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Changed Aspirations Jimmy Lindberg Chapter I I was born as Bartholomew Nicholas Whitmore on 6 July 1828. My place of birth is irrelevant, it's my life story that I am here to tell. My stepfather was the son of a distant emigrant nobleman with wealth and possessions and I grew up with my younger siblings, two brothers and one sister, in a stable home. We lived a few minutes outside of town, a rather large one at that, and I received all my schooling up until the age of 18 in the area. My family was kind and my parents had married out of love and had, unlike many other young noblemen and women, not been arranged to marry by their parents. Father was a banker and would daily go into town on errands. He made heaps of money and me and my siblings all had trust funds of decent sizes, protecting us from ever falling into poverty, which was the plan at least. My mother, who was four years my father's senior, had been a girl without greater assets before marrying my father. She'd worked as a maid in my grandparents' mansion and somehow she and my father, Gerard, had found each other almost right away. It was no secret that my mother, Rachel, had been married previously and that I actually was the son of her first husband, Bart. The two had parted amicably and my real father had passed away just a short time after my mother had become pregnant. As a way of honoring his legacy, she had named me after him. Up until around the age of 12 everybody called me "Bart" or "Barty," after that I decided to go by my second name, Nicholas, and became "Nick" or "Nicky" instead. My siblings and I got along nicely, even though I could tell that my brothers were somewhat envious of me being the firstborn child and therefore the first in line of succeeding my father as owner and manager of the family bank. My grandparents on either side of the family were both long gone. My father's parents and his two older brothers had all died from illness a few years after I'd been born. My father, who at the time had been studying law, suddenly found himself as the lone heir and owner of a respectable amount of property. He was a clever man and expanded the assets even further. Except church and school, my childhood was filled of meetings with all kinds of people, both natives and people from foreign countries. It was almost a rule that there were dinner parties every weekend and I greatly enjoyed meeting the people from foreign countries. The area we lived in had a high percentage of people with northern European ancestry and by the age of 15 I spoke a mix of Swedish/Danish/Norwegian almost fluently. I loved languages and learning and had considered working as a diplomat for a few years after finishing school and before succeeding my father as chief banker. I was never that interested in having great assets and my own personal wealth, an attitude that my father had considered unsuitable for a person of my standing. I knew that I would have to be tough and sometimes even merciless in order for me to one day make it as the chief of a bank. I was clever, if I may say so myself, and loved reading books in all kinds of genres. My siblings liked having me read them stories when they were children. I was four years older than Gerard, my oldest brother who'd been the first of three children born within four years to my mother. I was sociable but only had a couple of close friends in town, one being a girl, Joan, and the other a boy, Michael. We were all born the very same year, Joan in January, me in July and Michael in August. We'd first met when all three of us were six and started attending the same school. Joan and Michael were children born to middle-class families in the center of town and had both attend school with me for many years. Joan quit after her father married her off to some man somewhere when she was 17 and had since then became the mother of a healthy baby girl. She wasn't displeased by having been married to a man almost twice her age, it was something that she'd been aware would happen since she was just a young girl. She liked her husband and they would come visit my family every now and then. Michael had attend school alongside me and was a natural for academic works as well. His father owned a bookstore and was a writer, something Michael never had expressed keen interest in. He wasn't doing that well economically and had it not been for me stepping in and supporting him financially, he would not have continued with me onto higher studies. We were both going to be studying law at university starting this fall, 1 September 1847, to be exact. As children we'd all three, four initially but one of my friends had died in pneumonia when we were nine, been playing around my family's mansion and we had loved running in the vast forests. Joan loved nature and had an aura that made all kinds of animals willing to approach her. She had been the leader of our small group and had been the most adventurous of us when we were younger. As we'd entered puberty, Michael and I had both grown tall and slim, like most other young lads who didn't work manually did. Joan had filled up and was a cute looking specimen of a woman. I had a short fling with her when we were 15, but we quickly realized that it was almost as if we were dating each other's siblings. Michael had never been as straight- forward as I had been, often taking his time to think things through before acting. As far as Joan and I knew, he'd never been in a relationship with a girl. As it was now, it was mid-August and I was packing down the items I would need this fall. University was several days away when using the recently built railroad, weeks if you travelled by horse and carriage. It was exciting that I would be moving on to the next step in life, perhaps one day being able to travel the world and meet many people with varying nationalities before settling down and becoming a banker. In addition to law I would study economy as well during my third year of studies. I didn't bring much with me, a painting of the family was the only prized possession. I packed my clothes, a few suits for finer dinners among the richer students and my acceptance letter and proof of identity. The night before leaving, my sister, Rachel, Shell-Shell as I called her, spent several hours alone with me. We talked about everything and she expresses her worries that I would forget my family and never come home again. I told her that it was nonsense and that I would be visiting her as often as I could and that she was welcome to visit me whenever she wanted. After she'd exited my room and said goodnight to me, I could feel the butterflies of excitement and nervousness fly around in my stomach. The morning I left, I kissed my mother and sister goodbye, hugged my brothers and shook hands with my father. Gerard Whitmore had never been a very emotional man. I leapt into the carriage and waved goodbye to my family until I could no longer see them. We made one stop about fifteen minutes later, this time to pick up my friend Michael and his belongings. He quickly entered and the two of us teased and joked with each other as we made our way to the train station that would take us to our final destination. I had only travelled by train once before and it felt rather peculiar that something could move forward without having horses dragging it. I had read about the engine, but had never quite understood how it worked. The journey was an uneventful one, Michael celebrated his 19th birthday during one of the days. We had one of the stewards run to a local bakery and buy a cake for us as the train made one of its stops. After having delighted in cake eating and me having given him his birthday present, monogramed pencils, we spent the rest of the way sleeping, arriving at our destination in the evening. The town we would be living in had sort of sprung up around the university, which made it easy