Good Medicine Junior YearChapter 65 Developing A Relationship
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September 27, 1983, McKinley, Ohio
“That was not what I expected, AT ALL!” I said when Robby, Lee, Angie and I left for karate on Tuesday afternoon.
“Two kilos is distribution amounts,” Robby said. “Forget expulsion, he’s going to do some serious jail time unless he has a good lawyer who can arrange for him to cop a plea.”
“The funny thing is,” Lee said, “he had such a rep as a partier, I wouldn’t be shocked if that was his personal stash!”
“Oh, come on!” Robby exclaimed. “Do you realize how much pot TWO KILOS is? That’s between four and five pounds of dried leaves. A dime bag is between a quarter and a third of an ounce at the going rate! He had the equivalent of more than two hundred dime bags! Unless he had a supply for the entire school year, and then some, he wasn’t going to smoke THAT much ganja!”
“You seem to have intimate knowledge of the marijuana business,” I observed with a grin.
“I may have a nodding acquaintance with some of the finer varieties of Cannabis sativa,” he replied with a grin. “But that was in High School. None of us have touched the stuff since.”
“‘Us’?” I asked.
“Lee, Sophia, and I went to parties all the time. Most everyone was into pot rather than booze.”
“It was booze at my High School,” I replied. “Angie, what about yours?”
“Mostly pot, but we actually had some coke around. They busted some kids during my Junior year. They left the pot smokers alone, mostly, but they couldn’t ignore cocaine.”
“We had one idiot who OD’d,” Robby said. “But mostly people stayed away from the hard stuff. I knew where I could get Horse, but nobody I knew would even consider using that!”
“‘Horse’?” I asked.
“Heroin. The same guy sold opium, too.”
“The worst we ever had,” I added, “was a bunch of kids who got sick from ‘shine from a still they discovered. They were lucky they didn’t get shot!”
“Moonshine?” Lee snorted. “You really are a hillbilly, Son!”
“Well, when corn is one of the main sources of revenue for your county, you have to imagine somebody is going to make untaxed liquor!”
“You ever try it?”
“No. I have too much respect for my digestive system!” I chuckled. “Vodka and rum are about my limits. According to one guy I knew, drinking moonshine is like drinking a cross between gasoline and battery acid!”
“Are you going to have to testify or anything?” Angie asked.
“No. I gave a statement to the detective about smelling the pot, but the university made the actual complaint. And the judge authorized the search based on Dean Parker’s statement.”
We arrived at the dojo which ended the conversation. I had another very good session, and Sensei Hikaru called me aside after class.
“Mr. Loucks, I’m impressed. I think you should test for 3rd Kyu in two weeks.”
“Thank you, Sensei!”
“Keep it up. You know it gets harder now.”
I nodded, “Yes, Sensei!”
“See you Thursday.”
I bowed and left his office, and joined Robby, Lee, and Angie for the walk back.
“I’m going to test for my brown belt in two weeks,” I said.
“It’s about time!” Lee said, “Robby and I were gaining fast! We have our green belts already and we’re close to testing for blue. And Angie HAS her purple!”
“I know. I wasn’t focused and I basically got stuck in a rut for two years. I’m working on it. I just needed to change my thinking.”
“Sophia said that in the last month or so, you’ve really gotten your shit together.”
“I’m working on it.”
“I hear you’re a totally free man these days. If you’re having trouble with girls, I know an alternative you might consider...”
“Lee,” I said firmly, nodding towards Angie, “chill.”
“Sorry, Angie,” he said, chagrined.
She nodded but didn’t reply. We arrived back at the dorm and she went towards the girls’ side of the floor but Robby and Lee stopped by my door.
“Sorry, man,” Lee said. “It was just the perfect opening. She’s wound WAY too tight.”
“Yeah, I know. And it’s partly my fault. Let me talk to her, OK?”
“See you for dinner.”
They left and I went into my room. I quickly showered, dried myself, then dressed. I waited another five minutes, then went down the hall to Angie’s room. I knocked on the door and she answered, a towel around her neck.
“Can we talk for a minute?” I asked.
“I suppose,” she said warily, and with a frown.
“Ang, please don’t be like that. I came to apologize. And explain.”
“I need to finish drying my hair. I’ll come see you in ten minutes, OK?”
I nodded and went back to my room where I put on Cheap Trick’s latest album, Next Position Please. Angie arrived just under ten minutes later, her long red hair dried, brushed, and hanging nicely over her shoulders.
“Come on in,” I said. “Close the door partway, please, if you’re comfortable doing so.”
She nodded and pushed the door mostly shut then sat down on the couch opposite me.
“First, I want to apologize for the teasing and joking with Robby and Lee. I know it bothers you and we shouldn’t do it. Second, I want to apologize for the way I handled things this Summer. And third, if you’ll allow it, I’ll try to explain.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve made quite a few mistakes in general, and I’ve probably made a few with you. You don’t have to listen if you don’t want to, and I won’t be upset with you if you don’t want to hear it. I was probably pretty insensitive and maybe so much water has passed under the bridge that you don’t even want to talk about it.”
“I’m listening.”
