Chapter 27
"I've yelled at her. I'm not proud of it."
"Kat, there's a difference between shouting at a child and terrorizing
her. You should have seen the look on her face. It's something my-"
"You are not your dad. You made a mistake." Kathryn's voice wavered and
then she said reluctantly. "We are going to- we are going to make at
least a few of them."
Thomas laughed awkwardly. "We are going to make a lot of them. It seems
like no matter what the books say, hardly anything works."
It was Saturday morning and Thomas and Kathryn were having breakfast,
while I listened at the door. With my lightweight frame, it was easy to
sneak around the house undetected.
Kathryn replied, "I talked to my sister about Kaylee's behaviour and
how she treated me yesterday. Emma and Sophia, never ever speak to her
that way. I don't know what it is, but it looks like she wants the
help, and then she pushes us away."
Thomas sighed lightly. "I don't know either."
Both of them sounded incredibly frustrated, and I hadn't even been in
the house a week. I should have been more satisfied that Thomas had
also clearly been affected by my behaviour, but a part of me felt bad.
I should have despised them both, wanted to make their lives a living
hell, but the heaviness in which they spoke sent pangs of guilt through
my little body. Suddenly, I felt something soft and furry rub against
my leg. Midnight's unexpected appearance caused me to let out a
surprised yelp, which immediately gave away my position.
Thomas barked, "Kaylee! Are you listening at the door?"
I said sheepishly, "Uh. No?"
More heavy sighs penetrated the door from the kitchen. Moments later
the door swung open, and I was pulled into the kitchen. Kathryn said,
"Kaylee, it is impolite to eavesdrop."
I replied, "What did you want me to do exactly? Go back upstairs and
wait for you to finish, just because you might be talking about me? Not
happening. Besides, I'm fucking hungry."
Considering the amount of sighing happening in the kitchen, I was
surprised that Thomas and Kathryn hadn't both passed out from the
massive amount of air they were expelling. Thomas frowned and took off
his glasses, tapping them gently against the table. He didn't so much
frown as contort his face in disappointment, his bottom lip practically
enveloping the top. "How many times do we have to tell you not to
swear, Kaylee? We don't use words like that in this family."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm thinking maybe twelve times. Maybe
thirteen. How many times has it been?"
A tiny grin appeared on Kathryn's face. "Agatha did say she was too
smart for her own good."
Thomas glared at Kathryn and returned the glasses to his face. "Kat!
Don't encourage her. I bet you wouldn't be laughing if she was doing it
to you."
Kathryn lightly cleared her throat. "No, of course not. But I guess
it's up to us to help to guide her. She obviously needs to be
challenged. She needs a creative outlet. But I agree we need to do
something about the swearing."
I joined Kathryn and Thomas at the kitchen table, and Thomas slid an
omelet onto the plate in front of me. As always, I gobbled my food, my
wannabe parents told me to slow down, and then I retreated to the couch
on the second floor to read. I still wanted an Xbox, and at this point,
I would have even accepted a stupid Wii, but at least I still had the
Sherlock Holmes books. The Clarissa mouse detective novel lay on the
coffee table, and while I felt a tiny tingle urging me to pick it up, I
was able to ignore it.
Midnight attempted multiple times to sit on my lap, but each time, I
managed to slide him off by shifting my hips back and forth in a semi
crab walk. As I settled into the book, I heard footsteps on the stairs,
and then a gentle thunk on the coffee table. Thomas said, "Kaylee,
Saturday is cleaning day. Kathryn and I are expecting you to help too.
I'd like you to start by folding this laundry."
When I was a kid, I was expected to clean my room, but that was mostly
a losing battle for my mom. I had never picked up a duster or swept
anything. Even my apartment, I mostly just cleaned the surfaces, wiped
the kitchen counter and cleaned the bathroom. Laundry involved the
machine in my building that worked only half the time and then stuffing
it into drawers. If there was one thing I actually enjoyed about being
a kid was that I didn't really have any responsibilities. I didn't have
to work, getting yelled at by ungrateful, rude customers, coming home
smelling like three different kinds of onions, so because of this, I
actually scoffed at Thomas' suggestion.
Thomas said firmly, "Kaylee, you are living in this house now. It's
only fair that everyone pulls their weight. I know you can't do some
things because you are a kid, but you can certainly fold and put away
your laundry."
I raised a brow. "Oh really? And what are you going to do? Got another
grant thing to write?" I was starting to believe that Thomas used the
grant excuse to get out of doing work. Like, who was so clueless they
couldn't fix a rotten step or a door slightly off its hinges?
Thomas replied matter-of-factly, "Sweep the upstairs hallway and all
the bedrooms. And clean the upstairs bathroom." Why the hell would he
agree to do that? Part of the reason why I hated the prospect of
growing up and becoming a woman was that I would be forced to do what
Eve did, which was to pretty much clean the whole apartment. Greg did
the dishes when Eve cooked, but beyond that, Eve was the only one who
ever picked up a broom. It was definitely like that growing up too. My
dad fixed cars, cooked on the barbeque, but he certainly never cleaned
the house. It was a fact- guys definitely had it easier. I wasn't sure
why it was like that, but it's all I had ever known, and I accepted it.
I ignored Thomas and proceeded to bury my nose further in my book,
completely blocking the man from view. A moment later, the book was
snatched away, revealing an exasperated Thomas, whose face was red and
whose eyes bore into me angrily. "It's time for you to drop this
Hollywood attitude, missy. You are going to understand that you will
not, under any circumstances be getting away with this type of
behaviour. Now, you can have this back after you've finished folding
the laundry."
The man was still obviously upset about what I had said to his wife.
For someone who looked like he couldn't bench press the metal bar that
holds the weights, the man had a surprising strength to him. Still, I
looked at him with clear challenge, my mouth turned into a tiny grin.
"Well, maybe I don't want it back."
Thomas quickly retorted, "Then, you can just go to your room until it
is time for lunch."
I shrugged my shoulders and then started off toward my room. On my
bedroom door, my wannabe parents had hung what looked like a homemade
stuffed version of my name, patterned in cute pink block letters and
sitting on an equally fluffy looking cloud.
Thomas said pleasantly, clearly trying to get back on my good side, "Do
you like it? We got it specially made just for you, Kaylee. It only
just arrived yesterday."
The words popped almost immediately into my head and completely
bypassed my seemingly non-existent filter. "It's pretty." It was, as
loathe as I was to admit it, looking like the logo to my own TV show or
something.
Thomas said, "I'm glad you like it. Kathryn and I want to do everything
we can to make you feel like this is your home now. But that also
includes taking part in the weekly chores. And uh, it will be fun too.
Don't you think it will be fun to help?"
It shouldn't have been, but like the fucking vegetable washing the
other day, the prospect of helping, once it had been explained, did
seem like a lot of fun. Doing the things that Kathryn and Thomas were
doing would make me feel like more of a grown up too. It was fun to
pretend, but this was real, and somehow that was more fun. I turned
from my bedroom and took an experimental step toward the laundry
basket.
