Operation Rescue - The New Co-Ed ; Chapter 5 free porn video

Operation Rescue: The New Co-Ed Chapter 5 - Discoveries and Revelations A young man gets in trouble and loses his scholarship. It looks like his dream of college to escape a poor future is doomed - until he sees an ad recruiting 'surrogates'. Tommi is starting to see things differently - and not always pleasantly. [email protected] ********************************************************************** When Suzie didn't look up from her computer, Tommi Sue cleared her throat to announce her presence. Suzie looked up suddenly at the noise; for a moment, she was confused, then her face brightened. "Tom? Wow! Look at you! I almost didn't recognize you!" She practically leaped to her feet and gave Tommi a warm embrace Tommi enjoyed Suzie's welcoming hug. "The girls in my dorm decided to give me a makeover," she explained, blushing moderately. "And they did a fabulous job!" Suzie exclaimed. "You look ... amazing!" "And they gave me a new name, too. Tommi Sue." Tommi seemed simultaneously a bit proud and a bit embarrassed. "It's a _lot_ more work to do my hair and makeup," she complained weakly. "So I'm not sure it's worth it." She decided to change the subject. "Is Rachel in? She's expecting me." "Trust me - the way you look, it _is_ worth it." Suzie smiled. "She's expecting you. Let's go back." She stood to escort Tommi back to Rachel's office. Tommi was surprised when Suzie escorted her back. Normally, Tommi would just walk to the back offices on her own. She was even more surprised when Suzie sat down in Rachel's office with Tommi. "You're looking very nice today," Rachel started cautiously. "I see you've ... changed ... from the last time we met." Tommi nodded. "Suzie asked the same thing. The girls in the dorm decided to give me a total makeover to help me adjust." Rachel was obviously trying to control her reactions, but she failed and winced visibly. "A little extreme, isn't it?" "Yeah, I guess you could say that," Tommi agreed half-heartedly. From her tone, she was conflicted about how she was reacting to the significant change. "And what do you think of it?" Her words were cautious and very deliberate. Tommi stared at the wall behind Rachel for a few moments, collecting her thoughts. "I ... I don't know," she answered finally. "I mean, it wasn't my choice, was it? But it helps." "It helps?" Rachel asked, surprised. "How?" Tommi nodded. "It's hard to describe. I guess because I feel invisible on campus now." "Invisible?" Tommi wrinkled her nose, realizing that her choice of words was wrong. "I mean, not invisible. But not a freak. It's like ... I'm normal. I don't feel like people are staring at me now. I'm just another girl." Rachel's eyebrow rose. "Okay, I think that makes sense. But is it what you wanted?" Tommi's eyes widened. "What I wanted?" "Yes," Rachel echoed. "You said the girls did this. But is it what you wanted?" Tommi thought for a moment. "I don't know," she answered candidly. "I'm not sure I would have done this, but it _does_ help, so I really don't know." "How do you feel about how you look? About how guys - and other girls - react to you?" "I don't know," Tommi admitted slowly. "For the most part, it's a lot better. I mean, how people react to me. The girls are a lot friendlier - mostly." "Mostly?" Rachel asked, surprised at his observation. "Some of them are probably just jealous," Suzie interjected. "I mean, you _are_ cute." Rachel gave her a quick dirty look, silently chiding her for the comment. Tommi laughed. "That's exactly what Katie said." "And the guys?" Tommi frowned. "I'm not sure. Mostly, I'm just another girl. But I'm getting some ... attention from some guys." "What sort of attention?" Rachel was getting genuinely curious; she'd noted that Tommi was a very observant client. "Some guys ... make comments. Not very polite comments," Tommi said, her nose wrinkling with disgust. "But you were a guy. You know how some guys act." Tommi laughed. "Yeah. Like assholes." She sighed. "It's a _lot_ different when you're on the receiving end." She shook her head. "And then there are a couple who seem ... interested in me. As a girl." She dropped her eyes. "One guy is ... so damned polite and nice. The assholes - I can deal with. But I ... don't understand how to deal with the polite nice guys." Suzie raised an eyebrow. "You're surprised at that?" Tommi closed her eyes for a moment and sighed heavily. "Yeah, I guess so. I know how guys can be so smooth, faking sincerity, because they're just after a little piece. I ...I can't figure out which is which. And I didn't expect it. I mean, I'm not really a girl. Or, I am now, but I wasn't. I guess I sort of am. A girl, I mean. But ..." She shook her head. "It's confusing. And I don't know how to deal with it. Guys, I mean. Because I kind of think of myself as still a guy. But not completely." She looked at Rachel, her eyes full of confusion. "Does that make any sense?" Rachel nodded. "You'd be