“I discovered, over the past few months, that I have real difficulty with relationships because I fix a picture of someone in my mind and don’t give it up when they change. And that has caused me to treat some people badly and created problems that didn’t need to exist. You know how fixated I get with things, or at least how I did in the past. I’ve learned that my fixation caused me to put on blinders and I didn’t see alternatives. I’ve been called out on that in the past, but I didn’t acknowledge the problem.
“I’m not going to lie — I’m still focused on becoming a doctor and everything that’s involved in doing that, but I’ve realized that not only are there multiple paths, but those paths themselves have some flexibility. And the same is true of relationships — I fixated on one possible path, and made decisions based on the image I had of someone, even if they had changed. I messed up a couple of relationships because of that, and came close to messing up others.”
“You and me?”
“To be honest, that wasn’t the first one that came to mind.”
“Jocelyn?”
I nodded, “Yes, obviously. But also Janey, Nancy, and Tasha.”
“I saw her at church the Sunday before last.”
“Don’t read anything into that,” I said.
“But you and she...”
“Have both grown up and realized that fantasy and reality do not normally intersect.”
“So you aren’t dating anyone?”
“I’m not seriously dating anyone is probably the best way to say it.”
“And you think I’m interested?”
“That wasn’t, and isn’t, a consideration for apologizing for how I treated you. I had an image of you that didn’t allow for you to change, and I acted based on that. It was a terrible mistake on my part. I was being such a «глупец», a blockhead, that you resorted to what I guess I would call an extreme or outrageous solution to try to get through to me.
“What I should have done was actually talk to you about how you were feeling and about your counseling. And I certainly should have allowed for you to have changed. The problem was, and this is an explanation, not an excuse, that I had experiences with Jocelyn that, to be blunt, scared the heck out of me. And because of those experiences, I couldn’t think clearly about you.”
“Which means what?” she asked.
“That I acknowledge my mistakes and I apologize for how I treated you. I hope you’ll be my friend again, instead of shunning me. I promise I’ll treat you properly going forward. I can’t change the past, but I can be better in the future.”
“What do you want?”
“Simply your forgiveness. Given how much of a «говнюк», a shithead, I’ve been, I’m not in a position to ask for anything beyond that.”
“That’s not what I asked, Mike. What do you want?”
“I don’t know, actually. I decided I owed you an apology. I hadn’t thought much about what would happen after that. I know I have a reputation of having a step-by-step plan for everything I do, but that’s what caused so many problems in the past. I didn’t adapt and I was unwilling to improvise. And in the ER, THAT kind of rigor, of following a plan without any consideration that it might be wrong, would probably cause people to die.”
“What’s up with you sitting with the High School girls at church?”
“Scouting potential future draft choices,” I chuckled. “They invited me, and I didn’t want to interfere with you and the college and young adult group.”
“Could I join you to run in the mornings again?”
“I’d like that.”
September 29, 1983, McKinley, Ohio
“You are NOT this clueless!” Kristin exclaimed. “You have a mental block!”
“But it makes ZERO sense to me!”
“Forget the computer for a minute. I’ve asked you this question before — could you write out step-by-step instructions for starting your car and driving to your house?”
“Sure. Like I said, I’ve done it so many times it’s automatic.”
“And if I took the instructions, do you think I could follow them? Well, assuming I could drive stick shift.”
“Sure.”
“So write out the instructions to solve this problem longhand. Then make it into a flowchart. Then you can write the program. That part, I get you have difficulty with and I’ll help you, but you can do the first part if you just think about it as a step-by-step process and forget all the technical stuff.”
“I’ll try.”
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
“OK, ‘Yoda’,” I chuckled.”
“Start writing!”
“Yes, Mistress!”
Kristin laughed, “You are the LAST person I’d expect to be into THAT!”
“You seem to forget where I go to church,” I chuckled. “That’s the norm!”
“Who knew?!” Kristin laughed, then smirked. “I could get one of those whips, you know.”
“Whips?”
“You know, for playing.”
I shook my head, “If I recall correctly, I was your first, and you weren’t with anyone over the Summer.”
“I spent some time with my best friend back home and her cousin. Let’s just say her cousin has done things I’d never even THOUGHT about! And the sick part is, she’s only a year older!”
“So my age? And she was doing stuff like that in High School?”
“From age fourteen! Her boyfriend was in his twenties and was into some really kinky stuff! I guess she really liked it, though the guy dumped her when she got too old.”
“Too old?”
“He likes girls who are thirteen or fourteen.”
“That’s just sick! I’m concerned about dating sixteen-year-olds! In fact, any girls who haven’t graduated High School.”
“Because you aren’t a pervert!”
“So far as YOU know!” I chuckled.
“Get writing, or I WILL get the whip!”
“Promises, promises!” I chuckled.
I took a notepad and started writing out a list of steps to do something called a ‘bubble sort’ which Professor Klie had described in class on Monday. After about thirty minutes, I handed it to Kristin.
“Good. Now, make your flowchart. You have all the stencils, right?”
“Yes. I bought the full set. Remember, I have to leave at 3:45pm for karate.”
“I remember. Get cracking!”
I finished the flowchart just before 3:30pm and handed it to Kristin to review. She spent a few minutes looking over it, then handed it back.
“Now you can write your program. We’ll work on it after dinner. You just need to turn the flowchart into computer instructions.”
