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Life Line, by Armond Author's note: This is a continuation of the Connie nic Leod chronicle, begun in "Useful Information," and continued in "Choices." It's probably best to skim both before reading "Life Line", but to summarize, in "Useful Information," Scott Campbell is asked by his fianc?, Seanna to temporarily switch bodies with her cousin Deirdre. The switch is managed by using an orb owned by Seanna and Deirdre's magical mothers, Ula and Una nic Leod. While in Deirdre's body, Scott is asked to help break Deirdre's drug addiction, which she does, before returning to her original body. In "Choices," Deirdre traps Scott in her body by using the orb to switch bodies with him while he slept, then impregnates Scott to prevent being switched back. Scott wrestles with whether she should have an abortion so that she could be returned to her original body if they tracked Deirdre down. She finally decides to have the baby and adopt the name Connie. Connie's dilemma and decision causes a rift between Connie and Seanna, and between Ula and Una. "Life Line" begins two weeks after Connie's decision. I wasn't sure whether to write more of the chronicle; the characters were wonderfully alive to me, but the story focus seemed off. A couple of reviewers asked why Scott/Connie would stay with this family. They said the women were psychotic and Scott was too good a person for them. I thought about it, and decided they were hitting on something. I'd written 'Ula' in a way that made her unlikable, which was not my intent. Also, I think Scott was 'too good' even somewhat 'preachy'. So I put the storyline away for a while. Recently, while working on another piece, I picked it up again, and found that Ula was mad at me for not getting the story right. So, I've written another chapter. I've ignored a little of what was in the first stories, but for the most part I've followed them. What I tried to do in this one was ...well, rather than tell you, you should form your own view. Thanks for reading. A. *** "It's grave Doctor Jannike, or I wouldn't have troubled you." "Come in, come in, my two o'clock cancelled so it's not a problem." The doctor waved the woman in. "And please, call me Pia." It seemed innocuous, a woman walking slowly to a maroon leather chair facing the doctor's desk, a doctor clearing away patient files. In fact, they were circling; not like sharks looking for weakness or rams about to butt heads, but like wolves. Would they run together or would they be at each other's throats? The doctor tired to focus, clinically, on the woman's chocolate knit knee-length suit and matching pumps, the porcelain makeup of her face and hair pinned in back in a low, off-center bun. Did it suggest confidence? Power? Pia wanted to analytically assess the woman, but couldn't get past her admiration, no envy, of her sumptuous hair. She wasn't sure of its precise wine color, between burgundy and sangria, maybe, but it matched exactly the hair of her newest patient, Connie nic Leod. These Scots! She didn't know which was more striking, the daughter, with freckles and lithe body, or the mother, with Maureen O'Hara elegance. For her part, the woman looked past Pia's tousled salt and pepper hair and gray suit that was a touch frayed. She locked on Pia's eyes; clear and unwavering. "How may I help, Ms. nic Leod? Did I say that right?" She nodded. "It's my Connie, I'm here for her." "Has something's happened? She's missed our last two sessions and-" "What precisely has she said in your sessions, Pia?" A frown spread across on the fifty-ish woman face. "I can't discuss that, Ms. nic Leod, doctor - patient privilege prohib-" "I am certain she has not disclosed enough for you to render effective counseling," she said, in clipped New England staccato. Pia's forehead wrinkled. "Connie hasn't been able to talk about her rape, but this is common among rape survivors. Rape is difficult to talk about; so daunting to comprehend, let alone speaking of it to others. I've told her to start a journal; if she can't talk to me yet, she can at least acknowledge issues to herself." The redheaded woman spotted a vase of fresh cut red roses on a windowsill, next to a potted jade Pothos plant. "Let me show you what you are dealing with, Pia." She walked first to the plant and lightly touched it. Like time-lapse photography, new buds formed and grew, its vines crawling down the sill to the floor. Next, she picked a bright red rose stem from the vase, walked back to Pia, and dropped it on her desk. The rose was withered and black. "What did ...how did..." The woman grabbed her hand. Pia felt a tingling, and when she looked down, her age spots had vanished. She drew back. "What are you?" "Please, call me Ula," she said, smiling. "Magic exists, Pia. I need you to accept this so I can tell you what really happened to Connie." Pia's mouth closed, then opened, then closed again. She slumped into her desk chair. "Okay, I'll skip the 'you're insane' speech, because," she rubbed the back of her hand, "either we both are, or what you say is true." "Most sensible, Pia." Ula said. "My former daughter, Deirdre, used a magic orb to switch bodies with a young man named Scott. Once in his body, she raped her old body to impregnate it; the orb doesn't work on a pregnant woman, and Deirdre wanted to ensure she couldn't be switched back. Scott is now Connie, your patient." "Raped her old body ...Connie ... a man ..." Ula saw that, though stunned, Pia was battling to stay with her; she liked this woman. "Since her rape, she screams in the night, and must sleep with a light on. By day, she walks in a daze; I jam food down her throat just to get her to eat." Ula leaned forward. "Given these facts, is 'journaling' the best we can do for her?" Pia's laughter was sharp. "I could say this problem is out of my area, but what you described, a man forced to undergo a gender change *and* is raped *and* is pregnant, well, I'm not sure who exactly