surprised at how common that is. Right, Suzie?" "You know?" Suzie smiled and nodded. "I used to be like you. Like I told you before your surgery. Unless you forgot because you were already out of it. Before I did my first surrogacy, I was a boy." "But ..." Tommi felt confused. "You're so _feminine_! So ... graceful, poised." She shook her head. "I don't get it. How did you adjust?" "Thanks. But I don't really know how to explain how I adjusted. I just _did_. It seemed so ... natural. It just happened. " Suzie glanced uneasily at Rachel, then looked back at Tommi. "There's more. I'm ... engaged." She watched Tommi's eyes widen. "And my current pregnancy - it's not a surrogacy." "You mean..." Tommi stammered the start of her question. Suzie nodded. "Phil and I are expecting our very own baby. And we're very happy. And I love being a woman. I could _never_ go back." "But ... your fianc? ... does he know?" "Of _course_ he knows, silly," Suzie answered as if Tommi's question was the most absurd thing she'd ever heard. "And it doesn't make any difference to him. I'm a complete woman, physically and mentally, and _legally_, and I love him." Tommi gawked at Suzie for several seconds, then managed to close her mouth, which had dropped open in shock. "How ... how easy was it? I mean, learning to _be_ a girl?" Suzie smiled. "You mean, getting rid of the old boy habits, and acting and walking and talking and thinking completely like a girl?" Tommi nodded. "Yeah. If I'm going to be a girl - until this is over - then I guess I should look and act and talk like a girl. So I don't seem so out of place." Rachel permitted herself a small smile. "Well, based on what your friends in the dorm have done, I'd say you've got the 'look' part down pretty well." Tommi blushed and looked down, embarrassed. "Thanks. I think." "A lot of it is your mindset," Rachel continued. "If you think of yourself as a girl, and are confident in yourself, then that's how people will react to you." Suzie nodded her agreement. "And the clinic has classes that can help with mannerisms." She glanced down at Tommi, noting that she was wearing a skirt and had crossed her ankles and had her feet to one side of the chair - a very dignified and modest - and ladylike - posture. "But I can see that your friends are helping out." Tommi glanced down, then blushed again. "Yeah, they keep reminding me when I do something that they consider improper." Rachel glanced at Suzie, who nodded and rose. "I've got to get back to my desk," she excused herself. After Suzie had gone, Rachel continued. "To be honest," she practically blurted, "when Katie told me what the girls had done, I was quite nervous. It usually takes guys a long time to decide to go completely female. It seemed like they were forcing the issue." Tommi laughed, an unenthusiastic hollow sound. "It wouldn't have done any good. Maybe Katie wasn't in favor of it, but she couldn't stop the other girls. Just like she couldn't stop them in the shower when I first moved in." She tilted her head back and stared wistfully at the ceiling. "God, that seems so long ago." Rachel stared at Tommi for a few seconds, her eye narrowed and her expression unreadable. "To be blunt," she finally said, "I'm worried that you went too far too fast." She sighed. "I know your friends are trying to be helpful, and they seem to be very accepting. But how do _you_ feel about yourself, about the changes?" Tommi shook her head. "I don't know," she finally said softly. "I'm not really sure _who_ I am or _what_ I am." Rachel watched as Tommi fought her inner emotions, trying to keep the tears and turmoil from showing. "That scares you?" Tommi stared, wide-eyed, at Rachel for a second. "No shit. Wouldn't it scare you?" She saw Rachel start at her blunt words. "Sorry." Rachel smiled knowingly. "I'm not offended," she said. "And actually, I'd have been more concerned if you tried to cover up how you feel. Suzie scares you, doesn't she?" Tommi nodded slowly. "Yeah." "Because?" "Because - she's so _damned_ sweet and likeable and nice ... and what if I end up like her? What if I turn into a girl? What if I forget what it's like to be a guy?" She shook her head, and Rachel saw tears starting to form in the corners of her eyes. "Sometimes - I lay awake in bed and try to remember doing 'guy' things - and I can't! I feel like I'm turning into Suzie, that I'm starting to think and act like a girl too much, and I won't be able to remember being me, being Tom." She wiped at the tears. Rachel saw the inner turmoil surfacing. "That's why I was afraid that your friends are pushing things too fast." Tommi wiped again at the tears that wouldn't stop. "I feel like ... I'm four, and on the roller coaster again." Rachel's brow furrowed. "Roller coaster?" Tommi nodded. "A long time ago, just after I turned four, we - my family and I - went to the county fair. There was a roller coaster, and Dad made me go. I didn't want to, but he said roller coasters were fun, and I'd have a great