Homer loves Mindy simmons
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Present – Jack – At the cabin
We are under attack from what has to be a truck bomb. We begin to shoot the shit out of the truck when Jennifer's crazy assed dog runs toward the truck. In a panic I order, "Make sure you don't shoot Jennifer's dog!"
The furry fucker jumps up on the hood of the truck and begins to bite the hell out of the windshield wipers (which the driver turned on to distract the dog). Then the damn dog continues the attack and somehow works his way into the cab of the truck!
If this wasn't so damn serious it would be funny! The dog must be ripping the driver a new asshole – but all I know is the truck is swerving like crazy and the next thing we know the truck rolls over onto the roof and spills a hell of a load of barrels which break open. I can only assume they contain what looks to be fertilizer and diesel fuel which quickly spill out. I continue my orders, "Make sure you don't set off the diesel fuel."
And I know, thanks to Jennifer's dog, we were spared from a hell of a battle and possibly death. But what about Sharik?
Then a flash of red flies into the AO and I can't believe it as a fucking fox starts dragging Jennifer's crazy dog out of the cab of the destroyed truck. Masha sees it, takes off running towards the truck as I yell, "Where the fuck are you going?"
Present – Glen – At the cabin
The fucking false Marine bastards destroyed the armory tent which also took down the mess tent and the command tent. As Hammer comes up, I notice he's wounded and then realize the medical plane is gone. I see the TSIFFTS semi leave and realize that we need some fucking help - like yesterday!
I pull out my cell phone, start making some calls and I'm shocked...
Present – Mira and Alexi – At the cabin
I formicate an intense pain in my back and order, "Alexi, we must find our sister as she has been gravely injured."
He surprises me when he states, "Yes my sister. I also share a sense of formication, however not as great as yours. Notate sister! There is Todd and he appears to be affecting a repair on someone."
I acquire his extended digit and affirm, "Yes, my amazing brother he is tending to our injured sister."
Then I occulate something which exceedingly angers me...
Present – Todd – At the cabin
I rolled Ira over after she shielded me from Lord knows how many rounds and the explosion. I'm shocked when she has ... Yes I'm sure it's the same one ... It's Mabel's big metal spoon, the same one I shot out of her hands with and arrow, imbedded in her back. I guess body armor, even the best, can only protect from some weapons. The handle end is embedded far too deeply into her back and I'm sure it's struck some vital organs.
I try my best to ignore the battle raging around me as I save Ira's life but it's hard as hell to ignore the bullets...
Present – Alexi and Mira – At the cabin
I can sense the waves of anger emanating from my sister Mira and realize that Todd is being wounded as he attempts to save my other sister Ira ... Something shatters inside me and I can now easily recognize the charlatan Marines. I drop to the ground and begin to rapidly eliminate them.
I am gasted of flabber! Alexi falls to the ground and at first I am concerned he has been wounded, then I hear the report from his rifle and ... He is eliminating the charlatan Marines more quickly than I can aim and fire. This exceeds his present training level and amazes me.
Present – Glen – At the cabin
After I'm amazed at the support I've been offered, I unconsciously drop the phone to my side and let it fall out of my hand! The twin's brother is firing at (what I can only assume and hope are) the fake Marines in rapid succession. They are falling like flies!
I snap out of my daze, grab my loud speaker and begin to announce...
Present – Linus – Rescuing the survivors
I'm working my ass off trying to get injured Marines out of the mess tent which is a fucking disaster. If I never have to deal with a collapsed mess tent again it will be fucking great with me. Hell, you have all the making of a premium fucking disaster movie: Large pots of hot foods, open flames, propane cylinders (yeah I know they're kept outside but that didn't work too well in this case since they were blown right into the fucking mess). Hell, I had three guys that were making sure the valves on the tanks were turned off so they weren't spewing propane into this gruesome mess. Then the poor fuckers that were in line and were covered in scalding hot food. It was hard to tell what was skin and what was meat.
My mind was on Maria. I silently prayed and bargained with God to spare her in the tunnels while I searched like hell for Mabel. I was terrified at what I might find.
Then we all paused as Glen announced over a loud speaker...
Present – Glen – At the cabin
I announced, "You might want to stop fighting and take a moment to hear what is going to happen. We have a company of Army Special Forces headed here from Fort Carson as I speak. There will be boots on the ground in under one hour with the rest of their support rolling in here over the next few days. At that time their commander will declare martial law for this area. All troops still here will need to surrender all their weapons including vehicles and they will ascertain if you are or were U.S. military. If you refuse to submit, you will be an enemy combatant and you will be shot. Now, you can continue fighting if you want, however those of you that do not wish to face full military scrutiny might want to leave."
