The Pink Diva Chronicles Day 44 65
- 3 years ago
- 42
- 0
The Pink Diva Chronicles Day 133-142 free porn video
Day 133
Hey there PD,
I am sorry that I have not written in you since New Year's Day. Going
five days without writing you harkens back to when I first started to
keep you. I went days without any real entries in you. I do not count
when I wrote to tell you I am done as a real entry. I was trying to not
face coming to learn who I am.
This time it was not me trying to stop myself on this journey of self-
discovery which made me take a break from writing in you. I know I
cannot stop from becoming who I know I am. If I did I would not be
living my life but playing a role. I think more people play a role in
life instead of being who they are. That is a good way to waste a life,
by having so many regrets.
I delayed writing in you because I was trying to understand why I had so
much fear going to HR on my first day back to work. Part of the
apprehension came from me knowing what I was going to do there. I was
walking in there dressed as Ben and going to tell someone I do not know
that I am really Bella.
I know I have been in public and interacted with strangers before as
Bella. Those times were not planned and I knew that there was a great
chance I will never see those people again in my life. The stakes are
low when you are dealing with people who are not connected to your life.
Tuesday I was dealing with my employer. My decision of living as who I
am could adversely affect my job. I could lose it.
Even with Pitt being an university and very liberal place overall, I
could not help but become more and more pensive as I thought about going
to HR. People tend to think that everyone who works at an university is
liberal. They are not. There are more liberal minded people in the
academic part of the university, but the parts which deal with the
business is like any other big business, and filled with business minded
people.
With the business end of the university just like any other business, I
got to thinking: even with the legal protections I had, what if the
higher ups in the tech department want to chase me out of the
university? It would not be legal,but that does not change the fact it
could happen. I would have to prove it. Knowing one was morally in the
right is little comfort when one loses a job.
I will say that my meeting with Ernie Jacobs did put my mind at rest.
The meeting went bumpy at first. I found myself not finding the right
words to say why I wanted the meeting. Then Ernie said don't worry about
what you want to bring up, it will stay in this room and this meeting
unless you want it to go further. That made me trust Ernie.
I told Ernie that I am a transgender woman and I am going to
transition. He said he was happy for me,that I had the full support of
the university and asked me what name I wanted him to use. I liked the
personal touch he gave by saying he was happy and could tell it was
sincere. He came off as the type of person who is a helper.
As he explained more about the support of the university, he pulled up
my personnel file. Ernie explained what he was doing on his computer
and why; it was so he had better knowledge of my files so he could
notice any anomalies in the future. Another reason why I feel good; ,
the university is going to be proactive in looking into discrimination.
Ernie said it best. , The only thing which will be changing once I
transition is how I present myself to others, so there will be no change
in my work.
We made a timetable for the transition. The first day of spring break
will be the first day I go to work as Bella. We both agreed that made
the most sense. Spring break is a down time for the university so it
will ease the transition for me and my team underneath me. It is a
little over two months from now so it gives Ernie enough time to set up
the meetings; one with my supervisors and the higher ups in the IT
department, then a bigger one with my section. .
I am so happy that there is now a date set for the final phase of my
transition. It is more than enough time to phase Ben out of my life in a
respectful manner. He deserves it (Here I am speaking of myself in the
3rd person again.), Ben was a cover for who I really am but much of Ben
was just me with people thinking I was a male.
Walking out of HR I was relieved and confident. Relieved that I am one
step closer to being who I am and confident that the university will
ensure that I have a good work environment.
It is an early night for Dana and me. We need to recover from the
hoilday season.
Love
Bella
Day 135
I cannot think of a better way to end one week and get ready for another
than what I am doing now. Just sitting with my man's arms around me as I
write in you. I feel like I have better grasp of my bearing ever since I
started to keep you. I am more centered and not on auto-pilot. I think
it comes from me being in the moment more. It is kind of funny because I
started to pay more attention to the now because of needing to remember
what occured. Now I do so to have a better understand where I am
mentally and emotionally.
