Candys Fashion House Chapter Nineteen free porn video

Chapter Nineteen As I walked into the office my phone rang. It was Alecia. "Hi Kelli." I was a bit stunned that's just all I needed right at that moment. "Hi Alecia." "Kelli I wanted to talk to you if you have a minute." "OK Alecia let's hear it." "Babes I wanted to apologise for stealing Maddy away. She wanted to come to see you in person before leaving but I asked her not to. She feels really bad about what happened." "Tell her that I am disappointed but I guess I understand. Siobhan is distraught though." "Give her a hug and a kiss from us both. How is Lauren coping, she was really upset last night. Does she hate me?" I laughed. "Well don't hold your breath for a Christmas card." She laughed along with me. "Kelli you have to look after her. Please promise me you will step up babes." "I will help where I can but we just had a huge argument. I am not sure she will talk to me again." "That's crap and you know it. She always blames you and then yells and screams but you know how much she loves you. She is going to need you more than ever." "As I said Alecia I will help if I can but she has Josh now. It will be up to him to carry the load." "Humph." She sighed. "Don't expect anything from him he is fucking useless he can't even look after himself." I snickered. "What happened to all that Josh is wonderful, Josh is so sexy, Josh is the best? What about all that shit you were trying to sell me." She giggled. "Babes he is fun in bed and he is nice but he couldn't organise a fuck in a brothel he is soft. Yes granted he has a big cock and he was starting to learn a little about licking pussy but he is fucking hopeless and he will drag Lauren down with him if you aren't careful." "Fuck you are a bitch; you wanted me to hire him." She sighed. "Babes he is a good architect I have seen his work but he can't think for himself. He needs to be guided all the time. Working with you would have been perfect for him. He could have learned so much from you." "Alecia how is this fuck up my problem?" She laughed again. "You love that girl we both know it and she loves you. I told you many times you two are meant to grow old together and I meant it." "What can I do? She hates me now. She won't even talk to me." "Don't be naive She is sitting there waiting for you. I know how she thinks. There is only one person in the world she wants to talk to at the moment and that's you. She is just as lost as you. She wants to talk to you but doesn't know how to approach it." "How do you know that?" "Because it's always been that way with you two hasn't it. You argue and fight. You are a bloody idiot Kelli. She loves you and you love her. Bite the bullet babes go and see her open your heart and let her back in." I sucked in a big breath. "It's not that simple now Alecia." I stuttered and fumbled with the words. "I have sort of moved on. As much as I love her I have found someone else." I could hear her heavy breathing. "Oh I see, no guesses who that is. Siobhan I suppose?" "Uh huh," I muttered. "Oh well you have lifted a weight off Maddy's chest. She was feeling so guilty about leaving her. That doesn't diminish your responsibilities babes. Lauren needs you." We ended that conversation less like adversaries and more like friends. What to do about Lauren? Siobhan walked in and walked up and kissed me. It was passionate and heart wrenching. The feel of her hot wet lips was intoxicating. Once we separated she slipped into business mode and wanted to talk about Candy's new range. She was almost finished and we needed to plan a release. As we talked and planned Lauren slipped further to the back of my mind. Siobhan must have sensed my discomfort. "Kelli you have barely been listening to me. It's Lauren isn't it?" I nodded. "Yes I don't know what to do. She needs help." She held my hand in a death grip. "Then help her. Do something." "I don't know what to do? What's more I don't think she will even talk to me. We had a huge argument this morning." We left it at that. We went into work planning. There was plenty to do. As days drifted by our lives became more tightly entwined. Siobhan moved in and we became lovers. Life was settling into a heavenly state of bliss. Siobhan was so easy to live with it was so different to living with Lauren and even Alecia. She is kind and tender. She took control of the apartment arranging and buying things for it. She did more than her fair share of the house work. Thank god we had been able to stop using condoms. I hate them, nothing kills the moment more than having to stop to pull on a bloody rubber. She started taking the pill after our very first time. I wasn't that worried, after reading some of the info about HRT I figured I was probably sterile anyway. I mean the dose I was taking was small and I didn't take it all the time. Still it was nice to not have to use condoms. If there was a problem with our relationship it was sex. She was lost and didn't really know what to do with a penis. We made love like lesbians. I mean we do fuck consummated our relationship immediately and she does love it when we make love. It's during foreplay that we have problems. She hasn't really mastered the art of fellatio hand jobs or navigating the male plumbing. There was definitely no way she would even consider letting me cum in her mouth. It wasn't because she didn't want to she just seemed lost. I tried to help by telling her what I liked but she got defensive and accused me of not enjoying being with her. I made a conscious decision to just go with it. I had enough sex when Lauren, Alecia and I lived together to last most men a lifetime. Apart from sex the other sticking point was where to live. Her apartment was much nicer than mine but I loved the ocean views as did she. Mine was however too small. When you have as many clothes as I do you need space? When you add Siobhan's wardrobe to the mix suddenly we have an apartment bulging at the seams with satin lace and leather. Apart from arguing about where to live we were happy. Hiding in the back of my mind was what to do about Lauren. I knew from talking to Karla that she was struggling. Not with her business which as I suspected was flourishing. It was her private life that was a mess. Thankfully Lauren and Karla had been able to rekindle their friendship. I think that was probably the only thing keeping her afloat. When Karla and I spoke it was always focused on Lauren and she pleaded with me to try and rebuild our relationship just as she had. I wanted to I really did but I couldn't figure out how to do it. Our last meeting had been so filled with hatred and vitriol. I also knew from the same source that Lauren and Josh were struggling in their relationship. Lauren was such a ball buster and hard worker she was pushing Josh but he was buried in his own self-loathing and insecurity. So my life was meandering along and it was nice to be free from drama. It took another twist at the next board meeting. I sent Alecia an invitation but she declined siting work as her main issue. She did send me an email explaining she had assigned her right of proxy to Lauren. The meeting rolled around and Lauren turned up looking spectacular. If she was struggling as Karla suggested she was hiding it well. They sat snuggled together and were obviously tight. We worked our way through the order of business including the expansion. Candy ran us through her new designs and then we set about planning a show to