Chapter 4
I heard the whirring of an industrial strength ceiling fan. I knew the
sound because I listened to a legion of them all day long in a previous
job- my first LA job. I worked nine hours, loading and unloading
shipping containers. Seconds later, I felt a tiny prick of a needle in
my leg and then seconds later I blacked out.
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I awoke again, but this time, along with the hum of the ceiling fans, I
heard water dripping. The way that it was hitting, it sounded like it
was falling into a metallic sink. Each drop drummed in my ears, a
consistent tapping, like someone knocking gently on the door. The flow
increased, but still the water fell in drops, until it sounded like that
same person banging, desperately trying to gain entry. My eye opened a
crack, or at least it tried. They were so heavy, I began to wonder if
they were stitched shut. I could move nothing else except for my left
eye, but as it began to slowly open, like a massive stone door being
lifted by an army of men, I felt a tiny prick of a needle in my leg and
then, darkness.
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The dripping had ended when I felt myself return consciousness again,
but the same dull hum of the ceiling fans remained. It was accompanied
by another noise, and one that would have caused the hair to stand up on
my neck, if not for the fact that I could feel nothing. It sounded like
metal scraping on metal, like someone using a rake on a chain link
fence, over and over again. Or, it could have been something else,
something much worse. It didn't ease my fear that I was basically
helpless, seemingly paralyzed.
It was difficult to describe the exact feeling, but it was similar to
the time I overdosed on a bathroom concoction that was supposed to be
meth, but was actually laced with animal tranquilizer. My friend Danny
thought it would be funny to be high and pretend we were crippled. It
didn't help that he was already high when he had the idea. Even at
sixteen, I thought Danny was an idiot.
Little by little, I gained the feeling back into my fingers. Despite
this fact, it felt like they were heavily splinted. I tried to open my
eyes, but it was futile. I was blindfolded.
Just as my arms gained mobility again, I felt the prick of a needle in
my thigh.
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I woke to a horrible sound, but an even worse smell, like science class
when we dissected the foetal pig. The thick stench of formaldehyde hung
in the air, blocking everything else. I didn't need to see what was in
the room to know that something sharp, probably a saw, was cutting
through a piece of meat. I heard the saw scrape against bone, and then a
discernible cracking as the bone was cut through cleanly, then a wet
sucking sound. The saw went back and forth, and without the bone, it
severed the target easily, because in a few seconds, I could hear the
saw strike metal. I desperately fought against my bonds at this point,
knowing that if I didn't, I would likely be next.
I figured that I was in some organ harvesting plant. Dr. Travers had
given me the vaccination, which primed my body for extraction, and now,
I would leave here in a bag- in pieces. I fought against the cocktail
flowing through my veins, obviously brought on by the needles, and
managed lift my legs- but they were bound. I thrust my arms upward, or
at least tried- they too were bound in place.
"Now."
Needles entered every limb in my body. As a needle punctured my neck, I
didn't so much as fall asleep as fall unconscious. One moment I was
thinking of escape and the next, a void.
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"Hey! Hey you, wake up!" A high-pitched voice filled my ears, attacking
my senses.
I rolled over in bed, grumbling, "Screw off, kid. You're not allowed in
the break room."
Moments later, I felt myself being shook awake. My eyes flew open and
immediately narrowed as the light pierced them. Eventually, my eyes
adjusted to the sudden assault of brightness, and I was able to see my
attacker. A raven-haired little girl peered at me. She was immensely
cute with a perfectly oval-shaped face, framed by light greyish-blue
eyes. Her perfect little nose twitched as she regarded me curiously.
I pulled the covers over my face, still feeling exhausted. I really
needed to sleep before my shift started. Seconds later, I felt the girl
roughly shaking me. "Wake up! Come on, wake up!"
I heard a crackle of static and then a sing-songy voice, sounding like
it was coming from a record player, "Madison, it's not nice to wake your
friend like that! In fact, it's very wrong, why not wake her with a
wonderful song?"
This immediately got my attention. Had I smoked some weed laced with
LSD, or something worse? Even underneath the blankets, I began to feel
like something was inherently wrong. As I gained more control over my
limbs, and the feeling came back into my body, I noticed that hair
obscured one of my eyes. I always kept my hair short. It wasn't a
military buzz cut, but it was still only an inch long.
The record player spoke again, or rather sang, "Come, Madison sing with
me, sing about the beautiful day Kaylee is missing if she continues to
hit the hay!" The thing warbled, "Ok!! Sleepy head, rise out of bed,
greet the day, and say hooray! Smiles and laughs with all your friends,
learning and fun, adventure and play, please don't sleep away the day!
Please join me, Madison!"
I threw the covers off and jumped out of bed, yelling, "What in the
actual fuck is going on here?!"
My hands flew to my throat as my previous words were uttered with
absolutely dulcet tones. My scream was high-pitched, but unlike the
horror movie bimbos, the ones who wore high heels while trying to run
from the killers, it was immature. It was the voice of a little kid.
A second after my utterance, I heard an obnoxious siren and then a
record player the size of a big screen TV with a woman's face (that was
really the only way to describe it!) entered my field of view. "Kaylee,
that's a very naughty word! This is something we must absolutely curb.
Do you understand why this word is banned?"
Madison, the girl who shook me awake, said quickly, "Just say yes." As
Madison spoke, I noticed that I was actually looking up at her. None of
this was possible. Had the doctors in the basement cut my vocal chords,
had they removed my legs? I took a step backwards, as my faculties
continued to process what had happened to me.
Madison shook her head. "Oh for god sakes, girl. I figured it out in two
seconds. They've turned us into children. Look at yourself. You look
like me." She pointed to a door which I assumed was the bathroom.
As I walked unsteadily toward the bathroom, the record player thing
(woman?) followed me, as did Madison. It said, "Kaylee. Do you
understand why this word is banned?"
As soon as I reached the mirror, I knew why the weird record player had
called me that. Certainly, I could look down at my tiny feet or peer at
my hands, which were dainty, and equally small, and I could see my
little body clad in a pair of pink pajamas with a yawning cartoon cat
saying "Too cute to sleep", but seeing my face in the mirror removed the
final cobwebs from my mind.
Staring back at me was absolute perfection, a little girl with bright
blue eyes and pig-tails. My jaw dropped as I saw the extreme clarity and
depth of my eyes. The large crystal blue spheres were expressive and
were such a vivid blue, that I thought for a moment I was staring into a
fifty-inch plasma television with a three-dimensional effect. The eyes
sparkled in the available light, the black pupils seemingly shooting out
rays of cascading and intense blue.
"Kaylee. Do you understand why this word is banned?"
I blinked and my eye lashes fluttered. I proceeded to blink rapidly,
surprised by the length and fullness of my lashes. My chin formerly
recessed (read weak) did not protrude overly, but it had enough presence
to shape my jaw line in a way that would be considered symmetrical,
forming a very slight dimple. My soft jaw line was supported by a pair
of cherubic cheeks that would make most women (and some men), who were
so inclined, gush over my very presence. It was the type of face that
begged to be pinched by some half-senile great aunt.
