The Experimental Fuck 2 Natalya 6
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September 3, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio
Tasha was very quiet on the drive home from Jackson Lake, and I wasn’t sure what to say to her, so I stayed quiet as well. When we arrived at my house, we exchanged a perfunctory kiss.
“Are you OK?” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow at church.”
I got out of the Volvo and went into the house. I said ‘hello’ to my parents, then asked Clarissa to sit on the patio and talk with me. We went to the kitchen, got glasses of lemonade, then went outside.
“You look upset, Mike; did something bad happen?”
“Tasha and I went to Jackson Lake,” I replied. “It’s the place High School kids go to make out. We kissed a bit and Tasha wanted to make love. In fact, she demanded I make love to her.”
“I don’t like the sound of this,” Clarissa said warily.
I smiled wryly and shook my head, “I didn’t; or, we didn’t. And we had a tiff about it.”
“You refused?”
I nodded, “It was one of the more difficult things I’ve ever done. Let’s just say that kissing Tasha, and feeling her body next to mine was a temptation beyond anything I’ve ever encountered.”
“More than Jocelyn?”
I laughed softly, “That was planned, in advance, by the old me.”
“So you had a script and followed it step by step?”
“More or less; and that desire was different.”
“How so?”
“I’m not quite sure how to explain it, really. Maybe the best way is a comparison. I could be way off base, but I think my desire to be with Tasha is like your desire to be with Glenda, and my desire to be with Jocelyn is more like your desire to be with me.”
“Are you saying I want to fuck Glenda and make love with you?”
I laughed, “That’s not QUITE how I’d put it. Maybe it was a bad example, but with Jocelyn, for me at least, it was about a union of souls. With Tasha, earlier, it was some sort of primal urge.”
Clarissa nodded slowly, “I think I get what you’re trying to say. You care for Tasha, right?”
“Absolutely. Just as you care for Glenda. But would you call her your ‘soulmate’?”
“No. She’s fun, sexy, and I like being around her. But it’s not a deep relationship like yours and mine, or yours and Jocelyn’s, though it’s slowly moving that way. I guess that’s how you feel about Tasha.”
“The only thing I felt about Tasha was a burning desire to...”
“Fuck like crazed bunny rabbits?” Clarissa teased.
“Something like that,” I grinned.
“So what happened?”
“I can’t get my promise to her out of my mind,” I sighed.
“But she relieved you from it!”
“Which is something she made me promise not to allow her to do!” I protested.
“And you’re going to hold the eighteen-year-old Tasha to something the fifteen-year-old Tasha asked? She’s a different person and so are you!”
“We are, but...”
“Mike, I’m lesbian, but I think I can relate. Don’t you think the fifteen-year-old Tasha might have been scared of the idea of a penis entering her vagina despite having the desire to have that happen? And THAT was her real concern, not her desire to be a virgin when you eventually married.”
“Did you just tell me that YOU are scared of that?”
“Yes, but it’s not quite that simple. And it’s different from Glenda, who is completely disgusted by the idea. I don’t feel that way, but ever since I knew how intercourse worked, I was afraid of the idea of a guy putting his penis into my vagina. I think lots of girls are, even if they really want to have sex. Once it happens, I suspect that fear goes away.”
“I know you’re going to accuse me of being stubborn, but she made me promise not to let her change her mind, and she said I was responsible for keeping her ‘pure’ until we were betrothed.”
“Do you think she’s acting precipitously? That she hasn’t thought it through?”
“No. I’m sure she isn’t.”
“Mike, you CAN’T let what she said at fifteen control what she does at eighteen! Do you think you should be controlled at twenty by what you thought at fifteen?”
“And the promise?”
“Oh for Pete’s sake, Petrovich! She’s released you from the promise. YOU are holding yourself to the promise because of YOUR hangups! I know you think breaking your word is a mortal sin, but you wouldn’t be breaking your word according to the person who is the sole judge of that! And it’s not YOU who is the judge, it’s Tasha.”
“There is no such thing as ‘mortal’ and ‘venial’ sins. The idea that God has divided sin into levels, and that one set of them is unforgivable is not just silly, but a lie from the pit of hell! The idea that we could commit a sin from which we cannot EVER repent is anathema, and the only person who would teach the idea that any sin could permanently separate us from God is Satan himself!”
“Spare me the theology lesson, please. You know the point I was trying to make. The value you place on keeping your word is commendable, but you’re wearing it like a straitjacket now. Or using it as a defense mechanism. Neither of those is appropriate in this case. You owe Tasha an HONEST answer, based on both of you being adults, free to make your own decisions.”
“She told me you talked earlier today.”
“Not about that. I can’t imagine Tasha talking about that with ANYONE besides you. So, what happened?”
“I suppose I should just give you a play-by-play,” I replied.
“Do you really want your first time to be here?” I asked.“Under the stars?” Tasha sighed. “It’s very romantic!”
