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LI-LI LEE By Betty Noone I knew I was gay since I was 12 years old. I pretended to like girls so that my friends would not suspect. One of my best friends was a girl my age from school and it was with her that I was most comfortable with. She knew I was 'different' and she didn't care. We talked about things that girls talked about at that age. But, I knew I was different in other ways as well. My parents are third generation Chinese-Americans. Dad is an import-exporter, and he is on a business trip about one week each month on average. Mom is an assistant librarian at the local library. She says it doesn't pay much but she likes the work and she says we don't need the money with what dad makes. Mom and dad are loving and caring parents. They are both college graduates and quite aware of what is going on around them...even when that includes me. When I was fourteen and a freshman in high school, they took me to a special doctor because it seemed that I was not maturing into puberty. My voice is still soprano. At home when I answer the phone I am always mistaken for mom, and I have to say, 'No, this is Kevin. I'll get mom.'. Dad is average height for a person of Chinese descent, about 5'6". Mom is 5'4" , but I never grew past 5'1 -1/2 inches tall. I am of frail build and weigh just about 100 pounds. I know that there are so many fictional stories about small adults, but this situation concerned my caring parents and they took me to a specialist. After having many hours of examination and tests the doctor could not find any reason as to why I stopped growing, and why I still have not entered puberty. His explanation was that everyone was different and that probably I was just a late starter and somewhere down the line it would be O.K. Human growth hormones was discussed and the doctor strongly recommended against it because of the many adverse side effects. He advocated to let nature take its course. My few male friends soon dropped me as I didn't have the stamina to play sports, and in any case I wasn't much good at it either. When I was with them I pretended to like sports and talk about the different teams but what I really liked but could not reveal to them was that I liked their bodies better. I suspected that mom and dad were aware of my predilection but we never discussed it. Eva was my only friend, but soon she too, found that she preferred to be with her girl-friends more than with me. So, I became a loner. I let my hair grow to about four inches in length so that it framed my face. I had black, silky hair as so many Chinese do. I also had little body hair, and what hair I did have was more like peach fuzz, rather than body hair. With little outside activity, and with getting an education that was important to the Chinese culture, I concentrated on my studies. That kept me busy during the week, and on weekends, I went to the mall, usually by myself. I took in a movie occasionally, but mostly window shopped and hung around. It was a long day, but I got used to it. I loved window shopping the girl's and women's stores. I never thought about wearing female clothing, but somehow I was attracted to them. It was late June while I was gazing at a women's shoe display in the mall, when this man comes up to me and asks me if I was a boy or a girl. I was never asked that before, and it never occurred to me that I might look that girlish. I told him I was a boy, and he said that was the answer he hoped to get. I was getting ready to run, as all kids are told about predators, but instead he hands me a business card and asks that I have my parents contact him. I took the card, and he politely excused himself, saying, that I was to be sure to see that my parents got the card he just handed to me. I said that I would. At dinner that night I gave the card to my parents who chastised me for talking to strangers. I told them it was in the mall with a lot of people around, but they told me that he could have been waiting for me when I got outside. I realized that they were correct and apologized and told them that I would not do it again. The following morning, dad called this guy who asked if he could come by the house that evening as he had a proposition for them. After talking to him, apparently dad was convinced that he was legit and gave him our home address. He said he would come by at 8 PM and dad said that would be okay. His name was Dominic Tortelli and I recognized him as the same guy who gave me his card in the mall, and when he arrived I mentioned that fact to dad. Mom, dad, Mr. Tortelli and me all sat in the family room. He started out by saying that I was an unusual young boy and that he thought that he had a valuable proposition to make.. It turns out that he is the manager of a night club that features female impersonators. He said that because I was a minor there would be problems getting approval from the child protection agencies, but that it could be worked out. Surprisingly, neither dad nor mom seemed shocked by what he proposed. He told us that he felt I would have a part in his show and that it paid very well. Very well, indeed. He said he wanted me to pose as a fourteen year old school girl, in school girl costume. I would have two songs to sing, and there would be two shows a night, only two nights a week. Friday and Saturday. While it was summer and I was on summer vacation, he said that schedule should not interfere with my school work. Dad asked him how much was the pay and he said that for each night I worked I would get $500.00. That the policy of the club was to pay each performer in full at the end of each night. So, working weekends to do four songs over a three hour period , I would be making $1,000.00 a week. Mr. Tortelli explained that if I did it for a couple of years all my future college education costs would be taken care of. He went on to say that he would train me to do my numbers and that the other 'girls' in the revue lip-synced their songs, as I would. I would not get any pay for the rehearsals, but he would pay for the costumes, and any makeup and costs to my being a performer. He also said that since I was a minor, either mom or dad would have to be present at all times while I was at the club. But he also said that he would send a car to pick us up, and see to it that we were safely returned home. Mom and dad both looked at me, wanting to get my reaction. "I never thought about being a girl," I lied. "But it is a lot of money. What if I'm not good at it? What then?" "I don't think that will happen. I know my business, and I know my customers. But what have you got to lose? If it doesn't work you are still Kevin. It is Kevin, isn't it?", he asked. I nodded. Dad told Mr. Tortelli that we would discuss his proposition and let him know. Mr. Tortilli took a contract out from his briefcase and handed it to dad. He told dad that he was welcome to have my dad check him out and to have the contract checked by an attorney. He shook hands with both mom and dad, and tousled my hair and left. Dad said, "A girl? Impersonate a girl? I'm not saying you couldn't do it, but do you want to?" Inside of me, I was saying 'yes, yes.' but was afraid to reveal myself to my parents. But I also realized that if I let this opportunity slip away, it could be gone forever. So, I bit the bullet, and said, "Yes, dad, mom. I would like to try. It is a lot of money." "You know we don't need the money, honey," mother said. "But it would help a lot if your college would be paid for from other sources." "I'll have this guy checked out, and I'll give the contract to our lawyer. We don't have to make a commitment tonight." dad said. We kissed and I went to bed, my heart pounding in excitement. The club was called, "The Pink Stage" and the rumor was it was owned by the mafia. The attorney said that should not worry dad as they run a lot of legitimate businesses