How I Became The Baddest Girl In Clarksville Part 9 Androgynous Girl free porn video

How I Became the Baddest Girl in Clarksville Part 9 Androgynous Girl -Ha Ha You're Dead- "Hello Alex," Walter said, "aren't you going to give your uncle a hug?" He stood with his arms spread wide. Walter (barely recognizable) looked like a dead man walking. His thick, lustrous hair had thinned. Now only few strands remained the color of weeds dried by a brutal summer sun. His skin was corpse gray. Large purplish splotches covered his arms and face. "Come on," he said, his voice teetering on madness. "We haven't seen each other in such a long fucking time." "No," I whispered, taking a step back. My knees were trembling, threatening to give way. My breath was coming fast. "Now Alex," he said his voice condescending, "You're not a child anymore, you're a... er...young lady. You have to tell me when it happened." How in the hell had he gotten past the front desk? He was practically a zombie. Couldn't the clerk see he was dangerous? Then I spotted the heavy coat and wide brim fedora draped over the arm of a conference chair. He was sane enough to disguise his monstrous appearance. Walter took a step toward me and I took another step back, bumping against the long conference table. I wanted to run but I was trapped between the table and my uncle. Walter lunged for me. I twisted away and my hip struck the table's sharp corner. Overcome more with fear than pain, I screamed. Walter clamped a hand around my mouth. His other arm snaked around my waist hauling me back until I was pressed against him. "Hush up," he whispered in my ear. "I'm not going to hurt you." I struggled to get free but he was too strong. Fighting the panic, I forced myself think. Then I remembered something from one of my comics. I raised my heel and stomped his foot above the arch as hard as I could. "You little shit!" he cried, lessening his grip. I slammed my heel down again. This time I heard something snap. He howled from the pain turning me loose. Before he could recover, I darted past him and out the door, screaming. I heard the sound of running feet in the hall. Ms. Blankenship, the assistant principal appeared from around the corner followed by half a dozen others. She swept me up in her arms. "Calm down...calm down," she said. "What's wrong?" "A muh..man," I stuttered. "He was horrible!" "Did this man do something to you, Honey?" "He tried to grab me and I ran." "Do you know where he is?" I pointed to the conference room. "He's in there." "Andy, would you see who's in there," Ms. Blankenship said to the security guard. He'd arrived with the teachers, office staff and cafeteria workers beginning to crowd the hall. The security guard peeped in the conference room and then went inside. He cane out shaking his head. "Empty," he said. Empty! It couldn't be. That's where I'd left Tyler. "Where's my brother?" I cried. "He was in the room with me. Where's Tyler? Somebody find him!" Ms. Blankenship slipped an arm behind my back. She pressed me forward "We're going to my office where you can rest until your parents arrive." I stiffened, refusing to move. "I want to see my brother," I said. "I need to know he's alright. That..that that man didn't take him." "I'm sure your bother is fine. As soon as we locate him, I'll see that someone brings him to you. But for now, I need to get you somewhere safer." Ms. Blankenship left me sitting in one of the two overstuffed chairs that faced her desk. She locked the door behind her. I could get out but no one could get in without a key. I tired not to think about Walter or dwell on my missing brother. I occupied my time studying the office's decor photos of family (in those hinged double frames that form a V), framed diplomas on the wall (she earned her degrees at Kansas State and UCLA) and a few statuettes of horses gazing serenely into the distance. The doorknob jiggled then the door opened and Tyler shuffled in. "I was so worried about you," I cried, the morning's anger forgotten. I leaped out of my chair and hugged him. He stood with his arms rigid at his side, as if his every muscle lost its elasticity. "Mom and Dad are here," he mumbled. My father raged for nearly thirty minutes, leaning over his cane as if he might gobble Daily up with one vicious bite. Daily cowered behind his desk sputtering excuses like a tired engine low on gas, ready cough one last time before giving up. Tyler and I sat through the beginnings then were moved to the teachers lounge while the adults had it out. I am so sorry," said Ms. Kelly leading the way to the lounge. "I had no idea this man was some kind of predator. You both must be terrified. Of course it's my fault... I'll probably lose my job... or at least get a bad evaluation...(blah... blah...blah)" I wished she'd get over it. I had (At least most of it. Remembering Walter's deathly pallor still creeped me out.) I glanced at Tyler. He looked frail. He hadn't come through as well as me. Then again he'd never had to deal with Frank. We found the door to the teacher's lounge locked. Ms. Kelly fished a key out of her purse and let us in. The room was small, about the size of Mr. Daily's office. A round plastic table with four chairs sat in its center. with two vending machines for soft drinks and snacks against one wall. A small copy machine was positioned by the door. A counter with a built in sink held a coffee maker and Styrofoam cups. Without asking, Ms. Kelly walked over to the drink machine and returned with two Cokes. She handed one to Tyler, the other to me. "I'll be back," she said, without saying where she was going. I heard the lock click behind her. I took a sip of my drink and looked at my brother. Tyler hadn't opened his. He sat staring over the unopened can. I reached over and popped the tab. "Here. Drink some. It'll make you feel better," I said, conscious that what I did was very girlish. I guy wouldn't have done it. I told myself to drop it. I wasn't a guy anymore and I was done beating myself up over it. Tyler took a long gulp and then looked at me through red-rimmed eyes. "Alex, I was so fucking scared," he said in a whisper. "He's changed. He was like a Frankenstein or something/" More like "The Night of the Living Dead" I thought, but all I said was, "Yeah, he has." "I never meant for him to be here," he said. I thought my brother might cry. "Dude, it's okay. It wasn't your fault. I think he came on his own." Tyler took another sip of his drink. His hand was shaking so badly some of the coke spilled out. I watched it drip down the side of the can and splatter on the table creating small puddles of amber. "Alex." He stalled after saying my name as if that simple task exhausted him. He took another gulp of coke. "I think he came for you." "How do you know?" I asked, forcing myself to stay calm. "Did he say something?" Tyler nodded. "He was waiting in the conference room," said my brother. His voice lacked emotion, like a bad actor pretending to be in a trance. " They told me to go there because Mr. Daily didn't want people in the lobby... a state audit or something... I knew it was him even with the coat and hat...I could feel him... it was awful..." Tyler began to tremble again. "Tyler, don't think about that. What did he say?" "He said where is she? I know she's John. Then you came in." I heard a rushing sound. I