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Pot of Gold I was the Vice-chair of the Board of Directors at the First Church of , and one of its sextons. Those are volunteer positions that basically meant I attended monthly committee meetings, and that I'm one of the people who unlocked the church when there were events and locked it back up afterward. For a short wedding, if I had nothing better to do, I might stay the whole time reading and lock up afterward. But most of the time, I'd drive to the church to unlock everything, go home, and then come back later during clean-up, to check that nothing was damaged and everything is ready for services the next morning and then lock back up. On this particular Saturday, the evening wedding ran late, and the clean- up later. By the time everyone was gone and I was ready to lock up, it was surely past 11PM. I knew my wife would be annoyed or perhaps sympathic when I got home. On my way across the parking lot to my car, I noticed someone laying at the edge of the church property. Great. So I went over to investigate. He was a midget with impressive sideburns wearing a t-shirt for the local university and a backwards facing baseball cap, and he was passed out. He had not been part of the wedding. He smelled strongly of alcohol and vomit, but was still breathing. Great, well, it was part of my job to deal with him before morning services. So I started searching to see if he had vomited anywhere around here. In a nearby bunch of bushes I found it. I was looking for a pool of vomit, but I found a large pot of gold coins, faintly glowing, which began emitting a faint rainbow as soon as I moved aside the branches of the bush. *** I threw a bucket of water on the unconscious leprechaun and he came to with a start. "Hoy, whatdidya do THAT for?" "You can't sleep here. This is church property. There will be people here early in the morning. Also you stink, you must have vomited on yourself at some point." "Oh, uhm, right sorry about that I'll just be moving on then, uhm have a nice night." He started to stroll off nonchalantly, but wove a bit too much to pull it off. He tried to amble past the bush and check it out without drawing attention to that fact, but he did such a bad job of it that the overall effect was more like vaudeville than non-chalance. "Where's my pot of gold!" "Well, someone, left a pot of gold in those bushes as an anonymous donation to the church earlier tonight, perhaps one of the wedding guests. As a church sexton, I collected it and put it somewhere secure." "WHAT! ARGH!" He made inarticulate noises for a while and threw his hat onto the ground and did a little stomping dance on and around it, while trying to calm down. I noticed he had quite odd little boots with storybook looking shoe buckles on them, despite otherwise looking like a half-sized frat bot. Finally he said, "That was MY pot of gold, not someone else's and I did NOT donate it to this church!" "Well, first, do you have any evidence that it was your pot of gold? Tax records perhaps?" "Tax records! Tax records? On a pot of magical gold?" "I thought not. Secondly it is the policy of this church that once it is time to lock up, unattended toys and clothes and miscellaneous items go in the lost and found until the next church yard sale, but that unattended non-perishable food, money or valuables are considered anonymous donations and treated as such. The pot was not on your person, or next to you, it was hidden in a bush, and therefore unattended." "I hid it so that some scutterin' gobshite didn't steal it, if I happened ta pass out from heavy drink!" "Well, if that was your intent, then that plan didn't work out very well for you. But if you really are the former owner of that pot, then on the behalf of the church I thank you for your very generous donation. Although perhaps we can work something out." There was some more inarticulate yelling, and rage dancing, slowly it descended into what I can only assume was heavy swearing in Irish Gaelic. "Work something out? Why I'll just break into your little church and take back what's rightfully mine!" "Well, if you were going to do that you would have just done it, not threatened to. Also I can't help but notice that you passed out after taking only a few steps onto our property. Traditionally, the fair folk don't get along so well with holy ground. I'm betting that your magical powers are greatly diminished without the pot and further greatly diminished on church property. Furthermore, you'd need my keys to get at it, and you don't really know where to look for it. And you're so short, that I'll bet even a regular Joe like me can take you in a straight up fight." I took out my cellphone. "And I can call the cops if you try anything like that. Now are you ready to deal?" He looked pouty. "The gold in that pot can do the church and the community a lot of good, even if we just sell it as gold. I'm not an expert magician, but I'm pretty sure I can use it to do even more good for the church and such by tapping into its magic. But I'll bet you could use it to do even more good than I could, if I had a reason to trust you and we