Alyx In Wonderland Chapter 7 free porn video

Thank you to everyone who has left comments for previous chapters. Your support mean a lot to us. If you feel too shy to leave a comment, or have questions you'd like to ask, or maybe you want to tell us about your own work. Any of the above you can contact us here: [email protected] Now for this week's episode... (Theme tune by Robertlouis) Alyx in Wonderland Chapter 7 Alex "Hi, I'm Allie," I said to the two women in the hotel room. It was the night of the premiere, well it was 11 AM. The studio had set up a couple of rooms for all of us to get ready. I thought that I would just put on makeup and get dressed at home and they'd send a car. I was wrong. Boy, I was wrong. I had been told to wear something that I could take off without pulling it over my head. "Hi, I'm Sam," said one, a small redhead. She'd toned it down but I could detect a Glasgow burr. "I'll be handling your hair and this is Rebecca" she said, gesturing to a tall woman, "she'll be handling your makeup." Rebecca looked at me. "Everyone calls me R.J." She spoke with a pretty southern accent. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had enough 'Beccas' in my life. "Let's make you look beautiful." Sam smiled at me. "I mean more beautiful." I nodded and laughed inwardly at the absurdity of everything. I was getting ready for my first premiere. And I had to get here early so that I could get my hair and makeup done. I wondered what Jacob was doing now. Was he here? Would he talk to me at all? I had hoped that we would have talked when we went to the stylist. Becca had made sure to keep me busy. He kept looking over like he was going to say something, but he didn't. I knew that he and I would be in the car over, and I just hoped that she wasn't going to be there. "You have marvelous skin," she said. This was still weird to me. I had flashbacks to the movie, of Maggie rubbing her finger on my face. "And thank you for not wearing any makeup today. It makes my job so much easier." "Um, you're welcome. They told me not to." It was weird to not put on my makeup. I was afraid that someone would figure me out. But I went outside and guys were still checking me out. She sat me in a chair and began by applying 'just a touch of foundation, to even out your skin tone.' I had no idea it was odd, but why shouldn't it be? Everything else was, starting from me being here. She turned to Sam and said wistfully, "Remember being 18? Oh, to have that skin again." She turned to me, "You always wear a hat when you're out? And makeup with SPF." I nodded and Sam grinned. "She's a good British girl. Can't trust the sun. Fickle beast." I laughed and R.J. started looking at my face like I was a specimen in a lab. "First, we're going to do a little contouring. Just on your cheekbones." "Um, is there something wrong with them?" I asked. "I..." Both women laughed. "You are just too adorable, Allie," Sam touched my shoulder. "You have fantastic cheekbones. We're just going to make them look more fantastic, OK?" I smiled and nodded, as if I had a choice. Then, R.J. proceeded to explain what she was doing. Something about matte (not shiny) powder that was a couple of shades darker than my skin tone (pasty white, thank you). I just kept nodding and smiling, wondering when the aliens were coming to take me to the mothership. Speaking of which, my phone rang half way through her doing my eyes. "Don't look down," R.J. commanded. "I'll take your eye out." She handed the phone to Sam, who said, "It's your mum. Do you want to speak to her?" I laughed, mostly at the surreal nature of what was going on, "Sure." Sam put it on speaker, "Hi, mum. Guess where I am? Hair and makeup. Say hi to Sam and R.J." "Hi, ladies. I hope you're taking good care of my little Alligator." I moaned, "Mum," to the laughter of both women. "A mum's prerogative, Allie." They talked for a while. Mainly they talked about the weather. Mum had gone to university in Edinburgh. Mum had never seen horizontal rain before she lived north of the border. Mum laughed. "Just don't make her look like some sort of tart. So, tell me what you're doing now." R.J. piped in. "Well, right now, I'm working on her eyes, Mrs. Liddell. With her eyes and coloring, I'm doing an orange and coral blend shadow. It will really make them pop..." I could hear the smile in mum's voice, then a little catch. I knew what she had said when she was here, but I was wondering whether the catch was for her daughter on her big night, or her son. "That sounds lovely. Can you send me pictures when she's done?" R.J. interrupted. "How about I FaceTime you on my iPad? That way, you can watch us in action, and we won't run up Allie's bill?" My mum stopped for a second. "You would do that for me?" I felt a little better. She wanted to see me. Like this. R.J. set up her iPad on the table and called my mum. She picked up and did that weird thing you do on FaceTime calls, where you're staring off in the distance or down at the iPad, giving you a double chin. R.J. smiled. "OK, so, Mrs. Liddell..." Mum interrupted and told her to call her Helen. "OK, Helen, so now we're going to give Allie a light brown eyeliner...I see she has your eyes..." I couldn't really look at her, what with R.J. shoving a pencil in my eye. I did mine every day and had makeup done on set, but this somehow felt weirder. "How are you doing, Alligator?" Sam and R.J. smiled at each other at that. "I'm fine, mum. This is just really...strange...I didn't mean it strange bad, R.J....just..." Mum piped in. "Special?" I smiled and nodded, and she said. "It is special. Your father and I are proud of you. You've worked really hard. You deserve this." I started to tear up and Sam interrupted, "OK, that's enough. We can't have Allie getting all weepy," which made mum giggle. R.J. kept walking mum through what she was doing while mum asked for makeup tips 'for an old lady.' After she was done, Sam started on my hair, teasing and spraying and combing. "You have such lovely hair, Allie. And untreated which is the way hair should be, at least at your age...am I right, Helen?" Mum giggled and said something about looking like a witch if she didn't go. "Stop it mum!" I said. "You're beautiful." She was. I looked down at the picture on my phone from when she was here and I smiled, and shook my head at how much we looked like each other. Sam said, "OK. so we're now going to get Allie into her dress. I don't think you need to see that, do you?," as she took off the smock and unbuttoned my dress, letting it fall to the floor. I should have felt awkward standing here in just my dress and panties, but I didn't. "I'm going to put the iPad face down, but don't go anywhere. You don't want to miss the big reveal." She turned to me. "Take off your bra, sweetie." "Um." I was scared that she'd figure me out. Chloe and I had worked on blending makeup on my chest, so you couldn't see the seams, but these were pros. They'd figure me out and my career would be over before my big premiere. I needn't have worried. They didn't even look at them, which is what I should have expected. Why would they? I was just another girl to them. "Why do I need to take it off?" "You need to wear a strapless bra," Sam said, as if I were a child. "Um, but the dress has straps..." I could hear mum giggling, when she