Yin Yang Yoga
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Yin And Yang; Walking In Your Shoes - Part 7 free porn video
First off I would just like to reiterate that I do actually practice
shamanism. The reason I want to reiterate this as I am sure there are
people here that know of and or believe in some of the concepts that I am
adding to the story and I do not want to offend anyone, because I hold all
spiritual practices and religious belief in the utmost respect and know
that they are all very, very personal. I would not feel comfortable
including any of these ideas if I myself did not practice and or know
something about them for fear of making someone feel that I am mocking
their beliefs. I only hope that you feel that I have treated these ideas
with the respect that I feel all spiritual practices and religious belief
deserve.
So any reference to any power animals past, present or future is purely
coincidental!
Now I know it may not seem like it but the idea of Shamanism in the story
was not really the cause behind Lisa and Craig swapping bodies. It provide
me a vehicle to describe the point and time when it happen and more over
provided me with a way to voice the underlining concepts and ideas behind
the story in a dream/vision like way. That dark plain where Craig found
Lisa in the first part, what is it? Well I created it to be a place
between the worlds, between life and death and it was there that I chose
to have Craig and Lisa swap bodies. Shamanism was really just a vehicle to
get them to that place, the swap was more like a possession/transfer type
idea, if that makes sense. I actually originally thought of making Craig
meet Lisa there in a dream and then swap, however the element of the
shamanistic journey had so much more feeling, it felt so much more alive.
Dose such a place actually exist, I think it dose.
I really did not go into too much detail about the birth. To give credit
and show proper respect I used Julie O's story "Twins" as a reference as
it was kind of the inspiration behind the story in the first place. If you
haven't read it or any of her stuff, go! Run! Read! It's fantastic I so
admire her creativity. She is not afraid to try out different ides and to
explore the light and dark! I have said it many time in reviews but thanks
Julie!
I expected this story to be long but not as long as it turned out, and I
hoped it to be passable at best but after rereading it not to blow my own
horn I think it turned out fan-frigin-tastick! This story is 10000% more
than I have ever written and I am so glad I took the chance and stepped
out onto the limb to write this. Thank you all for you encouragement and
feedback.
In regards to the comments about the grammar usage, yes I know. Writing
this I purposely made the dialog not how it should be written but how a
person would actually speak it. And in regards to all the mistakes, I
humbly beg the readers forgiveness! I have been writing this while working
full time, attending college part time and writing 15 page reports.
Despite all that I didn't want to stop as the ideas were coming fast and
fresh. So when I get some time, I promise go back and edit them.
Now the big question will I wrote another story, I think the answer is
yes, I actually have two ideas in place already. I just hope they will
come out as good as this one!
Once again, THANK YOU EVERYONE!! For your encouragement and support in
reading my first story and making me feel so welcome!!
So here it is Part 7 (and there was much rejoicing) I hope you enjoy as
much as I have writing it!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yin and Yang; Walking in your Shoes - Part 7
by Kris K ([email protected])
Needless to say I was quite embarrassed by my melt down, as a consequence
mom, Lisa and Andrew became very attentive to my needs after that. It was
sweet and actually quite annoying. But being as I was starting to get
quite large it was also welcome. God the simplest things were stating to
become a real chore!
How frigin big was I going to get! Any bigger and they'd be able to sell
tickets I thought!
Everyone had a plenty of suggestions as how to handle the stress I was
feeling but it was mom's suggestion that I should start the birthing
classes a bit early telling me it would help me to deal with everything
going on that I went with.
It definitely got us a bunch of interesting looks when I showed up to the
classes with my husband and my brother in tow. Lisa for his part was
fantastic and it was ridiculous to see him take a very active part in the
class you'd think he was the one having the baby.
I laughed along with everyone else until I realized that if we switch back
all these people are going to think that's me!
But the fear of future embarrassment was overridden completely by Lisa
constant love and support. So it was alright, a little embarrassment was a
very small price to pay. I could put up with much than that for my sister!
The class was absolutely incredible! I mean all the women there were so
supportive! There were several women who like me were having their first
babies and two of them like me were absolutely terrified.
