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Big Hands, Big Feet

The walk back through the tunnels was uneventful. Back in the throne room, Mike had Beth broker a new agreement with the rats. If they wanted to stay, they could, but they needed to close off any tunnels to the outside world that could be used to get in. The rats were hesitant to deny their request, particularly because Tink kept throwing everyone stink eye while holding her club and Mike held Jenny in his arms like a pet.

The doll didn’t reanimate on the way back, but he could feel her cold, sinister presence within. He thought back to what he had seen in her illusory world. He was still rather pissed that he had been seen, cock essentially in hand, by Beth. There was still something so very daunting about her, a mental roadblock that prevented him from feeling entirely like himself when she was around.

Then again, who was he really? He thought back to the dual nature of Jenny and Jane. Was Jenny the product of Jane undergoing centuries of anger and abuse, that poor peasant girl now gone forever? Or was Jenny the facade that Jane wore to justify her actions, a true manifestation of her inner id?

With a tentative agreement to revisit the rats again to establish more rules, they were led back to the home by Reggie. Though he was now the monarch, he seemed to take a small amount of pride in leading them back to the house. If there was any anger over the death of the recent regent, he didn’t detect any.

“Thank you, Reggie.” Beth knelt down to shake his hand. “Let me know if you need anything. Also, if you could fix the locks on the doors, we would appreciate that.”

“It would be my honor, Lady Beth.” The new king gave them a wave and walked back into the secret passage. Mike yawned and looked at the others.

“I’m beat.” He held Jenny out to Beth. “Do you want to take her tonight or should I?”

“I’ll take her. She might want to talk later.” Beth took the doll. “Oh, and here is this.”

She handed over the emerald. It glowed eerily once it was in his hand.

“I’ll lock it up in the Vault.” He had no idea the extent of its powers, but he instantly knew it would be a bad idea to let anybody else mess with it.

“No use Vault.” Tink yawned too, then rubbed her eyes. “Tink find old rat hole in back of Vault. Hide in corner where only doll can fit.”

“I see.” He sighed. That explained how Jenny had gotten out before. “I’ll take it with me, I guess. Hold onto it until the Vault gets properly sealed.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Beth held Jenny out. She looked like she wanted to ask something, but thought better of it. “Well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He watched her walk away. Embarrassing moments in the church aside, she had been a wonderful ally to have on his side. He made a brief visit to the kitchen for a drink, pleased that the others had cleaned up the worst of the mess already. He sucked down a beer that he had hidden from Tink behind the orange juice. The little goblin could as well be a dwarf based on how much booze she could handle.

Tink was already in bed, her club leaning against the side of the frame. Mike checked in with Naia, and she took the emerald from him and promised to keep it safe until the Vault was finished. He yawned while climbing into bed, miserable at how soon the sun was going to rise. Tink rolled over and grabbed his arm and he shifted it at the last second to avoid getting bitten.

He closed his eyes, contemplating the dull green glow of the emerald. He could see it as if it sat before him, mounted on a tiny silver stand.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” He spoke the words, but he hadn’t wanted to say them. It wasn’t his voice either. It was a mix of voices, all feminine.

“I ... I guess?” When he responded, he heard his own voice. At least he would know who said what.

“Take it.”

“Am I asleep?”

The voice laughed. The image of the emerald was now on top of a marble pedestal and he stood in the sideways tower in the sky. He contemplated the world below where it was early morning, could see the movements of cars and trains beneath him. So many people living ordinary lives, unaware that a man living in a magic house was apparently having a nervous breakdown thousands of feet above them.

“Not quite, but close.”

“When I was younger, I used to dream I could fly.” He grabbed the emerald sculpture. It was about the size of a chess piece in his hand, a hand that wasn’t his own. “I loved those dreams because I would fly straight up into the sky. Away from my mother, my problems and other people. In my dreams, it was so peaceful up in the clouds.”

“Congratulations on finding a new piece.” The room swirled around him and he was back in his house. The first floor was clean and untouched. He walked against his will to the room with the large dining table and saw the familiar gameboard from before. The board was larger now, revealing the new addition to the house. He set the emerald down on Naia’s fountain, next to her game piece.

“Every room has its purpose, every monster has its place.” The voice sang these words and withdrew their hand.

“Uh huh.” He experimented with the board like he had before. He touched the back wall of the servant’s quarters. The board shimmered, but instead of changing, a separate game board appeared to the side of his. Standing in the middle of the throne room was a figurine of Reggy, complete with Potatohead glasses and a crown. “This ... this is real, isn’t it?”

The voice just laughed at him. He tried to relax, allowing himself to sink deeper into the vision. He examined the pieces on the board, contemplating them. Off in the corner, he saw a pair of pieces laying inside the lid of a cardboard box. He pulled them out to look.

“Lily and Dana.” Of course. They weren’t on the board because they were traveling. He noticed other shapes on his board, blurry shapes. Those would be creatures he hadn’t discovered yet in rooms he couldn’t find. Frustrated, he tried to examine some of the pieces, but the harder he looked, the blurrier they became.

“So what’s the point in all of this? Am I playing a game?” He was reminded of a movie he caught on TV as a kid. Something to do with the gods using humans as game pieces and sending them out on quests. “Are ... are you god?”

There was no answer. Instead, he noticed a shadow sitting at the other side of the table. It was next to a game board of its own, and the shadow’s ears perked up as it noticed him. It stood up and leaned toward him.

“Oh shit.” He couldn’t make out this new creature, but the absolute malice it radiated washed over him like a heatwave. It had several game pieces of its own on a board that looked like it had a forest along the edges.

“You have been challenged,” the voice warned him.

“Challenged to what?” When he spoke, it was in his own voice. He was back in his bed, Tink clutching his thigh. Early morning light illuminated his bedroom and he groaned. Had he actually fallen asleep? His whole body was stiff as if he hadn’t moved a muscle the entire time he was in bed.

