Shutter Buggered
- 1 year ago
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Are you sure about this... ?
Back down by the house, I found Frej in the garage. He was peering closely at a tangle of wires.
“These new electronics...” he grumbled. “They are all so small and impossible to fix... ! Or maybe I need glasses.”
I laughed as best I could with the tremors that seemed to be creeping into me from all sides.
I haven’t been sure of anything lately...
“Need a break?” I asked.
He tossed the thing onto the worktable and grinned at me. “Yes, that is enough for today.”
“How about a few days break, then?”
“What do you mean?”
“Any chance you want to go visit your sister?”
His face immediately fell serious as he studied me. “Have you heard news, from... ?”
I shrugged, thinking that if I told him what I’d just witnessed, he’d laugh me out of the place. Then again, if anyone would believe an utterly impossible story about a fish and the sea, it would be this boat captain. Regardless, today he’d just have to trust me.
“Maybe,” I replied. “One way or another, Lara and I want to go up there. We thought you could help us drive.”
Frej nodded appreciatively. “When?”
I gave him an apologetic look. “As soon as we can. Lara is already packing. Is half an hour too soon?”
He only took one deep breath. “We will go see Fru Sarah.”
I nodded, glad at how easily he’d been convinced. I could see the conflict in his eyes, the almost fearful uncertainty mixed with utterly unconditional hope.
I followed him inside, humming a random tune, a fragment of a million songs. It was needed accompaniment to the underlying rhythmic earthquake that was warming up within me. We found my mom relaxing on the couch with a book. Frej moved near her and caressed her hair, a gesture I’d never seen him do before.
“I will take Matt and Lara to the house of my sister,” he announced.
Sarah was as unflappable as ever. She looked up at him with a warm smile and then at me. I made no effort to hide my own growing mix of feelings.
“You know where the keys are,” she finally said.
“Thanks, Mom.”
She smiled at me. “Say hello to Birgitte from us, all right?”
“Sure,” I replied evenly, knowing what she really meant. “You’re okay with us just going up right now?”
“I am. And I really hope it goes well,” she added. “But no matter what, remember what we talked about on the beach.”
“You really are the coolest, you know?” I said.
“I’ll remember that for the future.”
“Give Mom a hug from me, and we’ll be back, uh ... I don’t know when. No idea what’ll happen.”
She rose to give me a hug. “Do what you have to do.”
Frej only knew the town where Birgitte lived, but not the address, having left it back at his place in Montauk. He wanted to call to get some directions, since he couldn’t remember the way from when he’d visited her the previous summer. I asked him not to.
“We’ll find it one way or another,” I said.
“But it would be good to call Birgitte to tell her that we will be visiting,” he insisted.
I shook my head and stayed firm. I promised that I would never call ... Not even now.
He eventually acquiesced, despite grumbling about politeness and such.
I phoned Clara to let her know I would be out of town for a little while, and Lara did the same with her minimal potential obligations. We were rather unattached to things, and therefore it was easy to sever everything at a moment’s notice. Besides, by the time anyone else missed us, we’d be back home.
Less than an hour later, we were on the road. We would need to stay in a hotel somewhere, because a straight drive would put us there well past midnight. The ride was fairly quiet, although Frej would occasionally reminisce about growing up with his sister in Denmark, and their common love of the sea. He had always been more into fishing the depths, while Birgitte preferred the plant life and pleasures of shellfish near the shoals.
We took turns at the wheel, eventually pulling into a motel just outside of Bangor that looked decent enough. I insisted on paying, and the desk clerk figured that we were still a couple of hours from our destination. It seemed closer than that on the map, compared to how far we’d come, but we would be leaving the interstate and the roads would slow down considerably.
No one was opposed to continuing on at first light, which I figured would be a little earlier than it was back home, since we were further north. Probably right around five... We therefore turned in as soon as we could. I lay in bed, working on the butterflies in my stomach. I’d been able to stay fairly calm until then, but come morning we’d be heading to see my—no, I didn’t even know if I could say that anymore. We’d be heading there to find out what had happened to our old friend since we all leapt, on the night of the park concert. Find out who she was now, where she was going, and if the path Lara and I were on had any chance of merging with hers, even if just for a day or two.
Heck, I’ll take half an hour...
If she’s even still there...
It was fortunate that I fell asleep at all that night, because even the breathing wasn’t helping as much as it usually did. My dreams were strange and immemorable, and it seemed that only a few minutes passed before I rolled over and slapped at the alarm clock, repeatedly and unsuccessfully.
It felt too early, but the faint dawn glow I spied through the crack in the curtains defended the screeching timepiece, saying that it was indeed the time we’d all agreed on. Finally, I yanked the cord out of the wall. After stretching a bit in the sudden silence, I nudged Lara next to me, tried again without success to calm the foreign-feeling nerves, and then got up. When I emerged from the bathroom, I saw Frej sitting on the edge of his bed.
“Good morning,” he said quietly.
“Morning. Sleep well?”
“Yes, well enough.”
“Good. I’m going to go check out and then we can go.”
I prodded Lara again.
“Is it really time?” she asked.
“It is.”
I expected her to groan, roll over, and keep snoozing. Surprisingly, she rose from bed straight away. She gave me a hug on her way to the bathroom.
“I’m feeling crazy nervous,” she whispered.
“Me too. But just remember, we have each other, sis. No matter what.”
She squeezed me tight and then went to get ready.
