The Pink Diva Chronicles Day 1-43 free porn video

Author's Notes: This is a very old attempt at writing in the first person. A dear friend edited it, but I want it to feel like a diary and not a traditional book. Day 1 Dear Diary, It is strange. I am a grown man, and I am starting to keep a diary. I was asked to keep you by Dana, a man I met today. I agreed to it for it sounded like the right course of action to take after spending today with him. I will get to that story after I write about how it feels to have you. I can't believe right now I am writing down how I feel in you. Not for it is bad to write down your thoughts; intelligent people do it all the time. I can't believe it, for your covering is bright pink and decorated with a 3D crown, diamantes, ribbons, tulle and glitter on the front. Your pen is pink with glitter, the ink is pink and even your heart-shaped lock is pink. Your package says you are the Pink Diva Young Woman's Diary. I will give you this, Pink Diva Young Woman's Diary; you are cute. I think, as of now, the only cute item in this house. You are not what a grown thirty year old man should be using to keep his thoughts in. I should now write about Dana. He is a doctor in his early 30's . He is intelligent, outgoing and confident. It was late morning, and I was people-watching, while having an iced tea at a local coffee shop. He came up and asked if he could sit at the table. I said yes. We started to talk; the conversation went smoothly, even with him asking so many questions. He asked these questions detachedly; I just thought that was from being a doctor,. Thinking back, it was more like a job interview, and if this is a job, I got it. I was about to leave, and he asked if he could buy me another iced tea so I would stay. My new friend told me he was enjoying our time together. I was also. It was nice to have someone who actually listened, and was interested in what I had to say. He was going to get himself another coffee, so we went in together. At the time, it did not seem out of place, but he held the door open for me. He insisted that he did. I liked it. He showed that he has class. During our second drink, he asked if we could spend the day together, that he was planning to go to the local museum right down the street from here, and it would be nice to share the art and history with me. I said yes, I would love it. How I had not been there for years and wanted to know more about art. Just let me go to the ATM to get some money, I said. He said he would not think of it. He asked me if I wanted to go, so it was his treat. We got up, and walked down to the museum. He joked about being a gentleman, and I agreed with him. I did more than agree with him. I mentioned that it was so nice to be around someone else who had manners, that the world would be so much better if more men acted like him. We got to the museum and he held the door open for me for the second time. Again I did not think anything of it, and thanked him. He smiled and said you are welcome. He then complimented me on having manners also. I blushed for a little , We got up to the cashier and she told him 20 dollars. He said no, I am paying for both of us. She said sorry about that, it is 40. After giving us our admission tickets, she told us to enjoy our day together. So anyway, we are in the museum, and we talked about the art. I said about how I liked it or not, and deferred to him. He knows so much more about the arts than me. I am such a computer geek. After awhile, it became more like the chat we had at first at the coffee shop. He was asking me questions about the art and I explained how I felt about it, and why. He praised me for picking up so much about art in such a short period of time. I will admit that I was embarrassed, and told him it was so easy to be a good student for I had such a great teacher. He smiled, then I thought it was from the compliment that I gave him, but now I think it is more for how I blushed. After a couple of hours of walking around, we left the museum. He held the door for me on the way out again, and stopped me from getting the second set of doors by asking me if I would like to grab an early dinner. If I did not know better, I would have sworn that he asked that just so he could get the door for me. I told him yes, and he said great, we will go to this nice little Italian restaurant he knows. I said good, tell me where it is and I will meet you there. He said, "Don't be silly. Why should both of us drive? I will drive us." I said fine. We walked to his car, and he unlocked the passenger door for me, and then opened it. I got in and he closed it. I thanked him when he got in the car. We got to the restaurant and he told me to allow him to get my door for it sticks a little. I said fine. We went in, and of course he opened the door for me, and we were seated. He waited to sit until I did. Then he sat down. We were given our menus and asked if we wanted something to drink. He said we will both have water right now. I looked at him and he explained that it is best to only order water until you know what you are eating. You want to make sure that your drink goes with your meal. I thanked him for doing so, and he smiled again. I was looking at the menu and he suggested the chicken parmesan with lemony broccoli. I said that sounds good, and then I said the beer I wanted with it. He said no, you have that light tasting meal with a white wine, you do not want the drink to overpower the meal. I told him I never drank a white wine before. He said trust me, you will like it. I did trust him, so went along with his suggestion. He smiled again. The waiter came over to get our orders, and Dana gave him both of our orders. I did not think anything of it at the time. Looking back, today had many strange occurrences, and at the time I did not find them odd. Now I still do not, even with knowing that they were strange. I also liked most of them. It was nice that he got the door for me, paid for the museum and dinner. I will make him a nice homemade meal as payback, plus just to do something nice for him. We enjoyed the meal, and on the way out, I waited for him to get the door. I did not notice it at the time. I swear I was not noticing anything. He saw me waiting, and smiled. I smiled back at him, for I was enjoying his company. On the way back to my car, he asked if I would mind if we stopped at his place. I said no. He parked, and asked me if I would like to come in for coffee. I was so enjoying his company and did not want the day to end, so I quickly said yes. This was strange at the time, but I did not really care. He asked me if I minded making the coffee. I told him it is the least I can do. He sat down and I went to the kitchen. While going in there, he told me to use the coffee decanter. While the coffee was boiling, I found the decanters, and asked him how he likes his coffee. I followed his instructions in what to add to his cup, and then made mine. I went to the living room and gave him his cup. He started to do that interrogation thing again; with it being at least the third time today, it was not as strange. He asked so many questions, and almost all my answers were quick and positive. The two I remember are 'would I like another day like this with him' and 'why I think I enjoyed our time together.' I did not even have to hear the entire question about spending the day with him to answer yes. He smiled when that