Zen And The Art Of Self-Defense Chapter 5 free porn video

Chapter 5 - Entanglement Once we are seated in the car and heading out, I finally take a breath as Jillian keeps up a non-stop barrage of comments. "You look absolutely adorable, Chrissy. So natural, nobody will ever know. They'll see the same attractive young woman I'm seeing right now. I really enjoy going out like this. We can talk and gossip and I can dish on the other cast members and the crew. I'm going to have to get you into the studio. I'll have to get you a pass, of course, but you'll be my personal assistant, and you'll even get your name in the credits." "Jillian," I try to interject. And again, and again. She is almost too excited, it seems, and I have some concerns that she hasn't even begun to address. It's not that I don't like what's happening; I'm excited, and thrilled about finally starting to be what I believe I am - being dressed correctly, looking halfway decent, even going out. It's just that I've had about a day or so of training and practice (okay, maybe a week or so, tops) and Jillian has had her lifetime. That's a lot of difference. "Jillian!" I say a little more firmly. I do know when that she goes off like this, it's hard to stop her. Finally, she slows down, "Oh, Chrissy, I'm sorry. Did you say something?" "We need to talk, and right now...please," I'm now trying to plead a little. "Oh, I didn't tell you where we're going, did I? I heard of this lovely little French restaurant, very chic, I'm told, but still under the radar. I'm sure we'll just love it!" "No, Jillian, we need to talk about me coming along. Like I am. Have you heard my voice?" She looks at me with a little pained expression, "Yes, it's a nice voice. But just don't use it, if it worries you." "And you realize that at midnight, not only do I turn back into a pumpkin, but a pumpkin with a noticeable shadow on my face." "Chrissy, if you aren't happy with all that we're doing, just tell me. Isn't this what you wanted? I thought I've been doing you a favor, helping you, and with me getting something in return - a companion and a bodyguard. You do want this, don't you?" I sigh, and look out the window for a moment as many thoughts fly through my mind. Yes, she is rushing me. But maybe I've needed someone to 'rush' me. I don't think she understands things as much as she would like others to believe. But sometimes I am thinking that she understands way too much and just by her force of will, gets others to do what they should be doing. I turn to her, giving her a smile, and taking a breath, "It's just....I want this, I know it. And I can't thank you enough for helping me. But you have to give me time to adjust. Not a lot, but I really need to be a part of this, not just a spectator at my own life. Do you understand?" My smile has encouraged her to smile, and I can see that she has been considering my words, "I think so. My life is such a whirlwind at times, which I often drag others up into it. Okay, I've been thinking. I'd like some more training, another half hour. Not this Sunday, but the next, is that okay?" "Yes, I guess!" that takes me by surprise. "Good, and then right after, we'll sit down and talk about your future. Come up with a plan, tentative dates. That sort of thing. We can figure out a timetable, set it up, and both agree to it. Does that sound good to you?" I exhale softly, "Yes, I'd really appreciate that." I look at her softly, and continue, "And in return, I'll put more trust in you. You do seem to know what's to be done. It's just I want to be a part of the planning before things start happening." She takes my hand and nods, "Agreed, that's settled. Now, girl, have I got something to tell you about my co-star." As we continue to the restaurant and Jillian does her dishing on the actors on the set, she also very casually and pleasantly points out little nuances in how I'm acting and how a young woman would naturally do it. This includes sitting, positioning my legs, holding my arms and hands, even little gestures like holding one's head, or utensils, even placing the napkin in one's lap. So many little variations and gestures, we all seldom really notice, except when someone isn't using them correctly, it would seem. She does compliment me on some of my movements, wondering where I might have picked them up. I don't know quite how to tell her that some of them seem so natural to me, and every time I would dress for any extended time, I would just fall into expressing different feelings and gestures and body movements about myself, some of which I felt were definitely feminine. She is slightly impressed that I can walk reasonably well in my heels (strappy sandals), although I do slightly stumble at times. The restaurant is everything Jillian had pointed out, quiet, a little dark, excellent service, and very enjoyable food. "I've been watching your selections when we've been eating out, Chrissy. I must say, you've been really good shying away from red meat, more so than most guys I've been with. But let's start introducing Chrissy to all the salads that are out there. There's lots more than chicken, turkey and ham. And I know you don't care that much for fish, but I'd say it was because you didn't have your seafood prepared properly." We have our drinks, wine, and have ordered our meals, when an older man (okay, like late thirties or early forties) comes to the table, and Jillian seems to know him. Not only that, but they share a kiss, a rather intimate one, too. Again I'm surprised, although he does look sort of handsome, in a way, I guess...and I wonder as I take a breath. I also feel a brief twinge, but realize quickly, I'm being foolish. She no doubt has her pick of dates. My time has come and gone. That's really all right, because it's time to get on with my future. "Why, hello, Ron. Would you like to join us?" I'm a little wide eyed at having someone who may not have any idea who I am, sit down, but what I can say? I told Jillian I would trust her. "Thank you, Jillian, I can only stay for a few moments, a business dinner going on in the other room," he slides into a chair between us. "I would never have recognized you if you hadn't told me what you were wearing and you'd have another attractive young woman with you." He smiles at me as he finishes. His words make me blush slightly as Jillian says, "I'd like you to meet my personal assistant, Christine... Field. Christine, this is Ron Silverton, one of the producers on the