specializes in that." "So you have no advice?" "No, I didn't say that." Pia's eyes narrowed. "In a way, the counseling needn't change; we can still treat this as a rape recovery, the magnitude of the rape is just far greater than I could have imagined." She tilted back in her chair, took a deep breath and went silent a moment. Then, "I noticed in our first session she fixated on her pregnancy. Has this continued at home?" Ula shook her head. "At first, she kept an icon of the Virgin Mary on her nightstand; she was an angel bringing new life to the world. That lasted four days; the icon has disappeared and she draws more into herself each day." "Hmm. You've been blunt with me, Ula, let me return the favor." "I wouldn't have it any other way, dear." Pia smiled at that. "Connie is suffering severe post-traumatic stress disorder: recurrent dreams of the trauma, avoidance of talk or even thoughts of the event and a general numbing of responsiveness. That capture it?" "Yes! I know Connie's a fighter, but I see her slipping away. What is Happening?" Pia put her hands together touching fingertip to fingertip. "Based on the ...unbelievable experience ...she's undergone, she is -she must be- feeling a total loss of emotional control. She's overwhelmed, by the violence done to her, her gender change - my God! I can't imagine what she's going through there - and the sudden loss of her support system, her family, her friends." "And so she's withdrawing because-" "-because her unconscious mind has initiated a protective depressive response so that her lack of emotional control doesn't destroy her. The protection afforded by this is short lived, if her conscious mind can't come to terms with her situation." Pia paused, her eyes narrowing as she thought it through. "In that case, the depression itself becomes debilitating and she will become suicidal to escape the pain of depression and her lack of control." "I feared it was like this." Ula swallowed hard. "Tell me how to save her." Pia leaned forward. "How is her relationship with you?" "With me?" Ula drew back. "It ...did not start off well. I'm trying to make up for it, but-" "Do you love her like a daughter?" "No!" She slapped her hand on Pia's desk. "Not like a daughter, she IS my daughter, and I'm losing her!" Pia banged her hand on the desk in answer. "That's the attitude you've got to have! She cannot solve this on her own, she needs -she must!- reach out for help. Draw her out, Ula, involve her, show her she has family, whatever, but get her to open to you!" Pia gently took Ula's hand into her own. "I'm sorry to put it this way, but you're her best chance ...to live." Ula's jaw clenched. "So long as I've air to breath, I'll be there for her. Thank you so much, Pia, you've been extremely helpful." "For whatever it's worth, your welcome. By the way, what ever happened to Deirdre?" Ula looked at her watch. "Turning back time for your brain, about, say, fifteen minutes should do, and ...hmm, I could also turn back your body clock oh, say ten years; not so much that people would be too suspicious, but enough to make a difference to you." What are you talking ab-" Ula grabbed her hand again, and Pia's eyesight blacked out. When she opened them, she was alone. Hadn't there been a mother of a patient coming to see her? That was to be at two o'clock and it was already two fifteen. Guess she's a no show, but where had the time gone? Why was there a dead rose on her desk, and why did she suddenly feel so great? *** Journal Entry - March 1 I hate keeping journals, hate em hate em! Stupid wastes of time. I promised my counselor Pia I'd give it a try, and Ula's been badgering me nonstop to scribble something down, so here goes nothing. I'm supposed to write down 'issues' I think of. Issues? Issues? My name is Connie nic Leod. I'm twenty two years old, I'm one month pregnant, and I live with Ula my mother, my aunt Una and my cousin Seanna, in a gynormous old mansion. From our house, I can take a path that cuts through a honey suckle hedge, down a rocky slope and onto a beach that looks out into the Atlantic. Cool, huh? What could be wrong with that? Well, nothing, except none of that was true a month ago, when I was twenty-four year old Scott Campbell, working on an MA in English. Spot any issues yet, Pia? I've asked myself, at least a million times, why I stay with these whackos. After everything that's happened to me -what Deirdre did- there are moments when I think the only logical answer is to check out. It would be so easy. Except for the baby. She's why I keep going, she must be, right? I mean, I've lost my love, family, friends ...got no money, or schooling, or anything. One month pregnant. Thing forming in my stomach. Sorry, 'womb.' Not showing yet, but it's -she's- down there, because this body can make a baby when a sperm swims to an egg and when a male and female mate, the male You see, Deirdre came to my room while I was sleeping and Anyway, I'll try to keep going, until she's born. Oops, it's six o'clock, must flee, Ula will be up here in a moment to help me get ready. I want to curl up in a ball in bed, but she's dragging me to a fund raiser for a homeless shelter. I've got to wear some sort of short black dress, slather stuff on my face and lips and wobble around in painful shoes called 'pumps'. Yippee, I get to play act being a girl. We'll see; Ula's keen to show me they are more than a family of psychopaths with freakish powers, but she has an uphill battle there. A mountain. Mt. Everest. *** Thunder rumbled in the distance, and Una tried to calculate how soon the storm would blow ashore. She hoped it held off long enough for her to make her flight. She wondered, though, as she roamed their dark mansion halls, if this wasn't a sign of the bigger storm, of her nightmare vision come true: Connie, pushed by a shadowy man through the third floor banister, falling, falling to the entryway floor below. "Maddening!" she answered to a flash of lightening that poured in from a hallway window. "To be blind when it matters most." A week ago, her talent, her ability to see the futures of those she cared for, Seanna, Connie, and Ula, had gone dark. Oh, she could see the futures of others, but for those she loved most, blackness, blocked pathways. "Maddening," she said again, as she arrived at her daughter's bedroom door. She took a deep breath, and knocked. "Seanna, are you in there?" The door opened a crack and Seanna stuck her head out. "What is it?" "I ..." When had Seanna gotten this makeover? She was a hundred eighty degrees different; her curly red hair was straightened and trimmed with extreme length differences. It gave her an angular look, highlighting thin blackened eyebrows, black eye shadow, and heavy mascara. "...going somewhere?" 