderella. Phillip despised her and felt that she believed that she was better than she was. However, despite disliking her personally, he enjoyed dancing with her as well as the other ugly stepsister, Thomas. When the date of the performance came, Phillip found out that he was dancing under a pseudonym. He was listed as Leo Elssler. He instantly recognized the last name as his Aunt's, but he did not know where his mother got the first name from. He did not give it much consideration though as the imminent performance consumed his thoughts. Phillip went on stage that night and danced his part flawlessly. When he awoke the next morning and saw the review, he smiled at the critic's positive assessment of the company's performance and his own. As Phillip realized the happiness he was feeling about the praise his dancing was receiving, he knew that he would not be quitting ballet again anytime soon. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- After the winter break ended, Phillip began to go straight to the company after school each day. The instructors and the other dancers originally accommodated Phillip because of his lineage, but they very quickly began to enjoy having him around. Most of them marveled at his unusual, natural grace. Everything he did was flawless and effortless. Even the company's most grizzled ballet master, Alexander Nizhinksiy, was awed by the boy as he instructed him. Marie would smile as she talked with Alexander and the other ballet masters and mistresses about Phillip's unparalleled talent among the dancers they instructed. Marie knew that her son was the finest dancer that any of them had ever had the opportunity to instruct. They all wanted him to do great things and wanted to leave their mark on him. However, Marie was certain that she had done the most to mold the dancer he had become. Marie had to smile at Alexander when he mentioned that Phillip had decided to practice his pointe work with him. Marie nodded to confirm Alexander's observation that Phillip was among the company's better dancers at the female roles despite the disadvantage of his sex. As the Easter break loomed, Marie developed any idea. She wanted to have Phillip dance with the company again, but she wanted him to displace a ballerina in doing so. Marie saw it as a win-win for the company and her son. Marie believed that a number of the girls were not living up to their potential. She felt that she could light a fire under them if she passed over them for a purely female role with a male dancer. She figured that it might humiliate them into working harder to perfect their craft. She also knew that her son was familiar with some of the female parts from the company's upcoming ballet performance since she had taught him them during their private sessions. Marie shared her idea with Alexander and the company's other ballet master and two mistresses. They were all receptive to the idea. Alexander knew the perfect time to spring it on the dancers without letting Phillip know that he was being considered for a female part. As part of the company prepared for a series of performances of La Sylphide, Alexander trained the two principal ballerinas who would be dancing the part of the Sylph. Alexander began to instruct Lucile Grahn and Anna Schall for the part in front of the other dancers before he called Phillip forward. Phillip walked away from Carlotta, unsure of why the old Russian man was singling him out. Alexander looked out at the dancers and said, "I want you all to watch this. I'm going to show you that even a man can dance this role with the grace that many of you ballerina's are failing to show. Phillip slumped a little and blushed. He was used to eyes being on him when he danced, but he was not used to be the center of the attention when he danced the part of a ballerina. Phillip listened to Alexander's instruction and followed it alongside Lucile and Anna. As they finished a small excerpt of the dance, one of the ballerinas in the corps said, "Lucile, he danced that better than you!" "Shut up!" Lucile snapped. She was upset that someone from the corps had dared to say that a man danced a part better than she did. Alexander smiled. He always enjoyed putting ballerina's in their place since he was a young danseur. However, he knew he had work to do. He knew that there was no way that Phillip would dance the role of the Sylph. The role was too prominent to go to an unknown outsider. Additionally, Lucile and Anna both took their work as seriously as any of the other dancers in the company. Alexander and Marie were not targeting them or any of the other principals. Instead, they wanted to use Phillip to rattle some of their complacent soloists. Marie walked into the room as Alexander looked over Phillip. Marie smiled and said, "What's wrong with my son, Alexander?" "Nothing. I think he would be perfect for a part in our new production." "Oh, what part?" Marie asked, feigning ignorance and surprise. Lucile started to sweat a little as she was sure she was going to be passed over for a boy she liked to tease. However, Alexander's words filled her with relief as he replied, "I think he would be perfect for Old Madge." Phillip's head jerked towards his mother. He was certain that she would not even