A Feminine Sense Of Accomplishment free porn video

Intro This is a story about a woman who just wants to live a blissful life as a housewife. But when her husband refuses to work again after losing his job, she struggles with the role changes that happen in her life. All she wants is for her husband to go back to work but he seems to like being at home too much... This is my first story so please leave a review and be kind. I'm sorry if the story is a bit long winded in some areas. It's a slow story with a lot of conversation and deals more with role changes between a husband and wife. Not much actual crossdressing in this chapter but it's hinted at and sets up for more in the next chapter (if I decide to continue). Enjoy! Moonlily ------------------------------------------------------- A Feminine Sense of Accomplishment By Moonlily When Mike lost his job, he simply gave up. He didnt just give up looking for another job, but it seemed he gave up his confidence, and his drive. The strength that I used to love about him was gone. The spark in his eyes was gone. Where was my wonderful manly, confident strong man, my husband, my rock? The downsizing had not just taken away his job, it had made him into a depressed and timid man. It had taken away his career, his future and in doing so, every shred of ambition and drive that he used to have. What would become of him now? I sat at our dinner table and listened quietly as he told me with moist eyes, how he wanted to just stop working - how he just could not do another interview, another call, another profile upload to a job site. The thought of going back to work was just too stressful - he just could not handle it. He was giving up on working anymore, ever. It had become too hard. I started sobbing quietly as he told me about the frequent panic attacks he was getting - the night sweats, his heart rate so high that he though he was having a heart attack every day. How his doctor had said that if he did not find a way to lead a more relaxed life without stress, he may die. How he even contemplated suicide once. He finally broke down and we sobbed together, holding each other. "Baby, you will always be mine," I told him. "And I don't ever want to lose you. I love you. If I lost you I would die. We will get through this together. I will look for a temp job just to help us along till you are better." Then I said the words that I would regret for a long time and which would seal our fate: "It's my turn now. You have carried us this far - now it's my turn to take care of you." It was just a few weeks after that fateful night, that I landed a job. Who would have thought that firms would go all out just to hire women these days? My husband who had tried so very hard, with so much experience did not even get interviewed. And yet, here I was, a girl who had not worked since she got married, got hired immediately. I could not explain it. Yes, I did have an MBA - something that I was not all that serious about (actually the only reason I did it was to spend more time with Mike, who was a senior doing the same MBA.) But, it was a great opportunity with a startup and I think they needed to check the female diversity box immediately. Weeks became months and before I knew it, a year had passed. The year seemed to pass so quickly and since I was one of the first employees who had joined the company, when we stated expanding they made me Director of Sales. Thankfully, with what they were paying me, we did not have to make too much changes to our life even though Mike was not working. We did have to move to a different neighborhood and cut down on our holidays, but overall, not too bad. Mike was surprisingly so supportive of me. I was so worried how he would take it - his wife going to work and not being around as much to take care of him. Afterall, I loved being a stay at home housewife taking care of my man. Actually, most "modern," women would cringe, but all I ever wanted since I was a little girl was to have a wonderful strong man to love me, to have a home that I could take care of and to be the most wonderful supportive wife that I could ever be to a successful man. That is all I ever wanted out of life. And I did have that life since we were married. It was a joy everyday, getting breakfast ready for Mike, laying out his shirt and suit that I had pressed the night before, kissing him goodbye and watching him leave for work, then spending the rest of the day cleaning, dusting, doing laundry. just regular everyday things that settled me into a blissful routine. Then watching my soaps, and the latest cooking videos, catching up on all the latest celebrity gossip. Then, later in the day, hours before Mike would come home, I would start making dinner and then do the one thing that I so secretly loved; getting dolled up; putting on a nice pretty dress and heels, fixing my hair and makeup and getting ready to welcome Mike back home. I am not sure why, perhaps it was watching my mom do this every day for my dad when I was a little girl, but doing this simple ritual; getting all prettied up for my man at the end of the day, putting on a new coat of lipstick, spraying on that scent that I knew Mike loved, waiting for him to come home, gave me such a sense of fulfillment, such a warm feeling, that as a woman, that I was doing what other women have done for generations, using all their feminine instincts and talents to make sure that the men in their lives had something to