'like that?' Una wanted to add; Ula would have said it for sure. It galled her to ask; shouldn't she know? Why were the futures so muddled? What loomed so near on the event horizon? "I've got a date, so I don't have much time," Seanna said. She saw her mother was dressed in jeans, running shoes and an oversized gray University of St. Andrew sweatshirt, her traveling clothes. "Are you going somewhere?" Ula nodded. "Redeye to LA. A doctor in our 'network' is doing a heart- liver transplant tomorrow, and wants me to help him with my foresight. If all goes well, I'll be back in a couple of days." "Well, good luck and all that, I'm sure you'll save the day. You and Ula are wonderful about helping everyone but your own family." Seanna words round-housed her mother. "Seanna!" Una managed when her breath returned. "What's wrong with you?" Seanna grimaced. "Wrong? What could be wrong? Except, maybe if you and Ula had spent less time saving the world and more with us, you'd have realized Deirdre needed serious help. Then Scott and I would still be-" "How many times can I say I'm sorry? Every day I beat myself up about missing that-" "Do you? Good, because you don't feel a tenth what I feel. You didn't have your lover changed into ...into-" "You've no idea how hard it is to read the potentials, to pick between different futures, worrying that the one your chose is wrong, or hurts-" "How hard could it have been to see that coming? My God, it was a Mack truck!" "When I looked in the future and saw your cousin pregnant, I assumed it was Deirdre, not Connie, and that we would all be happy-" "Yeah, great job with that, it's all goodness and light at the nic Leod house." Seanna put up her hand. "Fun as this is, I'm in a hurry. Anything else?" "Yes, have you seen some pills around? Ula told me a bottle of Deirdre's old stash has gone missing and she's worried." "You two speaking again? How lovely you have your meddling sister to chat with." Seanna was wrong about Una not knowing what it was like to lose a lover, because she and Ula were far more than sisters. They were not lovers in the sexual sense, but they had been: in a Scotland centuries ago, on the Isle of Skye, they had been husband and wife, and through an accident with the same orb that turned Scott into Connie, Ula's husband Duncan had been switched into her sister Una. They were closer than lovers, until a month ago, when they'd fought over whether Connie should have an abortion. Ula smacked Una as hard as she could. Matters had been strained between them since - they'd moved to separate bedrooms, and Una planned to return to Skye once Connie's baby was born. She missed her soul mate, but the insanity of Connie's situation had consumed their days and there'd been no time to try to bridge the gulf. Maybe when things weren't so weird in their lives... "Which will be never," she muttered. "What? Look, I don't know anything about missing sleeping pills," Seanna said. "I'm meeting Dante soon and still need to dress. Can't you use your magic sight?" Dante. His name was a second blow; Una's green eyes darkened. Dante Vega. She wasn't sure whether it was his real name, but he was bound up in whatever was coming, of that Una was certain. Was he the figure from the vision? If he weren't in Seanna's life, it might not happen. Seanna only dated the slime to spite Connie; she went out of her way to cause the poor girl a thousand hurts. "Must you see him again, dear? He scares me so, what he might do-" "He's certainly a man who takes what he wants; I can handle him, mother." "Seanna," Una's eyebrows furrowed, "why don't you take Connie out to see a movie instead? You never do anything with her. She and Ula will be home soon from a fundraiser, you could go after that." Una saw Seanna's face tighten, then relax and deliberately form a smile, one more sweet-n-low than sugar. "I can't cancel my date; as you said, Dante has a wee bit of a temper, but I'll make certain St. Connie sees me before I go." Una grabbed her daughter's wrist. "Why are you punishing her? She didn't want this!" "What about what I wanted? My dreams? Her decision to have the baby ended any chance we-" Seanna's eyes grew wet and for a moment and Una thought she would reach out to hold her. Then her eyes hardened and she spat her next words: "I'm only filled with love for my angelic cousin, mother dear." "If you'll excuse me..." Seanna wrenched free from Una's grasp and slammed her door. Una dragged herself to the garage, where their '79 Grand Wagoneer waited with her suitcase. As she walked, she tried again to sort the futures. Lately, every time she tried to steer events toward promising outcomes, they repelled in the opposite direction. It was as if someone countered her every move. Over the past week, only two words whispered to her through her blackness, and she'd hesitated to mention them to Ula because they were so monumentally absurd. 