to get around in town quickly. Father had bought me a smaller, standalone house only a few minutes away from the lodging that Michael would be living in. I had suggested that both of us would stay in my little cottage house, but he had declined and told me that I would need the space for myself. As school started, I found that I was very anxious and afraid about what would happen to me during these years while living away from home but I felt secure when realizing that I would have one of my dearest friends living close-by. I attended several social gatherings and made many acquaintances during the fall and I was even seeing a young woman my age, Dianne, at the time. She and I had a great connection and our relationship quickly got serious. We went to parties together, danced, walked in the moonlight and all other things that young people in love do. I had won her favor over a young gentleman, Abraham Kingston, and he?d been visibly upset after Dianne had announced that I was courting her. After a week or so, Abraham seemed to have accepted that I was the better man for her and had congratulated me by inviting me to dinner the next weekend. I had asked whether I could bring my friend Michael, but he?d insisted that it would just be the two of us alone. I did well in school and took great interest in listening to the various lecturers speaking and informing us how the whole system of justice worked. Reading was easy but it felt like you learned ten times faster by listening to the men that stood in front of us and lectured. I studied with Michael in my home and the two of us would trade ideas and question each other on the various topics that we would be examined in later. I informed him that I would be visiting Abraham this Friday evening and that, if he wanted to, he could stay the night in my little house, which he declined to do. I dressed handsomely, like I usually did for meetings and dinners such as this, and took a coach over to the Kingston residence, which Abraham lived in by himself. He greeted me and we exchanged pleasantries. He showed me around his belongings and took me to his vast library of many different books, some concerning topics I?d never heard of before. We then discussed how his business was going and about my studies. Abraham seemed unusually kind and gentle to me this night, I took it as a sign that he?d finally moved on and accepted that Dianne and I fit well together. One of his maids informed that dinner was ready and we ventured over to his smaller dining hall. The meal was the best one I?d had in a long time, I?d mostly eaten out every night since I had no idea whatsoever on how to cook. The meat was deer and it was cooked to perfection. I told him to give my compliments to the chef, which he assured that he would. After the main course, the servants brought in a tart, this one also tasting heavenly. I was now so full that I couldn?t have eaten anything more. We sat and enjoyed our glasses of wine and I could feel that I?d perhaps had one or two glasses too many by now. I was however enjoying the evening and we had an interesting conversation regarding various languages going. He informed me that he?d recently purchased a book from a local bookstore that had a language that was a mix of several Romanic and Germanic languages, but nobody had ever heard before. Abraham took forward the book, it looked very old, and opened up a chapter with a page that described something about beautiful women, I couldn?t understand most of the words and my friend offered to fill me in on it. He said that it was some kind of magic spell that would make the person who used it able to land several beautiful women and make the person in question even more irresistible to them. I found it interesting, even if I didn?t believe a word of it, and asked if I could try it. He informed me that one would have to be alone while reading it in order to get maximal effect, so he gave me a paper with phonetic text that he instructed me to read before stepping outside the room. I started reading the text, it sounded very strange and some words sounded almost nonsensical, which was probably to be expected from a book used by charlatans. After I?d finished the text I laughed to myself, thinking that this had been a waste of time. I had not even had the time to put the book away before I started feeling incredibly strange, my whole stomach churning and hurting. I fell to the floor, having intense pain in my entire body, my vision getting more and more clouded. I tried standing up again, but immediately fell once again, this time fainting. I did not know how much time passed, everything was blurry. I felt sweaty and could at times hear what sounded like laughing voices somewhere near me. I was certain that I had a fever and coughed repeatedly every time I felt that I was awake. This went on for what felt like forever. Chapter II I awoke slowly, my entire body feeling alien and deprived of energy. I had no idea where I was, somewhere outside I could tell, but not more than that. I sat up and felt a strange weight hanging from my torso. I reached for the weight with my hands and could see that they did not even make it outside my shirt any longer, having shrunk considerably. I pulled up the sleeves and inspected my hands, which were now small and had long, thin fingers. I was utterly terrified by what was going on. "What is this?!" I said aloud, hearing an unfamiliar, high voice escape from my mouth. My hands darted to my chest and I could feel that it was my own flesh that I was touching. I became aware that my buttocks felt like small cushions as I sat on the ground. I ben my head forward to peek inside my shirt, which caused long strands of light brown hair to fall down in my face. My hair had always kept my hair reasonably short, so this was a very peculiar feeling to me. I tried tugging it, only to discover that it was attached to my own scalp. My hands slid down to my face and I could feel that I had become very soft in my face, my nose having shrunk considerably and my eyebrows being much thinner than earlier. The small moustache that I?d been growing these past few months was gone too. My hands flew inside my now far too large pants, searching for what I hoped would still be there. "No!!" I screamed when I could not find the masculine process that I was searching for. "I?ve turned into a woman!" I yipped before feeling my eyes fill with tears. "This is impossible!" I screamed. I suddenly became aware of my surroundings, it seemed like I was lying in a small grove with trees, either in a forest or in a park. I stood up, feeling my entire center of gravity being different, and tripped on my now much too long pants as I tried stepping forward. My hips had expanded and were jointed differently to my pelvis now than they?d been before. My waist was thin and I guessed that my form now resembled that of an hourglass, a horrid thing in my own opinion! I once again attempted standing up, this time folding the legs on my pants so that they did not touch the ground. I did likewise with my shirt and was soon able to start moving forward. My feet were far too small for my shoes and I had to stop and remove them before being able to move forward properly. As I walked, I became aware of where I was. This was the park just next to the faculty of law. I had walked in this park many times, some alone and others accompanied by either Dianne or Michael, sometimes by both. People around me were giving me weird looks and I could tell that I was now much shorter than I?d been previously, not just due to my oversized clothes but also from walking past people that I could remember having met before and seeing how they now towered me. I stopped by the dam in the park and observed my reflection. It was November, but the water was still clear. My face looked like my own, only much rounder and feminine before. I could see that my nose was smaller and mouth