said, "Allie, you don't want a strap showing by accident. Trust us." Then, "young girls..." which got a giggle from the other two. Have you ever worn a strapless bra? It's like putting a rubber band around your chest. Not as bad as binding, but definitely not good either. I put my breasts in the cups, shifting them around until they were sitting right, a sentence I never imagined saying. Then, R.J. held the dress out so that I could slip into it. She pulled it up, sliding my arms through the straps and zippering it closed. I remembered how my parents used to have to help me when I was sick. But this felt better. She put a necklace, borrowed from some jeweler, around my neck and I put on drop earrings. R.J. whispered, "OK, put on your shoes and go in the bathroom." I looked at her, confused. "Come on, we want to give your mother the big reveal." I shrugged and walked over, figuring she was the professional. She picked up the iPad and said, "Are you ready? I present Miss Alyx Liddell." I walked in and heard mum gasp. "You look absolutely radiant, Alexandra." I smiled, "I really look OK?" This was not my first choice of dress. Or second. Or third. We'd only came to it after negotiations, the sort that made Middle East peace look easy. "No, you don't." I got nervous, not that there was anything I could do anyway. "You are," and I could see the tears forming, "absolutely beautiful, Allie." I saw my father come in and I gulped. He had been supportive when we told him that night, focusing on the project and how I 'could be a role model for trans women everywhere' and how I 'shouldn't neglect those who weren't as lucky to fit gender norms.' But I still wondered whether he somehow saw me as less because of this. That I wasn't really his daughter and I was no longer his son. He looked at me and smiled, first at me and then my mum. "I'm a lucky man. To have such a beautiful wife and an even more beautiful daughter..." "OK, dad, you're going to make me cry...." From the looks on Sam and R.J.'s faces, I might not be alone. He laughed. "Bloody women...don't report me, Helen. Alexandra, you will be the most beautiful woman there and I am proud of everything you've done and everything you've become. I love you and only wish we could be there with you....and tell that Jacob to behave himself." Everyone giggled, while I mumbled, "Dad..." "I love you too. I love you, mum." They both said they loved me and we hung up. No matter what, I was ready to face the world. ===== Which was good. Because I still felt like some dumb girl playing princess and still wanted to kill Becca, no matter what everyone else said about the dress. I could see Jacob by the limo talking to the driver. They seemed chummy. Typical Jacob, he could make friends in a war zone. I sometimes wondered if, in my perpetual awkwardness, I'd mistaken his friendliness for something more. I suddenly felt self-conscious, like I didn't want him to see me like this. But I had no choice. I lifted my skirts up. I mean, I lifted them a little. So I could walk without them dragging. He smiled. "Nice hair." I had let it grow in a little, enough so that R.J. had put it behind my ears, leaving little ringlets on the side. "You can't stand the dress though, right?" The driver gave Jacob a sympathetic look, then headed around to the driver's door. "No, you look great," he smiled awkwardly, obviously hiding his distaste, "and now we'll finally have time to talk." God, the 'we need to talk' line. I nearly vomited. The drive was a short one. We were only parked around the back of the cinema, the whole thing was just for the cameras. Jacob was saying something about being sorry for not calling sooner. I didn't hear him. Knowing he wanted to break up with me, although can you break up when you're not really together? That and nerves about being in front of the press meant I need all my concentration not to throw up. The bulbs flashed. It was like being in front of a firing squad. I stood there, not easy to do in those heels, and smiled. I could feel Jacob's arm around me pulling me in tight. Fuck me, here we go. I felt Jacob moving me forward. All my attention was focused on staying upright. All those faces, people waving at me. Shouting my name. How did anyone know my name? I was no one. A girl from a couple of dumb adverts. Jacob squeezed me closer and I remembered that he was the reason for my fame. To these girls, I might just as well be a blank face. I was a mannequin they could project their own image on to. An over enthusiastic woman pushed a mic in our faces. She was dressed younger than she looked and her blond highlights looked expensive. High pitched and with a strong American accent I couldn't make out what she was saying at first. Not that it mattered, it was Jacob she wanted to speak to. I looked up. Hanging behind her was a huge poster depicting my face screaming. It's a surreal experience to see your own terrified face, let alone to see it enlarged to twenty foot tall. "Hey Alyx!" Shit, the woman was talking to me. "You look gorgeous. Who are you wearing?" I had to strain to figure out what she was saying, where was that accent from? Thankfully, I had just enough sense about me to roll off the details Lydia had given me. And smile. Inside the theatre everyone was there. I saw Razor in the middle of a big group of people, clearly loving being the centre of attention. Looking over I could see Jacob was nervous. "Er, can we talk?" he stammered. "Look, can this wait?" This was the last thing I needed. I was struggling to keep it together as it was. "This is my first premiere, I don't want to deal with any, y'know, stuff." He looked like I'd slapped him. I was about to explain I didn't mean it like that when Becca appeared. "I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous." He looked like he was about to say something, when I heard, "Hello you two." If words really could be poisonous, we'd be dead right now. "Allie," she nodded at me then looked at Jacob. For a moment I thought she was about to say something, but she didn't. She looked down and saw the star pin on my clutch bag. "Hi Becca," I desperately tried to fill the dead air. "Urm, excited?" "We've got some big financiers in tonight. This could be important for Danelaw." "Oh." I spoke with a small voice. It was going to be like that? "Oh, Allie honey, I forgot. The Schwartzmans and the Fosters are here. Remember, from the party at Louise's? Well, they wanted us to come over and say hi." She turned to Jacob and asked him to get us drinks. Like he was a waiter. He looked worried and I wanted to grab him and make him stand still. When I asked for champagne, she smirked and pointed out that I was underage. She gave him a cursory look. I half-expected him to flinch. I would have. "Um, OK. Back in a minute Allie." He dashed away. "Jesus Becca, do you have to be like this?" She gave me a searching look. "Like what?" I flapped my arms in desperation, then put them on my hips. "You know like what. You just can't deal with him! Why do you have to be like this?" I think I even started tapping my foot, not that she'd have seen under that dress. "Alex honey, I don't have a problem. This is work." Bitch. I looked around to see if I could find Jacob, but he'd disappeared into the crowd. "I'm sure your Ken doll will be able to find us." She led me over