promote its release. I am not sure we have ever had a smoother easier meeting. The only sticking point had been Candy demanding that I again be part of the modelling team. I was hoping to separate myself from it but she was adamant. Siobhan was no help. She wanted to follow our previous successes. Her logic was if it ain't broke don't fix it. Candy threw me though. She stood up to address the group although she was staring at me. "I want the models to be transgender. I want the world to know that you can be sexy and beautiful even if you weren't born a woman." I sunk down and hunched my shoulders. "Then that settles it there is no requirement for me to model. I think it's a great idea and I would love to use an all transgender line up. However if we do I won't be part of it." Candy looked a little deflated and I could see she wanted to say more but swallowed whatever it was and sat back down. The meeting descended into silence. Karla finally responded. "Honey I am all in favour of supporting the Trans community. Shit ninety percent of our staff is gender fluid. Kelli we could promote it as supporting Transgender people supported by you." Candy spat out caustically. "No forget it. It's a terrible idea anyway. Let's just do what we always do." I could see the hurt straining her face as she struggled to keep her emotions under control. Siobhan interrupted, "No I think Karla has something. We can do both. We don't have to out you baby." The moment she called me baby Lauren winced. Siobhan noticed as well but carried on. "We can still use a line-up that includes Tran's girls. We can still support the trans community." Lauren spoke for the first time. "I agree with Candy. It should be all in or forget it. We are either in or out. She stared across the table at me. "Kelli you complained to me once that you didn't want to live your life as a lie. Well isn't that what you are doing now?" I turned away unable to hold her gaze. I felt the weight of embarrassment suffocating me. Candy had a big smile spreading across her face. "Thank you Lauren. It's what I have been telling her for ages." Karla shrugged. "Well what do you say Kelli? Is this it? Is it time to tell the world?" I could feel my cheeks burning as I blushed. "No it's not actually." I puffed out my chest. "I will make that decision when I am ready not when you think it's time. You all think you know what's best for me. Let's not forget this isn't a game. It is actually my life we are talking about." Candy reached over and grabbed my hand. "There's no pressure sweetie. You will know when the time is right but whatever happens I want you on that runway." "No Candy this is the perfect time for me to take a step back. There are lots of beautiful Trans girls we can use. I would like to remove myself from that aspect of our business anyway. I want to concentrate on managing and driving this company." She shook her head dismissively. "Sweetie you are the heart of this company. All our success has been driven by your involvement. I agree that sometime in the future it's a good idea but for now we need you. There are plenty of people who come to our shows just to see you. Don't you see, you are our star. Every successful Fashion House has a face. You are ours." In the end we broke up without a resolution. As we were leaving Lauren approached me. "Kelli can we talk in private?" Siobhan had been walking with me her hand in mine. When Lauren asked to talk she let my hand go and gave me a smile and a nod. Lauren and I walked back inside. She hugged me with both arms. "God I have missed you. I am sorry I have been such a bitch." I hugged her back luxuriating in having her in my arms. "I miss you as well Lauren. I have wanted to come and see you. Every day you are still in my thoughts. I hate that we are no longer talking." She slipped her hand behind my head and pulled me into a kiss. "Oh god baby I have missed this as well. I have fucked up everything. Do you hate me?" "Don't be ridiculous Lauren I could never hate you." She laughed. "What...... never!" I laughed with her. "Yeah you are right I have hated you with a vengeance at different times. But no not now. I know I have said some things I shouldn't have and for that I apologise." She hugged me tighter and I could feel the heat of her body pressed up against me. "But you have moved on haven't you? You have Siobhan. You don't need me anymore." I felt the tears welling up inside and I pushed my head into her shoulder so she didn't see. "Yes I have but god I miss you. I miss you so much and you are wrong I do need you." We stood together for a while before she pulled back. "Can we at least be friends, even if it's just lunch?" I agreed to meet her for lunch tomorrow so we could really talk. By the time I got to the car Siobhan was waiting expectantly. "Well what did she want?" Hesitantly I muttered, "She wants to be friends. She wants to meet for lunch tomorrow." She nodded. "Oh I see, am I invited?" I tried to smile. "Of course. If you want to come then there will be no problem." She snickered. "Yeah right. She would kill me if I turned up." I chuckled. "Kill is a strong word, I probably would have gone with strangled." Her snigger turned into a giggle. "No I think I will leave you two love birds to it." I was a bit concerned with her statement. I grabbed her by the shoulders. "Babe there is nothing in this. I would never cheat on you." She leaned in and kissed me. "I know that hon. I would never leave you alone with her if I didn't trust you because I certainly don't trust her." She glared at me. "Did you kiss her just before?" I nodded guiltily. "Yes we kissed, but that's all we did." "Kelli you never have to lie to me. I know that you still have feelings for her. You can say what you like but you can't hide from that. I met Lauren for lunch and the moment I saw her all of the old emotions floated to the surface. She looked amazing. She had gone to a lot of trouble to look that good so I knew how much this meant. When I thought about it I smiled inwardly because I had been late for work because I had spent so much time in front of the mirror getting ready myself. I had chosen my little yellow dress which I love so much. It didn't go unnoticed by Siobhan either. She got sick of waiting for me and left without me. Her parting words were. You are such a fucking girl!!! Lauren greeted me with a kiss, just a friendly little kiss but it was sweet and wet my appetite for more. We talked work. Her new business was going great she had plenty of clients and the numbers were growing exponentially. She asked about the expansion and how it was going. Eventually we got to the part that was going to hurt the most. "So how's thing going between you and Siobhan?" I smiled I didn't want to rub her nose in it. "OK I guess." She laughed. "Kelli don't lie to me babe. I saw that look. I take it things are good?" I nodded. "Yes things are good. Siobhan is wonderful. What about you? How are things with Josh?" I couldn't miss the sharp intake of breath and she turned away. "Not so good. Josh is struggling. He can't seem to get his business going. He can't find any new clients. He did get a couple of house plans to draw up but he had to cut his rates to get them. He feels so low at the moment. His ego has taken a huge hit. I can't live with him at the moment. He is so moody and argumentative. We just seem to go from one argument to the next." "Lauren maybe he just isn't one of those guys who can work for himself. Maybe