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Seven of Swords

Beth said very little to the minotaur as they climbed the trail to the top of the cliffs. She could tell he wanted to comfort her, but there weren’t words or deeds to make the situation right. Her plan was to speak with Naia and Sofia right away, to see if either of them could offer her any help. There were only a few days to make her decision, and she wouldn’t be able to live with any of her options.

She remembered when she was little, her parents started arguing nightly about their dog Chunky. These heated discussions often ended in tears, and Beth had been sent to her room more than once with the assurance that everyone was okay, but they were very upset. When she was older, they explained that Chunky had become very sick and the vet had recommended that he be euthanized. The argument her parents kept having was not if they should do it, but when. Every extra day meant the world to Chunky, but he was getting progressively worse. How could they choose when the pain of a single day overrode the possibility of table scraps, or running around in the backyard and smelling squirrel poop?

Chunky’s fate was inevitable, but the choice itself was what had caused so much pain. No matter what she chose, she would still end up in the demon’s grasp, but one decision was far and above the best option for her new family.

Unless she could find another solution. There had to be a way out, some new trick she could pull. She had beaten him once, and only by sheer, dumb bad luck had he decided to latch a piece of darkness onto her soul, intending to grant her damnation in exchange for eternal youth, beauty, or whatever he had planned.

She had time. Mike was going on a quick trip into his wardrobe, and she knew he’d be back soon. With all the heads of the house pushed together, she felt hopeful that a plan could be made without her. After all, she had no idea how to know that he was watching.

She pushed open the door to the greenhouse and nearly slipped on the snow and ice that had formed at the entrance. Walking carefully forward, she waited until Asterion had followed her out before closing the door and staring dumbstruck at the backyard.

“What the hell?” She stuck a hand out and caught a fat flake in the palm of her hand. It was snowing hard enough that the grass had vanished beneath a blanket of white, and icicles had already formed along the roof.

“Hmm.” Asterion gazed upward. “It still smells of early fall.”

“Are you sure? Now I’m worried that we were somehow stuck in there for months or years or something.” The last thing she needed was to find out the greenhouse had malfunctioned and Oliver had sold out Mike and the others. Then again, that would take away the fun in making her choose to join him.

“I do not like the cold.” He hefted his axe. “It makes my weapon slippery.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be needing it anytime soon.” A drift of snow fell free of the roof. “Maybe.” Had the Society started something new? There should still be plenty of time on the sundial. Beth wrapped her arms around her torso and looked up into the sky. The clouds had become a low lying fog, but she could see where they bunched up against the edge of the home’s magical shell. Whatever was happening had been caused from within.

A loud boom came from the front of the house.

“Shit.” Beth broke into a jog, careful to watch her step. The ground was more ice than snow, and she felt herself slipping every few steps. Asterion’s long strides allowed him to keep up easily, his hooves clomping in the snow.

Another boom echoed over the house, the wind picking up dramatically. Another sound like a shriek made her duck down, and the minotaur caught up, hovering over her like a shield. The flurries assaulted them from every direction now and visibility dropped to a couple of feet. They moved close to the house, using the slats as a guide.

“Naia?” Beth called out for the nymph, hoping she would answer. They ended up huddling by the house as the storm escalated. Asterion leaned against the wall, leaning his axe against the house. They stayed there for several minutes, and the chill of the storm infiltrated her clothing, causing her teeth to chatter.

The loud noises ceased, and the storm died down. The low clouds above quickly turned to more flurries and fell to the earth, and they could see once more. Beth slid out from beneath the minotaur and hurried toward the back yard. She was cold and wanted to get inside as quick as possible.

Stepping around the corner of the house, she found herself staring at the fountain. It was frozen now with icicles hanging off of its outer rim. A gray figure stood at the edge, unmoving and covered in snow.

“Naia?” Beth stepped toward the back door of the home to get a better look at the figure, then clasped a hand tightly across her mouth to hold in a scream.

The statue standing by the fountain’s edge had a look of surprise on her face, her hair flared back as if a breeze had been running through it. One hand was outstretched, fingers spread as if trying to stop a ball.

It was Naia. Stunned, Beth gazed at her for several seconds, uncertain of what to say or do. Asterion now held the axe tightly in both hands, his intense gaze sweeping across the backyard. Beth’s heart slammed against the inside of her chest, and she touched Naia’s hand.

“What could have done this?” she asked.

Asterion shook his head. “I do not know.”

Another loud bang kept from the front of the house. Beth grabbed Asterion by the wrist and pulled him toward the house. Once inside, the sounds were muffled, but loud enough that she could tell they came from out front. Grateful for the warmth of the home, she was nearly at the front window for a look outside when the front door opened.

Tink and Reggie went flying across the front room and crashed near the bottom of the stairs.

“Run!” Sofia yelled, then the door slammed behind her. Tink stood up and adjusted her goggles over her eyes.

“Tink, what’s happening?” Beth asked.

“Bad lady!” Tink picked up Reggie by the scruff of his neck and pushed him up the stairs. “Tink saw, turn other rats to stone.” Outside the door, the sound of clashing steel echoed through the window.

Beth tried to look through the window, but Tink slammed her club into the floor, drawing her attention back.

“No look, or turn to stone.” She pulled Beth away from the glass and then went back, eyes closed, to pull Jenny out of her dollhouse. “We run, find husband, he fix everything.”

“How is Mike going to fix this?” She could hear voices through the door.

“Husband fix. Husband always fix.” The look Tink gave her left no room for argument. Tink believed in Mike. There was room for nothing else in her heart. “Run for rat halls.”

“No.” Reggie stood on the stairs, his tail whipping back and forth. “We must lead her away from my people. We cannot risk them being turned to stone.”

“We should return to the Labyrinth,” Asterion said, wary eyes on the front door. “It is the safest place for us.”