time." She paused, her eyes shut as she fought an obviously painful memory. "I hated it. I was scared and getting bumped around, and I couldn't make it stop." She shook her head. "And my older sister laughed at me for being scared, and Dad told me to 'man up' and quit crying." Rachel's eyes widened at the revelation. "And this whole thing - you're not in control, and getting tossed around - emotionally, at least - and you can't stop it?" Tommi dabbed at her eyes again. "No. And all I'm doing is ruining my makeup." She realized what she'd said, and she recoiled. "And even that's wrong! I shouldn't care about my makeup! I shouldn't be wearing a skirt. I shouldn't have boobs! But I do, and they're growing, and I can't stop any of this." She paused again to wipe at the stream of tears. "Katie says it's just my hormones making me all emotional." Rachel realized that Tommi was on the edge, emotionally. Rachel had to watch her words very carefully. "What do you think?" Tommi shook her head. "I don't know," she answered. "I mean - I've got boobs! And they're very tender and sensitive, and ... I feel like I'm getting used to having them! That's not how a guy feels, is it?" "No." Rachel knew there was something more in his words. "But ..." she prompted. "But ... I ... kind of ... like them," Tommi admitted, red-faced. "They're kind of ... nice ... to touch." She looked down, feeling humiliated. "Sometimes, I find myself comparing them to other girls, and they're so small that I wish they were bigger. And then I hate myself for wishing that." "I thought you said you'd lost all your 'guy' thoughts," Rachel interjected, trying to take away some of the somber tones. "Wishing you boobs were bigger sounds like a typical competitive male thing, if you ask me." Tommi's mouth dropped open in surprise. "Yeah, I suppose it does," she admitted with a slight giggle. Rachel smiled. "The fact that you're worried is actually healthy. You haven't lost yourself. You're struggling with who you are - which is pretty normal for your age. You just added one new wrinkle to the identity crisis." She leaned back, and Tommi got the impression that the meeting was over. "Dr. Tina is expecting you for a checkup, and if you're late, she'll definitely let me know." She tried to smile. "I think you're going to be okay, but if you want to talk more after meeting with her, come back." Tommi stood, knowing that she'd been dismissed. After all, Rachel had a lot of other clients to deal with. Much as she wanted, much as it made her feel good, she knew she couldn't monopolize Rachel's valuable time. "Okay. But I think I'm done talking for the day." Rachel wondered briefly if she'd been too abrupt in ending the 'session'. "See you on Wednesday?" Tommi paused at the door. "Sure." "And I want you to start going to the group sessions. Thursday night. I've been strongly suggesting, but you haven't taken the hint. So consider this an order." Tommi swallowed. Group sessions - that could be emotionally tough. "Yes, ma'am." She ducked out the door before Rachel could chide her for the formality. As the door closed, Rachel stared at the door for several seconds, then at Tommi's folder. She shook her head slowly as she contemplated the day's session. She was certain that the girls _were_ pushing Tom too fast. Tommi Sue, she corrected herself. And yet - there was something about her reactions, something that didn't fit the pattern of rebellious rejection of who and what she was becoming. She wondered - was Tommi going to make it? Maybe there was something that, for Tommi, made this an escape from past demons. She shook her head again - there was a lot more to Tommi than the tests and background investigations had shown. Much more, enough that Rachel was highly concerned. She pushed the intercom button. "Suzie, send her in, please." ********** Tommi stopped at the nurse's station. "Hi, Deb," she said to get the nurse's attention. Deb turned, then did a double-take. "Tom?" Tommi nodded. "Actually, the girls decided I should be Tommi Sue, since I don't look much like Tom any more." "Wow! Look at you! You're really cute!" Tommi chuckled. Deb was a very warm, sweet, motherly woman who, given the number of visits he had, was quickly becoming a friend. "I get that a lot. Actually, the girls did this for me." Deb smiled and gave Tommi a quick sisterly hug. "Dr. Tina is waiting. I think she's a bit mad that you're late." Tommi grimaced. "Rachel kept me a little long," she explained. "That's what usually happens. Let's get your vitals, and then Dr. Tina will be with you." Quickly and professionally, Deb took Tommi's temp, blood pressure, and other standard vital signs. Then she got her weight. The final 'vitals' were not standard medical; Deb measured Tommi's chest, waist, and hips. Her eyebrows raised when she noted Tommi's chest measurement. "Are you wearing a padded bra?" Tommi blushed. "Yeah. The girls thought I should have more curves." "You know the drill," Deb clucked disapprovingly. "Off