My Wonderful Obsession - Part 48 free porn video

My Wonderful Obsession Part 48: Love Languages 2001 - Another new year! It was beginning to feel like somebody accidentally hit the fast-forward button on my life. And there had been so many life-changing events each and every year since my first tentative moves toward female-hood, I couldn't imagine what else could possibly be in store for me. So my new year's predictions were fairly modest - for instance, I figured I was already about as female as I was going to get ... but there's always room to be more feminine! 'Elle' magazine had this great piece titled 'Femme is Back!' and it had lots of great ideas for how you could fine-tune your hair, makeup and accessories to make yourself over into the girly-girl you always wanted to be. Just my style, so I took the mag with me to show Karen on my next appointment. And that's how my straight hair got curls, and more volume and subtle highlights to add some sizzle. Annalise said it looked fabulous - she thought I should wear it up more, with my locks piled up in back, because the delicate curls would set off my face in a really lovely way. Great idea, I said, and she helped me shop for some pretty hair accessories so I could do just that. The only downside was, I needed more frequent salon appointments to maintain my style and keep my dark roots from becoming obvious, and to make little tweaks from time to time to keep my look fresh. Another Elle suggestion I adopted was French-tipped nails. Much as I loved sporting one of my fave pink shades, there was no getting around it: a French manicure and clear gloss finish was the new 'ultimate' if you wanted your hands to look high-class and ultra-feminine all at the same time. Many of the career girls I saw downtown sported those nails, and yours truly wasn't about to buck the trend, cost be damned. As for my male relationships, well, Rob had pretty much spoiled me, and Stephen had totally put me on my guard; and Mark, the one guy I could have really made it with, was completely and permanently off the market thanks to the devious schemes of that nasty bitch Pam. So I was pretty pessimistic that 2001 would bring a new man into my life, and you know what? I was cool with that. Maybe, I thought, it was time to forget about guys for a while and concentrate on the other important things in life: like family, friends, work, play ... and myself. I was having lunch with Julia during the holidays, and we were reminiscing about the stuff we'd done together, and the guys we'd gone to bed with in Colorado, and how you could have all the sex in the world but real love was still so elusive, and she said something that struck a chord: you have to learn to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to really love you. Now I'd always thought I liked myself and the kind of person I was, and I even thought my body wasn't too bad, but Julia's comment made me start thinking. I mean, did I truly love myself? It was a much harder question to answer than I'd have guessed. A clue was found in a Christian TV talk show I happened upon while channel-surfing one chilly evening. What caught my interest was a discussion between the female host and a man who'd written a book about marriage relationships. He was talking about how all of us have our own personal 'love languages,' which is basically what our partners need to know about us and how we need to be treated so that we feel truly loved and are able to reciprocate that love. But it's also how we can and should treat ourselves in order to properly love ourselves. So one of my resolutions for 2001 was to learn what I could about my own love languages and put that knowledge into practice. ***** All that aside, that year was destined to be a tumultuous one - as anyone who wasn't dead or hibernating in a cave would soon learn. At least the first eight months were pleasant enough. I got lots of quality girl-time with my closest friends, which was a big help in putting my doomed relationship with Rob firmly into the past; I got lots of exercise, including a couple of strenuous hikes with Kath; I got a nice raise at work, which allowed me to buy my first car: a brand-new VW Beetle, the perfect car for a stylish working girl - all curves and pastel colors (confession: the cute little flower holder was what sold me!); and I even got to change the first digit of my age to a '2' at long last, leaving my eventful teen years behind. But nothing of substance really changed until the infamous day in September when the Twin Towers came crashing down. For me, like countless others, it had begun as just another routine day at the office, but within the first half-hour people were running around trying to set up a TV in the lunch room. Appointments were cancelled and we all stood transfixed as the horrible events unfolded over the next couple of hours. The awful sight of people deliberately jumping to their deaths to avoid an even more terrible demise in the fires was destined to haunt me for many years to come. We were all sent home before noon, and I don't even remember walking to the parking garage and getting in my car, let alone the drive home, I was so profoundly shaken. But worse was to come. Early that evening, Mark phoned. I was so surprised and excited to hear his voice on the line that I momentarily forgot what was going on in the world. But he soon snapped me back to reality. "Sandy, Marci's missing," he said in a gloomy voice. "She was in New York today. We think she had a meeting at the World Trade Center." "Oh my God ... really? Are you sure?" "We don't know for absolute sure. Dad's been talking with her office here and they said she was supposed to be there, but they didn't think her meeting was that early. We're still hoping and praying she'll be okay. We just don't know why she hasn't called." "Oh my God, how awful for you! Is there anything I can do?" "Yeah, if you could pray that would be nice. I don't what else any of us can do." "Sure, I'd be happy to ... and I'll keep praying until they find her safe and sound ..." "Thanks, kid. I can always count on you, can't I?" "Uh, yes you can ..." What an unexpected but touching thing to say, I thought. A girl's voice in the background interrupted. She was demanding to know who Mark was speaking to. He answered, "It's just a friend!" I thought he sounded a little exasperated, not that I could blame him. Even at a time like this she could still be a bitch. "I guess I should go," I said softly. "It was so nice to hear your voice, Mark. I'll pray my heart out for your sister, I promise. Mom will too. I just know she'll be okay." "Well you've made me feel a lot better, Sandy. You're the best, you really are." "Thanks ... so are you. Bye-bye for now." After we hung up I sat down and began to cry. I couldn't tell if it was because of his family's horrible situation or my renewed sense of loss, maybe a bit of both. But I did as promised and prayed to God that Marci wasn't in one of the buildings when the planes hit, that maybe she lost her cell phone or the networks were down or whatever, she just couldn't get a message out of the city. And I told Mom all about it and we hugged and she began praying too. I think a lot of people who weren't used to praying got a lot of practice that day. I must have had one of the longest and most restless nights of my life. Such emotional turmoil! Worry and prayer for Marci, and for the thousands more missing or dead who also had loved ones agonizing over them; those images of people falling ... and intense anger toward whoever was responsible. Then, warm, loving thoughts of Mark, replaying the sound of his voice over and over, and yearning for the chance to be close to him again, but knowing that was impossible. The next