and stay within the limits of the law. What the Mafia was good at was making money and not every business they ran was one of muscle. My family and me talked again at dinner, and this time I was more forceful and said that I would really like to try it, if they had no objection. And while money in our home was not a factor, it did play a part in my parent's final decision. So Mr. Tortelli was called, and he sent a car for us to meet at his office, located inside the club. When we arrived we were given a tour. The club was authorized to hold a maximum of 510 customers. There was a small stage with curtains. A bar at one side, and tables and booths taking up the rest of the space. It looked kind of seedy, but dad mentioned that all such places look seedy in the daytime, but become more glamorous at night. Both dad and mom signed the contract, everyone shook hands, and Mr. Tortinni, who now asked to be called "Dom" made arrangements for mom and me to come to the club the following Tuesday at 10 A.M. to start learning my routine and be prepared for my act. I was bouncing for joy on the inside, and tried my best not to appear to excited at my new job. Being summer, I was wearing shorts and a tee, white anklets and sneakers. Mom had on a dress and heels. The driver drove around to the alley of the club and when he pressed the garage door opener, a metal over-size commercial overhead door silently opened, and the car drove in and parked. Dom (Mr. Dom to me) was waiting for mom and me as we got out of the car. There were two people standing alongside Mr. Dom and he introduced them to mom and me. The first was Bud Kelly, who was a combination of song and dance trainer to the cast, pianist, and stage manager. I wasn't sure, but my first impression was that he was also gay. The next person was Mary. She wasn't introduced with a last name. Just Mary. She was the dresser, seamstress, and cosmetician for the cast. We went to the cast's changing room and we were the only ones there. Mr. Dom explained that there were three other entertainers in the cast, besides the master-of-ceremonies. He said he did not want them to know about me until my debut at the club. They were all grownups he said and I was not to get too friendly with them. Mary had me strip to my undershorts and with a tape measure measured every bit of my body including my feet. She also examined my face and hair. I didn't realize it at the time, but she gave approving nods to Mr. Dom as she did so. When she was finished she had me get dressed again, and she left the room. We then went to the stage where Mr. Bud showed me how to stand. For the next hour he played the song, "I enjoy being a girl' on the record player while he showed me how to present myself before an audience. He kept on re-assuring me on my clumsiness that I would get better in time with more rehearsals. So as not to get tired or bored each lesson was no more than one hour. The next hour was teaching me a few basic dance steps. He told me that the next time he would have planned out a routine and we would work on that. I didn't realize that there was so much to being an entertainer. At 11:45 Mr. Dom came back in and said it was time for lunch, and then we had a meeting with the Child Protection Services at City Hall at 1 P.M. We were at a local restaurant during lunch where Mr. Dom explained the reason for the meeting. CPS would have to be convinced, that since I was a minor in a club that served liquor, there were rules he would probably have to follow in order to satisfy them about my well being. First, mom would have to firmly state that either she or dad would be present the entire time I would be at the club. Second, I would only be allowed to work no more than four hours during any work day (night) and finally, while I was performing the bar would be closed and no drinks would be served. Should I ever sit at a table in the audience, there will be no liquor on the table. Period. We were ushered into the office of the manager of CPS and what Mr. Dom predicted was exactly true. Apparently he did his research. Mr. Dom and mom were prepared to accept the conditions, and signed an agreement with CPS agreeing to them. When we left and were outside the CPS building, mom started to say something, and Mr. Dom put his fingers to his lips, indicating to wait. The car and driver was waiting for us at the curb and we were driven back to the club. When we arrived Mary was waiting for us. We went back to the dressing room and my costume was on hangers waiting for me to try on. I first took off my sneakers and socks and put on a pair of white knee highs that went with a pair of brown loafers. I was then told to take off my shirt and shorts and stood there clad only in my undershorts. I prefer to wear briefs instead of boxers. Mary handed me a bra and asked if I knew how to put it on and I shook my head, 'no'. She showed me how to put my arms in, and clasped the ends at my back. It had a small amount of padding in the cups . It took about four times before I was able to attach the clasps in the back, but once I caught on, it was easy from then on. Mary was patient with me. She did mention to Mr. Dom, who was present, that I had the body of a child. I knew I was small but I didn't realize that my body was child-like. Mary handed me a white blouse and I buttoned it. It was of a lighter and silkier material than I ever wore before, even though it was made of cotton. Finally, the skirt. It was a pleated red plaid skirt that came down to about two inches above my knees. When I slipped into the skirt a feeling that I hadn't had before came over me. I didn't feel excited about wearing these clothes, it just felt normal. I was dressed as a fourteen year old Catholic school girl. I was asked to turn around, and then twirl, which I did rather clumsily. Mary spent about fifteen minutes showing me how to twirl, and it pleased me when I finally did it to her satisfaction. She took a comb and parted my hair so that some of it came down across my forehead. I had no makeup on, and while I didn't look all girl, I didn't look like much of a boy, either. Mr. Bud then told us that my stage name would be Li-Li Lee (Pronounced Lee-Lee Lee,and that I should practice being called by that name. Li- Li. I don't know if it has any meaning in the Chinese language, but Li- Li Lee is what I have now become. Mr. Dom said he thought it was musical when my new first and last name were pronounced together. Mary asked mom if she could have us the next day (Wednesday) and probably some of Thursday to continue my preparation. Bud said he would like a couple of hours for more rehearsal as well. Mom agreed. I started to unbutton my blouse to change back to my boy clothes, when Mary said that perhaps I should stay in the skirt to get used to it. I don't know how obvious I was to the others but I quickly agreed. Before we left, Mr. Bud handed me a sheet of paper and on it were the lyrics to the song that I was to sing in my opening number. He said I should memorize it, and that he would teach me how to lip-sync the song as soon as I learned the words. In the car on the way home, after about ten minutes of silence in the car, Mom asked. "You don't object to dressing as a girl, do you?" "I don't mind." "No. Answer me honestly. You must answer me truthfully, you really like it, don't you? I saw it in your face when you put on the skirt." I waited a minute or so before I answered. "I can't explain it, mom. But when I dressed as a girl, it seems like I have always dressed as a girl. It feels natural for me to be wearing what I have on now." And with the tensions and excitements of the day, I began to cry. Mother took me into her arms and hugged me. "Dad and I have suspected this for some time now. We have been so frustrated and unhappy in seeing how unhappy you are. Maybe its time for us,I mean all of us, to be honest with each other. We'll talk