“Just?”
“Just. Your longhand instructions and your flowchart will guide you. I know you can do calculus, work out complex chemical equations, and understand complex cellular processes. This is no different. You speak two languages and have studied Latin. FORTRAN and BASIC are simply languages. From the little I know about Latin and Russian, BASIC is a piece of cake and FORTRAN isn’t all that much harder! You read music, which is a program that tells you how to play your guitar or Milena to play her piano. And more importantly, you play ME like a violin!”
I chuckled, “Computers and sex do NOT go together in my mind!”
“I wouldn’t be so sure! There was a kid in Milford who ran computer dating services for a bunch of schools in the Cincinnati area.”
“I’ve heard about him. Nancy met some kids up at Ohio State who went to Milford with him, and Angie’s friend Anna actually dated him.”
“So did the granddaughter of one of my grandfather’s friends. I hear he really got around!”
“He’s got to be the exception that proves the rule. The CS students here are all total nerds.”
“Like you were?” Kristin asked with a smirk.
“I have to go to karate!”
“We’ll work on the program tonight.”
“Thanks.”
September 30, 1983, McKinley, Ohio
“Angie is running with you again?” Clarissa asked as we headed to psychology class on Friday.
“Yes.”
“You and Angie?” Sandy asked. “Really?”
“Me and Angie what? Are running together? Yes. Are talking civilly? Yes. Are involved in any way? No.”
“Methinks he doth protest too much!”
I shook my head, “No protest at all. Tell me, who around here am I NOT friendly with?”
“Dean Parker!” Clarissa and Sandra exclaimed simultaneously.
“True. I’ve started on the path of reconciliation with Jocelyn. I needed to do the same thing with Angie. What happens next with either of them is complicated by a host of factors. But I’m not veering away because it’s complicated. I’m just taking things one day at a time. And Sandy, just so you know, I’m taking Kimiko on a date tonight. We’re doubling with Clarissa and Glenda.”
“I still say you’re protesting too much,” Sandy replied.
“Things have changed since the Spring,” I replied.
“It’s true,” Clarissa said. “Mike is not the same person he was when you two were doing your ‘stress relief’ thing.”
We walked into the classroom and took our seats. Just under two minutes later Doctor Herbers began his lecture.
“Today we’re going to talk about ‘cognitive bias’ which is, to put it pithily, irrational thought. A person creates their own subjective reality. In most instances, this is negative, but there are times when specific biases can work in our favor. Do any of you play chess?”
I raised my hand, as did perhaps a dozen others.
“Those of you who don’t play, please bear with us for a moment. If any of you are even moderately good at chess, you don’t even consider ‘weak’ or illegal moves when you play. Your brain simply filters them out without you actually thinking about it. You have a bias against weak or illegal moves and don’t even perceive them, despite the fact they are there. The same can be true of any game or endeavor where you simply don’t even consider bad strategy or bad options.
“That’s a positive bias. An example of a detrimental bias would be illusory correlation, where you think there is a linkage between phenomena. Too many people mistake correlation for causation, and our brains seem to be biased to do that. A perfect example of this is the belief that bad things happen on Friday the 13th. Ms. Saunders, would you care to opine on why that might be?”
“People are more likely to remember bad things that happen on Friday the 13th simply because it’s Friday the 13th.”
“Very good. Ms. Saunders gave us a form of cognitive bias which could be called ‘confirmation bias’, which means we see things the way we want to see them, rather than the way they are. In other words, an interpretation of events which fits our preconceived notions is much more likely to be accepted, even if it is wrong. Or, it can be expressed as ‘selective recall’, which means we have a tendency for memories of things with which we agree to be stronger. We’re going to explore this for the rest of the class.”
After forty-five minutes of lecture, with a few questions for randomly called-upon students, the class ended, and Clarissa, Sandy, and I headed to biochemistry.
“That was probably the most interesting session so far,” I said. “And I think there was an important lesson there for us.”
“How so?” Sandy asked.
“I was thinking of a situation where someone senior, a specialist or whatever, makes a diagnosis. Are we, as junior people, going to give as much weight as we should to something that didn’t confirm the diagnosis and not consider that the ‘expert’ might be wrong?”
“I think that’s right,” Clarissa said. “And think about the way the cops treat Clark, Carter, and Larry. They suspect them because they’re black. And I bet they remember crimes by blacks more than crimes by whites, even though I’d wager heavily that more white people are arrested.”
“And,” I added, “according to Clark, they spend more time looking for black criminals, which would cause them to find more black crime, thus confirming their bias. And now that I think about it, that’s what happened with those psychiatrists in Columbus and with Family Services — their job is to find abuse so they see even innocent conduct as potentially abusive.”
“Damn,” Sandy said. “No wonder Professor Herbers said we’d be on this topic for three class sessions.”
“Yeah, it’s nasty, and I bet, as he said, we usually don’t even realize we’re doing it.”
“I thought his example of flipping a coin versus a roulette wheel was interesting,” Clarissa said. “If you flip a coin nine times and it comes up ‘heads’, a statistically significant number of people will predict ‘heads’ for the tenth flip. But if you ask people after nine straight ‘black’ numbers on the roulette wheel what will come next, a statistically significant number of people will predict ‘red’ for the next spin.”
