I take a deep breath as I pin the translucent white veil to my
elaborately-styled hair, before draping it over my immaculately made-up
face. I fidget a bit in my dress, causing the voluminous strapless
creation to rustle, especially as I adjust the low-cut sweetheart
neckline. I nervously tap my feet in my low-heeled shoes (Low-heeled as
my fianc? is only a couple of inches taller than me), before a call from
the next room tell me that it is, at long last, showtime. I grab the
bouquet of flowers from the nearby table and step out of my small annex
with a wide grin on my face.
"Here comes the bride!" Charlotte squeaks excitedly as she- and all of
my other bridesmaids- take picture after picture of me with their
phones.
"Eee!" I giggle, playfully hiding my face before posing for the
photographs.
"I think we don't need to make any adjustments at all," the dress fitter
says as she examines me. "Everything looks perfect. Even for a model,
you look after your body really well, Miss Burke!"
"Thanks!" I giggle.
"Enjoy that while it lasts, MISS BURKE!" Hannah teases me as I head into
the annex to change back into my regular clothes. "Soon it'll be Mrs
Milton..." I try not to blush as Charlotte, Mary and Viks wave their left
hands- and their gold wedding rings- at me, but excitement gets the
better of me and I giggle uncontrollably as I step out of my wedding
dress.
48 hours from now, I am officially going to become Mrs Stuart Milton. I
will be a married woman, I will tied down, I will be 'the old ball and
chain'... And, like most women in my position, I don't know whether to be
nervous, excited or just downright terrified. Of course, most women in
my position don't have the added stress of a camera crew tracking every
step of the lead-up to their wedding... And most women aren't likely to
have lived the first nineteen and a half years of their life as a man.
It's been over six years since I left 'James' in the past and embraced
life as 'Jamie-Lee'. It's been over three years since I took the
'ultimate step' and had my SRS, and during that time I've had no regrets
about my decision, especially since I've been supported all the way by
my amazing friends, my loving family and my utterly perfect fianc?.
And yet, as the clock ticks down to my nuptials, I find myself thinking
about 'James' more and more. If, in March 2011, you'd told 'James' that
'he' would be clambering in and out of a wedding dress, that 'he' would
be getting ready to marry the man of 'his' dreams, that 'he' would be a
role model for girls across the country and one of the most public faces
of Britain's LGBT community, 'he' would hardly have believed you. And
yet, here I am today, pulling on a pair of sheer black tights, a tight
leather miniskirt and a tight grey top that shows off a LOT of cleavage.
I often remind myself that this IS my real life- the life I was always
destined to lead, the best outcome I could possibly have hoped for. I AM
happy being a celebrity. I DO want to marry Stuart and live 'happily
ever after' with him. And I am far, far happier as a woman than I ever
was as a man. I've worked hard to make this life for myself... And yet I
wouldn't have any of it if not for the happy coincidence that I- as a
boy- happened to look almost identical to a rich young woman who needed
to use a body double for a few days. My whole life is 'in the right
place at the right time' taken to new extremes.
Of course, this isn't the first time I've had these thoughts- far from
it, in fact. They were particularly strong in the weeks leading up to my
SRS- for obvious reasons- but my impending wedding is bringing them back
with a vengeance- and even making me start to question whether or not I
ever wanted any of this life.
The video camera that gets pointed in my face the second I step out of
the changing room doesn't help my indecision.
These are selfish thoughts, of course- thousands, if not millions of
girls across the country (if not the world) would kill for the life I
lead. Hundreds of thousands of boys would give anything for this life.
And most importantly, the man I'm going to marry used to be a girl named
'Claire' who worked 'her' absolute hardest, and underwent even more
invasive surgeries than I did, to escape the life that I've embraced. So
I put a wide smile on my face- because I do have a LOT to smile about,
not least the gaggle of young women who greet me as I step out of the
annex and follow me out of the bridal boutique.
"You are going to be THE most beautiful bride EVER!" Alice gushes in her
thick north-eastern accent.
"Um, excuse me?" Mary retorts, pulling her deepest pout- a look that
Charlotte and Viks both quickly copy.
"...Joint most beautiful bride, then!" Alice giggles.
"Better," Charlotte says with a smug grin. "Not that you're wrong, of
course- the soon to be MRS Milton will be utterly and perfectly
GORGEOUS, hehe!"
"Are you definitely taking Stuart's name, then?" Hannah asks.
"Well it's not like 'Burke' is even really my real surname," I reply. "I
only chose it because I didn't like how 'Jamie-Lee Travis' sounded.
'Jamie-Lee Travis'- apart from sounding like an old 70s DJ, sounds- it
kinda sounds ordinary, you know?"
"Whereas 'Jamie-Lee Burke' is EXACTLY the kind of name a superstar
should have!" Hannah giggles.
"Though it should be pointed out," Viks interjects, "the only reason we
think 'Jamie-Lee Burke' is the kind of name a superstar would have... Is
because of Jamie-Lee Burke herself!"
"...Stop it," I mumble as I both blush and suppress a fit of giggles.
"No. Way," Mary says firmly. "This weekend 100% belongs to you!"
"Yeah," Abbey-Gayle says with a smug grin. "There might be ten of us,
yeah, but you're, like, the ORIGINAL Angel!"
"Stop it!" I giggle as I'm suddenly wrapped in tight hugs from all
sides. "...Okay then, DON'T stop it, hehe!" I shriek with laughter as the
other girls take their cue and wrap me in a tight group hug that I only
wriggle free of several minutes later. One thing's for certain- 'real
life' or not, these girls are all very much my real friends, and I
wouldn't trade them for anything.
After a quick (but loud and energetic) lunch, I head back home with my
BFF, where- after saying hi to my godson, of course- I head up to my
bedroom to get ready for tonight's pre-wedding activities. However, as I
set foot in my room, I'm forced to giggle excitedly when I see my fianc?
laid out on my bed, stark naked... And clearly 'ready' for some 'post-
wedding activities'.
Twenty minutes later, with my body glistening with sweat and my most
sensitive areas tingling, I slide off the bed, giggling as Stuart feebly
paws at me in an attempt to stop me from getting dressed- and there's a
very big part of me that hopes he succeeds. However, we both have places
to be and people to see, so in the end, the only reward Stuart gets for
his efforts is me throwing his underwear at his face.
"Get dressed!" I order my fianc?. "Don't want to keep my parents
waiting. And we REALLY don't want to keep YOUR parents waiting, hehe!"
"Yes, yes, I know," Stuart laughs as he slides his boxer shorts up his
legs whilst I enhance my make-up, slide on a brand-new G-string and clip
a strapless bra around my chest. "Almost can't believe it... 48 hours from
now, we'll be husband and wife. Joined together forever."
"I know, right?" I reply. "I've got to admit... When I was younger, I
never thought I'd ever be a bride."
"I never thought I'd be a groom, heh," Stuart chuckles. "Never thought
I'd get married at all, especially not after I started transitioning..."
"There's someone out there for everyone," I whisper as I withdraw a
slender, knee-length dark blue cocktail dress from my wardrobe and
slowly ease it up my lithe body. "I'm so lucky I found you."
"Trust me, I'M the lucky one," Stuart chuckled. "There's got to be a
million men in the country who'd give anything to be engaged to you."
"And a million others who want to burn me as a witch or a heathen or
something," I snort.