The vision had filled him with a certain level of dread, that shadowy figure regarding him from the other side of the table. Was it a Society member? He let out a loud sigh. He was too tired to give it much thought and briefly considered getting out of bed to go talk to Naia, or Ratu, or anyone who could give him a shove in the right direction. Fatigue sat across him like a heavy fog, pressing him into the comfort of his mattress.

“Fuck it.” He grabbed the edge of a blanket and rolled over, shoving his face into his pillow. Tink stirred, and he jerked his thigh away before she could bite it. Unless the world was currently ending, he was going to sleep in.

It was nearly noon when he walked outside. He held a cup of coffee and wore a pair of sunglasses. He went immediately to the sundial and gave it a good turn, then looked up. He had expected to see Sebastien standing there, but was surprised to see a dark skinned man in a fancy suit.

Amir. This was the head of the Society, standing right on the edge of his property, a false grin plastered across his face. He fiddled with a rather ornate ring on his finger, then put his hands behind his back. This was the first time anyone other than Sebastien had been on watch.

“Mr. Radley.” Amir smiled. “I guess the reports of your journeys are ... inaccurate.”

“Come again?” Mike only walked close enough to hear better. Amir, according to Lily, was one of the most powerful mages currently alive. To Mike, he looked more like an expensive car salesman.

“For several hours, a locator spell I cast with your name pinged in an overgrown region of South America. I sent many of the others to capture you, but we lost your location hours ago. Naturally, I came here myself to check on the situation.” Amir folded his fingers into a gun and a black and purple bolt ripped toward Mike. It struck an invisible barrier at the property line and scattered outward. “Can’t blame a man for trying. Anyways, I had hoped to be waiting for your eventual return so I could kill you.”

“Your locator spell is broken.” Mike sipped at his coffee. “Clearly I am still here and haven’t left.”

“Or clearly you have returned. You are a man of many mysteries, Mr. Radley.”

“Yeah.” He turned away from Amir, then paused and turned back. “Any luck finding your succubus?”

Amir’s features flinched. “She has been rather elusive, but I am a patient man. I have lived countless centuries and will undoubtedly live countless more. That is why I have decided that I no longer care about gaining your cooperation. It would be far easier to kill you and whoever shows up to claim your inheritance. If I do this enough times, eventually someone will sell me this place.”

“It’s a shame you have all the time in the world, yet you spend it being a huge douchebag.”

“That is a matter of perspective.” Amir’s smile reappeared. “As the wind wears down the mountain, I too shall see this through.”

“Uh huh.” The way Amir was looking at him now, he knew that he should be terrified. In a way, his death certificate had already been signed by the man. However, he had slept poorly and was officially too grumpy to care. “Anything else you have to say to me? I’m pretty busy these days. Found a dragon in the basement, I’m having him neutered so he quits humping the washing machine. Leaves terrible stains on all my clothes.”

“You have a dragon?” A look of disbelief crossed the man’s face. Mike ignored the man and walked back to his door. He stopped long enough to stare at the swing, wondering how long Cecilia would be gone. At the thought of her departure, his mood darkened.

In the early afternoon, a moving truck arrived. It was all the items from New Castle. He had them dropped off on the driveway and tipped the movers well. Beth came out with her list and verified that each item had, in fact, been returned.

The fairies helped him sort the items into magical and non-magical piles. Surprisingly enough, most of the items were non-magical. These Mike used to re-furnish the second floor with help from Sofia and Beth. The rats had unblocked the remaining doorways and closed up a couple of the portals already.

Tink spent her evening and the following morning in the Vault. When she came up for breakfast, she was muttering under her breath, her face and arms covered in soot. Between inhaling her eggos, she mumbled something about a magical item that had blown up in her face and had gone back down to the basement wearing a thick apron and heavy gloves. The Vault was eventually declared repaired before Tink flopped down on Mike’s bed and slept for nearly fourteen hours straight.

He expected to have another dream about the game board, but it never came. Cecilia still hadn’t returned, but Sofia assured him that many death myths claimed a personal escort could take time, especially when they were troublesome spirits that didn’t want to go.

Somehow, it didn’t help him feel better. He used his nervous energy to help Reggie transform the servant’s quarters into a sitting room. They had both agreed it would be more pleasant than storming into the throne room whenever they wanted to talk. To his credit, Reggie had some of the rats participate in cleaning up, and they even gave Beth an old, beat up doll house meant to be a temporary replacement for Jenny.

The doll hadn’t moved since they returned, but Beth assured him that Jenny’s weird little outburst had worn her out. He was happy to hear that the two of them were at least talking and that the grumpy ghost was okay. He cleaned up the doll house and Beth convinced Jenny to accept it until Tink could build her a better one.

Ratu had taken the gem to the Labyrinth for study and hadn’t been seen since. Utilizing the fairy messaging system, she informed him that the emerald had her thoroughly stumped. The magic it contained wasn’t easily catalogued and she couldn’t get it to replicate the effect of animating furniture.

Another day passed without answers or Cecilia. Mike turned the sundial the next morning, ignoring the figure in white who watched him from the sidewalk. They were able to repair damage to the first floor and Jenny’s new dollhouse was rebuilt and waiting for her. The rats agreed to avoid the front room, not as a punishment, but because everyone feared Jenny would kill one on sight.

Sitting at the large table in the dining room, Mike was busy clicking through websites on his laptop. He had sent out final emails this morning to his few remaining clients with references for other webmasters he recommended. He had thought to hold onto some semblance of his old life, but he had come to terms with the fact that he found no joy in working for others, nor did he have the time. He had ordered replacement plates and silverware for what the poltergeists had broken and had gotten some new furniture for the front room. Tink, Sofia, and Abella had worked to repair the table, but it still had several large cracks where it had broken apart.