Reggie nodded, and Beth agreed. Asterion’s knowledge of the Labyrinth would keep them safe. They ran up the stairs together, stopping briefly for Reggie to tell a pair of rats to lock up the tunnels. At the top of the stairs, they ran into Carmina. The fairy followed, and they were in Beth’s room when they heard the front door of the house open.

“Move!” Asterion pushed them all to the closet, then grabbed the bed and shoved it up against the door. They ran together, Carmina lighting the way ahead. They were near the end of the tunnel when they heard a loud crash behind them.

Asterion’s thick arm circled Beth’s waist and he jumped down the steep incline of the switchback trail. Tink and Reggie followed, the air filled with the sound of rocks tumbling around them. With every landing, Beth felt the air pressed out of her lungs, her heart jumping into her throat. Her skirt billowed up on one jump, exposing her bare ass to the others.

She thought she heard Tink giggle, but it was hard to tell.

Once at the bottom, the minotaur set her down and they all moved toward the thick door of the Labyrinth. Beth cast a wary eye at the reflecting pool, hoping that Oliver didn’t have a way to jump out and ambush them somehow. She noticed that Asterion kept himself between her and the pool, and she was grateful for it.

“Bad lady!” Tink suddenly cried, and Beth looked over her shoulder. Frost was forming at the top of the hill around a figure in white who emerged from the cave. Beth spun around, suddenly frightened that she might get turned to stone. The large doors of the Labyrinth were in reach, and Asterion stood on the pressure plate, causing the doors to open.

In the air around them, giant swords appeared out of nowhere, swirling around them like leaves in a storm. They slammed into the ground, attempting to pin them in place, but Asterion smashed them out of the way with his axe, the group following close behind him.

Just inside the door, several rats were surprised to see everybody come running in, but joined along when they realized that Reggie was there too. The doors slammed shut behind them, and Asterion led them down one of the long corridors, guiding them past a tripwire and into a hidden tunnel. He slowed down just enough to make sure that everyone could keep up, and soon they were traveling a narrow underground tunnel that Beth knew from experience took them to Ratu’s lair.

Behind them, the Labyrinth was silent.

Asterion had them wait in a hidden cave, disappearing back the way they had come. Beth finally felt like she could breathe again, and Tink sat on the floor, her face twisted into a sour expression.

“What happened up there?” Beth asked.

“Not too sure. Fox Lady and Stone Butt get into big fight. Tink go and watch. Stone Butt frozen in big ice, then fox come at Tink. Tink brave, but One Eye throw Tink and Rat King into house. Tink see other rats turn to stone through window.” She let out a deep breath. “Husband in big trouble this time.”

Beth wondered what special nickname Tink had for her. “Where is Mike? Is he back yet?”

“Tink don’t know, but Tink can find.”

“How? Didn’t he leave through a magic door or something?”

“Maybe, but no matter. Tink find husband anywhere. When first meet, Tink give special bite. Can always feel husband, no matter where. Good rats help Tink, chew hole in wall, bring husband back, then smash Fox Lady into rug.” She smacked her club on the ground for emphasis. “Tink make brilliant plan.”

“Really? Do you think you can find him in another world?”

Tink nodded sagely, then tapped her nose. “Goblin always have to know where husband go. Need to keep husband out of trouble.”

Amazing. Beth didn’t know if Tink was telling the truth, but she definitely seemed sure of herself. If she was right, then they could find Mike and bring him back, though she wasn’t certain what good that would do. An enemy that could turn you to stone was a hard sell, and if not for her own problems, she was tempted to leave.

“Tink, I have another question for you.” Beth knelt in front of the goblin. “This bite. Could you do it to anyone?”

She shrugged. “Maybe, but Tink don’t know... Goblin only give special bite for special reason.”

“Amazing.” The speck of an idea was forming, but she would need to talk to Reggie first and see if it was possible.

Asterion appeared in the opening, startling her enough that she let out a yelp. He chuckled, then motioned for them to exit the cave.

“She is no longer pursuing you,” he said, guiding them away from the cave. “She has yet to come inside the Labyrinth.”

“That’s strange. I thought she was here to kill us or something.”

“Maybe not.” Reggie rubbed his chin, his whiskers shaking. His crown had gone missing during their escape, but he still had his toy glasses. “During her engagement with Abella, she seemed more interested in diplomacy.”

“Really?” Now that was something she wished she had known earlier. “Did she say anything else?”

“Nothing I could hear. She summoned a snow storm and then fought the gargoyle quite brilliantly, I’m afraid.” Reggie shivered, rubbing at his cheeks. “I hope my people are okay.”

“We’ll make sure of it, just you wait.” She hoped it was a promise she could keep.

They eventually arrived in the center of the Labyrinth, and they entered the magical pagoda where Ratu lived. Inside, there was plenty of room for everybody to sit at a large table. Asterion excused himself to go set some alarms in case they were chased, and Beth sat down with Tink, Reggie and the other rats. Jenny was propped up on the table next to Carmina, but showed no evidence that she was even paying attention.

“So where do we go from here?” She felt like it was a great question to ask. “How much time is left on the sundial?”

“Maybe twelve hours,” Reggie answered. “Though I don’t know for sure. He spoke with me not too long before he left.”

“Okay Tink, then problem one is that we need to get Mike back before the dial turns back. Do you think you can find him that fast?”

Tink shrugged. “All depend on rat. Rat hole take time, and Tink won’t know until Tink look in right hole.”

“I see.” She turned back to Reggie. “How quick can you open a hole?”

“There are others hidden throughout the Labyrinth doing work for mistress Ratu. If we can round them up, then maybe an hour.”

“Really, an hour?” That was far too long.

Reggie shrank. “If you want it big enough for a human to pass through, then yes.”

