A Trip Down Memory Lane... Growing Up Girly... My TG Story free porn video

A Trip Down Memory Lane ... Growing Up Girly...My TG Story (Pick a title) By Maddie Miller This story is the story of the summer when I was 10 years old.. It will go fast in some parts and other parts will be more detailed.. The only thing that are not true are the names. Although Maddie is my real first name, the name I've used for many years anyway. Also I use a lot of brand names. I do that for two reasons, one because I sort of relive things as I'm telling the story and two because I feel that using brand names makes it a little more real for the reader. This is about 90% the way I remember it and 10% stuff I couldn't remember and had fill in. This story takes place in the mid 1980s. It will jump ahead a lot, I don't want to bore you with the slow parts. I will try to put as much detail as I can in this. Because what's story without detail. A Little Background I lived in Upstate New York with my mother and father, along with my two brothers, Mike and Rich, we are each two years apart.. My parents were very loving to all three of their kids. We were never beaten or abused mentally or physically. My father, Ray, worked very hard, he owned an electrical company, the kind of place that did the wiring in houses and other buildings. He started with almost nothing, but over time he became very successful. He was very muscular and is almost 6 and a half feet tall with wavy brown hair and brown eyes. His hair is mostly gray now and he is a little out of shape. My mother, Stacy, was a stay at home mom. Was and still is very thin with long blonde hair and blue eyes. She was a good wife and mother and still is. Her favorite thing to do is to cook. My older brother is nearly a clone of my father. He doesn't see things the same way but that's just about the only difference. If you looked a old pictures of my dad when he was younger you would think it was Mike. He was very popular at school because he was so good at sports. He would help my dad do things around the house and eventually he would work for my father's business full time. Both of my brothers were tall, like my dad, but my younger brother was a little shorter than my older brother but still taller than me, he also has brown hair and brown eyes. He loved fitness, he was always working out. He eventually became an athletic coach at a local school. Both of my brothers were into sports, cars and girls. And then there is me. I'm the middle child, the one that is supposed to have problems for whatever reason. I was born Matthew Miller and the only problem that I had was that I was born male. I am very much like my mom, I'm also thin but have brown eyes and brown hair. I'm five foot tall. I have always been very feminine, the way I walk and just in general. I've always gotten along with girls more than boys. I wasn't as popular as my brothers were but I had friends, they were all girls. As I said, I was born a boy, I never really felt normal or right or whatever you want to call it. I always felt different. At an early age I knew I didn't want to be a boy. I had no interest in the things that my brothers were into, I always liked art and music. I would paint and draw all the time while listening to the latest pop songs. My brothers liked rock music. They would watch shows like 'The A-Team' or 'Knight Rider'. I'd watch shows like 'Growing Pains' (Oh, that Kirk Cameron) or 'Full House' with hot Uncle Jesse. The only things that my brothers and I liked were staying in shape and the TV show 'Who's The Boss' with Alyssa Milano. My brothers thought she was 'so hot'. I loved her hair and her clothes. I almost wanted to be her. I had her album 'Look In My Heart', I had the posters from 'Tiger Beat' and 'Bop' magazine. I even had her workout tape 'Teen Steam'. I'd catch Mike or Rich peaking in my room watching the TV as I worked out. Also as time went on I was into boys. But I'm getting ahead of myself. My Alyssa Milano phase wasn't until later. The Start We had small farm house with a lot of land. Around the time my younger brother turned 6 my parents decided that we needed a bigger house. Instead of selling our house and buying a bigger one they decided that they would put an addition onto our current house. Soon we went from a three bedroom, one bathroom house to a four bedroom, two and a half bathroom house. So at 9 years old I finally had my own room. No more sharing a room with Rich. It was around this time that new for sure that I wanted to be a girl, without question. I had been "borrowing" my mothers clothes for about a year by then. I was very careful not to get caught and it was very hard since I shared a room with my brother. I didn't get caught until about a month after I got my own room and my mother found her panties sticking out from under my mattress. She was very mad, she asked my why I took them. Now being 9 years old I guess I didn't know exactly how to put things. I looked at my mom and said breath and said, "I took them because I wanted to wear them." "Oh," she said. "I see." "Mom," I said, "I like to wear girl's clothes. I don't like being a boy. I want to be a girl." She just looked at me for a second and said, "You don't like being a boy? Well, that's not what I though you were going to say but I wasn't too far off." "What?" I asked. "I thought you were going to tell me you are gay," she said. "Gay?" I said. "Why did you think I was gay?" She said, "Well, I have to admit, I always thought you were a little feminine. But I didn't think you wanted to be a girl." I said, "I hate being a boy. It makes me very sad that I'm not a girl. I don't feel right being a boy. I don't know how else to explain it." Like many other parents in a situation like this, she didn't know what to say. The strange part was that she almost immediately went from being very mad to calm. We talked about how I felt, why I thought I wanted to be a girl and even the type and style of clothes I liked. We talked for about four hours. When we were done talking she gave me a big hug and said, "I'll talk to your father about how you feel, but don't get too excited, I don't think he'll be very happy about his son wearing girls clothes." And she was right, she talked to him that night. The next day my mom told me that he said that there was no way that I was going to dress or act like a girl. I had really hoped that he would be okay with it. But I knew that there was really no way that he would be. When my mother told me what he said I burst into tears and ran to my room. My mother tried to calm me down. She said that things would workout. Don't worry, it will be okay. But all I heard was, "You'll never be yourself, you will never be happy." After that I was really not happy, my dad kept trying to 'make me a man'. If I did anything that was even slightly not manly he would say something. This went on for about three months. Whenever I could, I'd be in my room drawing or listening to music quietly. I didn't really talk to anyone. I wished that I never told my mom that I wanted to be a girl, at least that way I could hide it instead of being told that there was no way I'd ever be myself. I never wanted to hurt myself in anyway, but I sure wasn't happy being me. Best Birthday Ever It was the last day of school, it was also the day before my birthday. When I got off the