Zen And The Art Of Self-Defense Chapter 9 free porn video

Chapter 9 - Art of Gentleness Story so far - I can only imagine what Elizabeth wants as her voice was what I remembered to be its usual cool self on the phone, providing little to no emotion about why she wanted to get together. Maybe something has come up or maybe she just wants to catch up and see how I'm doing. Of course, I suppose she could also talk to Ron and find out a lot of what I am doing. I agree to have lunch with her the following week. Avery does ask about my initial date with Ron, "Did I see Ron Silverton, the producer, in here a few days ago?" I smile and respond, "Yes, he came by to see how I'm doing and to ask me out on a date." He shows a little surprise, "Oh. Uh, are you going to be in an upcoming movie?" I sigh a little, "No, we just knew each other before when I was working for Jillian. He mentioned back then that he'd like to get together in some future time and it seems that sometime has come." "Be careful Chrissy, I've heard all sorts of stories about those producers." I give him a little kiss on the cheek, "Thank you for being concerned about me, but I know what I'm doing. I'm a big girl now," I say with a little giggle as he turns a touch red faced. I really appreciate that he cares enough about me like that. And I also understand that getting emotionally involved with Ron may not be good for me. The lunch with Elizabeth turns out to be totally unexpected. After we're seated and have the usual pleasantries out of the way, she tells me why she wanted to see me. "Chrissy, I know how you felt about Ms. Thomas when you left here for your home, but I'd really appreciate it, if you'd meet with her and, consider coming back to work for her." "Are you sure that's a good idea? When I left it was obvious that she didn't seem to care one way or the other about me. At the end, it was strictly a professional relationship and a distant one at that." "I don't know if you knew all that took place. The rest of us weren't sure what was going on either back then." "I heard a little. Something about that guy she was seeing." "Yes, he belongs to that sort of religious group out here that seems to have its hand in a lot of the business. I never ever expected that it would affect her, but it did." "I wondered after that one picture." "Her other pictures were also starting to trail off. In this business, you have to be one of the elite stars out here to withstand several failures and she wasn't there yet. And her relationship with that...oh, how do I say it politely, creep, was really affecting her." "Hmmm, it sounds like to me it's sort of cross between a Katie Holmes and a Katherine Heigl situation." "Something like that. Fortunately, she saw through that, well, loser," she says with not just a little disgust, and continues, "and left him, thank goodness, and is now trying to resurrect her career. I think you coming back will help her feel better about herself and help her make the right choices again." "Are you sure she'll even want to see me?" "Yes, I'm pretty sure. She's talked about you a number of times. That's why I'm asking if you will meet with her. It may not work out, but I want the best for her, and I think you're part of it." "I'm flattered you think that about me. I guess I can, but I want to make it clear that if I do decide to come back, I won't be living in the compound, and I'll continue working at Avery's gym as well as any other jobs I may get. I have a life of my own, now, and Jillian can only be a part of it." "I can understand. I think what Ms Thomas really needs right now is a girlfriend, you were the closest she had while you were here last time, and she's had none since then. If you two can work it out, I'll work on her seeing you more that way than as an employee. I'm hoping that's what she needs. Anyway, I'm glad you've agreed. Let me set something up." Two weeks later, I get a call from Elizabeth asking me to be at a little Greek restaurant that Jillian and I had eaten at and she had liked, to meet Jillian for lunch. I arrive on time, and get a booth, Jillian comes in about ten minutes later which is actually good for her. "Hi!" I say with a little bit of a forced smile. I'm rather nervous about this, not having any idea how it will turn out. I remember the intimate times we had and I remember the last time I saw her. I wonder which one this person in front of me will turn out to be. "Hi." There's a little flicker in her eyes, which gives me a little more courage as she leans over and we do the faux cheek kiss. "I'm glad you came," I say as she sits down across from me. "How have you been?" She looks at me for a moment, before saying, "A lot of my life has been in the tabloids. I don't care to rehash it." "I've seen all your movies. I've enjoyed them all." "Most of them were trash. I should have known better." "I didn't say they were great, I just enjoyed them." She takes a breath and smiles at that for a moment, "How have you been? Did Ohio recover from my previous visit?" "Oh, if I remember, I think Colt Banner is divorced, he's probably available. I could hook you two back up, if you'd like." She laughs at that, "No thanks, as bad as Geoff turned out to be, he's still probably better than some red-necked farm boy." "Oh, I don't know, he'd probably worship you if you told him who you are." "And still be out drinking every Friday night." "Well, that's probably true." "How was your time there? You seem, oh, more grown up, maybe." "It worked out quite well. I spent time with my mother and my brother and his family, they got to know Chrissy a lot better. I found some work at a gym teaching martial arts and I met the man I put in the hospital." She perks up at that, "Roger something, if I remember from the report." "Yes, Roger Ballentine. He's fully recovered." I pause for a moment and before she can reply I continue, "in more ways than one." "Oh? Did you two, um, get together?" I pause and then say looking directly at her, "Yes, we dated for over six months." "What happened, if I may ask?" "His divorce became final and he wanted to hop in his new Corvette and just take off." "Typical male." "He asked me to join him, but I turned him down." "Should I say, 'smart girl'?" "I suppose so. It sounded enticing and I really liked him. A lot." "But you didn't love him, did you?" I sigh, "No. But it might have worked." "You did the right thing, Chrissy. I'll tell you something about me. I met a guy last month, and I think it is love. It has all the makings of it." "You did? That's wonderful. Are you ready for it?" She looks at me for a moment, I can't quite figure out what she's thinking. "That's a question I'd only accept from a girl friend, someone I'd hold dear to me." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry." She smiles at me, "Chrissy?" "Yes?" "How'd you like to come back to work for me again?" I do a little double take, but quickly regain my thoughts, "I can't live at your compound, I'm not giving up teaching at Avery's, you test me even once and I'm gone, and if you want me to protect you, you'll do exactly as I tell you in those moments." "Is that all?" "Maybe for fun, we'll go down to Anaheim and do Disney or Knott's Berry." She laughs at that, "Okay, it's a deal. And to answer your question, I don't know, but it's time I get back in." "I'll give Elizabeth a call and set up some times and all that." "Thank you, Chrissy. She's right, I do need you. Now, if I remember, the food here is delicious, let's order." "Sounds good to me," I reply as I wonder where this new phase of my life will lead. Calling Elizabeth the next day, I start working out a schedule with her, which will include some continuing training of Jillian and her staff, meeting Jillian for afternoons out, and assisting her on movie sets as the occasions warrant. I continue teaching classes and offering individual instruction at Avery's gym and Ron and I see each other regularly. While attending one of the many affairs that I accompany Ron to, I happen to run into Sammy. "Ah! I had heard that you have returned to our small corner of the world. It is so pleasant to see you again, Chrissy," he says warmly taking my hand, "and you look just as attractive as ever. More so, if it is possible." "Hi, Sammy. I can see you haven't changed, and still as handsome as ever. Is there any special person in life these days?" "I would say 'Sadly, no' but that is not the correct answer. In my line of work, it is best to have no entanglements. But I am surprised that you are seeing Ron. I would have thought by now you would be with someone." "I have been, but Ron is sweet and really fun to be with. I do know it won't last." "Good! You are just as perceptive as I remember. Would you be interested in joining me sometimes to dance? I have always found you a quite capable and complementary partner." "I'd be delighted. Here's my number, please call me any time." "I will do so, and you can catch me up on all your adventures away from us." I laugh at that, "I'm not sure about adventures but life has certainly been interesting." About two months after I agree to start working occasionally for Jillian again, I meet Deanna for lunch and she has brought along another young woman about our age who is quite pleasant and friendly. I'm already seated when they come in and join me. "Hi Chrissy. I hope it's okay that I asked a friend to join us. Chrissy, this is Kaitlyn." "Of course it's fine. Hi, Kaitlyn," I smile at her. "Hi, Chrissy," she replies as we shake hands. She seems friendly enough. We just chat for a while as we order and then Kaitlyn says, "Deanna tells me you worked for Jillian Thomas some time ago." "Yes, I was her personal assistant for several years, among other duties. Why do you ask?" I had told Deanna that I have again been hired by Jillian, but more part time now. "Oh, I was wondering if you might remember a guy who used to work for her around that time who I dated for a while. His name was Aaron." Before I can say anything as my eyes get just a little wider and it has caught me by surprise, Deanna pipes up, "I should explain something here, Chrissy. I met Kaitlyn a couple of weeks ago where we're working on the same production. We just got to talking and Jillian Thomas' name came up. I mentioned that I knew someone who worked for her around that time, and so did Kaitlyn. Well, one thing led to another and when she told me about her former boyfriend, and I told her about you..." Kaitlyn jumps in "I hope you don't mind; when I found out, I asked if Deanna would introduce us." I'm still taken aback by that news, but recover and say, "Oh, yes, I...that's fine with me. It's been a while now. I certainly remember him. Um, how long were you seeing Aaron?" She sighs and smiles at me, "For almost a year until some time after he was let go." "I...I'm not sure what to say, it was sort of a painful time for me, as I had some involvement in his being let go." "Please don't take my wanting to know the wrong way. I had to meet you once I found out because I'm a little aware of what happened, and I certainly don't fault you at all. You know, when he was nice, he was really...." She sort of looks of in the distance with a smile, then continues, "but, he could also be difficult to get along with every so often, and after he was let go, he got really dark and moody. I finally didn't like where our relationship was going and I broke it off." "I'm sorry. Really..." "Chrissy, no reason to be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong. At least nothing I can tell. I thought at first he might have been cheating on me, but I soon realized what was going on and I broke it off because I finally understood he had a crush on some young woman that he worked with, and I could see it was making him a little crazy." "A crush?" now I'm really confused as I try to remember how many young women I came in contact with back then. "Yes, he would talk about her all the time, trying to find reasons to hate her, but I could tell, he really had a thing for her, and when Deanna mentioned you and told me your position with Jillian, I realized the woman he had that crush on really bad...was you. And I just had to meet you. It's been awhile now, so I hope you understand." I am totally shocked by this as I do a sort of double take and it takes me some time to understand everything. "Are you sure it was me?" "Yes, she and you both worked for Jillian, and she and you both are really into martial arts. And seeing you, and meeting you, well, I'm sure. What happened was that I realized I could not possibly compete with this love of his life. He was totally in love with you and could not admit it to himself, much less anyone else." "I...oh, my. That would explain...you're sure? And all this time, I thought he hated me." "I don't think so at all. Maybe, that was how he tried to handle it or hide it, I suppose. No, I was pretty sure he was really taken by this girl, you. And I know now because he basically said so after we broke up. I confronted him and asked him directly. He tried to deny it, but then said, 'yes' and turned and left very quickly." "I...you know, there was a time early on when I thought of the possibility of us getting together sometime, but he just...he was always on edge when I was around...like he didn't want me there....and I just assumed...." I drift off into thoughts and memories as Kaitlyn glances at Deanna and nods her head. I then tell her and Deanna most of the story of our encounters, as Kaitlyn confirms them with what Aaron had said to her. As I finish, Kaitlyn responds, "Like I said, he could be the nicest of guys most the time. I'm guessing when it was when he was thinking of you, that he would get almost impossible to be around sometimes, especially at the end. Other than that he was really a great guy." I can only shake my head still finding it hard to believe what Kaitlyn is telling me. "Chrissy, you know, I still run into him occasionally. Would you like to meet up with him sometime? I think I can arrange it." "I'm....why would you do this?" "Because when he was nice I really liked him, and he was really good to me, and I would think he could be that way with others. You saying that you thought about him in a positive way once, got me thinking. Maybe there's a chance it could work out or at least you two could patch things up." "I don't know. There were some bad times..." Deanna says, "You should at least give it a chance. If it doesn't, well at least you tried." "I suppose I could do that. I doubt it will really go anywhere. Okay, I guess." We finish lunch and pretty much agree that we three will continue getting together like this, for lunch, shopping, hanging out, and so on. And I now have another girlfriend out here. In thinking about all this later, what also surprises me is that Aaron obviously didn't tell Kaitlyn about my past life. He so easily could have, using all sorts of slurs and put downs, but she has never even slightly referenced that possibility. Either she really doesn't know or is extremely gracious. I do think that either is possible with her, but as we become friendlier, she (or Deanna) never even hint at it. This is a concern I'm living with, that I'm basically doing what a lot of transgendered people do after surgery - I'm going 'stealth'. Do I tell anyone I meet now? With my longer term relationships, Roger never knew and Ron and Sammy know it all, but the moments with each were in ways very similar. All three have treated me on our dates totally as a woman. Kevin and Avery found out and one has fully accepted me and the other has rejected me. My mother has accepted me (of course!), but my brother is still undecided. I suppose that happens with everyone, some like you and some