“And how do you propose to shower before you go home?”
“We could use the lake!” she said with a soft laugh.
“And you would rather get up and go home than sleep in my arms after we make love several times?”
“I would rather make love NOW!” she whispered insistently. “Make love to me, Mike! Please!”
Physical desire threatened to overwhelm me, and making a decision based purely on hormones was a recipe for disaster. I hadn’t decided what to do before we got to Jackson Lake, and I knew I couldn’t think clearly enough at the moment to make the decision while I was sitting next to Tasha with both of us overheating.
I gently extricated myself from Tasha’s embrace, and not knowing what else to do, I stood up.
“Mike?”
I shook my head, “I can’t.”
“Why?” she asked plaintively.
I didn’t have a satisfactory answer for myself, let alone one I could give her. The girl of my fantasies was not just available and willing, but insistent. Something kept telling me not to do it, and unless I overcame that objection, whatever its source, I couldn’t be with Tasha that way.
“I just can’t.”
“Then I think I should go home.”
“Tasha ... I...”
“Either make love with me, or I’ll see you tomorrow morning for church.”
I shook my head slightly, and Tasha got up from the grass. We walked in silence to the car. We got in, she started it, and pulled away. She was very quiet on the drive home from Jackson Lake, and I wasn’t sure what to say to her, so I stayed quiet as well. When we arrived at my house, we exchanged a perfunctory kiss.
“Are you OK?” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow at church.”
I got out of the Volvo and went into the house.
“You have a serious mental block, Mike,” Clarissa said. “And I think it’s more than just the promise.”
“Fantasy intersecting with reality?” I asked.
Clarissa nodded, “And how your fantasy about Jocelyn turned to ashes in your mouth.”
“«Говно»,” I sighed.
“You do realize that our relationship has some characteristics of a fantasy? But more like you and Jocelyn than you and Tasha.”
I smirked, “Don’t be so sure!”
Clarissa smiled and shook her head, “All teasing aside, you could never just have sex with me anymore than you could with Jocelyn. That was the problem after the accident. You both claimed it was ‘just sex’ and it wasn’t. In fact, I suspect you both knew that.”
“I did,” I admitted, “and I’m reasonably sure she did.”
“And that’s part of your trepidation with Tasha, too. It’s the whole mix. What if the reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy? What if she expects it to lead to marriage? What if YOU expect it to lead to marriage? What if AFTER you do it, one of you decides it means you should marry? But, Mike, aren’t those ALWAYS risks? With ANY girl?”
“I suppose so.”
“I get the picture that you’ve been decisive with everyone EXCEPT Tasha. You decided to do it or not, and stuck to your guns until there was a significant change in the relationship. Then you re-evaluated. In the case of Angie, you stuck to your guns; wisely, I might add. With Nancy, you allowed circumstances to dictate your response. You worked things out in your mind about Kristin. But with Tasha, you’re saying that decision, fixed in time, is the final answer, with no possibility to change. Why?”
“I’m not sure.”
“May I posit a theory?”
“Would it matter if I said ‘no’?” I asked with a grin.
“No!” Clarissa laughed. “You’ve always seen Tasha as a pristine virgin, untouched by any man. And you can’t get past that. In fact, that might be why you’re so conflicted about asking her to marry you.”
“What?! Come on! There is no doubt in my mind that I’ll have sex with my wife, or she with her husband, even if it’s not me.”
“Not the same thing, Petrovich. In that eventuality, you won’t be the one to sully the image you have of her in your mind as ‘Virgin Tasha’.”
“I don’t buy it.”
“Go on then, give me a better answer. I bet you can’t. Let me ask you THIS question, which I think will help you clarify things in your mind. If Maggie asks you to fuck her, will you? Be honest, now.”
“I don’t see that happening.”
“Because she’s grounded? Or because she doesn’t want to?”
“Because she’s grounded. But there is also the ‘marriage’ factor. She’s going to assume having sex is a commitment.”
Clarissa laughed, “Sometimes you are a real blockhead, Petrovich! Is she April? Expecting a ring on her finger in exchange for her virginity? I mean as a direct one-for-one trade? Or quid pro quo?”
“If you put it that way, I don’t think so. April was clear about that, even if I missed it at first. But maybe I’m missing it with Maggie.”
“You told me she said she knew there were no guarantees even if she moved to McKinley for that job when she graduates.”
“True.”
“So, again, be honest. Would you fuck her if she asked?”
“Probably.”
“So, my dear Petrovich, tell me how Tasha is different, if it’s not the whole ‘pristine virgin’ thing.”
“Marry me?” I asked.
“If you’re serious, you’re a bigger «глупец» than I realized! Of all the people on the planet who would have to have sex BEFORE they got engaged, it’s you and me. So if you’re asking seriously, then I believe you need to be committed to a mental institution! And, assuming you ARE serious, why would I say ‘yes’ when it’s clearly just an attempt to escape having to make a decision you don’t want to make?
