The Journal of Mark Trewidden
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The Journal Of Mark Trewidden 3 free porn video
November 24th 2012
I had a big weepy session with Jen last night. The last straw was wanting
to make love to Jen and my reduced dick would not stay hard for long
enough. It has been a source of embarrassment for me for a while, but
this was the limit.
Jen was lovely, we cuddled until I calmed down and she showed me how
girls can give each other pleasure. I felt happier that I could do
something to make Jen feel good. I gave her a couple of orgasms and she
returned the favour by kissing, cuddling, caressing, playing with my
boobs and my bum. I find that the area behind my reduced dick is quite
sensitive right round to my bum.
What am I going to do? My tits are getting too big for my bras. I will
need a B cup soon, the same as Jen used to. I am starting to look very
odd dressed as a man. Everyone assumes that I am female.
Jen has suggested that I just accept it and dress as a female. Shit.
(Well you are wearing women's underwear full time and women's T shirts
and jeans. - Jen)
November 28th 2012
Bloody research team, they have been as much use as a chocolate tea pot.
They have done nothing to help me in the slightest, but they have managed
to publish a series of papers. I have been kept anonymous, thank god. I
have told them that if anything leaks out, my uncle's law firm will take
them for every penny that they will ever earn.
The latest thing was to contact me and ask me if I would be interested in
having a womb transplant, if a suitable womb became available. They said
that I would be an ideal candidate, with everything else that had
happened. I am sure it was more research kudos for them. They are
useless.
I am seriously thinking of cutting all ties with them, but Jen says that
I still might find them useful at some point.
November 30th 2012
OK, so maybe Jen is right, I am trying to avoid the obvious. I am now
finding my A cup bras too tight and it is not possible to disguise the
fact that I have boobs. I am not even sure that I want to any more. I am
going to need B cup bras before too long, probably now.
My shape is totally female now. My hips are almost as wide as Jen's and
my boobs are not that much smaller. My hair is shorter than Jen's but not
by much. Mine is a mess. Jen said that if I made a slight effort, I would
make an attractive woman. I don't want to be a woman, attractive or not.
I am treated like a woman all the time now. My hands and feet are a bit
bigger than Jen's and I am 5' 9" to her 5' 8". My dick is bloody nearly
useless, I am pissed off and I don't know what to do. My supervisor keeps
asking me what I want to be called.
I have met up with a couple of old friends who both think I am
transgender. My brother thinks that what is happening to me is bloody
hilarious. The rest of the family are OK and supportive, but that is not
much help.
Mum keeps asking me when I am going to get some nice clothes and smarten
myself up. She means women's clothes, of course.
I suppose that I am wearing women's pants and bras so I may as well go
the whole hog. God, where do you even start?
(About time, I will help - Jen)
December 2nd 2012
Had my hair cut and styled today, just a very simple tidy up. I could not
look male now if I tried all day and night. Jen wanted me to get my ears
pierced, but that was a step too far.
We shopped for some more openly female clothes. I bought more underwear,
Jen kept persuading me to get bras that were not basic and functional. I
refused but then found she had bought some anyway. She persuaded me to
get a couple of skirts, some more camisole tops, T shirts, a short
jacket, a couple of scarves, blouses, a bright red raincoat, with a hood,
some nice warm tights, a couple of jumpers, very feminine jeans and more
shoes than I needed. Why would I need any heels? The flat casuals, the
trainers and the ballet flats were fine.
She wanted me to get bracelets and jewellery, but I had no need of that.
Why so much colour, I usually wear blue or brown. If I am going to wear
this stuff, it is going to take a while to work out what goes with what.
When we got home, she suggested that I pick out an outfit and get dressed
as a female. I picked the coloured tights, a flared skirt and the ballet
flats. Jen made me wear one of the fancy bras, that could be seen through
my blouse. Bloody silly buttons, were on the wrong side. I felt a right
idiot.
Jen then turned round and told me to put on my jumper and a jacket,
because we were going out for a drink. She suggested that I put on a
little make up first, no way.
I wasn't going to go, but Jen said that I had to start somewhere. I felt
a right tit.
It wasn't so bad, we had a quiet drink and people mainly ignored us. It
was weird though when a couple of guys stared at me and when I went to
the bar, the barman talked to my tits. I was a bit self conscious of my
voice but I have a high tenor voice anyway and just used a head voice
instead of a chest voice.
Jen kept picking me up on my mannerisms, but I am a bloke, so what. I
suppose I had to start somewhere and it could have been worse. Tomorrow I
go to the uni in my female clothes.
December 9th 2012
I have been wearing female clothes for a week now. It is not too bad.
They are quite comfortable and the tights are nice and warm. I am getting
used to men talking to my chest and checking out my bum. Was I that
bloody obvious when talking to women?
