"Wake up!" I hear a voice shout, startling me out of my slumber.
"Huh?" I ask, blinking my eyes to try to focus them in the glare of the
late August sun.
"We've still got plenty to do," My husband says softly, waking me
further with a gentle kiss before helping me lift my bikini-clad body
off the sun lounger. "You know most 25 year olds DON'T spend their free
time dozing off in the garden?"
"Oh- shut up, you," I moan, before giggling as Stuart wraps a strong arm
around my tanned waist and guides me back into the vast mansion where
I've lived, on and off, for almost six and a half years. Within a few
days, though, it will become a permanently 'off' living arrangement- and
there's a big part of me that's struggling to believe it, and a bigger
part that's struggling to accept it. The sight of a grinning two year
old boy waiting for me in the mansion's living room just makes the whole
thing even harder to believe- even though he is part of the reason for
my departure.
"Attie Jamie!" Keith Junior yells, running toward me for a hug, which I
am all too eager to give.
"Hey there, cutie!" I coo, giving the giggling two year old a soft kiss
on his forehead.
"He has been restless all day," Charlotte laughs. "Think he's finally
figured out what's going on... Kinda struggling to accept it myself, heh."
"I know the feeling," I whisper as I hand my godson back to his mother.
"Doesn't feel like six years, you know?"
"And it's not like we'll never be coming here again," Stuart says,
linking his fingers with mine. "We'll be here every Saturday night, for
parties..."
"Yeah, but not for breakfast, though," Charlotte sighs. "Though I guess
the table WOULD be a little crowded, hehe!"
"Have- have you- are you-?" I excitedly ask, sighing as Charlotte shakes
her head.
"Not yet," Charlotte whispers. "And not for want of trying, hehe!"
"Well, that IS supposed to be the fun part, hehe!" I giggle, before
letting out a sad sigh. "Just kinda wish I'd been born about fifty years
later, could maybe have, you know..."
"Trust me, wombs aren't all they're cracked up to be," Stuart says,
giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
"I'd still give anything to have been born with one," I sigh as I stare
as my BFF and the toddler in her arms.
"I know," Stuart whispers. "God knows I wish I'd been born with, well,
you know... Still though, doesn't mean that we can't be parents. And
doesn't mean that we WON'T be parents."
"And awesome parents, too!" Charlotte giggles.
"Thanks," I whisper as I try to wrap my mind around the events of the
last few months... And the coming events of the next few days.
Shortly after we married, Stuart and I received a letter stating that we
had been approved by an adoption agency, and we would soon be matched
with a young child who needed a new family. Both of us were more excited
than we have ever been before... And about fifteen minutes later, we were
more terrified than we had ever been before.
It quickly dawned on us that as much as we loved children, especially
the many godchildren as we had between us, being a full-time parent was
going to be a much, much more intimidating prospect. There'd be no
handing the child off to someone else when it got too stressful, no
shirking any responsibilities. Every tiny thing that happens to the
child, or the child does, would be on us. Our lives, our wants, even our
careers would be secondary to being parents. And as terrified as that
thought made me, it made me feel even worse for the child, as not only
would they grow up in the household of unprepared parents, they'd also
grow up with the stigma of having openly transgendered parents.
I've received enough correspondence from young teenagers (and some kids
even younger than that) to know that being transgendered at school, or
even related to someone who's transgendered, is effectively painting a
bullseye on yourself. If Stuart and I raised a child, we would be
deliberately subjecting them to that kind of abuse on a daily basis. I
know that when I was at school, if any child was seen as out of the
ordinary in any way, shape or form, they would be bullied mercilessly...
Just like I was. Sometimes I wonder whether or not fear of the reprisal
I'd get was the reason 'James' didn't realise earlier what 'he' truly
was, but I put such thoughts out of my head just as quickly as they
enter it. I AM Jamie-Lee Milton. MRS Jamie-Lee Milton. I am a wife, a
model, a daughter, a niece, a woman... And I'm far happier, far more
comfortable being those things than I ever was as a boy.
Every time I imagine adding 'mother' to that list, though, I tense up...
Until I realise one very important thing. The reason I'm so comfortable
and happy as a woman is thanks to my extended family- an extended family
who'd do just as much for my child as they would for me and Stuart. They
would love the child unconditionally, support the child and treat them
like they were a part of their own family, just as I do for Keith
junior, for Mary's daughters, for Stuart's nephews, for Viks's daughter,
and even for Nikki's younger sister and Stephanie Abbott's baby niece,
both of whom will be just as much a part of our 'next generation' as the
offspring of any Angel- and so would any child of mine.
And, as the sound of Stuart's phone ringing reminds me, we're not the
only prospective parents in our extended family right now...
"Is- is it Mikey?" Charlotte asks.
"Yep," Stuart whispers, taking a deep, nervous breath before answering
the phone. "What's up, mate?" The entire room pauses as Stuart listens
intently to what he's being told, before letting out a long, tired sigh.
"Well?" I ask my husband.
"No news yet," Stuart says. "Except that Krystie is now REALLY peeved."
"Can't blame her," Charlotte sighs. "I was only a few days overdue, but
it felt like months... And, of course, if she doesn't give birth by the
1st of September..."
"Her daughter will just have to be school friends with your daughter
instead," I say with a smug grin, making my BFF giggle.
"Assuming I have a girl, of course," Charlotte laughs. "There's actually
a part of me that wants another boy, just so my 'daughter' wouldn't have
to grow up without her cool Auntie Jamie..."
"She would NOT grow up without me!" I laugh. "Any more than our child
would grow up without cool Auntie Charlotte."
"Yeah, but- ugh," Charlotte sighs, before giving her son another gentle
cuddle. "I miss being nineteen, you know?"
"Yeah, I think I do," I sigh. "Still though, got to grow up some time."
"Hey," Keith senior says as he enters the room. "Got the last of your
crates downstairs. Only thing that's left is one of your wardrobes... The,
um, the 'special' wardrobe. The one with all your, um costumes. I assume
that you're-"
"Oh, we are NEVER getting rid of those," I giggle, trying to blink back
tears. "Charlie, can- can you-"
"Of course," Charlotte says, handing her son to his father before
leading me and Stuart out to the entrance hall, where several boxes and
crates are piled up by the front door.
"Thanks for your help today, guys," I say to Dan, Paul and Jonathan, all
of whom have worked up a fine sheen of sweat from shifting the boxes.
"You're welcome," Jonathan chuckles. "Thanks for your help shifting
these downstairs, Stu."
"Hey, who knew that being 5' 7" and small boned would actually come in
handy some day?" My husband retorts, making our three friends laugh as
they get into Dan's car and drive away.
"Despite what your body used to be," Charlotte says with a smug grin,
"this part of packing is strictly GIRLS ONLY! So shoo!"
"Yes, ma'am," Stuart mumbles with a fake pout, before giggling and
heading back to the living room.
"You know," Charlotte muses, "sometimes I kinda feel bad for Stuart?
Dismissing him like that for being a boy?"
"Whatever you do, don't tell him that," I say, sharing a giggle with my
BFF. "And besides, he made his choice."
"Just like you made yours," Charlotte says as we open the door of my
rapidly-emptying bedroom.
"God," I sigh, stepping into the room and sitting down on the bed.
"Can't believe this is where it all started."
