Chatting With My Sister free porn video

The questions of my sister. © Elaine 2017 "Maggie it's been such a long time since we talked!" said Maggie my sister using my usual informal name instead of Margaret. "So I wondered what your life was like these days what with Mom passing away and you getting married to Allan." Sherry my older sister seemed genuinely curious as she made some coffee in her kitchen. "It must be at least 18 months since your wonderful wedding day and you really do seem to have found a loving man." "Yes Allan is simply wonderful," I replied agreeing with her but apparently without much enthusiasm. I was curious to find out why she'd started this latest head to head chat this way. "Why are you asking?" "Oh it might just be all my imagination but it seems that you're not quite so happy these days as you appear," she said with a look of sisterly concern on her face. "Oh I guess happiness is always relative isn't it?" I answered vaguely as I sat down at the kitchen table. "I mean I was really happy on my wedding day and then after I'd heard you were pregnant again and had given me another niece." "So are you saying you're a little unhappy now?" she quizzed gently again. "Well I think it's wrong to say I'm unhappy just because I don't look happy. Perhaps instead it might be easier to talk about my various mood swings and thoughts," I replied. She poured out two steaming hot cups of coffee from the pot and then sat down opposite me at the kitchen table. I put my usual milk and no sugar in my cup. I stirred while she sweetened her brew as usual. "Judy won't be awake for a few hours yet so there's plenty of time to catch up," she said referring to her youngest child. So I sat back in the wooden chair, crossed my legs at the knee despite the constriction of my tight pencil skirt and balanced my high heeled pump on my toes to ease the constant pressure on my foot. I've always really liked the feel of sheer pantyhose on my legs especially as the material rubs together as I walk. It used to be quite an electric feeling but now it just feels perfectly normal and it doesn't excite me sexually as it once did. My legs do look good clad in sheer shiny pantyhose or stockings according to Allan. "Well?" she asked shaking me out of my thoughts about wearing sheer pantyhose. "Well I'd have to say I think I'm generally quite happy that I chose to become a woman if that's what this is all about," I replied after a little thought. "I'm also happy that I'm married to Allan as he accepts me completely. He's always spoiling me a lot." "Yes I've already spoken to him several times," she replied honestly. "He told me just after you both got back from your honeymoon in the Caribbean that you were the girl of his dreams." "He did not!" I retorted incredulously. "He did Maggie. He told me that again at Roger's birthday party. He told me that you were the sexiest woman he'd ever met with absolutely no hint remaining of who you used to be. He told me that your ability to completely pass as a woman was very important to him as he didn't want to seem weird to his friends." "Yes he's told me that too," I confessed. "I realised that some time before we got married. It was why he always insisted on an ultra feminine look and styling. It also explains why he insists that I regularly visit the local salon to get my hair and nails done . When I complained about the cost of the regular treatments he told me he'd pick up the bill from then on if I'd just continue. I tried to argue with him that it wasn't necessary but he wasn't going to change his mind. Consequently every other weekend I'll spend time getting my nails filled and my hair styled to please him." I showed her my very long nails with the latest design the salon had applied. "They are very nice Maggie. I wish I could have nails like yours but bringing up kids makes it impractical," she replied and then she homed in on my demeanour again. "You mentioned that you were only 'generally' happy. Why are you not completely happy as a woman and as his loving wife? You used to joke that you always wanted to be a happily married woman. Now you have no excuse." She then pulled out two cigarettes from her pack with one for herself and handed one to me. She lit her slim cigarette with her elegant gold lighter and then mine. I held it as usual in between my finger tips so she could see my long manicured red nails. "You do have really nice nails Maggie," she said passing comment on them again. "Thanks they took some getting used to but Allan likes me to have them this long," I replied. After I took a long welcome drag on my cigarette and then blowing out the smoke towards the ceiling I carefully responded to her question, "Well I suppose my life as a woman never seems to be quite as simple or as easy as I imagined it would be." I gently flicked my ash into the ashtray nervously. "Well you've always seemed to make it look very easy. I mean no one would ever know looking at you now that you were once my sad little brother who used to sneak into my bedroom to wear my lacy underwear," she laughed. "Thanks," I replied and then added. "I think though that's entirely due to all the wonderful doctors and plastic surgeons our Mom found. They all did an amazing job." "I've always wondered why she did all that so enthusiastically," Sherry replied. "I mean she really spent a lot of time and effort not to mention large amounts of money on your transition." "Yes I'm not really sure why she did that either but obviously something motivated her to do it. She did tell me that after my gender dysphoria diagnosis had been confirmed by the psychiatrist, she'd decided that she would do everything she could to make sure my transition into a woman was a complete success. She said that my share of our Dad's estate would be used for everything I needed. Without that money I wouldn't have been able to transition so early and it also would have taken a lot longer to achieve," I explained. "There was more than enough to pay for the countless procedures, medication and the five major surgical operations I needed." "I often wondered what Dad would have thought if he'd found out about his son being transgender before he died," Sherry remarked. "Mom told me that she deliberately kept the news from him as his cancer spread. So he didn't know." "I know I remember I had to wear my male clothes when I went in to see him in the hospice," I recalled about that very unpleasant and difficult time many years earlier. "Your transition wasn't all about your surgeries though was it? It had to be more than just that," she said. "How