Shutter Buggered
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“We need to decide what song we’re going to audition with,” I announced, as the five of us settled into the cabin for some rehearsal.
Colin looked at me. “Let’s vote then. What are the choices? We have a lot of songs that we know now. Some more than others.”
“I’m thinking we should do an original,” I offered. “We have Four Days, Shell Game, Absinthe... And Please Don’t Stop, but since we played that one at the show last year, probably not a good idea.”
“Don’t forget Gunkstomp!” Lara called out, referencing Tommy’s latest offering.
“Is that a vote?” I asked her, still amused at how Tommy had made something of our trip to the New Paltz area and its funny sounding names.
“Maybe? It’s a good song.”
“It is. But Muireann has never played it, and hardly have we. So I’m kind of thinking not for next week. Sorry, Tommy.”
“Naw, it’s the truth lad. And Absinthe is too weird for this tryout. We should do Shell Game.”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Colin agreed. “I’m really into the bass part on that one.”
“I’m more comfortable with Four Days,” Muireann said, when I turned to her. “But anything is fine. I don’t play much on either of them at any rate.”
“I think Four Days is probably the one we’re most solid on,” I agreed. “So, Lara?”
“Damn, two votes for each ... Why do I have to decide?”
“You wrote the songs, lass, so it’s only fitting!” Tommy quipped.
She pursed her lips. “Let’s play them both and then decide.”
We tuned and warmed up with a few covers, and then turned our attention to Shell Game. It was, admittedly, a fun song to play. Lara was really getting into the mask-seller’s role she’d written into her lyrics, and Colin wasn’t lying when he said he was into his bass part. He was positively nailing a funky riff he’d worked out that combined with Tommy’s percussive strum pattern; it more than made up for the lack of a drum beat.
Not that it wouldn’t benefit from a killer drummer, I knew.
After we finished the song, I was ready to change my vote after all. But Lara said to play both, so I didn’t voice it out loud.
“And Four Days, now,” Lara said. She pulled a sheet from her lyric stack and checked a few things, apparently having made some recent changes.
“Are the words finally done, then?” I teased.
“I think so!”
“That’s what you said last week!” I retorted.
She just made a face at me.
This song was a bit calmer; after the punchy Shell Game, it felt a bit too laid back. I forced my arms to calm down and settle into the groove of the intro. Lara moved to the microphone.
You touched me with fire
Struck the match
Set me up to melt
There was a time when it burned right through
Now I’m not allowed to think of you
I started to transition into the bridge, but Tommy jerked his head my way. Oops... I’d forgotten Lara had added a second verse.
The air’s thin up here
Barely there
Breathing under smoke
There was a time when it all was clear
When the world was dead and you were near
Lara looked at me and I gave her a small smile, as it appeared she’d changed the words rather significantly since the previous week.
Now I watch you float away
The foam and wake have split the bay
Two points of blue at switch of gray
But I still know, I still know
The chorus that she and I had worked out a month ago was still mostly intact. The chords sounded even sweeter due to the bridge Tommy had come up with to set it up. Lara leaned in and delivered the lines with a sense of longing that made me shiver slightly.
Four days
That’s how long it took to see
How much you mean to me
But the raven’s on my shoulder now
Please don’t touch
Last time she flew away
This time she’s gotta stay
And keep me here on the edge
For at least another day
I gave Muireann an encouraging look as Lara let go of the mic. The violin took over the open space. It was still a bit hard to hear her; I’d need to remind everyone to turn down yet again after we finished. And I made a mental note to see if we could borrow a microphone from Colin for next rehearsal.
The light’s dull down here
Plastic pearls
Settling on the ice
There was a time when the snow was light
The line looked smooth and the circle bright
The fourth verse was also almost completely new, and I found myself more and more thinking of a particularly snowy time back around the turn of the year.
You left me with hope
Hooked the catch
Held me up to wait
There was no time to say it all
The broken curve and the messy scrawl
So many things seemed to have changed back then, and yet ... Nothing was really that different.
Now I see you drift away
The tide and wave have drained the bay
The points are dimming into gray
But I still know, I still know
After repeating the chorus, eliciting that same spine tingle in me, I laid down some phrases on the guitar. Tommy and Colin let the sound swell a bit as Muireann joined me with long notes. Lara repeated various words from the chorus. The song ended with a comforting and hopeful feel, despite its dark undertones. I hummed in pleasure, noticing that everyone else was grinning too.
“All right, anyone want to change their vote?” Lara asked, looking at each of us. She rolled her eyes when no one took her up on it. “Fine, make me choose. Ugh, it’s like picking your favorite kid or something.”
“Aw...” Muireann cried.
“Well, I like them both! But I think...” She glanced at Tommy. “Shell Game, then. People will dig that. It has some good energy, and Colin does kill it on the bass.”
He grinned at her compliment.
“All right, Shell Game it is,” I said, feeling slightly unsettled at the choice. Of course I liked the song, but it still seemed to be missing ... something. Probably just more practice, I reminded myself. It’ll sound good by the audition.
And maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly about the audition, I realized a bit later. As usual, selfishness was clouding my thoughts. The words of Four Days were just a bit more hopeful than the sham offered by Lara’s thimblerigger in Shell Game. I knew I still needed that hope, even if it got buried a little more every day.
“The necklace is ready,” I whispered to Melissa, as I helped her with the dishes.
“Hmm ... When do you want to pick it up?”
“He’s not open on weeknights, so it has to be this weekend.”
“Ooh ... I’m working both days, and so is Mom, I think.”
“Yeah, I was worried about that. What can we do?”
“I can go tomorrow while you’re in school?” she offered.
I smiled sweetly. “Or I could skip school and come with you?”
She smiled even more sweetly. “Or you could just drive there yourself?”
“Fine, I guess you can go get it...”
She’ll have to see it ... And then pay the rest of the—
“Or, maybe not,” I said. “I feel like I should have a look at it, you know? Make sure it’s really what I wanted.”
She nodded. “Understandable. What about the morning before Heather arrives, then? They won’t be here until the afternoon, no matter how early Heather thinks she’ll be able to get everyone up!”
I laughed. “All right, I guess that’ll have to work. Let’s plan on that.”
She nodded. “Excited?”
“Yeah, even if I have to wait longer now! And I am a bit nervous, too, honestly.”