Beth sat across from him, her nose buried in one of the Harry Potter novels. An abandoned crumpet was on the paper plate in front of her and she stirred occasionally at a large cup of tea.

The sound of scrambling claws announced Reggie’s arrival. For whatever reason, he had started showing up for meals. At first, Mike had found the rat’s continued presence annoying. However, after a couple of days, he realized that Reggie was a lot like he was. The rat had only been a mouthpiece for so many years that he had had no confidence or hopes of advancing his lot. Now, however, he had been given a chance to shine by the very people who would be his enemies and seemed determined to develop that relationship.

“Lord Mike. Lady Beth.” He had to sit in a booster seat Tink had built for him, his paws folded politely.

“Good morning,” Beth told him, then slid over her crumpet. Reggie broke off a piece and stuffed it in his mouth.

“How’s the kingdom?” Mike pushed over the rest of his omelet. Sofia was still sore about the mess they had made of the Library, so he and Beth had started sneaking him her cooking.

“We are doing well. We have rebuilt part of the warrens and moved our living quarters around. Now that we can move around, we were offered refuge down in portions of the Labyrinth.

“Really? Ratu was okay with that?”

The Rat King nodded. “We have built a series of portals through the maze that allow us to check her traps for her. She also had us build her some shortcuts through the Labyrinth so that she could get here faster. Sir Asterion was not a fan of this, but she placated him with something called ... time off?”

When Reggie said time off, Mike caught Beth grinning.

“He doesn’t have to be in the Labyrinth all the time anymore,” she explained. “He’s been allowed to come up and visit the garden. We actually had a nice walk in the greenhouse yesterday. We found a great little waterfall and had some lunch there.”

“Yeah. There’s a couple good ones there.” A chuckle escaped his lips. He hadn’t really thought of the greenhouse as a place to go for a pleasant walk. Since he was on permanent house arrest, it was likely that he would be doing that fairly soon. “Actually, Reggie, the greenhouse might not be a bad place for your people to look for potential homes. I don’t know how big it is, but other than a few extremely dangerous plants, nothing else lives there.” At least, that was what Zel had told him.

“We prefer our comforts to be made of wood. Unless you are offering to build us homes, we will stick with our current domiciles.”

“Of course.” He drank some more coffee and contemplated his computer screen. He felt like he had a million other things he should be doing right now and couldn’t focus on any of them as a result. He excused himself from the table and wandered the house, peeking into random rooms.

Zel sat in the front room next to Jenny’s dollhouse. She was reading a book on herbs that she had borrowed from Sofia. Every couple of seconds, she would scribble furiously in her notebook. She still hadn’t reverted and was taking advantage of being able to walk around the house without destroying the floor.

Out front, Abella was having a spirited game of tag with the fairies up above the sundial. She moved surprisingly fast, snatching Cerulea out of the air with her feet. Carmina and Olivia laughed, racing in circles around her. Out on the sidewalk, Sebastien watched with interest. Mike suspected that any Society members involved in the battle on his front lawn could now see everyone who had been involved, and this confirmed it. They were a potential thorn in his side that would never go away unless he did something.

Like usual, he had no idea what that something was.

Tink was busy fixing up the office, so he left her to it and walked up the stairs to his room. He took off his clothes and climbed into his bath, the water rapidly drawn at the perfect temperature for him.

“Rough morning, lover?” The water folded around him when he lay down in the tub, becoming her arms and legs.

“Maybe. I don’t know. Feel like I have a lot on my mind, but i can’t pinpoint it.”

“I think it’s your brain decompressing. You’ve done an impressive amount since moving in and, as of right now, you aren’t fighting for survival.”

“That’s just it. I feel like I am, somehow. I’m in a dark alley and am about to get robbed, or something.” He reached up and played with her hair. “And the strange vision I had keeps bothering me.”

“The one with the game pieces?” He had told Naia about it the next day. She had no idea what the vision had been.

“Yeah. There’s a challenger. But now what? Is someone going to show up on my front lawn and try to fight me? Or will it be like Lily and someone will try to kill me in my sleep? And I’m worried about Cecilia, and Lily, and even Dana.” He took a deep breath and let it all out at once. “I’m also worried about what Emily was hiding.”

“You’re welcome to look with me.” Naia’s hands squeezed his shoulders. “Where should we start?”

He wanted to ask about the emerald, the magic items she had collected, why she erased the second floor of her house. But Emily was smart enough to make sure that anything connected to those things would have been part of the wipe.

It suddenly occurred to him.

“I’ve been focusing on the outcome far too much,” he said. “Why she did certain things. But something must have given her those ideas, right? I mean, she didn’t just randomly decide to go look up some magic rats that could help her steal the Holy Grail or something like that. Whatever her goal, she based her path on knowledge she came by.” Or at least he hoped she did.

“So what do you want to see?” Naia asked.

“Memories about portals. Learning what they are, and how they work. I want to see that.”

Naia leaned over him, her lips finding his,

Then let’s begin.

Emily pulled her Chevy Impala onto the side of the road. The small hunting trail was nearly invisible from the road, and she wouldn’t have seen it either. The tiny yellow fairy sitting on her shoulder had tugged on her ear, indicating that she had detected magic.

“Are you sure?” Emily asked. There was nobody else around, so Daisy hopped onto the dashboard, her hands on her hips. The small creature went through a series of hand signs.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry.” She set the brake and turned off the engine. Emily knew better than to doubt Daisy’s tracking ability; she just didn’t feel like hiking through the thick brush so soon. When she got out, the wind caught her head scarf, whipping the ends free over her shoulder. She tucked her hair back into place, and Daisy squeezed back in to her hiding spot just beneath Emily’s ear.

It had been a long flight, and the clock was ticking. The sundial was good for only thirty more hours, which was cutting it close. She gazed up into the woods and let out a heavy sigh. She hated being away from the house for very long. While Abella had assured her that nobody had tried to break in since the late 1800s, she always worried about what might happen if someone did and she wasn’t home to activate the sundial.