“Are you so afraid of Tasha that you would do something so foolish and impetuous, and hope I’d go along with it? Make up your mind, one way or the other, and TELL her. If it’s ‘no’ then she will know that the two of you have no real future. If it’s ‘yes’, then she’ll understand you might end up together. It really is that simple.”
“Deciding to end things forever with Tasha would NOT be a simple decision,” I protested.
“Mike, I’m going to be blunt. Either fuck her or get over her. You can’t move forward until you do. With anyone. I’m going to bed.”
She got up, kissed me on the cheek, and went into the house. I downed the last of my lemonade and simply stared at the starry sky, thinking about what Clarissa had said, and about how things had changed so radically since the beginning of the year. Maybe Dale and Clarissa were right; maybe I needed to get away from Harding County and McKinley. Maybe medical school in California wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
“Mikey?”
I jumped a bit, startled by my sister’s presence.
“Hey, Liz.”
“Did you and Clarissa have a fight?”
“What makes you say that?”
“She called you a ‘shithead’, in Russian when she came upstairs!”
I nodded, “She’s learning so she can follow along without a translator. But we didn’t have a fight the way you mean.”
“Can I sit down and talk?”
“Sure.”
She pulled a chair close to mine, facing the opposite direction so we could see each other, and sat down.
“What happened?”
“It’s just everything that’s going on,” I sighed. “And honestly, it’s mostly pretty good. Talking to Jocelyn gave me some hope, but I’m worried about her. The situation with Maggie stinks, but because of everything else, it’s not the end of the world the way she thinks it might be. And then there’s Tasha.”
“You know, I’m getting really sick and tired of how you’ve let Tasha tie you in knots for more than two years!”
“You’ve never thought she was the right girl for me.”
“Because she’s NOT! Any of the other girls at church would be a better choice! Heck, Sasha would be a better choice!”
“I don’t buy that for a second. You’re just bugged by how Russian you think Tasha is. But you haven’t gone to church in nearly two years, nor spent any time with Tasha. Maybe she’s NOT the right girl for me, but not for the reason you think.”
“It’s not just that. It’s the whole ‘Tasha worship’ thing. I’m sure she’s still guarding her cherry like it was gold in Fort Knox; and even if she wasn’t, you could never do it with her!”
“Right,” I spat, “because if we married, we’d never have sex.”
“If you were going to ask her to marry you, you would have. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’d have done what the stupid bitch in Columbus suggested we’d done before you’d have sex with Tasha! Perfect Tasha! Beautiful Tasha! Russian Tasha! Pure, Virginal Tasha!”
“Don’t be disgusting, Liz!”
“Did I say you wanted to do that? No! I used it as a comparison. Think about it, Mikey! You’d have fucked April. You DID fuck Emmy and Mindy. But you wouldn’t even THINK about fucking Tasha! You won’t admit it, but I bet I can prove it!”
“Oh?”
“You don’t want to hear what I’m going to say because I’m your sister.”
“Just say it.”
“It’s a question. And a simple one. Before you started getting laid regularly, who did you think about when you jacked off?”
“Liz!” I spat.
“Not Tasha.”
“«Закрой свой рот...!»” I spat.
“Yeah, if you’re telling me to ‘shut up’, I’m sure I’m right. And isn’t that phrase supposed to end with «сука»?”
“I couldn’t call you a ‘bitch’,” I replied.
“But I’m right, aren’t I? Jocelyn? April? Cassie?”
“Just drop it, Liz!”
“I’ve made my point. Just get over Tasha, Mike, and move on. She’s the last thing tying you to West Monroe and you need to break that tie.”
“You? Mom and Dad?”
“Paul is planning to find a job in Columbus, if he can. And you don’t have the same relationship with Mom and Dad you had before.”
“Why are you pushing so hard, Liz?”
“Because I love you! Does Clarissa agree or disagree with what I’m saying?”
“I think you know the answer, and I suspect you two talked this morning. About me.”
“Because we both love you!”
“I know.”
“How did things go with Jocelyn?”
“Isn’t SHE a tie to West Monroe?”
“I don’t think so. She was more interested in being close to YOU more than being any specific place. I mean, before everything went wrong after her accident.”
“We talked, which is pretty much all I can say. She agreed to see me at Thanksgiving, which is good, and she agreed to see a counselor which is also good. But she’s hurting pretty badly. And I’m going to have to come back here to see her.”
“She’ll come to wherever you are, now that she’s talking to you again.”
“You’re awfully confident.”
“If you had come home and said she refused to talk to you all day, I would have said ‘give up’. But she did talk to you, and I think that’s a very good sign. So do you. And so does Dale. He and Clara hung out here this afternoon while they were waiting. They spent time with Clarissa when I went to work. They basically drove all night to get here from Madison.”