fuller. It was however tell exactly, to do so I needed a mirror. I didn?t know exactly where to go, I figured that my little home would be the best place and that I would then have to work from that. I walked along familiar streets, they now seemed slightly different from before since I had an altered perspective, continued along the one that Michael lived in, I would have to inform him about this, and made it to my house stood. Had stood to be more exact. The small house had now been burnt to the ground, nothing surviving the fire. There was a large gathering of people around it, some were friends and others were strangers. I could see Abraham standing at front in the crowd, talking to a man dressed like a policeman. I pushed through the crowd and soon found myself standing on the frontline. People were pointing and gasping at the remains of a body, severely burnt and unrecognizable. The person had been my height as well. Had it been planted there? I met Abraham?s eyes and could see him and one of his servants start moving back in the crowd. I tried pushing back through it again, but by the time I was through it, they were gone. I heard the policeman talking. "A very tragic fate for such a fine young man." The body had also been planted there by someone, almost certainly by one of Abraham?s servants sometime during the night. I couldn?t believe that he could have done something like this. Was it all just because Dianne had chosen me over him? His solution of turning me into a woman seemed to have been an even further plot for him to eliminate me from competition. I searched the crowd for either Dianne or Michael, but could not see either. Dianne was out of town this weekend, so that was not surprising. I searched around for some minutes longer, realizing that I would now be declared legally dead, having all my assets frozen and was now nothing more than a commoner, a female commoner dressed in oversized men?s clothes to be exact. I could not just stand around here, something had to be done about what had happened. I was homeless and nobody would believe what I told them, nobody except perhaps Michael or Dianne that was. I rolled up my pants once again and marched back over to the house that Michael lived in. I had been in his small room before and knew where it was. I stopped at the door, hesitant to knock on his door. What if he didn?t believe me? I mustered up all my willpower and knocked three times. I could hear movement inside and soon enough the door was opened. Michael emerged, his eyes were red and he looked very depressed. "What can I do for you, miss?" he said as he looked me over. I said, "I know that this is going to sound completely unbelievable, but I am your best friend, Nick." He looked me in the eyes. "No," he said before starting to close the door on me. "I can prove it!" I screamed, my voice not sounding like my own at all. Michael sighed. "Look, my friend has just died in a fire and I am not in the mood for silly jokes like this. Nick was a man, which you are obviously not. Now please go away before I alert the police!" "Please. Give me a chance to prove that I am who I claim to be!" I said, sticking my arm inside the doorway. "Fine! You have one minute" Michael informed. I had to think fast, what exactly could I say in order for him to believe me? We?d done everything together as children, had we ever had any secrets among the two of us? Yes, we had shared some silly childhood secrets. "When we were about seven years old you burned yourself, your penis especially, while peeing on poison ivy and had a rash for a month afterwards. You made me promise not to tell anybody about it since you thought it was embarrassing" I said, hoping that he?d remembered this particular secret of ours. His brows furrowed. "How did you know that? Did Nick tell you about it?" I shrugged my head. "I never revealed any of our secrets for anybody else, neither did you!" "How can I be sure that you are telling the truth and not just repeating what you?ve remembered from discussing things with my departed friend?" he inquired. I had to think about that one before being able to give an answer. "Then you ask me questions. I won?t have any idea what you?re going to ask me, so it will be impossible for me to have rehearsed everything about my life, unless I am who I claim to be. Michael took some time to answer, not really sure whether this would really prove that I was who I was or not. He looked closely at me, staring me deep into my eyes. "What was the name of my sister that died in infancy?" he asked. I immediately answered, "Rose," seeing how his eyes became larger and confused. "What kind of mushrooms did the three of us always pick at fall when we were in the forest?" he continued. "Boletes. Especially the ones with a light foot and a soft brown cap," I replied, remembering fondly how the three of us had picked mushrooms for the maid in my house to cook. Michael was amazed. "What kind of clothes did Nick wear to class this Wednesday?" I thought hard about that one, my laundress had not been finished on time and I had been forced to wear a winter cloak since I lacked my upper shirt. But that hadn?t been on a Wednesday, had it? I replied, "Trick question! I wore my normal wear this Wednesday, it was on Tuesday that I didn?t have any upper shirt to wear, which forced me to dress in that winter cloak that my mother bought me last Christmas." Michael?s mouth was now agape and he stepped forward and hugged me hard. "How is this possible?! I thought you were dead! How can you be a woman, Nick?!" he asked in quick succession after releasing his hard hug. "Let me in to your room and I?ll tell you everything" I informed him. He stepped aside, allowing me access into his room. It was unclean and looked very large for just one person. I?d been there before, so these weren?t any new revelations. I sat down on his smaller couch, one I?d helped him install in this room a couple of months ago. On the floor there were various books lying around. Michael closed his door, he took some time to observe me walking across his room before doing so, and then joined me on the couch. He asked, "So how did this happen?" I replied, "Do you remember that I told you that Mr. Kingston had invited me over for dinner?" He nodded. I continued. "The dinner was rather pleasant and he was unusually sociable during the entire time. He showed me all his assets and seemed eager about my own education as well. The one topic we did not discuss was Dianne. Anyway, after we had finished dessert, he brought in a very peculiar looking book written in some mixed Germanic Romanic language and informed me that it was a charlatan book of spells. Abraham then opened it up to a page that supposedly had a spell to make you irresistible to women, told me that I could try it out and then excused himself from the room. After I?d finished the spell, I started feeling really weird, fell to the ground twice and then fainted." Michael shook his head. "You were changed by magic? That?s impossible!" I quickly answered, "What?s impossible is that I?m a woman! I then woke up in Oak Park, the one just next to our faculty, and then I made it over to my house, found out that it was burnt to the ground and that a body resembling my own was lying just right next to the house. I saw Mr. Kingston and one of his servants in the crowd and was about to chase after them, but they either disappeared or were too fast. I then proceeded up here to your place." Michael took some time to ponder what I?d said. "There?s little doubt that Mr. Kingston was the man behind this plot, but why?" I answered, "Probably to eliminate me from competition for Dianne?s affection, I don?t think she is interested in me if I look like this. Even more so, how can I prove that I am who I claim to be to her? I?ve known you for almost my entire life, I met her for the first time just a few months ago!" He lowered his eyes. "I don?t know." I