do you mean?" I asked unsure what else she was inferring. "Of course all the various surgical operations corrected how you looked. But I realise now that your transition was much more than just that. I saw your mannerisms, your attitudes, your presence and your demeanour all change as you went through it." "What do you remember?" I asked. "I remember the surgery to shave your Adam's apple and to soften your male voice," she recalled. "It was obvious that right after it there was a profound effect on you as it seemed you became gentler almost overnight." "Yes it really was a big shock when I heard my new softer voice for the first time," I replied. "After I'd fully healed up I tried to see if I could make my voice deeper again." "What happened?" she interrupted. "Well I found that my voice was stuck in this softer higher register you hear now. I've tried coughing and a few other things to see if it was possible to get my old voice back again but it's quite impossible." "Your voice sounds perfectly natural for a woman and suits you so well though," she said. "It all adds to the overall effect on who you are as Maggie." "Oh well I suppose it's a lot easier to present as a woman if you sound like one," I giggled nervously. "What did you get done next?" She asked. "I can't remember." "I went with Mom for my facial feminisation surgery in California," I replied. "Oh yes and was it your idea for that surgery?" she asked. "Well it was really Mom's idea initially," I replied. "I wasn't that keen on the idea at first so she showed me before and after photos that the plastic surgeon had sent her of other clients of his." "Was there a big difference in the pictures?" Sherry asked. "A huge difference," I replied. "Despite that I really had no idea what it was going to be like seeing my face changed so completely. I do remember that my face hurt like hell for days after all that plastic surgery but the results were far reaching and Mom was sure it was the right decision when the pain subsided and the bruising disappeared." "Do you want a refill?" she asked me after finishing her coffee. "No thanks for another coffee it's just a bit too bitter for my taste buds" I said quickly. After finishing my coffee I had a brief pause to inhale the smoke from my cigarette deep into my lungs. "So did you think it was the right decision?" she asked getting back on track again. "Well now obviously I do think it was the right thing to do but at the time it was quite a shock to see how much my face had been altered and on how much pain I was in," I replied. "The surgery involved peeling back my forehead and removing my brow ridge bone before pinning it back in place. I had the bump in my nose removed and fillers added to my cheeks." "Yes I remember seeing the pictures of your face all covered in bandages and then weeks later the bruising slowly fading as you healed up. So do you have any regrets then that you chose this path for your life?" she asked springing an awkward question. "No regrets as such no. But I have to be honest and say that there hasn't been a day where I don't experience some small waves of nostalgia for what I've lost through becoming a woman," I admitted. "What do you mean by nostalgia?" she asked immediately. I thought about her question carefully for about a minute before answering. "Well I do sometimes get annoyed at the little things I'm stuck with now as a woman," I replied. "What little things?" Sherry asked. I could see she was intensely curious with all these questions following one after another. "Well I'm really quite happy that I have large breasts." I replied kicking off. "Mom and the surgeon had already decided what size and type of breast implant I should get when I reached my eighteenth birthday. I have to say though I was really just going along for the ride at that point. The hormones I'd been taking for months weren't working too well on my breast size so I was still less than an A cup by then. When I surfaced from the surgery I really was in two minds when I saw and felt the results." "So why didn't you have any say over them?" she asked. "Well Mom and the plastic surgeon jointly made the decision between themselves. I remember him showing her how the different sizes would look on my chest and she just went with his recommendations on what would look the most natural on my body," I replied. "Anyway when I came too after the operation in agony again I had some real difficulty getting my head around what had happened at first." "How so?" she asked. "Well I just couldn't believe I had these really large bags of silicone fluid permanently inserted inside my chest instead of the smaller removable breast forms I'd used previously inside my bras. With the breast forms I could at least remove them at night for sleeping or if the weight of them got too much to bear during the day. However I quickly realised that the implants could never be removed without another expensive operation. I was stuck with them whether I liked them or not." "How long did it take you to adjust to having them?" she then asked. "I think it really took me a few months," I replied honestly. "Even now I struggle with having them sometimes." "Why did it take so long and why do you struggle with them?" "Well I quickly found out that straight away I needed a much larger bra size than I'd been using. That left me wondering if I could ever adjust to their increased size and weight. I'd just had a couple of extra pounds added to my rib cage so Mom decided I better get some properly fitted bras. I have to confess though that the plastic surgeon did an amazing job. He was clearly extremely talented and he gave me the shapely breasts that any woman would love to own." I freely admitted. "So what bra size are you now?" she asked and then added, "I've gone down to a 36C since I stopped breastfeeding." "I was a 38D just after the surgery but I'm up to a 38DD now with all female hormones I still take. Allan says that my breasts hang naturally when I'm walking around the bedroom naked. However I also find they're a constant reminder of my life as a woman." I explained. "I always feel them when I roll over in bed or I go downstairs quickly or when Allan sucks and plays with them during our lovemaking sessions." I lit another cigarette after that long confession and inhaled nervously. "Yes I've always loved having my breasts played with by Joe when we're in bed," Sherry replied. "I always thought that after you'd had the implant surgery that it made the biggest difference to your attitude." "My attitude?" I asked. "Maybe it was my imagination but