with it." Tommi unbuttoned and removed her polo shirt, then unfastened her bra so the nurse could get a true measurement. The lessons in putting on and removing bras came in handy. Deb noted Tommi's bare chest. "You're still growing. Are your nipples still sensitive?" she asked professionally. Tommi nodded as Deb took the measurement. She felt embarrassed as her nipples reacted to the cool air by getting hard. "I know Dr. Tina will want to examine your chest, so leave your bra off for now. But unless you like being cold, you may want to pull on your shirt." Deb smiled, then ducked out the door. ********** Tommi had barely pulled her shirt on when Dr. Tina came into the exam room. "How are you doing today?" she asked pleasantly, barely noticing Tommi as she studied the chart. Tommi shrugged. "Okay, I guess. But I'm really getting tired of my nipples being sore." Dr. Tina looked up, and smiled as she noted Tommi's new look. "I know I've told you it's normal, but that probably doesn't help. Let's take a look." "So, aren't you going to say something about how I look? Everyone else has." Dr. Tina smiled pleasantly. "I figured if you wanted to say something, you would. As I'm sure Rachel has." Tommi pulled her shirt back off. In a quick but thorough exam, Dr. Tina inspected Tommi's breasts, including palpating the growing mounds. "Okay, they're developing normally," she announced. "Your milk ducts are developing nicely, which is why they feel a little hard and lumpy. Eventually, you'll develop what's called a fat pad over the ducts, and they'll be less sensitive and smoother." "But my nipples seem so ... big," Tommi complained. "And they're always ... hard. Noticeable. If you know what I mean." Dr. Tina smiled. "Part of it is sensitivity, part of it is the fact that they _are_ bigger." She took a small ruler from the pocket of her lab coat. "Hmm," she muttered to herself as she measured Tommi's nipple. Sliding the ruler back into her pocket, she picked up the chart and made some notes. "Another two millimeters. Your areolae are 28 millimeters, and you're a little bigger than an A-cup." Tommi looked stricken. "Yeah," she complained, "they're _huge_." "Actually," Dr. Tina rebutted, "they're not very large. Not compared to a lot of late-teen girls and young women." She winked. "But they'll get there." "How ... how big? Will they get, I mean?" Dr. Tina shrugged. "Hard to say. A lot of it is genetics. And they tend to grow in preparation for lactation - both the breast size and the areolas. The average female areola is just over 1 inch, so yours will be larger than average. As far as breast size, you got a bit of a late start in developing, so that will reduce their growth a little bit. Based on your family genetics, I expect you'll be a full C or even a D-cup by the time you're done. Maybe a bit larger. " Tommi's eyes widened. "That's _huge_!" "Not really. But since you're not used to the idea, it'll _seem_ bigger than they really are." Tommi nodded. "Maybe. But some of the girls think I need to be bigger. They say that my ... boobs ... don't look very big." Dr. Tina laughed. "Well, they're right. Since you started out with a male physique, your rib cage - your chest measurement - is a few inches bigger than a natural girl would have. Which is why you have a 40 inch band measurement in your bra. Most natural girls your height would be around 34 to 36. And the bigger the band, the smaller the breasts look." "But they still seem big." "Because you aren't used to them. Just for your peace of mind, it may help you to know that there are a lot of men with a condition called gynecomastia who have B-cup breasts, but because of their large ribcage, they merely look like they're a bit flabby. With your large ribcage, you'll probably look smaller than a lot of girls your height and weight, even if you have bigger breasts." "Okay," Tommi answered hesitantly. "I'll take your word for it." "Any other significant symptoms? Any complaints or things you've noticed?" Tommi nodded. "I think I'm losing muscles." She flexed her arm. "See?" Dr. Tina made a note. "Not uncommon. Without testosterone, you're undergoing a large number of physiological changes. Loss of muscle mass is one. Over a few months, your general physique will look more feminine, less muscular. You may notice that your body hair, like on your arms and legs, will get lighter and more sparse. Your body will 'rearrange' fat, which means you'll get a rounder, more feminine- appearing ... um ... derri?re. You may not notice, but others will notice that your body odor, when you sweat, is a lot less musky. And I can see that your skin is a lot smoother." She looked at Tommi to see if she was taking in the information. "These are all effects of a lack of testosterone." Tommi sighed. "So I'm less manly, and when I get done and change back, I'll have a less manly body?" Dr. Tina shook her head. "All of these symptoms, except for breast development, are reversible when the testosterone is