The Pink Diva Chronicles Day 109-120 free porn video

Day 109 Pink AGHHHHHH! I hate it when people poke their nose where it does not belong. Today and yesterday at work, Quinton LaForge asked me about my tattoo. He is the same guy who came in late then said about my panties being in a bunch when I had a talk to him about it. Yesterday when I said it is personal he should have known to drop it. Quinton has the right to ask, but he thinks he also has the right to an answer. He does not. The tattoo is personal, and I do not wish to share my personal life with my co-workers. I did not do so before when it was a boring one; now that it is interesting, I have even less motivation to talk about it. At least some good has come from Quinton not understanding social boundaries; I know that I will need to start to make a plan to transition. I am not saying that I am going to, it might be best that I play the role of Ben when at work and with some friends and be myself the rest of the time. I am saying that with how drawn I am to having Bella out whenever I can that it looks that way. I have to do what is best for me. I know it is a desire and want to be Bella all the time. I just do not know if it is a need. Today too many people confuse a want with a need. If transitioning to Bella is a need then I will have to do it regardless of the professional and social cost. I would much rather lose my job and people who do not understand transgenderism than lose myself. Losing my job is a minor worry. Working at Pitt has so many benefits. Now one of the biggest ones is how much they protect their workers' rights. Pennsylvania also has gender identity protected in its employment discrimination law. The only concern I have is losing my team underneath me. If that happens then I can lose my job. I do not see that happening because of the relationship I have with my team. I make sure that we have a great professional relationship. I am not their buddy and do not play favorites. I treat them all the same and like adults. I explain my decisions and I listen to them if they have a concern. I am also wise enough to go with their suggestion about my decision if they bring up a good point on why I am wrong. They know if they need something that they can come to me and I will do my best to accommodate their request. This helps me get the most out of my co- workers. Also, they know I only want one thing, them to do their best at their job. Them doing well makes my job easier and also helps foster a great work environment. Friends and family, now that is another story. I do not know how Frank, Liam and Erik will take it, if I lived as Bella. I know for sure they would not see me as one of the boys anymore. Then again, I would not be. Even with it only truly being an aesthetic change, it will be huge. Being known as a female to that group of friends would make them act like a lady is around when I am. In a way that would be refreshing. It does get tiring hearing them talk so casually in a sexist manner. They never talk about how great Scarlett Johansson's acting is in Avengers, they talk about how sexy she is in her catsuit. Now family; I know my immediate family will be there for me. How they treated me and Dana showed me that. Now, the rest of the family; I hate to say this, but I do not care. I only see them at family functions. They are family by blood only. I know that, if and when I transition, there will be so many challenges, known and unknown. I like what I am going to say about the issues which will occur as living as Bella; I am looking forward to facing them. I know to truly savor something in life, one has to take the good with the bad. I am going to live as a transgender lady and not playing dress up. So many people think that is what being transgender is about. No, I know that portraying oneself as their true gender is a result of being transgender. Putting a skirt on does not make one a transgender lady. Being a transgender lady makes one put a skirt on. I am outta here, talk to you later PD Love Bella Day 111 Great night at Dana's. We had our first real snowfall of this winter tonight. I love it when the first snowfall happens during the night. I find it so beautiful to watch it fall with the streetlights on. The light shining on the flakes makes them sparkle. There is just something so tranquil about seeing all those little frozen stars falling to the ground. I stood at the front window and watched the snow when Dana was doing the dishes. He came in and wrapped his arms around me to join me in watching. I never felt so at peace and relaxed so close to someone. I will say I also felt safe. Dana is taller than me and muscular so I felt blanketed by his body and his love and caring for me. If I could, I know I would have purred in contentment. That moment was a magic moment which I know I will always cherish. When I see a snowfall happen at night it will take me back to standing at that window. Memories; that is what true love is made out of and everyone should have as many of this type of memories as there were snowflakes in the street light spotlight I saw tonight. We then went back to the couch in our normal position of me curled up leaning against Dana and him having his arm around me. That is so comfortable. He did mention no golf this week; the guys will just drive some balls at the club's range. Then he suggested that Friday, if Stacy and Bridgette are free, we should do something with them. My man mentioning in passing that Bridgette is one of the guys made me think about what I wrote about my friends. I believe that they see gender before the person. This can lead to people not seeing others as individuals. It also leads to people being taken back or surprise by things they should not be. Liam could not understand why Frank became the stay at home parent after they had their first baby. There had been many reasons. He would never admit it, but I know that he also looked down on Frank for doing so. Monica makes more money than