school bus with my brother, my mom was at the front door waiting for us. Mike saw her and said, "Hey mom, can I go over to John's to play basketball?" "Don't you have homework to do?" she said with a smile. "Nah Ma," he said, "school is over for the year." "Yes Mike I know, I was joking," she said. "You can go play with your friend, but change your clothes first and be home by six for dinner." "Thanks mom," he said as he ran past her so he could change is clothes. I came waking up the steps to the door where my mom was waiting. She said, "Matty tomorrow is your birthday? Are you excited?" Normally I looked forward to my birthday, but I had been so depressed for the last three months that I didn't care if I had a birthday at all. "No mom, I'm not excited," I said. "I'll be up in my room drawing if you need me." As I walked to my room she said, "Okay honey." On my way to my room Mike passed by me. "See ya later Matt," he said as ran by. "Bye," I said. When I got to my room I saw a package on my bed. It was wrapped in shiny hot pink paper with hearts all over it and a big purple bow. It wasn't very big, just the size of a box that a shirt might come in. Oh, it was girly. I stood there and looked at it. "Well are you going to open it?" I hear my mother say from behind me as she stood in the door way. I turned to look at her, but couldn't say anything. "Well," she said, "go on. See what's inside." I walked over to my bed and with shaky hands I picked up the box and carefully opened the paper. With the paper off I opened the top of the box and saw panties. Different pairs, different colors. I looked at my mother. She said, "A girl should always have panties." I think she was smiling, but I couldn't tell for sure, everything was just a blur because of the tears in my eyes. She came over to me and gave me a hug. We both cried for a little while. My mother said, "So, I guess you like your early birthday present?" I hugged her again and said, "Yes mom, I love it. Thank you so much, I love you." Then it hit me. "What about dad?" I said, "What is he going to say? I mean he wants me to be a man, and these, well, these aren't exactly boxers. No matter how hard I try to keep them covered there will be a time that my shirt with ride up or something and he'll see that my underwear is pink or purple or yellow?" "Calm down honey," she said, "I've talked to your father and we have come to an agreement. It took a lot of convincing him. He loves you, and like me, he doesn't want to see you so sad and depressed. So from now on he won't keep on you to 'act like a man' and he won't say anything about your panties as long as you do what your told and you do all your chores without being told." "Really?" I said. "He's okay with it?" "Oh, no," she said. "He is far from okay, but as I said we have an agreement. But all it takes is one forgotten chore or something that you forgot to do and your cute little panties will be gone." "I understand," I said. "Don't worry, I won't forget anything." "As long as you are good, you don't need to worry about your father," she said, "It's your brothers that might be a problem." At the time Mike was 11 soon to be 12, I was 9 soon to be 10 and Rich was 6 soon to be 7. All of our birthdays are in July. After dinner that night my father told my brothers that he needed their help. As they were getting in the truck I heard Rich say "Hey? How come Matt doesn't need to go?" I knew that my dad was going to talk to them about me. About an hour and a half later I heard them pull in the driveway. I was standing next to my mother when they walked in the door. I was shaking, I was so nervous. There were a lot of questions, most I couldn't answer. I didn't know why I liked girls clothes. I didn't know why I felt like this at all. Finally my brother Rich said, "Well, I don't get it. But as long as I don't gotta be a girl I don't care." Mike didn't feel the same. He stood up, looked at me and said, "So you wanna be a girl? Fine with me, just keep away from me, I don't wanna get any of your stupid girl germs on me." (Remember, he was only 11.) He walked away and went outside. I looked at my parents. My dad said, "Just give him time. He might come around. But you can't blame him, it's hard for me too." That night as I was going to bed my mom came into my room and sat on my bed. She said, "Tomorrow is a new day honey. You never know what's going to happen on your birthday." "Mike hates me mom," I said with a lump in my throat. "And Rich isn't much better." "Don't worry honey," she said, "they will be okay in time." When I woke up the next morning I went downstair and found my mother in the kitchen. "Happy birthday Matty?" she said. "Thank you Mom," I said as I was yawning. "Where is everyone?" "Your dad is at work and your brothers are helping him. They won't be home until about six tonight," she said. "I thought you would want to sleep in on your birthday." "Yeah," I said, "thanks mom. And thank you again mom. The panties are very nice. It might seem like a stupid or small thing but I love them. It's just something that makes me feel better about myself, even if it's just panties." "Sit down, I'll get your breakfast," she said. I sat down and started eating. There was bacon, eggs, toast, juice. I ate like a king. My mother is such a good cook. As I was eating my mom sat down across from me and said, "As you know your father and I have talked a lot about your situation. And you know how bad we feel about you being so depressed since we had our talk. We hated seeing you so sad, that's why we decided to let you wear girls clothes all the time." I stopped eating and looked at her. "All the time?" I asked "What do you mean all the time? I only have panties, it's not like I have any skirts or dresses." "Just finish eating Matty," she said. I finished eating and my mom took my dishes to the sink. I stood up. She said, "Wait, sit down. I have a few birthday gifts for you." I sat back down and my mother went into the next room. When she came back she had five boxes wrapped just like the one on my bed the day before. My heart nearly stopped when I saw them. "I hope I didn't go overboard. But I must admit that I was a little excited buying clothes that weren't for boys. Buying my own clothes doesn't count." The first box had a white t-shirt with Smurfette on it and a pair of blue runners shorts with same picture of Smurfette embroidered on the left leg. "I thought that was so cute," she said with a smile. "I love it Mom?" I said. This was too good to be true. I was so happy and there was still four more boxes to open. I opened the next box. This one had two more t-shirts one was light purple, one was mint green both with short sleeves. Both had a little bit of lace at the neck line. There was also a light pink cotton mini skirt. The next box had a pair of jeans and a few pairs of socks. When I picked up the socks I saw they were lace topped and I smiled at my mom. When I took out the jeans I saw the tag, it said 'Jordache' with the trademark horse on it. I couldn't believe it. "Mom?" I said, "These are just like the ones some of the girls in school wear. These are amazing, oh my god? Thank you so much?" "You are very welcome honey," she said. "The socks are Jordache also. I think you missed something else in there." I looked in the box and under some more tissue paper there was, what