"Well, they don't deserve ANY woman," Stuart says. "Either that or
they're in denial. Probably serious denial. And there aren't many
superhot women who'd give a short, skinny guy with an artificial cock
the time of day."
"Their loss," I say confidently as I lean in to give Stuart a gentle
kiss. "My gain!"
"Is your aunt going to be there tonight?" Stuart asks. "I know she'll be
at the wedding..."
"She'll be there," I sigh as I pull on a pair of strappy low-heeled
shoes (mindful of Stuart complaining about his lack of height). "Not the
one who lives in Australia, obviously, but yes, Aunt Sally will be
there. Speaking of 'witches'..."
"She's not THAT bad, is she?" Stuart asks. "I mean, you've been getting
on better recently, haven't you?"
"Recently, yeah," I say. "I'm not expecting any REAL trouble, but... It's
kinda hard to forget someone calling the police on you for sending a
Facebook message to their daughter."
"That would take some forgiving, yeah," Stuart sighs, lacing up his
smart black shoes as I pick out my favourite pair of sapphire earrings
to wear to the restaurant. "My grandma... She never went THAT far.
Wouldn't have put it past her, though." I sigh sadly as I sit down next
to my fianc? and give him a tight cuddle- neither of us have had the
best of luck with our extended families.
"...You're creasing my shirt," Stuart mumbles, making both of us giggle.
"We should probably get going, don't want to be late for our own meal,
do we?"
"We could always be 'fashionably late'," I retort.
"We've just been 'fashionably late'," Stuart says, giving me a kiss and
helping me to my feet. "Though we could always be 'fashionably late'
when we get back-"
"We are NOT calling it that!" I giggle as I grab my handbag and follow
my fianc? down to the waiting Angelmobile, which whisks us (along with
Charlotte and Keith) off to the posh restaurant Stuart's parents have
reserved for tonight.
Even despite my celebrity status (which sees some paparazzi camped
outside the restaurant as Stuart and I arrive) and my ?2500 dress, I
still feel slightly out of place- and the stare the doorman gives me as
I enter the restaurant reminds me why.
"Even here," I whisper to my fianc? as I try to keep a smile on my face.
"Between us we've been transitioning for seventeen years. Seventeen
years!"
"Take a deep breath," Stuart whispers, giving my hand a supportive
squeeze. "There'll be small-minded people all over the place, even after
we've been transitioning for SEVENTY years. There's nothing we can do
about them. But there's nothing they can do about us. Especially when
they're going to spend all night serving us!"
"You're right," I say, the smile returning to my face.
My smile widens as the four of us arrive at our vast table, where mine &
Stuart's parents are already sat, along with Stuart's sisters and their
partners, Mikey (Stuart's best man) and his fianc?e Krystie, my aunt
Sally and her two daughters Nina and Annalise- the latter of whom is
clearly awestruck to be in the presence of so many celebrities when she
herself is only fifteen years old.
"Hello, Jamie!" Dad says with a grin, before his grin grows even wider
as he greets his future son-in-law with a firm handshake. "Hello Stuart!
Hope the traffic wasn't too bad?"
"Same as usual," Stuart shrugs. "More traffic getting from the car into
the restaurant, heh." I force a smile on my face as, once again, dad
treats Stuart like he's more a member of the family than I am.
"Hi everyone!" I say with as happy a squeak as I can manage as Stuart
and I are seated at the head of the table. "Just two days to go now!"
"Not that you're getting nervous, or anything?" Dad asks, making me roll
my eyes.
"Mark!" My mother admonishes as dad chuckles even louder.
"...Maybe a little nervous," I confess with a giggle.
"What bride wouldn't be?" Mum asks. "I know I was before my wedding."
"Even though you were marrying me?" Dad asks, almost making me choke on
my wine.
"Let's not go THERE," I interrupt, making the whole table chuckle.
"It's okay," dad says softly. "I know I was more than a little nervous
myself. Heh, I'm even nervous about THIS wedding. Getting to walk my
daughter down the aisle... Something I never thought I'd get to do until a
few years ago." An awkward silence falls over the table as everyone is
reminded of my 'status', and I try my hardest to think of a way to break
the silence.
"I-" I begin, before being immediately interrupted.
"It really is a privilege," Raymond- Stuart's father- says with a proud
smile.
"...You're not walking the groom down the aisle, dad," Stuart says,
earning snorts of laughter from our two fathers but looks of extreme
discomfort from everyone else- even Annalise, who is looking less and
less star struck and more and more like she would rather be anywhere
else right now.
"No, that's my job," Mikey says, thankfully lightening the mood at the
table. "Can give you a piggyback if you want."
"If you want me ripping your ponytail off, sure," Stuart retorts.
"...I was thinking of going 'loose' for the wedding," Mikey says, making
my eyes go wide.
"What!?" Charlotte, Krystie and I simultaneously yell- prompting the
three of us to burst into fits of giggles.
"Don't make me laugh, for god's sake!" Krystie giggles. "I've got a
pirouetting baby in here who keeps kicking all of my internal organs!"
"Another girl," Charlotte sighs dreamily.
"Like there was ever any doubt," Krystie giggles. "What with all the
girl rays..."
"Oh- am I EVER going to be allowed to forget that?" Riley- Krystie's
brother and Stuart's sister's fianc?- complains.
"I would have thought the answer to that was obvious," Krystie says
smugly, prompting yet more giggles.
"Hey, Nina," I say, attracting the attention of my 19 year old cousin.
"How was your first year at Oxford?"
"It was great!" Nina giggles. "SERIOUSLY hard work, though."
"Glad to hear it, considering how much it cost!" Aunt Sally laughs.
"Jamie, didn't you graduate last year? It was the Open University,
wasn't it?"
"Umm, yeah," I say, making a conscious effort not to take Aunt Sally's
comment as a dig at my academic career. "Putting it to good use too, I'm
in the office at least twice a week, helping Jonathan run things..."
"So... Are you his secretary?" Aunt Sally asks- and even she grimaces at
the awkward silence she causes.
"More like 'deputy manager'," I mumble.
"Not that either of you will be doing any work for the next couple of
weeks, though!" Dad chuckles. "Mr and Mrs Honeymooner..."
"Heh, we wish," Stuart sighs. "Work commitments... We've got two weeks
away booked in July, though."
"Anywhere nice?" Aunt Sally asks. "Your friend Mary went to Dubai,
didn't she?"
"Umm, yeah," I reply. "Obviously, though, umm..."
"...Not really an option for us," Stuart mumbles. "In fact there weren't
really a lot of, umm, 'options'..."
"And that's putting it mildly," I sigh. "We wanted somewhere hot, so it
had to be the northern hemisphere- which is a pity, as we'd have loved
to go to Australia again."
"Most African countries were out, as was the Middle East, for obvious
reasons," Stuart says. "Thailand was a little- a little, you know,
'close to the bone'..."
"America was the obvious choice," I continue, "but Stuart vetoed that,
at least whilst orange man is in charge."
"It's his sidekick who irritates me more," Stuart says. "Anyone who
advocates quote-unquote conversion 'therapy' has no business determining
how other people live their lives."
"So, our only real option was Europe," I sigh. "We're going to the South
of France, maybe as far as Genoa... Stuart's always wanted to go to Monte
Carlo."
"Making it all the more annoying that we're not going this month,"
Stuart chuckles.
"That still sounds lovely," Stuart's mother says. "You'll see the
sights, get a nice tan..."