"Six years ago," Charlotte giggles.
"Six years, four months, 28 days," I say. "Heh, the things I've done on
this bed in that time!"
"You'll make, well, plenty of 'memories' in your new place," Charlotte
says with a grin as she sits down next to me and gently strokes the thin
bedsheets. "Maybe even some as exciting as these!"
"Probably none as scary as that first morning, heh," I say, making
Charlotte sigh sadly.
"I still regret that, you know?" Charlotte says. "Not simply asking you
for your help, not having the guts to not need your help in the first
place... I mean, I know it all turned out alright in the end-"
"It turned out better than alright," I say, getting off the bed and
heading to one of my many wardrobes. "Though I AM still in my bikini so
I AM still kinda cold, heh."
"Ah, one of the very, very few disadvantages of being a girl, hehe!"
Charlotte giggles, before sighing as I open the wardrobe. "God... I
remember THAT dress, heh."
"It's a pretty special one," I whisper, taking the strapless black
chiffon dress out of the wardrobe and holding it up to my body.
"Technically, this is 'Jamie's first ever item of clothing, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Charlotte says with a twinkle in her eye that tells me
that she's thinking exactly the same thing as me. With a giggle, I
quickly peel my bikini top off my tanned body, before stepping into the
dress and holding my long, sandy blonde hair out of the way so that
Charlotte can zip me up.
"Still fits, then?" My BFF teases.
"If anything it fits me better now than when I was nineteen," I giggle,
doing a twirl and laughing at the sensation of the thin skirt swishing
around my bare legs. "Still feels just as amazing, too..."
"Really?" Charlotte asks with a raised eyebrow. "Because if memory
serves, the first time you wore that dress, you were wearing a pair of
VERY expensive silk stockings on your legs..."
"...You actually remember that?" I laugh as I peel off the expensive
strapless gown and pull on a loose, long summer dress instead.
"It was kinda hard to forget!" Charlotte giggles. "I half expected to
come home to find dad on the warpath with me and you long gone... Instead,
you'd done an even better job of being me than I did, hehe!"
"Wouldn't go THAT far," I laugh. "Though..."
"...Though?" Charlotte asks.
"Though..." I sigh. "There's a part of me that's always going to wonder
whether I am just, you know, 'playing' at being a woman, whether or not
I'm really Jamie-Lee or just 'James pretending to be Charlotte'..."
"N. O," Charlotte insists. "Seriously, Jamie. We look alike, but that's
about it. Six years ago, we might have been alike, but we've both grown
a LOT since then. Jamie-Lee Milton and Charlotte Hartley are completely
different people. Heh, ask your husband if you don't believe me."
"...Why, exactly?" I ask, frowning in confusion as my BFF's cheeks
suddenly redden.
"Umm..." Charlotte says hesitantly. "A couple of months ago, when you were
in Manchester... I may- I may have, umm..."
"Go on..." I say.
"I may..." Charlotte says, "have put on one of your dresses, worn some of
your perfume, did my hair and make-up the same way as you..."
"Were- were you- were you trying to seduce my husband!?" I ask, my anger
starting to boil over.
"No!" Charlotte pleads. "I swear I wasn't! I just- I just thought I'd do
it, you know, as a practical joke... Stuart didn't fall for it for a
second."
"...I picked well," I say, making Charlotte giggle with relief. "And I'm
sorry I accused you..."
"Six years ago, you'd probably have had a point," Charlotte sighs.
"Yeah, but like you said, we've both grown a lot since then," I say
softly, before reaching into one of the still-full drawers in my
wardrobe and withdrawing an item of clothing that makes the 26 year old
woman cringe. "Exhibit A!"
"Oh god," Charlotte moans as I play with the stretchy fabric of the red
catsuit. "I was actually going to wear that on camera, wasn't I?"
"'Eccentric is the new sexy', I recall someone saying," I tease.
"Shut up," Charlotte mumbles, before giggling uncontrollably. "You know,
I actually still have mine, too? Tried it on a few months after I had
Keith junior. Still fits perfectly. Somehow."
"Fits perfectly because you're a sexy model with superior genetics," I
say, making Charlotte laugh.
"If my genetics are 'superior', then what does that make yours, Miss
Lookalike?" Charlotte asks, before sighing as I frown. "Oh- god, sorry,
Jamie..."
"S'okay," I shrug. "So my genetics will always be 'flawed', big deal."
"Exactly," Charlotte says, the smile returning to her face. "And to
prove that..." I watch in confusion as Charlotte suddenly strips down to
her underwear, before picking my 'special' dress off my bed and stepping
into it, elegantly zipping it up and smiling as it fits her slender body
perfectly.
"Umm, get your own?" I say, making my BFF giggle.
"The point I'm trying to make," Charlotte says, "is that if my body and
my genetics are superior, how much MORE superior must yours be to have
the same body as me when you were born, well, you know?"
"It's..." I grimace as I cup my overly firm breasts. "Not ALL genetic..."
"Who cares?" Charlotte shrugs. "Morons. Bigots. Small-minded people who
can't accept that someone born a boy can be one of the most beautiful
women the world has ever known. People... Who simply don't matter."
"If you say so," I shrug. "Doesn't explain why, in all the lads' mags,
you always get into the top ten of 'hottest women' when I barely scrape
the top fifty. Then again, I should be grateful to get into them at
all."
"Oh- what did I literally only just say?" Charlotte sighs. "The writers
of those lads' mags DO. NOT. MATTER! You'd have thought that six years
on, you'd have got over this..."
"I'm never going to NOT be transgender," I remind my BFF, who sighs and
strips off the dress she'd only just put on.
"I guess," Charlotte shrugs. "You're also never going to be not a woman,
either. And you sure as hell are never going to be not my sister." I
grin and blink back yet more tears as I wait for Charlotte to pull on
the skirt and top she was wearing, before giving her a long, tight hug.
"I don't think I say this nearly enough," I sniffle. "But I really do
love you, Charlotte."
"I love you too," My BFF says with a giggle. "Heh, think your wardrobe
has just as many memories as your bed, hehe!"
"God yes," I laugh, reaching into my wardrobe and withdrawing the
elaborate red tango dress I wore on my 21st birthday. "Hard to believe
that this was five years ago, heh."
"Oh, I'm sure I can make your 26th just as special as your 21st!"
Charlotte giggles. "Not that it won't already be special, your first
birthday as the yummiest mummy of them all..."
"JOINT yummiest," I say, making Charlotte giggle. "God knows THAT
would've been a disaster when I was 21!"
"I wasn't that much better for me when I was 23," Charlotte chuckles.
"Infinitely better than when I was 19, though..." I bite my lip as I
remember that when I 'filled in' for Charlotte, she was doing more than
just exposing her father's crime.
"Do- do you ever, you know, regret that?" I whisper.
"...Sometimes," Charlotte confesses, sniffing back a tear of her own. "A
big brother or sister for Keith junior... I would NOT have coped, though."
"Even with 'Auntie Jamie' here to help you?" I ask, making my BFF grin.
"...Maybe I might have coped," Charlotte shrugs. "What's important is that
I now I do everything I can for the child that I do have. And I mean, I
had plenty of fun in my youth. Sometimes wearing a dress like that,
hehe!" I giggle as my BFF points at the tango dress that's still in my
hands. "Won't get to do anything like THAT if you've got a baby at home,
trust me. I know how you always had this dream of being the first
transgendered celebrity on British Strictly..."