after the surgery you seemed to be even more withdrawn and insular," she replied. "Then the implants obviously gave you a much better curvier shape." "Were you a little jealous perhaps?" I asked. "No I never ever wanted to have breast implants like yours," she said. "I've always been content about my breast size but I understood completely how you wouldn't have been. So it's a big surprise to learn now that Mom took all the decisions. After you got home from that surgery there was never any doubt in my mind that you were totally committed to becoming my sister." "I'm really glad Sherry, because I think your attitude towards me really changed from then on too and you fully supported me through the rest of my transition," I recalled. "Having your moral support and that constant enthusiasm from my Mom helped me get through it more than you could ever imagine." "So no I never thought of getting breast implants," she confessed. "I'm really glad you didn't," I replied putting both hands under my large breasts and lifting them up to take the weight off my bra straps just briefly before letting them fall down again. Instantly I could feel the bra straps cutting into my collarbones as they took the weight again. "Why?" "Well any extreme physical activity such as running or even walking can give a quite distinctly uncomfortable feeling in my breasts and chest," I replied. "What even when you are wearing a good bra?" "Yes my breasts can really bounce uncomfortably inside the cups of my bra." "Why don't you wear a sports bra then?" she then advised. "God no. I really hate them," I replied. "Allan does too." "Why?" "Because they flatten my breasts so much," I replied. "Besides he and I don't find them that sexy. I much prefer to put on a lacy or satin lined bra when I get dressed in the morning. That certainly makes me feel much more feminine wearing a sexy bra." "Yes I love wearing that kind of bra too," she smiled. "However on a hot summer day don't you wish you didn't have to wear a bra?" I asked. "Sometimes," she replied. "Our rear yard here is secluded so I can often sunbathe topless. I know Joe likes it when I go topless so maybe you could do the same?" "Yes I wish I could however our yard isn't secluded or fenced like yours unfortunately," I said. "Maybe I'll get him to plant hedges." "That's a great idea but a hedge will take a few years to grow." She replied. "Yes I guess a fence would be faster," I laughed. "Did you enjoy the charity ball last month? I am sorry we missed it," Sherry asked. "Yes Allan bought me a wine coloured satin gown to wear with matching heels for the ball and I quickly realised that it just wasn't possible to wear a bra with it. Wearing one would just spoil the look of the gown which had a built in bustier," I declared and then searched through my phone for a photo I'd had taken of me wearing the gown so I could show her what I meant. "Oh yes I see what you mean," she replied. "I bet that gown wasn't cheap." "By all accounts between that and the Jimmy Choo heels I wore it was very expensive but Allan won't say how much it all was," I replied. "I must say though you do look amazing in that dress with such a gorgeous deep cleavage," she said handing me my phone back. "Well I didn't really like wearing the gown," I replied. "Why ever not?" she asked. "It looks really lovely on you. That long slit in the dress shows off your great toned legs in those heels too." "Well it was just so uncomfortable to wear; my breasts were jiggling and bouncing all the time I thought that they would pop out at any moment when we went up to dance." "I've noticed though that you like to show lots of cleavage," she said putting out her cigarette and pointing to my current low top. "In my early days after my boob job, I felt extremely embarrassed at having men staring at my chest all the time," I replied. "It took me a long time to get used to them talking to my breasts rather than to my face. When I eventually got used to it, I decided to wear more open tops and now I quite enjoy that men look at my cleavage." "You do seem comfortable having breasts now though." "Yes after 10 years I'm just quite used to them I suppose," I replied. "It can get embarrassing sometimes on a cold day when my nipples get hard and show through my top. But I think the biggest thing I miss is just going around topless normally." "How do you mean?" "Oh I meant when I was a guy, I'd often go around the house or the garden or even the beach without wearing a shirt. Nobody bothers men when they do that but a woman really can't do that." "Is that such a big deal?" she asked. "A little modesty for a woman is a good thing surely." "No not really a big deal, but like I said it's just something I miss doing now and then. It can get annoying that it's not an option I have anymore." "Yes so after those three surgeries were all healed up, I thought that you looked so convincing and really quite beautiful. You then had your cute little button nose and that charming rounded face and it was obvious to me you'd make an utterly convincing woman," she replied. "Anyone who could undergo all those painful surgeries one after another deserved my full support and love." "The facial surgery was one was the worst for pain and physical discomfort," I recalled. "I felt absolutely dreadful just after it. My face was all bruised and swollen and if you remember my face took weeks to fully heal up." "I do remember having to dress your suture lines as you got better," she replied. "You really just gritted your teeth when I applied the antiseptic lotion everyday." "At that time I really felt I was going mad with the pain. If I'd known it was going to hurt so bad I'd probably never have gone through with it. Though when I'd had that kind of major surgery there wasn't anything I could do except grit my teeth and endure it. Then when I'd recovered and healed up Mom had already made plans for the next stage." "Remind me again what was the next surgery?" she asked. "Oh the next was when I had my testicles removed about 4 months later," I said simply. "That makes me weak at the knees just thinking about that," she replied. "Why was that so necessary at that point?" "Oh because my blood tests showed I was still producing too much testosterone (male hormones) and my female hormone dosage was still quite high. So with the surgery, the hormone dose could be reduced because the doctor felt the female hormones might also be damaging my liver," I replied. "I see. So did that operation cause you any pain?" she asked. "It sure sounds painful." "Not really physical pain no. But mentally it