don't, regardless of background. Well, Aaron does know, so I guess it will be interesting confronting him. All I can do is to take each experience as it comes. Kaitlyn invites me (and Deanna) to a little get together she is putting on and she tells me that Aaron will be there. Deanna and I arrive and I'm even more nervous than I was when I met with Jillian. I mean we didn't hate each other when I left, but with Aaron, all I can remember are the times he tried to be mean to me. "Give him a chance, Chrissy, try to see if there's anything beyond your feelings from a previous time." "I'll try, but I'm not guaranteeing anything." We go in, and after a few minutes I see him across on the other side of the room we're in. I'm not sure if I should make the first move or if he even has seen me or even knows that I'll be here. I decide to just let fate dictate what will happen. Which it does happen as about an hour later, I'm in a group of people and I'm a little animated telling some story and I accidently back into someone. "Oh! Excuse me, I didn't realize..." I start to say as I look up into Aaron's eyes. We look at each other for a moment as I can only imagine what he might be thinking, and then he says rather quietly, "It was my fault, I was talking over my shoulder and didn't see you. How are you Chrissy?" "I...I'm doing fine, how are you doing?" "Not too bad. You're looking nice tonight." "Thank you, I like your shirt and shorts combo." "Thanks, well, it was nice seeing you again, take care." "Oh, ok, you do too." And he walks away as I'm turning back to the people I'm with, thinking, well, that went exceedingly bad. I guess we just aren't fated, but I tried. And then there's a tap on my shoulder, and a voice says, "Chrissy?" I turn and there's Aaron, as I smile and say, "Yes?" Now really wondering what's going on, although deep down, I can feel a little pang as I'm happy he cam back. "I didn't say it right a moment ago. You look a lot better than nice, you look absolutely beautiful. Even more so than when I last saw you." "That's probably right, if I remember, we were working out and rather sweaty. Well, you were at least, I was just, um, dewy." "Chrissy, you were beautiful then. I just never wanted to admit it." I blush a little trying to hide that I appreciate what he's saying, "Oh, I don't know about that." "I was such a fool back then, I treated you so badly, I'm sorry." "Well, thank you. You did a little..." "No, a lot. Can you forgive me?" I think about it and looking up a him, say, "Yes, I can. I forgive you Aaron, but on one condition." "What's that?" "You stay friendly and stay nice like you are right now." "Ok, I can do that. Thanks. It's been really good seeing you again. Thank you for accepting my apology. I've got to go, but maybe I'll see you around." "That'd be nice, it was good seeing you again. Take care." He smiles and turns to go as I turn back to my friends, thinking that, well, this went a little better, I guess he is a nicer person than before, but time to think about other things. There's that guy over there who looks interesting... "Chrissy?" I turn and he's there again, "Yes, Aaron?" "Uh, would you, um, like to have, uh, dinner, with, me, next Saturday?" I look at him for a long moment and I see his face start to get that look where the girl he's asking turns down his request for a date. And I reply, "Next Saturday, yes, that sounds good. Here, let me give you my number, and you can call me this week. Okay?" I can tell he's relieved and happy, as I feel that I am too, as I give him my number. "Thanks, and I'll call you Tuesday or Wednesday, I do have to go, Bye," "That'll be great, bye, Aaron," I say with a rather contented sigh. I never would have thought in my lifetime (or rather my two lifetimes now!) that I would ever go on a date with Aaron. Life certainly has funny twists and turns, things happen that you would never expect. The date goes quite well and we have a really good time. I meet him there but accept a ride back to my place. He asks me out again for two weeks hence, and I accept, before I get out of the car and go in. The second date goes even better as I realize that he's as nice as Kaitlyn said he could be. This time, he walks me to my door and we kiss good- night. Both Kaitlyn and Deanna are happy that our relationship is working out as well as it has been. "I knew if you gave him a chance, you'd see his good side," Kaitlyn says as we're having lunch. "Yes, thank you for getting us together. I guess I'm a little lucky, I've seen him at probably his worst, and now maybe at his best. At least it's in the right order so I'll be seeing him again. And while I'm starting to enjoy being with Aaron, I also begin re- evaluating my dates with Ron and with Sammy. I'm not sure I want to be tied down to one person right now, yet, there's something about Aaron that affects me. On our third date, we go to a concert for a group I really enjoy and we have an even better time. This time as he walks me to my door, I say to him, "Would you like to come for some coffee?" His response is what I had hoped, and we sit on my couch and talk, which leads to some light kissing. Soon he has me in his arms and for some reason, which I cannot possibly explain, it feels so much better than anytime Roger or Ron or any other guy has ever held me. Jillian has asked me several times if I would like to move back into her compound, but I have declined. I'm not interested any more in living that kind of sheltered life. I want to be freer with my time and I really am enjoying working at Avery's. The times I'm with Jillian are just as enjoyable (and challenging) as they were before, like going out for an afternoon of shopping, lunch, or just for fun, going on the set with her as her assistant, working out with her and her staff. About six or so months after I've come back to working for Jillian, we meet up at a little Sushi dive that I heard about from one of my students. Sometimes, going on these little outings with Jillian allows me to experience some foods I have tended to avoid as I'd have them at some chain place that serves generic fair-to-bad tasting dishes compared to places that know how to prepare meals correctly. Jillian seems a lot more animated and just happier than I usually see her. I wonder if she's got some new contract or has signed to do some really interesting picture. "I'm just bursting at the seams, I have to tell someone and you're the first!" she finally says after we're settled. From the moment she arrived, she seemed very anxious in a quite positive way. "The way you look and sound, it must be really something good." "It is. Last night, it was a very special night. You know how Darryl and I have been seeing each other for almost a year now, anyway, he took me up the coast to a little restaurant where his family is from. We had the nicest dinner, a little candlelight setting, soft music, a very rustic type inn." "Sounds like a movie almost." "Yes, I guess, but this was very real. Anyway, after dinner, we're just talking over drinks and he pulls out a little gift for me. He's always getting me little things. And here is what he had." She lifts up her left hand which she had kept close to her since sitting down, which I barely noticed, And on her finger is a ring with what seems like the biggest diamond, surrounded by sapphires, that I've ever seen. "Oh! Jillian! Did he..?" my eyes are wide and I have a huge grin on my face. "Yes," she says with a flourish, "Darryl proposed and I accepted. I..we are going to be married." "Oh! Jillian! I am so happy for you!" I say as I lean over and give her a hug. "You two just fit together so well. That is so wonderful! Can I see it?" She holds out her hand and I look at it, and it seems even bigger as I say, "This is absolutely beautiful." "Yes it is. I had to tell someone, and you're the first." "Really? Am I really the