Yin And Yang; Walking In Your Shoes - Part 5 free porn video

Some background information I completely forgot about.... Julie asked in a review of part 4 about the shamanic journey that Craig took to meet his power animal Jasmine in part 3. If you don't remember he was sitting by the ocean and saw the moon rise and start to phase through its cycles (full to new) rapidly and then before it set it turned blood red. I forget to put some info behind that (it might not be needed but...) Most of the info you receive via a journey is usually symbolic. I added the vision as an element of foreshadowing, the moon going through its phases as it traveled across the sky not only symbolized time as in it he would be stuck as Lisa for at least nine months since she was now pregnant but also to highlight the idea of Yin and Yang, the waxing and waning of the moon the transition of the masculine to the feminine and back again. As for the part when the moon turned bright red keep an eye out for that. |_| - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Alright part 5, this part of the story sort of took on a life of its own on me. I started with the goal of advancing Craig's situation and the pregnancy and only touch a bit on the relationship between Lisa and her husband. It started out simple enough with me just hitting a few points that I wanted to make but as I went along in the dialog it kind of grew, and grew and grew some more. In the end it turned out to be well all of part 5, but after I read over it, I liked the way it flowed and it advanced the overall ideas that I am trying to make. Enjoy!!!! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Yin and Yang; Walking in your Shoes - Part 5 by Kris K ([email protected]) It was eight at night mom was out and I was nearing the end of my probably to frequent baths that I enjoyed so much now. I slid my hand down my stomach till I found my clitoris as the water drained. Slowly I started to rub it, I wasn't sure what to expect. Oh my god that felt good! I went gently at first but as it started to feel better and better I was rubbing faster and faster and letting my finger penetrate just a little bit. In a very short time I had my first orgasm as a woman. Oh man I panted that was incredible! I don't think women get off that easily all the time, I think in this case it was more mental than physical, but unlike when I was man I was not satisfied, I needed more and most alarmingly I had this near overwhelming need to have something inside me. I got out of the tub patted myself dry and practically ran into my room, shut and locked the door and flopped on the bed. I reached into the nightstand drawer and grabbed a hold of my sisters red Louisville slugger. My god I thought, its big, and quite intimidating as I grabbed some KY. How the hell could something that big ever fit inside me? Lubing it up I reached down and started to rub my clitoris once again with my left hand and turned on the vibrator with my right. Holly shit this thing could shake out your fillings! While continuing to rub myself I brought the vibrator to the lips of my vigina and just started rubbing it up and down. I let out a small moan as I continued to rub, I hadn't even put it in yet and I was already approaching an orgasm. Slowly, ever so slowly I stopped rubbing and parted my soft lips and started to push the vibrator in, then out, then in, then out, first a half inch then an inch then one and half. Slowly a little bit at a time, deeper and deeper until my body exploded into orgasmic bliss, my legs stiffened my back arched and my arms froze, my body started to shutter and after a moment I regained control and slide the vibrator the rest of the way into my body. I could feel it, with its little bumps sliding between my sensitive folds filling me up. It was weird I expected to feel it inside me but I couldn't really, I knew it was in there I could feel the fullness and of course the vibrations were emanating from my belly radiating out into pure pleasure. A second orgasm almost immediately hit me this one even more intense than the first. I opened my eyes wide and my body stiffened again, I could feel unfamiliar muscles inside me start to spasm tightly around the red intruder trying it seemed to pull it in. My body stiff and shaking and my mouth wide open it took me a moment to realized that I was moaning loudly in bliss. I tried without much success to stifle myself. As I came down from that incredible high my hands dropped to my side and I laid there panting trying to catch my breath, the vibrator still fully inserted inside me joyfully buzzing away. I have no idea how long it took, I would imagine a few minutes to fully recover before I slid the vibrator out and shut it off. I was covered in sweat and my hands were still shaking. I sat up in bed looked down at myself put my hands to my face and started to cry. I have no idea why I was crying I was just overcome with emotion, overcome I think with the enormity of what just happed. I had just realized a dream, a dream I thought would never ever come true. I sat there crying my eyes out for five minutes before I managed to get a hold of myself and I had a moment to reflect on what just happened. God it felt good, I was surprised that the climax itself felt remarkably like it did when I was man but unlike as a man where at the start it would feel good and slowly build to a single orgasm this felt incredible right from the start, almost like a mini male orgasm and it just got bigger and bigger till it exploded and took over my body, only to be followed by another! I was breathless, I don't think my male mind fully understood what just happened I mean nothing I could of ever read about or imagined would of came close to what I just experiences. Getting up I went to the bath room to wash my face and clean off the vibrator. Hiding it away I laughed and smiled to myself thinking I need to get some more batteries! Since the cat was out of the bag with Lisa I was more of less free to let the joy I felt being female wash over me. My mother noticed the changes pretty quickly and confronted me with it. Okay I didn't exactly lie to her but I didn't tell her the whole truth either. I told her that over the last few months I had started to really enjoy the new feelings that I was feeling from being female and that I was hesitate at first to explore them not only for the conflict I was feeling in my mind but also because this was my sisters body and after having a long talk with Lisa she told me that it was okay to explore these feeling and even enjoy them, that I didn't have to hide or imprison myself because I was in her body, she after all was going out and living life in my body. I think mom bought the story although she did have a sly look on her face when I was telling her, I wonder if she knew how I really felt or suspected