could reach a deal." He still looked pouty. "Tell, you what, I'll go back into the church, make some coffee for both of us. You can have a little time to sober up, and think about what I've said." *** I handed him a cup of coffee and sat down on the sidewalk crosslegged and sipped the coffee in my cup. He said something in a foreign language. "Sorry I don't speak Irish Gaelic." "If you donnae speak Irish, how do you expect to be able to use the coins?" He was calm and thoughtful now. "Well, I know there are spells in magical traditions I'm more familiar with that involve coins, I bet they'd be a lot more powerful if I used these coins. I'll bet I could kloodge up a spell to be powered by the coins even without directly using them. I could probably melt them down or powder them. I suppose with enough time I could even learn basic Irish, and it might be worth the effort to take full advantage of the coins." He sighed. "Yeah some of those might work, but they sure wouldnae be as effective as just having me use the coins fer ya. What kind of deal didya have in mind?" "Well, I thought you could use the coins to do magic for the church and we could pay you a retainer to do so, say 10%, and pay you out of the coins. Of course, you'd have to make some kind of oath I could trust." "10%?! For spending my pot of gold fer you, I'll just get back 10% of what I spend on your behalf?" He paused. "OK, first the coins donnae quite work that way. Each coin represents the limit of what I can do on any one particular topic. If I use the power of the pot of gold to, say, bring more money to your church, one coin worth of magic is the absolute maximum of what the pot can do on that topic. That would bring in a LOT of money for your church, but it would only spend one magic coin." "But you could spend one coin on bringing money to the church, and one coin on improving our building, and one coin on helping Vera Smothers cope with her cancer, or heck even cure it, and one coin ..." "Yeah that's basically how it works. Here, how's this for a counter- proposal, if you give me back the pot of gold I will use its powers ta fulfill your every desire ta the best of its abilities, so long as I get to keep the rest once you are satisfied." "Well, it's the churches', not mine personally ..." He interrupted me, "Thing is, the magic of the coins is based on desire, not words or wishes, like the damn genies. I couldnae use a coin to heal Vera Smothers, because I donnae really care about her; I've never e'en met her. I'd need some real livin' person, with real livin' desires to work the magic. So I cannae really do things on behalf of your little church. It doesnae have desires. It ain't a person. I can fulfill your desires, even things that you want on behalf of the church. If YOU want Vera Smothers healed, and you're here, and I use the coins, that would work, but the magic will be based on what you want. If you donnae really care as much as you think you do, the magic will just fail. If you secretly want her dead, then the magic might help her have a serene, idealized passing with all loose ends wrapped up, but it wonnae cure her." "What if you run out of coins, before I run out of desires?" "Hah! If you can form more genuine, specific desires, on more distinct topics than I have coins in the pot, then I guess I'll have nothing left, and you'll only have MOST of your desires magically fulfilled, or yaknow, partially fulfilled if they are too big for a single coin to accomplish." "OK how can I trust you?" He got solemn, and his voice actually changed, "I hereby swear by all my magic, by my pot of gold, and by my hope of Annwn, that if you give me back the pot of gold, I will use its powers to fulfill your every desire, including desires on behalf of your church, to the best of its abilities, so long as I get to keep the rest of the gold once you're content ..." "Well, uhm, OK then ..." *** I brought out the pot, and the leprechaun eyed it greedily, and grabbed it from me as soon as he could. Then he managed to look a bit sheepish. "You were right in one of your earlier guesses, it probably will work better if we are both off of holy ground while we do this." We walked a little ways down the sidewalk and remained standing. The leprechaun began talking to empty air in Irish Gaelic He said a number of long sentences worth, before he picked up a coin from the pot and tossed it into the air. The coin disappeared with a rainbow burst in midair. Suddenly, and for no clear reason, I felt a very intense desire to be a beautiful young woman who would be so happy with her gender she would never want to be male again. The leprechaun said "Deonaithe" and tossed another coin into the air. This one burst into a shower of gold all over me. Then my perspective shifted downward suddenly and slightly. My center of balance moved too, it was enough to cause me to stumble. I caught myself before I fell, but the near-fall and catch was enough to make my breasts jiggle a bit in my bra, as I recovered my composure. Wait my breasts jiggled? What the f... OH! I was a young woman now. It happened so fast, but it was done and I was actually happy about