Being in the moment helped me with what Dana and I did last night. We
had dinner with Gary and his new girlfriend, Edie. I know before I
started to keep you I would have objected to Dana's plans as soon as he
brought them up. I would have still been carrying my anger about what
Gary did to Stacy and saw him as a rat. Yeah PD, I remembered how many
times I called him one in the entry when I found out about his cheating
ways.
Now I see Gary as a human. I will not say flawed for one simple reason -
we are all flawed humans. He made a mistake and was not the only one in
his and Stacy's relationship who did. Life is not like the movies and in
most situations there will be no good guys and there will be no bad
guys. In this situation, it was just two people who went past the end of
their relationship and did not get out in time or did not work harder at
making the relationship stronger.
I am not glossing over the part which Stacy played in the deconstruction
of her marriage. I just do not know the details, plus the emotional pain
of seeing two friends marriage end is gone so I do not need to dwell on
it. If I knew then what I do not know now, I would have not been so
harsh on Gary. If I would have thought that there were three sides to a
story I would not have been harsh on him.
I know the saying is that there are two sides to a story,but that is not
true. In a situation like this there would be Gary's story, Stacy's
story and the truth. People always forget about the truth. The truth
gets distorted from the perspective people see it from. Most of the time
one person's story is closer to the truth than the other. Even with
this, people usually need to triangulate the different perspectives with
the truth to better understand what really happened. This is hard if the
triangulation needs to be weighed; the perspective which is closer to
the truth needs to be taken into more consideration than the other.
I believe that the person who tries to see the situation with empathy is
the one who gets closer to the truth. They try to understand reality
better than people who are not using their empathy. The people who do
not try to see how others perceived what happened are too worried about
being right instead of getting it right. If they are closed minded too
much then they are at a risk of never growing as a person. Then again
they are not worried about growing as a person, but about being right.
They think that they cannot do wrong.
Anyway back to Gary. It was nice to see him and meet Edie, his new
woman. He did apologize about the last time we saw each other. I will
have to say I did forget about it until he brought it up. It was a
heated moment and I was in the middle of it. No, I was not in the middle
of it. I took sides. There was nothing wrong with me taking sides, but
that night I saw myself as an honest broker and was not. I tried to be
and that was my goal, but was not. Gary saw me more as what I was; an
ally to Stacy.
I was right in not letting him talk to his wife. I was wrong in how I
executed it. Instead of putting out the fire between them, I stoked the
flames. I should have told Stacy not to be yelling at him from behind
me.This is back to my point; most of the times there are no good guys
and there are no bad guys.
Anyway back to the night. Gary had some big news and that was why he
wanted to get together with Dana and me. He got a new job and is moving
to Denver. He loves the West and has been trying to move back there for
a long time. That was one of the reasons he and Stacy drifted apart. He
told her that was one of his goals and she was behind it until he got a
job offer last year.
I know being in a relationship is all about compromise but there are
some things which people cannot make a compromise about. To Gary, not
moving out of Western Pa was not negotiable. It was his plan since being
a freshman in college. He loves the open range and that is where he
feels like he was at home. He loves skiing and the Rocky Mountains have
some of the best slopes.
We are planning to meet up with him and Edie in Vegas when we go to
Lizzy's graduation. It will be nice to see those two, plus with how much
Gary and Dana love to golf it will be nice for them to play a round or
two on those amazing courses they have.
After Gary told us the news and we talked about it, I then shared with
him and Edie about being Bella. I did not want to be the center of
attention and also wanted to make sure that I did not take the spotlight
away from Gary's homecoming. Gary was a little mad that we did not tell
him earlier or started the night off with that news. To him, me becoming
Bella was bigger news.
It was just hard to tell him. Gary will always be close with Dana, but
we were not a big part of his life right then. It would have been
awkward and artificial if I called him to tell him. The guys did not
want anything to do with him after the breakup because they knew that it
was an end of him being part of the group. They needed time to get used
to the new normal.