first?" She smiles a little, "Well, I would have told Elizabeth but it's her day off, and I did tell my mother and sister, but they're family and they don't really count." I just smile and nod as she continues, "But you're the first of the people out here and I would have told you before almost anyone else anyway. You know that." "Yes, thank you. That is really wonderful news. Darryl really seems like a nice guy. Have you started thinking about your wedding?" "Well, of course. I've decided that I want a small one. When Ron saw that we were starting to get serious, he mentioned that he knows of a little place on the coast that's out of the way and has great ocean views and a simply gorgeous setting. I'm going to give him a call and see if he can show it to me. Would you like to come? "I'd love to! Thank you for asking!" It's going to be a small wedding, I don't want anything really fancy, I think just two attendants. My sister of course." "Yes, I can see that." "And the other," she pauses for effect, and then looks directly at me with a grin, "I'd like you to be my maid of honor." I'm startled a little, and stumble out a breathless, "Me?" "Yes, you! We've been through a lot together, and I really like how you handle things, people, situations, you mean a lot to me. I want you there with me." Tears are welling up as I search for a kleenex trying to keep her from seeing how emotional I'm becoming. "Th.thank you." "You do realize this will be a big responsibility. I'm going to rely on you getting all the little things done, keeping me going, being a shoulder to cry on if things get messy." "I understand. I haven't had a lot of practice but I've had a lot of dreams. And I know I'm going to love helping you make it your very special day. Do you have a theme for it? An idea for a dress?" "Yes I have some ideas, but I going to want your help on this." We talk some more and start making plans to get together to go over what she's thinking about and what she would like to do, who will be invited, and the rest. I take a breath and say, "I should tell you that I'm seeing Aaron, and assuming we're still together, I want him to accompany me. That won't be a problem for you, will it?" She sits back a little with a small smile, "Aaron. That's sort of a surprise...and not really one." I'm puzzled, "What do you mean?" "I suspected he had feelings for you that he didn't want to admit. I talked to him later, a few days after I canned him, not mentioning you, but I told him he'd better get his head on straight or he'd have lots of problems anywhere he might go. I should tell you that I gave him a letter of recommendation which helped him get another position fairly quickly. Sometime you're going to have to tell me how you two got together." "You knew he had feelings for me? Why didn't you say something?" "I didn't know for sure, but I guessed. And anyway, it was affecting his ability to do his job, which I felt was the more important problem. To me which is what counted then. And it was affecting you a little too. You were letting him get away with way too much. I think you had some feelings for him too, that you weren't admitting, and being easy on him as a result. It wasn't good for either of you and definitely not for me. I decided that I wanted to keep you, so letting him go was the only choice." "Oh, I...I'm sorry I..." "Chrissy, it's okay, nothing to apologize for. You were still learning to be a girl. I think the time away from me, from here, you going back to Ohio, really helped you learn about things, and about yourself. Don't get me wrong, that had nothing to do with how I was then, only that it probably was a good thing for both us. And I think Aaron has matured too. I hope it works out for you and him. And, of course, he's welcome." "Thank you," I say as I realize how much I really like Jillian and all that she has done for me. There's lots of planning that needs to be done and Jillian and I become quite busy getting everything together as the day approaches. Elizabeth does provide some help, but she still has all her responsibilities. Jillian's parents being divorced and barely civil to each other makes for some interesting moments. Jillian and I get into disagreements a few times, but we're able to overcome them quickly. She wants her sister and me to wear 5" stiletto heels. I can barely walk in 3". We settle on 4" and I force myself to practice on them every day for several weeks. The wedding which takes place about six months later is somewhat small but very lavish. One of the problems was keeping the guest list manageable, but we did it with only a few hurt feelings. The setting is on the coast on a cliff overlooking the ocean and the grounds of the estate are very manicured with many flowers in bloom, while the day is picture perfect. "You are absolutely gorgeous," I keep telling Jillian before our entrance, as I can see that she needs lots of reassurances (both of which are very true!). Of course, her outward 'on camera' self responds, "Well, of course, I am. But I'm not sure about this ruffle." "It looks beautiful, just perfect" I keep telling her as she wonders about each square inch of her dress...and her make-up...and so many small things that are just fine as they are. Of course, her sister and I are wearing designer brides-maid and maid of honor dresses as Jillian interviewed about a dozen or so designers with at least five private showings before she decided on a dress for herself and ones for us. I also receive a number of compliments, but I'm also aware enough to downplay them around Jillian, as this is her day. The paparazzi learn of the location, but security is tight, and there's only a single helicopter at some distance which is a little intrusive, but we just ignore it. I find I really like Darryl, the more I get to know him. He's a self-made millionaire, owns his own company and has contacts in the political arena. As Jillian and Darryl are about to leave, she pulls me aside as we give each other hugs. "This day has turned out just perfect. I can't thank you enough, Chrissy. I know we had some disagreements, but you've been exactly what I...needed in a maid of honor. Maybe someday I can be there for you." "Thanks. But you being the beautiful bride certainly helped. I don't know about me, though, that's a dream I've barely thought about." She gives me a knowing glance, "I see how you and Aaron are together. The reality may be sooner than you think." I just laugh, "It's still way in the future, if at all." "Well, thanks again, I'll call you when we get back. Bye!" "Bye," I reply as we embrace one more time and I can feel that she is quite sincere. I do think for a few moments on what she said, but then I dismiss it as something too far away to think about. Following Jillian's wedding, my life returns to normal, well, normal for me, I suppose, if anything I've been through these past several years can be considered normal. As Aaron and I see more of each other and our relationship deepens, I have pretty much stopped dancing with Sammy even though our times together remained strictly platonic. I also have broken it off with Ron, or rather, we both agreed to end it, as he was quite aware of how Aaron and I are with each other. "I've really had a great time with you, Chrissy. You're as much all woman as any I've ever been with. And I really appreciate how mature you've been about this. People do keep asking me who you are as compared to the normal starlet on my arm, you can hold her own in conversations, which I really like. But I can see how you and Aaron look at each other. And how he looks at me when we're even just talking. I hope we can stay friends." "I'd like that, Ron. I've always enjoyed being with you, and I have appreciated all you've done for me. I'll always consider you a friend." Both of those couplings are now in my past as Aaron and I are becoming more