realized it was my breath being exhaled. He knew! "Tyler we can't tell anyone it was Uncle Walt. You know that don't you," I said after I regained my composure. He nodded. "Okay. This is what we're going to say." The police arrived ten minutes later. Ms. Kelly rounded us up and led us back to Daily's office. Even though the shouting had died I could feel tension all around me, like just before a thunder storm when the air seems ready to crackle. Both officers wore suits. They identified themselves as Lt. Morse and Sgt. Taggert. Morse, the taller of the two was working on a uni-brow and had a permanent five-o'clock shadow. Dark hair covered the back of his hands and his thick stubby fingers. He smelled of Old Spice. While Tyler told his version of what happened to Taggert, Lt. Morse had me take him to the conference room and act out what took place there. When we were done Tyler and I switched roles I watched Morse lead him out the door while I was left to face Sgt. Taggert. Taggert stared at me over a yellow legal pad, the pencil stub in his right hand ready to record my every word. He reminded me of an overeager waiter expecting an expensive order and a generous tip. "You never saw this guy before?" he asked, as if he couldn't quite wrap his mind around the word no. "Not around the school or at the mall or maybe on your street?" I shook my head. "You're positive." The pencil stub moved across the page making scratching sounds, like tiny fingers clawing their way out of a box. "Positive." Taggert studied what he'd written and frowned. I held my breath praying Tyler had followed the script we'd put together and I hadn't been caught in a lie. He flipped the pad closed and laid it in his lap. "I think we have enough information," he said. "Tell your parents they can come in now." I jumped up and ran to the door, holding back the urge to shout it was over. "We'll put out an alert," said Lt. Morse after we were all assembled together. "I doubt the guy is still around. He's probably fifty miles away by now but we'll be on the lookout just the same." I hoped to hell this was true and that Uncle Walt had caught the metaphorical last train out of Clarksville. This was one time I cheered for the bad guy to get away. It was one of those nights where your sleep is deep and haunted, filled with a million Freudian vignettes that meld one into another in a never ending stream. I woke to the morning, dazed. Elbowing my self up to a half sitting position I looked around my room. Something wasn't right? The balloons! Where were they? I groaned. In all the confusion I left them at school. I conjured an image of them hanging deflated from the school dumpster at the end of the parking lot. I could imagine Austin pulling up on his bike, taking a gander at what became of his gift to me and then howling with rage. That would be the end of my plans to make up with him. Unless, I headed him off when he arrived at school. I could explain why the balloons ended up where they had. That got me out of bed and over to my closet. I rummaged through my ever expanding wardrobe (thanks to my mother), passing over my trusty jeans. They hadn't gotten much wear since I joined the Debs and as much as I would have liked wearing a pair today, I nixed the idea I didn't want to butt heads with Chrissy about clothes. If I quit the Debs, I'd be pretty much friendless. The last thing I needed right now was to be without friends, even if they were the pretend kind. I found a plain black skirt and a sweater composed of blue-green and gray bands Today was going to be cold so I added a pair of black tights. I laid everything on the bed and went to pee and brush my teeth. When I returned I'd shaken off most of the night's weirdness. I thought about Uncle Walter as I dressed. Why had he come all the way from California to Clarksville? "I know she's John," he told Tyler. But how could he? He'd been out of contact with my parents for years. For all he knew they could have adopted me. Okay, knowing my parents the odds of that happening were slim, but it was possible. The only other explanation was my mother. For some reason she called or wrote him and told him how I'd been infected with the virus and the results. But if that was the case. Why did he go to the school? Why didn't he arrange a meeting at out house? I had an answer for that. Dad. My father hated Walter. But Walter and Mom could have still worked out their sibling rendezvous somewhere else. Except that explanation was too ridiculous to consider. It hadn't been Mom. She'd never go behind my father's back. I doubted she knew Walter was out of prison. No, Walter had another source. One he trusted enough he risked everything yesterday. I took a breath, reminding myself no matter how he found out about me, it was over. He was far away. He had to be. I doubted he'd be back unless he wanted to spend more time in jail. Didn't they put convicted felons behind bars when they fucked up? I was pretty sure they did. Another thought crossed my mind. He could still talk. What if he did? The idea was absurd. If he was going to cash in on my story he would have done it. He hadn't because he didn't know for sure what the truth was. Only ten people knew what really happened. Out of them one was missing and another a mindless idiot. The Rat Pack was good at keeping secrets secret. I didn't think Walter would be an exception. If he were smart ( doubtful ) he'd forget about whatever crazy idea he planned and keep his mouth shut. After I dressed, I opened the top drawer of my dresser where the little bear was stashed. Next to it, in a spiral of gold, lay the ring and chain. I lifted it out and cupped it in my hand, remembering how I'd come by it. I tried to give it back at the dance but Austin insisted I keep it. He said it was lucky. So far it proved to be anything but. I hesitated, deciding if I should put it back in the drawer or take it to school. Probably be better to take it. That way, if Austin brought it up I'd have it. I went to put it in my pocket and then realized for the umpteenth time skirts and dresses (unless they're a house dress) don't have pockets. I had a purse, though there was no way I was going to carry that to school--I wasn't ready for those yet--yuck!. I settled for the small pocket on my back pack where I kept pencils. I tucked it in the corner of the pocket and then headed downstairs to see about breakfast. I found Mom sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee. She looked uptight. "Is everything okay, Mom?" I asked reaching down the cereal. "I'm not sure I want you to go to school today," she said. "That person is still out there somewhere. I think I'd feel better if you stayed home until they find him." "That's silly, Mother." "What's silly?" Tyler asked, rubbing his eyes with his fists as he stumbled in. "Mom's afraid for us to go to school because of what happened yesterday." Tyler, who'd taken the cereal from me to pour his own bowl, handed it back. "Then I'm going back to bed," he said. "Tyler we're not going to skip just because of yesterday," I said. Austin would be there and I wanted to see him. "Speak for yourself," said my brother. "We'll I'm going." "Alex, is something going on I don't know about?" Mom asked. "Why is it so important you go to school today? Are you meeting somebody?" "No," I said realizing I spoke to