it, if a bit confused and excited. There was no mirror here on the sidewalk but I mentally examined new self while looking at the parts I could see. My calves and thighs. My clothes had changed too, and I was wearing low heels, a knee-length skirt, and a rather plain short sleeved blouse. My hips and belly. My pussy. My narrower shoulders, and fabulous new breasts. My arms and hands. My bare arms were freckled, and my nails were short and unpolished, but not quite my old masculine nails either. Couldn't get much sense of my face, except that my beard was gone and my glasses weren't, although come to notice it, they weren't quite as strong. I felt my hair, which was short, too short to see any of. Obviously I'd want to explore my new pussy in, erhm, more depth, in private in the near future. Oooh! Apparently that's what the very beginning of getting wet feels like. But I couldn't resist exploring my breasts more fully right then. I cupped a hand under each and lifted them gently. Oh yeah. These were mine and probably always would be. Surely the thrill would wear off soon, (and it did). Regular women don't fondle themselves that often, but then again regular women don't go from zero to C-cup in under 2 seconds either. I couldn't resist rubbing my nipples a bit, the blouse and bra certainly muted the effect but it was undeniably better than nipple contact had been when I was a man. And I was definitely a bit wetter at this point too. I'm not really sure how long I was distracted by exploring my new body. But at some point I noticed that I had a faint but frighteningly clear and detailed desire to spend a good chunk of the rest of my life honing my writing skills so that I could write literature in praise of leprechauns It was important that they be portrayed as tricky rogues who should not be messed with, less they extract terrible, subtle yet humorous, and entirely apt revenge. But they needed to be shown as fundamentally good, if mischievous souls. Charming, far sexier than vampires, far more manly than werewolves, and smarter, more powerful and just generally better in every way than genies. Why in the hell did I want to do that, or even care about pro-leprechaun propaganda? "Deonaithe" the leprechaun tossed another coin into the air which disappeared. Then he grabbed another coin and started yammering away in Irish again. Actually creative writing might be a pretty good career path for the new me, and damn I hadn't noticed before how devilishly handsome this little leprechaun is with his muttonchops and all ... What exactly is going on here? Pull your mind out of the gutter and get back in the game girl! The leprechaun threw this coin into the air and it disappeared. Suddenly I wanted to be a devoted fan of the Chicago Cubs for the rest of my life, and to a lesser extent of Notre Dame. Oh, no. Quickly, before it was too late, I desired as hard as I could to be immune to desire manipulation magic, from here on out to only want the things I genuinely want, and not the things that someone else wants me to want. The leprechaun said "Deonaithe" and threw a coin in the air, it disappeared. Desperately I thought "Fuck the Cubs, man!" HA! I could think that! It worked! The leprechaun was back to long sentences in Irish. This time when he threw the coin in the air it landed back in the pot with a clink rather than disappearing. "What in the hell is going on here little man! You swore an oath to me!" I was yelling, but I even liked the way my new voice sounded. "Did you really think you could steal my gold and get away with it? Did you think you could outwit a leprechaun? I swore to use the pot to fulfill your every desire until you were satisfied. I didnae say I couldnae use the pot to do other things, too, like say change what your desires ARE. I'm gonna give you a bunch of zany desires and fulfill them all as revenge. Then I'm gonna make you, briefly, fully content, and walk away with the rest of my gold. And there is nothing you can do about it! Your life is gonna be a good joke among us leprechauns and a warning to others not the even try to mess with us or our gold. Now prepare to live the rest of your life with a fetish for men wearing elaborate hats!" He said a sentence in Irish and threw the coin into the air, but it landed in the pot again with a clink. "Yeah, that's not how this is gonna go. I desired to be immune to desire-changing magic just after you tried to make me want to be a Cubs fan and just before you fulfilled it, so you actually fulfilled my desire to be immune to desire changing magic. Oh just to show I'm not bluffing, Fuck the Cubs!" He tried a few more times but the coins kept landing back in the pot. "Fine, I guess I've gotten enough revenge already. Good luck in the body of a young woman with no official existence or background. Hope your family takes the news well. Oh and I got in a couple of real doozies before I thought of the Cubs thing. I bet you didn't even notice because you were too absorbed by playing with your new boobs. It's been my experience that nothing distracts a man like turning him into a woman. Now be content with your lot for the next five minutes!" He