involved with each other. I'm finding I really like being with him, and the more we see of each other, the more our past falls away from importance. I don't know if our romance will last, as this is Hollywood after all, but the times we are together are now becoming some of the happiest moments of my life. Of course, I'm still teaching classes at Avery's and because of that and my allowing a mention of my having been a trainer to Jillian Thomas in some of his ads, although very low key, his membership has gone up significantly, so much so that he has vowed never to teach classes again, and has returned to being a full time manager. He is very quick to attribute a significant part of the increase to my classes. One day as I'm teaching a class, Sean from the front desk - who replaced Jason when he left several months ago - interrupts us, which I'm never sure I like, but I accept. I'm now up to four classes, two beginner and one intermediate for women, and after some guys watched me as they were working out, they asked for a class for themselves. I was hesitant but they have maintained a very good attitude of respect for how I run the classes. They all only know me as Christine Fielding, and of course, I get asked occasional questions about Jillian which I try to answer as long as they are not personal. I also get hit on, too, but I deflect those as Aaron means too much to me. "Chrissy?" Sean asks. "I'm sorry to bother you, but there's someone out front who has been pestering me for several days now, wanting to learn martial arts, or sign up for some lessons. I've put him off, but he's fairly adamant about wanting to talk to an instructor. Well, you really, from the ads he's seen." I sigh as I know sometimes customers can get a little carried away, "I'll come out in a moment, let me just get something together for my students to work on." "Thanks, Chrissy, you're a doll." I smile and turn back to my current class, saying, "Okay, class, I want you to pair off and work on the move I just taught. Alternate and don't put up any resistance. I'll be back in several minutes." I head out to the front desk area, expecting to see some guy in his twenties or thirties, but when I come through the doorway, I'm surprised to see a young boy who appears to be about eight or nine. Avery really doesn't like taking kids on and I can understand why. We need them to be responsible and sincere, most workout equipment really isn't designed for children, and it's often difficult getting parental consent. I'll just have to let him down gently, I suppose. "Hello, you must be the young man who wants to know more about martial arts. I'm an instructor here, Christine Fielding," I say with a pleasant smile, noting that he seems to be wearing older, ill-fitting clothes, worn gym shoes, but he looks clean. "You're Mz. Fielding from the ad?" the boy asks as he turns to look at me from one of the monthly fitness magazines we have around. "Yes, I am." He stares at me for a moment as I get a little embarrassed before he finally blurts out, "You're much prettier than your picture in the ad. Do you really know Jillian Thomas?" I can see he knows how to flatter a girl, which of course, makes me feel a little better, "Thank you, you're very nice for saying that. And yes, I know her quite well. I was her maid of honor at her wedding." "Oh, wow! That's so cool. I really like all her movies." I nod, surprised a little that a young boy finds them appealing, and say, "Well, let's sit down and find out what you're here for, okay? You're name is...." "Oh, uh, Jeremy...Jeremy Stillman." I put out my hand which he hesitantly takes obviously not sure about shaking my hand, "It's nice to meet you, Jeremy Stillman; so Sean here says you're interested in learning the martial arts and self defense." We sit down in two chairs around a low table near one of the front windows. "Oh, yeah! I wanna learn it all, karate, taekwondo, everything! I wanna be a black belt!" I admire his enthusiasm, "That's an awful lot to learn, and takes a lot of work and time. Are you willing to put in the time and effort that will be needed?" He answers quickly, "Uh huh, I'll do whatever you say. I promise." "Um, how old are you?" "I'm almost 12," he says emphatically. That does surprise me as he looks younger, but he does seem to have a good grasp of language. "Okay, that's good. Do your parents know you're here?" He smiles with my first comment, then my second deflates him a little, which I feel a little bad about, as he responds, "I only got a foster mom and she works all the time, she doesn't have time for me, and she'd be real mad if she knew I was here. An' please don't tell her. Please?" "Oh, okay, I won't at least until I know some more. I think I understand, though," I pause and continue, "Jeremy, this gym really doesn't usually take young children. We would need parents' approval, too. The beginner classes that I do teach are pretty much just for women. Have you tried the big fitness center over on Highland?" He becomes rather despondent which makes me feel really bad as he softly replies, "Uh huh, but they want you to sign up for a whole lot of lessons and have your parents come in, an...an...I could tell they don't want me. An the YMCA is too far." "How many lessons did you want?" "I got $15.00 I saved up, how much could I learn in one lesson? Is that enough?" he pulls a messy and wadded up group of dollar bills out of his pocket. I can feel the anguish coming through and it's beginning to tear at my heart. I look at him for a few long moments as I can see how anxious he is, and how much he seems to want this, and how his hopes have been dashed before and are about to be again. I glance over at Sean who's quietly taking this all in, and I wink at him, before I turn back to Jeremy. "Jeremy, put that back for now, and please be careful with it, don't lose it. But, you are in luck. We're having a special and today's the last day. Five lessons for ten dollars, but it's only for the lessons, you can't use any of the other equipment, although you can use the showers, towels and changing room. And you have to do exactly what I tell you, and not talk back, and if you miss a class, there's no making up. Do you understand?" I can feel his joy at being told that someone somewhere actually cares about him, as his smile gets huge and he practically jumps up saying, "Oh! Yes. Thank you! I promise. I'll be here. That's great! Will I get my black belt at the last lesson?" I smile a little, "No, it doesn't quite work like that. This is just the beginner class, but you'll still learn a lot, and when you're ready, you can go on to the advanced classes and if you're good enough, you can earn a black belt." "Oh!....Okay, I guess." "The next class is this Thursday at 4:30 pm, does that time work for you?" "Um, I think. I'll just tell my Mom, I'm studying at the library. Do I pay you now?" "No, save it up, and you can pay at the end of the classes. Oh, if you stop by any other times and I'm here and you need some help, I'll be happy to work with you. I may be busy but when I'm not, we can practice, okay?" "Yes! Yes! That'd be super. Thank you, Mz. Fielding," he replies as I detect a little tear in his eye. "Okay, now, let me get you some information, things you may need," I say as Sean grabs some information sheets. "Thanks!" he replies still quite happy. "I guess that's it, then, I have to get back, see you next Thursday. And be ready to work hard! Good-bye, now." "Uh huh! Thank you. Thank you! Good-bye!" I walk back to my class as Sean says, "You're going to have to use extra charm on Avery to keep him from being upset with you. If I were you, I'd..." "You let me handle Avery. There's something about that boy, I want to see if he shows up on Thursday. I'll worry about Avery when he does." Jeremy does show up on time for the next class, but of course unable to afford or