quickly. "I don't want to get behind, that's all. I have a chance to make the "A" honor roll Besides, that guy is not going to come back to the school. He'd have to be really stupid. And even if he did they'd arrest him as soon as he got there. He's probably a hundred miles away" Mom let out a sigh. "Your grades have improved," she said. "I guess if you insist on going I won't stop you. But, your brother has to go with you. And I'm taking you. No bus this morning. I can't pick you up so you'll have to ride it this afternoon. I want you to call me when you get on and when you're home. I want to know you're safe." "Yes ma'am" I said smiling inside. I'd won! "Thanks Alex," Tyler said when Mom left to get her coat and car keys. "You ruined a perfectly good skip day." -Your Shirt Would Look Better with a Colombian Necktie- Because Mom watched from the car, I had to follow Tyler into the school, instead of veering toward the parking lot to wait for Austin. The tights and short skirt weren't much in the way of protection against the near freezing temperature as we hurried across the fore court to the main building of the school. I silently cursed the Debs for their insistence we wear skirts. Tyler openly cursed me for insisting on attending school instead of taking today off. When we reached the building I gave Mom a thumbs up then followed Tyler into the lobby. I could have gone back out after Mom, pulled away. I could also frozen to death when I did (something I hadn't taken into consideration earlier). Taking a wiser course, I stood at the doors watching for Austin through the tall panes of glass. Even then, I could feel the outside cold seeping through. It occurred to me the temperature might be too frigid for a motorcycle.. A lot of people stored their motorcycles during the winter months then pulled them out again in the spring. If he came with his dad, (like he did on days he didn't ride his bike) chances were he'd be late. I might not see him at all this morning. I couldn't afford another tardy, even if it was justified (to my mind). That would earn me more time in retract--not even Austin was worth that. Once was enough. "Out of all the sweaters you have Alex Tetras, you picked that one to wear?" I spun around to see who the fashion critic was. Shelly stood about three feet away, arms by her sides. She struggled with a smile that suffered from a bottom lip that trembled a little too much. Her eyes were bright with moisture. We stared at each other for a fraction of a second before Shelly broke the silence. "Will you be my friend, again?" she asked in a little girl voice. I spread my arms and rushed toward her. We locked each other in a mutual embrace, both of us crying openly. "I"m so sorry about the way I acted." Shelly sobbed. "I missed you so much." "Me too." We rode out the emotional tsunami then untangled ourselves, laughing. My hair and shoulder were soaked and so were Shelly's. "I think we need towels," I said, brushing at the damp spot on my sweater. "I guess we didn't think that one through." Shelly grinned. We walked to our lockers hand in hand, not caring that we looked like lesbians. I had my best friend back. That was all that mattered. I realized, in the middle of first period, I'd forgotten about Austin. Ms. Boyd was dissecting our last reading assignment "Animal Farm," pointing out how the various critters were cleverly disguised (or not so cleverly disguised -to my mind they were pretty obvious) stereotypes of human behaviors. As usual Shelly was locked into the lesson with the same intensity as when we watched "Beastly." I was struggling to stay awake. "I think all of you get the idea," Ms. Boyd said, capping her expo marker , placing it in the metal trough at the bottom of the white board. "Let's do a quick exercise. You'll all need a pencil and paper." I groaned. Ms. Boyd was my favorite teacher. I enjoyed her class. But I wasn't feeling it today. All I wanted to do was get through these fifty minutes. Next period was PE. Shelly and I could sit in our spot on the bleachers and make up for lost time. "Alex would you like to join us?" Ms. Boyd asked. "Huh? I mean, Ma'am?" "You don't have pencil or paper," she said. I looked down at nothing but the of fake wood veneer of my desk. Apparently I'd zoned out. "Oh, sorry," I said. I dug into my back pack and pulled out the notebook I used for English. I placed it on my desk, smiled at Ms. Boyd and then fished into the small pocket where I kept pencils. As I reached in my fingers brushed Austin's mother's ring. The contact was like an electric shock. In the delirium of making up with Shelly, I'd forgotten about him. I glanced at Shelly. Now that she and I were friends again did I really want to jeopardize that? Austin was the cause of our breakup and right now things were fragile. It wouldn't take much to undo it all. I thought about Austin and how hurt he'd looked yesterday. I'd caused that hurt and I felt terrible about it. But was he worth losing my best friend over, again? "Alex," Ms. Boyd said, more firmly this time. "Oh, Yes ma'am. "Your pencil." I flicked the ring aside (metaphorically doing the same with Austin) and nabbed a pencil. Seeing I was ready, Ms. Boyd nodded her approval. "All right class. Here's what I want you to do...." When the bell rang Shelly and I walked to the gym together. We didn't hold hands but did stay side by side, afraid we might lose each other in the crowded halls. Outside, as we cruised the walkway to the gym, the traffic was lighter. I felt lighter too. The angst of feuding with Shelly was now past tense and the part of me that went missing the night of the dance was snugly back in place. I had to fight the urge to skip all the way to PE. We pushed the double doors of the gym open and stepped into the excited chatter of more than thirty girls all talking at once. Standing in the middle of the commotion was Coach Wiggins. She held a clipboard. I watched her scope out the gymnasium in a slow revolution. Then she blew a long blast on her whistle. This didn't look good. "Listen up, ladies," she bellowed. "Volleyball day. You have five minutes to change into your gym clothes. When you're done, we'll divide into teams. Now get your butts moving." This was followed by another whistle blast. "Great," I said to Shelly, as we followed the other girls into the dressing room. "I hate volleyball." "Don't be so negative," said Shelly. "It might be fun. We just need to make sure we're on the same team." I wasn't dreading volleyball as much as I was the divide into teams thingy. Debs hung with Debs. This meant when Debs played volleyball, they were all on the same team. This was fine, except Shelly was my friend. If I had to play, it was going to be on whatever team Shelly was on. I didn't give much of a shit if the Debs didn't like it or if they kicked me out because of it ( a complete turnaround from this morning). I did, however, want to avoid a confrontation in front of my best friend. If I could get through PE without a scene. (Were Debs too cool to make scenes? I hoped so.) I'd happily turn in my resignation at lunch. There were six Debs in Coach Wiggins second period physical education class if you included me: Randi Carr, Debra Miller, Jillian Prescott, Allie Carson, and Lily Chan (who oddly enough, was not Chinese). Lily and Jillian were cheerleaders. They normally