The other women who attended all had children before and would answer any
question no matter how small or how personal. They would go on to describe
as much as they could put into words about what to expect. And when one of
the other girls started to cry during one of these sessions we would all
just hug and reassure each other.
It was at these sessions that I realized for myself at least, actually
realized what it was truly like to be female. I realized that as a guy
there was no way I would be in a position to feel this much love, this
much support, this much compassion. I started to wonder if it was even
humanly possible for a guy to be so open, so caring.
I started to no longer feel trapped inside my sister's body, hating it,
rejecting it.
I realized why I was so distraught and suddenly so hateful of my female
body. Before all I was doing was embracing the physical side of being
female but my consciousness, my male mind so trained to be a certain way
was still locked. It took me till now in this class to open up and touch
that feminine side.
I had always known it was there, but I never felt that I was free to truly
embrace it till now.
I started this journey at about a hundred and forty five pounds, as the
due date rapidly approached I was two hundred! The only thing I think that
made it bearably was the constant help I was still receiving from
everyone. Well that and the constant teasing I was giving my poor sister
as she watched her body balloon into this mass!
It was a Tuesday night and we had all just finished dinner and were
sitting around watching a movie. When the movie ended Lisa and Andrew got
up and after asking if I needed anything left for home. When they left I
decided to go and try and get some sleep myself. I had Andrew move my
stuff to the guest bedroom on the first floor a few weeks ago. Not having
to walk up and down stairs was truly a blessing! I changed into my pajamas
and robe and laid down to try and get some sleep. As I got bigger and
bigger it was getting harder and harder to find a comfortable position to
sleep. Thank God my due date is only a week away.
Being so close we had already made all the necessary arrangements with the
local hospital and mom helped me set up a bag with everything I would need
when the time came.
I was lying there with my eyes closed just relaxing, trying to get some
sleep.
"Ahh," I grunted as a cramp passed through my body.
I had been having some cramping during the movie, I guess I shouldn't of
had all those onions on my pizza.
"Ahh," I said again as another passed.
Then I felt wetness between my legs. I reached down to confirm. My water
just broke!
Oh crap! What do I do? Shit, my mind went blank and I just laid there.
"Mom!" I cried out.
Mom usually stayed up late and watch television and more often than not
she would fall asleep on the couch.
"Ahhh. Mom!" I called again, trying to sit up. I felt like a beached whale
wishing some guy would come along and push my back into the sea.
Grunting and struggling I managed to get myself to a half sitting position
when the door opened and mom turned on the lights.
"What is it dear?" she asked, then noticed the wetness on the bed. 'OH!"
She exclaimed!
"Yeah, OH!" I said sarcastically as mom helped me up.
"Okay, calm down!" Mom said. "There is plenty of time, alright?" she said
reassuringly.
I just nodded.
"I'm still dressed so let's get you dressed and while you finish up I'll
grab your bag and call Lisa and Andrew to meet us at the hospital," Mom
said handing me a pair of stretch pants and a sweatshirt.
By the time I had them on she had already put the bag in the car and was
on the phone with Lisa.
Once she came back in she helped me with my socks and shoes, guided me to
the car and helped me in.
"You okay?" she asked.
"Ye, Yeah!" I told her, trying hard not to hyperventilate.
"This, this is relying happening isn't it?" I asked.
"It's okay honey, just relax. Okay? Good. You're going to do fine," she in
rapid succession as she drove.
"If you say so!" I said. I'm glad she had so much confidence in me, as I
sure as hell didn't!
It was only ten minutes later that we arrived at the hospital, a nurse was
already there with a wheel chair to greet us along with Lisa and Andrew
and I was taken to the birthing area of the hospital.
Once in my room I was helped into a gown.
"Do you have one with red and white stripes?" I asked the nurse who didn't
get the joke at first but then she and everyone laughed.
"It's good to see you still have your sense of humor," Lisa said taking my
hand as I was laid into the bed.
"Yeah," I said wincing in pain. "It's humor or blind panic! Take your
pick!"