consider Alexander's suggestion. The role was usually played by an older dancer. It was also unequivocally a female part. While the ugly stepsisters were often played by men, Old Madge was a role that only females danced. She nodded and said, "That's a great idea. With a little makeup and a mask, we can make him look the part." "Yes, and he would also dance the part better than any soloist here." Phillip head turned towards a group of female soloists who gave him cold stares. He knew that they certainly did not appreciate the possibility of being passed over for a good part by a man who was not even a part of the company. Marie looked to Phillip and said, "Well, what do you say, Phillip? Are you up for it?" Phillip took a deep breath and said, "This is unexpected, Mom. I don't think I can do it. I can't take somebody's part." Alexander interjected, "You're not taking anybody's part, if you're better than them. We were just going to have Kristen and Charlotte dance the parts. Your pointe work is easily better than theirs', and you'll only be taking one of their places." Phillip shook his head and said, "I'm happy for your praise, but that can't be true." Marie smiled and said, "Of course it's true. Have you ever heard Master Nizhinksiy say anything other than the cold, brutal truth?" Phillip shook his head, knowing that his mother was right. Alexander was a domineering and callous man. He firmly believed that all dancers had to check their feelings at the door. Dancers had to be strong minded and willing to take criticism if they worked with Alexander or any of the other ballet masters and mistresses. Phillip knew that Alexander's was the kind of honest personality that made serious ballet not for the weak minded. Still, Phillip felt the need to stick up for the soloists, if only to preserve his rapport with a few of them. Phillip knew that Carlotta had been promoted to a soloist recently, and he knew that she was being passed over for the role as well. Phillip replied, "You're right about that, mom, but I still think you're being too harsh with the girls." Phillip words were true, even though he also thought he was better than the soloists. However, Phillip felt that his mother simply did not understand what it took to be a great ballerina. For all her hard work as a dancer, it was something that had come easy for her. Phillip knew full well that when former greats try to teach young talents they often get frustrated because most people lack the degree of talent they once possessed. Even though Marie had worked alongside dancers who picked up things easier than her, she expected all the dancers to learn choreography and execute it at the speed she had. Phillip had watched his mother berate his sister for not learning her steps as quickly as he had. Phillip was certain that Alexander was no different from his mother as well. Marie responded, "I expect every person here to give their all. If they're not interested in mastering ballet, they should leave to open up spots for dancers who are not satisfied with just being good enough." Phillip put his head down before he responded, "Well, mom. I can't do it. What would the other dancers' think? It wouldn't be fair to them to have to dance with someone they may be uncomfortable dancing with." Marie shook her head and replied, "Dancers don't get the liberty of deciding who they dance with. I make that call. Anyway, is there anyone here who would object to Phillip dancing the role of Old Madge?" Phillip and Marie turned and faced the group of dancers. Not one of them dared to object to the prospect of Phillip dancing the role. Phillip stared at Carlotta. Her eyes were staring at the floor. He wanted to tell his mother that he would not do it, but the potential thrill of performing was too much for him. Marie smiled as her son replied, "Well, how many performances are we talking about?" Marie answered, "It's scheduled for five day and nigh performances. So, you'll perform three night performances and two days." Phillip nodded. Marie clapped her hands and said, "Wonderful, it's settled." Alexander and the rest of the instructors then began to breakup the company so that each part could be practiced. As Marie walked away, Lucile hurried after her. She looked at Marie and said, "Miss Taglioni, you can't really think it's a good idea to have a guy dancing one of the girl's parts. What will it do for morale?" "To the company's morale or yours?" Lucile realized that Marie was well aware of her mild homophobia. Lucile was never comfortable with gay men, but she was well aware that she had to tolerate them because of there were large numbers of them in her field. However, the prospect of a man dancing a female role was a little much for her. Lucile knew from the tone of Marie's response that her efforts to prevent Phillip from getting the role were futile. She excused herself and walked back towards Alexander to take instruction. As Phillip prepared for his role, he quickly found out that he would be dancing with Lucile at his mother's behest. He saw that the cast that he would be dancing with included Lucile as the Sylph, Anna Bournonville as Effie and Emma as Effie's mother. Anna was someone Phillip had never met before. She had recently joined the company as a