it at least. I knew I could trust Lisa, she would never tell anyone even mom. Humm... mom I had always thought was a bit clueless when it came to things, perhaps she's more slick that I though? So from then on mom didn't bat an eye when I come down with a sundress on or a skirt and blouse and sheer pantyhose. Okay perhaps that was a bit over board, it wasn't that cool out yet but god I love to wear pantyhose! I must admit that I had gotten pretty good at my makeup. I didn't put on very much at all, less than even Lisa did and while I enjoyed doing it at first it got old quick!. Okay there is one thing I missed, Lisa was right about that one aspect of being a guy. Wash and wear was the way to go! Get up jump in the shower a quick wash, towel dry my hair and out the door, ten minutes tops. As a female now I tried to emulate that as much as possible but it didn't really work out. Most of the time I would tie my hair back into a pony tail so I could ignore it as much as possible. I would work during the day from about ten in the morning till about four in the afternoon. I would stay logged into work till six so it looked like I was doing something. Then I would sit and talk with mom while she made dinner. I think that this one thing most of all became my favorite part of being Lisa the new interaction with my mom. My mom and I had always been close, we really didn't have any secrets, well except this one. She had no problem telling me anything but things have not been going good for her the last couple of years. After dad died five years ago she shut down. Dad in typical baby boomer fashion was the bread winner and mom took care of the kids. She was always there for us, raising us and loving us. Dad was always at work, work was his life. When he died mom was at a loss, thirty year of being married and now alone, it was heart breaking to see her so sad. I had tried to encourage her, tried to get her to let go at least a little bit but with no luck. With the new situation and with me now living at home I started to reconnect with her. It seemed odd, it was either the fact that I was living at home again keeping her company or perhaps the fact that I was now in Lisa's body but she seemed to open up more to me now that I was female then she did before and she seemed eager even overjoyed to help me once she realized that I was open to enjoying being female, offering all kinds of advance and assistance, even when I didn't ask, much to my annoyance. Alright I know that wasn't fair she was just being herself, she just being a mom. Okay I admit it I kind of used this situation to indulge in my new femininity, we would go out shopping, the movies, have lunch and talk as much as possible, she even suggested a trip to a spa and salon. We spent the day being pampered with massages, sauna, hot tub and facials. I figured what the hell, beside as mom pointed out much to my disgust pretty soon I was going to get to big to enjoy anything. Oh my I had no idea it would feel so good, I had wanted to visit a spa forever but never had the nerve to do it as a guy. Actually I don't think I had anything to fear, I was kind of shocked by the number of guys I saw there. I did have one moment of total embarrassment, mom and I were sitting in our nice comfy robes when a guy stepped out of the sauna. He was not big guy about the size of my male body. He had long brown hair that he tired back, his eyebrows were trimmed neatly, not to thin as to be female but not masculine either. He had fantastic green eyes by the way. There was a little hair on his arms but his chest and legs were bare showing off his slightly tanned smooth skin. The big difference between him and my old male body was he was toned, tight abs, defined legs and arms and a nice ass. He was male and it showed but obviously he also like to show off his feminine side, which was exactly the kind of guys I had started to find myself attracted to, he was in one word gorgeous! How can I describe him in such detail, I was staring at him for I think tem minuets. He looked over at me and smiled a knowing smile and rounded the corner out of sight. I looked over and saw mom looking at me. Shit! I turned bright red and looked the other way! Crap, I can't believe I just did that! While I was trying to think of excuse I heard mom stifle a chuckle. The big problem was over the last few weeks things started to change with Lisa since that afternoon when I confessed my true feeling to her. At first she was splitting her time between here, Andrew and my place for work. But for the last few weeks I don't think she ever went back to her place and I noticed an increasing despair in Lisa's eyes. She would not admit it anything being wrong but Lisa was becoming more and more isolated and angry. I waited till mom was out one day shopping to confront her. I saw Lisa sitting in the chair in the corner of the living room his face dark despite the sunny day. Just staring out of the window, not moving not saying anything just staring. I walked to over him and sat on the love seat next to the chair he was sitting in. "Lisa," I said softly. nothing "Lisa, hey," I said a bit more forcefully. "Wha, oh hey Craig, what's up?" Lisa said realizing I was there for the first time. "Shouldn't you be upstairs working?" He said after checking the clock see it was only four. "Meh, I said with a shrug, I finished up all the work I needed to do, so I figured I would take a break. I do it all the time actually I stay logged in till six so it looks like I'm still working," I said with smile. "Humm," Lisa grunted. "I should of thought of that, instead of just going slow till six." "Look, Lisa I think we need to talk," I said giving her a serious looks. "What about, want to try a new lipstick color and need my opinion?"Lisa replied sarcastically. "No, I want to talk about you. I noticed, not I couldn't help noticing that you have been getting further and further away the last couple of weeks, you didn't even come back last week till Wednesday. Look Lisa you have helped me so much, please tell me, what's going on?" I begged "Nothing, it's just, I just want to be alone okay," he said. "No, it's not okay," I said reaching out for his hand. "Tell me what is going on," I said a bit forcefully followed by a soft. "Please." "Look it's nothing okay," Lisa said pulling back his hand, and getting up from the chair. "Lisa, wait," I said as I got up as well. "Look, I said it was nothing, okay, just drop it, leave me alone alright, I think I have had just about enough of your happiness to last me a lifetime. Just go back to enjoying yourself and don't worry about me!" Lisa yelled as he stormed off out the door. A minute later I heard the door of a car slam, the engine start and then the car pull away. Mom came back about twenty minute later and asked me where Lisa was. I told her about what had