On the other hand, she also needed to make the house bigger. It was key to solving the home’s mystery, and the only way to do that was to offer up her home as a sanctuary. Unfortunately, magical creatures were becoming increasingly hard to come by. The arachne she had discovered in Utah certainly wasn’t coming anytime soon.

However, she had been tracking any details on this particular quarry for decades now. His territory was impossibly large, and she wouldn’t have bothered if not for rumors that a couple guys had finally caught it on tape. She had seen it for herself and decided to take action. It didn’t matter that she was now over a hundred miles north of where it had been spotted. Based on her estimates, the creature could somehow travel a thousand miles a day with little problem.

That was assuming it was the same creature, of course. She had already visited the spot where it had been filmed and planted an enchanted stone beneath the soil. This would ensure that anybody trying to visit the same location would get lost or turned away somehow, thus hiding the creature’s last known trail. That was yesterday afternoon, and since then, Daisy had been tracking the creature using a locator spell, some hair she had found, and a map inside of the car. Once they were close enough, they no longer needed the map, and Emily had to drive incredibly fast just to keep up with the creature’s strides. An hour ago, it had been fifty miles to the south.

She slid the rental car keys into her pocket and they started walking. Her thick soled shoes were perfect for hiking, but the trail rapidly diminished. She found herself fighting to make it through the thick brush around the edges of the forest.

It was a sunny day, but the forest canopy kept her in the shade. She whistled quietly to herself, wishing she could listen to music while she walked. She certainly enjoyed listening to her turntable or the radio at home. Her happy tune began to sputter out as the trail steadily became more difficult. She could duck under branches, but the thicket was too massive to push through. She took enormous detours just to get around, stepping off of the trail to get to her destination.

Branches snatched at her clothing, tugging free her scarf. Grumbling to herself, she had to free herself numerous times from the thick vegetation. She was so caught up in keeping her clothes from ripping that she stumbled into a clearing backwards, turning around to kick a root free of her leg.

There he sat, his dark brown fur tangled up in knots. He had built a fire to cook some fish, several of them spitted over the flames. He was tossing some sort of herbs over them when she stepped out of the bushes. He sat up, his eyes already level with Emily. The skin of his face was dark, the hair growing around the outside of it. His dark eyes were kind, and he had several braids in his fur held together by string, ribbon and leaves.

“It’s about time you got here,” he said, his voice rumbling. “I was afraid you were lost.”

“I ... um...” She had expected a lot of things, but not this. “You’re cooking?”

“Even Bigfoot gets hungry.” He used one of his enormous feet to push a small boulder toward her. “Come. Have a seat.”

“This is not at all what I expected.” She sat down by the fire. The smoke of the flames sought her out immediately, then bent away at the last second. She would tolerate a lot of things from nature, but smoke in her eyes was not one of them.

“I could say the same about you. You carry yourself with confidence through these woods, yet you appear as a fragile beauty.” Bigfoot smirked, scratching his cheek with a giant finger.

“You looked a lot bigger on film,” Emily said, frowning.

“The camera adds fifteen pounds.” Bigfoot lifted one of his fish off the fire. “You hungry? You look hungry.”

“No, but...”

He handed over the fish, and she took it.

Up close, the trout smelled amazing and her stomach growled in anticipation. “I’m not here to eat your food.”

“That one is for you. Figured you might be hungry after chasing me all morning.” He winked and picked up the second stake with two fish on it. “Besides, I should probably eat less. That video wasn’t very flattering.”

She stared in disbelief. “You knew I was tracking you?”

“Yep. I have very keen senses. The sound and smell of your car are distinct, and the fact that they kept getting closer told me I was being pursued. I waited to see if you were friend or foe.”

“And what would you have done if I was foe?”

Bigfoot stood up and casually sunk his fingers into the giant rock he had been sitting on. He pulled it straight out of the ground, the earth parting like sand. The boulder was easily the size of a trashcan and he hurled it with very little effort across the clearing where it crushed the trunk of a tree. It was clearly some form of elemental magic, and just as clearly casually induced.

“Christ.” She looked at the broken tree and then down at the fish. She ripped a piece of flesh off and ate it. It had been seasoned with something sweet and lemony. “This is very good.”

“Thank you. I pride myself on my cooking.”

“Forgive me though, if I may ask. If Bigfoot are so good at hiding and can detect people from miles away, how did you get caught on video?”

“Oh. That.” He sighed, momentarily lowering his fish. “The forest protects me in many ways. I am rarely seen, and even when I am, I have magic which can disguise me in plain sight, even when I’m moving. But even though the magic is automatic, I can find myself in a position where my faculties are, um, not as effective.”

“Such as?”

He rolled his eyes. “I often like to incorporate floral delicacies into my meals. I found an interesting little hybrid that I thought would compliment my meal that evening. I made a wonderful little meal of it, put it in my salad, cooked it with some rabbit. Tasted phenomenal. About an hour later, I thought I was lost in the desert and a fucking cactus was trying to sell me an automobile.”

“Wait, you got high?”

“Yeah, I was pretty messed up. There are so many plants out here with medicinal properties, and I am usually so careful. This one was pretty bad though. When I saw those guys, I was convinced they were judgmental mushrooms. Unfortunately, they just happened to have that camera thing of theirs.” He took a bite of fish and snorted. “Fucking figures. No, I have so many people on my ass I should be charging rent.”

“About that.” She scooted closer to the fire. “I have a house, out on the east coast. It’s a sanctuary for creatures like you and---”

“Nope.” He took another bite and chewed it slowly. “I appreciate the offer, I really do. But you have to understand that, by nature, I am a restless spirit. I love to wander beneath the sky and commune with the animals. The forest isn’t just my home. It’s my soulmate, my best friend, the other half of my heart. While your home may be safe, I feel that I would not fare well in its presence. The others of my kind are tied to caves, the ice, and even swamps, so I wouldn’t bother making them a similar offer.”