It was also the type of face that would make others exclaim, "She'll be
a real heartbreaker when she grows up." The very thought terrified me,
even though I was probably ten years away from that happening.
My nose was a crafted beauty, as the tiny up-turned appendage seemed to
exist only to allow me to breath from two perfectly-shaped nostrils. My
skin was lightly tanned and had a wonderful healthy glow that I would
have enjoyed on a bikini model, or Jessica. Shit. I had completely
forgotten to text her before the ambulance took me away.
"Kaylee. Do you understand why this word is banned?"
It was difficult to determine my age, only because kids grew at
different paces. All I knew was that the girl I had become belonged in
an elementary school, probably in the junior yard. Not all the schools I
attended had segregated yards, but the first few did. It was an attempt
to keep the older children from dominating the younger. I, of course,
often brazenly marched into the senior kids' yard wanting to play.
My hair was a sandy blonde, or as I liked to call it, Malibu blonde. As
much as I had a deep-seated jealousy, and sometimes hatred, for the
wealthy, and very wealthy, the girls in Malibu- well, they were about as
perfect as could be. A culture of perfection permeated there, so hips,
thighs and tummies were tucked, breasts enlarged, and the boring- the
tedious dishwater brown hair, was coloured. I wasn't sure, but I think
there were more blondes in Malibu than anywhere else in the world. The
few road trips I took out to the beaches there usually led to impressive
scores.
"Kaylee. Do you understand why this word is banned?"
Some of the girls there too, had been pristine conservative family
values types, but when they moved to Malibu, they disposed of their
values and their virginity. I knew it because so many of them called out
His name after intense doggy style. Were they praying for the second
time to be better, or were they thanking Him?
"Hey! Just say you understand, so Musica will leave us the hell alone!"
Madison was looking at me crossly. Her bottom lip was puckered, in a
gentle pout.
I was brought from the reverie of my sexual escapades by Madison's
shrill voice. I looked to the bizarre record player and said, "Sure,
Musica- I get it. No swearing."
Madison asked, "What's your name? I mean your real name. Not your
weirdo-kids-playroom-horror fantasy-name."
I looked at the girl and then at myself, shaking my head in the process.
"This isn't real. I'm in a hospital somewhere, or I'm dead. This is
impossible."
Madison shrugged her shoulders, "It's real. I've been here for a few
days I think. Well that ridiculous music player wakes me up every
morning, so I know it's been two at least. I don't know how you slept
through it."
I said with a smile and a touch of madness. "No, it's not. Because it's
impossible for this to happen. So I'm dreaming, or I'm really high. I
hope...that I'm high. Like really high. Man, it must be some incredible
shit to dream up this." I motioned to Musica.
Musica reacted immediately, "If I catch you saying another naughty word
today, they'll be no free play!"
Madison sighed. "Great, I'm trapped in a room with a drug addict. Oh
god, I hope you don't start kicking or whatever it is addicts do. I'm
not holding your hair while you puke."
I shook my head. "I'm not a drug addict. I don't do any needle drugs,
just pot mostly these days. Come on, you've done pot before, right?"
Madison nodded. "Yeah. A few times. So what's your name? Your real
name."
I looked down at myself, and then peered at myself in the mirror, taking
in the image of a confused little blonde-haired girl. I said sheepishly,
"I still don't believe this is real. But it's Ryan. Ryan Sullivan. I
guess your name isn't- "
Before I had a chance ask if the girl's real name was Madison, she burst
out laughing. It wasn't a musical lilt or a little giggle, it was a
full-bodied mocking explosion of laughter.
The girl pointed a finger at me, seeming to regain her composure for a
moment, she said, "Really? I-I...Oh how...terrible for you!"
The moment was lost as again she viciously ridiculed me. The high-
pitched laughter was punctuated by the odd snort. It was very light, and
hardly noticeable, but it was familiar. I seethed as Musica turned
toward Madison.
The music player said, "It's not polite to point, and look it's got poor
Kaylee all out of joint!"
I narrowed my eyes and stared at the girl. I took in her features, the
greyish blue eyes, the dimpled cheeks that would expand and contract
with each new burst of laughter, but it was the derisive snorting that
clued me in.
I sneered, "Ashley."
The girl flew in front of me and looked at me with brand new eyes.
Within her orbs, I saw supreme enjoyment. She snorted lightly before
managing to compose herself enough to speak, "Oh. My. God. You are so
slow. You really didn't recognize me? You practically had your eyes
glued to me at the bus stop when we first met. Or were you looking at
something else? My face pretty much looks the same give or take 15
years, save my nose, but hmm, I guess my body is a little different,
hmm? You are really clueless. But...this is just too funny. You really
think this is a dream? Oh Kay-lee, Kay-lee, Kay-LEE, what have you
gotten yourself into?"
I shouted, "The exact same thing happened to yooouuuu! And call me
Ryan!"
My eyes widened as I heard my voice. I sounded like a petulant child.
Worst of all, I had put a bizarre emphasis on the word 'you' that sent
shivers running up and down my spine. The zigzagging syllables of the
word took off from my mouth like a runaway rocket.
Ashley burst out laughing again, "I mean Musica said I was getting a
roomie, but this is just beyond perfect. Yes, Kaylee, I was caught too.
I got the vaccine, just like you did. And while this sucks for me," her
eyes took on a devilish quality, while her mouth curled into a satisfied
smirk. "I can't imagine how much more it sucks for you."
Her eyes widened with a terrifying energy, the blue mingling with the
grey in torrid unity, "And this? This is real. So real. Here, I'll prove
it to you."
She reached out and roughly pinched my arm, which caused a girlish yelp
to escape from my lips. I pushed the girl away as forcefully as
possible, and she tumbled backward.
This awakened Musica, "Girls! Stop acting this way, or you'll both lose
your play!"
I looked at the record player more closely. A cartoon face of a woman
was attached to the table of the old-timey player. The needle actually
sat directly in the middle of her nose. As she moved about the room, I
could hear the gears spinning. Her mouth moved like an animatronic
Chuckee Cheese character, inhuman with a slight jerkiness. Despite this,
the voice had a discernible human quality in the form of emotion.
I took a few steps back from Ashley as she picked herself up with a
huff. "Look at all of this crazy stuff around us. How can you not think
this is a dream? I mean look at this thing. And turning younger, and me,
well- it's just not possible. The only explanation is that this is a
dream. And the pinching is a lame test. I've felt pain before in
dreams."
Ashley's retort was snarky, "Are you sure it wasn't a drug induced haze?
I shook my head. "Why do you care that I think it's a dream or whatever?
Just leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with you. I'll wake up,
and you'll be a really, really bad memory."