'Chocolate therapy.' Ula put on a good face and told her not to worry, but she must have been disappointed. Connie was falling into darkness, and that ridiculous phrase was all she could come up with? Maddening! *** "You make me proud, Connie nic Leod. You did wonderfully with that stuffy pack of New England old money tonight. They're insufferable, but we need them for our fundraising efforts. You charmed their socks off." "Really? I felt like two left feet, I mean, people kept staring." "It was mostly men, and that's because you're beautiful, dear, you glowed." "I ...beautiful?" She looked down at the floor, across the kitchen, anywhere but into Ula's eyes. "They didn't blink when you called me Connie instead of Deirdre. Why?" Ula didn't comment on the sudden topic shift, though it rankled her the girl couldn't even take a compliment. "A side benefit of being the most eccentric family on the coast. They expect it from us." "Why didn't you tell me you did all this charity stuff?" Connie said, as she plopped into a kitchen chair. Her black pumps fell to the floor and she grabbed a foot to rub. "What, and disabuse you of the notion that we're a pack of evil insane witches? Why would I want to do that?" Ula replied, handing a steaming cup to Connie. She sat next to her and took a sip from her own mug of tea. "I never thought those things all together. Separately, yes. Um..." Connie looked in her mug. "Hot chocolate?" "Yes, no caffeine, remember the baby..." She smiled as she watched Connie rub her other foot. "What's wrong, dear," she asked, with exaggerated sweetness. "You know what's wrong, it's these damn pumps. Why do women inflict this misery on themselves? The illogic of it made me look it up. 'Pumps' comes >from the French word pompes, meaning 'shoes' and 'pushes up.' The French phrase I'll call them is casse-couilles, because they're a pain in the ass." "Don't be such a baby; they're only two inch heels. Here, let me rub your feet." Ula took Connie's feet in her lap and held them in her hands. Connie's red eyebrows rose as she felt tingling. "Hey!" she wiggled her toes. "They don't hurt! What'd you do?" "Turned back the clock a bit for your feet, a few hours. No big thing." "Well, thanks." Connie was silent a moment as she sipped her hot chocolate. "That 'power' could be useful in hospitals I would think." "Connie, Una and I don't broadcast this, but we spend a chunk of our time using our 'powers' to help others, giving people younger hearts or organs by turning back time, looking in the future to see which treatment brings success. nic Leods have always performed this service for mankind." Connie tried to do the math. "You must have saved, what, hundreds of lives? Thousands?" "We don't count them, dear. We are always mindful that as many as we help, we've missed countless others. It's humbling." Ula cocked an eyebrow at the grudging look of admiration from the young woman. "You really thought us wicked? I went Nazi she-wolf on you about having the baby because I knew she'd have the talent. There are so few of us, and, in all modesty, the world needs every single one." Connie held her hand to her stomach and her green eyes were wide. Ula wasn't sure whether the look was wonder or panic. "Connie." Ula took the young woman's hand. "I didn't want to worry you, with all you're dealing with, but you might have this ability too. It was blocked in Deirdre, but in you ...we'll see." She could tell it was a mistake the moment the words left her mouth; Connie's eyes grew vacant. Dammit! Pia said Connie had a raging bonfire of denial going on, and she'd just given her another log to throw on it. Ula sighed. "Anyway, you should learn about the odd family you've landed in. There are family books in the conservatory I'd like you to read. Also-" They turned at the clack of heels; Seanna breezed into the kitchen. She wore a short tiger print mini, a black stretch halter-top with low draped cowl neckline, and black patent leather dress pumps with pointy toes and very high heels. Connie's eyes widened; if she'd bumped into her on the street she wouldn't have known her. "Hi, girls, how was the mother - daughter bonding night? All you imagined, I hope." "Where are going ...like that?" Ula asked. "I'm meeting Dante at Club Nouveau," Seanna answered in a singsong voice, then turned to Connie. "I'm in Versace, sweetie, will it get a 'rise' out of him? I need some in the worst way-" "You act like I chose all this!" The veins in Connie's neck bulged and her fists clenched. "Calm down, dear sweet St. Connie," Seanna said, sugaring her words. "Don't stress the precious baby ...you know ...the one that 'aborted' our love." "Shut -the fuck- up." "I know! I'll bring him home so you can see-" "Ula! make. her. shut. up-" "-how a real man fucks a woman." Connie jumped up so quickly, her chair clattered across the floor. When Ula felt a temporal disturbance building around Connie, she shot between them. "Connie, stop! She wants this." The two young women stood eyes locked, frozen. Then Connie let out a long sigh, and whatever energy Ula had sensed dissolved. "How could I ever have I loved that?" Connie whispered. "I can't take anymore." She side stepped Seanna and ran from kitchen. "She's upset?" Seanna snatched a set of keys from the key board next to the garage door. "What ever did I do?" Ula grabbed her hand. "If you try something like this again, you could get hurt, Seanna." "Are you threatening me?" Ula smiled, but sadly. "No, I promised Una I wouldn't touch a hair on your slutty head. Next time, I won't hold her back. If you push her over the edge, she may take you apart in a way even I can't unscramble." *** "Dear, it's me. May I come in?" She opened the door: Connie lay curled in her canopy bed, back to the door and stone still. Her nightstand lamp cast a spotlight an empty pill bottle turned on its side. 