My contractions were being checked and I heard them mention they were ten
minutes apart. Honestly I lost track of time, I had no idea how long I was
there in labor. There wasn't a clock in the room, thank god and I really
didn't want to know all I knew is that the pain was getting worse.
"How you doing honey?" the nurse asked.
Lisa and Mom were both there holding my hand, giving cold water to sip and
a cold cloth for my head. It was really only their presence and assurance
that kept me in one piece.
"Ahhh!" I groaned. "How much longer is this, this going to go on?"
"I don't think too much longer, I think your just about there," she said.
"Would you like an epidural?"
"Yes!" I groaned. "Please, page doctor feel good!" I laughed.
The nurse just laughed along with Lisa and Andrew, mom however didn't get
the joke.
I still had not idea of how much time had passed and I still didn't want
to, but once the epidural took affect at least the pain was manageable.
"I, I hope I don't screw this up," I said.
"Just relax honey, everything is going to be find, don't worry you can't
screw it up your body will know what to do!' the nurse replied.
"Ahh, nature! She is a cruel mistress!" I tried to say with a French
accent between groans!
All I can say about the birth was thank God for Lisa! My mind went
completely blank! Lisa might of looked ridiculous there in the class but
she was the one that got me through this!
"Push, Craig!" Lisa said and squeezed my hand.
I'm not sure how the doctor and nurses reacted to me being spoken to by my
real name but I was beyond giving a shit as I felt a wave of pain.
The only thing I could compare it to was a partial colonoscopy I had a few
years ago in which I was awake. In order to move the scope and see what
was going on the doctor would blow a puff of air into my bowels. Every
time he did that I would feel my abdominal muscles contract as they
cramped and it felt like someone stuck a knife into me!
That at the time I thought was bad. This, this was in another time zone!
"Push Craig! Come on almost there!" Lisa would keep repeating and
squeezing my hand.
Oh God! I though panting, sweating, panting. I couldn't breathe! I was
starting to feel light headed. Everything it seemed was starting to close
in, my vision narrowing down to a tunnel.
Oh shit! I can't hear anything over the sound of my heart pounding away
rapidly in my ears. I looked up at Lisa in panic. She mouthed something to
me and squeezed my hand hard and I instinctually pushed.
She kept squeezing my hand harder and harder and I pushed as hard as I
could. I was exhausted, I couldn't take anymore!
All of sudden I hear the cry of a baby through the pounding of my heart! I
looked up at Lisa and she had a big smile on her face. Looking over at mom
she touched my forehead and she too had a big smile on her face.
I tried to speak but suddenly my vision closed in! Then darkness!
I could hear people calling my name, I was being shaken, it was getting
further and further away.
A heart beat, yes I hear it.
Cold, why am I suddenly so cold?
Further away, down, down I sank.
I was floating, and everything was black.
It was that same all encompassing black that I felt when I journeyed to
help Lisa I realized.
Cold. Yes it is the same, the exact same palace, I though as I settled
onto something.
I stood there and looked around, nothing all black.
"Is anyone here?" I cried out.
"Anyone?!" Pause. "Please!" I cried.
Shit I though as I sat down cross legged, let out a sigh and started to
sob.
My head down sobbing I felt something brush up against my hair.
Startled I looked up to see briefly the face of my power animal Jasmine
looking at me.
The white of her fur started to glow slightly giving off a very dim light
in this place of total dark.
"Oh God! Jasmine!" I cried out in relief as I hugged her, pulling her
close to me.
I could feel her warmth and as always her love.
Immediately the darkness, the loneliness, the terror that gripped my heart
was gone.
I wasn't alone anymore here in this dark place.
Jasmine settled down to lie behind me and I leaned back against her soft,
warm fur. She cranked her neck around and looked. I put my hand up and
rubbed under her chin and down her neck.
I could only see love in her eyes.
"So what do I do now? Hum?" I asked her still rubbing and she nuzzled me.
"Wait," was all she said.