Emily sighed. She had come so far for nothing. “I see. I guess this is a wasted trip after all.”

“Nonsense.” His dark features spread into a wide grin. “It has been many years since I had a guest. Especially one so pretty. Was one of your parents a nymph?”

She fought a smile. “That’s a long story.”

“We’ve got plenty of time. The nearest human is over ten miles away. Pair of hunters, a man and his son. He is teaching him how to use a rifle.”

“How can you tell all that?”

“The forest speaks to me. It tells me they have been camping for two days. The father is teaching his son to be a steward for the forest, to carry out his trash and to always put out the fire. The love of the woods is ingrained deep in his heart, and he shares it with his son.”

“Wow. The forest knows all that?”

“In a sense. It tells me what it sees, and I interpret. The forest is not one to judge, only to observe. In my grumpier moments, I may intervene.”

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Mike wasn’t sure what he expected to see once inside the tower, but it certainly wasn’t this. What he had thought was the entrance to the tower was in fact an outer wall. A large courtyard full of flowers and creeper vines would have been impressive enough, but the sheer number of butterflies, bees, and even birds had him staring in awe. An entire ecosystem had been formed inside these walls, complete with a small waterfall that flowed out of the cliff itself and fed into an irrigation...

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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 12 Shocking Developments

Mike stared at the piece of paper in front of him, then looked up. Jenny stood on the other side of the paper, holding a large pencil in both hands. She was tapping her foot impatiently. He sighed. “How about W?” Jenny drew the last leg on the hanging stick figure, then drew an X over each of his eyes. He heard a distant cackle come from all around the room, and she dropped her pencil. He scrutinized the puzzle before him and then looked at her. Somehow, despite guessing all the vowels,...

1 year ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 13 Purgatory

The gray skies of the Underworld did little to improve Mike’s mood, and the occasional wail from the house made his stomach sour. Yet he sat quietly as Yuki told Amymone about how she had escaped from her tower. “ ... and after we sent the Society packing, Mike forgave me for trying to kill him.” Her tale done, Yuki put her hands in her lap. “And so I live in the house again. It’s really weird that nobody remembers me, but I’m hoping to try and rebuild those relationships. It’s frustrating,...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 2 The Library

Mike held the small sledgehammer in both hands, dubious that he would be able to strike another living being with it, much less a minotaur. Still, it was better than nothing, which made him feel a little bit better. Mike had debated purchasing a gun, but he knew next to nothing about them other than to point the long, skinny end at stuff you wanted to kill. His lack of education aside, Naia had warned him against such a purchase for the sole reason that she had no idea what other creatures...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 3 Girl of My Dreams

Mike yawned, covering his mouth, then set his book down on the cart. It was dangerously full, and he knew that Sofia would ream him out if he just kept cramming books onto it. “Can you take this to the platform?” he asked Death. “Yes I can, Mike Radley.” The grim reaper grabbed the cart with bony hands and pushed it down the corridor, the wheels squeaking softly. Mike rubbed his eyes and yawned again, then checked his phone. He had no signal in the Library, but all he wanted was to see the...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 16 Day of the Dead

Dana was upstairs when she heard the front door explode. Quetzalli emerged from her bedroom with a concerned look on her face, and the two of them rushed to the top of the stairs to look below. There was a flash of light, followed by a scream from Beth. Quetzalli was already heading for the stairs when a man in a hoodie pointed his wand up at her and hissed something under his breath. Dana shoved Quetzalli out of the way in time to catch the brunt of the magic, and the shockwave carried both...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 12 The Coming Storm

Kali’s fists clenched and unclenched in the back of the town car. Daryl was kneeling on the floor in front of her, contemplating the large patch of skin that had been blasted off the side of her ribs. He gave it a gentle tug, making Kali wince. “You always impress me,” Daryl said, pulling a scalpel from the small kit on the floor. “Anyone else would have passed out from the pain.” “I don’t feel pain.” Her eyes bulged from her head, many of the veins burst from the lightning blast. Daryl...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 5 Firing Squad

“Ow, fuck!” Mike winced as Naia inspected the large bruise forming above his hip bone where Abella had squeezed him with her stony thighs. The Mandragora plant had actually injured him less than the gargoyle had, surprisingly enough. Save for some scrapes on his hands (well, and not being eaten), he was fine. “Yeah, that will sting for a while.” Naia placed a kiss on it. “You had me so worried! I’ve never seen the Mandragora do that before. You’re going to need to feed it pretty...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 15 Samhain

Mike sat with Naia on the edge of the fountain, their arms wrapped around each other. He took in her scent, which was reminiscent of rain and the forest floor. When she finally released him, she had a scowl fixed on her face. “You had better come back alive,” she told him. “Or I will be very cross with you.” “Don’t worry. I’m going to be very careful. If things start to go south before I get there, I’ll come back and try again next year.” Truthfully, he hoped that wasn’t the case. How many...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 5 Naughty Devils

Beth stepped out of the secret tunnel into the center of the Labyrinth, her shoe catching a rock and sending it skittering across the cold stone. Up above, a large gemstone shone like a tiny star, warming the entire room to a comfortable temperature. Large tables were covered in different magical items in various states of disrepair, and rats moved around in the shadows, carrying what looked like rocks of different sizes. Ratu was leaning over a stack of books, her kimono hanging open and...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 17 Battlegrounds

The technicolor clouds of the Dreamscape parted as Mike fell through them, and he flipped himself over in an attempt to finally stick the landing on the beach. For a moment, he thought he had it, but at the last second his feet swung out from under him and he slammed into the ground hard enough that the beach crumbled beneath him. He fought to stay above the flowing sand that rushed in to fill the gap, and was busy pinwheeling his arms when a golden ray of light broke through the sky above to...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 9 Getting a Head