“No need big hole. Tink just need hole big enough for seeing.” The goblin held up her fingers in the shape of an O. “Tink take good look, know if husband there.”

“How long would that take?”

Reggie mulled it over. “Maybe a few minutes. A hole that big can only be chewed open by one rat, so we could open many holes at once, but we have to be careful.”

“Why?”

“If you open too many holes next to each other, the portals won’t work properly and might accidentally open into each other, which can cause instability and eventually collapse the room we started in.”

“Meaning?”

Reggie clapped his hands together dramatically. “Rat pancake.”

“Okay, then we will exercise caution. Have your subjects rounded up and brought here.”

He nodded, throwing a look at his subordinates. They gave little rat salutes and hopped down off their chairs, disappearing into the shadows of the pagoda. Beth could hear their tiny feet scratching on the stone as they left.

“So now we just need to open a bunch of random holes in reality and hope for the best.” Beth rolled her eyes. Given enough time, their plan was guaranteed, but she had the distinct feeling that they were gonna need a healthy dose of luck as well. Even if they found Mike, they still had the woman upstairs to deal with.

No. She would face her problems one at a time. Focusing too much on the future would make her unable to deal with the present. Thinking of the demon latched to her soul, she knew she had to tell the others now. To put it off would put them in harm’s way, and once their current issue was dealt with, there would be little time to figure out how to save her. And who knew, maybe they would have an answer for her.

“Hey Tink? Reggie? I have a problem.” She told them the whole story, fighting back tears as the reality of her situation was allowed to fully sink in. When she was done, she was met with a stunned silence. Several moments passed them by before Tink hopped off her stool and threw her arms around Beth’s waist.

“No worry. Husband fix this too.”

Beth wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I certainly hope so,” she replied.

When the centaurs came for him, they were pretty rough. Grabbing him by the arms, they lifted him just enough that his toes could barely touch the ground, so he hop-walked between them, casting a glance at the small lump of grass by the wall where Ratu was hiding.

Once outside, he squinted against the harsh light of the sun. It was sinking toward the horizon, but MIke figured there was at least an hour before sundown. The tribe was thick around him as he was escorted and, sure enough, a large crowd had gathered out on the floor of the valley. Torches lined the pathway they took him down, and he found himself led to a large clearing with a small hill just above it. Standing on the hill was the Grand Stallion, his staff clutched in a hand that was so tight that his knuckles had gone white. Centaur men and women surrounded the hill, and they spread apart to let him in. The group was eerily silent, and he saw anger and distrust in their eyes.

Just like he had planned. Mike forced a smug grin before he was bodily tossed into the clearing, landing on his face and biting his lip. He moved quickly, standing up and brushing the dirt off his pants.

“I find your hospitality lacking.” MIke locked eyes with the Grand Stallion, finally getting a good look at him. His hindquarters were a dark black, and his skin had the deep tan of dozens of summers. Deep lines criss-crossed his forehead and his impressive salt and pepper beard came halfway down his chest before terminating in a braid.

“You are not here for our hospitality,” the Grand Stallion told him. “You are here because you have been challenged—”

“My name is MIke, by the way. That’s a custom amongst my people, a polite introduction.”

The air filled with the sound of anxious murmurs and the Grand Stallion gave him a dirty look.

“You are here because—”

“Zel always told me about how amazing her people were. Polite, refined. Dignified even. So I’ll try again. My name is Mike and—” Someone jabbed him in the back with a spear butt and he hopped forward in response. “I’m the Caretaker.”

The Grand Stallion glared at him, visibly grinding his teeth. “Are you finished?”

“I’m just trying to observe my own customs as a show of respect, Your Honor.”

“You will refer to him as Grand Stallion.” This was from a female centaur by his side in battle armor with a silver blade across each hip and chainmail armor. “And you will dial back your impertinence.”

“Oh, I apologize. We haven’t been formally introduced, per my custom, else I would have known the honorific he preferred. I mean, that is the point of my tradition.”

“Your petty human traditions hold little sway over us, Mike the Caretaker. Your kind have brought naught but harm and chaos to the Herd, and therefore we feel no need to honor them.”

“Yet you force me to abide by yours? You do realize this entire world is inside of a wardrobe which is inside my house? Human law dictates that, by proxy, summa cum laude, abra cadabra, I own this place.”

Shouting came from the centaurs around him and an ice cold chill filled his gut and sank downward to his legs. He dropped to one knee in response just as a rock flew overhead, crashing against the ground in front of him.

The Grand Stallion held up his hands and a few of his honor guard stepped down from the hill to move among the crowd. The din faded away, though trace muttering could be heard. Zel’s father cleared his throat and gave his people an intense look.

“You will not harm this man. He is still under the protection of parley and to harm him now would be dishonorable.” He nodded to someone just behind him. “I have decided there is no use speaking with you, Caretaker. It is clear you are trying to antagonize—”

“Do you treat all your guests like this?” Mike spun around, his hands indicating the hostile crowd. “Me and mine were fine on that mountain top and had every intention of going home. Yet you drag me down here, treat me like garbage, and expect me to behave?”

The Grand Stallion pulled something from a bag around his back. It was a clear jar with something inside, but his hands covered it up.

“For years now, we have been forced to endure the attacks of the one known as Emily, and the Snow Queen. On the day you arrived, the mountain exploded with a fury we haven’t seen since last we were on Earth, and you expect us to believe you had no part in it?”

“Two things. First, the Snow Queen attacked me for no reason, so the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Second, Emily has been dead for years now.”

More muttering surrounded him at this news. Orion stepped around the hill, his intense gaze on Mike and his fists balled up.

“So you say you have no association with these individuals? That it is sheer coincidence that you arrived and brought my daughter back to me?”

“It is.” Mike wondered where he was going with this.

“Then this creature, who has long been in their employ, matters not?” He held up the jar and shook it. A tiny yellow light sputtered several times and crashed against the bottom of it.

