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Chapter 1 - Chrysalis
Last thing I remember of my previous life was that I fainted. When I
woke up again everything was different. My mind was clouded, fuzzy, and
I could not identify what was wrong. I was taken out of this dream
state by a feminine voice, which was at the same time, "familiar" and
unknown:
"Mary, finish dressing or you will get late for the school!"
The sound of "my name", pronounced by "my mom" took me out of the
torpor. Before fainting I had been a 30 year old man, bold, fat and
bored. Somehow I knew now that I was Mary, an 8 year old girl, what was
particularly evident due to the fancy dress, clearly a school uniform,
I was wearing.
My "mom" entered the room in a hurry and said, "My God, you still did
not comb your hair, come here, this is the last time I do it for you!"
Without giving me a chance to protest she took me, messed with my hair
(that was curly and reached to the shoulders), took some rubber bands
and I ended up wearing a ponytail. I could not react (but what would I
do anyway?), seconds latter I was being pushed by my "mom" downstairs
with a school pack on my back.
In the front door she kneeled to look at me eye-to-eye (I was probably
1,30 or 1,40m tall) and said, "Honey, I know you are anxious, it is not
easy to start again in a new school, but help us a little bit, you will
see that soon you will find new friends!"
Then she kissed me goodbye, closed the door and I saw my "dad", waiting
in the car parked in front of the house. I "remembered" now that this
was my first day in the new school, I was a 3rd grade student in the
elementary school. I was starting at a new school because my "dad" had
received a promotion in his job, but for that we had to move to this
city. I was the only daughter of a Hispanic family, whose parents
immigrated long ago and had legal status. I remembered also that they
decided to name me Mary instead of the more traditional Maria so that I
could integrate better in that society. "Remember how?", I thought,
"these memories were not mine!"
I went to the car, sat at the passenger?s seat and he drove me to the
schoolyard. He then opened my door, gave me a kiss in the cheek and
said "good luck". Everything was happening so fast. For the first time
since I woke up I was alone, everything seemed bigger than I
remembered. How had this happened? I was a 30 year old man in a 8 years
old girl?s body! I tried to recall my old name, but somehow these new
"memories" substituted the old ones. I knew, for example, to which
class I should go at that school, but had only vague memories of
attending a similar school in my former life. I sure could not tell
this to anybody, or else I would end up in some psychiatric hospital or
worse. I decided to go straight to the classroom, dominating the
discomfort I was feeling about this whole situation.
* * *
The first days after the transformation were awkward and uncomfortable.
Without being able to talk to someone about what happened to me I shut
down completely. Luckily the new school provided a good excuse for this
behavior, but soon I realized that I could not go longer with that. My
"parents" started to get worried and on the third day after the
transformation I overheard a conversation between them: they were
considering whether they should send me to see a shrink. I was in
panic, I did not want that for sure. I could not invent a personality
that would deceive a specialist. I decided that I would have no other
choice then trying to fake happiness. That night I trained hard how to
comb my hair and how to dress by myself, taking care not to wake up
"mom" and "dad". Next day, after I woke up, I put a smile on my face,
dressed and combed by myself and got downstairs to meet my "parents",
kissing them in their cheeks. Their relief about the end of my "strange
behavior" was so intense that I could feel it. My theater ended in the
classroom, there I could relax and assume my depressive personality,
but when my "daddy" picked me up after the school he had a surprise: a
quite expensive Barbie doll, from those which are based on Dysney
Princess films and are sold as merchandise. I thanked him happily,
kissing him, but all the time I was thinking "what will I do with
this?"