I thought was, a pair of denim shorts. It turned out to be a denim mini skirt. I said, "Oh, thank you, thank, thank you? But mom, these are so expensive." "It's your birthday," she said. "Besides, it's not everyday that I get to buy girls clothes." The next box was another one about the same size as the last two. I opened it and saw light pink and gray under the tissue. I picked it up and saw that it was a long shirt that said 'Jem' from 'Jem and the holograms' cartoon on the front. "You'll need a sleepshirt," she said. "That cartoon is popular, that's why I got that one. I should have gotten the Pebbles Flintstone one or something else, I think I saw one with Fraggle Rock on it, I can take it back." I looked at my mom and said, "Take it back? No way, I love this one, I just love it mom." "There is more in that box also," she said. I looked and found matching panties. They were so cute. I looked at my mom and smiled. The last box was much smaller. I opened it and saw that it was a little black purse. I opened it up and found a make-up kit with nail polish inside. "A purse?" I said. "That's so cool!" "You never know when you'll need it," she said. I stood up and walked over to my mom and hugged her. I said, "Oh thank you mom. Thank you so much for everything. I love everything. I love you. This is the best birthday ever." "I'm so glad you like everything," she said. "I love everything? But mom," I said as the smile went from my face. "Yes honey, what's the matter?" she asked. "I love these clothes and the make-up, but when or where can I wear them?" I asked "I mean what about Mike and Rich? At least one of them is around almost all the time. Mike has a real problem with me wanting to dress in girls clothes." "Matty, we all live here as a family," she said. "If Mike wants to walk around here in ripped up jeans and a dirty old t-shirt, then you can wear a pair of cute shorts or a skirt if you want. I didn't get you these clothes to hang in your closet and collect dust." "But Mike really hated the idea of my dressing like a girl," I said. "Well, that's Mike's problem then," she said. "He will just have to deal with it. You don't get to say how he dresses, so he can't say how you do." "So I can wear these clothes anytime...all the time?" I asked. "Yes honey," she said, "all the time. Well, except for school. I don't think the school would like it. But you are done with school for the summer, so relax and be all the girl you can be." I hugged and thanked her again. "So come on, let's go upstairs so you can try all these things on," she said with a smile. I got to my room and put all my new clothes on my bed. I pulled my PJ bottoms off and my mom said, "Oh, those panties fit nice, don't they?" "Yes they do," I said. I took off my shirt and reached for my shirt with smurfette on it to begin with but my mom stopped me. "Wait a second Matty," she said. "You need something on under that shirt." "What do you mean?" I asked. "Go look in your top drawer and I think you'll know what I mean," she said with a smile. I opened my underwear drawer and saw that it was filled with socks and panties. I couldn't believe it. But then I saw what my mom was taking about, there were six or eight camisoles. Some went to my waist and some only went down to just below my chest. I started to cry. My mom said, "Oh, honey, don't cry." "I can't help it mom," I said, "I just love everything so much." "I know you do honey," she said. "But dry those tears, put on one of your camisoles and put on a fashion show for me." I took a deep breath and said, "Okay, here we go." "Oh, and by the way Matty," she said. "Yes?" I asked. "You are never to leave this room for the day without a cami on," she said, "Unless you are going to school or somewhere that you are going to wear you old boys clothes. A girl shouldn't ever go without some type of underclothes." "Yes mother," I said with an fake attitude, my hand on my hip and a smile. And then, I was a girl. My hair wasn't super long, it was past my collar, long enough so that my mom could put it in a french braid. I would have it in two small braids or pigtails or something also. The Rest Of The Family My grandparents on my fathers side lived close to us. About two miles away. They were the closest neighbors that we had. Mike's friend John lived about three miles away. He was the second closest. My dad didn't get along with his parents very well. He always said that they were terrible parents. He didn't have any brothers or sisters. So seeing my grandparents was rare even though they lived so close. My brothers and I were only to call them grandfather and grandmother. Never grandpa or grandma. I think they were about a million years old, or at least I did at the time. I knew they had a lot of money but they never gave any of it away to charity or bought anyone anything. Not even to their grand kids. My other grandparents, my mothers parents, lived about four hours away. We stay at their house on holidays like Christmas, Easter and others. They are very nice and are willing to help anyone who needs it. They also have a lot of money, my grandfather owned a shipping company and sold it to some other shipping company for a lot of money. He never worked after that, he likes to stay home and work on his garden and around the house in the summer and travel a little in the winter. My mom would have to tell them not to buy my brothers and I everything they could. My mom's family is very relaxed. We also would stay there for about a week in the summer. My mom also had a brother and a sister. My Uncle Rodger and Aunt Jenny were awesome. They were both younger than my mom, my aunt was only ten years older than my brother Mike. She worked in a doctors office. My uncle was only about two years older than her. He worked in real estate. Neither of them were married or had kids. There weren't any kids around my grandparents house, so when we were there my brothers and I would play together or hang out with my grandparents or my aunt and uncle. It's A Girl? About three days after my birthday I was outside helping my mom in the garden. My dad was fixing something on the car. My brothers were avoiding me somehow. I heard a car coming up the driveway, I turned to see who it was and I saw my dad's parents. My dad stopped what he was doing and walked to their car while wiping his hands off on a rag. They got out of the car and talked to my dad for a few seconds. They looked over toward me and my mom. They talked to my dad for awhile longer and then the three of them walked over to us. I had on my Smurfette outfit on with pink flip-flops that my mom got for me when she was at the store that morning. My hair was in pigtails and my finger and toe nails were painted light pink. As they got closer to us I smiled at them and said, "Hello." My grandmother said with a smile, "Who is this cute girl?" I don't know why but whenever my grandmother smiled it seemed very fake. My dad said, "Mom, that is Matty." She hated being called mom, she insisted on being called mother and that's exactly why my dad called her mom. He hated that they thought they were better than everyone. "Oh Raymond," she said, "that is not funny or nice, calling this young girl by a boys name. Your son's name no less." I thought, is she that blind or do I look more like a girl than I thought? "No mom, that is Matty," he