'No! No! No!' The blood pounded her temples as she charged the bed. "Connie! Connie, wake up!" She shook the young woman. "Whaz wrong?" Ula grabbed the bottle; her hand shook as she read: 'Prenatal Vitamins.' Her shoulders slumped. "Thank God." "Ula," Connie yawned, "why are you ...here?" "Sorry, dear, I had a terrible fright and wanted check on you. Can you go back to sleep?" "Nope," Connie stretched and sat up in her blue flannel pajamas. "Wide awake. A fright?" "Never mind. Since you're awake, do you feel like talking?" "No, don't feel like-" "Wait! Hold that thought ...I just bought something today you might like." Ula dashed from the room and returned in a few minutes with something behind her back. "Please, Ula, leave me alone." "I will, it's just, well, I've got this pint of Ben and Jerry's 'Chocolate Therapy' with me and two spoons. I thought you might help me eat it." "Chocolate Therapy?" She sat up, eyeing the container with spoons sticking out. "That's my favorite!" Connie scooched over to make room for Ula on the bed. "I'm a team player, but no talking, just eating." After serious scarfing minutes passed, Ula pointed her spoon at Connie. "You know, if you want to talk, about anything at all, I'm here for you." When Connie opened her mouth, then closed it, Ula wanted to reach over, grab her by the throat, and wring it out of her. Finally, "no ...nothing." Connie's eyes, so sharp a minute ago, had dulled. "Thanks for tonight and ...and sitting with me and ...thanks." *** Journal Entry - March 2 What's new, O nameless journal reader? Did you have a good day at work or nice evening with a lover, a chilled bottle of wine, sitting close in front of a crackling fireplace? How wonderful. Me? Thanks for asking. I had two hours sleep and woke up all pukie with morning sickness. Wasn't my idea to have this baby or this life. You see, this thing happened; someone I knew broke into my loft one night and That's funny; I'm supposed to tell my story to my counseling group tomorrow, but I can't even write it in a journal only I will see. Ula's a bright spot; so different than at first. Seems like she's at my side every moment; she makes me get out of my sweats and leave the house, 'for a healthy dose of fresh air and brisk walking.' She's always got some piece of food in hand for me to eat, too. She's been bugging me to learn more about the nic Leod clan I've become a part of, 'our clan,' she makes me say. At first, I was bothered by the way she hovered around me, but now I feel like we're getting closer. She's, she's so, I don't know what I want to say. She says she cares for me, and I find I want it to be true. How do I know, though? Everything is so insane with all that's happened. So how do you know when someone truly cares? Here's a secret, my unnamed reader: There's this place on the beach where I sit and watch the waves roll in. I've daydreamed about taking Ula there with me, and with each wave that comes in, letting go of some pain. I'm full up, can't hold anymore. I know, it's a stupid thought. Every night I pray for this to all go away, that when I wake, I have my old life back. I pray so hard, but every morning, the nightmare's still here. Maybe the flaw in that plan is the waking up part. *** Ula hunted the young woman down and found her in the conservatory. The light of an early March seacoast evening streamed through the window, falling on the yellow parchment of an ancient book Connie was reading. "There you are, luv; can you keep something down? How long's it been since you've had a big ol steaming bowl of Scottish Leek Soup?" "The answer to that would be never." Ula set the soup bowl on the table and pulled a seat up next to her. "Then you're in for a treat, dear. I'm glad to see you reading the An Leabhar nic Leod." "Well, what I can of it, the English part, anyway. Your family-" She saw Ula frown. "Sorry. OUR family, is really old, stretching back to the 13th century. I'm not so good with Gaelic names, but it looks like all the nic Leods are women." Connie dipped the spoon in the bowl, blew on it, and slurped it in. "Mmm, leek soup good," she said, with caveman delivery. Ula chuckled. "Glad to hear it. By the way, you're a Scot now, so you love it." Connie was about to put another spoonful in her mouth when she stopped and made a sour face. "Oh really? Well, I haven't suddenly developed a craving for haggis, I'll tell you that for sure." Ula laughed again. "Anyway, 'nic' is the female equivalent of 'mac' dear, it means 'daughter of.' The 13th century was when the book was started, we're much older than that." "So your name means 'Ula daughter of Leod'? Who's Leod? "She's the Cailleach, the old woman, the source." Ula didn't know what else to say that Connie could handle. In a different age, the Cailleach was revered as a goddess. Ula hoped to take Connie to Castle Leod on Skye to be tested by the Cailleach. Only the names of the women who pass her test are entered in the An Leabhar nic Leod. "Oh, I think I understand," Connie said, clearly not understanding at all. "Anyway, I found a typo; it said that Una and you were born in 1657. That's 1957, right?" How do you casually explain stepping through a time tunnel with your husband-turned-sister so you could live in an age where society is tolerant of pregnant unmarried women? However it was done, Ula was certain now was not the time to do it. "Mmm? I suppose it must be wrong, dear; do I look three hundred and fifty years old?" Connie made a show of squinting at Ula. "No, I was thinking three hundred forty, tops." "Ah, such a funny lass, if you weren't preggers, I'd kick your ass." Ula said. "So how did your group session go today, luv?" "It ...I" Connie turned her head away. Ula took Connie's head in her hands and gently turned it to face hers. Connie's eyes were wet, their rich green glistening in the sunset light. "Hey, little red, what's wrong?" "It was my turn to ...share. I tried to ...as much as I could ...I told them about how someone I knew ...did this thing to me ...but I had to stop..." Ula ran her hands through Connie's wine red hair. "You can't keep what Deirdre did to you bottled up. It's eating your insides. Let it out." "Can't," she whispered, her eyes pleading, "don't know how." *** Her scream ripped through the shadowed mansion halls. Connie and Ula jolted upright in their beds and came running, Connie reaching Seanna's room first. She burst in, to find Seanna, half-naked, struggling in bed, with a