She smiled and nudged me. “Always a good sign. If you’re not at least a little nervous about making something, then you’re doing something wrong!”
I could only nod as I finally dried the plate I was still holding.
The delay gnawed at me, though, growing stronger. Now that I knew the piece was completed and sitting at the smith’s shop, waiting to be taken home, I could think of nothing else. I was imagining myself walking there and back, a two-day journey, when I realized I could be a rather stupid person sometimes. With an annoyed huff, I marched to my room.
“Hello?” came the answer.
“Hey Shan! How are you?”
“Matty! I’m good. Not too different from when we hung out in photography class a few hours ago!” she teased. “But thanks for asking!”
“Yeah, well ... I was trying to soften you up. I need a favor.”
“Oh, anything for you, Matty!”
I had to smile, even though she couldn’t see it.
“What up dudes!”
Carmen, Tommy, and I all looked up at the bellowing intruder. It was Pete, but also it wasn’t, because the real Pete would never say such a thing so loudly and so abruptly.
“And Carmen, hi,” he added. “I wasn’t calling you a dude. Like, no way!”
She laughed a little. “Thanks. How are you?”
“Oh, you know ... Getting ready for the talent show.” He spun a chair around and straddled the seat, leaning onto my desk. He grinned for too long. “It’s going well. Skinner’s pretty good.”
“Skinner?” Tommy asked.
“Our new band mate,” Pete replied.
“Oh, right,” I said. “Who is that, though?”
“Our new singer!”
“Well, duh. But who is he?”
“Just some dude, man! Relax.”
I gave Carmen a look. She just shrugged and widened her eyes at me.
“You’re going to come watch, right?” Pete asked her.
“Watch what?” she questioned.
“The auditions, of course!”
“Oh, uh ... Sure ... if I can.”
“The auditorium is open. It’s like a week from today.”
“I know,” she said, smiling a little.
“Wait, today’s Thursday, right?” Pete asked, checking his watch.
“Why do you think we’re in study hall?” Tommy asked.
I suppressed a laugh, even as I remained on edge.
Pete looked at Tommy and then me. “Are you guys going to try to audition?”
“We’re thinking of it, lad,” Tommy replied, before I could say anything. “But now we’re not so sure.”
“Why not?” Pete asked. “It’s worth a shot, right?”
“It sounds like Skinner has it all in the bag.”
“Oh, there’s more than one slot!”
Tommy snickered. “Of course, lad. But Skinner sounds good enough to take all six himself.”
Carmen giggled and Pete made a face, his confident bluster momentarily transformed into a diffident fluster.
“Well ... it’s ... He’s good, all right? You’ll hear him, if you come. Or at the show in June, if not.”
“I have a feeling we’ll be hearing a lot of Skinner from now on,” Tommy quipped.
Pete shrugged. “We’ve been jamming like almost every night. Killer stuff.”
“Can’t wait to hear it, man,” I said, feeling like the exchange was starting to head south. Plus by now I’d noticed that Pete’s eyes were rather pink. No wonder he’d been late to class and bellowing.
“Carmen, did you go to the dance last winter?” Pete asked.
“I went to the talent show, but not the dance.”
“Cool, cool.”
“Was that second ‘cool’ because she didn’t go to the dance?” Tommy asked.
Pete laughed. “No, I was meaning the show. Then again, I didn’t go to the dance either, so maybe it is cool. What about you, Matt? Are you still with that girl in Montauk?”
“Yep.”
“Is she actually going to make it up to the dance this time?”
“This time? She came to the last one.”
Peter frowned. “Didn’t you go with Shannon?”
I sighed. “Sort of. But Heather came up that night, later. Whatever. She came to the dance.”
“Huh ... I guess I forgot.”
You seem to have forgotten a lot from that weekend, dude...
“And no,” I added. “I don’t know if she can come up in June.”
“Well, I’m not a huge fan of dancing, so that’s cool...”
“Is that so? Were you planning to go with Matt’s doll?” Tommy asked.
“No, why?”
“You made it sound like—Oh, never mind.” Tommy leaned back in his chair.
Pete laughed. “Yeah, I’m confused now.”
Clearly...
Pete ended up spending the period with us. You know it’s an awkward forty-two minutes when you end up spending half of it exchanging amused glances with an ex-girlfriend who you already feel awkward around. It’s all relative, I guess... At least Tommy kept his pointed humor subtle enough that we could laugh and Pete didn’t realize enough to take offense.
“All right, Shan,” I said, as Muireann and I sat down in photography class. “Jane said we have the period free to work on the project. Are you busy today?”
“Nope. I’m here!” she chirped.
“Two classes in a row! A rare moment. Anyway, we need a lesson.”
Shannon looked back and forth between Muireann and me. “What for?”
“You did a project once where you did double exposures. You said you rewound the film or something?”
“Oh, that! Yeah, not quite. You need to ... Here, let me see your camera.”
I pulled the Nikon out of its bag.
“All right, let me think for a second. It’s been a while... ! Okay, yeah. This is what you do. Take your first shot normally. Then push the rewind release button on the bottom. Then the trick is to make sure the winder crank doesn’t move. I used some tape. Or you can hold it steady if it’s just for a quick shot. Then advance the lever, but the film won’t actually advance, of course. Then you take your second picture.”
Muireann listened intently. “So pressing the rewind button loosens the spool inside?”
“Exactly,” Shannon replied. “Usually when you crank the lever to advance, it winds the spool, pulling the film across. But with the button pushed in, it disconnects the two. So the advance lever does nothing. Well, as long as you have the winding crank set still, without letting it move.”
“Cool. Can we try one, so you can see if we’re doing it right?” Muireann suggested.
“Sure. What’s this for?” Shannon asked.
“Our Twins project!” I said.
“Which we’d mostly finished last week,” Muireann scolded, “before Matt decided we had to start over!”
Shannon giggled. “Matty, that’s not very nice!”
“Nah. This will be way cooler,” I dismissed. “Even Muireann agrees. She’s just giving me a hard time.”
“I knew I liked you,” Shannon said to her, grinning.
I passed the camera to Muireann. “Give it a shot.”
“Of what?”
“Whatever. We’ll waste a frame to try it. Take one of me, that’s always a wasted shot.”