about it tonight." Being held in mom's arms against her soft breasts was so comforting to me. I shortly stopped crying, and as the car entered our neighborhood, mom released me, and we sat side by side, each lost in our own thoughts. I then began to read the paper that Mr. Bud gave to me. It was the words to the song, "I enjoy being a girl." I'm a girl, and by me that's only great! I am proud that my silhouette is curvy, That I walk with a sweet and girlish gait With my hips kind of swivelly and swervy. I adore being dressed in something frilly When my date comes to get me at my place. Out I go with my Joe or John or Billy, Like a filly who is ready for the race! When I have a brand new hairdo With my eyelashes all in curl, I float as the clouds on air do, I enjoy being a girl. When men say I'm cute or funny And my teeth aren't teeth but pearl I just lap it up like honey I enjoy being a girl. I flip when a fellow sends me flowers, I drool over dresses made of lace, I talk on the telephone for hours With a pound and a half of cold cream on my face! I'm strictly a female female And my future I hope will be In the home of the brave and free male Who'll enjoy being a guy having a girl..like..me. When men say I'm sweet as candy As around in a dance we whirl, It goes to my head like brandy, I enjoy being a girl. When someone with eyes that smoulder Says he loves ev'ry silken curl That falls on my iv'ry shoulder, I enjoy being a girl. When I hear the complimentary whistle That greets my bikini by the sea, I turn and I glower and bristle, But I happy to know the whistle's meant for me! I'm strictly a female female And my future I hope will be In the home of the brave and free male Who'll enjoy being a guy having a girl...like. me. I began to cry again as I read the lyrics, mom took the paper from my hand and read the words, hugged me, and told me not to worry. Everything will turn out all right. What I didn't find out until many years later, was that Mr.Dom had the car bugged and every conversation in the car was taped and when he heard this tape in the privacy of his office later that day, he smiled and said to himself, "I have a winner." By the time the driver brought us home it was almost five P.M. The driver reminded us that he was to pick us up the next day at 7:30A.M. and he would be waiting for us to come out. Mom was holding my hand when we entered our home and dad was in the foyer waiting for us, having heard the car in the driveway. If he was surprised when he saw me in my school girl outfit, he didn't show it, but said, "My, you certainly don't look like Kevin. You look more like my daughter would look, if I had a daughter." "Would you mind having a daughter, instead of a son?" mom asked dad after giving each other a welcome hug and kiss. "Is that on the menu?" he questioned. "Maybe," mom said. "Go get washed up for dinner, It will be ready in about a half hour," mom said to dad. "Li-Li, please come help me in the kitchen," mom asked me, taking my hand. "Li-Li"? Dad turned around and questioned. "Yes. Li-Li Lee. Dom said that was to be her stage name. "Her?" Is Kevin a 'her' already?" "Yes, Ben. When she is dressed as a girl, she will be referred to as a girl. Look at her. Do you really think the name Kevin is appropriate?" "This is coming at me so fast. I think I will wash up and change out of my suit. I'll be down as soon as I can. I also need a drink. I have to hear what happened today to have made all these changes." "While you're upstairs, take the time to read this", mom said, handing him the lyrics to the song. "Then we'll talk." Mother walked me to the kitchen holding me by the hand all the while. "The lyrics to the song is how you feel, isn't it Li-Li?" "Mom, Li-Li Lee is my stage name. Do you mind if you call me Lily?" "Lily? Why no, sweetheart. You will be my little Lily. Lily Fong. I think I love it." "Me, too mom." When we entered the kitchen, mom sat at the table and patted the chair next to her indicating I was to sit. I tucked my skirt in as I did (I don't even know where I learned to do that.) but forgot to put my knees together. Mother softly corrected me and told me how girls are to hold their knees while sitting. She also corrected my posture..Head up, shoulders back, and back straight. No slumping, sitting on the edge of the chair, not all the way back, and hands in lap. I immediately did as instructed and was aware of how to do it. Mother said, "The lyrics to the song is 'you' isn't it, Lily? You must be honest with me and dad. We will love you no matter how you feel. But it is important for us to know how YOU feel about all of this." I took about a minute before I answered. "Yes, mom. The words to the song is how I feel." "And boys. Do you like boys?" "Yes mom. I knew I liked boys since I was twelve." "Have you ever done anything with a boy?" "Not yet, mom." "Do you masturbate, Lily?" "No mom. I don't think I can. I see all of the other boys with the bulges in the front of their pants, but my pee-pee never gets hard. I sometimes play with it to try to make it grow, but it doesn't." "Don't worry about it, honey. The doctor says you are just a late bloomer. Come, help me to make dinner. A daughter has to learn her way around the kitchen. Slip on this apron so as not to get your pretty clothes soiled. There was little time for mom to complete the dinner, so all I had to do was to set the table. Mom corrected me once or twice as to how to properly set the plates and silverware. I felt so comfortable becoming a daughter. Dad came in the kitchen and made himself a cocktail. Mom doesn't drink liquor, and dad handed her an iced tea. They clinked glasses and we sat at the table. Mom told dad about the events of the day, and that we were to be picked up at 7:30 in the morning but we didn't know what the plans for the day were. That night as went upstairs to get ready for bed, mom followed me upstairs, and handed me one of her nightgowns. "This will be a little big for you, Lily. We'll plan a shopping trip soon and get you your own stuff. Oh, what fun we will have. I really think I missed having a daughter, and I am hoping that I now have one of my own. Come, give your mom a hug and goodnight kiss. We have to be up early in the morning. I will wash your clothes tonight so they will be fresh for tomorrow.. This is how you hang up the skirt. Use the special skirt hanger so that the pleats don't get wrinkled. See?" I put on the nightgown and crawled into my bed, exhausted from the excitement of the day. In one day I went from Kevin to Lily, and my parents seemed to be O.K. with it. What a good day for me. Lily. I love the name. I will love being Lily. I nodded off and was soon sound asleep for the night. Dad was already up by the time mom got me out of bed and into the shower. She handed me my freshly washed bra. I was embarrassed to have mom watch me dress as I was still naked from the shower. "Lily, I know it will take a little time before you become comfortable with every aspect of becoming a girl, and it is only one day since you have started, but women are very comfortable in each other's presence. Even mothers and daughters. So you mustn't be ashamed to be naked in front of me. You must now be careful of doing it in front of boys, however," she said laughingly. "Oh! Mom!" I slipped into my freshly washed panties, and put my arms through my little padded bra. I had no trouble reaching behind and attaching the clasps. The first time I was surprised that the buttons on my blouse were on the other side, (Not the wrong side, just the other side.) but quickly learned to accept it. I pulled my white knee highs on and slipped on my white sneakers. Finally I stepped into my short skirt. Mother brushed my hair down around the sides of my face, and as it was at least two inches long, softened my face quite a bit. Mom held my hand as we walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Dad was