"It IS nice," Krystie says. "Pun intended- my, umm, my business
partner's from Nice, she's invited me down to stay at her parents' house
a couple of times..."
"It'll be the turn of you two next," Aunt Sally says to my pregnant
friend and her long-haired fianc?. "Have you got anywhere nice picked
out?"
"Umm..." Krystie grimaces, conscious that she's suddenly stealing our
'spotlight'. "Well, umm, we're getting married in November, but we'll
have the little one by then, so..."
"Ah, so you'll have a different type of 'restriction'," Aunt Sally says,
making my blood start to boil. There's a part of me that actually wishes
that she's just be openly discriminatory toward myself and Stuart,
rather than this passive-aggressive behaviour.
"Two of our other friends are getting married before Krystie and Mikey,
anyway," I blurt. "Nikki, who's a T-girl like me, is marrying her
fianc?e Sarah next month." I allow myself a smug grin as Aunt Sally
visibly deflates. "It's SO great that they have the FREEDOM to do this,
to live their lives the way they want and marry who they want."
"Definitely!" Nina says. "A friend of mine at uni has a sister who just
married another woman. I saw the pictures- the wedding was SO gorgeous.
Though, um, obviously yours will be even better!"
"Thanks," I say with an exasperated chuckle, smiling as I feel Stuart's
strong hand grip mine supportively.
"It's going to be a long night," Stuart whispers to me, prompting yet
another exasperated chuckle.
Stuart's prediction was, of course, correct, and by the time the meal
ended, I am so exhausted that I can barely stand up. I breathe a long,
loud sigh of relief as I plop down next to my fianc? on the back seat of
the Angelmobile, whilst Charlotte and her husband sit down opposite.
"Thank GOD that's over," I moan. "My bloody aunt..."
"I thought you two were getting on well now?" Keith asks.
"Compared to where we were, that WAS us getting on well," I chuckle.
"She's not openly insulting us, but it's obvious that she doesn't
approve..."
"And sadly, with some people, that's the best we can hope for," Stuart
sighs. "God knows, if my grandmother was there tonight..."
"Did you even bother inviting her to the wedding?" Charlotte asks.
"We did, yeah," Stuart sighs. "Didn't hear anything back... Half-tempted
to underline the 'mister' and 'miss' part of the 'you are cordially
invited to Mr Stuart Milton and Miss Jamie-Lee Burke's wedding' but felt
that might have been rubbing it in a bit, heh."
"Some people need it rubbed in," Keith whispers.
"You know," I mumble, "outside of family, neither of us are inviting
anyone who knew either 'James' or 'Claire'. Well, apart from you and
Ellen, obviously."
"I thought that 'James' didn't have that many friends?" Keith asks,
earning a stern stare from his wife.
"No, you're right, 'he' didn't," I sigh.
"Nor did 'Claire', really," Stuart chuckles. "Call me soft but anybody
who says that 'Claire' is who I 'really' am oughta look at my life now.
You guys are much better friends than any I ever had at school- much
more 'real' friends anyway."
"Nah, you're not soft," Keith sighs. "I hardly speak to anyone from
school. Or anyone outside work or, you know, the extended Angel family."
"...I left school when I was fourteen," Charlotte shrugs. "Can barely
remember anyone I went with."
"Think it might be more a 'growing up' thing than a 'transgendered'
thing," Stuart muses. "A bit like getting married, if you think about
it."
"Yeah," I whisper as I relax into my fianc?'s arms.
"Another 'grown up' thing is, of course, the stag night..." Keith says
with a wicked grin, making both Charlotte and myself roll our eyes.
"Get him back in one piece or you're going to find yourself in pieces,"
I caution the tall man, who throws his hands up in mock offence.
"Hey, Mikey's the best man, threaten him!" Keith protests.
"Trust me, I have," I say with a giggle.
"And besides," Keith continues, "I'd have thought Stuart would be more
concerned about what Charlie's going to do to you on your hen night..."
"Excuse me!" Charlotte says with even more mock offence than her husband
had just shown. "I'll have you know that our hen night will be a
sophisticated and civilised affair, and not the type of drunken
debauchery you two idiots will get up to!"
"...Really?" I ask, trying not to giggle as Charlotte winks at me.
24 hours later, I discover that the answer to my question is a very
definite 'no' as I find myself dressed in a very skimpy 'Angel' costume
(of course), which includes a net miniskirt, fishnet stockings, a tight
corset, a pair of extra-high stiletto heels and, naturally, a large pair
of wings, a halo, and a sapphire blue sash that bears the phrase 'bride
to be'. I'm surrounded by all my friends- all of whom are also dressed
as 'slutty angels'- several gallons of alcohol (a lot of which has
already found its way into my tummy), and, best of all, several tall,
muscle-bound men who started the evening in various different costumes
but are now gyrating around wearing little more than thongs as all the
women- single or otherwise- watch with great interest. And I must admit-
I'm more than a little 'interested' myself!
Everything about the party is damned near perfect- just how I always
imagined my hen night to be- well, from the point where me having a hen
night became a possibility, anyway. It took some negotiating to get the
nightclub to agree to put on a private party, but a few 'encouraging'
words from Jonathan (and the promise that we Angels would return here
several times in the future for publicity purposes) soon changed the
owners' mind. I wonder if Jonathan would be so proud of his negotiating
skills if he saw the way his wife was dancing with one of the strippers,
though!
Naturally, I've also done more than my fair share of dancing, too- as
well as posed for hundreds of photographs with all my guests and had a
couple of turns gyrating around the poles the club installed especially
for the night! A part of me wonders what Stuart would think if he saw
what his future wife was getting up to- and a part of me is wondering
what he himself is getting up to on his stag night.
There's even a tiny, tiny part of me that wishes I was with Stuart on
his stag night...
"LOVE this party!" Kelly giggles as she staggers up to me, uneasy on her
feet due to a combination of alcohol and the fact that her SRS was just
two months ago.
"Glad you approve!" I giggle. "Are you sure you should even be here,
though? I remember two months after my SRS, I was-"
"I am NOT letting a little thing like my vagina still being a bit sore
get in the way of my first proper Angel hen night!" Kelly says with a
loud whoop. "It was bad enough I had to sit out the pool party this
morning..."
"Woooo!" A clearly very drunk Nikki cheers as she stumbles over to us on
her extra-high heels. "Bride to be! Bride to be!"
"Jeez, Nikki, how much have you had?" I ask as the twenty year old leans
on me and Kelly to keep herself upright.
"Just a few," Nikki slurs, before hiccupping and bursting into a fit of
giggles.
"Just a LOT," I sigh. "Come on, sit down and enjoy the show..."
"I don't want a penis," Nikki moans as she tries to avoid staring at the
stripper's enormous bulge. "Where's Sarah...?"
"I'll go and get her," Kelly says softly as I sit down and try to keep
my prot?g? from passing out.
"God, Nikki," I sigh as the young woman starts to look more and more
unwell. "God knows what you'll be like on YOUR hen night, hehe!"
"I am sober," Nikki moans, though her body language clearly says
otherwise.
"No, you're not," I giggle. "Though I am planning on getting HAMMERED on
your hen night. Then YOU can prop ME up, hehe!"
"...Sorry if I'm too drunk," Nikki mumbles.
