Alyx In Wonderland Chapter 1 free porn video

Alyx in Wonderland Chapter 1 Becca held the scissors up to my head. "No going back?" She squeezed my shoulder. "No going back." I was surprised by the solemnity in my voice. It felt like a big deal. Up until this moment, the plan was just that. A plan, nothing else. Just talk. But the haircut, and other changes, was something concrete. It meant we were going through with this. "I was thinking we'd go for a short bob. Think Louise Brooks but with your blonde hair." I didn't know who that was but kept my mouth shut. Just because everyone around you thinks you're an idiot doesn't mean you have to open your mouth and prove them right as my dad used to say. I'd been growing my hair out for nearly six months now. First for an off, off Broadway production of Hair, then for this little scheme. In the mirror, I could see Becca working her magic. We'd met when she was assistant director on a little play I had a small part in. The company was so strapped for cash, and my part was so small, I'd spent most of my time backstage assisting her. She really wanted to be a movie director and was in the process of building her resume (CV to you and me). Like everyone we knew, she was more often than not giving her labour for free. All for the promise of a bright tomorrow no one I knew ever saw. "How are the breast forms?" She tilted my head forward. "Fine. Weird. Both." I looked down at the large towel covering me. While you couldn't see much, there were the tell tale bumps. "Do they hurt?" "They pull a bit. And the way they move all the time kinda freaks me out but no, they don't hurt." "Close your eyes." She came around the front of me, having to squeeze up against the wall of our tiny bathroom. She started examining my forehead. "Bangs will really help frame those round eyes of yours." I kept still and quiet as she cut. I have always been nervous about haircuts. As I opened my eyes, I spoke again. "I've never understood why Americans call the fringe 'bangs'?" Becca put her hands over her eyes. "It's because it makes your eyes pop. Bang!" She made a pretend explosion with her fingers and I laughed. Then she brushed some hair off my nose making me sneeze. "OK, stand up, hot stuff." I took the towel off my shoulders and stood up tentatively. All the time I kept my back to the mirror. Frightened of what I'd see. Then I turned and saw... Well I wasn't' sure what I saw. Maybe it was my little sister? Kind of my face, kind of not. Thet skin cream and makeup had done a good job of either clearing up or hiding my acne. I'd been a martyr since thirteen. "Weird." I touched my cheek, almost having a panic attack when the girl in the mirror copied me. "Wow." Becca smiled. "I actually think you might just pull this off. I mean we're lucky you've got the frame for it." I frowned. I didn't like any reference to the fact I'd been seriously ill for most of my childhood. "OK," I tried to change the subject, "Tell me about this party." Becca smiled and pinned a star brooch to my left shoulder strap, just above my "breasts" ('Trust me, they'll look directly at it,' she said). I knew it contained a micro camera. "We're running late. I'll tell you on the way." The party was at Becca's boss's place. Louise, a producer who ran a production company with her documentary making husband. They were the first step in our scheme and Becca had managed to get me a job serving drinks. We'd had been told to wear our best LBDs ('short') and black tights. Becca had made me wear a pair of fishnet stockings, telling me it was 'the right play'. Everything was American Football references with her. When we arrived, Becca led me to the service entrance. She and the other interns were supposed to be meeting in a nearby bar for Dutch courage. She kissed me on the cheek. Keeping our cover as friends and roommates. "How are you feeling?" "I'm bricking it Becs." She rubbed my arm for reassurance. "I nearly ran when that bastard started hollering at me." I shuddered thinking of the way he'd blocked our path. "You handled it really well." I had kept my head down and hopped for the best. "I'm so proud of you. Not many men would go undercover to expose sexism." Looking from side to side, she leant forward and kissed me on the forehead. Whispering, she continued. "There'll be a treat for you when we get home." "What about these?" I prodded one of my breast forms, hating the way it wobbled. "Oh," her eyes went comically wide, "the girls are most definitely invited." Between those damn heels, the dress that was so tight it felt like it was sexually assaulting me, and the gaff that was crushing my boy parts I doubted I'd be in the mood for sexy times. Still, I appreciated the vote of confidence. Walking to the service entrance wasn't easy. Nothing was in these heels. With the short skirt and my small steps ('no surprises,' Becs had giggled), my thighs felt like they were tied together. It didn't help that the door was at the bottom of a series of steps and the railing was missing. Or left off for aesthetic reasons. The room was lit by bright florescent light that gleamed off the white walls. It had that sterile smell these sort of places have. If this was a movie, it'd be the room where a serial killer dismembered the bodies. "Hi." A tall black girl greeted me, she was wearing a thick padded coat but still shivering. "How did you end up here?" I laughed nervously, trying to remember the voice coaching lessons I'd found on YouTube. "Oh, you know. Actress. No money. Story as old as the hills. You?" "Welcome to the club," she said, smiling. "We're a real diverse bunch. Half out of work actresses. Half models," she said, rolling her eyes. Looking around the room, I found it hard to laugh. "Too true." I wondered how Becca was coping. Probably ordering her first drink in the bar. The woman laughed. "Katie," she introduced herself. "Alyx," I replied. About ten minutes later a middle aged woman in a sleeveless black dress appeared flanked by two men. She had overly toned arms and slicked back hair and looked like she should be on "RuPaul's Drag Race". The men looked like they loved the weights way too much. Mentally, I named them the goons. They told us to line up to be inspected. Two places from me, the woman looked at one girl. "This isn't brunch. I shouldn't see muffin tops," she said, while the girl started to cry, then left. When she reached me, I stood up straight, shoulders back, never more aware of my fake boobs. She looked me up and down, eyes lingering on the star. She reached over and moved it from just below my shoulder blade to the cleavage of my dress. "You'll thank me," she said. Then she looked down at my fishnet covered legs. "Nice touch," she nodded at them. Then she moved on. When she was finished, she stood in front of us. "OK, girls. Eyes front. Look and listen. You can make good money if you remember your two jobs. First, make sure everyone always has a drink in their hand. Empty glass for longer than two minutes? Hell to pay. Don't think I won't fine you. Get a couple of those and you'll wish you were back waiting tables at Applebee's or whatever." The girl next to me nodded grimly. I wondered how many of these she'd done. "Next, it's your job to make the guests feel special. Listen to them. Doesn't matter if they want to bitch about their ex wife or tell you all about their tax returns. Big ears, big tips. Remember that." I saw that Katie was paying close attention. Her dress had been mended in a few places. Not that you'd really notice if you didn't look hard, but my guess was that she needed the money. The next half hour was taken up with a tour of our stations and a discussion of the various rules and regs. The first guests were arriving when we were sent to our posts. I noticed the goons were standing by the two exits. The woman had said they were going to monitor our toilet breaks. That