“Dale’s a good guy. What did you think of Clara?”
“She’s Dale’s speed,” Liz laughed. “Cute ass and big tits! He’s ALWAYS been like that from the time you guys first started noticing girls.”
“And me?”
“Any girl who would pay attention to you!” Liz laughed. “You never cared one way or the other.”
“Sadly, there weren’t too many.”
“I think things have changed a bit,” Liz smirked. “Once you and Emmy did the deed, you loosened up quite a bit. You spoiled her, you know?”
“Spoiled?”
“She’s been with three guys since you, and none of them have measured up!” Liz smirked. “And you know Mindy was singing your praises!”
“I do NOT need to talk about my sex life with my little sister!”
“I didn’t need to hear explicit details about it, either!”
“So don’t talk about it!”
Liz laughed, “Girls talk about it as much as guys do! How big he is, what he does, what they do, what they like, what they hate, who they secretly want!”
“Wonderful,” I sighed, shaking my head. “Can we change the subject, please?”
“I’m going to bed; I have to work breakfast tomorrow. Get over Tasha. Move on. Your life will be MUCH easier. And don’t count Maggie out just yet.”
“I wasn’t. And I’ll consider it.”
“I love you, Mikey.”
“I love you too, Liz.”
September 4, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio
“This could be a very awkward afternoon,” I said to Clarissa when we got into my car on Sunday morning to head to church.
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February 11, 1984, Rutherford, Ohio “Hi, Mike!” Emmy exclaimed when Liz and I arrived at the apartment she shared with her cousin. Liz and I greeted her and she let us in. “What’s the plan, Em?” Liz asked. “The other girls will be here soon. We can go out or just order pizza and hang out here. My cousin bought a video cassette recorder, and she has some movies, or we can rent one from the store down the street, or we can go to the theater.” “Do you care, Mike?” Liz asked. I shook my...
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January 1, 1984, McKinley, Ohio Chloe melted into my arms and molded her body against mine and we began swaying to All Out of Love. I very much enjoyed the full-body contact, but something just felt different. I realized that I, too, had been enthralled by our duet, but it had worn off. I wondered if that was true for Chloe as well. If it had, then she wouldn’t ask; if it hadn’t, and she did, I’d promised to say ‘yes’. And truth be told, I knew I wanted to feel the body which was currently...
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September 24, 1983, McKinley, Ohio On Saturday morning, I was up at 4:30am, quickly showered, dressed, and left Sophia in my bed while I went to the lab to take down the readings and complete the checklists. I was back about 6:10am and Sophia was still sleeping. I changed into my running clothes and headed back outside. As I ran, I thought about my conversation with Sophia the previous evening. I didn’t have an easy answer for Angie, any more than I’d had one for Jocelyn, and I was...
September 27, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “That was not what I expected, AT ALL!” I said when Robby, Lee, Angie and I left for karate on Tuesday afternoon. “Two kilos is distribution amounts,” Robby said. “Forget expulsion, he’s going to do some serious jail time unless he has a good lawyer who can arrange for him to cop a plea.” “The funny thing is,” Lee said, “he had such a rep as a partier, I wouldn’t be shocked if that was his personal stash!” “Oh, come on!” Robby exclaimed. “Do you realize...
September 3, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “So now what?” she asked after about ten minutes of silence. A lot had run through my mind in those ten minutes. Jocelyn and I were two very different people, and I wondered if ‘Jos’ and ‘Mik’ actually still existed, or if they, too, had died as a direct result of that accident. And if they had, then what? Was there ANYTHING which could be salvaged from the past? Was Jocelyn even capable of having that kind of friendship? Her psyche was a complete mess,...
January 4, 1984, Rutherford, Ohio “How was New Year’s in Indianapolis?” I asked Dale when we sat down with our food at A&W. “Clara and I broke up,” he replied. “Whoa!” Jocelyn gasped. “What happened?” “It was building for the past few months,” Dale replied. “I’m not ready to be tied down as far as she wanted to tie me down.” “I don’t know,” I smirked, “I hear that can be fun!” Dale nodded, “Oh, it can!” Clarissa and I laughed and Jocelyn rolled her eyes as she had done so often...
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September 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Are you sure, Tasha?” I asked. “I’ve never done that and I’m not sure I know how.” “The book said some people enjoy it while others don’t. Will you try?” “I think I read the same book,” I replied. “The Joy of Sex?” “Yes, that was the book. So you know how it’s supposed to work?” “Mechanically, yes, but Tasha...” “Mishka,” she said gently. “You are my first lover, and the one I want to experience everything with. I’ve told you that for a long...
