Embarcadero StationEpilogue
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Embarcadero StationChapter 2 free porn video
Sarah Anderson stopped her nervous pacing and looked at the sweeping view of San Francisco Bay from her 20th floor apartment. It was almost noon and a postcard summer day in the Bay Area. She watched a container ship, with a small white splash at its bow, head toward the Golden Gate. She had watched so many of them over the last six months, and each time she wished that she could be on one of them, sailing away from her problems and the memories that haunted her. She didn't know where they were headed, but she knew it had to be better than this velvet prison.
Today was her last day in "The Redwood", an exclusive and very expensive drug and alcohol rehab facility located in a new high rise near the waterfront. There were all the amenities of a five star hotel, including an excellent restaurant, room service, a shopping arcade where you could buy Tiffany or Prada, lushly appointed suites, a twenty-four hour concierge, and a gym and salon that rivaled the fanciest health club. It also had a fully staffed health clinic, and one other detail, you couldn't check out, or even leave for a short while, without your doctor's permission. The Redwood was also incredibly expensive.
Sarah looked around the sun-drenched living room, her eyes coming to rest on her reflection in the large mirror over the fireplace. She saw an attractive tall and slim forty-five year old woman, perfectly dressed in an expensive short sleeve cream silk blouse, and a light peach cotton skirt which came to her knees. Her legs were tanned and toned from the gym and salon and needed no stockings. On her feet was her latest purchase, a pair of outrageously expensive Jimmy Choo high heeled sandals. Her auburn hair fell loosely to her shoulders. She watched herself. Her deep green eyes showed none of the sparkle they had just a few years before. The sadness in them could not be denied.
She knew she would leave without regret, even though this place had helped her sort out her life, which had come to a screeching halt seven months ago when she had tried her best to kill herself. It was an act of desperation and there was no attempt about it. She wanted to end her life, and had it not been for Michael's early arrival ... well she didn't need to think about that. She needed to get on with her life, her life without Michael. With that act she lost the only man she ever loved. No, that wasn't right, she thought. It wasn't the suicide that drove Michael away, but her affair with Greg Moline. It wasn't really an affair. Greg just fucked her, an in exchange she got drugs and the degradation she seemed to crave.
She stopped pacing and sat in one of the leather wingback chairs and stared at the deep blue water, the sun glinting on the almost flat surface. The ship was now almost to the Bridge. She shook her head slowly. The affair wasn't what drove Michael away; it was just the final act that drove a stake through the heart of their marriage.
She and Doctor Willits had been through this several times. Sarah's drug and alcohol abuse, and her refusal to listen to Michael and her children, had turned Sarah into a person she didn't recognize. Instead of the smiling and happy mother, wife, and paralegal at a top law firm in the city, she'd become a screaming harridan who drove everyone away and whose depression and self-loathing caused her to enter into risky and self destructive behavior. No, it wasn't the affair that killed their marriage; it was the two and a half years that preceded it. She drove her husband away with paranoia, unfounded jealously, and withholding of intimacy.
Staring at the water, Sarah reflected as she waited for her daughter. Nicole, her oldest, had stuck by her throughout. She had been of at college at UC Santa Barbara and missed the worst of Sarah's self destruction and abuse. On the other hand, her son Matt spent his high school years ducking her jibes and trying to avoid her drug and alcohol fueled tirades. It seemed like it was only days after he left for college that Sarah started her affair with Greg. Matt's leave-taking had followed an argument where he had finally let her have it. He told her that he was happy to be leaving, and if it was up to him he would never see her again. He berated her for her awful treatment of his father.
"Why do you think he's gone all the time? Do you think he's got a girlfriend? You know better than that. He loves you more than you'll ever realize ... but what you're doing to yourself, and him is destroying your marriage. I'm glad I'm getting out now so I don't have to watch the end of it all."