him and worked a job she loved. Frank is great with kids and taking the job as the primary caretaker of their child freed him up to do home repairs and renovations. Their home was a fix-me-upper. If people just saw others how they wanted others to see them then Frank wanting to be a stay at home Dad or me expressing who I am would not be a surprise. I do not understand why it is so hard for people to treat others like the individual they want to be treated like. Life would be so much simpler if people just treated others how they wanted to be treated. Saying goodnight from a state of love and contentment Bella Day 112 Last day of work for this year; yes. It is so nice to have the Holiday Season off. I did have to use three vacation days to start a little early, but it was worth it. I am so looking forward to what I know will be the first of many Christmases and New Years with Dana. It felt great saying know and not hope in that last sentence. I know I found the man who I will spend the rest of my life with. I need to get going. Bridgette and Stacy will be here soon to spend time with us. It is nothing really exciting, just playing Spades. The game is just an excuse for us to get together. Hugs Bella Day 113 Cards was great with Bridgette and Stacy. Those two asked if they could use my house to host a little dinner party get-together for New Year's Eve. Bridgette's apartment is too small. I said of course. The guests are going to be the Muses and their better halves. Stacy was also talking about the division of assets between her and James. Stacy was talking about putting her bedroom set in storage. She wants to keep the bedroom set, she picked it out, and he is saying that she needs to get it right away. I told her that she could just take over the master bedroom. My bedroom set can easily fit one of the other bedrooms so that is no big deal. Stacy is at the home more often than me so she would get better use out of the bigger bedroom. Today was a big day for me. I know I have been having many big days, but they come along more often when people are growing and becoming who they are. Seeing who I am becoming makes me feel like a parent of a baby. I see so many changes and me having so many milestones. Talking with Karen was great. We talked more about transitioning and I told her about how I was coming about with a plan. I gave her the groundwork and agreed that it is the best way for me. The strategy of the plan is simple, I will start living as a woman in my personal life, then move on to my social life, then finally my professional life. When a change like this is happening, I think one needs to be comfortable in their personal life first before they go deeper into being who they are. The tactics will be telling my family and closest friends first. They deserve to know by me telling them as who they thought I was. It will also give them time to come to terms that I am not Ben, but Belladonna. This will be huge for them also, so I will make sure that I have the contact information for support groups to give them. My mom and dad will be losing a son, my brother and sister will be losing a brother. My friends will be losing a male friend. They need to be able to handle it and I want to make sure that I help them as much as I can to make me going from Ben to Bella as smooth as possible for them. The social acceptance will be mixed. I mean that some people I will tell before I am out and about as Bella and others will find out from me by meeting her. (It is strange referring to oneself in the third person.) I will also start to go through the process of legally changing my name and gender. I will start speech and language therapy and hair removal treatments as soon as I start living as Bella in my personal life. The professional one will be tedious. This is for dealing with HR is always too long, slow, and dull. I understand why they need to make sure they have everything covered, but it is just so bureaucratic. First I will have to tell HR. Then they will want to have a meeting with me and my boss to talk about the situation. After that, it is starting to fill out the paperwork so my records correctly reflect my new name and true gender. Then the big part, having the meeting with the people in my department to talk about me being who I am at work. I had to laugh when I read about this meeting in the employee's handbook. It stated that with a worker transitioning, it is a great time to also talk about sexual harassment at the workplace. They are talking about what is best overall for the university when the meeting should be about what is best for the employee. I know that sexual harassment is an issue, but it should not be one of the main points of the meeting. The main point of the meeting should be on such and such date Ben will be Bella and you treat Bella just like any other woman. We even talked about when I will start the transition. The living part I am thinking New Year's Day. I will follow the plan which I laid out earlier at first it would be at home then personal life and then finally work. I need more than two weeks to get management at work ready, plus I need to ease into being Bella full time so I am not overwhelmed. That start date would only give me two weeks to tell everyone I wanted to beforehand. I think that will be more than enough time since I am now off from work until after the New Year, plus it is the season where people go around to spend time with their loved ones. I know I made this sound so cold and calculating and it is. One just does not say I am female and start to live as one full time. It is a huge life changing event for me and others. In some ways transitioning has to be handled like a work project. I and the people around me need to be ready for the good and bad which comes with it. I know there will be many tears of joy and pain along the way. I am ready for both the joy and sorrow. One cannot know true joy in life if there is not also sorrow in it. Joy all the time makes people