to the people from the party, who were gathered around Razor, her hand on the small of my back. The director beamed at me, "Here's our star..." He started to talk profusely about how great and 'raw' I was. Thankfully, the others didn't seem to want me to say anything. One old guy just stared at me, but even he didn't ask anything. Jacob She was late getting down from makeup. I was stuck talking to the driver about the New York Knicks and their chances in the playoffs this year. In summary, not great. Ismail, the driver, told me that he had been in the states for ten years. He got here in the back of a crate with his family, unable to speak any English. "We thought we were in Germany," he jokes, "I only realised how wrong I was when, a few weeks later I saw the Statue of Liberty. How funny I told my wife, they have one here too." He slapped me on the shoulder. "You want to see a picture? "Of the Statue of Liberty?" I stammered. He let out another bark of laughter. "No. My wife, my kids." Before I could say anything he'd taken out his wallet and was showing me pictures of his wife and three kids. "Best in her class for math." He grinned as I nodded. I first became aware she'd arrived when I followed the driver's eyes to what was behind me. He looked at me and whispered, "Your girlfriend?" "Er." That got another hoarse burst. "If not, she should be." As Allie got close, Ismail winked at me, turning me red, then disappeared into the car. When she was close, I allowed myself to look at her. Wow. OK, Allie looked amazing. "Y-you look great." Keep it cool dude. She looked a little stunned, like she hadn't heard me. I tried again. "I like your hair." Hair? Why had I started with her hair. She'd grown her bob out a little and had it styled. The bangs looked great with those big eyes of hers. Eyes that were staring at the floor. "You hate the dress right?" She looked dead on. That was an accusation, not a question. "No." I remembered that they had agreed to this dress after a long fight. The first dress Allie said made her look like a little girl. This one was Becca's idea of a compromise. Shit, was this her way of telling me to back off? That she'd made her choice? "It's, well it looks great on you." She was looking away, not listening. "I think we should probably talk. Clear the air..." She shot me a look. It reminded me of the scene where she was tied to the chair, which made me shiver. In the car I tried to start talking to her again. But when I looked over she'd gone pale, like she was about to vomit. "Are you OK?" "Yes! Stop asking." Had I asked before? I looked up and saw the window to the front was open, Ismail probably listening in. A few minutes later and we were on the red carpet. The flashing bulbs calmed me. I was used to this, this was work. I put my arm around Allie and felt her press herself into me. It felt good, natural. Her hand resting on the small of my back as we walked along. After a few autographs I looked up seeing Becca waiting for us. If looks could kill, she'd be the bomb we dropped on Hiroshima. I was about to say something when that bitch Amy from E! nearly gave me a black eye. She was the one that outed my friend Heather. As she asked me some vacuous questions about the film - 'No Amy, I think it's shit. No one should ever see it and my career should end here" - I could feel Allie clamp her hand on mine. She squeezed so tight I almost screamed out. Amy had seen it as well. "So Allie," before I realised what was happening Amy cut across me, "you've dressed up tonight. Trying to impress a special someone?" "Thanks Amy! Yes it's an amazing dress isn't it. It's Nina Tiari ..." She reeled off the commercial spiel perfectly, even though I could feel her hand shaking. If I could have, I'd have high fived her. Looking to my side, I saw that Becca had slinked off. I wanted to say something but as we entered the foyer the noise was deafening. "Look Allie, I just wanted to say..." I was cut short by some asshole bumping into my back. "I just want to talk..." Again, the same asshole. What was his plan, did he think elbowing me would stop him being some gross fat prick? "This is my first premiere, I don't want to deal with any, y'know, stuff." Any stuff? Meaning me? I was going to press on and at least tell her I was sorry for not being there for her when guess who appeared. "Hello you two." Becca stood there, looking at Allie, not at me. "Allie," she turned and gave me the death look. "Hi Becca," Allie looked upset. I wanted take her hand but she was too far away. "Urm, you excited?" By her tone of voice I'd say she was pleading with Becca. "We've got some big financiers in tonight. This could be important for Danelaw.," I hated the sound of Becca's voice. So arrogant. Yeah, yeah, big shot producer. Blah, blah. Then, she mentioned some people and some party and Allie looked miserable. And young. Like a child being scolded. She turned to me and with what I assumed was supposed to be a smile asked, "Jacob, could you get us some drinks? I need to talk to Allie..." When I didn't move, she said, "it's a personal matter, from before. Please." All that was missing to make this like middle school was 'this is an A and B conversation so C ya.' I looked at Allie, to see if this was OK, if she would stop me, but she just smiled weakly. I couldn't believe this, that she would just give in like that. But, then I decided that I had to give her space, be the bigger man. Well, I tried. I touched her arm and said, "what do you want, Allie?" She smiled at me, a real smile, "Champagne, please." I was about to leave when Becca said, "You're underage, Allie, remember? Oh, I guess one glass won't kill you." What a bitch. "I'll take a glass of red." I was trying to think of how I could spit in it with no one noticing. "I'll be back in a minute," I said, looking at Allie, who looked away, miserable. The route to the bar wasn't easy, and when I turned around I'd lost sight of them. Then, I saw Becca leading Allie, her hand on the small of her back. Allie looked like she was hypnotised. I finally got the drinks and was walking over to Allie, when Louise smiled, "Jacob, come over here." Great. But it's not like I had a choice or anything. "Jacob, I just wanted to say what an amazing performance." She started showing me off to the others around us. All looked like businessmen. I nodded politely and answered their half interested questions. One guy did take a little more interest. "You're in the Netflix thing?" "The Shortest Root." I nodded. "So, you're a TV actor?" "I'm an actor." OK, that sounded pompous. And stupid. "I mean, I go where the work is," which got a laugh. "There's less of a distinction these days. Look at something like Breaking Bad." "So, who's your favorite actor?" He was getting up close to me. I looked around, thinking I'd caught a glimpse of a peach pink dress. All I wanted to do was get back to her, not be paraded around like a prize pony. Or a dog doing tricks. "I guess Al Pacino if you made me choose. I'm a Method guy." And a giant asshole. "I mean like Brando and so on." Just shut up, Fido. I felt Louise's hand on my arm, "Jacob is really one of the best actors around these days. He can do anything." Also, known, as 'down boy. Quiet.' Finally the signs went on calling us into the theatre. At least now I'd get Allie to myself. But