"Oh- you're twenty, for Christ's sake," I say. "You get as drunk as you
want!" As I speak, though, Nikki's cheeks start to bulge and her
forehead suddenly sports a fine sheen of sweat. "...Though I think you've
had enough now. Come on!" I hastily rise from my seat- feeling pretty
unsteady myself thanks to my own heels and alcohol consumption- and drag
the ailing Nikki to the ladies' toilets, where she throws up into one of
the bowls in a VERY unladylike manner.
"Hey," Kelly says, startling me and making me jump. "...Sorry."
"'S'okay," I shrug. "Did you find Sarah?" As if on cue, a loud retching
sound from the cubicle next to Nikki's.
"...Found her," Kelly shrugs. "I've told Krystie to call a taxi for them,
she'll be in here to take over 'mom' duties in a bit."
"She needs the practice," I say, making my oriental friend giggle as
Nikki and Sarah simultaneously throw up again. "Poor kids..."
"...They brought it on themselves," Kelly giggles. "Think it's kinda cute,
though, we went near one of the strippers on the way in here and Sarah
was desperately trying not to look at, you know, 'it', like, she was
trying to keep herself 'clean' for Nikki..."
"Nikki did the same thing," I giggle. "You know, they've been together
since secondary school? Think they met in year 10, she helped Nikki to
come out, helped her to transition..."
"Aww, that is SO cute," Kelly coos as we touch up our make-up in the
mirrors, accompanied by the sound of our friends' stomachs emptying.
"So, reckon their hen night will be a big school reunion-type deal?"
"I dunno," I say. "Nikki doesn't talk about her school days much.
Neither does Sarah, actually." Like someone else not far from here, I
think to myself. I wonder if Nikki's ever have the same thoughts that
I've been having lately...
"Can't say I blame them," Kelly shrugs. "I went to a really posh school,
I don't keep in touch with anyone there, not even on Facebook. Half of
them have probably never even heard of Facebook, hehe!"
"This may sound selfish," I say with a grimace, "but there's a part of
me that's actually glad you said that. I mean, like, it's my hen night,
but the oldest friend out there is Charlotte and I've only known her,
like, six years?"
"Glad to be of service," Kelly giggled, before leading me back out into
the nightclub, where I pushed my nerves and anxieties to the back of my
mind and smiled for the many cameras that had been sent along to
document the night, not just those belonging to our production crew but
those in our friends' phones too. I laugh and I smile as I drink and
party the night away (including, at one point, getting up on stage to
dance with one of the strippers again), trying desperately to forget
about my anxieties and nerves about tomorrow- not to mention all the
days after tomorrow...
I grunt and try to shake the tiredness out of my head as my alarm wakes
me up. After letting out a loud yawn, I stretch my tired muscles, but
instantly, I'm struck by the feeling that something is wrong. The first
thing I'm aware of is the smell- like a cross between men's deodorant
and stale sweat... And flatulence. Lots and lots of flatulence. And the
feel of dry, scratchy hair against my rough cotton pillow, and on my
face...
"What the hell!?" I exclaim as I wake up and look around the unfamiliar
room- undoubtedly a boy's room, filled with posters of cars, and clothes
thrown into a messy pile in the corner. I reach out a hand to find my
beside table, only to be greeted by a shock- my arm is covered in fine,
wispy hairs, and my expensive burgundy-coloured manicure is gone, my
unpolished nails now looking like they've been gnawed to bits by a dog!
"No, no, no," I whisper as I get to my feet and stare at myself in the
mirror. There, looking back at me, is a short, skinny young man, with a
flat chest, hair on his legs, and most disturbingly of all, a penis
hanging down between his legs.
"James?" A woman's voice calls from downstairs. "Are you up yet? It's a
big day today. James? James?" I try not to panic as I feel myself
uncontrollably shake with fear. Everything I've worked for, everything
I've accomplished over the last six years, all the people I've met, all
my friends, my fianc?, my soul mate... None of it was real...
"Jamie?" A soft, familiar voice whispers. "Jamie? Come on Jamie, wake
up!" I open my eyes with a gasp to find myself staring into the eyes of...
Myself. It actually takes my foggy, aching brain several seconds to
realise that the face I'm looking at is that of my BFF- and that the
last six years WERE, thankfully, real. Charlotte, my friends, my fianc?-
my fianc?!
"What- what time is it?" I gasp as I strip off my covers, breathing a
sigh of relief at the sight of my two soft, perky breasts and the top of
my labia poking out from between my legs.
"Time you were getting up, MISS bride to be!" Charlotte- my maid of
honour- giggles. "Any time you want to stop being naked is also fine
with me."
"Sorry," I mumble, covering my body with a sheet as Charlotte leads me
to my shower.
"Your parents are already downstairs, so are the rest of the bridal
party," Charlotte says. "Even those who overdid it last night!"
"I know the feeling," I moan, letting the hot water of my shower wash
away my throbbing hangover.
"I'll do your hair and make-up once you're dried," Charlotte announces.
"Been practising for this for WEEKS, hehe!"
"I'll try not to disappoint!" I reply.
"Oh trust me," Charlotte giggles. "Your hair is SO amazing, so gorgeous
and thick, it NEVER disappoints!"
"Hehe!" I reply as I'm once again gripped by nerves. Despite the doubts
put into my head over the last few days, not least by last night's
dream- no, last night's nightmare- I know for certain that my life is
100% real. Regardless of how I was born, I am a beautiful, successful
young woman... And today, I'm going to marry the man of my dreams. Today
is my wedding day... And that fact is almost as terrifying as my
nightmare.
By the time I leave the shower, with a towel wrapped around my chest and
another wrapped around my hair, I'm practically hyperventilating, but
fortunately, Charlotte is on hand to take charge- just as she did six
years ago, when I was only just learning how to be 'Jamie'.
"Sit down, shut up, and let your maid of honour do all the hard work!"
Charlotte teases, throwing me my bridal lingerie- a strapless bra, a
tight white thong, a garter belt and transparent white stockings- which
I don before sitting down at my dressing table and letting my BFF work
her magic.
"Still can't believe this is actually happening," I whisper as my make-
up is applied to a near-professional level. "And I don't just mean that
I'm getting married, I mean all of this- all of 'Jamie-Lee's life.
Sometimes it feels like a dream..."
"Well the good news," Charlotte giggles, "is that you DON'T have to wake
up, hehe! But I do know what you mean... Sometimes I wonder where I'd be
if it wasn't for you."
"Still rich and famous, probably," I say, making Charlotte snort with
laughter.
"Maybe," my BFF shrugs. "But I probably wouldn't be a mother. Almost
certainly wouldn't be a wife, or have Keith in my life... And I DEFINITELY
wouldn't have all the amazing friends I have!" Charlotte's words
resonate with me as I realise that, like me, she barely keeps in touch
with anyone from her childhood. In fact, as both of her parents have
passed away, she doesn't have any link to her old life...
"I bet your life would be closer to the life you live now than mine
would be if I hadn't met you," I say, making Charlotte giggle.
"Probably, hehe!" My BFF chuckles as she moves onto my hair, styling it
into a more elaborate updo than I have ever previously worn.
"I would probably still have a penis, for starters," I muse, making
Charlotte pause.
"Well," Charlotte sighs. "It's a good job we did meet then, isn't it?"
"DEFINITELY," I giggle.
"And for the record, I reckon you wouldn't still have a penis,"
Charlotte says.
"...Really?" I ask.