The hard lines on Ashley's face painted a picture of extreme seriousness
so unusual for a girl her age. "Because I told you, I've been here for
two days. Twice I've gone to sleep and woken up, and everything I see
feel and taste. It's all real. I need your help because you are the only
other person I've seen, and we are better off working together than
fighting all the time."
She sighed. "Look it's really none of your business, but I used to be a
lucid dreamer. Someone who wanted to try and reach a state of awareness
in my dreams. I've actually reached this state a few times. So I know a
couple tricks. A test to know if you are dreaming. Will you trust me to
try them? After that, you can decide whether you still think you are
sleeping. OK?"
I said, "I don't give a fuck what you say. You aren't real. None of this
is real. I'm not helping you. You know that your dream self is an even
bigger bitch than the real you? You're so bossy. Just let me figure this
shit out on my own."
Musica chimed, "Kaylee, I'm sorry to say, you've lost your free play!
But tomorrow is another day, and good girls who listen and don't say
naughty words will get their just rewards!"
I gave the music box the finger and stomped out of the bathroom. This
whole setup was crazy. I was starting to think that the pot I had smoked
the night before had been laced with something- experimental.
I took in my surroundings, taking a very long look at the bedroom I
apparently shared with Ashley. That girl was such a goddamn know-it-all!
Everyone dreams! I knew that if this was a dream, the objects I saw
wouldn't remain constant. I knew that words on the pages of books looked
strange, usually impossible to read. I didn't need someone who called
herself an expert or whatever dreamer to tell me that. Apparently, my
subconscious hated Ashley more than my conscious self.
The room looked like a standard room that sisters might share. I had no
siblings and only had male cousins, so I hadn't seen a girl's room until
my first year of high school, and by then, the stuffed animals and dolls
had been replaced with band posters and makeup tables. I honestly didn't
do a whole lot of sightseeing past the actual bed.
Next to the bunk bed that Ashley and I apparently shared was a small
night table. On the table was an object that personified the intensely
feminine theme of the room- an ornate princess lamp. The body of the
lamp showed a young woman wearing a sweeping ball gown. She was forever
set in a dancing pose, her arms outstretched as if seeking a partner.
The lamp itself looked fragile, with the body made from thin glass. It
wasn't the type of object one expected to see in the room of two little
girls, who probably had to be told daily not to touch it. This was the
first sign that I was actually within a dream. I wasn't a parent and
even I thought having the lamp in the room was a terrible hazard.
Above the night table, however, was something that made me consider that
this could be my reality. Written in flowery script next to the bunk bed
was the following, "Once upon a time, two princesses were born...!"
Underneath the writing was a set of fabric letters spelling out KAYLEE
and MADISON. My mouth opened slightly as my eyes returned to the letters
and they did not dissolve or become impossible to read. I recalled a
dream I had where I was studying for a test (yeah right), and as I
looked down, I couldn't make out the words in the book. Here, the words,
the letters spelling out the name given to me by this world never
changed.
"They are going to stay the same. It's the first test in lucid dreaming.
You read a clock or a book, and you know you are dreaming if they
change. Now do you believe me? This isn't a dream, Ryan. Tonight, you
are going to go to bed, and you'll wake up as Kaylee. And it will be the
same the next day. Believe me when I tell you, I've tried everything."
Ashley said firmly, "I even held my breath until I nearly passed out."
I shook my head. "Here's the only test that matters. I don't look like
Ryan Sullivan. That's it. Now leave me alone."
Ashley shouted, "You are so stubborn! Why won't you believe me? We're in
real trouble here. I have no idea what they are planning, and if you
haven't noticed, we are really vulnerable like this. We have to figure
out a way out of here."
I turned my back to her, and she stayed quiet. Unfortunately, Musica
chose this moment to spring to life. "Time for free play! Choose any
three toys! Sorry, Kaylee, you are banned from this today."
Ashley moved toward the toy box at the far side of the room. In keeping
with the girly girl theme of the room, there was also a closet with the
words "SUPERSTAR MAKEOVER" written in neon pink. I assumed it was full
of costumes, but either way, I wanted nothing to do with anything in the
room.
I heard Ashley burst out, "Wow! I haven't seen one of these since I was
a kid." I turned around, and I could see Ashley carefully brushing the
long golden hair of a decapitated doll.
I said, "Why are you giving into this? You are acting exactly like a kid
would. You say you want to fight against this, but then you are sitting
there brushing the hair of that stupid looking doll's head."
Ashley glared at me. "This is a Zoe Glamour bust. It's just missing the
part below the head. And it was one of my favourite toys growing up. As
for why I'm playing with her? Because Musica will constantly, and I mean
constantly tell me that it is play time. The first day, I refused and
she kept telling me it was play time for a solid three hours. I played
with this Barbie corvette for five minutes, and that appeased her."
She added, "Plus, I'm of the mind that I don't want to make the people
angry who did this to us. I'm rebelling in my mind, I mean I don't like
playing with this stuff. But if I do it then I can think of ways to
escape."
I said with a smirk, "You're weak. That's why. It's all bullshit,
Ashley. You are giving up two days in. Just like my mom, you cave under
a little pressure. I used to see if I could get her to absolutely lose
it. I'd make these ridiculously annoying noises- over and over again.
And she caved each time. You know what happened when I did that with my
dad? Let's just say I only did it once."
She shook her head. "At least I'm not delusional, Kay-lee. And I don't
believe in physically disciplining a child. Your dad doing that- well I
think it's led to some of your 'brodude' issues. What would you do when
faced with a nattering music player? I think you'd cave."
I nodded. "Fucking wreck her. I could hear a bunch of gears as she was
moving around. I could probably just jam something in there and make it
impossible for her to move then take her apart piece by piece."
Ashley said matter-of-factly, "Typical male response. Break stuff. Once
you do that, we've lost our advantage. If we play along, then we can
bide our time and look for an opening."
I replied, "And in the meantime, you're playing with that doll every day
and you start to enjoy it."
Ashley replied, while continuing to brush Zoe's hair, "The same thing
could happen to you."
I scoffed at the girl, "Not likely. Why would I want to play with a
bunch of girl toys?"
Musica sung softly, "It's OK to be jealous of your friend Kaylee, but
tomorrow will be a bright new day, you'll see!"
Play time continued, and I took this time to wander around the room,
looking for signs that I was living through a nightmare. In the far
corner of the room, I found a refrigerator, and upon opening it, I
noticed that it was packed with items that were a testament to late 90s
after school (or Saturday morning) commercials- aimed primarily at kids.
Like Ashley with the doll or bust, I felt a sudden sense of nostalgia,
bringing me back firmly to a time where I had few concerns in the world-
the most pressing being what I was going to watch on TV next.
Snack packs, Sunny Delicious, and even the old generic 2% milk cartons
from the cereal commercials could be found in the fridge. On top of the
fridge, I could see a collection of cereals that didn't even exist any
longer. There were Oreo O's which was basically like eating a box of
Oreo cookies in hoop form, and if that wasn't appetizing, there was the
breakfast cereal that was supposed to taste like French toast.