did as I then realised afterwards that I'd never have any kids of my own," I replied. "Yes I can really appreciate that," she said standing up to listen if her daughter Judy was awake on the baby alarm. "So did you notice any improvements or changes afterwards?" "Well not big improvements other than a reduction in my female hormone intake each day. I did find though that unfortunately my libido just dropped like a stone. I had some really big problems getting any sexual arousal after that," I said remembering how it was. "So no more erections then?" She laughed a bit insensitively. "Yes well I still got them sometimes but not nearly as often or as strong as I did before," I replied. "Was it that much of a change? How did you feel about that?" she asked. "Oh yes that was a major change because until then I'd still had an almost normal male sex drive. I was suddenly confronted with not only a very feminine body and face but also a much lower female sex drive too. I read that for a woman her sex drive is about a hundredth the size of a man's sex drive and I can testify it's true. At the time I was quite disturbed by this as I'll be honest that I did find that some of the changes I'd already undergone were quite exciting to me at times. It was quite a shock that after the removal of my testicles the sexual arousal just disappeared or it was never as strong." "So what did you do or how did you react to that?" "Well the end result was that I got really quite depressed for a few months," I replied. "I just couldn't get excited over what was happening to me any longer. I felt that I'd really just made a huge mistake with everything that had happened and when I told Mom about it she just said it was probably just a phase I was going through and that it would pass." "Just a phase?" "Yes that's what she said," I replied. "So when I told her I didn't want the final gender change surgery any more, she told me I was just being silly and that it was really a bit late to change my mind as by then she'd already paid the surgeon to lock in the price. It was clear to me then that Mom was really very motivated for me to have the surgery I needed to be a complete female." "So really you wouldn't have done it?" "No at least I wouldn't have done it quite then," I replied. "It just seemed that it was one irreversible surgery after another and there was going to be no respite from Mom until it was all completed." "Her enthusiasm was strange," admitted Sherry. "I've often wondered why she was so enthusiastic." "Well I can say what I think," I replied. "Why?" "Well I think she'd only wanted two daughters. I think that perhaps the ultra-sound scan of me in the womb showed me as a female. I think it was a big shock for her when out popped a baby boy." "Oh I didn't want to know the sex of our kids," admitted Sherry. "Neither did Joe." "Yes that your kids are fit and healthy is all that should matter," I replied. "I remember Mom dressing me up in your cast-off girl's clothes from time to time when I was quite young and in time I began to enjoy that. Maybe that was the start of all my gender confusion?" "Oh my God, did she really do that to you?" "Yes she did," I replied. "Dear God that's not good," Sherry admitted. "It sounds as though Mom has a lot to answer for." "Well instead of pushing me to remain a boy she was actually actively encouraging me to change into a female. Even actually making sure that it happened despite my own reluctance and caution," I replied. "Are you bitter towards her?" "No not bitter, It may have happened anyway. With Mom in control it just happened much faster than if I had done it alone." "Yes I remember her actions back then. I had always assumed that they were with your complete consent and your enthusiasm for it," replied Sherry. "So getting back to your story what happened after this fourth surgery?" "Anyway after the surgery I started to see the real effects of the female hormones quite quickly afterwards," I continued. "It was after that castration surgery that I realised that I'd very little choice but to go all the way and sooner rather later it would happen thanks to Mom." "Yes after you'd had all that transformation work done I don't suppose there was any point in delaying it anymore," she replied. "Yes I knew I'd have to go all the way eventually," I admitted. "I suppose it was Mom's continual enthusiasm for the gender change that persuaded me to continue. I'd also by that time decided that I didn't have anything more to lose and I thought maybe my life would pick up after the final sex change surgery was completed." "So what about that gender change surgery?" she asked vaguely. "What about it?" I asked. "Did it help you and how do you feel about it now after all this time?" "Well at the time it was probably the most emotional thing I'd ever had to go through. In the weeks leading up to it I just tried to feel it was the right thing to do. However I knew it was going to be another incredibly painful experience emotionally, mentally as well as physically so I wasn't that keen to go through it when I did." "So why did you?" "Because Mom basically pushed me into it," I replied. "I didn't think I was ready for it on many levels but she'd already organised the trip and the clinic so I just went along with her determination to finish things just hoping for the best." "Dear God that doesn't sound good," she exclaimed. "It seems she really forced it on you and didn't listen to your opinion." "Yes thinking back it does seem that she did," I replied. "However if she hadn't been so pushy then I've often thought that I probably wouldn't have had the final surgery even now as I felt I'd suffered enough." "So was sex change surgery as bad as you feared?" "No if anything it was probably much worse. The pain meds I took helped but even then it hurt like hell for about 4 days," I admitted. "Thankfully now it's all healed up, that post surgery time is all a bit hazy now but I do remember lying in bed in a lot of physical pain and discomfort." "Well it was almost a decade ago," reminded Sherry. "How did you feel after the surgery pain finally subsided?" "I was then in a long period of self pity at what I'd allowed to happen to myself," I replied. "I just couldn't get my head around the fact that I was no longer a male. I was a really pretty feminine looking woman and there was not much else to do but somehow try and accept it. The only problem was I found it very difficult despite Mom's constant pressure." "Why what else did she do?" "Oh she made sure I continued with my hormone therapy and that I did my vaginal