said. My grandfather said, "What? Is he being punished in some new way?" "No dad," he said, "Matty likes dressing as a girl. She is very happy this way." She? I thought. He called me she. I smiled a little. "Well," my grandmother huffed, "that is just not right. Imagine, a boy wanting to be a girl." My dad said, "You don't need to imagine mom, just look." "Well, I don't know why you would let HIM dress in female clothing." said my grandmother. I could see that my father was getting mad. He said, "I let HER dress that way because it makes HER happy. In fact, I have never seen her this happy ever." "You even say 'her' instead of 'him'," she said, "I just don't agree at all." The whole time my grandfather just stood there with a smile. He would nod his head once in a while. My dad said, "You don't need to agree mom. There aren't any laws being broken here, so there is no need for concern. I love and care about my kids and if Matty is much happier this way then it's fine with me." "Well, what will people say?" she said, "Have you thought of that Raymond?" "No mom, I didn't," he said. "Because I don't care what people say. And, if you have a problem with how I raise my children then maybe you shouldn't come around anymore." "Ray, don't say.." my mom said. "No Stacy," he said as he put his hand up toward her "I will not stand here and listen to someone tell me how to be a parent when they clearly weren't one themselves." My grandmother looked at my grandfather and said, "Come Charles, we are leaving." my mother, father and I watch as the car turned around in the driveway and pull away. "Are you okay Ray?" my mother asked. "I'm fine, now that they are gone," he said. "Don't you think you were a little hard on your mother?" my mom asked. "No," he said, "I should have said that along time ago. They were always trying to tell me how to raise our kids. I'm sick of it, now maybe it won't happen anymore." I went to my dad and hugged him. I said, "Thanks for sticking up for me dad." "I just want you and your brothers to be happy that's all." Road Trip Well, as I have said before we would goto my other grandparents house for about a week in the summer. And it was that time again. It was about a week after Rich's birthday. So almost a month after mine. Mike didn't want to go because he wanted to ride his new dirt bike. So he was in a bad mood right from the start. We all packed up our clothes and things and stuffed everything into the back of our station wagon and went on our way. There was a bench seat in the front and one in the back. The car could seat six, but my dad had a built a console that went in the middle of the front seat so there was only seating for five. There we were, in front was my dad driving, my mom reading a magazine. In back was Mike, me and Rich. I had brought my Tiger Beat magazine with me to read. My hair was considerably longer by then, my hair grows fast, I had it in a single braid with a small purple bow at the end. It was so cute. My nails were painted purple, my second favorite color next to pink. I had on my Jordache mini skirt on and a purple t-shirt that said 'WHAM!'. Oh how I loved that mini skirt, it was short, like mini skirts are, this one only went mid-thigh. It made me feel so girly. My mom didn't like how short it was, she wanted to take it back but I begged her not to. I also had on my super cute ankle socks with the lace at the top on. Unfortunately I didn't have any girls sneakers, so I had to wear my old boy ones. But they were plain white and with my ankle socks they looked cute. The whole ride there was almost silent. The only things that were said was Mike asking my dad to tell 'the girl' to keep 'it's' knees from his knees. Rich saying almost the same thing. Then my mom telling me that I always need to keep my legs closed like a lady, especially since I insisted on wearing such a short skirt. Both my brothers got a laugh from that. My legs were closed, Mike was saying stuff and Rich was just following him. Ahh Boys! Anyway, we finally made it to my grandparents house. As we drove up the driveway I could see my y grandma was weeding the bushes in the front yard. We parked and I saw my grandpa, aunt and uncle come out of the house. Everyone came over to the car as we got out. My grandma hugged my mom, have her a kiss on the cheek and said, "Oh sweety, I missed you." She looked over at me, smiled and whispered something to my mom. My grandpa, aunt and uncle each gave my mom a hug and kiss as they moved on to my dad, brothers and then to me. Everyone stood in front of me, my grandma was the first to say something. "Oh my?" she said with a smile. "You are so beautiful?" "Yes, she is," my grandpa said. "You look very nice Matty." "I can't believe it, wow," my aunt and uncle said at the same time. We all laughed at that. "Come in. Come in," said my grandpa. "You all must be hungry, dinner is all ready." We ate and talked and ate a little. When we were done eating, my grandma said, "Okay birthday gift time?" We all went into the living room and sat down. My grandparents gave my brothers and I our belated birthday gifts. Mike got a new bat, glove, a ton of other sports stuff and some cash to buy some new weights when he got home. Rich got a new basketball, a lot of sports stuff too and some money also. I picked up the first box, thinking that I would get more clothes. Not that I didn't want more clothes but seeing the things that my brothers got, I wanted some new things to help me stay in shape. I unwrapped the first box and saw it said 'Get In Shape Girl? Ultimate Workout with headband, legwarmers and dumbbells'. I was so happy, I saw it on TV and really wanted it but never said anything. I got the workout barre (I thought that was fancy) with 'professional' tutu and more legwarmers, the wrist weights, the ankle weights and shoe laces, the workout gloves and hairclip, the water bottles and bottle pack, even the grooming kit. I kept opening gifts, by the time I was done I think I had all the 'Get In Shape Girl?' sets that there was. A few tee shirts, two button down blouses one light pink, one white and three short skirts. A short, light summer dress with a flower print. Another summer dress only it was longer and halter style. And a new purse with $50 in it. I figured I could give the money to my mom so she could get me some workout clothes. I loved all the colorful leotards and outfits the girls on TV had on. It was like my brothers and I hit the lottery. The only bad part was that each of us, one at a time, had to open our gifts in front of everyone and show what it was. Normally it was Mike then me then Rich. But this time, for whatever reason, It was Mike then Rich then me. So both of my brothers had to sit there and watch me as I opened one girly thing after another. After we were done with the gifts we sat on the back porch and talked. My aunt Jenny said to me "Hey Matty, would you like to go shopping with me tomorrow?" I couldn't believe what she said. "Me?" I asked. She looked around and said, "Yeah, you are the only Matty here." "Yeah, ah sure. Okay, yeah, okay," I stammered. The question completely caught me off guard. "Well, if you aren't sure we don't have to go," she said as she smiled. "Yes, I'm sure aunt Jenny. I want to go," I said not seeing that she made a small joke. "Okay then," she said, "should we bring your mom