I took a deep breath. That infinitely small aperture was getting closer by the minute. I just hoped we’d be able to squeeze through it.
The sun was risen and starting to deliver its morning light when we drove into the town. I pulled up to a small store, following morning workers inside to get their coffee before they set out to harvest their yields, whether on land or beneath water. I grabbed some drinks from the cooler and stood in line.
“Excuse me,” I said, tapping the shoulder of the man standing in front of me. “I’m looking for a seaweed, uh...” I suddenly realized I didn’t even know what such a thing would be called.
“You want to find some seaweed?” he asked, eyeing me strangely. “Ocean’s just down the road apiece!”
“Well, sure. But what I’m trying to say is that I’m looking for a place around here that collects seaweed and sells it. A store, or a business.”
The man frowned as he searched his mental knowledge of the area.
“I can’t say I know of such a place, sorry. Unless you mean some of the fish markets. They might have something like that.”
“Pretty sure it’s just a seaweed-selling place.”
“You will want to take the road east from here and go over the river,” came a voice behind me.
I turned around. “Oh, you know the place?”
“It is called Birgitte’s Farm.”
“That’s it!” I exclaimed. “So we take the road east, and then... ?”
She proceeded to give me directions. I had to grin, as road names were never even considered. “Past the blue trailhead sign, turn at the house with the fish mailbox...”
I thanked my guide profusely. After paying for the drinks, I rushed to the car.
“We’re about fifteen minutes away,” I gushed.
“You know where to go?” Lara asked.
“Uh, maybe? We’ll soon find out!”
I repeated all that the woman had said, so Lara could keep a backup copy in her brain. I was too unsteady now to trust myself past the first turn. Then again, I figured that Lara might be feeling the same way.
I sat in the back, unbelted and wedged between Frej and Lara’s seats, scanning the road with utmost concentration. One by one, we knocked down the singular directions. In the end, they proved remarkably effective, announcing themselves by their very uniqueness. Frej confirmed each one as he recognized the route again from his previous visit. At last there were no instructions left besides ‘You will see the place down that road.’
Frej drove slowly as the ribbon of packed dirt wound on and on. Lara spotted it first, a small wooden sign. “Birgitte’s Farm!” she called out.
He slowed to a stop in the middle of the road, fifty feet before the entrance. It was an odd maneuver, since nothing blocked our way.
“Frej?” Lara asked, concerned.
He turned to us, his eyes emotional. “I know you want to talk with her, alone. I will visit with Birgitte, so you can do that. Take as long as you want.”
“That’s very kind of you, but are you sure?” Lara asked. “You want to see her as much as we do.”
“Yes. But I am old, and you are not. And she is my ... future. Our future. So go and be with her. I will talk with her later, or tomorrow ... When there is time again. I can wait.”
Lara wrapped her arms around the big man. “Thank you so much, Frej, for driving, and ... for everything.”
He nodded. “Let us go in now.”
“I hope they’re not all sleeping,” I said, glancing at the clock and feeling a bit worried that it wasn’t quite seven-thirty yet.
“Even if they are, I’m sure no one will mind waking up,” Lara murmured.
The house that came into view was modest but well-kept. Small vegetable gardens flourished in the peak of Maine’s short summer season. To the inland side of the home, low shrubs that had a purple cast to them spread across sectioned pieces of land, in front of a thick forest that grew up the hillside. These woods wrapped around the back of the house and to the other side, but in that direction the trees thinned just enough to give us a glimpse of what appeared to be a drop-off that looked over the coastal flats of a cove. Beyond that, small islands dotted the shimmering gateway to the vast and endless sea herself.
The sea...
I shivered deeply, since it was an utterly thrilling sight.
We’re here...
After we exited the vehicle, Frej gave us each a squeeze of the shoulders as we looked around. I did everything I could to keep calm. Perhaps what helped most was the fear of making a foolish spectacle of things in front of Frej and Birgitte.
Lara was feeling the same as me, because she asked, “Frej, would you be willing to find out where Heather is? And if she’s inside, can you please ask her to come out?”
He nodded, and Lara and I watched as he took the path through the flowers to reach the house. Instead of knocking, he pulled a piece of paper down from the front door. After reading it, he turned and indicated a direction around the side of the house and toward the water. A moment later, he grabbed the door handle, gave us a wave and a smile, and let himself inside of his sister’s home.
For a time, we just stood there by the car. All was quiet, except for nature herself. The whispering rustle of verdant plants, the soaring buzz of calling insects, the lilting jigs and reels of carefree birds ... All of it pressed in on us. But it all was a mere undertone, in the end. It easily faded into the background as the sound of the sea, distant yet so close, splashed into our ears with ever more insistence.
Breathe...
“Ready?” I finally asked, having to try three times to get anything to sound in my throat.
Lara nodded unsteadily. “I’m shaking so bad right now.”
“Me too. Let’s go before it gets any worse.”
Arm in arm, we walked up the rest of the driveway in the direction Frej had indicated. The dirt track soon petered out into a grassy area. We were very happy to see Heather’s car tucked in a spot behind a work shed. Tufts of grass grew against its wheels and under the edges of the frame, where the lawnmower was not quite able to reach its prey.
“Whoa ... Check it out,” Lara said quietly.
I followed her pointing finger to look at the rear of the house. There was a long series of rustic wooden arbors. Countless lines were strung between the slats, some of which were filled with copious amounts of hanging seaweed, desiccating slowly in the salty air.