"Really," my BFF replies. "Is the fact that I'm sat here fixing your
hair and make-up not a clue that you were always a girl, deep down
inside?"
"I guess," I shrug. "I just- I just wish I'd figured it out for myself
earlier, that's all."
"You're not the only person who wishes that," a familiar voice announces
from my doorway.
"Mum," I whisper, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.
"Don't cry, for god's sake!" Mum admonishes. "Don't want to ruin your
make-up, not today of all days..." I giggle excitedly as my mother joins
my BFF in fussing with my hair.
"Is everyone else here?" I ask.
"Yes, everyone's here!" Mum says with a loud sigh. "Stop panicking!
Today will be the magical, beautiful, perfect day that you want. That
you DESERVE. By the end of the day, you WILL be MRS Jamie-Lee Milton!"
Despite my mum's admonishment, I still need to wipe a tear away from my
eye- not least because I can tell from her voice that my mum is crying
too!
"Get your robe on," Charlotte orders after touching up my nail polish.
"We'll get you a little breakfast, then get in your dress. Sorry- our
dresses, hehe!"
"Assuming you can eat anything," mum teases. "And I don't just mean
because of your nerves, I can smell your breath from here, young lady!"
"...Sorry," I mumble as I pull on a short satin dressing gown and follow
my mum and my BFF down to the kitchen, where all of my other
bridesmaids- Mary, Hannah, Viks, Kelly and Nikki- are waiting, along
with numerous other friends.
"Here comes the bride!" Hannah squeaks as the bridesmaids all jump up
and wrap me in a tight group hug.
"Mind her hair, for god's sake!" Charlotte hisses, breaking up the
'scrum'.
"Did I hear someone say 'here comes a bride'?" A very familiar male
voice asks, and once again, I'm forced to blink back tears as my father
gives me a long, loving hug- the kind I never received when I was a
child, and for a very long time, thought I would never ever receive.
"Here comes the breakfast!" Viks announces, sitting me down and pushing
a very small bowl of cereal under my nose- but even this will be a
struggle to swallow.
"Here comes the brew!" Alice- who isn't a bridesmaid but is part of the
'extended bridal party'- giggles as she shoves a mug of hot, sweet tea
under my nose.
"Are you going to say 'here comes the' before EVERYTHING today?" I moan
as I try to choke down my tiny breakfast.
"Ooh," everyone retorts, making my cheeks redden.
"Here comes the blush!" Mary giggles, only furthering my embarrassment.
"Shut up," I mumble.
"Here comes the bread!" Nikki laughs as she places a full toast rack on
the table in front of me.
"Oh- you!" I say to my twenty year old prot?g?. "You are SO getting
tortured on your wedding morning! I'm surprised you're even conscious,
the amount you drank last night..." I feel a half-smug, half-guilty
feeling start to replace my nerves as Nikki begins blushing, clearly
remembering her 'behaviour' last night.
"...Sorry," Nikki mumbles as she delicately nibbles at a piece of toast.
"Aww," I sigh, giving the young woman a gentle hug. "You know I love you
really..."
"Yeah, I know," Nikki giggles. "And besides, I do kinda owe you. I mean,
you ARE going first, you know?"
"What do you mean, 'going first'?" I ask.
"Well," Nikki explains, "we'll have a target to aim for for our wedding
next month, hehe!"
"Oh, don't worry about that," Mary laughs. "Your wedding will be one of
a kind as it is. And we all know why- no BOYS!"
"Speaking of," dad says quietly, "I, um, heard from Stuart's father just
a minute ago. They're ahead of schedule, they'll be here in a bit."
"What!?" Charlotte screeches, startling my father. "We- we're hardly
ready! The caterers aren't here yet, they haven't finished setting up
outside..."
"Calm down, Charlotte!" My mother says with a laugh. "We'll make sure
everything's ready in time, won't we, Mark?"
"Of course," dad says with a proud grin, before turning to Charlotte.
"You focus on the MOST important part of the wedding!" I blush yet again
as dad gives me a firm pat on the shoulder, before letting Charlotte
lead me- and the rest of my bridesmaids- back to my bedroom to finish
getting me ready for the day ahead.
"Okay," I say, taking several deep breaths as I'm sat at my dresser and
my make-up is touched up once again. "I am properly SHITTING myself
now."
"Welcome to life as a bride," Mary chuckles as the rack of mauve
bridesmaids' dresses is brought into the room and the other women all
begin stripping off. "Enjoy it while it lasts, Jamie- fingers crossed,
this will be the only wedding that you ever have."
"Text from Sarah," Nikki announces as she holds her strapless dress
against her body. "She's on her way with her mother."
"It was so cool of Beverly to agree to perform the ceremony," Kelly-
who, like my fianc? and myself, has been helped with her transition by
Sarah's mother- sighs.
"Well, technically, Stuart and I would never have met if it wasn't for
her," I say with a smile. "So it seemed only appropriate somehow. And
neither of us are really 'churchy'... Not like any church would've agreed
to marry us anyway, heh."
"Oh, I dunno," Viks muses as Hannah zips her into her dress. "It IS a
heterosexual wedding, regardless of how you look at it, right? I mean,
one man, one woman?"
"...I get where you're coming from, I really do," I say with a sympathetic
smile. "But you know why your average church would turn their noses up
at us." I giggle excitedly as my pristine white dress is removed from
its protective cover and held out for me to step into. "Most churches
wouldn't approve of me wearing this, for starters!" My hands start to
shake and my legs tremble as I'm zipped into the dress and the
transparent veil is pinned to my elaborate hair.
"Their loss," Charlotte says, actually sniffing back a tear of her own.
"As you are THE most beautiful bride of all time!" I giggle nervously as
I slip my feet into the expensive white shoes that have been set out for
me, before taking the bouquet of flowers from Nikki's hands.
"I- I think I'm ready," I say with a gasp as I start to hyperventilate.
"Okay, okay, sit down, sit down," Viks says, suddenly taking charge and
leading me to the edge of my bed, where I gingerly sit down in my
voluminous dress. "Nikki, go and get Jamie's parents, Charlotte, get a
glass of water. Jamie- look at me. It's okay to be nervous. Believe me:
I've been there. So have Mary and Charlotte, and I'll bet good money
that everyone else in this room will feel the exact same thing on their
wedding day too."
"Uh- uh-huh," I mumble, my entire body trembling with nerves.
"Though I'll admit, not every bride is quite as 'public' as we are,
hehe!" Viks giggles, making me smile despite my nerves. "Especially not
you, for the reasons that everyone knows. And yes, there'll be some
detractors. Hell, I got some after my wedding, simply because I married
a black guy. The opinions of anyone who criticises either of us for our
weddings aren't worth shit."
"I know," I whisper.
"So here's what'll happen," Viks says confidently. "You're going to go
downstairs. You're going to say your vows. You're going to eat some
cake, upload photos to Instagram that will get hundreds of thousands of
likes, and spend the night in the arms of the man of your dreams." Not
last night's dream, I self-pityingly think to myself.
"Jamie..." Mum whispers, blinking back tears before rushing over to give
me a hug- a hug I eagerly reciprocate. "You look beautiful. Truly, truly
beautiful."
"And nervous as hell," Viks whispers, making mum sigh as she takes off
her hat and sits down next to me.
"We'll give you some privacy," Hannah says, leaving me alone in my
bedroom with my mother.