complacent about it. I got to Dana and told him the good news. He was so happy for me that when he hugged me, my feet left the ground. He then said that Lizzy and I should do some shopping together, just the two of us. It would be Monday and a great chance for us to bond I do need a proper wardrobe. I did think that I had one for when I am Bella, but I do not. I need work clothes among clothes for other events. I need clothes for garden work. I need workout clothes. Until really thinking of life, I did not know how empty my Bella wardrobe was. I did not change to go pick up Lizzy. I was going to, but Dana said he thought it would be cool if she met me dressed as who I really am. I agreed with him, plus at the airport no one will say anything. People are too concerned with getting out of there to pay attention to others. Yes, going to the airport as Bella was me living my personal life in a social setting as her, so you might think that I already started living as Bella. I did not. I can go back to living as Ben if I wanted to. In the New Year it would not be a choice to go back and forth. Not that I would be forced to be Bella, it would be that I am just her. (again using 3rd person just felt strange.) Lizzy was so happy to see Dana and me. She was touched that I came as Bella. I was also taken with some emotions by how much she accepted me. I know that she will only see me as Bella and never as Ben. Liz is an econ grad student at Cal Berkeley. She should be done with her dissertation this spring and in May will graduate and has a couple of tenure track chairs to choose from, one of them at CMU. She told me that she fully expects me to be there to see her get her sheepskin. I am looking forward to that. It is great to celebrate an achievement with someone you find special. There is the added bonus that I have never been to Cali and so want to go to the beach there. I will say it was so great to see those two interact. Dana is the protective older brother. Lizzy is just the supportive younger sister; she makes Dana see the best in himself. The rest of the night was great. They told me so many stories about each other. The best one was Lizzy explaining why Dana loved Peter Pan. When she was upset, he used to pretend he was Peter Pan and would take her away to Neverland. Lizzy loved the pictures of me as Tinkerbell; she said she wished she saw that in person. It was cute seeing Dana blush from the story. I told her that after we get back from their parents, she would. Love Bella Day 116 Shopping was great with Lizzy. We bonded a lot. I did go dressed as Ben. Even with being dressed as him, I knew I was Bella. Part of it was the confidence I have in who I am. The clothes never made me Bella; being Bella made me pick the clothes. Another part of feeling so connected to who I am was the company. Lizzy saw me as Bella so it was hard not to let her shine. I did feel a little camp at first, but that went away quickly. I know I was not over the top; it was just that I never noticed that as Bella, my mannerisms were different. I used my hands a lot more when talking with Lizzy, and I was more touch-feely. I kept on tapping her when talking. My wrists were limp also, and the last one I will bore you with, PD, was I had more shake in my walk. Shopping itself: I am proud of myself for I did not break the bank shopping. I only bought three work outfits, two workout outfits and some clothes for running everyday errands. I could have gone wild but felt in a way I would be buying to make up for lost time. I would be trying to make up for all the shopping trips I never had as Bella before I knew about who I am. I wanted to wait until after Christmas to start telling people about being a transgender woman, but I felt it was right to start today. I went over to see Frank and Monica on my holiday visit. I always do it before Christmas because I want to drop off the small gifts I get for their children. They have the tradition of putting the gifts for their children from friends and family under the tree until they are opened. We were at the kitchen table talking about their wedding; it is going to be on June 10th. Frank asked me to be his Best Man. The question of being someone?s Best Man should be a formality and the other person should jump at it right away. The question made me recoil. I thought that by then I would be living as Bella full time and close to being on hormones. Frank was hurt that I did not give an enthusiastic yes right away. He said that nothing has changed between us just because I am gay. That we might not hang out as much. The reason was not our friendship was fading but we were making our own families. That I would always be his main dog. I laughed at that and said your main dog is a bitch. That was such a lame inside joke which only I got. I was nervous right then and you know that I make bad jokes when I am, PD. Frank said that me being the most emotional man he knew did not make me a bitch. I know Frank thought I was being melodramatic when I got somber and said I was going to wait but had to tell him now. He laughed and said what I had to tell him could not make it so I could not be his Best Man. Boy, was he wrong. I told him and Monica all about Bella. I showed him some pictures of me as her from my phone. Frank could not believe how good, natural, and happy I looked as her. Monica was touched that I did not chase her out of the room to tell Frank. After I shed a couple of tears and was back to normal, Frank said ?OK I was wrong, you being a woman can stop you being my Best Man, but not my Best Woman. I want my best friend at my side at my wedding.? Monica was so sweet, she asked if she could call me Bella. I told her yes. She then said it would be more fitting if Frank?s best woman friend was a bridesmaid. That would solve the issue of her wanting her brother, Shane, to be in the wedding. He could now be one of the groomsman. She pointed out I would much rather be wearing a gown and presenting myself as