look forward to when they came home after a long day at work. I always felt that it was the least I could do while he worked so hard to give me the life that I enjoyed so much. And after dinner, when we went to bed, I knew that it was my duty as a wife and as a woman to bring the romance and glamour to our nights, to wear the sexiest lingerie for him, to make sure that my hair and makeup was perfect, to look my best for him, to seduce him so that he would then take me and make sweet love to me and in doing so, relive all his stress of the workday and get him ready to face tomorrow. But now everything had changed. I felt so guilty about not being at home much. But as much as I could, I did housework as soon as I came home. I just did not want to have my husband do housework that to me, as old fashioned as it seems, was my responsibilty. I knew that my husband, since he was a man, would hate doing such feminine work and there was no way that I would let him do it too much. I worried constantly about how Mike was feeling. I also couldn't remember the last time I got all dolled up for Mike's pleasure and I missed that so very much. Sometimes I just felt hollow and so guilty that I was not taking care of the house, doing the domestic work and taking care of Mike. That was my role and I wanted that back. Now, all I did was work and I was spending more and more time away from home and Mike. But I knew this was just temporary. All I had to do was give Mike some time. Mike would soon be the strong confident man that I knew and loved again. Then he would land a fantastic job and I could go back to being his devoted stay at home wife again. But Mike suprised me so much. He actually did not seem to have a problem doing some of what I used to do. He kept the house clean and neat as much as he could and even made dinner a few nights. It was only pasta and at first it felt so wrong, watching him being in the kitchen which was really my domain but it also kind of felt nice. But it just made me feel guilty all over again because he was forced to do all this because I was not there. And I was not being the wife that I expected to be. All I wanted was for him to get back to work so that I could go back to doing those things and get back to the way things used to be. The way it should be. Now and then I would gently bring up the topic of a job for him but it was clear that he he was not ready. One day, after yet another pasta dinner, I casually mentioned that one of my co workers had mentioned that a firm we knew was hiring. He slowly looked up and said, "Sweetheart, I know that this is hard for you that I am not working, but honey, I want you to please understand that I really don't want to work again. Everytime I think about going back to work, my heart starts beating faster and faster and I feel another panic atack coming along. Actually, I found that just being around the house, doing some cleaning or even doing laundry kind of relaxes me and I feel so much better when I do this stuff" "Really baby?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as neutral as possible. "It relaxes you? Really? Dont get me wrong, I loved taking care of you and the house but when I do housework, I don't find it relaxing at all - actually I just want to get it done!" I said laughing. "I know, most women I guess would just want to get it done, but for me, I ..dont really want to admit it..but I kind of like it. Like I said, the routine makes me feel more relaxed, and dare I say it - happier when I do this stuff," he said. I didn't really read too much into what he had said and instead dug myself into a deeper hole by saying: "Well, that's great for you, I guess. As for me, I know that I didn't really like the work but at the same time I felt that by taking care of the house and doing your laundry and cooking for you, I was taking care of my beloved husband and that made me feel fulfilled and happy," I said giving him a kiss. I continued, "It's hard for me to explain, but taking care of the home and you gave me a sense of purpose. I guess for women, deep down, we just get this feminine sense of accomplishment when we give more, care more and make a loving life for our husbands." I explained this hoping that he would get the hint, that he would understand that this was not his role - it was mine. "Hmmm. Thats interesting. I wonder if I feel this way when I do housework because I am being fulfilled at another level by indirectly taking care of you just like a wife would find fulfillment in taking care of her husband," he said thoughtfully. Then he repeated what I just said softly, almost to himself as if he had just figured out something very important "A feminine sense of accomplishment." Oh no. That's not what I had meant at all. I didn't want him to feel good about "taking care" of me. I did not want him to have a feminine sense of accomplishmnet. That felt really weird. He should not be feeling like a wife would feel taking care of her husband. That was such a feminine feeling. He is a man and my husband. It was just a matter of circumstance that he had to do some housework but I didn't want him to enjoy it let alone find some fulfillment in it! That was MY role as HIS wife! Not the other way around. I wanted him to have a masculine sense of accomplishment not a feminine one! I tried desperately to think of something to say to turn this all around but before I could, my phone rang. "I have to get this - its work," I said