movie." She turns back to him, "Just how many are there?" "Too many. It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Field," he says as he reaches to shake my hand. Not a hard shake, but a firm one, and a hand significantly bigger than mine. I just smile and whisper out in a poor falsetto, "Chrissy." Jillian smiles at that. "Chrissy, please call me Ron. Jillian's mentioned you, you're as pretty as she described," he turns to Jillian, "Will she be joining you on the set?" "Soon, I think, I just recently hired her and she's still learning a lot." "When you do, send the paperwork through me; now that I've met you, Chrissy, I'll rush it right through and get you a pass." I smile and nod my head, saying an even softer, "Thank you." "This meeting will be over by 10, are you two doing anything later?" "Not that I can think of. Are we, Chrissy?" Not knowing much of anything, I can only shake my head and murmur an, "uh uh." Ron continues, "Good, let's meet over in Santa Monica at the club I told you about. Their DJ plays a wide selection including some I can dance to." "Oh, great, that sounds like fun! Chrissy and I will be there." "I'll give Sammy a call, have him join us for a fourth. Oh, I have to get back, there's Jack signaling me. Talk to you later. Bye. Nice meeting you Chrissy. See you both later." They give a quick kiss again and he leaves, and I'm speechless. Jillian smiles at me, "I know, I know. I didn't exactly know if he would be here, so it was a little surprise for me too. And to answer your questioning look, we're seeing each other right now, but I don't think it will last. At least I didn't have to use his couch to make this picture." "But going out later? Dancing? And who is Sammy? Does he know about me?" "Sammy is a great guy, you'll like him. He's funny, and smart. I don't know if he knows, but you can always tell him," she has a way with her casualness to make whatever she's saying, sound acceptable. I roll my eyes, "Jillian, I know we're in LA, and lots of things and lifestyles go on here, but cross dressers are still the least accepted group. I don't want to cause problems or draw attention." "Chrissy, you're doing just fine. I watched how you handled yourself with Ron and it was quite good. Your smile, and that you didn't hesitate, you are more sure of yourself than you realize. You said you'd trust me, don't stop now." I take a breath and reply, "Okay, I hope you know what you're doing because I don't think I do." We continue to talk through dinner, or I suppose Jillian does, although I do add in some bits of conversation. I can tell she is having a good time, and me? Well, I'm still somewhat jittery about this whole adventure, and I'm sure someone is going to point at me and whisper to their table partners, but nothing comes of it. We do get appreciative glances, which I find interesting, although this restaurant doesn't seem to encourage single desperate guys to hang around much. I can only imagine what it will be like at the club. As we leave and go outside, Jillian says, "We're going to be picked up around the corner there," as she points down the street. It's now almost 9:30, it's dark, and as I look around and am not impressed by the street lighting, I ask, "Are you sure this is a good idea? Two unescorted young women walking the streets of a big city at night? This is not my idea of being safe." "Oh, come on, it's only a block and I do have you," she replies in that voice, as she takes my arm. I don't notice anything particularly dangerous as we start walking, and I am appreciating small things like the click of my heels on the sidewalk. Then as if on cue, as we pass the second building down, a shadowy form appears from an alcove or small alleyway, practically in front of us. I immediately extend my hand and arm which was wrapped in hers, to in front of her to stop as I do. A voice from the character says in a gravelly, alcohol and tobacco stained voice, as an arm is thrust forward, "Just give me your purses, ladies, and we all walk away nice and safe." Quickly darting my eyes, I notice several things - I see a gleam off something in the attacker's hand, I note he has something covering his face like a stocking or a face mask, no one else appears to be around although I detect some slight activity much further down the street, and Jillian does not seem to be as affected by this as I would have thought. I hope it's not because she's putting a lot of trust in me. Any time someone uses a weapon in attacking another, the chances of serious harm is greatly increased. I also realize our attacker is not holding his weapon - probably a knife - in a very good position or grip. I say slowly and quietly trying to sound less manly, "Yes, yes! You can have our purses, just please don't hurt us." "Slide them over and then turn around and walk away," he says with sort of a sneer. My plan seems to be working. "But..." Jillian starts and I counter quickly and sternly, "Do as he says." Our attacker is about six feet away, and I know if I were alone and in better shoes, I could easily outrun him. I have decided on a different course of action. Jillian exhales a little and starts bending down as I lean a little forward as if I'm doing the same. Then I purposely appear to stumble as I thrust out my clutch, lobbing it quite hard right at his face. With our immediate acquiescence to his demands, he has relaxed from his original tense stance, which is just what I was hoping for. He now reacts exactly as I expect, as I bring a quick foot lunge up at his wrist, catching him in the forearm, and whatever the weapon is, is flung away about seven or eight feet into the shadows. Turning around completely, my next move is my hand with bent knuckles forward into his throat area. As he is still surprised by the loss of his weapon, I catch him cleanly and he immediately starts gagging for air. My final kick is with my toe pointed upwards and I catch him flatfooted, between his legs in his crotch. He lets out a moan and immediately drops to the ground, doubled up, in obvious intense pain. I'm glad I put on heels in some of my private workouts. Jillian stands there with her mouth slightly open and widening eyes, as I carefully start to go over to him to make sure he is totally incapacitated. "Are you all right?" I ask her without taking my eyes off our attacker. She has a difficult time responding but finds some words, "Stop, you're not going to hurt him any more are you?" I make sure our assailant will not be moving for a few moments and turn to her, "What are you talking about? He could have hurt either or both of us very badly. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure he is unable to do anything." "Wait, I have a confession to make." At that moment, another figure comes running towards us. My first thought is the attacker has an accomplice. If this new person doesn't have a serious weapon, we should still be all right, as I start to get into a defensive stance between this new person and Jillian. The person stops about twelve feet away and says, "Ms. Thomas, it's me Eric. Do you need any help? I saw most of it from down the street." "Who are you?" I ask with a very demanding tone while I remain in a defensive position. Jillian, now appearing more in shock then she had before, finally says, "Eric? Eric Landers? Is that you?" "Yes, Ms. Thomas." "If that's you, who is this man?" she looks at the assailant still hunched over still in obvious pain as I see she has started shaking. "Jillian, that is a mugger, and he tried to rob us, and who knows what else. Now, who is Eric and what confession do you have to make?" I say as I pick up my clutch, pull out my cell phone and start dialing. "Who are you calling?" she asks, still shaking. "911 of course. All muggings need to be reported and the sooner this creep is off the streets the better." She looks at me pensively, "Please don't do that. I don't need the media in on this and they will be all over this if they find out it's somebody famous. He won't be bothering anyone for quite a while. Can't we just walk away?" "Absolutely not," I say as a car pulls up. Thad is driving, and he rolls down a window and asks, "Is everything okay here? Are you ladies all right?" I nod to him and make my call. Eric then says, "I have an idea. I work for the studio where Ms. Thomas is making that movie. You two get in the car and leave and I'll stay and report the incident. Ms. Thomas, I'll also call your agent and the studio lawyers." He looks at me, "Will that be okay, Miss?" I look at both of them and shaking my head slightly, reply, "Yes, I guess." I finish the call saying I'm just an observer but to get somebody here quickly. "Come on, Chrissy, I'll explain this all in the car," Jillian says taking my hand and pulling me into the car, as I hesitate over what has happened. Eric says as we're leaving, "That was really very good, um, Miss, what you did back there. You must have had some really good training. I'm certainly glad I wasn't in front of you." I stop, and turn and smile at him, beginning to realize what had happened, and his part in this, and say quietly while pointing, "Thank you, his weapon is over there, you probably shouldn't touch it until the police get here. Just tell them he tripped and you kicked him. They prefer simple stories." He nods in understanding as I then get into the car and Thad pulls away. Once we are settled, I wait a moment for Jillian to say something. It's obvious she doesn't want to start. "Okay, what was all that about? Why was somebody from your studio just wandering around close by, why did you not want me to do anything more to the mugger? And I'm afraid to ask any more." She turns to me and says, "I am so sorry Chrissy. This wasn't....." "Wasn't what you planned, that's it, isn't it? Still testing me, still trying to control things without letting others know." "Yes, but in my defense, I sort of set this up yesterday, before we talked earlier." "I'm still just very disappointed. I could have hurt your Eric even more than that mugger, you know." "Would you have done that?" she asks in a little shock. "I would have sized him up like I did the mugger and used whatever tactics I thought necessary. My guess is that Eric might have instinctively tried to respond for a moment. I knew that mugger was a total amateur. Yes, I could have hurt Eric a lot more." "I'm truly, very sorry. I was foolish. I should be trusting you." "Jillian, that little test with Kitae was one thing. It was a strange house to me, I didn't know what to expect, it was an interview after all, and any employer would want to know something about my skills. And mostly, I could tell Kitae was just doing the mano-y-mano thing. He wasn't trying to physically assault me to inflict pain. I was, with that mugger, because he actually threatened us with it." She takes a breath, and says, "Chrissy, I knew you could handle Eric, I wasn't worried about that. I just wanted you to feel that you could, as a young woman, believe that you could, and know that you're doing your job the best I could hope for. And after tonight, I know you are." She takes my hands in hers and looks at me directly, "I promise, I'm through with tests, I trust you fully. I am so sorry. Will you forgive me?" I look at her, and again think about how beautiful she is, and how much she does try, and manipulate, before replying, "That mugger would have been there whether your Eric had showed up or not. We... we shouldn't have been there. If you want me to continue providing for your safety, you have to agree that I'll make the decision if something or some place is safe enough, especially when there are much safer options. Let me do my job. Do you agree to that?" She looks directly into my eyes, and this time, I look back as deep as I can into hers, as she sighs, "Yes. You're right. I am very sorry." As much as I can tell, she seems sincere. I have to trust her. "I forgive you, apology accepted." "Thank you," she says as she leans over and kisses me on the cheek, squeezing my hands, "You were...unbelievable. How quickly and easily you handled him. And I see now, by going along with him at the beginning, you fooled him into thinking we were easy, and you were protecting me. Thank you." "I'm just trying to do my job. Please don't even think that the next time will be anything similar. They're all different. But, you're welcome." I finally start relaxing a little as I sit back. She changes topics and starts talking about the club we're going to. I guess I'm a little more comfortable with her acceptance. I'm not with myself. I missed the mugger's wrist, I was too slow. Jillian doesn't need to know, but I know. And more importantly, I wasn't forceful enough in keeping us out of harm's way. This is going to be far more difficult than I had ever imagined. We arrive at the club and being a week night, there's no line. We walk in a little after 10 as the incident back outside the restaurant slowed us down. As