principal dancer after being poached by his mother from another small company where she had languished as a soloist because of disagreements with its Ballet Master in Chief. Phillip started preparing for the role that day, but he really began to realize what he was going to be doing that night when his mother asked for the name he wanted to use in the program. He had failed to consider the fact that he could not dance under his own name because he was the opposite of the gender that the role called for. Phillip smirked a little as he thought about the fact that he was going to be listed as a guest ballerina. Then he decided on a name, he said, "I might as well keep Fanny since that's what all the girls call me anyway. As for the last name, I think I'll go with Aunt Michele's again." Marie smiled and said, "Fanny Elssler it is then." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day, Phillip began to practice for the role wearing a black leotard like all the other girls in addition to a gaffe. However, Phillip was careful to make sure that there was something that distinguished him from the others. He wore only black tights, not the pink ones the girls wore. The ballet mistress who principally trained him and Kristen for the role tolerated this as did Alexander as he coached all the dancers' barre work. For Phillip, the black tights served as way of distinguishing himself from the girls, in addition to his lack of makeup and his long for a boy, but short for a girl haircut. While he had let his hair grow in recent months, Phillip' hair was still much shorter than any of the girls' in the company. Despite his best efforts to separate himself from the girls, Phillip knew that every part of him besides his hair looked feminine. He was always extremely thin and had delicate features. Phillip had always disdained his body. However, as he practiced alongside the girls at the barre and looked in the mirror, he found that he enjoyed how feminine he looked beneath his head. Even though he disliked the feeling of his gaffe, he felt oddly comfortable looking girlish. It was that feeling that made wearing the gaffe seem worth the discomfort it caused him. Phillip also felt that his feminine appearance was enabling him to be completely himself for the first time since he no longer needed to impress any of the girls. He knew that displays of his masculinity were pointless now. He was certain that the girls in the company could not possibly think of him as a man given how he was dressed and dancing. To his surprise, Phillip found that he was fine with that. He thought that it was strange that he was so willing to let women he found attractive think of him as more or less one of them. However, Phillip enjoyed the feeling of femininity that surrounded him whenever he practiced at the barre with the girls. He felt that the girls treated him like one of them and not like a freak. It was a tremendous difference from the way he had become accustomed to being treated by his classmates once more. Phillip hoped that everyone else that saw him dressed in his pink pointe shoes would see him as just another girl as well. However, that would not be the case. A week before the first scheduled performance, an arts critic from the local paper showed up at the company's headquarters to speak with Marie. Marie made time to speak with him. Although Clive had not been hesitant to criticize her direction of the company from time to time, he had been supportive of many of her productions and decisions. Marie also knew that Clive's opinion carried great weight with many of the company's local donors. Marie knew that it was best to help him as much as she could. Marie took Clive into her office and offered him something to drink. He politely refused as he took a seat in front of Marie's desk. Marie asked, "So what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Clive?" Clive smiled and said, "I'm doing a story on your company." "Okay," Marie replied. Clive continued, "I was just wondering if you could confirm what I had heard?" "What did you hear?" Marie asked. Clive read the look of concern on her face and said, "It's nothing bad, Marie. It's not about you. I had heard from somebody that you're planning to use a man to play Old Madge in one of your productions?" "Who did you hear that from?" "I can't divulge my sources, Marie. They might not be so forthcoming next time if I did, you understand." Marie wanted to snap at him. She was certain that it was one of her dancers who gave up that information, but she had to be polite. She answered, "I understand, Clive. Did this person tell you anything else?" "Yes, my source tells me that the man will be dancing under the name Fanny Elssler and that he's actually your son." "Really?" Marie asked as she started to sweat a little. "Yes, that's what she said." "Oh, so the source is a she," Marie said as she became increasingly certain that Lucile had given up the information. Marie wanted to strike back at her, but she knew that Lucile was the company's second most popular dancer after Emma. She knew that Lucile had other options out there if she lashed out her. They were not as attractive to her as her current position, but she had fall backs in case Marie made her life too