It is time for the new normal to be in place. I told Gary that we are
going to have a little get together with the gang to have a proper going
away party. He tried to object, but Edie and Dana helped me talk him
into it. He had accepted the role of the bad guy in the break up with
Stacy and did not want to cause any issues with James and Richard and
their wives.
Gary did bring up Stacy. He asked how she was doing. Those two have not
talked since her getting the bedroom set back last month. I told him
that she was in a good place now. He asked if she was seeing anyone and
I told him to ask her, not me. I know that was a non answer but in a way
that gave him the information he wanted. If she was not I would have
said no. I was not going to lie, and telling him to ask her made him
drop the subject.
Edie is a doll. She is so looking forward to going to Colorado. With
Gary getting his dream of going home, she is following her dream also.
Once there, she will be making jewelry as her full time job. It was a
hobby of hers which became an obsession. I will say she is good at it.
She made everything she had on and I loved it all. She works mostly in
silver and I like silver better than gold.
Edie was a little pensive around me after she found out about Bella. I
thought that was for her views on transgender people. It was not; , she
saw me as a woman and thought that I would treat her how most women
would treat the other woman. Yes, if it was when I was still hurting
about the break up and if Stacy was not happy with Bridgette, I know I
would have.
I hate to say it,but Stacy and Gary getting a divorce is what is best
for them. They are both happier and also getting what they want out of
life. I was shocked at seeing how lovey dovey Gary can be. He was so
stand-offish with Stacy; then again, they were in a bad place in their
relationship.
Like I said, the night went great. I was happy to see Gary and we were
able to get back on the same page.
With the Muses taking a little break from doing our weekly brunch I met
Stacy at the gym for a spinning class. It was great adding an extra
workout to the week to make up for all the extra calories I had over the
holidays.
After the class, we went to the juice bar to spend some time together. I
told her about seeing Gary last night. She had so many questions. I did
not give anything which I deemed too personal. If it was something which
I knew Gary that would not want Stacy to know about him then I did not
say it. Just like the same I did last night with any question Gary had
about Stacy.I was happy that both understood without me explaining.
She was shocked that he was moving back home. I think deep down she
believed that it was a dream of his which he would never pursue. Even
with being in the process of getting a divorce and both moving on, I
think a part held out hope that somehow they would work out the issues
in their relationship.She thought that those two were going to make
their lives here in Pittsburgh. She wanted her base to be by her friends
and family and Gary wanted the same. It is sad that they both could not
get what they wanted without breaking up.
I did tell her about the little get together to come and she said I
would not throw it. I was about to go off on her; , nobody tells me what
I can and can't do. Then, before I could say anything she said she was
going to throw the party. I think her hosting will be therapeutic to
both of them. I think it is her effort to also start to mend the
friendship part of her relationship with Gary. I know that they will
never be close friends again, but Stacy needs to show Gary that he will
always have a special place in her heart.
I am going to get going. , I love being held by my man as I write in
you, but I want to spend some time with him now.
Love
Bella.
Day 138
It is hump day, PD, and I'm looking forward to the weekend. This was the
first week with the students back at school, and it is always a busy
week. A good part was that Quinton got a new obsession so my tattoo is
the last thing on his mind. He did quit asking about it, but when we
talked his eyes would wander down to the tattoo. His need to figure
things out makes him great at troubleshooting IT issues, but him needing
to know is a pain when he will not drop something.
Funny story about this; if someone brings up Sherlock Holmes, it stops
him in his tracks and he starts thinking about how they tried to explain
him coming back from the dead on the BBC series. He cannot handle red
herrings, plot holes, and MacGuffins and dei ex machina. He needs an
answer, even when he is being entertained.
I also got a call from Ernie in HR. He is a nice man, very pleasant to
talk with. I bring this up because it gives him handling this situation
a more personal touch. I think his personality will make handling this
transition easier on me. I know it is his job to help, but I can tell he
wants to.
The reason for the call is that Ernie is setting up the first meeting
with me and the higher ups in the IT department. It will be Feb 7th. He
wanted to make sure the date worked for me. I know that is a little
under a month away, but with all the meetings Ernie has, he needed to
schedule it that far in advance. This is true: , at the beginning of
each semester, the higher ups in my department have a meeting to
schedule the upcoming meetings.