we arrive, Jillian takes a phone call. "Hello, yes, hi Eric... yes...very good. That's good to know. Thank you so much. Bye." She turns to me saying, "The police arrived, and the mugger was arrested. Eric didn't have too much explaining to do, and he thanks you for those suggestions you offered. He called my lawyers and they will make sure there's no problem." Inside the club, Jillian tells the desk people who we are with and we are shown immediately to their table. I recognize Ron and sitting next to him is a very handsome young man, between our ages and Ron's, mixed parentage I would guess, with flashing dark eyes. There is music playing in the semi-open room off to our side. Where we are, it isn't that loud, yet. "Jillian and Chrissy, I'm so glad you came. Any problems getting here?" Ron effuses as we walk up. "Just a minor little hassle but Chrissy took care of it." It's obvious that Jillian knows Sammy as he does her, as they nod. Ron continues, "Good! Chrissy, this is Sammy, he works at the studio, though not directly with the movies." "Hi," I smilingly offer as both stand up and he reaches out his hand. "Well, hello, gorgeous. Ron surely did not mention how attractive you are," he says as I take his hand. A much gentler handshake than Ron's but actually a little firmer. And I certainly can appreciate his start at being charming. "Let me get this for you," he says as he pulls a chair for me. Jillian and I are now sitting across from one another with Sammy on my left. Almost immediately, Jillian and Ron, who had kissed again as they met, become engaged in a conversation about the progress (or lack) of the movie. That leaves Sammy and me to hold down a conversation. "So, Ron tells me you are personal assistant to Jillian. Is Jillian as nice to you as she appears to everyone else? I have seen lots of personal assistants who look like they get run over by a truck sometimes." I screw up my courage because I'm now going to engage someone directly in a conversation who has only seen me as Chrissy, and I've had so little practice. I also think that English may not be his primary language, although he seems at ease with it. I say quietly in almost a whisper, trying to find the right pitch for my voice, "Oh, she's pretty good. But everyone has their days." "Very safe answer, I think you have at least the start of a good understanding." "Sammy, there's something I should mention..." "Oh, wait, before you say anything I have something I must say." He looks around sort of furtively before saying in a stage whisper, "I am gay, but please refrain from telling anyone. Okay?" That catches me by surprise, "Oh, okay, good." I sort of leave that word hanging because what do you say? My sister is married to one? "You do accept gays, do you not? I mean one never knows who one is going to run into around this town. Some people, I just do not get it." What does he mean by that, I wonder, "Oh, yes, I do! Accept...and get it. I have no problem with the gay lifestyle. Each to his or her own, I believe." A waiter comes by, and takes our drink orders. I order a glass of their house white wine. Sammy gets back to the conversation, "Good, I am happy to hear that. Now, what did you want to tell me? Some deep dark secret? I can keep a secret with the best of them. Anyway, I told you one, so you owe me." "Um, well, I'm...." "Let me guess, you are a," he looks at me rather intently, "a t-girl, right?" I'm a little crestfallen, but recover, "How...? Well, I suppose my voice, did you see something? I don't think I pass well at all, regardless of what Jillian has told me." He looks at me this time with a big complicit smile and a knowing nod, "Well, truth be told, I saw nothing. Ron mentioned it earlier. Looking at you now even, I would not have thought that at all. Yes, your voice does need work, but how far along are you? I would guess between six months and a year. That is the usual time frame, yes?" "Um, yes, but I'm about two to three weeks." "No!" he looks actually surprised. "Honestly." "Well, girl, you are certainly on your way. Now, you said you would not tell anyone about me, I will do the same about you. Deal?" "Deal," I reply as we shake hands. This time it's rather gentle, almost tender. Our drinks come and almost immediately after my first sip, Sammy says to me, "The DJ here is pretty good, would you like to dance?" Jillian hears that request and interjects, "Of course, she would. You two go off and have fun" I give Jillian a scowl, as I have to wonder if she's reverting to her old ways already and say to Sammy, but glancing at Jillian, "Yes, I..would like that, thank you. She mouths an 'I'm sorry', and gives me one of her hurt smiles. I just shake my head, as Sammy takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. And it gives me a little rush of emotion as I realize I'm on the other side of this pairing, so opposite from my teen years, and even just days ago at that club with Kevin and the others. "Um, I'm sort of an okay dancer in my previous life," I try to explain as we walk up, "I'm not sure about this one." "That is all right, I am an excellent dancer, just follow my lead." It would sound like he has a huge ego, but he says everything in such a gracious and charming manner, one almost assumes he must be right about himself. As we get to the dance floor, I notice that the DJ is playing ballroom dancing tunes, as Sammy says, "He plays a very eclectic mix of tunes. On the weekend this place can be jumping with people of all ages." He takes my right in his left and as he puts his right around my waist, I put my left on his shoulder. "Ah, you do know some things about dancing with a partner, that is good. Now the way to dance is to just relax, let the music flow in and around you, feel for my lead, which I will definitely let you know, and mostly have fun." It feels a little like a dream, reminding me of the dances I went to as a young teen, too shy to ask any girl to dance, wondering why I couldn't be with them as the confident boys approached them. My dream is now becoming reality as a handsome young man is taking me onto the floor and leading me around. I do stumble at times, the backward movement, the reverse footing, but I smile and keep at it, as after a few moments, he says with his own very pleasant smile, "I was afraid from what you said that I might have a partner with two left feet, but it seems the good lord did grace you with one of each and in the correct order. You are doing quite well." As