Zen And The Art Of Self-Defense Chapter 8 free porn video

Chapter 8 - To Hold Strongly - It's probably a good idea to go back to Ohio, a chance to clear my thoughts, find out where I am, and lessen reminders of unpleasant things here in LA. I've had a wonderful time over these almost three years with Jillian, and in that time I've been able to put decent amount of money away as I've had few large expenses out here, my prescriptions being the most continuously expensive thing - which I will never give up! I won't be able to survive for a long time with no income, but living back at home at least for a while will keep my expenses down. What I can do is get some additional training and either join a place as an instructor or possibly even open my own dojo. I will miss Jillian and I do appreciate all she has done for me, but it appears that she has moved into some other place in her life, and I no longer belong there. I thought she may be like that, but it's always surprising when it happens to you. It could have something to do with her new boyfriend, Geoff. He's been an actor for several years but recently started getting more important roles. There are rumors about him, something to do with his spiritual beliefs and the group with which he associates, but I try not to get involved in either listening or passing on unsubstantiated stories. Better to just move on with my own life. I do leave messages with Sammy and Ron's answering services as I do have feelings for them. To avoid having to explain to them, I just say I'm going home for an extended visit and leave it at that. I have given my mother a call, and she is more than happy to put up with me, and put me up. Upon arrival after spending time with her and Jim and Laurie, I reclaim my old bedroom. I laugh a little as I remember having wondered the last time I was here if I was going to see it again. I again realize that we seldom really know what the future holds. This time, however, I decide that no matter how long I may be here, I'm going to remake this room into something a little less boyish and more in tune with how I'm feeling and appearing. I paint the room a nice off cream white with a slight yellowy undertone. I replace the shades with lacier curtains and the bed coverlet with something a little prettier, all with pink accents. Finally I take down and store away many of my old keepsakes, replacing them with things I have acquired over the past several years. After I remake my room to my liking, and have spent some days just unwinding, I begin searching out dojos in the area. And I decide that perhaps being a woman, that some certifications might be appropriate, some additional supporting documents. I work on obtaining two in particular, one from the American Taekwondo Association and the other from the Aerobics and Fitness Association. I also decide to keep up on making sure I'm abreast of any form of self-defense that catches the public eye. The latest rage is Krav Maga, a form of self-defense that originated in Israel. I'm sure there will be people coming in asking for that wherever I go. I do find some gyms that will give me a tryout as an instructor, with the chance to build up my client base. I cannot of course use much of my previous training or competitions and I'm even limited by not using Avery's, but Jillian through Elizabeth did give me a reference letter as did Ron (I just phoned him), so I do have some history to show. My income is not near what it was in LA, but, of course, I again have very few expenses, too. Mostly, the classes are self-defense with some conditioning and exercises for women. A few of the students eventually go on to more rigorous martial arts training. It's enough to keep me busy, consisting of mostly evening and weekend classes, as well as parts of two weekdays. I also am asked to occasionally work the front desk, so I wind up meeting a number of people and as a result, am asked out by guys, as well as approached by several young women. Having grown up here in the Midwest, I decide that in California, I can be bi- with little problem, but here I should probably make a choice. I accept occasional dates with guys, but I'm careful to not let any of them get too serious. I'm still learning to be a young woman without the years of experience most cis-women go through during their teen years, so I'm taking it rather slow. After several months here at home, and feeling comfortable about myself and where I am, I make a phone call. "Hello, may I speak with Roger Ballentine?" "Oh, yes, hi, Roger, this is Christine Fiel....yes, me, Chrissy! How are you?" My goodness, he was quick to respond! "Oh, my, yes, that's wonderful. I'm so glad for you." "Uh huh." "Yes, I remember your request, that's why I'm calling. I'm back in the Toledo area, for a while anyway, and I just was wondering if you're able and interested in following up on that request the last time we talked." "You are? Good! Is there a time you'd like to get together?" "Yes, there's a gym I've been working out at, down around Perrysburg, off route 25." "Yes, Dixie Highway." "Yes, that's the one. So, this Thursday around 7PM?" "Sounds great. I'll see you then! And we can talk about future sessions." "Good! Bye now." I'm now wondering about what will happen here. I know I'll have to be extra careful around him as I put him in the hospital once. I surely don't want to do it again. I guess just go slow, nothing involved, no fancy or overly complicated movements, and explain everything as I go. I hope it works. Another thought or two come up, but I immediately dismiss them. Thursday arrives and for some strange reason, I'm a little nervous as the time approaches that we are to meet. I get to the gym a little early and get all changed and go through my warm-up exercises as I see Roger come in and glance around. As he notices me, I feel a little flutter within, but I try to dismiss it immediately. "Hello, Chrissy, it's nice to see you again. You're looking fantastic," he says as we come together in a little hug. "Hi, Roger, it's so wonderful seeing you up and about. You've made a great recovery." As I look up at him, I can feel that little flutter inside of me. I wonder what that's all about. 'Come on, Chrissy! shake it off,' I say to myself. "Well, I'm not all the way recovered, yet." "Oh! Are you cleared to do this? I'm not going to allow anything that will put you into any jeopardy." He laughs a little, "Oh, I'm cleared, I'm just so rusty that I doubt I could last one or two rounds in a junior competition." "Then I guess it will be my job to get you to at least the junior championship round," I say with a little grin. "Well, that will be an accomplishment I could live with for a while anyway." "So, if you're ready, let's get started." We both go into the lotus position as he fully understands the need to focus, concentrate and let the worries of the day fall away. It feels really nice to be next to someone who truly understands, rather than a class of students who aren't sure what this is for and are just trying to humor me by following my lead. The only problem is, is that thoughts of this man next to me keep creeping into my desire for a clear mind. After several moments of relaxation and focusing which I'm finally able to do, we move on to warm up exercises for him, which are also designed to get our bodies in tune with our thoughts as well as understanding our center and letting ourselves search for balance. As we start moving