dilations every day," I replied. "She told me that I'd really thank her in time for what had happened." "Why should you thank her?" "Well I didn't feel like thanking her as I healed up," I replied. "She talked about the possibility of me meeting a nice man who would marry me and that sudden realisation was quite a shock thinking that I might be the wife to some man one day. It was not something I'd ever considered or desired before." "So what did you do then? How did you cope?" "Well I didn't see that I much choice but to go along with her coaching me. Of course I moved and had the basic mannerisms of a woman but she would show me how to do them ever more convincingly. I'd regularly walk in tight skirts and high heels so I wiggled in a sexy way. She'd often scold me when I chose to wore stretch jeans or pants. I learnt how to expertly apply my make-up and to arrange to get my hair done at the salon." "It sounds like she really helped in quite a domineering way," observed Sherry. "Yes you could say that again," I replied. "So when did you first go with a man?" she asked. "Well after six months or so I'd fully healed up and I could easily take a large dilator without any pain. With Mom's help I'd found a job as a secretary in a legal firm and I met someone in the office who then promptly asked me out on a date. I declined at first as I wasn't feeling comfortable about dating a man. When I mentioned it to Mom she went mad at me and told me I was crazy to say no. So a bit reluctantly I called him up and asked if we could arrange a fresh date. He readily agreed and so I found myself in the unusual position of being treated like a queen as he wined and dined me." "Did you enjoy it?" "Not at first as I was just scared he'd somehow discover my past. In the end we datedfor around 6 months before we finally went to bed and it was then he realised I wasn't a real woman." "How did he find out?" "Oh he decided he'd give me oral sex one night but as he did he realised that my vulva didn't look or taste like a real woman's should." "So that was your first relationship finished?" she asked. "No he asked for an explanation as if he needed one and so I told him. He was very surprised but decided that we should carry on dating as he really liked me. However I always had this feeling in my mind that he probably already knew about me and he was just using me in some way." "It does sound that way yes," said Sherry. "So what was sex like with him?" "Sex felt quite different using a vagina after having had a penis." "In what way is it different?" she pressed. "I can't imagine what it would be like suddenly sprouting a cock," she added laughing, "So I can imagine it was the same for you in reverse." "Well no matter how much you've mentally prepared your mind for it, actually undergoing that big change in position is a huge shock. With my first time I wasn't really sure how or what to do, so I just tried to respond as best as I could to his tender advances," I started. "He slowly started to nibble away at my breasts and that was nice. Then after he pulled down my panties he would rub my clitoris with his fingers. That felt very good and I was really glad he showed a lot of patience. I was stealing myself for when he would finally penetrate me and when it happened it really felt quite wrong at first. I remember he was on top of me and his cock was all the way inside me and then he started moving in and out getting faster and faster. I tried to keep up a rhythm but he came probably about 5 minutes later and I wasn't even past first base in the arousal stakes." "So what then?" "Well he collapsed on top of me totally exhausted. I just couldn't get him off me and his now soft cock was still inside me. I could feel his cum leaking out of me and I felt completely helpless as I just didn't have any strength to move him." "So you were like that all night?" she asked. "No only a few hours when he finally woke up and he went off to the toilet to pee," I recalled. "He was back fairly quickly so I barely had time to move out of the way when he was back again to start all over. He just pulled me back towards him and then started sucking on my tits. Before long he mounted me again and came again within minutes. This time though I got him off me as I needed to visit the toilet to douche and pee." "When I got back from having a shower he was fast asleep so I was glad the bed was nice and warm after the cool shower. I lay and thought about my role in life and about the idea of having a vagina for the rest of my life. I realised that personal hygiene is definitely a lot easier for a man." "Oh do you really think so?" "Oh yes having a penis is a whole lot more efficient and cleaner. Before the surgery I used to imagine how I'd feel about having to sit down every time just to pee and for my first month or two as a female I thought it felt right." "What do you mean by 'right'?" she asked. "I suppose it felt 'right' because I felt so feminine and having really no choice but to sit down on the seat, and knowing that except in the shower I couldn't pee standing up again. After a while though the novelty and the crazy feelings just wore off; now it's just a normal everyday part of my life and it's not something I get any particular pleasure from anymore. In fact peeing as a female is really quite messy and time consuming." "Well peeing is just peeing isn't it? Why should you get any pleasure from what is just a natural body function?" she asked. "I just felt that peeing was specific regular reminder of what I'd allowed to be done to myself," I replied. "It meant that physically I was completely female. I then quickly realised that as a woman it takes a lot, lot longer to go to the bathroom." "Yes it just takes too damn long to visit the ladies restrooms," she agreed. "If I am out for a meal with Joe and we both visit the restrooms at the same time then he always wins and he's waiting for me outside." "Yes just don't get me going on the queues for the ladies' restroom at public events," I replied remembering the last big game I'd attended. "When I'm standing waiting to use a stall in the ladies and the game has restarted I really wish I could go back to being a guy again and just use the gent's toilet." "Well that's really impossible now you are one of us," she laughed. "Like it or not it's what you have to put up with." "Yes I realise that now so I can sympathise with the half of the population I now belong to," I replied. "So how did you feel about having regular sex with him as a woman?" she asked obviously saving this question up when my mood had lightened. "Well