sadly. Mike leaned over and kissed me. "Baby, never be sorry - you need to get that. It's probably important," he said while he stood and cleared my plate to take to the sink which immediately made me feel guilty all over again. It did turn out to be important - it was my boss asking me to deal with a crisis involving a very important client - The Ardmen Group. I never got the chance to continue the conversation again with Mike because it turned out that I had to fly off that night to manage the client onsite for a few days. Mike jumped in and ran around helping me pack, laying out my suit, making sure I had my toothbrush and even checking that I had enough underwear - he actually picked out a couple of bras and panties from my lingerie drawer and brought them to me. That embarressed the hell out of me - I never expected him to handle my underwear. He had never touched my underware before except when taking them off me in bed. I just grabbed it from his hands and threw it into my suitcase, red faced that my husband had just picked out my bra and panty sets. That felt so wrong in so many levels. Finally everything was done and the taxi was outside. Mike kissed me goodbye at the door, his chin down with a shy smile on his face. When did he start smiling that way? Memories flowed over me on the ride to the airport as I remembered the countless times that Mike had had to leave for a business meeting at the last minute - I remembered running around packing Mike's things, his shirts, his toothbrush, of course his underwear and then finally kissing him goodbye at the door. I could not belive it. Mike should be here rushing off to the airport and I should be at home kissing him goodbye. Not this topsy turvy thing that had just happened. So weird. Almost like being in an alternate universe. How things had changed! Well, after spending a very hard and long week on the Ardmen Group site, appeasing the client, fixing all the issues and averting the crisis, I was ready to go home. I didn't think that what I had done was such a big deal but the night before I came home, my boss called and told me that the CEO of Ardmen had called him personally and had gushed about how wonderful I was. I felt such an amazing sense of accomplishment right then. I was proud of what I had done and I felt so great and floated on air all the way back home. The next morning I got back home and Mike was waiting for me at the door. I noticed immediately that he had showered and was wearing a new shirt. He had also actually put some cologne on! He looked and smelt so yummy and all I wanted to do was to attack him and do very naughty things to him in bed. I had never felt so aggessive before when it came to sex (Mike always took the lead) but I guess being away from him, I missed him and plus I was just bursting with euphoria and sucesss with what had happened during the trip. After having spent a wonderful time in bed with Mike, and then eating a surprisingly good lunch that he had made (not pasta again - he had actually made an amazing herb chicken dish!), I wondered around the house ready to get back to doing some housework. But I could not find anything to do. I noticed that Mike had actually done a lot of housework the week that I was away. He had cleaned every room, done all the laundry and gone shopping at the store. The fridge was full. He had even folded and hung my clothes up! I felt kind of embaressed when I saw my clothes put away so neatly. I was just so busy with work most days that I usually just threw my clothes into a hamper and didn't bother putting them away. Just didn't find the time for that anymore. I then noticed something that made me stop and stare: he had also put away all my lingerie neatly in my chest of drawers. My lingerie was stored like it was displayed at a high end lingerie store. Each bra was not folded but neatly placed with obvious care one after the other with the front facing towards me so I could see the color and pattern on each bra. Each bra had its cups carefully nestled together with the bra cup in front of it. All in a neat row. And color coordinated. And sorted by type. Prints on one side, solids on the other. Lacey, satiny special occasion ones in a drawer by themselves while my everyday plain bras were placed in another. My camis, nighties were all similarly folded, sorted and displayed so that I could see at a glance the patterns, styles and types. As I slowly brushed my hand along my bras, not beliving what I was seeing, I noticed a faint lavender scent. There - in the back of each drawer, there was a small sachet of lavender flowers, the top of each sachet neatly tied with a small ribbon in a bow. I must have stood there with my mouth open for awhile. I didn't know what to think. I loved lingerie as much as the next girl, but I had never cared for them this much - I would just throw them in the drawer together once they were washed. But Mike had obviously cared a great deal. He had done this. He had spent time studying all my intimates, looking and feeling each one, decided how to organize them, handled them and then placed them away. And the lavender sachets? How in the world did Mike know how to do this? Oh. My. God. I had to talk to him. This was getting so strange. He was doing things that no man should ever do. I found him of all places, in the kitchen, chopping up some veggies while watching a cooking video on the ipad. This was so surreal. "Oh hi honey, I was just making something