Mike squinted to see it better, his eyes going wide when he realized what he was looking at.

“We caught her lurking around the camp and captured her. She is the eyes and ears of the Snow Queen, and though it has been some time since we saw her, we check our fairy traps every day.” He set the jar with Daisy inside on the ground. “But if you don’t lay any claim to her...” He lifted a massive hoof over the jar., ready to bring it down.

“Wait!” Mike held out his hand. “I do lay claim to her, yes. She is one of the denizens of my home and therefore under my protection. It is my charge, as Caretaker of the house.” What was Daisy doing here? He had a brief memory of seeing a tiny ball of light during their flight down the mountain. Had she been following them the whole time?

“How can you explain the dichotomy of your statements? If the creatures in your house are under your protection, than why have we not benefited from such protections?”

Ah, shit. He really wished he had Beth with him.

“I just learned about you. Like today.”

The smug look on the Grand Stallions face told Mike that he had already lost any argument he could make. Several centaurs of different color marched Zel in. She wore a large chain that went around her waist and clipped into a metal ring in the earth that he hadn’t noticed. She took a seat, her chin high and her gaze on the clouds.

“I am not here to argue with you, Mike the Caretaker. After the Trial, we shall have a formal parely, and barring any unforeseen argument in your favor, it is likely you will not take kindly to the outcome.” He handed the jar with Daisy in it to his Honor Guard. She stuck the bottle in her bag. “Orion, you may begin.”

Orion stomped forward, his lower half very similar to a horse geared up before a race. He held a rope that was as thick around as Mike’s wrist, then tossed it to him. Looping a significant portion around his own waist, he looked at his fellow centaurs.

“I have challenged this man to a Trial! He claims a life debt on Zelenia, but I believe that his claim is false due to our prior betrothal. If he should beat me at the trials, then she will go with him. Otherwise, she will become my bride and we will consummate our union. Are there any here who believe they have a claim that trumps my own?”

Mike wasn’t sure if he was supposed to say anything, so he raised his hand. The centaurs closest to him snickered.

“We already know of your claim, human.” Orion said the last word with a sneer. “Now brace yourself for the Trial of Strength!”

“Nah, I forfeit.” Mike kicked the rope to the sound of gasps.

“You... what?” Orion just blinked. “I heard rumor that you spoke so highly of yourself, yet you throw away one of the trials?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’d probably win anyway. I just wanted to give you a chance to beat me in the test of endurance.”

“You... but you’re human. There’s no way that you could...” Orion looked at the Grand Stallion, who said nothing.

“I’m not only super fast, but I’ll probably be back here before you even get to the ocean. We are running down to the water, right? I love the coast.”

Orion’s face turned a shade of red that reminded Mike of a nasty sunburn. “Pick up the rope.”

Mike shrugged. “Nah, I’m good. You get this one, way to go.”

He heard it now, harsh comments amongst the centaurs. Between badgering the Grand Stallion and his comments about Orion, he could feel the animosity washing over him from every direction. It made him feel sick to his stomach, because the only thing keeping him alive right now was their own code of honor. Gazing out among them, he imagined that they weren’t actually a bad people. If he hadn’t appeared out of nowhere with their missing princess after destroying a mountain top, it was possible they would have listened to reason.

Today, however, was not that day. “So when do I get my bow?”

Orion threw his rope down and stormed off, the others moving with him. The crowd shifted a dozen yards to the edge of the clearing. In the distance, a group of centaurs stood around holding weird looking staffs. The crowd spread apart, making it clear this was to be the shooting range.

“The trial of dexterity requires a centaur to be quick of eye and hand.” The Grand Stallion held up a pair of bows. “You will each be allowed to fire three arrows. Whoever pierces more targets will be declared the winner.”

Orion took his bow, throwing MIke a nasty look. “Since you were so gracious with the last test, allow me to go first and show you how this is done.”

“By all means.” Mike was handed the second bow, wincing at how heavy it felt.

Orion walked up to a line that had been painted on the ground, then nodded. He tucked two arrows into a shoulder quiver and nocked the third, The centaurs at the edges of the range nodded and swung their staves.

Three discs flew into the air, looking exactly like clay pigeons. It was clear that the discs were launched to different heights, and Orion released his arrow at the lowest one. By the time it exploded into several fragments, he had already drawn the next and fired it, busting the second highest into pieces. His third arrow caught the last disc on its way down, breaking it into two pieces that crashed into the ground.

“Holy shit,” Mike muttered, and the centaurs went crazy. Cheers rose up all around him, and he could feel their anxious stares on him now. He was going to have to break all three targets and hope they had a tie breaker. Swearing under his breath, he hoped that Ratu would be able to account for the fact that the targets were moving and not stationary.

Orion walked past, a smug look on his face.

“Okay then, let’s see how this pans out.” Mike didn’t have a quiver, so slid them into the collar of his shirt. The arrows slid down his back and fell out the bottom, eliciting laughter from the centaurs. His face burning, he tucked his shirt in and tried again. This time, the arrows stayed in place.

The notch on the arrow was easy to spot, and he couldn’t help but appreciate how much work had gone into it. The feathers were likely from some indigenous bird, and he rotated it to make sure the feathers didn’t hit the bow. He gave the string a tentative pull and nearly gasped at how difficult it was to draw.

Oh god, what have I done? He had been planning on stationary targets. Looking at the men and women around him, he wondered if Ratu could see him. Maybe turning into a giant snake and torching the lot hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. He wondered where she was hiding. She had explained that she needed to be in either human or her true form to spellcast and had gone off in search of a suitable spot once he had been taken from the yurt.

“Do you forfeit?” When Orion spoke, the crowd immediately became quiet.