We wandered a little further, unsure what to do. Then we came across a gap in the brush that grew at the edge of the forest. This marked the start of a trail that led down in the general direction of the water. A stone slab carved with the word ‘Private’ sat right in the middle of the path, impossible to miss between the trunks of two old oak trees.
Hopefully that’s meant for everyone in the world except for two people...
After taking a long look at each other, we moved around the barrier and wound our way through the trees. With each step, the sense of peace grew deeper and older. The feeling of the gardens and house behind us quickly fell away, and all the energy came from in front of us now, as if a different world was opening up.
Curving around a rock formation, we found ourselves in a small encampment. I could barely breathe as I took in the setting. A decent-sized tent was nestled inside of what was essentially a small cave in the rocky wall, shrouded by a curtain of tarpaulins that was held open by a rope. A familiar waterproof camera housing was hanging on a suspended clothesline, next to a couple of wetsuits. Off to the side of the clearing, an ashen fire pit waited to be fed from the pile of dead leaves and kindling that sat next to it. A camp stove, a frying pan, a large pot, a familiar plastic bucket, and very little else rounded out the location.
“Damn ... Feels just like home,” I murmured.
“This is amazing,” Lara said, striding toward the water. “And look at the view!”
I joined her at the edge of the camp. Beyond a sparse row of trees, the earth abruptly ended and fell away to an expanse of tidal stones that led into the shallows.
“Incredible...” I whispered, awed at this perch.
We stood there for a long while, taking in the inspiring panorama. The quiet bustle at the narrow edge of immensity ... It was simply spectacular, like we’d never seen it before, really. The sea ... It had been the end of everything we held dear. So it might be the beginning, too.
The beginning, of all of it...
We had to start making our own stitches now, whatever we found here.
The view remained intoxicating, a living and breathing scene. We ended up sitting down on a nearby rock to continue our admiration of the slow-motion picture.
She was, obviously, nowhere to be seen. Still, we did not wait ... Not really. We had so much to take in.
A half-hour may have passed and we both saw it at the same time. A small rowboat had come into view around the jutting land mass and it was clear that it was aiming right for the camp.
I grabbed desperately onto Lara’s arm as my head grew woozy. The free-fall we’d started so long ago had always been a journey through mist. But now...
Once the boat had passed through a barrier of rocks and into the calm tidal waters, it started forming a wake that slowly split the small bay. A solitary figure pulled on the oars with ease. It took me a second to realize that the bow of the craft was adorned with a bushy beard of sea vegetables.
“Are you all right?” Lara asked, her voice barely sounding.
I managed a nod.
“Then let’s go,” she urged.
We found the steep path that led down to sea level. Well, Lara found it. I was grateful for that, since I realized I was fast becoming useless. Months of work, all of it disintegrating so easily under the weight of the moment.
No matter, though... I had the rest of my life to learn to stay the course. Right now, I just wanted to keep falling.
We picked our way downward among the rough and rocky trail, keeping half an eye on the approaching rowboat. It was the hardest thing not to simply leap off of the fifty-foot high escarpment to speed up the process. But this wasn’t the Montauk pier. Only sharp rocks would greet me down there.
At last we reached the bottom. We could see the boat easing into stony shallows some hundred yards away. Lara and I started off as fast as we could, given the uneven terrain.
I was about to explode as someone got out of the craft, wearing a wetsuit, stepping into knee-deep water...
Then, like a lost ship entering the sweet comforting range of a lighthouse, I was close enough to tell for sure...
It’s her...
“It’s her,” Lara gasped at the same time, even as we looked at each other in wonder.
‘It’s her, and us,’ she seemed to say to me, even as I thought this myself.
As we pressed on, we could hardly believe what we were seeing ... an absolute vision. Closer, still ... We could make out her face as she stood there, watching us.
She’s smiling ... She’s smiling ... She’s smiling... !
This was all that could be heard in my head, two ebullient words that screamed and shouted to make themselves known over a deep, roaring sound that grew by the second and threatened to rip us into a million pieces.
It was the roar of the sea! A great sapphire wall, endless as far as the eye could see, fully formed, alive and breathing, and approaching now at incomprehensible speed. Soon we would smash through the surface and splash down into her caress.
Lara gripped my hand even tighter...
Closer now...
Those eyes ... That smile...
That life, it’s all there, just like it used to be...
And yet there was, impossibly, so much more in there as well.
Childlike, she watched us, smiling and taking in the scene as if she too had just recently arrived and never seen any of it before.
Most desperately of all, I could see that she was happy. Truly so.
I dared another glance at Lara, and her ecstatic expression sent me over the edge. The world became too much. We stormed into the shallows, splashing as we ran, making a joyous commotion. But I could no longer see. The tide had risen up in my eyes. I felt myself trip, falling down on my knees, utterly overwhelmed. I clambered to my feet again, only to fall face first into the saline water, my eyes burning in concert with my heart now. I felt Lara pulling on my hand, her exuberant voice urging me up once again even as she struggled to control herself. She was laughing, laughing so freely. As was I, even though I was blind, my salted vision useless.
We were all in the sea now, having landed safely, unbelievably, somehow ... All that remained was to find each other in the waters.
I can’t see ... And...
Breathe—
No, it was impossible. Breathing would now have to wait until the world unpaused itself again. There was no future, no past, not when the world was paused.
She is here and Lara is here. With me.
The three of us are here, together...