he should just look for a job." She smouldered sulkily. "You think he hasn't tried that. He has been to just about every firm in town. His reputation has been really destroyed by that fucking malicious article." I bit my lip. "What about further afield, there are other firms maybe he will have to move." I tried to make a bit of a joke. "Or maybe he will just have to be your house bitch." She snickered. "Fuck that he looks terrible in an apron and he is worse than fucking useless in the kitchen." "Now, now baby. He can't be that bad. Maybe just keep him as a sex toy." She giggled mischievously. "Yeah well he is good at that at least." I couldn't help it I sniped. "Really Alecia said he can't lick pussy to save himself." I saw her wince as she tried to hurt me. "Well he makes up for it with his cock." I felt a splash of jealousy as she spoke and she saw my expression change. "Hey you said it." I laughed along with her. "Yeah you are right I deserved that. I hope it works out for you baby I really do." The smile disappeared from her face. "We will see I suppose, but honestly just between us I am not holding my breath. I am sick of his whining and moaning." We had our lunch and as we ate she mumbled. "Baby the other night at the meeting. Candy was really upset with you. Don't you think it's time to stop hiding?" To be honest she had made me think with her comment at the meeting. I saw the hurt on Candy's face and I felt guilty for not supporting her. It just scared the shit out of me. "Lauren I want to I really do but I am scared. You hit the nail on the head I am living a lie." "Then be strong and tell the world. Honestly people will be supportive." I wasn't convinced but we were getting along so well I didn't want to fight. Of course Siobhan wanted to know how our lunch date went. When I wasn't that forthcoming she got nervous and pushed a little harder until I told her about the main topic which was me coming out. She hugged me and kissed me. "Honey its nothing to be ashamed of. I can't believe I am going to say this but I agree with Lauren." "But what if it goes tits up and blows up in our faces? What if we lose customers?" "We won't lose customers I guarantee that. Everybody loves Kelli. All our clients know that Candy is Trans and they still love her." I wasn't convinced. "People will feel cheated because I have lied to them." "Honey you haven't lied, you just haven't been forthcoming. I think people will support you. I think we will get more business not less." For the next week it was all I could think about. It was like Lauren, Candy and Siobhan were joined in a common cause to get me to come out. Eventually after a long conversation with Candy I folded. The sheer weight of the guilt they were piling on me forced my hand. It was after a very passionate session of lovemaking and Siobhan and I were relaxed in each other's arms I spurted out, "OK I am going to do it." She nuzzled into my neck. "What's that baby?" I am going to tell the world. I am coming out of the closet." She sat up with a huge grin on her face. "Oh baby you just made me so happy. Thank you and don't worry you won't be sorry. It's going to be fine." That was easy for her to say but I didn't feel so confident. I had a lunch date with Lauren the next day and when I told her she beamed a million watt smile. "Baby that is brilliant I am so proud of you. It's the right thing to do." That night after dinner Siobhan kept me at the table. She dragged out her laptop and showed me through a presentation. It was all about me coming out. She watched me carefully as I worked my way through it. "Babe I want you to do an interview tomorrow which we will film and put up on the web site. I have already started to talk to radio stations and TV stations. Once I told them about the story they are falling over themselves to have you. Baby this is going to be so much bigger than anything we have ever done. This is going national. Once word started to get out I have been fighting them off all day. I was offered a lot of money for an exclusive story" I was shocked at the reaction. The next few days disappeared in a flash it went from interview to interview. My face was plastered across every newspaper in town and even a few nationally. It was pandemonium. I was expecting to be treated like a pariah by the people I had mislead but it seemed to work in reverse. I felt this huge swell of acceptance. Lauren and I had never got on as well as we were at the moment. Things weren't going so well with her and Josh though. He and Lauren were drifting apart. It was fuelled mostly by his inability to pick himself up and make something happen. He was seemingly trapped in a hole he couldn't climb out of. I almost felt sorry for him. I did say almost just not quite. Things had been going so well and yet I felt this feeling of dread shrouding us. I felt Siobhan was becoming a little distant over the last few days. I couldn't put my finger on the reason. There were so many things going on that I couldn't narrow it down. It came to a head a few nights later. Dinner had been cool to say the least. She sat playing with her food, moving it round and round her plate. It was driving me crazy. "OK Siobhan what's the problem? Something is eating away at you. You may as well spit it out." I could see the tears welling up in her eyes and she was about to cry. I walked around and cradled her in my arms. "Come on baby it can't be that bad." She shook her head. "Well I don't think it's bad but I am scared of what you will say." "Honey it's OK, just tell me you are scaring me now." She sucked in a deep breath...... "Kelli I am pregnant." I felt my knees go weak and my blood turned to water. She had to hold me up or I am sure I would have collapsed. "Are you sure?" Now she burst into hysterics. "I knew it I knew you would hate me." I gave her a shake by the shoulders. "Never say that. I could never hate you damn it I love you. It's just with the hormones and everything I didn't think I could." She snuggled up against me. "It's true babe we are having a baby." You couldn't have wiped the smile of my face if you had tried. "Kelli you aren't angry?" "Don't be ridiculous I am ecstatic. Honey that is the best news ever. Wow we are going to be parents. I am going to be a father........." My face dropped as the word hit home.... Father. She shook me. "Don't even think that you are going to be a great parent3." I had to sit down. "How can you say that Siobhan?" How am I going to be a dad? Fuck look at me a man in a dress and the whole fucking world knows now!" "You are being silly now. What's important is the person inside. You are everything a parent needs to be. You are strong, determined, and resourceful. I am not going to list them all but you are going to be great. We retreated into the lounge area and sat together trying to come to grips with it. I needed to know how she felt. "Siobhan, tell me the truth are you happy about this? Are you sure you aren't just saying it?" She kissed me. "Baby I can't say I wanted this, but once the doctor told me and I have had time to think. I am ecstatic. I cannot wait to be a mum. God I am going to be a mum. I laughed. "You sure are. You will be the best mum on the planet." We started to make plans straight away like a couple of drunk teenagers I made a list. I tore it up and made another. The first order of business was where to live. This place wasn't big enough and wasn't going to cut the mustard. We decided that we wanted