didn't sit with us in the bleacher or participate on the rare occasions we actually did physical activities. The other four girls, Selma Vinton , Edith Nguyen, Robin Trujillo and and the lovely Chrissy Allen had PE later in the day. I only saw them at lunch. As Shelly and I passed through the rectangular opening (that dead ended after a couple of feet and then doubled back on the other side of a fake wall so the boys couldn't peep in) I saw Jillian and Lily. Jillian was working her PE shirt over her head (and down around her giant boobs) while Lily, already in uniform stood by, balled fists on her hips, watching. I ignored them concentrating on remembering the combination for my lock, dangling from my basket. Shelly's basket was at the other end of the row near the dressing room entrance. I glanced over to check my friends progress when Randi Carr popped into view. Randi saw me and started my way just as Shelly slid her basket out from its slot. As she did, she stepped back forcing Randi to dance around her. "Did you see that," Randi said sidling up beside me. "Nerd girl almost knocked me over." "She's not a nerd," I blurted. "She's my friend." Randi's head snapped back as if I slapped her. The smile melted from her face. Her expression changed to something akin to fear. "Alex, please tell me you're not hanging out with her again ?" "What if I am?" "Shit, Alex, Chrissy and Robin are gonna have fucking cows." I shrugged. I slid the basket holding my gym clothes out of its slot and set it on the bench attached to the base of the rack. Slipping my gym shorts on under my skirt I stepped out of it, folded it and placed it in the basket. "Shouldn't you be getting dressed," I asked Randi, dismissively. "I don't understand you at all Alex Tetras," she said walking away. "It's simple," I said to the spot where she'd been. "I'm not a fake." I'd learned a trick as John. If you wanted to get out of an activity in PE (this only worked when you divided into teams or it was square dance day) be the last one to finish dressing out. If you timed it right (and the class totaled and uneven number) you would be the odd guy or girl out. Though Shelly protested we'd get into trouble , we were three minutes late. The teams (four in all) were taking their positions on either side of the two nets when we appeared. It turned out three other girls were alos "forced" to sit out. Now they occupied the bottom row of the bleachers. Shelly and I shuffled past, climbing until we reached our spot midway up from the top. As expected, all the clique girls were on the same team. They'd recruited Trudy DePialo to take my place. Trudy wasn't a clique girl but she was close. She was a cheerleader, the junior class vice- president and a member of the principal's council. Watching the action on the gym floor it soon became apparent that the Debs were vicious when it came to volleyball. Allie and Debra handled the back row along with Randi who mostly stayed out of the way. I had to admire how they worked the ball forward to Lily or Trudy who would set up the the ball for Jillian. Several times Jillian slammed it so forcefully the opposing teams front row scattered. They soon gave up and just got out of the way. "Are you going to get in trouble?" Shelly asked. "Huh?" I'd gotten caught up in the slaughter below and only half heard Shelly's question. "I asked if you were going to get into trouble. For sitting here with me instead of being with them." She glanced at the Cliquettes then looked back at me. "Probably," I said. "But you know what--I don't give a fuck." " Alex, you can't be serious. You're a Deb. Do you know how many girls would die to be a member of that group? And you're a freshman. They never invite freshmen. What I'm saying is... it's okay. I won't be mad if you hang with them. I mean what's the point of being a Deb if - " "Hey, I chose you over them, okay," I said cutting her off. "Got a problem with that?" Shelly was taken aback As the shock melted away her smile returned. " Thanks," she said. "I don't know anybody else that would have done that for me... but I'm glad." She was quiet for a moment as the smile firmed into something more serious. "I need to tell you something." I waited, unsure of where this was going. Below us the girls were shouting and laughing, their voices echoing off the gym walls. "I've been doing some thinking," Shelly said, her eyes downcast. "I was stupid to behave like I did at the dance. You didn't do anything wrong. To he honest, I was jealous. I don't deserve a friend as good as you. I wanted to say I'm sorry." I opened my mouth to say it was okay, that it didn't matter but she raised her hand signaling she wasn't finished. " I...I wanted to tell you I don't have a problem with you seeing Austin, Just promise you'll make some time for me. Please?" "Are you kidding me," I said. "Sisters always make time for each other." As we hugged each other I thought this was the best day of my life. -Why Does It Hurt When I Pee- Chrissy was waiting for me outside the lunch room (no surprise there) with Robin Trujillo. Robin looked like she wanted to be anywhere but where she was. "I heard what you did in gym today Tetras," Chrissy said. " I told you Debs hang with Debs. What part of that didn't you understand? You also spent yesterday in retract. Dubs don't fucking do retract. " "Oh yeah," I said. "That reputation (insert air quotes here) thing." I was tired of this bitch talking down to me. "Anything else you need to get off your chest? I need to go to lunch." "I warned you about fucking up Tetras," Chrissy said flashing that wickedly curved smile. "I don't see you as Debs material. I think I'm kicking you out." "Wait a minute, Chrissy," said Robin. "We said we were going to talk to her. That was all. Nobody said anything about kicking her out. We haven't even voted." "Don't bother," I said. "I quit." "I told you she was trash," Chrissy continued. "Now, you see I was right." "If you're done," I said. "My friends are waiting for me." "Oh yeah. The nerds. Fits you." "Cool it Chrissy," said Robin. "Leave the kid fucking alone." Robin looked at me. "Are you sure, Alex ? You don't have to quit." "It's fine. It's not my thing." I started toward where a crowd was building at the lunchroom doors. "Uh...excuuuusseeeemeeeee" Chrissy wound out the words like the drone of Austins bike, her tone sassy and condescending. "I think you have something that belongs to us." "You mean this," I said, slowing enough to slip the gold chain off my wrist. "Here ," I tossed it so it landed in the path of an oncoming herd of hungry students. Chrissy dropped to her knees and scrambled for the chain before it was trampled. I spotted Shelly waiting near the lunch room doors. She waved and I waved back. "Have a nice day," I called over my shoulder. "I know I will." "Did you hear what happened yesterday?" Brett asked me. We'd done the I'm sorry--the fight was stupid -what were we thinking thing. Now the conversation shifted into catching each other up. I had of course. I was part of it but I played dumb. The last thing I wanted was for my friends to ask questions. My parents insisted Tyler and my name be left out of any information the school issued to anyone. As my dad put it "Or else!" "No," I said trying to sound curious. "What happened?" "A stalker or pervert...I don't know... whatever you