Trust Fall Ch 09
- 2 years ago
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The next day she quit work early When I returned from an errand in the early afternoon I saw Monica's car in the driveway, heard noises upstairs, and went to investigate. There she was, just completing a fast shuffle through the guest-room closet where I kept my skirts, blouses, and dresses. I looked questioningly at her, but she merely looked up, appraised me at once in a single glance, and said, "No, you're no way ready. You have some nice things, dear. I'll bet I could wear some of your smaller dresses right now, and you can certainly borrow some of my loose-cut blouses and jumpers. But you do need to diet. And anyhow you can't quite pass safely yet. We'll have to do it in stages."
"What?" I asked her, again nearly incoherent. Her talk about sharing clothes, again like girlfriends or sisters, filled my heart with joy. But her reference to passing frightened me. Did she mean for me to go out on the street? To be seen?
"Darling, to do womanly things one should feel womanly, and move with a woman's self-assurance. So right now just put on a bra and panties and a short slip, and these slacks -- no one will notice there's no fly, and this over-shirt -- it's loose enough to hide your breast forms, I think. Are those sneakers unisex? Close enough for now. But no socks -- peds if you have any. Then let's go!"
"Monica, go where?" Again my voice rose with a rising hysteria, this time sounding almost flute-like.
"Why, to get your ears pierced, love. So we can share our jewelry and things. You'll love wearing some of my bangles and dangles. And you don't need to worry at all about offending me, not any more. I'm loving the idea already."
She went back to our bedroom, and I began to undress, in order to re-dress myself entirely in women's clothes, as Monica had ordered, though the outer garments were indistinguishable from men's. Nearly. In order to go out. Out into a world of men and women. In order to get my ears pierced. I felt excited and terribly apprehensive, both at the same time.
Almost at once she returned. Or so it seemed. She had changed from her businesswoman's tailored suit to a tight sweater and a mini skirt, for Monica rather sexy apparel. I could see her breasts push out and sag into the sweater's support in the most seductive curves -- could it be she wasn't wearing a brassiere? Then her nipples showed in profile, and I knew she wasn't.
"Are you going out like that, Monica?" I tried to ask casually.
But she knew what I meant. She shook her shoulders at me and her breasts bobbed up and down deliciously. "Just want you to be reminded that it takes more than a bra to make a woman, Andy love. Though that is a very pretty bra indeed, I must say. A lovely place to keep breasts when you've got 'em."
I blushed, embarrassed.
"Just remember, it's what's inside that counts the most, pet. For now, just put in your breast forms and hurry. Have you been admiring yourself in the mirror again? What's keeping you? I've changed completely and you're still only halfway there."
I hurried into my slacks, sockless shoes, and oversized T-shirt, and as she predicted, looked merely unisex. I felt a little uneasy about the pants, which were form fit along my calf and snug on my ankles, and made a tight V at my crotch, neatly dividing my balls as if they were labia. But the T-Shirt covered the crotch, with its smooth frontage, so I slipped into my sneakers and declared, "Ready."
"Well, not quite," said Monica. She hauled out a lipstick and began dabbing at my mouth.
I could feel a waxy substance slipping onto my lips and coating them, and was shocked. "Monica!" I cried aghast. "What are you doing?"
"Oh, stop worrying, baby," she said, "You know perfectly well what I'm doing. It's pale pink, nearly invisible. Did you think I want to appear in public with a man who wears lipstick? You know better than that! No, you won't get to wear proper lipstick until it becomes you as a woman. Sooner than you might think. But with this, you can feel you're wearing lipstick, and get used to how it feels. Never leave the house without it. I'm sure you already feel much more womanly because of it, don't you?"
I did.
"All right, we're going to be out for some time. Visit the bathroom, would you honey? And sit down when you do it, just for practice -- you'll need to pull down those pants and your panties anyhow. Then let's go! I'll wait for you in the kitchen."
In the kitchen she handed me a small whisky on rocks. She was just finishing hers. "Here, dear. You seem nervous -- this'll calm you down." She went away while I sipped and swallowed. The whisky tasted like cheap stuff, but she'd put away the bottle so I couldn't see the brand. I prefer vodka. She returned. "Ready?"
And she swept us both out the door and into her car. "Just sit there, now, dear. I'll drive."
She did, to a rather nondescript part of town where she parked in front of a beauty parlor.
"I'm not going in there," I said, now genuinely frightened. It was one thing to be an imitation woman in privacy, and enjoy the illusion. But this was authentic woman territory, and I was not one of them. To go in there, I thought superstitiously, might make me more of one of them than I wanted. It seemed terribly risky.
"Oh, Andrew, don't be silly. Do you want your ears pierced by some teenager at the earring bazaar in the middle of the mall, in full view of everyone passing by? Or here, privately, by a professional?"
"You're right," I replied morosely. "But Monica, I haven't yet worked out how I'm going to explain pierced ears to clients and people like that. Shouldn't we think these things through a little more?"
"Andrea," she replied. "That's what I'll call you from now on, because that's who you enjoy being, and have always enjoyed being. I suppose ever since you were a little girl raised up to be a boy. Isn't that so? You told me all about that a few years ago, and I've read a lot about it since. Now Andrea, stop being nervous. You've thought about this all your life, haven't you? Now it's time to live your fantasy, and become the woman of your dreams."
"Monica," I replied. "I never said I thought I was a little girl. I said I was a little boy who liked to imagine he was a little girl, and sneaked his mothers' panties now and then to help with the imagining. That's all. There's a difference."
"Andrea, please, let's not quibble. I saw you dressed up to look like a woman, and I've been through your wardrobe. You love being Andrea. Your need to be Andrea almost cost us our marriage a while ago. All I'm saying is, you should be the best Andrea you can be. The prettiest. That's what we're here for."