I let out a sigh and settled back, I loved Jasmine and trusted her
completely, if she said to wait, I would wait. I would wait here forever
if she wanted me to, it was alright I wasn't alone anymore what ever
happened now it would be alright, Jasmine was there to guide me if I
needed it.
There is no way to tell how much time had passed, I'm usually very good at
guessing the time of day but here it was imposable.
Hours, minutes, days? Hell even months! No clue.
Was I dead?
That one though brought back all the fear, all the loneliness I started to
sob again and the darkness advanced. Everything going black again!
"Jasmine!? Jasmine?!" I called out starting to panic.
One touch of her cold noise against my cheek brought me back and it was
gone, the fear and loneliness was gone. Once again the all encompassing
darkness gave way to the soft glow of Jasmine's white fur.
"Thanks," I told her hugging her.
"I would be so lost without you." I whispered in her ear.
Time passed, again how much I don't know.
A light, I see a point of light off to my left.
Humm it's not the same as last time, and I don't hear anything like before
I thought as I looked at it straining my eyes like trying to see a very
faint star in the night sky.
I don't notice it growing. It was just there off in the distance.
How far away could that be? I wondered.
I get up and look. Is that the way out! That must be I thought excitedly.
Well, I though. If it isn't going to come to me, I'll guess I'll have to
start walking.
I take one step and feel a tug at the back of my shirt.
I look back and I see Jasmine holding be back. She is looking at me, those
eyes as always so full of love.
"Wait" she repeated again, her left ear twitching.
I paused for a moment, looked back at the light then back down at Jasmine.
"Okay," I said as I sat back down next to her.
It was my love and trust of Jasmine that kept me there, if it wasn't for
her I would of started to run to that single point of light without
hesitation.
Wow how long have we been here I though again? Looking around again I saw
that single point of light in the distance, it hadn't moved an inch from
the looks of it.
My though was interrupted by Jasmine as her head came up and her ears
started to twitch, it looked like she was trying to listen for something.
She was intently looking ahead of us. I started forward trying to make out
what she was listing to.
All I could see was darkness all I could hear was silence.
Suddenly out of the dark hopped a rabbit, a white rabbit with black
patches on its ears.
"Hello, Craig it's a pleasure to meet you," the rabbit greeted me.
"Ahh, hello," I replied. Confused I looked over at Jasmine.
Jasmine inclined her head in a bow like gesture to the rabbit who nodded
in reply. Then the rabbit hopped back into the darkness.
A few moments latter
"Craig! Craig is that you!?" I hear my sister cry out.
I stood up and was immediately embraced in a hug by Lisa. She was crying
but it was tears of joy.
"I don't believe it I found you!" she exclaimed.
She reached down and picked up the rabbit holding him close to her face.
"Thank you, Peter!"
"Peter?" I said with a smile. "Peter rabbit, sis you have to be kidding
me!"I laughed.
"Hey don't pick on my power animal!" she pouted.
She then explained what happened. After the birth there was a lot of
bleeding apparently it was called a postpartum hemorrhage and that they
had moved me into emergency surgery because they were unable to stop the
blood loss and stabilize my heart rate and blood pressure.
"How long ago was that?" I asked.
"About an hour ago," she replied. "I think the surgery is still going on."
Holy shit and hour! It feels like I had been here for a month.
"Oh Craig I was so scared! Mom and Andrew are in the waiting area, but I
could stand it! I went back to the room and I sat down in the chair and
started to cry. I wanted to help you so bad, the way you helped me. " Lisa
said.
"I remembered what you said about journeying and relaxed, closed my eyes
and focused on finding you. I saw a cave and walked into it, it was dark
and there was water dripping. Then I came to room in the cave where the
light was shining through from a hole in the ceiling." She paused for a
moment.
"Oh, Craig it was so real, I could feel the warmth of the sun! Sitting on
a rock was a white rabbit. This white rabbit," she told me by holding
Peter up.
"He told me his name was Peter and that he was my power animal, He said
that he has been waiting a long time for me to come to him." She looked
down at Peter in her arms and laughed. "He called me stubborn!"
"I wonder where he could have gotten that idea," 'I chucking.