talked again. "What is more urgent is to give the police some evidence that I am still alive and that the body that was found among the remains wasn?t mine." "And how do we do that, Nick?" he wondered. I thought about it. "You?re known all across university to be my closest friend. If you told them that I?d gone back home to visit my family or if I?d gone somewhere else, they might believe you and this could give us the time we need to steal the book from the Kingston residence." Michael replied, "They?ll rapidly discover that you aren?t at home. Those new telegraph lines they?re erecting everywhere will give them this knowledge within days." "Then we?ll have to work fast!" I replied. "If we could reach my family before the telegraphers, we might have a chance to convince them that I?m who I claim to be!" There was another moment of silence, both of us thinking hard about how we should proceed in order to have me not declared dead. The weather outside the small window in the apartment had turned sour and grey, small droplets of rain hitting the glass, giving off that characteristic sound. I spoke, "The best thing we can do right now is probably to have you run down to where my house stood and inform the policeman that the located body does not belong to me, don?t you think so?" He replied, "Yes, I think so too. Can you stay here in the meantime?" "Of course I can," I answered him. He quickly put on his shoes and his raincoat before saying a quick goodbye and heading out the door, locking it from the outside. All I could do was wait, wait and hope that this plan of ours would work, otherwise I was doomed to give up my former identity and start life anew as a poor young woman with no practical skills whatsoever. What kind of work could I then go into? Prostitution? I could feel tears start forming in my eyes once again and headed to Michael?s lavatory, wanting to inspect myself in his mirror. I saw a young woman staring back at me, there was absolutely no doubts at all regarding this person?s sex. She was a bit short for a woman, barely clearing five feet I would believe. Her arms were pencil-thin, not that I had much muscles to begin with. The skin was soft all over, her face was rounded and her nose small and pointed slightly upwards. Her eyes seemed bigger, which was probably a result from her smaller nose and the color was the same as my own. Her, no my, eyelashes were elongated and slightly curved in the end. My scar from when I was younger was still visible, only now much more faded than it had been before. Another thing that I?d become aware of was how my voice now sounded, it was so high-pitched and soft that I couldn?t recognize my former, much deeper voice at all. I still resembled myself, only now looking much more like my mother and sister than alike my father and brothers. I observed the clock in the room, it was ticking shortly past four in the afternoon and Michael had been gone for about one hour by now. I was beginning to worry that I?d already been pronounced dead and that my family had been contacted. I didn?t have many alternatives. I could either go back home and try convincing my family, using all the money that Michael had, or I could stay and try to steal the book from Abraham. I must?ve fallen asleep while sitting in the couch because the next thing I heard was a door closing. I peeked over my shoulder and saw my friend remove his cloak and hang it on one of the hooks before coming over to me. His face did not look happy at all. Michael started, "I?m so sorry, Nick. They didn?t believe my story due to Mr. Kingston already having reported that you?d dined in his mansion the night before the fire, which made our story inconsistent with reality. I then also learned that a message had already been sent to your family, informing that you?d died in a fire last night?" I didn?t know what to say. "So I?m dead?" was all I could ask. "I am so, so sorry that I couldn?t do anything else. Since you?re now dead, all my funding for law school will be frozen and I won?t be able to get any education either" he said, his eyes tearing up. I took courage. "Michael, we will make it through this. We must act immediately if we are going to succeed with either proving my existence or try recovering my manhood. I don?t think we?ll have time for both. Once my family receives that message, they?ll remove me from the family registry within a week and I won?t be able to claim who I am without risking to face time in prison. If we do barge in at the Kingston mansion, we?ll probably be arrested before we have any opportunity of transforming me back." "So, what should we do?" he asked. I replied, "Do you have enough money to buy train tickets back home?" "I think so, I?ll go check!" he said. He stood up once again and walking over to his bed, removing his mattress. I had made a small hole in it and retrieved a little box from inside it. He put it on the table, opening it for me to count. I?d learned a few skills that a banker would need, one was counting money extremely fast and accurately. I quickly went over the contents. "Is it enough?" he wondered. I took my time, did the math inside my head and replied, "We won?t be able to go by first class, that?s for certain, but we should be able to travel either in second or third class, depending on how much money we need for other purchases." He looked at me. "You mean like more appropriate clothes for you? Since you are now a woman, you can?t really walk around in what you?re wearing, it?ll make people look strangely at you." I answered, "So you want to put me in a dress? Is that the plan?" He countered, "If we want to make it back as safe as possible, then yes, you should probably put on a dress. We?ll have to pretend that we?re engaged or married, in that case other men won?t approach you." I started crying again. "I don?t want to be like this any longer. I?m being pronounced dead and all I can hope for is that my family will believe that I am who I claim to be. But what happens after that? Even if they do believe me, I?m still like this and I won?t be able to succeed my father as head of the household. Instead I?ll have to be a woman and be forced to marry some man, just like Joan did!" Michael was startled by this emotional display from his friend. As a man, I hadn?t shed a single tear in front of him since we were children but now I couldn?t stop crying. I was so scared that my life had now been completely destroyed, all because that one man couldn?t accept a woman gave her heart to somebody other than him. Michael seemed desperate to calm me down. "Relax, Nick, relax! We?re not certain about anything. What if the spell only lasts for a certain amount of time and then dissipates? What if Mr. Kingston gives us the book if we ask him?" I countered, "What if nothing of that happens? What if I?m stuck like this forever? I won?t be able to have a proper life any longer!" He snapped, "Fine! Be angry! I understand that, but nothing will resolve itself if you just keep crying about it. If you?re stuck like that, then I?ll marry you myself. At least then you won?t have to worry about having any children!" My crying stopped. "Do you mean that?" I asked. "Do I mean what?" he replied. I clarified, "That you?ll look after me if I?m unable to return to normal?" He answered, "Of course I mean it! I can?t just abandon you after all we?ve been through, can I?" "Thanks," I mumbled. Chapter III I had Michael go to the train station and buy us third class tickets for the 12 o?clock train the following day, he brought back the spare money and we counted it, both being thankful that it would be enough to buy both food and new clothes for me. He offered me to sleep on his bed, I asked him not to treat me as a woman. In the end, I slept on the couch and he slept in his bed. We started early the next morning. We had to put me in something more appropriate, despite how much I hated it, and we had to buy enough food