happened. The one answer which I gave which was not quick, positive, and well thought out, was for the question of why I thought I enjoyed today. The answer was, 'I don't know. It was fun.' He looked concerned with the answer, and started to talk about the need to know oneself. I agreed with him. Anyway, to make a long story short, he said I should get to know myself by keeping a diary. I said that is girly. He said if you think so then you should get a girly diary and keep your thoughts in it. There is nothing wrong with getting in touch with your feminine side also. He asked me to trust him on this, and I don't know why I did. I guess I felt like I at least owed him this for the great day we had. He said great, think of this as a project to know yourself. Writing in you makes me think that maybe we do not have that many gentlemen around us for they are so concerned about being what society thinks is manly. Somehow, being introspective is now not considered manly. It is more about being macho, than masculine to be a man, than allowing you to be more free in your writing for you will feel silly. On the way back to my car, he said he will call me on Tuesday about getting together soon. I said great. So I got you, and called my friend to say I am staying in, and wrote this. Goodnight Day 2 Dear Diary I am so mad at myself, and getting madder, sitting with you in front of me. I should not be writing in you, for that is why I am mad, but I cannot vent to anyone else. My friends will laugh at me for having you, then laugh louder if I describe you, and they would laugh even louder if they knew the reason I stayed in last night was to write in you. Why did I listen to Dana? This was a stupid idea. When he calls, I am so going to tell him how stupid this is, and I am not going to do this. Anyway, me getting you did lead to something good. I started to workout again. I was so mad at myself this morning for pouring out my soul to you that I went to the gym and used the elliptical machine for an half hour. It felt so good, that I am going to make sure that I start going. So I will bid you farewell, just needed to get that off my chest. Sorry it did not work out between us, and thank you for all the help. Day 4 Dear Diary I know. I am back. I said farewell last time; but I am mad again. I can't talk to anyone else and that is the only reason why I open up you. Can't tell my friends, for they will laugh, and Dana did not call. Men, argghh. They make fun of anything they do not understand, and they talk a good game, but cannot back it up. Sometimes I think most of them are just boys acting like grownups. They can be so immature. Dana seemed so nice, and wanted to help me find out about myself. That does make me wonder why he did not call. I will admit that he did make me reexamine my life, and I do hope to find out more about who I am. Well, I am happy that he did not call, for I did not have to tell him how stupid it is to have you. I know. I use you to help me, yet call you stupid. You do help, but a 30 year old man should not be using such a pretty diary to help put his thoughts together. It is stupid. It does not matter if he likes how cute his diary is, he should not have one. So again, farewell, and thanks for all the help. I feel better saying what is irking me to someone or something else. Day 5 Dear Diary Don't laugh at me for being back. You should be happy, for you are here for my thoughts, and also that I am not writing in you because I am mad. I am sharing with you, for I am happy, Dana sent some flowers to say he was sorry for not calling, and a little card to explain why. I got home from work and going to the gym, loving getting back in shape, and was ready to just relax by watching some TV. Then my doorbell rang. I wondered who was there. I saw a delivery person holding flowers and he asked me if I was Ben MacAdoo (that is me, and I had been rude about not telling you more about me. I promise I will) and I said yes. He said, 'these are for you,' and had me sign for them. I was a little perplexed about getting flowers, but saw that they were my favorites; forgetmenots and purple heathers. That made me happy. I can say that I am happy getting the flowers, for you will not laugh. It is not getting the flowers that made me happy, it is what the flowers were; like I said, my favorites. I do not care that I am repeating myself, for I like those flowers. Hey, a man can have favorite flowers. Don't judge me. I knew they were from Dana. We were looking at some painting at the museum on Saturday and I mentioned how much I love those, for there was a painting of a vase with them in it. He remembered that moment we shared, and him doing so made me feel special. It is nice that he did, and sending the flowers as a peace offering, just shows that he does care about my feelings. Now I have two pretty things in my house; you and the flowers. I think I might press one forgetmenot and heather in you to keep them. It will be a personal touch to you. The note was sweet also. It said sorry, I was tied up at work and felt that just sending a text would be impersonal.I will call you tonight, and we can talk if you like.. He was right; that would have been impersonal. The phone is ringing, I bet you that is him. Going to get it.. Be back soon. Back!!! It was great talking on the phone with Dana. Anyway the phone call, I know you want to hear about what we talked about and that is why I came back to you so soon.. We chatted, and not just made plans. It is nice just to chat on the phone. I don't do that much anymore. Anyway, we are going to (his words) spend time together on Saturday. I saw it as hanging out but he explained that we are spending time together, not wasting time, so it isn't just hanging out. We worked it out so I can. I have my fantasy football draft that day. This is so cool, he is into fantasy football also, can you believe that? He is also a huge football fan, yeah. So anyway, after the mall he is just going to drop me off at the draft, and then pick me up. I know it will be a little late, but he just wanted to talk about the draft to help him with his draft on Sunday. I said of course to that idea. It will be so nice to help him, for he is becoming a good friend. I know you were waiting for this part. Yes, we talked about you. I was waiting for him to bring you up, but he didn't, for he respects my privacy. Anyway, we did not talk much about you, and he is happy that I am keeping you. I am also happy, for you are helping me see things differently, and to actually think about my actions instead of being on autopilot. Anyway I am off to bed, so goodnight. Day 7 Dear Diary I know I did not stop by yesterday, and this is going to be my last time stopping by. I was just not going to write in you anymore, but it did not seem like I would get closure if I did that. It is funny what being in a good mood does; it makes one not see what they are doing. I should not be writing in you. Do not be sad, for I will keep on growing and finding out more about myself, but I do not need to be doing it in a silly manner. Me writing in a Pink Diary, that is just silly. I understand what Dana was doing, having me focus on something else, so it was easier to let my feelings come out. I might not have done it the best before I got you. I will focus more on how I feel when being introspective about life. Thank you for that lesson. Farewell. Day 9 Dear Diary I know, I