Desires on Hold
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Desires On Hold Part 3 free porn video
Desires on Hold, Part 3
By Michelle Jane
21st June 2004
Over the following weekend, things are strained at home. My wife is
struggling to come to terms with what is happening, particularly the
continuing development in my breasts.
She is very tearful and there is very little that I can say or do to
make it any easier. At least we are cuddling now. I think it is both
something that we need. Even though I know that it is something that I
desperately want, the future still scares me.
I have also realised that in spite of all the insults and abuse I have
taken off my wife, over the years, she is still very much in love with
me. This is why she is hurting so much.
However, she is adamant that we must eventually get a divorce, even
though the family wants us to remain married. She could not possibly
live with me as a woman, let alone stay married to me.
I have agreed with her that it is inevitable and I would not contest it
and would wish to remain friends.
She said that you can never legally change your documents and will
always be registered as a male. I explained that the 'Gender
Recognition Bill' has passed through Parliament and should soon become
law.
This means that when we are divorced and I have become a woman, I can
have my birth certificate changed to show my chosen sex, as though I
had been born female. This would also mean that I could remarry as a
woman, should I so wish.
This led me to think 'what a unique and wonderful position to be in to
have the choice of sex. Obviously not an easy route to take, but one
that will give me immense happiness and joy. I cannot wait.'
I hope that time will be a great healer and my wife will find it easier
to cope. She has a loving family around her, who want to help, should
she let them.
I also think that my wife is trying emotional blackmail on me. It
wouldn't be the first time. I believe that she thinks that if she piles
on enough pressure I might stop for her sake. If she is, she has not
understood the situation and does not realise that I could not stop,
even if I was putting my own life at risk.
As the week wears on, my wife appears to be slightly more at ease and
more willing to discuss it with me. I do need to talk and I think she
does really.
She has expressed concern at the rapid development of my breasts and
asked if I was overdoing the hormones.
I told her that the level I am taking is a recommended in the regime I
am on and that the Doctor told me not to change it until I see him
again, this Friday in the morning.
I am secretly delighted at the development, which is exceeding my
expectations. I am now filling a good 40 A cup. I do not know how much
larger they will get, but I have only been on this regime for less than
3 months.
I have also decided that I must soon tell my three brothers. One of my
younger brother's sons gets married in August and with my development,
the secret will be out.
They will have to decide whether they want me there. It is their choice
as to whether they can accept it or not.
I have the support of my own family and that is the most important
thing. If they cannot support me, that will be their decision. However,
I will not accept any condemnation or them trying to put pressure on
any of my family. I would cut myself off from them immediately.
I will take the cowards way out and write to each of them individually.
I couldn't bring myself to tell them face to face. I found it too much
of an emotional experience telling my own family to go through it
again. However my own family were too important to me to tell them any
other way.
We have discussed the divorce, further and my wife is adamant that she
will want a divorce. I have agreed that I will not contest it and will
research 'quickie divorces'. I have downloaded divorce papers off the
internet and have found that it is fairly straight forward as there are
no children involved and it is not going to be contested. The grounds
\will be my unreasonable behaviour, due to my transgenderism. It will
take three months and cost about ?240.00. It will not be necessary to
involves solicitors and will be an amicable divorce. We will be able to
remain friends. It seems that when solicitors become involved that
divorce becomes bitter. Solicitors seem to encourage their clients to
become greedy. I have seen it too may times. We have already decided
that we will still be involved in the company and everything will be
divided equally. The divorce will be started about September and we
will continue to share the same house for at least until the end of
this year. We have had our wills updated and we are still each others
beneficiaries and the children inherit on our death. The wills will
need to be updated when the divorce goes through and again when I have
completed my SRS. The beneficiaries will not change.
Friday 11th June I have an appointment with my doctor. I overslept
slightly and leapt out of bed quicker than I would have normally done
and came over dizzy. Next thing I knew was waking up on the floor and
being drenched in sweat. I rolled over and saw the door open and my
wife's crutches thrown on the floor. I could hear her on the phone
talking to our son Peter, 'saying that I was collapsed on the floor and
she couldn't bring me round. I called out and said that I was o.k. and
went down stairs where I promptly started retching into the kitchen
sink. By this time my son arrived. The sweat was pouring off me. When I
eventually managed to recover I went up had a warm bath, got dressed
and had a light breakfast. My son then drove me to the doctors. Where
we explained what had happened. He looked at my very recent blood test,
which was very wide ranging, including cholesterol and hormonal levels
and every thing was as it should have been. The androgen levels had
been reduced to a low level and the oestrogens were at a reasonable
level. Cholesterol was at 3.8 which apparently is very good.
He checked my blood pressure, heart and looked into my eyes and said
everything is perfectly normal.
He suggested that it was possibly a combination of mild food poisoning,
caused by the scampi that I had the previous evening, coupled with
getting out bed too quickly and also insufficient sugar over the last
few days. Over the last three or four months I have cut right back on
sugar, whereas before I was always eating sweets and had sugar on
virtually everything.
Peter asked if it could have been the hormones. The Doctor looked at me
quizzically and I told him that I had called all my children together
last week and told them every thing and how brilliant and supportive
they are. The doctor said that having a loving and supportive family is
most important and that I am very lucky.
He told Peter that the hormone levels and regime are fine and that it
definitely would not have been the hormones.