for the two of us to survive for a few days. We hadn?t bothered about alerting the university regarding our absence, I was classified and dead and Michael?s funding had been strangled, meaning that we couldn?t attend either way. We restocked food at first, Michael putting everything in the bag he carried. After we felt finished buying food, we started the next task at hand. Michael looked at me. "Where do you think we should go?" he asked. I replied, "There are several dressmakers in the market district, let?s try going there first" So we headed over to the market district, I was now dressed in some of Michael?s clothes, he was a little shorter and thinner than I, which made his clothes a better, but far from good, fit. We scouted the shops, inquired about prices and realized that it was expensive to buy a dress. We tried one more place, a little shop a bit away from the market district. The place was cheaper and Michael made me model several dresses for him before announcing that we had a winner. It felt comfortable enough, I was still unaccustomed to having a pair of breasts hanging down from my front and the dresses did little to provide support. We paid for the dress, which I left wearing and herd the town hall strike 11:30. We had to hurry across town, me unable to run in my oversized shoes, arrived at the train station at 11:55 and quickly had our tickets stamped before stepping onto the train. Michael smiled. "We made it!" I was as sullen as earlier. "Barely," I replied. "Don?t be so depressed, Nick? Nicole," he replied, changing my name not to arise suspicion. I was a bit surprised, but didn?t say anything until we reached our coupe, which to our extreme delight was empty apart from the two of us. As soon as we?d put our bags at the side and sat down, I hissed at him, "What was that?" "I can?t very well call you ?Nick? now, can I? I figured that Nicole was the closest I could come to Nick. If you don?t like that name, then please tell me what to call you in public," he replied. I hummed. "Nicole will have to do, ?Nicky? would still be appropriate here, I guess." Michael was staring at me intently. Something that made me slightly uncomfortable. I asked him to stop staring so, which he agreed to. Five minutes later I found him doing the same thing again. I angrily inquired, "Why are you staring at me?" He answered, "If your best friend just turns into a beautiful woman, wouldn?t you stare too?" I felt my heart flutter a little as he called me ?beautiful?, but quickly recovered. "Don?t call me ?beautiful?, it?s disgusting!" I informed him. He shrugged his shoulders. "You do look very pretty, Nick." "I wasn?t particularly handsome as a man, so why do I make a pretty woman?" I asked. Michael thought a little. "You did say that the spell would make you irresistible to women, but what if it instead made you an irresistible woman?" I said sarcastically, "Well, isn?t that just perfect? I turn into a pretty woman and I already have my best friend falling in love with me and planning our wedding!" "You have to calm down, it?s not my fault that you?re like this. I could have chosen to ignore you completely and then you?d be out on the street!" My face went white. "You wouldn?t do that, would you? Abandon me like this, I mean" He got a grin on his face. "Why wouldn?t I, you can?t prove that you are who you claim to be and there?s little to gain from me helping you prove your identity to your family. I won?t be able to go to school since you?ll still be dead in the eyes of the public and that means no money for me. If you however do stay this way, I can take you as my wife and you won?t be able to object because otherwise you might be out on the streets." I asked surprised, "You?re joking, aren?t you?" He laughed. "Of course I?m joking!" I replied, "Well, that wasn?t the least bit alleviating, so don?t ever do it again!" "Whatever the lady wishes," he said and faked a bow. I punched him in his crotch. As the ride progressed, I got more accustomed to my new body and slowly felt how my internal conflict was calming down. Michael and I got along just like we?d always done, and he made no more jokes about my current situation. Had it not been for the constant weight hanging from my chest and my high-pitched voice, I probably wouldn?t even have thought about being a woman at all. The train arrived back at home in the early Wednesday morning, the train having arrived two hours earlier than planned. We quickly found a decent coach that could take us over to the Whitmore mansion, my house. As I saw more and more buildings that I recognized from the window, I felt more and more nauseous. I informed Michael as much. "I think I?m about to vomit!" He just patted my shoulder. "Everything?s going to be alright, you?ll see" Shortly after ten in the morning we arrived at our destination, Michael forced me out the wagon before coming out himself carrying our luggage. He sat them down on the ground and walked over to the driver to pay him the fare, he bade us a good day and Michael wished him the same. I was far too nervous to even say anything. I looked around the domains that I?d grown up on, seeing the familiar servants walk around, carrying objects, mostly hay and wood to stock up for the winter. Mother?s favorite, and my least favorite servant, Luke, was running around playing ape as usual. My mother had told me the story of how my real father had floored him in a fight shortly before he died. He was fairly unpopular among the other servants, especially since he always acted like he was so much smarter than them, but he was a hard worker and cared greatly for all our animals. "Let?s go!" I heard someone say before being grabbed by both my shoulders. Michael repeated, "Let?s go and introduce you to your family!" I was unwilling to move, far too scared about how my family would react on hearing the story about how their oldest son had become their oldest daughter. Seeing that I wouldn?t move the least, Michael grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up in the air, carried me up the terrace and put me down right in front of the front door. He knocked three times, after which one of our maids, Angeline, opened. She looked us over before saying anything. "Oh, Mr. Williams! What a surprise! Who?s your friend, if you don?t mind me asking?" Michael replied, "I do mind, so could we please wait until later with introductions? Is anybody from the Whitmore family at home, Angie?" She answered directly, "Only Ms. Rachel, sir" "May I speak to her?" he asked. Her expression turned sad. "Ms. Rachel has refused leaving her room ever since hearing the news about Mr. Nicholas? demise yesterday, sir. I don?t think she?s willing to see anybody at the moment." Michael immediately replied, "It concerns her brother, this girl here with me can provide all the information Rachel needs about her brother. Could you please ask her?" Angie looked unsure but then agreed. "Okay, I?ll go ask her, please come inside in the meantime. It?s cold outside." We saw Angie head up the flight of stairs, hurrying a little. I exchanged glances with Michael as we sat in the hallway. ?She won?t want to see us, she will not believe us? I kept repeating inside my head. It took several minutes for her to return, no Rachel accompanying her. She informed, "Ms. Rachel is willing to see you, Miss, but not Mr. Williams." Michael looked over at me. "Just go, I?ll be fine here." I stood up and followed Angie. "This way, Miss," she said as she directed me up to my sister?s bedroom. I knew the way to her room perfectly well, she?d been much closer to me than my brothers. Rachel had turned twelve years old while I was away and had just begun blossoming into a woman herself. "Here we are, Miss," Angie said and knocked likely on the door. Angie called, "She?s here, Rachel." I heard my sister?s voice reply, "She may come in." I entered the room, Rachel was sitting on the bed, her eyes blood red from