Beth scowled at the water. She was sitting on the shore of the Labyrinth’s circular river, watching it rush past. Her knees were pulled against her chest beneath a powder blue skirt, and she tossed another rock into the cold water. It disappeared with a small splash, and Asterion lifted his head from his position next to her to see what had happened. “Is everything okay?” he asked. She rolled her eyes, but didn’t look at the minotaur. “Yeah, it’s fine.” In truth, it wasn’t. Ever since her...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 10 Finding the Center

“ ... and that brings me to here.” Dana sat on the edge of the fountain, her chin in her hands. She wondered if she should feel more upset, regaling the others with her tale. Tears were beyond her ability. The strange numbness of her body applied even more so to her eyes. She could no longer feel them, and it was taking effort to remember to blink. “So if I don’t deliver Mike or whatever special treasure the house hides, he will leave me like this.” Naia, Cecilia, and Zel looked at each...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 9 Nightmares and Dreamscapes

His soul floated, hiding just beneath his skin, dreading the moment that his eyes would open, streaming reality in High Definition through his very being. It wasn’t that he was afraid to face the morning, but rather that he was afraid of how much pain he would be in upon awakening. The morning before, his whole being had been in agony. Between fucking Jenny out of Beth and then carrying Beth home, he wondered if his body would decide to be tired or sore instead. How does a body decide how...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 4

Stirring Memories The group was huddled on the floor, staring at the mock map Mike had made of the hallway. He had used his knife to carve wooden blocks from the still flopping dresser, lying the pieces end to end. The smaller ones had already stopped shaking, and the larger ones were weakening. Cecilia hovered overhead, and Carmina stood amongst the blocks. Carmina had gone first, flying along the ceiling and then back again. Cecilia had become invisible, traversing the same distance. The...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 6 A Series of Unfortunate Events

Kali stood in the front yard, her dark eyes focused on the Radley house. She could see tell-tale signs of the Geas all around her like a giant, magical bubble that shifted away from her when she tried to pop it. She had been fascinated by the spell ever since she had heard about it, but had been warned away from trying to mess with it. While Emily was alive, any attempt to come near the house had ended in death for Society members after the fiasco with Garrett. After Emily had died, she and...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 15 The Devil

Yuki sat on the porch swing, staring out at the front yard with a cup of tea in her hands. The debris from the magic storm was strewn across the grounds, making the land look like a small junkyard. Somehow, it served as a perfect metaphor for her life right now, a giant mess with nobody to help clean it up. She took a sip of tea, letting out a sigh as the hot liquid streamed down her throat. The front door opened behind her and Mike walked out, then sat down next to her on the swing. She...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 7 What About the Creepy Doll

“Actually, there is something.” Mike carefully walked around the furniture in the room, pulling the doll from the mantle of the fireplace. He came back, handing it to her. The docile porcelain features of the doll gazed imploringly into Beth’s eyes, as if it was sad to be leaving. “I don’t care how, just get rid of it.” Beth realized that even she thought the doll was spooky. Staring into its painted eyes, she couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m on it. Have a good night, Mike.” She left him, a...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 11 Unwanted Company

She sat in the black sedan, watching the old, victorian era home across the street. Through the gate and the hedges, she could only make out the upper levels, replete with turrets and large, ornate windows. Inside that home, she knew would find her prey, but one problem remained. Of the many magical enchantments the house had, the most annoying of them all was that you had to be invited. They had bypassed this little detail with the succubus —using Mike’s blood had let them bypass the...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 14 Moonrise

Kisa sat on the roof of the house, her eyes locked on the wrought iron gate at the back of the property line. It had been over a week since Mike had gone through it and returned with the devil dog in tow. Despite his reassurance that Cerberus was no longer a danger to them, all she could picture in her mind was being chased through the misty woods by a fire breathing beast. Memories of her trip into the Underworld from so long ago had rushed in on her like ice water. She had fled from the...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 4 New Castle

The drive to the storage unit took over an hour. Staring at the fields on the edge of town, Beth couldn’t fathom why Emily would insist on a storage unit so far away from civilization, especially when there were several good ones within fifteen minutes of her home. “Fries,” she said, and Lily, acting as her copilot, held up the small red fry cup like an offering to the gods. Beth grabbed a few, stuffing them in her mouth carefully to avoid smudging her lipstick. They had grabbed a bite to...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 9 Caught in the trap

Water flowed through a crack in the wall. On the other side, Mike could hear the river. Placing his hands against the hard stone, he could feel the vibrations through it. Cupping his hands, he collected a mouthful of water and drank it. It was cold with a slight metallic taste, but Blue had informed him that it was safe enough to drink. “Is it good?” Blue asked from her perch on his shoulder. “It tastes like water,” Mike responded, sucking down huge mouthfuls. Wiping his mouth, he turned...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 4 Made of Stone

Mike yawned, the morning light through the white curtains casting a blissful glow on the room. He scratched the back of his neck, his foot kicking the lump near the bottom of his bed. He sat up, leaning forward to give the lump a playful pat. “It’s time to get up, Tink.” Mike watched the lump slide to the edge of the bed, disappearing over the edge with a thud. “Owie,” Tink muttered, standing up holding her bottom. She was wearing a tank top night shirt, one of the things Mike had ordered...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 13 In the Eye of the Storm

Mike realized his mistake as soon as it happened. Upon walking out the main entrance, they had stopped long enough for Beth to bid farewell to Asterion. The group all stood at the edge of the reflecting pool, their shortcut back to the house. When Beth rejoined them, Tink counted down from three and they all jumped in at the same time. That’s when Mike remembered that the magical shortcut would take them all to the downstairs closet. Not until the water soaked through his shoes did it occur...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 14 The Magician