all woman. I agreed with her and told Frank I could do all the Best Man duties for the wedding. I would have his dream bachelor party; the guys and this girl getting drunk and playing a weekend long D&D session. I could be the person who handed him the ring at the ceremony, plus the toast at the wedding. Frank knew that Scott, Bill and Eric were also going to say one, so that would not change. So, PD, I am going to get to be a bridesmaid. After talking a little more, Frank did excuse himself so Monica and I could talk some. He knew that we two needed to bond and was happy to let us. I know Frank and she saw this as a way for us to become couple friends. He did suggest us four to do celebrate the New Year with each other. He and Dana get along so well, and if the same happened between Monica and me, then it would be easier for us to do things together. Me coming out as Bella made the friendship between me and those two stronger. Monica felt closer to me and I knew that Frank?s words of me being his main dog no matter what were not hollow. He proved so when he found out that I was not a dog but a bitch. Day 118 I told my mom and dad about Bella; actually I showed them. They say a picture says a thousands words then seeing something in real life must be a million. I called them both at work and asked them to come over to my place tonight and we will order some Chinese and just catch up. Me doing that was not that unusual, for I used to invite them over a couple times a month when I was single. Stacy helped by answering the door and going to the gym after letting them in. They walked in and I was standing dressed as who I really am. It was nothing special, just a black skirt, green blouse and the green ankle boots from Halloween. They were both so accepting. The strange part was their reactions were reversed. My dad was the one who took it matter of factly and my mom was stunned. My dad was more interested if we could order take out now or if we were going to wait for Stacy to come back. My mom asked a couple of times if I was sure. I understand that she was concerned and transgender people are not part of her life. After I assured my mom that this was what was best for me she was happy for me. My mom promised me she would become more knowledgeable about transgenderism. My mom works as a bookkeeper for a local trucking company. I think the last time they hired someone new in the office, who was not family, was during the Bush administration. My dad, he works for Mellon Corp so he deals with more people and his work culture is different. It has to deal with diversity more than my mom?s. He has to stay more in touch with the new norms in society more than my mom. The rest of the night was normal and so I loved it. We ended up talking until Stacy came home, then we ordered supper. Our chat was mostly about the Holidays and they were so looking forward to seeing Dana again and my plans about telling Gail, Russ and Carmen. I told them after Christmas and before the New Year. Then the funniest thing happened, my dad apologized in advance for all the times he was going to call me Ben when I am Bella, and my mom told he he better not. I said Dad messes up everyone names now so it better not be different with me when I am Bella. I did text Stacy to ask her what she wanted from Ming?s. It was timed great for the food arrived with her. We sat down and what I thought would be a huge elephant in the room was nothing. The night just ended up being a daughter hanging out with her parents and one of her closest friends. Goodnight PD Bella, Mr and Ms MacAdoo?s daughter Day 119 I was a little worried about Dana this morning. He just did not seem his normal self. He was antsy and easily distracted. His mind was somewhere else and it was like he was getting ready for a confrontation. That is not my man. Lizzy kept on telling him everything was going to be fine. That it was going to be great to see Mom. I noticed that she did not say it was going to be great to see her Dad. I told Dana to call me when he was on his way back and he did. He sounded more like his true self. I was so relieved. Judging from the time it takes to get to Erie from Upper St Clair, I know that he had only dropped her off. I thought he would spend some time up there. I thought it was because he wanted to make sure I was OK. I told him he could stay and he said he will explain when he got back. Dana got back and he was back to 100%. He kept his word and explained. It was not a big explanation and that is fine. I will know soon enough. He said he and his father do not get along at all, that his father is an asshole. I found it surprising that Dana was so blunt. I did not push him for it must be hard to think that about someone who you loved. I did all I could do and was there for him. I held him and started to tell him how great this Christmas was going to be and how many more we were going to have together. I could tell that it helped him to mention that the past was not something to revisit but to remember, and he was looking forward to all those Christmases we are going to have together. Day 120 OMG, OMG, PD, my man just ravished me and I rocked his world. This entry will be graphic. I just need to share the experience with someone. Writing how I felt and how it felt will help me process what has just occured. I am a changed woman from it. First, how I set it up. I told Dana I wanted to get ready for bed before we exchanged gifts. I did, not only so I could give him myself, but also I just feel there is something Christmas-y about opening gifts by the tree while in your robe. It makes it feel more personal. That was one thing I so loved about Christmas morning growing up, everyone in their pjs and rooms and Mom and Dad smiling as us kids are opening up presents, then us having a huge smile on our faces giving Mom and Dad our gifts. Dana was ready first and I asked him to wait for me before he went downstairs. I excused myself to the main bathroom. There I had my