man straddling her. Connie took in what she could of him: stripped to waist and packed into leather pants, his muscles bulged with steroid juices. Pierced eyebrows, black flame tattoos from shoulder to wrist and shaved head; he had the whole 'bad boy' thing going on. He clamped Seanna's mouth shut with a hand. The other held a silver blade; it's tip making slow lazy circles on her breasts. "Struggle, fight me," he whispered, "make me cut you." Connie charged the bed, grabbed a handful of the man's black hair, and pulled as hard as she could. In the adrenaline rush, she forgot she was 5' 7" not 6' 4", and down more than a hundred twenty pounds. The man swayed but keep his position, then slashed at her. Connie yelped in pain and backed away. "Please," Seanna said, slurring her words, "Dante, don't hurt her-" "You have a twin." The bloody knife came back to her throat. "I've always wanted to do twins." "You, girl." He called over his shoulder, "strip and get over here, or I'll slice a smile in your sister's throat." "Connie," Ula yelled from the door, "Come to me, now!" Connie couldn't move, she wanted to run back to help Seanna, but if he ..did what Deirdre did to her ...she couldn't ...she- Ula grabbed her arm and yanked her to the door. If she could get her out of the way, then she could time freeze this beast. "Now you're pissing me off," Dante hissed. He slid off the bed snake quick and glided after them, knife poised to strike. Ula tried to create a barrier between them, but Dante was on them too fast. When he grabbed Connie's arm, someone tripped, and they tumbled into the hallway, slamming the banister with their bodies. It gave way with a long splintering crack and they fell toward the entryway floor three stories below. "Connie!" Ula screamed, reaching for ...just missing ...her finger tips as she disappeared over the edge, eyes open wide, so green, so full of life. *** "No no God no..." Seanna crashed out of bed, thumping the wood floor hard. She staggered some steps, then fell to scrambling on hands and knees to the hallway. Peering over the edge, it took some time before she could make sense of it: below, the air, or matter itself, was spinning counterclockwise in a whirlpool. A high-pitched scream, a gale wind, drowned all other sound. Dante swirled on the outer edge of the vortex; Seanna watched mesmerized as he morphed from young man to wrinkled gray, to skeleton, to baby, and then back to man. Connie hovered in the vortex center, inches above the floor, mouth open in silent scream. Ula must have rushed down the stairs, for she stood outside the vortex on the entryway floor. She shouted something to Connie, but nothing made it over the screeching time wind. A shimmering blue shield formed around her, and she stepped into the vortex wall. Gold sparks sprayed where the vortex flow hit her shield. When Seanna heard the foundations of the mansion groan, she imagined the energy Ula was expending must be enormous. If her shield gave out, she would be swept into the time current with Dante. Ula muscled her way through to where Connie floated. The eye wall acted as an amplifier, for Seanna could hear her voice as if she whispered into her ear: "Connie. Daughter. Let go. I will catch you." Her words flipped an off switch in Connie; the vortex vanished, Dante slid into a wall and Connie fell to Ula's arms. "JesusGod," Connie whispered, "what-was-that?" "Survival instinct; turns out, you like living. Your 'power' kicked in big time; to stop from hitting the floor, you stopped time itself, at least around yourself. Need to work a bit on control though." Ula looked at Connie's arm oozing blood and frowned. "I'd heal that, but I'm zapped and need to recharge. I have never used so much energy." "Mind-spinning-can't-think-right." "We need to get you right to bed, dear." She looked up to Seanna. "Come here niece, and make yourself useful." Ula smiled at Connie, stroked her hair. "When I first used the talent, I found that sleeping was the best way to return to normal. There's something about the unconscious mind that helps it sort the time flux." Seanna stumbled down several steps but caught herself, finally lurching to where the two other women knelt. "Are you okay, child?" "He drugged me I think, he... I'm okay." She looked into Connie's eyes; she could almost see the girl's thoughts still swirling. "I ... I did this to her...I did all this...I thought I could handle him and ..then he was going to force me and -oh-my-god!- Connie to ...to-" Ula didn't slap Seanna, not exactly, but she did place her hand on the girl's face 'with emphasis.' "Stop babbling. Take Connie to her bed immediately. I'll be there in a moment, after I deal with-" "Where am I?" A squeak interrupted. Ula followed the noise to a dark haired boy, eleven, maybe twelve years old, huddled against the wall. "-with him. Can you do this Seanna?" When she nodded, Ula pulled Connie to her feet and draped the arm of the girl over Seanna's shoulder. Seanna walked her slowly, but steadily, up the stairs. "Oh no." the boy continued, looking at the entryway grandfather clock. "It's two in the morning! It's way past my curfew!" "You are a lucky young man, considering what else could have happened to you ...um" What was the name Una had said? "Dante is it? Dante Vega?" "Who? My name's Danny Vegter, lady." "Ah. I'll call you a cab, Danny, where do your parents live?" "Cleveland. That's not far from here, right?" "Allrighty then, a cab to the bus station it is." The boy's face scrunched in a frown; his voice cracking when he spoke. "I am so screwed! My old man's gonna be pissed with me coming home like this." "I can only imagine." *** She clicked her nightstand light on, brushed red hair away from her face, then dug the sleeping pills from the nightstand drawer. She opened the bottle, poured them all into her hand. "all wrong all wrong all wrong, and now this power? Too much," she said, her voice was weary. "Enough." She crammed them in her mouth, sloshed in water from