a place of our own. We wanted something with sea views. Cars Siobhan's little two seater wouldn't do we needed something bigger and definitely more robust. Telling people. Siobhan wanted to tell everyone right away. At that moment I thought of only one person and that was Lauren. It wasn't something that we planned but we had definitely talked about it and I sensed it wasn't going to go well. I wondered how she would take the news. I asked Siobhan to keep a lid on it until we told her. Siobhan laughed. "Fuck that hon I am not being there when you tell her. She would probably vaporise me on the spot. I wanted to argue but the reality is she was probably right. The next day I called Lauren and invited her to lunch. She turned up looking as beautiful as ever. She garbled on and on about a new client and insignificant crap. I was bubbling fit to burst. I reached over the table and grabbed both her hands. "Shut up Lauren I have something important to tell you so please just shut up." She must have seen the tense look on my face. She went completely silent. After I had gathered my courage I just blurted it out, "Lauren Siobhan and I are having a baby." Her face dropped and tears welled up immediately. "Nooooooooooo." She wailed. "No please tell me it isn't so. You are just saying that to hurt me aren't you." I shook my head. "No Lauren its true we are going to be parents and I wanted you to be the first to know." She snatched her hands from mine and ran full tilt out of the caf? much to the dismay of a hoard of customers. "Well that went well," I muttered to myself. Siobhan couldn't wait and she told everyone. If she wasn't on the phone telling people she was inviting them around. Candy was stunned but happy. She couldn't wait to be Aunt Candy. It took a couple of days but Karla called me to offer her congratulations. As we talked I asked if she had heard from Lauren. She laughed. "How could I not she is living here at the moment." I was a little taken aback. "What about Josh?" "He is still staying at your old place. Kelli Lauren is a real mess. She has taken some time off work she is struggling." "Oh fuck, what can I do Karla?" "I don't think there is anything you can do at the moment. She doesn't want to talk to you." "OK but can you keep me in the loop please." We started our hunt for a new house. We hunted and hunted until we finally found something we both liked. The only problem being it was a wreck. Houses in this part of town were expensive and the only way we could afford to live here was buy a fixer upper. It was going to soak up every penny we could raise between us and wasn't going to leave much for renovations or a new arrival. We decided that it was the best of what we had seen. If we wanted to be close to the ocean we weren't left with a lot of options. We made an offer based on securing finance. I used our old place as collateral but I needed to run it by Lauren. I called Karla and she was in a tizz. Lauren hadn't been back to her office since the day I had spoken to her. "Kelli I don't think you have any perception of how this has affected her. Christ if she doesn't go back to work soon she is going to lose that practice." "Well is she capable? Can she go back?" Karla cried, "No she is miles away from that. She spends all day locked in her room. She barely talks to me." After I hung up I couldn't help wondering about what to do. I talked to the bank and discussed the options. Yes they would loan me the money for the house based on using our old place but Lauren would have to sign the papers authorising it. Back on the phone to Karla. She begged me please Kelli don't do it. It could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. She is just not ready." "But what am I supposed to do? If I can't get her to sign the papers I can't buy the house." Karla blew up. "Jeez stop being so fucking selfish. She is going to lose everything. If she doesn't go to work the banks will shut her down. They will take the house anyway." She screamed at me. "Your new house is fucking nothing do you understand, nothing........" I felt terrible. Fuck if the banks foreclosed then she would lose the house and everything but it wasn't good for me either. I would lose my opportunity to use my equity. We would all lose out. What to do was the worry. I decided that regardless of what Karla said I would go and see her. I waited till Karla was home from work and I went around to see her. Karla met me at the door. "Kelli I don't know this is a good idea honey." "I know Karla but what do I do I just can't sit back and watch. This will sound bad but it's not just Lauren who loses out here. I stand to lose everything as well." We hugged and went inside. Karla went and got Lauren. They both came out hand in hand and she looked terrible. Even when she was in hospital she looked healthier than she did right now. I walked up to her and wrapped her in a hug. We kissed and I felt her body quivering and trembling as she burst out crying. As we hugged I tried to calm her down. "Hey baby its OK, please don't cry it will all work out." She responded by nuzzling her head up under my chin and holding on for grim death. Karla was standing watching but held up her arms as if to say 'Told you so.' I kissed her neck and we rocked back and forth without talking. I hummed something sooting in her ear and her lips slid over my exposed shoulder. "Kelli I am sorry. I am so sorry for everything. I am a fuck up. You are better off miles away from me." "Cut it out Lauren. That's not true and you know it. I love you and I want us to be friends." "Huh friends is it! We were so much more than that. I wanted us to be together forever. You are my life. You are all I ever wanted." "Its OK baby we can sort it out." "NO WE CAN'T...... You have someone else. You are going to grow old with fucking Siobhan. Oh my god you are having my baby. What's left for me?" She was screaming at the top of her voice." What about me Michael what about me?" Karla raced over and grabbed her and I joined in and we hugged and kissed her. Lauren just stood up and walked out with Karla running closely behind her. When Karla came back out she was crying. "What are we going to do?" "We need to get her to a therapist or something. She needs help." Over the next couple of days Karla managed to convince her that therapy would help. Thankfully she was friends with a therapist. Lauren agreed to go if I went with her. I went to the first couple of sessions but after that she felt confident enough to go on her own. Siobhan was pretty traumatised by the whole thing and was feeling the weight of guilt dragging her down as well. By the second week Lauren was starting to pick up and decided she wanted to go through with the sale of the house. I went around and cleaned the place up. It was sad as I went through the place. It was full of so many amazing memories. I packed everything into boxes and hired a storage unit and it took me a couple of days to move it all in. By the end of the weekend the place was spotless and ready to go on the market. I arranged for a realtor to come and have a look. As we walked around the house she was really positive insisting that she already had a buyer who the place would be perfect for. God I had my fingers crossed. At least that way our money would be safe. Things were on the improve, but I couldn't get rid of the overwhelming sense of guilt. Between Siobhan and me we had cornered the market on living with guilt. With Lauren living