The first month in the school was interesting. I first thought that
would grow bored, since I had seen all that 25 years before, soon I
realized that this was not true. I had, of course, seen all that stuff
before, but not with the mind of a 30 year old grown up. I saw new
meanings in what the teacher said that I never had perceived before. I
concluded that our educations system is very good, to those who already
know everything. My colleagues, of course, suffered a lot to learn the
things that I was enjoying studying. Soon it became clear to my
colleagues that my grades were always high. I must confess that it was
very nice to be considered the smartest "girl" in the classroom. This
helped me to fit in in my behavior. I was cataloged as "nerd", what
allowed me to remain solitary and not to pay much attention to dresses,
make up and other things that were the major interest of the other
girls in the class.
I said I was solitary, but there were two more "nerds" in the class:
Doris and Robert (he hated when people called him "Bobby"). We became
friends, which was a good escape valve to me, since I needed someone to
talk, even if the conversations was a farce. Time went by and our
friendship grew. Specially Doris helped me to adapt to the new reality
(she taught me, for example, how to play with that doll). I remember
from this time that first I went to bed all night expecting to wake up
from this weird dream the next day (this never happened, of course)
with the time, however, I started feeling growingly afraid to leave
those who were found to me: Doris and Robert and, why not, mom and dad.
Chapter 2 - Metamorphosis
Three year after my transformation I had a terrible experience at
school. I was sitting on my chair in the school when I felt a deep pain
in my guts, after that I felt some warm fluid spreading in the chair
beneath my skirt. I looked to see what was happening and immediately I
entered in a hysteric crisis: I was bleeding! I entered in panic and
started to cry and to scream, thinking I was going to die. The teacher
came and soon I was sent home. As I calmed down, I started thinking
again and realized what was that: my menarche, that is, my first
menstruation. The Hysteria gave place to a deep sense of Shame, not
only I had behaved in such a... a... girly fashion, but also had
displayed a key aspect of my femininity before all my colleagues. The
worse was to "attend" my mother?s lecture about sexuality, differences
between boys and girls and about having babies. I wanted to scream to
her that not only I knew all that already, but also I had practiced it
a lot... as a man. Of course, I could not do that.
Next day I, wearing my first sanitary towel, had to be forced to go to
school. To my surprise, instead of the laughter I expected, my
colleagues received me with something I could only describe as awe. The
biology teacher improvised a lecture about female and male physiology
and the subject was clearly my last day?s demonstration, I was suddenly
a star! Fact was that I had been the first girl in my class to have a
period and I became a sort of celebrity in the whole school. From a
simple nerd, I was "promoted" to specialist in a tabu theme called sex
(what I was, by the matter of fact, but nobody knew that, of course). I
felt proud, of course.
Following this happening I noticed for the first time that my mammary
glands had already started to grow for some time and I had by then very
small breasts. My pubic hair, which I also did not notice before, had
grown for quite some time. My mom gave me that night my first bra,
saying that I was now a young lady. All this attention started to
affect me and from night to day all those things I never payed
attention, dresses, hairstyling and even make up, started to feel
pleasant. I started to enjoy feeling pretty. I still lied to myself
telling that I found everything disgusting, but from this period on I
did not resist anymore to dress and to behave like a female, but I
still did not feel attraction to boys.
* * *
Doris and Robert continued being my better friends and companions. I
had, however, greater intimacy with Doris. The time seemed to pass
faster and when we saw we were already in the eighth grade. Next year
we would go to the high school. I felt my a tension in my friend and
one day I was caught by surprise. We were sitting side by side in my
bed, for one more section of joint homework, when she suddenly leaned
over me and kissed me in the mouth. I had already flirted with the idea
to becoming a lesbian when I "grew up", but this was a theoretical
idea, born from my previous experience as a male. I do not know if it
was due to the surprise, or due to her taking the initiative, or what
else, but when she kissed me I felt that it was so... wrong! I pushed
her away and my face was probably so terrible that my friend deviated
her sight. Again Doris took the initiative, this time to get out. I
thought hard about what happened and decided to look after her the next
day, but could not avoid the sensation of betrayal. She took distance
from me and from this day on our friendship was not the same again.
After we went to high school I lost completely the contact with her.