know. I keep on coming back. I just can't quit you, giggle. I also know it is Monday and I did not give you the scoop on the weekend. Well, it was a great one, so be ready for me to beat your ear. Wait for me to beat your pages. I had an amazing weekend and need to share it. I cannot with my friends, for they are troglodytes. They harassed me about my new ear piercings. The gall of them. Some of them have their ears pierced also. So what if I have both of them done. That is what I wanted. Like Dana said many times, 'Be yourself and you will find yourself.' Anyway, Dana came and picked me up around 2. I was a little nervous waiting for him. I think it is for when I get excited, I get a little nervous. See, I am getting better about focusing on how I am feeling and why. We went to the Mall. He needed to pick up a print he just got reframed. I came along, for I enjoy spending time with him. We wandered around the mall before picking it up. We walked by Claire's, and I saw that they were having a deal for ear piercing. I shared with Dana that I always wanted my ears pierced, but by the time I could, I was too old. He laughed and told me to do it, be yourself and you will find yourself. It will give you something to write about in your diary. I blushed when he said that for I thought the entire mall could not only hear him, but they could also picture you in their mind. So I did it. I got my ears pierced. I always wanted to do it , and like Dana always says, be yourself and you will find yourself. We went in, and I said I wanted my ears pierced. I thought that I would feel funny walking in there, but how confident Dana is, gave me some confidence also. Confidence can be shared, and he is a great friend sharing his with me. The clerk did not bat an eyelid, and we started to fill out paperwork. While I was on the purple chair, Dana asked for the ticket to pay for it. I did not even try to fight it. I know what he would say. This part is funny, and you will get a huge laugh out of it. After the nice sales lady pierced my ears, she got the purple hand mirror to show me them. She said they are so cute, and quickly said sorry. I laughed when she explained that her statement is just a reflex, for she is so used to piercing ears of young girls, and they love hearing that. I told her I did not mind, and she took it as I was talking about saying that to me. It was I did not mind if she found them cute. Cute is nice. I like cute. There, I said it, I like cute. A man can like cute. Leaving Claire's. I thanked him, and told him next weekend if he is free, he is coming over to my place, so I can at least cook him a meal. It is going to be lasagna, his favorite. .He smiled when I told him what I was cooking. I really do like his smile and making him smile. His nice smile got bigger when after he mentioned that Lasagna is his favorite, I told him that was why I was making it. I remembered him mentioning it that day we met. Pink Diva, I will never forget that day, it was so nice and I know it is a watershed day in my life. He then said, 'it's a date', and I laughed and said, 'yes, it is a date.' My draft went great; not much to say about it. It was nice to hang out with my friends. Sometimes I do wish it was more than just hanging out, that we spent time together. We laughed , had a good time, but it was not something we would make a connection over. Our time is something which keeps an old connection alive. I want our friendship to grow like I want to grow. Funny thing, I brought up my new friend, Dana, at the draft and a couple of my buddies thought he was a girl. Frist said he thought I was gushing over him; well, I am not. He is just a great guy who I just met. I swear my friends can be so immature. Dana came and picked me up and we went to his place. We talked about the draft and I think he is going to do good. We also talked about other things. We are still getting to know each other, and I am enjoying this. I have not made a connection to anyone like this for a long time. It is like we have known each other our entire lives. We talked late, so I just stayed over and slept in his guest room. The room was cute, for it was set up for his younger sister. I am telling you, Pink Diva, you would so fit in there. The cutest thing in the room was the Tinkerbell nightlight. I always liked her; how feisty she is, and how much she is in the moment. She is always in the moment for she is fairy size, and that prevents her from having any counter emotions to what she is feeling. We got up, and Dana asked me if I minded staying to help run the draft. I said I would love to. He started to set up the living room, but I told him to relax and get ready to enjoy the draft, I will do it. I set up for the draft and put the snacks out. I also ran the draft, so Dana did not have to do that and be in it. That is hard, trying to draft a team and keep the draft running. It felt nice doing so, and his friends were so nice. After his draft was over, a couple of the wives showed up. They met at Dana's place before the draft to go have brunch and do some shopping. I offered to get them some coffee and made it for them. I did not think Dana should quit having fun with his friends. As the coffee was brewing, I asked Dana if he had any cookies or a cake. He said the white box in the fridge. I thanked him, and served the ladies the drinks and snacks. They started to chat and I joined in the chatter. At first, they were a little hesitant about me joining in. Can't blame them, with how men can try to take over the topic of the conversation. The chat flowed, and when they giggled, I did also. At first, I did it to fit in; you know, when in Rome. I liked it, so I kept doing it. I will do it when alone or around people who will understand, like Dana or the girls. He really understands me. Anyways back to the girls; they are Beth, Stacy and Trisha. I am looking forward to seeing them again, and they are also looking forward to spending time with me. They said one day us four have to get together for brunch. I jumped at that and said yes. It will be on a Sunday morning when their men go golfing. Again I jumped at it and said how about next Sunday, and they said fine. I was told to meet them at the country club at 11:00. More new friends and new experiences. I never had brunch before. I was almost done cleaning up after the last guest left, and Dana offered to help. I told him, don't be silly. I got this. Then he drove me home. I think I talked most of the time. Dana was happy that I got along with Beth, Stacy and Trisha. I was also. He said he will call me later this week to set up Saturday. I am off to the gym. Will be back soon, Pink Diva. I think that is what I am going to call you. Bye-bye ************ Day 11 Dear Diary Sometimes I think I am flighty. I want to write in you and then I don't. I don't know. It feels good but I do not think it is right. Even with it feeling natural to write in you, I do not think it is right. I can keep a journal for my thoughts. I can keep a notebook even, just lying around the house. No, for some reason I do it in a book which I have hidden away in my sock drawer. Why do people hide things in a sock drawer? That is the first place people will look in a bedroom if they wanted some dirt on me. I know. I will keep you under my pillow. Like I was saying, you are hidden away, then I have a lock on you in case someone finds you. Like I would be embarrassed if someone