He said his goodbye so sadly it pierced her heart. She cried for hours after he left, but at that point she was too far gone to help herself. The next day at work, one of the partners, Greg Moline, caught her mood and suggested he had just the thing. The cocaine was, in fact just the thing and all her feelings of depression and loss blew away. Soon she was hooked, and when Greg suggested a way she could earn more drugs by letting him have sex with her, she gladly allowed herself to be escorted to the Hyatt Regency across the street for an afternoon of drug heightened sex. Greg was not a wonderful caring lover like her Michael. He was rough and treated her like a whore. Sarah responded like a wild woman. She convinced herself the sex was the best she ever had, and her rough treatment at the hands of Greg reinforced her sense of self-loathing. She also convinced herself she deserved to be treated like a whore.
Today Nicole was coming to take her to her new home in the East Bay. It was in El Cerrito, just north of Berkeley, on top of a hill. The view of San Francisco Bay was spectacular and the house was on a secluded street. It cost a fortune, but with the money from the sale of the family home, the settlement from the law firm, plus Michael's generous divorce settlement, she didn't have to worry about money. Actually, she would never have to worry about money again. She smiled ruefully. She had never worried much about money after the first few years of marriage as Michael's computer systems consulting business took off. She went back to work simply out or boredom as her children got older. As a paralegal, she felt needed and it gave her a tremendous sense of self worth to be connected to a prestigious San Francisco law firm.
Nicole had graduated the month before and Sarah was able to get permission from Dr. Willits to travel to Santa Barbara for the ceremony. She knew Michael would be there, so she worked hard to look her very best. She dressed in a green silk blouse that accentuated her breasts, a skirt that came just to her knees, and very high heeled sandals that made her tanned legs look even longer. She was pleased to see how her face and figure still turned heads, but she was crushed when she saw the sadness in Michael's eyes as they sat together at the graduation. He was a very handsome man, and he looked younger than his 45 years. He ran and swam, played golf and tennis, and at six-one and perhaps 185 pounds, he exuded a quite take-charge confidence that made him very successful. She was proud to be with him and enjoyed the envious stares she got from other women. It was too bad it was all a sham. She was certain Michael no longer loved her.
How had things come to this? She knew there was little chance of reconciliation. Sadly she knew there would almost certainly be another Mrs. Anderson. Michael was too good a man, and with his blond hair and soft gray eyes he was irresistible. During her drug and alcohol infused days she convinced herself he was having an affair, but she knew now that was only an excuse to cover the guilt of her own transgressions.
At the graduation she managed to hold herself together as they made small talk, despite her inner hurt and feelings of loss. He had been very solicitous as always, as he had been during her recovery, but the love was gone. He had made it clear early on that her betrayal of him and the family made it unlikely they would ever live together again as husband and wife. While she was still in the hospital she begged him to forgive her and give her another chance, but it was like waves crashing against rock. He was so filled with the pain of her betrayal that he couldn't see how that could ever work.
She sat there in an audience of proud parents and relatives with a false smile on her face lost in thought. Soon the final speaker finished and the graduates began to cross the sunny platform to receive their diplomas. When Nicole took hers she held it aloft, and despite everything, Sarah hugged Michael. She was bursting with joy as their oldest child walked down the steps, her smile radiant. Sarah felt Michael yield and hug her back. Her heart leapt, and just as quickly fell, as she felt him stiffen and release her. She continued to smile at their daughter as tears fell. At least for a moment she had felt the old, caring Michael ... the Michael who had loved her for so long. Maybe there was hope.
She and Michael stood and chatted for a little while after the ceremony as they waited for Nicole to reappear. Sarah was surprised to learn that Michael was taking flying lessons. She knew he had always dreamed of being a pilot, and she watched him smile as he talked about the complexities of dealing with the three dimensions of flying. They both seemed relieved when Nicole finally rejoined them. She was bubbling with excitement about the graduation and the fact she was going to start law school in Berkeley in the fall. Sarah was pleased that Nicole was going to be living with her, at least initially.
"I know dad still loves you..." Nicole's voice trailed off as her mother dabbed tear-filled eyes. They drove silently along Highway 1 for a few miles, enjoying the sun and beauty of coastal California as they traveled north to San Francisco.