at Karla's Josh seemed lost. I heard through Karla that he tried a few times to see Lauren but she refused. Apparently she was holding him at least partially responsible for her problems. Glad to hear I had been usurped in that area. I was going over to Karla's every night to visit with Lauren and every day it was getting just that little bit easier to talk. We were scouting around the perimeter of issues talking without saying anything. Until one evening when it all blew up. Her therapist had been reinforcing the need for her to face up to the issues. It started friendly enough before it went south in a hurry. I don't know how we got there but she couldn't hold it in any longer. She started crying and sniffled and muttered. "Kelli don't you understand that was supposed to be us. We were meant to grow old together. Do all of the things you are now doing with her you are buying a house and having a child. Baby that was meant to be you and me but you walked away." She wiped back the tears. "I still remember the first time we looked at our place. It was ours." She found some tissues and wiped her eyes. "Don't you understand? It hurts knowing that you love her now. She is in my place sharing your bed. That should be us together in our bed." She hissed. "I hate that bitch." I was trying to keep it together but her attitude pissed me off. "Lauren let's not forget how we ended up where we have. It wasn't me who cheated and it certainly wasn't Siobhan's fault." She folded her arms in a huff. "Well if you hadn't got all toxic we would still be together." "I don't want to argue Lauren I just want to put it all behind us." "It's not fair I hate the fact that you now have this wonderful life. You seem so happy and at peace with yourself." "Well I have to say that is down to you as well Lauren. If you hadn't pushed me I would still be working construction. A lot of what I have achieved is because you wouldn't let me rest." "If you feel that way then why aren't we still together?" "Because you pushed me away you had to push that little bit harder and you went one step to far Lauren. You didn't know when to stop. Fuck if you had let me do it at my own pace then I may have gone down that road but I wasn't going to be pushed down it." "What? Are you saying that you are interested?" "I guess I am curious Lauren yes. But that's where it starts and ends." "But why? If you are curious why didn't you try to find out. God what if you really like it? You could go through your whole life without ever knowing." "Well at the moment I don't feel like I am missing out. If I get to the stage where I feel like I am I guess who knows." "Fuck you frustrate me. You were such a coward." Why couldn't we just have a conversation without resorting to this. We always seemed to end up in a fight. I gave her a kiss. "I am sorry Lauren but I refuse to be put down by you." She grabbed me again and this time she wouldn't let go. "Kelli it could have been so different. Now Josh has left me as well. Everybody I love has walked away. Please I am begging you don't walk away." "Lauren I have a new life and a partner. I do want you to be part of my life. I want us to be friends." As I walked out I could still hear Lauren crying and Karla trying to calm her down. I was almost at the car when I heard her ear-splitting shriek, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." The sale of the house went through and we closed the deal on our new place. Lauren continued to be up and down. She couldn't or wouldn't work. Karla rang me at work to ask my advice. I suggested she sell the practice. At least she would get something out of it. We moved into our new home a couple of weeks later. We only had a couple of rooms to live in as the rest of the place was a wreck. I tried to stay in touch with Lauren but she seemed on this path of self-destruction. A couple of weeks had passed and I went around to catch up with her but when I got there Karla invited me in. "Where's Lauren?" I asked. She looked tense and nervous. "She sold her practice and has gone to stay with Alecia in London." Well that was a shock. "You are joking surely? Why didn't you call me Karla?" She slowly shook her head. "I am sorry honey but she made me promise not to say anything to you." "Well when did she go?" "Honey she left last week." I couldn't believe it. It seemed like a bad dream. "Have you heard from her? Is she OK?" "Honey without sounding nasty, why do you care. She has gone. You have your new life. Why not let sleeping dogs lie." "Karla I just need to know she is safe and is OK. Christ how the fuck is that going to work?" Karla shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know either, they hardly parted on good terms but I do know they were at least talking before she left." It was some ungodly hour early in the morning. I got a phone call. Siobhan nudged me. "Wake up answer the bloody phone." I managed to pick it up. It was Alecia. "Hi babes," she muttered. "Hope I didn't wake you?" "What do you want Alecia?" There was a pregnant pause. "I just rang to let you know that Lauren is OK. She is here with us at the moment. I wanted to say congratulations as well. Lauren told us you are going to be a daddy." "Thanks but surely this could have waited till later?" "Sorry Kelli I didn't really think about the time difference. I needed to talk while Lauren wasn't here she didn't want me to call you." I was rubbing the sleep out of my eyes trying to focus. "Yeah thanks but let's not beat about the bush. What do you want?" "You have to help me babes. Lauren is driving me fucking crazy. Maddy is going off her nut. She can't stay here with us. Jesus I don't know what she was thinking. Why the hell did she come here for god's sake? Maddy is furious with me for taking her in." "If you feel that way just kick her out, send her back." I can't do that and you know it. Fuck it I love her as much as you do." "Alecia I don't know what you expect from me." "Just talk to her see if you can encourage her to move back home." "That would be easier if she would actually talk to me." "Babes she is still in love with you. Can't you at least try?" "I have tried Alecia I really tried but every time I went to see her we ended up in an argument. Regardless of what she says I think she actually hates me." "She doesn't hate you. Fuck don't be an idiot all your life. She loves you. Her heart is broken that's all. She sees you enjoying this spectacular new life and yet she can barely breathe. She is jealous and broken. Kelli she loves you. Never ever forget that." "Yeah well it's hard to remember that when she is screaming hateful things at you all the time." "Please babes you have to help. If she stays here someone is going to die. She needs you Kelli she really does. She needs to be with you." "Don't be fucking ridiculous. How the fuck can I do that?" I spluttered. "I think you are just trying to off load her because you don't want or don't know how to deal with her." She exploded. "Don't you dare say that you little shit. I love her and you fucking know it. All I want is for her to get better and I know that all she has talked about since she got here is you. Kelli she needs you." Siobhan had woken up properly now and was sitting up propped on her elbows listening intently to us fight. "Just tell me what you want Alecia so I can go back to sleep." "Babes please I don't want to fight. Believe it or not I still have feelings for you and I want us to be friends. All I want is