restored. Breast growth is irreversible - which is why they are surgically removed - when it's time." Tommi sighed with relief. The feminization of his body was reversible, and surgery would remove the 'irreversible' boob growth. "Anything else?" Tommi sighed. "I'm losing weight." "Yes, I saw. It's another four pounds since last time. That's, what, fifteen pounds in the last month? But again, no surprises. Loss of muscle mass, but more, you're losing the little bit of belly fat you had." She smiled broadly. "You know how many women would give their right arm to be flattening their tummies like you are?" Tommi wrinkled his nose in distaste. "I don't really _want_ to get a thinner waist and flat tummy," she complained. "It's just ... happening." Dr. Tina gave Tommi a reassuring look. "One of the aspects of our protocol is accelerated healing, which means that your body is using a _lot_ of energy to grow and adjust and mature, and very rapidly. During this time, it's not possible for you to eat enough to 'fuel' the changes, so your body is scavenging anything it can - and that means body fat. And that leads to a thinner waist and flat tummy." She gave Tommi a wink. "If we ever got this approved as a diet aid, we'd basically control the economy." She glanced back at the chart. "I'm willing to bet that your appetite isn't quite what it used to be." Tommi nodded. "That's an understatement. I'm just not very hungry - not since the operation." "Another normal - and temporary - side-effect of accelerated healing. In a few weeks, your appetite will return, and with it, the ability to pack on fat. If you know what I mean." She gave Tommi a warning look. Tommi gulped. "So - if I want to stay _cute_, I'm going to have to watch what I eat." "And make liberal use of our gym to get a good amount of exercise." She looked at Tommi's chart again. "Now if you're out of questions, I'd like to do some blood work to check your hormone levels. And your last period was ... hmmm, almost four weeks. So you're due?" Tommi nodded, her expression unhappy. "Yeah. I'm due any time. Not that I'm looking forward to it." Dr. Tina laughed. "Well, when we get your hormones all stable, we'll fix it so you won't have to worry about that for several months." Tommi laughed sardonically. "Yeah. Instead, I'll blow up like a beach ball." "Well, that's part of the bargain." ********** Feeling apprehensive, Katie followed Suzie back into the offices at Tommi's clinic. She didn't understand why she was here - only that Rachel had called specifically for her, and had ordered her to an appointment. Katie knew it was right around the time of Tommi's appointment, but Rachel had been very strict that Katie was not to let Tommi know that she was at the clinic as well. Suzie turned a corner, then knocked on a door - a door bearing the label 'Dr. Rachel McKnight, PhD, MSW'. Rachel couldn't help but gulp; she knew Dr. Rachel bore heavyweight credentials in psychology that made her own junior-level classes seem insignificant. "Come in," sounded mutely through the door. Suzie opened the door, standing to one side so that Katie could enter. Katie gulped - This was a one-on-one with Tommi's head psychologist. She stepped behind a chair and waited, while Suzie closed the door behind herself, leaving Katie alone with Rachel. As Katie watched, nervous, Rachel continued to type notes into her computer at a rapid pace. She obviously had some thoughts that she didn't want to elude her. To distract herself, Katie looked around the office. It was small -not a showplace, by any means, and the walls were peculiarly absent the diplomas and physiology 'gifts' left by pharmaceutical reps. "Have a seat," Rachel said in a simple command. Obligingly, Katie sat down across the desk from Rachel. "Why do I know this is about Tommi's makeover?" she asked before Rachel could speak. Rachel started, then she smiled slightly. "Pretty direct and to the point," she observed. "I see why Tom ... er, Tommi ... likes you as a roommate. You two are very much alike." Katie shrugged. "It's pretty obvious. I know you've been concerned about how Tommi is adapting. The makeover _was_ kind of extreme," she admitted. "And your message sounded a lot more like an order than a polite invitation." Rachel laughed. "I guess Tommi is rubbing off on me, too. I guess I need more practice on diplomacy and subtlety." "So?" Katie asked directly. Rachel sighed. "You're studying psychology, aren't you?" "Yes," Katie answered hesitantly. "Junior year." "So you know that a person's psyche can be ... fragile." Katie took a quick breath. "Look, um ... Doctor McKnight ...." She was clearly struggling with how formal or informal she should be with Rachel. "Rachel. I don't stand on formality." "Uh, okay," Katie answered hesitantly. Rachel wrinkled her brow. "You're not too comfortable with that?" Katie winced. "Uh, not really. You've got your PhD," she noted, "and I'm just a student. It just doesn't seem right." "Okay. It's up to you." She