didn't sound good. The party dragged on. Thanks to Becca, I'd had plenty of practice in heels so I had no problems walking in them. I'd even got used to the sensation of feeling like I was walking around on tiptoes. That, however, did nothing to stop my ankles from killing me. My knees were on the brink of declaring independence and going it alone. I was more worried that we weren't getting any good footage. Apart from a couple of guys in their twenties who had made no secret of checking me out, most of the guests seemed to be treating me like I was a moving part of the furniture. I served a man and a woman. The woman was Louise, Becca's boss. The guy was dressed in torn jeans, a plaid shirt and wore a baseball hat indoors. As I got close, I was worried that she'd recognise me. After all, we'd met at a test screening of one of their films. She didn't even look. At least no more than was necessary to ensure she didn't spill anything. The guy however gave me a full body scan from my toes to the top of my head (taking his time over my chest). When he took his drink, he smiled at me like a tiger who knows the door to his cage is open. As I headed back to the bar for more drinks, I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. "Hey," It took a few minutes before I noticed Becca beckoning me over. It didn't help that she was half hidden by a large plant. I looked around to check there was no one that urgently needed a drink and scooted over. "You shouldn't be here!" I whispered as loud as I dared. We'd agreed to keep apart until after the party. "I know, I know. I just had to check on you!" She was using her pleading voice. The one I imagined got her daddy to buy her that pony. "I'm fine, not sure I'm getting much but this is just the first day..." She stopped me, putting a finger over my mouth. "I should have put a camera on your back. You can't see the way all the old men are checking out your ass." I shifted uncomfortably. I was wearing a sort of body stocking over my groin that added some padding to my hips and rump, but apart from that, that was all me. "That's..." I tried to think of something to say. "We can look into something tomorrow." Glancing around I could see one of the goons had left his position. I wasn't sure where he was and that was worrying me. "All the interns are going out afterwards do you..." But she was cut off. The missing goon had caught up with me. "I-I... This is my friend, she's lending me her lipstick." Brilliantly, Becca pulled out a lipstick and held it up for the goon to see. I think it was even the same colour I had on. He grunted then looked at me. "You look fine now. Your five minutes are over, back to work." I sighed. We only got one five minute toilet break all night. And there was a long time yet to go. Turning around, I saw Becca miming that she'd text me. It was nearly 2am before the last of the guests left. The clean up crew were starting their jobs and us 'girls' were hanging around the bar waiting for our tips. "My... roommate Becca says they're going onto this place." I showed Katie the text on my phone. "You wanna join us?" "Another time, Allie. All I want now is home, a long shower and two days in bed." It was a shame, I liked her. She might even have made a good talking head for the project. The goon from earlier came around and handed us both envelopes. 'Checks are in the mail,' he said, 'these are your tips.' Katie had told me earlier, "the tips are where the money is, even with whatever they," and she looked at the women and her goons, "take." I opened my envelope. "Damn, Allie. That's like $700," she said. At least $800 by my count. That would cover most of my rent for this month. "Wow," I stammered. Katie had about $600 from what I could see. The goon smiled then shrugged, "the guy in the baseball cap gave me $200, especially for you. Wanted you to know that." Then he moved off. After taking a quick straw poll, I found I was by no means the most successful with the tips. Katie and I left together. The woman stopped us at the door. "You two are closers. I have work for closers, if you want it. Down on Wall Street. Those guys know how to tip." We both took a card from her. From the look on her face, Katie was as uncertain about this as I was. "Thanks," I looked down at the card, "Ms. Sumner." She nodded and let us out the door. "You going to be OK getting to the club?" Katie asked. We had stopped outside the station where she was going to catch her train. "Sure, It's only a couple of blocks away." I shrugged, not really seeing what the problem was. Then I remembered the guy hollering at me earlier. "Then I'll be with my friends. We can't let them drive us off the streets." She nodded sympathetically. "Give me your phone." I did. She typed a number into it, then sent herself a text. "Here, text me when you get there. We should hang some time." The streets were empty, but I still hated the echoing of my heels as they clicked against the sidewalk. I could hear the music as I got closer. Even at this time of night, there was a line of people waiting outside. I joined the back. A guy, clearly high or drunk, tried to talk to me. "Hey beautiful. I like that dress on you. I'd like it even better off you." He was all swagger. "I've just come from work," was all I could muster. "As an angel? Because you look like you fell from heaven." I could have thrown up. I hoped the micro camera was getting all this. "Does that line ever work?" We all shuffled forward a little. "Don't be like that." He swayed a little and stood in front of me. "I'm a good guy. Give a good guy a break!" He gestured theatrically. I would have quite happily have broken some part of this good guy's body. I figured the best course of action was to ignore him. He didn't like that. We were only a couple of people away from getting in. "I'm talking to you," he said. "Stop being a bitch." I could feel everyone in the line tensing. I knew the women were thinking, 'not this shit again,' and the guys were weighing up if they'd be expected to intervene. I'd been in their place before, and right then I was wished I was again. Just then, the guy in front of him put a hand on his shoulder. "Bobby, enough." I could see the two bouncers on the door. Both were just watching, which pissed me off. "She's not ignoring you. Right, you're not?" I was off in space and he said, more annoyed, "you're not ignoring him?" "Sorry, sorry," I said. "I just got off work and I just want to get in and see my girlfriend." I didn't mean it as a way out. I'd just been wishing I'd got here a few minutes earlier. That I was already inside laughing and messing around with her. But it worked. Male pride had been soothed, I wasn't rejecting him but the whole male gender. "Oh damn," the friend said. "See Bob, it's not you," he said, half- carrying him past the bouncer. I went to walk in and the bouncer stopped me. "I.D." "Huh?" Oh shit, oh shit. We hadn't thought of this. I had ID in the little purse slung over my shoulder, but not one that fitted my current appearance. "Look, I'm really sorry. I left it in work, I, I..." He pointed to a sign, 'No one under 21. Under no circumstances.' I got carded all the time. Thanks to my childhood illnesses I was pretty small and skinny. But surely as a woman I didn't look that young? "How old do you think I am?" I laughed nervously. "Could be 21," he said in what sounded like a fair tone, "But I'd put you closer to 18, maybe even 16." "Oh, come on!" I could feel the line behind me getting annoyed. They didn't care about my age. They were just pissed I was holding them up. "Look, look, my friend's inside, she can help." He smiled, "I'm sure she can. And I'm sure the liquor authority would shut us down if I let you in. Sorry, miss. Step aside." I did. A quick glance told me the line had grown. I didn't want to look too closely in case I saw how angry they were. I