Thomas motioned toward the laundry. "Good girl. Here, I'll even show
you how to fold the clothes. It's not hard."
Like a dog, I immediately perked up at the words 'good girl'. Deep down
inside, beneath the layers of what remained of my fractured
masculinity, something stirred. A great lumbering beast, with twin
pigtails and a bouncy, happy smile, heard those words and devoured
them, but it was a morsel, and the beast wanted a never-ending feast.
It was too late by the time I realized the happy smile was plastered on
my face.
I was being attacked on all sides- the desire for praise and to receive
that praise by helping, circumventing my usual defences. Greg and Eve
never really praised me for anything. I mean they wouldn't have thanked
me for something completely mundane or said I was a good girl, not if
they wanted to continue breathing normally. Mrs. Feinstein wasn't one
to heap praise either, but when she did, I reacted similarly. It was
obvious, however, that since I arrived in Twin Falls, and I was really
being treated like a child, I was regressing. The same thing had
happened in the studio even before Ashley's memory wipe.
Realizing that I could avoid further issues by actually doing as Thomas
was asking, I quickly moved over to the basket and let him demonstrate
to me how to fold. Considering how easily my emotions turned from calm
stream to raging tidal wave capable of drowning all of humanity, I knew
I needed to be cautious. I didn't want another incident like what
happened in the grocery store.
"Okay, I get it. Now, promise me one thing. Just let me sit here and
fold this and don't say a word. I don't want to hear how good of a job
I'm doing. I'm folding stupid laundry, not like curing cancer or
something. Deal?"
Thomas peered down at me. He first looked flabbergasted, with his head
twisting and his right eye twitching slightly. Eventually though, he
smiled. "Deal." He even reached out his hand for me to shake.
That morning, I saw Thomas in a new light. As I folded the laundry, the
man, who probably could afford a cleaning person, swept around my feet
and dusted the bookshelves, and deep within, the mind of a little girl
percolated with ideas and new understanding.
***
"Kaylee. Kayley, honey. It's time to get up."
I grumbled and attempted to bury my head in Elsa's face. My legs pulled
up into my body, forming a protective cocoon against intrusion. What
the fuck did Kathryn want? Normally, they just let me sleep.
"Kaylee, come on, you don't want to be late for your first day of
school, do you?"
My eyes fluttered open, or rather they shot open with the speed of a
bullet leaving its chamber. The sun peeked into my room, causing my
eyes to retreat, the lids providing protection against the intensity of
the rays. I knew what day it was, but I had tried to put it out of my
head. Kathryn and Thomas hadn't stopped talking about it, mentioning
how much I would like it. How many friends I would make, and of course,
what I would learn.
There was an inevitability to my transition to Twin Falls Collegiate
and in general, a return to school life. For a man who spent most of
his adolescent and adult life running from his problems, here I had no
choice. I couldn't work or run away. If I had been a teenager like Ms.
Daniels, then I could have become a runaway, but six year old girls
didn't run away. A teenager wouldn't be asked a million questions,
although paramount among them, where are your parents, when are you are
parents coming back, and do you want me to help you find your parents.
To the outside world, I was weak, needing protection, the structure of
school, after school care and constant supervision would soon become
routine.
Going to school wasn't a battle I could win. I was going, whether I
liked it or not, but I was going on my terms.
I felt Kathryn's hand on my back as my entire body attempted to retreat
under the covers, worming away rapidly from the offending hand. Kathryn
chuckled lightly. "You know if you keep wriggling like that, you'll
fall right out of bed." Her voice was firmer as she spoke. "Now, it's
time to get up. And here look at the dress I got you. Isn't it pretty?
I have a couple new ones I got you, just for your first day."
Again, like a dog that listens for sit and roll-over, my attention was
piqued at the mention of the dress and the fact that it was pretty. The
words had taken permanent residence within my mind now, cementing
themselves as part of what was becoming common vernacular. My
imagination immediately kicked in, picturing voluminous ball gowns with
long gloves and puffy sleeves.
Kathryn said, "Come on now, I promise that you'll look like a little
princess." This word too had entered my vocabulary. Previously, I had
used it in a derogatory sense, especially toward Greg, who insisted on
wearing rubber gloves while he did the dishes. Now, however, it was
something that a part of me strived to be. I understood that
princesses, real princesses were rare. And actually becoming one was a
near impossibility, but the little girl who was waking up inside me
desperately wanted to be one.
Moments later, the covers were pulled unceremoniously from my slight
body. I felt soft material brush against my cheek and when I opened my
eyes, I was greeted by an overeager Kathryn and a dress that looked to
fit the image of the preppy Kaylee Patterson perfectly. Gentle ruffles
formed what almost looked like a small rectangular theatre with four
shiny silver buttons at the centre. The material was thick, almost like
thin curtains, but it still had a softness to it. My eyes widened with
my face lighting up in what could likely only be described as delight
as I saw the skirt portion. It was pinkish semi-translucent with white
polka dots, and this fact seemed to raise my spirits, making me
desperately want to try it on.
This joy, splayed on my features like one of the bikini models on the
cover of my dad's old car mags, caused Kathryn to have some sort of
facial orgasm. She beamed, and her body filled with such energy that
she looked like a teenager again.
Kathryn said, "I knew you'd love it the moment I saw it, Kaylee."
Fear began to creep into my mind as I realized how quickly Kaylee was
materializing. If I was going to survive, if Ryan was going to survive-
I needed to do things my way, and that included choosing how I dressed.
Most of my clothes were preppy as fuck, but they didn't scream. "Oh my
god, that little girl is the cutest thing ever in the history of life."
It bothered me too that it was similar to prep school outfits I had
seen but never worn while I went to school in Germany.
Kathryn said excitedly, "I'll do your hair too. Then, we'll take a
picture of you in your dress and post it on Facebook so everyone can
see it!"
I shook my head rapidly, tearing my gaze away from the dress. Words
bubbled to the surface, but instead of fierce opposition, I only
managed to squeak, "I-I don't want to wear that."
Kathryn said, "What do you mean, honey? I thought you loved it."
Without waiting for me to answer, she asked. "Is it because it's the
first day of school? There's nothing to be scared of, Kaylee. You'll
make lots of friends."
I said firmly, "I don't want any friends."
Kathryn frowned. "I don't think you mean that, Kaylee. You're probably
just nervous. Does it feel like little butterflies flying around in
your tummy?"
I ignored Kathryn and scampered out of bed toward my dresser. With a
quick heave and a grunt, I forced open the overflowing bottom dresser
drawer and started riffling through the clothes.
Kathryn said with clear disappointment in her voice, "If you don't like
that dress, there's others in your closet."
I turned and glared at the woman. "Why is it so important to you that I
wear a fucking dress? Do we need to get Agatha on the phone?"
Kathryn cleared her throat awkwardly, likely trying to fill the silence
that grew as she determined her response. "I-It's not. You can wear
what you like, Kaylee. But please hurry up. I don't want you to be late
for your first day." I had a feeling that considering Kathryn's
temperament, she didn't want to be late either. Hunger pangs pinched
lightly, so I decided to forego my clothing selection until after
breakfast.