Because of my schedule at the restaurant and late night escapades,
breakfast usually consisted of black coffee. Still I hadn't had either
cereal in years, and since there was no coffee maker in the room of two
apparent princesses, I quickly poured a bowl. Everything in the room was
at eye level for me, so I didn't need a stool or a chair to reach the
drawer with the utensils. What I thought at first was a play kitchen was
actually a fully functioning kitchen, minus the stove or the microwave.
I took one bite of the cereal and my taste buds came to life. It was
like I had poured ambrosia over them, and each bite was better than the
last. My eyes lit up as I felt the sugar coursing through my body, and I
rapidly shovelled the rest of the bowl into my mouth. As I poured myself
a second bowl, I pictured myself at Kaylee's age, sitting in front of
the television on a Saturday morning, clad in only a pair of Superman
pajamas, I sat transfixed, enjoying the action and revelling in the
existence of such larger-than-life characters. Like most boys my age, I
was obsessed with superheroes, so anything with strong-chinned men
battling alien menaces or flying to save the city from a bomb threat- it
was all right up my alley.
I found it easy to lose myself within the memory, and I felt my mind
beginning to drift further to that time. It was a period of high
adventure, where anything dreamed up within my imagination could exist.
I could be that superhero, smashing my fist into the maw of some
deranged creature, saving millions in the process. A little smile
appeared on my face as I finished the second bowl of cereal.
***
Throughout the day, Ashley continued to pester me with what she called
'reality checks' to prove that I wasn't in a dream. Musica kept us busy
(and annoyed) with constant attempts at sing-a-longs, games and lessons.
While hers and Ashley's attempts were unsuccessful in gaining my
attention, I began to have doubts that I was actually sleeping. I
couldn't remember a dream so vivid, or so detailed. At lunch, I pulled
sandwiches from the fridge and munched on them at the small table in the
kitchen. The peanut butter and jelly sandwiches tasted incredible, and
again, my mind returned to the past. My mom used to cut off the crusts.
She never forgot even once. It was such a foolish memory, but it brought
a pang to my heart, knowing that the innocence and joy of those moments
would end in an absolutely fractured relationship between us.
As I finished, Ashley brought her own sandwich to the table. She was the
one who initiated all the conversation at this point, and I hoped I
could slink away from the table without another one of her sleep
lectures.
She sat down at the table, unwrapping a ham sandwich and a package of
carrot sticks. I thought I was home free, but a quick sniff of the air
brought a shout from the girl, "Were you eating peanut butter?! I'm
really, really allergic!"
I threw my hands in the air. "I didn't know! I'm sorry."
Even though I wanted to desperately believe that I was still living in a
dream, the way Ashley acted was unlike anything I had ever seen. How
could my mind have dreamed up such a complete person?
I had left a smear of peanut butter on the table, which was now fixed to
Ashley's palm. She stared down at it with horror, but her breathing
never changed. She shook her head in disbelief.
I said, "Maybe this is a dream. I mean that's impossible right. Your
throat should have swollen up by now if you are that allergic."
Ashley, perhaps believing my words, returned to the fridge and removed a
plastic wrapped sandwich. She sat down at the table, unwrapped the
sandwich and took a big bite. I watched her in fearful fascination. I
didn't like the girl, but I didn't want her to die.
"Mmm! So good! And this one is made with chunky peanut butter I think.
So this is what I was missing...it tastes amazing."
I nodded. "So that's just not possible. You should be convulsing on the
floor. Nothing works here the way it should. Not to mention our bodies.
Maybe one of us is in a coma or something. I don't know. I mean I had
this really messed up dream before this one."
Ashley quirked a brow toward me. "Really? Like what?" She took another
massive bite from the peanut butter sandwich, washing it all down with a
HiC juice box.
I replied, "Well I was strapped down, and they kept-"
Ashley interrupted, "Poking you with needles?"
This brought a sense of instant fear. Ashley's voice was unsteady as she
spoke the words, while my right leg began to shake gently.
I nodded. "Yeah. And there were these sounds, sort of like well a
butcher shop or a construction site in some cases. There was dripping,
and the sound of metal on metal, then something sharp going through
bone."
The more I remembered, the more frightened I became. The memory of the
sounds assaulted my mind, a creeping fear inching its way up my spine to
rest within my head, like a thousand spider eggs suddenly hatching and
hairy wriggling bodies climbing over each other desperately trying to
escape their confines.
Ashley shivered. "I remember the exact same thing. All those sounds you
describe. Everything. Did you try to open your eyes or move, and it felt
like trying to move through molasses?"
I nodded, growing more fearful, yet angry at the same time, finding this
almost debilitating fear a painful sign of weakness. I was a grown man,
I shouldn't have been scared of some noises. "Yeah, something like
that."
Ashley said, "You know it's OK to be scared of this, Ryan. Something
unbelievable has happened to us. You've got to admit that it's a pretty
big coincidence that we had the exact same experience though. Even lucid
dreaming, where you are actually aware you are dreaming, isn't this
complex or nuanced. I agree that the whole peanut butter thing is really
weird. But I wish you'd believe me, this isn't a dream. Look, I'll stop
bugging you about it OK?"
I shrugged my shoulders and left Ashley to finish the rest of her
sandwich.
***
Ashley whispered to me, "Just play along with this, OK?"
I sighed. "What do you mean?"
Ashley replied, "Musica is going to try and teach us a bunch of stuff we
already know. I don't know what the purpose of it is. I mean, it's
probably to get us into the mindset. The more I think about it, the food
we've been eating, and the toys from when we were kids- I think they are
trying to get us to start thinking and acting like kids."
Musica glided toward us. The closer I looked, I could see that she was
actually attached to the ceiling. On the ceiling, were a set of tracks
that guided her movement. These tracks led to the bathroom, kitchen area
and the bedroom. The room itself had no windows, and even stranger, no
doors, other than the one leading to the bathroom.
"Alright girls, we'll play a fun game and write our name!" Musica glided
toward a small table with two plastic chairs. On top of the table, was a
set of pens and a stack of papers. I rolled my eyes, deciding not to
follow Ashley to the table.
Ashley shouted toward me, "She's going to bug us until you do it! It'll
take three seconds!"
I shook my head, choosing to search the room for a television or a video
game system to take my mind off the madness that was unfolding before
me. Ashley huffed and took a pen in her hand.
"W-What's going on? Why can't I do it?"
I heard Ashley's voice from the other side of the room. Her frustration
reached a point where I saw a pen fly in my direction. Even if this
wasn't the real Ashley, I would certainly take a moment to revel in her
defeat at the hands of- a piece of paper and a pen.