day everyone reported for work as usual, but it was a very different, much more somber office, and it would take a while for things to get back to normal - if they ever really did. I told Annalise about Mark's sister and she said, "How very awful for Mark!" Then, around eleven, she put through a call to me, announcing that it was him on the phone. My heart sank as I sat down and braced for the worst. "Hi Mark," I said softly, not wanting to sound the slightest bit excited to hear from him. But he certainly sounded excited. "Sandy, great news! She's okay!" My heart skipped a dozen beats. "Mark, that's so wonderful! Where is she? Was she like, hurt or anything?" "Yeah, she's in a hospital - just some minor cuts and bruises - and a concussion." "What happened? Was she there? Did she like, just get out in time?" "Whoa, hold on ... I'll tell you what I know. She'd just got off the subway and was on the sidewalk when the first plane hit. It sounds like some debris from the building hit close to her and she got knocked out by a piece of concrete or something. Somebody got her out of harm's way and called for help. She must've been one of the first people injured, so she was taken to a hospital in the city. But they didn't know who she was 'cause she'd lost her briefcase and ID and everything. And she didn't wake up till this morning." "Wow, what an amazing story! Oh, I'm so happy for you Mark! Thanks SO much for calling - you've made my day!" "No, thank YOU for your prayers. Somebody was listening, Sandy. And you said you knew she'd be okay ... hey, how did you know?" "Oh, I dunno, I just had this feeling ..." "Woman's intuition?" That actually made me giggle out loud. "Oh Mark, don't be silly. You of all people should know ..." "Well I know you're a very special person, Sandy. I mean a very special girl. And you'll always be special to me." "Mark, you're making me cry again. You'll always be special to me too ... but right now I'm just overjoyed that Marci's okay." Maybe that's why I was crying, or maybe it was a bit of both ... again! ***** Looking back, even though the traumatic events of 9/11 barely touched me, and certainly not remotely like all the people directly affected, it still marked a kind of turning point in my life. You know, the before-and-after sort of thing, like life before my operation, and life afterwards. And there were a few more follow-on events yet to come. The first was only a few days later. Mom got a call from Mark's mom, to thank her for her prayers. They chatted for a while and then Mom called me to the phone. "Sandra, I wanted to let you know just how much we appreciate you and your mother," Mrs. McCowan said in a warm voice. "I know your prayers helped bring Marcia back to us, and we're just SO grateful." "Oh, I'm just so happy she's all right. It was so good of Mark to call and let us know. Praying was the least we could do." "Well, I truly believe it made all the difference, honey. You and your mother are wonderful people, and our family is blessed to know you. If there's ever anything we can do for you, will you please let us know?" I could feel the knot in my stomach tightening again. "Oh Ma'am, that's very nice of you," I stammered. "But I'm sure we'll be okay." After hanging up the tears began flowing again. Oh, I wanted SO badly to be a part of that wonderful family. But that was the one thing they could never do for me ... or so I thought at the time. In fact, barely two months later Mom and I were getting ready to share Thanksgiving dinner with the McCowans. Not all of them, mind you - Mark, Pam and the twins were at her folks' for the holiday. It would be a different kind of get-together without Mark, but on the other hand there's no chance we'd have been invited if his family was going to be present ... and no way I'd have gone. In spite of my misgivings about getting closer to the McCowans again, after what had happened (or almost happened), I couldn't easily turn down their invitation. So we both put on our best going-out-to-dinner dresses for the occasion, helped each other with hair, makeup and jewelry, and we set off in my Beetle for what promised to be a fun- filled but very emotional evening. We were welcomed at the door by Megan, who was now fifteen and looked so much taller. She immediately gave me a huge hug and I responded by squeezing her tight. "Oh Sandy, I haven't seen you in such a long time!" she squealed. "I've missed you so much!" "I've missed you too, sweetie," I replied in my girliest voice. "I just totally completely LOVE your hair," she cooed, reaching out to take some of it in her hand. "I thought it'd be fun to be a Barbie for a while," I joked. "Oh Sandy, you'd make the most perfect Barbie! When did you do it?" "Like, a year ago? I'm not ready to go brunette again - not yet, anyway." Just then Mr. and Mrs. McCowan appeared. I think my blonde hair came as more of a shock to them! Mark's dad was smiling, but his Mom's mouth was agape. "Sandra, you look stunning!" she said. "I don't know if I'd have recognized you if I passed you on the street ..." She gave Mom and I hugs and began taking our coats, barely taking her eyes off me. "Honey, Mark told you Sandy changed her hair, remember?" kidded Mr. McCowan. "Yes, but he didn't bother to say how beautiful she is now." "I'm sure THAT wouldn't go over well with his wife," I laughed, "'specially if it was TRUE." "Your daughter is SO modest," Mrs. M said to mom. "That's something I've always loved about her." We were ushered into the living room and served hors d'oeuvres while we all enjoyed small talk, like what we were all up to these days (lots), how was work going (not bad), was Megan still doing her dance classes (yes), was I doing any acting or singing (no), and of course was Marci all back to normal now. The answer to that came when Marci herself arrived. She came and sat with us and talked about her ordeal, thanking Mom and I for our concern and prayers (wow!) and explaining how an incident like that changes your whole outlook on life. She definitely seemed to be a different person, warmer and friendlier than before, like she knew instinctively that she was spared by divine grace. When I told Marci about my job, she seemed pleased - especially when I told her the name of the firm. "That's a great group of attorneys," she said. "Yes, they're all really nice to work for," I added. "That's not exactly what I meant. The partners are very highly regarded and they're very good at attracting the best and brightest." Stephen Porter was the first image that popped into my brain when she said that, but I didn't open my mouth. Marci continued, "Well, I hope you'll be motivated to look into a career in law. You'd love it and I think it would be a good fit, from what Mom and Mark have told me about you." "Thanks - it's nice of you to say that. I've been thinking about going further, you know, with my education and training?" Now that was a white lie, but it made Marci smile and that was good enough for me. Dinner was a relaxed affair, thankfully, and the conversations were friendly and unforced, and by the time Mr. McCowan was fetching our coats I had to admit I'd be happy to come back and do it all over again. We all exchanged warm goodbye hugs (even with Marci!) and soon Mom and I were driving home through a light snowfall. She warned me the roads might be getting slippery, so I should watch my speed. I resisted the urge to say I knew how to drive and just said "Okay." But other than that, we were quiet. I'm sure both of us were thinking the same thing, namely what might have been, if circumstances had been only a little bit different. ***** The next 'event' was Christmas. I mean, it happened AT Christmas. Well okay, it wasn't really an event at all, it was just something