As I ate, I couldn't push the dress from my mind, how I would look in
it, and what others would say, those magic words that sent a little
tingle up my spine- how I wanted to hear them. Everything in my drawer
seemed boring compared to the ruffles and the pretty shiny silver
buttons. After breakfast, I trudged back to my room, intending to
choose something from my drawer, but immediately upon entering the
room, my eyes darted toward the dress, which Kathryn had likely
strategically hung from the handle of my closet door.
"Kaylee, how come you aren't dressed yet?" It was Thomas. He was
wearing a suit, whose jacket hung loosely over his narrow shoulders. He
said, "You've been up here for twenty minutes. Now choose, or I'll
choose for you."
Kathryn peeked her head in. "I don't understand why she won't just wear
the dress I got her. You should have seen the look on her face when I
showed it to her. She loved it. She looked like she did when she saw
our car for the first time."
Thomas shrugged. "I-I don't know, Kat."
Kathryn said, "That's not exactly helpful. And with her independent
streak, I highly doubt she's going to let you choose her clothes.
Besides, I don't think she should take fashion advice from someone who
still wears his uncle's old suits. How come you won't wear that suit I
bought you, the charcoal one?"
Thomas leaned down and put his hand on my shoulder. "Please choose
something quickly, Kaylee." He looked back to Kathryn. "It's just- it
doesn't feel right. The pants are too tight."
Kathryn shook her head. "That's the style, Thomas. Besides, they looked
-really- good. You are swimming in that suit."
Fighting the urge to wear the dress, I finally managed to choose a
simple pair of khaki shorts and a polo shirt. Kathryn and Thomas both
left the room while I dressed. At the bottom of the stairs, a Frozen-
themed backpack awaited me, along with a Frozen-themed cloth lunch bag.
These people had Disney stock- I was fucking sure of it. I sighed
lightly and slung the bag over my shoulder, while tightly clutching my
dad's pin in my right hand.
"Okay. Kaylee. Smile! Time for the picture. We'll take one on the first
day of school every year. You'll be able to see how big you are
getting." Kathryn excitedly waved her smartphone in front of me.
I sighed. "And you can show me off like some kind of new puppy to all
your Facebook friends and all the aunts I haven't met. I'm not really
in the mood."
Thomas said gently, "It's just a picture, Kaylee. And I can tell you
that it's going to happen either way. I know Kathryn. You think I
wanted to take fifteen different pictures in one pose for our wedding?
So it can be a nice picture. Or it can feature the grumpiest little
girl in the world."
Kathryn grinned. "He's right. But it's because he kept doing this thing
with his lip."
Kathryn and Thomas attempted to get me to laugh, making silly faces and
even sillier voices, but my lip didn't budge. There was, after all, no
joy in the moment for me- knowing that I was going to a place that
could destroy what remained of my real self.
Thomas sighed lightly. "Well, I think Grumpy Cat has some new
competition." Kathryn and Thomas laughed, while I fumed internally.
Kathryn attempted a few more pictures before herding me out the door
toward the car.
***
Twin Falls Collegiate loomed before me. The building itself looked a
little like a small castle, but it didn't have the impenetrable
feeling. No, clearly it was meant to be welcoming. It was similar to
the boarding school I had attended in Germany, but instead of the grim
outer layer with its fading brick and unwelcome grey walls, the school
had multi-coloured bricks and chalk drawings clearly done by children-
the stick arms and legs made it fucking obvious. The posts holding up
the entry way were painted a bright yellow, while the turrets, which
should have been imposing, melded with the sky in clear bright blue.
Both Kathryn and Thomas walked me to the door and then toward a
classroom, which was the second door to the left. The halls bustled
with activity, a strange dichotomy with parents wandering halls meant
for children, some looking eager, perhaps pleased that summer was over-
while others looked terrified, holding their children tightly by the
hand, unwilling to allow them to reach this milestone.
Again, this day was an inevitability to me, so I went about the trip
focused on the task at hand- keep Ryan Sullivan alive. I placed my
dad's pin in the pocket of my shorts, readying it for recess. My
actions were systematic. I had thought this through.
The door leading to the classroom was covered in multi-coloured polka
dots. Patches of glitter, haphazardly placed on each dot, shone
brightly underneath the fluorescent lights. There was little rhyme or
reason to how the sparkles were placed, which meant a lazy adult had
scrambled to decorate the classroom at the last minute, or a child had
completed the project.
Other parents walked their children into the classroom, but Kathryn and
Thomas seemed ready to let me enter at my own pace. As more and more of
the children entered the class, I started to feel anxious. The worry
over how I would survive being surrounded by children all day, without
stabbing my dad's pin in my hand, was superseded by concerns that
shouldn't have existed within the mind of Ryan Sullivan. It was
something I had felt for a brief moment when I heard the happy voices
of Emma and Sophia as they skipped rope outside Greg and Eve's
apartment, but encircled as I was now by children my physical age, I
worried that the pretty girls, many of them in dresses like the one I
had refused, wouldn't want to be my friends.
If I said something only Ryan would say, would they think I was weird?
Would they want to play with me?
The bell rung, but instead of the clattering dring-dring, like a
hundred old rotary phones ringing at once inside a metal enclosure,
there was a sonorous almost soothing chime.
"Everything will be OK, Kaylee." It was Kathryn's voice, almost as
calming as the bell.
The hallway had emptied quickly. I looked around, and outside other
doorways, there were stragglers, but even they soon disappeared. My
feet, however, wouldn't budge. Thomas leaned down to eye level and
said, "What's wrong, Kaylee? Do you want us to go inside with you?"
I shook my head rapidly, fearing that the other kids would call me a
baby for needing mommy and daddy. It wasn't really fair that all the
other kids knew each other, and I didn't know anyone. Of course, such
thoughts went directly against my plan of ignoring all the kids and
hoping they would leave me alone, but the more I thought about it- the
more it bothered me. And the more I thought about it, the faster my
heart would race.
This should have been far easier. After all, I had been the new kid in
school so many times, but there I was, hiding behind Kathryn, terrified
to take a step inside the class. My carefully laid plan of being the
aloof cool girl who doesn't talk to anyone was unravelling before my
eyes. Fuck. The other kids were going to call me a baby. Like in second
grade when I cried because I didn't get the right juice. The memory and
the realization that I was acting like a complete child only
exacerbated my anxiety.
"Kaylee?" a pleasant yet careful voice asked from the doorway to the
classroom. While higher than one might expect for an adult, it lacked
the sing-song torturous tone of Musica's voice. Excited chatter filled
the room ahead of me. Groups of children congregated, waving coloured
cards back and forth. Girls shrieked and bounced forming multiple semi-
circles. The boys did the same. Only a few broke the gender barrier,
but mostly from necessity. All the children clearly wanted to be part
of a group, and as I watched the excitement, the force that kept my
little white sandals stuck fast to the floor weakened.