toward actual techniques, by agreement we work on some of the more basic body movements and positions, forms and patterns, holds, simple take downs and throws and falls. I find that Roger is still quite adept despite his lowered confidence in himself. My plan now is to help him along and let him discover just how good he still is. As such we work through a varying amount of techniques in several disciplines trying to achieve a flow of energy between them. After not quite an hour spent on that, we get to sparring but with minimal contact. I'm still not sure of how recovered Roger is and I want him to feel and understand what his limits are. I do make little comments as we go, mostly supportive or sometimes pointing out where his body position may not be ideal. "Ooh! Good technique!" I say after a while. "You're better than you let on." "I don't know, but I'm glad we're doing this and you're helping me, you really understand what it's about, and what people need...and how to deal with others," he says back to me with a kind smile and a look in his eyes that sort of momentarily takes my breath away. Goodness! I recover glancing away for a second, replying, "Oh, um, thanks, but it's really what you believe you're capable of that's important." "Yes, I understand, it's just that you seem to have a way to help make it happen. Say, um," he hesitates a moment, then blurts out, "would you, um, like to go out for a drink afterwards?" I'm a taken aback for a moment as I have been a little conflicted, having moments where I sort of wished that he would and sort of hoped that he wouldn't ask, but I'm definitely not expecting it now! And I'm flustered for a moment, "Uh, well, I..um, do have to....," and I sigh, smiling and accepting the inevitable, reply, "yes, I'd like that." He lets out a breath, with a huge smile, saying, "Good, I thought maybe you....thank you for saying yes." While I like the idea of getting together socially with Roger, I'm still a little apprehensive of where this may lead. Do I really want to go there, I wonder. After we finish up, cool down, and change, and are going to our cars, he asks, "Would you like to come in my car? It's not that far and I promise to bring you back here before midnight?" I know the gym is open to midnight and the lot is well lit, probably safer than a bar parking lot, so that's not a problem, as I respond, "Okay, that would be nice, thank you." He then leads us to his car which to my surprise is a late model Corvette. I was in one once for a few moments, but I never expected to find myself in another especially as some guy's date! I can only say, "My goodness!" He chimes in as he opens the door for me, and then gets in and we drive away, "I should explain something. I'm getting a divorce, my ex- and I are officially separated, but it's taking longer than I would have hoped. After we split, I went out and bought this, probably to get over my disappointment." "Oh," is about all I can say, as I'm now wondering if this was a good idea after all. He glances at me and can probably see the concern in my face, so he tries, "Tell you what, I'll give you the short story and if you don't think this will work out, just tell me, and I'll take you back to your car." "No," I say rather quickly, "I'm still on for the drink if you are. But I'll listen to your story." "Thank you," he smiles with a sigh, and then explains that they knew each other before the injury but spent time together while he was in the hospital and she did help him in his recovery and they married upon his release. But maybe they really didn't know each other that well, and with his now being up and around and not needing her attention, things seemed to change. There are no children, for which he is thankful, but the divorce just seems to be dragging out. He hopes I understand. I think about it for a moment, and of course several things go through my mind. Did the accident cause a problem with his ability to perform? Did she like the nurse aspect and when that disappeared so did her feelings? Is there something about him she found out? Well, he seems nice enough, and it isn't like I met him a few moments ago. I'll give him a chance. "Thank you for sharing that, Roger. Of course, I can't begin to understand everything, but you've certainly been nice enough whenever we have been together. Let's see how this evening goes. I'll let you know immediately if I want to leave." "I can appreciate that, and thank you for giving me a chance." As it turns out, I really enjoy the evening. I only have two drinks, as I have never really cared to over indulge. I can remember just two or three times I did, and they weren't much fun. I'd rather have a fun time, and being with Roger is meeting that desire. We talk about our lives, our likes and dislikes, our hopes and dreams. He's rather interesting, and I actually look at him a little more than I had in the past. I mean, we competed against one another years ago, and just worked out together in a gym, but I never really looked at him until now (when I visited him at the facility, he was still recovering so I only saw him as a patient). I can see spending more time with him, regardless of where it might lead. He's a little taller than I am, but barrel-chested, dark thick hair, black eyes, a rather nice smile, and an interesting neatly trimmed mustache. I never envisioned dating a guy with facial hair as, of course, I never wanted any, but this makes him look....oh, handsome, I guess. True to his word, he gets me back to my car in plenty of time and makes sure I'm safely out of the parking lot and on my way home before heading off in the opposite direction. I like that, as I think about any future we might share. Before we part, we finish up our conversation. "Goodnight, Chrissy, I had a really nice time. Can I call you sometime this week?" he says as we pull up next to my car. "I did, too," I say with a smile, "yes, you can, anytime is good with me. If I don't answer, just leave a message. I promise I'll return the call. Goodnight, Roger, it was a really good time and I certainly enjoyed the company." We glance at each other as our eyes lock for a brief moment, and I can definitely imagine a future with him. But, now, I go to my car. He does call me Tuesday evening and after we chat a while, he asks me out to dinner on Saturday, both of which I greatly appreciate as I had been thinking for several days, well, he's a guy, I suppose he'll probably wait until Thursday to say anything and possibly he may not even call. And I accept his invitation. At our workout on Thursday evening, in talking about our upcoming date, he insists on picking me up at my house. I put up a little resistance but I also like that he's like that and eventually agree. On Saturday, he's very prompt, and we have a nice dinner in the Toledo area and follow that up by seeing a live musical theater performance, which I have always enjoyed. Having pulled up in my driveway, we sit there and talk about a lot of things. I like his humor, like he showed at the rehabilitation center, and continues as we're together, and I find I'm very comfortable with him. Eventually I realize it's probably time to understand where this is going as he considerately walks me to my door. Which I had hoped he would do. "Would you like to come in for some coffee?" I ask sort of innocently peering into his eyes. He takes a breath, "I'd like that, but I have to be up and going early in the morning. Perhaps