and grandma? Or should it be just you and me?" "We should bring mom and grandma," I said. "Okay then, tomorrow is a girls day out?" she said. "Mom, Stacy. All the girls are all going shopping tomorrow. We will leave after breakfast?" We stayed out until after dark talking under the porch light. My uncle came over and said how natural I looked. That meant more than when my grandma said I was beautiful. The best and weirdest part of the whole stay was that there was no weird part. Everyone, except my brothers, acted as if I were always a girl. Shop Till You Drop The next morning when I woke up I was in such a good mood, I was going shopping with the girls. The best part was that I was one of the girls. I took a shower, when I was done I wrapped the towel around my chest and opened the bathroom door. Rich was standing there. I looked at him and I said, "Hi Rich." He rolled his eyes when he saw me and said, "Are you done in there or what?" "Yeah, yeah I'm all done. I was just taking a shower," I said with a smile. "I can see that," he said, "Could you move so I can get in there?" "Oh, I'm sorry," I said and moved out of the way and stepped into the hallway. I turned back and asked, "So are you doing anything with Dad, Grandpa and uncle Rodger today?" He didn't even look back. He just shut the door in my face. I felt bad that I couldn't talk to my brother anymore, I reminded myself that it wasn't my fault, he would just have to deal with it. I went to get dressed. I put on my purple tee with my pink mini. I wore purple socks with my sneakers. I checked my nails to make sure they were perfect. I brushed out my hair and put it in two pigtail braids. Then I put on my make-up. Wearing panties, skirts and cute girly t-shirts felt perfectly natural. I was so happy that my parents let me be myself. As I was putting my make-up on when my brother Mike walked passed the room. He stopped, looked at me and said, "You really like that girl stuff don't you?" I said, "Yeah, well, I'm a girl, so I like girl stuff." "No, you aren't," he said, " You look like a girl but you aren't. You used to be my brother. I don't know what you are now." he kept walking down the hall. I walked out in the hall and said, "I'm sorry." Mike turned around and said, "What?" "I'm sorry," I said again. "Don't be sorry," he said, "just be a boy again." "Why don't you be a man," I said, "a real man would know how to deal with it." "Don't tell me about being real man. You tried and you failed?" He yelled. "All I've done is be myself?" I yelled back "All you've done is ignore me or be mean to me?" "I'm done talking to you?" he said. "You can't even stick with how you were born. You have to go and mess things up?" He turned and walked away. "I am what I was born to be?" I yelled. I got mad that he walked away. I ran after him and raised my open hand to hit him, I felt someone grab my hand and stop me. I looked back and saw my uncle holding my wrist. He said, "Calm down. No fighting here." My mother came out of her room and said, "I heard everything." She looked at me, my uncle was still holding my wrist. She said, "Matty, were you going to hit your brother?" "But he was," I said. "I don't care." she cut me off. "I will not have you fighting." "But Mom I..." I said. "Matty stop now or you won't be going shopping with us today," she said. "Now go back to your room young lady." My uncle let my wrist go and I went back to my room and sat on the bed. A few minutes later my mom came in. She said, "You need to calm down." "He just really made me mad," I said trying to hold back the tears. "Listen," she said, "Mike and Rich are having a hard time with this. Not so much Rich but he is kind of following what Mike is doing." "I'm sorry mom," I said. "Don't be sorry honey," she said, "It's not your fault. If things don't get better we are going to have to get your brothers help with dealing with this." "Okay mom," I said. "I'll try to help if I can." "You can't do anything right now," she said, "So just finish getting ready to go shopping." I finished my make-up and went to eat breakfast. I could smell the food as I came down the stairs. My grandma was in the kitchen when I walked in. "Matty?" she said. She was always happy. "It sure smells good down here," I said. She came over, hugged me, stood back and looked me up and down and said, "Very cute outfit." "Thank you," I said. "You know Matty, you are very lucky," she said. "I know," I said, "I have awesome parents and grandparents. Not many parents would let their son dress and act like a girl." "That's true, but that's not the only reason why your lucky," she said. "What's the other reason?"I asked. "Have you looked in the mirror Matty?" she asked "You have a girls body. Your mannerisms aren't like a boys. You have a slight sway in your hips. When we go shopping today no one would ever think that you aren't a girl." I hugged her and said, "Thank you grandma. I never thought of any of that, I guess I'm even more lucky than I thought." "Oh and one more thing," she said "You have a mother that does a very good job on your make-up. Normally I don't like girls your age to wear make-up, but your mom did it perfect." "My mom didn't do it grandma," I said, "I did it." "Oh my," she said, "oh my, you did it? You did an amazing job." "She is very good isn't she." I heard my mom say as she walked in behind me. "She looks good in her new clothes too. At least that skirt is longer than the one you had on yesterday." "Mom," I said. "I was just telling her that I like her outfit," My grandma said. We sat down to eat. The rest of the family came down one by one while we were eating. My uncle came in the dinning room and said, "I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. I was so tired. Anyway, good morning ladies, I hope you slept as well as I did." We all said good morning and he sat down to eat. Soon everyone had come down and had finished eating. My grandma looked at my grandpa and said, "So what are you men doing today?" "Oh nothing planned, I'm sure we'll think of something. When do you think you ladies will be back?" he said. "I'm not sure," she said, "We'll shop for a while, get some lunch and maybe shop some more. I'd guess that we might be home by dinner time.". "Okay girls lets get to the shopping?" my grandma said. "Let's go Matty," my aunt said. We all got in the car. My mom and grandma in front and me and my aunt in back. On the way to the mall my aunt asked me what styles of clothes I liked, what colors, short or long. All kinds of questions. When we got there and parked everything was fine. We all got out and I saw the entrance of the mall and I almost passed out. "Mom," I said with my voice shaking. "Yes honey, what's the matter?" she asked. "I, I can't do this," I said. "Yes you can honey," she said. "No I can't," I said, "I'm so sorry." "Why not?" she asked. "What if someone finds out that I'm not a girl?" I said. They all kind of laughed. "Matty," my grandma said, "I told you, no one would ever think that you aren't a girl." My mom and aunt agreed. After a little while I found myself walking in the mall. I've been there before on my past visits to y grandparents house. It was at least three times the size of the one at home. My aunt grabbed my hand and said, "I have her first. I didn't get her anything for her birthday." I think we went to every store there