call them... tried to pick up some kid here at school. It was right when school was getting out. She bit him or something and then ran to the assistant principals office for help." "Did they arrest him?" I asked, knowing they hadn't. Lucky for me. "That's the scary part," said Brett. "He got away. Like I said, it happened right as school was letting out. They think he mixed in with everybody leaving the building before they could do a lock down. Anyway, he's still out there so we need to all be careful, especially you Alex. You might be next." "I doubt anybody would be interested in me." "I don't know, Alex," said Abby. "You're really pretty and that's the kind of girls they want." "Where were you yesterday, anyway?" Brett asked. "We didn't' see you at lunch.." "I was in retract. All day." "Retract!" Shelly said surprised. "What did you do? It has to be a big deal to go there." "Mr. Backes sent me there for being late to class. He has it in for me for some reason." I made a droopy face and pitched my voice low, in the slow dry way he talked. "Ms. Tetras, we're seeing way too much of each other. I think you need to spend a day in retract and repent of your sins." Everyone laughed. "Gawd, Alex," Abby said, "you sounded just like him." "I'd stay away from him if I were you," said Shelly circling back to seriousville. "He's made trouble for a lot of kids. You don't want to be one of them." "I think it's a little late for that," I said. "I know we promised not to mention this," Brett said glancing nervously at Shelly and then Abby. "But I have to know. What's it like being a Deb, Alex? "I quit," I said matter of fact. "Quit!" Shelly exclaimed. "Alex, I told you--" "It's okay," I said cutting her off. "I planned on quitting anyway. They're a bunch of fakes. All they care about is fashion and looking cute." Brett blinked in unbelief. "You quit the Debs over that? She shook her head. "Alex, you're my friend... and I mean this in the nicest way... but you're the weirdest girl I've ever known." She didn't know the half of it. "OMG!" Abby said in a low voice. "Look." Abby was sitting across from me so my back was to whatever it was she saw. I twisted around and stared. Chrissy Allen was introducing Brooke Simmons to the Debs. They took her hand one by one, saying a few words and smiling. When they finished Brooke slid (slithered was more like it) in among them. "That's weird," said Brett. "I heard Brooke and the Debs hated each other--that she tried to join and they turned her down." "Yeah," said Abby. "That's what I head too." "Why do you think they're talking to her now, Alex?" Shelly asked. "What do you think is going on." I was pretty sure I knew. Almost everyone at school knew about my dislike for Brooke and hers for me. This was Chrissy's way of paying me back. "I think it's their problem," I said. It was late in the afternoon and I hadn't seen Austin all day. Now that Shelly, Brett, Abby and I were friends I wondered why I cared. But I did. I missed his (annoying?) attempts to impress me with balloons and notes, the way he made me laugh. Like it or not, I missed him. As seventh period wound down, as the clock ticked off the last few minutes of school, I found myself arguing about it with Negative Alex. (Negative Alex ) "I can't believe you're trying to stir things up AGAIN. How many times does it have to NOT work? You're not a boy, Alex and you can't pal around with Austin like you are one. When boys are with girls things don't operate that way." (Me) "Duh...I know that." (Negative Alex) "Well smarty pants, what do you think is going to happen when you get together. Remember the dance? He tried to make a move on you." (Me) "He stopped when I said no." (Negative Alex ) "He's a Boyyy-ee... Hello.... He's going to try again. Why do you think he gave you heart shaped balloons. He's fishing for second base...maybe third. And there's Shelly. You guys finally make up and now you're going to let Austin break up your friendship AGAIN. This time you might not get back together." (Me) "Don't even go there. Shelly's cool with me seeing Austin. She said so." (Negative Alex) "You both said a lot of things. People do that when they're emotional. They don't always mean them." (Me) "Just fuck off, okay!" (Negative Alex) "Fine! But don't say I didn't--" The bell rang. Negative Alex vanished in a poof, like a vampire caught unawares by sudden daylight. I grabbed my backpack and followed my classmates into the hall. As I worked my way toward the lobby and freedom I hopeful that I'd spot Austin. I stepped into the afternoon a little disappointed I hadn't. Still it felt good to be outside. Making up with Shelly had worked a kind of magic, banishing the anxiety inside of me and defusing the grudge match between us. Telling Chrissy she could kiss my ass made its own sweet contribution. All in all, it was a good day to be Alex. Tyler caught up with me on the bus ramp. 'Guess what," he said, grinning. "What?" I asked. "They're considering letting Brooke join the Debs." "Really." I raised my eyes in mock surprise. He gave me a sideways look and frowned. "You already fucking knew didn't you. Brooke said you quit this morning?" "I was sitting at the table across from them..," I said. "I saw the whole thing." "So you really did quit." "Uh...Yeeeaaahhh." "Well I think you're fucking crazy but I guess I owe you. They wouldn't be considering Brooke if you hadn't." "So why the wait. They asked me to join right off ?" "Chrissy said they didn't want to make the same mistake they did with you. Bad for their rep or something. We're going to Chrissy's party on Saturday and they'll decide then. They'll vote after the party and let her know on Monday." He looked at the ground and then at me. I noticed a little of the horror from yesterday's encounter with Walter in his eyes. "Do you think she has a chance?" "Are you kidding? She's a perfect fit." "Yeah. I think so too." This time Tyler's smile was genuine. For the briefest instant I felt a tremendous love for my brother. Then like the last flicker of a dying firefly it was gone. He was Tyler again: aka "The Royal Pain in the Ass". "I guess I should tell you something but you have to promise not to say anything. Brooke said it was Deb stuff. Confidential." "Who would I tell?" I said. "Just don't, okay." "Sure" "Chrissy was talking smack about you at lunch." "Smack? " "Trash...shit... garbage...understand?" "Uh... yeah... but that's suppose to be news? She'd done that to my face." Tyler scrunched up his face the way he did when he was thinking hard about something. "It was more than that. Brooke said she was royally pissed. Because you threw a bracelet at her. It e freaked Brooke out at little. Anyway I'd watch my back around her." "She's a Deb," I said. "What's the worse thing she'll do? Spread a rumor about me? Like that hasn't happened." Tyler shrugged. "Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you." I thought about what Tyler's admonition and sighed. How many others had said something similar. I was getting good at making enemies. I figured at least a half dozen people were pissed at me at the moment. But Chrissy barely registered on my radar. I didn't see her as much of a threat. Sarge pulled up and threw open the bus doors. I got in the boarding line and dialed Mom's work number on my cell. Mom answered on the first ring. While we