"Kaylee? Would you like to join us?" I looked up at the woman who was
speaking and saw my new teacher for the first time. No other person
other than a mental patient who had previously been a fashion designer
would wear something as bold as a dress covered in big multi-coloured
polka dots or a necklace featuring plastic apples, bananas and pears.
The skirt itself flowed down to her ankles, the crudely sewn polka dots
actually sticking out from the fabric as if the designer was attempting
to create a 3D effect.
She had frizzy, kind of funny looking hair and thick fire engine red
glasses. The woman was probably in her forties, but with how she
dressed, it was hard to tell. In her left hand, she had a small pack of
multi-coloured cards, which she proceeded to hold out to me.
Kathryn said, "Go on, sweetie. It looks like fun." There was a certain
eagerness to her voice, which I chalked up to impatience.
I tentatively reached out my hand, and the teacher, whose bright white
name tag read Mrs. Carmichael, firmly placed them in my grasp. A quick
scan of the cards revealed that they depicted a range of activities
from different sports to dance to music.
Mrs. Carmichael smiled as her entire body seemed to bubble with
enthusiasm. It was unfortunately contagious, and I found myself smiling
too. The woman reeked of energy, and with an excited flurry, she
directed me toward the classroom. "I think you'll love this game,
Kaylee. It's really easy. Just pick out the cards that best describe
the things you like to do, and then go and find a friend with that same
card. It's fun!" She punctuated her final words with a wave of her
hands.
I knew that acting like a child would lead me further down the path
toward actually becoming Kaylee. It had happened to Mark and Devon in
the studio, but with Ashley- it had to have been different. She was
erased and transformed into Madison after a week at the so-called
'camp'. She had been surrounded by children, just like I was. Is that
all it would take for me? Could I participate in the classroom
activities without losing myself further? I would keep my dad's pin
close at all times, but would I get it in time? The pin had saved me
from Barbie brain before, but an entire class of kids? It seemed like
an insurmountable task, and one where, like so many others things in my
life, I would ultimately fail.
Still, I had held on this long, and I was the last left. As long as I
knew who I was and kept enough of Ryan alive, I was still beating the
serum. It didn't matter that I knew none of the kids, and it certainly
didn't fucking matter if any of them wanted to be friends with me. I
strode into the classroom with this attitude and joined in the simple
game. Kathryn and Thomas said their goodbyes, but I ignored them.
Thankfully, the game was harmless. In fact, most of what we did during
the morning was completely harmless. They were ice breaker games and
going over the classroom rules. There were things that excited the part
of me that was Kaylee, but the excitement was never enough to sink
fully within a childlike mindset, but I knew recess was coming. The
laughter of children, swing sets and play structures, maybe even
skipping ropes.
Eventually, the pleasant chime rang, but it might as well have been a
siren, the sound perfectly representing the emergency situation that I
faced.
"Walking feet, boys and girls!" This caused some of children to stop in
their tracks, especially those who had raised their legs into a sprint
toward the door.
Mrs. Carmichael walked over to the door and then watched as the class
slowly made their way over to the brightly coloured feet stuck firmly
to floor. Some of the students giggled as they tried to fit their small
feet in the large feet stickers. Obviously, the feet were to help the
children line up whenever they left the classroom. It seemed
unnecessary, but then I had never tried to teach twenty five first
graders, so what the fuck did I know.
We walked single file through the halls, and as we did, my heart
pounded. I remembered how it was just with Emma, Sophia and their
skipping rope, and how much I wanted to join them. What was I going to
do with an entire playground? Thankfully, though, Twin Falls was small
enough that the kids outside all seemed to know each other. No one
tried to be my friend, and while I did feel the intense desire to go up
and down slides, to play red-light-green-light or just to be confined
within a group of kids- girls, I managed to fight the temptation with a
few quick pricks from my dad's pin. I smartly decided to put it in my
pocket, so whenever the urge struck, I just had to push against my
short pocket for the anti-stimulation.
We returned from recess in single file. Everything about primary school
revolved around routine. It was clear that the children in the class
thrived on it, and while I just went along for the ride, there was
something oddly comforting about the consistency of the quickly
established rules. I should have been more outraged at the sudden lack
of freedom, but again, it wasn't surprising. Children had to ask to go
to the bathroom and for a drink of water. They were told to use inside
voices and walking feet, and Mrs. Carmichael- she was a master of it
all.
As the children talked excitedly about their play, and what they
planned to do for lunch and after school (some even continued their
games from outside), Mrs. Carmichael raised a hand and said, "Holy!"
Most of the children chimed back. "Guacamole!" With all eyes on Mrs.
Carmichael, she said, "Okay, boys and girls, take your seats." This was
one of the first things Mrs. Carmichael taught the class, and while it
was originally met with laughter, the children soon understood that at
the end of each activity the hand was raised and the first part of the
silly phrase was uttered. It worked perfectly to gain the attention of
the children, and even I found myself at least standing at attention.
This teacher clearly knew what she was doing.
The desks were two-by-two facing the board, but it wasn't a regular
chalk board or even a white board. Mrs. Carmichael wrote on the board
with a special pen, even animating a bird to fly across the screen,
much to the delight of the class. Even I found myself paying attention
to the board more than expected.
Each of the desks had a cardboard nameplate. My seat mate was a little
girl who wore a dress similar to the one I had refused. Apparently, all
the parents in this fucking town shopped at the same place. Throughout
the lesson, I found myself taking sidelong glances at the garment,
wondering what it would look like on me. Unsurprisingly, what we were
learning was beyond simplistic. The worksheets, similar to those I had
finished at Mrs. Feinstein's, only took time because I still struggled
with certain letters. The only saving grace of the day was the fact
that Thomas was coming to get me so I would miss gymnastics. He had
some meeting at the university about something that I didn't give a
fuck about.
I survived my first day with only a few small prick marks on my hip.
Surprisingly, the kids didn't bother with me, seemingly content to
remain within their own established groups. Without some emotional
breakdown, like the one at the beach, I wasn't vulnerable to their
excited cries at recess. Recess was seriously only about fifteen
minutes anyway. Although maybe it was longer? Either way, I took this
day as an absolute victory. It was a battle in the war, but the longer
I lasted, the more my confidence would grow.
Anxious parents entered the school after the final bell, their
children, in some cases, launching at them like guided missiles. Thomas
loped in, still wearing the ill-fitting suit, looking like he had some
bizarre growth spurt overnight. He waved awkwardly and smiled,
approaching with the uncertainty of a deer, seemingly ready to bolt
away at any moment.
"Hi, Kaylee! How was your day?" he said his first words with more
enthusiasm than expected, but he quickly dialed it down after that.
I replied, "It was fine. Let's go."
Thomas reached out his hand to grasp mine, but I pulled it away. The
man looked momentarily saddened, his head drooping and chest sagging,
but he quickly straightened his posture. "So, do you like your teacher?
Did you make any friends?"
I shrugged my shoulders and slung the Frozen-themed backpack over my
shoulder. "She's OK. Can we go?" Thomas nodded and led me out to the
car. It would be a short trip back to the house, but with all the
questions, it would feel like a millennia.