we continue dancing, I become more comfortable and relaxed with his leads, and I can tell that he is a very accomplished dancer. "Sammy, you're an excellent dancer, have you danced professionally?" He just smiles, "My parents had me take lessons. And I liked it, so I have kept it up. I do have an Arthur Murray Frequent Dancer Card. I will have to find out if they give a million step bonus. Now tell me about this martial arts thing that you do." We continue talking and dancing as the tunes change to the standards, then pop, r&r and r&b, a disco number. Ron and Jillian have also come out on the floor, but I can see that Sammy outshines most everyone around. I hope I'm not making him look too bad. "Would you like to sit for a while? I do not want to tire you out," he suggests between numbers. I just look up at him with a very satisfied smile, "No, not at all, unless you want to, or feel we should. I'm having too much fun." "Then you are dancing correctly," he confidently exudes. At the next moment between tunes, Ron and Jillian suggest we change partners for one number. I really don't want to because I'm having a wonderful time with Sammy. He is so good, I can see how it just comes naturally to him. And I can imagine the practicing he most likely has done to make it look so easy. I understand fully. "You two look like you're having a good time," Ron says as he takes me in a lead. It's not as confident as Sammy's nor as graceful, but I feel more confident in myself so that I know I can do it. "Yes, we are, thank you so much for inviting us here...and bringing Sammy. This evening is turning out much better than I ever expected. And Sammy is so nice." He smiles, continuing, "Jillian mentioned the incident earlier. I just want to add my thanks for keeping her safe, both personally and professionally. She speaks very highly of you. I'm glad she found you. I feel better in many ways." I just blush slightly saying, "Thank you." "Jillian has major star written all over her. If you're able to keep hold of her ascent, you'll have a very good future. Our personal relationship won't last much longer, we both know that. We're on two different wavelengths. But, looking at you now, and knowing what your future may be, if circumstances work out, I'd like to give you a call in a year or two." "Oh, uh, yes, that would be fine." OMG, a man is coming on to me. What do I do now? What do I say? "Ah, there they are, let's slide over next to them and change back, okay?" "I'm sorry, is my confused embarrassment that obvious?" "No, what's obvious is how pleasantly sweet and charming you are, two excellent virtues, don't lose them," he says, before getting close the other two and saying, "Sammy, here is your partner back, you two look so good out here it's a shame to break you up." Jillian puts on a little pout a moment, "Sammy is such an excellent dancer and partner. I hate giving him up...but, you two do belong together. Ron, I think we should sit for a while." Sammy and I dance together for several more numbers including some techno, electronic, and a modern c&w number. Just watching him and moving as he suggests and encourages me, makes me feel I'm a little better dancer myself. We rejoin Ron and Jillian and finish our drinks. Ron orders a second, but I'm fine with my one glass. We continue talking and enjoying the company of each other. I am just amazed at how comfortable I feel, like this is one of the most normal and natural things I could be doing. As it gets to midnight, we reluctantly agree that it's time to go. Jillian has a later call the next morning due to script re-writes, which has allowed her to have this late evening. She may be working this weekend to try to stay on schedule. Ron seems to have meetings somewhere every night. As we leave, and I see our ride coming down the street, Sammy turns to me and says (with a little bit of a Fernando Lamas accent), "Chrissy, I have had a very marvelous time tonight. You are an excellent dance partner. Perhaps, the next weekend following, you might be available to go dancing again?" And another moment tonight where my breath is almost taken away, as I am being asked out on a date. After a second or so to catch my breath I reply, "Oh, yes, I'd like that...here let me give you my number, and call me any time, and we'll set something up." He smiles a very open and almost alluring smile, as I look up into his eyes trying not to think of what may be next and reflect on that fact I just gave a man my number. "Good. You have the makings of a very beautiful woman. I am happy we have the chance to meet." And he leans forward, as I do as if in a dream, and our lips meet. "You will be hearing from me. Good-night, and sweet dreams." "Bye!" I say as I reluctantly part from him. In the car, Jillian wants to know more about Sammy and me. She is quite pleased that he has asked me out again. "Jillian, I have to ask this, because it's very important. This isn't another of your tests or a set-up is it? Because if it is, as nice as Sammy is, and that I would like to see him again, it would ruin everything. Please tell me the truth." She turns to me and appears as serious as I've seen, saying, "Chrissy, the truth is, Ron mentioned he would be in a meeting at the restaurant, but didn't know if he would get out of it for any time at all. I hoped to see him and maybe something might come up. Because of the situation there and immediately afterwards - which I am still sorry about - I wanted you along. I'm glad he came out and sat down for a moment, that was all I was hoping for. Everything else, and I swear, was not planned in the least. Sammy was a total surprise to me. That's one of the reasons I do like Ron, he's very good at following up and exploring opportunities." "Thank you, you don't know how much better I feel. I want there to be some surprise in my life, find things and meet people that I don't expect, where they turn out to be fun. " She looks into some distance, "I can understand, my life gets so planned, it's easy to make sure everyone else's around me is too. I'm happy this evening worked out for the better - for the both of us." "So am I," I sigh a little. "Okay, kissy face," she laughs a little and we cheek kiss, as she squeezes my hand, a little more firmly and lengthily than I would have thought. Back in my place, I am just in a cloud of emotions. So much has happened this evening, good, bad, wonderful! I surely cannot take too many roller-coaster rides like this, but