"Meh, some sacrifices are worth it," I say with a grin, before carefully
folding the dress and placing it into a suitcase. "And besides, the
kid'll have to start school eventually... Can still get on before I'm
thirty, right?"
"Too right!" Charlotte giggles. "And you'll still be young and gorgeous
at thirty... Maybe even young and gorgeous enough to fit that, hehe!" I
giggle as I follow Charlotte's eye line to my wardrobe, before sighing
sadly when I see which costume she's pointing at.
"Ugh, not going to be putting THAT on again in a while..." I sigh, gently
stroking the soft, smooth fabric of the corset that made up the bulk of
the Moulin Rouge inspired costume I wore to Viks's birthday nearly three
years ago- the week before Christmas, the week when I decided who I
wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
"Aww," Charlotte sighs. "You know, I actually don't have one of these,
they only made five?" I nod in response, remembering that the reason
Charlotte didn't wear the tight corset was because her waist had been
considerably expanded at the time by the baby that resided within her.
"You can borrow mine anytime you want," I shrug, making Charlotte
giggle.
"You really don't like this costume?" Charlotte asks. "Would've thought
it'd bring back memories of you and Stuart FINALLY getting back
together. And when I say 'finally' I mean 'he will be your final lover,
the final man you'll ever need'."
"Yeah, well, the last time I wore this costume, I ended up having sex
with my FIRST lover," I sigh, eliciting an exasperated chuckle from
Charlotte.
"Ah, Paul Gould," my BFF laughs. "THAT's a name I haven't thought about
in a while! God, you two had some 'adventures' in this room too, heh!"
"Ugh, don't remind me," I spit, before sighing. "Okay, maybe that's not
ENTIRELY fair... I mean, we did have some fun, he was cool at first..."
"I would hope so, I DID set the two of you up," Charlotte says with a
chuckle. "And if he hadn't been so hung up about you coming out
publicly, who knows what your life would be like right now?"
"Still engaged to Stuart," I say confidently, stuffing the costume into
the trunk.
"Or Keith?" Charlotte asks making me pause.
"...No," I mumble, though my BFF immediately sees through my half-lie.
"'No' as in 'maybe' or 'no' as in 'yes'?" Charlotte asks.
"'No' as in 'I don't know'," I sigh. "And I don't want to know either.
I- I'm happy with Stuart. REALLY happy. He's sensitive, he's funny, he's
cute, he's REALLY good in bed..."
"Lucky you," Charlotte chuckles. "And lucky me, I guess... We both ended
up with our soul mates. Not everyone's that lucky."
"Thinking of Hannah?" I ask my BFF. "Splitting from yet ANOTHER guy..."
"She'll find someone," Charlotte says with a confident grin. "Even if I
have to set her up with every man in London, heh."
"It's funny," I muse. "When I first met her and Viks, I'd never have
guessed that out of the two of them, it'd be Hannah who'd struggle to
keep a man, heh. Just shows that you really can't judge a book by its
cover."
"Very true," Charlotte says, before chuckling as I remove two shiny one-
piece costumes from the wardrobe, along with their matching cotton tails
and headbands with attached rabbit ears. "Ah, I think the term for THAT
is 'full circle', hehe!"
"Yep!" I giggle. "Just hammers it home how much things have changed,
heh."
"Yep!" Charlotte sighs happily. "Think Abbey-Gayle was thirteen when you
wore the costume in your left hand, heh. The one that's actually the
more modest costume!"
"Now she's doing more actual 'Angel work' than both of us put together,"
I muse. "Ever, you know... Ever feel like we're being replaced?
Professionally, I mean?"
"I'd be lying if I said 'no'," Charlotte mumbles. "But that's the nature
of fame. I've been in the public eye for six years now, you've had four
years, the rest of the girls three and a half... That's a bloody good run.
I'm not going to begrudge Abbey-Gayle or any of the other girls as much
as they can get. Though god knows I wish I had the kind of big sisters
she has when I was nineteen..."
"I dunno, I was pretty happy with the big sister I had," I say, bringing
a smile to my 'sister's face as I pack the last of my many costumes
away.
"A big sister who pissed away all her inheritance and seriously thought
about wearing a skin-tight red catsuit on camera," Charlotte retorts.
"A big sister who's one of the best mothers I know," I retort. "And 100%
my role model as a woman."
"...Thanks," Charlotte whispers, giving me another tight hug before we
head back downstairs to where our husbands are waiting.
"All done?" Stuart asks.
"All done," I whisper as I gently lean in toward the man I love. "After
we get back from the press meet tomorrow, we will officially no longer
be residents of this house."
"Well, until then," Keith senior says with a grin, "you're still as much
a part of this household as we are. So what's for dinner?" The four of
us all laugh as we (along with Keith junior) head toward the kitchen,
where we share one last meal as a 'family' before heading to bed for an
early night- as we all have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.
The first morning that I woke up in what would later become my bedroom,
I was gripped by a sense of panic over what was happening, and the same
is true this morning, the last morning that I wake up in this room- but
for the exact opposite reason. That first morning, I wanted desperately
to be anywhere other than here- and today, I can't imagine being
anywhere else.
Of course, it's not like my new bedroom won't be amazing. Stuart was
happy to let me take the reins on decorating (even though it did mean I
had to give up another bedroom to him as a study/music room/games room),
meaning that I've been able to fine-tune the room down to the minutest
detail. Of course, I'll be excited to see the 'finished product' today
for the first time, but there's a part of me that will always think of
this room as 'my room'... Even more so than the bedroom I had as a child.
This will always be the first bedroom the 'real' me had.
"Morning, babe," I whisper as I wake my husband with a soft kiss.
"Mmph, morning," Stuart sleepily groans. "...Umm, morning, umm, better get
dressed, get ready to start loading boxes..."
"Yep," I say, stretching my tired, nervous body before heading to the
en-suite, where I try to shower away my stress at the upcoming day.
Naturally, when I emerge from my bedroom for the final time, my look is
perfect- my hair and make-up are immaculate, my slender body is covered
in a very expensive striped long-sleeved top, a tight knee-length skirt
and a pair of designer heels. Even the opaque black tights I'm wearing
are an expensive brand (and as such, much more comfortable than usual).
Six years of practice have made it effortless for me to transform myself
into a beautiful, glamorous woman- mainly because it isn't a
'transformation' anymore. It's simply who I am.
"Hubba hubba!" Charlotte giggles as I do a twirl at the bottom of the
stairs.
"Right back at you, BFF!" I laugh as I exchange a hug with the 26 year
old woman. "Looking HOT today!"
"Thank you!" Charlotte squeaks as she does a twirl of her own to show
off her long-sleeved designer minidress. "This is YOUR cue, BOYS!"
"Beautiful," Stuart and Keith say simultaneously, trying (for the sake
of their safety if nothing else) not to giggle as they wrap their arms
around our waists- Keith around Charlotte's and Stuart around mine,
obviously- and lead us out to the driveway.
"We'll see you later, Eilish," Charlotte shouts to her son's nanny, who
nods in response as the door closes behind us.
"...Still say she should've been one of the new Angels," I mumble. "Her
and Nikki."
"She IS an Angel," Charlotte retorts. "They both are, just not, you
know, 'officially'."