already dressed and finishing his coffee, and greeted us warmly. "Well! If it isn't my two beautiful girls." "Do you think I'm beautiful, daddy?" Daddy? Where did that come from ? I never called him 'daddy' before. But he didn't seem to mind, and I thought, that 'daddy' was what he now was to me. "Well, Kevi-, er, um, I mean, Lily. Not exactly beautiful, but kind of pretty. Is that what you want to be, beautiful?" "Yes, daddy. I would like to be beautiful, like mom." With that mother smiled and broke in.. "I can see that Lily has the potential to be a beauty. It has only been one day. Give her some time." I noticed that both parents were referring to me in the female gender without any conscious thought and I liked it. As we left the house, dad was in the garage leaving to go to his office. The driver was waiting for us as we shut the front door at exactly 7:30. It was a half hour drive when he stopped in front of the salon at 8:A.M. Mary was standing outside waiting for us. She greeted us warmly and told me how nice I looked. Mom asked what was going to be done today. Mary said, "We have a four hour makeover for Li-Li. She is going to get extensions in her hair, so that it can be fixed in a pony tail. She will also get her eyebrows shaped and a manicure and pedicure. Most of the time will be putting in the extensions. If the operator cannot finish today then we will have to come back tomorrow. But I am optimistic that we can get it all in. Then we will stop someplace for lunch and at 1 PM I will take you back to the club for more rehearsal with Bud. Did you learn any of the words to the song yet?" "I think I have the first three verses down, but not the whole thing." "Don't worry about it, the more you practice the easier it will get." We entered the shop and I was directed to a chair. I was introduced to the operator, This salon catered to a lot of the entertainer and transgendered people, and had an easy relationship with them. Mary, the operator (Is everyone named Mary?) made me feel comfortable. She put a plastic cape about me, and washed and rinsed my hair thoroughly explaining what she was doing and about to do with each step. Then she dried my hair with a blow drier, and when it was dry, she matched the hair extensions to my real hair, both in texture and color. The color was easy because Chinese hair is always black, and the texture was silky. There were two operators working on my hair, one on each side of my head. At the same time my eyebrows were being plucked into a fine arch. Chinese eyes being different than caucasian eyes, there was little they wanted to do with them. Not even mascara. My finger and toe nails were enameled in blue, and I was told that was the style for girls my age. I was always referred to as Li-Li and as a female. I loved it. Finally, even though I had not much hair on my legs, they shaved the fuzz off of them. Finally, my ears were pierced and large ruby stones were now in my ears. I loved it. Mom was handed a paper on how to care of my ears during the healing period of about six weeks, and mom promised she would see to it. By 11:30 they declared that I was finished. Mary, pulled my hair back from the front and sides of my head, and formed a pony-tail on the top rear of my head, and fixed it in place with a red scrunchy, red to match the color of my skirt. Pink lipstick was applied to my lips, and I was taught how to apply it myself. There was no foundation put on my face as they thought at my age I didn't need it. They wanted me to look fresh and natural. Mother and I were shown how to carefully brush the hair so as not to pull out the knots from the real hair. The effect was amazing. Having long hair in a pony tail made me look so girlish. But there was now a problem. A big problem. It wasn't that I couldn't pass as a girl, I now couldn't pass as a boy! Mom whispered to me "You really are Lily now. You are beautiful, my little daughter. I can see that you are happy, and that makes me happy too. I want you to know that dad is also glad that you are happy, too!? Mom said I was beautiful. My heart was filled with happiness. A feeling that I have not had in some time. The loneliness that I had as Kevin left me. Wherever I went as Lily, people looked at me and smiled. And I always smiled back. I began to smile a lot lately. Mom, Mary and me went to a restaurant. It was so strange, but from the beginning I had no fear of being seen as a girl. It felt so natural. I was Lily (or Li-Li). I remembered my tutoring and sat as a girl of my age should. Mary made several calls on her cell while we ate and by 12:50 we were back at the club in the parking area, where Mr. Dom and Mr. Bud were waiting for us. Mary took us to Mr. Dom's office where there was now a portable metal clothes rack set up, with skirts and blouses hanging from them. They were all the same and were my stage costumes, with spares. There was a small dresser, where spare bras, panties and socks were placed. Plenty of each, all the same color. And instead of sneakers, there were three pair of brown loafers. I was told to take off my sneakers and put on the loafers. In addition to the clothes, Mary handed me a purse and said that like all girls, the purse was for my personal stuff as my skirts had no pockets, and besides, she said, girls don't put stuff in their pockets even if they have them. That is what purses are for. I opened my purse and found that it contained a pink wallet, with my new identification already in it, a pink cell phone, a hanky, and a lipstick. Mary then opened a jewelry box that was on top of the dresser and put a small gold chain about my neck, and a bunch of string-like bangles on my left wrist. It looks crappy, Mary said, but this is what the girls your age are wearing. That is also why you have blue fingernails. You have to be just like the school girls of fourteen. I didn't try to correct her that I was fifteen. At that time Mr. Dom came in and talked to mom and me. He said that from now on, no one is to ever see me except dressed as a girl. That the three other entertainers are adults, and that is why my dressing room will be apart from them and in Mr. Dom's office. I will introduced to them, but it would be best if I had little contact with them. In any case, every time you will be at the club, either your mom or dad will be with you, so you will have company. So now I will have you get out of my office as I have work to do, but go with Dom and he will start teaching you your routine. By the way, you look perfect." I smiled. We went to the stage area, and Mr. Bud put on a tape of the song to have me get familiar with the tune. He played it a couple of times, and then began to show me how to move my mouth and lips in tune to the music. "Can you play that piano, Mr. Bud?" I said referring to an old upright that was in a corner of the stage. "Of course, that's what I play when the girls are doing a dance number. Why?" "I would like to try to sing the song with my natural voice, and not lip-sync it. Do you think that would be all right?" "Let's give it a try." He went over to the piano, pushed it closer to the center of the stage where I was, and asked me to start. As soon as I sang the first line, he stopped me and took some time to find the proper key to match my voice. When he was satisfied, he played a little introduction and then nodded at me to begin. At first my voice was thin as I hadn't sung anything since school music class, (where because of my soprano voice was made to sing while sitting with girls) and by the second line I began to sing in a clear, sweet soprano voice. I sang the first three verses and stopped as I didn't know the rest of the lyrics yet. :Again." Mr. Bud said. And I sang it four times and each time he smiled. He then told mom and me that he never had an entertainer sing without lip-syncing before, and that he wanted to keep my real voice in the act. He said he wanted