Just hearing him say a date makes this transition become more real. It
is real and is going to happen, but just knowing the progress makes the
future event go from being abstract to being more tangible. The more it
comes to be, the calmer I become about it.
Beth and Trisha both stopped by this week. It was funny, for they both
said that they were in the neighborhood because they were in the mood
for Mineo's Pizza. I know the real reason was to check up on Stacy. They
wanted to make sure that she was fine with the news about Gary. The
simple reason I knew the real reason was that Mineo's has two
locations, the other one in Mt Lebanon where they both live.
I am happy that they came over; it shows the unity of the Muses is not
just big talk. People talk about being there for each other and most of
the time it is just bluster. It is a show for the other people around. I
knew that Stacy, Beth and Trisha were not putting on a show when they
told me about being there for me. The simple reason was that there was
no one to put a show on for when they did so.
I was already dressed as Bella so I went as who I am. Mineo's is on
Murray Avenue in Squirrel Hill, an especially diverse section of
Pittsburgh. It has a bohemian feeling, nice mixture of college students,
artists, young professionals, old money, hipsters and a strong Jewish
community. With such a diverse makeup of the community, people could not
live there without being accepting of others. I think communities like
this one show how America gets strength from not having such a
homogeneous population.
There are many shops which fly the gay pride flag so I was not concerned
about if I would be accepted. I know that Dana and I have not set a date
but when I saw a florist, baker and photography studio with those flags
I made a mental note to keep them in mind when I am looking for vendors
for our wedding.
On unto why Trish and Beth were there for Stacy. She was and still is a
little hurt about Gary moving, but is doing good. There is not that much
more to say about the situation. They are both moving on with their life
and one should not dwell on things which they cannot change.
I am off, PD; I need to call Gail. We are going to have a sister day
together on Saturday after I have my session with Karen.
Hugs
Bella
Day 142
First thing: Dana is great. I feel like I do not say that enough to you
or him. I feel like I do not mention enough all the little things he
does to make make my heart flutter. He always gets the door for me.
Makes sure to compliment any new outfit. Sends little texts just to tell
me he is thinking of me. I am telling you all of this so I do not take
him for granted.
Friday night we had a proper date. It was movie and then dinner. The
movie was a run of the mill action blockbuster which we will both forget
the plot of by the end of the month and dinner was at a chain
restaurant. The activities of the date nothing to write home about.
The date itself was worth writing about because it was not planned. He
was restless and wanted to go out. I was just in leggings and a blouse
and went to get changed. He asked me why, adding I was beautiful how I
was. I did put on a little more makeup. I did not get dolled up, just
did a touch up. I wanted to look how I would if I was just going out and
my at home makeup is not how I would look. One secret to passing I found
is to not over or under dress for what you are doing.
I will say that holding my man's hand dressed as Bella with it being
only him and me made me feel so strong. I know I have to be strong when
I am on my own and will be. The strength will come from within, but I
could have only found it with the support of my friends and family.
My session with Karen went great. I did wear my wig because of having
the day with Gail. I wanted to be as passable as I could. I brought up
why right away. I knew that Karen would remember me saying I am not a
blond. Now wearing the wig does not matter. I will not wear it that
often for I like being natural. Just like dressing as a man does not
make me Ben, wearing a wig does not make me a blonde.
I told her about the progress with the transition and she asked how I
felt about the time table and if I would just go full time right now. I
would like to go full time now, but it will not be right. I know I will
need an adjustment period and also need to ease people into it.
The worse thing I could do now is rush into being Bella full time. Going
from being perceived as a man to a woman is growth for me. Just like any
growth, it does not just happen. A person does not go from being a child
to an adult overnight, and in a way this is the same. I say this is the
same for I am not changing who I am, just like when a person enters
adulthood it does not change who they are.