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November 22, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio I’d expected an immediate reaction but for a good thirty seconds, you could have heard a pin drop in the sitting room. The silence quickly grew oppressive and suffocating. I carefully watched Deacon Vasily’s face and specifically his eyes, and waited for the eruption which was bubbling just below the surface, but his wife beat him to it. “Sasha,” she asked softly, a tear running down her cheek, “are you sure?” “Yes, Mom, I’m sure.” “How did this...
December 31, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Mike!” Milena gushed when Clarissa, Tasha, and I walked into her mom’s house. “How’s the blushing bride?” I asked. “I don’t think Milena has blushed since she was twelve!” Doctor Blahnik teased. “Hi, Mike! Hi, Tasha! Hi, Clarissa!” “Hi! Milena, where’s your intended?” I asked. “His friends have custody of him until the wedding starts at 8:00pm! But the rule was he had to be sober, able to stand on his own, and have no injuries!” I chuckled, “So much...
May 29, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “What happened yesterday?” Mom asked when I came downstairs on Sunday morning. “What do you mean?” “You and Tasha.” I shrugged, “I might have decided I’d had enough of Deacon Vasily and went to Tasha’s house and announced we were going to Grant Park and that I’d have her to church for Vespers, and then after Vespers, announced we were going to Pizza Inn for dinner.” “What’s the real story?” Mom asked with a knowing smile. “That’s the real story. Tasha...
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December 17, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio As soon as we started kissing, Hannah started tugging at my clothes, pulling my polo shirt from my jeans. We broke the kiss and she pulled my shirt over my head and reached for my belt. Less than a minute later she had me naked. “Wow!” she gasped. “It’s huge! And you can fit it in me?” “Yes,” I replied with a grin. “If you want.” “I want!” “I think you’re wearing too many clothes!” Hannah laughed and began quickly removing her clothes — sweater,...
February 19, 1984, Cincinnati, Ohio “Hi, Mike!” Anna exclaimed when she opened the door to her parents’ house. “Hi.” “Come on in. You remember Kyle, I’m sure!” “I do,” I replied, then set my bag down and knelt on the floor. “Hi, Kyle!” “Hi!” I held out my hand and he put out his little hand and we shook, then I stood up. “This is my sister, Gina.” “Hi,” I said. “Not quite the greeting he gives Steve, is it?” Gina said. “I miss Steve!” Kyle declared. “The guy from Milford I was...
October 27, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “How did your clandestine tryst go?” Mom asked with a smile when she arrived home. “OK. Maggie is suffering under pretty harsh restrictions; in a way, they’re even worse than the ones you imposed on Liz, and Maggie didn’t really do anything other than go to church with me, read some Orthodox books, and say some Orthodox prayers. I mean, I could at least understand somewhat if she and I had fooled around, but we didn’t.” “And you think her dad knows that?...
January 5, 1984, Milford, Ohio “Should I lie on the couch?” I asked with a silly grin. “If you feel more comfortable. Some people do better face to face, some do better when they can’t see the therapist, others prefer side-by-side. You’ll learn that for what you’ll call your ‘bedside manner’, no two patients will respond the same way. You and one other young man who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty, just want straight shooting, no mincing words. Others need enough embroidery to...
February 11, 1984, West Monroe, Ohio After I left Doctor Mercer’s office, I stopped at a deli on Route 50 in Milford, bought a cup of coffee and a bagel, and then headed towards West Monroe. I was still chuckling to myself over the revelation that Emmy had told all of my sister’s friends about my measurements, and apparently my prowess, and that had led to Mindy’s full-court press, as well as attention from the other girls, which, until they turned sixteen, had been a bit of flirting, but...
April 2, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “«Ты говоришь по-русски?»” I asked when I recovered from the double shock. “«Удивлены»?” “I don’t think surprised even scratches the surface!” I replied in English, not wanting to give up any nuances of my speech. “What’s your full name?” “Larissa Sergeyevna Federova. I was named for ‘Lara’ in Doctor Zhivago, but I go by Laura Sera Bragg. My parents divorced when I was little and both remarried. My mom changed her and my legal name to Bragg, which is my...
June 3, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “You’re serious?” Milena asked, incredulous. “I am; you figured it out, and this is the talk we SHOULD have had.” She shook her head, “Now you have ME thinking about whether we should do this or not.” “Which was my entire point.” “Not to interrupt this moment of clarity,” Deb said quietly, “but is that invitation open?” I chuckled, “I’ll leave the answer to that to the pianist. Her opinion may have changed.” Milena sighed, “How the hell did a twenty-year...
September 30, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. Well, perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration, but compared to other first kisses, this one was certainly memorable — a soft touching of lips, a light hug with Kimiko’s small, silk-covered breasts brushing lightly against me, and her hand lightly on my back. Kimiko broke the kiss, looked me in the eyes, and whispered,...