to keep this a secret from everyone, even Mr. Dom and have it be a surprise when I made my debut. He told me to try to finish learning the rest of the lyrics and I promised that I would. He then showed me how to hold my arms when singing, and how to hold the wi-fi microphone while singing and how to keep smiling while I sang so that I looked happy, I was happy. Finally he showed me a few basic dance steps, crossover, side step, to travel from one side of the stage to the other, while I sang. Not to just stand in front of the stage, but to be animated. And at the last, he showed me how to curtsy. Not a little girl curtsy, but a stage curtsy. One holds one arms out as if praying to God, and then put one leg behind the other and do a little dip. It didn't take long, when Mr. Bud said, "Perfect!" Mr. Bud called Mr. Dom on his cell and shortly Mr. Dom come to the stage and told mom and me, "Tomorrow is Thursday. I really need to have you again tomorrow. You won't be ready to do your act for at least a couple more weeks of rehearsal, but tomorrow morning I want you at the photographers for publicity shots. Then in the afternoon I have scheduled some interview with the press. Your picture will not be shown prior to your debut, but I want to get some publicity about the new act. It will be good for business. I booked a suite at the Marriott so that the environment will be comfortable rather than here at the club. They will ask questions and if you are not comfortable answering some of them, then don't. And Mom, any question about your personal life is taboo. They are not to know where you live, or your real last name. I want your personal life to be your own because I believe that you are going to be a sensation. But I am getting ahead of myself. We'll see." The driver picked mom and me up at 10AM so we had a leisurely morning. Mom showed me how to make the beds and change sheets and pillow cases, and how to run the washing machine and drier. Mary was in the car waiting for us and we drove to the photography studio. There were different poses and shots, and it all took about an hour and a half. Mary did my makeup before the shoot and when mom and I saw the proofs, we were amazed. With the makeup and professional photos, we were looking at pictures of a young female model. Not flashy, but demure. Fresh faced, and natural. I was falling in love with my picture. I smiled and hugged my mom in happiness. At lunch Mom confessed that she was a little hesitant at first about the entire project, but she now sees how I am coming out of my shell and becoming a happy little girl. And mom explained that when a child is happy, it makes the parent happy, too. The interviews at the hotel went well. There were two reporters from different papers and while each tried to get some personal information they stopped trying when it was explained that personal information was off limits, particularly because I am a minor. One reporter wanted proof that I was genetically a boy, and Dom told him that he would have to take his word for it. The following week there appeared in each paper an article as a result of the interviews. They all seemed positive and Mr. Dom said he was pleased with the way things are going. On Saturday, Mom and I found ourselves at the mall. It was to be a day of shopping. Lily was going to become a full time girl and needed clothes. All sorts of clothes. I loved skirts, but also realized that most of the girls my age wore jeans most of the time. So we bought jeans in addition to more skirts. We found that I took a girl's size six. .Dresses, sweaters, baby doll pajamas, shorty nightgowns, more bras and panties, and panty hose. I needed a coat for cool evenings, as shortly it will be fall and the weather will turn cooler. We found a really cute white brushed wool coat with a nipped waist and flared skirt. It came to just above my knees. We bought a raincoat and rain boots. Then we bought out the shoe store. I needed house slippers, and mom had me try on shoes with two inch heels. But being short I wanted some shoes with a three inch heel. Mom didn't think it was appropriate, but I really pressed her, and she relented and I finally wound up with two pair of three inch stilettos. I wobbled a bit when I tried walking in them in the store, but mom said I would get used to them. The car trunk was full by the time we got home at five and put everything away in my room. Mom brought up some plastic garage size garbage bags and took all of my boy stuff and put them into the bags. Mom said it was too late to make dinner and that we should go out to eat. I wore one of my new dresses with two inch sandals, no hose. Dad told me I was pretty and liked my new dress. "We will give them to Good Will first of the week, We have to make room," mom said. You aren't going to want to go back, to being Kevin, are you?" I assured mom that I would not. How could I? There was so much to learn. I learned how to properly cleanse my face from the makeup. Mom had me take bubble baths instead of showers, scented with a light lilac cologne. I now smelled like a girl. And my hair. I loved my hair. Mom brushed it, carefully holding the hair tight where the knots were not to pull them out, and I soon learned how to fix my own hair. I know I spent too much time at the mirror, but mom was patient and let me be. The next two weeks was rehearsals on Tuesday and Wednesday. Never on Thursday as that was the day that the regular cast rehearsed. They knew about the new act, but have yet to meet me, and that was Mr. Dom's wishes. It is now two weeks before Labor Day,and one morning Mom takes me to school where she has an appointment with my school's principal. School starts the day after Labor Day and a decision has to be made. I am no longer Kevin, but Lily, and how will the school react to that? The principal complimented me on my looks before he even knew what mom wanted to meet with him about. When she told him I was Kevin but now Lily, he said that might create some problems. While the laws and the schools' policy were now gender neutral, he couldn't give any assurances as to how some of the students or their parents might react to it. He asked Mom if she graduated from college, and when she told him she had a Masters degree in Library Science, he suggested home schooling. He explained that setting aside a sex-neutral bathroom would not be easy, I might have to use the one in the teacher's lounge. But if she was willing, my mom could be my teacher. I would be tested twice each semester, once at mid-term and once at the final for my final grade which would be awarded by the school. I could take the test with the rest of the class and they would not have to know my real gender. He also said that there was another family in my same grade that inquired about home-schooling and that if mother was interested in taking another girl classmate as a student, it would probably be in the best interests of all concerned. Mother said that she would have to give up her job, but that in the interest of harmony and safety to me, would be willing to do so. The principal said that he would have the teacher's packet for the semester sent to our home and that we could start as soon she I wanted to. He gave mom the name and address of the other family who wanted their girl home schooled, and mom promised to contact them right away. Mom had to write out a check for $65.00 which was what the school charged for the materials. When we left, the principal put his hand on my shoulder, and said I was very pretty. I smiled and thanked him. I smile a lot now. It was the following Saturday when Mrs. Allen and her daughter Amy came to the house to see about joining me in home schooling. Mother had already received the teacher package from the school and after reviewing thought she would have no problem teaching me. I knew Amy slightly during my first semester at High School as we sometimes