I grinned, feeling my lip curl into a satisfied smirk. I approached the
girl and peeked over her shoulder. I could see that she managed to very
crudely sketch out an 'A', but the lines were crooked. The 'S', however,
or rather, the multiple variations, were a collection of awkward loops
that looked nothing like the letter Ashley intended. I took this moment
to laugh at the girl, the sound bursting from my chest and into my mouth
like a shrill trumpet blast.
Ashley thrust a pen into my hand and the slightly taller girl managed to
firmly guide me to a chair. "You try!"
Musica said with a smile, "If at first you don't succeed, try-try again,
you can't expect to get it the second you begin!"
I laughed again, a boisterous belly laugh, as I formed the letters of my
name in my mind. I knew exactly what the letters looked like and how to
spell them. I took the pen firmly in my hand, intending to write RYAN in
cursive. My hand wouldn't cooperate. It was like I had never performed
the action before. I managed to draw a jagged line for the 'R',
switching to printed letters, but the moment I tried the loop, I just
couldn't get my hand to follow the direction my brain was giving. My
loop extended beyond the point where it actually resembled an 'R' as I
failed to curve it. It looked like a lower case 'r' with the longest top
in history.
To me, again, this was proof that what I was living was a horrible
dream. Still, I couldn't ignore the fact that my motor skills, even
before I had come to this bizarre dream world, were failing. My
inability to play Halo and the missed catch from Greg all pointed to the
vaccine, but my brain refused to admit this because doing so meant
accepting that I was Kaylee.
True to her word, Ashley didn't try to push the reality theory again. We
both continued to struggle with writing our names. By the end of it, we
were tearing up the pages in frustration. That goddamn loops seemed like
the hardest thing in the world.
Musica chimed, "Don't worry, girls! Practice makes perfect. You'll see,
inch by inch, eventually your loops will be a cinch!"
I grumbled, "Fuck off, Musica."
***
Tucked away underneath a series of girlie board games (did girls even
want to play something called Dream Phone?), I found a Gameboy colour
with a single cartridge inside. While Ashley continued to practice her
letters for hours, under Musica's watchful eye, I entered the world of
the PowerPuff Girls- a team of child superheroes who had eyes so huge,
it made me think they had eaten some really excellent shrooms.
The game itself wasn't very good, but it took my mind off of the lunacy
before me. I continued to hear Ashley cursing her inability to write her
name. As I became immersed in the game, I noticed that it was a standard
platformer, which was the easiest genre usually. Like Halo, however, I
absolutely sucked at the game. At first, I couldn't even get passed the
first pit. My motions were extremely exaggerated with my arms flying up,
nearly losing my grip on the Gameboy, each time I tried to navigate a
pit.
I took a break to eat dinner. I realized that the sandwiches filled me
up well, and the pudding I had for dessert left me feeling completely
full. Musica insisted that we both have a large glass of milk each.
After supper, I returned to the game, while Ashley returned to the
table. After what felt like hours, and as the Gameboy's battery started
dying, I finally finished the first level. I felt an intense sense of
satisfaction, greater than a Halo kill streak or even a really
successful night with a smoking hot girl.
Musica chimed, "Time for bed, girls! But don't worry tomorrow we'll
explore so many fun worlds!"
Ashley had actually gotten dressed, but I had stayed the entire day in
my pajamas. Had it really been an entire day? Again, I couldn't remember
a dream where I was completely aware of my surroundings or one where I
actually knew I was dreaming- let alone one that lasted an entire day.
I looked at the clock, and I could see it was 8 PM. Despite this fact, I
realized that I was exhausted. I used to do the morning shift at the
Palace and then sleep until 8, knowing that my night was going to be
long and hopefully fruitful, but now I was actually ready for bed.
Ashley said, "It gets really dark in here, I-I um, I like to
usethenightlight."
I laughed. "Are you serious? You're a grown woman scared of the dark?
Really?"
Ashley looked at me crossly, "Shut up, Kay-lee! It's almost pitch black
in here when the lights go out. And I was alone for the first few
nights. Not everyone is an emotionless prick who only cares about
himself. I've tried to explain to you that this is real, and I hoped
you'd be smart enough to realize it is."
She looked at me sadly, fear crossing her pretty features as her eyes
darted back and forth. "This is terrifying for me, Ryan. I've been here
by myself for two days with that ridiculous music player. I don't know
if anyone knows where I am- I don't know if I'm going to die! But you
don't give a shit, because you're King of the Assholes, right? You can
just step all over your feelings like they don't matter. Well you won't
be able to do that here."
She looked me right in the eyes, "Because sooner or later, you are going
to realize this is your reality, and you'll be bawling your eyes out,
acting exactly how you look. But you know what? I'll be there for you,
even though you haven't been there for me. You know why? Because I'm a
better person than you. A better human being."
I said, "Am I supposed to be insulted by that? Did your therapist tell
you that it is normal for an adult woman to be scared of the dark? If
this is real by the way, you've already lost. You might as well be a
deer eating right out of the hands of the hunter. You know what happens
to the better people? They get destroyed. It's a good thing you were
fucking hot, Ashley because there was no way you were going to make it
in Hollywood with your attitude. The moment you show a sign of weakness,
there are ten people just waiting to knock you off the ladder. Did I
care that I lied in my audition? No, because I got the part. It's all
about the face we put on, and that face determines our success. And
right now, your face looks like it belongs on a scared little girl."
In a huff, Ashley climbed the top bunk and immediately set her head on
the pillow. I slid into the lower bunk, claiming my victory silently. I
waited a few minutes, listening for Ashley's breathing to change.
Despite her fear, like me, she was likely exhausted from a fully
stimulating day. I saw no sign of Musica, so I slowly slipped out of bed
and proceeded to climb the ladder to the top bunk. Shouldn't Ashley get
undressed and put on night-wear of some kind?
My younger cousins had been the unfortunate victims of my boyhood
pranks, which usually left them holding each other, and one time,
actually peeing the bed. I would lay in wait for them. They usually took
forever in the washroom for whatever reason, so I would wait in the
wonderful embrace of pitch black darkness, listening for their footsteps
as they approached the door. I had to sleep on the floor when they
visited because with two of them, my mom said it made more sense for
them to share my bed.
Hiding underneath the bed, I waited for the exact moment that one of
them would lift his leg to climb into the bed, then I would seize it,
gripping hard and pulling, as if I were a creature trying to pull them
into my lair deep beneath the bed. This usually resulted in hysterical
crying and copious amounts of laughter, following by a scolding from my
mom, which I always ignored.
Eventually, they figured out that I was hiding under the bed, so I
changed my tactics. I listened for their breathing to change, indicating
that they were just on the cusp of sleep. As they entered a world
between awareness and a dream state, I would grip one of their limbs and
make a noise that could only belong to a three-eyed monster with row
upon row of razor-sharp teeth. Even if the other boy wasn't asleep, he
knew to stay quiet, because the next night it would be worse.