having cried for a long time. I slowly approached her and sat down on the bed, right next to her. I said, "Take it easy Shell-Shell, I?m not dead." Her face turned towards mine. "What did you call me?" I answered, "Shell-Shell. I know that you didn?t like it when you were younger, but you didn?t seemed to mind me calling you that the night before I left. Her eyes were curious. "Who are you, Miss?" I replied, "Did Nicky ever tell anybody about the nickname that he gave you?" She shook her head. "I made him promise me not to do so." I looked into her eyes. "Then there is only one explanation, isn?t there?" She looked at me in disbelief. "Ni? Nicky?" I smiled. "Correct." Rachel threw herself at me, making me fall down on her bed. "Nicky! Nicky! Nicky!!" she screamed in joy. Her hugs seemed to last forever, she apparently didn?t care that I was now a foot shorter than I?d been when I left her a couple of months ago, also that I was now as female as her. She calmed down a little. "How did you survive? And how do you look like that?!" I thought about how I should present the information to her. I asked, "Do you remember the tale about the little mermaid that I read to you the night before I left?" She nodded her head. "Of course, Nicky." I answered, "I was transformed by similar magic, only that I did not wish for it to happen. I was tricked into cursing myself into this form by an evil man, then he had my house burned down and placed the body of a dead man with an appearance closely resembling my former to make it appear as if I had died in the fire" Rachel wondered. "But why would he do something as cruel as that?" I told her, "Because the girl he liked had chosen me instead of him and he was jealous of me. That?s likely why he turned me into someone of the same sex as her and staged my death, all so that he could get rid of me." Her mouth was agape. "You had a girlfriend?! Was she pretty?" I replied, "She was very pretty and we greatly enjoyed each other?s company. I even thought that she was the girl I would one day marry." We spent some more time talking, Rachel asking me absolutely everything regarding my time away from home. She kept the questions regarding me having been transformed to a minimum. After having completely emptied all questions she wanted to ask me, she had me accompany her downstairs, holding onto my hand with all her power. She led me into the hallway, Michael was still sitting there. He said, "Everything went well, I presume?" Rachel replied, "Nicky?s back!" I said, "I?ll still have to convince the rest of my family. Just because Rachel believes me, doesn?t mean that my parents will believe me." Michael answered, "True, but at least you have your sister on your side now. It?s a start, isn?t it?" Chapter IV Rachel had me and Michael go up to her room so that my brothers wouldn?t see me right away when they came home from school. My father was apparently away on business and my mother was at church, praying for me. The three of us sat and talked in Rachel?s room, Angie bringing us tea and biscuits shortly after midday. As the clock was approaching 15:00, we could hear the front door opening and the voices of my two brothers, Gerard and Wallace. They were speaking to Angie and I could hear her mention Michael?s name. A few seconds later we heard two pairs of feet running in the stairs, the sound coming closer and closer. There was a knock on the door. My brother Wallace asked, "Rachel, are you alright?" I had asked Rachel not to reveal my identity too quickly, which she had agreed to. She answered, "Yes, I am perfectly fine." Gerard spoke, "May we come in?" Rachel didn?t have the time to answer before the two teenagers burst into the room. They took in their surroundings, noticing how untidy the room belonging to their usually very pedantic sister had become. In the middle of the mess, sitting on two of her small chairs were Michael and I, Rachel sitting in my lap. Michael stood up to greet the two young men, walking over to them with his extended hand. They both shook it. Gerard was the first to ask. "What?s going on here? Who?s that woman? Why are you sitting in her lap Rachel? You know that you aren?t allowed to be so familiar with strangers!" Before I could hinder her, she said, "She?s no stranger, she?s Nicky!" Their eyes went from staring at Rachel to staring at the young woman that was supposedly their older brother. I tried smiling. "Hi," I said. What followed next was a repeat performance of what I?d just done with Rachel, only that my two brothers were much more doubtful regarding my true identity. I recounted the story, now in much more detail, about how I?d been transformed and answered several questions that few or none other than I would know the answers to. Gerard was the first of the two to start believing me, Wallace followed shortly thereafter. Even though I and my brothers were supposed to be three young men, all three of us broke down crying as it was made clear that I hadn?t perished in the flames as they?d thought. They did find my altered appearance highly remarkable. Thankfully, I still held a large resemblance to both of my female family members. Wallace asked, "How does it feel to be a woman?" I replied, "Strange, very strange, at least at first. I?ve been one for four days now and things are starting to feel a bit more normal." Gerard followed up. "Are you completely female? Downstairs too?" I answered him, "Yes, I believe that I?m probably 100% functional too." Gerard replied, "This is very creepy! To think that magic actually exists?" Wallace wondered, "So what will you do now?" I smiled that faint smile of mine again. "I?ll have to try convincing mother and father that I am who I claim to be. If that works, we must try to revoke my declaration of having died. After that we must go back and try finding that book and return me to my former state. If I stay as I am now, I won?t even exist in our family book. I won?t be able to take over the bank and I won?t be able to attend school. They don?t allow women to study there." Wallace sighed. "That?s harsh." I answered, "Extremely." I turned to Gerard. "If I?m stuck like this it means that you will take over the bank, do you think you can do that?" He replied, "Don?t say so! Of course you will be able to return to your former state, Nick!" I tried again. "But if I am not able to, or god forbid, don?t want to become a man again, can you handle it?" He looked at his feet, a little unsure. "Yes. I believe I can!" I laughed. "At least the bank won?t perish just because of me. That is a relief to hear." Rachel, who had fallen asleep in my lap, awoke. She looked at me with curious eyes. "What do you mean by saying that you might not want to return?" I patted her back. "Of course I want to return, it?s only that I can feel myself thinking differently as time passes. I?m afraid that if I stay in this form too long, I?ll forget about being a boy." I continued, now looking at my brothers. "The spell supposedly turned me into an irresistible woman, from the amount of looks I?ve received from men, Michael especially, I believe that it did what it was supposed to. What I fear is that if I?m now a woman, will my preferences change too?" Gerard spoke, "How do you mean?" I replied, "Do you remember how I always used to fancy Angie when we were younger?" My brothers nodded. I continued, "When I saw her earlier I did not feel a thing for her!" Wallace wondered, "Do you think that you are becoming interested in men rather than women?" I answered, "I don?t know, I hope not, but I can?t really help what?s happening with me at the moment either, can I?" We had only spoke for about an hour before the next person arrived home, this time it was my mother. The whole group sitting in Rachel?s room could hear her taking to Angie downstairs. She was informed that there were guests in the house and quickly hurried upstairs to where everyone else was. She didn?t even bother