“Hell no. I just haven’t fired a bow like this before. I’m used to fiberglass and aircraft grade aluminum, Earth stuff.” He cast a silent prayer to Ratu and lifted his arms, the bow almost too heavy to lift. “Um... pull?”

The centaurs near the edge of the field hurled the discs skyward.

His arms burned so hot that he nearly dropped the bow. The arrow was in the air before he had realized it, and he fired the second. The first disc shattered half a second before the second one did. Powered by the magic, Mike turned his gaze onto Orion, letting Ratu’s magic do the work for him.

Orion met his gaze and scowled.

He never saw the third target break, but he could hear it shatter. An ominous silence filled the area, and all eyes turned to Mike, Orion and the Grand Stallion.

“The Trial will continue until someone misses.” With a gesture, three more arrows were given to each of them. Mike moved away from the line, his arms burning as if he had completed a hardcore workout.

Orion easily replicated his earlier result, all three targets breaking. There were no cheers this time, the audience anticipating Mike’s response.

Lifting the bow again, he realized just how heavy it was. His right hand hurt to clench, a side effect that Ratu had warned him about. Could he do this again? How many times would the magic be able to run through his body before he burned out?

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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 11 Nine of Wands

Mike wasn’t sure what he expected to see once inside the tower, but it certainly wasn’t this. What he had thought was the entrance to the tower was in fact an outer wall. A large courtyard full of flowers and creeper vines would have been impressive enough, but the sheer number of butterflies, bees, and even birds had him staring in awe. An entire ecosystem had been formed inside these walls, complete with a small waterfall that flowed out of the cliff itself and fed into an irrigation...

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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 12 Shocking Developments

Mike stared at the piece of paper in front of him, then looked up. Jenny stood on the other side of the paper, holding a large pencil in both hands. She was tapping her foot impatiently. He sighed. “How about W?” Jenny drew the last leg on the hanging stick figure, then drew an X over each of his eyes. He heard a distant cackle come from all around the room, and she dropped her pencil. He scrutinized the puzzle before him and then looked at her. Somehow, despite guessing all the vowels,...

1 year ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 13 Purgatory

The gray skies of the Underworld did little to improve Mike’s mood, and the occasional wail from the house made his stomach sour. Yet he sat quietly as Yuki told Amymone about how she had escaped from her tower. “ ... and after we sent the Society packing, Mike forgave me for trying to kill him.” Her tale done, Yuki put her hands in her lap. “And so I live in the house again. It’s really weird that nobody remembers me, but I’m hoping to try and rebuild those relationships. It’s frustrating,...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 2 The Library

Mike held the small sledgehammer in both hands, dubious that he would be able to strike another living being with it, much less a minotaur. Still, it was better than nothing, which made him feel a little bit better. Mike had debated purchasing a gun, but he knew next to nothing about them other than to point the long, skinny end at stuff you wanted to kill. His lack of education aside, Naia had warned him against such a purchase for the sole reason that she had no idea what other creatures...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 3 Girl of My Dreams

Mike yawned, covering his mouth, then set his book down on the cart. It was dangerously full, and he knew that Sofia would ream him out if he just kept cramming books onto it. “Can you take this to the platform?” he asked Death. “Yes I can, Mike Radley.” The grim reaper grabbed the cart with bony hands and pushed it down the corridor, the wheels squeaking softly. Mike rubbed his eyes and yawned again, then checked his phone. He had no signal in the Library, but all he wanted was to see the...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 16 Day of the Dead

Dana was upstairs when she heard the front door explode. Quetzalli emerged from her bedroom with a concerned look on her face, and the two of them rushed to the top of the stairs to look below. There was a flash of light, followed by a scream from Beth. Quetzalli was already heading for the stairs when a man in a hoodie pointed his wand up at her and hissed something under his breath. Dana shoved Quetzalli out of the way in time to catch the brunt of the magic, and the shockwave carried both...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 12 The Coming Storm

Kali’s fists clenched and unclenched in the back of the town car. Daryl was kneeling on the floor in front of her, contemplating the large patch of skin that had been blasted off the side of her ribs. He gave it a gentle tug, making Kali wince. “You always impress me,” Daryl said, pulling a scalpel from the small kit on the floor. “Anyone else would have passed out from the pain.” “I don’t feel pain.” Her eyes bulged from her head, many of the veins burst from the lightning blast. Daryl...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 5 Firing Squad

“Ow, fuck!” Mike winced as Naia inspected the large bruise forming above his hip bone where Abella had squeezed him with her stony thighs. The Mandragora plant had actually injured him less than the gargoyle had, surprisingly enough. Save for some scrapes on his hands (well, and not being eaten), he was fine. “Yeah, that will sting for a while.” Naia placed a kiss on it. “You had me so worried! I’ve never seen the Mandragora do that before. You’re going to need to feed it pretty...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 15 Samhain

Mike sat with Naia on the edge of the fountain, their arms wrapped around each other. He took in her scent, which was reminiscent of rain and the forest floor. When she finally released him, she had a scowl fixed on her face. “You had better come back alive,” she told him. “Or I will be very cross with you.” “Don’t worry. I’m going to be very careful. If things start to go south before I get there, I’ll come back and try again next year.” Truthfully, he hoped that wasn’t the case. How many...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 5 Naughty Devils

Beth stepped out of the secret tunnel into the center of the Labyrinth, her shoe catching a rock and sending it skittering across the cold stone. Up above, a large gemstone shone like a tiny star, warming the entire room to a comfortable temperature. Large tables were covered in different magical items in various states of disrepair, and rats moved around in the shadows, carrying what looked like rocks of different sizes. Ratu was leaning over a stack of books, her kimono hanging open and...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 17 Battlegrounds