happened. I helped her unpack the groceries and sat down at the bar while she started to cook dinner. "I have noticed the change in Lisa as well over the last few weeks," Mom started. "This whole situation has been pretty ruff on her you know. Honestly the turn of events has really surprised me," Mom said turning around and walking over to the bar next to me. "I figured that you would of the been the one that would have had the hardest time with it, but it looks like you have adapted remarkable well," She said with a little smile. "Looking at you now it is hard to think of you as anyone but my daughter." Shit I thought looking away, tears coming to my eyes. Why did she say that? "Craig," she said softly putting her arm around me. "Is there something you want to tell me? Humm." I shook my head no. "Alright, it's up to you, but I understand a lot more than you give me credit for. Just because I don't let on that I know something doesn't mean that I don't," Mom said with a smile and went back to cooking. I looked over at her, stirring the sauce with a little knowing smile on her face. How could she, I mean all these years, nothing, not one word, not one hint of anything. There was no way in hell she could know. We sat together eating in silence. Before we started we tried to contact Lisa but had no luck. Having no idea where he went we couldn't go looking for him. We tried Andrew but he wasn't at home either. Since it was Thursday I figured that Lisa would either come back here or go up to my place since he had to tomorrow anyway. After dinner mom made some coffee and was sitting on the couch watching her favorite show while I volunteered to clean up after the meal. I wanted some time to think anyhow and I didn't feel comfortable all of sudden with her watching me, it was like she could see right through me now. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. After I finished up the dishes I poured myself a cup of coffee, I loved coffee but since getting pregnant I of course had to back off on it, limiting myself from my usual pot a day to just one maybe two cups at most. I walked outside and sat on the patio. Feeling the cool wind blow, the leaves rustle and the sunlight fading in the west. Shit I thought I feel good, really, really good. "It's not fair," I said out loud to the universe. "What's not fair? Humm," Mom replied as she sat down next to me at the table. "Noting," I said lamely trying to cover up the embarrassment "You feel it isn't fair that you are enjoying yourself so much and Lisa is miserable aren't you?" Mom said taking a sip of coffee. I couldn't say anything. "I think the problem with Lisa is Andrew. She is very much in love with him and since this happened he has pretty much shut her out. I can understand his feeling but it is not fair to Lisa." I just nodded, If Lisa won't talk to me perhaps it's time to attack the problem from the other end. It was Saturday afternoon around one when I drove over to Lisa and Andrew's house. I knocked on the door, no answer. I peeked through the window. The kitchen was a mess, dirty dished everywhere. It looked like no one had touched the place for a month. I knocked again a bit louder, I knew he was there by his car. No answer. I took out the key and opened the door. "Ahhhwww man!" I exclaimed waving my hand in front of my face. The smell of rotten food was almost overpowering. Dirty dished had over run the sink and now sat on top of the counter and the stove. The garbage was overflowing and there was another full bag half open sitting next to it. As I walked through the kitchen to the living room I noticed and large box full of empty beer bottles and about six pizza boxes. "Great, so that what's he's been doing for the last month, partying!" I growled. Okay now I was pissed, we haven't really heard hide nor hair of him for almost a month and here he is partying and enjoying himself while his wife is living in exile. I was looking around for something to use as a club when I noticed Andrew lying on the couch. He had a half empty beer bottle in his hand and was quietly snoring. I walked over to him and gave his foot a kick. "Andrew!" I shouted, he started to stir. "Andrew!" I gave him another kick. what the fuck, Jesus look at this place! We hadn't heard from you in weeks, Lisa is miserable and then I come by and find out you've been spending your time partying!" I screamed. "Lisa!" he replied bleary eyed, squinting looking up at me. His eyes opened in recognition. "Oh God Lisa it's you, you came back!" Andrew said sitting up, the bottle dropping the floor unnoticed as he came forward and hugged me. He was actually crying his face buried in my stomach. I was totally shocked, I didn't expect him to react like this. I mean look at the place I figured. My though was interrupted by him pulling me down on the couch next to him. I could smell the beer on his breath, and by the look of his glassy blood shot eyes he had been going at it all day. "Oh God I'm so glad your here! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean what I said! Please, I love you, I missed you so much!" He said as he threw his arms around my neck and pulled me closer to him. He continued sobbing, saying over and over that he was sorry. "What, wha?" I started to say when he kissed me. A deep passionate kiss, I was to shocked to do anything as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. Oh God! no! no! no! I put my hands on his chest and tried to push him away. He broke the kiss and started to kiss and nibble at my neck my neck. Oh, God I though, no please, God that feels so good. That always turns me on so much. Then his hand touched my bare leg and moved up my skirt to my crotch. "Andrew!" I cried. "Please, Andrew no! please, stop!" I said as I grabbed the wrist of his hand buried deep under my skirt. His nibbling on my neck migrated up to my ear. "Andrews, stoooppp, oh, ahhhh!" I stammered as I felt his hand start to rub my vigina through the thin panties I was wearing. My legs parting willingly, giving him access. "Oh God, Lisa, I love you!" Andrew said while continuing to nibble on my ear. Oh. no. no. no. I though as he continued to feel me up, my body reacting to his touch, my vigina was soaking wet by now and my body felt so hot. It would be so easy I thought I could just lie back and let him take me, he's so wasted, he would probably just roll over and pass out afterwards, completely unaware of what he just did. "Oh!" I moaned I wanted it so much! Feel his cock in my body, feel his strength, his heat, I could just submit to him like I so wanted to. I felt a little shock run through my body as he pushed his finger inside me. I was starting to yield to him, as we were kissed, my arms holding him tightly, my body wet, hot, electric and oh so ready. Oh god, it felt so good. I had stopped resisting completed, letting his other