chatted I heard a motorcycle's roar. I knew that sound! That was Austin's bike. I said goodbye and looked to see Austin roll out of the student parking lot onto the drive that ran parallel with the school. Hopping up and down I waved calling his name. The bike slowed as he came toward me. The dark visor swung around to face me, then he gunned the engine and raced away. The brake light on his bike glowed red as he reached the end of the drive. I held my breath thinking he would turn around and come back. The engine growled, he turned onto the street. I watched him disappear not believing what happened. Austin hadn't just snubbed me. He'd rubbed my face in it. Something inside me tightened then burst. I was pretty sure it was my heart. I climbed onto the bus feeling lost, like the landmarks I navigated by had been snatched away. I found a seat toward the back and sat down on the window side, placing my backpack beside me to discourage company. The bus was never full in the afternoon because so many riders stayed after school for athletics. But today, I wasn't taking a chance. I got a text message from Austin after supper. I'd finished washing dishes and gone up to my room. I was about to tackle the last three geometry problems assigned for homework when my cell tweeted. I tapped the red dialogue balloon and a message from Austin appeared. It read: I want my mother's ring back. "Goddammit!" I cried, my eyes tearing. What a fucking asshole. Unable to sit still, I leaped to my feet with enough force to knock over my chair. It landed with a heavy thump. I stomped around with my hands clenching and then releasing needing something to strangle or punch. "Alex. Is everything all right in there? I heard a noise." It was Mom's voice. "Yes, mother. I got my feet tangled in my chair when I was getting up and knocked it over." She peeped in. Her eyes darted around checking out my story. "I just knocked the chair over," I said righting it. "It was an accident." Mom smiled. "I guess I'm jumpy," she said showing a hint of a smile. "After yesterday who wouldn't be." "I'm fine Mom," I said settling back behind my desk. "I need to finish my homework, okay." "Okay, Baby," she said. "Let me know if you need Anything." She closed the door gently behind her. When she was gone I closed my math book and gazed out my bedroom window. I could see the sharp angles of the Barnes house in silhouette beneath the partially raised blinds. It crouched in the shadows of the night like a giant silent predator, patiently awaiting its next meal. "I'm not afraid of you," I said. "You're just a crumbling, tumbled down old house." The house became a face with upstairs windows for eyes and the covered porch it's mouth, the pillars supporting the roof long sharp teeth. "I'm going to eat you little girl." it said its voice the groan of ancient timber sagging under its own weight. I grabbed my pencil and flipped through my math book to the page where I left off. We were suppose to identify five triangles and solve for area and perimeter. I threw myself into the problem striving to block out everything but the task at hand. Despite my best efforts to ignore it I could feel the house's influence creeping around the edges of my mind, seeking a way in. I closed the book and got up from my desk. I walked over to the window. Careful to avoid looking out at what lay beyond I jerked the cords,. The blinds dropped with the velocity of a guillotine's blade, striking the windowsill with a slap. On the way back to my desk I could hear the house laugh. -The voice of Cheese- That night, I dreamed about my Uncle Frank. I was standing in one of the vast rooms of Tiger Girl's castle. Flaming torches projecting from iron sconces sizzled at spat, permeating the air with the stench of burnt pitch. Their light revealed bare stone walls, the colorful tapestries, that once adorned them, gone along with the castle's tenets. I began to grow uneasy as I moved through the vacant room. I didn't like the emptiness. There were too many dark places the torch light couldn't penetrate as if they were not shadow but solid mass. Suddenly, the floor rippled. Catching me off guard. I almost lost my footing. The deafening hiss of air being sucked in then expelled filled the room like a gigantic respirator. I watched as the wall began to expand then contract as ceiling rose and fell. I wasn't in a room at all but inside a slumbering beast! A doorway materialized out of the gloom. A lighted exit sign, like the ones at the theater where Dad and I watched "Despicable Me," floated above. Seeing this as a way out I broke into run, praying it wouldn't vanish before I got there. The doorway held and I stepped into a room the size of my parents bedroom. Crown molding riddled with worm holes framed a high ceiling soiled with water stains. Strips of peeling wallpaper, faded yellow, dangled like dead leaves from where it was torn from crumbling plaster walls. Two tall casement windows were back-lighted by a full moon just above the tree line. As I walked over to the windows I made another discovery. I was wearing the blue dress. I continued on and looked out the window on the left. The view revealed a horseshoe drive of broken asphalt with stubby weeds growing up through the cracks. The drive feed onto a cul-d-sac illuminated by a streetlight mounted at the top of a utility pole. A two story Cape Cod stood at the end of a short driveway on the opposite side of the road. The house was fronted by tall shade trees and a manicured lawn everything cloaked in shadow. Everything that was but a single window on the second floor where a lone figure stood perfectly framed behind the rectangle of glass. Though the figure was far away, I knew it was a boy a little older than me. I also knew he was watching me just as I was watching him. There was something familiar here. Slowly I began to piece things together. The boy was me. I was looking at myself from the second story of the house across the street. The house had a name, the Barnes House. The Barnes House connected us. Your name is John and you're watching from your bedroom," I said. He nodded from his window. "You look at this house all the time because it reminds you of a story in one of your comic books." Another nod. I'm unsure how long the boy and I gazed at each other. I probably could have done it forever. He was like a bittersweet memory but one you cherish with all your heart. All at once the boy began to wave his arms, pointing toward the street. I looked in the direction he indicated, first checking the area lit by the street light, then peering into the dark. I couldn't discern anything out of the ordinary. There was nothing below but an empty street. I glanced back to where the boy was in the window but now the window was dark--the boy gone. I cast another look at the street and this time I understood. Something was moving through the shadows, a ripple in the darkness along the edge of the road. As it oozed out of the blackness into the light, I saw it was someone dressed in a heavy coat and hat. The figure moved toward the center of the street until it positioned itself directly in line with my window. Now I could pick out details, like the battered fedora pulled down around the ears and the ill fitting pants that ended high above a pair of battered work boots. The figure stood motionless for an