leaned back and took a deep breath. "Why? Why did you give Tom ... Tommi ... such an extreme makeover? You know this whole process is very stressful for her." Katie nodded. "Yeah, I know. We talk a lot." "And?" Katie shrugged again. "It wasn't really my idea. Some of the girls thought it would help. You know - a break with the past, fresh start. Something so she'd fit in." Rachel shook her head. "That kind of ... stunt ... would have driven several of my clients off the end. It was one _hell_ of a risk." She frowned. "It's not a risk I can condone." Katie nodded. "I understand. We ... the girls and I ... talked about it for a long time." She sighed. "Tommi has been having a lot of problems. Square peg, round hole. You know the drill. So we figured it would help her fit in so she wouldn't feel so ... awkward." "Okay, I can understand your thinking. But it seems like you were bullying her." "Or you _could_ interpret it as applying some tough love," Katie replied defensively. "There is a difference." Rachel started again in surprise at Katie's logic. Then she laughed lightly. "Touche." Katie continued quickly, so she could get her entire explanation completed before Rachel interrupted again. "She's our friend. We _love_ her. We just wanted to help her adjust, to feel like she belonged." She shook her head sadly. "You don't see her every day, see the pain, the uncertainty, the loneliness." Her voice cracked slightly. "We had to do _something_." Rachel noted the passion in Katie's voice. She understood that Katie was acting out of concern for Tommi. "Okay," she admitted after a few seconds. "It's pretty obvious that you were only trying to help." She smiled. "Tommi is lucky to have a friend like you. Friends like your group, I mean," she corrected herself. "Not all my clients have people watching out for them." She sat back, shaking her head slightly. "But I still don't approve of the way you did what you did." "I understand," Katie replied meekly, not sure if she was completely out of the doghouse. "Next time you get an idea like this," Rachel added sternly, "come in and talk it over with me first." She smiled at the stunned expression on Katie's face. "I'll help make sure your plan isn't too ... extreme." ********** Tommi walked into her room, expecting to flop on her bed. She was physically and emotionally drained; late night studying, running around campus to classes, and a long difficult session with Rachel had spent her energy reserves. But instead of an empty room, she found the girls sitting around, on her bed and Katie's, on the floor, and on their chairs. They seemed pleasantly surprised when she entered. "Oh, sorry to interrupt," she apologized quickly. "We're just talking," Melody explained in her usual cheery voice. She saw the fatigue on Tommi's features. "Rough day at the clinic? Do you need to lie down?" Tommi nodded. "Yeah. It was a long day." Melody, Erica, and Christina scampered off Tommi's bed. Mel and Erica sat down on the floor, while Christina sat on Tommi's desk. Tommi tossed her purse on the bed, kicked off her shoes, and then stretched out luxuriously on her bed. "Ah," she purred. "This feels sooooo good." "So how did it go?" Katie asked. Tommi thought she noted something odd in Katie's voice. She filed it away for future contemplation, mostly because she was too tired. Instead, she sighed. "Rachel is a little concerned about me," she said simply. "She thinks you guys went too far and too fast." "She said that?" Tommi shook her head. Her hair was growing slowly, but it was long enough that some wisps danced around her eyes. It was disconcerting, a little, but she was slowly getting used to it, and other aspects of being a girl. "Not in so many words. But from her questions, I could tell she was nervous. Maybe she think's I'll be overwhelmed by all the changes." Christina's eyes widened, then she slid down onto the bed and gave Tommi an awkward hug. "We'll _never_ let that happen," she retorted. "You're too special to us to let you." Tommi found her hug warm and reassuring, and from the way Christina's breasts were pressed into her, strangely exciting. She twisted a bit and wrapped her arms around Christina. "Thanks." For the briefest of moments, Tommi got the impression that Christina wanted _very much_ to kiss Tommi. Trying not to make the move too awkward or sudden, Tommi eased out of the embrace and slumped on her back. Christina slid down the bed a bit, sitting on the edge, and conspicuously still close to Tommi. "So I got orders to go to group sessions," Tommi began. Katie got a Cheshire Cat grin. "Told you so," she said proudly to Erica, who promptly stuck her tongue out at Katie. "And I got some new meds." Katie's eyes widened. "Are you okay?" She sounded very concerned about her friend's health. Tommi nodded quickly to reassure her friends and roommate. "Oh, yeah, I'm okay. But Dr. Tina said I'm adjusting too slowly, so she gave me some hormones and other stuff to help my body adjust more