as we shuffled in, I saw her ahead of me, Razor's hand on her back. ------------------- "I think that went well," Allie whispered to me as the lights came up and everyone applauded. I could smell her perfume, the same as from that night at the mall. I wanted to just sit there all night and take it in. OK, I didn't mean it like that. That would be weird. I meant I wanted it to be just us, alone in the theater. I whispered back. "You were phenomenal. You are phenomenal." Way to play it cool, Big Jake. She smiled and blushed, "Stop." I loved her voice, her real voice. It was musical. Although it was jarring after hearing her speak American for almost two hours. "So were you." Were. Not are. Shit. Then, she put her hand on top of mine. Everyone started to get up. She looked at me. "I guess we need to get up, too." I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "Allie, can we go somewhere and talk? Alone?" She looked nervous. "No, I mean I've wanted to talk to you." Yeah, well, that's apparent in saying can we go somewhere and talk, you idiot. "I mean, maybe, not here. Like maybe tomorrow, we can go somewhere, just the two of us, where there aren't any other people around, like..." And she smiled. "I mean I don't want to take you somewhere where there's no one else around at all." I should have had another drink. She kept smiling at me, with that same smile she had in the trailer when I told her about Jane. "I mean like where we can just go and be us, regular us...." She smiled. Her smile was beautiful. "Are you asking me out, Jacob?" "Um, I know I've been weird about texts and everything..." She kept smiling. "I asked you a question, Jacob," she said, rubbing my hand gently. Then, I think she realized what she was doing because she stopped. I wondered what that meant. "Are you asking me out?" I took a deep breath. "Um, maybe?" We had gotten up and were walking out of the now mostly-empty theater. "Um, then, um, maybe, I'd say yes," she teased. "If you were asking me. Because if you aren't, I'd feel pretty stupid saying yes. To a question that wasn't being asked." Even her teasing was sexy. I smiled and looked at the floor. "I'm asking you. Do you want to go out with me?" I felt like I was in high school again. She smiled. "Yes, I would. I would like that a lot." I took her hand. "Is this OK?" She didn't say anything. She just smiled and looped her fingers through mine. Becca I saw them come out, holding hands. I don't know why I cared. If she wanted to be with him, that was her choice. If I wasn't so pissed, I'd say they looked cute together. But so did we. When I took her over to meet everyone, I knew everyone was looking at us. And she smelled great. Had she changed her perfume? Two Days Earlier - I had debated for a long time what to wear to this. I was out for drinks with Rachel and Trish, when Trish volunteered to help. The relationship had been a little strained for a while, after I switched to producing, but Rachel and I had come to terms. I still helped her on nights and weekends with coordinating shooting schedules and editing. It actually felt good to be a little creative sometimes. And maybe she didn't know, but I pushed hard and got her a job as the second unit director on Danelaw. I hated that she wasn't the director director. The guy that they gave it to was just some asshole who wasn't going to do justice to Kelly's vision. When I FaceTimed to tell Kelly, she smiled, a soft smile, "We knew it would come to this, love. Maybe the next time..." The whole time she was online with me, she was bouncing her son on her knee. She had a beautiful smile. Anyway, Trish and I went out shopping. "So, what are you thinking, Becca?" "Eh, I don't know. I'm terrible at this." I was. I never knew what looked right on me. I hated my hips. I remember this bitch on the tennis team, Anissa, calling them 'pregnancy hips'. She laughed, "You and Rachel. So, are you thinking a dress or a suit?" "Can I get away with a suit?" I didn't know. I had never been to a premiere. I mean I wore a suit to Louise's but this was fancier. Like I tried to picture red carpets and stuff, but no one ever showed a producer, just the actors and actresses. "Well, I mean so as long as you're not going full butch." I paused for a second at that. Not only was I more out than I had realised, I was butch now? I looked at my jeans and my sweater. I didn't look like Allie or Chloe. Or Trish, who could look feminine in coveralls. "That wasn't my plan, no. I mean, I never look right in a dress. My hips are too wide." She smiled. "They're fine. But, if it bothers you, you'll look much better in a suit. A nice tailored suit." "OK," I shrugged. "Sounds good." And we got me a suit, a navy tailored suit. And a pair of low heels. As I came out of the changing room Trish smiled. "You look strong, but not too butch. Very sexy." She kept looking in a way that was making me uncomfortable. "Is something up, Trish?" "Are you still mooning over Allie?" "No," I snapped. Smooth move, Becs. Very convincing. "No, I mean we're done. She's with Jacob now." She kept smiling. "Or she isn't. But we aren't. Together." I felt flustered and stupid. "Can I introduce you to someone?" She kept looking at me. "She's the sister of one of my colleagues. She's in the masters' program in education at Bank Street." I don't know what the look on my face was, but she said, "If you're not interested..." I didn't know if I was. Or wasn't. "Sorry, Trish. This came out of left field. And my mom was giving me shit about just this very topic when I was home," which got a laugh. "And the premiere is going to be definitely weird..." She nodded and said, "You will be fine. She's figuring herself out." Making two of us. "Anyway, I'm not letting you off so easily..." I shrugged. "Fine, mom! I'm listening...." ------------------------------- Anyway, there we were. The three of us. And everyone else. I watched her take pictures with the cast and crew. The way she smiled at everyone and touched their arms, and seemed to really care about them. It's honestly what I had liked about her from the beginning. We had met at a party. My friend Sean, from film school, had this great apartment on the Upper West Side, a rent control with outdoor space that had been passed down from grandparents to parents, aunts and uncles to grandchildren. He was sharing it with his cousin Tom, one of those bro types. You know, the type. Big Irish guy playing football in the park with the other finance guys, then going to one of the bars on Amsterdam, then, as Sean joked, 'meeting a girl whose name ended in -een.' Sean joked that, 'family tradition. You share it with a cousin until a year before you get married, and then the next cousin gets on the lease.' So, Sean was having this party, backyard strung with white lights, alcohol and a keg. Like college with less vomiting. Anyway, I wandered off from a conversation with one of Tom's friends, who was trying to impress me with his summer plans. Share 'out east,' like I didn't know it was the Hamptons. Where I could hang with the people like the people with whom I grew up. I was walking inside to...get away and clear my head when I bumped into this guy. Alex. He smiled, "I'm sorry. I wasn't looking." He had an accent. I looked down at him. Actually, not metaphorically. "I bumped into you," I laughed. "I'm