"All hail the Order of the Halo," Stuart laughs, earning a soft whack in
the arm from me as we get into Keith's car.
"...He's not wrong, though," I muse. "Our 'family' really is growing every
day."
"Including or not including the hundreds of Instagram and Twitter
followers you two get each day?" Keith asks.
"Including, obviously," Charlotte says with a smug grin. "I know, I
know, you're not comfortable raising your son in the public eye."
"I'm not 100% I'd be that comfortable either, to be honest," Stuart
says, making me sigh- obviously, this is something we've talked about
before, even though we've never been able to come to any kind of
agreement about it.
"I look at it this way," I say. "When I was transitioning, when I was
recovering from SRS... I was like I had hundreds of thousands of well-
wishers every day, you know? I know you felt the same way when you were
recovering from your SRS."
"...Maybe a bit," Stuart shrugs. "They're YOUR fans, not mine."
"Nah," I say after a moment's thought. "We're a team. A complete
package. You can't like one of us without liking the other. Same goes
for the Angels. Hell, the entire extended family, for that matter."
"Even Steph?" Charlotte asks with a sly grin that makes me sigh.
"Yes, even Steph," I mumble, recalling the events of almost twelve
months ago when a series of events nearly caused our 'family' to split
apart at the seams- events I unfortunately contributed to with my words
and actions. Now, however, the family is stronger than ever. We have
plenty of fans both in the UK and, thanks to the Angels being broadcast
on Amazon Video, around the world.
The success has even led to copycat groups popping up around the world,
too. Some of them are blatant rip-offs, such as Constellation (one of
the catalysts for the conflict of twelve months ago), whilst some of
them are more 'official'- and after Keith and Stuart drop us off at the
building where we'll be working today (despite it technically being a
Bank Holiday), Charlotte and I both smile as we enter the venue's plush
green room and catch sight of five young women all waiting with nervous
smiles on their faces.
"Hey girls!" I squeak excitedly as I exchange hugs with the women, all
of whom have the look of a professional model, same as myself and
Charlotte.
"Hi!" Helena- the youngest of the girls- says in her distinctive German
accent. "God, I was beginning to think that you wouldn't get here,
hehe!"
"No, we are SO not missing today!" Charlotte chuckles. "Is no one else
here yet?"
"No, we've only been here for a few minutes ourselves," Helena replies.
"And I thought there were nine of you girls?" Charlotte asks.
"Only five of us speak English," Helena laughs. "I'm the most skilled so
the girls have made me their speaker, heh. Ignore that I'm the
youngest!" I giggle as one of the other girls shouts something in German
(a language I obviously don't speak) which makes all five of our new
friends almost bend double with laughter.
"...I won't ask," Charlotte says, eliciting more giggles from the nineteen
year old girl.
"That is... Probably a good idea," Helena giggles, before introducing the
four girls one by one. "But Marie, Emilie, Claudia and Melissa are all
here today."
"Melissa?" I ask, my ears pricking up at the mention of the name and a
wide grin spreading across my face as a slender girl with strawberry
blonde hair approaches me.
"Jamie?" Melissa asks as we greet each other with air kisses. "It is so
good to finally see you, umm, really!"
"You too!" I squeak. "Your English is getting VERY good!"
"Danke," Melissa says, before blushing. "Umm, thank you, hehe!"
"I'm sure you'll be fluent before long," I say. "And of course, your
'other' change is... Well, perfect, hehe!"
"Thank you!" Melissa squeaks, doing a quick turn to show off her
feminine body. "Four years of, umm, ?strogen! Last, umm, 'thing' will be
in January... I have nerves, hehe!"
"Trust me, it WILL be worth it!" I assure the obviously nervous young
woman.
"Thank you," Melissa says. "And thank you for all your help. It's good
to thank you by talking, without needing Google!"
"It's good to talk to you face to face too," I whisper, before giggling
as we exchange another hug. "Excited about becoming a 'proper' Angel?"
"Umm, yeah!" Melissa giggles. "But what is best is that I have real
friends of girls. They have all helped me so much! I want all girls like
us could have friends like us..."
"You can never have too many friends," I whisper, before grinning as the
door to the green room opens and five familiar figures enter. "Speaking
of which..."
"Hi everyone!" Viks says with a giggle as she leads Mary and Abbey-Gayle
into the room, leading to a round robin of hugs as my old friends get to
know my new friends. Hanging out at the back, however, is the one girl I
want to speak to the most.
"Melissa," I say as I drag the German woman toward the brown-haired girl
stood in the corner of the room. "I'd like you to meet Nikki Phillips-
Thomas. Nikki, this is Melissa Schubert. The three of us... Kinda have
something in common."
"Hello!" Melissa says nervously as she exchanges air kisses with my
long-time prot?g?- who is, thankfully, once again the PA for the Angels.
"Hi!" Nikki replies with a giggle. "Umm... Guten... Morgen?"
"Guten Morgen!" Melissa giggles. "But it is alright, I am happy to talk
in English."
"That's good, because that's all the German I know, hehe!" Nikki
giggles. "Speaking of which, Natalie and Zoe will be here in a bit if
you need interpreters. Is everything okay in the green room?"
"Well, you were in charge of arranging it, so... Yes," I say with a grin.
"Everything's PERFECT as always. But I really wanted the two of you to
meet each other, get to know each other despite the language barrier.
I'm sure you've sussed that Melissa is going to be the transgendered
member of the German version of the Angels that's launching in a couple
of months."
"Yes," Nikki laughs. "You are going to inspire SO many girls, just like
Jamie inspired me, hehe!"
"Thank you," Melissa says nervously. "It's... A bit of scary!"
"It shouldn't be," I say confidently. "The first time a girl who's
nervous about coming out sends you a message telling you how much you
helped her, it will be worth it, I promise."
"Umm, okay!" Melissa laughs. "I... I wanted... I just want, sorry... To be a
normal girl."
"You wanted to have been born a girl, you mean?" I ask, smiling sadly as
Melissa nods.
"That's understandable," Nikki says. "But I'm going to have to correct
your English on one thing, I'm afraid- we- the three of us- we ARE
normal girls!"
"Girl life forever!" I giggle, exchanging high fives with my two
transgendered friends.
"Don't get why you've come to London, rather than the Angels going to
Berlin, though," Nikki muses. "Even though I'm not allowed to leave the
country right now..."
"Five of us speak English, two of them speak German," Melissa explains,
making me blush. "And they are first Angels! There will be more as
well."
"They're looking at launching Angels groups all around the world," Viks-
who had obviously been listening- interjects. "Think Japan is next, then
Australia and New Zealand, Eastern Europe, Spain, France, Latin America...
Even looking at Russia and India. Maybe even China."
"I kinda notice one country missing from that list," Nikki says, making
Charlotte laugh and roll her eyes.
"Oh, trust me, they haven't missed out America," Viks giggles. "There's
going to be an Angel INVASION over there. They're looking at separate
Angel groups for various states- California first probably, but also New
York and New Jersey, Florida, Washington State, the Midwest... Maybe even
two Canadian groups too."
"If you think about it, it's such a simple format," I say. "A group of
girls who are friends, living a fancy lifestyle... It's amazing it took as
long as it did for similar shows to pop up around the world."
"But what's most important," Viks says with a warm grin, "is that all
the groups they're looking at creating will have transgendered members.