Muireann rolled her eyes before pointing the camera at my face. She took a quick candid shot of me. She didn’t hesitate, already pressing the rewind button underneath.
Shannon leaned in to point, saying, “Okay, now you—Yeah, you got it, nice!”
Muireann held the camera out to me. “It’s your shot.”
I snapped a quick picture of her and then advanced the lever normally. We looked at the bottom, finding that the button had popped out again.
“That is neat,” Muireann said, as we smiled at each other.
Shannon looked at us. “Wait, are you going to be sharing the exposures for the project?”
“Yep! We each take a photo of the same object in our own way, but they’ll be on the same frame.”
“Oh, that sounds like so much fun!”
“Well, it’ll be interesting, at least,” Muireann countered.
“I want to join!”
I sniffed. “I’d say sure, but you’d have to get permission for Jane to call it Trilogy then!”
We all had a good laugh, me for extra reasons. Hmm ... These classroom chairs are made out of a familiar material...
“Oh, it’s fine,” Shannon dismissed. “I already did my shots anyway. Too bad you didn’t ask me on Sunday when I was there for the cookbook stuff! I still hadn’t finished my project then, so I could’ve joined.”
“Well, I hadn’t even told Muireann yet!” I exclaimed.
“He was afraid I’d strangle him.”
Shannon eyed me. “How many prints had you already made?”
“Five pairs out of six,” Muireann replied impishly.
Shannon looked at me with wide eyes. “Five? Matty! You’re lucky she didn’t strangle you!”
“Hey, it was five out of ten! We were going to do extras and pick!”
“It was still five, either way,” Shannon rejoined. “And a lot of work, I’m sure.”
I help up my hands. “How about we wait until we see the new photos, before we get all excited about choking me out, huh?”
The girls giggled.
“Wow,” I drawled. “You two are laughing at the thought of me suffocating to death...”
“No!”
“Some friends I have!”
“Hey!”
“All right, enough. We better get started. You want to tag along, Shan?”
“Sure!”
“That way you can lend a hand ... on my throat.”
“So morbid,” Muireann declared, even as Shannon swatted my arm.
“I will say this multiple exposure is not the easiest thing to get right,” Shannon said more seriously. “The first twenty times I tried it, the results were absolute garbage.”
Muireann eyed me pointedly. “I told you it sounded complicated.”
“What?” I said. “Shan just taught us everything she knows. Blame her if they don’t come out!”
She lifted her arms and turned toward me, her hands clenched around a throat-sized gap.
“Who’s morbid?” I cried.
Muireann cracked up as she turned and walked on. “Come, let’s not waste the entire period with your silliness.”
“You need to watch out for Matt,” Shannon agreed.
“Aye, I see that more every day,” Muireann said.
Even though I knew it was all in good fun, I still enjoyed the little smile she dropped my way.
“What a meal!” Tommy gushed, plopping down onto the couch. “What’s the plan for the evening?”
“Muireann and I are going to hit the cabin to develop the shots we took today,” I announced. “Because if these don’t turn out, we’ll need to try one last time this weekend.”
“Lara?” Tommy called. “Do we have Latin homework?”
“We do.” She glanced at Muireann. “We can work on it while you do your photos. Is that okay? I know you usually like to help him too.”
Muireann shrugged. “Of course, Lara. Thank you.”
Lara gave her a grateful smile. “Sure thing. We’ll get it done. But hold on ... Mom, what are the sleeping arrangements for when Heather comes?” she called out.
Melissa frowned slightly from the kitchen where she and Sarah were finishing up the last of the dinner dishes. “Our guests will be in the cabin, of course. Unfortunately that means you’ll have to tidy it up a bit.”
“Where’s Heather sleeping then?” Lara asked.
Sarah and Melissa shrugged. “In your room? Or out here on the pullout couch? Wherever she wants.”
My room? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Lara must have heard my mental scream, because she turned around to stare into me, a small grin spreading on her lips. I kept my face unreadable ... yeah right!
“What if we all camp in our two bedrooms?” she asked. “Tommy in Matt’s room, Muireann and Heather in mine.”
Another shrug. “You can do whatever you want.”
“Then Frej could take Tommy’s room,” Lara continued.
“Frej? Oh, well ... I guess he could do that. It would be nicer than the darkroom. I appreciate you airing it out, Matt, but the chemical smell does linger in the walls.”
Then maybe me and Heather should sleep in the darkroom, so we don’t put anyone out!
“Sorry,” I murmured.
“All the more reason for Frej to have the room down here, then,” Lara said with finality.
“And Aongus and Mairead can have the cabin to themselves,” Sarah noted.
Melissa laughed. “It will be a nice little ... escape for them.”
We all snickered, just a little.
“Well, whatever you want,” Sarah said. “We have plenty of cots.”
“I say we do that,” Lara said to us, as Muireann nodded beside her.
“Sure, I’m down,” I confirmed. “Tommy, are you good with moving to my room for a while?”
“Aye, it’s fine with me,” Tommy replied.
“You can take the bed.”
“Naw, lad. I don’t mind a cot.”
“Well, we’ll see. All right, Muireann, let’s go get this done and see what we have. Are you two going up or staying here?” I asked Lara and Tommy.
They ended up staying, since Tommy was way too stuffed to get up off the couch. Once Muireann and I reached the darkroom, I took off my coat and double checked the room temperature. “Perfect.”
“What was that about?”
“Just making sure the chemicals—”
“No, the musical beds. Lara seemed quite keen.”
I laughed. “Oh, she loves a sleepover. I think if she had her way, we’d all be camped out in the living room or something.”
“That would be fun,” Muireann said.
“You’re okay with moving into her room, right?”
“Certainly,” she replied. “Though I think I’ll not sleep as much as usual this week.”
“Probably right. But this way you’ll have more time to hang out with Heather.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
I laughed a little. “I’ll warn you up front that she can be a bit wild and crazy sometimes.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. She’s kind of a trickster, you know. Always doing funny things. You never know what she’s going to pull next.”
“I’ll have to watch out for that one, then.”
“Hah, just like me, huh?”
Muireann smiled sweetly. “Go on now, and get this film developed.”
“You’re going to do it.”
“Oh, I’m not sure I’m ready for winding it in the dark.”
“Sure you are.”
“Mm, not sure at all. I have been very bad at practicing!”
“Then do a practice run now, to warm up.”