uncomfortable. Hence, Marie knew that her avenues of reprisal were constricted. "I can't confirm that, Marie," Clive backtracked. "I know. I know," Marie replied. Clive leaned forward and said, "So is it true?" Marie clasped her hands together. She was not certain how Clive would respond to the truth as she replied slowly, "I'd have to say..." Clive interrupted her to shout, "So it is true! That's fantastic!" "It is?" Marie responded, knowing full well that her son would not second that opinion. "Of course! It's wonderfully absurd." "Thank you," Marie replied, thankful that Clive's advancing age had not muted his love of oddities. "It's so out of the box for you, Marie. I didn't think you'd have such a daring move in you. I remember your boy when he was a prodigy; I always thought he should have been a girl. He had such grace and a delicateness about him. Oh, I guess I shouldn't have said that," Clive finished as he caught himself. "No. I don't take offense," Marie replied. She occasionally thought the same thing about her son. It caused her some amount of shame to ever think it, but she often could not help but think that such talent would be wasted in a male body given societal norms. "Good. I have to ask though. Is he going to play it straight or is this going to be like a Trocks performance? I know he's got the talent to dance with most of your girls, but I don't know how you're going to play it?" "He's going to dance it in a traditional manner. I don't think it would be right to have him ham it up while the girl in the other show dances it normally." "I totally agree. That's what makes it so absurd. You'd lose it if you made Old Madge into a comic figure. It would screw up the whole performance." Marie nodded and said, "I couldn't agree more." Clive smiled and stood up. He said, "I look forward to the performance. I'm sure your boy will be terrific. He's going to make a great story for me too." Marie smiled and thanked him as he exited her office. As the door closed behind him, Marie clasped her head. She wondered how she was going to tell Phillip. She knew that the story was going to be in the paper soon, so she had to first call up the board members to inform them about the upcoming story. Once the members found out Clive's opinion on the matter, each one of them said that they supported her decision. Marie could tell by their tone that some of them were a little skeptical and only agreed with it because Clive did. Marie figured that that was good enough for the time being. After she finished calling the members, she sought out her son. She brought him to the side and told him what had happened. Phillip felt crushed as his mother told him that his real identity had been leaked to the press. He knew that it was Lucile too. He wanted to destroy her, but he knew that his mother's career would be doomed if he did so. He knew that he had to take it. He knew that his name would run in the paper in the coming days as Clive described the boy ballerina who was performing as a guest at the company. Phillip told his mother that he was considering dropping out of the performance. Marie responded, "You can't drop out, Phillip. We've been practicing with you. It's too close to the performance. We have an understudy for you, but if she goes down we'd be in serious trouble without you. We need you, son." "I don't know, mom. This is too much. I'm already an outcast in the school. This could kill me across the city." Carlotta overheard them and interjected, "Fanny, don't worry about those people." "How can I do that?" Phillip answered. "It's easy. You just ignore them. If they knew the real you, they wouldn't mock what you're doing. You were born to do this. It's who you are. Don't let others drive you away from that again." "It's too hard. You just can't understand. You get to do this, and no one bats an eye. You're a girl. You can dress and act however you want, and people won't think much of it. You want to wear a dress, fine; you want to wear pants, that's also good. You want to dance ballet, you can. You want to play sports, well, that's fine too. I'm a guy. I don't have that kind of freedom." Carlotta nodded as she stepped closer to Phillip. She clasped his hands in hers and said, "I know that, Fanny. However, you can't live your whole life trying to do what you think is expected of you. You have to be yourself. What do you have to lose?" "Come on, Carlotta. You know full well. Anyone who reads this article and finds out who I am will think I'm a sissy freak." "So?" Carlotta asked. "Carlotta," Phillip replied in a soft voice. "No, Fanny. You have to listen to me, please. You've been my best friend here the last few weeks. You mean a lot to me. You have to understand that when I'm telling this to you. You don't have anything to lose by doing this. The story's going to be out there anyway. If you back out, it'll result in another story, same as if you danced in it. Anyway, not everyone reads these stories. You know full well that what we do doesn't interest everyone or even most people. Most girls your age will have no idea that you ever danced a female role. Your classmates will, but you told me you can't get any lower with them anyway, so they're no concern." "It can't be that easy," Phillip answered in a whisper. Carlota