Such simple and foolish ideas these were, and yet they seemed to crash around in my head as if they were the greatest of all discoveries, reverberating through us both even as Lara finally let go of my hand...
And so it was that the three of us smashed into each other, at last.
The tidal flats suddenly exploded in my blind mind, the shockwave seeming to expand radially and infinitely, swiping away the coastline, the rocks, the trees, the tiny crustaceans, everything but the sea. All of that grew smaller as it faded so quickly into the distance. The water swirled around us, leaping and dancing as we laughed and cried, and held each other, clinging to the growing edge of all things.
We were alone, floating ... A surreal reintegration that was like nothing any of us had ever felt before.
My vision cleared ... We looked at each other... Incredible! The things that Lara and I had learnt ourselves, somehow I found all those things flashing in her blue eyes as well. And then I knew, no matter what happened next, that everything was right in the universe again.
We embraced in the water, first steps in the way of finding out who we were now, together. There was no need for words, not that I could have unlocked my throat if I wanted to.
Heather looked absolutely stunning. It seemed she could not stop smiling. Indeed, neither could Lara or I, but Heather’s smile was so thoroughly joyous that it felt as if she’d been smiling this way for a while now. Just like Lara and I had been, I realized. And still she gazed at us, and also at the world, as if seeing it for the first time. It was an incredible sight.
Like meeting her for the first time ... Again...
At last, we collapsed into the shallows and grinned at each other. The initial thrashing intensity of reunion was settling down into a deep and moving undercurrent. Finally, some sense of reality seeped back in. For a moment, questions, desires, and answers filled my head, making the world spin. I wanted so much to watch Lara kiss her, and kiss her myself ... But it was enough, for now, to see her, to feel our fingers intertwined as we held hands in a close circle as the sea still danced around us, echoes of the recent collision that were spreading through the cove and beyond.
“It’s been a while since we jumped,” Heather murmured.
Her soft voice sent a deep tingle down my spine.
“Yeah. And somehow, we’re here,” I replied, afraid to speak louder lest it constrict my throat again.
“I know ... So happy right now!” Heather gushed.
“We are too,” Lara said. “It’s so amazing to see you, Heather!”
“Worth waiting for?” she asked, her eyes squinting as she giggled freely.
“Like nothing else in this world,” I breathed, still very much on the edge of losing it.
“Wow, is this really happening?” Lara whispered.
September 19, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio “Why are you sending me such mixed signals?” “Mixed signals?” Jocelyn and I were sitting on the couch, and she was cuddled next to me, at least as best she could, given her obvious discomfort from the injuries, catheter, and physical therapy. I had thought a lot after my talks with Doctor Hart, as well as my talks with Nancy. One thing I was seriously concerned about was getting more deeply involved with Nancy and messing things up with Jocelyn. I...
****************************************** The computer screen flickered to life with the image of a blazing sun. A small caption appeared in the lower left corner of the screen: “The Wrecker (EXPLICIT) / Artist: Black Phallus / Label: E&I Records”. There is no music at first, just the occasional pluck of a lonely guitar string. The picture whites-out then refocuses on a road in the desert. A car drives down the road, smoke wafting from under its hood. Finally, the car’s engine...
In San Francisco, '77 was a great time to be alive if you were batting for the home team. People felt that they could do, say, or be anything they wanted. Every belief that had been held dear by the multitudes had been challenged in the previous decade and the world had collectively rocked back on its heels, trying desperately to catch its balance. Now it had and what's more, had begun to run forward. Stephan loved every minute of it. At the moment, he was trolling a bar. This was the third...
The day’s torture wasn’t over, since we still had to tell Heather about the state of things. She was supposed to be calling me that evening after dinner. Lara and I had discussed what we would say to her, but it hadn’t been easy to come up with anything. It felt cruel, now, as we remembered how inspired she’d been the past few days. Now we had to throw sand over it again and bury it away. Before dinner we went for another walk since it was easier to talk freely that way. It was dark, so we...
Colin and Shannon were still chatting near the door to Jane’s classroom, so I told her I’d grab our regular seats. When the bell rang a few minutes later, she joined me. “I guess we’ll have to check out the photos later,” Shannon said apologetically. “Tomorrow’s another day,” I said, grinning. “Nah, no school tomorrow.” I turned to her as Jane called for quiet. “Really? Why?” “Another big storm,” she whispered. “Whoa! They already cancelled?” “I don’t know. But we’re going to get...
After the successful phone call to Colin, Shannon was on cloud ten as we tramped through the deepening snow with the saw horses. Well, I carried the barricades; she badgered me about not being allowed to help. “They’re not that heavy,” I dismissed. “Which is why you should let me carry one!” “They’re crazy heavy,” I amended quickly, pretending to stagger. “This isn’t the eighteen-thirties, Matt. Chivalry is pretty much dead.” “Says the girl who dances in a show where there is literally a...
Friday. The last day before the masks went on, before Dad would have to sleep in my desk drawer for two full seasons, and before Truth was buried, maybe forever. We cleaned, we arranged, we considered everything to make our home normal. After dinner, the four of us were satisfied with both the house and the cabin. Our guests would be treated with respect and love. After dinner, Lara and I went for a walk. It was made much easier by the fact that Colin and Shannon had plowed our driveway at...