another time?" "That's fine, and you can plan on it. I've had such a wonderful time, thank you so much, I've really enjoyed being with you," I say quietly again looking up into and searching his eyes rather expectantly. He says, as quietly, "So have I," as he catches on and gently slips his hands to my waist, and even more gently pulling me up to him, we kiss. It's as good as I had hoped, as I slip my hands up to his upper arms and shoulders. There's a tingle of excitement and a shiver of future expectation. He says again as we pull apart, "So have I, and thank you for being the truly beautiful woman you are, Chrissy. I'll call you this week." I blush a little at that saying, "I'd like that. Good night." We join in another quick kiss and he turns and goes as I go inside. I'm a very happy girl right now. The following Saturday, we see a movie and then have a later light supper. Now we're holding hands or I have my arm in his, and our kisses are longer and deeper and much more involved. And I do love getting out of his Corvette when we have it valet parked and especially when there are people around. I feel rather special being with Roger. I can also tell that he's rather proud to show off his car and his girlfriend. He is busy the next weekend, but asks me out for the one following. "There's a classic car show at Put-In-Bay, with a lot of other events. I'd love it if you'd join me for the day. But we'll have to get going early as the ferries to the islands back up really quick when there's something big going on." "Sounds like a lot of fun, I'd love to go. And I'll be ready whenever you want." He picks me around 5 A.M. and we catch one of the first ferries from Port Clinton over. On the island (South Bass), we meet up with a number of his friends and their spouses or girlfriends who all accept me as I appear and we spend the day at the showings and all the other events, or just walking around sight-seeing or shopping. The day starts off foggy with a damp chill in the air, but by 10AM, the sun is out and it turns into a beautiful summer day. It's one of those days that you hope never ends. But eventually it does, and while we're still alert enough to drive, we catch a late ferry back to the mainland, and Roger asks, "Is it all right if we stop by my place?" I know he lives on the water's edge near here, so I say, "Okay." I also know in my larger shoulder bag I've been carrying, that I've put in an extra pair of panties as well some other necessities that a girl should have if she thinks there might be some overnight time and she needs to be prepared. I also know that I don't want Roger driving back to my place and then driving home (over two hours), but with my mother in the house, I'm not sure that it would be all that proper to invite him in for night. I'm happy with his suggestion, and I know what I need to do. He lives in a rather nice condo, ground floor, with a view of Sandusky Bay. Once there he makes the perfunctory offer, "I can take you back to your place whenever you want." My obvious response is, "I don't want you driving all that way and then back again, it's much too late and all that sun and what we've consumed, I can get a room in a motel." "I think they're all booked up, I don't mind, really, taking you back, although I do have the guest bedroom if you think it better. You are welcome to use it." "Hmmm," I ponder already knowing my answer, "I don't want to put you out or anything." "No, no, you won't be at all." And of course, I never make it to guest bedroom as we fall quickly into an embrace immediately followed by some quite passionate kissing, until I quietly get up and take his hand and lead him into his bedroom. He easily follows. Yes, this is the first man I'm spending the night in an intimate relationship. I've of course been out with Sammy as well as on some very casual dates both in L.A. and here in Ohio, but it's not that I've been 'saving' myself. I certainly had a lot of quite erotic and passionate nights with Jillian, and in my previous life, I've been quite intimate. But now I know this is what I want and I can tell that that Roger is quite thrilled. In a way, I'm glad that it's with Roger. Our relationship is now at the place where intimacy is just the natural next step. There's certainly no reason to tell Roger that he's the first. And, yes, I'm quite excited about it. And, what a night we have! He finds out exactly how much of a woman I am, and I find out how much he is able to please me, as I do him. I mean, I've seen the size of his hands, and in this case, there's some validity to that old wives' tale. I silently thank Jillian for giving me some practice and I know she'd be happy that I'm using all that she taught me with someone else, especially how I use my tongue to stimulate him. And considering all the different positions we tried - all successfully, I should say! - I'm finding it even more exciting and stimulating doing some of those with a man! It's definitely a fulfilling experience. We fall asleep in each other's arms which I find so comforting. The next morning we have another round of love making, and eventually in the late afternoon, he drops me off at my place. We continue seeing each other for several months, which is turning into one of the best periods of my life so far, with me spending a number of nights at his place, but this one time while we're together, while he is doing nothing really different outwardly, I feel a different mood, a different vibe in him. I admit I have considered at times that we might have a long term future together. Yet, there are times when I look at him, and all I see is a really nice good looking man, one I certainly enjoy being around, but.... Is there something missing or am I not understanding my own feelings? It takes another date with him which I still find just as enjoyable, to realize that something has changed in Roger's feelings about his life. He finally confides in me. "I'm not sure how to say this, Chrissy, so I'll just blurt it out. My divorce was finalized two weeks ago." It takes me a second or two to register what he is saying. "You must feel quite relieved, I would guess," I finally say as I sort of feel relieved, too. I mean, I know I had nothing to do with their breakup, but of course, them getting together did involve me a little. Yet, more than that, I understand that lots of separated people see others, I just always knew in the back of my mind that he was still 'legally' married. Yet, looking at him, I suspect there's more going on. "Yes, I am," he sighs, not quite with the smile I would have expected, as he continues after a short pause, "Chrissy? I really like you, really, that's the honest truth; and I have really had a great time seeing you and being with you, but..." Uh, oh, here it comes. "Well, when it was obvious my ex and I were going to split, I promised myself that the day the divorce was final, I'd split out of here, too. Just take off for parts unknown. I guess that's sort of why I bought the Vette. You coming into my life certainly affected all that, which I'm happy about, but at the same time, I still feel the need to go. And now, I'm really sort of torn. Do you understand?" I look up at him and ask, "Hold me for a moment." He's a little surprised but does so, as I do enjoy being in his arms. With his arms fully embracing me and mine up on his shoulders I look up into his eyes, "I have really had a wonderful time every moment we've been together, but