heels, put them on and went back into our bedroom. I stood at the door well and told Dana to look. He did and was a little confused why I was just standing there. I slipped off my robe and stood in all my glory. I am telling you, PD, right then I felt as regal, powerful, and beautiful as Venus in the painting of her birth. I said take me and did my man listen! Even with being filled with confidence and wanting my man, I was pensive about us having sex. I did not know what to expect; all I knew was I wanted whatever was going to happen. I wanted to feel my man?s touch. I wanted to feel his lips on mine. I wanted to feel his cock with my hands, my mouth, and also in me. Dana firmly grabbed me by my waist and pulled me towards him. My hands went onto to his chest which was even more firm than the grip he had on me. I was so nervous about what was going to happen. Then the kiss; that kiss reassured me that nothing would happened which would cause me harm. During the kiss his right hand went up to behind my neck and his left went to my ass. He then literally and figuratively swept me off of my feet. I did say 'take me' and I knew right then he was going to. I also knew right then I was not going to try to stop him. He laid me down on our bed. Even with me not living with him I see his and my bed as ours. We share them. There was no way this bed could not be mine. I would never have been open to have such an intensely intimate moment in a place which was not my home. Then after some more kissing and fondling I went for his cock. His cock is huge. I know; vulgar, and sorry. It is both long and thick. The first time I touched it, I got a little pensive again. Even with touching it feeling so good, all I could think was that thing was going to be in me. I did not want to take my hand off of it. I loved feeling how hard it was. As my hand was on his cock, Dana was nibbling on my ear. Then he stopped for one moment to say I did that. I knew exactly what he was talking about. I felt so powerful that I was able to make him that hard. I could not take the anticipation anymore. I needed to feel Dana in me. I let out 'fuck me.' That was not the most elegant expression to use, but right then, I was not worried about being elegant. I thought he was going to turn me over. Instead he had his shoulder at the back of my knees and and he was able to penetrate me while we were face to face. He was pounding me and it was painful, but felt so good at the same time. I was moaning and even with the pain wanting him to go harder. I felt the ball of warmth growing in my stomach. Then I felt him climax; he exploded in me. That felt so good. Feeling his cum fill me up made that now-huge ball of warmth break and it seeped throughout my entire body. It was the most intense and longest organism I ever had. I swore I was never going to quit quivering from that intense pleasure Dana gave me. He held me and gently stroked my face. How secure and loved Dana made me feel helped me come back down from the euphoria I was feeling. After a little bit of cuddling and both of us saying that was the best sex ever, Dana suggested that we both take a shower and then he had a surprise to give me before we exchanged presents. He also asked if I did not mind if I got dressed, instead of just in my robes. I said that I would get dressed and my man was happy. I went to get my stuff out of the master bathroom and Dana stopped me. He went and used the other one. I only did a quick makeup job on my face. I knew I did not need that much blush for I was still glowing from sex. I came downstairs and Dana had a look of love and devotion on his face. My man always has a look of love on his face when he looks at me, but this was more serious. When I finally got down the stairs, Dana got up and walked over to me. There was silence and then my man got on one knee. I felt all pensive again. He was going to pop the question. I started to quiver again and fought so hard not to say yes until he asked the question. Then what he said was etched into my memory. ?Bella, we have only known each other for four months. I never thought I would want to hand over my heart to someone so quickly after meeting them. I know what my life was without you and never want that again. Will you spend the rest of your life with me as my wife, my partner, my companion and my lover.? I said yes and he put the ring on my finger. Dana also gave me a necklace to keep the ring on when it could not be on my finger. Even with the ring always being on me and having a place close to my heart when it cannot be on my finger, I am looking forward to the day that the physical sign of our love and devotion to each other never leaves my finger. I have to say I found it fitting that the surprise which we each wanted to give each other, both being ourselves to the other, was fitting. I never thought that Dana was going to ask me about marriage, but knew that we would. Dana was so patient with waiting for us to be this intimate and I think it was worth it. It will help make each time we are together special. Needless to say the actual gifts we got for each other did not compare to our first time and getting engaged. Dana was touched at the golf clubs and I know he will get much use out of them. I was also touched at Dana?s gift, an antique jewelry box. I should not say just an antique jewelry box, but the antique jewelry box which I made such a big deal about when we saw it on the Antiques Roadshow. Until I saw it, I did not realize how much I talked about how perfect it was. The gifts were a perfect example of why Dana and I are so great together. We both wanted what the other got us, but were something we would have never bought for ourselves. We would have thought spending that much money would have been frivolous, and would have denied ourselves the pleasure of having them. I am off to bed for the next couple of days are going to be big. Don?t worry. I will write in you on the way up to Dana?s parents. Merry Christmas Bella