found what is in you? No, it is you that I would be embarrassed about. You are cute and pink. Not something a 30 year old single man like me should have, but I like you, so you stay. I will keep you, but not use you that much, if at all. I mostly got you out to put the flowers from Dana in you to press. I am off to the gym, need to keep that up. Bye Day 13 Dear Diary I was getting nervous that Dana was not going to call. Today was Thursday and I did not hear from him yet. I was going to pull you out to write in you about how I was feeling. I will use you for purely my feelings, and put other things in my journal when I buy it. My anxiety over Dana not calling was unfounded. I should know that about him by now. He is steady and reliable. We made plans for Saturday. He is coming over early, so we can go to the farmer's market to pick up the veggies for the meal. I am so not staying out to last call on Friday. It is good to have a reason to go home. I want to be at my best when I spend time with him, so I can fully enjoy it. Later Day 14 Dear Diary Just got in from the bar. Scott hooked up with a skank. Frank talked about the good old days and how we should head to the South Side to hit the hip bars. Liam wanted to discuss politics again with anyone who will listen. Eric was just looking at his beer with his 'I am looking sorry for myself' face on, and I wanted to go home. I was like Cinderella, not staying out past midnight. Going to the gym is a great out of staying out all night card. Scott thinks it will lead to me being a better wingman for I look better. Sorry Scott. You can have Cam Neely as your winger, and you still will get skanks. Frank talked about if we all get in shape, we could join a deck hockey league like we used to. I would love to say 'Frank, that would be nice, but we are getting too old for that. We have too many other things to do in life than to plan our weeks around playing a game.' Liam was just happy, for he is a weightlifter so he felt vindicated that someone else is trying to get in good shape. He did not understand why I am not lifting weight, if anything I want my entire body to be slimmer. Eric, he just does not care; he has apathy even about his apathy. In a way, I am worried about him, for he wants to be numb. I am off to bed - busy day ahead with the gym, farmer's market, and cooking dinner for Dana. I hope he enjoys it. Have a nice night Day 15 As always, it was a great day, with Dana. Dinner, itself was to die for. OMG I think that was the best lasagna I ever made. Dana was great at picking out the perfect red wine to go with my sauce. It was bold, and strong in taste, to counteract the strong hot and spicy sauce I made. I had a great time even with what I am going to write next. This is strange. His hospital is having a Halloween costume party charity event, and he asked me if I wanted to go. He was not going to, but I brought up how his sister and me both like Tinkerbell again, for I loved that nightlight in his guest bedroom. He said he picked out that night light for her when she was still a baby. He loves Peter Pan. Anyway, this year's theme is Disney, and he wants to go as Peter Pan and suggested I go as Tinkerbell. I do like Tinkerbell, but going dressed as her, I Tink not, giggle. (I can be so punny sometimes) He told me think about it. Yes, Pink Diva, I wanted to, but I am not going for the same pun twice. He does have some good points. It will be fun, it is just a costume, if he doesn't have Tinkerbell next to him, people with think that he is Robin Hood, and plus it is for a good cause. Another point he did make is that I will get to spend some time with him. If I do go, I will also get to see my new friends Beth, Stacy and Trisha. It is good that me and the girls get along so good. If we didn't, I would be so a third wheel at this ball, always being at Dana's side. I know Dana will end up talking with his friends. I like his friends, but feel like I would be impeding on his time with them if I lash on to his side. I want him to have time with his other friends also. You know what?? I will do it. It is not that late, so I am going to call him and tell him. BRB Back He was shocked to hear from me, and happy that I said yes. I know he had that smile of approval, for his voice changes by being a littler higher than normal when he has that smile. I will admit that is a nice smile. I am looking forward to it. It is going to be so much fun. He asked me if I wanted to come over and watch the game with him tomorrow after he plays golf. I said I would have loved to, but have plans to do brunch with Beth, Stacy and Trisha after I go to the gym. I need some time to just unwind at home. He was really happy to hear about brunch. Well, I am off to bed for an early morning tomorrow Day 16 Dear Diary Brunch was great, and Trisha, Stacy and Beth are awesome! They said we need to do this again, and when am I ready to go shopping with them? They were happy about me going to the costume party, and after they coaxed out of me that I am going to be Tinkerbell were so supportive. We giggled after I said that. It felt good, very good to giggle. Giggles just feel different than a laugh. All three said that green is a great color for me, because I am an autumn skin tone. They are also going to help. After getting home, I just vegged in front of the TV and watched the games. My players did good, so I think I will win my game. I did think I should have gone over to Dana's. It would have been just as relaxing. It is so relaxing to be around him. That is a sign of a good friendship Well, off to bed, Pink Diva Day 17 Dear Diary Why did I say yes? I swear, sometimes I do not think before I agree to something. I might be blonde. Why did I agree to be Tinkerbell? I was so impulsive in making my decision. Argggh, I should have thought this out. I know he and his friends will think it is no big deal. I am not worried about what they would think. It is other people in my social life. If my work colleagues, or worse, my friends, found out, they would never let me hear the end of it. It is all fun, but they would not understand. They are too closed-minded and I think not secure enough in who they are. They will say it is in fun and good humor, but ridiculing is almost never in good fun to the person it is being done to. Making negative comments even in good fun is not cool if the person they are being made about does not like them. I do not know what to do. I can't do this. I know it is no big deal, it is only a costume for what the Brits would call a fancy dress party. I like some good old British slang. Sorry, when I am nervous I try to change topics and I am nervous about the decision I have to make. I can't be Tinkerbell. I know it is not fair of me to say yes, and then go back on my word. I hate doing it, but I was not thinking when I gave it. I did not think of how it would affect me. I have to think about how to let Dana down about me not being Tinkerbell. We will talk soon. Day 18 Dear Diary Still no way of graciously backing out of being Tinkerbell. I might have to do it, so what? People should not care about how I dress. If they give me a hard time or joke about it, that is more about them than me. Nothing much other than that on my mind, so it is just a small entry in you tonight. Do not feel bad it is not long, for it is about quality and not quantity. I am open with you with these few words, and that is better than