I waited and watched to see what would transpire...
Present – Zarika and Yasmeen – Held hostage
The ambulance stops at a very nice looking hospital. The doors open, but as I begin to exit the nasty Ms. Hornhead lady says, "Oh no, not you! This is where Yasmeen is going. We are taking you to a halfway house."
I complain, "But Ms. Whorehead..."
She corrects me, "That's Ms. Horning."
I continue, " ... Yasmeen and I must stay together."
Yasmeen further complains, "Yes Ms. Horneyhead, we need to stay together."
The evil lady declares, "Making fun of my name is not a good way to make me your friend. You two are being separated so we can get the truth out of one of you about what is really going on. The one who tells the truth first will get a big reward."
I look Yasmeen in the eyes and I can tell that neither one of us will tell this bad lady anything. I kiss Yasmeen's hand as they take her out of the ambulance, then laugh when she swears (in Farsi), "Kire asbe abi too koonet..."
Put a hippo's cock in your ass.
I cannot believe they think that separating us will get them any information. I will never tell the shithead lady or anyone else any information. I make sure that Zarika knows this as they separate us.
They take me into a very nice room with flowers and I am shocked when the nurse from the medical airplane comes into the room. She smiles and states, "Now isn't this a nice room I've arranged for you?"
I mutter in Farsi, "Kiram too bachegiyaat!"
Fuck your childhood!
I am shocked when she answers in Farsi, "Khafe sho!"
Shut up!
I decide I can have some more fun so I continue the insults...
Ms. Horneyhead continues as we drive away, "Yes, Jasmine is going into a very nice hospital room while you are going into a place where many young girls learn to regret the day they were born. And what she said to me that caused you to laugh must not have been nice."
I reply, "Ms. Whorehead, I have been through and seen more in my fifteen years than you would ever dream of. If you had lived half my life you would still be having nightmares. There is no place that you can put me that will be worse than the place Ben saved me from. Neither I nor Yasmeen will never tell you anything. Oh and if you're wondering, Yasmeen told you to put a hippo cock in your ass. And I agree with her."
She drops me off at a terrible looking building and an equally terrible man takes me inside and says, "First we need to do a full strip search and body cavity examination of you."
However I give them a huge surprise when they try that...
Present – Ben – On the road
Yosemite Sam and I are having a great conversation when she says, "It's a shame to see what's going on at your cabin."
I shrug my shoulders and answer, "Like I said before, I don't watch TV so I don't know what you're talking about."
Fearless Freep adds, "Shit boy, they've been under attack for the past few weeks."
I can't grasp it so I question, "What the fuck! Did the Muslims find the cabin?"
Fearless Freep answers, "Hell, it's not the fucking Muslims, at least I think most of them aren't. It's some Columbian drug lord's private army. He's done about everything nasty to them he could think of. They even burnt down the cabin trying to stop him. Honey turn on the TV and see if you can find a report."
Yosemite Sam turns on the TV, dials up the Truth Network and I can't believe it! From a broadcast recorded earlier, the once beautiful place looks like a fucking war zone. I'm seeing what initially appears to be blue on blue killings. Then I notice Mira and some younger boy appear to be killing selective troops when I realize the targets are pretend Marines. The news announcer comes on, "Sorry for the pre-recorded report, but we have been unable to contact station owner and reporter Liz Morgan who is on the scene. There's an unsubstantiated rumor that she, Jennifer Donaldson and others are currently trapped in tunnels below the cabin. The newest information is the Army is sending in a company of Special Forces and are going to declare martial law in the area..."
I look at Fearless Freep and plead, "How fast can we get to Leadville Colorado?"
He laughs, "Hell, damn fast because we aren't following any of the rules of the road. However, we have to make a quick stop in Albuquerque first."
I begin to complain when Yosemite Sam explains, "Trucker's Angel, there is a person waiting for you there who it is your destiny to meet."
I complain, "I don't the hell know any destiny I need to meet!"
She laughs, "How did you know her name was Destiny and that she is an Indian Shaman who's been waiting for your arrival."
I finally take a close look at the interior of the truck and see the 'signs' I'd missed before: The many dream catchers, the bone whistle, the Indian love flute, the medicine bags they both wore around their necks and the real tribal tattoos.
Ofelia
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