Given the unknown amount of potential baggage, Sarah decided to pick up the twins by herself. At best, one more person could have gone with her, but if it turned out that Muireann and Tommy were major packers then it would’ve been a tight fit and an uncomfortable ride. We knew from their letter that they’d likely be bringing some instruments with them. “Better safe than sorry. Besides, this will be my first and last chance to talk to them, I’m sure,” Sarah joked. “Don’t worry, we’ll let you...
I’d set an alarm for five, deciding that the lack of sleep would be better than leaving the twins stranded by themselves. However, when I slapped the sound off and staggered out into the living room, all was quiet. Figuring they’d be up soon, I grabbed my Walkman and stretched out on the couch to relax while I waited. As it turned out, I fell asleep and Lara ended up waking me up. I started, surprised to see her shaking me. “What time is it?” I asked, pulling the tangled headphones from my...
Figuring that the ‘warmest’ part of the day was passing, Lara suggested that if we still wanted to swim, now was the time. Tommy had not forgotten the offer and eagerly agreed, not put off by the frigid air temperature. We put away our guitars and returned to the house to don bathing suits. It was admittedly a bit odd, since Lara and I never did so; pulling jeans over the trunks felt completely alien. Lara had a giant stack of towels in her arms when we met up in the living room. Muireann...
“Well, last period is finally here. Enjoying the first day?” I asked, leading Muireann to some desks on the side of the classroom. I avoided my usual study hall spot, where Carl and a couple of other guys I usually sat with were already seated. “Aye, though it’s been a whirlwind,” she admitted. “Yeah, introducing you in each class ... I swear everyone has met you three times over!” Muireann sniffed. “At least that many. It felt a bit odd, all that. But everyone seems nice.” “For the most...
The morning Alana dropped me off, my reunion with Lara was delicious. We shared a long and happy hug. I’d made every effort while with Alana to do exactly one thing: be with my dear friend. But on returning, I let all that stored-up love for Lara emerge again, and I didn’t want to let go of her. Of course, we eventually had to peel apart. She was due at the shelter soon, so after greeting my moms and Frej, we resumed our morning walks that she’d kept up in my absence. As usual, we didn’t...
We entered August, the last full month of summer, of vacation, and of divine mountain warmth. I spent all my time at Clara’s; Lara increased her hours at the shelter since Chuck hired her more formally and started paying her for her computer work. Our tent became lived-in and undeniably welcoming the more we used it and adjusted our setup. With Frej’s help, we’d flown an oversized tarp above the area that gave us some dry space around the shelter in times of rain. It remained a heavenly...
We followed Heather down the pathway to the rocky intertidal expanse and picked our way toward the rowboat that sat patiently in the shallows. Between us, we silently pushed the craft into deeper waters, until it floated freely with enough clearance for the extra weight it would now carry. Heather held it steady as first Lara and then I got in. She joined us with a nimble leap. I studied the rowboat as I sat in the stern with Lara. Though clearly aged, it was sturdy and well-maintained. A...
Not even twenty-five hours into our new life, it became clear that our bodies were entirely unprepared for the relentless existence of sea-harvesting with Heather. When we awoke after that first night’s sleep, early morning’s glow was faint. What’s the rush? It was Heather who had roused us, and despite various attempts to roll over and slumber away the deep soreness that pervaded every cubic inch of my limbs, she would not allow it. I finally yawned, struggled to sit up, and gave her a look...
“Welcome to darkroom class,” I announced as Muireann followed me into the darkroom the following evening. She eyed me. “Are you going to lie on the bed again?” I grinned broadly. “I think I might, and let you do the work. Hands-on is the best way to learn, right?” “You’re going to give Tommy a run for the title of laziest boy.” “Am I winning yet?” Muireann just smirked and started blacking out the windows. “I have to admit something,” she said. “What’s that?” “I didn’t realize the...
When Melissa and I returned to the house after dropping off the order for the necklace, nothing much had changed. In the cabin I found Lara and Tommy at the table, intently studying a sheet of paper. They didn’t even glance at me as I closed the door. I could hear Muireann’s muffled fiddle playing from the darkroom, the sound of a slow Irish melody permeating the warmed air inside. “How’s it going?” I announced, taking off my coat. After scribbling something down, Lara turned to me, smiling...
I felt an arm grip my winter coat. “Matt ... I don’t know that we can do this!” “Of course you can. It’s not that hard.” “No, I’m worried about Tommy!” she whispered. “What if he falls? Or runs into someone?” I gave her gloved hand a pat. “He’ll be okay. It’s pretty soft, you know. Watch...” I let myself fall sideways like a cut tree, landing on my hip and shoulder. Muireann gave a little cry of surprise, but I just laughed it off. In another moment I was standing again. “You want to...
“We need to decide what song we’re going to audition with,” I announced, as the five of us settled into the cabin for some rehearsal. Colin looked at me. “Let’s vote then. What are the choices? We have a lot of songs that we know now. Some more than others.” “I’m thinking we should do an original,” I offered. “We have Four Days, Shell Game, Absinthe... And Please Don’t Stop, but since we played that one at the show last year, probably not a good idea.” “Don’t forget Gunkstomp!” Lara...
“What have we here?” Jane asked, coming to a stop in front of our half-dozen pictures. “Twins,” Muireann said. “Aha.” She examined our spread. “Did you do the project together?” “Aye, we tried something different.” I could hear the hope in Muireann’s voice, that this would be okay by our teacher. Jane pursed her lips. “Interesting approach.” “I know there’s only six photos, but we both did take six shots,” I explained. “There’s two exposures on each!” Jane gave me a small smile. “Yes,...