knocking before entering. She looked at all the people sitting in the room, her eyes focusing on the one unfamiliar face among them, me. She spoke, "Michael, what are you doing back here? Who?s this pretty young lady that you have with you?" Wallace replied from behind her back, "She?s Nicky!" My mother took a long look at me, probably seeing a lot of herself in me. She looked somewhat confounded when asking, "Who are you, lass?" Gerard replied, "She really is Nicky, mother. He was transformed by some strange magic!" The expression on my mother?s face changed. "Magic? Was it a small, ugly medallion that did this to you?" I was confused. My mother already believed me and, furthermore, she apparently knew a bit about magic. I answered her, "No mother, it wasn?t any medallion that did this to me, it was a book of spells. Do you already that I believe that I am who I claim?" Her face got serious. "I?ve experienced magic before, but I never thought I would ever again do so." There was a little pause in the discussion, I could see that my mother wanted to say more but was unsure on how to put it. Finally, she said, "Your father," and pointed at me. "had a magical medallion that he?d inherited from his parents. We used it once each, both to try experiencing how it was like shifting genders. We lived as the opposite sexes for a while before changing back, only that your father preferred being a woman and stayed as one." She took a pause to look at each of her children, all of them completely stunned by this revelation. I asked, "Is my father still alive, but lives as a woman, or did he die like you?ve always told us?" My mother answered, "The man your father was exists no longer, but the woman she became is still alive, at least since I last heard from her. You?ve actually met her, all of you, when you were much younger." Wallace asked, "Does she still have the medallion?" She replied, "She should have it." Rachel was enthusiastic. "Then the magic done on Nicky can be undone! All we have to do is use her medallion!" My mother stood up, also realizing that this was worth a try. "I?ll write to her immediately and one of you two will have to travel to her to borrow it," she said and pointed at my brothers. Gerard volunteered immediately. "I?ll go!" I started crying again, happy about the unselfishness of my brothers. The two Rachels hugged me as I cried, all three of us soon displaying raw female emotions. Angie entered the room as well, turning the group into a crowd. "Is Mr. Williams and Miss Nicole staying for dinner?" she asked. My mother replied, "Yes, they both are staying for dinner and will be staying with us for some time." Angie curtsied. "Very well, I?ll inform the other maids and we?ll make arrangements for their stay." She continued. "Are the two of you an item, in that case we could use the downstairs bedroom for you?" Michael, who?d been silent for a long time, blurted out. "Yes!" My eyes shot daggers at him, but I could not very well negate what he?d said, that would make us appear suspicious to the servants." Angie looked us over. "You make a nice pair, if I may say so myself. Now please excuse me," she said and curtsied again before hurrying out the door. As soon as she?d left the room I asked Michael what he was up to. He replied, "We should keep your real identity a secret to anyone else but the family. If word gets out that you?ve turned into a woman, even for only a short while, your family will be the laughing stock of the town." My mother agreed. "Michael is right here, Nicki. The servants have already met Michael several times and he?s stayed over here before, so they won?t question why he?s here, especially not considering that you are reported as deceased. If we had a girl coming to live with us, one who didn?t work as a maid but instead was to be treated as one of the family, the servants would start getting suspicious of your identity and word would leak out about someone with an appearance closely resembling mine and Rachel?s, that would start rumors, rumors we do not want to have. If the two of you pretend to be a pair, the servants will understand why you?re here and why you do not have to work as a maid during your stay." I tried coming up with a counter argument but found myself drawing blank. I wouldn?t be able to come up with a better explanation than what my mother had suggested anyway. Gerard had been informed where my mother lived and would deliver a letter written by our mother to her, explaining the situation. The journey would take about four days, depending on how fast he rode. We could perhaps have shortened the time even further by sending an experienced rider, but we would then risk the rider finding out about the medallion?s powers and not returning. My mother had spoken about its powers, how you needed to hold it to vestments belonging to someone else or touch it to another human to assume their form. After our discussion we had supper and talked things over, without mentioning who I really was, before retiring to our own private bedchambers. I did not particularly enjoy the idea of sharing the same bed as Michael, especially not considering my current predicament. He assured me that everything would be fine, he would not approach me unless warranted. It took some time for me to find inner peace, a bit of crying and wailing added in too. Eventually I fell asleep. I awoke the next morning feeling something pressing onto my thigh. I adjusted my position and realized that Michael had scooted over to my side and was now holding me. I did not even want to imagine what was pressing onto my thigh. I woke him up. "Michael! Could you please stop clinging to me?!" He yawned. "What?" before understanding what I meant. "Oh, sorry?" he replied. He let go off me and retreated back to his side. He apologized again. "I must have done it unconsciously." I replied, "Just make sure you don?t do it again!" Chapter V Dressing myself in the morning was an entirely new experience. I now had to wear support for my expanded chest and put myself in one of my mother?s dresses. It felt humiliating to have been relegated from the future heir of the Whitmore bank to faux-fianc?e of storeowner?s son Michael Williams. I saw Gerard off in the morning along with my mother and Michael, the others were still asleep. I wished him a safe and quick journey, hoping that this medallion that my mother had mentioned could reverse the effects done to me by the evil spell. There wasn?t more for me to do now, I would have to wait and hope that it would work. Time passed horribly slow. My mother had sent a message to the police of the town I?d been studying in, informing them that I wasn?t dead and had arrived at home safely without any harm. This statement wouldn?t hold forever and I would have to make an appearance rather soon in order not to be reclassified as deceased. The first two days back at home were all about adjustment. I had already gotten used to having a female body, now I had to deal with having a female mind as well. My thoughts gradually changed, likely due to the influence of female hormones. By day three of being at home I couldn?t think of myself as a male any longer, the feeling felt too distant. My changed mind was probably most noticeable to Michael. Before, he had teased me about being so pretty, now I was beginning to take pride in it. Even worse was that I felt myself drawn to him and his body. It happened so subtly that I wasn?t even aware that I was now finding myself attracted to him. Likewise, my relationship changed with the other members of the household as well. I now saw my mother in a new light and frequently asked her for advice in various womanly topics. I got an almost maternal instinct to protect my sister and I felt more and more unable to connect with my brother Wallace. At supper during day three of my stay, we heard someone arrive outside and step right through the doors, something only members of the family did. I was hopeful that it was Gerard and stood up from the table, grabbed the hem of my dress and ran over to the door. I was surprised to see that it was my father and not my brother standing there. He asked, "Who are you?" I was unsure what to say. "Good evening father." He looked at me and repeated his question. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" My mother, who?d hurried over to where I was, replied, "She?s Nicky. He was cursed by a magical book of spells and turned into a woman. His house was then burnt down by the man who laid this curse onto him, staging his death. Nicky?s been living here for three days now. Gerard is on his way to a friend of mine who might have the cure to reinstate Nicky as a male." My father, a man of rationale, was surprised to hear this coming from his wife. He did what everyone else had, asked me questions to confirm my identity and then hugged me. This evening was the same as the others, my father asked me heaps of questions regarding my changed constitution, stunned by my appearance. I was happy that everyone in my family now knew and believed me to be alive and of as sound body as possible. Yet, I noticed my father devoting less time to discussing with me and more with Michael. It was almost as if it was below his dignity to converse with a female. I didn?t say so, but I felt that it was probably not entirely untrue. Retreating back to our living quarters, Michael and I had some issues with each other?s presence. We sat together in our bed, both of us feeling desire for the other. I knew that if he had made advances on me, I would likely have allowed him to have his way with me. I prayed that nothing would happen, my prayers were answered. I was awoken the next morning by my brother Gerard. He had apparently been riding all night, hurrying with all his might to reach home. In a small pouch he had the medallion. I immediately requested to have my male clothes brought to me and shortly thereafter I was sitting in bed with everything I would need to turn back. I held the medallion to a shirt that I?d used many times, hoping that this nightmare would finally be over. I held it to the shirt for several minutes, waiting for something to happen, but it didn?t. My mother thought. "Maybe it won?t work because the spell is stronger than the medallion?s power?" I replied, "Then we will have to go back to town and steal the book from Mr. Kingston. In the meantime we must have someone presenting themselves to the police looking like me. Who will do it?" I asked. Gerard volunteered. "I?ll do it!" We then had him use the medallion on himself and witnessed how his body began to lengthen, his hair color darkening and his body maturing to that of a young man. After about 15 minutes I was standing face to face with my own body. The others took some time comparing our bodies, pointing out our likenesses and differences. We closely resembled each other and had the same physical traits in our appearances only that mine were feminized and his were masculinized (and I was much shorter as a woman). My father, who was at home, found this entire ?magic? thing highly fascinating. He too compared me and Gerard, coming to the conclusion that magic actually was real. After breakfast we had Gerard go into town again, my parents accompanying him, to present himself as me and give proof of Nicholas Whitmore still being alive. I did what I?d done the other days, waited. I spent time reading books in our small library, Michael had gone into town to see his father, Wallace was at school and Rachel was visiting friends. My only company was our maid, who I avoided at all costs since she didn't know my real identity. Shortly after lunchtime my parents and Gerard returned home. I greeted them as was proper for a woman without any relation to them, curtsying deeply. When we were alone, away from the maids and servants, we could talk properly. "Good news!" my father said. Gerard continued. "They had no doubts that I were you, Nicky, so you are no longer listed as deceased and this information has been sent to your university as well, so you will be able to continue your studies once you're back to normal." I was happy that this had worked but was still depressed. "What if I am stuck like this? The medallion doesn't work on me and when Mr. Kingston finds out that I am now listed as alive, he'll probably realize that his plan to stage my death has failed. This means that he might increase security on his book or maybe destroy it if he has no further use of it." My mother, who was sipping on her tea, replied, "Nicky, can the two of us talk privately, between women so to say?" I answered, "Of course." My brother and father stepped out of the room, leaving me and my mother alone. My mother spoke, "Nicky, I haven't been entirely truthful with you." I asked, "How so?" She continued. "While it is true that I and your father where both affected by the medallion, it was I and not your father who decided to stay this way." I wondered, "You mean that you were born as a man?" She answered, "Yes. I was born as a male. My name was Ryan when I grew up and I met your father, a woman named Bertha, when I was a young man. We planned a coup against this family, hoping to steal all the belongings of your late grandparents, only that I couldn't do it. I found that I actually liked being a woman and I liked working an honest job, which was very different from my previous jobs. Then your father slept with me, I almost forced him, and I became pregnant with you. After that, your father went away and turned himself back into a woman and I fell in love with your father." I was a bit stunned by this statement, much less than I would have been if I had never experienced all this. "Does my father know?" I asked her. She replied, "No he doesn't. I have never told him about this. Except for you, Bertha and a former servant here named Erwin, nobody knows anything. I would prefer if things stayed this way. I love your father very much and I like being who I am. If this was to be revealed to everyone else, then my life would be ruined." I answered, "Of course I won't tell anyone!" She was thankful. "Thank you Nicky, it means a lot to hear this. The reason why I told you about this in the first place is because I wanted you to know that there is a life even if you are stuck like that for the rest of your days. Michael is a kind man and if you are unable to become my son again, he will take good care of you." I replied, "I know. I find myself becoming increasingly interested in him. Was this something you noticed too? That you felt more and more female as time passed, I mean?" She answered, "Yes, very much so. At first it was all so strange and everything felt wrong but, as time passed, things started feeling better and more natural." We spoke for several more minutes, with her informing me about some things to expect if I remained as I were. It was a rather interesting discussion, two former men discussing female issues. Surely it must've been a first in this world. Chapter VI Later that afternoon, as Michael was returning home from town, the letter carrier forwarded several messages to Gerard, who was still me. There was one from the police, informing that they apologized for such a mistake, one was from my school, they too apologizing and offering both Michael and I too retake this term without cost at the start of next year. The final one was from Dianne O'Reilly, the young woman had been seeing. I opened it up. "Dear Nicholas, I was astonished to receive information that you were not deceased. I had thought you perished in the flames that raged on your small residence. I am happy that you are alive, but at the same time I am deeply concerned that you have not informed me of such earlier! Did you not think that I would be greatly concerned about you? You could at least have left me a message informing me that you were sound and well before lea