called Becca, after ringing for what seemed like a lifetime it went voicemail. I rang it again. This time I left a message. "Becca," my voice was wavering, I was having trouble staying in character, "I can't get in. I don't have any ID." I put extra emphasis on the 'ID', hoping she'd get my meaning. "My friend isn't picking up..." I looked imploringly from bouncer to bouncer. "I told you, I can't let you in," he said, looking me up and down, "cutie. Go home. It's a school night." And that was that. I moved away a little and considered my options. I could wait for Becca to get my message, but how long would that take? All night possibly. And I was starting to feel tired. My feet ached. My knees were close to buckling. The adrenaline of having pulled it all off had kept me going. Now that was gone. Dejected, I walked past the line. I just got a glimpse of the man in the baseball cap watching me as I went, but I turned my head away, too embarrassed to acknowledge him. I could have taken the train. But, thinking of the guy in the line, I didn't fancy a late night train full of crazy people. And I was only too aware that there were some people looking at me and seeing a teenage girl in a short skirt. So I flagged down a taxi, which was surprisingly easy, and headed home. Becca I hadn't seen his text or heard his message until it was too late. The club was loud and, couple that with the bitching session that was going on, I couldn't hear a thing. I got home after 3 AM and found him passed out on the bed, on his side. He had hung up the dress, which made me a little sad. I had visions of it in a ball on the floor. I had hoped he had at least been smart enough to take off his makeup. I couldn't remember if I had shown him where the makeup wipes were. I heard him mumble a little and then turn over. From the stain on the pillow, he hadn't remembered. Or at least hadn't done a great job at it. I looked at him and wondered whether I should wake him. On the one hand, getting off the makeup in the morning would be a bitch. And I really wanted to play. On the other hand, the poor guy had spent the night in heels getting hit on. I had more than a few of those in college, and I was used to it. I decided to let him sleep. We could always chisel it off in the morning. At 8 AM the next morning, my alarm went off. "Fuck," I said, putting the pillow over my head. "Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck." Alex stirred and rolled over. His makeup looked awful, and I had to laugh, which made my head hurt. "Good morning, sunshine," I chirped, against every fiber of my being. He groaned. "I'm sorry about yesterday," I said, kissing him on the cheek. Stale makeup doesn't taste good, for those of you keeping score at home. He smiled, "No worries, Becs. I, we didn't think about it." I took him by the hand to the bathroom, to clean him off. "I'm surprised they didn't let you in. I mean, have you ever seen them not let a hot girl in?" He grimaced a little at hot girl. "Yeah, well, not when they think you're underage." "Come again?" I said, wiping off his face. I had to really push down to get off the hardened foundation. "Ow. That hurts." "My bad. I didn't tell you that you have to take it off before bed. Otherwise, you look like hell. Haven't you ever seen anyone do the walk of shame? So how old did he think you were?" "18. Then he said maybe 16." I looked at him, perched unsteadily on the edge of the bathtub, in his t shirt and panties, with his bob and his fake boobs. And he looked maybe 18. And really cute. And I was still horny from last night. I moved behind him on the pretense of throwing away the wipes. "You look really cute," I said, sticking my hands down the back of his underwear. "Ever made it with an older woman, little girl?" He kissed me back, hard. I took him by the hand and back to bed. "Don't you have work?" He said slyly. "It's fine," I said. "I owe you for last night." I could hear Alex in the shower while I got dressed. He was still in there when I was done. I thought for a second and then started laying some clothes out. "What's this?" He asked as he came back into the bedroom. I noticed he'd tied the towel around the middle like a guy. His false breasts hanging free. It made me laugh. "Your clothes for today." He looked at me. "I was trying to help..." "But I'm not doing anything today..." He trailed off as he picked up the short black skirt I'd picked out for him. There was a long sleeve striped t-shirt and black tights as well. Just the sort of outfit a college girl would pick. "Sure, but you need the practice. We got away with it last night but that was in a darkened room. We'll be under more scrutiny next time. He nodded purposefully, I could see him weighing up the options. "Come on, 'all in' you said." He sighed, "Sure." There was a pause, I looked at him expectantly. "You're right." I kissed him and we hugged. It reminded me how he'd been under me less than thirty minutes before. Alex Becca had been gone half an hour when my phone buzzed. Katie - 'Morning honey, have you checked your email yet?' I opened up the email on my phone. Nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual spam. I was halfway through writing a reply when I realised she didn't mean 'my' email, but the account we'd set up for 'Alyx'. Cursing my own stupidity, I grabbed Becca's MacBook. I knew what she meant straight away. There was an email from EnHerGy Events, the events company that had employed us last night. The email was inviting us to apply for future work. It was full of phrases like; 'Empowering a new generation of women,' and 'helping winners win'. The phrase that made me laugh out loud was 'realise your full potential to win'. Alyx - 'OMG, that's insane! Katie are you ready to actualise your full potential to be a new generation of women and win?' We texted back and forth a few times. All written in fake marketing speak. After a while I put my phone down and went into the kitchen. Looking in the fridge, I saw that Becca had left the fish out to defrost. I sighed, I'd been planning on cooking chicken, but if I let the fish go bad, I'd never hear the end of it. As I stood there, the cold air on my face, I heard my phone buzzing in the living room. I smiled imagining what Katie had sent back. I padded back in and picked up the phone. It wasn't Katie, but Chloe. Chloe was a friend of Becca's from film school. She worked for an ad agency and we'd met when I'd auditioned for a washing detergent ad. Her boss had said he couldn't use me because of my English accent, 'You're a Brit, why would you be buying detergent? They just aren't going to get it.' I'd got two things from that meeting. That I needed an accent coach, and later, when Chloe took me out to bitch about her boss, an introduction to Becca. Chloe - 'Hey you. My meeting has just been cancelled and I'm in your neighborhood. Cawfee?' The last word was a joke based on how I said she, a real, as she called herself, New Yorker, pronounced coffee. I thought for a second. I could easily blow her off, say I had work to do. But... first of all, I'd promised Becca that I'd keep in character and practice as much as I could. Second, I was kind of intrigued to see what she would say. Chloe and her boyfriend Tom were the only two people we'd told about the plan. I'd fooled strangers and drunks who weren't expecting it. I wanted to see how I'd fare up against someone who knew me and what was going down. I texted her back saying I'd meet her in fifteen at a place around the corner. I almost typed, 'be ready for a surprise,' but then it wouldn't be one. Before I left the apartment I forwarded the EnHerGy Events email onto Becca. We just had to use it. Chloe recognised me straight away. I wasn't sure how to take that. "Oh. My. God. You look amazing! How was it?" Becca must have told her we were starting last night. "I bet they ate you