The technicolor clouds of the Dreamscape parted as Mike fell through them, and he flipped himself over in an attempt to finally stick the landing on the beach. For a moment, he thought he had it, but at the last second his feet swung out from under him and he slammed into the ground hard enough that the beach crumbled beneath him. He fought to stay above the flowing sand that rushed in to fill the gap, and was busy pinwheeling his arms when a golden ray of light broke through the sky above to...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 9 Getting a Head

Beth scowled at the water. She was sitting on the shore of the Labyrinth’s circular river, watching it rush past. Her knees were pulled against her chest beneath a powder blue skirt, and she tossed another rock into the cold water. It disappeared with a small splash, and Asterion lifted his head from his position next to her to see what had happened. “Is everything okay?” he asked. She rolled her eyes, but didn’t look at the minotaur. “Yeah, it’s fine.” In truth, it wasn’t. Ever since her...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 10 Finding the Center

“ ... and that brings me to here.” Dana sat on the edge of the fountain, her chin in her hands. She wondered if she should feel more upset, regaling the others with her tale. Tears were beyond her ability. The strange numbness of her body applied even more so to her eyes. She could no longer feel them, and it was taking effort to remember to blink. “So if I don’t deliver Mike or whatever special treasure the house hides, he will leave me like this.” Naia, Cecilia, and Zel looked at each...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 9 Nightmares and Dreamscapes

His soul floated, hiding just beneath his skin, dreading the moment that his eyes would open, streaming reality in High Definition through his very being. It wasn’t that he was afraid to face the morning, but rather that he was afraid of how much pain he would be in upon awakening. The morning before, his whole being had been in agony. Between fucking Jenny out of Beth and then carrying Beth home, he wondered if his body would decide to be tired or sore instead. How does a body decide how...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 4

Stirring Memories The group was huddled on the floor, staring at the mock map Mike had made of the hallway. He had used his knife to carve wooden blocks from the still flopping dresser, lying the pieces end to end. The smaller ones had already stopped shaking, and the larger ones were weakening. Cecilia hovered overhead, and Carmina stood amongst the blocks. Carmina had gone first, flying along the ceiling and then back again. Cecilia had become invisible, traversing the same distance. The...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 6 A Series of Unfortunate Events

Kali stood in the front yard, her dark eyes focused on the Radley house. She could see tell-tale signs of the Geas all around her like a giant, magical bubble that shifted away from her when she tried to pop it. She had been fascinated by the spell ever since she had heard about it, but had been warned away from trying to mess with it. While Emily was alive, any attempt to come near the house had ended in death for Society members after the fiasco with Garrett. After Emily had died, she and...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 15 The Devil

Yuki sat on the porch swing, staring out at the front yard with a cup of tea in her hands. The debris from the magic storm was strewn across the grounds, making the land look like a small junkyard. Somehow, it served as a perfect metaphor for her life right now, a giant mess with nobody to help clean it up. She took a sip of tea, letting out a sigh as the hot liquid streamed down her throat. The front door opened behind her and Mike walked out, then sat down next to her on the swing. She...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 7 What About the Creepy Doll

“Actually, there is something.” Mike carefully walked around the furniture in the room, pulling the doll from the mantle of the fireplace. He came back, handing it to her. The docile porcelain features of the doll gazed imploringly into Beth’s eyes, as if it was sad to be leaving. “I don’t care how, just get rid of it.” Beth realized that even she thought the doll was spooky. Staring into its painted eyes, she couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m on it. Have a good night, Mike.” She left him, a...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 6

Big Hands, Big Feet The walk back through the tunnels was uneventful. Back in the throne room, Mike had Beth broker a new agreement with the rats. If they wanted to stay, they could, but they needed to close off any tunnels to the outside world that could be used to get in. The rats were hesitant to deny their request, particularly because Tink kept throwing everyone stink eye while holding her club and Mike held Jenny in his arms like a pet. The doll didn’t reanimate on the way back, but...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 11 Unwanted Company

She sat in the black sedan, watching the old, victorian era home across the street. Through the gate and the hedges, she could only make out the upper levels, replete with turrets and large, ornate windows. Inside that home, she knew would find her prey, but one problem remained. Of the many magical enchantments the house had, the most annoying of them all was that you had to be invited. They had bypassed this little detail with the succubus —using Mike’s blood had let them bypass the...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 14 Moonrise

Kisa sat on the roof of the house, her eyes locked on the wrought iron gate at the back of the property line. It had been over a week since Mike had gone through it and returned with the devil dog in tow. Despite his reassurance that Cerberus was no longer a danger to them, all she could picture in her mind was being chased through the misty woods by a fire breathing beast. Memories of her trip into the Underworld from so long ago had rushed in on her like ice water. She had fled from the...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 4 New Castle

The drive to the storage unit took over an hour. Staring at the fields on the edge of town, Beth couldn’t fathom why Emily would insist on a storage unit so far away from civilization, especially when there were several good ones within fifteen minutes of her home. “Fries,” she said, and Lily, acting as her copilot, held up the small red fry cup like an offering to the gods. Beth grabbed a few, stuffing them in her mouth carefully to avoid smudging her lipstick. They had grabbed a bite to...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 9 Caught in the trap

Water flowed through a crack in the wall. On the other side, Mike could hear the river. Placing his hands against the hard stone, he could feel the vibrations through it. Cupping his hands, he collected a mouthful of water and drank it. It was cold with a slight metallic taste, but Blue had informed him that it was safe enough to drink. “Is it good?” Blue asked from her perch on his shoulder. “It tastes like water,” Mike responded, sucking down huge mouthfuls. Wiping his mouth, he turned...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 4 Made of Stone

Mike yawned, the morning light through the white curtains casting a blissful glow on the room. He scratched the back of his neck, his foot kicking the lump near the bottom of his bed. He sat up, leaning forward to give the lump a playful pat. “It’s time to get up, Tink.” Mike watched the lump slide to the edge of the bed, disappearing over the edge with a thud. “Owie,” Tink muttered, standing up holding her bottom. She was wearing a tank top night shirt, one of the things Mike had ordered...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 13 In the Eye of the Storm