quickly." The girls' seemed relieved. "So that's not bad," Erica noted hesitantly. Tommi shrugged. "Mostly no." "Mostly?" Katie asked. "Yeah. Dr. Tina upped the dose on the accelerated healing meds. She said one side effect is that my boobs will be growing a little faster. It's part of my body maturing." "Can she get some for Ashley?" Melody asked with a laugh. "If you grow too fast, you'll be bigger than her pretty soon." Tommi felt the self-pity and fatigue flow from her; the girls had that effect. It was one of the big morale-boosters she had. She sat up and arched her back, playfully making her breasts jut forward. "Aren't they already?" she asked with a laugh. ********** The pleasant early autumn air from a few weeks ago was gone; an unseasonably early cold front had blasted through, and in its place was genuine cold. Tommi took comfort in the long coat, and not for just the warmth. Her developing female figure was disguised neatly by the coat, including especially her seemingly perpetually erect nipples. And for some reason, the chill in the air seemed to be a great distraction from the ache in her back and the unease and bloating. As Tommi rounded the corner of the Liberal Arts building, she caught a gust of cold breeze square in her face, and she shivered. Perhaps some chill was distracting, but this was downright unpleasant. She dropped her face, hoping her collar and hair would help shield her bare skin from the icy wind. As she came around the corner, her gaze on the sidewalk, her peripheral vision caught a glimpse of an approaching person, and she stopped short, awkwardly, nearly tripping. She looked up, startled, to see who she'd nearly run into. The gaze that met her was as icy as the wind. "Hi," the girl said in a coldly calculating voice, "Tommi." "Hi, Stephanie." Tommi was less than pleased to nearly bump into Stephanie Harmon, one of the Beta Tau girls who'd so mercilessly tormented her a few weeks ago. "You should watch where you're walking," Stephanie snarled. "Girls don't run around trying to knock over other people." Turning her nose up slightly, she stomped off. Tommi stood for a few moments, watching her go. Inwardly, she wondered about Stephanie. She certainly was never going to be in Stephanie's circle of friends, but couldn't Stephanie - and the other Beta Taus - display the same civility toward Tommi as they did toward other people? What had she done to Stephanie to merit such scorn? Shaking her head sadly, she dropped her gaze again, as much now to protect herself from the icy wind as to hide her face from others. One dose of emotional abuse was more than her daily dose. Then again, she thought, at least Stephanie hadn't physically assaulted her, or called her names. Rudeness from the Beta Tau girls, she realized slowly, was a vast improvement. ********** Katie looked up as the door shut behind Tommi. "How was the test?" Tommi sighed. "Okay, I guess." She dropped her book bag on her bed and pulled off her coat. Katie sat back from her own studies. "Okay? You guess?" She sighed. "Spill it." Tommi tossed her coat on the bed. "Stephanie Harmon." Katie frowned. "You bumped into her again?" Tommi nodded as she slumped onto her bed. "Yeah." "What did she do this time?" "Nothing, really. She was just unusually rude." "In other words," Katie interjected, "normal behavior for a sorority snob." Tommi sighed, then dabbed at a tear in her eye. "Why does it seem like they're especially rude to me? What did I ever do to them?" "And on top of everything else, you're feeling overwhelmed, right?" Tommi nodded slowly. "You pretty much got it." Katie stared at her for a moment. "Have you noticed that sometimes, you're very self-confident, and other times, everything upsets you?" Tommi considered her words. "I hadn't thought of that. I _do_ know that some days, everything is easy, and others, everything sucks." Katie bit her lip; she'd noticed a pattern, but broaching the subject, especially when Tommi was having a down day' _and_ after Katie herself had been so totally chastised by Rachel about the makeover issue, could be sensitive. "Have you considered if there's a common theme, a set of thoughts, that triggers a bad day?" "Nope." Tommi sat up, looking at Katie. She knew that Katie had a specific line of thought, but she also knew that the way Katie was addressing it, it was probably going to be a rough one - for her. "Okay, what are you thinking?" "Getting that transparent, hmm?" Katie asked, trying to interject some humor. "Okay, I've noticed that whenever we have an evening or morning discussion about your home life, you have a pretty rough next day. Especially when we talk about your dad." Tommi snapped forward to the edge of her bed, feet on the floor and her muscles tensing, as she prepared to rebut Katie's words. An irrational anger was ready to fight physically if necessary. Katie saw the involuntary reaction and knew she'd hit a raw nerve. And as fast as Tommi had reacted, she sank back on her bed, her mouth