that happened. Kath and I were hanging out downstairs at her house when her folks were out, sipping wine and just talking and laughing and talking some more like we always did, and somehow we got onto the subject of our least fave housewife and mother, the ever-unpopular Pam McCowan. (Maybe it's 'cause girls love to gossip about others, especially other girls we don't particularly care for, and gossip flows so much better with a glass of wine!). Anyway, I heard all about her many transgressions, like how she never cleans the house, cooks or even makes a lunch for her loyal, hard- working husband. And how she can't wait till he gets home (even pestering him at work to leave early) so she can take off and hang out at bars with her like-minded slutty girlfriends, and who knows how many lowlife guys as well. "Well I hope he at least gets decent sex to make up for all that grief and aggravation," I volunteered. Even after two full glasses of wine, my brain was still incapable of comprehending how a girl could take advantage of a guy like that, and take him for granted, and then not ... well, you get the idea. "Hah! As if!" Kath snorted in disgust. "Hey, how do you know all this stuff again?" "I've got a spy, that's how. And he tells me everything." "Everything Mark tells HIM," I corrected. "Maybe he's just, you know, exadg ... exadger ..." "Exaggerating?" she laughed. "Easy for you to say! And no, he isn't - trust me." Then Kath let slip that Mark was totally fed up with Pam. But totally depressed too, 'cause with two small kids he was basically stuck in the marriage for better or worse, but in his case it was pretty much all for the worse. "Sandy my dear," she stated with conviction, "it's up to you to rescue that poor boy." "Why me?" "'Cause he's still madly in love with you, stupid, and you're still madly in love with him." "He's not in love with me, you liar. You're just saying that ..." "And why would I just say that?" I put my face right up to hers. "Maybe it's 'cause you miss all our lovey-dovey double-dates, and you miss how I make you all nice and pretty so your guy can't keep his hands off you ... that's why!" Kath squealed with laughter. "Look who's talking! Little miss Sandra, who couldn't keep her mouth off ..." I clamped my hand over HER mouth, to keep her from saying something I might regret, and we both collapsed in a heap, laughing and tickling each other. When we were completely exhausted we just lay there in silence for a few minutes, with my head on her lap. I opened my mouth first. "He doesn't REALLY still love me, does he?" "Of course he does. He never stopped." "I never stopped loving him either." "Even when you were with that skier dude?" "Even then. I was all fucked up, and he was the perfect distraction." "That's a good way to get distracted." "You know what I mean, you turd." "But I thought you were totally into marrying him, like with all that trophy wife B.S." "I was all fucked up. If I used my head for two seconds, I'd know it'd be, like, a total disaster. But you're right, fucking him WAS a great distraction." "That's why I said it. Remember, I've SEEN him." "Whatever - he's history, and it's just as well. And Mark's history too, but that's like the crime of the century." "Yeah, it sure is. But you could still see him, you know." I sat up straight. "Kathleen Thomas, are you suggesting I have an affair with a married man?" "Yes I am, as a matter of fact - so what about it?" "Wasn't that one of those totally stupid things girls are never supposed to do? Like, if they don't wanna wreck their lives? Remember that gig at the church?" "Yeah, I remember. I think we've already done half those things, and our lives aren't totally wrecked ... yet. Anyway, you could always say you're not REALLY a girl, so they don't exactly apply to you ..." "You brat! You're trying to get me to lower my morals! Then what, you're gonna gossip about me too?" "Oh, that'd be the best - it's my fondest ambition! So like, now all of a sudden you've got morals? Weren't we just talking about a certain hunky skier dude?" "He wasn't married." "Just my point! Sex before marriage!" She had me there. So I tried another tack. "But Kath - Mark has two kids! I don't know if I could do that to them." Now she stopped in her tracks. "Hmm ... yeah, you're right about that. I don't think I could either. They deserve a mom and a dad, even if they do hate each other." "I wish you wouldn't put it that way. Even if it's true." We leaned our heads on each other's, found hands to hold, and slowly drifted out of consciousness. ***** Guess what I couldn't put out of my mind after that conversation. So, naturally that was the main topic on my next get-together over coffee with my friend and mentor, Erica. "Uh-huh," I nodded in response to her direct question. "I'm still hung up on him. I guess I put him out of my head for a long time, but like, he was never out of my heart?" "I thought so," she agreed. "But you certainly gave Rob your best shot, didn't you?" I shook my head. "Not really. Maybe when we were together, but I never really pursued him? Like, we spent a lot of time apart, and when I was here and he was wherever, I could see that it could never be a permanent thing. But wow, when he was here or I was there, like, I was just totally head over heels, you know? I couldn't get enough of him." Erica nodded her understanding. "Sounds classic. I can see why, too - that guy was unbelievably hot. You did well, little sister!" I laughed. "Yeah, I guess I did. It sure gave me a lot of self- confidence, you know? Like, if a guy like that could have the hots for me ..." "Then why wouldn't Mark have the hots for you too?" I thought for a moment. "Um, I dunno. I guess my self-confidence isn't so great when it's a guy who knows me inside out." "But isn't that precisely why Mark would love you? You said he had these gay tendencies ... seems to me you're the ideal girl for him. Like me for Ted." "I always hoped so ... but when he said he didn't want me to get the operation, I started to think he wasn't the right guy for me. I mean, if he wasn't on the same page about something that important to me, you know?" "Maybe he's changed his mind about that." "Maybe ... but I'll probably never know, unless ..." "Unless you follow Kath's advice?" I shook my head again. "Yeah, but I don't think I can do that, Erica. You should see those kids - they're the sweetest things you've ever seen in your life. I could never do anything to hurt them. But I don't give a shit about Pam - I'd sleep with him just to show her she can't treat him like that." She giggled. "Spoken like a true female. They know how to use sex as a weapon against each other, don't they?" I shrugged. "Maybe ... but it's so wrong to use it against children? So I'd never do it." "Hmm," she nodded. "So do you feel you should cut off all contact with Mark?" "I guess so. But I don't know if I can do that either. I mean, right now all I want is for him to say he loves me, and he'll always love me, like right to my face." She raised her eyebrows. "And how would that help?" "I think it'd be like, a kind of closure? Like, then I'd know we were both cool about each other. No regrets kind of thing?" "Sounds a bit dangerous if you're trying to put some distance between you. And from what you told me before, there are a lot of regrets." "Yeah, I know ... but I want those to be, like, gone for good." Now Erica was quiet for a moment. "Hmm ... so let's say you meet, face to face, just the two of you. You pledge eternal love for each other, and say it's too bad you were both so naive and immature about your relationship, but now you're older and wiser. Then what? Honey, I just can't see how this is going to end the way you want it to, if what you're trying to do is get closure?" I nodded solemnly. "I know. I mean, I knew that all along. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone I respect. Like you." ***** Now, winter is definitely NOT my favorite time of year. It was bad enough when I had to freeze my little butt off, waiting at a bus stop with an arctic gale blowing up my skirt and making me feel like I had icicles for legs. Much as I loved clothes with hemlines, I wondered why I always picked jobs where you had to wear them year-round. But driving myself to work came with different hazards. Cincinnati drivers seemed to get all flustered at the first sign of snowflakes in the air, and the drive to or from work could take two or three times as long, what with cars moving at a crawl or banging into each other at intersections. Of course, I hadn't experienced a crash firsthand so maybe you can understand why I was so impatient. That all changed one snowy Monday morning in mid-January. I'll admit it, I was running a bit late for work, following a slow-moving car too closely and getting very agitated. Like, what was his problem? Then, right after an intersection, the road widened to four lanes and I hit the gas to get around him on his left. But all of a sudden he started doing a U-turn right in front of me! I hit the brakes but the road was slippery and my car skidded right into the side of his, stopping hard with a big huge crunching sound. I just sat there in a daze for a few moments. All I could think of was how I'd wrecked my baby, my pretty little green Beetle. The other driver, a middle-aged man, got out of his car on the far side and started coming towards me, and he didn't look very happy. He began yelling at me through my closed window. I had no idea what to do - it was like my brain was as damaged as my car. And it was SO scary! Then the most unbelievable thing happened. Mark - yes, THAT Mark - appeared out of nowhere and confronted the man. I shook my head and blinked my eyes - was this a dream? No, it was really Mark McCowan, out there having heated words with the other driver. I couldn't hear what was being said, but both guys were pointing and gesturing; the driver at me and my car, and Mark at the man and his car and the road. I undid my seatbelt and slowly got out and stood a few feet behind Mark. He was definitely angry at the other man, saying things like, "Where do you get off pulling a stunt like that?" and the man just as angrily said he'd missed his turn and didn't think there was anyone in the lane beside him, and U-turns weren't illegal. I wisely stayed out of the argument. But the other traffic was stacking up in both directions - behind the crash and also behind Mark's car, which I noticed was stopped close by in one of the opposite lanes. There was a lot of honking! I felt just awful. Then Mark glanced at me and said, "Are you okay, miss?" "Yes, um ... I'm fine," I replied, not understanding why he didn't use my name. He turned back to the man for all of a second, then right back to me. His jaw dropped. "Sandy?" "Uh-huh?" "That was you .. your car?" He gestured towards my Beetle. "Holy crap, I had no idea, I'm so sorry! Are you sure you're okay?" "Um, I had my seatbelt on? And it wasn't a very big crash ..." The other man said "So you know each other? That's convenient!" And Mark said, "Doesn't matter if we do or don't - you're still at fault on this one, pal. You don't do a U-turn across two lanes of traffic." "We'll see who's right about that," he snarled. "Just a sec," said Mark, and he dashed back to his car, returning seconds later with a camera. He began snapping pictures of the crash, to the obvious annoyance of the other driver. Just then a cop pulled up, coolly assessed the situation, and told us to move our vehicles off the road. Mark and the other man complied, but I was still so flustered that I couldn?t even get mine started. Mark hurried back and took over, getting the banged-up Beetle going and backing it up till it was clear of traffic. It made a loud scraping sound, which Mark said later was a front tire rubbing on a bent fender. The cop asked questions, examined documents and took statements, then used his radio to call a tow truck for my car. The other car seemed to be drivable, as long as the driver got in from the passenger side. Soon just Mark and I were left standing next to his car, watching the tow truck haul my Beetle away to the VW dealership. I was beginning to calm down, at last. ?Fun morning, huh?? he joked. ?Not exactly my idea of fun,? I answered grimly. ?My nice new car ? I?ve wrecked it.? ?No, that other turkey wrecked it, not you. His insurance will be fixing it for you. Here, get in.? He opened the passenger door for me and I slid gratefully into the warm interior. He closed the door, just as he?d done so many times when we were dating, and got in on the other side. ?Mark, I don?t know what to say. You came to my rescue. And you didn?t even know it was me ...? ?No, I didn?t,? he laughed. ?But I would?ve come a lot faster if I knew it was you.? Now it was my turn to laugh. ?So how come ...? ?I was right there? I dunno ? lucky, I guess. Who knew we both used the same road to get to work? Anyway, can I drive you home?? ?Uh, no ... I should go to the office ? they?re still expecting me, even if I?m late.? ?Wanna call them?? He handed me his cell phone and I dialed the number, explaining the situation to Annalise who only seemed to care that I was all right. Typical Annalise! ?I thought you started work earlier.? I said as I handed him back his phone. ?I used to. But these days I get the kids up and feed them breakfast. Pam?s usually up and around by the time I?m leaving.? I felt a sharp twinge of righteous anger when he told me that. So, the bitch stays out partying till all hours and the responsible guy who goes to work has to make up for it. Unbelievable. ?That doesn?t sound very fair,? I commented, and I immediately regretted saying anything. He looked at me, pursed his lips and shook his head. ?Well, that?s Pam. But I love those kids ... the way I look at it, I?m a lucky guy to be able to spend time with them.? ?You mean the way you CHOOSE to look at it.? Oops, I thought, I?ve done it again. He just nodded. ?Anyway, we should get you to work. You?re downtown, right?? He pulled back into traffic and made a U-turn, LEGALLY, and we were on our way. I described the route to my building. The traffic was still slow, so we got a little time to chat. First he thanked me again for being there for him and his family when Marci went missing. I replied that there wasn?t much I could except pray, but he said the thing that meant the most was how understanding and supportive I was in their hour of need. Whatever, I thought ? I would?ve done that for anyone. But if Mark and his family felt that I was there for them when they needed me, I wasn?t about to argue the point. Then he asked me how I liked my job, and I told him what I did and how I loved working downtown. He said that Marci told him she was impressed by what I was doing and hoped I?d pursue a career in law, like her, and that she could see me as a professional woman. That made me laugh, but Mark said ?Why not?? and I replied that between him and me, my biggest ambition was to have a happy and productive life no matter what I ended up doing for work. When I said that he grew a bit quiet, and I wondered if it was the words ?happy life? that bothered him. Mark found an empty parking space with a one-hour limit in front of my building, so we kept chatting a while longer. Not about Pam, or the kids, or work ... just about him and about me. He didn?t seem to want our time together to end ? and neither did I. But the minutes flew by. Finally I said I shouldn?t be keeping him from getting to work, and he nodded. ?It?s