I grabbed the old filmstrip and the canister and passed it to her. She took the metal container apart and looked at me.
“Close your eyes and try,” I urged.
With her delicate fingers, she started finding the entry for the film edge, and then worked the strip into the coil.
“Hey!” I cried. “You just opened your eyes!”
“It was an accident!” she replied, laughing.
I smirked at her and then closed the door, turning off the lights on the way.
“No more cheating!” I declared.
She giggled, but continued. “Done.”
I raised the lights and examined the container outside and in. “Nice job.”
“But if I mess up the real thing, we’ll have to start over. A third time.”
“Well, if you mess up, we can blame Shannon.”
She clicked her tongue a couple of times. “You’re terrible.”
“Yeah, you really have to watch out for me.” I tossed her the film roll and the can opener. “Ready?”
“Oh dear ... Wait, I have it: a thumb war, and the winner has to do it?” she attempted.
I sniffed and killed the lights. “Get to it.”
It was getting late, but we’d printed eleven pictures.
“So, what do you think?” I said, stepping back to examine the row on the hanging wire.
Muireann studied the lineup, scrunching her face up as she got close to each one.
“They’re not criminals, you know,” I joked.
“I don’t know. Some of these photos deserve to be—” She gave me an embarrassed look.
“What? ‘Locked away’?” I finished.
She tittered. “I thought it was far too sad to say that out loud.”
“Oh, you’re going to love Heather then!” I drawled.
“Why do you say?”
“She loves her bad jokes.”
“Really? Let’s hear one?”
“Well, let’s see...” I thought for a moment or two, remembering several of them... But damn it, they’re all suggestive ... at least! “Never mind. I’ll let her deliver them.”
“If I tire of them, I can always switch rooms.”
I sniggered. “Sure. Damn, it’s getting late, though. Let’s get on with this then. We just need six photos. Do you think we have that many?”
“I think we have five,” she said.
I nodded. “Cool. I was thinking the same. Now the question is, are they the same five!”
“Two, three, five, six, ten.”
I scanned the row, ticking off five mental checkboxes.
“Wow ... Same here!”
“It’s obvious, though. I mean, these three,” she indicated, “are trash.”
“True. My fault for using too much light. And the other three, kind of boring. All right, so we need one more photo.”
“Aye ... But another time,” she said, yawning. “It is getting wile late.”
I nodded. “This was fun, Muireann. Thanks for agreeing to do it. I learned a lot, anyway.”
“Me too,” she said, giving me a warm smile. “I was petrified that first day, when I signed up for the class. Partly because of leaving Tommy alone in Latin, but also because I’d never tried taking real pictures.”
“Glad you decided to do it?”
“So very glad!”
Me too, Muireann, me too...
“Plenty of photos left to take this year,” I said.
“I look forward to it!”
We had one weekend left before the audition, and we dedicated Saturday to getting our song as tight as possible. Colin and Shannon hung out for most of the day. Between stretches of jamming we took a hike, hung out by the fire, and ate food. It was a comfortable existence, for sure.
The only slight hiccup was when Shannon asked me, “What time should I pick you up tomorrow?”
Lara eyed us. “Where are you going?”
“Getting something for Heather, right?” Shannon answered, before I could think of a way to cut it off.
“Oh, really?”
Oops... It wasn’t Shannon’s fault at all. In the excitement of thinking to ask her to drive me and her subsequent agreement, I’d completely forgotten to tell her that no one else knew about it. Indeed, I’d mentioned to her that my parents would’ve taken me had they not been working. Shannon could hardly suspect that it might be a secret, if I’d asked my moms first.
“Yeah,” I said, keeping calm. “Just a little Valentine’s gift.”
“Aw, how sweet,” Muireann said, sweetly.
Lara smiled at me. “Nice! What is it?”
“It’s a surprise,” I said.
Her eyes widened slightly and I could see a memory blossoming in her mind.
“I’m not saying what it is,” I pressed. “So don’t even try to guess!”
Lara opened her mouth and then it spread into a grin. “Really? Because I think I know! Are you going down to—”
“Not a word!”
She gave me a little nod, and shrugged. “Fine, be that way.”
“It’s a private thing,” I said.
As soon as I said that, my heart sank as everyone grinned and sniggered and giggled.
“Not like that!” I groaned.
But that cat was out of the bag now, and it took a little while to collect it again.
The next morning, the four of us were working on homework in the cabin. Tommy heard it first.
“Your taxi’s here, lad,” he said, nudging me with a grin.
I perked up as the rumble of a twenty-three year old engine started shaking the air.
“Ugh, I was hoping to have this assignment done before I left,” I grunted.
“Aw, too bad. I’m done, though. I can go with Shannon instead!” Lara chirped as she held her paper up.
“Me too,” Muireann agreed, holding her own sheet up.
“Nice try,” I dismissed.
“Come on, what’s the big secret?” Lara asked.
“We won’t tell Heather,” Muireann promised.
“All right, I’m out for a bit,” I announced, ignoring them. “Tommy, don’t let these girls get into too much trouble! Or, do you want to come down with me?”
“Thanks, lad, but I should stay and babysit, as you say.”
The girls didn’t quite appreciate that comment, but it did allow me to get to the front door.
“Fine, don’t tell us,” Lara called as I slipped out.
“Not my thing to tell, sis. Later!”
I shut the door and found Shannon walking around the side of the house. I hurried to her.
“Matty!” she said gleefully.
“Hey Shan!” I greeted as I pulled her into a hug
“You’re extra happy today,” she remarked, as I finally let her go.
“Just thankful that you can give me a ride.”
“Sure thing!”
“And this is the most time I’m going to have spent with you in forever.”
“Since break at least,” Shannon clarified, her eyes glinting. “Can’t wait!”
We headed back to her car, which she’d left running. The inside was nice and warm, so I took my coat off and settled in. In a moment we were rolling down my driveway.
“So, where to?” she asked. “You said it was about forty-five minutes away?”
“Yeah, New Paltz. You know how to get there?”
“Sure. I checked out the university, back in the fall.”
“That’s right, you applied there.”
“I did. And I got in, on early admission. Found out last week.”
“Wow, congrats Shan! Do you think you’ll go?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m waiting to hear from the other places.”
“Still hoping for Syracuse?”