up, cupcake." We sat down and I took her through the night. She was howling with laughter when we go to the guy outside the club and being carded. "Oh my god, you totally look 18." I could feel my cheeks going red. She reached out and touched my hand, "Stop. I think it's great what you're doing." She leaned in to be sure no one was listening. "I don't know any guys who would take it this far. Brilliant," she said, in a bad British accent, while patting my hand. "That's fine. I mean, thank you." At that moment the waiter came over and put our coffees down in front of us. He ignored Chloe and stared at me. All I could do was smile uncomfortably until he left. Chloe laughed, but it seemed forced. Then she looked at me for a moment, her expression unreadable. "You know, I can help out." "Really?" I stirred two sugars into my coffee. I needed the pick me up. The night before had left me drained. "Really. We're casting for a new commercial. Nothing groundbreaking, life insurance. What will become of your poor family, that sort of thing." She rolled her eyes. "And there's a part for me?" I'd been careful never to probe Chloe for parts. I knew how much her friendship meant to Becca. "The teenage daughter." Her face was serious but I still kicked her under the table. "Bitch!" I folded my arms. "Ow! No, I'm serious. You'd have one or two lines - 'oh, daddy,' that kind of thing - and look sad. With those big saucer eyes of yours it'd be a cinch." "I don't know." I didn't. It was one thing to be at a party where no one noticed me anyway. It was another to have to act, although it would make for great footage. "It's a national commercial. You do this and you get your card." In order to get the really good jobs, you needed to be in SAG, the actor's union. And the only way to get in the union was to get a job on a union shoot. And a national commercial would do that. I thought for a minute. "Do you really think I can do it?" She looked me up and down. "Oh, totally. Look around. No one is giving you a second look. Except the waiter. And that guy over at the counter. We just need to change your makeup a little." I felt self-conscious. "Is it too much?" She laughed. "Not at all. We just need to lighten it up a little. Make you look like a teenage girl. Well, more than you do." She took me to Sephora for makeup. At first I stood outside, my hands thrust deep into the pockets of my jacket. Chloe was nearly through the door before she realised I'd stopped. "OMG you're adorable." She made me give her my hand. "Come on, sweetie. I'll look after you." The makeup artist came over, "How can I help you?" Before I could speak, "Can you please tell my little sister that this makeup is not right for her?" The makeup artist looked at my face. "Oh god, no. What were you going for?" Chloe rolled her eyes and spoke again. "Oh you know, you want to look older. We all did it." "Oh please," the makeup artist laughed. "I tried to look twenty-five when I was..." and she turned to me, "how old are you?" In my best mid-Atlantic accent, I said, "Eighteen." Cary Grant would be proud. She smiled, "I thought so. Let's get that off you and make you look your age. You have the rest of your life to cover up...." "Alyx," I said, feeling embarrassed. "Sonia," she said. "Nice to meet you, Alyx. Trust your big sister and me. We'll get you looking right in no time." She looked around. "Let me go get some wipes," and with that she walked away. "What the hell are you doing," I hissed. Chloe smiled. "I'm helping you, Alex. You want your card, right?" "Yeah, of course." I did. With my SAG card, maybe I could get work where they paid you. No more 'black boxes' where I was 'getting valuable experience.' An acting teacher told me that you could pay your rent with commercials and SVU. But, you needed your card. I sighed. "Good. Then trust me. You need to look 18, to think 18. Shhh, here she comes..." Sonia walked over, carrying some wipes. "OK, sweetie. Wipe," she said, handing me the packet. After I finished, she looked at me. Thankfully, I had shaved yesterday. Not that I really needed to. I needed a week and a half to get two days' growth. "Perfect," she said. "Let's see. OK, first things first, you have little dry patches on your face, so here's some moisturizer." She squirted on my hand and I rubbed it in. "Now," she said, "let's even out your skin tone," and she took foundation and put in on my face. Then she rubbed it in using, "this brush. Do you have one?" I couldn't remember if Becca did and so I shook my head. "OK," and she put one aside. Next, came eyeliner, "A nice light color, to bring out those beautiful blue eyes. Omigod, I would kill for those eyes." "Er, thanks," I said. "Yours are nice, too." They weren't. They were mud-colored but I didn't know what else to say. "Please," she laughed. "When we're finished, the boys will be all over you." I blurted, "I have a girlfriend," which made Chloe laugh loudly enough that people turned. Sonia looked at Chloe and smiled, "Good for you, sweetie. Let's make you look pretty for her then." And off she went, putting on mascara and lipstick and blush. At least, 'You don't concealer. Not for awhile yet, at least.' By time we were finished, I looked like an eighteen year old girl and had spent $200 of my $800 on makeup. I had worn stage makeup before, but this was something completely different. "What the hell am I going to say to Becca?" I said, as we left the store. "About?" "I just spent how much on makeup? She's going to kill me." She looked me up and down. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Anyway, welcome to our world," and she paused, "sweetie." "Shut up," I said, smiling in spite of myself. "I can't believe you." "Tough luck, Alex. Welcome to your new life. You spend money on headshots. Well, every actress does that plus this. Plus clothes. Plus hair." I stood there dumbfounded. She took out her phone, "Smile," she said. "Huh? What?" "Let's show your girlfriend," which she said in the exact tone we used on Tony Banks in the fifth grade, "how you look." I scowled at her. "Oh come on, Allie." I laughed, "I'm telling mom..." She took a picture. "Perfect. Now, go hang off that fence. You know, one foot on the wall, one hand on the bars, that kind of thing..." I shrugged and did what I was told, and then she took a few more shots. "Great. Now, come here and let's take a selfie for her." She held her phone up and we both made duck face. She captioned it, 'Girl's Day' and sent it to Becca. She started flicking through the shots. "Holy shit, Alex. You look amazing." I felt myself turn red, "Seriously?" Looking at the pictures wasn't quite like looking in the mirror. More a family album. "Seriously. You look like an eighteen year old girl." I didn't say anything. What could I say? She continued, "No, this is a good thing. I can get you booked on a ton of shit. You look like the All American teenage girl." I smiled at the absurdity of it. I put on an exaggerated accent, "Ohmigod, Chloe! Like, seriously?" The sentence with a rising inclination at the end. "Please. Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again." Her phone buzzed. It was Becca. It was a selfie of Becca sticking her tongue out. All it said was, "She's mine." With some hearts and winking emojis. Becca "So, Jordan," Anna, Louise's assistant, said, "you'll be working with Michael on the Baumbach shoot in Brooklyn. Don't just stand there! Go start loading the truck." Jordan smirked at me and went off. Asshole. "OK, Lev, you're going to the Ford shoot in Tribeca." He smiled and shrugged. And so on, until I was just standing there. Another day of bringing coffee to the editing bays. This was a three month internship. I had been here for two months and so far got to PA on three shoots, none of which even ran for a full day and one of which was a corporate training video. We all knew that the 'big meeting' was coming up. The one where they decided whether you got to stay for another three months. I was nauseous. The way things were going, there was no way I'd stay on. Then, I'd have to call my parents, which was the last thing I wanted. Hey, dad? Can you cover me for another six months? It didn't help that he had 'called in favors' to get me the internship. I was standing waiting for an assignment, when I heard John, one of the cameramen, "Hey, Bella." "It's Becca," I half mumbled. "Whatever," he said. "You wanna come on a shoot with us? We need a PA and you're it." I'm it? Great. You sure know how to make a girl feel special. "Sure," I said, gathering up my stuff. "What are we working on?" "PSA," he said. He looked at the shooting script. "One of those mayor's ads about smoking. You know the ones where the guy with the trach tube says," and he adopted a robotic voice, "don't smoke. I smoked." I saw the top of the Marlboro pack in his pants pocket. "Great," I said, in a fake chipper tone. It was bullshit. Jordan got to work on a real movie. I got a PSA. At least it was a shoot. "I'm ready." "OK. It's you, me and Rachel." Rachel, a tall, angular brunette in her mid-30s came over. She had a backpack on her shoulder, and was carrying a HandiCam in her hand. "Hey," she said, sticking out her hand. "I'm Rachel." "I'm Becca, um, Rebecca Scott. Thank you for letting me do this." John and Rachel both looked at each other and smiled. Or maybe smirked. I looked like an idiot, I'm sure. "Welcome to show business," she passed me a bag then turned to John. "So, what do we have today? I can't," and she affected a horrible rasping wheeze, "breathe. Or Mr. Roboto again?" They both laughed and she turned to me and said, smiling. "You didn't hear that." I laughed. "I'm sorry. What? I wasn't listening." Which got a smile and nod from John. John looked at the script. "Oh fuck. We got the poor wife having to turn over the guy because he can't do shit anymore." He turned to me, "Kids, don't smoke," he said, in an announcer's voice. I didn't know what I was supposed to say here. On my brother Stephen's advice - 'keep quiet for the first couple of days. Don't joke. You can be funny later on....well, you can try....but don't talk until you know what's going on.' So I said nothing and laughed. We went out to Queens, Maspeth, to shoot the poor guy and his wife. I started unloading the lights. We were unlocking the truck, when I said, "Is the lighting guy meeting us or something?" All the other crews had a lighting guy. Rachel looked up in the rear view mirror and gave me a weird look. "Nope. No lighting guy. You know how to light, right?" She looked at John briefly, "For fuck's sake, they gave us another PA who can't do shit. Fuck..." "I know how to light," I said. "I lit all my own projects. I know how to do it." She gave a half-smile, "Sure." Then, she paused, "OK, so, you going to ask me what I want then?" I blurted out, "I was just about to..." Oh, fuck. She's going to throw you out right here. Fuck fuck fuck. Now I'll have to move home. Instead, she and John laughed. Rachel said, "Excuse me. So, Rebecca, what I want is..." And she described harsh light for the martyr. She wanted everyone to see how tired this woman looks. Rachel turned so she was looking at me full on. "Not only does she cook for this asshole for years. Now, she has to wipe his ass. That's the job. That's the story we're telling." We pulled up to the house and a woman was on the steps. "Mrs. Ianuzzi?" Rachel said. The woman nodded. "I'm Rachel Bienstock, we spoke on the phone. How is your husband doing today?" The woman looked at her and let out a little laugh. "If Dom was doing anything other than he was doing, you wouldn't be here." I could only see the back of Rachel's head so I couldn't tell if she was embarrassed or exasperated. "Sorry," she muttered. I was still no clearer. The woman looked at her and said, "No, I'm sorry. This is just..." and she teared up a little. I handed her a tissue from my bag and she smiled, "Thank you dear. It's not what I signed up for. We had 42 good years, but the last five..." and she blew a raspberry. There was a pause "Lorretta Ianuzzi," she offered Rachel her hand. "John McInerney," John said. "Thank you, ma'am." "Rebecca Scott, Mrs. Ianuzzi. Thank you for doing this. I know how hard it is, but it's appreciated. If it can stop anyone from smoking..." She smiled, "Thank you dear. Can we get this going? I'm not sure how long Dom is going to be good for." I went out to the truck and started unloading the lights and umbrellas. The filter case was heavier than I expected. "Need some help there, Becca?" John said, reaching for the case. "I got it, John," I said. I didn't. It was heavy. "You sure?" he said, carrying his camera with one hand. "I have a free hand." "I'll be fine," I said, clumsily dragging one light under my arm and the case in my other hand. Rachel watched me and smiled. She took the light, "Time's-a-wasting, Rebecca. The sooner we have this unloaded, the sooner we can get out of here. This creeps me out." She turned to John and said, laughing, "She's proven her point. Let's get this puppy started." The shoot went really well. Mrs. Ianuzzi did terrific. I saw her looking at a picture of her husband in his Navy uniform and smiling. I whispered to Rachel, ?Um, we should totally shoot that. For, maybe, the beginning?? She smiled, ?Kinda hokey, but it might actually work.? We started filming her. She told us how she and Dom had met, ?When he was home after basic.? Then we showed their wedding day, ?he was so handsome,? and their trip to his ancestral village in Italy. Then, we switched to the harsh light and her saying, ?I signed on for better or worse. Well, it doesn?t get much worse than this.? After five hours, we wrapped. For the most part we were quiet on the ride back. As we got close Rachel turned around, ?We?re shooting a commercial for Autoland tomorrow. Be at the office at 7:00. We have to drive out to Jersey.? ?Don?t eat,? John didn?t look away from the road, ?breakfast at Tick- Tock.? ?Um,? I said, ?do I really want to know what that is?? ?It?s a diner in Clifton. It?s THE diner. Best fucking eggs in the state.? John had left before I finished filling out the paperwork. ?You still here?? It was Rachel. ?Huh?? I said, jumping in my seat. ?Sorry. I thought I was the only one left.? ?Sorry, I was just about to lock up. You done?? I was. I followed her out. She spoke as she riffled through the set of keys and key cards they?d given her. ?You did well today. You want to help me on post, tomorrow?? It took me a second to realize she meant ?post-production. ?Sure. Yeah. Great. Thanks!? Wow, two days without being coffee girl. At least, the internship would finish on a high. The night air was cold as she locked up the big steel door. The space had two steel doors and a complicated alarm system. The first time I?d had to lock it up I?d laid awake all night worrying I?d done something wrong. ?I?m meeting my wife in an hour at McMurphy?s, on DeKalb. She?s a pediatrician. She?s finishing her rounds at Woodhull.? I guessed Woodhull was a hospital. ?You want to join us?? For a moment I was rooted to the spot, my mouth dry and clammy. ?S- sure.? I stammered. Rachel laughed. ?You don?t sound sure. If you?ve got somewhere to be...? ?My... girlfriend. It?s my turn to cook. But we live together so it?s no biggie.? What did that even mean? She smiled. ?Well, I don?t want to get you into any trouble,? she said, as she finished locking the final door. ?No, it?s fine. I was just making Kraft Mac and Cheese. Alex is a much better cook.? I felt a pang of regret thinking of the outfit he?d been wearing that morning. A short blue dress and my Tory Burch flats. He looked like someone interviewing to be a secretary. A cute secretary, but a secretary. ?She?s an actress,? as if that explained anything. ?She?s