was. Guess, 5-7-9, Merry Go Round. My aunt bought me the cutest saddle shoes at Thom McAn. She got me a few magazines at Waldenbooks. We went into Danskin and my aunt bought me a ton of workout clothes. Leotards, legwarmers, leggings, slouch aerobic socks and these amazing L.A. Gear sneakers white with pink edging and pink laces. She bought me Leggs pantyhose so my legs would look shinny in my new leotards. Like the girls on TV. I found out later that they weren't as comfortable to workout in as I hoped they would be. So wore my leggings. But they did look good. We went into Clair's to look at some hair accessories. After looking around a little my aunt leaned over to me and whispered "Wanna get your ears pierced?" "Yes," I said. This was like dream come true.. "Yes, I do." My aunt talked to the girl behind the counter and then came over to me and said, "Go pick out a pair of studs." A little while later I was walking out of the store with hot pink studs I my ears. Things couldn't get better. We were walking past a few stores and my aunt said, "Oh, let's go in there?" I looked where she was pointing and said, "Kay Bee Toys? I don't think I need any toys aunt Jenny." "No silly," she said, "next to it." I looked over and saw Swim-N-Tan, a store that only sold beach stuff. "Do you need a new swimsuit?" I asked. "No you do," she said. "You need to be ready for tomorrow." "Tomorrow?" I asked. "Yes," she said, "we are all going to the beach. You need something to wear." The beach? I thought, this visit to my grandparents is full of firsts. We went in the store and my aunt started looking at a few things. "You need a beach bag," she said. "A beach towel, sun screen, new sunglasses, lip balm, flip-flops, a cute little romper cover-up and a of coarse, a new swim suit." That was a lot I thought. "What color suit do you want?" she asked "Let's go see what they have." I started looking at the swimsuits. Another first. I picked out a pink and purple one piece suit and showed it to my aunt. "That's cute," she said, "pick out a few more, then we'll decide." I picked out three more and we decided on a hot pink one piece with black stripes on each side. She said I'd look more tan in hot pink. "Okay," she said, "now let's pick out a bikini." "What?" I said. "Let's pick out a bikini," she said, "you need at least two swimsuits." "Are you sure I'll look okay in a bikini?" I asked. "No." I heard from behind. I turned to see my mom and grandma standing there. "No way Jen," she said, "she is too young for a bikini. She just turned ten, and all this stuff is still new to her. It's only been a month." "I'm sorry Stacy and Matty. I got carried away," said my aunt. "But you still need all the other stuff." So we walked out of there with all the things that she said I needed. Including purple flip-flops and three flavors of Lip Smakers. We left before lunch. On the way out we walked past Aladdin's Castle the video game arcade. There were a few kids hanging out around the entrance. I looked over and saw a few boys looking at me. When we got outside my aunt said, "Those boys were checking Matty out." My mom said, "Yeah, I saw that. Matty, you better get use to that. You do look good." When we got to the car my mom stopped when she saw all the bags that we had put in there after each store. She said, "Oh my god! Jen how much stuff did you buy? Please tell me that's not all for her." "Come on Stacy," my aunt said. "She's my only niece. She needs a lot of stuff." My mom rolled her eyes and said, "We'll figure it out when we get back to the house." When we got back we saw that the boys weren't back yet. My mom looked though all the bags. As she looked she said to my aunt "I can't believe you bought all this stuff Jen." "I'm sorry Stacy," she said, "I wanted to make sure she had everything that a girl needs." I just watched as my mom took out all the leotards, skirts, dress and shoes out of the bags. As she took the things out of the bags she saw the pink and white stripped tube top romper. "Oh Matty," she said, "this is so cute and it looks so comfy." Then she saw the tag on my new swimsuit and said, "Venus Swimwear!? Oh, this better not look like the ones in the catalogs." She turned to me and said, "Matty go try this on now." I took it into the bathroom to put it on. "She doesn't need this much right now," my mom said. "How am I going to hide all this from her brothers?" "I'm not sure that you're going to have to," my aunt said. My grandpa's van pull into the drive way. My brothers burst into the house calling for my mom. "Mom!" Mike yelled. "Where are you?" "Up here honey," she called. Mike ran up and said, "Mom you gotta see all the stuff that me and Rich got!" "Oh no," my mom said. "Okay I'll be down in there in a little while." "Okay," he said and ran back down stairs. Meanwhile, I was trying on my new suit. When I put it on and looked in the mirror I nearly fainted. It was so cool, it did make my tan look darker but the black stripes on each side made it look like my body had an hourglass shape to it, the legs were high cut, I loved it. When I went back to show my mom she said, "That's what I was afraid of." "What mom?" I asked. "What?" she said. "Look at it, it's too sexy for a young girl." "I love it mom," I said. "No, no way are you going to wear that out of this house," she said. "But mom!" I said. She said, "Okay, I'll tell you what. You can keep that suit or you can keep your denim mini skirt. Not both." "What!" I said, "Why are you making me choose? Didn't you tell me to be all the girl I can be?" "Yes," she said, "but I didn't say to show your ten year old body off to everyone. That skirt is too short, I shouldn't have let you keep it." "It's a private beach," I said. "Why can't I keep both?" "Because I said you can only keep one," she said. "I don't care if it's private or not." "Mom!" I whined. "If yo don't choose I'll do it for you. And you know what I'll choose," she said. "Fine," I said, "I'll keep the mini skirt." "Okay," she said. "Now go change. We'll bring that suit back and get you another one after lunch." "Okay," I said sadly. As I turned to go back to the bathroom my brother Mike came running back up stairs. We came face to face in the hall and we both stopped. He looked at me and said, "Oh, wow. Wha, what, why, why do you got that thing on?" "Just shut up," I said and went to change. My mom went down stairs to see what Mike was walking about. It turned out that my grandpa and uncle got Mike and Rich about as much stuff as my aunt got me. "Dad," my mom said, "what were you thinking, has everyone gone crazy?" "We knew that Jen was going to get Matty a bunch of stuff," he said, "I'm not going to let any of my grand kids feel left out." "Fine," my mom said as she walked away. "Keep it all. I don't know how we'll fit it all in the station wagon." I came down stairs and said, "Keep it all?" "Not that swimsuit," she said as she walked back up stairs. "Oh," I said. My grandma made lunch and everyone sat down to eat. When were eating I said, "I just want to thank everyone for all the nice things that we got for our birthdays. I love all of you." "What a girl," I heard Mike say under his breath. I looked at him with a smile and whispered, "Thank you." After lunch my mom and I went to get me a new swimsuit. My new one was another one piece, it was lighter pink with a big purple