Strapped safely into my booster seat, Thomas pulled out of the parking
lot. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh of relief, both pleased with
myself over the success of the day and glad that I was missing
gymnastics.
Thomas asked, "You didn't answer me about your friends. Did you make
any friends?"
I replied, "Sure. Lots of them."
Thomas said, "Your teacher mentioned that you sat by yourself during
both recesses and at lunch. Are you OK, Kaylee? You don't need to lie.
It can be hard to make friends at a new school."
How ironic, considering I was practically a master at that very thing,
having started at multiple new schools. Whereas Ryan was boisterous,
Kaylee was subdued and shy, a perennial wallflower.
Thomas continued, "Did you talk to any kids? Or try and play with
them?" I could feel Thomas and his analytical mind, full of hundreds of
parenting articles, going through a mental checklist to determine the
root of the problem.
I said truthfully, "Well, there was one group of kids. They were
playing Frozen. But I didn't want to play with them."
Thomas asked, "How come? I thought you liked Frozen." He added with a
hint of laughter. "Most of the time."
I shook my head. "They came over to me, and they wanted me to be Olaf,
but I didn't want to be Olaf. I mean, who would want to be a talking
snow man?" To be fair, there had been an argument over who was going to
be Elsa, with three girls all wanting to be her, but since I was new, I
was relegated to being a fucking magic snow man.
I mean, maybe if they had asked me to be Elsa, I would have thought
about it. With sudden realization, I applied pressure to the pin in my
pocket, forcing a tiny yelp from my mouth.
I watched the scenery pass, but instead of whipping by, it practically
meandered. Thomas stopped at every single stop sign, actually stopped.
In LA, people constantly ran red lights, just trying to inch their way
into seemingly endless traffic snarls. So, I wasn't exactly used to the
two-point stops.
"You know this thing has a V8 engine. You could actually kick it into
fifth gear sometimes." The car actually had a sixth gear, but Thomas
was barely going fast enough for fourth.
Thomas replied, "We'll get there all the same."
"You aren't going to get pulled over going ten over. Ten under maybe.
Come on, you've got tractors passing you."
Thomas snorted. "It's not that bad."
Suddenly, the car lurched forward, pulling heavily to the right. There
was clearly something wrong with the alignment of the vehicle. I had
noticed it before, but I just thought Thomas was a really shitty
driver. Unfortunately, the slight veer caused the SUV to bounce over a
deep pothole, causing both driver and passenger to shift uncomfortably
in their seats. Thomas quickly regained control of the vehicle, but it
was obvious something was wrong. The car kicked up gravel and shifted
left and right. I heard a definite clicking sound coming from the front
left tire, and it only grew more pronounced the longer we drove. Thomas
slowed to a crawl and eventually pulled off to the side of the road.
Thomas left the car and walked around it, leaving me alone in my
fucking booster seat. Moments later, I heard muffled yelling. I knew
exactly what the issue was. The SUV had a flat, and Thomas, who
couldn't adjust a door hinge, fix a rotten step, tighten a shower
faucet, likely couldn't change a tire. The man was red faced and
kicking up gravel, and likely swearing like the typical adolescent FPS
player after getting one-shotted.
I unbuckled myself from the booster. There was a moment of surprise as
I freed myself, realization that I could have fled the humiliating
device at any point. It was likely Kathryn's presence that kept my butt
firmly planted to the seat. While I could move around in the car, I
couldn't open the door due to the child locks. I was forced to crawl to
the front of the car to let myself out the passenger door.
"Kaylee! Get back in the car! It's dangerous out here!" Thomas walked
toward me as if trying to protect me from a nuclear bomb blast with his
arms outstretched to non-existent traffic.
I said, "It's not exactly rush hour, man. Just calm down. So you got a
flat, just fix it."
Thomas furrowed his brow. "There's no cell service here. I can't call
anyone. And now I'm going to miss my meeting with the Dean of Social
Sciences."
I shook my head. "It's not my fault you decided to live in a town with
such shitty reception. But look why don't-"
Thomas said, "Back in the car, Kaylee. I don't want you running into
the road. Here, take my phone and play a game while I try and figure
this out." I glared at the man as he handed me his phone. What was I
fucking dog, bolting in the road after some squirrel? Frank had
probably offered to show Thomas how to change a tire, but he likely
made some excuse about writing.
Thomas was just like Greg in this respect- a poor excuse for a man,
clueless about anything mechanical. And changing a tire wasn't even
mechanical. It was something everyone should know. Tired of useless
know-nothing men, I hopped back into the car and quickly looked up a
video on the phone titled. "How to change a tire".
Thomas opened the driver's side door. "Kaylee, here we'll walk a bit
and see if we can get some reception."
I shook my head firmly. "I want to see you change the tire."
Thomas frowned deeply. "I'm not good with this type of stuff. I'm
sorry, Kaylee." The look on his face was pure defeat, and his face
actually reddened with actual shame. "It doesn't mean you won't be. I'm
sure Frank- Mr. Milner could show you some things. If you are
interested in learning."
Nonplussed, I crossed my arms over my chest. "For a person who works at
a university, you aren't very interested in learning yourself. I
watched this video. Come on, I'll explain what you need to do, and you
just follow." I hadn't actually watched the video, since there was no
internet, but I needed Thomas to think I had. Few six year old probably
knew how to use a tire iron or understood the required PSI.
Thomas looked uncertain. He removed his glasses and tapped them lightly
against the side of his head. "I-I'm just not sure I can." He cleared
his throat, and his normally hunched frame was bolstered by sudden
strength. "But I guess it can't hurt to try. It won't be the first or
last time I embarrass myself in front of you." This caused a little
giggle to escape my lips, a tiny gasp of air quickly squelched.
I instructed Thomas to remove the tire iron from the back of the car.
The spare tire was located in the same place, and he also managed to
drag the spare to the side of the car. I looked at the damaged tire
and lodged deep within was a sharp rock, the obvious culprit of the
flat.
"Okay, now you have to place the jack under the car. Yeah, that's it.
Right there in that little lip." It would have been a humourous scene,
a little girl in pretty white sandals sitting next to her father,
showing him how to jack up a vehicle. My tiny hands gripped the tire
iron. I placed it in the jack and proceeded to crank it. Thomas took
over and watched with fascination as the front of the car slowly lifted
up.
"Wow, you got all of that from just watching a video, Kaylee?
Unbelievable." His eyes moved back and forth mechanically, as if trying
to determine just how off the scale smart I actually was. He added.
"You have an incredible capacity to learn, and the way you absorb
information, it's just-"
I pointed at the tire iron and said, "Okay. Fine. But this isn't
getting you to your meeting. Now comes the fun part. Time to get the
flat off."
Thomas frowned. "It won't budge."
I said with a smile, "This is the fun part. You've gotta kick the shit
out of it, put all your weight down on it through your foot."