They've already cast trans girls in Japan and Australia, they're looking
at Polish T-girls to join the Eastern Europe group..."
"I- I'm not sure I like the idea of having T-girls in the group being
like a 'gimmick'," I muse.
"I wouldn't be so hasty," Charlotte interjects. "What we started has
spread around the world, and it's taken transgender acceptance with it.
Thanks to you, there are dozens if not hundreds of girls living the life
they always wanted, thanks to your example. Hundreds if not thousands of
people's attitudes toward T-girls have been changed for the better. Now
that positive influence will spread around the world."
"...I guess," I say with a nervous laugh that makes Melissa giggle.
"I KNOW," Charlotte says. "Now come on, our adoring public awaits!" I
smile as Charlotte leads the eleven of us out towards the stage that's
been prepared for us, where we spend the next forty-five minutes
answering questions about the upcoming launch of 'Himmlische
Sch?nheiten'. Naturally, there are plenty of questions for Melissa and
myself about 'comparing notes' regarding our respective transitions, but
all of the questions are respectful, none of them are too intrusive- and
if anything, we get more questions about whether or not we exchange
fashion tips than about anything sensitive!
Eventually, though, the time comes for us to say our farewells to our
German counterparts (all of whom have quickly become friends) and head
back to our respective homes- or, in my case, head back to what will
soon be my former home.
"Ugh, can't believe I'm actually more nervous about this than I was
about that press meet," I spit as I elegantly slide into Keith's waiting
car.
"Probably because you know you can't put it off any longer," Stuart
sighs, giving my hand a comforting squeeze. "How'd the press conference
go?"
"It went well," I shrug. "Reckon the German show'll be a success. Even
over here, well, subtitled anyway."
"And more importantly, we made new friends," Charlotte says. "Because,
as we all know..."
"You can never have too many friends," the four of us say
simultaneously, making me chuckle with embarrassment.
"Yes, yes," I laugh.
"There are worse catchphrases to have," Charlotte says with a proud
grin. "Though hopefully I won't have to learn TOO many languages just to
talk to them all, hehe!"
"I dunno, I've always wanted to visit Japan..." I mused, before frowning
as Charlotte turns to face me with a glint in her eyes. "...What?"
"Someone ought to know better than to put idea into my head less than a
month before their birthday," Charlotte teases. "So... What colour do you
want your kimono to be?"
"Dibs on samurai armour!" Keith calls out.
"Dibs on ninja!" Stuart shouts, causing both boys to giggle
uncontrollably. "Though I'll pass on the sushi, thanks."
"Hopefully, so will I!" Charlotte giggles as she pats her perfectly flat
belly. "Though for the first time in ages, I'll actually be able to plan
your party WITHOUT you constantly looking over my shoulder!"
"Ah, you loved it really," I tease my BFF, who suddenly gets a sad,
faraway look on her face.
"Yeah," Charlotte whispers. "Yeah, I did."
Naturally, the car is quiet for the rest of the ride home, though when
we arrive to find a large removals lorry on the driveway and a gang of
workmen loading our belongings, it causes Charlotte and I both to both
break down in floods of tears.
"Ugh, this is really it," I sniffle, fanning my tear-streaked face with
my hands. "Didn't think I'd be this emotional..."
"Me too!" Charlotte squeaks, leading to the two of us sharing a tight,
emotional hug. "I am going to miss you SO much..."
"Me too!" I squeak, ignoring the giggles of the two boys with us. "Looks
like they've already got everything on the lorry..."
"We are SO going with you to help you unload," Charlotte says, wiping
the tears from her eyes.
"Okay," I sniffle, before taking a deep, emotional breath. "First,
though, I- I want to say goodbye to- to Keith junior first."
"Okay," Charlotte sniffs, letting me into the house where I quickly
locate the toddler in the living room, playing on the floor whilst his
nanny watches on.
"Hey," I say to the flame-haired Irishwoman, who immediately picks up on
my emotional state.
"Hey," Eilish whispers. "You- you going now, then?"
"Mm-hmm," I mumble, my bottom lip wavering. "I- I just-"
"Take your time," Eilish says softly, getting up and leaving the room-
though not before exchanging a hug with me first.
"Hey, cutie!" I whisper, sitting down next to the 2 year old boy (and
grimacing at the tightness of my skirt).
"Attie Jamie!" Keith junior giggles happily, throwing his arms up for a
cuddle that I'm only too happy to give him.
"Ahh..." I sigh happily. "You are growing SO fast! You're going to be a
big, strong boy, aren't you?" Just like your father... And just UNlike
your godmother, I think to myself. Nonetheless, I giggle as the tiny boy
nods excitedly.
"I'm really looking forward to seeing you grow up," I say, desperately
trying not to cry for fear of setting the toddler off. "But I'm not
going to be around as much as I have been until now. So you'd better be
good for your mum and dad, okay?"
"Okay!" Keith junior says with a wide grin, clearly not understanding
what I'm telling him.
"And don't ever forget that I love you," I whisper. "Me and your Uncle
Stuart." And maybe even your cousin... I think to myself. "I'll see you
soon!" I smile as I release the cuddle and the toddler immediately goes
back to playing with his toys.
"All done?" Eilish whispers as she re-enters the room.
"Yeah," I sigh. "I'll see you 'round, Eilish."
"Too right you will," the Irishwoman says with a devilish grin.
"Someone's going to have to take care of your little treasure, aren't
they?"
"...We haven't had our match confirmed yet," I mumble, which only makes my
friend laugh.
"You WILL be," Eilish says with a warm smile. "Any child would be lucky
to have the two of you as parents."
"Heh, I guess," I laugh, exchanging another hug with the flame-haired
woman before heading out to where my husband and my BFF are waiting for
me.
"Ready?" Stuart whispers as he wraps an arm around my waist.
"Ready," I say, before reaching into my handbag for my keys. With
trembling hands, I slowly remove the two front door keys I've used over
the last six years and hand them to my BFF, who immediately tears up
when she sees them.
"N-no," Charlotte insists, pushing the keys back toward me. "Absolutely
not. You are keeping those keys! You come home anytime you want, any
hour of the day, this is as much your house as-"
"Take them," I whisper, tears trickling down my cheeks as I place the
keys into Charlotte's palm. "Got to grow up some time, heh."
"I don't see why," Charlotte sniffs, before letting out a long,
exasperated sigh. "Yeah, yeah I can think of a reason. But you ARE
welcome in this house any hour of the day. Both of you."
"Thanks," Stuart mumbles, trying (and failing) to hide the fact that
he's getting just as emotional as myself and Charlotte. "I am going to
miss this place. And the two of you."
"You know," Keith says, his own voice filled with emotion, "I believe
that when we leave a place, part of it goes with us, and part of us
stays behind. There'll always be a part of you in this house if we ever
get TOO lonely."
"That's beautiful, man," Stuart says in a slightly mocking tone.
"Babylon 5, right?"
"Meh, still a good quote," Keith shrugs, causing us all to giggle as we
get into his car and follow the removal lorry westward out of the centre
of London toward our new home.
As we leave the place where I've lived for so long, I of course shed a
few more tears, but as the house disappears from view, I find myself
getting more and more excited by the prospect of building a new home,
building a new life for myself- something that Stuart and I obviously
have a lot of experience doing. Eventually, our new house- no, our new
home looms into view, and I feel a wide grin spread across my face as we
pull onto the modest driveway.