been going on open calls, trying to get an agent, that kind of thing. I?m sure she?ll be glad to have some alone time.? McMurphy?s was your usual Irish bar. Green everywhere, with a map of Ireland and an Irish flag over the bar. I figured it used to be a regular bar but, when the neighborhood changed, someone decided to make it ?Irish.? ?Oh, Alex would hate this place,? I said, as Rachel put a pitcher of beer down on our table. ?Not a drinker?? ?No, no. She hates themed bars, calls them plastic. If they played ?Danny Boy,? she?d run screaming,? I said, sipping my beer. That and Alyx?s fake ID said she was 18, not 21. He threw a fit when I gave it to him. He calmed down - slightly - when I explained that it worked for ?Alyx,? for what we were trying to achieve. We talked for a while, mostly office politics. There was something I?d wanted to ask her. ?I heard Razor?s getting to do his kidnap film.? All the interns had been talking about it. Mark Ranalli, or ?Razor?; he?d come up making viral YouTube videos and commercials that looked like them. ?Yup.? She played it cool, using her drink as a distraction. ?Um, do you guys...um...know each other?? I asked slowly, and, I hoped, cautiously. ?Yup. We were interns together. Same as you.? Again she gave nothing away. Then she sighed. I thought I saw anger flicker across her face. ?Me and Crassavetes. Making his feminist masterpiece.? She looked at me. ?At least, that?s what he calls it. A mother protecting her daughter...? ?I know. More women as victims,? I watched her closely, hoping I wasn?t overstepping the line, ?someone should make a film about women like the one we met today.? Rachel nodded. I hoped she was agreeing with me. It felt like forever before she spoke. ?It?s women like Mrs. Ianuzzi who keep America open. If it wasn?t for their free labor, the whole medical system, everything would collapse. Just ask Trish when she gets here.? ?They?d never let us,? I let the ?us? part hang there, ?make a film like that.? ?Probably not.? She spoke slowly and I could see she was thinking. Just then my phone buzzed. Shit, it was Alex. I?d forgotten to text. ?Sorry, I need the toilet.? I excused myself. Alex The audition came a week later. Becca and I stayed up till nearly 2am the night before choosing an outfit. In the end we decided on a black skirt, sweatshirt, tights and boots. ?Why can?t I wear jeans?? I whined. I was tired of wearing skirts, project be damned. Everytime I went out, I felt like I was being undressed. Becca kissed me, ?I know, Alex. But, you?re a girl.? I looked at her. ?Playing a girl. Daddy?s girl. His sad, sad girl. Make them think that. And she?d wear a skirt.? I grumbled. I had no idea if she was right, but was too tired to argue. Then we collapsed in bed and I fell asleep with her arm around me. I met Chloe for breakfast. She looked at me. ?Omigod, you are so adorable, sweetie.? Since Sephora, that?s basically all she called me. ?Thanks,? I said. We sat down for breakfast. Not that I could eat much, thanks to my nerves. I just picked at my pancakes. ?Come on. You are going to ace this. And, if not, just think of the footage,? she said, tapping the star brooch that was pinned to my jean jacket. She brought her coffee mug up to her mouth, muffling the next thing she said. ?And Kurt is a bit handsy.? The reception area was full of young women. After a quick glance around, I could tell Alyx wasn?t the youngest in the room. Chloe practically frogmarched me to the front desk, past the others. ?Hey, Lyd. Can you look after my little cousin? She?s here for the Mutual Haven auditions. ?Certainly.? The young woman got up. I?d put her at around my age. Alex?s age, not Alyx the teenager. She was Asian with beautiful, long black hair cut asymmetrically. ?Can I get you a coffee, tea?? ?Erm no, I?m nervous enough as is,? I said, smiling involuntarily. ?Can I ask for a juice? Water?? ?Follow me.? Lydia led me to a side door. Chloe disappearing. I looked at the other girls, several of whom were staring daggers at me. The door led to a small break room. Lydia went to the fridge. ?We?ve got mango and lime? Lemon grass?? ?Mango and lime sounds nice.? I just wanted something cold and wet to stop my throat going dry. ?So, Chloe?s from here and you?re English?? ?Er yeah,? I tried to think fast, ?our family is a little complicated.? Brilliant. Top marks, James Bond. ?Tell me about it,? Lydia smiled, ?My family left Hong Kong in the 1980s. I was born and raised in Canada. I have family in London and Australia as well.? We chatted for a while about where in London her family lived and which places she?d visited. I could recognise her Canadian accent now that I had relaxed. She touched me gently on the arm. ?I?ll take you through. I can?t give you the first slot, that might look bad, but I?ll be sure to get you in as early as possible.? I smiled and nodded, like the idiot I was. I sat staring at my phone not really reading the news. The woman next to me offered me one of her magazines. I shook my head. ?Thanks,? I looked at her, ?you seem relaxed.? She shrugged, ?To be honest, I?m 26,? I looked at her blankly. ?I can?t play this. Too old. My agent keeps sending me to these sorts of things because I played a teenager in an iPhone ad years ago.? ?Oh.? ?I just go to show I?m willing.? There was a pause. ?Mars by the way.? She shook my hand. ?Alyx.? I mumbled. ?Good luck Alyx.? She smiled and returned to her magazine. I went back to not reading about the possibility of a second Brexit vote. ?Alyx Liddell?? I looked up. The woman who had called my name was in her early 30s and dressed in in black. She wore a pair of glasses I suspected weren?t for any medical reason. ?Erm, yes,? I held my hand up and tried not to notice two of the waiting girls rolling their eyes at each other. At least, Mars smiled at me. ?Follow me.? She smiled at me in what I suppose she might have thought was a warm manner. Once we were in the corridor she turned to me. ?You?re Chloe?s little cousin, right?? ?Uh huh.? I suspected Chloe had spent the week drilling the ?little? part into all her work colleagues. ?Don?t worry. We?re all behind you!? She opened the door and we were into a new room. It looked like an office designed by a child. In one corner of the room were two bright red sofas in an L shape. Sat on one sofa were three people. One a man in his forties, dressed in expensive looking jeans and a shirt. In the middle was a tall woman with short dark hair. On the end was a man in a suit, who looked out of place in the room. ?This is Alyx.? The woman with glasses introduced me. The short haired woman looked up and smiled. ?Hi Alyx. Please, take a seat. ? She didn?t seem so bad. She looked at the woman in the glasses, ?Thank you Emily.? Emily left. I sat on the sofa. I knew where because there was a small camera on a tripod pointed to the formerly empty space. I tried to look both casual and alert. Not easy to pull off and I?m sure I failed. ?So Alyx, thanks for coming in. Chloe tells me she spotted you buying makeup?? Something in her look told me not to give anything more away. ?Um, yeah,? I said, half to be in character and half from nerves. ?On Union Square. But I?ve acted before.? I rolled off the highlights, such as they were. Both men looked impressed at the theatre I?d done back in the UK. Americans always were. They didn?t need to know that the play in Edinburgh was attended by five people, all the family of a cast member. The more casually dressed man spoke next. ?The camera is so we can look back over anyone if we need to. You OK with that?? I nodded my head. After chatting away for a bit longer, they gave me some lines to read. I glanced over them, nothing too hard. Chloe had pre-warned me that they wanted emotion so I?d been building myself up. I?d made Becca laugh over the last few days saying everyday things ?pass the salt? or ?are we out of milk? like