December 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “You really object to Emmy and Clark being together because they’re from different races?!” I asked, completely taken aback. “I’m sorry,” Kimiko replied meekly. “I was trying to describe how Japanese felt about mixed-race children, especially those of black American soldiers and Japanese women. But it’s really any mixed-race children or relationships, because they are not pure Japanese.” “So if you and I were to marry, and have kids who were half-Japanese,...
August 7, 1983, McKinley, Ohio The phone in my room rang late Sunday afternoon while Milena and I were relaxing and listening to music. “Hi, Mikey!” “Hi, Liz! What’s up?” “Guess whose parents came home WAY earlier than expected? Three guesses, and the first two don’t count!” “«Говно». Maggie’s.” “Right the first time.” “And?” “Grounded for two centuries, I think.” “Wonderful,” I sighed. “It’s worse, Mikey.” “How could it be worse?” “Her dad found the books you gave her and the...
January 7, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “Thanks for the lift, White Boy!” Clark said as we got out of my Mustang. “Somebody had to drag your lazy black ass the last fifty miles, and I have sympathy for the mentally challenged,” I deadpanned. “Hey, Cracker, are you saying I’m dumb because I’m black?” “Not at all! You being dumb has absolutely nothing to do with the color of your skin!” “Fuck you, Honky!” “I love you too!” I grinned. We both laughed, shook hands, and with Clarissa following...
June 25, 1983, McKinley, Ohio I awoke to someone pounding on my door and calling my name. A quick glance at the clock showed it was 2:50am. I quickly got out of bed, pulled on shorts and a t-shirt and went to the door. I opened it to see a girl in a robe. “What’s up?” “Cecilia said to come get you. One of the girls is really sick!” “Did someone call for an ambulance?” I asked. “I don’t know.” “Call right now. Use my phone. Where are they?” “243!” I hurried down the hall into the...
December 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Exams had gone well, and Clarissa, Sandy, and I didn’t have a Friday exam because of our work in the lab only had an evaluation, which we’d each received earlier in the week. We’d all received excellent reviews, which meant an A for the course for each of us. Our stats exam had actually been a breeze, as had the biochemistry exam. The psychology exam was moderately tough, but I was sure I’d achieved at least a B, which meant I would have an A for the course....
March 30, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “Sorry about earlier,” she said. “My roommate was being a bitch.” “Something specific?” I asked. “She’s been on the rag ever since our second week here. Guy trouble. I guess she thought you were trying to use me.” “I can see why she would think that,” I replied. “You and I don’t know each other except basically by sight and name, I sang to you, and you came to my room.” “If I were totally clueless about life, I could see it. But I knew what was going on!...
MAGIC MEDICINE Christopher Halstead was at the end of his tether. He was only 50 years old but felt deep down in his soul that his useful life had come to an end. To understand why it is necessary to go back some twenty-five years. In 1992 Christopher married his childhood sweetheart Amy. He and Amy had grown up in adjacent houses; attended the same schools; and had had an unspoken 'understanding' from their teens. They only occasion they spent time apart was whilst they were at...
June 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Wednesday at the Quick Mart was very much like Tuesday, though there were no deliveries, so I had time to work through a number of items on Mr. Sokolov’s list. That kept me busy, and away from Nancy except for when it was time for her breaks. She apologized again and I replied as I had before, just telling her to take her break. Maybe I was being a jerk, but I was honestly quite upset with her, and really didn’t think there was much to talk about. When my shift...
November 26, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “So what did you say?” Clarissa asked after I relayed what Hannah had said. “I simply said I appreciated the offer, that I’d keep that in mind, then smiled and left the house.” “After Maggie gave you permission?” “I don’t need ‘permission’ from Maggie to do anything,” I protested. “And be serious, Lissa, do you think it’s a good idea?” Clarissa shrugged, “Is it all that different from Kristin? Or from Mindy and Emmy?” “That kind of thinking is a...
October 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “I started dating someone,” I said to Tasha as we relaxed in the whirlpool at Doctor Blahnik’s house. “You’re not cheating on her, are you Mikhail Petrovich?” “No. It’s not THAT serious, and it won’t be anytime soon, if it ever is. But I thought you should know because we promised complete truth and complete honesty. I don’t want any misunderstandings.” “May I ask about her?” “Her name is Kimiko Mei Takahasi. She’s from a small town called Oguni in...
July 23, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Just as I had when Nancy told me that her mom had put her on the Pill, I missed a shift due to being completely surprised by Maggie’s question. I recovered enough to find the correct gear, and willed my heart to stop beating rapidly. The silence was deafening, but I needed to think about how I could answer her question. I wasn’t sure I knew the answer, but saying that seemed lame in the extreme. Almost immediately, I realized that I really shouldn’t have been...
July 28, 1983, McKinley, Ohio On Thursday evening I was sitting in my room, practicing my guitar after having spoken with Tasha and confirmed our date for Sunday. Just after 9:00pm, there was a knock at the door. “It’s unlocked! Come in!” The door opened and Milena walked in, closing the door behind her. “Hey!” I replied. “What’s up?” “Got some time for me?” “Always. What can I do for you?” “Sing me a love song and then make love to me?” “Your wish is my command!” I grinned. “Come sit...