smiled and said, "It really is. Don't worry about the others. You've got a gift. You have to use it. You've just got to get through a few more months of high school, and you'll never see those people again. Stay here, Fanny. This is where you belong. Don't leave us. Just dance the part, and when you graduate, try out for a position as a danseur. Come on, Fanny. I don't want to lose you." Marie smiled at Carlotta's plea. She realized that their interests were largely mutually shared. They both wanted her son to go back to dance. While Carlotta wanted him to join the company, Marie wanted him to join a more prestigious one. However, she would happily settle for him staying with her if it meant he would stick with dance. Phillip smiled as he looked in Carlotta's eyes and replied, "I'll do it." Carlotta grinned and hugged him. Phillip felt good within her embrace even though he knew it was only a friendly one. Although Phillip wanted to take it further, he was more than content being Carlotta's friend. To him, she seemed to be the only real one he ever had. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- With Phillip on board, Marie informed the rest of the company about the development. Everyone reacted with shock that Phillip's identity had been leaked to Clive. Even Lucile reacted that way, but Marie knew that her reaction were only an act. Marie figured that continuing to force Lucile to be in the same performance as Phillip was the only punishment she could really give her. It made her unhappy, but Marie realized that there was nothing more she could do. Phillip felt a little unburdened when he saw the article the next day. As he walked down the city streets, he realized that nothing had changed. No one looked at him any different because very few people knew about what he was going to do and those that did read the article did not connect his face to the name in the paper. Phillip spent most of his wakening hours practicing for the performance. With his school shut for the break, Phillip was able to do the required full practices alongside the members of the company. During his morning barre exercises, Phillip spent his time next to Carlotta. The exercises consumed the whole morning each day, and they enabled Phillip to have quiet, little conversations with Carlotta while they were instructed by the ballet masters and mistresses. Their friendship continued to develop as Phillip began spending his spare time as her secret tutor on the side. Phillip was certain that only he and Carlotta knew of the arrangement, but Marie realized what he was doing after hours. She was happy enough with the arrangement because it kept her son dancing. Carlotta worked on her technique with Phillip. He helped her refine her arm movements as well her dance steps. Carlotta was thankful for Phillip's help. She was also becoming increasingly smitten with her tutor. Their cordial relationship grew more affectionate the more they practiced together. Phillip noticed the change with Carlotta. They would walk around holding hands, and Carlotta never hesitated to kiss his cheek. However, Phillip was unsure of how to interpret Carlotta's actions. He wondered if she was developing romantic feelings for him, but part of him believed that that could not be the case. He knew that she saw him dancing a ballerina's part everyday in a girl's leotard. With the gaffe, he even had the appearance of being one of the girls from his neck down. Phillip reasoned that Carlotta was only being very friendly with him. Carlotta herself was unsure of her own feelings towards Phillip. She felt a great deal of affection for him and revered his expertise and skill. She was uncertain of what her feelings meant though. She had been in love with a boy before, but her feelings for Phillip seemed different to her. Carlotta would listen to Phillip as he instructed her and get feelings of lust for him. She felt the same feelings when her face was close to his. However, when she looked at him and saw the feminine appearance of his body, her attraction to him ceased. Carlotta did not understand her variable attraction to Phillip. Sometimes she felt he was her best girlfriend and that she wanted nothing more from their relationship. Other times, she thought of him as a potential sensitive boyfriend. The treatment that Phillip received from others in the company helped cement Carlotta's view of Phillip as a girl and not a potential boyfriend. After some initial mocking and laughter from a few of the ballerinas and the danseurs, the members of the company had settled on treating Phillip the way they treated ballerinas in the company. Except for some occasional barbs from Lucile, he was not mocked for what he was doing. Lucile's sharp words helped Phillip form relationships with the other dancers. The other dancers rallied around Phillip to accept what he was doing there because of her mistreatment of him. Phillip knew that they sided with him because of Lucile's arrogance, which went beyond even the normally high degree arrogance that ballerinas were known for. While the other dancers respected her ability, they could not stand her. Being nice to Phillip was just another way of sticking a finger in Lucile's eye for them. Lucile shook her head whenever