Mike realized his mistake as soon as it happened. Upon walking out the main entrance, they had stopped long enough for Beth to bid farewell to Asterion. The group all stood at the edge of the reflecting pool, their shortcut back to the house. When Beth rejoined them, Tink counted down from three and they all jumped in at the same time. That’s when Mike remembered that the magical shortcut would take them all to the downstairs closet. Not until the water soaked through his shoes did it occur...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 14 The Magician

They came again in the early hours of the morning, moving silently behind the outer wall. They triggered the wards Yuki had set, causing the kitsune to watch their approach through the window with bated breath. She could see them now, ominous shadows that peered over the wall and then vanished, gathering near the entrance for their next attack. Yuki had spent hours building her defenses back up, her mind and body tired from the effort, hoping to catch some sleep. Now, she watched with eager...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 13 The Tower

Mike’s heart pounded in his chest at the sight of the thing. The Jabberwock regarded the small group of people in its master’s home, then opened its mouth to let out a cry that made him think of a pterodactyl on steroids. Jabberwock saliva misted the entire room, and everyone covered their ears to shut out the cry. Daisy bolted, vanishing down the stairs and leaving a glittering trail behind her. Zel made a break for it, and the Jabberwock lunged for her, leaving a bloody gash in her...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 8 La Petite Mort

“Are we ready?” Mike asked. The others nodded, each one at their stations. Tink had tied Beth to a chair which had been placed in the fountain, standing behind her with a knife at the ready. Abella was out of sight, watching from up above in case everything went wrong. She had explicit instructions to do whatever it took to protect the members of the house. Naia stood behind Beth, her lips a crooked smirk. “We are ready.” Cecilia said, standing next to him. Mike took a deep breath, taking...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 5

Breakdown in Negotiations Mike pulled his shirt on in front of the bathroom mirror, Naia watching him from the tub. He could see the look of concern on her face, knew that the question was coming, and he had no idea how to dodge it. “Are you okay?” He let out a sigh. “No.” “Tell me.” He didn’t want to. He never wanted to talk about it with anybody. Yet, when he turned to face her directly, he remembered that she was the other part of his soul. She completed him in a way he couldn’t quite...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 9

The Fool The railing was smooth to the touch, as if it had been recently polished. She touched a knot in the wood, her fingers caressing the fractured ridges. Closing her eyes, she took in the smell of the place. The rich scent of oil, sawdust, and water from the fountain out back filled her with a swirl of nostalgia, causing her to inhale again, only deeper this time. So many old scents and a few that were new. Behind them all was the faint, faded scent of sunflowers and...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 4 Boxing Match

Sleep came for Mike, but it was far from restful. Unable to properly enter the Dreamscape again, he tossed and turned in his bed, his brain unwilling to let things rest. His first thoughts were on Cecilia. He could see her now, trapped inside a silver cage in the middle of a glen surrounded by waterfalls. Breaking the lock on the cage, he stepped inside—only to have her melt like wax in his arms and slide through holes in the floor. “Cecilia,” he cried out, her name slurring as if spoken in...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 7

Five Minutes Ago “You take me to the nicest places,” Beth said, stepping over a small, mossy rock. The world around them was dark, and the light from their cellphones poorly illuminated the forest floor. A breeze had formed as the cool, night air of Ireland blew through the portal into Mike’s front yard. The portal had been chewed into the inner wall of a crumbling home out in the woods, obviously long forgotten. “I do my best.” He stepped over a large rock and offered his hand when she...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 2

Roommate Trouble Beth sat at the large dining room table with a small plate of bacon, some coffee and a large plate with the remnants of a strawberry crepe. She scribbled a few more words on a notepad by her laptop, frowning at the list. “Any luck?” Sofia asked, walking in with her own breakfast. The cyclops took the seat across from Beth. A few of the seats in the formal dining room had been designed for larger people, allowing the cyclops to sit comfortably at the table. As far as Beth...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 11 Painful Memories

Kisa stood in the kitchen and scowled at the pantry door. How many times had she wandered in here and absent-mindedly opened it? At least three times a day, and now that she was here again, she had decided to look through the whole pantry and discover just what it was that she was looking for. Her missing memories really bothered her. She had just assumed that something would come back to her in the last few days, but all she got was static. Vivid images of the old man stirred something up...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 5 Man in the Mirror

Beth tumbled gently to the floor beneath, flipping her body at the last second to land on her feet. Staring up, all she could see were the clouds she had passed through on the way down. She had several red marks on her left arm, each one from a nasty pinch that she gave herself to try and wake up from this strangest of dreams. Now that she was on the ground, she saw that she stood in a beautiful garden with a large marble gazebo in the middle. “How peculiar,” she said, expecting her voice to...

3 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 12 Welcome Home

Mike opened his eyes, staring at the waning sunlight through the canopy overhead. Scattered rays were dying, a sign that the sun was sinking toward the skyline, ready to slumber until the break of dawn. The forest was quiet – a complete lack of animals meant that the only sound Mike could hear was the occasional rippling of the leaves as the wind brushed them against one another. Lifting his head, he knew that he needed to get back. Though his slumber had been restless, he had clearly slept...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book OneChapter 2 A Swing and a Miss

“Whoa!” Mike splashed water everywhere in his haste to get out of the tub. This time, Naia didn’t fight him as he scrambled out into the bathroom, covering up with a towel. She pouted as he slid across the floor, looking for his pants. Seeing that she hadn’t moved from her spot in the tub, Mike felt his heart rate level out, the burst of adrenaline gone. “Who ... what are you?” He asked, trying to keep his eyes off of her breasts. Other than the strange markings on her ribs, her skin was...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 8 The New Girl