November 19, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “You know I think you’ve made a terrible mistake and given Sasha bad advice, right?” Clarissa asked after we got into my Mustang for the drive to my parents’ house. “Obviously.” “Her life is going to be very, very difficult.” “And living with her conscience after what she would consider murder would be easy?” “It’s not murder, Mike,” Clarissa said firmly. “I know that’s what you believe, and I know that’s what the law says, but I also know what she’s...
March 15, 1984, Gettysburg and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania “You’re OK?” Clarissa asked when she and I got out of bed on Thursday morning. “Yes. Just kissing was fine, Lissa. Let’s get our showers and meet Jocelyn. We need to get on the road by 6:30am so we can be in Philadelphia by 10:00am.” We both quickly showered and dressed, then we met Jocelyn in the hotel lobby. We went across the street for breakfast, and from there, straight to the car so we could get on the road. We followed US 30,...
July 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Are you OK?” Clarissa asked on Friday morning as we lay in bed together. “Why wouldn’t I be?” “You seemed a bit out of sorts last night. Did that kiss bother you?” I smiled, “Not the way you mean. It was just, well, to be blunt, fighting a reaction. And losing.” Clarissa laughed softly, “I know. I felt it when I spooned. I’m sorry.” “Don’t be. I liked the kiss. The other reaction is kind of involuntary. As I keep saying, testosterone knows NOTHING about...
July 5, 1983, McKinley, Ohio As I showered after karate, I wondered exactly what Angie had meant when she said that she’d changed, and what that meant for the future. Angie had told me that her counselor had advised against starting a relationship, so perhaps this was just Angie’s way of telling me that what Clarissa had suggested might be true — that Angie was playing the ‘long game’ and this was simply the next step. That made more sense than anything, but it also meant I needed to be...
April 8, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “Natalya Vasilyevna Antonova, please meet Larissa Sergeyevna Federova,” I said. I laughed as the two girls instantly switched to Russian and I had to focus to catch everything that was said. Clarissa smirked and rolled her eyes, and I just shrugged. The gist of the conversation was hometowns, parents, churches, majors, and to Tasha’s obvious shock, Lara’s age. “Perhaps we should switch to English so Sveta isn’t left out,” Tasha said in English. “Mike looked...
June 18, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Becky, this is my friend Milena; Milena, Becky.” “Hi!” Milena said. “I hope I’m not intruding.” “Hi,” Becky replied. “You aren’t. Mike told me you were going to hang out with us tonight.” “Do you drink wine?” Becky laughed, “My pastor would have a cow, but he’s not here!” Milena laughed, “And shacking up with Mike, THAT would be OK?” “Well, no!” Becky laughed, blushing slightly. Milena uncorked the bottle of wine while I got three glasses from the...
August 28, 1983, McKinley, Ohio When I got up on Sunday morning, I showered and dressed, and then Kristin and I left my room and I found a note from Angie on the corkboard next to my door. It said she was getting a ride to church from the same woman who had picked her up the previous night and I shouldn’t wait for her. I shrugged, locked the door, and gave Kristin a quick kiss. She headed down the hall towards her room and I walked over to the elevators and pushed the ‘Down’ button. An...
February 25, 1984, Rutherford, Ohio “Hi!” Emmy gushed when she opened the door for Clarissa and me on Saturday morning. “Thanks for letting Clarissa hang out here while I take care of this for Liz.” “You’re doing the right thing, Mike. I have to go to work in a few minutes, but Clarissa can buzz you in when you come back, and then if you just lock the door when you leave and bring the key to Lou’s everything will be cool.” “You’re a sweetheart, Emmy Nelson!” “I know!” she giggled,...
November 21, 1987, Chicago, Illinois “Where are we going for lunch?” Tasha asked. “Ed Debevic’s on North Wells. It’s a fun place.” My goal was to get her to relax. When I’d arrived at the office to pick her up after karate class, she’d been, as Stephie might have said, ‘as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs’. I smiled at the thought. I missed Stephie, but every memory of her was good. She’d known exactly what to do so that I didn’t spend weeks or months or years...
August 27, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Tasha,” I said gently, “you made me promise to keep you pure until we were married, or at least betrothed, no matter what you said! In other words, you made me promise not to do it even if you changed your mind! And I made that promise!” “I can’t change my mind?” “You were very clear that I was responsible for you NOT doing that.” “But isn’t that up to me?” I nodded, “As an adult, in charge of her own decisions, it is. But you extracted that promise...