“Gamblers always think their number is ‘due’ after losing, which is how casinos make money,” Sandy said. “But we learned in our very first statistics class session that over a short time, the ‘random walk’ says there is no such thing. You’d have to play an infinite number of spins of the wheel for the ‘law of averages’ to actually apply.”
January 20, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “I actually think that might be a good idea,” Doctor Mercer said when we spoke on Friday afternoon. “What kind of time limits would you suggest?” “I think I’d like to wait until I see you on the 11th. I’ll see Angie a dozen times by then, and I’ll have a better idea what to tell you.” “How is she?” “I know it might not have seemed like it, but it lifted her spirits and made her very happy.” “That’s good to hear. I take it there were no ill effects from...
January 1, 1984, McKinley, Ohio Chloe melted into my arms and molded her body against mine and we began swaying to All Out of Love. I very much enjoyed the full-body contact, but something just felt different. I realized that I, too, had been enthralled by our duet, but it had worn off. I wondered if that was true for Chloe as well. If it had, then she wouldn’t ask; if it hadn’t, and she did, I’d promised to say ‘yes’. And truth be told, I knew I wanted to feel the body which was currently...
March 20, 1984, Rutherford, Ohio I arrived at the halfway house in Rutherford just after 2:30pm on Tuesday afternoon wearing my cassock to keep up appearances. I was shown into Mr. Gilbert’s office. He offered coffee which I accepted and we sat down in a pair of chairs next to his desk. “Is everything OK?” I asked. “Yes, it is. I just wanted a word with you so I could thank you for the help you’ve given Paul Reynolds. I started doing this six years ago when I retired from GE, and we’ve...
June 9, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Unbelievable,” Milena sighed as she snuggled close. We were sitting very close together in bed, leaning against pillows which were against the wall, the sheet pulled up only to our thighs, and wine glasses in our hands. “What?” I asked. “That something so gentle and so slow could make me feel better than a night of crazy sex.” “Isn’t that what happened with Joel?” I asked. “You told me that mostly it was just making love then talking for hours.” “But we’re...
September 24, 1983, McKinley, Ohio On Saturday morning, I was up at 4:30am, quickly showered, dressed, and left Sophia in my bed while I went to the lab to take down the readings and complete the checklists. I was back about 6:10am and Sophia was still sleeping. I changed into my running clothes and headed back outside. As I ran, I thought about my conversation with Sophia the previous evening. I didn’t have an easy answer for Angie, any more than I’d had one for Jocelyn, and I was...
September 3, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “So now what?” she asked after about ten minutes of silence. A lot had run through my mind in those ten minutes. Jocelyn and I were two very different people, and I wondered if ‘Jos’ and ‘Mik’ actually still existed, or if they, too, had died as a direct result of that accident. And if they had, then what? Was there ANYTHING which could be salvaged from the past? Was Jocelyn even capable of having that kind of friendship? Her psyche was a complete mess,...
January 4, 1984, Rutherford, Ohio “How was New Year’s in Indianapolis?” I asked Dale when we sat down with our food at A&W. “Clara and I broke up,” he replied. “Whoa!” Jocelyn gasped. “What happened?” “It was building for the past few months,” Dale replied. “I’m not ready to be tied down as far as she wanted to tie me down.” “I don’t know,” I smirked, “I hear that can be fun!” Dale nodded, “Oh, it can!” Clarissa and I laughed and Jocelyn rolled her eyes as she had done so often...
November 13, 1983, McKinley Ohio Kimiko had spent the night with me on Saturday, and Clarissa joined the two of us to go to church. The previous night, when Clarissa had spoken my thoughts, we’d simply hugged, she’d kissed my cheek, and left, letting Kimiko know I was waiting for her. The previous twenty-four hours had been almost surreal, but also clarifying. But it wasn’t over just yet — I had my date with Tasha, which I felt was going to be equally enlightening. Kimiko hadn’t said...
September 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Are you sure, Tasha?” I asked. “I’ve never done that and I’m not sure I know how.” “The book said some people enjoy it while others don’t. Will you try?” “I think I read the same book,” I replied. “The Joy of Sex?” “Yes, that was the book. So you know how it’s supposed to work?” “Mechanically, yes, but Tasha...” “Mishka,” she said gently. “You are my first lover, and the one I want to experience everything with. I’ve told you that for a long...
May 28, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio Later that morning, I stared at the phone, trying to decide exactly what I was going to say to Janey. My problem was, that even asking her to have lunch was fraught with problems. If we were seen together, AND it got back to Tasha, or worse, Deacon Vasily, that would be the end of any possible relationship with Tasha. And the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that I didn’t want to do that. That said, I didn’t want to have the conversation with...
November 22, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio I’d expected an immediate reaction but for a good thirty seconds, you could have heard a pin drop in the sitting room. The silence quickly grew oppressive and suffocating. I carefully watched Deacon Vasily’s face and specifically his eyes, and waited for the eruption which was bubbling just below the surface, but his wife beat him to it. “Sasha,” she asked softly, a tear running down her cheek, “are you sure?” “Yes, Mom, I’m sure.” “How did this...