they sure are fun when you're on them. I also reflect on how many tiny facets of life that one takes for granted, that are changed when you become the opposite gender, and work at appearing 'normal', whatever that term actually means. So many little differences - and nuances - that I had never thought much about, that women just naturally do, like brushing your hair back either by hand or head flip, making far more eye contact, thinking about your clothes, how you look...looking at the opposite sex in a totally different way. Going to the bathroom is not quite like the fictional stories make it out to be - some kind of secret ritual it is not. There are stalls, there are no urinals, there are occasionally some dispensing containers. You take a lot more time at the beginning and especially at the end. You are more friendly to other women who are checking their makeup by the mirror. The posturing is totally different. If there is any 'big' production at all of sorts, it's not in front of the urinals or in the stalls, it's in front of the mirrors. These are just a few of the many I'm finding out about. So much to learn and try to incorporate. The days now start to become fairly routine, if one can call switching gender roles back and forth, routine. My days and nights in the compound are as appearing as a young female. It is obvious now that everyone knew of what was going to happen when I was hired. Only Aaron shows any visible signs of aversion towards me. The rest accept me for who I now am. I barely met Jillian's sister before she left for home, mostly as Chrissy. She was pleasant, and happy that Jillian might have found someone to get close to as a replacement, but she, like her mother quickly became tired of the fast paced life, the deceptions, the sometimes phoniness she was seeing. "Chrissy, I wish you luck here. There are a lot of pitfalls in living this kind of lifestyle, and maybe more so with what you're doing; it's so easy to make mistakes. I can tell Jillian likes you, and I see that you care about her. That's good, she needs someone close, because she does have her down moments. If you can be there for those, you'll be doing fine." I thank her and wish her well, and wonder for a moment what those down moments may be like. I hope that I can cope with them. I am coping with Jillian's regular moments a little better than before. Now, as the following Sunday arrives, as Chrissy, I take her through some old and new exercises and work again on the simple moves when she comes for training. I, of course, had to purchase a whole new set of training clothes. "I know I'm not as dedicated to this training as most of the others are," she says during our workout, "but I do appreciate you taking the time to work with me. She pauses and then continues, "Are you having any problems with the others?" "No, I believe they now understand me well enough to not hold back. They're really good about it, whether it's a training or a learning experience," I roll my eyes a little continuing, "of course, Aaron can be a handful at times." She laughs, "Yes, I'm sure he can be. If he does give you any problem at all please let me know." We finish up and then sit down on a mat for a somewhat lengthy discussion about my transitioning. "Let's talk about some of the things that I'm thinking you should be considering," she starts off. "You mentioned your voice. From what I know there are two ways to approach this. One would be therapy and we get you a voice coach. The other requires surgery. I'm not sure which would be better. Could you share your thoughts?" I nod, as finally she's letting me be a part of this, "I've been doing some reading, and I guess we should try the voice therapy first. Let's give it several months and see how it goes. From what I've read, if you get a good coach and follow through, it can significantly help." "Fine, if it's all right, I'll have Elizabeth find one, she's very good about getting the right people. If she does, I would assume you'd like to start immediately." "I think that's a good idea." She nods and continues, "Now about surgeries, Dr. Sanjay has said the major one takes a year to get an approval. Can you wait that long?" "I've waited over twenty years, I suppose another year won't be too bad," I say and then add, "can you?" She sighs and replies looking at me with a little head shake, "I'm not really sure." "There are two surgeries I could get long before that, that don't require much approval." "Oh? What are they?" "Well, one is breast augmentation. I might need that after the big one, anyway." "Hmmm, that may help." I casually remove the top part of my training uniform as I'm a little warm, showing the sports bra I am wearing underneath. I have a little make-up on, and my hair is a little longer from the unisex hair cut I had. I notice that Jillian looks at me in a slightly different way as I continue, "There are some considerations, I won't have any idea how much my own breasts will grow on their own for several years." She interjects, "Are you seeing or feeling any differences there?" "I'm thinking there's a slight swelling and they are a little more tender. Now, if I had augmentation done, I might have to have some reduction later." "Sweetie, around this town, that's standard practice. Up and down, it amazing how many people have it done. Let's get you scheduled for that. Say, next month?" She's pushing a little again, but I can understand, and if I need it, well why not? My mother is not particularly large breasted. I can't recall the other women in my family. I suppose I might as well. "That sounds okay." "What's the other one?" "Well, the polite term is orchiectomy, but the common term is castration." "Oh, uh huh, I guess for most guys, that's sort of a scary word," a little smile crosses her face. "Yes, but for me, it wasn't and it's still not. I don't hate my, um, equipment." "I did find you quite capable in bed, if that's any consolation." I laugh a little, "Thanks, but as long as I'm able to get the correct replacement parts, I wouldn't mind in the least if my current parts were gone." "Yes, I can understand, when we switched bedrooms, you were certainly more, oh, involved - more responsive and more affectionate. Is there any problems with getting that done?" "Well, it's actually the first part of the big surgery, vaginal replacement, SRS. The significant problem is because they would be separate operations, that some possibly useful tissue may be made unusable in which