October 14, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “I’m worried about Angie,” I said as Clarissa, Melody, and I made our way back to the dorm from the Chancellor’s office. “I know you told the detective that you have no idea where she might be, but do you have ANY thoughts?” Melody asked. I shook my head, “If she wasn’t with her friend and she wasn’t at church, and her counselor hadn’t heard from her, then no, honestly, I have no idea. I mean, she could have gone home, but I’m sure someone called there to...
December 21, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” I said. “Afraid you’ll lose?” Violet asked. No, I thought, I wasn’t afraid of losing at all. In fact, I was sure that win or lose, I’d win, from a certain perspective. “No, that’s not it...” I started. “Then let’s play!” “Are you sure?” She nodded, “I can’t think of a more fun way to celebrate my birthday!” I could, and I was sure that what I was thinking was exactly what she was thinking, and she was just...
January 8, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “Is it always like that in the morning?” Clarissa asked. “Pretty often, but it doesn’t have the urgency, if you will, and it goes away pretty quickly once I get out of bed.” “Do you have ANY control over it?” “Limited,” I chuckled. “It pretty much has a mind of its own.” “That has to be difficult.” “Think standing in the altar, wearing acolytes’ vestments and seeing Tasha walk into church in a sundress.” Clarissa laughed softly, “She is gorgeous!” “And...
May 6, 1984, Rutherford, Ohio “I’m curious,” Clarissa asked quietly, “but what about a patronymic in this case?” “Sasha hasn’t said,” Tasha replied. “Technically, it would be some form of Timothy, because Timmy Aston is the baby’s father, but I don’t think she’ll do that. She really could pick anything.” “What happened with the baby’s father?” Clarissa asked. “My dad, Timmy’s dad, and two attorneys worked out the deal. Timmy’s going to college and really can’t afford to pay child support,...
June 5, 1983, McKinley, Ohio My alarm rang on Sunday morning and when I reached over to shut it off, Milena groaned softly, stretched, and turned to face me, her glorious breasts rubbing against my chest. “Hi,” she said sheepishly. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing! That’s just it. Nothing is wrong. I slept, naked, with a guy and literally nothing happened except a ‘good night’ kiss and spooning.” “And you think something should have happened?” She kissed my nose, “No, not at all. I mean, we can...
September 5, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Now that you’ve had time to sleep on it, have you had any new thoughts?” Clarissa asked as we walked along the road from my house towards ‘downtown’ West Monroe on Monday morning. “Should I have new thoughts?” I asked. “Let me put it this way — if you’re going to change your mind, do it NOW, today. If she shows up in McKinley expecting two passion-filled nights and you back out, it’s going to be VERY ugly.” “Why would I back out? You and Liz made very...
December 17, 1983, Rutherford, Ohio After Vespers, Clarissa, Jocelyn, Tasha, and I went to Lou’s diner in Rutherford for dinner. “Is this Mike’s nightmare?” Jocelyn teased. “Or Mike’s ultimate fantasy?” “The three of you would be a nightmare,” I said flatly. “It’s bad enough to have ONE woman telling me what to do! But three? Kill me now!” The girls all laughed. “He knows women are in charge,” Tasha said primly. “Even the bishops cower in the corner if the women of the church are...
January 5, 1984, Columbus, Ohio “Master, Bless!” I said to Vladyka ARKADY when he greeted me in his office. “The Lord bless you, Subdeacon Michael,” he said as I kissed his hand. “Anthony, would you please bring the tea?” “Right away, Vladyka,” Subdeacon Anthony said. “Sit, Subdeacon. We’ll use the comfortable chairs so we can have a quiet chat.” I sat in one of the very comfortable wingback chairs and the bishop sat in a second chair which was very close. Subdeacon Anthony brought in a...
January 14, 1984, Loveland, Ohio On Saturday morning, after breakfast, I’d said goodbye to Clarissa and gotten in my car for the drive to Loveland. The ninety minutes in the car gave me my first real time alone since returning to campus. Clarissa was doing OK, and I’d managed to spend a few hours over the course of the week with Sophia, and had a chance to be the octopus for Kimiko. It was an interesting dynamic, because Kimiko and I hadn’t been going out as a couple, so to outsiders, it...
April 5, 1984, McKinley, Ohio Students from all over campus came up to shake my hand, pat my back, or offer thanks. When Clarissa and I, and our close friends, left the auditorium we were confronted by Reverend Saddler. “I’ve never seen a more disgusting performance by an alleged clergyman in my life!” he declared. I shrugged, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you’.” “That is...
July 4, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “It’s OK to flirt with Maggie when your sister and the girls arrive.” We were in the kitchen packing a picnic basket for a day at Milton Lake with Liz, Maggie, Emmy, and Mindy. Milena, Deb, Blaine, and Royce would join us as well. “Maggie and I don’t really flirt,” I replied. “It’s more like trying to agree on terms.” “Of surrender?” Clarissa laughed. “Of her virginity?” I laughed, “Those terms are well-known and agreed — engagement ring, wedding ring,...