uncomfortably long time as if it were deciding what to do. Then it tilted its shadowed face toward mine and removed the old fedora that hid its face. I gasped. Smiling up at me, was my Uncle Walter. An impossibly long tongue whipped out of his mouth to lick his lips as if he were hungry and saw me as something delicious. Then be began to shuffle toward the house. I backed away from the window, searching frantically for somewhere to hide. Like the room in the castle, this room was bare. I heard the creak of the front door swinging open on rusty hinges followed by the thud of heavy boots across worn carpet. "I'm coming for you John. "My uncle called from below. "You've been a very bad boy." The first footfall on the stairs got me moving again, I ran into the hall, hoping for a second set of stairs but the hall dead ended with bare wall. I ran back into the room. My only way of escape was was out the window, onto the roof. Hopefully from there I could find a nearby tree or a place where the roof pitched low enough to the ground I could jump. If worse came to worse, I'd aim for a bush ato cushioned my fall. Two metal handles were attached to the the windows bottom rail. A thumb lock was fastened on the top rail of the lower sash. I flicked it open. Behind me I could hear my uncle lumbering down the hall. I grabbed the handles and tugged upward with all my strength. The window didn't budge. I tried again this time adding my legs to the effort. The window still refused to move. "Looks like you've reached the end of the road, John." Walter said from behind. I spun around. My uncle stood in the doorway. "You've been a bad boy Johnny, trading in your pee pee for a wee wee. You're going to have to be punished." He reached into his pocket and removed a pair of latex gloves. The gloves made a slapping, squeaky sound as he slipped them on.. "I've prepared a little lesson for boys that want to be girls." He said, wiggling his fingers to test the gloves fit "So come on Honey Pie. Give Uncle Walt a big old hug." He took a step forward. "Let's get this party started, Sugar Lumps." I twisted around and tried raising the window again. I still couldn't get the damn thing to open. "Gottcha ," he chuckled as his hand reached around to clamp my right breast in a grip hard enough to hurt. His other hand slipped up my dress fumbling with my panties. "You want to be a girl, Johnny." he whispered , his breath hot and moist on my neck. "Let's see if this changes your mind." I locked my legs together but he forced them apart, wedging his own leg between them. I felt my panties rip away then the thrust of his hand up inside me. I screamed... and woke, tangled in the comforter I slept under on cold nights. I unwound myself and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. Leaning forward with my forearms on my thighs I let the chill in the room clear my head. Finally the rapid pulse in my chest slowed and I was able to lay back down. But the dream stayed with me the rest of the night. I woke feeling violated, hating my body. Men could do things to me against my will. Walter proved that. What he couldn't accomplish physically he'd managed to do mentally. I could still feel his filthy fingers probing inside me, his putrid breath on my neck. I struggled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom wearing only a night shirt and panties. After I peed and wiped, I ran water in the sink and splashed some on my face. The girl in the mirror looked at me out of her large blue eyes. A tangled halo of hair seemed to float around her head. "He did something to me last night," I said to the girl. "I don't know if I can be Alex anymore." "It was only a dream," said the girl. "It felt real. He made me ashamed." "Ashamed of what, that you have a vagina?" "Yes." The girl in the mirror frowned. I watched her brow furrow, two thin lines stretching across her forehead. "Being a girl can be hard sometimes," she said,."And things like your dream can happen in real life. But the worse thing you can do is to run away. If you give up now, Walter will win. Is that what you want?" "No." "Then fight." "How?" I asked. "You have to be okay with who you are. Not just sometimes, like when things are going your way. But all the time. Even when you have dreams. It's all right to think about that other person you used to be once in a while." said the girl. "The memory will probably stay with you forever. But you also have to let go. You have to accept who you are now. The more you accept yourself the more power you take away from Walter. He can only hurt you in that way if you let him." She was right. The only power Walter had over me was what I allowed him to have. I wasn't giving him any. "I"m Alex Tetras, the baddest fucking girl that ever live," I said. "Deal with it." The girl in the mirror smiled. At that moment the sun's light broke through the window bathing her hair honey gold. She was beautiful. Rap...Rap...Rap..... Someone was knocking on the bathroom door. Except...I opened my eyes. I was in my bed. The knocking was on my bedroom door. The girl in the mirror had been a dream. "Alex? Are you awake? (Mom's voice) "Alex?" "Yes, Mother," I answered, sliding out of bed. "I'm getting dressed. Okay." "You don't want to be late. You're riding the bus this morning, remember?" "I knooo-ooow." "I just saying, Honey. I made breakfast for you and Tyler--eggs and toast." "Thank you, Mom." I waited to see if she had anything else. When nothing was forthcoming I wandered over to my closet for something to wear, The residue of the dreams followed me, floating just above my head like two of Tyler's balloons, one dark, the other a shiny gold. Both were uncomfortably real. I could still feel the taint of Walters fingers poking inside me. He'd tried to degrade me, make me ashamed, and for a while it worked. I remembered the girl in the mirror talking me through things, peeling away the shame Walter inflected, to uncover something precious. I remembered how sunlight broke through the bathroom window and washed her hair in honey gold. Had everything been a dream? I wasn't sure. My fingers flicked through my clothes but I paid scant attention to whether they were pants or skirts. I had something else on my mind. I stalled on a pair of light green skinny jeans and grabbed them just to get the chore of dressing over with. I matched jeans with a pink, long sleeve pullover. The caption "I make big girl decisions" marched across the front of the shirt in baby blue lettering. When I finished dressing, I returned to my closet. Tucked away in the very back was a "secret". I reached in groping around until I found the trash bag wedged in the corner. Inside the bag were jeans and shirts that belonged to Tyler when he was twelve. For a while, on days I felt depressed or insecure, I would I lock myself in my room, put on my boy clothes and pretend I was John. I couldn't remember when I stopped. The thought of doing it now embarrassed me. Yet I couldn't throw them away. I was like a smoker who's given up the habit but keeps a pack of cigarettes in the nightstand just in case. I lifted out the bag and placed it on the bed. Did I really want to do this? There would be no going back once I did. My "security blanket " would be gone. In the back of my mind I could hear Walter laughing. This was exactly what he wanted--a place I