flipped the coin into the air and it landed back in the pot. "Ah shite, the sudden temporary contentment trick isn't going to work either is it?" "Nope." I tapped my foot. "Let's see what exactly did I swear ... ah hell's bells, I gonna have to do this the hard and expensive way ain't I?" *** He stood there for a least a minute, muttering and looking for some other way out while I glared at him and tapped my foot. "Alright, I guess I have to start granting your actual desires. So what do you want first?" "World peace." "World peace? World peace! I magically turn you into a character in a genre just left of porn, ("What?!" "Never mind") I turn you into a beautiful young woman, a horny beautiful young woman I might add, and you can have literally pretty much anything you want, and what do you ask for first? A glorious sexual romp with the fantasy partner of your choice? No you ask for world peace! What the fook, lass!" "Duty before pleasure. There will be time for fulfilling that kinda desire later. In fact, now I have something to look forward to and get slowly and thoroughly in the mood for, yeah? But right now I want world peace, got it!" "OK, OK, you understand that one coin worth of leprechaun magic isnae gonna make much fookin' difference on the world peace front, right? Big things like that, especially abstract ones, the magic just kinda nudges here and pokes there and looks for subtle ways to help. Its the small scale personal stuff that's really concrete where you can actually see it working" "Fine, fine, one coin worth of magic poking and nudging in the right places to try to bring about world peace then." He said "Deonaithe" (which I later looked up. It just means "granted" in Irish) and threw the coin. It disappeared. "OK next let's see what we can do about climate change ..." We went through a lot of issues I care about this way. Me naming a desire, he grumbling but eventually granting it. When I eventually got around to improving the lives of West African cocoa farmers, he finally blew up. "Look lassy, you donnae really give a shite about the lives of West African cocoa farmers. You've never even met one. It doesnae fookin effect you. You just sorta wish you were the kind of person that cares about stuff like that. It isnae gonna work." "You're wrong. I've eaten chocolate. I like chocolate. But I feel guilty when I eat chocolate because I know that people far away are being raped and sold into slavery to keep my damn chocolate cheap. I'm not perfect, who is, but you think I don't even care? If I don't really care, I only think I do, the coin won't disappear right? So throw it into the air and we'll see." He did, the coin disappeared. This sort of thing went on for some time. I won't say when I finally hit an issue that I didn't really care about, I only thought I did, but it happened. The coin clinked back into the pot. "Fine," I said, "let's turn from the global stage to the national level, I want big corporations to have less power in American politics, and regular Americans to have more ..." As I spent coins freely trying to nudge my nation it the ways I wanted, the leprechaun went slowly from truculent to sullen to grudging to gentle. Eventually he said, "Let me interrupt you there lassie. Havenae you got any desires for yourself?" "I'm not really very good at wanting things for myself." I admitted. "When we were negotiating, I didnae take seriously the possibility that you might actually be able ta run me out of coins, but uhm, now it looks like it might happen." The pot was clearly over half empty at this point. "The magic of the coins really does work best when you have really concrete desires and can imagine them well. You'll do more good in the long run, if you focus on things that are close to you." "OK, lets turn to the community and the church then ..." I won't tell you exactly what I wanted here, because my desires were specific enough that it would give away my old identity and home town, and which church it was. Eventually, these coins became among the most satisfying that I spent. I'll never know exactly what my coin for world peace accomplished, but over the next weeks and months I got to see upclose a lot of the results of coins I spent on the community. But before long, the leprechaun chimed in again. "I'd hate to see your life royally fooked over because you didnae use any coins for yourself. It really is going to be tricky to cope with some of the things I've done to you, even though you're happy about them right now." "I thought the whole point of that was to punish me. Why are you worried about it now?" "Well, I thought you were a thief tryin ta steal my gold, and all that 'donation' and 'doing more good' stuff was just negotiating posture. But you beat me and got all my gold and you still arenae using it for yourself. "I DID steal your gold. I knew it was yours, and I knew that leprechauns were tricky. I knew there was a risk that my life would get all fucked up if I tried to take your gold. But it was just so tempting. It was such an opportunity. I knew I could do sooo much good if I managed to get your magic gold. I knew I'd kick myself for the