Counselor
- 4 years ago
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A Counselor Conversation free porn video
My counselor asked that I type our conversation so I can see and have
evidence of what I said in our counseling session. If you've never been to
one, it's a great idea to have it taped and then type it. You'll learn a
lot about the things you talk about. So this is from a recent session.
She's given me permission to put this on Fictionmania, as she wants to see
reviews. I think she's looking to see if others have the same childhood
experiences I had or if yours are any different. So this is very
autobiographical but I think you'll enjoy it.
We meet for 45 minutes one hour each week.
I have to tell you, Jamie, that after all our meetings, I believe your
mother caused most of the problems that you are dealing with.
Mother didn't force me to wear these things.
No, but she provided them to you, didn't she?
Yes.
So why do you feel that she didn't force you?
I think force is too provocative a term. I think she encouraged me. I
mean, she put them on the table. And we talked about them.
Tell me again how did this happen? How old were you?
Well, the first time Mother did anything weird to me was when I was eight.
Mother caught me playing with matches. She went out and bought a large box
of matches and made me sit at the table and light them, one at a time. I
sat there for hours until I was tired of playing with fire.
And then?
Well, one day she noticed that I was playing with her makeup. She must
have seen some lipstick or something
How old were you?
Still about eight. I'd found a lipstick tube on her sink and put some on
my lips. Once again, she brought out a bunch of makeup and suggested I
play with it until I grew tired of it.
And did you grow tired of it? Cosmetics, I mean.
No, I couldn't do it right. I asked her to help me, to make me as
beautiful as she was.
So tell me about the panties.
Well, I found a pair of her panties in the laundry and I tried them on.
And as she encouraged you to light matches, and to play with her makeup,
I'm assuming she encouraged you to wear her underthings. Why would she, or
how did she encourage you in wearing panties?
Well, she certainly didn't want me wearing her panties.
How old were you?
Nine, I remember because we'd just moved to a new home. It had a built-in
laundry hamper in my parent's bathroom. And I took a shower there once,
and found the panties. I put them on. And I masturbated without even
trying. It was like my penis exploded when I put that panty on. It was a
yellow, very sexy, lacy brief. And I stained it. So I hid the panty.
Mother unfortunately found the panty and figured out it was me. Not like
it would have been hard since I was the one playing with her makeup. But
she did notice that I'd worn the brief and soiled it a bit.
So did she encourage you to wear her panties?
Oh, my goodness, no. That would be 'unsanitary' as Mother made it clear to
me. She brought me into her room when I came home from school one day. We
talked about her panties. We sat on her bed, and she pulled some of her
panties and bras out. And we talked about girls and women and how women
wear a different kind of underwear than a boy would. I thought that would
have been the end of it. But no, she had purchased some for me. I mean,
she had a bag next to her bed, and she dumped out about twenty really
pretty girl's panties and some training bras. She said they were mine. She
didn't ever want to find that I'd been wearing her panties ever again. She
didn't tell me I had to wear them, but just gave me some of the prettiest
panties I'd ever seen. With the adorable coordinating bras, how could she
have expected me not to wear those dainties?
"You know," Mother told me, "that just wearing girl's underwear doesn't
make you into a girl. There are a whole lot of things about girls that
have nothing to do with bras or panties. I'm not going to discuss those
things with you now. But I want you to explore for a bit, and let me know
when you have a question. If I were you, I'd make sure that nobody knows
you're wearing panties or bras. They'll laugh at you, or maybe even hurt
you."
That was it. She didn't tell me that I had to wear the clothes. She just
gave me some.
What did you do with the new clothes?
I brought them into my room, and tried them on.
And how did it feel? Did it feel the same as when you wore you Mother's
panties?
Even better, because these were mine. I didn't feel like I was doing
anything wrong because Mother had provided these things for me.
But you weren't forced to do it. Do you think that your mother was wise
providing you with the clothes that you so strongly wanted to wear?
I don't know. Is it wrong for a parent to provide something that a child
wants badly?
What if you wanted something that was harmful to you? Like what if you
wanted a drug that was bad for you? Would she give you a drug because you
wanted it badly?
Of course not.