was vulnerable. I thought for a moment and then-- "I make big girl decisions," I told myself. Grabbing up the bag. I hauled it down stairs before I could change my mind.. "What are you doing now?" Mom exclaimed as I passed her in the kitchen heading for the back door. "You eggs are going to get cold." "I cleaned up my room last night. I want to dump this trash before I leave for school. I'll just be a minute." I skipped out the door, closing it before my mother could ask more questions. We kept the trashcans on a little wooden platform my dad built to keep them off the ground and rusting. I marched over to where the two cans waited. Lifting their lids I found the one least full. "I'm done with this," I said. chucking in the bag of clothes. Barnes House was just visible from where I stood. I turned in its direction. "I'm fucking done with you, too," I said. The house dressed in morning shadows seemed to brood, as it considered what I said. Walking back across the yard I felt more empowered than anytime in my life. Little did I know, though I was done with the Barnes House, it wasn't done with me. An idea occurred to me on the bus ride to school. My friends and I should have a sleepover. Even though the last one had ended with the call about my dad, I'd had fun and I wanted to do it again. My room was too small to accommodate all four of us. I also didn't have my own television like Abby. I thought Shelly's house would work. We could camp out in the den with sleeping bags. I might even convince Ms, Gartman to fix a pot of grits the next morning for breakfast. By the time we reached school, I 'd worked up an excitement about the possibility of spending the night with Shelly and the gang. I bounded off the bus missed my step and tumbled into Austin's arms. I didn't intend to do it. I was speculating the best way to convince Shelly to have the sleepover at her house, when Sarge steered on to the long drive to the bus ramp. As we passed student parking I spotted Austin's bike. If he saw me he'd demand his ring. I grabbed my backpack to verify it was still there. I relaxed when my finger traced its roundness through the thin nylon. Good! If he wanted his ring I'd give it to him the same way I gave Chrissy her Deb bracelet back. Sarge stomped the brakes locking the wheels catapulting anyone unprepared into the next seat. My backpack launched itself into the back of the seat in front of me. I had to brace myself to keep from doing the same. Normally I would have waited for the bus to empty before getting off but today I couldn't. Today was Shelly's turn to do the morning announcements. If I wanted to see her before PE, (and I did ) I'd have to catch her in the next few minutes. I stood up and squeezed into the press of bodies. Being small even for a girl, I found myself sandwiched between those (everybody) taller than me, making it impossible to see anything around me. We slogged along our bodies compressed so tightly I could barely breathe. I'd decided this was a bad idea when I heard someone grumbling behind me. "What the hell's the hold up," cried a male voice. "Let's go." "You heard him," shouted another male. "Fucking move it." "Hey." Someone cried. I felt a shift like everything was off balance then someone slammed into me , propelling me into the guy in front of me. I regained my balanced and was shoved again. Now there was shouting and more pushing but at least we were moving. A space opened up and I saw the doors. Then I was there I went to step down when I was shoved from behind. My foot missed the step up and struck the pavement hard. A shock went up my leg like someone had driven a hot metal spike through it. I cried from the pain and pitched forward expecting to plant my face in the pavement. Instead a pair of arms wrapped around me halting my fall. For a moment we staggered and I thought we'd land in a tangle. Then everything stabilized. I looked up and saw Austin looking down at me. "You need to be more careful getting off of buses," he said. "Uh...thanks," I said, still dazed. "I thought I was going to face plant." "Ouch!" He winced. "That would not have been cool. Can you walk?" I took a few tentative steps. My leg throbbed a little but supported my weight. "Yeah," I said. "I think so." We looked at each other, both of us feeling awkward. "I guess I need to get inside. I said. "I have to get some things out of my locker. I can't afford to be late. Mr. Backes will put me in retract again." "What if I walk with you?" Austin asked. I hesitated. I'd expected Austin to be more hostile than this. "Sure." "Oh," I said. "You wanted this." I reached into the pocket of my backpack and cupped my hand around the ring. "Here," I said , offering it to him, nestled in my palm. "I...I should have given it back sooner. I sort of forgot I had it." He lifted it gently, almost delicately from my hand taking a moment to study its form letting it dangled by a little of the chain. His eyes looked lost and dreamy. I thought he might be thinking of the woman who once owned it--his mother. He noticed me watching. "Thanks," he said, slipping the ring in his pocket. "My dad was sort of on my case about it." "Look," he said, as we started across the fore court. "The text I sent last night. It was rude. I'm not like that. " "It's okay," I said, last night's anger burned away by this mornings events. "Besides, it was my fault. You shouldn't have had to ask for it back. I shouldn't have kept it." We continued on, past the tall planters (a gift of the graduating class of 2001 read the attached plaque) that would be filled with blooms in the spring but barren now except for a few dried twigs. Walking close to Austin made me keenly aware we were boy and girl. Being around boys made me uncomfortable. but with Austin it was different. I felt an excitement. I remembered the time my friends and I unhooked the coaster brakes on our bikes before riding down Suicide Hill. It was a crazy thing to do, but the temptation to push the envelope was too great to pass up. Being with Austin was like that. I knew things could quickly become complicated. I might find myself in over my head. But plunging into the unknown, taking one more step into something as yet undefined propelled me forward. Besides it was time to face my fears and this was one of them. When we reached the entrance to the school Austin held one of the doors open for me. I remembered my dad doing the same thing the day he gave me the charm bracelet. The gesture made me self-conscious but it made me feel special, too. As we faced each other, I sensed Austin, like me, wondered where this was going. "Well, I guess I'll see you around." He said when the silence became too much. I knew as he began to walk away it was over. Austin was ready to move on. The next time we passed we wouldn't even speak. I'd just be another face and so would he. I wasn't sure I had feelings for him. I wasn't sure I could have feeling for any boy. But I couldn't let things end like this. "Austin wait," I cried. He stopped. "I was thinking," I said feeling out the words not sure what I wanted to say. "Yeah?" "Maybe...maybe we could do something sometime. I mean... if you still want to." "Yeah. Maybe," he said. "You could call me...if you want... when you're not busy. We could talk." "I'd like that," he said. As I watched him walk away, I wondered if he would.