rest of my life if I didn't try. All I can do now is try to take my punishment like a man, er try to take my punishment with some grace, and do as much good as I can with all the gold. Hell, I've spent decades caring about all kinds of things I felt basically powerless to help and guilty about being on the easy side of, or even of contributing to the problems. Already tonight I've done more good for the world than the rest of my life put together. Tonight I've earned all the food I've eaten, and the fuel I've used. If my life is fucked from here on out, it was STILL worth it." He was quiet for a moment. "Eesh, maybe you did steal it, but you're like some kinda magical Robin Hood, stealing from those with plenty and giving it to those without much. You're making me feel guilty for accumulating so many magic coins in the first place. Look, let's at least spend some on your wife OK?" "How did you know I was married?" "You were wearing a wedding ring before I turned you into a woman." I looked at my feminine hands, no rings. "What happened to it?" "I donnae know, but two women cannae be married in this state can they?" "Crap, what am I gonna do about my wife?" That line sounded really weird in my newly feminine voice. "Well, I could make her a lesbian in love with you, and you could get married again in Massachusetts if you want." There was a pause as I thought about that. "No good, I don't think using magic to make people fall in love is right. I've uhm, messed up that one before, and actually," I blushed, "I don't think I'm a lesbian either." "I could make her a man, and happy to be a man." "No I don't think I could do that intentionally to someone, even though I'm pretty happy with the results of my change at the moment." "I guess, I could make her hate you and be glad to be rid of you ..." "No! No! I''m not sure quite the best way to play all this, but I know I want everyone who loved the old me to keep loving me, and I want to keep loving all the people the old me loved." "Deonaithe" he tossed a coin and it disappeared, and it was fated to be so. "Granted gladly, finally I get ya to ask for something for yourself. But we do still have to figure out what you want on behalf of your wife." I was crying a bit now, but with a little thinking I did now know what I wanted, as hard as it was. "I guess, I guess, ... I want her to believe the truth about what happened to me, and be ultimately OK with it somehow. I want our relationship to adapt to the new realities, so I can still play some role in the life of our kids and for her to find someone else who will be good for her in all the ways that I can't be anymore, but, but not too soon, and, and for her to live happily ever after ..." He was quiet now, "Deonaithe," 1 more coin gone. "You have kids? Man, I meant ta punish you for stealing my gold, but I'm gonna wind up actually hurting your wife and kids more, I suspect. After all, you get a hot young body, and I made it so that you'd be happy being a woman. They just lose a husband and father." He sighed. "What do you want to do about your kids, and I guess the rest of your family." "I want my kids and family and all the people who love me to believe my incredible story, and still be a part of my life, and come to accept the new me, and for our relationships to adapt to the new realities. Er somehow, however the magic can accomplish that, or you know, at least help. I do still want to be part of my kid's lives." "Deonaithe," another coin gone. "What about your new identity, who do you want to be going forward?" "I guess, I guess, ... I want a real legal identity. I suppose I ought to start college again in the fall. I want to major in creative writing. I have this really great idea for a trilogy of books about a girl who falls in with a clan of leprechauns and gets involved with their schemes against the genies. It'll be all soap opera-y and fantastic. Kinda Twilight meets Game of Thrones, only better. But I'm not really ready to write it yet and I know I'm going to need training and practice." The leprechaun suppressed a chuckle. I narrowed my eyes and glared at him and then sighed. "Yes, I was in fact paying attention when you did that one to me. It's what finally tore my attention away from my new breasts actually. But you did get it to stick before I managed to get desire- magic-immunity, so yes now I really do want to work towards writing those books. I suspect suddenly being a woman is not going to be my only problem in the near future." "Yeah, some of those first few coins are going to really mess with ya, OK, OK, Deo ..." "Wait, wait I just got a great idea! My wife is adopted. Can I be her biological sister that just finally tracked her down? It gives me a perfect excuse to suddenly become an important part of her life, without any sexual overtones, and I could be my kids' auntie." "Er, if you were your wife's genetic sister wouldn't that risk genetic problems for your kids?" "No, no, I don't mean to alter the past or change me genetically into her sister. I mean for my legal identity and cover story. As far as the documents one needs to live a normal life are concerned, that's who I'll