Becca." "Alex," he smiled, offering his hand. It was soft. "How do you know Sean?" "Actually, Tom and I work together. Kidding, I auditioned for Sean's student film." Somehow, his accent made everything sound smarter. I remembered the film, an angsty movie about a kid and his cop father. I jokingly asked Sean if he got a discount on mournful dirges for the soundtrack. "Sorry you didn't get it. The professor called it derivative, if that makes it better." He smiled and one of Sean's undergrad friends came in. "Hey, Alex." "Hi, Rick. Rick, Becca. Becca, Rick." We shook hands and, when I asked how they knew each other, Rick said that they had met tonight. I spent the rest of the night with Alex, repeating that experience with everyone except my film school friends. I asked him to come home with me that night. "I hope you don't think I'm like that," I joked. He smiled as I fumbled with my key. "Oh," he laughed. "I really thought we were just going to talk. You mean....MY WORD," and then he kissed me. And, next thing I know, I'm at a premiere. Seeing Allie in a dress. A dress that she really did look beautiful in. It really was the right dress. God knows looking at me that I had no business offering fashion advice, but this was right for her. Even Crissy said so. I watched Allie pose for pictures with Jacob and that kid Noah. She called him 'her little brother.' She was an only child, born when her mom was 38, and I think she liked the feeling of having a sibling. I thought about Steve and Josh and Charlie, and wanted to offer Charlie. She looked really happy. I spent the rest of the night, talking to the investors about Danelaw. I imagined Kelly at the premiere, in that first dress, and pictured her laughing about it. Towards the end of the night, I saw Jacob and Allie standing and talking. I had just gotten my second glass of wine, having nursed my last one long enough that it had turned a little. "That dress looks really good on you, Allie." Jacob looked at me. "Why don't you just leave her alone?" Allie looked at her glass. "What?" I smiled. "I actually meant it as a compliment. She really looks beautiful." Allie, never taking her eyes off her glass, mumbled, "Thank you." "Seriously, Becca," he tried to look tough which, with his lashes and his smooth face, was a tough sell, "Leave her alone. What did she ever do to you?" I rolled my eyes. Well, Jakey, she cheated on me, for one thing. With you, for another thing. And now we are at this party, where everyone knows I used to be with her. And now she's with you. How about we start with that? I looked at Allie. "Your knight in shining armor." She looked miserable. "Sorry, that was bitchy. Allie, after everything we've been through," my eyes dropping to the star pin. I wondered if it was on. "Seriously, I really was just complimenting you. You look beautiful. I know that wasn't your first choice..." Jacob moved in close and looked me in the eye. "You have to bring THAT up again?" God, he looked so serious. Part of me felt bad for him, it took courage to say something. But a bigger part wanted to laugh. And I looked over at her. I took a deep breath. "What I was saying, Jacob, is that, while I know it wasn't her first choice, she really does look gorgeous and I hope that she can take it as the compliment I intended." She started fidgeting with the pin. When she was nervous, she would fidget with anything at hand. Pens, keys, napkins, whatever she had. I looked at her. "Becca, seriously," he sighed. "She never meant to hurt you." He was right. She would never have deliberately hurt me. "But, please leave her alone now. You've made your point. We get it." I looked at her, the way she was curling up on herself. Then, she looked at both of us and snapped. "Enough. Enough you two. She can speak for herself, OK?" We both looked at her. She turned to me. "Becca, thank you for the compliment. I will take in the spirit in which I assume you meant it. And, Jacob, thank you for sticking up for me." She kissed him on the cheek. "My knight in shining armor," and she gave me a look I couldn't place. "But, I can handle myself, OK?" Then, she looked at me again. "Both of you. I can handle myself. Excuse me, but I need to go to the loo." And she walked off, leaving us staring at each other. Jacob started to walk away and I said, "Hey, Jakey, hold it for a second." He looked at me, all his bravado drained away. "What?" I smiled. "I'm done." He stared. "Seriously, good luck to you two," I scoffed. "Just remember one thing. If she will cheat with you, she'll cheat on you." Alex I came out of the bathroom to find Jacob standing there. Alone. Which made me happy. I kissed him again. "Hey." He smiled. "Hey." I looked down, then up. "So what now?" "Now, we go home," he smiled. "Look, everyone is leaving." I saw the last few people straggling out, mostly crew who had enjoyed the open bar. "Now we go home?" I was worried. I wanted to go home with him, but that wasn't an option. Not until we had talked, really talked. He turned red. "I didn't mean with each other," he fumbled. "I meant we go home from here. To our places." Then he lurched forward and gave me a deep kiss. We made plans to see each other next afternoon, after we'd both had a good night's sleep. I woke up the next morning after 11, and looked over at the bedroom door. I saw the dress hanging there, like the ghost of premieres past. My heels on the floor where I had stepped out of them. They were sending someone to pick it up tomorrow. I laid in bed just staring at it for a little while. I had put my phone on do not disturb last night, so I could get some sleep. I knew my mum would call and that, in her excitement, she'd forget the time difference. I had plans to call her, as soon as I was more awake. I flicked through Instagram, the official film account. I saw a picture of Jacob, Noah and me on the 'step and repeat,' that place right at the entrance with a sponsor logo. It was a fun reminder - and scary. How the hell had Noah grown three inches in three months? He was now almost eye to eye with me. Soon enough, he'd be looking down at me. Which he was happy to remind me of. Then I saw a picture of Sadie and me. She was wearing a beautiful black dress, sleeveless and knee length. Sophisticated and elegant. She was nice enough at the premiere, asking what I was doing and telling me about her latest project, a play that was opening in L.A. at the Mark Taper Forum. I hoped that we could remain friends but I had read somewhere that 'actors were Bedouins, making camp for a while and then moving on.' I was flicking through Twitter, when the phone rang. 