Then tell me, Jamie, wasn't her providing you bras and panties a little
dangerous?
But panties and bras aren't dangerous. It doesn't hurt anybody if I wear
lingerie.
But lingerie isn't enough, is it? You talk about cute skirts, or a
comfortable ballet flat. I don't know any woman who can't wait to get out
of her bra at the end of the day, and you can't wait to get into one. A
woman wants to clean her face, and you rush home to put your 'face' on.
Leotards are great for an hour of exercise, yet you can wear a bra,
panties, leotard, and tights to bed and sleep well. Those baby doll
nightgowns you sleep in, most women would wear them for that short little
bit before having sex with their husbands. Don't you find that they itch?
Yes, but a girl has to suffer a little to be cute and sexy.
Is that what you wanted to be when you first wore those 'cute' panties
your mother provided to you? Was there some boy you wanted to attract, or
was it just being the girl that excited you?
Here is the crux of the problem, Jamie, as you and I have been working
through this problem. Is there a man out there you want, or is it women
you're interested in? What woman would want to have a relationship with a
man who wears panties prettier than hers? Women don't want to have sex
with a man who has to pull his panties down. A real woman doesn't want to
watch you take off you bra at the end of the day. A real woman wants to
have you undress her. Not watch as you put your makeup on or slip into
something more comfortable and appropriate for a typical male / female
relationship.
Let's talk about what happened during these years, Jamie? Was there
anything other than your mother giving you a bunch of undies?
Yes, I remember when I was eight, and in second grade, I got in trouble
and the teacher made me stand in line with the girls. It was the PE
teacher, and when I walked into the classroom with the girls, the homeroom
teacher noticed and drew all the attention towards me. I was so
humiliated. She called me up to the front of the class and tied a pink
ribbon around my head. She said if I wanted to walk in with the girls,
then I should dress like one. That humiliation was so incredible. And the
worst part was I loved it. It was the only attention I ever got in that
class. I mean, I'm no spectacular catch, as you can see. I don't think of
myself as 'woman magnet' and even as a kid, I didn't think the girls were
that interest in me, so if I could get some attention, even if it was in
an embarrassing situation, than I'd take that as well.
How sad! So, your mother provided you makeup, bras and panties, and you
teacher humiliated you publicly. Is there anything else?
Same age, I was climbing on a large metal swing set and almost to the top,
wearing a panty under my boy clothes, which was rubbing me just right. I
came the first time, like for real as I reached the top of that pole. I
don't know if 8 or 9 is the age when most boys start having their first
wet dreams, but all mine revolved around panties and makeup. For whatever
reason, it was the panties that I became fixated on. It doesn't hurt to
have a pretty ribbon on my head. And then, I noticed these girls in their
ballet outfits. It drove me wild. It's like wearing a panty because you
can see their whole body shape. And the lines I see from a panty under the
leotard, or the line of their tights drove me crazy. I wanted to be a
ballerina so bad, I couldn't get those thoughts out of my mind.
I went to the mall one time and bought a leotard and tights. For the first
time ever, I asked for help in finding a package of panties 'for my
sister,' I told the sales lady. I knew I wasn't fooling her, but she
helped me and told me she was sure my 'sister' would love her new pretty
panties and ballet set.'
Are we forgetting anything? I can think of a couple?
Really? You're really good at this counseling, you know that. You help me
to open up and not feel guilty or bad about it. What are we missing?
I couldn't help but notice that feminine smell whenever you visit. Not
overwhelming or offensive, but definitely not masculine. When did that
come about?
Same age, I was about 9 and talking a shower in Mother's bathroom. She and
Father had gotten ready for a date or something, and Mother had used her
perfume. She's left the bottle out and I made the mistake of spraying
myself. I couldn't get it off me. I stayed away from everyone, but women
notice smells much more than men do, and wouldn't you know it, but Mother
noticed. She told me I smelled nice! And next day, she'd purchased a
younger girl's deodorant. So now I use Secret, "powder fresh" and
"Unforgivable" by Sean John or "Emeraude" by Coty. Is it that noticeable?
Well, I did notice, but it's not overwhelming. What did your Mother use?