a glass, choked them down. She lay back on her pillow to wait for the soothing darkness to take her away. *** "Connie!" Ula yelled as she came storming in. She'd gotten a frantic call from Una warning her something was horribly wrong. "CONNIE!" "What?" Connie said. "Why does everyone always shout my name just when I doze off?" Ula yanked the half-asleep girl her from her bed and dragged her down the hallway. "Seanna's done something stupid," Ula explained as she pulled her, "she overdosed on sleeping pills, and I can't wake her! She barely has a pulse." Once in her bedroom Connie saw Seanna motionless in her bed, with eyes shut tight and mascara runs down her face. "Shit! I'll call 911!" Ula led Connie over to Seanna's bed. "Una said there wouldn't be time - she'll be dead before they can pump her stomach." "Then ...then turn back time for her, or something, okay?" Connie was frantic. "Won't that do it?" "I'm still too weak, it will have to be you." "Me?! I only did -whatever I did- by accident. Don't make me, Ula," "Then she'll die; please please try, honey, you must." "I don't know how ...I don't-" Ula grabbed her face. "Connie! Stop yammering! Focus! You feel the flow, don't you." "Flow? I ...the only thing I feel is a ringing in my ears, of water running or something. I thought it was from-" "That's it! People like you and me feel time streaming like water. Take Seanna's hand in yours and close your eyes." "Ula, I-" "Do it. Every second counts. We're bumping against an eternal law; once she's dead even we can't bring her back. The guardians will come and-" "Guardians?" Connie clapped a hand on Ula's mouth. "Don't tell me. I'll just try." She took Seanna's limp hand and closed her eyes. "Okay," her voice wavered, "Talk to me." "When you were a little girl, did you ever hold your hand in a stream and let the water run over it? Or ...or hold your hand out a car window and let the air flow move it up and down?" "A little girl? Ula, I was never-" "Dammit, don't waste time; you know what I mean!" "Sorry. Yes. Yes to both." "In your mind feel that resistance, push against the flow a little, -a little, Connie- push it back upstream." She imagined the smooth flow against her hand and she pushed; nudged, felt it back up. "Wonderful, Connie, open your eyes." She did. Seanna lay unmoving and Ula gave her a weary smile. "Get on with this Ula, and tell me how it's done!" Ula held up the pill bottle and shook it. "Wait! That was empty! I don't un-" "Was empty. Then wasn't. You pushed back time for her body, an hour or so I'd say." Seanna moved, stretched. "Aunt Ula, Connie why are-" "Though you won't remember, you tried to kill yourself, dear," Ula shook the pill bottle again. "With these. What was going through your head?" Seanna tried to piece it together. "You saved me, Aunt Ula? Turned back time? That's why I don't remember?" "Not me. Her." "Connie? You?" "Apparently." Connie shrugged. "Why'd you do it, Seanna?" Seanna sighed. "You're not the only one that came into her powers. I've been having dreams, visions, of ...of futures to come, I guess. In many...things would happen to ...to you ...that caused you to..." Seanna's voice became soft "...lose the baby." "What? How?" Ula and Connie asked in unison. "I don't know; in the ...dreams, Connie's power didn't kick in and the fall caused her to lose the baby." "Okay, but I still don't see-" Seanna held her hand up. "It clicked when I saw you fall through the banister; I didn't consciously mean to, I swear, but everything I've done in the past two weeks has led to this, even down to inviting that abusive asshole here tonight." "But why? Why did you want that?" "Because I'm twisted. I wanted things the way they were. I wanted to find Deirdre and switch you back, so I could love you again. I wanted to have your child." Seanna gave a long sigh. "Deirdre fucked our lives so badly, but he wasn't here, so I unleashed my hate on you and then ...when I realized what I'd done..." She looked at Connie through watery eyes "I'm evil, you shouldn't have saved me." "Seanna, please -for once- shut up." Ula pulled the girl to her in a hug. "You couldn't help how you felt and you didn't mean to harm her. Look. We four are family-" Connie cocked a red eyebrow. "Ula, is there more ice cream?" "God, Connie, please, this is serious. Anyway, we're family, Seanna, even if-" "Chocolate ice cream," Connie said, twirling a lock of her red hair and drawing out each word. "With chocolate cookies and swirls of chocolate pudding." "Connie, stop interrupting-" "You had Chocolate Therapy?" Seanna said. "You went to the Scoop Shop and didn't tell me? And I thought I was evil." "Seanna! How could you even say something like..." Ula's mouth stopped working when she saw the two women looking at each other with, what ..affection? "What. is going. on?" "It's how we met," Connie answered. "Turns out, we were in line at the Scoop Shop for the same flavor, and the dweeb in front of us hogged the last two scoops." Connie took Seanna's hand and patted it. "I had to -literally- hold her from crawling over the counter to take it out of the server's hide." "We drove to the next Scoop Shop to get some," Seanna added. "Our holy quest." "I didn't go for ice cream without you, Seanna; Ula bought it." She squeezed Connie's hand. "Good!" Ula sighed in resignation. "A little bird told me to buy several pints. So if you are feeding your faces with this stuff-" "Chocolate Therapy." Seanna and Connie said together. "-you'll listen to my profoundly inspiring speech about family and how, even after all that's happened, with love, you can find common ground and build a meaningful life?" When they gave an angelic 'yes' nod, Ula barked "to the kitchen ..children." *** The light of dawn found the three redheads seated at the kitchen table, each clutching a pint of chocolate heaven. "Better unlock the garage door." Seanna said, in between mouthfuls. "Mmm what?" Ula asked. "The door, you'd better-" A rapping came from the mudroom door that