Of course, merely buying a house of our own wasn't without its hassles.
Money wasn't one of those hassles, as Stuart and I are very well
compensated for our work to the extent that we had a budget of almost
three quarters of a million pounds. Finding someone to take our money,
however, was more difficult.
The first house we looked at was everything we could've ever wanted.
Four bedrooms, two of which had en-suites, a huge kitchen and even a
reasonably sized garden, all within our budget. We went into the meeting
with the owners with a sense of great optimism... And left feeling like we
were the scum of the Earth.
"We've done some background checks of you," the house's owner, a very
posh-sounding man in his early sixties, said. "And we don't want your
sort moving into our house." Naturally, neither Stuart nor I were going
to take this lying down.
"Our 'sort'?" I asked, my face contorting with anger.
"Yes, your sort," the old man said, his tone of voice making it clear
that he thought what he was saying was perfectly reasonable.
"So young, married couples with university degrees and steady careers
aren't your 'sort'?" Stuart asked, clearly as seething with rage as I
was.
"Young, 'married' couples where the man wears a dress and the woman
wears trousers," the old man spat.
"That's funny," I retorted as I smoothed the skirt of my dress. "I
could've sworn I had paperwork stating that I WASN'T man..."
"I could've sworn I had genitals stating that I wasn't a woman," Stuart
said, smirking as the older man bristled.
"Yes, well, what's happened to this country the last few years has been
a disgrace," the old man said in a voice usually reserved for explaining
very simple concepts to very young children. "If it were up to me,
people like you would have some sense knocked into them, rather than
actually encouraged to flounce around the way you are."
"Then why did you even agree to this meeting?" I asked.
"Because clearly no one put you in your place when you were younger,"
the old man said, causing me to snap. "Now if you'll excuse me-"
"In my place!?" I hissed, interrupting and startling the man. "Let me
tell you where my place is. Let me tell you who I am and who I'm meant
to be. My name is Jamie-Lee Milton. MRS Jamie-Lee Milton. That may not
have been my name when I was born, but it's who I am now. I am as much a
citizen of this country as you are. I have as much right to live my life
as you do. For the last six years, I have lived my life as a woman, but
it doesn't matter if it's six years, six months or even six days. It's
MY life, and your opinion doesn't count for shit!"
"We're leaving now," Stuart said, a proud smile on his face following my
rant. "Such a shame they repealed the Corn Laws, wasn't it?"
We both forced smiles on our faces as we left the meeting with our heads
held high, as they should be, though the second we were out of sight of
the old bastard, both of us- yes, even Stuart- broke into tears. I'd
been transitioning for 6 and a half years, Stuart for 11 and a half, and
yet no amount of time will ever be enough for some people. It was an
unwelcome reminder that there will always be people out there who will
oppose us simply for being who we want to be- and that anybody we meet
has the potential to be such a person.
Fortunately, the next seller we met was much more compatible with the
21st century than that man was. And the seller after that, and after
that... The people who we eventually bought the house from were a married
couple in their late fifties who were looking to downsize following
their children leaving home. The fact that their youngest child was a 22
year old woman who was obsessed with the Angels certainly helped to seal
the deal- well, once I'd handed over a large bag of signed merchandise,
anyway! The fact that we were both transgendered was utterly irrelevant
to the sellers, which buoyed mine and Stuart's confidence to no end as
we realised that being trans is only a stigma if we allow it to be. And
we had no intention of allowing that ever again.
"And here we are!" I say, pulling an excited pose as I open the front
door and let my husband and my friends into my new home.
"Welcome to casa Milton!" Stuart laughs
"Decorators did a really good job," Keith muses as he looks around the
entrance hall. "Better get unloading the lorry, then- sooner
everything's inside, sooner you two can get settled in!"
"And the sooner we can have a housewarming party!" Charlotte giggles.
"Ugh, if we ever get time!" I say. "I'm back at work on Thursday, Stu's
back on Wednesday, and with Krys due any minute now..."
"Not to mention the fact that we're waiting on a call from the adoption
agency," Stuart says. "Asking us to meet the matching panel face to
face..."
"Thought you'd already been matched?" Keith asks.
"It's complicated," Stuart sighs. "REALLY complicated, heh. But you
never know, this time next month..."
"I'll keep everything crossed for you," Keith says with a warm smile.
"For both of you."
"Thanks," I whisper, taking a deep breath of the fresh, clean air of my
new home. "Hey... Wanna see the nursery? If you think the decorators did a
good job down here, you ain't seen nothing yet!" Naturally, Charlotte
and Keith both develop wide grins on their faces as they follow us up
the stairs, grins that only widen when they step into the transformed
bedroom.
"It's beautiful," Charlotte whispers, her reaction exactly mirroring
mine the first time I set foot in the nursery.
The walls of the room are painted in a pale pastel yellow, apart from
the back wall, which is painted with a 'magical forest mural' featuring
trees, clouds, animals like squirrels and mythical beings like fairies
and unicorns. There is a huge toy box in one corner of the room, and a
hand-made crib in the other corner. The ceiling of the room is painted
with a starscape, which was designed by our friend Jacinta (who is our
resident 'astronomy nerd') to be as accurate to the real night sky as
possible.
"Ah, now I wish I was a toddler again," Keith laughs as he inspects the
furniture.
"We took a lot of inspiration from your kid's room," Stuart says. "Of
course, we had to go 'yellow' as we don't actually know the gender of
the kid we'll be getting yet."
"We're reasonably sure it'll be a girl," I explain. "Though that could
always change between then and now... Got a load of gender-neutral toys
though, just in case."
"And if 'mummy' and me prove anything," Stuart says with a chuckle,
"it's that even when the child gets home, we can't be 100% sure what
their gender will be."
"Well any child would be lucky to have you as parents, transgendered or
otherwise," Charlotte says with a grin. "And lucky to have this amazing
room, hehe! I never really had a 'child's bedroom... Guess that's what you
get for being an only child, heh."
"Oh- tell me about it," I sigh. "I never really had toys when I was
younger, I was always encouraged to read books, or play outside... One of
my earliest memories was helping my grandfather in his garden. Guess
that's why it took me so long... I never really had any 'masculine' or
'feminine' games growing up, heh."
"It was kinda the same for me," Charlotte muses. "Not with the 'no
masculine or feminine things', but with the whole 'growing up fast'... Dad
was always encouraging me to try harder with my modelling, with my
dancing... And as much as I love her, mum was the same way at times... The
second I turned eleven it was like my career just took over my life, and
when mum died, it was like I was suddenly a fully-fledged adult..."
"Maybe it's more a 'rich family' thing than an 'only child' thing,"
Keith muses. "Took years to agree to get dad to buy me a PlayStation."
"Same here," Stuart says. "Though there may be other reasons there,
heh."
"Then it's agreed," Charlotte says. "We allow our kids to be kids. And
we let them decides their own hobbies, rather than being stage moms and
dads!"
"Agreed!" I giggle. "Though obviously, if we have girls, we're signing
them up for Krystie's ballet school the second they're born."
"Oh for sure," Charlotte says. "Our second's already signed up for her
toddler class and she isn't even conceived yet, hehe!"