"He told me that he would lead me to you so I followed him through the
cave. We came out here." She gestured around her.
"When I saw it I knew exactly what it was. Oh god I was terrified! All the
fear of being lost and alone it all came back to me. I wanted to run!" she
said tears coming to her eyes again.
"Oh Craig! I wanted to run back but Peter said that you were here and ran
off into the dark," Lisa said putting Peter down.
"I couldn't do it Craig, I couldn't run away, you came to save me, now it
was my turn. So I followed him, I ran straight into this darkness, right
into my fear to find you!" She said hugging me tightly sobbing.
I put my arms around her. "Thanks sis," was all I said softly. What else
could I say, what else needed to be said.
She stopped hugging me and looked down at Jasmine still lying there. She
stepped over to Jasmine and dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms
around Jasmine's neck.
"Thank you! Thank you so much for protecting my brother and saving me!"
Lisa cried. "I don't think I can ever express how grateful I am!"
"Jasmine," my power animal replied.
"Jasmine" Lisa said smiled, holding Jasmine's head in her hands and
kissing her on the forehead. "Thank you!"
Craig woke up in a dark room, Lisa! He though and quickly got up and
opened the door. In the hallway he saw his Mom and Andrew.
"Lisa there you are, we were looking all over for you," she said. "We just
heard back from the doctors, they were able to get the bleeding stopped
and the transfusion was successful. They moved Craig to the ICU. We were
just about to head up and were looking for you."
"How is the baby? Craig asked
"She's fine," Andrew replied.
Craig looked at them, then down at himself holding hands out. He then put
his hands to his chest and smiled.
Mary and Andrew were about to ask if he was okay.
"It's okay, it me," he said.
"Craig?" Mom asked.
"Yeah, we switched back! Don't worry I'll tell you about it later, let go
see Lisa."
It was early the next morning when Lisa woke up. Her vital signs had
stabilized during the night but the doctors were still monitoring for any
signs of bleeding.
"Good morning sis," Craig said walking over taking a hold of Lisa's hand.
Lisa looked up at Craig, looked down, put her hand to her chest, and then
smiled back.
"Hey!" she said.
Craig sat down next to her. They were alone in the room as Andrew and
their mother went to get some breakfast.
"Were you here all night?" she asked.
"Yeah, you didn't think I would leave you alone did you?" he smiled.
She took his other hand, sat up and hugged him.
"Oh Craig!" she cried.
"It's okay," Craig said hugging her tightly back, tears starting to form
in his eyes. "Looks like we're even." he said.
"No. There's nothing I could ever do to repay you for everything you have
done for me!"
"Hey what are brothers for?"
"I don't think just any brother would of done for their sister what you
have" She said still hugging Craig and sobbing. Craig just held onto her,
his cheeks wet as well with tears. But it was alright he though these were
tears of joy.
They were interrupted by the return of Andrew and their mom. All at once
Lisa was being hugged by her husband and mother. Craig got up wiped his
eyes, and left the room.
He walked down to the maternity ward and from the windows he looked upon
the life that he had carried for nine months. She was beautiful, he though
smiling as his hand unconsciously move to his abdomen. He looked down
realizing what he just did and he sighed. He felt so empty now.
He did not hear his mother's foot steps as she walked up beside him. She
saw him touching his belly and could see tears forming in his eyes. She
put her arm around his son.
"You did wonderful, I'm so proud of you," she said.
Craig looked over at her and smiled, still holding his hand to his belly.
"I just feel, so, so"
"I know." she smiled "It is a wondrous and beautiful thing to bring a life
into the world, to feel it grow inside you. I felt the same was after I
gave birth to you two."
"I don't think it is the same mom. You don't know how different it feels
to be guy now, after experiencing all that. To feel so much life, to feel
what it's like to create something so beautiful! Then to have all that
taken away and to know that you will never feel that way again." Craig
said starting to tear up. "It's just, so hard! I feel so empty!"
"It's alright," she said holding Craig "It going to take some time but
you'll be alright."