“Yeah. But it’s so expensive. I don’t know what I’ll do if get in there. I’m glad I don’t have to decide just yet. But that day is coming, I know.”
“Hard to believe that you won’t be around next year,” I said wistfully.
“Well, I might end up at New Paltz, and if I do, you’ll probably see me more than you think!”
I grinned. “That would be nice. But I’m rooting for Syracuse, even if it is a little further away.”
“Thanks, Matty. You’re sweet.”
“So how have you been?” I asked. “Feels like I’ve hardly had a chance to talk to you lately. Every hour seems full nowadays, with the twins around.”
In San Francisco, '77 was a great time to be alive if you were batting for the home team. People felt that they could do, say, or be anything they wanted. Every belief that had been held dear by the multitudes had been challenged in the previous decade and the world had collectively rocked back on its heels, trying desperately to catch its balance. Now it had and what's more, had begun to run forward. Stephan loved every minute of it. At the moment, he was trolling a bar. This was the third...
The day’s torture wasn’t over, since we still had to tell Heather about the state of things. She was supposed to be calling me that evening after dinner. Lara and I had discussed what we would say to her, but it hadn’t been easy to come up with anything. It felt cruel, now, as we remembered how inspired she’d been the past few days. Now we had to throw sand over it again and bury it away. Before dinner we went for another walk since it was easier to talk freely that way. It was dark, so we...
Colin and Shannon were still chatting near the door to Jane’s classroom, so I told her I’d grab our regular seats. When the bell rang a few minutes later, she joined me. “I guess we’ll have to check out the photos later,” Shannon said apologetically. “Tomorrow’s another day,” I said, grinning. “Nah, no school tomorrow.” I turned to her as Jane called for quiet. “Really? Why?” “Another big storm,” she whispered. “Whoa! They already cancelled?” “I don’t know. But we’re going to get...
After the successful phone call to Colin, Shannon was on cloud ten as we tramped through the deepening snow with the saw horses. Well, I carried the barricades; she badgered me about not being allowed to help. “They’re not that heavy,” I dismissed. “Which is why you should let me carry one!” “They’re crazy heavy,” I amended quickly, pretending to stagger. “This isn’t the eighteen-thirties, Matt. Chivalry is pretty much dead.” “Says the girl who dances in a show where there is literally a...
Friday. The last day before the masks went on, before Dad would have to sleep in my desk drawer for two full seasons, and before Truth was buried, maybe forever. We cleaned, we arranged, we considered everything to make our home normal. After dinner, the four of us were satisfied with both the house and the cabin. Our guests would be treated with respect and love. After dinner, Lara and I went for a walk. It was made much easier by the fact that Colin and Shannon had plowed our driveway at...
Given the unknown amount of potential baggage, Sarah decided to pick up the twins by herself. At best, one more person could have gone with her, but if it turned out that Muireann and Tommy were major packers then it would’ve been a tight fit and an uncomfortable ride. We knew from their letter that they’d likely be bringing some instruments with them. “Better safe than sorry. Besides, this will be my first and last chance to talk to them, I’m sure,” Sarah joked. “Don’t worry, we’ll let you...
I’d set an alarm for five, deciding that the lack of sleep would be better than leaving the twins stranded by themselves. However, when I slapped the sound off and staggered out into the living room, all was quiet. Figuring they’d be up soon, I grabbed my Walkman and stretched out on the couch to relax while I waited. As it turned out, I fell asleep and Lara ended up waking me up. I started, surprised to see her shaking me. “What time is it?” I asked, pulling the tangled headphones from my...
Figuring that the ‘warmest’ part of the day was passing, Lara suggested that if we still wanted to swim, now was the time. Tommy had not forgotten the offer and eagerly agreed, not put off by the frigid air temperature. We put away our guitars and returned to the house to don bathing suits. It was admittedly a bit odd, since Lara and I never did so; pulling jeans over the trunks felt completely alien. Lara had a giant stack of towels in her arms when we met up in the living room. Muireann...
“Well, last period is finally here. Enjoying the first day?” I asked, leading Muireann to some desks on the side of the classroom. I avoided my usual study hall spot, where Carl and a couple of other guys I usually sat with were already seated. “Aye, though it’s been a whirlwind,” she admitted. “Yeah, introducing you in each class ... I swear everyone has met you three times over!” Muireann sniffed. “At least that many. It felt a bit odd, all that. But everyone seems nice.” “For the most...
The morning Alana dropped me off, my reunion with Lara was delicious. We shared a long and happy hug. I’d made every effort while with Alana to do exactly one thing: be with my dear friend. But on returning, I let all that stored-up love for Lara emerge again, and I didn’t want to let go of her. Of course, we eventually had to peel apart. She was due at the shelter soon, so after greeting my moms and Frej, we resumed our morning walks that she’d kept up in my absence. As usual, we didn’t...
We entered August, the last full month of summer, of vacation, and of divine mountain warmth. I spent all my time at Clara’s; Lara increased her hours at the shelter since Chuck hired her more formally and started paying her for her computer work. Our tent became lived-in and undeniably welcoming the more we used it and adjusted our setup. With Frej’s help, we’d flown an oversized tarp above the area that gave us some dry space around the shelter in times of rain. It remained a heavenly...
Are you sure about this... ? Back down by the house, I found Frej in the garage. He was peering closely at a tangle of wires. “These new electronics...” he grumbled. “They are all so small and impossible to fix... ! Or maybe I need glasses.” I laughed as best I could with the tremors that seemed to be creeping into me from all sides. I haven’t been sure of anything lately... “Need a break?” I asked. He tossed the thing onto the worktable and grinned at me. “Yes, that is enough for...
We followed Heather down the pathway to the rocky intertidal expanse and picked our way toward the rowboat that sat patiently in the shallows. Between us, we silently pushed the craft into deeper waters, until it floated freely with enough clearance for the extra weight it would now carry. Heather held it steady as first Lara and then I got in. She joined us with a nimble leap. I studied the rowboat as I sat in the stern with Lara. Though clearly aged, it was sturdy and well-maintained. A...
Not even twenty-five hours into our new life, it became clear that our bodies were entirely unprepared for the relentless existence of sea-harvesting with Heather. When we awoke after that first night’s sleep, early morning’s glow was faint. What’s the rush? It was Heather who had roused us, and despite various attempts to roll over and slumber away the deep soreness that pervaded every cubic inch of my limbs, she would not allow it. I finally yawned, struggled to sit up, and gave her a look...