October 20, 1984, McKinley, Ohio After Vespers on Saturday night, I headed back to campus and found a note saying the gang had gone to see Thief of Hearts and would be back around 10:00pm. I was dying to know if Clarissa and Sandy had received their letters from McKinley, but it looked as if I’d have to wait a few hours to find out. Given that my close friends were out, I really didn’t have much to do, so I picked up my guitar and played, though I didn’t sing. I started messing around with...
December 31, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Mike!” Milena gushed when Clarissa, Tasha, and I walked into her mom’s house. “How’s the blushing bride?” I asked. “I don’t think Milena has blushed since she was twelve!” Doctor Blahnik teased. “Hi, Mike! Hi, Tasha! Hi, Clarissa!” “Hi! Milena, where’s your intended?” I asked. “His friends have custody of him until the wedding starts at 8:00pm! But the rule was he had to be sober, able to stand on his own, and have no injuries!” I chuckled, “So much...
May 29, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “What happened yesterday?” Mom asked when I came downstairs on Sunday morning. “What do you mean?” “You and Tasha.” I shrugged, “I might have decided I’d had enough of Deacon Vasily and went to Tasha’s house and announced we were going to Grant Park and that I’d have her to church for Vespers, and then after Vespers, announced we were going to Pizza Inn for dinner.” “What’s the real story?” Mom asked with a knowing smile. “That’s the real story. Tasha...
April 27, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “I think I’ve finally recovered,” I said as Lara and I headed to the movies on Friday evening. “Sleep?” “And gorging myself on rich foods which I hadn’t eaten for two months! My body was totally out of whack. But I wouldn’t trade Lent and Holy Week for anything.” “You’re sure you’re OK with seeing Racing with the Moon?” “It’s what you chose, so yes. If I didn’t want to see something, I wouldn’t have said ‘pick whatever you want’!” “Is your sister still...
December 17, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio As soon as we started kissing, Hannah started tugging at my clothes, pulling my polo shirt from my jeans. We broke the kiss and she pulled my shirt over my head and reached for my belt. Less than a minute later she had me naked. “Wow!” she gasped. “It’s huge! And you can fit it in me?” “Yes,” I replied with a grin. “If you want.” “I want!” “I think you’re wearing too many clothes!” Hannah laughed and began quickly removing her clothes — sweater,...
February 19, 1984, Cincinnati, Ohio “Hi, Mike!” Anna exclaimed when she opened the door to her parents’ house. “Hi.” “Come on in. You remember Kyle, I’m sure!” “I do,” I replied, then set my bag down and knelt on the floor. “Hi, Kyle!” “Hi!” I held out my hand and he put out his little hand and we shook, then I stood up. “This is my sister, Gina.” “Hi,” I said. “Not quite the greeting he gives Steve, is it?” Gina said. “I miss Steve!” Kyle declared. “The guy from Milford I was...
October 27, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “How did your clandestine tryst go?” Mom asked with a smile when she arrived home. “OK. Maggie is suffering under pretty harsh restrictions; in a way, they’re even worse than the ones you imposed on Liz, and Maggie didn’t really do anything other than go to church with me, read some Orthodox books, and say some Orthodox prayers. I mean, I could at least understand somewhat if she and I had fooled around, but we didn’t.” “And you think her dad knows that?...
January 5, 1984, Milford, Ohio “Should I lie on the couch?” I asked with a silly grin. “If you feel more comfortable. Some people do better face to face, some do better when they can’t see the therapist, others prefer side-by-side. You’ll learn that for what you’ll call your ‘bedside manner’, no two patients will respond the same way. You and one other young man who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty, just want straight shooting, no mincing words. Others need enough embroidery to...
February 11, 1984, West Monroe, Ohio After I left Doctor Mercer’s office, I stopped at a deli on Route 50 in Milford, bought a cup of coffee and a bagel, and then headed towards West Monroe. I was still chuckling to myself over the revelation that Emmy had told all of my sister’s friends about my measurements, and apparently my prowess, and that had led to Mindy’s full-court press, as well as attention from the other girls, which, until they turned sixteen, had been a bit of flirting, but...
April 2, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “«Ты говоришь по-русски?»” I asked when I recovered from the double shock. “«Удивлены»?” “I don’t think surprised even scratches the surface!” I replied in English, not wanting to give up any nuances of my speech. “What’s your full name?” “Larissa Sergeyevna Federova. I was named for ‘Lara’ in Doctor Zhivago, but I go by Laura Sera Bragg. My parents divorced when I was little and both remarried. My mom changed her and my legal name to Bragg, which is my...
June 3, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “You’re serious?” Milena asked, incredulous. “I am; you figured it out, and this is the talk we SHOULD have had.” She shook her head, “Now you have ME thinking about whether we should do this or not.” “Which was my entire point.” “Not to interrupt this moment of clarity,” Deb said quietly, “but is that invitation open?” I chuckled, “I’ll leave the answer to that to the pianist. Her opinion may have changed.” Milena sighed, “How the hell did a twenty-year...
September 30, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. Well, perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration, but compared to other first kisses, this one was certainly memorable — a soft touching of lips, a light hug with Kimiko’s small, silk-covered breasts brushing lightly against me, and her hand lightly on my back. Kimiko broke the kiss, looked me in the eyes, and whispered,...