"...Even the great Jamie-Lee Burke gets pre-wedding jitters, eh?" Mum
teases, making me smile.
"Hardly 'great'," I snort.
"Your millions- literally millions- of fans would probably disagree with
you there," mum chuckles.
"There are millions more who'd hate me just for wearing this dress," I
mumble.
"NO!" Mum says firmly, startling me. "No thoughts like that, especially
not on your wedding day! No matter how you were born, you ARE a
beautiful young woman- a beautiful BRIDE. I think so, your friends think
so, your fans think so, and most importantly of all, your future husband
thinks so."
"I know," I moan. "It's just- it's just that sometimes, you know, I- I
feel kinda... Kinda like a fraud."
"I don't see why," mum says. "You've wanted this your whole life,
haven't you?"
"That's just it," I sigh. "I- I haven't. Before 2011, I- I'd never even
thought about wearing women's clothes before, much less actually
becoming a fully-fledged woman."
"But- but what you said-" Mum stammers.
"Just a story," I whisper, my cheeks burning with shame. "It was
Charlotte, she- she- umm, you know, kinda, like, how we look similar to
each other?"
"I've never seen that, but go on," mum says, making me giggle.
"She, um, she approached me," I say, figuring that mum doesn't need to
know the WHOLE truth. "To kinda, like, fill in for her, for, um, work
purposes when she was ill... The life she showed me, it- it was so much
better than what I had that I just couldn't turn my back on it."
"...Sounds to me like deep down, this is what you always wanted all
along," mum says, giving my hand a supportive squeeze.
"That's what I tell myself," I whisper.
"Maybe that's because it's true," mum says. "You were never happy as a
child. Maybe that's because you were bullied at school, or because your
father and I could've been better parents-"
"Oh- don't blame yourself," I interrupt.
"No, we know, we really do know that we could've done better," mum
sighs. "Even if it was just giving you a brother or a sister. Not that
you could possibly have been closer than you are with the amazing family
you have now!"
"...Maybe Charlotte and I ARE twins after all, heh," I say, making mum
giggle.
"You're definitely sisters," mum says. "And you are definitely Jamie-Lee
Burke, not 'James Travis'. For starters, I feel that I know Jamie-Lee a
lot better than I ever knew 'James'. Maybe that's because 'James' was
never real."
"Maybe," I say.
"All I know is that 'Jamie-Lee' leads a much better life than 'James'
ever could have," mum says. "You have friends who love you, a family who
loves you, and most importantly of all, a man who worships the ground
you walk on. And that's the most important thing for today. Do you love
Stuart?"
"...With all my heart," I whisper, wiping a tear away from my eye.
"Then go and marry him," mum says, putting her hat back on and letting
my bridesmaids back into the room, along with my father, who also blinks
back tears when he sees me in my dress.
"Wow," dad gasps as he sees me in my dress.
"I bet you never thought you'd be doing this twenty-five years ago!" I
giggle.
"Maybe not," dad confesses. "But whatever I've felt in the past,
whatever I've said... I'm glad I am doing this today. Everyone's ready
downstairs, Jamie. Stuart and his best man are here. We're just waiting
on you. Are- are you ready?"
"...Let's get married," I whisper, making all of my bridesmaids cheer.
"Still got that glass of water if you want it," Nikki whispers, offering
me the drink that I take a hearty sip from.
"Thanks," I say, before giving the twenty year old woman a long, loving
hug. "And thank you for- for being you. For being the best little sister
anyone could hope for!"
"Aww..." Nikki sobs, sniffing back a tear of her own.
"And thank you," I say, exchanging a hug with Kelly, "for reminding me
that there's nothing more important that friends and family."
"Oh my god," the black-haired woman sniffles as she returns my hug.
"Thank you," I whisper to Viks as I give her her hug, "for always being
the voice of reason I REALLY needed, hehe!"
"Always," Viks whispers, her voice full of emotion.
"Thank you," I say as I exchange a hug with Hannah, "for always bringing
me down to Earth when I need it!"
"Hehe!" Hannah excitedly giggles as she gives me a tight squeeze.
"Thank you," I whisper to Mary as I give her her hug, "for being my
family- all four of you!"
"I'll be sure to pass it on to Dan, Kristina-Leigh and Natasha!" Mary
says with a giggle.
"Got one for me?" Krystie- who, with her swollen belly, is wearing a
smart suit rather than a bridesmaid's dress- says, making me laugh and
blink back yet more tears.
"Of course!" I laugh, giving the tall woman a gentle hug. "Thank you for
always being there for me- for everyone, in fact. If anyone's most
suited to motherhood, it's you."
"Aww," Krystie sighs. "...You'd better get down there quick, think Stuart
might be about to wet himself..."
"Sure, you give that fianc? of yours a kick for sending a pregnant woman
upstairs to pass on a message!" Mary says, making her BFF giggle.
"Don't make me laugh, I'LL wet myself!" Krystie laughs. "But we ARE a
little behind time, people are getting anxious..."
"We'll be right there," I say. "But first..." I have a wide smile on my
face as I approach my maid of honour, before wrapping her in the
longest, tightest hug I've given throughout the whole of today. "Thank
you for everything. Literally every single positive in my life is all
thanks to you. I love you, Charlotte."
"I love you, Jamie," Charlotte whispers, returning my hug. "But I'm not
the one you're going to marry. We don't want to keep him waiting, do
we?"
"...We've both waited long enough," I whisper, gently holding onto dad's
arm and leading my bridesmaids around the side of the vast house.
I have to suppress a gasp when I see the back garden- or rather, what
used to be the back garden- for the first time. The workers Charlotte
drafted in to decorate the garden for the wedding have done an AMAZING
job. Everywhere seems to be decorated with intertwined pink & blue
streamers- even the backs of the chairs on which the guests are sat. A
temporary fountain has been installed, the bowl of which is filled with
rose petals. In front of the fountain is a beautiful wooden arch, which
has roses threaded throughout, and in front of the arch is Beverly, in
her smart suit... And my fianc? and his best man.
"Come on, sweetie," Dan says as he leads his & Mary's older daughter
toward me in her tiny dress, before handing her a tiny basket filled
with rose petals. "You know what you're doing right? Just like we
practised at home." I smile and let out a happy sigh as Kristina-Leigh
nods, before throwing a handful of the petals on the ground where we
are, making everyone giggle.
"Mummy will be just behind you," Dan whispers, giving his daughter a
kiss on her forehead before standing up and looking at me. "You ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," I say with a nervous chuckle as Dan returns to
his seat and nods toward Becca, who is sat behind a brilliant white
grand piano.
Seconds later, the familiar strains of the Bridal Chorus fill the
garden and all the guests rise from their seats, turning to face me as I
slowly walk down the aisle over the petals scattered by my goddaughter.
Each step causes my nerves to grow bigger and bigger, until the point
where I'm practically hyperventilating again... And then I look up, and my
eyes meet those of my fianc?, and all of a sudden, everything feels
right. This IS who I was meant to be. Stuart IS the man I'm meant to be
with. There is nowhere I would rather be right now, than in this place,
surrounded by all my family and friends, ready to marry the man I adore.
"We're doing this, then!" I whisper with a giggle as I reach the arch,
and dad gently places my hand into that of my fianc?.
"Yep!" Stuart whispers, clearly as terrified as I am right now.
"Dearly beloved," Dr Phillips announces, causing my knees to quiver. "We
are gathered here today to witness the joining in matrimony of this man
and this woman. Stuart, Jamie, I have known you both for many years now.