hand go as he started to caresses my left breast. Gently cupping it then squeezing while rubbing the nipple through the blouse. I was lost in the though, lost in the fantasy and reality of submitting to him when I felt his other hand let go of my breast and reach up under my skirt to grab a hold of my panties and with a quick thug he pulled them off down to my knees. The cool air of the room hitting my bare wet vigina brought me back to reality. "Andrew no! Andrew stop, we can't do this!" I shouted. "Andrew! Stop! Please!" I said franticly. He wasn't stopping. I grabbed his hair and pulled him off my neck and slapped him across the face. "Andrew! Stop! It's me Craig! Remember!" I shouted. Like waking up from a dream I saw Andrews face shift from drunken passion to surprise, to disgust then to absolute embarrassment and shame. "Craig!" he asked. "How, when, what?" he stammered confused, then looked down at me. My panties down around my knees, my blouse halfway open. "Oh GOD! Craig, no, oh." A look of disgust came over him and he got up and ran over to the bathroom. I didn't follow right away because I knew what was coming and a few moments later I heard reaching. I stood up and pulled up my panties and re buttoned my blouse and straightened my hair. The sound of retching had stopped so I went to the bathroom to find Andrew sitting on the floor next to the toilet. He was sobbing. "Come on, get up," I said as I grabbed his arm and pulled him up, helping him stagger back to the couch. Once there he flopped down on it with a agonized grunt. "Craig," he stammered quietly. "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize, I mean, I'm not. I didn't mean to," he mumbled and kind of drifted off. I pulled down a blanket that they had on the top of the couch and covered him up with it. He started to snore softly again. I got up off the couch, looked around the room again surveying the disaster area. Looking back at Andrew passed out once again I let out a sigh. "Well I guess this shit ain't going to clean it's self up," I said as I went into the kitchen to call mom and let her know I was not going to be back for a while, telling her I was helping Andrew clean the house then started to search for some garbage bags. It was a bit after seven when I finally had all the garbage picked up the empty bottles sorted and boxed and all the dished in the dish washer. God I though he has a frigin dishwasher why would you let a month's worth of dishes pile up if you have a frigin dish washer! I had wiped down the kitchen counters and the stove with bleach wipes and finished off by mopping the floor. All my efforts at the very least had killed the rotten food smell that once permeated the air. It didn't look like he even went into the dining room so at least that didn't need any work. The other horror scene was the bathroom. I didn't even want to think about it, I just sprayed some Lysol through the door and closed it. There was no way I was going to touch that! Nor did I go upstairs to see what the bedroom looked like. Bathroom and laundry hell no! I might be in his wife's body but I didn't marry him! I used a swiffer mop to clean the living room hardwood floor and then wiped down the furniture, again with bleach wipes. Andrew was still on the couch sleeping. Lazy drunk bastard! I took out the vacuum cleaner and cleaned the area rugs, the love seat and the chairs. While I was cleaning I hear pained groaning coming from the lump under the blanket on the couch. Once I had finished up with the vacuuming I put it away, walked into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee. I took the coffee into the living room, pulled the blanket off of Andrew and sat down next to him. He looked up at me, rubbed his eyes and made some kind of grunting sound. I smiled and handed him the coffee. "That's one grunt for no, two grunts for yes," I said. "Ahh," he grunted again taking a sip from the coffee. Once again looking up at me this time realizing who I was for the first time. "Craig?" he asked. I nodded and smile. "So was it good for you?" I asked laughing and putting my hand on his chest. Okay I know it wasn't funny but my warped sense of humor took over at the point. Andrew just stared at me with a look of absolute horror on his face. "I'm kidding!" I laughed. "Kidding. Sorry, I couldn't resist." "Shit, that aint't funny! Damn! Lisa is just like you," He said, then paused for moment and looked at me again. Realization dawning on his face as he remembered what happened before he passed out. "Did I, I mean we? Oh God Craig, I didn't, I was drunk, I didn't realize it was you. I shouldn't have, I'm," he stammered. I cut him off. "What are you talking about?" I said with a quizzical look on my face "Nothing happened, you got a little fresh and kissed me and I slapped you," I said glossing over all the whole event. And no I didn't take advantage of you while you were passed out," I said with a laugh trying to ease the tension. Andrew just looked at me, I could see he was trying to remember what happened. "Wait I kissed you that's it? I thought we were, I mean I was? " He asked making a gesture with his hand, wiggling his finger a bit then a squeezing motion. "What you though you felt me up?" I said with a chuckle. "Yeah right! In your dreams, what kind of girl do you think I am?" I said with a little huff. "Your manly charms and big muscles might of suckered my sister but I don't go out for the all brawn and no brains type!" He looked away taking a sip of coffee rubbing his head. "Gezz man!" I said pointing down to his crotch where there was quite a noticeable bulge showing. "Speaking of dreams keep me out of them, okay. That's kind of creepy!" "Wha?" he said looking down, then covering himself with a bit of the blanket, obviously embarrassed. "Relax, I'm just kidding, I'm a guy to remember, I know what's it's like, that must have been a good dream." He sat up, taking another sip of coffee and still rubbing his head trying to clear the fog. Well that's okay then I though, smiling to myself as I walked into the kitchen. I guess the little ploy worked. I checked on the chicken soup I was warming up and the rice that was cooking in the steamer. They were really the only thing I could find left in the kitchen to eat. But Oh God! I though as I reflected back on that moment. I could of went through with it, I admitted to myself, I wanted it so badly! "Hey!" I yelled. "Come on I made some chicken soup and some rice. I figured you would be hungry." I looked over as he wandered into the kitchen. He was looking around in amazement. "Did you do all this?" he said gesturing around the room. "Yeah, who else would of, gezz you've been married for what two years and in a little less than what a month you completely revert back to your feral state!" I said, filling two bowls up with rice and soup, then handing