case skin grafting is called for. I'm not sure I'd want to have that. But from what I've learned, with a competent surgeon, that can be minimized quite extensively." "So, if you had that a month later, let's say, and the voice training, as well as hair extensions and laser hair removal, besides the changes from your prescriptions, you'd have breasts, you voice would be reasonable, and you'd have nothing between your legs." "I suppose you could look at it like that. The reality is that I would exactly nothing between my legs. " "Sweetie, there are lots of women around here with next to nothing between their legs and not much elsewhere either," she laughs as she says that, which causes me to giggle just a little. When we finally stop, I say, "Okay, here's my proposal, I talk to Dr. Sanjay about all this at my next appointment, and we switch the two operations around - first between my legs and then the augmentation. I would like to continue going to Avery's gym for as long as reasonably possible. Significant breast changes will be very noticeable." "You're willing to do all this in the next several months. Is that what I'm hearing?" I take a breath, looking at her, thinking of what we've already been through, how beautiful she looks, and what I want, and I reply, "Yes." She looks at me very intently as a pleasant smile overtakes her face, "Thank you. I can understand all that you're accepting to do this, and I truly appreciate it." We are sitting on the mat in the workout room, fairly close together. She reaches over, saying very tenderly, "Thank you." And I respond meeting her embrace. We hug for a moment, and then she kisses me on the cheek. She pulls back a moment and says, "Don't go anywhere," as she lightly gets up and goes over and locks the door from the inside. Coming back she says as it seems she is almost stalking me, "I have another twenty or so minutes booked to be here. As repayment for showing me some new moves earlier, I think it's time I show you some new moves in return." She seductively kneels in front of me, pulling me up to her, and we embrace in a long kiss. That leads to moments of quite intense intimacy as she purrs, "When you took off your top, I realized that you are even cuter than before." The time flies by, it seems, and as the clock ticks down, we slowly pull ourselves together, replacing clothing that had been flung carelessly aside. She mentions, "I'll be free next Wednesday evening, let's plan on having dinner together." I look up at her and say, "Will Ron be there?" "No, sweetie, we've both moved on." I think for a moment and impulsively say, "Good, then you won't mind if I tell you he put a move on me that night we went dancing?" She turns quickly to stare at me with a building intensity, "What?" "It's not what you think, he was asking me out about two years from now." She relaxes and chuckles, "Yes, that's Ron. He's the one you want if you're planning far into the future. I don't live that far ahead. By the way, since you brought it up, how was your date with Sammy?" I take a quick breath, "It was really nice. We just danced and talked, and a drink. Very enjoyable. And he's a lot of fun to be with." "Has he asked you out again?" "Yes, week after next," I say dreamily looking into space remembering our embrace as we said goodnight not that many hours ago. "Just be careful, okay?" "Oh, um, why? Is there a problem? He did tell me he's gay, but please don't tell anyone I said that." "Gay? I suppose that's possible, though I think bi- might be a little closer. Has he told you what his job is?" "Not exactly. He does work for the studio, non-production things, I think." "He's a 'fixer'." "What does that mean?" "Around this town, if you have a problem you can't fix with regular or normal methods you give him a call. He has contacts everywhere and he fixes problems, not always completely legit, not always ethical. But it gets done, quickly and quietly, just the way people here want." "Is he with the mafia or mob or whatever out here?" She laughs at that, "No, but I've heard he's fixed things for them as well. I wouldn't worry too much, I'm guessing he goes dancing for relaxation, and he knows you both look good when you're together. He is sort of like that." "Should I stop seeing him?" "Well, people have asked about who he's been seen with. You, for one. But he's also fixed it with the tabloids, print and tv, that they don't mention him at all. So I think you're safe. Just be careful what you say, as he's always looking for information." "Oh!" and I think, that's why secrets aren't that around here. "Thanks for the caution. I'll remember it." "Good, I have to go, plan on the following Wednesday. And stop and see Elizabeth to get the dates and coaching set up, okay?" "Yes, I'll get right over there." "Bye," she calls as she blows me an air kiss...and she's gone. How is my life now getting so complicated again? I wonder. Just when it looks like things settle down into a nice routine, such abrupt changes come out of nowhere, it seems. I get the dates, appointments and calls set up with Elizabeth; and in her usual efficient manner, I have a voice coach the following week. I see Dr. Sanjay at my next appointment and he seems positive about how I'm doing and responding to the prescriptions. We talk about the two surgeries and he is neither for nor against them. He wants to make sure I understand what will happen and what could happen. Mostly he wants me to be fully committed to the outcomes. He agrees to give me referrals and knows what surgeons to call, who have provided the most satisfied patients. I still attend Avery's gym but not as regularly. Avery and Kevin have both noticed and are a little saddened but continue encouraging me to stay focused on my job. If they only knew, if I could only tell them, which I can't because it would involve Jillian Thomas, and I can't go there. That day will come. If they do notice any changes in my appearance, which I think are almost legion now, they politely refrain from telling me. I go dancing with Sammy once every two weeks or so, which is quite acceptable to me. He has not pushed himself on me, nor does he appear that he desires it. We have only embraced in a kiss at the end of each night, for as he has said, "A beautiful woman deserves to be kissed, as does a handsome man. We would be neglecting our duty if we were to refrain from such a moment." I cannot disagree with him. As the changes do take affect to my body and my understanding