I also know that I had a similar feeling and desire once, and following through on it was one of the best decisions I ever made...so far at least. I wouldn't even think of denying someone else's their chance." He looks at me a little quizzically, with an intriguing smile, "Um, would you like to come with me?" I am shocked by that request, as I say, "Oh!" I mean that sounds so intriguing and exciting, just take off and cruise around the country in a great looking car with a handsome man, living for the day, the moment. That sounds so appealing, and I certainly like him well enough, I could almost say 'When do we leave'. I think about it for a moment, and looking into his eyes deeply, I see the answer. I lean up towards his lips and we kiss, as I know what this means. "Does that mean a 'yes'?" he asks as we break apart with sort of a smile on his face. "Roger, that means that I care a lot about you, an awful lot, and as much as the idea of just taking off and traveling sounds exciting, I think this is your adventure, your time to find yourself. I just want you to know that I do still care about you very, very much, and I will always have a place in my heart for you. And if you ever come back and I'm around and you're still interested, let me know. Okay?" I can see the little hurt as well as the little relief in his eyes, and I know that he probably feels the same way about me as I do about him, which means I know it's the right thing I'm doing, and just as important, the right things he's been doing. "Will I see you again?" he asks rather quietly. "When are you planning on leaving?" "I guess now in about three days." "Can I see you off?" "Yes, I'd like that." "And you do have my number. You can call me anytime you want. I'll never refuse your call." He says an even quieter, "Thank you." And we embrace each other again which is now going to be our second to last kiss, the last being a short one as he pulls away from his place three days later, with tears in both of our eyes. What a wonderful, sweet time I've had with Roger. He certainly has a lot of good qualities that I would want in a future partner ...or husband, but I suspect we both also realized that as much as we enjoyed one another, our futures lay elsewhere. I'm guessing what helped make our coming together happen initially was that we really barely knew each other before, and it was not that difficult to put our different pasts behind us. I hope that whoever I may chance to become intimate with in the future will be able to handle my past in a similar manner. As I think about Roger and the end of our affair, I also come to the realization that my future really isn't here in northwest Ohio, either, as much as I do have a fondness for this area. Yes, it is 'flat', it's a drive to any large body of water, Toledo (and Detroit!) is not exactly a happening town, although it's also not what John Denver once sung about, either. It does have some good features, the people, prices for example, and especially values, which I greatly appreciate. But, I really did like being in California, and I'm now sure that's where I want to be. And I realize something else as important - I have lain to rest any demons from my life here; I'm heading back to California with the hope of perhaps resolving any issues from there. I need to get on with my life as I now am, and I'm much better prepared. I broach the subject with my mother as we're having coffee after a nice dinner, which I helped prepare, "Mom, I've been thinking. I'm probably going to go back to Los Angeles." "Oh," she gives me one of her wan smiles, before continuing, "I've really enjoyed having you here, dear, but I've also seen that longing in your eyes, like I saw several years ago. Did breaking up with Roger have anything to do with it?" I sigh, "No, it just helped it along. I suppose you're right about the longing, but this time, I don't think I'm running away from anything. I'm probably running to something." "Do you know what that is?" "No, not exactly, but I'm going to find out. I'll be contacting some people I've kept in touch with and get working on getting a place, and go from there." "When will you be leaving?" "I would guess in two weeks. No, I'm sure of it. I have to give my notice in at the gym, but I don't think it will be a problem. The current session is almost over." She looks at me rather lovingly, I'm thinking, as she says, "Well, I should tell you that I've been seriously considering moving into Timber Woods. It's that nice retirement community, closer to Toledo, with those little townhouses, apartments, and nursing care. This place," she looks around her, "even with all the memories and good times, is just too big and too much for me." "I can understand. It does have a lot of memories," I say as I think back on moving here half of my lifetime ago. My natural father had died when I was 4 which is why I barely remember him and my mother remarried when I was 10, but they split just after we moved here. He supported her for a while. He and I were never close although he did try to do some things with me. I continue, "Does Jim know?" "Well, yes, dear, I have talked it over with him. But I decided to wait on any firm date until you made up your own mind with what you were going to do. I didn't want anything I might do to affect your decisions. Now that you are going, it's much easier for me." "Oh, my, thank you for thinking of me. You didn't really have to, but I appreciate it." "That's what a mother is for," she says with a smile. I ponder that thought a moment and then say something I've been considering, "Jim and Laurie have given you grandchildren and I see that you're really enjoying them. But, I want you to know that I'm not excluding any children from my future life, and you may get some more grandchildren in the future." "Oh! Is there something I should know?" I smile a little, "No, it's just that anyone I may decide to commit to, and there is no special one right now, will have to understand that children may be an important part of my, our, future. I can feel pangs of motherhood at times." "Um, I don't know how to ask this, but can that happen?" I laugh, "No, not for me as a biological and birthing mother, but adoption is a distinct possibility as are other ways, but I don't want to think about them right now. I'll have enough time when I meet the right person. But about you moving, do you need any help or anything?" "Well, yes dear, I do need you to decide what you want to do with your old things. I won't be able to store a lot. And anything in your room, what you want you should take. And if there's anything here around the house that you'd like. I've given some things to Jim and Laurie but you deserve some things too." We spend the next several days going through our various possessions, including me finally throwing some of my treasured keepsakes away. Mom saves some of my trophies which I'm happy about. And I box up some family heirlooms and antiques that I've always liked. Soon it's time for me to leave with both of us standing out by my car. "Bye Mom, thank you again for putting up with me. I think this is the time I'll finally break free from home." "You are welcome anytime, you know. I'll always have room for my children. I understand you want to get out and be on your own. But, I've greatly enjoyed the time you've been here." "So have I," I say as we give each other a little hug. Once more I am off to California, hoping this time