They came again in the early hours of the morning, moving silently behind the outer wall. They triggered the wards Yuki had set, causing the kitsune to watch their approach through the window with bated breath. She could see them now, ominous shadows that peered over the wall and then vanished, gathering near the entrance for their next attack. Yuki had spent hours building her defenses back up, her mind and body tired from the effort, hoping to catch some sleep. Now, she watched with eager...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 13 The Tower

Mike’s heart pounded in his chest at the sight of the thing. The Jabberwock regarded the small group of people in its master’s home, then opened its mouth to let out a cry that made him think of a pterodactyl on steroids. Jabberwock saliva misted the entire room, and everyone covered their ears to shut out the cry. Daisy bolted, vanishing down the stairs and leaving a glittering trail behind her. Zel made a break for it, and the Jabberwock lunged for her, leaving a bloody gash in her...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 8 La Petite Mort

“Are we ready?” Mike asked. The others nodded, each one at their stations. Tink had tied Beth to a chair which had been placed in the fountain, standing behind her with a knife at the ready. Abella was out of sight, watching from up above in case everything went wrong. She had explicit instructions to do whatever it took to protect the members of the house. Naia stood behind Beth, her lips a crooked smirk. “We are ready.” Cecilia said, standing next to him. Mike took a deep breath, taking...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 5

Breakdown in Negotiations Mike pulled his shirt on in front of the bathroom mirror, Naia watching him from the tub. He could see the look of concern on her face, knew that the question was coming, and he had no idea how to dodge it. “Are you okay?” He let out a sigh. “No.” “Tell me.” He didn’t want to. He never wanted to talk about it with anybody. Yet, when he turned to face her directly, he remembered that she was the other part of his soul. She completed him in a way he couldn’t quite...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 9

The Fool The railing was smooth to the touch, as if it had been recently polished. She touched a knot in the wood, her fingers caressing the fractured ridges. Closing her eyes, she took in the smell of the place. The rich scent of oil, sawdust, and water from the fountain out back filled her with a swirl of nostalgia, causing her to inhale again, only deeper this time. So many old scents and a few that were new. Behind them all was the faint, faded scent of sunflowers and...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 4 Boxing Match

Sleep came for Mike, but it was far from restful. Unable to properly enter the Dreamscape again, he tossed and turned in his bed, his brain unwilling to let things rest. His first thoughts were on Cecilia. He could see her now, trapped inside a silver cage in the middle of a glen surrounded by waterfalls. Breaking the lock on the cage, he stepped inside—only to have her melt like wax in his arms and slide through holes in the floor. “Cecilia,” he cried out, her name slurring as if spoken in...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 7

Five Minutes Ago “You take me to the nicest places,” Beth said, stepping over a small, mossy rock. The world around them was dark, and the light from their cellphones poorly illuminated the forest floor. A breeze had formed as the cool, night air of Ireland blew through the portal into Mike’s front yard. The portal had been chewed into the inner wall of a crumbling home out in the woods, obviously long forgotten. “I do my best.” He stepped over a large rock and offered his hand when she...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 2

Roommate Trouble Beth sat at the large dining room table with a small plate of bacon, some coffee and a large plate with the remnants of a strawberry crepe. She scribbled a few more words on a notepad by her laptop, frowning at the list. “Any luck?” Sofia asked, walking in with her own breakfast. The cyclops took the seat across from Beth. A few of the seats in the formal dining room had been designed for larger people, allowing the cyclops to sit comfortably at the table. As far as Beth...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 11 Painful Memories

Kisa stood in the kitchen and scowled at the pantry door. How many times had she wandered in here and absent-mindedly opened it? At least three times a day, and now that she was here again, she had decided to look through the whole pantry and discover just what it was that she was looking for. Her missing memories really bothered her. She had just assumed that something would come back to her in the last few days, but all she got was static. Vivid images of the old man stirred something up...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 10

Seven of Swords Beth said very little to the minotaur as they climbed the trail to the top of the cliffs. She could tell he wanted to comfort her, but there weren’t words or deeds to make the situation right. Her plan was to speak with Naia and Sofia right away, to see if either of them could offer her any help. There were only a few days to make her decision, and she wouldn’t be able to live with any of her options. She remembered when she was little, her parents started arguing...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 5 Man in the Mirror

Beth tumbled gently to the floor beneath, flipping her body at the last second to land on her feet. Staring up, all she could see were the clouds she had passed through on the way down. She had several red marks on her left arm, each one from a nasty pinch that she gave herself to try and wake up from this strangest of dreams. Now that she was on the ground, she saw that she stood in a beautiful garden with a large marble gazebo in the middle. “How peculiar,” she said, expecting her voice to...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 12 Welcome Home

Mike opened his eyes, staring at the waning sunlight through the canopy overhead. Scattered rays were dying, a sign that the sun was sinking toward the skyline, ready to slumber until the break of dawn. The forest was quiet – a complete lack of animals meant that the only sound Mike could hear was the occasional rippling of the leaves as the wind brushed them against one another. Lifting his head, he knew that he needed to get back. Though his slumber had been restless, he had clearly slept...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 2 A Swing and a Miss

“Whoa!” Mike splashed water everywhere in his haste to get out of the tub. This time, Naia didn’t fight him as he scrambled out into the bathroom, covering up with a towel. She pouted as he slid across the floor, looking for his pants. Seeing that she hadn’t moved from her spot in the tub, Mike felt his heart rate level out, the burst of adrenaline gone. “Who ... what are you?” He asked, trying to keep his eyes off of her breasts. Other than the strange markings on her ribs, her skin was...