By the time Thomas had the third wheel nut off, he was grinning from
ear to ear, and also incredibly red faced. He wasn't, however, the only
one. I actually sincerely enjoyed my time with Thomas, who, despite his
initial misgivings, was a quick study himself. It reminded me of the
time I spent with my own dad, how he would show me how to fix cars, and
the way, the very way I demonstrated to Thomas was how my dad had
taught me.
Thomas, now breathing heavily after lifting the spare and tightening
it, slid down the side of the car onto his butt. He continued smiling,
even though obviously fatigued. "Um, thanks, Kaylee. You know for
getting me to do that. I think maybe I'll be able to do the snow tires
this year without bringing them to Frank's."
I clambered back into my booster seat, a seemingly permanent satisfied
grin plastered on my face. Seconds later, we were off, but as we drove
down the highway, I felt the car gradually speed up. Thomas put his
hand on the gear shift, bringing the SUV into fifth gear for what
seemed like the first time. The engine hummed as the vehicle gripped
the concrete.
It could have just been because Thomas was worried about being late for
his meeting, but the firm almost crushing way a person grips the wheel
when late was absent. He also wasn't frantic like Eve, who thrust her
head forward, rapidly looking up and down, acting like some hyper-
vigilant bobble head. No, this was a man driving his car in the way it
was meant to be driven and actually enjoying it. As the trees and road
signs whipped past at an increasing rate, my lips remained curled in a
smile.
***
"How come you have shoes like that?"
It was the first thing any kid had said to me in the classroom. When I
had started at a new school, and especially if my class clowning wasn't
making me any friends, I naturally converged on other new kids. It was
like a new kid safety net, but here in this tiny town, I was the only
one. Apparently, and unfortunately, I wasn't invisible, and my seat
mate, a little girl with two long braids and another pretty dress had
taken notice. This one flowed outward and was perfect for twirling. The
kid was dressed like some kind of expensive doll, but I couldn't help
but again wonder what I would look like wearing the same thing.
Without waiting for me to respond, she said, "You can't tie your
shoes?" There was amusement in her voice. On her feet, she had a pair
of little boots, neatly tied in big loops that draped over the side of
the shoe.
Here, I figured she would ask me my name and maybe try and be my
friend. I was quickly realizing, however, that not all kids were
created equal. The desperation of the mousey Brianna, the inclusiveness
of Sophia- it was all absent within this little mean girl.
I shrugged my shoulders lightly and answered, "Well you know it's like
cars, right? A different one each day." The kids who attended Twin
Falls collegiate obviously came from money. Everyone was dressed in a
similar way, different variations of people either going on a boat,
building a boat, going to boat-related parties- whatever it was- it was
preppy as fuck.
The little girl said bluntly. "You had the same shoes yesterday too."
She grinned and narrowed her eyes. "Are you a baby? Can't tie your
shoes? I learned in kindergarten."
I replied caustically, "Listen, you little fucking bitch, unless you
want a pretty black eye, leave me the fuck alone."
In a sing-song voice, the little girl said, "Mrs. Carmichael, Kaylee
said some bad words!"
Mrs. Carmichael walked over. "Yes, Ava, I heard." The teacher walked
over to a chart and put a sad face next to my name. "Kaylee, you know
the rules. It's not polite or very nice at all to use words like that.
If you're a good girl for the rest of the day, I'll take it off."
Of course, Mrs. Carmichael hadn't noticed that Ava was teasing me, so
no sad face for her. I stewed in my seat, and then I realized that I
didn't fucking care about happy or sad faces. Or at least I shouldn't.
As a lesson about number sequences continued, Ava said quietly, "Baby
can't tie her shoes."
My first instinct should have been to punch her in the mouth. We were
both little kids, so I wasn't exactly picking on someone bigger than
me. Instead, however, her insult seeped deep within, filling the
crevices of self-doubt that had formed in my mind and giving rise to
Kaylee's burgeoning personality. I retorted loudly. "Am not a baby!"
Her words shouldn't have hurt as much as they did, but there was
absolute truth to her statement. I couldn't tie my shoes. In the
studio, I had always worn slip-ons, Velcro or buckled shoes. With the
loss of all muscle memory, it would be a slog to learn. I inwardly
cringed at potentially having to ask Thomas or Kathryn how to tie my
fucking shoes. Maybe a YouTube video?
Mrs. Carmichael said sternly, "Kaylee, please stop interrupting the
lesson. And Ava stop teasing Kaylee. Everyone learns at a different
pace." I was surprised, but thankful, to see that the teacher went over
to the behaviour board and placed a sad face next to Ava's name. I felt
instant satisfaction that stayed with me for the rest of the day.
There was no business meeting for Thomas, so I wouldn't be saved from
gymnastics again. Once school ended, a bubbly brunette in a skin-tight
leotard picked myself, Ava and another girl up from class and marched
us enthusiastically toward the gymnasium. For what amounted to a small-
town school, the gym was impressive. Again, Twin Falls had money- that
much was clear. The gym was laid out for a gymnastics course with
balance beams, a vault, bars, a trampoline and mats scattered
everywhere. There were even rings, which no six year old would have the
upper body strength to use. Of course, we weren't the only ones using
the equipment. Our small group was soon joined by other children, all
led by leotard wearing teenage girls. The brunette who had led my group
to the gym handed a small package to me, containing, unsurprisingly, my
own leotard.
"No! I don't want to! Let me go!"
"It'll be fun, you'll see, Conner."
"No, you can't make me!"
I watched as a frustrated blonde girl, probably about fifteen, slowly
pulled a little boy by the arm toward me. Ava and the other girl had
presumably gone to get changed. I recognized him from my class, and as
one of the boys who sat and watched the six-grade boys play football
every recess. Kid obviously wanted to play, but he was too young. And
now this poor bastard was stuck taking gymnastics.
"Kaylee? It's Kaylee, right?"
The brunette was trying to get my attention. I nodded dumbly as I
watched the blond pull Conner toward me. The brunette said, "Kaylee, go
put on your leotard please. We're going to start soon. It's going to be
so much fun!"
I sighed lightly and considered my options. Fighting the teens would
lead them to telling Kathryn or Thomas that I wasn't being cooperative,
and it could further impact my screen privileges (fuck as if I had
started calling it that?!), meaning that I wouldn't be able to see if
Eve had answered my e-mail. At the same time, gymnastics was so fucking
girly. I had images of tiny girls competing in the Olympics, their
bodies lithe but boyish, twirling ribbons and prancing to shitty music.
I knew the difference between regular and rhythmic, but the latter had
burned itself into my mind, and it was how I saw it in general.
It didn't matter that what I saw unfolding before me was actual
athletics and challenging athletics. It didn't matter that the older
gymnasts were performing back flips on the trampoline or practically
flying through the air after releasing a bar suspended probably six or
seven feet in the air only to land perfectly on the ground in a
triumphant pose. None of it fucking mattered, because it was for girls.
Conner said, "I'm not wearing that. You can't make me."
The blond said, "Who's your favourite superhero, Conner?"
Conner replied, "Spider-man. Why?" The little boy looked at the girl
suspiciously.