you'll probably realise that I didn't really have a sex life during my late teenage years as I was on female hormones," I replied remembering those difficult confusing years of my transition. "Compared to then I can honestly say that sex as a woman is really very different to what I expected." "In what way?" "Well I never had proper sex as a male although our neighbour's niece tried to seduce me into it when I was just 15," I admitted. "Oh I remember her," replied Sherry. "She stayed for a month or so one summer. She was always round here. Now I know why." "Don't I know it," I replied. "Anyway we did some kissing and cuddling one night before she tried to get me to take her virginity." "You refused?" "No we were interrupted by Mom who suddenly came home from work," I replied. "So you never had sex as a man then?" she asked already knowing the answer. "Yes I did jack off regularly though until my sex drive tailed off after the castration and the female hormones took their effect on me," I replied. "So do you get the same pleasure as before?" she asked. "No obviously not. My clitoris is only a small piece of what was the head of my cock and there's nothing left to get hard anymore so being aroused feels completely different," I said honestly. "So can you still get aroused?" she asked. "I certainly do when Joe makes love to me." "Well I can still get aroused but it's certainly a much more passive experience," I explained. "I'm not sure I understand," she replied offering me another cigarette which I accepted. "Arousal now mainly comes about by things that generally happen to me and how I react to them rather than something that I can actually achieve myself," I explained but I could see she still didn't understand. "Well before my sex change surgery, my main sexual activity was obviously masturbating by rubbing my cock until I ejaculated. Since that's not an option anymore I have through trial and error found other pleasurable methods of self-stimulation. My little vibrator can feel really nice but it still feels really strange though." "How strange?" "Well the first time I brought myself to an orgasm, I just inserted the vibrator into my vagina, turned it on, and then just enjoyed the ride. I remember experiencing intense sensations, but then I'd look down between my large breasts and put my hand down to my crotch to feel the end of the vibrator sticking out weirdly from the area where my balls had been. So having that first orgasm without my penis was also really a weird trip mentally. When I removed the vibrator afterwards it was another landmark realisation moment that I'm totally female." "Do you ever regret not having had sex with a woman?" she then asked awkwardly. "I'm not sure I can regret something I've never had before," I replied. "But yes I often wonder what it would be like to have sex with women. In that respect I think I'm still the same as before my surgery and I can still get excited seeing a pretty girl in the street or in a mall. I was always more attractedto girls that had a certain sexual ambiguity. You know the cute tomboy types?" "Yes like my friend Marcy?" she asked. "Yes Marcy is who I was thinking of," I confessed. "Yes but she's softened a bit since you last saw her. Her hair is much longer and she's always in dresses and skirts nowadays. She isn't the tomboy anymore." "I wonder why she's done that," I replied feeling let down at the news. "She met a man and fell in love with him," Sherry replied as if that was a valid reason. "Why did you prefer Tomboys?" "I suppose I was a little jealous," I admitted. "I'd often fantasise that they were really boys who'd been transformed and were now stuck as girls, just like myself. Or maybe they were girls who wanted to be boys. I'm still attracted to that type of girl, but now the whole dynamic is transformed. So far as other women are concerned, I'm just another woman like them." "Have you been with a girl since your gender surgery?" she then asked. "Yes I've met a few lesbians in my time and I even did some experimenting with a couple. It was good fun, but it wasn't quite what I expected." "It must have been a bit frustrating I expect," she surmised. "Yes it was and a bit disappointing," I replied. "How did you guess?" "Well perhaps you'll tell me how it felt," she demanded. "It's not easy but I think that there's still a part of me, deep down inside that feels like I'm still a guy. Being with a girl really brings that feeling out again. The problem is I don't have the equipment any more to show it. When I started my gender change I sure didn't expect that I'd ever feel like that." "And men? How about them?" she asked. "The only bonus is that I've found that I can really enjoy having sex particularly now with Allan my husband even if it's just in the good old fashioned missionary style. It's a wonderful exciting new experience with him as I just open my legs wide. Sometimes I'll wrap my legs around him and just let him bang away into my pussy." "Do you get enough excitement out of it to cum too?" "No not really at the time," I replied honestly. "I do enjoy it but not enough that I'll cum. Besides he always cums inside me quite quickly and that leaves me a little bit frustrated. The weirdest part is the feeling I get after he has cum though." "What's weird?" "I still get the craziest feeling when he's finished making love," I explained. "He pulls out of me leaving his cum inside me and then he just gets up. His big cock is usually still semi hard and hanging down between his legs while I'm left with this empty void between my legs." "So do you wish you had your cock again?" she asked. "No it's not that I really want to have a cock again and even much less go back to being a guy," I replied struggling to explain it to her. "I just feel really weird seeing him go on with his life as a man while I've no option but to go back to my life as his loving wife." "So don't you like sex with him?" "Well like I said earlier when I started my transition to become a female I never really had any big desire for sexual interaction with men. Now, it's just feels normal to touch his cock intimately and even when he asks to put a condom on it. I do that because I know it turns him on." "So there's nothing strange about that?" she asked. "I mean you must have touched your own one many times." "Yes but I'd never touched anyone else's cock before," I replied. "That was something I never expected I'd do regularly. It never crossed my mind before I met Allan." "What was the first time like?" she asked. "Well it was on our second date and he'd brought me home in his