doing a filibuster which has no substance. Nighty nite Day 19 Dear Diary Not feeling good about about this Tinkerbell situation. I do not want to let Dana down, yet I do not want to dress like a fairy. I know I was talking about just doing it yesterday, but I am not strong enough. I want to for Dana, for that is what close friends do for each other. Maybe I can talk him into another costume I could be one of the Lost Boys. No, people will not recognize them. Oh, I know, I can be Captain Hook and I can chase Dana around. Why didn't I think of that right away? Well, like I said I am ditzy, I should have been a blond, giggle. One positive is I am still going to the gym. Been keeping it up for now over two weeks and can feel the weight coming off. Signing off Day 20 Dear Diary I am such a dolt, other than that fact I am feeling good. I just got off the phone with Dana. Him calling was such a pleasant surprise. He wanted to make plans for Saturday. I like spending that day with him. It makes Saturday special. Anyway, it is not really plans, more of inviting me over for a cookout. The plans part is he asked if I wanted to come over early to help him. I said of course I do. It will give us time to catch up, and I can hear more about his week. He does have an interesting job, as a doctor, and what he can say about it. It is mostly office politics, and I understand that he wants to make sure he does not break doctor-patient confidentiality. Anyway, back to being a dolt. I brought up the costume ball to let him down easy. I was going to tell him that I did already have plans for that night. I didn't, for it would not have felt right to lie to him, and for another, I could hear his voice perk up when he told me he is looking forward to being Peter Pan. He could tell that I was a little pensive, and he did ease my concern. He said I will look great as Tinkerbell, and even if I did not, who cares; it is about having fun. I could act the character. He is right; if someone likes a character, they want to act them out. I don't identify myself in her. I just think she is spunky, and I would like to feel spunky. If I want to be spunky, I have to not care what my friends or coworkers say. Feeling better about myself, and just need to keep this confidence Dana helped me find by him being so confident in me. Goodnight, from the spunky dolt. LOL Day 22 Dear Diary Back from another great day with Dana and friends. I am so lucky to have found him, for not only have I got a great new friend in him, but gained a new social circle. They are not petty; Richard, Gary, and James do not care about me hanging out with the girls. Most men would get jealous of another man being around their women. Not them. They are mature enough and confident enough in their relationships to know I am not a threat.. Dana did the grilling, and I did more than help set up. I made sure everyone's drinks were full, and got the sides out. While he was cooking, the guys went around the grill. I was never one of those guys, I know how to cook on the grill and it is simple. Guys, hear me, your input about grilling is not needed, so do not stand around the grill saying it is time to turn the burgers. I ended up with the girls. They all asked if I was showing up for Brunch tomorrow. I was happy that they asked me again, and yes, and told them I so enjoyed it last week Stacy said it should be a weekly thing. I agreed again. With me finding out more about myself, it is nice to be around women. They are introspective, helpful and supportive. I do share those qualities, so it is good to be more open with showing them. Beth asked me for my tomato sauce recipe. Dana raved about it to Richard, Beth's husband. I blushed some hearing that. I am happy that someone else likes my cooking as much as I do. I can do it more often when I have someone to share meals with. I said that, and then told her I would give her a copy tomorrow. She told me her secret for alfredo sauce; add an egg yoke at the end of melting the cheese in it. I will have to try it, maybe the next time Dana comes over for dinner. While eating, (BTW he makes the best burgers,) I casually told Dana to come over this week so I can try a new recipe I got. I mentioned it, for I usually fret over doing easy things like inviting a friend over for dinner. With Dana and the girls, I really don't. It feels good to just do something. Even with saying that, I should have fretted over Tinkerbell. Good night Day 24 Dear Diary Dana came over for supper and the Chicken Alfredo was a hit. It is simple; I am a great cook. He tried to help with the dishes, and I was not having it. He was my guest. He said he was thinking of going to a talk about how technology has changed what is, and the formation of a community, on Saturday and asked me if I wanted to come. I said of course. Technology is what I do for a living, so I like to see how experts from other fields view it, and what is a community fascinates me. I have not been talking about work for it is boring. I supervise an IT team at the university. It is a great job; been there for only 6 years, and moved up to middle management already. It is from working so many nights and weekends my first 3 years. I lived right next to the campus, so I volunteered to be on call a lot. I will bring this up about work; my co-workers need social skills. It is stereotypical, but they are better with machines than with people. I am not the greatest with people, I just try to become better dealing with them. That also moved me up at my job. Out of my coworkers, I am actually the most socially normal of the bunch.. Goodnight Day 28 Dear Diary Came home early from the bar; it was just the SSDD. My old friends can be so lame. Well, I should not say lame, for they are good people, it is just they are stuck without trying to grow. Scott thinks he is a ladies' man and he will hit on anything, but only gets skanks. That is for he is one. Frank wants to stay out all night and leave his live-in girlfriend at home with the kids. William is a blowhard about politics, and wants to spew his misinformation to everyone. Eric never has anything positive to say. He makes Eeyore look like Mr Brightside. They are good people and I love them, will do anything for them. It is just I am sick of having the same Friday Night with them. I am off to bed, so I can get a nice workout in before spending the day with Dana. Ta ta Day 30 Dear Diary Busy weekend. I almost never have time to spend with you on Saturday or Sunday. I enjoyed the talk we attended. I thought it would be more dry, but the speaker talked about how technology is actually making it easier for people to form communities with Karass instead of Granfalloon as its base. She should have done a better job at explaining those terms. I think she made the mistake most experts do when they talk to non experts, expect the audience to have more of a base understanding of the subject matter.. I am lucky for I have read Cat's Cradle, so I knew karass meant a group of people linked in a cosmically significant manner, even when superficial links are not evident. Granfalloon is a false Karass, people who think they are linked together but the manner is insignificant. After the discussion was over, we went to the same coffee shop where we first met and chatted. We sat outside to enjoy the autumn sun. I am building up to this, for I love it. We ended up being at the same table where we first shared