I have been your counsellor, and I always will be your friend, and it is
a privilege to be the one to finally join you together in marriage. You
are both young, but you are both intelligent, mature and responsible
people, and I know that you will not enter into this lightly- because I
know that you both truly love and care for each other." I smile as the
audience lets out a collective 'aww'- along with the sound of a lot of
tears being sniffed back.
"The couple have prepared their own vows," Beverly says, causing my
heart to beat faster again as I try to remember the words I've rehearsed
so many times over the past few weeks.
"Jamie," Stuart says in a voice barely louder than a whisper. "I didn't
know it at the time, but the day I met you was the happiest day of my
life. And on every day after that, I just felt happier and happier to
know you, and to love you. When I was younger, I knew that I was
'incomplete'. I thought I knew what I needed to make my life better... But
you are the only thing that makes my life perfect. I love you, Jamie-Lee
Burke, more than I ever loved anyone or anything, and I promise that for
as long as I live, you will be the other half of my soul." Despite my
best efforts, tears trickle down my cheek as Stuart declares his love
for me in front of our family and friends, and it takes me several
seconds and several deep breaths to compose myself before reciting my
vows.
"Stuart," I say, my voice hoarse with emotion. "Ever since I met you, my
life has got better and better. Never in my wildest dreams would I have
imagined I'd be lucky enough to share my life with a man as smart, as
sensitive... And as beautiful as you. It is a privilege to know you, and
an honour to love you. There is no force in the universe stronger than
our love, and I promise that for as long as I live, you will be the
other half of my soul." A small giggle leaves my lips as I see Stuart
desperately try to wipe a tear away from his eye without everyone
seeing- but as virtually everyone else in attendance is tearing up too,
he needn't have bothered!
"Repeat after me," Beverly says softly. "With this ring, I thee wed."
"With this ring, I thee wed," my fianc? says, repeating the words of our
counsellor and slipping a delicate gold band onto the ring finger on my
left hand.
"With this ring, I thee wed," I whisper, repeating Beverly's words
whilst sliding a simple gold ring onto Stuart's finger.
"By the power vested in me by the Universal Life Church," Beverly
announces as my legs turn to jelly and tears flow freely from my eyes,
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. ...Yes, you may kiss." I giggle
loudly and wrap my arms around the neck of my new husband, giving him a
long, loving kiss as the entire crowd applaud and cheer.
"We really did it, then!" Stuart laughs.
"We did," I say in a near-gasp, before giggling as the familiar strains
of the Wedding March begin playing on Becca's piano. Moments later, with
streamers and confetti bombarding us on both sides, Stuart and I walk
back down the aisle hand-in-hand as husband and wife.
A few minutes later, I find myself sat at a very elaborate desk that has
been erected to the side of the garden, on which is the most technically
important part of the day- our marriage certificate. Beverly signs it
first, followed by our two witnesses, Joshua (who had to be involved in
the day somehow) and our friend Jacinta. Stuart signs his name next, and
finally, it's my turn. As I pick up the pen, I briefly pause. I'd only
chosen the name 'Jamie-Lee Burke' as a crude feminisation of my birth
name and 'Burke' came from a hasty glance at a rack of music CDs. It
never truly felt like 'my' name, and yet, over the last six years, it
became more of a real name than 'James Travis' ever was... But now, I have
a truly real 'real' name. I smile as I sign the name 'Jamie-Lee Milton',
my smile widening as Stuart sees the name and gives my bare shoulder a
gentle, loving squeeze.
Next comes the usual avalanche of photographs featuring seemingly every
combination of every guest at the wedding, but with me and/or Stuart at
the centre of each one, obviously. Once the photographs have been taken,
Stuart and I are helped up onto a table (which is, thankfully, sturdy
enough to bear both of our weight), where I turn my back to the crowd
whilst all the single women gather behind me.
"Ready?" I ask, giggling at the excited squeals of the women. "One, two,
three!" On three, I hurl my bouquet over my head, before carefully
turning around to find that it landed straight in the outstretched hands
of Hannah Dexter, who- despite her cumbersome bridesmaid's dress- is
bouncing up and down excitedly, much to the chagrin of the handsome
young man she brought as her plus one!
"My turn!" Stuart eagerly announces, before gently reaching up my dress
and removing the lacy white garter from my thigh, twirling it in his
fingers before flinging it over his shoulder, where it lands on the
chest of a very surprised-looking Danny Abbott!
Finally, the time comes for us to properly start the wedding reception-
and as I step into Charlotte's vast function room, I once again gasp at
the transformation. The room has seen a lot of party decoration in the
past, of course- the most recent one was just eight days ago when the
room was transformed into a fashion catwalk for our friend Lauren's
birthday- but today's decorations are just breath-taking.
The entire room has been repainted- not just decorated, but actually
repainted- a soft pink colour, and the wooden floor has been covered in
thin rugs with delicate heart patterns sewn onto them. The sofas that
usually dot the sides of the room have been removed, replaced by very
formal-looking dining tables, and at the end of room is a large, raised
dancefloor, which Stuart and I shall be gracing later in the evening.
For now, though, Stuart and I are ushered to the head table, along with
our parents, Stuart's best man and my maid of honour, where a very rich,
delicious-smelling meal is served to us by the army of helpers that
Charlotte's recruited for the day.
One the meal is eaten and Stuart and I cut our ridiculously large,
ridiculously extravagant cake, we head to our present table, which is
embarrassingly huge!
The presents range from the usual, such as food mixers, microwaves and
so forth, to the thoughtful, such as Alice's bulging scrapbook filled
with photos of me and Stuart together that she gathered from Facebook
and online articles, to the imaginative, like Abbey-Gayle's gift basket
of spices and ingredients (a Jamaican tradition, apparently), and
finally to the bizarre, such as Eilish's 'lucky horseshoe'.
After all the presents are opened, Stuart and I pose for yet more
photographs, before returning to our seats for what will inevitably
prove to be the most embarrassing part of today.
"Thank you for coming today, everyone," dad says as he stands and
addresses the room. "I look out at this room and the first thing I think
is how happy I am that my daughter- and my new son-in-law, of course-
have so many wonderful friends. As I'm sure you're aware, Jamie's early
life... Wasn't exactly a happy one. 'James' was not an outgoing child. He
wasn't the kind to come running up to you to tell you about his latest
adventure, or how his day went at school... And in hindsight, it's now
easy to see why. At the same time, Susan and I could have tried harder
as parents."
"Dad," I whisper, my cheeks growing redder and redder.
"No, it's not an unfair thing to say," dad continues with a sigh.
"Jamie's mother and I... Never really got on well with children, and
sadly, that extended to our own child. If we could turn back time and do
it all differently, then we definitely would- and the first thing we
would do is help and encourage our son to become the beautiful and
successful woman that you see today. The second thing we would do is
encourage any parents who have transgendered children to give them the
unconditional love and support they would if they weren't transgendered.
Because regardless of whether or not she's my son or my daughter, Jamie
is still my child, and I love her just as much now as I did on that
wonderful morning in September, 26 years ago-"
"Twenty-FIVE years ago," I interject, earning giggles from everyone in
the crowd.