big expensive Ferrari. So I invited him inside for a coffee which obviously he accepted. So I made him some decaf and we sat on the sofa talking about the movie we'd just seen. He confessed that he hadn't enjoyed it as much as being in my company." "That was very romantic of him," said Sherry. "How did you react to that?" "I asked him why he enjoyed my company so much and he said that I really turned him on. He really liked me because I was so girlie compared to lots of other women he'd dated. I then noticed the big bulge in his pants and so I asked him if I'd caused it." "You didn't ask that surely?" "I did and I told him I was flattered at his reaction when he said that I turned him on. Before the night was out I'd not only touched his cock I'd eventually sucked on it." "Wow, how did it feel sucking his cock?" "Strange at first but after my first wave of revulsion and getting over the taste, I got used to it especially as he had his hand up my dress rubbing my pussy. Within about 5 minutes he jerked and then suddenly just came into my mouth. I almost vomited with that but I managed to spit it out into my empty cup." "How gross," she said. "Couldn't you have just swallowed it?" "No I was starting to feel nauseous with it in my mouth so it seemed the best thing to do," I replied. "He didn't seem to mind. However what he didn't know was that night was an important milestone for me. That experience with Allan really hit home that as a female those sensations and feelings that I'd given him are the things I'll never experience myself. Still, when I get him off with my hand or with my mouth, part of me is always trying to remember how he feels and I'm trying hard to imagine what it's like to have his equipment again. I'm sure he enjoys my constant fascination with his cock but I wonder what he'd think if he knew what was going through my mind while I'm so busy getting him off." "I take it you do love him though?" she asked ever curious. "Yes I do love him a lot," I replied. "I never ever expected I'd fall in love with a man with me as the woman. Allan can be an inconsiderate sod at times but he works hard and all he expects is that I look my feminine best. He certainly earns enough to keep me looking pretty and he's always buying me sexy high heels, dresses, lingerie and jewellery." "What was his reaction when you finally told him you were transgender?" she asked. "He was quite shocked at first," I replied. "He stood up and really looked at me. Then he told me that if I hadn't told him he would never have guessed. He then asked me how many other people knew my secret and I told him only a handful of people in my family knew. Then he shocked me by telling me that he'd actually fallen in love with me and that he'd like us to remain a couple if I promised that no one else would know my past and I continued the way I did." "And did you?" "Yes I promised him I'd not tell anyone else that I was transgendered," I replied. "I told him that it was in my interest as much as his to keep quiet about my past and so that seemed to reassure him. Before long he carried me off to bed so we could make love properly for the first time." "Wow Allan sounds just like the man you needed," she said happily. "Yes I have to agree. Obviously I haven't told him about my quirks and mental processes like I've done with you but being married to him means that I have his support and love to get through the tough patches." "That's the way it should be. Is there anything else you miss about being a guy?" she asked. "Well being a woman definitely is a lot more work," I replied instantly. "What's so hard about it? I'm a woman and I don't know anything different." "Well I do spend a lot more time and effort on my appearance as the standards and personal grooming are definitely a lot higher for women. Although I wasn't overweight before my transition, I had to lose another 25 pounds in weight to obtain my ideal figure as a woman. I've had to keep my weight down since then but it's really a lot of work. I never appreciated or realised that I'd have to be on a continuous low calorie diet to just maintain my weight. I always feel much hungrier now while Allan eats like a horse most days." "I know what you mean," she replied. "When I was 6 months pregnant I could binge on food and so I put on 45 pounds before Jessica was born. After she was born I knew I had to go on a crash diet to get my figure back." "I don't need to be Little Miss Perfection every time I go outside, but I don't want people to think I'm a slag either. Before my transition I could step in the shower and be out the front door just ten minutes later. Nowadays it can take me over an hour to get ready with my hair, makeup, and finding the "right" clothes to wear. It all just takes a lot of time." "Don't I know it," she commented. "Joe is always asking me to hurry before we go out and I tell him to be patient. He has no idea what it takes. At least you appreciate it now." "Of course I knew some of what womanhood would be like during my real life test. Getting ready or tweaking my appearance used to turn me on at first and it was usually fun. It was part of becoming a woman but now it's just stuff that I have to do just to be pretty and presentable to meet Allan's high standards." "Yes we all like to look good for our men-folk," she gushed. "Do you get any pleasure now from just wearing female clothes?" "That's not a simple question to answer so it's best I try to explain," I started. "It's quite ironic that it was secretly wearing Mom's and your clothing that started my path. It was Mom who caught me dressed up in her clothes one day that led to her getting me counselling. It seems now that crossdressing was the catalyst towards living full time as a woman and then ultimately to having my gender confirmation surgery. "Nowadays women's clothing can be such a pain to wear. I work in a fairly conservative office and so I'm expected to dress appropriately in skirts, pantyhose, spike heels, and a blouse. I never really minded wearing brogues that were really comfortable to wear unlike these 4" stilettos I'm wearing now. "I still like wearing sheer pantyhose because it's so much more practical than stockings and suspenders," I continued. "Support tights and a panty girdle can feel and look good without a penis to get in the way. Now though female clothing is just one more hassle I have to live with and when it comes to clothes, I think guys really do have it easier." "Yes I tend to agree with your opinions," she nodded. "Anything else you've observed?" "Yes on the social side, being a woman has