“Welcome to darkroom class,” I announced as Muireann followed me into the darkroom the following evening. She eyed me. “Are you going to lie on the bed again?” I grinned broadly. “I think I might, and let you do the work. Hands-on is the best way to learn, right?” “You’re going to give Tommy a run for the title of laziest boy.” “Am I winning yet?” Muireann just smirked and started blacking out the windows. “I have to admit something,” she said. “What’s that?” “I didn’t realize the...
When Melissa and I returned to the house after dropping off the order for the necklace, nothing much had changed. In the cabin I found Lara and Tommy at the table, intently studying a sheet of paper. They didn’t even glance at me as I closed the door. I could hear Muireann’s muffled fiddle playing from the darkroom, the sound of a slow Irish melody permeating the warmed air inside. “How’s it going?” I announced, taking off my coat. After scribbling something down, Lara turned to me, smiling...
I felt an arm grip my winter coat. “Matt ... I don’t know that we can do this!” “Of course you can. It’s not that hard.” “No, I’m worried about Tommy!” she whispered. “What if he falls? Or runs into someone?” I gave her gloved hand a pat. “He’ll be okay. It’s pretty soft, you know. Watch...” I let myself fall sideways like a cut tree, landing on my hip and shoulder. Muireann gave a little cry of surprise, but I just laughed it off. In another moment I was standing again. “You want to...
“What have we here?” Jane asked, coming to a stop in front of our half-dozen pictures. “Twins,” Muireann said. “Aha.” She examined our spread. “Did you do the project together?” “Aye, we tried something different.” I could hear the hope in Muireann’s voice, that this would be okay by our teacher. Jane pursed her lips. “Interesting approach.” “I know there’s only six photos, but we both did take six shots,” I explained. “There’s two exposures on each!” Jane gave me a small smile. “Yes,...
“Damn, I’ve missed you,” I whispered. She giggled. “Wow, I didn’t realize how much!” “Hey now! Hands above the waist!” Heather cuddled up closer to me on the couch as the hubbub carried on in the rest of the great room. After all the greetings and chats following our guests’ arrival, dinner was soon going to be ready. With Frej volunteering to help with what remained of meal preparations, we’d been told to go hang out. Not being one to deny my parents’ wishes, I didn’t think twice to drag...
I tried delaying our hike for a day. I really did. Although Heather’s ankle was sore after she removed the ski boots in the lodge, by the time we got home it was already feeling a little better. She could certainly get around, since it mostly hurt only when putting sideward pressure on it. Skiing was probably out for a few days, at least, but a walk through the woods was not worth postponing. Or so she said. I was of two minds. Twenty-four hours of extra rest would allow more time for her to...
The music store wasn’t too far from the jeweler’s shop, so Heather and I walked there. “I mean, I get it, now,” I said, still caught up in the surprising meaning of the Chinese symbol she now wore around her neck. “Oh, I think you got it a long time ago,” Heather said. “It’s just a word, Matt. It has no meaning on its own.” “I know, I know. It’s just ... most people would find it kind of...” “Weird,” she supplied. “You said it, not me,” I laughed. “It is what it is.” “Yeah ... Anyway,...
Three girls, three cameras... And me, tagging along, superfluous but certainly enjoying myself. I offered to be their model a few times, but they seemed to prefer photographing each other. And there was the teasing, of course. Endless. “Nice, Muireann!” Heather chirped. “You’ve learned a lot about photography, I can tell.” “She has a good eye,” Shannon agreed. “Matt has been teaching me.” “Which makes it all the more surprising!” Funny... But even there, I was given three cute grins,...
Admittedly, I was slightly apprehensive as we pulled into our clearing that evening after our day of skiing. Heather, alone with Tommy all day... The snow was falling heavily again through the headlight beams. Both Frej’s and the Martins’ cars were parked in the same positions they had been that morning, and they remained covered in several inches of snow. Oddly, there were no lights on in the main house. Maybe Muireann was rubbing off on me, because for a few seconds I had a panicked vision...
Mairead and Aongus left after lunch the next day, forced to end their vacation earlier than Frej and Heather due to the demands of the business they owned. I was indeed grateful for the Danishman’s generosity in allowing Heather to remain for another three days. The Martins’ departure left a rather obvious hole in our daily schedule. After dinner was cleared and we sat around the table, it suddenly seemed remarkably silent. The positive feedback loop between Tommy and Aongus had been...
I was grateful for the band. Heather’s departures were never a good thing for me, inevitably the start of a long slide down into wistful distance, but the fact that I could go from our final embrace to playing my guitar within fifteen minutes was at the very least a welcomed distraction. “So we need to start thinking about a set for the battle,” I said, once we’d played a few numbers to warm up and clear the farewell feelings as best we could. “We have six originals, so we’ll need another...
The week passed slowly and somewhat agonizingly, since Gwen couldn’t rehearse again until the following weekend, and the homework was being laid on thick. I was anxious to make as much progress as we could on the set, which we still hadn’t quite settled on. Certainly as the battle approached, I was imagining more and more how it might turn out, even though I knew that daydreaming about the glories of winning was a dangerous game. Things could turn out so many different ways, surely, but in...
If I hadn’t been sure that Tommy had Dr. Kendall in his back pocket, that was put to rest in study hall the following Tuesday. Carmen, Tommy, and I were walking along the outside of the school building, on our way to the fields as was our habit now, when the principal rounded the far corner and came toward us. “Uh oh,” Carmen said. “Caught.” “Principal alert,” I whispered, for Tommy’s benefit. The three of us laughed quietly, all of us wearing shades as was our other habit these days. “We...
Carmen was disappointed but seemed understanding when I called her to let her know that we didn’t have room for her after all. It was a bit strange to talk to her on the phone, something that I didn’t think I’d ever done before. Odd, considering we were together for a while. Then again, this fact was testament to how messed up that time had been for me. Saturday evening arrived, and it was not without some anxiety that we packed the gear into Colin and Shannon’s vehicles. While my moms...