star on the front. I looked over at another rack and saw a cute little purple bikini and said, "Mom, since I can't have the suit that aunt Jenny got me, can I have two suits that you do approve of?" "What do you mean?" she asked. "Well, there is a really cute bikini over there," I said as I pointed. "Do you think I could get that also?" "I don't know Matty," she said. "Mom, I'll only wear it at home," I said, "I won't wear it to the beach at all, I promise." After a few seconds she said, "Let's go look at it first." "Okay," I said with a smile. We when got closer we saw it was purple with pink ruffle edging. "Please mom?" I asked. "When are you going to wear it?" she asked. "Only at home," I said, "I'll only wear it when I'm tanning in the back yard." "Tanning?" she said. "Since when do you go tanning?" "Aunt Jenny said a girl should have a nice tan," I said. "Okay, fine," she said. "If it means that much to you we'll get it. I'm going to have a talk with aunt Jenny when we get back." "Thank you, thank you!" I said. "Your welcome, but no more buying things. You have enough stuff to last you until your next birthday," she said. "Okay mom," I said. We got back to my grandparents house and I tried on all of my new things. I loved them all. I was so happy. Soon it was time to eat dinner. My grandpa, dad and brothers all came in from playing football to wash up. I had on my new short, blue, a-line skirt on with a white t-shirt. My brothers came in, Mike looked at me and said, "How many times a day do you change clothes?" "None of your business," I said. Rich was right behind Mike and said, "I don't know how you look like a girl now. I never noticed it before." "Thank you Rich," I said. "That wasn't a good thing," he said. "You are really a boy, remember." I didn't say anything, I just sat down to eat. After dinner my mom, grandma, aunt and I all played a board game until it was time for bed. A Day At The Beach *Here is were things get a little faster.* I woke up another day in a very good mood. I was just so happy how things were turning out. Things were the same as the day before, woke up, took a shower, got dressed and went down stairs to eat. Only this time I didn't fight with my brother. We weren't going to the beach for a few hours so I read a few of my magazines in the meantime. When we were ready to go I got on my new suit. I put on my pink, over sized, off the shoulder shirt and pink runner shorts over it. I grabbed my bag, my purse and went out to the drive way. My brothers were going with grandparents, aunt and uncle in their van and I went with my mom and dad in the station wagon. I took about an hour and a half to get to my grandparents beach house and private beach. It was so nice there right on the lake. The way the trees grew they blocked the wind so you could just lay out in the sun all day or go in the water and just have fun. My brothers were playing in the water as soon as we got there. My aunt and I laid in the beach chairs next to each other and watched my brothers be crazy. It was hot, I would go in the water for a while and then go back to lay down and dry off and then back a few times. There were a lot of boats in the water for being a weekday. I saw a few boats slowly going by with girls laying on the deck tanning while their boyfriend drove. I wished that it was me laying on the deck with my boyfriend driving. My aunt must have read my mind because she said, "In time Matty, don't worry." "What?" I asked. "I saw the way you looked at that boat," she said. "You want to be that girl don't you?" "I guess so," I said. "Don't worry, you will be someday. I hated hearing this when I was younger, but, your still young you have plenty of time ahead of you to have a boyfriend. " she said, "I'm sorry for pushing you by getting you all those things yesterday. Maybe getting your ear pierced was a little too much. Your mom is right, your only ten you need to slow down." "I have ten years to make up for," I said. "No you don't Matty," she said, "You've always been a girl. You know that. Besides, you can't cram ten years into a few months. As far as I know, you can't goto school in a dress." "I guess your right aunt Jenny," I said. "And I can take out my earrings before school starts and my hair will cover my ears anyway." "You are a very smart girl," she said. "Are you sure you're going into 5th grade and not 12th?" "I'm sure," I said as she hugged me. It was a very relaxing day. Being out in the sun all day took a lot out of me. I fell asleep on the way home. When we got back to the house my dad picked my up and carried me to bed. "Good night Matty," he whispered. "Good night Daddy," I said as I fell back to sleep. We went back to the beach a day later and it was just as relaxing. My mom let me wear my bikini this time. I was in heaven. When Mike saw me in my bikini he said, "Oh, come on. Don't you think you should put something on?" "Are you looking out for me?" I said, "Thank you Mike." "Whatever," he said as he walked away. Soon it was time to go back home. We packed the car full, my dad even tied things to the roof. We said your goodbyes, got in the car and drove off. It always made me said to leave my grandparents house. Mike When we got back home my brother Mike didn't really go near me for the rest of the summer or ever for that matter. He was either on his dirt bike or off playing football or some other sport. As time went on he would have girlfriends here and there, he would hang out with them. I didn't see him much, if I went in the kitchen to get breakfast in the morning and he was there, he would leave. If I came into the living room at night to watch TV and he was there, he would get up and leave. The only time that he would stay in the same room as me was at dinner. That was only because my dad made sure the whole family was there. There was about 2 weeks left of summer vacation and I was kind of depressed, I was going to have to wear my boy clothes. I knew that I could change as soon as I got home, but still I didn't like it. I was in the living room reading 'Bop Magazine' or Tiger Beat' I read one of the two every month, over and over, about a thousand times. Mike came in, went to the TV, turned it on and sat down in the chair next to me. I couldn't believe it. He was in the same room with me. He sat there for a while and when the show went to commercial he got up and went toward the kitchen. He stopped, looked at me and said, "Some girl, your legs are awful hairy." I was in shock, my legs weren't hairy. I looked and saw some hair but not a lot. It upset me a little, okay a lot. I ran to my mom and told her what Mike said and she said, "He was only teasing you. Your legs are fine." "They don't feel fine, they feel all furry," I said, "I hate it." "Oh the drama," she said as she rolled her eyes. "Okay then, what do you want to do about it? Shave them?" "Yes," I said. "I want to shave them." "Okay then, let's go in the bathroom and I'll show you how," she said. "But I want you to know that if you start shaving your legs, when you stop they will start to itch. For me it got so bad that I couldn't go two days without shaving. And you may as well start shaving your arm pits also." I thought, how bad could it be? "Okay mom," I said. "Also," she continued, "if you wear shorts to school the other kids will know you shave your legs." I didn't