for dinner," he said happily. I had to get this out before it went any further, so I blurted out "Baby, I noticed that you had put away my underwear?" He didn't even bat an eyelid. I though he would turn red with embarrassment and deny ever touching my lingerie, but instead, he just flippantly said, "Oh yes, I had some extra time and your drawers were a mess." I cut him off "Honey, you don't need to touch my underwear baby. Men should not need to touch women's intimate things that way. I am perfectly capable of putting away my bras and things myself," I was blushing, not believing that I was discussing this with my husband. He stood still, looking at me. "Oh... I'm sorry honey," he said softly. There was that soft voice again. And yes, he had that shy smile on again. No, not shy more pensive, maybe coy? "Really I don't mind. I was doing the laundry anyway so it wasn't a big deal. It's just your bras and panties and a few camis. You see, I had noticed that you had put that really pretty peach balconette pushup in the laundry basket the other day. I didn't want to have that ruined in the machine so I hand washed it. Then I just decided to do the rest of your lingerie that way as well. Then when I saw the way you put your bras away, I looked up some how to videos and organized your lingerie. I figured it would be easier to find what to wear now.. I read that having the right bra is important to coordinate with an outfit. I thought you would be pleased...? I felt a bit faint. I could not believe what I had just heard. Not only had he put away my delicates - which I thought must have embarrassed him to no end but he had actually hand washed them! And he had just nonchalently mentioned that he had noticed one of my special bras and described it like any woman would as if it was no big deal. Because he now apparently knew what a balconette pushup bra was. I stammered, "The peach balconette...?" "Yes," he answered. "You know the one with chantilly lace on it. It's so very pretty and I would feel horrible if it was ruined. That sort of lace has to be handwashed, and besides the cups would not hold their shape much longer if it got into the machine" I was at a total loss for words. This was beyond surreal - my husband was teaching me the proper care of lacey bras. And did he just say chantilly lace? Mike my strong manly man who before would probaly not even notice or know the difference between a crappy old t-shirt or a sexy silk negligee that I would wear to bed had actually said those words. How could a man know such things? And he looked it up on how to videos? What else was he learning? And more importantly, why was he doing this? I could feel myself blushing furiously, and I felt I just had to stop discussing my lingerie with Mike. This was just too bizzare. So I changed the subject. "What are you making anyway? It smells amazing." His face lit up and he started telling me all about this amazing recipe he had found and that he felt he had to try it and since it had asparagus in it which he knew I loved, he just had to make it for me... He prattled on about asparagus but I was not listening anymore. I just felt like I was in one of those sci-fi movies where the hero gets sucked into some other world and they have to deal with some new reality. Was that what was happeing to me, to us? My wonderful husband was changing into something so different and I did not know how I could bring him back to his old self. A month passed, a month that went so fast for me. I was swamped at work and would get home every night late and then stumble off to work again the next morning. I was just too tired to do anything but then I didn't have to do anything at home. Mike seemed to be doing more and more. The house was always clean, he even cleaned the toilets! And everytime I got dressed, I grudgingly realised that Mike was right - it was so much easier to find the right bra now when everything was so well organized. I knew that he was still hand washing my lingerie and putting them away, but he was doing it discreetly and I just felt embarrassed talking about it so I didn't bring it up again. When I got home, I would be so tired that I would just shed my clothes on the way to the shower and leave them on the floor. And I noticed that when I came out of the shower, all my clothes would always be picked up. Dinner was always warm and ready and Mike was always waiting for me with a big smile on his face and he was always freshly showered and well dressed. I know that in his own way, he was trying to do what I used to do for him - to welcome me home. But this scared me so much. All this was so weird for me and to be treated this way just made me feel strange and out of place. But I took comfort in knowing that this was all just temporary. Just a small tiny change in our roles. Nothing that could not be fixed back to how it used to be. Afterall, Mike was a man - and as a man, there was only so much of being at home and doing housework that a man would endure. Mike would want to start work again. It was inevitable that he would. Men are meant to be out there working or fighting or chopping wood or hunting bears or doing whatever other manly things that men do, that is the world I knew and understood. And when that happened, I would get back to being a housewife again. But fate had a surprise for me. Remember the Ardmen Group? I had spent a week getting them back on course awhile ago. Well, guess what? It turned out that Ardmen