1 year ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 8 The New Girl

“Easy, kisa.” The familiar voice was thick with a Russian accent and elicited both feelings of warmth and sadness. It spoke to her from the void, guiding her back to the world of the living. The darkness peeled away to reveal a small dance studio with wooden floors and large windows overlooking a city. One of the interior walls was a mirror, and in the reflection was a young, black teen who sat on the floor, her face wracked with pain as an older man held her left leg in place while...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 7

The Naga, the Fox and the Wardrobe The door of the wardrobe didn’t move. Puzzled, Mike grabbed the handle even tighter and pulled again, but it still wouldn’t budge. The wardrobe felt like it had been anchored into the wall, the door completely immobile. Frustrated, he tried rattling the door when he realized that he had missed one very important detail. Right below the handle was a small keyhole. “Ugh.” He got ready to kick the wardrobe out of frustration when he remembered that he had a...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 8

The Hanged Man His chest was on fire and he couldn’t move. His limbs were super heavy and he couldn’t feel his legs anymore. Am I dying? Loud thuds like distant thunder beat in his chest and he thought he heard someone saying his name. His head cleared, and it occurred to him that he had looked onto the shores of the afterlife and they had looked nothing like this. A loud scraping sound filled his senses and he was suddenly blinded by a bright light and someone called his name. Oh shit....

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 8 Memories and Minotaurs

The sudden shift in time and position was immediately disorienting. One second, she was on the first floor of the Radley house, the world spinning around her. The next, she was running along a busted bridge, her legs not quite right beneath her. She tripped, colliding with someone else on the bridge, and they tumbled off together. Once she hit the cold water, her synapses fired all at once, restarting her brain and giving her full control. “Beth!” A hand swung out, grabbing her wrist, but...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 6 In and Out

Up on the third floor, Mike contemplated the large set of double doors in front of him. The wall where the wardrobe used to be had been replaced with a slightly wider hallway that terminated after a few yards at a large pair of metal doors with a series of gears built into them. He tested the handle, but the door didn’t budge. Symbols were emblazoned across both doors with shapes that seemed astronomical in nature—he recognized the symbol for the moon and the sun, and the planet Mars, but...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 14 Bigger on the Inside

“Ugh.” Mike held up a hand to shut out the sun’s light. It had been a late night trying to lay down all the new sod in the front yard. The lightning blasts and storm had killed off most of it, and only a few of the shrubs had survived. The delivery had showed up six hours late, and Mike and the others had to hastily unroll the sod beneath a scorching afternoon sun. Tink had crawled into bed with dirt on her hands and feet, her goggles pulled down over her neck. Mike had fallen asleep in his...

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POO MONSTERS

"Quick," he said, "grab the forty miles per hour sign." She bent down and felt around under her seat for the A3-sized placards that he had made up. She pulled them out and flipped through them, looking for the one he wanted. "Good grief, would you look at this idiot?" growled Michael. "Doesn't he know what a de-restricted sign means, for heaven's sake?" He changed down into third gear and cruised up to a few yards behind the bumper of the car in front, edging out towards the...

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World of Futa Monsters

Four figures were seen with each other, locked together by their hips and holding each other's thighs. They were clearly very voluptuous women with extra body parts below. In front was an orange haired werewolf getting anally reamed and jerked off by a vampire behind her while the vampire was being pounded by a dark skinned mummy. And said mummy was being pounded by a green skinned zombie woman of some sort. To the side of the orgy lied a human woman oozing and caked in cum. The monster women...

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Backyard PrincessChapter 2 Prisoner of the Shadow Monsters

That evening, Sarah stopped by and asked if we wouldn't mind coming over to meet her parents. Mom and I followed her across the way to her house. Her mom greeted us at the door and welcomed us inside. The smell of freshly baked cookies filled the house, and I spotted a plate of them on the coffee table in the living room. Her dad sat in one of the chairs. Mom and I sat down on the couch, and Mrs. Laurent took one of the other empty seats. Sarah passed around the cookies, then disappeared...

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I Kill Monsters

This story introduces two characters to the readers. I will bring them back every once in a while but this was the first time I used them they came to me as a result of a story written called Yukon by – well it does not matter. It is a continuation to a story "Yukon." A couple go to Yukon, wife is fucked silly by a scum bag monster of a man who has done it before to others; husband is forced to put up with it until he finally figures out a way to kill the monster. Wife tells him monster is...

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Sometimes Monsters Come In Small Packages

My name is Dr. Reginald  Alexander Ghurtholtz. I am a monsterologist, teaching monsterology at the world-famous Graveyard University. For those of you who don't know, monsterology is the study of monsters. Yes, they do exist. Of course, my so-called scientific colleagues disagree with me, but what do they know? They're just a bunch of chemists, biologists, zoologists and so forth. You know... voodoo scientists. They actually had the nerve to tell me that monsterology wasn't even a real word and...

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Monsters Of Cock

Monsters of Cock describes itself as “The biggest throat-clogging cock site in the world!” That’s quite a brag, either sexy as fuck or maybe a little bit intimidating, depending on who you ask. However, knowing the kind of absolute deviate you are, I’m sure you fall into the former category, and you’re probably already getting a hard-on as you think about little white chicks getting all full up on BBC. “Watch these girls cum from big cock!”MonstersOfCock.com is a long-running paysite from the...

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THE MONSTER Hello I'm Lisa and I'm going to tell you an story that is horrible that happened for 4 years ago when i was 24. in a little town i cant say name of but at that place something happened. All started when i was outside walking whit my friend kyle that is 2´7 years old one day. We were going to the shop in our little town it toke 5 minutes to walk. We were walking to the shop to meet Casandra She is 21 youngest of us 3.She were waiting there on...

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Thanks to Weirdo (John) for writing my Catgirl change. Halloween Tale: Monsters Are Real By Troy Monsters are real and I know it. How do I know it? Well that's easy. My friends and I are monsters. How did we get this way? It's a long story, but I'll tell you how it happened. There were six of us that night. Angel, Bill, Alec, John, Rena (who I always liked teasing about what I considered a girlish name), and myself had been told by our parents to go trick-or-treating for our...

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