a sad teenager. The woman went behind the camera and a red light blinked on. ?OK Alyx, when you?re ready.? I took a deep breath. ?Oh when daddy died I was so sad. It was terrible,? I looked up to where the camera sat, imagining my eyes large and round like a Japanese cartoon character, ?but then mom had to go back to work.? Take the mood down a notch, ?Then everything was worse.? I tried thinking of my childhood bedroom, looking out on the garden for hours unable to get out. ?I know daddy loved us,? long pause, ?I just don?t understand why he didn?t think of us,? Look back up to the camera. I thought of the first day back at school. How even my form tutor had thought there was a mistake and that I should be in an earlier year. All the kids laughing. It shocked me more than it did them. Warm and salty, the tear rolled down my cheek. I had to wipe it away. This was the first time I?d been able to cry on demand. I almost cried again, this time out of joy. The woman looked out from behind the camera. She took it off its tripod and started showing the footage to the other two. I could hear my own voice, always strange, but had no idea how I looked. As the two men looked at the footage the woman extended her hand to me. ?Carla, I?m directing the ad. This is Kurt, he?s in charge of the campaign. And last but not least,? she said, pointing to the man in the suit, ?is Adam, he?s from Mutual Haven.? I smiled and waved at them all. First Adam spoke about the company values of Mutual Haven. I got about 10% of it ? life insurance is good. I sat up straight and nodded enthusiastically at what I hoped was the right places. After Adam, Carla spoke. She took me through the ad, which could be summed up as ? husband doesn?t get life insurance, family sad. Husband does, family happy. That said, she did seem to know her camera angles and spoke to me like I should as well. I liked her, but it wasn?t good footage for Becca. About twenty minutes later, Carla looked at her watch and jumped. She looked at the other two. ?Sorry Alyx, but we have other people to see.? It was Kurt who walked me back to the reception room. As he led me through the door, his hand was on the small of my back. Just for a second, it slipped slightly and touched the top of my bottom. We really should have figured out how to put a camera on my back. Again I got daggers from the waiting girls, only Mars smiling. Looking at the clock, I?d been in there longer than any of the others. Lydia smiled and waved at me, I waved back. Fuck these jealous bitches. Out of the front doors, I started to feel panic. I?d never had an audition go that well. It didn?t seem to be real. If I didn?t get it I would be devastated. My phone rang as I was coming out of the M train. I was so panicked I nearly dropped it down a sewer vent as I scrambled to get it out of my bag. ?Hi sweetie, it?s your big cousin Chloe.? I didn?t speak, holding my breath. ?Are you there?? ?Um, yeah.? My mood was crashing. If they were considering me, there?s no way they?d get back to me so quickly. I must of gone on the cut list straight away. Of course, they?d only been humouring me for Chloe?s sake. I?d failed. The documentary would be over. My career pointless. ?Alyx, you?re on speaker phone. I have Carla here with me.? There was some whispering then I heard another voice. ?Hi, Alyx it?s Carla here. Can you hear me?? ?Uh huh.? My head was buzzing, I had no idea what was happening. ?Alyx, I?m going to come straight to the point, we want you.? There was a pause. Then I let out a high pitched squeal. It frightened me more than anything, where had that come from? ?Oh, thank you. Thank you soooo much!? Two guys in their twenties were watching me laughing. I didn?t give a fuck. ?No Alyx, thank you. You were great. Amazing. Especially for an ad. I?m looking forward to working with you. OK, here?s Chloe.? The phone went quiet for a moment, then Chloe came on. ?Sweetie, we?re off speaker phone now. How are you?? I was out of breath. ?Excited, confused. I can?t believe I got it.? She laughed, ?I saw the clip. I had no idea you could act.? I thought back to the performance of Ionesco I had done in the church in Queens. Where Chloe had been. ?Thanks,? I said, sticking my tongue out. She ignored me. ?Well, anyway, they loved you. They joked that they were going to send flowers to your mom, for her loss. But seriously, they only saw two more girls after you. Then, they said they?d only be wasting their time. Go, Allie,? she said. I was hyperventilating. Chloe had to calm me down between laughing. ?I?ve got to call Becca.? I finally said. ?I already texted her. Sorry sweetie, I just had to.? I was too happy to complain. Becca He looked so cute, his blond hair bobbing up and down as he checked himself out in the full length mirror. ?I?m not sure this is any better you know.? He half turned to look at me. He was talking about the Daisy Dukes I?d found in a charity shop a few days before. ?It?s the weekend. I thought you?d welcome a break from short skirts.? He turned back to the mirror. In the reflection I could see him smiling as I approached from behind, grabbing his waist and kissing his neck. ?Hey, cut it out. We?re supposed to be meeting Tom and Chloe in half an hour.? ?They won?t mind if we?re late.? ?Yes they will.? But I?d put my arms around him, pinning his arms by his side. I started walking him over to the bed. ?We were up to 3am last night!? He protested, but I could feel him pressing his body against mine. In the end we were about forty five minutes late. ?How?s the stove?? Chloe asked, a smirk plastered across her face. ?Oh, you know. Always breaking down. We couldn?t leave until we were sure it wasn?t leaking gas.? I looked at Alex who just rolled his eyes at me. ?Wow.? We turned to look at Tom, who was laughing. He wore his typical plaid shirt buttoned to the top. His hair was short, but Chloe had told me he spent hours each morning in front of the mirror getting it just right. Chloe hit him on the arm. ?I mean you look great too, Becca. But, Alex, wow.? ?Hey,? I reprimanded him, then laughed at how unsure he looked. Chloe interjected. ?Anyway, once you?ve stopped humiliating my boyfriend, I think they might be ready to seat us.? The waiter led us to a quiet table near the back. I noticed that he held out the chair for Alex and Chloe, but not for Tom or me. Though maybe it was because he couldn?t get around to our side in time. ?Stop staring at Alex.? Again, Chloe hit Tom in the arm. ?Sorry. I mean I saw the audition footage, but I never...? Tom?s voice trailed off into a mumble. ?You better not hit on my little cousin, Tommy boy!? Tom turned bright red, then started to laugh with us. ?Anyway,? he stuck out his hand, ?pleased to meet you Alyx. How are you finding New York?? It went on like that until they took our order. The rest of the lunch was fine. Tom quizzed Alex about his audition, occasionally interrupted by praise from Chloe. She seemed a little over the top to me, but then again we had talked about building him up with praise to help him through this awkward period. We were waiting for the bill when Tom raised it. ?So mom and dad are going to be in Europe for two weeks next month. Dad has some business in London and Frankfurt, mom is going along to keep him company.? ?And for the shopping,? annotated Chloe. ?They?ve asked us to check on the house while they?re away. We thought we could do a long weekend away, and maybe you two would want to join us?? Tom had grown up in Bedford. He and I had both gone to Northwestern, but he wasn?t in Medill and he was two years older besides. So we hadn?t known each other until Chloe introduced us. Chloe had already broached the subject with me earlier in the week. I looked at Alex, ?What do you think? You could go back to being the male Alex for a weekend.? I looked over at Tom. ?It?s on a lake, Alex. My dad has a boat.? Tom