she saw the others treating Phillip as if he were simply another ballerina. The dancers in the company were not the only ones treating Phillip like one of the girls. The ballet masters and mistress did so as well. They saw no reason to even refer to him as a man given that he was preparing for a female role. They referred to him solely as Fanny just as the dancers did. The only person in the company to ever even mention Phillip's real name was his mother. Despite the acceptance of Phillip around the company and his considerable skills, Phillip knew that he was not immune from Alexander's scorn. Alexander took pleasure in berating Phillip the same way he did all the other ballerinas when he did his barre and floor exercises. Alexander also had not forgiven Phillip for leaving ballet before or Phillip's decision to refer to it as "sissy stuff." Alexander also knew other ways besides criticism to unnerve Phillip. He took some degree of enjoyment as he singled out Phillip at one practice and said, "Fanny, you're doing such great work. Your talents are so much better suited for a female role, but I guess everything about you is. I mean you're perfect with your long, slender legs and arms and small torso. You've got this grace and elegance, and you're so dainty too. You really make a better ballerina than a boy." Some of the danseurs who Phillip had earlier offended laughed while the girls bit their tongues. Carlotta smirked as she heard Alexander's comments. She began to think about how Phillip would look dressed as a regular girl. The thought of it intrigued her. She decided that she had to know. After practice ended, Carlotta went over to Phillip. She pulled him out of the earshot of the others in the company and said, "What did you think of Master Nizhinksiy's comments about you?" Phillip felt the same strange surge of bliss flow throw him as he did when Alexander had uttered the words to him. However, he knew that the feelings were not what he was expected to have. He replied, "I didn't think much of it either way. I know I'm a guy. That's all there is." Carlotta nodded slowly, feeling disappointed by his response. She hoped that he would have been more receptive to further embracing his femininity. Phillip noticed her response and asked, "What's wrong? Did you think he was right?" "A little," Carlotta admitted. Phillip was unbothered by her admission. After a few seconds, Phillip realized this. He began to wonder, 'What's wrong with me? How can I be okay with a pretty girl thinking I should be a girl?' Whatever the reason, Phillip knew that he was not upset by Carlotta's words. He was even intrigued to see how he would look dressed up like an ordinary girl on the street. While he had seen himself dressed as a ballerina, that was not nearly the same as seeing himself in regular makeup and normal, everyday girls' clothing. Phillip decided to see if he could get her to ask him to dress in drag for her. He said, "Well, what did you have in mind?" Carlotta replied, "I was thinking that maybe I could see you in a little more casual look. Nothing really out there, maybe like a skirt or even some of my old pants. I think you would look good." Phillip smiled at Carlotta's response, but he did not want to seem too eager. Phillip hemmed and hawed before he replied, "I don't know. What would you think if I did it?" "I wouldn't think any different of you." Phillip nodded in resignation that Carlotta thought of him as a girl already. Seeing no further reason to not take her up on her offer, Phillip responded, "Okay, I'll do it for you." Carlotta smiled and said, "Really?" Phillip nodded once more and told his mother that he was going home with Carlotta. Marie was a little surprised by the development. While she knew Carlotta and Phillip had grown close in the theater, she was not sure what use Carlotta had for him outside of it. She told him to have a good time and went back to planning the company's next production. Although both Phillip and Carlotta owned a car, they walked to her apartment because it was only a few blocks from the theater. Carlotta never drove to the theater and Phillip had gotten a ride to it with his mother. As they talked on the way, Phillip mind raced as he wondered how he would look. He had never thought about cross-dressing except as a ballerina before. However, he suddenly felt an urge to do it at least try it once. Phillip was concerned by how alluring he found the idea since he had never even considered it before. Carlotta opened her building's door, and Phillip followed behind her. She then showed him up to her apartment. Phillip looked around her small apartment. It was a nice luxury for a ballerina. Carlotta was the only dancer in the company who did not live with anyone else. Carlotta's father rented the place for her. Although her parents had both been dancers, Carlotta's father had made a good amount of money working in business after he retired. He was not shy about spending money, and he wanted his daughter to have the luxuries that he and his wife lacked when they were professional dancers. Carlotta led Phillip into her bedroom. She opened her closet doors and Phillip peered inside. Although she had a large amount of clothes, Phillip knew his selection was limited. While