I'll find some permanence to my life. I'm not sure how much of my previous life out there that I want to revisit, so I intentionally find a place to stay some distance from the last time, both the previous rental apartment, and Jillian's mansion. I have called a few people I knew from that time in the business and I'm able to line up some training sessions. I'm so glad that Ron and Sammy thought enough of me to introduce me around back when I was working for Jillian which has allowed me to find some work as a personal trainer. Even though I do get some work, I find that it barely covers my expenses. I come to accept that I'm going to have to look for additional sources of income. I have stayed in touch with Deanna and she's thrilled that I've returned, as we resume our friendship. "I'm so glad you decided to come back, you're still one of the few people I've met I really feel comfortable with, someone who understands the important things in life. Now tell me all about this guy you were seeing!" I also realize that I should make an attempt to confront parts of my life here from before as I have several times passed by people I recognize and could have recognized me if I hadn't made attempts to turn in other directions. I certainly don't want to embarrass others or myself. That's why I find myself one afternoon walking down the sidewalk of a rather busy and very familiar street and stopping by a store front where I used to spend a lot of time. It looks from the outside pretty much the same, just a little more worn down. I hope that Avery is still there and that he can deal with the surprise I'll be giving him. I walk into Avery's gym with butterflies in my stomach. It's been many months, well, several years now, I suppose, since I've been here. What has changed, I wonder. Somebody different is at the counter, a young male around my age I don't recognize. He is rather cute. I'm wearing shorts, a sleeveless print blouse, and about 1" heeled sandals. My hair is shoulder length, brown with highlights, bangs across my forehead. I have on light makeup, with a nice tan going. "May I help you?" he asks pleasantly as it is apparent that not only has he noticed me, but that I'm now most likely a nice break in a period of boredom. I look around casually, "Um, I'm thinking about purchasing a membership here. Is there, uh, an Avery here?" "Avery? Um, you sure I can't help?" "If he's here, I'd really like to see him. I'd really appreciate it. If he's still working here?" I flutter my eyelashes at him. He seems a little crestfallen, as he replies, "Yeah, he's here. If you'll wait a minute, I can get him. He's just finishing a class." "Thank you, so much, that would be really nice," I smile at him, and I can see that he appreciates my being here, even asking for someone else. So, I think for a moment, Avery is teaching now. I hope everything is okay. He goes into the back, and returns quickly saying, "He should be out in a moment." "Thank you again. I hope I'm not causing any problems." He shakes his head, "Oh, no, not in the least. It'll be a minute or two, can I get you anything, juice, water, um coffee?" I give him a big smile and reply, "Why, thank you, water would be fine" He reaches into the cooler I knew Avery used to have there and pulls out a short bottle, "This ok?" "That will do very nice, thanks so much," I say as he hands it to me. "I'm Christine." "You're welcome, I'm Jason," he smiles and tries to get back doing his work, but fumbles around a little, sort of glancing at me, which I try to ignore. I do like the attention I get like this, just a 'little' different than my previous times here as Chris. I look around to see if there are any additional awards or trophies, articles, pieces about current members, but it's pretty much as I left it, although there is an article about Kevin winning some mid-level championship, which pleases me. I do wonder about Avery having to teach a class because he wouldn't if he could help it. I hope there aren't any severe problems. That would be a shame, because this is a nice gym and fitness center. And I will have a question to ask him, which nothing here suggests a negative reply. After a few moments, Avery appears through the doorway and seeing me, breaks into a huge smile, which I know is his sales smile, while acknowledging the young man at the counter. "Good afternoon, I'm Avery, what can I help you with?" He reaches out to shake my hand. "Hello, Avery, I'm Christine," I offer my hand and his grasp is very gentle, as I continue, "a friend said I should check this place out, and ask for you. I hope that's all right? Avery briefly glances back at Jason and then to me , "I'm the man, Christine. What would you like to know?" "I'd like to join a gym and work out. What are your rates and would you happen to offer any discounts or anything? Do you have any regular scheduled classes? Maybe a tour?" I'm trying to feel him out here a little, as I doubt the rates or other things have changed that much. Better to ask for help and let him offer suggestions. "Sure, no problem, would you like a tour now, I can explain everything as we go?" "That would be great, thank you so much!" It's obvious he does not recognize me at all. "Okay, then, come this way." And he more or less escorts me into the back rooms making sure to open any doors for me, and with which of course, I'm quite familiar. The people here do look different, the place maybe a tiny bit more worn, but pretty much the same. He explains what they have to offer. I see some newer equipment, which is good, and he tells me about the discounts, which I'm now suspecting for young women are a little better than for the average guy coming in off the street. I really hadn't thought much about it before. He asks me where I'm from, how long I've been in LA. I respond that I was here a while ago, went back East to home, but I'm back, and I'm looking to settle. He sometimes sounds like a Chamber of Commerce, but he's sweet about it. And I laugh or giggle a little at his attempts to be humorous which I can see that he likes. Of course, the 'special' offer he mentions is the standard ongoing special, but I know that the prices are very competitive, perhaps even a little low. And, of course, I'm now expecting a little bit of the hard sell, as we finish up the tour. "So, Christine, how do you like the place? Do we meet your needs? If there's anything missing, just let me or Jason at the desk know, we'll try to get it." "Um, I hope this isn't too personal, but are you the manager? My friend implied you are." "Well, yes, but I had some instructors leave right in the middle of classes, so I'm filling in. You'll usually find me out front." "Oh, okay, thank you," I say as I glance around, "this place looks quite reasonable. Not huge like some of those places, a nice smaller gym where I can really focus on what I should be doing. I like it, and thank you for showing me around. I really appreciate you doing it for me." "Hey, no problem. It's been a nice break, and you look like you'd fit in here quite well, if I say so. Would you like to sign up for the free month?" I look at him with that smile, which I'm wondering if he will recognize, and say, "Avery, you've been so nice, I'm fairly certain I'm going to sign up, but before I do, I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee, maybe ask some more questions, if that's all right? I noticed a little place down the street. Would you like to come with