“Hello?” “Oh hi, Mrs. Martin. How are you?” “Matt ... It’s me,” Heather said. I jerked in my chair. “What... ? No way! You said ‘Hello’!” “I guess I did.” This must be part of a joke... “Okay ... Where have you been? We were supposed to talk on Wednesday, remember?” “What day is it today?” Heather asked. I was quiet for a second. “It’s Friday? Seriously, is everything all right? You answered weird ... Well, you answered normally, which is weird for you. And you really don’t know what...
I was surprisingly alert when Tommy and I slipped into Frej’s car at a quarter of six, just as the light was starting to make itself known in the east. I let Tommy have the front so I could squeeze against Heather in the back. “Good morning, my love,” she whispered, and immediately I wondered if I was overdressed for the warmth she caused in me. Maybe forgetting all my clothes at home would be okay after all. Damn kissing ban, though... “Is your man coming with us today?” Tommy asked...
Lara responded so sweetly when I asked if she could entertain the twins, that I took her into a surprisingly hard hug. We were alone in my room, so I made no effort to hold back. “Easy there, bro,” she warned, even as she returned the tight embrace. “I’m so sorry about the underwater thing,” I breathed. “I still feel terrible about it.” “No sweat. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, because you hate doing laundry. And now you’re stuck doing it every day!” I laughed. “True. But it’s the...
It was strange to wake up. I was still on the couch, but Heather was gone, and I was horizontal and covered by a blanket. I could hear my moms and aunt chatting in the living room, since I was occupying their usual morning hangout spot. Then again, the sun was bright and the shadows on the porch floor were well past parallel to the wood beams, suggesting that my first meal of the day would be called ‘late lunch’ and certainly not ‘breakfast’. So, I really took their usual afternoon spot......
I think I’m half-Danish... It took me a moment, I’ll admit. It was perhaps like seeing someone on a distant hill make an odd movement, and only realizing a long second later that it was the head-on motion of an archer having released an arrow to fly forth from her bow. It took me a moment, yes, but then that five-word missile arrived, slamming into my heart with surgical precision. The world seemed to spin. I only knew one Danish person, and I knew him quite well. I struggled to hold her...
“Do you wish this never happened?” she asked quietly. I turned to look at Heather, her face illuminated by the fading twilight. Until now, Heather had not spoken in the half-hour or so since I’d silently confirmed her connection to Frej. I didn’t mind the quiet, because I had much to think about myself. The pier was strangely deserted, and we’d migrated to the gazebo to sit. “Why do you say that?” I asked. “Because it really puts a new light on everything.” “It does, it does,” I agreed....
I was just about to make a call when Lara poked her head into my room. “Back to the telephone life, huh?” she said, giving me a sympathetic look. “Yep. Hard times again.” “You could’ve been born a hundred years ago,” she observed, “and then you wouldn’t even have had the phone.” “If I’d been born a hundred years ago, I would’ve missed out on her completely. And on you too, sis ... But I’m glad for the phone either way.” Lara nodded thoughtfully. “True. Come up to the cabin when you’re...
On Monday, I was very relieved to get summoned to the principal’s office. Despite the amused looks I got from my classmates, I was feeling pretty high. Dr. Kendall had been silent since our meeting the previous week, a bit worrisome since the time before May wasn’t exactly abundant. But I trusted in his promise, and now it seemed we’d be shifting into gear. When I stepped into his office, another man was already sitting in one of the chairs. He looked vaguely familiar. I took the initiative...
“Sorry I stole your bed,” Lara said, giving me a sheepish grin as she wandered out of my room the next morning. I shrugged. “The couch is comfortable enough.” “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. We were working on lyrics, you know, and ... Yeah. Where is everyone?” “Colin’s not here yet, and Gwen came by a while ago but just grabbed Muireann and took off. And you and Tommy have been sleeping like logs.” “Where did Gwen take her?” “Beats me. She said they’d be back in a few...
“Hello?” Uh oh ... That’s not good... “I don’t like the sound of that,” I said. “The last time you answered ‘Hello’ was—” “Good evening, Matt,” Mairead interrupted. “Oh, hi, Mrs. Martin!” “Heather is not here,” she added, her voice quite amused. I would’ve laughed, except that I suddenly realized how close I’d just been to revealing Heather’s secret. Holy shit... ! Way too close. “I’m sorry about that just now,” I explained, my skin prickling. “Sometimes Heather, well ... She’ll...
The scene at Smith Park, when we pulled in around noon, was rather astonishing. The light scaffolds loomed over the stage, and for a long moment I stood by the car door in complete shock. We’re going to be playing on that... ! “Are you coming, lad?” Tommy asked, having already seized his guitar and equipment bag from the trunk. I snapped out of it and went to grab my own things. “Yeah. It’s just that ... it looks pretty damn neat, man.” He grinned. “I’m sure it does. Now let’s go set...
The post-concert went by in a rush. People came and went, to greet us, share their joy and emotions. The twins and Lara in particular were mobbed, which was fine with me. I’ve had just about as much excitement as I can take... After hugging the people closest to me, I slipped back up to the stage again, grateful for the banality of winding cables, collapsing mic stands, and the opportunity to help the sound and lighting crews get their work done just a little faster. They’d been amazing...
Away... From us... To say these words affected me would be a vast understatement. The massive upwelling that I’d seen a moment earlier in Heather’s eyes, that flood which would destroy everything around ... It suddenly burst out of the sea. Nothing prepared me for its impact. My throat constricted and suffocation beckoned, caressing me gently into blackening edges. “Why?” I tried to ask, but the sound was grotesque, a pitiful gurgle at best. “Shh, shhhh,” she consoled through tears,...
On the day that our connection was severed, I was roused by a warm hand caressing my face, the fingers leaving behind energetic currents. “Good morning, my love...” I opened my eyes all at once. The sun was just barely tinting the sky, and I was disoriented, wondering why the couch felt odd. It took me a moment to realize that I was down in the main house. Memories abruptly returned in a panicked rush. The night before, after partying for a while, the three of us had taken to Lara’s old bed...
The long work of pulling the concert together had fully caught up and crashed into me. That wasn’t the source of my problems, though, or I would’ve simply slept hard for a few days and been done with it. If I’d wanted to take a ‘sick’ day or two to stay home from school, no one would have batted an eyelid, for any of us. I wouldn’t have even had to fake a fever, holding the thermometer against a hot light bulb. I could just cash in on good karma. Instead, on Wednesday I’d found myself...