The blond said, "He wears a costume, right? Well to be able to move
around and do all those cool moves, he can't wear normal clothes. Look,
I even have some red shorts you can put over your outfit."
The brunette added with a smile, "You'll be a Spider-man in training
with us, Conner. You'll even get to climb a wall."
Conner said, "Really? Just like Spider-man?"
The girls nodded. "Yup! Just like Spider-man."
A few seconds later, Conner headed off into the boys' changing room,
leaving me impressed with the level of manipulation exhibited by the
teenage girls.
The brunette said, "Kaylee? Hurry up now and get changed, you don't
want to miss any class, right?" That was it? She just assumed that I
would be all OMG I can't wait to do this gymnastics shit? What, just
because I was a girl?
The girl added, "Look at how cute Ava is in her leotard, Kaylee. And
Addison. And look at mine, it has pretty sparkles on it. If you listen
today in class, I'll tell you how you can put some glitter on yours to
make it really pretty."
I groaned inwardly and stomped off toward the girls' change room, not
because I wanted my leotard to have pretty sparkles but because
participating meant retaining screen privileges. If I could figure out
a way to unlock the KIDS mode on my phone, then I could check my e-mail
any time I wanted. That meant actually having access to it though.
I returned a few minutes later, wearing something similar to a one-
piece bathing suit. It was, of course, bright neon pink, looking like I
had been attacked by sentient, angry bubble gum. Maybe a slight
exaggeration. Still, at least I wasn't Conner. He had on a pair of
small red shorts that revealed his thin legs, and a skin-tight tank top
that made him look more ballet dancer than super hero.
"You look stupid too you know."
I blinked, not realizing at first that I was smirking at the boy. "I'm
pretty sure you've taken that prize. And you know they were lying to
you, right? You aren't old enough to do any of that stuff."
Conner replied, "Shut up. Why don't you just go be with the stupid
girls?"
I shrugged. "I don't like Ava, and I'm pretty sure I don't like
gymnastics."
Conner shook his head. "No way. You're just lying. You just want to
stay here and make fun of me."
The blond and the brunette said excitedly, "Conner, Kaylee! Come and
join us!"
While there was clearly a gender divide between us, which created a
strange almost reverse magnetism, I still felt an affinity toward the
boy. I realized as well, that I disliked Ava more than I initially
thought. This fact would not leave my mind, so rather than go over
there. I said, "I like Spider-man too."
Conner blinked slowly. "I don't know any girls that like Spider-man."
I said, "Well you do now."
Nothing the instructors could say would pry us apart. For the next
forty five minutes, we went over the entire Marvel cinematic universe,
and while I was talking to a six year old, I at least found someone who
liked something I did. Conner was actually pretty cool for a little
kid, and he knew a shit ton about Spider-man and the Avengers.
"Hulk would just throw a tank at him."
Conner replied, "Yeah, but Spider-man is really fast. And he's got lots
of powers. He would see it and jump."
I nodded. "Okay, but the Hulk is way stronger."
Conner said, "Yeah. Definitely. But Spider-man wouldn't try and be
stronger. He's really smart. He'd do something to turn the Hulk back
into a person."
Excited shrieks permeated our discussion, and I turned my head,
watching as parents started slowly filtering into the gymnasium. Cries
of "Watch me!" "Watch this, mommy!" "Look what I can do, daddy!" filled
the space.
"Wow, great job, Ava! You're really improving." My head jerked in the
direction of a well-dressed woman clapping her hands together at the
sight of Ava slowly making her way across the balance beam. Instant
jealousy punctured my thoughts, especially as a disappointed Kathryn
also entered my view. I desperately wanted that same approval from
Kathryn, but I was broken from my trance by Conner.
"You're cool, Kaylee. Do you want to play Avengers and Spider-man at
recess?"
As attractive as the offer was, I knew that I couldn't. I would end up
the exact same as Devon and Mark. Talking about it was one thing, but
letting myself be drawn into a creative world where my imagination
could take over was infinitely more dangerous.
"Uh. Sorry. I can't."
Conner asked. "Because the girls will make fun of you? For playing boy
games?"
I nodded slowly. "Something like that."
Conner shook his head. "That's not fair."
I nodded. "No, I guess it isn't."
By this point, Kathryn, who looked none too impressed, had made her way
over. She said, "What do you mean she didn't participate at all?" The
blond girl shook her head and said, "Callie, I told you not to tell her
that."
Callie (the brunette whose name I now knew) said, "Mrs. Sharp told us
to mention it to the parents, so they can talk to the kids. We can't
force them, and maybe they don't want to do gymnastics."
Conner asked, "Are you going to get in trouble?"
I nodded. "Yeah, probably."
Conner said, "I wanted to take karate."
I smiled. "Yeah, me too."
***
"Well maybe the instructors are right. You have lived with her, right?
Forcing her to do anything isn't exactly easy."
Kathryn replied, "That wasn't part of the deal. We are paying for this,
Thomas. She's not doing karate, so the only other option is dance. Why
do I have to be the bad guy with this stuff? The deal was that she does
gymnastics and then we see about the karate. She does the winter break
dance class. I don't want her in some after school care where she just
ends up watching movies the whole time. She needs an activity."
Thomas sighed. "I'm just saying we have to approach this
diplomatically. If she really doesn't want to then we might have to
look at alternatives."
Kathryn said, "But she didn't even try it. Her instructor said she sat
there talking to a little boy the whole time."
Kathryn looked at me disapprovingly, and if she had a pair of glasses
that dipped onto her nose, she would have looked exactly like the elder
Mrs. Feinstein. "Kaylee, until you start to participate in the classes,
you aren't getting your phone back, and you won't have any screen
privileges. Do you understand?"
I said more petulantly than expected with a firm stomp of my foot. "But
that's not fair!"
Kathryn replied, "What isn't fair is that we are paying for something,
and you won't even try it out. You are breaking our deal."
Thomas interjected. "Kaylee, please just try it out, OK? You might
really like it. Let's say you give it a shot for three classes, and you
do everything your instructor asks you, and then if you still really
don't like it, we'll talk about something else."
I nodded and sighed lightly. "OK." It's not like gymnastics would screw
with my mind to same way playing with a doll or kids my age would. I
just couldn't get it out of my mind how much I hated Ava. She was
just...so mean! If she hadn't been in the class, then maybe it would
have been easier. Plus, I expected that Conner wasn't going to last too
much longer in the class, so I would lose my talking buddy.
Thomas smiled. "Good."
***
Unsurprisingly, Conner wasn't at gymnastics the next day, and
thankfully Ava was absent too, so I was able to participate. I felt a
sense of satisfaction as I started to creep across the balance beam for
the first time. Callie was next to me, ready to catch me if I fell, but
my heart jumped, filling with pride as I reached the half way point.
Surprisingly, the class was a lot of fun, and as I watched the older
girls especially, I began to imagine that was me, twisting and turning
in the air, launching myself over a vault and landing with precision.