be." "OK, any preference on a new name?" "I guess, I'm now ... Patricia. Patricia, well whatever the right last name is to be another daughter of at least one of my wife's genetic parents, both maybe if they stuck together long enough for it to work with my new legal age." "Deonaithe" this coin jumped at me and transformed into a large bag around my arm. Kinda a stylish cross between a messenger bag and the kind of cloth bag you would take grocery shopping. I had all kinds of stuff in it. Including a document folder with birth certificate and so on. In my wallet I saw my driver's license. I was Patricia Batterton, and I was 21. "Hmm, that's odd, I feel less than 21, and I said I wanted to start college in the fall. I wonder why I'm not 18 or 19." The leprechaun looked sheepish again. "Oh, well that's because of another important limit on leprechaun magic that I haven't mentioned until now. We cannae do anything that inhibits anyone's desire or ability to get drunk. Believe me, much of our history would be different if we could. I cannae actually make you a legal ID that would interfere with your ability to buy alcohol. Do you want to have some memories of your supposed first 21 years of life as Patricia Batterton?" I had to think about that one a while. "No, I think I want to learn what it means to be a young woman myself first hand, rather than having memories of a life I didn't really live to ruin all the fun of discovery." "OK I've already changed some things about who you are as part of my over-hasty revenge. Is there anything that you would like to change about yourself?" "Oh sure! I wish I was wiser, happier, healthier, more graceful, more charismatic. I wish I didn't feel guilty all the time. I wish ..." "Slow down, slow down, these are pretty different from each other, I'll bet I can get more than one coins' worth of magic here if we are careful ..." "OK, I want to be wiser." Deonaithe. "Happier." "What do you mean?" "Oh more cheerful, more able to see the positive side of things, more able to enjoy my life, that kind of thing" Deonaithe. "I want to be healthy and energetic." Deonaithe. Suddenly my vision went blurry, and it took me a few moments to realize I needed to take off the glasses which I no longer needed. "I'd like to be graceful." "You mean like dancing and moving and such." "Yeah, but socially graceful too." "Aye-Aye, Deonaithe. Hey do you want to be smarter?" "Good lord, no, I'm too smart for my own good already." "If you say so, why don't you ask for the gift of blarney, leprechaun magic is really good at granting that, and I'm sure it will come in handy for you." "I'm not really that fond of lying ..." "Oh blarney is more about bullshitting and telling stories, you want to become a good storyteller right?" "Yeah, OK, I want the gift of blarney." "Deonaithe. How about wealth. Everybody wants to be wealthy, right?" "OK." "Deonaithe." This time the coin clinked back into the pot. I thought about it a little more. "Huh, I guess I don't really want to be wealthy, but ... I think I'd like to be financially secure, try that." Deonaithe, this time the coin disappeared, except that a little piece of it jumped into my bag. I looked inside and there was a new folder. I took it out and glanced at its contents. There was a trust fund that would give Patricia Batterton as fair amount of money every year. Nothing extravagant, but I could afford college without going into debt, and while still pitching in child support. I could write full time afterward without really worrying about the business end of writing for my own maintenance. "I suppose I'm going to want my own bedroom, and there isn't a spare one in our house, er in my ex-wife's house, so I'm going to need a place of my own, ideally one pretty close to my old house so I can still easily help with the kids." "Deonaithe" this time when the coin vanished in a puff of rainbow, a little bit broke off, and floated to my bag. My keys and driver's liscence floated out of the bag. The bit of glowing, floating gold turned into a couple of keys on my keyring and a shower of golden sparks over my bag. The home address on my floating driver's license changed, and I was confident it had changed on my other documents too, as the driver's liscence settled bag into my wallet and bag. There was a pause. I searched my heart and there were no obvious desires left, except maybe silly little trivial ones, or a desire that I wasn't quite ready to face yet ... or oh wait one more. "Uhm, I suppose we better figure out what happens to my old identity, from the point of view of the official world and the cover stories." "I could create a body to have died tragically" suggested the leprechaun. "Nah, all of my loved ones will know the truth, but then be forced to pretend to mourn, and seem like heartless people to others if they can't act out mourning well enough." "We could just say you ran off." "But then the old me looks like he abandoned his wife and kids. I don't want people to think badly of my old ID if I can help it, especially for things I didn't really do." "OK how is this, he disappeared mysteriously, and anyone who presses much gets told