"What is it we're here for?" I asked, now genuinely apprehensive. To play by myself was one thing, and to play with my wife in the privacy of our own home was so much more. But Monica sounded serious. And this salon was serious woman space, not a mirror in my bedroom.
"Oh, pooh! Look here. If you want to be Andrew now and then, you can always brush your hair longer to cover your ears, or wear just one earring the way most men do, or if you must, remove them both temporarily. But if you want to be sincere, truly yourself, wear whatever earrings you enjoy and show them to the world. I've got some wonderful chandeliers and cascades you'll love, for going out formal. Now, we're going in!"
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Sleep came with difficulty for Bob. His mind roiled with the import of what he knew ... or thought he knew. He tried to convince himself that cars caught on fire all the time. There was only circumstantial evidence that the dead man was her rapist at all. Even the fact that there had been no more rapes with that modus operandi didn't prove anything. Like Lacey, no one had come forward to ask where their son, or brother, or father, or husband was. The crispy critter, still unidentified, was...
He took her to the impound lot, answering her questions when he thought he could do so safely, and dodging them or changing the subject when it got close to something he didn't want to talk about. She was appropriately awed by the damage to her car, and only glanced through the box of her possessions. The attendant brought out a bill for storage, and Bob tore it up. "Hey, you can't do that!" said the attendant. "I just did," said Bob. "The lady was in the hospital while it was...
He took her to Santini's. On the way, he told her a car had sideswiped hers, and that she hadn't been injured. While she was trying to help others involved in the accident, an explosion had occurred. He left it simple. "Explosion," she said, her voice far away. "I remember light ... all over ... I was submerged in light." "What else do you remember?" he asked, his voice guarded. "Just that. When you said explosion, it just came to me." When they walked into Santini's, Donna met...
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Bob went back to his apartment. The bed was still unmade and the wrinkled linens held the imprint of a bed that had been slept in by a couple. The pillow she'd used was lying against his own, like her head had lain close to his. On impulse, he bent to sniff the sheets where she had lain. They smelled like ... her. He hadn't missed the verbal slip that the doctor had made. She'd been about to say that as much as she would have liked to get naked with him, right there in the office, it...
Bob sat and read magazines, until there were none left to examine. There was no noise coming through the door—it was so quiet he felt like he was the only person on the planet. Eventually, his ears detected the hum of air being pushed here and there by the building's air handler units. He heard a siren dimly, through the walls, but no traffic noises. He checked his watch so frequently that he finally took it off and put it in his pocket. Finally, he dozed off. He woke, when the door opened...
Bob popped two Vivarin when he got into the squad car the next morning. She had kept him up all night, satisfying her own needs and making up for the dry spell Bob had been in. He felt drained, but also more relaxed than he'd been in years. He was no longer distracted, either. Lacey had another appointment with Claire, but he was no longer worried that she'd suddenly realize there was no past between them. That had already been addressed. Now all he had to worry about was the return of...
Lacey went back to see Claire ahead of schedule, and told her everything that had happened. Claire put her under again, and spent an hour exploring the details of the rape that she hadn't gone after earlier. As each horrible part of the assault was revealed, Claire worked more instructions into the dialog, intended to minimize the emotional impact of the memories. Then she brought Lacey out of the hypnotic trance and spent another hour with her, concentrating on the things that Lacey felt...
Bob heard her gasp as he left the bedroom. His head swiveled and he saw her standing there, bent slightly forward, her arm outstretched, hand turned sideways in a fist at the top of a candle. Her face was so pale it looked almost ghostly. Her mouth opened and an agonized groan was torn from her throat as she dropped the lighter and reeled backwards. Her eyes stared at the tall, pale yellow flame that the lighter had created at the tip of the candle, but her mind saw the same hand,...
Back in the apartment, Claire asked questions. They were not "What did you do?" type questions, but rather were "How do you feel about what you did?" type questions. Lacey didn't feel good about any of it. For the psychiatrist, it was like walking a tightrope. Or, perhaps it was like making her patient walk the tightrope. There needed to be remorse for a bad deed, for there to be health in the mind and spirit. But it could be taken too far, and the patient could begin to hate herself,...
She was adamant about keeping her appointment with Claire. He was glad she was going, because he had to go to work. He hoped Claire would talk some sense into her, and he made her promise not to do anything until she'd talked it over with him, no matter what she decided to do. She was waiting for him when he got home from his shift. She was calm, but looked drained. "I have to make this right," she said. "If you're sure about this, then it needs to be done right," he said...
Two weeks later Bob was coming home from the gym, still dressed in his sweats. McDill had instructed them, superfluously, not to see each other until after the trial. He had been noncommittal after his questioning of Bob, concerning what his defense would be. "I have some ideas," was all he'd say. Bob turned the last corner and started toward the entrance to his apartment building. A car pulled to a stop at the curb next to him and the window rolled down. "Get in!" came a male voice he...
Roger Schwartz grabbed his briefcase and hurried for the entrance/exit of the new suite of offices the prosecutor's staff was lucky to have just moved into. Lucille, his secretary, called out a cheery "Good luck!" as he sailed by her desk. "Don't need luck!" he yelled back, flashing her a grin. In fact, he believed that. He was one of the up and coming lawyers of a generation that believed skill would make "luck" an archaic term. If that seems a bit rash, perhaps it could be said...
The door to the jury room opened and a man wearing glasses came in. He looked at something on a clipboard in his hand. "We're about to begin," he said, with no other introduction. "I need to give you some information about what's expected of you. Please listen closely." He read a list of rules, things they could and could not do while they were sitting in the jury box. His voice droned, making it clear he'd read this list countless times in the past. Fully half the jury tuned him...