coffee. That was so cool. I remember those things, for I do have such a sentimental heart. With all my dear friends, I do remember where we were when we first met, I mean down to the square foot. I can go to the patch of grass in the park where I first met William. The YMCA where I first met Scott is torn down, but I can go to where that spot used to be, where the Walgreen's is now. I know the place on the gym floor where I had my first kiss. I did wonder if Dana remembered about this being our table, and he did. That made me feel good, and also not so ashamed of being so sentimental. I explained the two concepts to Dana. I was shocked and happy that he got it. I will say it was nice, for once being the expert and him the pupil. I felt a little warm inside when Dana said he understood the concept for he had such a good teacher. That smile on his face told me he was making a reference to our day at the museum. There is no shame in feeling good when a great person like Dana gives you a compliment, and also it was nice to know he cherishes our time together also. I was shocked that he picked up what I laid down, for it is better to read about it then have people explain it to you. One reason why is that there is no degree of Karass, while there is for Granfallooon. If you think of the two concepts on the opposite ends of a spectrum, all that fills the middle between the two points is Granfalloon becoming Karass. I think Dana and I have Karass, and with my old friends it is more Granfalloon. Sunday brunch was nice. The girls are going to see a play and invited me. I said yes. It is going to be nice to just get dressed up for no other reason than to be dressed up and to add some culture to my life. Day 33 Dana came over for dinner tonight and he suggested pizza. As if- .. I looked at him like he was crazy, for he is if he thought that on our night together we were going to do takeout. . Pizza can be any night. I enjoy cooking and also dinner was almost done. I was making us steaks with baked potatoes and peas. Nothing fancy but a good steak needs nothing but a little salt and pepper to make it a great meal. I offered him a drink, and told him to relax while I finish the meal. It is nice to have a routine. Bye Day 35 Dear Pink Diva I am so happy that I went to see a play with the girls. It was nice getting suited up. There is not much to say other than I feel like I have been part of this group for a long time. More men should have a close group of lady friends. It is freeing to the soul to be around people you can be empathetic with. The best is that they are not even trying to hook me up with one of their friends. I understand why women do that; it is fun to match people up. It also feels good to help someone find their special someone. Feeling good, and the champagne we drank at the afterparty is why I am calling you Pink Diva from now on; it is just so cold to call you diary. You are more than just that. You are my faithful confidant. You are helping me realize things about me which I never knew. I like finding out how intune I am with my emotions. I like that I now know I can make a deep bond with another man. Yes, I will say that the connection Dana and I have is special. Also you are too cute to be named Diary. You deserve a cute name to fit just how cute you are. Lastly, no one else comes in this room, and you deserve better than being under my pillow during the day, then under my bed while I sleep. I am going to keep you on my nightstand so I can see you. It will be a nice sight to see you when I come in here. It will remind me that life is better when you think about who you are. I know from you I am not the person I thought I was. See Ya Day 37 Dear Pink Diva I am keeping my word. You are now Pink Diva. Please do not let it go to your head too much. You might be called a diva. Don't act like one. It is beneath you. Being a little tipsy, two nights ago, while writing in you was so much fun. I can see why girls keep diaries. Being silly and daft makes it easier to open up, and then you can go and be serious. I will always cherish you and what you are doing for me. Brunch was great. I know it will always be great. The girls brought up the Halloween Ball, for it is time for them to plan getting ready, getting their outfits. Beth is going as Merida from Brave. Her long curly red hair made that the obvious choice. Stacy is going as Jessie from Toy Story 2, she and her husband, Gary, like cowboys and cowgirls. He is going as Woody so they will be an adorable couple. Last, and not least, the lovely Trisha is going as Esmeralda from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, for she loves literature and James is a ham, so he wants to go as Quasimodo. The girls are having a spa day before getting ready, and invited me. I am going to have to get my nails painted green for my outfit, plus have my makeup. They have been talking about it, and think it is best if I get it done professionally. I said no way, sisters. I am not going out in public with makeup other than the Ball. Then they calmed me down by explaining about how much easier it will be. Also we will be parked right next to the beauty spa exit, so I will be able to dash out right after it is done. I was saying no, when Beth chimed in, 'Too late, we already booked it. You will have to pay for the rest of the day, but as a welcome to our group gift, we pitched in and got you that make over.' I felt bad for wanting to say no. That was so nice of them, plus they were thoughtful about making sure I am comfortable with it. I will need to do it anyway, and it will help the girls being there at my side, so I said yes. It was not grudgingly, for how excited the girls are about it. They got me something nice and which I need. I will just sit in the back and pray we don't get pulled over by the cops. I know, Pink Diva, explain and go on and about what is the mundane to you. I need to say these things so I can work out why I do something or like something. I want to be able to answer why I enjoy something in case Dana ever asked that again. I want to answer it for myself also for not knowing why you do or like something leads to living a life wasted. Wow, all this girl talk. I did not get to my time with Dana. It was nice and comfortable with him yesterday. We have been doing so much lately, that I just came over and we played some video games. Side note: he has been hungry for a proper pizza so I made one. I told him to make a suggestion for our dinner the night before, and I will be more than happy to accommodate him. It is about us spending time together. Ta Ta Day 39 Dear Pink Diva With the costume ball less than three weeks away, right after work I went to a professional costume shop, the one which the opera, and theater companies along with motion pictures studios deal with when they are in town. It might be a little pricey, but I figure I would rather spend a little more and look good, than look like a man in bad drag. It took a minute for the sales rep to understand the Tinkerbell outfit was for me. For some reason, he thought I was going to be Peter Pan. I know that I am a man, but I need a Tinkerbell outfit and also a Peter Pan one. I clearly said I need; that means it is for me. I ended up buying one, for they did not do rentals of that costume in my size, which is a 16 in women's clothes. Tell the truth, that is not bad, for hey, Marilyn Monroe was also a size 16; that is good