of myself, I notice slight changes in the people around me. Thad and Stephan had always been accepting - with Thad just remaining a little distant which I understand is just his nature. Both, though, have been more attentive as I have appeared and slipped more into Chrissy. They get doors, try to assist me if they think I need help, little things like that. Stephan is still his outgoing self, very friendly, but I catch Thad looking at me at times, and I'm not sure what it means, except it reminds me of how I've seen guys around me look at attractive girls. I've become closer to Kitae as we share some similar thoughts and likes and dislikes. Elizabeth is still her precise, business-like, and well-meaning self, though she sometimes confides in me more so than before, when she relaxes a little. It's Aaron who is still a puzzle to me. He still tries to use more brute force when we are in training. When I let him practice on me, his grips are far firmer and he holds them longer than any of the others. His throws of me are also harder. Not enough to cause any problem, but still enough for me to be on my guard and maintain my concern. Something is going on beneath his exterior, but nobody has a clue, and he isn't doing anything that may cause employment problems. I can only wonder. I am beginning to believe that he is letting several of his attitudes combine into one bigger one. He has never seemed to like it that I am more adept and skilled than he is. I can see that in his intensity and drive to learn new techniques. I can also tell that he is upset that now that I am appearing as female, I am still a better practitioner. And now that I am starting to see Jillian again, I can sense his jealousy in his comments. He appears to me, perhaps more so than to the others, as a jealous, misogynist (or possibly homophobic), macho male, which is not a particularly attractive combination. About my involvement with Jillian, that moment in the small gym led to the Wednesday dinner out, which led to the night in her bedroom, or rather suite, as there are several rooms. And an affair of sorts had started. She did explain, "As far as I'm concerned, we are a couple. We don't have to be openly obvious about this, and I may see other guys from time to time, but, sweetie, Chrissy, right now I like being with you. I really like it." And to tell the truth, I really like it, too. In reality, every moment with her, I am tucked and gaffed, so the relationship is basically very lesbian oriented. And they also don't really get in the way of how we please one another in bed. Perhaps she wanted someone with whom to try new possibilities, or someone where she could take on whatever role she felt like, and I would be compliant. It's all so new and fresh to me, that I wouldn't want to resist in the least even if I could. The moments with her are so utterly sensual and fulfilling, I could enjoy them forever. And perhaps what also helps is that we come together like that on the occasional nights, thus making them even more intense. Just before she breaks it off with Ron, she has Elizabeth put in the request to add me to her movie staff as her personal assistant with the requisite pass, which Ron easily obtains. Soon, I am off to the studio with Jillian three or four days a week, rising early and getting to bed late. It's not all fun and games. I am constantly busy, getting things for her, making sure she is satisfied, watching her on the sets, and, of course, reinforcing in her mind, the quality of the care she gets from others. I can see some insecurities almost surface at times, that she had usually kept well hidden. The only saving grace about this is that Jillian does a good job of separating her job from her personal time, so although she does get upset me here and there, it never carries over to life off the set. Sometimes, the thought crosses my mind that she is a far more accomplished 'actor' than others give her credit. However, after the first few days on the set, one of the crew pulls me aside and says, "I'm not sure what you're doing, but Ms. Thomas seems to have settled down a little since you started coming. The studio tried giving her assistants before you, well, none lasted very long." I notice that once in front of the cameras, she has no problem with her lines, her co-stars, the director and his assistants nor getting to the set on time and staying until completion. It's with the preparations that she shows a much shorter temper. One of her 'unusual habits', I guess, to quote Elizabeth. The day for my first surgery is fast approaching, as I get an unexpected call from my brother. "Hello? Oh, hi, Jim. What's up?" "Yes, I'm doing fine...yes, I don't call Mom enough, I just get rather busy." "I know, I know. I promise, I'll call or write or email more often." "No, I am fine...there's nothing wrong...my voice? I guess, maybe a cold coming on." "What?....oh, no!...Is it bad? How is she?...I see...yes, I understand....Oh, okay, I'll see what I can do...um, next Wednesday at the earliest. Will that work?" "Okay, I'll call her today just to talk and see how's she doing, and then I call you back and let you know." Jillian is nearby and overhears, "Is everything okay? Was that about your mother?" "Yes, she went in the hospital earlier today for chest pains, and after tests they found some blockage and put in a stent. She'll be there for another day or so and then coming home. They caught it soon enough, there should be no long term problems, but my brother wants me to come visit and be with her for a while." "Oh, I'm sorry about your mother, that's too bad. Your operation is tomorrow right?" "Yes, that's why I told him I couldn't possibly get there until next Wednesday. He said that should work out as she'll need a day or so of just rest, and there will be a caregiver for her." "Will you be able to travel that soon? Yes, if I take it easy, probably fly first class, and go non-stop. Plus, I won't be doing you any good by staying here for the next week or so. We can recover together." "Does your mother or brother know about you?" "No, there's really been no good time to tell them, so I might as well now. Will it be all right if I take about two weeks off? Will you be all right?" "Chrissy, there's some production issues going on as you might have noticed, so they're cutting back for the next week or so." She takes my hand and asks in a quite sincere manner, "Would your mother accept a houseguest for a few days?" To be continued.