"...First thing I'm doing when I get home is calling Joshua and seeing if
Acton Rovers can set up a youth academy," Keith chuckles.
"BOY!" Charlotte and I simultaneously yell, causing each other to giggle
uncontrollably.
"I'm going to make us some tea," Stuart mumbles. "Assuming it's been
unpacked, anyway. Want to come and see the kitchen?"
"Sure!" Charlotte says with a smug grin.
"I'll see you down there," Keith says, examining the crib in greater
deal as he and I are left alone in the now awkwardly silent nursery.
"...I know what you're thinking," I mumble. "That this could've been in a
room in which we- you and I- raised a child."
"I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind," Keith
sighs. "Think I'll always have SOME feelings for you..."
"Other than 'as a little sister'?" I ask, smirking as Keith squirms.
"You were always a little more than that," Keith says. "I'll settle for
'step-sister-in-law-type-thing' though."
"Yeah, so will I," I sigh. "And I guess I'll always have feelings for
you too... I just know they won't be as big as Charlotte's feelings for
you."
"I thought I was being stupid, giving her another chance," Keith said.
"My family all thought I was, too, but she- she's really behaved
herself."
"Yeah, I remember some people saying the same thing about me," I mumble
as my cheeks start to redden.
"...Yeah," Keith mumbles. "Though that was different."
"It wasn't THAT different," I sigh. "We were both stupid, Charlotte was
stupid..."
"Dunno anyone who hasn't been stupid at some point in their life," Keith
shrugs. "And Charlotte HAS changed, and not just slightly. I honestly do
trust her fully, you know?"
"You'd have to if you're going to have a baby girl with her," I say,
making Keith chuckle.
"Assuming we have a girl," Keith says. "Doubt Charlie would forgive me
if she has another boy."
"What do you want?" I ask. "Girl or boy, I mean?"
"I honestly wouldn't mind," Keith replies. "But Charlotte wants a girl,
which means so do I."
"Good BOY," I tease, before giggling as we head down to the kitchen to
join our respective spouses.
Keith and Charlotte stick around for another half an hour to help us
unpack, before taking their leave- which, naturally, involves yet more
tearful hugs. Eventually, though, all our boxes are unloaded, and for
the first time ever, Stuart and I are alone in our very own home.
"...We actually did it, then!" I giggle nervously. "Our own home..."
"Yeah," Stuart laughs, wrapping an arm around my waist and giving me a
kiss. Soon, the two of us are both naked, and heading up the stairs to
our bed to 'break it in' for the first time...
Forty-five minutes later- after getting dressed again- we're all but
ready to get on with the hard work of unpacking our many belongings when
we're suddenly interrupted by the sound of a knock on our door- and
momentarily confused when neither Keith nor Charlotte go to answer the
door.
"Shall we hire a butler?" Stuart asks, making me giggle.
"Don't see why, you'd look cute in a butler's uniform!" I tease. "And
no, that does NOT mean that I'm going to be dressing up as a French
Maid!"
"Even though I know you have the uniform in one of those boxes?" Stuart
asks, making me roll my eyes.
"'Costume', not 'uniform'," I correct my husband, before opening the
door and smiling at the sight of the four people on the other side.
"Hello, Mrs homeowner!" Dad teases, making me giggle as he and mum greet
me with hugs and kisses.
"Hey!" I say with an excited giggle.
"Love what you've done with the place!" Raymond- Stuart's father- says
as he and his wife let themselves into our house.
"Thanks, dad!" Stuart laughs. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?"
"Cup of tea would be perfect, please," dad says, before parking himself
on our sofa with a tired sigh.
"Been on the golf course all day, then?" I tease, earning eye rolls from
both the fathers.
"Nah, course was packed as it's a bank holiday," dad sighs. "We'll
probably get down some point during the week."
"Once the two of them are sure that the two of you are settled in first,
of course!" Catherine- Stuart's mother- says, making the two older men
fidget.
"Well, um, of course," Raymond mumbles.
"And, of course, we'll be right back to help out when the two of you
becomes the three of you," mum says, making me blush.
"We still haven't heard anything," I mumble. "Then again, the adoption
agency won't be open on a bank holiday... It's Krystie's turn next,
anyway, she's already overdue."
"Ah, yes," Catherine says. "She always struck me as a woman who doesn't
like to be kept waiting!"
"That's putting it mildly," Stuart laughs as he returns with a tray
filled with mugs of tea.
"You're the butler then, Stu?" Dad asks, making me bristle. Whilst dad
has no problem seeing me as his daughter- despite some initial
reservation- it's always seems like whenever we meet up, he's happier to
see Stuart, like he misses having a son- and he's clearly unhappy to see
'his son' serving drinks, something he no doubt thinks is a woman's job.
"We've already drawn up a housework rota," I say with a smug grin.
"Splitting it straight down the middle, 50/50."
"50% done by the cleaner and 50% by the maid?" Dad asks, earning a whack
on the arm from my mother.
"We're capable of cleaning our own house," Stuart says with an air of
pride. "Gonna have to be if we get, well, a new 'housemate'..."
"Ah, of course," mum says with a proud smile that only a grandmother- or
in this case, expectant grandmother- can manage. "Is everything ready on
that regard?"
"More than ready," I say with a proud mother's grin of my own. "Want to
see the nursery?"
"Absolutely!" Mum says with an excited giggle. "Catherine, shall we?"
"Of course!" Stuart's mother says, rising from the second sofa and
following me and my mother up the stairs to the nursery.
"I was only in here a few hours ago," I say as my mother and mother-in-
law sigh happily at the decoration inside the room. "I still get a happy
feeling every time I come into this room."
"That feeling's called 'motherhood'," Catherine says with a grin. "I
remember Emma's first nursery like it was yesterday. Heh, can't believe
she's going to be thirty next week."
"Your first room was pretty special too," mum says, making me blush.
"Your father worked on it for weeks, wanted to make it perfect. Of
course, as you grew older, the room changed..."
"The room wasn't the only thing that changed," I whisper, causing an
awkward silence to fall over the room.
"Well... No," mum mumbles. "I... I still think we didn't do nearly
enough for you when you were younger. If we'd only known earlier, then
maybe we- I don't know. Your father and I, we- we were never suited to
be parents-"
"No," I interrupt. "Don't say that, it-" I pause as I try to find the
right words to comfort my mother, but I'm forced to admit that she's
right. "...You'll be a wonderful grandmother. You really will."
"Thanks," mum whispers.
"I think you two could use some privacy," Catherine whispers, leaving
the room as mum and I sit down on the vast toy box.
"...Mum, I-"
"I'm sorry," mum says, sniffing back a tear. "If we'd done things
differently, if we'd paid more attention to you when you were growing
up, if we- if we just let you be a child, I- I just wonder what you'd be
like now..."
"Whether or not I'd still be called 'James'?" I ask.
"You becoming our daughter is the best thing that could ever have
happened to you," mum immediately retorts. "That much is obvious. I- I
wish I could've had some time with my daughter while she was growing
up."
"I wish that too," I sniff, wiping a stray tear from my eye.
"Don't make the same mistakes we did," mum says firmly. "Be there for
your child. Listen to them, prioritise them, and most of all, love
them."
"I will, I promise," I whisper.
"You're going to make a wonderful mother," mum says with a proud smile.