(Yes. -Jen)
I am getting a better hang of what goes with what. I am checking what
other women are wearing as a matter of course. One idea that I have
picked up is to wear a warm dress over tights. You can get away with
contrasting or complementary colours.
The lab have been pestering me to go see them but I am keeping arms
length unless I need them.
I know you are reading this Jen, but I am getting more and more, unhappy
about being unable to satisfy you. I feel a total failure when a dildo
appears. I love the way we can make each other come in different ways,
but I can no longer be the man for you. I dare not say this to your face,
but if you want to live with a real man, I will understand.
(You great big dozy lovely person. I love you and I am very happy to be
with you. I know that I may not be a fully signed up lesbian, but I love
us. If I ever get to the stage where I need a dick, I am quite capable of
using a stud for recreation. You know that I have done it before and
always returned to you. Love you -Jen.)
December 12th 2012
Bloody Christmas parties, Jen wanted to go, but I could see nothing but
difficulty and embarrassment. She persuaded me to go to one last night,
what a bloody disaster. She persuaded me to get a little black dress and
sheer stockings. She also got me to remove hair from legs and pits. I
ended up with my legs and tits on display.
I was daft enough to let her put some eye make up on me and wear one of
her necklaces. I looked as though I was out on the pick up. I looked
ridiculous.
(You looked beautiful - Jen)
I wasn't going to go out, but when I saw what Jen was wearing, I thought
that I better look after her. I nearly froze to death on the way there.
There was a distinct draft between my legs. I was very self conscious
about my boobs being on display.
It was loud and crowded and I was gawped at and groped. I felt that I had
to stay sober for self defence. I enjoyed dancing with Jen but guys
coming up and trying to dance with me made me very uncomfortable. On two
occasions guys had noticeable bulges in their crotches, when they tried
to chat me up, disgusting.
(Why were you looking at their crutches? - Jen)
It just brought it home to me that it is now almost impossible to have a
sensible conversation with a guy. You can see their eyes wandering. I am
still the same person for fucks sake.
No more parties.
(Spoilsport - Jen)
December 15th 2012
I had a big row with Jen today. She told me that I need to face up to the
fact that, to all intents and purposes, I am a woman now. She said that I
should face up to it, embrace it and get on with my life. She said that I
was doing myself no favours becoming a recluse and avoiding contact with
people. She told me that I was becoming a bad tempered misery, snapping
every time anybody treated me like a woman.
She wanted me to go to the party tonight and enjoy being treated as a
woman. I just blew up and had a good rant and then a cry.
Now I am sat in our flat, on my own, late at night while Jen is out
partying, bloody miserable. The mood that she was in when she left, she
is probably in the arms of some stud having glorious sex. I probably
deserve to lose her, but I don't know what to do.
I am physically a woman now except that I still have a cock, sort of, and
I have no vagina. I am even getting a monthly mood swing and it coincides
with Jen's. Thank god that I don't menstruate.
(Lucky you, and no I wasn't shagging anyone. I was tempted though, you
need to face up to who you are now.)
December 26th 2012
It was a good idea to come and stop with Jen's parents for Christmas. We
had a huge family get together yesterday. There were eighteen of us sat
down for Christmas lunch. I had agreed with Jen that I would dress to
look nice, Jen wanted sexy, but that was too far. I even made sure that I
had removed unwanted hair. My hair distribution is now quite female. I
don't have any noticeable beard growth, just a little down.
We had shopped for some dresses to wear over the holiday. For the first
time yesterday, I let Jen put some make up on me, it wasn't too
unpleasant. I suppose it made me look more like a normal young woman.
I had practiced wearing the 1 ? inch heels that we bough a month ago and
coped with them all day. I wore stockings and Jen did something with my
hair. I promised to be a girl for the day. I kept getting called Jen. We
look so alike now. Her boobs are bigger than mine and she exudes
sexiness, but in looks we are similar.
The family were great and treated me as if everything was normal. The
only exception was my eighteen year old cousin John, who seemed to
gravitate towards me all the time. He spent more time than I would have
liked checking me out.
My Christmas presents were exclusively female. I was given clothes, make
up, jewellery and even perfume. Jen bought me some outrageous underwear.
Amongst the presents were some ear rings and after much nagging from Jen,
I have agreed to get my ears pierced.
(At last -Jen)
It has been a fun time. I think that it is the first time that I have
really relaxed since June. I actually felt comfortable in women's clothes
and enjoyed being treated like a daughter by my mum. It is quite a
different relationship.
I found myself included in the women's conversations rather than the
men's. I was quite surprised at how different the conversations are. The
women are much more open, very open at times. I heard things that my
uncles and male cousins would never have told me.
January 1st 2013
We are back in Exeter now, it is late. I think that I have recovered from
my hangover, but I am still processing what happened last night. We both
drank too much and did not get back to Jen's parents until the early
hours.