Apart from pulling the muscles in my lower back, I soon fully
recovered. It was probably a blessing in disguise as Peter was able to
put my wife and family at ease over the hormones. They all thought that
the hormones were to blame. If I had not passed out Peter would not
have had the opportunity of talking to my Doctor.
Peter and my youngest daughter are now fine with it but my elder
daughter is finding it harder. She asked me on the phone the other day
how far I was prepared to go. I told her it must be all the way, I was
not prepared to be half and half. This rather stunned her, she had not
really thought it through that far. I told her that if she wanted, she
should discuss it with her Husband, but I would not want them to take
it any further. She spoke to him that evening and she said he was fine
with it and would keep our confidence. She said that was her best
nights sleep since I had told them, and will now be able to accept it.
Apparently my older son has accepted the situation the easiest, as he
has a couple of friends who are gay and
Belonged to the 18+ club where many of the members were different. I
don't mean that nastily, I would be the last to criticise anyone for
not being the norm, whatever that is. I just think it gives him a
better insight and understanding and makes him more tolerant.
The family are now regularly talking to each other about it and the
tension appears to be dissipating. I know that things can never be
quite the same again and I can see awkward situations occurring.
However there is enough love in my family to see us through.
My wife and I have been discussing the future sale of the house and
what we will probably do is to buy two properties fairly close
together, preferably two bungalows, but certainly a bungalow for the
wife and a house for me. The office would be based at the wife's
bungalow.
I would get a cleaner to call into her for a couple of hours a day, for
the heavier cleaning duties and to do any shopping that she needs. The
cleaner could also spend an hour a day at my place. I would have an
alarm system installed in her place that would ring my mobile and also
be diverted to my children's phones. They also want me on the alarm
system. I will probably comply to give them peace of mind.
My wife will not consider me continuing as her carer, once we have
moved to our new homes and I start changing over, but with a cleaner
calling in five days a week, daily visits to the office and I can find
reasons to call in the office at weekends, we can give good coverage of
care.
The remainder of this year I will continue to improve my appearance,
including electrolysis and if necessary, hair transplant. My hair is
very thick, except where I have started receding, but is already
improving. I really do not want to start wearing wigs.
I will also have speech therapy and make up lessons. Hopefully much of
this will be arranged by the therapist, when I eventually get my
appointment.
My GP wants me to ring next week and arrange for a further consultation
with him on 2nd July and if I haven't heard from the therapist by then
he will put on a chase.
In the longer term, probably two years from now, I will appoint Peter
as MD of our Company and take on a back ground role. By then I would
expect to have been living full time as a woman for at least a year and
will then try for full SRS, even if I have to go private. I suspect
that NHS treatment I would be looking at nearer five years. I am not
prepared to wait any where near that long, even if I have to go abroad
for surgery. I am really excited about the prospect of becoming a woman
I am even looking forward to the SRS surgery.
We have two family get-togethers this month. This coming Saturday for
my youngest daughters baby's second birthday party, and the day after a
barbecue at home for my Birthday This will be the first gatherings of
my family since telling them and so this will be the first chance for
us to judge how they are coping. They have been fine when we have seen
them individually, but in a family group, things may be more strained.
The Wife and myself are getting a bit up tight about the family
gatherings. It is the not knowing that scares.
Friday night I had a bad dream, probably caused by the worry of the
gatherings.
I dreamed that I was out for my walk and my older brother pulled up
alongside in his car. We started chatting and he asked ?was it true
what he had heard?? I said that as I could not read minds I wouldn't
know what he had heard. He replied ?Are you thinking of becoming a
woman?? I told him that I was not thinking about it at all. I am going
to be a woman.
We started rowing in the street and he ended up, managing to turn my
whole family against me. I woke up crying, thinking that my whole world
was crumbling. You can imagine my relief when I realised that it was
only a dream. But it was so realistic at the time.
As it happens our grandsons Birthday went off well, with hardly any
tension at all.
Saturday night I dreamed again, but this time my Brother called to my
home. Before he had time to say anything my wife tore into him and told
him he wasn't welcome. He said that he had come to apologise and that
the whole family was now behind me. Your subconscious mind can play
strange and sometimes cruel tricks.
Sundays barbecue went off even better that Saturday. My Children were
able to mention it, without any awkwardness and everyone seemed to
enjoy themselves. Even my Son-in-Law, who knows about it was fine.
My Wife is more at ease with it and can now talk about it quite freely.
The only problem is hiding my developing breasts. With casual shirts
they are very noticeable, but with ordinary shirts and vest they only
show if you know they are there and are looking for them. How much
longer I can hide them, I am not sure, but I have no intentions of
strapping them down. I think that will be the time to let others know.
I will then be able to show my breasts with pride.
I am very confident of the future and am determined to control what
happens and when. I am confident that I will have no problems
convincing the specialist that I am a true transsexual and that it is
not a recent feeling. Because I know that I have always felt this way.
Even though I was depressed and unhappy for many years, I am not the
suicidal type and would never consider taking my own life. My GP feels
that I am a well adjusted person and do definitely know my own mind. He
also believes that I am a true transsexual.
If the specialist is not prepared to prescribe hormones yet, I will
still purchase them off the internet. I do not intend stopping taking
them. My GP will still continue to monitor my health and so apart from
costing more there is no more increased risk.
It may be a while before I post the next part of my story, a lot has
happened in the first few months, far more and far quicker than I had
planned. I cannot see things progressing anywhere near as fast in the
future.
Michelle Jane.
Kierra
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