they were similar in build, Phillip's waist was slightly larger than Carlotta's. However, Carlotta had a small selection of clothes that were larger than the rest of her clothes. She had kept a few of the clothes she had from when she weighed a little more in her early days in the corps de ballet. She kept them partly as a reminder of the scorn that Alexander had heaped upon her for her former size. Although she had been very thin, Alexander insisted that she drop more weight. She did so even though Marie had told her that her weight was acceptable for a ballerina. She also kept her old clothes because she was not sure if she would suffer bloating during her periods if she began having them again. Carlotta pointed to the larger clothes and let Phillip select what he wanted. Phillip looked over her collection of clothes and decided that it was best to select a conservative outfit. He did not want to Carlotta to think that he was eager to put on a very girl outfit, so he decided to not wear one of her dresses or skirts. Instead, Phillip decided to wear a pair of her old jeans and one of her t-shirts. Carlotta smiled at his choices and said, "Well, now, I know you're not a secret cross-dresser." "Why's that?" "A cross-dresser would never pass up the opportunity to wear a dress!" "If you say so," Phillip replied with a smile. Carlotta looked at him sideways to see if he was hinting at something she did not know. After a few seconds, she shrugged and gave him a bra and panty set to wear beneath his female clothes. Phillip got a little worried as he stared at the items. He remembered that he was not wearing a gaffe at the moment. He wondered how effective the black, thong panties would be at keeping his member tucked away. Carlotta noticed his apprehension as he stared at the panties. She asked, "What's wrong?" Phillip told her his concerns. She smiled and said, "I have just the solution." "What's that?" Phillip asked. Carlotta turned towards her dresser and pulled out a pair of control top, suntan pantyhose. Phillip stared at the hosiery in her hands with a confused look on his face. Part of Phillip knew that he should be resisting them; however, he also knew that Carlotta had seen him in white tights and a tutu. He knew that any embarrassment he would feel about wearing the pantyhose around her was not rational. Phillip thought about backing out, but the idea of seeing himself dressed as a regular girl was too alluring for him. He decided that he would do it. He decided to go along with Carlotta's idea and wear the pantyhose to give him added protection against his member slipping out from between his legs. Phillip then asked Carlotta if he could change in her bathroom. She nodded and said, "Of course you can. I don't know why you would though. I mean, you've changed in front of me before at the theater." Phillip nodded and replied, "Yes, but I wasn't completely naked then." Carlotta laughed and waved him off. Phillip went into her bathroom and disrobed. He placed on the panties and hosiery first. Phillip felt that his hairless legs looked odd beneath the pantyhose. He was used to opaque tights covering his legs, but the pantyhose produced a noticeably different look and feel on his skin. He ran his hands down his legs and enjoyed the feeling just like he did his tights. They still felt as if they clung to his leg differently though to Phillip. He figured that it was probably normally and proceeded to tuck away his member. He moved around a bit and felt that he was securely tucked away. Phillip then put on the jeans. He fastened the buttons of its three button fly before he took hold of the bra. Phillip wondered what the best course of action involving the bra was before he decided to hook it first and slip it on over his head. Phillip then placed the t-shirt over the padded bra. With his pants and shirt on, Phillip looked at Carlotta's shoes and selected a pair of closed toe, beige wedges. They appeared to be the largest shoes Carlotta owned and nearly fit Phillip's feet correctly when he put them on. Carlotta then handed him a faux, black leather purse to carry his wallet in. As Phillip put his wallet and phone in the purse, Carlotta took hold of her makeup bag. She took out her black eyeliner and called Phillip towards her white, lighted vanity. Carlotta put down the eyeliner before she began to style Phillip's shoulder length hair. She brushed his hair out and parted it slightly off center. She used a little gel to keep the hair in place before she moved on to working on Phillip's makeup. Phillip smiled at the feminine appearance of his hair before Carlotta applied eyeliner and mascara to his eyes. She then placed on a little blush and lipstick before she moved out the way to let Phillip see him himself in the mirror. Having seen his face made up before for performances, Phillip was not shocked to see the moderately attractive girl looking back at him. However, he was still enthralled by his feminine reflection. He stood up and went to Carlotta's full length mirror to take in his overall look. Phillip marveled at how girly he looked. He was certain that no one would ever be able to guess that he was really a man. He almost wanted to go outside and prove it, but he knew that that would be