one to him. He took it along with a spoon and napkin and we both went back into the living room. He sat down on the couch and I on the char next to him. After slurping away at the soup for a few minutes. He looked over at me. "Thank you," he said. I waited till he finished the soup, took his bowl and washed them out in the sink and returned to the living room. We sat in silence for a few minutes. "Alright Andrew, what the hell is going on? We haven't seen you for like a month, Lisa's is stomping around fuming, he won't return our calls and when I ask about what's going on he storms off telling me it's none of my business," I said in a stern voice, looking over at him."Then I come by here to find you knee deep in filth and swimming in beer. What have you been doing for the last month, partying while Lisa is left alone and miserable!" I accused him. "Look, I know what it looks like, but it's, well," he said looking away. He put his head in his hands and let out a sigh. "I can't believe this shit! I can't believe that I'm telling my brother in law in my wife's body this shit! Damn this is so fucked up! "Look I don't give a fuck about your little hang ups, this is the way things are okay, if you have a problem with it tough, it's not fair to Lisa to be thrown out of her own home because you can't deal with the situation!" I yelled at him. I was pissed now but it wasn't totally honest I was using Andrew as a outlet to vent some of my own guilt for being so happy. "Alright, alright. Look," Andrew started with a sigh. "Lisa and I had a fight, a big one about a month ago. She was splitting her time between here and your mom's house. She told me she wanted to be by your side to help you. I was having a hell of time with the situation. I just wasn't comfortable, alright. It creped me out. My wife in your body, when she tried to hug me or touch me." He looked straight ahead. "She accused me of being insensitive, I accused her of the same. She couldn't understand, she couldn't see it from my perspective. I told her it was like her kissing her brother, how would that feel? She started just laughed at me, telling me to stop being such a guy. The argument went downhill from there," He said leaning back and resting his head on the couch looking up at the ceiling. "I can understand your feelings Andrew. I can understand that it could be hard for you to express your feelings to Lisa when she is now a man," I reassured him. Andrew just shook his head. "It goes further than that," he sighed. "She accused me of just being in love with her body. She told me that I didn't really care about what she had to say, what she though, how she felt. She accused me of just seeing her as a fuck toy, a thing to clean, to wash and to fuck when I got horny. That I didn't really love her for being herself," He looked over at me. Andrew just signed, rubbed his hand over his face, then continued. "I told her that was a bunch of shit, she was just making it up as an excuse to pin all the blame on me for her own feelings or being stuck in her brothers body. I told her that she may now look like a man but that didn't make her one. She started to cry, she said fine if that's was the way I wanted it and if I'm such a man, let's see how I feel about this, and she stormed out on me. The last she said before she drove was to get a fucking clue." Andrew looked over at me. "I have tried to call her, I even stopped by at your mom's house a few time but she was never there. Maybe she was right you know, here you show up, and what was the first thing I did. I grab you and started to kiss you, then I wake up with a hard on. Shit! Craig what am I suppose to do?" "Look Andrew. I think all women feel that way. Not all guys but most it seems tend to look at woman as nothing more than a sex object, like a piece of meat. God they look like lions staring at a gazelle, you can almost hear them thinking about what part they want to bite into first. Women, they want to be reassured that you love them, not for their looks but for themselves," I said. "Really?" he asked thick with sarcasm. "You've been a woman for a few months and you're an expert already?" "No, I'm not an expert. And before you say anything as a guy yes I looked at women, I always found it quite embarrassing actually when they look back at me, I never know how to react, I feel ashamed for looking at them like that," I admitted. "You go to a restaurant and the hostess greets you, she had a nice set of tits and wearing a low cut blouse to show them off," I said, cupping and pushing up my own tits. "I catch myself looking at them, then embarrassed I look at her and then away. I don't know where to look!." It took me a while to admit it to myself I though as I watched Andrew process what I just said but for the last couple of years now I see a beautiful woman and I think god I wish I had a body like hers. Or I see a dress in the windows of a shop and think if I was a woman that would look good on me or I would buy that but not the other one. Andrew just looked at me. He didn't reply I'd bet money he was thinking what the fuck are you gay. "And yes actually," I said in a huff. "I do know kind of what it is like for woman. I go out, I sit in the coffee house and I see them, guys looking at me. At first it was rather nice, flattering I must admit but it started to get old quick. And guys! Damn some of them won't take a hint or even a direct no. They just keep going," I threw my hands up in the air. "You may have noticed that I am or was not a large guy, I'm a hundred and fifty pounds for god sake. I know what's like to feel vulnerable but as I guy I could get away with it. I would just look pissed off and puff up my chest. I wasn't any bigger but I guess because I was a guy others would just back off. That won't work as a woman, I don't know how they deal with it. I imagine some just laugh it off but it creeps me out," I said looking at him with a smile. Of course I also began to realize the kind of power that I now had as a woman over men, hell I bet I could get them to get down on all fours and bark like a dog but just letting them catch a glimpse of my panties! "Men a pigs!" I laughed. Andrew just stared ahead. Not saying anything at first then he responded. "I guess I never really thought about it like that. I've never really had a problem, never felt that way." "Shit your what two, two twenty? You ain't got nothing to worry about. Me I have had to deal with things by my wits, my wits and a bit of acting," I said. "But as a woman, that don't cut it" I said with a laugh. "Andrew, look, I haven't been able to get a hold of Lisa either. I'll take a run up to my place tomorrow and find out what the hell is going on, alright," I said as I stood up. "Until then, get some sleep and try to the keep place clean, If I have to come over again I'm charging you next time." I went