Mother used "Chantilly Lace" but she told me when she got me perfume to
not put it on my skin. She suggested I spritz down on my panties because
it's farther away than a person's nose and they might not notice. But one
again, she didn't force me. She made suggestions. She provided the
materials, but didn't tell me I had to use them. She bought me a woman's
deodorant, and a woman's perfume. She made feminine suggestions.
You said a couple of things. Smell, and what else?
Material.
What do you mean?
I mean, have you ever noticed that a girl's clothes are made of different
kinds of materials than a man's? Men wear cotton, but many of women's
panties are made of nylon, as are the tights and the leotards. Did she
provide you with nylons? Pantyhose, girdles, those types of things?
Well, yeah, I guess that's true. I was looking though a catalog once, and
Mother noticed. I hadn't noticed her until she was standing right over me.
I was looking at panties and she asked if I was shopping for more? That
was embarrassing. I'd been looking at some of the nylons and nylon
panties. Some of the more lacy ones. Once again, Mother provided some new
nylon style panties and some packages of hose. And she bought some more of
the coordinating bras. She was teasing me in a way.
How did you not get caught? Who washed the clothes? Didn't any of your
brothers ever see your collection of panties or bras, or now pantyhose?
I'd think that eventually, they'd have noticed how 'pretty' you smelled,
or maybe see a panty waistband or something. You were playing with fire,
weren't you?
We each did our own laundry, and I didn't wear the lingerie all the time.
I wore it when I wanted to explore girlhood. So no, it wasn't like I was
walking around in my delicates all the time. I maybe wore my panties or
bra like once a week. I'd sleep in my leotard, tights, and bra maybe once
or twice a month. It wasn't like I was wearing those things every day.
Would you if you could?
Yes
Would you have worn night gowns like your mother?
Yes.
Do you think your mother would have loved you more if you were a real
daughter?
Yes.
What else?
Color? I get the impression, Jamie, that you think women wear only pink
and they paint their rooms pink and use only flowery dishes and pretty
things. Does it bother you to think that women don't actually wear all
girly dresses and play with makeup like you think we do? I mean,
seriously, I don't think I have a pink panty in my drawer. Does that
bother you? Can't a woman wear white or beige or black panties without all
the lace and flowery prints?
I understand your point, but men can't wear pink in public, or people will
think they're gay. Women can wear any color they want without judgments
being made against them.
So when you get home from work, you get all girly. You do understand most
women don't do that and their husbands don't expect it from them.
I would think that a woman would want to get all pretty for her husband,
so no, I don't understand that. The way I see it, a man doesn't have to
anything, but the woman has to make herself be presentable. In other
words, she has to do an action to prepare herself for her man, but a guy
is lazy and doesn't have to do anything but unzip his pants and allow her
the opportunity to prepare him for sex.
So you think men are lazy and don't work hard in a relationship?
Pretty much.
I get the feeling you believe that the man provides the meat on the table
and the woman does all the rest. Is it the woman's job to clean the house
and do the laundry?
Absolutely.
Isn't that a bit sexist?
Yes, but isn't it the truth?
Organization?
What about it?
You seem to be concerned with coordinating lingerie with outfits. You talk
about women doing the laundry and all the cleaning. You told me once that
you match your clothes with the clothes hangers. A blue shirt goes on a
blue hanger. Do you still feel that way?
Why not? It isn't hard to coordinate undies with outerwear. It's not hard
to hang a pink blouse on a pink hanger. It's the woman's job to keep the
house organized.
Where do you come up with all these odd ideas?
Mother, and Father. He's made it clear what is women's work what is men's.
I thought so. What did your mother do to make you think women are so
clean and organized?
She was a nurse, she had to be spotless. Clean white uniform, properly
ironed, clean white tights, polished shoes, hair up and clean. Everything
always clean.
And do you honestly think most girls and women are that clean and well
organized?
I don't know, but why not? I think men are slobs and women clean up for
them. Isn't that the way of the world? Women should wear clean clothes,
clean panties. If they are in their periods, than tampons and pads so they
don't soil their undies. Clean and well organized kitchen, clean children,
everything clean and put away in its proper place. That's how a home
should be run, and it takes a woman to do that.