foolish. Carlotta grinned as she walked towards him and put her arm around his shoulder. She then led him into her living room. They talked a bit as they watched television before Phillip changed back into his clothes and removed his makeup. Carlotta then drove him home. They said goodbye with a friendly hug before Phillip got out of her car. As Carlotta watched him stroll up to his door, she felt more conflicted about him than ever. She found herself attracted to Phillip's male self, but she was no longer completely turned off by his female self. She smirked to herself and wondered out loud, "Is he turning me into a lesbian?" Carlotta shook her head knowing that that was not really the case. She was not attracted to any genetic women, and she was only slightly attracted to him when he was en femme. While she found his male features attractive, she also knew that she knew him mostly as a girl. She also rarely thought of him as Phillip. He was her friend Fanny. She was not sure how she could reconcile her attraction to Phillip and her friendship with Fanny. She was also not certain how long she could keep her conceptions of Phillip and Fanny separate either. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Marie watched her son practice for the company's production with some unease. She knew that he was growing increasingly comfortable as Fanny. She was initially troubled by this. She had always seen her son as a male danseur, not a ballerina. However, she knew that what he was doing was all her fault. She had trained him for female roles, and it was her idea to be dancing the female role he was preparing for. As she saw him take to being one of the girls, Marie began to regret her decision. She wondered if she had opened up a new avenue for Phillip that she did not want him to go down. She began to wonder if she had turned him gay or into a cross-dresser. She knew that he had never so readily acted as effeminate as he was around the dancers in the company. He seemed to be becoming more girlish by the day, and it seemed to Marie that he was either unaware or unconcerned by this. Marie was unhappy with these developments because she wanted to have grandchildren sometime in her future. With her daughter dancing on the other side of the world, there was no guarantee that the girl would ever return home. Marie knew from watching others that a ballerina could easily end up marrying a danseur and decide not to go back home. Marie felt that Phillip might be her only shot to have grandchildren she could visit, and it seemed to her that any chance was slipping away and that it was her fault. It was a struggle for Marie to conceal her concerns from Phillip, but she was successful doing so. Marie, however, had a change of heart as the opening date of the production loomed. While Phillip was unaware of her feelings, Alexander picked up on them. He had experienced the same thing with his mother during his youth in Russia. As hardened by life as he become, Alexander had some affection for Marie and did not want to see her suffering from such internal grief. Alexander met her in her office and explained to Marie what he had picked up on from her. Marie told Alexander her concerns. He laughed before he explained to Marie, "It is not your fault if your son is gay or a cross-dresser. If he is either, he was born that way. It is not learned. At least the gay is not. Both of those were probably latent in him and waiting to spring forth. Some men deny both for years before they accept it." Marie felt a little better as she heard Alexander's words. She accepted that her son's sexuality and cross-dressing were not her fault. She concluded that it was his life anyway, and that she had to love him no matter what he was. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- When the opening night of the production of La Sylphide arrived, Phillip put on his dress and makeup before he had his hair styled with his character's headscarf. Phillip did his own makeup with the assistance of Carlotta. She managed to help make Phillip look older, but they both knew that he would have to wear the mask his mother had had made for him. Phillip was not happy with it even though it obscured his face and gave him the appearance he needed, as he otherwise appeared far too young looking for the role. However, Phillip always found that dancing with a mask on felt unnatural to him. Carlotta complemented Phillip's dress, which prompted both to smile. The dress had a deliberate filthy appearance because the role called for it. Phillip replied, "If you'd like, I could ask mom if can borrow it?" Carlotta shook her head as she continued to get ready herself for her own part as one of the witches that danced with Phillip near the beginning of the second act. Phillip reciprocated her comment when she too dressed in a dirty looking, drab dress. Eventually they parted ways, and Phillip waited nervously for the start of the show. He knew that he was going out there for the first time with most of the audience aware of whom he was. Phillip knew that the pseudonym in the program would provide him with no cover. The news article had rendered it pointless. The name would have been changed to his own, if the programs had not already been printed when the paper ran