My dad never said anything about it, unlike my mom who had apparently
been tormented by her brother. It was, after all, just boys being boys.
It made sense in my mind, and it was the perfect defence for my actions.
I eventually grew out of it, and my cousins learned that sleeping on the
floor was a safer place than my bed.
I reached out and grabbed Ashley's foot, which made an attractive
target, sticking out from the safety of her covers. I didn't need to
emit a monster noise, no- the girl shrieked like she was possessed,
throwing herself at me and knocking me off the ladder. She began crying
hysterically, her breaths ragged, each one entering her body with a
slight gasp.
She screamed, "You fucking...asshole! I hate...you! I-I can't believe
you...did that to...me!"
I wasn't laughing, mostly because Ashley's fierce push had sent me
tumbling to the floor. I landed on my back, striking my head against
what was thankfully a carpeted floor. I felt my bottom lip begin to
quiver as pain shot through my system. Tears welled, but I violently
thrust them away with a quick finger. I rose to my feet unsteadily,
while Ashley continued to cry.
Eventually, Ashley's hysterical crying became more of a strangled
whimper. Her breathing had slowed down, but I could still hear the odd
gasp for air. I feared retaliation, but it never came, and I slowly
drifted off to sleep.
When I awoke, darkness still blanketed the room. I could hear the gentle
ticking of the wall clock, but I couldn't see the time from my bed. The
clock reminded me of the nightmare, previous to this one, where I could
hear water dripping into a metal tub. Each tick brought back the horror
from that moment, causing me to grip the covers tightly. I peered into
the darkness, and even without shadows, my mind quickly sketched out
beasts to fill my fear. Inky shapes filled my eyes, and I shut them
rapidly.
Considering I rarely slept in anything other than boxers, I knew that I
had awoken as Kaylee, and while this fear, along with the beasts that
likely wanted to dine on my blood, was prevalent, my mind and body were
still exhausted. So, while I still gripped the covers more tightly, even
pulling them up to my nose at times, I managed to fall back asleep.
"Sleepy head, rise out of bed, greet the day, and say hooray! Smiles and
laughs with all your friends, learning and fun, adventure and play,
please don't sleep away the day!"
My eyes shot open, and while Musica's presence reaffirmed my fears, the
feeling of the pajamas and the dangling pig tails shot the point home
that I had awoken not once, but twice as Kaylee. No dream was as multi-
layered as this.
Oh god, Ashley was right.
This was real.
***
Chapter 5
I lay in bed, my face completely devoid of emotion. Musica continued to
sing about waking, but I didn't budge. I heard movement above me, and
saw Ashley slowly climb down the ladder. She looked at me with a mixture
of pity and anger. The slight shake of her head couldn't hide the raging
tide of her eyes. She was still likely angry with me for the prank. I
turned away from her and faced the wall.
My hands explored my face, feeling the delicate bone structure, the
cherubic cheeks and the smooth hairless skin. Next, I peered down at my
hands, as if seeing them for the first time. This was not some drug-
induced nightmare. I couldn't believe how tiny they looked, like the
hands of a living doll. I flexed my fingers, wiggling them and then
stared at the nails, which were adorned by a bright purple polish. My
dainty toes were painted the same colour. I felt around the side of my
head to my ear lobes, noticing little studs protruding from them.
Along my graceful neck, I could not locate my Adam's apple. It had not
only receded, it had completely disappeared. I had used the bathroom
yesterday, so I knew what else was missing. I had spent yesterday in
absolute denial, but I had to face reality- not only had I lost probably
fifteen years of my life, I had lost my gender. Why hadn't Ashley been
turned into a little boy? It wasn't fair.
As these feelings permeated my mind, I felt tears welling, and this
time, I couldn't stop them. With the full realization of my condition,
the flood gates opened, and I lost complete control. My mind was a
chaotic mess of jealousy, self-loathing and fear, the emotions crippled
my system, and twenty-two years as a man could not halt the influx. Like
a swarm of locusts descending on a field, the torrent destroyed my ego
and devastated my masculine self.
It began with a few gentle tears tumbling down my face, but ended with
my body wracked with sobs. I felt someone behind me, and then a hand on
my shoulder.
"It's OK, Ryan. Let it out. I've pretty much wanted to cry non-stop
since I got here. It's like we put up these barriers as adults, we grow,
we learn to control our emotions, and then we've been put in these
bodies that haven't established any walls. There's nothing there to stop
the flow. Good and bad. I noticed it yesterday when I could finally
write a passable 'S'. It was this intense feeling- like a satisfaction
you only receive when you do something new that completely changes who
you are as a person. But it's like that every time I succeed at
something in this body."
I covered my face with my hands, deathly afraid of the emotions that
threatened to flood my mind. Yesterday, they had been on the periphery,
but as soon as I felt even remotely scared, they tumbled out. I had felt
it as I peered into the darkness last night, the childlike fear that
resisted adult logic or reason, but this morning it was too much. My
denial had been a powerful adult wall that was subsequently demolished
by emotions that came and went like water from a faucet.
"Now you see why we have to work together, Ryan. And why we shouldn't
resort to childish pranks to hurt each other. Whatever is going on
inside our brains probably feeds off it."
She gently rubbed my back, but I turned over and fiercely brushed away
the tears from my eyes. Ashley looked startled as I turned to look at
her, but she didn't leave the bed. I still couldn't believe how easily
it happened, and how unprepared I was for the onslaught. Would it happen
like that every time I felt a powerful emotion?
I sniffed. "I haven't cried like that, since- I can't really even
remember. Probably elementary school. When I broke my foot, I was with
my dad, and I held it in. I just swallowed the big lump. I hated to cry
in front of my dad. He never said anything, but I knew he would be
disappointed if I did. But I cried later, in my room. Fuck it hurt."
I added, "I'm not a pussy. I mean like you said, it's like falling in a
river when you can't swim."
Ashley rolled her eyes slightly, but a little smile appeared on her
face. Oddly, Musica just watched the exchange, not saying a word. "No,
Ryan, you aren't a 'pussy' for showing emotion like that. Like I said
before, I can't imagine what is going through your head, knowing what
you were before and what you are now. But we need to work together, and
the first thing is- we need to know how this happened to us. Put the
clues together and hopefully figure out how to change back and how to
escape."
She continued, "It's obviously got something to do with the show we both
auditioned for, and the vaccine we received. I'm guessing that Ms.
Daniels and Doctor Travers are working together. She was the one who
sent me the text about where to get the vaccine. It's just too much of a
coincidence. She knew she was sending us to the clinic to see Travers."
I said, "I thought it was weird that we had to go to this specific
clinic for the shot, but I was desperate for a job. I didn't want to
make a big deal about it. I mean there was a clinic I could have gone to
down the street from my place that probably offered them."