“So, how much of this will you tell Tommy?” It was the first thing Muireann had said in some time, having grown progressively more reticent as I revealed my secrets to her, one by one. There were many, so it had taken a long while. But they were out, now... All of them. “Tommy...” I murmured. “Yeah, I’m not sure.” “He’s very fond of Lara.” I sniffed. “I know that. You think he’ll be weirded out?” “I can’t say for sure. And what about her?” I frowned. “Lara? She knows all of this...
I was waiting for Muireann to emerge from the restroom before we headed to photography class, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I figured she was playing the other-shoulder trick to get me to look the wrong way, but I was surprised to find Bruno there after all. “Oh, hey man ... What’s up?” I greeted. “We need to talk,” he said quietly, glancing anxiously down the hall. “Hm. Let me guess ... Pete?” “Yeah. Are you heading to class? I can walk with you.” “I am, but ... I need to wait for...
That evening, I was once again drained. Despite the temporary refueling that Muireann had gifted me in the pool after the terror of Pete’s episode, the subsequent rehearsal of Other Side had eventually sapped me. I could also tell that Muireann was almost as wiped as I was. The song was intense. It was a great relief when we both settled down into our beds in the main room of the cabin, her on the cot and me on the couch. “The downside of sleeping out here is that you can’t go to bed until...
Pete didn’t attend school the rest of the week. The two times I called over to his house, I hung up as soon as I heard his dad answer. Even Bruno said that he hadn’t been able to talk to him since the day he canned Skinner. I was feeling unsettled again, but I held on to the hope that whatever was in motion was happening out of sight. It was all I could do, besides barging over there again and trying to force another chat. In the meantime, I made sure that all my other irons were still in...
The talent show was in full swing. Ready or not, the acts were cycling on and off the stage with inevitable tempo. This time around, Green Space had opened the show, and The Nameless would soon close it. “I hope Pete keeps it together,” I said to Lara, as we stood in the wing watching a kid play a rather impressive classical piece on the piano. “He will. Muireann seems to have a calming influence on him.” “Yeah, I noticed. She’s been so helpful in dealing with Pete these last few weeks, I...
It was early evening on Sunday and the final music marathon was coming to an end, our last opportunity for rehearsing as a full band before Jonah’s concert the following weekend. Gwen was particularly intent about everything, calling out any and all problems she heard, and by now we didn’t question her judgment or ear. The only unknown was if we had the skill to do whatever she asked of us. Usually we did, even if it meant practicing it thirty times. Or more, in my case... But now it was...
We arrived at Jonah’s in the early afternoon as arranged. He emerged from the side door of the Castle, grinning broadly. “What’s up, motherfuckers!” “Fella’s in a better mood than usual,” Tommy quipped. “Aye, probably this is his highest form of greeting,” Muireann added. We exchanged fist bumps, handshakes, and shit-eating grins. “This event is going to be the jewel in the Castle’s crown, I’m fucking telling you!” he gushed. “You’ve been busy,” Lara said, looking around at the yard...
Sunday was a complete waste. I spent the morning dead to the world, vaguely aware of being moved from Jonah’s cabin to Shannon’s car, and then to Colin’s recliner. At least the world was happy about something, because whenever I was semi-conscious I could mostly hear laughing around me. In retrospect, I was obviously being hidden from my folks until such time that I was with it again; that turned out to be late afternoon. Well, maybe not ‘with it’, but a few hours before dinner I finally...
I slumped in the front seat as Sarah started the car. She drove slowly, winding through the short-term parking lot, then out into the seemingly hundreds of ramps and exchanges that strangled the airport like a concrete octopus. Eventually the stress of navigating lanes and fighting off aggressive taxis dissipated as she started heading east on the Southern State Parkway. East, yes, because we had a stop to make. In fact, the twins would be sleeping in their own beds again before I did. Then...
The elation and fright of what I’d just done with the necklace still fluttered violently in me when I arrived at my destination a little while later. I could still go back to the pier... ‘It was all a mistake, Darya ... A joke... !’ I swiped the ridiculous idea aside as I stared at the house. There was no need to climb the stairs and knock, on the chance that anyone would be there. The ‘For Sale’ sign out front and lack of decorations on the porch were enough indication that they’d moved...
Truth is out... There was a long moment where nothing happened. Having been pulverized, that brittle shell washed away and left everything wide open. All was paused as I remained on the couch, stunned and unsteady. My thoughts all glanced at each other in confusion, blinking in the sudden light. What happens now? Then Clara said one thing to me: ‘Let me go... ‘ It wasn’t really her speaking, of course. I wondered what message she would’ve had for me if I’d answered her question with a...
Chapter 25: The Dreams of a Girl Alana’s driving was a balm, a relaxed and smooth ride augmented by the loose shocks on the wheels of her old Buick. I reclined in the passenger seat, swigging from the wine. “Want some?” I asked, holding up the bottle. “Come on, I’m driving.” “I know. I was just being polite,” I murmured. Alana patted my arm. “Fine. But be safe first, polite second, dude. Someday someone will take you up on that offer and next thing you know you’ll end up making out with...
Lara held my hand as we stood in the currents of the Roe, watching the flow of life as this playful tendril of the sea wound her way around and through us. Each little splash measured one more instant of being together with my sister, little moments that when placed end to end added up to simple perfection. Because the hours that recently passed had been just that: a complete surrender of any fear of each other. Our deeds and misdeeds were starting to come out now, weighed and reckoned, then...
“Good morning, sis!” I sang. “Nice bedhead!” Lara squinted at me from the doorway to the darkroom. She released a giant yawn into the cabin before speaking. “Morning ... Uh, what the hell are you doing in an apron?” “Making breakfast!” “I thought I smelled something good, but then I remembered who I live with and was like, nah, can’t be. What’s the deal? Wait, are you making boxty?” “Fuck yeah!” She came close and scrutinized my meal preparation. “You do realize the twins aren’t here,...
Summer was fully ripened now, it being the latter part of July. The chorus of insects was thick in the air as I walked along the last stretch of our road. I was alone; Lara was already home, having left the shelter an hour before I’d swung by to gather her. In fifteen minutes I’d be in the creek, washed clean by Roe, and enjoying my time with her. Or, so I thought. As usual, expectations sure were a bitch. Well, not a bitch this time, but a gorgeous girl that I adored! “Hey there...