“Damn, I’ve missed you,” I whispered. She giggled. “Wow, I didn’t realize how much!” “Hey now! Hands above the waist!” Heather cuddled up closer to me on the couch as the hubbub carried on in the rest of the great room. After all the greetings and chats following our guests’ arrival, dinner was soon going to be ready. With Frej volunteering to help with what remained of meal preparations, we’d been told to go hang out. Not being one to deny my parents’ wishes, I didn’t think twice to drag...
I tried delaying our hike for a day. I really did. Although Heather’s ankle was sore after she removed the ski boots in the lodge, by the time we got home it was already feeling a little better. She could certainly get around, since it mostly hurt only when putting sideward pressure on it. Skiing was probably out for a few days, at least, but a walk through the woods was not worth postponing. Or so she said. I was of two minds. Twenty-four hours of extra rest would allow more time for her to...
The music store wasn’t too far from the jeweler’s shop, so Heather and I walked there. “I mean, I get it, now,” I said, still caught up in the surprising meaning of the Chinese symbol she now wore around her neck. “Oh, I think you got it a long time ago,” Heather said. “It’s just a word, Matt. It has no meaning on its own.” “I know, I know. It’s just ... most people would find it kind of...” “Weird,” she supplied. “You said it, not me,” I laughed. “It is what it is.” “Yeah ... Anyway,...
Three girls, three cameras... And me, tagging along, superfluous but certainly enjoying myself. I offered to be their model a few times, but they seemed to prefer photographing each other. And there was the teasing, of course. Endless. “Nice, Muireann!” Heather chirped. “You’ve learned a lot about photography, I can tell.” “She has a good eye,” Shannon agreed. “Matt has been teaching me.” “Which makes it all the more surprising!” Funny... But even there, I was given three cute grins,...
Admittedly, I was slightly apprehensive as we pulled into our clearing that evening after our day of skiing. Heather, alone with Tommy all day... The snow was falling heavily again through the headlight beams. Both Frej’s and the Martins’ cars were parked in the same positions they had been that morning, and they remained covered in several inches of snow. Oddly, there were no lights on in the main house. Maybe Muireann was rubbing off on me, because for a few seconds I had a panicked vision...
Mairead and Aongus left after lunch the next day, forced to end their vacation earlier than Frej and Heather due to the demands of the business they owned. I was indeed grateful for the Danishman’s generosity in allowing Heather to remain for another three days. The Martins’ departure left a rather obvious hole in our daily schedule. After dinner was cleared and we sat around the table, it suddenly seemed remarkably silent. The positive feedback loop between Tommy and Aongus had been...
I was grateful for the band. Heather’s departures were never a good thing for me, inevitably the start of a long slide down into wistful distance, but the fact that I could go from our final embrace to playing my guitar within fifteen minutes was at the very least a welcomed distraction. “So we need to start thinking about a set for the battle,” I said, once we’d played a few numbers to warm up and clear the farewell feelings as best we could. “We have six originals, so we’ll need another...
The week passed slowly and somewhat agonizingly, since Gwen couldn’t rehearse again until the following weekend, and the homework was being laid on thick. I was anxious to make as much progress as we could on the set, which we still hadn’t quite settled on. Certainly as the battle approached, I was imagining more and more how it might turn out, even though I knew that daydreaming about the glories of winning was a dangerous game. Things could turn out so many different ways, surely, but in...
If I hadn’t been sure that Tommy had Dr. Kendall in his back pocket, that was put to rest in study hall the following Tuesday. Carmen, Tommy, and I were walking along the outside of the school building, on our way to the fields as was our habit now, when the principal rounded the far corner and came toward us. “Uh oh,” Carmen said. “Caught.” “Principal alert,” I whispered, for Tommy’s benefit. The three of us laughed quietly, all of us wearing shades as was our other habit these days. “We...
Carmen was disappointed but seemed understanding when I called her to let her know that we didn’t have room for her after all. It was a bit strange to talk to her on the phone, something that I didn’t think I’d ever done before. Odd, considering we were together for a while. Then again, this fact was testament to how messed up that time had been for me. Saturday evening arrived, and it was not without some anxiety that we packed the gear into Colin and Shannon’s vehicles. While my moms...
“Hello?” “Oh hi, Mrs. Martin. How are you?” “Matt ... It’s me,” Heather said. I jerked in my chair. “What... ? No way! You said ‘Hello’!” “I guess I did.” This must be part of a joke... “Okay ... Where have you been? We were supposed to talk on Wednesday, remember?” “What day is it today?” Heather asked. I was quiet for a second. “It’s Friday? Seriously, is everything all right? You answered weird ... Well, you answered normally, which is weird for you. And you really don’t know what...
I was surprisingly alert when Tommy and I slipped into Frej’s car at a quarter of six, just as the light was starting to make itself known in the east. I let Tommy have the front so I could squeeze against Heather in the back. “Good morning, my love,” she whispered, and immediately I wondered if I was overdressed for the warmth she caused in me. Maybe forgetting all my clothes at home would be okay after all. Damn kissing ban, though... “Is your man coming with us today?” Tommy asked...
Lara responded so sweetly when I asked if she could entertain the twins, that I took her into a surprisingly hard hug. We were alone in my room, so I made no effort to hold back. “Easy there, bro,” she warned, even as she returned the tight embrace. “I’m so sorry about the underwater thing,” I breathed. “I still feel terrible about it.” “No sweat. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, because you hate doing laundry. And now you’re stuck doing it every day!” I laughed. “True. But it’s the...