into the kitchen, picked up my purse, grabbed the keys out of it and was about to head out the door. "Craig, hey listen," Andrew said embarrassed. "Thanks, thank you for everything," he said as he hugged me. Not a rough manly embrace but a soft gentle hug. I put my arms around him, smiling, perhaps there is some hope for him after all. "You know you and your sister are so much alike it's scary. If I didn't know it was you, I mean, that you and Lisa switched I don't think I could tell the difference." "Well I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not," I laughed. "Look it's okay, right, well get things straightened out. Lisa's not unreasonable just very stubborn. You love her, and she knows that, it's just well she's feeling a neglected. She's gone through a lot and she's putting on a brave face, I think she was looking to you for a bit normalcy and support but you were not ready to give her what she needed. I don't think she realizes exactly how hard this has been on you. You both hit the boiling point and said something's that you didn't mean and a few that hit a little close to home," I opening up the door and walked to my car to drive back to mom's to get some sleep I was exhausted! I was Sunday late afternoon, I hoped in the car and drove the hour north to my or should I say Craig's apartment. It was six when I got up there, I parked the car around the corner of the building so Lisa's won't see it when coming home. It was kind of weird, it had been a while since I had set foot inside my apartment. I was kind of shocked at what I saw. The place was a bit of mess by my standers at least, there were dirty dishes but they were at least all confined to the sink, there was a stack of empty wine bottles but they were at least in a box. The garbage was not full and there were two other bags lying next to the can but at least they were tied shut. A stack of unopened mail sat on the dresser and a stack of dirty clothes pilled high in the hamper. I had at least one hour till Lisa came back at seven, so I set about rinsing off the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher and carrying out the bottles and trash to the dumpster. I started the dishwasher and wiped down the counters and dusted the living room area and the bed room. It wasn't that dirty really. At least the bathroom was clean, unlike Andrew's. I chuckled to myself wondering why a guys bathroom is always so disgusting. It a bit after seven when I heard a knock on the door, I was looking through the envelops of unopened mail, I hadn't touched any of it yet I was just straitening up some papers. I looked up at the clock didn't realize it was that late. "Who the hell could that be?" I said out loud walking over to the door. I didn't even think about as I opened it. It was Jessica. "Oh," was all Jessica said. "I'm sorry wrong apartment," she stated nervously and started to walk away. "Jessica, wait," I said. She turned around, a bit confused. "It's alright, it's not what you think. I'm Lisa, Craig's sister." "Lisa? Oh my God," Jessica exclaimed looking closer this time. "I'm sorry, I just though, gezz I can't believe I didn't recognize you, I mean I have never met you but Craig was right you two do look so much alike," She smiled, and came inside. "Please have a seat, do you want some coffee?" I asked as I had made a pot shortly after I arrived and forgot about it. "Sure, please." I opened up the fridge, there was cream at least, I never looked inside till just now. I grabbed it, the sugar and two cups. Poured the coffee and brought the cup, cream and sugar to Jessica. "It's so great to meet you finally, Craig has always spoke of you, he really loves you, and I think really looks up to you," She smiled. We both did a little small talk while we sipped out coffee, I got the feeling that something was bugging her, she didn't come right out and say it but she kept hinting at the edges of it, asking about Craig. "Jessica, I take it you haven't talked to Craig in a while, have you?" I asked finally. She shook her head no. "Did he tell you that I am pregnant, and he has been spending a lot of time at his mom's helping me?" "Yeah, he mentioned that, and I was okay with it, we would still get together after work and just be together it was nice, I noticed a change in him though, not sure if you have?" she asked. I shook my head yes. "He became less interested in, in, well, you know," Jessica smiled a bit embarrassed. "He started to become even more affectionate, he would just cuddle with me, we would talk, it was actually nice, but weird it's been kind of like having a girlfriend," She giggled. "But over the last month he because distant, he stopped returning my calls, I would stop by but he wouldn't be here. Like tonight, I didn't see his car I planned on slipping note under the door but for some stupid reason I knocked." "That's why I'm here,"I announced. "He hasn't been returning my calls either, he was down at mom's this week and when I asked him what was going on he just got mad and stormed off. I figured I would ambush him, he gave me a key to the place a while ago when he went on vacation, he probably totally forgot I have it still," I chuckled, lying to her about the vacation bit. While we were talking I heard a key in the lock and the door open. In walked Craig, looking tired. He looked up and saw Jessica and I sitting there and annoyance crossed his face. "What the hell are you two doing here!" he accused. "Waiting for you, bro," I said. "Jessica stopped by after I arrived so I invited her in." "Shit, look I'm not really in the mood for this crap right now, okay, so if you don't mind leave," Craig said holding the door open with an angry look on his face. "Craig, honey," Jessica started to say but was cut off. "Look, please just go alright, I'm sorry, I'll call you tomorrow okay." Jessica looked over at me, stood up and picked up her purse. I stood up as well and touched her shoulder for her to wait. "It's alright, believe me he still loves you. Perhaps it is best for you to go, this could get ugly," I said with a smile. Then in a loud voice "I'm not going anywhere," I announced with a very determined look on my face as I glanced over at Craig. Jessica just smiled at me walked over to Craig, gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, and before leaving wished him good luck, then winked at me. "So Lisa," I started once Jessica was down the stairs. "You might as well close the door as I said I'm not going anywhere and you know it. "Fuck!" Lisa said and slammed the door shut. "Look just leave me be." "This is going to be fun," I said rubbing my hands together. "The irresistible force meets the immovable object. I'm just as stubborn as you are did you really think I was going to let it go." Lisa just throw his bag down, stormed over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass, plopped