Sarah looked at her beautiful self assured daughter, trying to picture her in a courtroom. She had height from both parents and her blonde hair from her father. She was a striking young woman. There had always been boys hanging around, but no one ever managed to win her heart. Maybe her parent's troubles made her gun shy.
"Nicole, I know ... and that's what makes it so hard ... seeing him ... being around him on days like today ... days that were always anticipated and were to be filled with love and joy. I see what I've done to him ... seeing him without the love that used to be in his eyes when he looked at me. God, how could I be so stupid!"
"You need to stop beating yourself up. Dr. Willets said you have to give it time ... and you and Dad have to have time to heal."
Sarah had no response. She thought about how the doctor had helped her, but sometimes she sincerely wished her attempt at suicide had succeeded. She knew she could never tell that to Nicole or Dr. Willets. She and Michael did need time to heal, but to what end?
Sarah watched the sky through the open sunroof of her daughter's BMW.
"I loved seeing the two of you together today."
There was a long period of silence before Nicole said,
"Is he still going ahead with the divorce?"
"Yes."
She said it so softly Nicole hardly heard her. They drove in silence for a long time after that. Each lost in her own thoughts.
During their last meeting only a few weeks earlier, Michael had sat next to her on the big couch at her apartment at The Redwood as she cried. They were supposed to be discussing the property settlement. She knew this was the final act of their marriage. The end of their union and the loneliness without Michael filled her with dread. She desperately needed to feel his arms around her one more time, but he just couldn't do it.
Very quietly he said, "Sarah ... you must understand. The hurt and sorrow of these last few years are so ingrained now, that despite how I love you and miss you ... or at least the Sarah I married ... I can't blot that from my mind. You betrayed me, and our family and I won't allow myself to ever be hurt by you again. I know you remember your promise from twenty three years ago ... when you said you'd never hurt me again. You said I was your only love and always had been ... and you were sorry and had been so incredibly stupid to let me get away ... and that you had missed me so terribly ... you promised."
He fled the apartment, but not before she saw the tears.
The chiming of the doorbell brought Sarah's thoughts back to the present. It was time to go and start a new phase in her life. A phase without the man she'd been married to for over twenty years.
"Mrs. Sarah Anderson?"
Sarah was surprised to see a tall, handsome sandy-haired man dressed in a gray suit at her door. She had been expecting Nicole.
"Yes."
He held out an identification wallet, and said,
"I'm special agent Jeff Cameron, FBI. May I come in?"
Sarah just looked at him for a few moments.
"Yes ... come in."
She led him into the living room. She had already talked to police and prosecuting attorneys at length in preparation for her testimony against Greg Modine, but she knew that case was resolved with some kind of plea agreement. She had done her best to put all thoughts of Greg and their affair out of her mind. It really wasn't an affair it was just fucking - trading sex for drugs. It was worse than an affair. A visit from the FBI brought all those memories back. Her stomach knotted.
She flushed as she watched his eyes travel over her body. She had not thought about sex in a pleasurable way for months, but she was appreciative that this handsome man would look at her that way. She quickly quashed those thoughts, feeling guilty all over again. What was wrong with her? Of course, she was now no longer married - so what difference did it make?
"What can I do for you agent Cameron?"
"I'd like to ask you some questions about Greg Modine."
Sarah's stomach knotted tighter just hearing the name.
She quickly sat in the chair by the window, knees weak, suddenly feeling like she'd been struck.
After a few moments she looked up and said,
"Oh, sorry, please have a seat." She gestured toward the large leather covered couch that faced the Bay.
"Mrs. Anderson, are you all right?"
Sarah nodded.
"Please just call me Sarah. I am no longer "Mrs. Anderson"."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll try to be brief."
Sarah waited, feeling a chill in her body.
"Do you recall the last time you saw Mr. Modine?"
Sarah went white and was afraid she was going to lose her breakfast. She clenched her hands as she relived the nightmare that was that Saturday night, when Greg had filled her with cocaine and alcohol, and brought in another partner in the firm and a prostitute. They had fucked her through the night. The next morning she fled for home and tried to kill herself.
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