knew how much Alex loved messing around on the water. ?Sounds great. I?ll probably be needing a break by then. Can I kayak?? ?Sure, we have a couple in the boat house. I?ll ask my dad to check on it. Wouldn?t want a damsel in distress or anything.? Which got him a finger from Alex. After the restaurant we split up. The real reason for our meet up was so I could get Chloe to come clothes shopping with me. They were interviewing all the interns next week, probably to make us all beg to continue working for them for free. ?Let?s ditch these losers,? Chloe said. ?You two can amuse yourselves, right?? They started making plans to go vinyl shopping. We headed to SoHo, to check out Zara and Vince. Personally, I liked smaller places, but I needed to look super professional. My dad had called in a favor on this, and I didn?t need his shit again. Two hours later, I had found this incredible suit. Normally, I wouldn?t be caught dead in a pantsuit. Hillary wore pantsuits. No one on a shoot wore them, unless it was for a scene. But, Chloe had convinced me that I needed to look serious, that, ?all the other interns are going to look like they slept in their clothes.? We walked past Victoria?s Secret on Broadway, when Chloe grabbed my arm. ?Let?s go in!? I looked at her, ?You need underwear, Chloe?? She grinned, ?Not for me. For Alyx.? I rolled my eyes, ?You?re not serious,? I said to her back, as she pushed opened the door. For fifteen minutes, she literally found all of the skimpiest, laciest things she could. It was all I could do not to run out. ?What size is he?? She waved a black and red lace bra under my nose. ?No, stop,? I said. ?Come on. Please. I got him the audition...? ?Fine. He?s a 34C.? She was having too much fun. ?But come on, h...she doesn?t need,? and I took it from her and put it down, ?stuff like this.? Chloe turned and looked at me thoughtfully. After a minute she pulled me in a new direction. I should have let her stay in the bras. She found a section with items for ?couples.? I didn?t want to know who these couples were, surrounded as I was by PVC. Chloe grinned and picked up a pair of ?love cuffs? and a blindfold. ?What do you think?? ?I think what you and Tom do is your own business,? I said, in a tone that combined morally superior and absolutely feeble. ?That?s not what I meant and you know it,? she said, dancing around and waving the blindfold. That was a joke too far. ?Enough, Chloe!? I raised my voice loudly enough that people turned. I dropped the volume and said, ?That?s not what this is about.? She held me in a long stare. ?Isn?t it?? ?No!? I folded my arms. ?How could you think...we?ve talked about this...it?s a serious project. I?m really proud of Alex for doing this. And it could be our big break.? ?It?s just,? she couldn?t look at me now, ?I can think of several easier ways you could do this.? ?Like what?!? My tone was too sharp, people looked again. ?I don?t know. Maybe get actual female actors. More than one. It?d improve your chances of getting good footage.? I almost stamped my foot. ?No, no, you?re not getting it! It matters that it?s him. More of a big reveal. A way to get those bastards to reflect on their actions...? I trailed off, I so wanted her to get it. Her voice got smaller. ?You don?t think, maybe, it could come across as, I don?t know, transphobic.? I stared at her and she looked away. ?Becca, I?m just...I?m playing devil?s advocate. You?re my best friend. You know, I totally support you. But you?d be asking me the same things. To make sure I knew what I was doing. Right?? ?Yeah, I know.? I scratched the back of my neck. The other shoppers were looking away. Show?s over girls. Move along. Nothing to see. ?Sorry,? she deflated a bit. ?I just didn?t expect Alex to look so... natural. I mean, if you saw him in the waiting room...then, the footage...? Why did she keep going on about that? ?On the other hand, you two,? and she smiled slyly. ?It?s kind of...hot.? I felt my face flush. ?Chloe,? I said, just above a whisper. ?I mean, ?I haven?t seen you like this since you got together.? True, and that was almost nine months ago. ?See, it?s good for him too. When he goes back to his old career he?ll have improved as an actor. And if we pull this off imagine what people will say. He?ll be a sensation!? Chloe started putting the things she had picked up back. ?Sure, you?re right. Just be careful. I can think of what some people will say about him and it wont be kind.? I wanted to say ? ?but that?s the whole point, to reveal that,? but held my tongue. I knew she had my back. As she put down the blindfold I grabbed it. She looked at me confused. ?She has trouble sleeping,? I said, with a smile. Alex Tom and I went off to Bleecker Street, to shop for records. We walked over from the restaurant. ?How?s work?? I asked. Tom and I had become, if not, friends, friendly enough. I liked the fact that he had nothing to do with media of any kind. He was a programmer for a startup making an app where you can take a picture of food and it?ll find you a recipe. ?It?s good. Way too busy,? he shrugged. Then, he went silent for several blocks. ?Look over there,? I said, pointing to a couple, the man talking animatedly while the woman stood with her arms crossed. Tom lived for this sort of thing. He would talk about everyone we saw, but fighting couples were his favorite. He?d adopt a sportscaster voice. (?Oooh, the young man seems to think he?s got her to see his point of view. But, that?s a rookie mistake. Clearly, she?s conserving energy for the rounds to come.?) Most meals would involve Chloe putting her hand over his mouth. Today, I got, ?Huh,? and a ?heh heh.? I tried again. ?That was great of Chloe to get me the audition.? Subconsciously I?d started mirroring his walking stance, hands shoved in my pockets. Easier for him in his jeans than me in my shorts. I could just about get the tops of my fingers in. ?Yeah,? he said, not looking at me directly, but at our reflection in a window. ?She?s good that way.? Then, four more blocks of silence, until we got to the first store, on McDougal. We walked in the door and heads turned. I started flicking through the racks. I wasn?t sure what I was looking for. I just liked the feeling of the weight of the records as you held the front of the pile with one hand and flicked more forward. Today, though, I felt uncomfortable. I walked over to Tom. ?Is it me or is it weird in here today?? He was intently flicking through old soul records, pulling out a Stax sampler. His efforts to turn Chloe and Becca onto King Curtis and Isaac Hayes repeatedly failed. Still he persisted. ?You don?t get it, do you?? ?What?? I said, staring at the cover of a Sam and Dave album. ?Think about it,? he said, looking me up and down. I didn?t get it, why all the sideways glances? It took a couple of seconds. ?Shit.? I suddenly felt naked. Even in my hoodie and short shorts. He shrugged, ?Take out your phone.? ?What?? I looked at him. ?Take out your phone and look bored. Just do it.? I did what he asked, even though I didn?t understand. After a couple of minutes, ?Hang on, Allie. I?m almost done. OK?? Then, he looked around the room, smirked and took out a couple of albums. In a just loud enough voice, he said, ?Let me pay for these. Then we can do what you want.? Then, he looked around while the other guys snickered and went back to looking. We left the store. ?What was that about?? I said. ?You didn?t want them to look. Come on, Alex. When was the last time you saw a hot girl in there?? Later on, I thought I should have called him out on that. In the moment, I said nothing. We went to a few more stores but I couldn?t focus. I would flick through the racks but I couldn?t tell you what I was looked at. I just felt like a third wheel. We were walking back on LaGuardia Place when we passed Cookie Do, a store that sold edible cookie dough. I smiled, r