me?" I can tell that my smile is affecting him as it takes him a second to register what I'm asking. It does take him by surprise, but how can he refuse a young woman, someone who a number of people have called attractive? "Oh! Uh, now?" "Yes, if you can get away. Now would be fine." "Uh, sure," he intentionally fingers his wedding band, making sure I can see it. I just smile back at him, saying, "Good, shall we go?" He turns to Jason, "I'll be down the street for a few minutes, can you handle it?" "Of course," he replies and I can see that he's wishing he was the manager right now. Avery jumps to get the door and we walk down the street to the coffee shop. We just talk about general things, the weather, as I mention, "I love the sunny days here, but when it gets cloudy or that drizzle, I'm just all out of sorts." "I can understand, lots of people are that way," he glances at me with a puzzled look. Inside the coffee shop, there's a line that seems to be growing, so Avery sees a little table for two off to the side and says, "Here, you can sit," pulling out a chair for me, "what would you like?" "A small latte, but I want to pay for it. I did invite you. And you've been so kind to me." "We'll worry about that later, I'd better get in line before it gets longer," he says, helping me with the chair, and going over to the line, as I say, "Thank you." He comes back in a few moments with two small cups, and sits, smiling at me, "Here you go, Christine." "Thank you, so much. Now I will pay for all this. You've been so sweet taking time off to come here with me. That's really great of you," I reply as I smile at him and bat my eyes just a little bit. He returns a smile, but I can see the flattery is affecting him. Trying not to stare at me, he asks, "Uh, before we talk about the gym, may I ask you a rather personal question?" "I suppose, depending on how personal. I'm not sure I know you all that well, yet." He takes a breath at that, "Have we met before? There's something about you that looks a little familiar." I sip on my latte, and then looking directly up and into his eyes, say, "Well, actually, I have a little confession. We have met, I've been to your gym some time ago, a number of times, as a matter of fact." He looks at me with a little surprise doing a slight double-take, "No! No way; why, I'd remember an attractive young woman like you." "Oh, well, thank you, I'm sure of that! But I actually worked for you at the gym, as a martial arts instructor." I wonder how he will respond. He looks at me rather incredulously, saying, "That.that's not possible. I've never hired women instructors for that position." "Maybe you should. Would it matter if I were maybe the best you'd ever seen?" He looks at me carefully, "If you were the best....." I just smile at him. "Yes, it...no, there was only..one......no way....Chris? CHRIS?" His eyes become quite wide. I take his hands in mine and say, "Shhh, Avery, not so loud. Yes. Yes, it's me....Chris." "Oh my god, oh, sweet Jesus, how?...when?....dear lord...I can't...." "You've been so nice, if this is uncomfortable for you in any way, you can leave. I'll understand." It takes him a moment to regain his composure. He hasn't yet shaken my hands off. "No, it'll just take...I'm sorry...this is such a shock. You have to understand." "I'm sure it has been. I just wanted to see you again. See how you're doing. Your wife, Karen, your boy." He does a double take, "How I'm doing? Chris, Chris, if you're really you, what have you done?" I look at him for a moment, taking a breath, "It's a long story, and it sort of started with you." "With me? You got to be kidding. How can that be?" I look at him pensively, "It's a very long story, but I'll make it short because I know you have to get back. Do you remember when you received that phone call about that job for me? From that agency?" He nods, "Hmmm, yeah, I remember, I knew the guy, Jack something, but he wouldn't say who he was representing, and Chris, I mean, you, couldn't tell me." "I can tell you now, I was hired by Jillian Thomas." His eyes get wide again and his mouth gapes open for a moment, "No shittin'! Oh, Jeez, I'm sorry, please excuse me? Really?" I just smile and nod, "Yes, really. And not as a trainer, although I did some of that, but as her personal bodyguard and companion." "Oh, sweet Jesus! Her bodyguard and companion! Are you...wait, I have so many questions, I don't know where to start." "Let me fill you in a little and then please ask whatever you want. Will that be all right with you?" "I..suppose, it's just that...this is such a shock. I don't know...But, Chris..tine?" "Yes?" "I have to say, you are gorgeous. Is...how do I say this, please I'm not trying to pry..." he looks me over stopping at places a guy would usually stop at. "Yes, Avery, everything you see, and what you don't is me, as I am now, and many doctors may not see any different unless they really spent a lot of time examining me. And even then...." "How long have you, uh,...." "Pretty much things started right after I accepted that job. That's part of the reason I had to stop teaching at the gym, and why over the next several weeks and months, I kept cutting back my time. Things were changing, and I just wasn't ready to tell a lot of people." "Truth be told, I noticed something was different, but I couldn't figure it out. I just thought it might be some stress with a new job and all. I did notice you'd stop by and talk, less and less. Seemed you always had to hurry out." "Yes," I say, feeling rather disconsolate, "and I'm sorry, I didn't want to let anyone get too close. I could see the changes, and I thought if I could, so could everyone else. I suppose it's sort of some kind of defense." "Well, I'm really glad you stopped in and let me know you're doing okay, Christ..ine. Are you still working for Jillian Thomas?" I sigh, responding, "No, that ended a number of months ago. I guess it was time we parted ways, although I'll always cherish the moments we spent together." I look rather wistfully into the distance remembering some of the more intimate moments, and I can see that Avery has a little understanding of what I'm thinking as his jaw goes a little slack and his eyes widen. But I quickly bring my focus back to him and continue, "Anyway, I went back home to Ohio right afterwards to start getting my new life in some kind of order, and after some interesting moments there, I decided to come back here for a least a visit." Avery looks at me in some thought, "Are you planning on staying?" I sigh again this time with a little smile, "I was thinking about that, as I really like it here, all the excitement, and people. What I was wondering was if you'd be interested in rehiring me as an instructor? Part time or whatever works for you." There, I got it out, I've always liked doing that, but things have changed, I wonder if he'll be receptive. He pauses a moment, still in thought, "I sort of guessed you might ask that....and, well, I have to be honest, Chris..tine, I guess I've got a lot of questions...and concerns." "I understand, if it's all right with you, I'm willing to listen and try to respond right now. Or we can set up a time for a regular interview if you'd like." "Christine, you know, I'll always have time or make time for you. If it's all right with you, now would be good." "Yes, thank you, so ask me anything." He thinks a moment, "Well, you know I don't normally hire women instructors, especially for