While I managed to get my screen time privileges back, a larger issue
loomed. By Friday, while I had survived my first week in the classroom,
I was bored out of my mind during recess. Not to say that the classroom
wasn't mostly boring, but at least Mrs. Carmichael was an engaging
teacher. The worksheets were still beyond easy, but my slow writing
made me fit in with the others. As for my problem, since my wannabe
parents carefully controlled my cell phone, I couldn't take it to
school, so I was left watching children at play on a constant basis.
With that, came a growing almost desperate desire to join them- one
that even jabbing a pin into my leg couldn't halt. Worst of all, Ava
and her friends, who often skipped, were becoming an attractive target.
I couldn't understand it, but Ava's pretty dresses and intricate hair-
dos, and the way she talked, and the cute shoes she wore- it made me
want to be her friend. She was so cool, especially her clothes. So,
while hating her, I also wanted to hang out with her. Fucking girls
made no sense.
I knew it was the serum, pushing me toward a group that would suffocate
my remaining masculinity. Still, I had a plan that would hopefully
distract me from this growing obsession.
"Hey, maybe you could bring a ball, instead of just watching them play
all the time?"
Conner replied, "Well I guess I could." As with most recesses, Conner
was watching the six graders play touch football, with the odd tackle
when the teachers weren't watching.
I smiled. "Good. Bring one on Monday, and we'll throw it around."
Conner nodded. "OK. How come you want to play football? I thought
girl-"
I interrupted. "Don't finish that thought. Because I like it? That's
all you need to know."
Conner grinned. "You're cool, Kaylee. You're not like my older sister.
All she cares about is stupid One Direction. And how much she wants to
meet them. And probably marry them."
I nodded. "Your sister sounds lame. Now, who do you think would win
between Spider-man and Superman?"
***
"If Callie can't babysit then we shouldn't go. We can just stay in,
catch up on Game of Thrones and Walking Dead- have some wine." Thomas
added the last few words with a goofy grin plastered on his face.
Kathryn shook her head. "I agree that Callie would have been best.
She's got Kaylee participating and actually enjoying gymnastics, but
she's not the only babysitter in town. I talked to Alexis, and she's
willing. And I've told you before that watching TV is not a date.
Everything I've read says that we need to make time for ourselves too.
And while I like doing those things with you, it's not the same as a
night out. Besides, if we stay in, you will just make an excuse to
work."
Thomas replied, "You know the deadline for the Iverson grant is coming
up. That's 10% of the university's funding alone."
Kathryn frowned. "You are driving yourself crazy with this, Thomas. I
have read over the application, and it is absolutely sound. The
university will get the money."
Thomas said, "Alexis wouldn't exactly be my first choice, and Kaylee-
can be- well a bit of a handful."
Kathryn nodded. "I know. But if we give Alexis clear instructions
everything will be fine. She might be disinterested as a cashier, but
she has babysat her little sister many times. I talked to her mom, and
she seems to think Alexis will do fine with Kaylee. I admit that I was
a bit hesitant at first, but ringing up groceries isn't the same as
taking care of kids."
Thomas sighed lightly. "If they burn the house down, I'm blaming you."
Kathryn laughed. "Sure. OK. I'll accept that blame."
I groaned, the reality of the situation quickly striking me like a
brutal blitz that tears through the defensive line and concusses a
quarterback. This wasn't Mrs. Feinstein or Jessica looking after me, no
this was the quintessential- the clich?- the teenaged girl as
babysitter. I was a living breathing Nick at Night sitcom. I could,
however, take advantage of the situation, especially with Thomas and
Kathryn out. A plan quickly materialized.
Kathryn said, "You be good for Alexis, Kaylee. Do everything that she
says. And if you are good, you and Alexis can watch a movie. And since
it isn't a school night, you can stay up and watch the whole thing.
Sound good?"
I nodded, a little smile forming on my lips. "Very good."
Kathryn smiled. "Good. Maybe you and Alexis can watch one of the Disney
princess movies. I'll leave them out."
I replied excitedly. "Maybe we could watch Frozen!"
Kathryn raised a brow. "I thought you-"
Thomas interrupted, "Get with the times, Kat. This week is a Frozen
week."
***
"You've got our cell numbers. The number for poison control is on the
fridge. The fire extinguisher is under the sink and-"
Thomas interrupted. "Relax, Kat. Everything is going to be fine. You've
already gone through it once. And Alexis is a responsible girl. We are
going to be late for the movie." Once the babysitter had been
confirmed, Kathryn returned to her anal Feinstein-like personality,
worrying about every little thing. Apparently trusting the babysitter
meant explaining everything a million times. Still, Thomas' words
halted Kathryn the same way a 12 gauge can stun a grizzly at 50 yards.
I had seen it before. In bear country, you always want to carry a
shotgun, and my dad stopped one in its tracks as it approached. He
wounded it only, striking at the shoulder, and thankfully, it took off.
"Ryan, you wound and then you kill if it comes any closer than 50
yards. Put the slug through the head. It is your only chance."
I imagined what Thomas would do when faced a bear. He would probably
shit and piss his pants as it batted him around like a cat playing with
a mouse, tearing and clawing at his flesh. Either that or he would hide
behind Kathryn. And in terms of defending himself? The slight recoil
from a 9MM would probably put Thomas flat on his back.
My dad taught me to respect nature as much as he taught me to fear it.
When he saw me taking pot shots at ducks in a pond, he slapped the
stupid out of me with the back his hand. Hunting was about the
challenge- not how many you can bag in a day or a week. Every shot you
took had to have a meaning- a purpose. It wasn't about spraying and
praying. And you had to show respect. You didn't shoot chicks or
hatchlings. And as for the fear, well I certainly learned that with the
bear.
Kathryn quickly slung her purse over her shoulder and moved toward the
door. She looked back toward Alexis. "Remember, Kaylee is to stay off
our laptops. And she shouldn't stay up past 9:30. She gets grumpy if
she stays up too late, so only one movie." For a movie, anywhere except
the boat club or country club, Kathryn and Thomas were way overdressed.
Thomas was seriously wearing a fucking sports coat, but it was Kathryn,
but most specifically how she was dressed that caught my attention. A
dark blue floral print skirt reached to just below her knee, while a
frilly white blouse revealed trim, yet pale arms. A pearl necklace and
matching bracelet adorned her wrist, while her long blond hair coyly
hung over one shoulder. It was the pinnacle of preppy fashion. Alexis,
on the other hand, was wearing a pair of light blue jeans and a polo
shirt that gently hugged her slim frame. Her hair, dyed a deep almost
crimson, was neatly tied in a ponytail. Like Kathryn, she wore
jewellery, but it was a single charm bracelet that dangled with hearts,
unicorns, puppies and what looked like ice skates.
Thomas gently cleared his throat. "Oh and have fun."
Alexis smiled and said, "Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Patterson. Kaylee
and me will have lots of fun tonight."
Kathryn said, "Bye, sweetie. We love you. Be good for Alexis." Fuck,
she was trying too hard with this affection bullshit. I hadn't even
been her adopted daughter for two weeks, and she was treating me like
she was my birth mother. I hadn't even called her mom. She turned to
Alexis and her mostly wrinkle-fre