December 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “You really object to Emmy and Clark being together because they’re from different races?!” I asked, completely taken aback. “I’m sorry,” Kimiko replied meekly. “I was trying to describe how Japanese felt about mixed-race children, especially those of black American soldiers and Japanese women. But it’s really any mixed-race children or relationships, because they are not pure Japanese.” “So if you and I were to marry, and have kids who were half-Japanese,...
August 7, 1983, McKinley, Ohio The phone in my room rang late Sunday afternoon while Milena and I were relaxing and listening to music. “Hi, Mikey!” “Hi, Liz! What’s up?” “Guess whose parents came home WAY earlier than expected? Three guesses, and the first two don’t count!” “«Говно». Maggie’s.” “Right the first time.” “And?” “Grounded for two centuries, I think.” “Wonderful,” I sighed. “It’s worse, Mikey.” “How could it be worse?” “Her dad found the books you gave her and the...
January 7, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “Thanks for the lift, White Boy!” Clark said as we got out of my Mustang. “Somebody had to drag your lazy black ass the last fifty miles, and I have sympathy for the mentally challenged,” I deadpanned. “Hey, Cracker, are you saying I’m dumb because I’m black?” “Not at all! You being dumb has absolutely nothing to do with the color of your skin!” “Fuck you, Honky!” “I love you too!” I grinned. We both laughed, shook hands, and with Clarissa following...
June 25, 1983, McKinley, Ohio I awoke to someone pounding on my door and calling my name. A quick glance at the clock showed it was 2:50am. I quickly got out of bed, pulled on shorts and a t-shirt and went to the door. I opened it to see a girl in a robe. “What’s up?” “Cecilia said to come get you. One of the girls is really sick!” “Did someone call for an ambulance?” I asked. “I don’t know.” “Call right now. Use my phone. Where are they?” “243!” I hurried down the hall into the...
December 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Exams had gone well, and Clarissa, Sandy, and I didn’t have a Friday exam because of our work in the lab only had an evaluation, which we’d each received earlier in the week. We’d all received excellent reviews, which meant an A for the course for each of us. Our stats exam had actually been a breeze, as had the biochemistry exam. The psychology exam was moderately tough, but I was sure I’d achieved at least a B, which meant I would have an A for the course....
March 30, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “Sorry about earlier,” she said. “My roommate was being a bitch.” “Something specific?” I asked. “She’s been on the rag ever since our second week here. Guy trouble. I guess she thought you were trying to use me.” “I can see why she would think that,” I replied. “You and I don’t know each other except basically by sight and name, I sang to you, and you came to my room.” “If I were totally clueless about life, I could see it. But I knew what was going on!...
MAGIC MEDICINE Christopher Halstead was at the end of his tether. He was only 50 years old but felt deep down in his soul that his useful life had come to an end. To understand why it is necessary to go back some twenty-five years. In 1992 Christopher married his childhood sweetheart Amy. He and Amy had grown up in adjacent houses; attended the same schools; and had had an unspoken 'understanding' from their teens. They only occasion they spent time apart was whilst they were at...
June 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Wednesday at the Quick Mart was very much like Tuesday, though there were no deliveries, so I had time to work through a number of items on Mr. Sokolov’s list. That kept me busy, and away from Nancy except for when it was time for her breaks. She apologized again and I replied as I had before, just telling her to take her break. Maybe I was being a jerk, but I was honestly quite upset with her, and really didn’t think there was much to talk about. When my shift...
November 26, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “So what did you say?” Clarissa asked after I relayed what Hannah had said. “I simply said I appreciated the offer, that I’d keep that in mind, then smiled and left the house.” “After Maggie gave you permission?” “I don’t need ‘permission’ from Maggie to do anything,” I protested. “And be serious, Lissa, do you think it’s a good idea?” Clarissa shrugged, “Is it all that different from Kristin? Or from Mindy and Emmy?” “That kind of thinking is a...
October 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “I started dating someone,” I said to Tasha as we relaxed in the whirlpool at Doctor Blahnik’s house. “You’re not cheating on her, are you Mikhail Petrovich?” “No. It’s not THAT serious, and it won’t be anytime soon, if it ever is. But I thought you should know because we promised complete truth and complete honesty. I don’t want any misunderstandings.” “May I ask about her?” “Her name is Kimiko Mei Takahasi. She’s from a small town called Oguni in...
July 23, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Just as I had when Nancy told me that her mom had put her on the Pill, I missed a shift due to being completely surprised by Maggie’s question. I recovered enough to find the correct gear, and willed my heart to stop beating rapidly. The silence was deafening, but I needed to think about how I could answer her question. I wasn’t sure I knew the answer, but saying that seemed lame in the extreme. Almost immediately, I realized that I really shouldn’t have been...
July 28, 1983, McKinley, Ohio On Thursday evening I was sitting in my room, practicing my guitar after having spoken with Tasha and confirmed our date for Sunday. Just after 9:00pm, there was a knock at the door. “It’s unlocked! Come in!” The door opened and Milena walked in, closing the door behind her. “Hey!” I replied. “What’s up?” “Got some time for me?” “Always. What can I do for you?” “Sing me a love song and then make love to me?” “Your wish is my command!” I grinned. “Come sit...