'Chloe.' I smiled. "Hey Chlo." Suddenly, Tom's voice. "Where the hell are you?" I was jolted awake. "Huh?" Was I supposed to be somewhere? Had I forgotten plans? Why did I make plans for the morning after the premiere? What was the matter with me? He sounded really angry. "Chloe has been waiting for this. And you can't even be here? Jesus, Allie. I really can't believe you." I got nervous and started breathing shallowly. I couldn't believe that I had done this. After everything she had done for me, I overslept. "Give me fifteen minutes to get dressed and I'll be on my way...." Just then, I heard, "Give me my phone, Tom!" Then, his laughter and 'April Fool. So sue me, it's not April...' Chloe got on, laughing but exasperated. "I am so sorry, Allie." After I regained my breath, I laughed. "It's fine. Put him on for a sec.' I heard her yell 'get over here.' When he picked up, I laughed. "Oh, I am getting even with you..." He laughed. "You wish Allie...Sorry, but it was just too easy..." I laughed. I actually didn't mind. Tom wouldn't have done it if he didn't like me. "You looked really good last night." "Haha, Tom." "No, I'm serious. I saw the pictures. You clean up nicely." "Why Thomas, I had no idea you cared," I joked. He laughed. "I don't. But you did still. Anyway, Chloe is grabbing for the phone...dance for me, wench...ow, fuck..." Chloe came over the phone. "So how was it," she asked, sing-song. "It was amazing," I gushed, thinking of Jacob kissing me. "You looked gorgeous. I so wish I could borrow that dress." I smiled. "Sorry, not mine. If you come over before tomorrow afternoon, you can try it on..." "Cool, maybe. Was she there? She was there, right?" 'She' needed no name. "She was and she was fine," I lied. There was no point in going over it again. At the end of the day, I left with Jacob, which was what mattered. She didn't seem convinced, "Whatever. So what are you doing today? Wanna hang?" I smiled from ear to ear. "Sorry, I can't." I could hear her leering through the phone. "You can't? Or you don't want to?" When I paused, she giggled, "Is he there now?" "No. He isn't." I wished he was. "I'm meeting him soon..." "When soon?" God, she was nosy. Which I loved about her. "As soon as you let me get off the phone soon, Chloe. I have to call my mom and then him." "OK, OK. So what are you wearing?" I giggled and, in a bad breathless voice, said "A t-shirt and knickers..." "Haha. Seriously?" "I was thinking the yellow dress my mom got me. Or maybe the blue mini and my Doc Marten's." "The blue is really cute. And I know you bought it on the night of your first date..." "It wasn't a date and besides how do you even remember that?" I looked at it hanging in my closet. That or the red dress? I looked at them and the gown and laughed a little at the absurdity of it all. "But, wear jeans." I protested a little. The blue did look cute. I didn't even bother to think about that. "Allie, it's a first date. You can't look like you're trying too hard." "He's seen me in a dress before," I half-whined. "But that was hanging out. This is an actual date. It's different." With that, she shut down the debate. "Let me know how it goes." "I will." I called my mom and went over everything that happened. I told her that I was meeting Jacob. She agreed with Chloe on the jeans and then she told me to have fun and 'be careful,' which made me pause. He and Allie were fine. I knew I had to, no that I wanted to, tell him but I had to think about how. And where. Around 11:30, I FaceTimed him. I debated whether to put makeup on for the call. But, in the end, I did it. He picked up on the second ring. "Hey," he said, grinning. "Good morning." He was in a t shirt, his hair barely combed. He looked really good. "'Hello," I smiled. "Did you sleep well?" That was lame. "Great," he said, running his hand through his hair. Which was turning me on. And scaring me at the same time. "You?" "I did," I smiled, thinking of how I got myself to sleep. "So what do you want to do today?" "I dunno," he said. "I'm going to let you decide." "Oh sure," I laughed. "Put it all on me. How about we just meet somewhere and do whatever comes to mind? We've had enough scheduled time together." He nodded. "Fine. But how about I meet you at your place? Make this a real date?" I laughed. "Should I get my father on the line so he can scare you?" I looked around the apartment and saw my old clothes. I wasn't sure how I'd explain those. I knew I had to, but I wanted the date first. Then I figured I could meet him downstairs. If he wanted a real date, that would fit in. It's not like I'd have him upstairs to start. "Sure, what time?" He said, "Half hour or so? I'll catch the train." I gave him the address and went to get dressed. Without thinking, I held the blue and the yellow up to myself and then started to shudder. I had wanted this, been waiting for it. And now it was here. I put on a pop mix on Spotify and started brushing my hair and getting ready. I was putting my makeup in my bag, when the buzzer rang. "Hey, it's Jacob." "I'll be right down." I rested my sunglasses on my head. They were round sunglasses that the stylist said, went really well with my face shape. I came down, wearing the motorcycle jacket over a floral print peasant top and jeans, and he was there, in a sweater over a t shirt, which showed off his chest muscles. I gave him a light kiss on the lips. "Hey." "Hey." He smiled shyly. "You look great." He couldn't look at me directly. I felt myself turn a little red. "Thank you. You look great, too." Which was an even weirder thing to say. "Thanks. So, what shall we do?" I took his hand. "Let's do nothing until we decide otherwise. Although I really need a cup of coffee. Is that OK? Do you want to eat? Did you eat? I can get it to go..." "Coffee is fine, Allie. I could use some too. Relax..." He kissed me again. We walked hand in hand to the Gregory's a couple of blocks away. It wasn't quite like a first date, not really. We had spent months together. I knew he liked bacon. And he knew I liked football. We got our coffees and sat down near the window. "So," he said, smiling. "So," I smiled, looking down at my coffee. "Finally..." "Yeah," he stirred sugar into his coffee absent-mindedly. He looked at me. "I owe you an apology..." "For what?" I mean, other than ghosting me for months. "For not responding to texts. For not calling." I looked at him. "It doesn't matter." It did. "We're here today and that's what counts." Except not exactly. I didn't know why I was letting him off the hook. "It does matter." His tone was serious. "I guess, after all the Jallie stuff happened, I got, I don't know, scared." His sweater set off his eyes. I went to put my hand on his, then stopped. "What were you scared of?" "I dunno," he said, moving the stirrer around counter-clockwise. "That's not exactly an answer," I said, trying to keep my calm. Then, I decided to lighten the mood, to see if that would get him to talk. "And remember. I'm an actor too. I can tell when you're acting. There's nothing you can say to me that will scare me. And I promise not to get upset." He looked down, then up. "I was afraid that you were drunk, that you didn't mean it." "My mum says that you don't do anything," I left 'or anyone,' "drunk that you wouldn't want to do sober." He looked a little confused. "Huh?" I smiled. "I liked you before the party." I had never said that out loud. Or thought about it. I wasn't sure where it came from. "You did?" He smiled. Which made his eyes brighten. "I did." "Since when?" Now it was my turn to look down and stir. "What does it matter since when?" He grinned. "It doesn't." He paused. "Since when?" I felt my ears burn red. "It's not important...did you like me before the party?" "Yes, since that day at the mall. With the skeeball." "Me too. For real." I put my hand on his. "So, what were you so afraid of?" He looked at me. "I guess all the Jallie stuff freaked me out. Like it was one thing on set. It was another thing to suddenly have it all over the Internet...." "I know. My