Ashely nodded. "Well we've got that in common. I was ready to quit
acting after my last audition. I got the part too, but I just couldn't
take it. It was a really sexist role, just three lines and eye candy in
a bathing suit. Some stupid B movie, like Porkies, called Bikini Beach
Patrol. I really wanted to show I could make it, but I just knew if I
took that part, I'd never get a serious role ever again."
I replied, "I don't get why it's such a big deal for you. Guys like
those movies. It could have really pushed your career. You could star in
the next Transformers movie. You had an incredible body, why didn't you
use it? You seemed to treat it like it was a massive disadvantage, when
it could have been your ticket to success. I meant what I said. You were
hotter than her."
Ashley glared at me. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were still
producing testosterone. I didn't want anything to do with those movies,
and I'd probably slit my wrists if I was in a Michael Bay movie, where
the women are set pieces and nothing more. If I agreed, I'd be selling
out my gender."
I shook my head. "Those movies are harmless. Plus, if you didn't agree
to do it, well some other girl would. You just missed your opportunity.
You can't look like you do and expect to be treated the same way as like
... "
The hard look never left Ashley's eyes. The sympathy she had for me
evaporated. "You can't name one woman actress with a breast size below
double D, can you?"
I shot back, "Sure I can. Karen, she's Henry Hill's wife in Goodfellas.
She's a great actress, and she's pretty tiny up top. I actually felt bad
for her, you know because she's originally this nice girl and she's all
caught up in the mob life by the end of it. It sucks too because her
husband goes to jail, and she's stuck taking care of the kids, trying to
fend for herself."
Ashley nodded, but the hard look never left. "And what is the name of
the actress?"
I said sheepishly, "I-I don't know. I never looked it up. I just call
her Karen."
Ashley sighed. "So she puts on an incredible performance, and you don't
even bother to look her up? I know that movie isn't very new, but do you
see a problem with that? She's a character, not a person to you. So many
women face the same problem. They don't stand out the same way that men
do, or they stand out for the wrong reasons. I would have killed for
that role, honestly."
I shook my head. "Look, the whole industry is based on appearances. And
women choose to be part of it. And you never would have gotten the part
of Karen. She's not ugly or anything, but she's got these really angular
features, she's perfect for the role. I'm going to say, as much as you
don't want to hear it, you can't have a body or a face like you did and
expect to be in anything really serious. It's not believable. You've got
that big-budget action movie girlfriend, or ass-kicking leather wearing
vampire chick look. But Karen Hill? No way."
Ashley sneered at me, "And that is everything that is wrong with
Hollywood. I'm a really good actress, but if people, and by people I
mean Neanderthals trying to pass as casting directors, can only see what
my body can offer, then it's just broken. What's the point?"
I said, "And that's why you were going to quit because some casting
director said you were too pretty? You just don't get it. Just go for
the roles you know you can get and watch the money roll in."
Ashley shook her head. "I said I was going to be civil, but your
attitude needs a serious adjustment. I'm starting to think this might be
a really good experience for you. And I can't help but really want, you
know, in say ten years from now, when you finally figure out just how
fucked up men are, that you'll call me and say 'I'm sorry for being a
sexist prick who didn't have a clue about women. I know what you meant.'
You know, the first time you catch your boyfriend cheating on you
because you won't put out."
I smirked. "Is that what happened to you, is that why you are such a man
hater?"
Ashley slid off my bunk and said, "No, Kay-lee, it's not. When you can
prove you are a human being, someone who actually cares about the
feelings of others, maybe I'll tell you."
I glared at her. "Hey! I thought you weren't going to call me that."
Ashley replied, "I'd rather speak to a little girl at this point than
someone with such a caveman mindset. Would you like to play dolls with
me, Kay-lee? Maybe taking care of something other than yourself, and
your dick, will teach you to be a nicer and more compassionate person."
I shouted, "Cut it out! I thought we weren't going to do this!"
Ashley went to the toy chest and returned with a very life-like doll.
She thrust it into my arms with a smile, "There you go, Kay-lee. Now you
can be a mommy. That feels nice doesn't it? You want one of your own one
day, right?"
I reached back and launched the doll at Ashley, intending to strike her
right in the head, but my throw was well off the mark. The entire
throwing motion was alien to me. I knew that I had to shift my feet to
get extra power, but like the letters, my body just wouldn't cooperate.
The doll landed at Ashley's feet. I knew Ashley, with her feminist
mindset, would never ever say I threw like a girl, but she didn't have
to- because I was thinking just that.
Musica chimed to life, "Practice makes perfect, Kaylee! Try-try again,
each day you'll grow, and soon you'll be throwing like a pro!"
I replied, "Seriously, fuck off, Musica."
***
"Look, I'm sorry for the doll thing, but you really pissed me off with
your comments. It's just- you summed up everything I want to eliminate
from this business. You have no idea what it's like to be judged that
way on your appearance."
I had sulked in the corner until lunch, spending my time playing the
Gameboy. I still could only beat the first level. I just couldn't get
the timing right for the second boss.
I tore into my peanut butter sandwich, and across from me, Ashley did
the same. Despite her previous allergy, the girl had taken a real liking
to the formerly deadly sandwich spread.
I said, "Sure I do. Casting agents told me that I didn't have the right
look. One guy even said that I would have to fix my chin if I wanted a
chance. He's like 'Male leads have strong, well-defined chins.' How
ridiculous is that?"
Ashley nodded. "I've been told everything from get a boob job, get a
reduction, get a nose job to narrow my nostrils- and even lose weight.
Why did we ever get involved in this?"
I took a long swig of milk, followed by a less than delicate burp,
"Because we want to entertain. I've always loved getting a reaction from
people. I mean being filthy rich would be nice too, but I just want to
be in a position where I really enjoy what I'm doing, get to play
different people. Most of all I want other people to enjoy it, you
know?"
A little smile appeared on the girl's face as she listened to me. "Yes,
exactly! And when did you know you wanted to be an actor?"
I told Ashley the story about my third grade Christmas pageant, and her
eyes lit up. The smile on her face grew into a wide grin, and the
terrified or overly serious girl was replaced with someone who actually
had a personality. "Me too! But for me it was actually my first dance
recital. I was probably five or six, and the other girls, they were
terrified. I got up there and they had to get the hook to pull me off, I
just loved it so much! It was a weird thing to be so focused as a kid,
but I knew that I wanted to entertain. Whether people laughed, cried- it
didn't matter- I wanted a reaction. I tried out for the school play
every year after that. Did your parents support you?"
I shrugged. "My dad wasn't into the acting thing. He really wanted me to
join the army. I-I guess my mom did though."
Ashley scrunched her face slightly, her lips tightening and her nose
wrinkling. "You OK, Ryan?"
I nodded. "Yeah, just thinking."
Musica chimed, "Girls, it's time to meet a very special friend, hurry
and get dressed, he's right around the bend!"