sat at the same table during lunch time. When she saw me she said, "Kevin?" I smiled at her, and said, "No. I am Lily, now." "Oh. Of course you are. You look so much nicer as Lily than Kevin. I think we will get along just fine." Then she turned to her mother and said, "Kevin, I mean Lily was a classmate with me last semester. He was very shy, but he, er, she, doesn't look shy anymore." Turning to me she said, "Are you shy now, Lily?" I laughed and told her that I really was happy being a girl and that I was to be an entertainer. Mrs. Allen and mom came to an understanding about home schooling and it was decided that Amy would be my classmate. Mrs. Allen had to be convinced about my being Lily, but with mom's patient explanation, she became all right with it. We would study Monday through Fridays from 8AM to 4 PM and any school holiday would be a home school holiday as well. Mother assured Mrs. Allen that the quality of her home schooling would be better than what would be received at the regular school, which was typical of kids who were home schooled. They concentrated more on the curriculum but did lose out on the social aspects of high school life. It all depends on how one looks at it, I would call it an even exchange. For the next two weeks (Except on Thursday when the regular cast rehearsed) I spent working with Mr. Bud on my act, and by the middle of the second week he told Mr. Dom that I was ready.. My first performance would be on the Friday after Labor Day. Mr. Dom said that normally as the newest act I would go on first but because I was tp be a surprise to all, I would be the final act. In the meantime Mary taught me how to put on my stage makeup which was much deeper in color than regular makeup as the stage lights faded your look and the heavier makeup compensated for that. On the Friday of my opening, the driver picked Mom, Dad and me up at 7:30 and we arrived at the club at 8 PM. The first show did not go on until 9 PM and my act, being last did not start until about 9:30, but Dom finally wanted to introduce me to the other girls in the cast. There were three girls and a master of ceremonies. The MC was a female who dressed as a male. She had a whiskey voice which could be mistaken for male. She wore a tuxedo and her hair was cut in a male fashion. She did wear some makeup, but when the stage lights were on it looked like she did not have any on. She called herself "John". Each girl entertainer took on the personality of a movie star. There was Marilyn Monroe, and another was Cher. I met them before they put on their faces and they did not look particularly feminine except for their eyebrows which were plucked. But when I saw them later, I was amazed at the power of make-up,hair, and clothes, as each one now actually looked like the movie star they were pretending to be. These two girls were gay. One was living with a man as a couple, and the other was into short term relationships. The third entertainer was Judy Garland. She was about 5'5" tall, with a slim build, and even without makeup and hair looked like a pretty female. She professed to be 'straight' and married, and said she was only in it for the money. So, the one who said she was straight was the prettiest of the three. My parents and I then went to Mr. Dom's office which is now my private dressing room. I put on my stage makeup, and we watched television to pass the time. Five minutes before I was to go on, Mary came by to get me to get ready to be in the wings to go onstage. Mom and dad, came and stood by in the wings to watch me. When Judy Garland finished her act to applause, the curtains closed. Mr. Bud put out my scenery which consisted of a chair and a fake makeup table. I sat at the chair, the makeup lights surrounding the mirror were turned on low, and there was no actual mirror in the frame. Mr. Dom was standing with my parents in the wings, and when the curtains opened with me sitting at the vanity, he was surprised when Mr. Bud went to the piano and started my number instead of playing a tape. My heart was in my mouth from fear. I momentarily forgot the opening line to the song. I was paralized. Mr. Bud started to play the opening again, and stage whispered to me the first line, "I'm a girl, and by me that's only great." My memory came back and in a thin, scared voice, began to sing in my natural soprano voice. "I'm a girl, and by me that's only great," and by the end of the second line I got up from the vanity, took the mike from its stand and began to belt out my song, holding my hands and moving about as I rehearsed. There are a lot of verses to this song and it took almost eight minutes to finish it. When I was done, I stood in the center of the stage facing my audience, and for two minutes there was complete silence in the room. I thought they didn't like me. But then I heard a rapping. Every person in the audience, the entire 510 ten of them were pounding on the table with their fists and palms to make noise. Then the stood, and stamped their feet to make more noise and then they began to cheer and clap. I was transfixed. I gave my stage curtseys and then the MC came onstage, quieted down the audience and said, to be quiet as I would now do my second number but it would take a few minutes. Mr. Bud and another guy removed the vanity table prop and I came back onstage. To the record of Ravell's Bolero, I began to do a modified strip tease. It took me almost five minutes to unbutton my blouse button by button , and then teasingly took off my blouse. I then pretended to fumble with the clasps of my bra at my back, and teasingly and slowly removed it. As soon as my chest was naked, and the audience could see that I had no breasts and was a boy underneath, the stage lights went to black. Mr. Bud had a pencil flashlight for me to safely run to the wings. He quickly helped me put on my blouse back on and I returned to the stage, now re-lit and took my bows. Again the audience went wild. Finally John, the MC had to come out and escort me off the stage to where Mr. Dom and the other girls were waiting in the wings. The MC called out each girl who took a final bow and then we all held hands as we walked off the stage. Rushing into my parents arms, I exclaimed, "They liked me. They liked me!" "No, darling, they LOVED you. You were a hit." I thought it nice that the other girls in the cast all came over to congratulate me. Mr. Dom said it was a nice touch to seem so scared as a fourteen year old girl should and to keep it in the act. The legal capacity of the club is 510 persons and there was a $25 cover charge for each patron and that each table (and stools at the bar) was reserved. Unless you bought tickets for the second show, at the end of the first show you had to settle your bill and leave, and then the lines of customers outside having tickets for the second show would be allowed to enter. It took time to collect the money, and quickly clean up the tables from the liquor and glasses (No food is served) and get it clean enough for the second show. By 10:30 the doors opened letting the new capacity crowd in. It was a little later than normal, first because my act took almost one half hour and the noisy reception from the audience took time. It was almost midnight before I gave my second performance, and the results were like the first one. By one PM my parents and I were in the car being driven home and I, exhausted from the night and the excitement fell asleep with my head in my mother's lap. Before we left Mr. Dom handed Mom a stuffed envelope of cash as each entertainer got paid in full at the end of each night's performance. Mr. Dom did say that he reported all salaries and that except for the tips that may be extra, tax would have to be paid on the income. Mother had already told Mr. Dom that she had to quit her job and Mr. Dom told her he would think about it. But before this night was over, he told Mom that he