was looking into expanding and within a week, they bought up our little company in its entirety. They kept all of the employees but there was big news for me. The CEO remembered me and they were looking for a new SVP of Global Sales for Ardmen. And I guess they needed a woman in the excutive ranks. So there you have it. A hugh bump in salary plus options, a huge expense account, use of the company jet and the best thing - my very own secretary! That helped a lot since I was finding it harder and harder to keep up with everything. It was strange to me that my secretary turned out to be a young man but it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest that he was doing a traditional girl's job and working for a woman to boot! Oh well, he was great so if he was not bothered, I was not bothered. The world was changing. I drove back home at break neck speed that night. I could not wait to tell Mike the good news. After nearly tackling him at the doorway, I told him to get his coat - we were going out to celebrate my big promotion! Once we got to the restaurant and ordered, and after I had gulped down a glass of wine. I started to calm down. But it did not last. A creeping sense of dread started coming over me. I reached out and squeezed Mike's hand. Oh God. I had not really thought about all this from Mike's perspective. His wife was now a SVP - making more than he ever could have made when he was working. I had never thought how this would effect him. Oh no. Was Mike angry? Was he upset? I looked into his eyes serching for answers. But he surprised me yet again. Mike kissed me, held my hand, looked me in the eyes and told me that he would support me 100%. Not just support me as any other husband would but he said that he would support me the way I used to support him. Taking care of the house and everything that that entailed. He told me that as an SVP, he knew that I would be away from home for long periods of time, that the job would be stressful but the job meant that we would have an amazing life. We would have all the money we need, we could do whatever we wanted. And he said that he would make sure that I would not have to worry about anything else about our lives except my job. That he would take care of every mundane thing in our lives so that I could completely focus on my job. "Are you sure Mike?" I asked. "Is that the life you really want from now on? You would be stuck at home - cleaning and cooking all day full time - is that really what you want? "You make it seem like it's a horrible life - but isn't that the life that you had, supporting me when I was the one bringing home the bacon?" he asked. "It was, and I loved taking care of my husband. Being the dutiful stay at home housewife, supporting my man - taking care of his every need..." I left that hanging with a shy smile while drinking more wine. "You did baby and I love you so much that you did," he said. "But would it be weird for you to hear that I want to have your life from now on..?" he said slowly, pensively with his eyes downcast not looking at me. "I want to have your life - being at home, staying at home, taking care of you, supporting you like you did for me. And...and doing everything, and I mean everything that you used to do for me" I could not believe what I was hearing. It was wonderful to have Mike's support but this meant that things were not going to go back to how they used to be, with me at home and Mike working. Ok maybe I may not end up being back at home - it would be hard for us to give up the income from being a SVP now, but I so desperately wanted Mike back to work. He needed to stop playing house and cooking for me and waiting for me to come home like some woman would. And he definitely needed to stop cleaning my bras. I mean, come on, what husband in their right mind handwashes their wives lingerie every week? He needed to start being a man again. And the only way that would happen is if he went back to work. I smiled nervously, hoping that he would come to his senses. I decided to try another tactic. I took another sip of wine then said "Oh yeah? Everything? Are you sure? Don't forget honey, I not only did all the cooking cleaning, laundry, meals and shopping but I also dressed beautifully every night for you and made myself completely available to you so that you could relieve all the work stress that you brought home. I learned that from my mom. She took care of my dad that way and that was why my dad was so successful." "Because he had her support." I said. That was so true. My mom was taught to defer to the man in her life, my father, to leave all the big decisions to him, to completely dedicate her life to support my father so that he could build the life that they wanted. She had taught me those same principles as well, starting when I was a young girl. To realize that my husband was the head of the household, that my job was to be always be there for him. She used to come and visit us for a few hours during the weekends when Mike was back from a business trip. Mike would be watching the tv or reading the paper and Mum and I would just spend time together. She would teach me a new recipe, or show me a new hairstyle in a magazine that she had found - just regular girl talk. But most of the time we would talk about my father and Mike - how important it was to support men - how they were the ones being out there, undergoing all the stress and all the hard work, fighting for us - the women