Your brother Gus -
What about him? Oh, yeah. Once, same time, I was about 8 or 9 and brother
Gus said something that I'll never forget.
And what was that?
That I and my other brother were not wanted.
And why would he say that to you?
Because we all think that my mother would have paid a lot more attention
to a daughter and that she really wanted a daughter but she kept having
sons. He said that I and my brother were failed attempts at trying to have
daughters. I think he was upset that our parent didn't have time to pay
attention to any of us individually. And he was just venting his
frustration that Mother kept on trying.
Bummer! Did you believe him?
Of course. Why would he have lied to me?
How would he have known that? Do you think your mother told him that you
and your brother were unwanted?
Well, she gave me all the clothes. She didn't discourage me in exploring
womanhood.
So do you think she wanted you to become a girl?
I think that sex changes were extremely unusual at that time and it would
have been extremely frowned upon. It would have destroyed my father. He's
retired from the military. I know I told you that already.
We hardly ever talk about your father. Why is that?
I don't care about him. I don't like him, and I'm not here to complain
about my father. I consider him a failure and never was close to him. He
was a military guy. I did what he asked for because he'd beat us his belt
if we disobeyed. He took a baseball bat to one of my brothers once. Don't
need or want to talk about him. He's not important in this mess. He'd
disapprove and I don't need that. I'd never get him to accept me as a
girl, and I don't mind that.
Wow! Bummer for your dad. It seems to me that you think of your father as
a typical male and maybe he had some influence on how you think of men in
general.
"Let's change the subject."
"Okay"
I think that about covers it. I've told you everything. I'm not hiding any
secrets. You know that I'm wearing women's underthings. You know I use
feminine deodorant. You know I use tampons and pads. You know I desire sex
with a guy. What else is there to talk about?
The final action. What is the final action?
A sex change.
And is that going to happen?
No
And why not?
Can't afford it, don't want it. I like girls. I'd be an ugly woman. And
why should I?
Because you're not comfortable in your own body.
Well, actually, I am comfortable in both. I like being a boy, and a girl.
And besides, I don't think I'd be able to orgasm if I had my sex changed.
Then why are you here? What can I do for you? You've come to me for help
and I don't know how to help you? Why does a cross dresser come to a
counselor?
Because if I don't talk to someone, I'm going to explode. I need to get
acceptance from someone. I don't mind spending the money or the time if I
can get that acceptance.
And you can't get that acceptance from any woman?
Of course not! Didn't you say earlier that a woman doesn't want a man that
dresses in panties prettier than hers? I could probably find a prostitute,
but then I'd get diseases. So I think it's worth the money and the time to
talk to a counselor and dress this way so I can explore womanhood in a
safe environment.
So I'm your path to the exploration of womanhood?
You are my safety net - A release of frustration. An ability to explore
the realm of a world that I can't explore in any other way. You have the
experience and training to ask the right questions and help me to
understand where I want to go with this.
It seems to me, Jamie, that you already know all the answers to this.
You've defined for me today, the reason for the dressing, and the smells,
and passion you have for being a 'ballerina girl' and there isn't anything
more that we can discover if you know all this already. Though I think you
have a problem with your father that needs to be worked on. I still
believe that it is your mother's fault for allowing you the opportunity to
explore a little more than most boys are given. I don't think it does any
good to place blame, but I don't think she was wise in her decisions of
the gifts of lingerie and perfumes. We should talk about what she didn't
provide you as for your coming to me. I understand that you want me to
help you explore womanhood which is something your mother should have. If
she had guided you more into being a girl, you probably would have changed
your sex a long time ago and lived happily ever after with some knight in
shining armor fucking you every night.
We are one messed up world, don't you think? Boys must be boys and girls
must be girls and never the twain should cross dress.
I've recorded this session, and I'm giving you my permission to type it up
and put it on line. I read your stories on Fictionmania, you know. You've
changed quite a bit over the past few years. I can see that in your
writings. But I still want you to write in your journal. This week's
assignment is your relationship with your father. We've got to explore
that a whole lot more. That fishing story was a bunch of lies and we need
to fix that. Any questions?
I'll see you next week.
Nadine
- 28.12.2022
- 25
- 0