been so great to see you again,? he said softly. ?I?ll be honest with you ? I?ve missed you a lot.? He was looking straight at me. ?I?ve missed you too,? I said, finding it hard to return his gaze. Mostly because my eyes were feeling quite damp. I dabbed them with a tissue. ?Guess we kinda screwed up, didn?t we?? ?Uh-huh. We sure did. I mean, I sure did.? ?It was both of us, Sandy.? I nodded, biting my lip as though that would be enough to stop the tears from flowing. ?Thank you SO much for coming to my rescue,? I said with a sniff, trying to change the subject and save my makeup job. ?I guess I was the damsel in distress today, and you were the white knight.? ?I wouldn?t have missed it for the world,? he said. ?Don?t you think it was like the biggest coincidence in the world that you were there at that exact moment?? ?It was pure luck ... or maybe it was fate,? he replied softly, and then he got out and came around to open my door. Still the perfect gentleman, I thought. As I stood next to him I wondered if he?d spontaneously put his arms around me, and maybe even kiss me, but neither of those things happened. Probably a good thing, I thought as I went through the revolving door. Once inside I noticed he was still standing there next to his car and I waved. He waved back. ***** Thankfully, when you bang up your car on the way to work, your bosses and co-workers are in a forgiving mood. So arriving over an hour late wasn?t the crime it might otherwise have been. And thanks to Mark?s timely intervention and our nice long chat, I wasn?t as much of a wreck as my car was. So at lunchtime I scurried off to the nearest flower shop, found the perfect thank-you card, and sent that amazing guy a single red rose in a glass vase with the card and a big balloon attached. It went to his office, of course ? I wanted to make sure he received it! Then, the next day, he phoned me at work. ?Mark! You shouldn?t be calling me here,? I said, even though I was thrilled to hear from him so soon after seeing him. ?Sorry ? I just had to call and say thanks for the balloon-a-gram. Good thing you didn?t put your name on the outside though ? I had to tell the receptionist it was from my sister.? ?Not your wife?? ?Naw, nobody would?ve believed it was from her.? ?Seriously? Mark, that really sucks. I?m so sorry ...? ?Oh, that?s just Pam.? ?Well if I were her I?d send you something every single day. Oh crap, I didn?t mean to say that. Please don?t take that the wrong way ...? He chuckled, ?It?s okay, no worries. You?re just a very different person than her, that?s all.? ?Yeah, I think so. But I?m sure she?s just great in a lot of ways that I?m not.? ?I?ll try to think of some,? he laughed. But then his voice got softer and sounded more serious. ?Sandy ... I mean Sandra ? is that how you like to be called now? ? I just wanted to say I really needed that time with you yesterday. I wish it could?ve been a lot longer.? ?I needed it too,? I said, trying not to sound too forward, or too emotional after what he?d just shared. ?And you?ve always called me Sandy, so ...? ?So, do you think we could, you know ... get together again some time? You know, just for coffee or whatever. So we could just talk some more?? I was floored ? and at first I didn?t know how to respond. Obviously, I realized, I?d brought this on by sending him the thank-you, not thinking for a moment he?d assume I was opening a door. ?Um, I guess it?d be okay. But like, how can you do that? Aren?t you expected home after work? And it sounds like you need to be there or your kids don?t even eat properly.? ?Well I won?t say you?re wrong about that. But my folks usually take them on the weekends. It?s lucky for Pam and me ? they can?t get enough of those kids.? ?So don?t you spend that time with Pam? Like, doing stuff together?? Mark chuckled again. ?Well that would be what normal married couples do, but not us. We each have our own interests. Like, I do active things like hiking or biking, you know me. She prefers to hang out with her friends, shopping or going to movies ...? ?Or the bar?? ?Yeah, that too. So I do a lot of stuff with Ben, or even just on my own.? So that?s how Ben knows so much about Mark?s life, I thought. ?Okay, I get the idea. Well, why don?t you, like, send me an email or whatever and let me know when to meet you? And where ... I guess if we keep it kind of low-key we won?t get each other into too much trouble.? ?Yeah, I?m with you ? low-key all the way. So what?s your email?? I gave it to him, and he gave me his. And then we said our goodbyes. I heaved a big sigh, leaned back in my chair, then checked the time on my computer screen. It was two minutes before lunch, so I scurried straight out to reception and sat down next to Annalise to tell her the whole story. ***** Around eleven the following Saturday I took the bus to the mall, where Mark picked me up at a pre-arranged spot (my car wouldn?t be ready for another few days). ?Thanks for meeting me,? he said as he held the door for me ? I didn?t know if you?d have second thoughts.? ?Why should I? We?re just having coffee together. Well, maybe something to eat too if it?s all right ? I kinda skipped breakfast?? ?Sure, anything you want.? We drove to a little diner in the middle of a strip mall near the outskirts of the city. I have to admit I was feeling quite uneasy about the whole thing, like we were sneaking around ? which of course we were. The place was small and crowded, but luckily there was a group just vacating a booth and Mark quickly snagged it. He helped me take my coat off and laid it on the seat for me. We looked over the plastic-laminated menus and Mark let me give the girl my order first. I asked for a bowl of oatmeal with milk and a poached egg with no toast. And a coffee. Mark just asked for coffee. ?Already ate at Mom and Dad?s place,? he explained. ?So are you doing a diet or something?? ?You could say that. I got a bit of a scare last year when I started to gain a lot of weight. So I?ve had to change my eating habits a bit.? ?You don?t look overweight to me.? ?There must be something wrong with your eyes then. I?m still like ten pounds more than I used to be.? ?Well if that?s true, I like what it?s done for you. You look fantastic.? I laughed and shook my head. ?You?re way too kind. I?d sooner be ten pounds less, not ten pounds more. You have no idea how much trouble it causes with like, clothes and bras and stuff.? Then I remembered about Pam, but decided not to go there. ?Whatever you say, but take it from me, you?ve never looked more beautiful. I even like the blonde hair!? I just giggled softly in appreciation. But he went on: ?And you seem really different now ... in a good way. Well I don?t mean you?re like a different person ... it?s just that you?re so much more, you know ... soft, and feminine now. Everything about you. And you?re so pretty. It?s hard to believe you were ever ... well, you know.? ?I know ... and thank you.? Those were very nice compliments, I thought. And rather personal too, coming from a married man. I suppose it should have put me on edge, but it did the exact opposite and I felt myself getting more relaxed and comfortable with Mark. Soon it began to feel like the ?old days? and we talked about all kinds of stuff, like our jobs, Kath and Ben, friends from high school we?d both bumped into since graduation, his family and my family, and even things we used to do in our dating days, like the great hiking trips we did and all the crazy misadventures we got ourselves into. In no time at all we were laughing and kidding each other like the best of friends. I was having the most fun I?d had in ages, and I didn?t want it to end. We ordered more food and coffee so they wouldn?t think we were just loitering. But when I