for you to call Lauren and talk to her. Try and help out." Siobhan snuggled up close gripping my arm. "Yeah OK I will call her later. Goodbye Alecia." As I hung up Siobhan whispered, "What are you going to do hon?" "I don't know babe I don't think there's anything I can do. She won't even talk to me." "We have to do something." Exasperated I spat out. "Why do you care? Why is this suddenly so important to you? I thought you would be happy." She was stung by my anger but sighed. "Yeah well so did I. But I have to tell you it makes me feel like shit. Every day I wake up with this horrible feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach. I know I am responsible for everything that has happened to her. Yes I feel guilty and responsible. I thought it was going to make me feel better but it's the opposite. I feel terrible revenge isn't everything it's cracked up to be." I tried and tried for days to talk to Lauren. She refused I did talk to Alecia most days and it was during one of those conversations that the world exploded again. This time however it was on Alecia's end. I could hear them all screaming and yelling at each other. They were having the fight to end all fights. It was mayhem their screams were ear- splitting, there were doors slamming, things breaking. This was a battle. Shit if punches weren't being thrown it was fucking close. All I was doing was holding the phone listening. Then it all went silent. All I could hear was this quiet sobbing. I asked. "Lauren is that you?" "Yes." Came this barely audible feeble whisper. "What's happening baby?" "They don't want me here. They want me to leave. Maddison hates me. Alecia just told me I have to move out." "Then move out go somewhere else you don't have to put up with that." "I don't have anywhere to go." She sobbed. "Nobody wants me. You all hate me." "I don't hate you Lauren. Pack your stuff up and come home." She was hysterical. "You're not listening Kelli I don't have anywhere to go." "What about Karla?" I whispered hopefully. "I can't go back there I just cant." There was a long pause. "She loves me I know but it's too difficult. She was smothering me with love. Plus I overheard Jerry tell her he wanted me to leave. Don't you see everybody hates me." "Then come and stay with us." "Don't be stupid Kelli." She sniffled. "Siobhan hates me as well." "Lauren just listen to me. Come and stay with us. It will be OK I promise." The hysteria returned. "But what about Siobhan? Don't tell me she doesn't hate me. I know she does." I sucked in a big breath. "Let me worry about that OK. I wouldn't offer if I didn't think it would be OK." We agreed that she had to pack up and get out as soon as possible and she would get the earliest flight home. Now I just had to sell it to Siobhan without getting divorced before we got married. Siobhan walked in with a big smile on her face but the moment she saw the look on my face she sagged. "What's happened?" "Sit down hon there's something I need to tell you." I wondered whether I should put on my motorcycle helmet before I revealed this little bit of news. "Well.........Remember you said I had to do whatever it took to help Lauren?" She nodded silently I could see her facial expression tighten up. "Well we are going to have a visitor stay with us for a few days." She looked anxious as understanding seeped in. "Yeah who would that be?" Here it comes, I grabbed her hands. Mostly so she wouldn't hit me. "It's Lauren." I felt her hands gripping me and she fixed me with a steely glare. "Are you serious?" "Yes hon I am afraid so." I went through what had happened and she surprised me. "OK but I'm not putting up with any shit. This is our home if she stays here it will be my rules." Siobhan had given up work. She was still doing our social media stuff but she was doing that from home. I had picked up the rest of her work. She was suffering badly with morning sickness. Even during the day she struggled with nausea. That was going to be the hard part. I wouldn't be there to separate them if it all turned to custard. Siobhan and I drove to the airport to pick her up. We were standing in the crowd holding hands waiting for her. Then out of the throng of scurrying bodies she appeared looking untidy and well scruffy. The always elegant and graceful Lauren looked awful. She looked terrible. Her eyes were puffy and red she looked thin and haggard. I opened my arms and she fell into them and we hugged and hugged. Siobhan was standing beside me and when Lauren and I separated she turned and the two girls slipped into a cool embrace. Lauren had tears streaming down her face and I could see her body was trembling and shaking. Siobhan pulled her tighter into their embrace and I watched as they melted into each other. Lauren visibly sagged in her arms. Her eyes were closed and she was hanging on for dear life. The drive home was silent except for Laurens sobbing. As we pulled up outside Laurens gaze turned into a smirk as if to say. 'This is it.' Siobhan watched me with a smile. "Let's go inside shall we." I raced into the kitchen to make drinks and the girls retreated to the day bed in the lounge. Because we were redecorating we had most of our furniture in storage. We really only had a couple of rooms partially finished. As I walked in with the drinks Lauren looked forlorn and completely lost. We sat on the day bed which doubled as our sofa sipping our drinks. Nothing was said until Siobhan helped Lauren up and helped her off to bed. That night as we lay in bed Siobhan started to cry herself. "God she is a mess. I feel so terrible. This is all my fault." I snuggled with her. "This isn't your fault hon." She growled. "Of course it's my fault. Fuck if I hadn't been a bitch then this wouldn't have happened." "Honey Alecia and Maddy were already fooling around before that happened so this was always on the cards." The next morning I decided not to go to work. We got up and Lauren wandered out. We all hugged and sat down to breakfast. Siobhan pushed Laurens in front of her but Lauren shook her head. "No thanks I couldn't look at anything at the moment." Siobhan walked around the table and cuddled her. "Lauren you need to eat hon. Starving yourself won't fix anything and pushed the plate back in front of her. Lauren nodded and started nibbling but soon she had scoffed the whole thing. As we were cleaning up Lauren walked in behind us. "Siobhan I have said some mean and nasty things about you which wasn't fair of me. I held you responsible for all that has gone wrong with my life." I tried to interrupt but she shut me down. "No I need to get this out. Siobhan I blamed you for stealing my partner. Then I blamed you for everything that went wrong after that. But it wasn't your fault it was all mine. I fucked up. I chased away the only person in my life that ever mattered." She was crying freely as she mumbled. "Please forgive me. You deserve all the happiness. I have behaved like a spoilt brat. I know you hate me but all I want is for you to forgive me." Siobhan surprised me by reaching out and hugging her tight. "Lauren there's nothing to forgive. All we want is for you to be happy." They both leaned into the hug. "Lauren you may have said some things but don't worry I have said and done worse." As they slipped out of each other's arms Lauren turned to me. "Kelli I need your forgiveness as well." I reached out for her hand. "There's nothing to forgive. It's just life and I want you in mine." We went out to the