"No" Craig disagreed "I don't think I'll ever be alright again," wiping
away his tears. "I wish ever guy could experience what I did. I think men
would have much more appreciation for life if they did, perhaps they
wouldn't be so quick to destroy things."
It was later that afternoon when Lisa was allowed to hold her baby girl.
She looked so happy as she cuddled her and kissed her forehead. Andrew was
next her on the bed as Craig walked in.
Lisa looked up her smiling face filled his heart, he remembered how
terrified and lost that face looked that day on the dark plain. Seeing her
there broke his heart but now seeing her face so full of happiness and
love, that day felt so far away.
Andrew got up as Craig walked around the bed. He looked at Craig held out
his hand and Crag shook it.
"Thank you, I mean you have no idea, thank you for everything!" Andrew
said pulling Craig into a rough embrace.
"Would you like to hold your niece?" Lisa asked.
Craig sat down on the bed next to Lisa and took his niece into his arms
cradling her and rocking her back and forth slowly.
"Hello," he said, smiling down at her. "God aren't you a beautiful."
"I know everything has been a bit crazy, but have you guys decided on a
name? Mary asked.
Lisa looked over at Craig and touched his arm with a broad smile and tears
forming in her eyes.
"Jasmine"
(The End)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
CONCLUSION . . . . . . . . . .
Okay so here it is I debated long and hard about putting this in because I
was afraid that this part would spoil a perfectly good story. In here are
the ideas that I have hinted upon throughout the story.
So (deep breath) here I go.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It was a few days later when the new family went home and I? Well I went
back to my old life.
I was me again, I was a guy and I never felt more depressed in my life. I
started taking lexapro after my relationship with Jessica ended, I also
started to see a therapist. Great I though a shrink. I had to laughed! If
I told her what actually had happened she would probably lock me up in a
nice padded room. Humm maybe a stay at the rubber romper room won't be so
bad? But after a few weeks I stopped going I felt that it wasn't really
helping me any, all she would do it set up these goals for me to achieve
and say I needed to get out more, to meet new people. Please, duh.
Then I started to realize something, something I could not believe I had
missed before. My depression now as in the past were all the same, they
were all about me hating my life. Why? Why would I hate my life? I had a
good job, I was financially secure, what was holding me back from living
life, why was I so afraid?
Then it dawned on me, everything was so clear, how could I have gone so
long without seeing it!
The problem was me! All these years I wasn't being true to myself and I
didn't even realize it. While I had desired to be a women for so long I
had only ever dreamt of it a few times, most of my normal dreams were
about me being male and filled with aggression and hostility. They were
the elements of my subconscious, the opposite of what I really was. As a
guy I had spent so many years combating the world by putting up a wall of
machoism to protect myself and that even today I still do it. I realized
that I needed to let that go. I didn't need to be that way anymore, it was
okay to let down the wall.
I came to realize my surface desires to be a woman were just that the
surface, based on the physical aspect. All the things deep down that
really counted, all the things that made me finally understand what it was
like to be female were all still there. My compassion, my love, my
creative energy they have always been there! All I had to do was open
myself up to them, to stop trying to be something I'm not and just be!
It was then I that I understood the meaning of the vision in the journey.
The image of the reddish, pink wave of energy. That was the feminine
energy, the tension emanating from my abdomen, the seat of the feminine
energies, and the blue streak of energy, that was my masculine energy,
intertwining with and balancing out the feminine.
As I focused on and opened myself up to that energy, embraced it and
welcomed into my life I could feel it filling up that dark void. With that
energy I rediscovered my creative side that I had lost touch with so long
ago. That wonderful feeling of creation that I felt as a women giving
birth to Jasmine while I could never replicate it for me at least I could
get in touch with a part of it again and again through my art. For isn't
each piece of art a process of labor? We conceive it, nurture it, agonize
over it and then give birth to it.
For the first time I had discovered who I was, I let myself be me and I
was finally happy.
Was I male? Yes! Was I female? Yes! Was I both? Definitely!
But I must admit that I think I'm more female than male, and that's okay
because I love it.
Jo
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