in their lives, doing it all to make sure that we had the wonderful feminine pleasures that life could bring to us as women. The wonderful house, the cars, the money to get anything we wanted - the dresses, the jewels, the salon visits, the yoga classes, anything that our hearts desired. And all we needed to do was to run a beautiful home, to look pretty and do our duty as loving wives. To love him with everything we had and to take care of everything that he needed. Mike would always lookup when he heard us talk like this and we would smile at each other, knowing that this was the life we both wanted and how lucky we were. While I thought about all this, I looked at Mike, sitting there across from me. We were lucky to have had that life. But would we have that life again? With a sense of dread, I realized that that life was slipping away and may never come back. I would have different reponsibilties now. If Mike was serious about never working anymore, that meant that I was definitely the one that was stepping into his shoes. I was the one who had to go out there to fight those battles so that - so that what? Sadly I realized that I could not be the one to enjoy the blissful domestic housewife life anymore. So... does that mean Mike would? That was ridiculous. He was a man. He was the head of the household. He was the hero defending his woman. He was not meant to stay at home and do the mundane domestic things that women did. How silly. I chased that thought from my head and tried to make sense of what Mike was saying. What did he really mean - saying he wanted my life, to do everything that I used to do? I looked at him searching for an answer. He was still looking down at his plate, not looking at me, twisting his napkin around his fingers obviously having some internal battle. Watching him silently, I took a another sip of wine waiting for him and that was when I realized, oh my god, that was how I used to behave when I had something important to discuss with him. How I would have this internal dialogue thinking of the right thing to say to him. I would always find it so hard to look at him - I used to be so shy. He used to just wait patiently and look at me waiting for his little wife to speak up to tell him something important. Oh my god! He was starting to behave like me! And I was behaving like him. I screamed inside: Look at me Mike! Be my man again! Where is your confidence? Dont act like me! Like a... oh god a woman! "I know," he finally said. Were his eyes getting moist? "I know how your mum taught you how to be the best wife you could be," he said still not looking into my eyes. I loved those visits as much as you did. That's why I always hung around. I loved listening to her. The truth of it is baby, is that your mom not only taught you but watching her show you how to run a home, how to take care of her husband, how to be the best wife that she could be, I learned a great deal as well and well... it inspired me." "Inspired you?" I asked. "What do you mean honey?" I know you liked listening to her teach me those things because you knew that I was getting all the lessons I needed to be the most wonderful wife to you, that as a man and husband, you knew that I would do anything to take care of you. That is my role and a role I love." He finally looked me in the eyes and took my hand in his. Then gently and softly he said, "That WAS your role honey. But now it is no longer your role. I think that role is mine now." "What?" I said. My heart was racing a mile a minute. I was so confused. He could not mean what I think he meant.. could he? He tightened his grip on my hand. "Your role is now what used to be my role. You are the one working now in a very important job. And if we want to keep our lives going, that means that you need to do that role completely. You are the breadwinner now. There is no way you can still be my supportive housewife" "And that means..." He paused. That internal battle again. "That means that I will step into your shoes. I will be supporting you. For lack of any other word, I want to be YOUR supportive 'housewife.' I really want to have that life from now on." Housewife? Did he just say housewife? He is not a housewife. He is not a wife. He is a husband - MY husband!. He is a MAN! I stared at him. Maybe he is just joking. Yes, That's it. He can't be serious. Ok. I will play along then. But first I needed more wine. "You want to be my 'housewife'? I said with a laugh. "Well, honey, you know it's not just supporting me emotionally, it means that you have to do ALL the cooking cleaning, laundry full time - all the household domestic tasks that women have been doing for generations. Do you really want to do that? I said staring at him, willing him to drop all this. To please say that it was just a joke. He was not serious. I desperately tried to think of something more to say to stop him going down this thought process, but before I could, he said, "I know this will sound strange, but sometimes when I clean or do the laundry or cook for you, I do get that exact feeling you had mentioned before. "Remember, before you left that week to deal with that crisis at Ardmen, you explained how doing the routine of housework, the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of me - all the regular feminine things that women do everyday made you feel so fulfilled and gave you a purpose in life. You told me how much you felt right taking care of me - you got such a sense