It was Jen's idea that we went as French maids. I thought the idea was
fine until I realised what she meant. The outfit consisted of high heels,
two inch in my case, excruciating, fish net tights and deep red knickers.
The skirts that we wore barely covered my bum and we wore Basques on top
with a silly little apron and a mob cap.
It took Jen a long time to persuade me, but I had promised that I would
not be a miserable shit and that I would go along with her idea. I felt
completely exposed. My boobs were there on display, they looked as though
they were being presented for inspection. I had been hiding them the best
I could all this time. My nipples were very nearly exposed.
For the first time I was wearing ear rings. It was painful, but I
replaced the studs with a pair of my dangly ones that had been a
Christmas present.
Jen did my hair with much complaint that I should know how to do my own
by now. She also did my make up. When I saw the result I was both shocked
and amused, we were a matching set of sex on legs. I now have a clutch
bag to carry my bits and Jen put what she called a repair kit in there.
The cheeky cow also put a couple of condoms in there. She did say that
the contents of her bag matched mine.
We only had a short walk to the party and set off about nine after
sharing a bottle of wine. When we got to the party it was loud and
crowded. A couple of the people there knew what had happened to me, but
the rest just mistook me for Jen.
We had a couple of drinks and chatted to friends and acquaintances,
mostly female. As the drinks went down the conversation got raunchier and
the dancing got wilder. Well before midnight the dancing started to get a
bit sexier. It was my own fault, Jen and I had been grinding together and
snogging on the dance floor. I worked my way round behind her and started
grinding my groin into her bum, whilst nibbling at her neck and playing
with her boobs, especially the nipples. The basques that we were wearing
did little to cover the nipples and presented our boobs in an outrageous
way.
I was thoroughly enjoying myself and Jen was certainly not complaining.
After more alchohol Jen returned the compliment, nestled behind me. The
pleasure was exchanged several times, more alchohol and a joint added to
the abandon. My boobs had been given much pleasure by Jen.
The midnight hour was approaching as we returned for another smooch on
the dance floor. I felt Jen come up behind me and backed into her, eyes
closed, while she played with my boobs and nibbled my neck. It was
heavenly. It took far too long for me to register that the face nibbling
my neck had a stubble, the groin grinding into my bum had a very hard
member attached to it and, when I opened my eyes, the hands were larger
and stronger that Jen's, but no less expert.
As I registered the difference, I saw Jen in front of me with a large man
doing to her what someone was doing to me. She had a lovely happy smile
on her face and was grinding her bum back at the man.
For a second I froze, but the feeling was so nice, I thought what the
hell and started grinding my bum against whoever it was behind me. I saw
Jen open her eyes, see me and then give me a broad wicked grin. She moved
her hands to hold her partner's to her boobs and ground away.
We had started a wave, most of the couples on the floor were copying the
grind that Jen and I had started. Over the next half hour, to midnight,
there was a continual changing of partners. I was well gone and enjoying
the variety of technique. When midnight chimed, everybody snogged
everybody, regardless of sex.
I am fairly sure that, I am ashamed to say , I got carried away groping
both men and women. I felt several men's erections, albeit through their
clothing. Several of the people disappeared from time to time and
returned looking smug and satisfied. Jen disappeared with one guy before
grabbing me and dragging me off to a room that had others lying amongst
the coats, in the dark. By now my memory is very hazy.
We somehow woke up in our bed, late morning. I still had my basque on,
but no knickers. Jen was completely naked. My hangover was epic. I
remembered kissing and groping, wantonly, randomly and with little care
for gender.
How did I feel about it? Something had clicked in my head. I had felt
female last night, really female, for the first time ever. I had a long
chat with Jen, when we got back to the flat. I wanted to talk about how I
had felt and I wanted to know what she had been doing.
Jen's opinion was that, given what had happened to me and given that the
changes were irreversible, I had no option but to accept being a woman.
Even with corrective surgery and a double mastectomy, I would still look
like a woman and not be able to function as a man. My balls no longer
worked to produce male hormones, my body had changed, my dick no longer
functioned like a proper dick, my prostate had nearly shrunk away. I was
a shadow of a male, but I was a good looking female. She thought that I
should commit that way.
Jen even suggested that, if I was going to be a woman, I should see if it
was possible to go the whole hog. She said that the suggestion of a womb
transplant could open a new life for me. The very least, she said, was
that I should get rid of my shrunken tool and get a vagina. At least I
could have some fun with that. Wow, that was something to think about.
And talking about cocks, she said, it is ages since she had played with a
fully functioning, monster and she felt the need to indulge, and no she
didn't shag him but it had crossed her mind.
I wasn't upset by being female last night. I might have been drunk, but I
did enjoy it. Lots to think about.
Louise
- 13.06.2021
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