"There are a lot of people who'll disagree with that," I sigh. "Simply
because of my DNA..."
"Well then I'll defend you from them," mum says. "Just like a mother
should for her daughter. AND her grandchild!"
"Thanks," I giggle, exchanging a long, tender hug with my mother that's
only interrupted by the nursery door opening.
"Knock knock," dad says softly, letting himself into the room. "Stuart's
showing his parents around the ground floor of the house, might take
Raymond a while to get upstairs with his knees... Everything okay up
here?"
"Everything's fine," I say with a grin. "Come on in, dad- I mean,
granddad!"
"I love the room," dad says. "Especially the ceiling... Are- are you,
umm, expecting a- a boy, then?"
"All we're 'expecting' is a baby," I reply, grimacing as dad lowers his
head.
"Of course," my father mumbles, leading to an awkward silence.
"...I'll go and catch up with Stuart and his family," mum whispers. "I
think the two of you need some alone time."
"But-" I protest, but before I can say another word, mum has risen from
the toy box seat and exited the room, leaving me alone with my father.
"...So, then," dad mumbles.
"So," I whisper. "...You like the room, then?"
"Oh- oh, definitely," dad chuckles. "Reminds me a bit of your- of, umm,
of your room. When you were, umm, a baby..."
"Hence why you asked if we were expecting a boy?" I ask.
"Jamie..." Dad sighs, before sitting down next to me. "I know- I know
that all of this success you've had, all this fame and fortune, I- I
can't claim credit for any of it."
"We've been through this so many times before," I sigh. "Me and mum have
too. Just now, in fact."
"Doesn't make it any less true," dad says. "If I could go back and do
everything again-"
"Yeah, well, none of us can do that," I say. "And I was never a perfect-
umm, son..."
"But you are a perfect daughter," dad whispers. "I don't think a day
goes by when I don't think about the first time I met my daughter... I
cringe with shame every time. Every. Single. Time I remember how I
reacted." Yeah, my own reaction wasn't too different, I think to myself.
"Like I said, none of us can turn back the clock," I say. "And... And I
feel a lot closer to you now, as 'Jamie', then I ever did as 'James'."
"...I feel the same way," dad mumbles. "Though that's probably because
you're a, umm, adult, rather than your 'other change'..."
"Maybe," I say, before letting out a long, tired sigh. "Dad... I love
you, dad. We've been through enough that I can at least say that."
"...I love you too, Jamie," dad says, before leaning in and giving me a
long, tender hug. "I was never any good at the whole 'talking' bit,
heh."
"You can't tell," I retort, making my father chuckle quietly. "And for
what it's worth, you're going to be an awesome grandfather."
"Assuming the kid doesn't spend all her time with her famous aunts and
uncles," dad snorts.
"I'll make sure they don't," I say firmly. "They'll only have two
grandpas and two grandmas, and they're going to know and ADORE them."
"Thanks," dad chuckles.
"Also," I say with a mischievous grin, "'her time'? You're sure you're
having a granddaughter, then?"
"Positive," dad says with a smile. "I know that you'll raise my
granddaughter to be a polite, happy young woman. Even if when you get
her, she happens to be a boy."
"...Who knows what the future holds?" I ask, exchanging another hug with
dad before heading downstairs to rendezvous with my husband and my in-
laws.
Our parents stick around for another hour and a half, helping us unpack
and arrange our new home, before departing and leaving me and my husband
alone in our house, which is slowly, surely becoming our home.
"Still feels weird," Stuart mumbles as we sit down on the sofa, his
strong arm wrapped around my slender waist. "And if anyone should know
'weird'..."
"Heh, tell me about it," I giggle. "Isn't this how you saw your first
day of independent married life, then? I mean, when you were younger?"
"I never really thought about it, to be honest," Stuart sighs. "I never
really thought I'd ever find, let alone marry the girl of my dreams.
Never thought I'd be a prospective parent either. And..."
"...And?" I ask, before shaking my head. "Never mind, I know what you're
going to say. And yes, it's the same for me too. However many surgeries
I've had... This feels a lot more like MY body than 'James's ever did, you
know? I feel- I just feel like, you know, myself."
"I know what you mean," Stuart says with a devilish grin. "I like
feeling yourself too."
"Yeah, I like feeling you too," I giggle, cuddling my husband's body
closer to mine as we spend the rest of the evening on the sofa, watching
TV and updating our social media pages.
Even though neither of us have work tomorrow, we opt for an early night,
and as we prepare to head into our bedroom for our first night, I let
out a shriek when Stuart scoops me into his arms and carries me over the
threshold, both of us giggling every step of the way. No words are
exchanged as we relieve each other of our clothes, before taking each
other in the most intimate way possible...
When I wake up the following morning, the first thing I'm aware of is
the smell, almost like a mixture of fine perfume and fresh paint. As my
eyes flutter open, I momentarily panic as I find myself in an unfamiliar
room, before breathing a sigh of relief and smiling when I roll over to
see my husband in bed next to me, gently snoring away.
"Hey, sexy!" I whisper, waking my husband up with a gentle kiss on his
lips.
"Hey," Stuart says with a smile, before frowning at the sight of the
unfamiliar room- an action that makes me giggle. "...New home, right?"
"Riiiiight," I tease, giggling even harder as my husband rolls his eyes.
"Want to, you know, try out the new shower?"
"Umm, sure," Stuart says. "You want to go first or shall I?"
"I'm thinking we try it out together," I say with a sly grin, grabbing
Stuart's hand and leading him toward our plush en-suite, where we
exchange one passionate kiss after the other as the hot water cascades
over our bodies...
After we're both 'clean', we get dressed for the day. Stuart opts for a
comfortable-looking pair of jeans and a t-shirt with the logo of his
favourite band, whilst I, after putting on a light layer of make-up and
a comfortable bra and thong, throw open my new wardrobe... And spend five
minutes simply staring wistfully at the clothes within.
"Oh, god," Stuart moans. "And we haven't even finished unpacking it all
yet..."
"Hush, you," I admonish my husband. "Picking the right outfit is
important. It's ALWAYS important."
"We're not going anywhere today," Stuart protests. "Literally spending
every waking second today indoors. Does your outfit matter THAT much?"
"BOY," I retort. Though in fairness, I HAVE been there, I think to
myself.
'James' would dress even more slobbily than Stuart most days, Most days
'he' wouldn't even pull on proper clothes if 'he' wasn't leaving the
house. But as 'Jamie-Lee', I take pride in every tiny part of my
appearance, and I take delight in every little sensation provided by my
fashionable, feminine clothing. From the feeling of the delicate lace of
my bras caressing my breasts, to a soft pair of tights hugging my legs,
to a tight skirt clinging to my backside, every little feeling sends
tingles of excitement through my body. The first time I found myself in
these clothes, I was horrified. Now I can't fathom why anyone would ever
give this up.
"How about..." I say, reaching into one of my still-packed boxes. "This,
and these?"
"...Hilarious," Stuart says, making me giggle as he stares wide-eyes at
the latex leotard and ballet boots I'm holding in my hands. "Why do you
even own them, anyway?"
"Why wouldn't I?" I shrug, before grinning devilishly as I stretch the
leotard over my body before lacing up the thigh-high boots.
"That looks like the least comfortable thing EVER," Stuart says in a
flat voice. "If you try to walk downstairs in those heels