martial arts. I tried once and it just didn't work out. I'm not trying to be chauvinistic, but most guys who come to a place like mine don't give a girl instructor the respect she would probably deserve. And if you're still capable of what you were before....well, I'm guessing that may even drive some away, because they don't want to be shown up by a girl." I think back to my moments with Aaron and I smile but I won't talk about that as I do say, "I understand, Avery. That's the way life is, and something I'm getting used to. But, what I was thinking of, was a combination fitness and self-defense class for women. More of a beginner's class. Then if any wanted to go on, I'd take them on. I suppose what I'd be doing is try to increase your clientele in a little different direction." "Oh! Well, in that case, let me see, hmmmmm, that may work out. But that brings up two questions. Are you willing to work with others just starting out? I know in the past you've been hesitant. And second, I've got to ask this, has your, um, that is, the changes you've gone through, affected any of your abilities?" I look at him for a several moments and then finally say, "Avery, you've seen what Chris could do. I feel just as good about myself as I always have, but I will admit, things are different - my weight distribution, muscle mass, all those things I'm sure you've read about. I guess the only way you'll find out is to see me. Would you like to go back to the gym and I can show you?" He laughs a little, "If you're still as good as you were, there's no way I'm getting on a mat with you, and anyway, I have to see everything without getting my butt kicked. But I'll tell you what, are you available tomorrow morning? About 9ish?" "I think so, what do you have in mind?" "The young man you met at the counter, Jason, he doesn't know you, and has only heard stories about Chris. He's actually pretty good. Would you be willing to work out with him?" "Yes, I could do that. Will that be the deciding factor in whether you offer me a job?" "Christine, I'll be honest here, I'm considering hiring you anyway, but I just have to know. I hope you understand." "I wouldn't expect anything less. Thank you for being the Avery I have always admired," I say giving his hands a little squeeze and fluttering my eye lashes at him. "Oh, you can call me Chrissy, if you'd like." "Oh, uh, y,you're welcome, uh Chris.sy. Um, maybe you could come over for d.dinner sometime. I'm sure Karen would like to meet you. I mean the, uh, new...you." I can tell he's rather flustered by me. "That would be nice, whenever it's convenient. I'm sure you have to get back, thank you again for being as patient and considerate as you have been." He exhales and says, "It'll take some time, but I'll get used to it. I do have to get back, so see you tomorrow?" "I have to be going too; it's been really nice talking to you again, yes, tomorrow, bye!" I say as I reach up and give him a little peck on the cheek. "B.bye, now," he says turning a little red-faced. I head back to my place rather relaxed now that I've seen Avery. And the next morning I arrive early at the gym, go through my warm-ups and give Jason a close-up and personal demonstration of my abilities. I can tell at first that he is a little nervous and tentative taking me on, but after I easily throw him and take him down several times, his natural male competitiveness takes over and I have to work at getting him into some of the lesser known holds. And I let him take me down once. It barely assuages his feelings. Avery has been watching all the time and eventually stops us saying to Jason, "Good job, kid. You may not know it, but you did really good. You still have some to learn, but you're pretty good. I'm familiar with this young woman's background a little, and I can see that she's still quite good. I'll be at the front desk until you've cleaned up and changed. Christine, come with me, if you would, please." Out front he says, "Well, you're just as good as I remember, a little different I can see. And I noticed you let up a little at the end. I probably wouldn't have, but you haven't changed with that, and I respect that in you. But all in all, you've still got it." "Thank you, Avery. Oh, I should mention that while I was back in Ohio, I received certifications in teaching from the American Taekwondo Association and the Aerobics and Fitness Association. I can bring them in if you want." "Chris.sy! Why didn't you tell me that before? I never would have even thought about asking you for a try-out." "I suppose so, but I know you, Avery, I think you just wanted to see if I compared to the old Chris. Isn't that right?" He rolls his eyes, nods, "That hasn't changed, you still know me too well. Let's talk about your future here and how we'll handle it." Now that Avery has accepted me, he agrees to not only hire me on, but to run some ads in the local media and on his web page and on Facebook announcing the classes and my availability. I tell him he can put in a small mention of Jillian, which elicits a smile, like I sort of promised him a long time ago. The ads as well as signs around the gym bring a lot of inquiries and I'm able to start two beginner classes for women, as my intent is to keep them in the eight to ten students range. At the end of one of my classes, as I'm talking to some of the women about some of the techniques I was showing and their training and what I'd like them to work on, I glance up towards the archway between the front entrance and the gym and to my surprise, someone I know quite well is standing there with a smile and patiently waiting for me. After I finish with my students I walk over to where he is standing. The well-dressed man is looking just as handsome and dashing as ever, although maybe just a tad older. My students glance at him and then at me as they walk out past him and smile to one another. "Hello, Chrissy," he says as I come up to him, "you're looking even more radiant and beautiful than the last time we saw each other, much too long ago." "Hi, Ron, it's nice to see you again. It has been much too long a time," I say with a nice smile, as we briefly hug and do the cheek kiss thing. "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" he asks. "I'd love it." I intentionally had not looked him up since I've been back here, but I had thought about him off and on. I'm sort of glad he found me as I do ask, "How did you find me?" "Someone I know mentioned they thought they saw you a few days ago. I sort of guessed if you came back, you might show up here. Why didn't you let me know?" "I'm sorry, I probably should have. I just wanted to see if I could get going on my own. And, I wasn't sure about wanting to think about Jillian and all that happened back then." "I know a little about that, if you want, I can tell you what I know." "Only if we get around to it. What have you been up to?" We talk for a much longer time than I had imagined, about where our lives have led us, what our hopes and dreams are for our future. He eventually fills me in a little on Jillian and where she's at. I know that movie sequel she made, like she had guessed, was a box office dud, but it didn't hurt her that much and she is still considered a good box office draw. "This is just between you and me," Ron says, "I'm of the impression that a lot her problems were because of that guy, Geoff, she was seeing. He belongs to that spiritual group that's rather prevalent among the