led to the garage. "-unlock it for Una." When she saw they were only going to gape at her, she rose. "Fine, I'll get it. Like I said, my talent's fired up too. Coming mother." Ula and Connie heard a door open, then "thought I'd lost you," then "Mother, I'm so sorry," then loud blubbering. Connie fidgeted in her chair. "We should leave them alone." "God, Connie, it shouldn't make you go all skittish. Look Spot, look. See mother and daughter. See mother and daughter sharing feelings." Connie stared into the empty ice cream container she held. When Seanna and Una returned to the kitchen, they all filled Una in on what had happened. Una flew to Ula to grab her in a bear hug. "Were you crazy? You walked through a time vortex, you could've been killed! Oh, love, I didn't see that at all." "I almost lost Seanna and Connie and her baby and you; everyone I love," she spluttered, "I was so far away, and my futuresight was useless." "Don't be hard on yourself. We've got some of this excellent ice cream left in the frig." Ula said with a grin. "Popular flavor, help yourself." "Ice cream? Why on earth-" Connie stood and pointed a finger at Ula. "You risked your life for me." "Well, I don't know, it was nothing-" "No!" Connie put her hand on her hip. "You did, for me!" "Fine. Yes. I did. For you." "Okay, you and me, down on the beach, right now. I have things to say to you." "Honey, what are you talking about?" "There's a place I want to take you, and tell you every crappy thing on my mind." Connie's voice softened. "Come with me Ula, please? I need you." Ula grew still; afraid the slightest movement would make Connie change her mind. She stole a glance out the kitchen window at their oak tree; its spring leaves shaking in a fresh sea breeze. "Go to the hallway closet and get us jackets, Connie," she said. "With everything else that's gone on, I don't want you catching your death from cold." "Yes, mother," Connie answered, and left to collect them. "Did she call me ...?" Una nodded 'yes.' "I don't think she even realized it. Be strong." "Strong? How bad will it-" "Bad. Bad." Seanna's eyes were dark. She squeezed Ula's hand. "Mother's here to help me ...so you be all for her, Aunt Ula." After Seanna and Una watched them disappear down the honeysuckle path, Seanna said, "I agree, she's taking her first real step forward." "Wait. Time out. We need ground rules; if we answer each other's questions before they're asked, we'll drive everyone crazy." "Sorry. This power is so strange, and scarier, I think, than Ula and Connie's, to see different futures and have to pick one. What if we're wrong? I mean, we aren't God. It overwhelmed me last night, the wrong choices I made." "Deirdre hurt us all, dear. How could I have ignored how deeply you'd been scarred? And then you tried to-" Una's words caught in her throat, But then she smiled, and her eyes filled with light. "Do you see it? The futures have cleared, do you see?" Seanna's eyes glazed a moment, then her mouth dropped open. "Connie and I, playing on the beach with ...our daughters! So beautiful!" "What could be; we've much to live for." Ula took her daughter's hands. "We must work together to make it so; you've seen what happens when two with the sight work to opposite ends." Seanna's eyes grew dark. "He's coming back. Deirdre, though he calls himself Scott." "It's true; there are obstacles ahead, dark futures to steer clear of..." She knew Seanna was about to answer, knew what she would say, but Una gently put a finger to her daughter's lips. "That's not for awhile, dear, let's not worry of it yet. For now, let's be family." *** On the beach, at water's edge, in the sand, Connie sat across from Ula. A salty wind blew their red hair across their faces, gray clouds swept to shore, and in the distance, a lone gull cawed. A wave crashed and crawled near Connie's bare feet. She dug a hand into the wet sand, squeezed as hard as she could and screamed as she flung it to the ocean. "He took it all, everything that was me he took, he-" "Let it go, Connie, let it out!" A wave rolled in, lapping at her feet. Her body convulsed and she grunted a long tearing 'uhnnnn' before she could speak again. "He stole my body and slammed his ...his dick into me, over and over and over" she smashed the sand with her fists in tempo with her words "and each thrust took a piece of my life away ...and I couldn't stop him..." she grabbed her legs and held them close to her body, whispering, "...couldn't ...couldn't..." Ula took her and held her; felt the body shudders. A wave flowed in, kissed their toes, then ran back to sea. "I hate him. God I wish he'd never been born. I can't sleep at night; when I close my eyes, I see it all over again, see him on top of me, it burns my insides, hate hate hate." "Of course it does, love, how could it not? Push it out Connie, push." A wave streamed in, and fizzed in the sand. "What am I? I am nothing, I am no one, I'm a made up name, I don't exist." "No! You are Connie Alice nic Leod. Your body came from inside me. You are my flesh! My blood!" "Alice?" Connie's voice was hoarse. "That was my mother's name." "I know, my love. I've had name change papers drawn up and ready to sign if you like." "Never knew my mother, but lately ...I've wished ...I've dreamed ...she was like you." A wave surged in, spraying salty drops on their faces. "Mother, I don't know how to have this baby-" She pushed, with each wave, she pushed and thrust and smashed, a pain, a fear, a bitterness - out. Once she started, she was dismayed to learn how much she'd locked in, an endless amount it seemed. She worried she'd never reach bottom. Ula was patient; she was exactly where she needed to be, holding her daughter in her arms. It gutted her to hear the depth of the girl's despair. But they damn sure would get through it; she and her daughter were good at time, and they had all the time in the world. The ocean had time too and wanted to help; she was midwife to the healing, sending wave after wave after wave.