November 19, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “You know I think you’ve made a terrible mistake and given Sasha bad advice, right?” Clarissa asked after we got into my Mustang for the drive to my parents’ house. “Obviously.” “Her life is going to be very, very difficult.” “And living with her conscience after what she would consider murder would be easy?” “It’s not murder, Mike,” Clarissa said firmly. “I know that’s what you believe, and I know that’s what the law says, but I also know what she’s...
March 15, 1984, Gettysburg and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania “You’re OK?” Clarissa asked when she and I got out of bed on Thursday morning. “Yes. Just kissing was fine, Lissa. Let’s get our showers and meet Jocelyn. We need to get on the road by 6:30am so we can be in Philadelphia by 10:00am.” We both quickly showered and dressed, then we met Jocelyn in the hotel lobby. We went across the street for breakfast, and from there, straight to the car so we could get on the road. We followed US 30,...
July 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Are you OK?” Clarissa asked on Friday morning as we lay in bed together. “Why wouldn’t I be?” “You seemed a bit out of sorts last night. Did that kiss bother you?” I smiled, “Not the way you mean. It was just, well, to be blunt, fighting a reaction. And losing.” Clarissa laughed softly, “I know. I felt it when I spooned. I’m sorry.” “Don’t be. I liked the kiss. The other reaction is kind of involuntary. As I keep saying, testosterone knows NOTHING about...
July 5, 1983, McKinley, Ohio As I showered after karate, I wondered exactly what Angie had meant when she said that she’d changed, and what that meant for the future. Angie had told me that her counselor had advised against starting a relationship, so perhaps this was just Angie’s way of telling me that what Clarissa had suggested might be true — that Angie was playing the ‘long game’ and this was simply the next step. That made more sense than anything, but it also meant I needed to be...
April 8, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “Natalya Vasilyevna Antonova, please meet Larissa Sergeyevna Federova,” I said. I laughed as the two girls instantly switched to Russian and I had to focus to catch everything that was said. Clarissa smirked and rolled her eyes, and I just shrugged. The gist of the conversation was hometowns, parents, churches, majors, and to Tasha’s obvious shock, Lara’s age. “Perhaps we should switch to English so Sveta isn’t left out,” Tasha said in English. “Mike looked...
June 18, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Becky, this is my friend Milena; Milena, Becky.” “Hi!” Milena said. “I hope I’m not intruding.” “Hi,” Becky replied. “You aren’t. Mike told me you were going to hang out with us tonight.” “Do you drink wine?” Becky laughed, “My pastor would have a cow, but he’s not here!” Milena laughed, “And shacking up with Mike, THAT would be OK?” “Well, no!” Becky laughed, blushing slightly. Milena uncorked the bottle of wine while I got three glasses from the...
August 28, 1983, McKinley, Ohio When I got up on Sunday morning, I showered and dressed, and then Kristin and I left my room and I found a note from Angie on the corkboard next to my door. It said she was getting a ride to church from the same woman who had picked her up the previous night and I shouldn’t wait for her. I shrugged, locked the door, and gave Kristin a quick kiss. She headed down the hall towards her room and I walked over to the elevators and pushed the ‘Down’ button. An...
February 25, 1984, Rutherford, Ohio “Hi!” Emmy gushed when she opened the door for Clarissa and me on Saturday morning. “Thanks for letting Clarissa hang out here while I take care of this for Liz.” “You’re doing the right thing, Mike. I have to go to work in a few minutes, but Clarissa can buzz you in when you come back, and then if you just lock the door when you leave and bring the key to Lou’s everything will be cool.” “You’re a sweetheart, Emmy Nelson!” “I know!” she giggled,...
August 27, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Tasha,” I said gently, “you made me promise to keep you pure until we were married, or at least betrothed, no matter what you said! In other words, you made me promise not to do it even if you changed your mind! And I made that promise!” “I can’t change my mind?” “You were very clear that I was responsible for you NOT doing that.” “But isn’t that up to me?” I nodded, “As an adult, in charge of her own decisions, it is. But you extracted that promise...
October 14, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “I’m worried about Angie,” I said as Clarissa, Melody, and I made our way back to the dorm from the Chancellor’s office. “I know you told the detective that you have no idea where she might be, but do you have ANY thoughts?” Melody asked. I shook my head, “If she wasn’t with her friend and she wasn’t at church, and her counselor hadn’t heard from her, then no, honestly, I have no idea. I mean, she could have gone home, but I’m sure someone called there to...
December 21, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” I said. “Afraid you’ll lose?” Violet asked. No, I thought, I wasn’t afraid of losing at all. In fact, I was sure that win or lose, I’d win, from a certain perspective. “No, that’s not it...” I started. “Then let’s play!” “Are you sure?” She nodded, “I can’t think of a more fun way to celebrate my birthday!” I could, and I was sure that what I was thinking was exactly what she was thinking, and she was just...
January 8, 1984, McKinley, Ohio “Is it always like that in the morning?” Clarissa asked. “Pretty often, but it doesn’t have the urgency, if you will, and it goes away pretty quickly once I get out of bed.” “Do you have ANY control over it?” “Limited,” I chuckled. “It pretty much has a mind of its own.” “That has to be difficult.” “Think standing in the altar, wearing acolytes’ vestments and seeing Tasha walk into church in a sundress.” Clarissa laughed softly, “She is gorgeous!” “And...