company. He told me it will be in on Saturday, yeah. I also bought a wig and breast forms. I ended up buying and not renting the wig. I know with the skull cap that the wig never touched anyone else's head; still, I am not wearing a wig someone else wore. We went with a B cup, for we both felt they were the most believable for my body type. We also both agreed that a fairy does not have a huge rack. I asked about hair extensions and he said, "Honey, Tinkerbell was a blond, not a brunette, so you are renting a wig." I giggled to myself, for I thought it is fitting, for I always call myself a ditzy blond. A good one, which you use spirit gum to hold it on. It was so funny when he said that. I am going to look amazing, dear, well, at least as amazing as what he can do with me. I giggled, and he did also. He suggested that I also get nude sheer panthose and a gaff here also, that they will have my size in pantyhose, and also they will be more durable than store-bought ones. He explained what a gaff is. I did not even think of hiding my bulge down there; another reason I should have thought this out more before I said yes. I walked out of there spending over 400 dollars. I know that is a lot of money for one night, but it will make Dana smile, and he will be happy. All the joy he has brought into my life, that is a small price to put a smile on his face many times. Day 41 Dana came over for dinner, and I made a simple grilled chicken and pasta toss. It is a quick simple meal where you can throw in some veggies to make it even more healthy. I am feeling so good, eating better and going to the gym. I have more energy and also I am becoming more streamlined, a slimmer version of myself. He talked about going to rent his Peter Pan costume on Saturday and we can rent my Tinkerbell one also. I told him I am not going to be renting a Tinkerbell costume. He got so sad and said why, before I could continue. Then, when he heard that I already went to the shop and bought one and rented his, he was so happy. I did not mean to put his emotions on a roller coaster, but it was fun seeing his reactions. I explained to him why I had to buy one, and he wanted to pay and I was not having it. He relented and said he could tell by the look on my face, I was going to be stubborn about having it my way. I am doing this for him, but myself also, If he asks for something and I can do it then I will; that is what friendship is about. The more I see his happines about being Peter Pan, the easier it is for me to be Tinkerbell.. TTYL Day 43 TBDE, I know I am over exaggerating,but it was such a good day, filled with good vibes. The gym was great; ran into my first girlfriend, Bridget. We shared each other's first kiss; you know that I know exactly where it was. She moved away when we were in 9th grade, and she just moved back to the area. With the help of the internet, we did stay in touch. We are still close friends. It is the last couple of years we only really talked when she came back to visit. Her mom moved back into the area. She looked great; who cares about that. We talked, and it was not awkward. It can be weird to bump into someone you thought was living far away. She told me she was going to tell me after she got settled. She wanted to do that on her own and knew I would try to take over. I would have, for I look out for her like she does for me. She did not want to fall back on only having old friends from middle school as her social circle. We were both leaving so we went to the juice bar there. I was a little hungry, so I grabbed a yogurt. She liked that I did not try to impress her with a protein shake. I am not that insecure, plus I am trying to lose weight not gain muscles. If anything my arms are too big. I did try to play it cool and said 'well, I am going for losing weight and need not add anything to my 12 inch biceps.' She laughed, for we both know I am not cool, well, not in the macho sense. She gave me her new phone number and we talked about getting together soon. We exchanged phone numbers. I did text her later, and she texted me right back. I knew she would, for we just have that connection. Dana came and picked me up. He asked if it is alright if Trisha and James come over after we get our costumes . Trisha wants to see Tinkerbell. I said fine. I could tell that Dana was going to say something about me already paying for the outfit but he knew better. I know I must have given my stubborn look to him when I informed him it was my treat to a friend. The same clerk was there and on the way out mentioned to Dana he is a lucky guy and we are going to be a cute couple. I corrected that clerk right away. For some reason, Dana was a little hurt by that. Outside, I said 'Dana, I said that for one reason. You are out of my league and wanted to make sure that clerk knew that.' Then he told me that I am not, that I have to think higher of myself. That anyone would be lucky for, his words, I am smart, kind, caring, witty, charming, and so supportive. I see that he was worried that I had low self esteem. I blushed from his compliments. I blush so easily, and it is a good thing I like the warm feeling that gives me inside. I told him about how he is also a catch for how nice, smart, confident, caring, and funny he is. We agreed that we are both catches and that we are in the same league. He laughed and I giggled, and he showed that smile which I so adore. He is a great guy, and I hold dear his happiness. I enjoy his happiness enough to dress like Tinkerbell to his Peter Pan. On the way home Dana called James.to say come on over. We got in, and I told Dana I would get some coffee brewing for our guests. He said he will run down to the bakery to get a cake. It is nice that we make such a great team, I wonder if that is why we are good friends, or with being good friends we became a good team. Trisha could not wait. She wanted to see my costume right away, I told her to wait. We are having coffee first. I did then pull out the dress and the accessories and I will tell you about it. It is a forest green halter dress with sleevettes made of organza, a silk fabric which is stiffened. The bodice is trimmed in gold, green satin ribbon lacing, and fairy wings attached to the back. The fairy dust bag is a smart addition to the outfit. It doubles as a handbag. Then lastly, a little bell so you could mimic her voice. After seeing the rest of the accessories Trisha asked where are the shoes, bra and panties. Of course I did not have them, so she said 'shopping trip.' Reason number 78 why I should have thought this through before I said yes: bra and panties. I told her I will buy them online. She said you need to try on the costume today so no, we are buying them today, right now. James, doing his best Jack Benny, jokingly moaned about himself being cheap when acting like he is handing her his wallet. Trisha has a great job in logistics so she does not need the money. I know that is why he made the joke. He makes sure he does not make anyone, other than himself, the butt of his jokes. Shopping was actually a nice experience, for I got alone time with a close friend. I am happy that Trisha was there, for I could not have done it without her. I am so happy that I was able to convince her I was fitted for a bra; she wanted me to get it professionally done. OMG, that would have been so embarrassing. We found a support strapless green bra in my size. I thought that would be the