finally visited the ladies room and checked my watch I was shocked to discover we?d been there almost four hours. Back at the table I asked Mark if he needed to be getting home, and he said he probably should because he had some laundry to do ? which of course made me so mad! I almost felt like going there and doing it for him, just to show that bitch how you look after your husband. Once outside I calmed down a bit and we talked some more, then we both reluctantly said our goodbyes. He asked me if we could do it again the next Saturday, and I readily agreed. Then he slapped his head with the palm of his hand. ?Oh crap, I forgot ? it?s the kids? second birthday this week ? on Tuesday. Hey, Mom and Dad are throwing a party for them, on Saturday. Maybe you could come over ...? ?Oh Mark, I can?t do that ? Pam would go berserk. And what would your folks think?? ?Pam won?t be there, she already said so. She?s doing a cake for them on Tuesday. ? ?Well I?d love to see them ... you know, without Pam there, but ...? ?Well why don?t I get back to you later and maybe we can arrange something.? ?Okay, whatever.? Of course there?s no way I could imagine doing that ? it would be just too awkward and I?ve never been good at lying. Wait a minute, what am I saying? Mark drove past my house, and not seeing Mom?s car in the driveway, we pulled over and chatted a while longer. It was SO hard to stop! But eventually I reached for the door handle, and Mark came around to open it for me. We stood next to each other for a moment, and I thought yes, he?s going to hug me this time, but no he didn?t ? I supposed he was trying to be discreet, or a gentleman, or he just couldn?t bring himself to. By then I really wanted him to, and even needed him to. I rehashed our date (yes, I decided it was a date) over and over for the remainder of the day. And lo and behold, I knew what one of my love languages was: being complimented, by someone I cared deeply for, on the one thing I was most obsessive about, namely my outward appearance. But Mark had gone farther, noting how I was now so ?soft, and feminine? compared to my old self. As a natural-born male, I had to work hard to develop those traits and having him perceive me that way was deeply gratifying. ***** My inbox had an email from Annalise ? guess she couldn?t wait till the Monday to hear all about my date with Mark. I called her back and we talked for an hour or so. I was surprised she didn?t seem judgmental about the whole thing. Girlfriends can be so amazing that way. When I told her about the invitation to the birthday party, she said she?d go if she were me, if for no other reason than the chance to cuddle those ridiculously cute little twins. That I could agree with, so I ended up putting aside my reluctance and when Mark phoned me at work later in the week I told him I?d come, but with strict conditions: like, no displays of affection between us, and I?d have to arrive and leave on my own. ?I?d just die if your folks ever thought there was anything going on between us,? I explained. I picked up my Beetle after work on the Friday. What an amazing job they?d done! They even cleaned and polished it inside and out ? and you couldn?t tell it wasn?t new out of the showroom. I said a silent prayer of thanks that my special little car had escaped the crash without permanent damage, and vowed to drive more defensively in the future. Then, the next afternoon I drove to the McCowans? place, still feeling a bit apprehensive ? but not enough to keep me from wearing something nice under my winter coat ... the white sweater dress! I almost didn?t go with that dress, since with the extra pounds it was now a snug fit around my boobs and butt, but I loved that dress and thought it would be perfect for the occasion. Remembering how little Emma loved Annalise?s colorful nails, I?d redone my fingers and toes in a matching pink, and even found some cute pink pendant earrings and tied my long blonde hair into a big ponytail with a bright pink ribbon. Mark and Pam?s minivan was parked in the driveway, and for a brief moment I considered doing a U-turn, but I worked up my courage and went to the door. Balloons hung from the twin light fixtures, a banner above the door said ?Happy Birthday? and a colorful, gaily printed sign on the door said ?Come Right In!? So that?s what I did. There was a buzz of voices mixed with CD music inside. I glanced around and saw a few people I didn?t recognize socializing in the living room, and some small children playing on the floor, but no sign of any of the McCowans. I put my coat and boots in the closet and slipped on a pair of ballet flats, then went downstairs where I found Mark, his dad and two other men playing pool. They looked up when I approached and I noticed the other guys? eyes checking me out head to foot, but mostly my face and boobs. Mark and his dad?s faces were just beaming smiles at me. ?Sandra, welcome!? exclaimed Mr. McCowan. ?You sure look dressed for a party.? ?I heard a rumor you were having one!? Mark made the introductions, explaining that the two guys were co- workers, indeed almost everyone at the party was from work, and I noticed again that they never took their eyes off me. I was introduced as a close friend of the family. One of the guys, Shane I think it was, remarked with a grin that his family could use some close friends like me. Now, a few years earlier my face would have turned a bright pink to match my accessories if a guy said something like that in front of his buddies, but after working at Milestones and hearing every possible variant of that comment a few times over, I was pretty much immune. So I just gave Shane a nice smile. ?So where do I find the birthday babies?? I asked Mark. ?Upstairs somewhere. Last I saw, they were playing in the kitchen. Are you staying for food and cake?? That sounded nice at first, but my dress was constantly reminding me that goodies were the last things I needed. ?Oh, I don?t know how long I can stay. We?ll see.? The twins weren?t to be found in the kitchen, but Mrs. McCowan and some other women were, so after more greetings and introductions and compliments on what I was wearing, on a hunch I went upstairs and found them with two older girls playing with Barbies in Megan?s room. Megan jumped up and down when she saw me and we exchanged hugs, then I got down on the carpet and joined in the fun. The twins had dumped the contents of all of Megan?s Barbie bins all over the floor and were obviously tiring of trying to dress and undress the dolls, an activity which requires a lot more manual dexterity than they possessed at age two! The other two girls were hunting through the mess for specific items, and Megan was keeping busy rescuing her things from the twins. Then Ethan got hold of her Barbie convertible and began pushing it all around the room, making engine noises with his mouth, and Emma tried to take it from him, which resulted in some major screaming. So I picked her up and put her on my lap, which she didn?t seem to mind, especially when she spied my earrings. ?Hi Emma,? I said in my highest voice. ?Happy Birthday, sweetie. Are you having a fun day?? She smiled at me and nodded, and my heart almost melted. ?Oh my gosh, you?re SO cute!? I said to her. She had the biggest brownest eyes you ever saw and the roundest little face. I couldn?t believe I was actually holding that precious little girl. ?She can be a brat sometimes,? Megan said as she took the opportunity to put a few things back in their rightful places. ?Even more than her brother.? As if on cue, Ethan came over to me and seemed to want to be held too. When he felt the soft fabric of my dress he immediately snuggled his face into my chest. So there I was in heaven, cuddling those amazing little kids