After Karen, I was on my way to see Gail and saw Eric's car at the gas
station by her house. Even with his car being a Ford Escort, it is easy
to recognize. It is the only car in the tri-state area which has a
Liverpool F. C. bumper sticker. I pulled in to see him. I actually
forgot that I was in a midi dress, blouse, wig and heels. I do not look
like Ben when I am Bella. I also forgot to use my normal voice when I
said hi.
Eric's reaction was priceless. He was confused because he could tell
that someone he did not recognize knew him well. Then the look of
confusion went to joy when I said "It is me, Bella." I was shocked that
he gave me such a big hug. He told me I looked great.
We talked and he asked if I was going to see his cousin. I told him De
and I have been playing phone tag, but we should be able to set up some
time together soon. Eric then said when we do hook up to make sure De
tells him when. He wants her to stop by his house afterwards so they can
catch up also. I told him if he did not mind I would do one better; that
we will both stop by if he did not mind. He loved the idea.
Spending time with Gail was great. I know; here I am using the same
words again. People do, people have a speech pattern and also a writing
pattern. It is also an easy word to use for that is how my life has
been since I have been true to myself.
We went out and had lunch and came back to her place and had a heart to
heart. I think she has been waiting her entire life to have an heart to
heart with someone as close as a sibling. I know I have. I so wanted to
open up how we did on Saturday with someone who is blood. Even with me
being close to Russ growing up, he was a boy and I thought I was so we
never had one.
She actually had tears of joy telling me how happy she was for me. Those
tears of joy came back later in the day when I asked her to be my Maid
of Honor. We were talking about the wedding and it just was right. I
know that we have never felt closer than we did on Saturday. I know the
feeling of closeness will just grow stronger. I know her standing by me,
standing at my side, helping to make the wedding go great, was the
right call.
Sunday was just a nice relaxing day. The weather was above freezing and
the sun was out. I was in the mood for brunch and Dana wanted to drive
some golf balls. He was excited to use his Christmas gift. We went to
the country club. With Bridgette and Stacy out of town on a weekend
trip, I decided not to call the other Muses. Instead I called Gail,
Carmen and Monica to see if they wanted to join me. I was amazed that
they were all free and also all said yes. Monica's and Frank's kids were
spending the day with their grandparents so Frank came along to hit
balls and Dana called Gary to spend some time with him.
One thing you should know about Frank; , he is the most athletically
gifted person I know. How natural he is at sports or anything which
deals with hands and eye coordination drives people crazy. He came up to
visit me in college and my Freshman roommate had juggling balls. Frank
picked them up and within five minutes he was juggling. My roommate,
Mike, came in and saw Frank doing so and asked Frank how long he has
been juggling. It really irked Mike when Frank with a grin on his face
said about 10 minutes.
I know how Frank's drives were not hooking or slicing drove Dana crazy.
On the way home Dana did ask a couple of times if Frank golfs. He knew
my answer was truth, but it was hard for him to believe. I understand
why; Dana puts many hours in golfing during the year and here comes a
guy, who does not play golf, and drives the ball better than all the
people at the driving range.
One thing I have not said about Dana; he is a little competitive. It is
in a good way and the reason is he wants to be the best he can be. He is
goal oriented so if he sees someone better than him at something he can
make it a goal to learn from them and become as good if not better than
them.
Brunch was good, but had me thinking about the wedding. I do not want
too many bridesmaids, but I so want Gail, Monica, Stacy, Beth, Trish,
Lizzy and Carmen as them. That is seven and might be too many. I do not
want to be a bridezilla and making the wedding party bigger than it
should be is a sure sign of one. Then again these ladies are close to me
and helped me be able to be who I am. I want them by my side and will
have it. I will just have to remember everything I do for the wedding
has to be about the coming together of two families and not a day to
focus attention on me.
I am off to bed, PD. I want to be as fresh as possible to meet the start
of the week.
Love N Hugs
Bella
Aspen
- 16.04.2022
- 34
- 0
The Pink Diva Chronicles Day 1 43
- 4 years ago
- 42
- 0
The Pink Diva Chronicles Day 66 98
- 2 years ago
- 36
- 0