mum told me when she was here that she'd seen it." "You didn't tell before then?" He seemed surprised. Shit. I was not ready to go there. I thought that he was now wondering why I didn't tell her before then. What kind of girl wouldn't tell her mum something like that? Think fast. "She always gives me headaches about this sort of thing. When she didn't say anything to me, I figured why start, y'know?" He looked placated. "That makes sense." Sure, it did. "What about you?" "What about me what?" "Did your mum say anything? Your dad?" He looked down again. "I don't talk to them all that much." "Why not?" He moved his hand away. "It's complicated, Allie." "If you want..." He looked like he was getting upset and then he smiled. "Don't worry about it. Besides, it's way too soon for us to get that serious, right?" I knew he was covering for something. I started to ask him about brothers and sisters but figured not now, not yet. "OK. So tell me about Reno." He laughed. "I told you once. It's boring if you can't gamble. Unless you like bowling." "Bowling?" I brought my coffee mug up to my lips, watching him over the top. "Yup, bowling. We have," and he took on a mock-serious tone, "the National Bowling Stadium. 78 lanes. The world's largest video screen...I worked behind the counter there in high school." "Well, this explains your skills that night." He, Noah and I had gone bowling one night. Well, we bowled while Noah played video games. "So that's all there is in Reno...." "Yup," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. "What about jolly old England?" I smiled. "First, don't ever call it that again. What about it?" "You said you were from near Cambridge, right?" I didn't remember telling him that. But who knows? Maybe I blurted it out early on. "I am," I laughed. "A little village in Cambridgeshire. Near the Fens." He smiled. "Cambridgeshire. I love British names. So, what's it like?" "It's lovely." Lovely? When did I ever say lovely? "I mean, it's great. It's wetlands." "Like swamps?" He looked confused. "No, not like swamps. Waterways and land reclaimed from the sea. Like in the Netherlands." "I know. I looked it up. So what did little Allie like to do in the Fens?" Not be sick. Not be small. Not be alone. "All sorts of things. Football, the real kind of football. With a ball you actually kick with your foot." Which got a smile and a look of surprise. "And anything on the water. Rowing. Kayaking. I hate that I can't do it here that much, except when I get myself invited to my friend Tom's parents' house." He said, "In the summer, they have free kayaks on the Hudson." My eyes brightened. "Really?" He said, "Yeah, we should go." And then he caught himself. "I mean we could go. As friends. Or something." "Sounds good," I bobbed my head up and down, and then took a big gulp of my coffee. "I mean, kayaking. With you." I stopped. "How about we leave here? Go do something. And talk... Or something else." We left the coffee shop and I put on my sunglasses. I checked myself out in the mirror. I would have taken a selfie for mum and Chloe if it wasn't so vain. And weird. "Those are great sunglasses." "Thanks." Now I felt silly. He took my hand and we started walking along. Just talking and watching the people. I kept reminding myself that we knew each other, basically. That I didn't need to worry about him. We were walking through Central Park when a football rolled in front of me. Thankfully, I was wearing my Docs. I toed the ball up onto my foot, juggled it a couple of times between my feet and kicked it back to the guys who were playing. On the fly. Jacob whistled. "Wow." "Wow what?" But I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "Wow. That was impressive footwork. I would never have guessed." I pushed my sunglasses down my nose. "Guessed what?" "Guessed that, uh, you could, uh..." I teased him. "I could, uh, do, uh, what?" "I didn't have you down for the kind of, uh, girl who played soccer..." I mock scolded him. "First off, it's football. Second, don't judge a book by its cover. I would go with my dad..." I almost started to talk about being sick, but that was a little too much of a downer. He smiled, but looked wistful. "That's great. About your dad. And your mom. That you're so close." I started to ask again but something in his face told me to stop. "It is..." "What do they think about you being here?" "I think they'd like me at home." I thought about all the calls with my mum, how she looked sad when we hung up. And I thought about my dad and how he'd really come around to Allie. I started to get a little sad. "Sorry. They're very supportive of my being here. But they miss me. And I miss them." Maybe he caught how embarrassed I felt. "Don't. That must...I mean that's nice that you have that." He paused. "Is it OK if I kiss you?" "Only if you don't ask." He put his hands around my waist and I put mine around his neck and we kissed. I thought how this was our first real, non-staged kiss. Not in front of the cameras or the people at the party. "How was that?" I kissed him back. "Does that tell you?" We must have looked like idiots. Goofy grinning idiots. We found a bench and sat down. I leaned against him, my head on his shoulder and nestled in the crook of his arm, which rested on my leg. We sat there wordlessly for a while, just enjoying each other's company and the silence. We spent eight hours together, doing nothing and everything. We walked and talked, and went down to the Village for pizza, to Joe's, which he said, "had the best slices in Manhattan." We were eating our slices when a girl, about seventeen, came over. She started babbling. "You." I looked at Jacob and smiled. "You're those two. The two. From. The thing." I smiled. "The thing?" "From Twitter. You're Jallie." A middle aged guy looked at us, wondering if he should know us. By the way he looked down at his phone, he decided that he shouldn't. Jacob smiled, his eyes shining. "Hi, I'm Jacob Foster." The girl looked like she was going to burst. I had no idea if she cared about me, or just Jacob. "I'm Allie Liddell. It's very nice to meet you...uh..." "Vanessa," she stammered. "Can I have a selfie?" The pizza man looked at us, like he was trying to decide if we were worthy of a place on the wall. He went back to making a pie. Jacob took her phone and held it high in the air. "Makes us look better," he shrugged. We took a picture of the three of us and handed it back to her, giving our Instagram phandles. Vanessa walked away, grinning. I smiled and took a bite of my pizza. "That was so cool. That was my first fan, sort of." I wanted to text Chloe and my mum, and tell them, but decided not to phub (phone snub) him. He laughed and looked at me. "Get used to it." I didn't want to. He took me back to my place. "Would you like to come up?" I offered tentatively. My heart was pounding. It was now or never. He blushed. "Um...uh...are you sure?" I looked up at him. He was bigger than me, what if he flipped out? But having that conversation out in the open. That just wasn't an option. I was. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. If he didn't come up, I would be frustrated. If he did, I could be in trouble. I smiled and hoped I wasn't making the wrong decision. "Yes, I'm sure," I said, taking his hand. He went to the bathroom. I could hear the sound of the water running as he washed his hands. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I just kept whispering, 'it's now or never, it's now or never.' When he came back we sat next to each other on the sofa. Neither of us spoke but I could tell he wanted to start kissing. I moved, closer. It seemed easier than talking. A new mantra in my head, 'put it off, keep the fantasy for a moment longer'. I knew I was being stupid, but it was easier, and then we were kissing. I could feel tears form. Images of him shouting, screaming, throwing things and worse. All running through my head. Without thinking, I started to take off his sweater. Fuck the consequences. Then he pulled away. "I, uh, should go," he said, not looking at me. I felt like I had been slapped. "What? What's wrong? We had such a great day. I was too forward. I'm sorry." I wanted to crawl under the couch. I had never experienced this before. Was I too forward? I'd scared him and felt like a fool. "No." He said, not making eye contact. "It's not that. Not that at all. It's...it's...." I went over to him, to take his hand. He let me, but it hung limply. "What?" He still stared downward. "I can't. I can't. It's...." "It's what? You can tell me anything, Jacob. Whatever it is. Please." He took a deep breath. "You have to promise me that, whatever I say after this, you won't hate me." I nodded, afraid of what he was going to say. Then, he started taking off his sweater and then his t-shirt. I looked at his chest and saw two scars right below his pecs. "Are those..." I said. He nodded. My nana had had breast cancer. They were mastectomy scars. "What, what, what happened?" I knew men could have breast cancer. I remembered doing a breast cancer walk back in London, for my grandmother, and seeing the men walking too. "Did you have cancer? That's nothing to be ashamed of." He picked up his shirt and started to put it on. "It's not cancer." "Then, what? Why? What happened?" I saw the tears in his eyes, those beautiful eyes. "You promised. That you wouldn't hate me. Right?" "Of course." He looked at me. "I wasn't. Born. This. Way." I felt myself floating away. "What way?" "I mean I was. But when I was born, I was...a girl. That's what they said I was." I went and sat down on the couch. "You're trans?" He nodded and looked miserable. "That's fine, Jacob. Good for you." Good for you? Did he win the three legged race at the school sports day? "I don't mean good for you. Although it is. I mean, I mean, I, uh...I don't hate you." I patted the sofa. "Come over here." He sat down and I put my arm around him. He slumped and leaned his head on my shoulder. I could feel him shake as he cried. "It's OK, Jacob. It is." "No, it isn't. I know you don't want to be with me now." I looked at him. "Who says I don't?" He looked at me, his eyes wet, the grooves from the tears on his cheek. "But, but..." I took a deep breath. Maybe I was making a huge mistake. If it all went to shit, I could call Chloe to come and get me. She knew where I was. "I have something to tell you too." He looked at me confused and I continued. "My name is Alex Liddell." He cocked his head. "I know that, Allie." I took another deep breath. "Not Alyx, with a 'y.' Alex, with an 'e,' as in Alexander. Please don't be mad at me." He looked at me. "I'm confused. But...but..." His face was frozen in a dumb grin. "But... What... Are you saying you're trans?" He just looked at me, mouth hanging open. I waited a few seconds. "Say something." "Wow. Allie... Alex?" He was grinning. He didn't understand. "Allie." He shook his head. "So you're trans too? This is great, you understand, we have so much..." He was babbling. "I don't know what I am." I was firm. "I don't get it. You don't know if you're trans? If you're not trans, what are you?" He looked like I'd slapped him. I took another deep breath. "I don't know. I wasn't when I started, but I don't know anymore." "When you started what?" I could tell he was getting cross. "You have to promise not to say anything," I begged. "About?" "About what I'm about to tell you." He kept looking at me, not saying anything or moving. "Maybe, you should go. I've said too much." He kept his eyes focused on me. "I don't want to go. I want to understand." "I'm not sure I do." With that, I explained everything. The project. The fake breasts and the gaff. EnHerGy. Me and Becca. Me and Tom. Chloe and Becca. Everything. "So, wait, this was all a project? To expose sexism? You were going to expose sexism by pretending to be a girl?" "Uh... Well, it sounds pretty dumb when you say it like that." "And you auditioned. Then you got the role and you spent two months dressed like this...were you filming the whole time? Were you filming me? And Noah? That poor kid. He just wanted you to like him. And you filmed him? When do you plan on saying something to him?" "I didn't film him." Except that first day on the insurance commercial. And we weren't going to use him anyway. He didn't fit the story. "But you filmed me. Are you filming me now? Am I just part of your movie? I can't believe you did this to me. I feel so fucking stupid." He put his head in his hands. I started to cry. "I never filmed you. I would never film you." Which was not true. I had worn it to the audition. But I wouldn't have let Becca use the footage. "Why the hell should I believe you?" "I don't...I don't...Maybe you shouldn't. But, I didn't film on set. I never filmed on set. I went to a drawer and pulled out the star pin. "This is the camera. See, if you look here," I pointed to the center, "you can see the lens. Did you ever see me wearing this on set?" He grumbled. "I don't remember. How the hell am I supposed to remember a stupid pin?" "You aren't, but I didn't. You have to believe me," I pleaded. "I wasn't trying to do anything to you. I was trying to show...how actresses...and movie sets...and Razor....but now....I don't....." "You were wearing the pin yesterday. On your bag. Did you film us in the limo? Me looking stupid? Well, even if you did, I'm not giving you clearance, you can't use it." "I wasn't...." "You weren't what?" "I wasn't filming. It wasn't on. It wasn't even charged." I pulled my legs to my chest, waiting for...I don't know what. Hopefully, just for him to tell me what a shit I was. I deserved it. I had hurt him. He was for real. And I was playing. "What? It wasn't charged but you wore it? I'm not that fucking stupid." "It wasn't," I snapped. "It wasn't charged. I wasn't filming. You know why I wore it? You know why?" "Why?" His face was contorted into a sneer. "Why did you wear it?" "To fuck with Becca, that's why! I wanted to fuck with her. To make her think I was filming her. Because she fucked with me at the stylist. She didn't even notice I had it on my bag there!" He looked at me. "This is so fucked up. I don't even get what the hell is going on here," and he started to leave. "Please don't go," I begged. "Please don't." He looked at me. "This isn't a role for me. Jeremy," his character in the movie, "is a role. Shortest Root was a role. This is me. I'm Jacob Foster. Who are you?" I looked at my closet and then at the boxes. "I'm Allie. I'm Alexandra Liddell. And I want to be with you. No matter what, I'm Allie." He got up. "I think you need to figure that out for real. I'll talk to you later." And he got up and left.