Nowadays I often think about her and think about what happened. I fell
ashamed for my behavior at that time and wish that she finds peace,
whatever is her sexual orientation.
Robert was now my best friend, specially because we attended the same
high school. When we first met we were about the same height, but in
the first semester of the freshmen year he experienced a growth spurt
and was, since then, about 5 inches taller than me. A rarefied beard
started to grow at his chin. Just to make fun of him I used to call him
"Shaggy", in honor of my favourite cartoon. He got red as a pepper
every time I called him so. It would not cross my mind, just as had
happened with Doris, that he wanted from me more than just friendship,
but, maybe due to my former experience with her, I started wondering if
he thought about me in that fashion. In one second my old "childhood"
friend changed in front of my eyes. I started to notice that he was not
that ugly after all and started looking at that "beard" with different
eyes. I stopped calling him "Shaggy", since this bothered him and, more
important, started searching for ways to be near him. One day, at home,
thinking about Robert, I suddenly realized that I had fallen in love.
My first reaction was to reject this feeling, but then realized that
just this though made me sad. I saw than that I had gone too far
already. I dressed like a girl, I did my own make up almost every day,
and had even a Barbie doll collection. Why would I resist to what I was
feeling? I decided looking for him the next day, to confess my feelings
and to tell who I really was.
Next day, as we stood face to face, however, something quite unfamiliar
to me happened. I did not know what to say to him. I, the one who
"always knew what to say" was there, totally without action and
helpless. Maybe that gave him the missing courage. I did not need to
say anything, he approached carefully and reluctantly kissed me. That
finally broke my resistance, I did not care anymore for what I had been
in a previous live, it really mattered what I was then. I held him and
kissed him back, helping him. So he was more secure and started our
first passionate kiss. So he became my boyfriend.
Chapter 3 - Flying free
Here I am, resting for a little bit while my cosmetician goes to the
storage room to pick up more material. I look at the mirror for the n-
th time: I must see to believe! Me, in my wedding dress, absolutely
gorgeous. In about one hour I will be in front of the altar to marry.
No, the groom is not Robert, we were together during all high school
and I was his date for the Prom, but after that we went to different
colleges and the distance finished our romance. We did not even have
sex. We are still friends, he has already married and has a little
daughter which is very cute. I met my husband-to-be at the college. I
am studying Neurosciences and he is finishing his Ph. D. in Sociology.
We are together already for a while and our first idea was to marry
after we got our degree, but something unexpected happened, so we had
to hurry. My mom and dad will be there and I am very happy about this,
with the time I learned to love them. My father is on the way with the
limousine we hired, to bring me to the church.
Sometimes I think if my previous life as a male was not a dream after
all. Due to my study I am familiar with the effect of microstrokes on
our brain and some of them can induce quite vivid illusions. This does
not explain, however, the ease with which I went through school and all
that I knew before anyone has told me (sex as a male, for example,
which is a quite vivid memory). No, I prefer to thing that I was
granted a wonder, a miracle. After all, who has the opportunity to live
the life of a 20 year old beautiful woman with the mind of an almos 50
year old grown up?
The fact is that the truth does not matter, what matters is that I am a
woman and soon I will be a wife. I remember the legend of Tiresias, not
the one related to Oedipus, but the one that says that he was
transformed into a woman after killing a pair of copulating snakes,
regaining his manhood seven years latter. According to the legend he
was the arbitre of a dispute between Hera and Zeus about who has more
pleasure in sex, the man as Hera stated or the woman as Zeus stated.
Tiresias supposedly told that the women had 10 times more pleasure than
men. I must say that I agree with Tiresias.
I must stop with these daydreams, the cosmetician will soon return to
finish my make up. I cherish my belly once again and think for the last
time: good that the dress fitted, my belly grew a bit, but no one will
notice, what a luck that we could book this church now, one more month
and we could not hide the pregnancy anymore.
THE END
Jayla
- 03.06.2021
- 8
- 0