and letting them play with my ponytail, my nails, my dress, and anything else they wanted to. ?They like you, Sandy,? giggled Megan. ?The feeling?s totally mutual.? Mrs. McCowan appeared at the door, smiled at the scene, and announced that we were all to come and have some treats. The twins didn?t want to let go of me, so I helped them down the stairs. There was a big cake with two lit candles on the dining room table, and everyone was standing nearby. Mark picked Ethan up and motioned for me to do the same with Emma, and we all sang Happy Birthday. Emma?s little face was close to mine, and she gave me a big smile when I sang ?dear Em-ma ...? Cameras clicked as we held the twins close to the cake. ?Blow!? said Mark, and I said ?Blow the candles!? but they obviously didn?t have any idea what we meant, so Mark and I did the blowing as the twins and everyone else looked on and cheered. And for the briefest moment I felt what it must be like to be the kids? Mom and really be an important part of that family. I ended up staying a lot longer than I expected, as I got into a fun conversation about clothes shopping with the wife of one of Mark?s co- workers, and then I helped his mom put the twins down for a nap, and then we had a nice long chat, and before long everyone started leaving. Eventually it was just me and the McCowans, and I began to worry that Pam would show up, but Mark said no, she would go straight home so relax and have a seat in the living room. I didn?t want the day to end, so I sat for a while with Mark and his folks and we talked about the Caribbean cruise that Mark?s parents had just been on. I asked them a lot of questions about cruising and the places they visited and said how much I?d love to do that sometime, but none of my friends seemed interested. Mrs. McCowan said why don?t you go with your Mom, and I replied that would probably be nice. But down deep I felt that cruising was a romantic thing to do, and you really needed a man with you to do it right. At last it was time for me to say my goodbyes. Mark walked me to my car, gave it a quick inspection and pronounced the repair first class, and helped me get in. ?Thanks for coming, Sandy. It meant a lot to my folks ... and me.? ?I had a lot of fun. I just love your two kids. I was trying to think of how I could steal them ...? He laughed. ?Everyone says that. But YOU I?d trust with them.? ?YOU might but someone else might not agree with you.? He nodded. ?Yeah ... well, have a good night, Sandy. So, uh, can I see you again next weekend?? ?Mmm,? I nodded. ?I?d like that.? And with that he closed my door and waved goodbye. No hugs again, I thought with a frown. ***** What a week that was! From the moment Mark and I parted ways, I was looking forward to our next time together and longing for the time to go by super-quick, and then to go super-slow when I was with him again. Of course we all know it?s just the opposite! But I did try to make good use of the time. I had SO many thoughts and emotions and feelings, all competing for my limited brain capacity, and all wanting to be shared, so I decided to start a journal. I wrote down everything that was going through my head, and through my heart, and how I felt physically. And when I woke in the morning I?d grab my journal and write about my dreams, everything up to and including Mark divorcing Pam and getting custody, and then marrying me. I even visualized my wedding dress and my honeymoon, on a cruise ship of course. I know, what a load of complete B.S. I could conjure up in my silly little head. Still, I could rationalize all of it by explaining to myself that the best way to deal with my thoughts and dreams was to write them all down where they?d lose their power over me. But I didn?t reach out to share any of this with Kath or Mom or anyone else except Annalise, whom I trusted with my inner thoughts and feelings and whom I knew wouldn?t judge me. I guess I wanted to keep my newfound relationship with Mark and my feelings towards him as confidential as possible. There could be hell to pay if I didn?t! I was so excited as I got myself ready, choosing a really pretty top for him to feast his eyes on, and even digging out my precious little bottle of Halston which hadn?t been opened since we last dated three years earlier. Then I drove to the restaurant Mark had directed me to. It wasn?t the same place as before, and that made me wonder if he was trying extra- hard to cover his tracks! But no, he just said he thought a bit of variety was a good thing. As he helped me with my coat he complimented me on my top, and then he sniffed the air and said he always loved that fragrance on me. I just purred, and if he?d taken me in his arms and kissed me right then and there, he would?ve gotten back such a big smooch that his head would be spinning! We both ordered food, but an hour after it came most of it was still on our plates, we were talking so much. We shared our hopes and dreams for the future, which were quite similar really. He wondered if I?d pursue my acting and singing, and I said I?d love to if I could find some way to work it into my schedule. He said he hoped I would, because it was something he knew I really loved and I was very good at it, and I thanked him for the nice compliment. I asked him if he still got out to movies, or shows, or concerts, but he said no, with small kids you can?t do all the stuff you did before. Which I felt wasn?t necessarily true since his parents were ready and willing to babysit, but I didn?t want to bring his wife into the conversation and spoil things. Eventually we got into more serious stuff, like the attack and my subsequent operation. He was such a good listener that I found myself sharing some really intimate details that I?d barely told to Mom or Kath. And as any girl will tell you, when a guy really listens to what you?re saying, you make an emotional connection with him. You bond. And he was SO understanding, never interrupting or telling me his interpretation or opinion of events or stuff like that. I have to admit, I?d forgotten how empathetic that Mark McCowan was. Such a sweetheart! No wonder I?d been so in love with him, and no wonder all those same tender feelings were surfacing again. But ?those same tender feelings? faded noticeably when he broached the subject of Rob. That was especially difficult for me ? because Rob had come on the scene when Mark and I were beginning to have ?issues,? and my attraction to him had definitely hurt Mark and driven a wedge between us. But Mark was circumspect about it, like it was all ancient history, which I guess it was by then. Then he shared something I never knew for sure, but had feared ? his sister Marci had told him she bumped into his girlfriend in this fancy seafood restaurant, and Sandra was on the arm of this great-looking guy who she obviously had the hots for. Up until then, Mark said, he?d been hopeful that we could put our differences aside and get back together. I asked him if that?s when he went back to Pam, and he looked away for a moment, then nodded. And at that moment I felt completely awful. But he said he knew I was dating Rob, so it was no huge surprise, but still, after that he became depressed, then angry, and started dating Pam again more out of spite than anything. Soon Mark checked his watch and said he needed to get back and pick up his kids. We parted on a bit of a sour note ? no hugs or kisses for me that day! And after I got home I still felt like shit, so I called Kath but she said sorry, she needed to get a big paper done for school. Erica wasn?t available either, and I knew Annalise was going to a show with her mom that evening. That left my own mom, and against my better judgment, but needing to confide in someone close to