the details are classified as a matter of national security." "Nah, that's a cheap cop-out, and besides I did that for my last story." ("What?!" "Oh, never mind.") "Ran off with your gay lover to Mexico, but still send back child support?" "...Maybe ... " I sighed, "That may be the best we can do, but let's keep thinking a bit more." "On tour with a successful band as a minor back-up artist and sending back child support?" "Not bad, not bad ..." I thought about it, "Oh wait, then my wife won't be able to remarry when she finds someone else, unless we mime through a messy divorce." I made a terrible grimace, and hung my head. Sometimes uncovering your own desires just plain hurts. "No, I know what I want. When you can't find an honorable lie, you have to stick as close to the truth as you can. Here's how we play it, I left a deeply apologetic and mysterious note and disappeared. Child support arrives every month. A few months later there is another letter. My old ID has been living full-time as a woman, but only had the courage to do it in a town where no one knew the old me. Now I'm asking for a divorce in preparation for my legal gender re-assignment. The old me looks kinda tragic but not like a total asshole. My ex-wife has an excuse to be closed mouth about it, but looks good when ever she does tell the cover story, and can be free to pursue whoever she wants after a few monthes." "If that's the way you want it, I guess, but the back-up musician plan sounds better to me ... no? OK then Deonaithe." The coin disappeared. "What else do you want?" I looked into the nearly empty pot. "Uhm, I think I can live my new life OK, with what we've already done, but what exactly is going to happen to you if we run out of coins completely?" "Oh donnae worry about me. I could lose all the coins and still be better off than the cocoa farmers of West Africa, or the meth-heads in the local soup kitchen. I have a little bit of leprechaun magic even apart from the pot of gold, and I have several rich relatives I can go mooch off of, if I swallow my pride a bit." "I don't even know your name ... " "oh ... Oh, I'm Fergus Croker of the Monaghan Crokers, sorry I didn't introduce myself properly earlier ma'am." He doffed his baseball cap, and reached up to shake my hand. Even that bit of touching was nice ... "I want you to have something left over if we can arrange it ..." "Well, I did promise to fulfill your every desire to the best of my abilities ... If you still have some desires left and I don't at least try my best to fulfill them, I'll lose all my coins, all my other magic and even my hope of Annwn, so let's not give up prematurely eh? Even if you've covered all the big stuff, any niggling little desires left over? I must confess, I'm kinda enjoying spending my money on you." I blushed. "Well ... " I did have a few trivial desires left over that I got out the way, and we spent some more coins together. My new home will have everything needed for a normal life, but at a crappy enough level that I could enjoy shopping for better later on. But it would already have a good computer, a really great collection of role-playing game stuff, and plenty of high-end booze. I thought I wanted a new moped, but it turns out I actually wanted a motorcycle. (The car I drove to the church disappeared, presumably to support the cover story of my old ID's disappearance.) I didn't know enough about women's clothing to have really good desires there, but it turns out I badly wanted to go clothes shopping with my step mother who knows all about such things, and on another day with my mother. Those are now fated to happen within the next month, and will hopefully help with the awkward new mother-daughter relations. I'll get to visit my brother's house before fall term starts too. "I guess, next I want to know if I need to ask for anything else before I can hold you to have fulfilled your oath to me." " Deonaithe" the coin disappeared. Fergus continued "It occurs to me that when I suggested a glorious sexual romp with a fantasy lover earlier, you said maybe later, rather than no." He was close now and looking up at me. He didn't smell of vomit anymore, more like witch hazel and spice. "I might even be able to help without without spending a coin, if you're amenable to it. If the size difference is an issue, I can help with that temporarily using my own powers." I was shrinking. It took several heartbeats but I was actually a bit shorter than him now, and boy was my heart beating. He was built squat, but he was built, like some kind of miniature Hugh Jackman. God I wanted him. "Surely, you'd like to see what your new body has to offer?" His hands went to my hips and we almost kissed. "You didn't uhm by any chance use any of the early coins to increase my sexually attraction to leprechauns did you?" He took his hands off my hips looked sheepish and then looked away. "Actually, I think one of the details on the writing coin was that you would find leprechauns to be far sexier than vampires, and far manlier than werewolves." "And smarter, more powerful and just generally better in every way than genies, yeah now I remember." My voice