"-That wonderful morning in September 1991," dad continues, "When Susan
and I were blessed with the greatest gift anyone could hope to receive,
a gift so valuable you can't assign a monetary value to it. A gift that
I hope Stuart and Jamie will be blessed with soon, as the one thing I
know with absolute certainty is that they will make amazing parents- and
any child, regardless of whether or not they're biologically related,
would be lucky to be raised by two such wonderful people."
"No pressure, Mark," Stuart quips, earning giggles from the crowd.
"So I would like to propose a toast," dad announces. "To two of the most
amazing, mature and, most importantly, happy people I know. To Stuart
and Jamie!"
"Stuart and Jamie!" The crowd toasts as Stuart and I blush.
"You next, mate," Mikey says, all but pushing Stuart out of his chair.
"Oh- okay then," Stuart says with a nervous chuckle. "Okay, so, um, hi
everyone! And, I guess, sorry everyone. I'm sorry to have to be the one
to take one of the most beautiful and amazing women the world has ever
known off the market. I have known this amazing woman for over four
years, and I am thankful every single second of those days. When I was a
child- as my sisters will no doubt happily confirm- I didn't really join
in with a lot of their games. For obvious reasons. One of the few games
I would join in with, though, was when my sisters would sit around and
plan their dream weddings. I don't remember many of the details- and I
don't need to either, because I've just had my dream wedding. Not
because of the location, or the d?cor, or the clothes, or even the cake-
but because of all of you sharing it with me, and most importantly of
all, because of the amazing woman I can now call my wife. A lot of guys
I know think of this ring on my left hand as being a symbol of being
chained down. No one I know whose wives are here say that, obviously,
but I view this ring as the ultimate symbol of victory, greater than any
Olympic gold medal. We've both had to go through a lot to earn the lives
we've wanted our whole lives. I think we deserve our 'happy ending'. And
Jamie- there isn't anyone I would rather share my happy ending with. A
toast- to Jamie-Lee Milton, the most wonderful woman in the world."
"To Jamie!" The room toasts as my cheeks burn bright red.
"Normally," Charlotte announces with a smug grin, "the order of speeches
at a wedding goes 'father of the bride, groom, best man'. However, this
is 2017, and if we girls have learned anything over the last six years,
it's that it's OUR time, hehe! Therefore, without further ado, allow me
to present the bride: MRS Jamie-Lee Milton!" Even though I knew that I'd
be giving a speech today- and I obviously have no problem with public
speaking- I still blush even redder as I stand up to address the
assembled guests, my dress rustling as I smooth it out.
"Hi everyone!" I say with a nervous giggle. "Thank you all for coming
today, it really means a lot to both of us that we have so many amazing
friends and family members. It's especially meaningful as, as I'm sure
you can imagine, not everybody in our lives has always been so willing
to accept us for who we are." I take a deep breath, but instead of
continuing my prepared speech, recent events, recent feelings prompt me
to deviate a little. "It's a little telling that there isn't anybody
here, apart from family, who knew 'James' or 'Claire'. Sometimes I
wonder whether or not 'James' was real, or whether or not 'Jamie-Lee' is
even real... But what I do know is that the love I feel for all of you is
very, very real, and the love I have received from all of you over the
last six years means more to me than you'll ever know. And I am so, so
privileged to be able to share that love with a man who- despite his
attempts to convince you that he's a macho idiot- is one of the most
sensitive, caring and warm-hearted people I have ever had the good
fortune to know. Stuart Milton, any woman, regardless of how they were
born, would be lucky to have you in their lives as a friend, let alone a
soul mate. Raymond, Catherine- thank you for giving the world such an
amazing person, and thank you for allowing me into your family. Even if
I do plan on being known professionally as 'Jamie-lee Burke'-
merchandising cost, you know..."
"I have taught her well!" Joshua booms from the crowd, making everyone
giggle.
"A toast," I say, silencing the laughter in the room. "To Stuart Raymond
Milton- for making me the luckiest girl in the world."
"To Stuart!" The room toasts as I sit down, smooth my dress and take a
deep breath.
"Beautiful," Stuart whispers in my ear, making me smile. "Your speech
was lovely too." I giggle at the gentle teasing of my husband- god,
that'll take some getting used to, 'my husband'...
"My turn now," Mikey says as he lifts his 6' 3" frame off his chair,
grabs his phone (on which he has presumably written down some notes) and
takes a deep breath. "I thought I'd start by saying that when Stu and I
were at university together, I somehow always knew he'd end up marrying
the girl of his dreams. I didn't know, however, that that girl would be
a national celebrity with somewhere in the region of a million followers
on Instagram and Twitter. A million on EACH, not combined. Followers
such as 'kez_princess_xx', who tweets 'OMG would kill to be at Jamie-Lee
Burke's wedding today bet she looks so beautiful'. Or 'kt_fahey_9t6' who
tweets 'can't wait for photos of the wedding of the century', or
'lydia_harris_thfc' who tweets- well, I'm sure you guess by now." I grin
at Mikey's joke, even as my curiosity is piqued by one of the name's he
mentioned.
"My point," Mikey continues, "is simple: Stuart isn't anywhere near as
rich or famous as his new wife."
"Thanks mate," my husband sighs as the crowd laughs at his expense.
"You're very welcome, mate," Mikey says with a smug grin. "But that's
okay that he's not as famous, or as rich, or as good-looking, or as
talented, or as tall."
"I object to that last one, she's wearing heels," Stuart quips,
eliciting a laugh even from the man currently roasting him.
"...Sorry, I was thinking of MY future wife," Mikey continues, making
everyone laugh again as Stuart rolls his eyes. "But one place where
Stuart has a huge, HUGE size advantage is in the size of his... Heart." I
giggle and sigh happily- I doubt I was the only one to expect Mikey to
say something completely different. "Stu's not always been lucky in
love. But anyone with half a brain can tell that in Jamie, Stuart's
found a real soul mate, and vice versa. I can't think of any two people
I'd be happier to call my friends... or godparents to my daughter."
"Oh my god," I gasp as Mikey beams a wide grin at me.
"Yes, he cleared it with me first," Krystie- who is, of course, Mikey's
fianc?e- yells from the crowd, earning yet more laughs.
"I know who the REAL boss is at home," Mikey chuckles. "Just as Stuart
and his pitiful number of social media followers inevitably will."
"Still got more than you mate," Stuart laughs.
"But I think we've already established that it's not the size of
someone's fame that matters, or even the number of friends they have,"
Mikey says, "but the size of the love they have for their friends. I'm
not ashamed to say that I love this man. Well, usually, anyway. After I
moved to London a few years ago, he was the first to reach out to me,
and I wouldn't have lasted a second without his help. So, Stuart- here's
to you. And here's to your amazing wife. May you have many happy decades
together. To Stuart and Jamie!"
"Stuart and Jamie!" The crowd toasts.
"Thank god that's over," Stuart laughs as I lean across him to speak to
Mikey.
"It wasn't THAT bad," I say. "Mikey, were- were those tweets real?"
"Sure," the long-haired best man replies. "Can forward them to you if
you want. You've even got your own hashtag, #jamieleewedding."
"I'll check them out later," I say with a grin. "Just that one of the
names you mentioned sounded a bit familiar, that's all."
"You probably see the same fans a lot," Stuart shrugs. "Becca and her
band tend to notice the same names cropping up time after time."
"Eh, true, I suppose," I shrug. "And Mikey? Thank you."
"...Okay," Mikey replies. "For what, exactly?"
"You know," I say with a knowing grin that my husband