movie crowd, and his getting some good parts had something to do with that. I know he got some deals that most actors would kill for out here. Jillian really fell for this guy and his group." "Oh, goodness! Like a cult? Brainwashing and all that?" He laughs a little, "No, I wouldn't go that far, but it did affect her career and her choices. I didn't think she'd do that sequel. I saw the final script and I know the director. It wasn't right at all for her. But her movies still draw and if she can get another hit, all will be forgiven, I'm sure." "I hope so, she is basically a decent person, at least she was to me." "Enough about her, I interested in you. There's an awards affair coming up a week from Wednesday, red carpet, ceremony, dinner, all the rest, which I'm sure you're familiar with, the Producers Guild. I'd be very happy if you would accompany me as my guest." "Oh! Why, thank you. But, I...I doubt I have anything even remotely decent to wear, and even if I did come, I wouldn't want to get anywhere near that carpet." "Don't you worry about that, I have enough contacts we can get you into a couture gown and appropriate jewelry and everything. Say you will, please? For me?" I find him still quite handsome and him helping me with Deanna, and I have to admit, it's certainly been in my very idle thoughts, doing something like that. "Yes, I'd love to come with you, Ron. Although, I'm probably going to be way too excited and way to starry eyed to enjoy it, I fear." "If I know you, Chrissy, you'll be fine. Thank you for accepting. I have to get back, I'll call you in a few days, and give you some places you'll need to visit. You'll have a great time, you'll see. Gotta run," he finishes as he gets up as I do as we share a little hug. "Bye!" OMG, I'm going to an awards show as guest of one of the power players here in Hollywood. I can imagine where it's going to lead, too. My life is taking another unexpected turn, certainly for the better. However, in the meantime, I experience a disheartening event. A few days after Ron's invitation, as I'm working out in the gym, I ask Avery, "What's happened to Kevin? Is he still around?" Avery sighs, "To tell the truth, we had a falling out. He's moved over to another gym." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Where's he at, I should probably look him up." Avery gets very solemn, as he quietly says, "Christine, I'll tell you because you asked, but I wouldn't advise following up on it. It may get unpleasant." "Why? Has he changed?" "No, I don't think so. It's just that he left the day after you came to see me." "Oh? What happened?" "I mentioned to him that you had come by, having returned from your home out East. He was interested in getting up with you until I mentioned that you are now Christine. It caught him by surprise, and then he got very belligerent, and started saying very unkind things about you. I decided I had to make a choice, and you mean a lot to me. So, we parted ways. What's that word people use? Homophobic?" "Oh, no! That's so sad. I would have liked to have rekindled our friendship, but it hurts a little that he's that way. It never really came up, except he seemed tolerant of gays. I've discovered that some people are like that. I feel terrible." Avery comes over and gives me a hug, "You've done nothing wrong, if he can't be accepting, that's his problem, not yours. You just keep being you." I'm in tears a little at how nice Avery is, as I say, "Thank you, so much for supporting me, it means a lot." And I hug him back and give him a kiss on the cheek, which makes him turn a little red, but I can see that he appreciates it as he searches for a kleenex for me. It's sad to lose a friend but I have enough going on that I'll get over it. The night of the awards show arrives and true to his word, Ron had called me several days before and gave me the name of several shops along Rodeo Drive that are not quite visible from the street, but cater to a special clientele. On Ron's name, I've been fitted into a designer gown and heels, as well as loaned very expensive jewelry. I also had an appointment for a visit to a salon for a facial and for my hair as well as a make-up artist. He's almost as good as Danny was, but not as friendly as it's just a job. At the appointed time, a limousine arrives where I'm living and I am dressed and ready to go, as Ron comes to the door. "Hi, Ron. Do I look okay? I'm just not sure...." It's a long simple black dress, sleeveless. "You look absolutely gorgeous, Chrissy. Most people will think you're an aspiring starlet I'm currently seeing." We go to the ceremony where Ron has been nominated for a picture he helped produce. It doesn't win, but he wasn't expecting to either. I am sort of treated as an a rather vacuous young starlet, and I just play along, making sure I don't embarrass Ron or myself. There are some photographers at the entrance as there are some well known Hollywood types in attendance. We just drive up and walk in as I'm certainly not known to anyone there. I don't make the next edition of the Hollywood Reporter or Joan River's show either. The dinner is pleasant as I just make small take with another producer type seated on the other side of me. There's a small party afterwards that we attend, and then it's just Ron and me. He has been attentive most the evening as much as he could be considering that this event is a chance to network. But he makes sure I'm comfortable, which I am. "That was fun," I say when we're back in the limo, after midnight. "I'm glad you accepted. I felt very proud to have you on my arm," he says in reply. "You were just ideal the whole evening. Not too quiet, not too loud, friendly when approached. I appreciate that." "Thank you. And thank you for asking me. I'm glad I came, and I'm glad it was it with you." "You know, Chrissy, you are quite attractive. Have you considered getting into the movies? I could probably get you some extra roles and you could see if you like it?" "No, thanks anyway. I'm really not interested. It might be fun for a while, but I'd rather be doing what I like." "I hope some of what you like is being with me, because I'd like to see you again. Maybe for dinner." He has his arm around my shoulders as I'm a little snuggled into him. "I'd like that. I really like being with you, you've been so nice to me, and I like that." He looks down at me, "I enjoy you being here with me, Chrissy." I'm sitting to his left and he brings his right arm around and gently takes my chin and guides it up to a kiss, which I fully accept. That leads to more passionate embraces which then lead to a very romantic night where he is currently staying. I certainly had good experiences with Roger, but Ron has had a lot more experience and he is able to bring me to heights of ecstasy that I didn't know were possible. I know this is not a long term relationship, but I'm going to enjoy it for what it is. I've reconnected with part of my past out here and it's been mostly enjoyable. And soon another part of my past returns, and this time the outcome was also not what I was expecting. Several weeks after the awards ceremony I get a call on my cell phone. "Hi," I say in my usual cheerful manner. "Hello, Chrissy? This is Elizabeth, how are you doing?" "Oh, hi, Elizabeth. It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm doing pretty good. How are you?" "Oh, things are fair, I guess. They could be better. Could we do lunch sometime?" to be continued