bring any decent workout clothes. I was sort of expecting this, so I had put aside a smaller gi (obviously a women's size) if he needed one. Once he puts it on, he's ecstatic that he looks the part. Of course, he wants to immediately start using karate chops and kick boxing leg thrusts, but I get him to settle down as we spend the first few moments in the lotus position, and we relax, we mediate and we start to focus. "Anger, revenge, hatred are all emotions that have their places, but we must learn to control them and not let them control us. We start by relaxing, and letting go our problems from the outside. Only then can we focus and concentrate on what we are to learn." Jeremy isn't quite sure what we're doing, but he does stay attentive and he does follow my directions. The other women also aren't sure what to make of him, and I'm not about to expect or demand he and they interact. I use him as my partner but by the second class he attends, one of the older women sees that he is focused on learning and helps him when I'm busy with others who need my attention which I greatly appreciate. Avery does give me a little grief, when I explain it to him after the boy's first class, but I know him well enough that he will come around eventually. "I don't know, Christine. I'm not sure I like kids that young in here." "Look, it'll be all right. He can't use the equipment, and he agreed, and I'll stay close to him, he'll only partner with me unless the others volunteer. And it's only five times. I'd be surprised if he lasts that long. If he does, well, we can go from there. And if he shows any skill for it, I can work on finding him some dojo he can attend. It'll be all right. I'm sure." "Okay, but watch him carefully. I don't know him and you never know with these street kids." "I will." Jeremy turns out to be a very quick learner and he begins showing some ability. I was a little worried that he would be the only male in a class of women, and he might have some problem with that, but he acts like he absolutely loves it there. I guess not having to compete with other boys his age who might be bigger is a part of it. Maybe there's other things I don't understand yet. Avery watches the last class he originally signed up for, and comes to me during a break. "Hey, Christine, the kid is working out better than I thought. He does have the potential to go on, it looks to me. Have you found a place for him?" I sigh, "No, I haven't and I've really looked, too. He doesn't have much money to spend. I'm taking him out for a treat after the class to the ice cream shop down the street. I'll find out some more about him. Maybe we can get his mother to come up with the money." "Okay, let me know what you find out. Just be careful, Christine, I know you have a soft spot in your heart, but I don't want you getting hurt." "Thanks, Avery, I'll be careful," I reply as I think that when I was a male, he treated me in a big brotherly way, which because of Jim I was used to it, but now that I'm Christine, he's acting more fatherly. I like it, now that I understand it. Especially since I have to believe it's because he's accepting me fully as I am. At the end of that last class, Jeremy comes to me and says, "Do I pay now for the classes?" I look at him and just smile, saying, "Actually, Jeremy, since you were my partner for the classes and I was able to use you to show various techniques to the others, that sort of made you my assistant. And as such, you should get something, so let's just call it even." "Oh, wow! That's great. Thanks!" Before he can say much more, I continue, "I've a diploma for you, too, for completing the classes." "Do I get any kind of belt?" "The first belt you can earn is the yellow belt, and if you practice hard and take some more classes, and pass the test, you can get it usually in about two or three months. I can give you information on that if you want." He takes a breath and looks a little down, "I don't know if I'll be able to take any more classes." "Jeremy, how would you like to go down the street for some ice cream. We can talk about it there. My treat for being such a good student and a good helper." "Oh, wow, thanks! Right now?" "Uh huh, and you can order whatever you like." "That's great. I've been there and they have the greatest ice cream, I've just never been able to buy the bestest one." "What's that?" "The Triple Threat Jumbo Banana Split!" "Can you eat all that?" "I'm gonna try!" We get there and order and go to a quiet booth off to the side. And I can tell he is just overjoyed. I order a single scoop chocolate in a cup. As he gets into it, I ask, "So tell me about yourself, Jeremy. Your school and what you do for fun, and your Mom." "Everything?" "Whatever you feel like sharing. I'll be happy to listen." He takes a breath and proceeds to tell me of his life. He doesn't know who his father is, his mother basically abandoned him when he was 5 or so, and he has been shuffled around the agencies in a series of foster homes. I can see he's hesitant to say some things, as he'll stop in the middle of something and talk about something else. But I don't ask or prod, I just listen and offer tiny little supporting comments. I can see that he's never had anyone with whom he could confide. And all this is just tearing me up inside as the more he talks and the more I listen, he seems to open up even more. He then starts getting a little darker and more serious. "I've always been about the littlest kid...boy," he quickly adds and goes on, "in my grade, in all the schools I've been. I know I'll never be big and strong." "You can't say that yet, you've still got a lot of growing to do." "Maybe, but I don't think so. I wanted to get strong cuz, well,..." he pauses for a long time, sort of staring into space, with a slight frown verging on sadness. "You can tell me whatever you want or not, it's up to you," I say with a tender smile. He takes a breath and then lets it all out, "Lots of the bigger boys pick on me, and push me down. They'd probably take any money too if I had any. I wanted to get lots of muscles so I could beat them up back, but I know it's not gonna happen. I wanted to lift weights like I've seen in those ads, but the people at the gyms say I have ta wait. I'm too young." "They are right. Lifting weights at your age could lead to lots of physical damage and problems later." "I guess, so that's why I wanna get a black belt." He sighs and glances at me then looks down and begins letting the words just tumble out, "You have a black belt, an...an girls can get them, an be like you and then..I can be.." he stops and gulps, staring at me, turning a shade of red, and then recovers, "I mean boys! I! I can be really good." He then quickly looks up at me with a very strange look, like he's pleading with me a little. "Please, Mz. Fielding, don't tell anyone I said that! Please?" he says in a very quiet plaintive voice after glancing around to make sure no one else is listening. "I promise, Jeremy, you have my word." And I am shocked at this revelation, but my shock turns to concern and a huge desire to want to help. But I know I'm going to have to be very careful here. I think back on the past five classes and I can see that while working with him, and talking to him, and finding out about his life, that something about him has struck a chord within me, and I see a scared little kid, someone who has been beaten up and bullied and picked on. Someone who thinks he has little future. In teaching him, like Avery, I have begun to see his abilities and how fast he learns and grasps it, and I see something deeper, the potential in this child and I have begun to understand something about myself as I'm working with this person and thinking about it all. And now with Jeremy telling me his real life story and obviously coming out to me, I think back to the last words MasterWu said to