deck which had great morning sun and overlooked the ocean. As we sat in the camp stretcher chairs Lauren muttered. "Wow I see the attraction for this place now. The view is amazing." As we sat together trying to find something to say Lauren whined. "God I left in such a rush I hardly brought any clothes." Siobhan smiled. "We can fix that." She grabbed her by the hand and dragged her inside. She took her into our room and they went through my wardrobe until Lauren found something she liked. Siobhan gave me a big kiss as they walked past me on their way to the car. She smiled. "Well you must have work to do." They climbed into the car and disappeared and were gone for the whole day. Later as I was getting dinner Siobhan gave Lauren the grand tour. They appeared back and Lauren laughed. "Fuck baby this place is a dump. You are going to be working here for years?" Her offhand remark hurt a little. "Yeah I know, but it's ours and we like it." The moment I said it I knew I had said the wrong thing. I saw her face drop and she looked away. I think my comment hurt. I didn't mean it to. For her it was a moment of realisation and it was sinking in that this wasn't hers it was Siobhan's and mine. As we sat down to eat Siobhan said "Lauren you are welcome to stay here with us as long as you need." Now I was really shocked. We all sort of looked around at each other with nobody knowing what to say so I announced. "Absolutely Lauren you have to stay with us. It's not much but you would be welcome to stay if you want." That ignited another group hug and more tears. Lauren said she would love to. The rest of the night was filled with catch up conversation with all the questions you would expect. Baby names" How was Candy? How was business? It went on until late. In the morning as I was preparing to go in to work Lauren came out and I was worried about leaving the two of them together, but Siobhan chased me out the door. I spent the day nervous. I rang regularly just to check. I called Alecia to tell her that Lauren was OK. She didn't sound that happy but did say. "Thank you babes that has made my day." I laughed well I am glad you are happy I am nervous as hell." She asked, "Why? What have you got to be nervous about?" "Don't bullshit me Alecia. My ex and my wife who up until a few days ago hated each other. Now they are left at home alone together. Yeah what could go wrong?" I hissed. She laughed. "Yeah well it could be worse. I might be there as well. If things don't improve here that might just happen let me give you the clue." We chatted for a while and she admitted that things weren't going that well at her end. Her and Maddy had a blinding row and things were not so good. She was however happy that Lauren and I could be friends. When I got home that night I couldn't believe it Lauren and Siobhan were busy in the kitchen getting dinner. Fuck me Lauren could burn water she was hopeless in the kitchen. I walked over and gave Siobhan a kiss. As we separated I said hi to Lauren but I could see the look of sorrow on her face. Siobhan pushed me. "Lauren needs a kiss as well you know. She has been busy getting you dinner." What the fffffuuuuuucck????? I kissed Lauren and she hugged me. "Go and sit in the lounge I will get drinks." As Siobhan and I retired into the lounge I wanted to ask Siobhan what the hell was going on but she put her finger up to her mouth and shushed me. We ate as we had been, curled up on the day bed. As we spoke the conversation turned to work and Siobhan quizzed me on everything. I explained how busy it was and she apologised for abandoning me. I soothed her. "Hey it's all OK honey you have to look after that little parcel." As I patted her tummy I muttered, "I might get a temp to pick up the slack." I saw Siobhan lift her head and her eyes got big like she does when she gets an idea. "A temp? Hang on a minute. Lauren what are you going to do?" Lauren looked a little nonplussed. "Um not sure I understand." "I mean what are you going to do for a job silly," Siobhan gasped. Lauren shrugged. "I don't know to be honest. I have been thinking about trying something other than law for a while. I need to get my head together before I try that." Siobhan said. "Well why don't you cover for me? You know the business. You know something about social media. You could do my job and you could look after our legal matters." Now I was really nervous. Lauren got a big smile on her face but that faded as she looked over and saw the expression on my face. Siobhan cut in. "Don't worry about her she will get used to it won't you Kelli?" I nodded knowing better than to argue with her when she sets her mind on something. After dinner Siobhan and Lauren spent the rest of the night going over everything. Lauren settled into our place with us as she looked for a place of her own. She switched from staying with us for a few nights to staying with Karla. It was an incredible turn around. She and Siobhan were getting along like old friends and there never seemed to be any tension or bitterness. We laughed and joked around. It was such a huge joy to have the old Lauren back. The extensions were finished at Candy's and the place was rollicking along. Lauren was fantastic at work. She fitted right in and picked up Siobhan's job like she was born for it. If she did have any problems she just rang or went and saw Siobhan. Together they were able to sort out most things. Candy laughed. "You are the jammiest bitch I have ever met. Fuck me having your girlfriend and your Ex living together. How the hell is it you always come up smelling of roses?" Saturday I went in to work to sort some shit out and when I got home I found Lauren there and she was helping Siobhan paint the basement walls. Siobhan looked at me quizzically and groaned well don't just stand there get changed and get a brush. It was late when we finished. So I cooked us all dinner. Lauren snuggled up on the day bed and chatted with Siobhan. After we had finished dinner the girls were talking and Lauren burst into tears. I didn't know what to do but Siobhan waved me away and she cuddled and comforted her. I went for a walk down by the waterfront. By the time I got back Siobhan was sitting by herself. She looked up as I walked in and I could see by her red puffy eyes she had been crying as well. "OK what's going on?" I asked. Siobhan patted the cushion beside her and sighed. "She is just feeling a little down. She felt the baby kick and got a bit emotional. She is still pretty fragile." I didn't know what to say I just held on to her and we hugged for a while. The pair of them got closer and closer. Lauren attended anti natal classes with her when I couldn't. They went out together shopping and going for lunches. Siobhan included Lauren in everything. Before Laurens arrival whenever she felt the baby move she used to get all giggly and pull me in to touch, rub or put my ear against her tummy. Now it was Lauren. Lauren spent ages with her ear glued to Siobhan's tummy feeling and listening. Siobhan and I were snuggled up in bed one night. As she cuddled up against me she asked. "Baby do you mind that Lauren is staying here and that we spend so much time together?" She laughed. "I mean she is your EX." "I laughed as well. "No I think it's kind of sweet actually. I have to admit though I never thought you two would ever become close." She giggled. "Well we share something in common now don't we?" I looked enquiringly at her. "Yeah what's that?" She