“Easy, kisa.” The familiar voice was thick with a Russian accent and elicited both feelings of warmth and sadness. It spoke to her from the void, guiding her back to the world of the living. The darkness peeled away to reveal a small dance studio with wooden floors and large windows overlooking a city. One of the interior walls was a mirror, and in the reflection was a young, black teen who sat on the floor, her face wracked with pain as an older man held her left leg in place while...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 7

The Naga, the Fox and the Wardrobe The door of the wardrobe didn’t move. Puzzled, Mike grabbed the handle even tighter and pulled again, but it still wouldn’t budge. The wardrobe felt like it had been anchored into the wall, the door completely immobile. Frustrated, he tried rattling the door when he realized that he had missed one very important detail. Right below the handle was a small keyhole. “Ugh.” He got ready to kick the wardrobe out of frustration when he remembered that he had a...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book ThreeChapter 8

The Hanged Man His chest was on fire and he couldn’t move. His limbs were super heavy and he couldn’t feel his legs anymore. Am I dying? Loud thuds like distant thunder beat in his chest and he thought he heard someone saying his name. His head cleared, and it occurred to him that he had looked onto the shores of the afterlife and they had looked nothing like this. A loud scraping sound filled his senses and he was suddenly blinded by a bright light and someone called his name. Oh shit....

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 8 Memories and Minotaurs

The sudden shift in time and position was immediately disorienting. One second, she was on the first floor of the Radley house, the world spinning around her. The next, she was running along a busted bridge, her legs not quite right beneath her. She tripped, colliding with someone else on the bridge, and they tumbled off together. Once she hit the cold water, her synapses fired all at once, restarting her brain and giving her full control. “Beth!” A hand swung out, grabbing her wrist, but...

2 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book FourChapter 6 In and Out

Up on the third floor, Mike contemplated the large set of double doors in front of him. The wall where the wardrobe used to be had been replaced with a slightly wider hallway that terminated after a few yards at a large pair of metal doors with a series of gears built into them. He tested the handle, but the door didn’t budge. Symbols were emblazoned across both doors with shapes that seemed astronomical in nature—he recognized the symbol for the moon and the sun, and the planet Mars, but...

4 years ago
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Home for Horny Monsters Book TwoChapter 14 Bigger on the Inside

“Ugh.” Mike held up a hand to shut out the sun’s light. It had been a late night trying to lay down all the new sod in the front yard. The lightning blasts and storm had killed off most of it, and only a few of the shrubs had survived. The delivery had showed up six hours late, and Mike and the others had to hastily unroll the sod beneath a scorching afternoon sun. Tink had crawled into bed with dirt on her hands and feet, her goggles pulled down over her neck. Mike had fallen asleep in his...

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POO MONSTERS

"Quick," he said, "grab the forty miles per hour sign." She bent down and felt around under her seat for the A3-sized placards that he had made up. She pulled them out and flipped through them, looking for the one he wanted. "Good grief, would you look at this idiot?" growled Michael. "Doesn't he know what a de-restricted sign means, for heaven's sake?" He changed down into third gear and cruised up to a few yards behind the bumper of the car in front, edging out towards the...

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World of Futa Monsters

Four figures were seen with each other, locked together by their hips and holding each other's thighs. They were clearly very voluptuous women with extra body parts below. In front was an orange haired werewolf getting anally reamed and jerked off by a vampire behind her while the vampire was being pounded by a dark skinned mummy. And said mummy was being pounded by a green skinned zombie woman of some sort. To the side of the orgy lied a human woman oozing and caked in cum. The monster women...

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Backyard PrincessChapter 2 Prisoner of the Shadow Monsters

That evening, Sarah stopped by and asked if we wouldn't mind coming over to meet her parents. Mom and I followed her across the way to her house. Her mom greeted us at the door and welcomed us inside. The smell of freshly baked cookies filled the house, and I spotted a plate of them on the coffee table in the living room. Her dad sat in one of the chairs. Mom and I sat down on the couch, and Mrs. Laurent took one of the other empty seats. Sarah passed around the cookies, then disappeared...

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I Kill Monsters

This story introduces two characters to the readers. I will bring them back every once in a while but this was the first time I used them they came to me as a result of a story written called Yukon by – well it does not matter. It is a continuation to a story "Yukon." A couple go to Yukon, wife is fucked silly by a scum bag monster of a man who has done it before to others; husband is forced to put up with it until he finally figures out a way to kill the monster. Wife tells him monster is...

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Sometimes Monsters Come In Small Packages

My name is Dr. Reginald  Alexander Ghurtholtz. I am a monsterologist, teaching monsterology at the world-famous Graveyard University. For those of you who don't know, monsterology is the study of monsters. Yes, they do exist. Of course, my so-called scientific colleagues disagree with me, but what do they know? They're just a bunch of chemists, biologists, zoologists and so forth. You know... voodoo scientists. They actually had the nerve to tell me that monsterology wasn't even a real word and...

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Monsters Of Cock

Monsters of Cock describes itself as “The biggest throat-clogging cock site in the world!” That’s quite a brag, either sexy as fuck or maybe a little bit intimidating, depending on who you ask. However, knowing the kind of absolute deviate you are, I’m sure you fall into the former category, and you’re probably already getting a hard-on as you think about little white chicks getting all full up on BBC. “Watch these girls cum from big cock!”MonstersOfCock.com is a long-running paysite from the...

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Thanks to Weirdo (John) for writing my Catgirl change. Halloween Tale: Monsters Are Real By Troy Monsters are real and I know it. How do I know it? Well that's easy. My friends and I are monsters. How did we get this way? It's a long story, but I'll tell you how it happened. There were six of us that night. Angel, Bill, Alec, John, Rena (who I always liked teasing about what I considered a girlish name), and myself had been told by our parents to go trick-or-treating for our...

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