me, and I also fully realize that Jeremy, he...no, she is now my 'special project', my xiao hua. That Saturday evening, after I've cleaned up and returned to my place, Aaron comes by and picks me up as we're going out just us two, rather than with friends tonight. At dinner, he can see that there's something different about me. He looks at me rather shyly which I'm not sure I understand, and says, "Chrissy, there's something about you, the way you look. I've always thought you were gorgeous, but...somehow tonight, you're even more so. Like there's this glow about you." I think for a second and say, "Something happened earlier today, I'll tell you about it if you'd like." He takes my hands in his and looking at me very intently says, "You can, in a moment, but there's something I want...to ask you first." "Oh, okay, what is it?" "First, I have a little something for you," he says as pulls out a small red box with a pretty white ribbon and bow on it and gives it to me. I have no idea what it is, some piece of jewelry, I'm guessing, earrings, a necklace maybe, a jeweled pin, perhaps, all of which I've shown him that I like. "It's our nine month anniversary tonight of our first date, and I thought this appropriate." "For me? Thank you! Oh, happy anniversary to you," I say as I take it and carefully undo the ribbon and bow and open it as I realize it has one of those pull back lids. And I am shocked by the contents, as tears well up in my eyes, and I look up at him. "It's....it's.....absolutely beautiful, but it's a....." I can barely get out as I look at the gorgeous setting, the brilliance of the stone, this size. "Here, let me do this right," he says as he gets up, takes a free hand of mine and kneels down in front of me. "Christine Fielding, will you marry me?" I'm speechless for a second as tears are streaming down my face, and I set the box down and throw my arms around his neck as he stands up, saying, "Yes! Yes! Yes! I love you, so much, Aaron!" and I bury my face in his neck and chest, and then I look up into his eyes, and we embrace in a long lasting kiss. I can barely hear the low applause from around the room as others in the restaurant become aware of what is happening, as I am so lost in his embrace, and the moment, and what this means, and a dream that is coming true. As we break apart, Aaron says, "Let's get this on your finger," picking up the box "Oh, my, yes! Yes! Yes!" I get out as I sit and he carefully takes it out of the box and slips it on my left ring finger. It's a perfect fit. "I had a little trouble making sure I could get the right size," he sort of laughingly says. "You're hard to pin down sometimes, without letting you know what's going on." "Oh, Aaron, it's perfect! I love it! It's so big! And beautiful. I love you! How....?" Yes, I know it's probably not as big as Jillian's is, and it's not surrounded by sapphires, but to me it's absolutely huge! I have trouble looking both at it and how it sparkles in the light as I hold my hand up this way and that, and how I see a similar sparkle in Aaron's eyes. I don't want this moment to ever end. "I managed it. What's important is that I was hoping you'd say 'Yes', and I wanted to give you something to show my love for you." I just impulsively get up, coming around to him again and say, "Hold me, again, please?" "Of course," he says as he gets up again and takes me in his arms. I so love being held by Aaron as I really wrap my left arm around his shoulder and neck so I can just see the diamond over his shoulder. I liked Roger holding me, I liked Ron holding me. But this is so unbelievably different and so much better. It's like I'm finally safe and secure, and I know he'll be here for me, as I'll be here for him. And it's such a wonderful feeling which was there from the first time he held me on our second date. "You think I'm probably silly, but I really want to be here in your arms, now, and forever." Just before we embrace again he replies, "No, I don't think it's silly at all. I love holding you here like this because I also know I get to do this." And we kiss again. When we finally sit down, a waiter appears with a tray with two drinks, new glasses of what we had been drinking. "I don't think we order this," Aaron says, looking a little surprised. "It's complimentary from that couple over there," the waiter replies as he motions to a table part way across the room. "They said it's their 40th anniversary and they wanted to buy you a drink to celebrate this moment, and they hope your marriage will be as long and loving as theirs has been." We accept them and raise them to the other couple, who smile and nod and toast us back. As the excitement of the moment is dying down, I look off into the distance for a moment, remembering something, as Aaron looks at me, with his grin and says, "What?" I reply after a moment, "I've always felt for most of my life like I was running from something, coming out here the first time, going back home, even when I was young. But I told my mother when she asked why I wanted to come back here, now, I felt this time was different. This time, I was running to something, but I didn't know exactly what. And I think I know now. No, I do know, I have found it. I love you so much!" And I now finally understand something that Master Wu said all those years ago. When you seek it, you cannot find it. Your hand cannot reach it Nor your mind exceed it. When you no longer seek it, It is always with you. .....Zen Proverb Now it's my turn to break the news to Jillian, and to Deanna, and my mother and brother, and Avery and my other friends. And, of course, make all sorts of other decisions, such as when and where. I first call my Mom, the next morning. "Hi, Mom. It's me Chrissy. How are you doing?" "Oh, I'm fine, but I have some big news to tell you." "Aaron, the guy I've been telling you about, last night, well, he asked me to marry him and I said yes!" "Uh huh! You get to be mother of the bride." "It was, and I guess, it wasn't really. I just love being with him, sharing my life with him." "Yes, he knows everything, we've sort of known each other for a number of years." "I'm going to call Jim next and tell him." "Yes. Thank you! I'll let you know the date as soon as I can. It will be out here because everyone I care about except for you and Jim and his family are here." "Yes, I want her in the wedding, but let me ask Jim and Laurie before you say anything, ok?" "Okay, I love you, Mom. Bye!" I call Jim and Laurie answers and I tell her. She's really happy for me, and I mention that I'd like my niece, Angela, in the wedding party, which Laurie agrees to. She then puts Jim on the phone so I can ask him a most important question. "Jim, I'd be very happy if you would walk me down the aisle and give me away." "Thank you so much, Jim, I really appreciate you doing that for me." Finally, I call Jillian. "Hi! It's me!" "Oh, yes, quite fine. Just to let you know, Aaron proposed last night and I accepted." "Uh, huh! Yes, it is almost unbelievable in some ways. But I guess you were right." "Yes, a gorgeous diamond. Big enough for me. I'll show it to you when we do lunch day after tomorrow. I'm just so thrilled!" "Jillian, you're the first one I called after my family. I want you to be maid of honor. Say 'yes', please!" "Oh, thank you so much. No, I wasn't sure. You're so busy these days, with getting your career back on track." "Thank you. I'd do the same for you, you know that." "Not yet, but I'm guessing next Spring or early Summer." "No, I'm wanting a little chapel wedding. Three attendants, you, Deanna, and my niece." "Okay, that's fine. We can talk more at lunch. Thanks again! Bye!" I call Deanna next to ask her to be in the wedding and she happily agrees. I ask Kaitlyn to handle the guest book, which she pleasantly accepts, and when I go into the gym the next time, I tell Avery. He gets a little emotional as I give him a hug saying, "It all started here, and you helping me, Avery. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your kindness." "Chrissy, I'm very happy for you. I have to say, you've brightened my life in so many ways, I'll always have a special place for you." Aaron and my, our, wedding won't be anywhere near as lavish as Jillian's although I'm shocked when I get a bank check in the mail from an anonymous source with a note saying it's to be used for the wedding and to treat it as gift from a friend. I know that it will cover a lot of the expenses, but I can only imagine who it might be from. I show it to Aaron and make him promise not mention it to anyone. I can only guess as to who it might be from, Jillian and Darryl, Ron, even Sammy. Or someone else who I might have met. Even though it will be toned down, I know I'm going to need a little more help than Jillian will probably be able to provide, so with Jillian's understanding, I ask Deanna to help out and I ask my mother if she's willing to come out to Los Angelus several weeks before the wedding and give me some help. "I'd be delighted to help you out in any way I can. I have to admit, I'm thrilled you asked me, because I had accepted a long time ago that I would never have a daughter to help plan her plan her wedding, and now you've given me that chance." With the help of my mother and Deanna, and Jillian when she is free, I'm able to find a dress for myself and my attendants and schedule the fittings, decide on the guest list, menu, band, location, gifts, invitations, flowers for the church, the wedding party, and the reception, the photographer and videographer, the cake, transportation, and all the myriad of other little details that have to taken care of as the day approaches. With some extra money, we hire a w As usual there are some near catastrophes, some hurt feelings, misunderstandings, temper tantrums, and that's just with me! But we all muddle through especially myself as I understand that the real purpose is to marry the man who loves me and who I love deeply in return. Understanding that keeps everything else in perspective. The rehearsal happens without a hitch which worries me a little that the problems will be with wedding itself. The rehearsal dinner is enjoyable and I'm able to relax a little. I have decided on a church wedding because I'm not an atheist or agnostic, and even though I don't attend services, I still feel a connection. I feel lucky to find a non- denominational chapel with a decent quality facility that can host receptions a reasonable distance away. The morning of the wedding, we women have salon appointments and then it's time to get dressed. I'm wearing a white strapless column dress with a chapel train and short veil. I'm happy with how it fits and I hope it looks fabulous on me, but I do have doubts. We have a limo come and pick us up taking us to the chapel where we are met by the wedding coordinator who takes us to a side room for any final adjustments. The only minor problem has been my niece who is just amazed to see Jillian Thomas who is a friend of her aunt. We have to keep prodding her a little to keep her moving. Jillian senses what's going on, and says in a very casual way, "Here, let me help you, Angela." That helps a little as she sees that Jillian is about as normal as the rest of us. Well, pretty close to normal. Too soon, for me anyway, it's time to come around to the back of the chapel where Jim is waiting for us. Standing in the back in the little narthex, I am just a bundle of nerves. Jillian and Deanna are very helpful making sure I look all right, and that everything is appropriate, my short train, my veil, my dress. Jim is there watching what is going on, trying to be helpful, but Jillian keeps him away from doing much. Angela is still in awe of Jillian and mostly stays out of the way. "You're to walk your sister down the aisle, and you only have to say, 'Her mother and I do', and be totally agreeable to everything. I'll make sure she is just as beautiful as she can be," she says smiling at me. Angela starts her walk down the aisle. I say rather nervously, feeling so thankful that Jillian is here with me, "Oh, I hope so, Aaron deserves a beautiful looking bride, but I just don't..." "Now you be quiet, Chrissy, you are absolutely fabulous looking. Isn't she, Jim?" He chuckles and says, "Oh, I agree, totally." Deanna starts her walk down the aisle Jillian gives him a quick glare which changes to a small smile, then turns back to me saying, "And anyway, when you were my maid of honor, I remember you saying how beautiful I looked, and of course, I did! But today is your day, and you look just gorgeous. I am a little jealous of how simply beautiful that gown looks on you." "I so do hope so, I've had this vision of how I would want to look on my wedding day from long before I met you." Jillian smiles a knowing smile, "Just like every little girl has done so since like forever." The music starts, and Jillian continues her smile and says, "Ok, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and use Jim to lean on as much as you need. I'll see you down there." She enters the chapel. "Ulp, here goes, I guess." Jim takes my arm in his and looks at me with a goofy huge grin and says, "Chrissy, right now I will gladly admit and tell everyone who asks, even those who don't, you are a woman. I'm proud to be your brother and have you as my sister." I'm just about in tears as at least one rolls down my cheek, and I say, "Thank you, Jim, you don't know how much that means to me." "Here," he pulls out a handkerchief and I dab at my eyes, and now it's time for us to start. We enter the small chapel and there are a number of people there, Jillian's husband, her staff -Thad, Stephen, Kitae and Eric, with dates, Elizabeth and her husband - Avery and his wife and son, Sean and several others from the gym. I see Ron and Sammy and they are with obvious wannabe starlets, as well as Kaitlyn and her boyfriend. My mother is there sitting next to Laurie, with Jim's son between them. There are a few others I know from my classes. Off to one side is Jeremy and his step mother. I can't imagine how he persuaded her to come. I guess to see if the stories he's been telling her were true, and I can see that she is very wide-eyed, staring at Jillian. On Aaron's side are some family members I have met, others I haven't and friends of the family. I am just so happy that there are people here, for Aaron, for my mother, and of course I'm also amazed just that they all showed up, people who mean so much to me and have been so accepting of me, supporting me over the past number of years. And they all stand and turn to watch as Jim and I make our entrance to the swelling music. And then I glance at the last row, as several back rows have only two or so people in them. And there off to one side is a lone figure, a very elderly man, Asian, in a dark two piece robe-ish looking attire, silk, I'm guessing, sitting very quietly and attentively but not looking at me at all. I start for a second and then I stop which forces Jim to stop and look at me questioningly. I quickly make a decision that I hope all those who know me will understand. I look up at him, saying, "Jim, I love you so much, and I was really looking forward to you giving me away, but there is somebody here that I wasn't expecting, that as much as you mean to me, and I do so hope you'll understand, he totally deserves this honor. Trust me on this, please?" I look up into his eyes and he looks at me and then glances at the man, and I can see that after a second, he realizes what I'm asking, from all that I've shared with him, as well as from his memories of when we were kids. "I understand," he says, "it's all right." We stop at that row as people are looking at us wondering what's going on, and I turn to face someone w