of accomplishment and pride from taking care of the home and me. You said that deep down, women feel so right in doing this. That it is such a feminine sense of accomplishment." As I heard him say this, I tried to remember what I had said that night and I cursed myself for saying whatever I had said. I didn't remember saying all this stuff, but I guess it did not matter now. He had obviously taken what I had said and twisted it around. Obviously I meant that this was for a woman to accomplish - not a man. How did he get this so wrong? He continued. "Well, sweetheart, now that I have been doing the things you have done, and when I take care of you, all of it is now giving me that same sense of purpose that you had and I feel really happy when I do it and I really, really like it. I never knew how much happier I feel when I devote myself to someone that I love. No wonder women have stayed home for generations doing this. I really understand how they must have felt now. I know it's strange that I am having these feelings, and I know it's a feminine sense of accomplishment like you said but if it's ok with you honey, I want to do more because the more I do this role the happier I get. I want to explore these feelings more and see where they take me. One thing for certain though - I have never felt this happy in all my life." I took a deep breath to calm myself. This was not going the way I wanted at all. "But honey," I tried again, "don't you think this role is more suited for women, being at home?" "Yes, I can understand what you mean - a woman would naturally feel right doing this role, and as a man, perhaps I need to change - perhaps I need to try harder to understand how you felt, how you did the small things everyday to make your life feel fulfilled.. As an example, I know that you feel weird about it but when I wash your lingerie, I know it's a very feminine thing to do but that's why its important to me - it's just a small thing that gets me closer to feeling accomplished in a feminine way - I don't know if this makes any sense, but I know that the closer I get to having this sense of feminine accomplishment, the more relaxed and happy and satisfied I become," he said. I could not believe my ears. He was saying that he wanted to have a feminine sense of accomplishment by doing feminine things. Oh God. Where would this lead to? How in the world did this happen? He paused, looking at me, I guess trying to see if I agreed with him. I had to settle him down and think this all through. Playing for time so that I could figure out what to do, I asked "I'm sorry honey. This is all still so weird to me. Explain again. What is it that you want to do again? I asked. "In detail please," I added. He said "I want to do all the things that women have done for generations for the men in their lives. I want to do those things now. I want to cook for you, do the laundry, clean house, have dinner ready for you every night, run your baths, iron your clothes and yes - dress up when you come home - make my self attractive to you every night so that you can relieve your job stress just like I used to" Keep calm I told myself. Deep breaths. This is not for real. This whole night was going in such a strange direction. I started babbling away "You want to dress up as well when I come home? I love doing that - I mean I loved doing that for you. Most women don't really like doing that especially after a long day making dinner and taking care of the house...But it always gave me the greatest pleasure to do that...the right lingerie, the right dress..It made me feel..." "complete? Like you were doing the exact thing that you were always meant to do. That you were accomplishing something that you were meant to accomplish?" he completed my sentence. "Yes," I admitted. "Yes that's right - I felt that I was doing the right thing - prettying myself for my man so that I could fulfill his desires. But it is such a feminine feeling though - there is no way you would ever get that feeling" "Yes you are right - it's definitely a feminine feeling. And you know, I have been putting in a lot of thought about that actually," he said cryptically. "Wait, is that why you were always showered and dressed nice when I came home. Were you trying to get that same feeling of accomplishment? I asked him. "Yes, but I didn't feel it. I would get ready and put on a fresh shirt and wait for you, but I didn't really feel anything more. What I really wanted to do is feel exactly what you felt every night when you did that," he said while slowly sipping his wine. I took another swallow and maybe it was the wine, maybe it was just tiredness, maybe it was because I was feeling a bit angry that my world as I knew it was collapsing around me, but I then blurted out something that I immediately regreted: "Well the only way that would happen is if you do exactly what I did - get dolled up, get prettied up as much as I did - slip on some gorgeous lingerie - perhaps something with chantilly lace, wear the prettiest dress and heels you can find, put some lipstick on and spray on some perfume. And then wait for me at the door. If you really want to have that feminine sense of accomplishment that you are craving so much my dear husband, then yes, I guess you do need need to be my wife completely - not just in spirit but in body and dress as well. Only then will you really know how amazing it is to be a woman who is completely devoted to her husband." Oh no. What