down on the couch. Poured a glass and drained half of it in one gulp. "I know what's going on. I was over at Andrew's yesterday, he told me what happened," I said. Lisa just looked blankly ahead not answering. "He was passed out on the couch drunk, when he saw me he thought I was you, he just grabbed me and hugged me. He actually started to cry, he kept apologizing, saying he didn't mean what he said, that he was sorry." Lisa was still looking blankly ahead not answering. I sat down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Lisa, come on, please, it's alright." Lisa just stared ahead, I could see his eyes starting to fill with tears. He just sat there for a few moments then suddenly threw his arms around me and started to sob. I just put my arms around him and held on, it was all I could do. After what seemed like an hour Lisa had calmed down. He wiped his eye and looked up at me. "He, he, he doesn't love me!" Lisa said starting to sob. "All he thinks of me as is fucking maid and a friging warm body in bed!" he cried. "Clean this, cook this, oh and honey I love you lets fuck!" he screamed picking up the wine glass, gulping down the rest of the wine and throwing it against the wall, were it shattering to pieces in the corner. "Look, sis. You have to understand it's hard for him, I mean you're a guy now, he's just not comfortable being touched or hugged by another guy," I said trying to calm him down. "Please! Is that the crock of shit he told you! Big macho guy, oohhh I might hurt his sexuality if I hug him, make him less of man! Fucking arrogant prick!" Lisa yelled. "So what! I'm a guy now, I know he isn't comfortable with that, I understand that, I kept my distance, I even tried to act more manly just to keep him happy. We would get home and it would be like Lisa when's dinner, Lisa, did you do the laundry today I'm out of shirts, Lisa can you pick up some things for me on the way home. I sit down and try to talk to him, to ask him how he feels he changes the subject. I try to talk to him about what thinks about what's going on the in the world he ignores me. I try to tell him what's happened in my day he just says that's nice or really, and ignores me." All I could do was sit there holding his hand, I didn't interrupt I just let him vent, let him get it all out. "Andrew and I have argued about this before. When we first got married it was wonderful, we would sit and talk about all sorts of things and cuddle, just be together and enjoy each other's company but after a while he just seemed to be less interested in me. He would come home from work, eat and go out the gym or to see the guys, leaving me alone. Hell it seemed like the only time we would see each other was at bedtime, and most stimulating thing he would say was so, want to do it!" Lisa cursed. "Then we wanted to have a baby, and all we ever did was have sex. God ahh!" Lisa threw his hand up in the air. "It was ridiculous, all he would do was stick it in go at it for a few minutes till he was satisfied and roll over and go to sleep!" Lisa started to sob again. "That's. That was part of the reason why we went on vacation, to be together to try and reconnect," Lisa said softly. "But Now! God once he couldn't touch me it was like I wasn't even fucking there! Maybe it was all just bullshit, like he was just playing lip service to my needs so he could get laid!" he said returning to full voice. "He realizes that now, sis," I said reassuringly. "I don't think he saw how much he loves you and how much he needs you until you left him. He is really suffering." I didn't say anything about what happened, doing so would just reinforce Lisa's assessment of the situation. I felt bad enough, I didn't want to end her marriage on top of everything else! "Really?" Lisa asked, and after a short pause "How much?" he asked with a small smile. "Really, you should of saw the place it was a mess, it took me hours to clean it all up and I didn't even touch the bathroom or go upstairs!" I laughed and went on to describe the scene. "You see, he can't even fucking take care of himself without me there to follow behind him with a broom and clean up his crumbs!" he said. "That's not true and you know it. Speaking of which do you notice anything?" I asked waving my had in gesture around the room. Lisa looked around, then was a bit embarrassed. "Alright, alright I get your point, I haven't exactly been in the mood either to clean up," he said. "So," I said getting up to grab him another wine glass. "Do you think you can forgive the big idiot?" I asked handing him the wine glass. Lisa poured himself another glass, took a drink. "I guess so," then he looked down at the glass. We just sat there while Lisa finished off the glass of wine. When he put it down and looked over at me. "I'm sorry, Craig," Lisa said. "About Jessica, I didn't want to do anything to break you guys up, I know she took me by surprise that first night, and honestly I kind of lost control but I couldn't go through with it again, having sex with her, it felt to much like cheating." "It's okay, she told me it was kind of nice, it's been like having a girlfriend she said" I chuckled. "Don't worry about it, if Jessica leaves that's her loss. I'm use to it," I said with a shrug. "I have always been the nice guy in the relationship, you know nice to be with but gets boring after a while and they leave me for some asshole with a motorcycle and leather jacket." "Well, I guess I should clean up that glass," Lisa said gesturing to the broken glass in the corner. "And I guess you should be getting back." "Would it be okay if I stay here tonight?" I asked. "We can just sit up watch a movie and talk, have a girls night?" Lisa just giggled, "That would be fun. I'm feeling better all of sudden," then Lisa had that sly smirk on his face. "Hey about that stash of your?' he asked with a big smile. "No! And drop it!" I said and threw a pillow at him. Craig calling in sick to Lisa's job and it was a little after noon on Monday when Craig and Lisa got back to their mom's house. They had slept late because they were up all night talking. Not really about anything important just talking about how things were and what was going on. Lisa vented a bit more about what had happened but it was really the just the same thing over and over again, probably because he got a more than a little drunk. At four Lisa packed up a few things from her room, Craig helped him put them in the car. As they hugged Craig said, "It will be alright, sis. He loves you as much as you love him." "I know," Lisa replied. "Just be honest with each other. Try to look at things from each other's perspective," Craig encouraged him. Lisa and Craig broke their embrace. Lisa smiling, as she turned around and got in the car. "Hey," Craig said after Lisa had started the car. Lisa rolled down the window. Craig leaned in a bit. "Remind him, alright, remind him that despite the fact that you look like me your still Lisa, the woman he loves." Lisa just nodded. Before Craig had turned away Lisa replied. "Thanks Craig, I'm so lucky to have a sister like you!" and with a laugh backed out of the driveway. Lisa stopped by the grocery store before heading home, figuring based on what Craig said that there would be no food at all in the place. Lisa had already started to cook a roast chicken and rice about twenty minutes prior to Andrew getting home. When Andrew arrived Lisa greeted him. "Hey honey." "He, hey," Andrew replied slowly, unsure of what to say. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Oh and I bought some of our favorite wine. I though perhaps it would help us relax a bit, you know break the tension" Andrew just nodded, went up stairs to change out of his work cloths. He came back down a few minutes later in a t-shirt and sweats to find the table set and the food already served. Lisa just smiled at him as he sat down and was poured a glass of wine. They ate in silence, each one unsure of where to start, each one looking up occasionally at each other. After they finished Andrew help Lisa clean up, the refilled their glasses and moved into the living room, the rest of the bottle of wine in tow. "Hey," they both said at the same time looking up at each other. Then looked away. "Lisa," Andrew started. "I'm sorry," he said simply but those two words had the weight of his entire heart behind them. "I'm sorry too. I guess, well I know we have had this argument before it seems we never see each other anymore, to just talk, to just be together." Andrew nodded. "I understand now how you must feel, I was being selfish, the only time we spent together was in the bed room and the only thing I was interested in was sex, but hey I mean we were trying to have a baby." "Yes, but Andrew, remember I told you just having sex wasn't going to be enough. The pursuit turned something that should be beautiful, something wonderful into just a process, just a routine. I felt like just a sack of meat, warm meat. I wanted to be romanced to be loved not fucked." "If I remember correctly isn't that the reason why you suggested that we go on vacation in the first place? To just be with each other, to forget about everything?" Andrew asked. "I guess it worked, I got pregnant. Wasn't it so wonderful? We would just lie together, cuddling, kissing. It was so sweat, to be held, to be kissed to be touched so tenderly by you. And when we made love I felt so open, so joyous. That is what I needed, to be loved, that I believe is why I got pregnant there in love and not here where we were just having sex." Andrew just smiled, remembering that week. "And wasn't it great to just be together, to be ourselves to just talk, and holds hands and walk and enjoy each other company. Just like we use to," Lisa asked. Andrew again just smiled and nodded. "Hey," Lisa said reaching out touch his hand. Lisa felt him flinch a bit as another man touched him but he wasn't going to let go. "'Look at me okay," Lisa asked reaching up to caress Andrews face. "It's me. It doesn't matter that I am in my brother body, I'm still me, I'm still the woman you feel in love with, the woman who feel in love with you." Andrew just stared at Lisa for a second. You could see a range of emotions run across his face. "Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry," he replied and embraced Lisa not in a ruff friendly embrace, the kind of embrace that a man would give to another man but a warm, loving tender embrace the kind that he would give to his wife. When they separated Lisa dried his eyes and took a sip of wine. "Look Andrew we have always been honest with each other right? We have never hidden anything from each other, have we?" "No," he replied. "Look I have to tell you, that well I kind of cheated on you with a another woman," Lisa stated looking down at the floor. Andrew just laughed. "Under normal circumstances that would have been a guys wet dream!" then he paused for moment. "Craig's girlfriend?" he asked. "Jessica, yes. She showed up the first weekend I was up there, and well she, started to, and well I kind of," Lisa trailed off. "You have no idea how aggressive she is She wouldn't take no for an answer, before I know it my pants were down and well she, I kind of lost it," Lisa said embarrassed. "Look Andrew, honey I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen, it well it just felt so good, so different and she went after me like, well, like you!" Lisa laughed. Lisa then said with a sly sidelong smile gazing at Andrew. "You know there is one good thing about that. She did things to me I never of thought of doing to a guy. I can't wait to try some of them out on you," Lisa giggled. "If you're a really good boy that is!" "Really? Like what?" Andrew said suddenly interested. "Do you really want to know," Lisa answered. "Ahhh no actually now that I think about it," He said looking at Lisa nervously. She was still after all in Craig's body. "Actually I have something to confess as well," Andrew said. "I think I kind of well. How should I put it rounded a few based with Craig when I saw her the other day. I was drunk and I missed you so much I just sort of reacted," Andrew said holding the back of his head with his hand embarrassingly. "Craig said that you just started to kiss her and that she slapped you?" Lisa relied. "I know that's what she said but, I don't know it seems like a dream, I can't remember exactly what happened, but I think Craig is glossing over the incident because he knows how embarrassed I would be and he doesn't want to cause any more problems between us." "Well it doesn't matter, honey," Lisa said. "If Craig said nothing happened then nothing happened." "Yeah, I know," Andrew replied unconvincingly. "Look we have been though a lot. I know your uncomfortable being close to me as a guy, I understand, I will promise to keep my womanly affections such as they are under control," Lisa said. "At least in public," he added to the end with a smile. "I's sorry for overacting but most of all I'm sorry for ignoring you and for closing you off after all this happened. I was only thinking of myself I never thought about how hard this has been for you. All I could see was Craig, I couldn't see my wife any more. I forgot that it was you I married Lisa, you on the inside not you on the outside," Andrew said with a smile. "Hey it ain't all bad," Lisa smiled. "Now I can go out with you and your friends, work out at the gym, pump some iron," Lisa said in his most manly tone while flexing his arms. "And afterward we can all go out to the bar and pick up some bitches!" Andrew just stared at Lisa with a pained look on his face. Lisa just replied "I'm kidding, kidding!" a couple of time between his laughter.