I narrowed my eyes and looked at Ashley for her reaction. She walked
over to the dresser beside the bed, which I had never even bothered
exploring. I was still wearing the same pair of pajamas with the cartoon
cat. Unlike my male body, I barely sweat, and even when I did, there was
no discernible odor emitting from my body.
I stood next to Ashley as she rifled through the dresser drawers, "You
aren't actually thinking of following her, are you? We have no idea
where she's going to take us. We definitely can't trust her. Like you
said, she's trying to get us to start thinking like kids."
Ashley handed me a light blue t-shirt with a glittery butterfly on it
and a pair of navy blue jeans. She replied, "Let's look at it this way,
Ryan. Doctor Travers, through Ms. Daniels, gave us a shot, and it turned
us into kids. Do we really want to risk not listening to them? Just
follow my lead. We are obviously important to them. I don't know why
exactly, but I doubt they would go to all this trouble and then kill us.
But, I'd imagine mentally, it could get a lot worse."
She added, "Our best bet is just to play along at this point. We don't
know how they did this, beyond the shot. We don't know if there's a way
for us to turn back. If we refuse to follow their orders at this stage,
we are only hurting ourselves. Musica is no help, and you certainly
aren't learning anything playing that video game."
She looked at me squarely, "Do you trust me?"
I looked down at the clothing in my hands with a sigh. I peered into the
drawer at the sea of pink, the skirts, t-shirts and flowery dresses.
Ashley had found the only pair of jeans and the only non-pink t-shirt. I
nodded. "Uh. Yeah. I'll follow your lead." Ashley's words made perfect
sense. Powerful feelings of jealousy flowed through me as I realized
that Ashley was a lot smarter than I was. It bugged the hell out of me.
I stood there glaring at her, still holding the offered clothing in my
hands. She frowned. "What's the matter, Ryan? Why are you looking at me
like that?"
I shoved away the thoughts, but it was like trying to trap Godzilla in a
cardboard box. She probably went to a fancy private school too. Memories
of prim jacketed youth directing insults at my intelligence came
flooding into my mind.
I was twelve, and it was our third move in as many years. I was used to
losing my friends, but I wasn't prepared for the bullying I would face.
We had moved overseas for the first and last time. It was the beginning
of the end for my family as I knew it. My dad would soon be called to
Afghanistan, then Iraq, and as a result, I would lose him for months at
a time. In the meantime, my mom tried to be my dad and failed miserably.
The kids on the base housing tended to be like me- easy going and ready
to jump into new friendships. We understood they would be short lived,
but we made the most of them. Off the base, I usually had little
difficulty, but in Germany, at the pretentious preparatory school I was
forced to attend, I was depressed enough that my teachers felt I should
see a counsellor. My depression stemmed from the absolute culture shock
I faced when trying to deal with the multinational snobs who were also
my classmates.
With smaller class sizes and strict discipline, I couldn't engage in my
class clown routine, and even when I tried, not only did the teachers
order me to stop, the students joined in too. It was like going to
school with little adults, and I hated it because on top of not
understanding the material, I also had no one to joke around with. When
I was called on in class, I knew that every eye was on me. They were
just waiting for me to get the wrong answer, so they could laugh at the
stupid American.
My dad actually completed a shorter tour due to how poorly I was doing
in school. The experience always stayed with me, and even with Ashley's
reasonable words, I couldn't help but picture myself back in the
classroom with those kids- laughing at me, then ignoring me at recess.
They had years of that type of education, while I had been thrown into
the classroom like a non-swimmer into a gigantic wave. It was my mom's
idea too. It had to be. She was always pushing me to do better in
school.
"Ryan, are you, OK? Did I say something to make you angry?"
I finally managed to dismiss the thoughts of jealousy from my mind, and
I felt my expression soften. "No, you didn't. Uh, what's with all the
stuff in here, and the clothing? Why only one pair of jeans?"
Ashley shrugged her shoulders, "I don't really know. I chose that for
you figuring you wouldn't want to wear a skirt or anything pink. I have
a feeling they are experimenting on us. And especially on you. But we'll
get through it."
I realized that I was lucky to have Ashley, and while she could be
stubborn as me, she also had a lot more compassion. I could hear the
sincerity in her words, and feel her warmth.
I said, "I'm sorry about last night. You know, for scaring you."
Ashley nodded. "It's OK. I guess it's pretty childish to sleep with a
night light. I was just really scared those first two nights. It's like
the darkness had eyes, and I swore I felt something pass over my body."
I had experienced something similar, but I decided not to share this
with Ashley. Perhaps it was the masculine spirit that still survived
within my slight frame, but I had no desire to reveal weakness, even
though I was coming to trust Ashley. I said, "Yeah. They probably want
us to use the light. Act like scared kids or something."
I took the clothes Ashley had given me into the bathroom and pulled the
door closed. I was still too self-conscious to let her see my tiny new,
soft body without at least some clothes, no matter how childish they
might be.
After removing my pyjamas I could see what I'd been avoiding for some
time - the tiny panties with a Disney Minnie Mouse image on the front.
I quickly pulled on the jeans to conceal them. It was no surprise that
they fit perfectly. They had neither buttons nor belt but were held up
by an elasticated waist band - easy to pull down for you know what. The
t-shirt had a sizing label on the collar - 'Girls 6 to 8 years'. There
was a pair of tiny pink sneakers with Velcro fastenings to go with the
lace-topped white ankle socks.
As soon as I rejoined Ashley in the main room there was a sudden
whirring, then the sound of gears shifting, and suddenly, the superstar
makeover closet slowly pulled away from the wall. Instead of the wall,
it revealed a heavy looking metal door. It reminded me of a fire door in
a high-rise. I bolted toward it, knowing that although it would likely
lead us toward our captors it also promised freedom from our bedroom
prison. I heard a gentle click, and the door opened on its own accord.
The doorway led to a narrow corridor. I quickly left the room, my little
legs pumping, with Ashley trailing behind. The corridor was lit like a
hospital or a school with fluorescent ceiling lights. The light in the
bedroom was muted, but here, it was almost blinding. The entire corridor
was painted white, while the floor was patterned like a black and white
chessboard. I could see three doors, one to the left and right, and one
at the end of the corridor. Each one was similar to the door that led
back to the bedroom.
I stopped between the two doors to my left and right. Beside the handle
to each one, I could see a security entry. The slight groove in the
entry led me to believe that a pass or card would be required to open
the doors. I saw Ashley's eyes widen as she caught up to me. She was
staring at the door on the right.
"I've seen that door before."
I shook my head. "It's the exact same as the others. Same as the one in
the bedroom too."
Ashley frowned. "No. Look closer." The girl swallowed hard and pointed
at it. "See these marks?" She was pointing out small indentations in the
otherwise sturdy fire door. I nodded, and she continued. "I made them
with my keys. I've definitely been in this corridor."
Ashley's mouth hung open. "I-I thought it was a dream though. Well more
of a nightmare. It was before they started sticking me with all those
needles. Before the sounds too."
I blinked, "