me, I ended up spending the evening talking with her about the new developments in my crazy life. And as expected, I got a big lecture about keeping Mark at arm?s length, because marriage is sacred and children need an intact home, and all that stuff. But even though I kept most of the juicy stuff to myself, our talk had the desired effect and I was a lot more relaxed and at peace as I climbed into bed and reached for my journal. And my mind went back to the earlier conversations Mark and I had that day, before Rob came up and things soured. A warm fuzzy feeling came over me as I remembered how special I felt when that man really listened, and all of a sudden I knew another one of my love languages. But the feeling intensified when it occurred to me that Mark knew my love languages before I did. ***** Still, I wasn?t quite as eager as before to see Mark again after talking with Mom, and I even considered putting a stop to our little rendezvouses, but he reached out by email and I couldn?t help myself ? I just HAD to see him. I wore something nice again, but decided against the Halston this time. After we ordered, I tearily apologized for my role in causing our breakup, saying I?d give anything to go back and have the chance to do things differently. But he said I shouldn?t beat myself up, he was as much to blame, which I completely disagreed with, explaining that I was the one on the mood-altering hormones, which I?d kept secret from him, and I was the one who couldn?t see how incredibly fortunate I was to have a boyfriend as kind and considerate as him. But he came back with an apology for being a controlling jerk who was trying to keep me from pursuing my dream of becoming a whole woman, just so he could act out his own sexual fantasies on me. And I told him I was happy to be on the receiving end of his fantasies (okay, we all know that was a bit of a lie) and for him I would have been fine with staying half-male and half-female (another lie, but by then I wanted to win the argument about who was more to blame). Then something remarkable happened. Mark reached across the table and took my hands in his. For me, the sensation was electric, like a taboo had been broken, a line had been crossed. I didn?t pull back. He looked me right in the eyes and said, ?Sandra ... it?s all in the past now. Let?s not spoil what we have, going over all that stuff like we can change anything that?s happened. Can we just say what we said at the beginning? We both screwed up. I just want us to be good friends from now on.? His last sentence didn?t sound optimistic enough for me, though. If he?d said ?I just want us to pick up where we left off,? that would?ve been more to my liking. Even if it was impossible and it would ruin lives and I would make enemies ... and my Mom would kill me. This time we were all done our meals not long after they arrived, and Mark suggested we get up off our butts and go for a walk somewhere, since it was a really nice day. I suggested Echo Park, so we both drove there and spent the next couple of hours walking and talking. The snowfall of the previous week was melting and the paths were icy in places, so Mark suggested I hold his arm, which I readily agreed to. That not only made me feel more secure on my feet, but also in the emotional bond I felt with him. Somehow we got onto the subject of his marriage. Not the nicest topic, I decided later, but I got to hear his side of the story, which was maybe a bit less embellished than the biased version I got third-hand from Kath. Whatever the real story was, by then I had such an intense dislike for Pam and such a soft spot for Mark, that I took whatever he told me as the gospel truth. And I found myself asking him some really personal questions, which when I think about it now makes me slightly horrified that I could be so intrusive. But in my mind, I still had a kind of claim on Mark. He was mine first, and I was intimate with him first, and you don?t ever get a man out of your heart when you?ve been that close to him physically and emotionally. So I came right out and asked him what their sex life was like. I was trying to make it sound clinical, like I was trying to get to the bottom of the dysfunction in their marriage, but in truth I was just prying. And I felt he answered truthfully. ?We don?t really have one,? he said softly with a distinct note of sadness in his voice. ?She?s not really into me, I guess ...? ?Seriously? Not into YOU? That?s ridiculous,? I said, although down deep I felt kind of relieved to hear they weren?t being intimate. ?So, like ... what do you do? Um, like I know you?re a guy, and guys ...? ?Have needs, is that what you?re saying? I guess you?d know, wouldn?t you. So ... what did you do?? Nice turn of the tables, Mark, I thought. So I went with it: ?Well, when I had you it wasn?t a problem ...? ?I don?t seem to remember having any problems when I was with you, either.? I giggled involuntarily when he said that, and an image of me taking him in my mouth flashed through my brain, followed by one where the hand I now held his arm with also used to hold another part of his body. I remembered how hard he?d get with me, and how I loved making him come. ?Sorry, I guess I put you on the spot,? he chuckled. ?Not nice.? ?It?s okay ... it brought back some nice memories.? Some of those memories involved masturbating while imagining I had a vagina and he was penetrating me. ?So you asked me a question. The truth is ... I, um, usually take care of myself in the shower ...? ?Oh Mark, that?s not right.? ?I guess it feels right enough to me, you know, with everything that?s going on.? ?Hmm.? How very sad, I thought. ?So do you, like, think of stuff?? He turned and looked at me. ?Yeah ... I think of you.? I think my face must have gone red at that moment. I was speechless. This married man was fantasizing about me while he was jerking off in the shower because his wife, whose job it was to look after his sexual needs, couldn?t care less about him. It made me seethe with anger at wrong it all was. But I have to admit, a part of me felt totally flattered that this man still saw me as an object of his sexual desire, after all the wrongs I?d committed. But it also made me feel profoundly sorry for him, like he was getting ripped off of something he had a God-given right to expect from his marriage. I knew if I was Mark?s wife he?d get hot sex from me every single day of his life! Like, what was wrong with that stupid bitch, anyway? Now, I know what you?re thinking. That girl Sandra is playing with fire here. It would be just like her to want to help her ex-boyfriend in some way. Maybe even to fill that void in Mark?s life. Well, if that?s what you thought, you?d be right ? that?s exactly how I felt. By then I was so caught up in my desire to be close to Mark again that I put my inhibitions on hold. I wanted that man, plain and simple. And when we got back to the parking lot and he still wasn?t making any moves, I began to feel like I was sixteen again, frustrated and wondering if and when this Mark McCowan guy would ever hug me or kiss me. ?I?m going to really miss you this week, Sandy,? he said tenderly, as we arrived at my car. ?I wish I could see you every day.? ?Same here,? I nodded, sensing an opening. I moved a little closer and added, ?I love spending time with you, Mark.? He didn?t seem to take the hint, so I made the big move and wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head on his chest. I immediately felt his hand caressing my hair, and without thinking I leaned my head back for the kiss I fully expected to receive. This time he didn?t disappoint ? our lips met for the first time in three years and I knew then that our love for each other was as strong as ever! To be continued ....