shook her head laughingly derisively. "You, you bloody idiot." Mostly I didn't mind but after one night the two of them ended up talking until late in the night. I went to bed and they both crashed on the sofa. When I woke in the morning and realised Siobhan wasn't in bed with me I had an oh no moment. It was with some trepidation that I wandered downstairs. When I got into the lounge and saw the pair of them snuggled up together I got a little jealous. I mean they were still fully clothed. They had to snuggle close because by now Siobhan was the size of a house. After Lauren left I had a little bit of a whinge at Siobhan. "Honey we can't spend all our time babysitting Lauren. She needs to find her own way in the world." Siobhan snapped angrily, "Stop it Kelli, you are being petty. This is our responsibility Lauren is staying. We have to look after her. She is our friend and she needs our help." "Our friend," I argued. "Since when?" She smiled coquettishly well if you must know we have become close. It might have been a rocky start but I like her." I tried to get her to understand that Lauren needed to move on with her life and while she spends every waking moment with us she doesn't get a chance to meet other people. I noticed that Siobhan and Lauren were becoming increasingly touchy feely with each other. I found them regularly snuggled up together watching TV when I wasn't around. If Siobhan was in the kitchen Lauren went in and kept her company. Even at work I would find Lauren on the phone talking to her and they were always giggling and laughing conspiratorially. It was scaring me. Every time I tried to talk to Siobhan about it she fobbed me off. "Don't be jealous honey, petty isn't a good look on you." When Lauren was at home one evening I asked. "Why don't you go out anymore Lauren? You used to love going out to clubs and bars." She shrugged. "I don't know baby I don't have anyone to go with. That is unless you want to go out one evening? Karla is always busy and doesn't want to go out. Alecia is in London playing house with Maddy." She grinned an evil smirk. "Well we could go out together, you know pick up some guys. Have some fun." I think she saw the look on my face and realised she had gone too far. "Chill baby I was only joking. I just don't think I am ready." One night while we were all crowded together on the sofa relaxing and having a few drinks. Well Lauren and I did anyway Siobhan was on orange juice. Lauren got all giggly and emotional. It was going OK until Siobhan grabbed my hand and placed it on her tummy to feel the baby. Lauren broke down crying, Siobhan and I sat either side of her and hugged and tried to soothe and calm her but it was impossible, she was inconsolable. She latched on to Siobhan and sobbed, "I have fucked up everything, I am so sorry. Kelli I fucked up your life, I fucked up Josh's life, and he hates me now. He won't even talk to me. Even Alecia couldn't live with me." She was distraught. "I have driven away everybody I ever loved." We hugged and kissed for ages as we tried in vain to calm her. I smiled at her, "Baby you haven't fucked up my life. Really what have I got to complain about, if you hadn't pushed me to become Kelli I would never have met Siobhan." She sniffled. "But I pushed you away. I lost you and now I have no one." I gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Baby the good stuff outweighs the bad the only bad thing out of this whole mess is we lost each other. Lauren you know that I still have feelings for you and I am glad we have remained friends. Honestly you did not fuck up my life you helped make me who I am and I am really happy. I don't know where it came from but Siobhan grabbed Lauren's head and pulled her into a tight kiss, their lips were suddenly glued together. I just sat there watching like a stunned mullet. I was absolutely flabbergasted. Lauren was as equally stunned, at first she sat there not knowing what to do. The kiss turned to more than just a kiss and she was absorbed into it. Her arms slid around Siobhan's head as their tongues battled ferociously. Siobhan reached around and grabbed my hand and moved it up to Lauren's hair and I leaned in for my share of the kiss. Lauren looked at me as if she didn't know what to do. She was as confused as me. Siobhan wouldn't have any of it. She held both our hands and led us up to the bedroom. Lauren walked softly behind her. She stared back over her shoulder at me with a scared cautious look. I think she was trying to gauge my reaction. I was as nervous as hell. What the fuck was Siobhan thinking? But my cock had absorbed so much blood that there was none left for my brain and my head definitely wasn't thinking clearly, in fact it wasn't thinking at all. As we reached the bed, Siobhan pulled us all together. "Lauren I want this, I know Kelli wants this, she would never admit it to me but I know that she still loves you. I can see it and I am sure you can as well. I want this and I hope you feel the same." Lauren pounced on Siobhan and kissed her and they fell sideways onto the bed. I stood for ages watching them make out wildly. As they were making out Laurens hands were roaming over Siobhan's tummy and she giggled. Oh my god I can feel the baby moving. She leaned down and kissed her tummy. Her lips glided wetly all over Siobhan's huge tummy. She was like a kid with a new toy. In the end Lauren grabbed my skirt and dragged me onto the bed with them both. That night we made love with incredible tenderness. It wasn't wild or torrid but it was so loving and inclusive. Lauren and I spent ages making love to Siobhan as a team making sure she didn't feel left out. We fell asleep in a huge huddle. God it brought back incredible memories. The morning which I thought would be weird and uncomfortable was sweet and loving. It was like old times waking between two beautiful creatures. Even after a night of passion they looked delicious. That moment made the whole thing somehow worthwhile. Lauren and Siobhan became inseparable and were closer than I ever thought possible for two human beings. The battles fought had well and truly disappeared. They went everywhere and did everything together. When the birth happened Lauren was there with us and she couldn't wait for her turn to hold and cuddle our brand new baby girl. My journey as a young introverted socially inept misfit seemed a life time ago, and life at least for the moment seemed sweet. The end POST SCRIPT: Firstly I want to say thank you to all of the people who have read, supported and posted comments. Good or bad they all helped. Thank you also to the people who have emailed. I have made some real friends through this journey and I will be forever grateful not just for the friendship but also the help they gave along the way. I lay no claims to being a writer. The story was just my feeble attempt to explain to the world the inner conflict and mental anguish that people on this journey face every day. It is not an easy path and is littered with fallen friends. I wanted with this story to try and tell a story about true love. A tale of love so strong it endured the severest tests. Forgiveness is often seen as weakness which isn't always the case. Forgiveness requires far more strength than walking away. Revenge and anger are passing emotions but true strength and happiness lies in forgiveness. I wanted to try and show that with an open heart and an open mind anything is possible. Thank you Cagivagurl XXXXXXXXX