care, all I cared about was getting that nasty hair off my legs. I wanted to make sure my stupid brother couldn't make fun of my gross, fuzzy, harry legs. Looking back, I can see that I was making it way worse than it was. My pre-teenage brain somehow made it worse. I barely have any hair on my body now, let alone back then. My mother said I always made drama out of nothing. After my mom showed me how to shave I loved the feeling of my smooth, silky legs. The first night I hardly slept, I kept rubbing my legs together. I loved how they looked and felt. Rich Rich didn't seem to care as much as Mike, but he stayed away from me for the most part also. He just loved to workout. He was into football, baseball, hockey, everything. He played baseball a lot and was on a few teams. He never really made fun of me. We were never really close. We were just two people that happened to live in the same family. He had a girlfriend on and off over the years also. I'm Maddie My Dad had trouble with me at first, he couldn't make eye contact with me or hardly look at me. But he could see that I was very happy in my new clothes and he came around. In fact one night I went downstairs to get some warm milk because I couldn't sleep. I saw my dad at the kitchen table reading the paper. He looked up at me and said, "Oh, hi Maddy. What are doing down here so late?" I said, "I couldn't sleep. Did you just call me Maddy? With a D instead of a T?" He thought for a second and said, "I may have, I'm sorry Matty I'm kinda tired." "No," I said, "don't be sorry, I like it. Do you think you could call me Maddy all the time? It's a little more girly than Matty. I know it's not much of a change but I really like it. I can't believe I haven't thought of that before." "I think I can do that," he said. "Besides, it fits. You're a girl now right? My daughter." I ran over to him with tears in my eyes and hugged him. He called me his daughter. "Oh, wow, I wasn't expecting that," he said as he hugged me back. I said, "I love you daddy," and kissed him on the cheek. "I wasn't expecting that either. I love you too. Ok... Maddy," he said with a smile "you better get back to bed now, it's late." I figured that I'd just go back to bed, I was on cloud 9, all the warm milk in the world wouldn't help me goto sleep now. I replaced the 'y' with an 'ie' when I write my name to make it more girlie. The End Of That Summer By the end of summer my hair was almost down past my shoulders. I asked my mom if I had to cut it for school. She said not if I didn't want to, lots of boys had long hair now. My mother was right about my legs itching. When school started I stopped shaving as much and boy did my legs itch. So I never went more than two days without shaving my legs and underarms. I also never wore shorts to school, until high school. Even though I loved dressing like a girl and doing girl things, I wasn't ready to let everyone know at first. Not in 5th grade anyway. All The Rest...Most of it anyway. While in 5th grade I met a girl, her name was Debbie. I don't like girls sexually, Debbie and I became best friends. Over time she knew everything about me and I knew everything about her. We would sit and talk on the phone about clothes, music, boys One day, when I was 12, I was getting ready to workout with Alyssa Milano in 'Teen Steam'. I looked in the mirror and I saw two bumps on my chest under my leotard. I got very excited, I ran down to show my mom and she couldn't believe it either. My mom took me to the doctor, I was fully expecting to him to say that was naturally developing breasts. But that was not to be, it turned out that boys around 12 or so see swelling around their nipple area. I was kinda of sad, I knew in the back of my mind that they weren't really breasts. The good news it that they swelled a little more and lasted for about a year and a half. Also when I asked my mom for a bra, like I had a hundred times before and she said no, this time she said yes. She said that at least I might be able to fill it out. I was almost an A cup but I didn't care how big or small they were. I had breasts event if it was only for about year and a half. The bad news was that by my 14th birthday I was stuffing my bras. Debbie really helped me come out to the world, it wasn't too hard, I was in 8th grade by then and most people knew already anyway but the way I acted and moved. When I did come out so many people were happy for me. I had a lot more friends than I ever had before. But my best friend was and still is Debbie. By 9th grade I tried to goto school dressed like the other girls did, but the school wouldn't let me wear any female clothes. When I was in 10th grade the school said I could wear cropped jeans and girls t- shirts, but no skirts or dresses. That was after about a thousand meetings with the school board. And a petition from the kids at school to let me. Not everyone like that was a girl. One time a few boys started getting mean with me. They were pushing me around in the hallway at school. My brother Mike came to my rescue. Nobody messed with Mike he was the biggest kid in school. Rich was the second biggest kid. So after that I never got bothered. A boy in school asked me out when I was in 9th grade. I was in heaven, a boy asking me out he was very cute too. I told Debbie, but no one else, we were both very excited. She had two or three boyfriends by then. I met this boy at his house on a Saturday afternoon. I wore a little denim mini skirt, a white off the shoulder shirt, pink sneakers with white slouch socks. He was 15 I was 14. He opened the door and let me in. We sat on the couch and talked for a while, and watched tv. He slowly put his arm around me and things couldn't get better. We started making out and before I knew it he had his erection out. That was very unexpected. For some reason I took it in my hand, I guess I just wanted a boyfriend. He whispered "Put it in your mouth." Debbie and I talked a lot about boys and oral sex came up a few times. She never had done it before and I hadn't either. If this boy had whispered "Shave your head." I would have, I really wanted him to like me. So I took it in my mouth, and in about 45 seconds I had a mouth full of his cum. I wasn't ready for that but I swallowed it all. The next time I saw him at school I tried to talk to talk to him at his locker. He acted weird and then a cheerleader came over to his locker. She looked over at me with a smile and said, "Hi Maddie." She looked at him and said, "Hey baby, ready to go?" and he left with her. I cried when I got home I told my mom everything, almost everything. She made me feel better and I learned a lesson. A few years later I saw that boy again and he apologized to me. My brothers and I have never been close. I rarely see them, even on holidays. In fact, I haven't seen Mike the last two Christmases. He goes to my parents house with his wife after I leave. I see Rich and his girlfriend more often but not a lot. I have an amazing boyfriend now, we have been together for 10 years. We have a nice house with a lot of land and two black labs. My boyfriend works for a utility company and I am a fitness instructor. I have breast implants, I'm a 32 C. I have not had SRS, I don't think I ever will, I'm happy with who and how I am. I still love short skirts, dresses and high heels. That's my story. I hope you liked it.