would compensate her for her lost salary of $30,000 per year, for as long as I would be working at the club. This made mom happy. She didn't mind giving up her job, but she did mind losing the salary as she used this money for her personal pleasure. It gave her the opportunity to buy what she pleased without putting a drain on the family finances. Mr. Dom's decision made mom happy. By the time the car pulled in our driveway I was sound asleep and dad carried me to my bedroom. Mom undressed me and put a nightgown on me, tucked me into bed, kissed me, and I was out for the night. I slept until 10AM on Saturday morning. Mother suggested that I have a quiet day as I had another full night at the club. She mentioned that Amy called and asked if I wanted to go to the mall, but mom suggested that when I call her back to see if we can go to the mall Sunday instead. I called Amy and we arranged to meet at the mall at noon on Sunday, just in time to eat at the food court. Of course all kids like junk food, and so diid I. The word got out about the sensational new performer (me!) and both performances for the following weekend were completely sold out by noon on Wednesday.. Mother counted the money in the envelope, and instead of $500.00 which was my salary, there was $860.00. A note from Mr. Dom explaining that some of the customers offered additional cash tips, and that the house took off 25% as their cut and the rest was mine. It seems that even though the club is owned by the Mafia, they were honest with their employees. Saturday's nights performance was a repeat of Friday. It seems that the Saturday night crowd were slightly bigger spenders. When Mr. Dom added up the receipts and compared them to previous weekends, he found that ticket sales were up by 12% and that liquor revenue was up by 22%. All in all quite a profitable week end compared to previous ones. He reported the jump in profits to his boss, the mafia capo who was delighted. The capo said he would like to meet me, but Mr. Dom didn't think it was a good idea, at least not yet. I slept until 11 AM on Sunday and had to really rush to get ready to have mom drive me to the mall to meet with Amy. I wore a denim mini- skirt, with a vee neck tee. I had my two inch sandals on with no hose. My hair in my pony tail, and with a little lipstick, I knew I looked cute. Short, but cute. I told mom that I would phone her when I was ready to be picked up, she kissed me, told me to have fun, but to be careful, and off I went. When I saw Amy she was with two other girls, who were her friends. Angela and Cheryl. At first they wouldn't believe when Amy told them about me, but we quickly bonded with each other. The promised, cross my heart and hope to die, promise, that they would tell no-one ,not even their parents, and that I would just be one of the girls. We decided to call ourselves the four mousequetteers and by the end of the day it seems that we knew each other forever. Amy and I started school at home. Mom purchased some desks and a blackboard and made one of the spare bedrooms into a classroom. Mother did not fool around when it came to my (our) education. We studied from 8AM until 4PM each weekday with breaks for lunch and snacks. Because it was one on one tutoring, we really learned the lessons well, and it is true that home schooling is better than class room work. There are no distractions with whispering or fooling around at home as there is during class at school. I worked at the club each Friday and Saturday, and mom opened a bank account where she banked my earnings for my college costs. I was now bringing home an average of $900.00 a night. Much more than the $500.00 a night that was originally discussed. Of course the overage was tips, which apparently the club encouraged. In the meantime the four mousequetteers met at the mall each Sunday. I learned more about being a fifteen year old girl from them than I could have anywhere else. We giggled, we flirted with the boys, and ate junk food. We shopped for clothes and junk jewelry. Bought more earrings than we needed. Because I was the shortest of the girls I began to wear my three inch heels. For the first two weeks the backs of my calves were tender, as well as the arches on my feet. There were a couple of times that during the night I developed cramps in my legs, and I had to waken mom who massaged the muscles until they relaxed. But after a few weeks, wearing heels was second nature and I loved them. Even though I was making a lot of money, it was for college and mom put me on the same kind of allowance that my friends had. And that was fine with me. I did not want to outspend my friends, merely because I could. I learned how to speak with expression in my face, and I learned how to talk with my hands. I laughed and giggled. I learned to wiggle my rear end a little when I walked. Not too much, but just enough. Mom didn't like that part of it, but as long as I didn't overdo it, she was O.K. with it. I spent hours at the mirror playing with my hair. Trying new styles, but I always wound up with my pony tail, as it seems to suit me the best. After a month of spending my waiting time at the club in Mr. Dom's office I asked mom if we could go out into the club just to walk around a bit. She asked Mr. Dom if it would be O.K. and he said he would arrange for a special table for us in between shows, and that one of the security guys would accompany us to see that we weren't disturbed. Mom thought that was a good idea. When I walked out into the club in my school girl costume, holding mom's hand, I was surprised to see all three of the other girls in the cast sitting at different tables talking to the customers. They all had what looked like champagne glasses in front of them. Judy Garland, who said she was straight was sitting in a customers' lap, and it looked like she had her tongue in his ear. Later, mom asked Mr. Dom what was going on, and he explained that was how the girls made extra money. They mingled with the customers in between the shows and ordered costly champagne (which was really ginger ale). They got 30% of the bill that accrued from their time at the table. He said that I could make a lot more money each performance if I would consider sitting with the customers. He made sure to explain to mom, that because I was a juvenile, there would be nothing sexual about it, and with the agreement with Child Protection Services, there would be no liquor served or even be on the table while I was present. He said I could make an extra $200.00 a night by sitting for only fifteen minutes at each table with a maximum of four tables per night. Two each performance so as not to tire me out. Mother said she would talk it over with daddy, and would let him know. By now it was determined that I was not even close to going into puberty by the doctors, and that at the age of 15 1/2 still had the body of a child. He could not give any assurances that things would change. People are different. My voice is still soprano, and while I am now wearing panties with a one inch padding in the hips and buttocks to round out my body a bit, I still looked and sounded like a child. A girl child. After many tests the doctor told us that it seems that I am not producing any testosterone. That my penis and scrotum were very small and underdeveloped. There were no secondary male characteristics evident. My Adams Apple never appeared. The body hair that I do have is children's hair. Peach fuzz. The doctor explained that there was little that could be done about it. Everyone is born different and while my case is not very common, it is not uncommon either. There are lots of people like me. I think he used the term 'asexual'. I have been doing the show for three months now, and great pains have been taken to protect me and my family's identity. One night while being driven home at about 1 A.M. the driver (who I found out later was also