actually broke a bit on the next line "Ye*ah, that would certainly explain what I'm feeling right now." As a man, I'd never been this horny without actually continuing, but ... "But that, that, really ruins it," I said, he was looking back and we were still close but not touching. "You actually seem like a pretty decent fellow, despite what you've done to me. But neither of us will ever know if I'm actually attracted to you Fergus, or if it is just your stupid magical mind-control messing with my head and heart, and getting my juices flowing. For that matter, I'll never know if you're really attracted to me, or just need to fulfill your oath, so you don't lose everything. If we have sex now, it will be rape by magic, or rape by coercion, or at least might be for all we know. Besides, I really shouldn't have sex with anyone before I've had a long talk with my wife, or ex-wife or whatever. Even if our marriage is basically already over, I still owe it to her to try to make her understand ..." He turned away, and walked a bit, I began returning to my normal height, well, my new normal height I guess. "I guess part of MY punishment for taking revenge before I really understood, is falling for you and then having to let you walk away because it is the right thing to do." "Yeah, I guess that's part of your punishment. OK, this is what I want, I want you to let me leave tonight, so we don't make a mistake we'll regret. And I want you to give me a couple of months of space to try to get my life in order, without trying to contact me or interfere or anything. And I want you to be free from your oath to me other than that, and then, only if you want to, you can look me up and we can see where we are in our lives at that point and what we want to do then." "Deonaithe," he said, as one last coin vanished. "Good luck with this life I've stuck you with, I think you'll be OK." We both looked into the pot, it was almost empty there were only a few coins left, far less than 10% of the original horde. "Here" he said, taking one. He held it aloft and said a sentence in Irish. It grew a hole and a small chain. "It is a free gift from me to you. Just a little something to remember me by. You can attach it to your key-chain and you'll never lose your keys. And if you ever need something we haven't thought of yet, more than you need a silly little keepsake from me, then you can use it." "Thanks, you know we did a lot of good for a lot of people here tonight working together. Your magic and wealth, and my caring and thoughtfulness made a great combination. We should be proud of what we accomplished for others. I know the thought of the good I accomplished will be a solace to me, as I try to cope with the problems we've caused for myself and the ones dearest to me. I hope the thought of the good we've done helps you too." "Yeah, maybe it will." He took my hand and kissed the back of it. "Maybe I'll see you around." "Yeah, maybe." We stood there for a few moments, then I went to my new motorcycle, donned the new helmet and drove away. *** I didn't go straight home. I went to an all-night coffeehouse. It was pretty late at this point. I bought a danish and put my bag down at a table. I went to the restroom (the womens room actually, little jolt there). I saw myself in the mirror for the first time. I was beautiful, but I was also now strawberry blonde, and quite freckled. The male me had never been attracted to blondes, and wouldn't have been attracted to the new me. Certainly, the new me was more happy with than attracted to my own image. Damn, that was it. I'd been hoping I'd be attracted enough to my new image that it would take my mind off Fergus! I sat in a stall, closed the door and masturbated furiously thinking of Fergus. Stupid fucking magic! Turns out I was quite blonde down below as well, and from then on always thought of my pussy as my own little private pot of gold. I came and came fairly quickly. My first time cuming as a woman should not have been in anger, and should not have been tainted by mind-control and such mixed feelings. I couldn't really savor it, but it was still a release, and it did still clear my head a little. Back at my coffeehouse table, I took out my laptop and used the coffeehouse's wifi. My cellphone wasn't the best way, because my voice had changed. So I sent a Facebook tell to my ex-wife, I knew she'd be checking Facebook while waiting up worried about me. "Sorry locking up the church took so long. I have had an extremely weird night. Please put on a pot of the Uganda Bugisu Gold coffee for both of us. We will need to have a long talk, and will probably be skipping church in the morning. Be home soon. I love you." It was the last time I ever used my old identities' Facebook account. Finis *** This is just a work of fiction, and all the names and events are made up. The story says it is complete, but there will probably be a very short humorous post-script posted to it in a day or two. By Columnaxia, July 2012. I run on something close to the Creative Commons w/attribution position on IP. If you want to re-use or re-post material from this please attribute it to my pseudonym.