May 6, 1984, Rutherford, Ohio “I’m curious,” Clarissa asked quietly, “but what about a patronymic in this case?” “Sasha hasn’t said,” Tasha replied. “Technically, it would be some form of Timothy, because Timmy Aston is the baby’s father, but I don’t think she’ll do that. She really could pick anything.” “What happened with the baby’s father?” Clarissa asked. “My dad, Timmy’s dad, and two attorneys worked out the deal. Timmy’s going to college and really can’t afford to pay child support,...
June 5, 1983, McKinley, Ohio My alarm rang on Sunday morning and when I reached over to shut it off, Milena groaned softly, stretched, and turned to face me, her glorious breasts rubbing against my chest. “Hi,” she said sheepishly. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing! That’s just it. Nothing is wrong. I slept, naked, with a guy and literally nothing happened except a ‘good night’ kiss and spooning.” “And you think something should have happened?” She kissed my nose, “No, not at all. I mean, we can...
September 3, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio Tasha was very quiet on the drive home from Jackson Lake, and I wasn’t sure what to say to her, so I stayed quiet as well. When we arrived at my house, we exchanged a perfunctory kiss. “Are you OK?” I asked. “Yes,” she replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow at church.” I got out of the Volvo and went into the house. I said ‘hello’ to my parents, then asked Clarissa to sit on the patio and talk with me. We went to the kitchen, got glasses of lemonade, then...
September 5, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Now that you’ve had time to sleep on it, have you had any new thoughts?” Clarissa asked as we walked along the road from my house towards ‘downtown’ West Monroe on Monday morning. “Should I have new thoughts?” I asked. “Let me put it this way — if you’re going to change your mind, do it NOW, today. If she shows up in McKinley expecting two passion-filled nights and you back out, it’s going to be VERY ugly.” “Why would I back out? You and Liz made very...
December 17, 1983, Rutherford, Ohio After Vespers, Clarissa, Jocelyn, Tasha, and I went to Lou’s diner in Rutherford for dinner. “Is this Mike’s nightmare?” Jocelyn teased. “Or Mike’s ultimate fantasy?” “The three of you would be a nightmare,” I said flatly. “It’s bad enough to have ONE woman telling me what to do! But three? Kill me now!” The girls all laughed. “He knows women are in charge,” Tasha said primly. “Even the bishops cower in the corner if the women of the church are...
January 5, 1984, Columbus, Ohio “Master, Bless!” I said to Vladyka ARKADY when he greeted me in his office. “The Lord bless you, Subdeacon Michael,” he said as I kissed his hand. “Anthony, would you please bring the tea?” “Right away, Vladyka,” Subdeacon Anthony said. “Sit, Subdeacon. We’ll use the comfortable chairs so we can have a quiet chat.” I sat in one of the very comfortable wingback chairs and the bishop sat in a second chair which was very close. Subdeacon Anthony brought in a...
January 14, 1984, Loveland, Ohio On Saturday morning, after breakfast, I’d said goodbye to Clarissa and gotten in my car for the drive to Loveland. The ninety minutes in the car gave me my first real time alone since returning to campus. Clarissa was doing OK, and I’d managed to spend a few hours over the course of the week with Sophia, and had a chance to be the octopus for Kimiko. It was an interesting dynamic, because Kimiko and I hadn’t been going out as a couple, so to outsiders, it...
April 5, 1984, McKinley, Ohio Students from all over campus came up to shake my hand, pat my back, or offer thanks. When Clarissa and I, and our close friends, left the auditorium we were confronted by Reverend Saddler. “I’ve never seen a more disgusting performance by an alleged clergyman in my life!” he declared. I shrugged, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you’.” “That is...
July 4, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “It’s OK to flirt with Maggie when your sister and the girls arrive.” We were in the kitchen packing a picnic basket for a day at Milton Lake with Liz, Maggie, Emmy, and Mindy. Milena, Deb, Blaine, and Royce would join us as well. “Maggie and I don’t really flirt,” I replied. “It’s more like trying to agree on terms.” “Of surrender?” Clarissa laughed. “Of her virginity?” I laughed, “Those terms are well-known and agreed — engagement ring, wedding ring,...
July 22, 1983, McKinley, Ohio It took me a minute before I could think straight, and another minute to formulate a semi-coherent response. “Angie, I can’t make the commitment necessary to do that,” I replied gently. “I know, and I’m not asking for one. I just think it’s the only way forward.” It was obvious that she felt, based on everything that had happened, she had to prove to me that she COULD have sex. But I wondered if it was more than that. As I quickly thought about it, I was SURE...
October 11, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “So what are you thinking?” Clarissa asked as she and I sat together on my couch after lunch on Tuesday. “I’m thinking you and Glenda are conspiring, that’s what I’m thinking!” “Kimiko?” “Kimiko.” “All I did was talk to her about you, Petrovich. I didn’t make ANY suggestions. And while we were talking, she asked about the other girls she knew you saw from time to time. At this point, it really is only Tasha, because Maggie is in what amounts to solitary...