assigned to be my bodyguard) said to mom and me, "Do not be alarmed, but there is a car following us. I will not take you directly home for now, but do not be frightened, I will take care of it." He got on his cell phone, made a call. In less than four minutes a police car with lights blazing came behind the following car. Our driver pulled to the curb and turned off the lights, saying "Watch this. It will be interesting." By the time the trailing car stopped it pulled just ahead of where we were parked. Two policemen got out of the squad car, one went to the driver's side to interrogate the driver, and the other cop, with a hammer in his hand proceeded to smash the car's tail lights. We were able to hear the conversation. "Why did you stop me, officer?" "You have broken tail lights. By the way, why are you following that car." "What car, officer?" the driver said handing over his license and insurance papers. The officer determined that it was a reporter from a local TV station who was trying to get a scoop, but the cop told him that this was his lucky day because he was stopped by a policeman instead of someone else. He mentioned that the car belonged to (he said the name of the Mafia Capo and that if it happened it the future no one would be responsible for what could possibly happen to him. Our driver, laughed softly, and whispered to mom, "He's probably shitting in his pants by now. It won't happen again." And it didn't. Apparently Mr Dom has a special relationship with the police department. Mr. Bud had an idea for changing my act for the Christmas show which he thought would delight the customers. Most of whom now have become regulars. For the first time the club began selling monthly memberships, guaranteeing the same seats week after week, with renewals available. at full price. Mr. Bud thought that I could if dressed and coached properly could pass as a 10 year old girl instead of a 14 year old Catholic school girl in pleated skirt. He thought that younger I looked the more the audience would go crazy for it. Mr. Dom said, work out the act, and have Mary design some costumes and let's see how that will work. There was two week vacation from school due at Christmas time, and being home schooled we decided to take the two weeks early in order to go into rehearsal and be ready for the Christmas show which would begin the first Friday in December. My hair was now almost long enough to be without extensions, Instead of extension they installed falls that folded in with my now longish real hair and came down my back. It was combed back and held with a felt Alice band and a large velvet bow on the back of my head, with my hair falling past my shoulders. My dress was a pinafore that buttoned in the back with short puff sleeves and full skirt and starched petticoat. My shoes were now white Mary Janes with short white lacy socks. My skirt was now an inch shorter than before and came to just below mid-thigh. The only make up was a pale lipstick and there was no longer any colored nail polish on my manicured fingers. I wore a little locket around my neck on a small thin gold chain. My purse was changed to a smaller one. I was given a doll to carry and Mr. Bud taught me how to speak and sing in a slightly thinner voice, and to speak very respectfully to the grown-ups. I looked like a ten year old girl. Maybe a little tall for a ten year old, but there it was. Mr. Dom saw to it that a security man who was over six feet one inch tall, would accompany me, and I would hold his hand as a little girl would. This made me look even smaller. The first number would be the same, except that a ten year old girl would be doing it. The lyrics had to be changed to be more fitting to the age I was pretending to be as some of the original lyrics were too adult and suggestive for one as young as me. It was also decided that the strip tease number would not be appropriate and a childish tune was selected for me to sing in my little girl voice. By now I have become a pretty good dancer but it was dumb-ed down by Mr. Bud so that I was a little more clumsy when dancing on stage. It turned out to be a good act and the audiences again went wild every time I appeared on stage. Week after week, the mostly the same audience greeted my act with enthusiasm. You would think they would get tired of seeing the same act over and over again, but they didn't. I met the Capo who was quite polite and never let on that he knew I was a boy underneath, but for the most part he stayed away from the club. By this time I was comfortable sitting in the audience in between shows as it was boring and stifling sitting in my dressing room waiting for time to pass for me to do my final act for the night. Mother, and sometimes dad always was with me. I asked mom for permission to mingle with the customers. I didn't care about the money, but I really wanted to see if I could do it. Mom resisted, but after pressuring her for three weeks and with the assurances from Mr. Dom that he was not about to lose his license so that everything would be legit, I was allowed to be booked for two table visis after the first show. When it was known that I was available, there were forty applications, but only two were selected, and Mr. Dom charged them double the original asking price which they apparently happily agreed to. The first time, I came out, holding my guard's hand and looking so small compared to his height, mother following him. The three of us sat at the table, and I was instructed to always call the customer, "uncle". When we sat down, "uncle" asked if I would like to sit on his lap. I looked at mother, who shook her head, 'no', but I really wanted to. I ignored mom and climbed on 'uncles' lap sitting astride him, putting my arms about his neck. My face was close to his ear, and I whispered, "Would you like me to lick your ear?" I could feel his hard on rising into my butt, and it felt so strong that I had to squirm so as not to get poked by it. I again squirmed my ass a bit so that it stimulated him, and mother said to me, "You better get off him, Li-Li." And I realized that unless I wanted to get soiled I better do just that. At the end of the night, mother found an additional $300.00 in the cash stuffed envelope. In the car on the way home, mother chided me. "Are you pleased with the way you acted tonight? I am disappointed myself." "Mom, you know that someday, and maybe sooner than later, I am going to be with a boy, you know, as a real girl would. I just had to see if I could do it." "Well, in the future, I will agree to your sitting for fifteen minutes at the table, but no more lap-sitting, O.K. Lily?" "Yes ,mom." And with that, I closed my eyes and fell asleep. It was several days later when mom came to my bedroom after dinner as I was combing my hair and she handed me a package. "I found this on the internet, and I think that when you go out with your friends you should wear it. Wear it at all times." I opened the package and it was a flesh colored pair of what at first looked like a vagina. It was a specialty item, very expensive. My little pee-pee went into a little tube that went between my legs, and a fake vagina was built into the front. If one was careful, it would allow penetration of a penis into the fake vagina, and the male would not know the difference. I would not feel anything but the warmth of his body, but I wasn't feeling anything anyway. Mom said that if a boy got too nosey or if I got into a situation that I couldn't control, that wearing this would not let anyone know that I was not a real girl (yet). I put it on and it felt tight at first, but soon conformed to my body, and when I looked at myself in the mirror, saw the vagina of a female. There was nothing to indicate that I was a male, at least down there. It even allowed me to urinate without having to take the garment offf. Of course I still had no breasts, but that didn't bother me