hard part. No, it wasn't. The panties were. I just wanted plain white briefs. She had other plans. We went to the Disney store and she showed me Tinkerbell panties. They were briefs, like I wanted, but green. I wanted white. They had Tinkerbell flying on them, spreading fairy dust which spelled out her name. The fairy dust glittered in the light. I will admit that they are cute. I think she did not fight for the bra fitting so she could get me to buy these. I understand why, but that was devious in a good way, LOL. She explained to me that if I wanted to look the part, I needed to feel the part. Wearing these would help. I did relent without putting up much of a fight. No one else will know what I am wearing. Another reason I agreed with my friend's way of thinking is I need to feel the part. I told you before, Pink Diva, I said I do not want to look like a man in bad drag. I also do not want to feel like one. I want to feel like a fairy. That is part of the reason Halloween is so much fun for me; I get to roleplay. That has to be another reason I agreed to Tinkerbell; it is a role which I never got to play before. Last was the shoes. I am proud of myself; after only three stores, I found the perfect ankle boots. They are green suede with tassels around the ankles and three inch heels. She was happy with them, and we both giggled in agreement. I will admit, that they make the outfit look better than the plain black pumps which I wanted to go with instead. I also got a lady razor, shave gel and body lotion. I will need to shave my legs and chest. Trisha informed me those areas will need to be moisturized afterward so they will not get irritated. Yet, another reason I should have thought this through before I said yes. I could write a book on the reasons a man should think before he agreed to dress up as a fairy. We got to Dana's place, and I got ready to change. I told Dana I was going to take a shower. He quickly mumbled ok. I looked, and he was so nervous. I am the one trying on the dress and he is nervous. I told him to calm down. He said that I did not have to do this. I thought here is my out, but I told him not to be silly. I am doing this. I am the Tinkerbell to your Peter Pan. I took the shower and shaved. It took forever. I am so lucky that somehow I didn't nick myself. I dried myself off and followed the instruction for the body lotion. I will admit that I did like the smoothness of my legs. It felt nice and soft to the touch. My legs now looked better also. I then put on the gaff. Wow, it is really snug, my balls went up into my abdominal cavity and my penis was squeezed tightly against the gaff and me. Sorry about giving TMI to you, PInk Diva. It was an important part of the outfit. Having no bulge down there does change how I feel. It is not a bad change, just different. Then the panties; I will admit that Trisha is right about them.. They are perfect. They just are so feisty and cute. Next was the pantyhose. They felt so good on my legs. I do like to feel and see them on ladies' legs, but now I understand why ladies like the feel of them. I put on the bra and breast forms. It was odd having a chest. I then put on the dress. It was a little tight on my upper legs. I did have enough room for my legs in them. They just constricted my movement, I could not take my normal stride in it. The wig went on, and then the bodice. I finally looked in the mirror and, I hate to say it, I did not look bad. I did not look bad, but it felt odd also. I looked so foreign to myself. I felt different about myself,more concerned about how the clothes made me feel instead of if they fit, clean and appropriate. They say the clothes make a man. I think that is only if a man allows it. I looked at them just thinking if they are fit, clean and appropriate, and they were, so I was ready to go downstairs. I walked down the stairs and saw the room waiting for my entrance. I felt so exposed and almost turned around to run back to the bathroom to change. Dana saw the vulnerable look on my face and hit that smile of approval to show me it will be fine. That made me feel better. His words gave me more confidence. Trisha loved it and James, in the most serious tone I ever heard him speak, mentioned that it looked good on me. All that support instead of razzing made it easy to come down stairs. After a couple of minutes, I went to go upstairs to change and Trisha said no. You are not walking good in that dress and heels. You need practice. You also need to get used to sitting in it. You need to be comfortable in it, also so you do not look like a deer in headlights all night long like you do now. I hate to admit it; she was right. One needs to be comfortable in their own skin, and you can look at your clothing as skin you put on. It should be an expression of who you are. I got some tips about wearing a dress from Trisha, the most useful one was using the restroom. I never knew how complex women clothing could make relieving oneself. I should hike the dress up when using the restroom. Knowing this made me think about going to the restroom at the ball. It is going to be a pain. Men just think they have to make a smart comment when they see something which makes them uncomfortable, and a fairy in the men's room will do so. They are so worried about attacks on their "manhood". They need others to see that they are a man. Boring, just be yourself. After Trisha and James left, Dana told me I can change. I did not want to. I was still getting used to my outfit. It takes time and I do not want to be shocked when I see my silky smooth legs at the ball. I wanted to enjoy the night of the ball and getting comfortable in my outfit will help. Staying in the moment without thinking what I am wearing will help me fully experience that night with Dana. We ended up just hanging out. At first it was a little awkward, that is the first time I ever felt that uneasiness between us. It felt like a tension between two people who want to say the same thing and just could not at the moment. I so want to tell him I am happy now I agreed to this, not only for him but for me. This uneasiness had to be from Dana worrying that I was going to back out. Poor dear, he so wants to be Peter Pan. It would be wrong to build up his hopes just to crush them. I would not do that to a friend, to him. I assured him I was having fun, not only with words, but with actions. I shook my bell while I talked. Then I reached in the bag, acted like I threw something on him, and grabbed his hand. It felt so normal to hold his hand, like I always did it when I was around him. I like it, for it is a sign we have affection for each other. I always held his hand. I said come on, you can fly now. I acted screwy and carefree. He finally joined in, and he thanked me so much for agreeing to this. After running, we made eye contact and just felt that connection 2 good friends have. It felt good having that warm feeling all over my body. He said he owns me. I told him no, seeing that smile on his face, hearing him laugh, and feeling good vibes from him is payment enough. He really blushed from that statement. I do not blame him. It feels so good when someone cares a lot about you. Well, I think that is enough of me telling you about TBDE. Don't worry, I did change before I left Dana. I did enjoy wearing that dress, but not that much to keep it on. The enjoyment came from knowing the happiness it was giving Dana. Good night