It was strange to wake up. I was still on the couch, but Heather was gone, and I was horizontal and covered by a blanket. I could hear my moms and aunt chatting in the living room, since I was occupying their usual morning hangout spot. Then again, the sun was bright and the shadows on the porch floor were well past parallel to the wood beams, suggesting that my first meal of the day would be called ‘late lunch’ and certainly not ‘breakfast’. So, I really took their usual afternoon spot......
I think I’m half-Danish... It took me a moment, I’ll admit. It was perhaps like seeing someone on a distant hill make an odd movement, and only realizing a long second later that it was the head-on motion of an archer having released an arrow to fly forth from her bow. It took me a moment, yes, but then that five-word missile arrived, slamming into my heart with surgical precision. The world seemed to spin. I only knew one Danish person, and I knew him quite well. I struggled to hold her...
“Do you wish this never happened?” she asked quietly. I turned to look at Heather, her face illuminated by the fading twilight. Until now, Heather had not spoken in the half-hour or so since I’d silently confirmed her connection to Frej. I didn’t mind the quiet, because I had much to think about myself. The pier was strangely deserted, and we’d migrated to the gazebo to sit. “Why do you say that?” I asked. “Because it really puts a new light on everything.” “It does, it does,” I agreed....
I was just about to make a call when Lara poked her head into my room. “Back to the telephone life, huh?” she said, giving me a sympathetic look. “Yep. Hard times again.” “You could’ve been born a hundred years ago,” she observed, “and then you wouldn’t even have had the phone.” “If I’d been born a hundred years ago, I would’ve missed out on her completely. And on you too, sis ... But I’m glad for the phone either way.” Lara nodded thoughtfully. “True. Come up to the cabin when you’re...
On Monday, I was very relieved to get summoned to the principal’s office. Despite the amused looks I got from my classmates, I was feeling pretty high. Dr. Kendall had been silent since our meeting the previous week, a bit worrisome since the time before May wasn’t exactly abundant. But I trusted in his promise, and now it seemed we’d be shifting into gear. When I stepped into his office, another man was already sitting in one of the chairs. He looked vaguely familiar. I took the initiative...
“Sorry I stole your bed,” Lara said, giving me a sheepish grin as she wandered out of my room the next morning. I shrugged. “The couch is comfortable enough.” “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. We were working on lyrics, you know, and ... Yeah. Where is everyone?” “Colin’s not here yet, and Gwen came by a while ago but just grabbed Muireann and took off. And you and Tommy have been sleeping like logs.” “Where did Gwen take her?” “Beats me. She said they’d be back in a few...
“Hello?” Uh oh ... That’s not good... “I don’t like the sound of that,” I said. “The last time you answered ‘Hello’ was—” “Good evening, Matt,” Mairead interrupted. “Oh, hi, Mrs. Martin!” “Heather is not here,” she added, her voice quite amused. I would’ve laughed, except that I suddenly realized how close I’d just been to revealing Heather’s secret. Holy shit... ! Way too close. “I’m sorry about that just now,” I explained, my skin prickling. “Sometimes Heather, well ... She’ll...
The scene at Smith Park, when we pulled in around noon, was rather astonishing. The light scaffolds loomed over the stage, and for a long moment I stood by the car door in complete shock. We’re going to be playing on that... ! “Are you coming, lad?” Tommy asked, having already seized his guitar and equipment bag from the trunk. I snapped out of it and went to grab my own things. “Yeah. It’s just that ... it looks pretty damn neat, man.” He grinned. “I’m sure it does. Now let’s go set...
The post-concert went by in a rush. People came and went, to greet us, share their joy and emotions. The twins and Lara in particular were mobbed, which was fine with me. I’ve had just about as much excitement as I can take... After hugging the people closest to me, I slipped back up to the stage again, grateful for the banality of winding cables, collapsing mic stands, and the opportunity to help the sound and lighting crews get their work done just a little faster. They’d been amazing...
Away... From us... To say these words affected me would be a vast understatement. The massive upwelling that I’d seen a moment earlier in Heather’s eyes, that flood which would destroy everything around ... It suddenly burst out of the sea. Nothing prepared me for its impact. My throat constricted and suffocation beckoned, caressing me gently into blackening edges. “Why?” I tried to ask, but the sound was grotesque, a pitiful gurgle at best. “Shh, shhhh,” she consoled through tears,...
On the day that our connection was severed, I was roused by a warm hand caressing my face, the fingers leaving behind energetic currents. “Good morning, my love...” I opened my eyes all at once. The sun was just barely tinting the sky, and I was disoriented, wondering why the couch felt odd. It took me a moment to realize that I was down in the main house. Memories abruptly returned in a panicked rush. The night before, after partying for a while, the three of us had taken to Lara’s old bed...
The long work of pulling the concert together had fully caught up and crashed into me. That wasn’t the source of my problems, though, or I would’ve simply slept hard for a few days and been done with it. If I’d wanted to take a ‘sick’ day or two to stay home from school, no one would have batted an eyelid, for any of us. I wouldn’t have even had to fake a fever, holding the thermometer against a hot light bulb. I could just cash in on good karma. Instead, on Wednesday I’d found myself...