its potential drawbacks too." I responded. "Unfortunately I never fully appreciated during my transition just how obnoxious men could be but I obviously do now. Currently society still treats women as objects rather than as equals. Then if a woman is very attractive, she then becomes a sex object, either consciously or unconsciously. "When a woman is quite plain or unattractive then she's just not that important. I particularly notice this behaviour from some men because I wasn't always a woman. Now that I've become a woman, it often feels like I've resigned from being a fully fledged member of society. "People now treat me in ways I haven't experienced since my high school days. They are condescending, they act superior, and they don't take me very seriously. Sure, I experienced a lot of this during my transition too but back then, I was living out my fantasy of becoming a woman, I didn't think it would matter when I became one." "Well that doesn't really matter now does it? You're a female and act like a woman so you'll get treated as one. Like it or not, there's not a damn thing you or the other billions of women in the world can do about it," she said putting me in my place forcefully and without sympathy. "Yes you're right. I think the difference between you and me is that I have experience on both sides of the fence. Allan will be here soon to pick me up to take me shopping. But before I go I'll tell you this. Probably the biggest change is psychological. The female hormones that I still take every day have had a tremendous effect on my mind, my personality and even my emotional wellbeing." "How?" she asked. "Before my transition I liked to play sports and I did enjoy the rough and tumble of a game but I never cried when I got hurt. Except for the death of our dog Honey and my grandmother I rarely cried openly as I was as masculine as any other guy. But now, I find myself crying or getting upset at the slightest thing. The female hormones have put me on an emotional roller-coaster," I said. "Oh most women cry," she replied. "I often do." "However in my case it's not too surprising, given the huge transformation I went through," I replied. "After Mom discovered me dressed in her clothes I went from being a cross-dressing boy at the age of 16 to a curvy woman at aged 20 after my final operation." "Oh dear that sounds so gross," she said. "Oh don't get me wrong, part of me always wanted to be a girl, even though I did guy things and thought guy thoughts," I replied. "Now by necessity all of those guy things and guy thoughts are mostly long gone." "Just because you are female doesn't mean you can't do the same things as before though does it," she asked. "Sure, I suppose I could still do a lot of the same things I used to do as a guy but things are so much different because anything I do now, I'm doing it as a woman. I could still play basketball with guys, but now I'd be doing those things as a woman. I tried to do some baskets at home using Allan's ball but it's very difficult with long nails and wearing high heels to get any enjoyment out of it. So I found it easier not to try doing that kind of stuff." "I think that this chat was long overdue because it seems you're not that happy being who you are," she said trying to make up her mind. "No you are wrong as Allan will tell you, I'm now content with my life, and I'm really glad I made the change to become a woman but sometimes I really do miss being male," I replied. "Besides I've been a woman almost ten years now so I doubt I could still act like a man. If I were to dress up in some of Allan's clothes then I'd just look like a girl dressed up like a guy." "Yes looking at you there isn't any way I can imagine you looking like a boy again. You are just too feminine," she interrupted. "Yes I think no matter what I do, I can never be a guy again," I replied and added. "Probably the biggest part of this trip has been the realisation that through all this I'm now completely stuck as a woman. It's not that I don't like it or that I'd necessarily want to undo all the changes even if I could. Like I said earlier even before my final gender change surgery I never had the option to revert back. I always had to continue with my fantasy." "So being a woman was just the realisation of a fantasy?" she asked, "Not quite no," I replied. "My crazy and amazing fantasy was that life would be fantastic as a woman. Through Mom I saw I had the potential and the money I needed to actually go through with it. Unfortunately now there's no more fantasy it does feel less appealing or even sometimes quite depressing. "A few months back I tried to explain all this to my best friend Julie but she just snapped unsympathetically back at me, 'That's enough! I don't really care what you used to be, or what your life used to be. That's all history. The fact is, right here and now, you are a female. And guess what? Tomorrow you'll be female and in ten years time you won't be as cute, but guess what you'll still be female. You'll be the same as half the human race so it's really no big deal. Since that's going to be your life, you'll have to learn to get over it.'" "She was right," replied Sherry. "I don't think I could have put it any better if I tried." "Yes she put me in my place that day," I laughed. "Sure there are lots of things I wish I'd known before I allowed myself to be turned into a woman but I don't think any of things I've talked about would have stopped me. Generally I'm glad I did it and I achieved it very successfully. Thanks to Mom I have the outward female body of an attractive woman so I have to live my life as a woman." "As far as everyone who knows you are concerned, you are a woman," she replied. "This chat has done nothing to change my opinion that you did the right thing becoming my sister." "Well that might be so but the sad part is this. Somewhere strangely inside me, I've never quite given up on being a guy again," I replied standing up feeling the pressure on my feet in my heels as Allan sounded his car horn to signal his arrival. Then I confessed, "In some weird way, it's like I'm a now a man trapped in a woman's body so completely the opposite to when I told the doctors I felt I was a woman trapped in a man's body. I guess I'll have to accept that I never dreamed I'd feel this way. Knowing it would be like this probably wouldn't have changed my mind. And yet, I really do wish I'd realized how different things really would be." "Dear God," she said stunned. "Your mind is really twisted isn't it?" "Yes but it helps me cope," I said as I air kissed her goodbye.