hanging open in shock, as the stark reality of Katie's thoughts penetrated her initial 'fight or flight' reaction. "Oh, my God!" she said softly, repeating the words with wide eyes as she realized just _how_ she'd reacted. "Oh, my God!" Katie slid onto the side of Tommi's bed, sitting close to her roommate and friend. She saw Tommi mouthing the words over and over, her eyes wide as if in shock. "Tommi?" Tommi looked up, her eyes filled with fear of a reality that she'd never seen. "My dad!" she said softly. "He ... he never accepted me!" She dabbed her eyes. "He hated me! Because I wasn't like him!" She collapsed against Katie, tears flowing as she began to bawl uncontrollably. Katie wrapped her arms around her roommate. "It's okay, Tommi," she cooed softly. "It's okay." For a long time, Katie held Tommi and let her cry. Finally, Tommi sat back, her eyes red from tears. "He hated me." Katie shook her head as she wiped a stream of tears from Tommi's cheek. "No, I really doubt that he hated you. But you couldn't live up to what he wanted, so maybe he never quite figured out how to accept you, to encourage you." Tommi shook her head. "He was a mountain of a man, and proud of his strength and manliness. I never lived up to what he wanted in a son." Katie knew how Tommi had described her dad. Six-feet one, two hundred pounds of solid drill-handling muscle, he was a hyper-macho working man. Tommi had grown up literally in his shadow. Smaller than most boys, Tommi was never destined to match her dad's physical stature. While her dad love the mine and the hard work, indeed, he seemed to revel in the roughest, hardest days, Tommi, as a boy, was small. Several times, lying awake late at night, Tom had overheard his parents talking; dad was confused about how to deal with a boy who would never be a star high-school fullback, a boy who had no interest in manual labor, a wisp who was tormented and beaten by the school bullies without fighting back. And in his own rough way of expressing himself, he'd said things about Tom that had left deep emotional wounds. Tommi, when she was a boy, had never felt able to meet her dad's expectations, nor earn his respect. Long into the night, Katie and Tommi talked about her dad, about his ways of dealing with Tommi, and the sense of unmet dreams for a strong, manly son. Most of the time, Tommi was crying on Katie's shoulder as story after bitter painful story came spilling forth. Katie knew she had a test to study for, but she knew that, even more, Tommi needed this emotional catharsis. About two-thirty in the morning, Katie noticed that Tommi's sobbing on her shoulder had stopped. Tommi's breathing was slow and regular. Carefully, Katie eased Tommi off her shoulder, and saw that she was asleep. With the tenderness of a mother laying her newborn in the crib, Katie eased Tommi onto her pillow, then swung Tommi's legs up onto the bed. For a moment, she considered trying to change Tommi into her PJ's, but then decided against it and just pulled a blanket across the sleeping figure. "I hope I got enough studying done," Katie said to herself as she tucked Tommi in bed. "'Cause I know you needed this emotional release." ********** Tommi was sitting on her bed, her knees drawn up to her chin, lost in thought, when Katie came in. She hadn't changed clothes from the previous day. "You okay?" Katie asked as she eyed her roommate. Tommi looked up. "How was your test?" "I think I did okay," Katie replied. "Now quit trying to change the subject. How are you doing?" Tommi stared at her for a few seconds, her eyes seemingly vacant. Then a small spark lit. "I ... really needed that," she said simply. "You made me think about some things that I'd forgotten about, or tried to bury." "And?" Tommi got up and wrapped her arms around Katie. "Thank you. I needed it. A lot." Katie returned the embrace, then broke to set her books down on her desk. "Now what?" Tommi shook her head uncertainly. "I don't know." "How about if you start living up to _your_ expectations and _your_ goals instead of some unattainable ideals you thought would make your dad accept you?" Tommi smiled thinly. "That sounds like a start." She shook her head. "But ... I don't know if I can. It seems so hard to ... let go." "You might find that Tommi has a lot of self-confidence and some great expectations." Katie grasped Tommi's shoulders. "You need to remember that your dad loved you. But you confused him. From what you've said, he was a simple, stubborn man, and you confused him. He never could figure out how to deal with you. But that doesn't mean that he didn't love you." Tommi nodded. "And I need to quit trying to please him, and please myself instead." "Yup." "That's not going to be easy. I've been fighting his ghost for a lot of years." Katie nodded firmly. "But you've got a lot of friends who will help you in that fight. Just believe in what and who you are. Believe in your dreams and goals." Tommi nodded. "Thanks." ********** (to be continued)