“So, how much of this will you tell Tommy?” It was the first thing Muireann had said in some time, having grown progressively more reticent as I revealed my secrets to her, one by one. There were many, so it had taken a long while. But they were out, now... All of them. “Tommy...” I murmured. “Yeah, I’m not sure.” “He’s very fond of Lara.” I sniffed. “I know that. You think he’ll be weirded out?” “I can’t say for sure. And what about her?” I frowned. “Lara? She knows all of this...
I was waiting for Muireann to emerge from the restroom before we headed to photography class, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I figured she was playing the other-shoulder trick to get me to look the wrong way, but I was surprised to find Bruno there after all. “Oh, hey man ... What’s up?” I greeted. “We need to talk,” he said quietly, glancing anxiously down the hall. “Hm. Let me guess ... Pete?” “Yeah. Are you heading to class? I can walk with you.” “I am, but ... I need to wait for...
That evening, I was once again drained. Despite the temporary refueling that Muireann had gifted me in the pool after the terror of Pete’s episode, the subsequent rehearsal of Other Side had eventually sapped me. I could also tell that Muireann was almost as wiped as I was. The song was intense. It was a great relief when we both settled down into our beds in the main room of the cabin, her on the cot and me on the couch. “The downside of sleeping out here is that you can’t go to bed until...
Pete didn’t attend school the rest of the week. The two times I called over to his house, I hung up as soon as I heard his dad answer. Even Bruno said that he hadn’t been able to talk to him since the day he canned Skinner. I was feeling unsettled again, but I held on to the hope that whatever was in motion was happening out of sight. It was all I could do, besides barging over there again and trying to force another chat. In the meantime, I made sure that all my other irons were still in...
The talent show was in full swing. Ready or not, the acts were cycling on and off the stage with inevitable tempo. This time around, Green Space had opened the show, and The Nameless would soon close it. “I hope Pete keeps it together,” I said to Lara, as we stood in the wing watching a kid play a rather impressive classical piece on the piano. “He will. Muireann seems to have a calming influence on him.” “Yeah, I noticed. She’s been so helpful in dealing with Pete these last few weeks, I...
It was early evening on Sunday and the final music marathon was coming to an end, our last opportunity for rehearsing as a full band before Jonah’s concert the following weekend. Gwen was particularly intent about everything, calling out any and all problems she heard, and by now we didn’t question her judgment or ear. The only unknown was if we had the skill to do whatever she asked of us. Usually we did, even if it meant practicing it thirty times. Or more, in my case... But now it was...
We arrived at Jonah’s in the early afternoon as arranged. He emerged from the side door of the Castle, grinning broadly. “What’s up, motherfuckers!” “Fella’s in a better mood than usual,” Tommy quipped. “Aye, probably this is his highest form of greeting,” Muireann added. We exchanged fist bumps, handshakes, and shit-eating grins. “This event is going to be the jewel in the Castle’s crown, I’m fucking telling you!” he gushed. “You’ve been busy,” Lara said, looking around at the yard...
Sunday was a complete waste. I spent the morning dead to the world, vaguely aware of being moved from Jonah’s cabin to Shannon’s car, and then to Colin’s recliner. At least the world was happy about something, because whenever I was semi-conscious I could mostly hear laughing around me. In retrospect, I was obviously being hidden from my folks until such time that I was with it again; that turned out to be late afternoon. Well, maybe not ‘with it’, but a few hours before dinner I finally...
I slumped in the front seat as Sarah started the car. She drove slowly, winding through the short-term parking lot, then out into the seemingly hundreds of ramps and exchanges that strangled the airport like a concrete octopus. Eventually the stress of navigating lanes and fighting off aggressive taxis dissipated as she started heading east on the Southern State Parkway. East, yes, because we had a stop to make. In fact, the twins would be sleeping in their own beds again before I did. Then...
The elation and fright of what I’d just done with the necklace still fluttered violently in me when I arrived at my destination a little while later. I could still go back to the pier... ‘It was all a mistake, Darya ... A joke... !’ I swiped the ridiculous idea aside as I stared at the house. There was no need to climb the stairs and knock, on the chance that anyone would be there. The ‘For Sale’ sign out front and lack of decorations on the porch were enough indication that they’d moved...
Truth is out... There was a long moment where nothing happened. Having been pulverized, that brittle shell washed away and left everything wide open. All was paused as I remained on the couch, stunned and unsteady. My thoughts all glanced at each other in confusion, blinking in the sudden light. What happens now? Then Clara said one thing to me: ‘Let me go... ‘ It wasn’t really her speaking, of course. I wondered what message she would’ve had for me if I’d answered her question with a...
Chapter 25: The Dreams of a Girl Alana’s driving was a balm, a relaxed and smooth ride augmented by the loose shocks on the wheels of her old Buick. I reclined in the passenger seat, swigging from the wine. “Want some?” I asked, holding up the bottle. “Come on, I’m driving.” “I know. I was just being polite,” I murmured. Alana patted my arm. “Fine. But be safe first, polite second, dude. Someday someone will take you up on that offer and next thing you know you’ll end up making out with...
Lara held my hand as we stood in the currents of the Roe, watching the flow of life as this playful tendril of the sea wound her way around and through us. Each little splash measured one more instant of being together with my sister, little moments that when placed end to end added up to simple perfection. Because the hours that recently passed had been just that: a complete surrender of any fear of each other. Our deeds and misdeeds were starting to come out now, weighed and reckoned, then...