did I just say? I could not believe I had just said that. I looked at Mike, hoping that maybe by some miracle he had not just heard me say all that. But he had heard me. I know that I meant all that to be sarcastic and demeaning. I had meant to shame him, especially that little quip about the lace, but somehow Mike didn't seem to take it the way I intended. No No No. Oh No. He closed his eyes, and let out a long slow breath and I stared at him as I realized that he was not at all shamed or embarrassed by what I had just said - actually just the opposite. He was starring at me with large liquid soft eyes and all I could feel from him was pure relief and maybe gratitude? He kissed me again - softly. He was about to say something but I knew I was not ready to hear it. I could not face what was coming. Not yet. And I could not let him keep going down this rabbit hole. I put my finger to his lips and said, ," Well, regardless of all that, the main thing is that you would be stuck at home doing all that work. Again, are you sure if you want to do this?" "You said that already honey and I did tell you that it does not matter - that's actually what I want," he said. He paused, thinking. I knew that he knew that I was not ready to talk about that what I had just said so he moved on. "And anyway, the main thing I need to focus on is to take care of everything for you so that you could do what you obviously love - going to work and being the breadwinner, taking care of me at home - and eventually being incredibly successful - just like your dad. Maybe you are now finally understanding that feeling of a certain masculine sense of accomplishment now" Wait what? "What do you mean - masculine sense of accomplishment? I asked. "Do you really think that I love going to work and that I am getting fulfilled from it?" I asked. "Don't you honey?" he asked, looking at me with his small shy smile. "Think back to everything you have done - all you have accomplished in such a short time. It was not luck you know. You are the one who got that job - you are the one who became Director. You spent all those late nights fighting for what you want and you got it. Did you forget that you kept getting more accounts, more sales under you - you started carrying such a huge number for someone so young. That was because you fought for it. You became so successful because you are smarter and more ambitious and more ruthless than anyone else there. That is why they gave you the biggest account they had - Ardmen. And that is why you kicked ass that week. Because you are doing everything that any man would have done - no - you are doing it better than any man could ever do - including me. I never would have been able to do what you did. You deserve everything that you achieved because it was on your own merits. I felt tears coming into my eyes as I listened. But I fought them back. No way was I going to cry now. But it seemed that Mike had no issues about tearing up. His eyes filled up with tears as he squeezed my hand and continued, "I can see how much more confident you have become, how much...stronger ... and aggressive.. you have become. I have heard you when you do those calls from home. You are as ambitious and business savvy as any man. You love doing this work because deep down you know that you are now the strong powerful leader that you were always meant to be. Deep down you now feel complete and you know that you are doing the exact thing that you were always meant to do. That you are accomplishing something that you were always meant to accomplish" I did not know what to say. Suddenly it hit me - he was right. I could have quit my job a long time ago if I really hated it, but I kept going back and I realized now that I was not really unhappy. I liked being with my coworkers, having an office, making those deals...fighting for those accounts, being better than any man, the feeling of raw power and success. Sure I missed that sense of fullfilment that I used to have when I was Mike's devoted housewife, but now it seemed that that sense of purpose had been replaced with a greater differemt type of happiness that I got from working. That week away when I had handled Ardmen - I remembered how I felt at that time. How proud I was. How accomplished I felt. And how natural that felt - making decisions, ordering my team to do my bidding, taking on that responsibilty, achieving that success. Being fulfilled. Being powerful. God, I did like that feeling. This was the masculine sense of accomplishment that Mike was talking about. And now I was feeling that now.... This must have been what Mike had felt before but now it seemed he had found something better. Mike was trying to make me understand that he was now feeling happier getting a different type of purpose and fulfillment. He was feeling that sense of accomplishment from staying at home and doing housework and supporting me...doing the traditional women's role... striving for a feminine sense of accomplishment just like I used to. Oh my god. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. We were swapping roles not just with daily things but mentally as well. I was beginning to love doing what men have done for so long, being the breadwinner, being the strong one going to work everyday, facing all the challenges, all the stress but feeling happy that I was providing for Mike, feeling so.. dare I say it... "masculine"? While Mike was getting happier being at home, doing what I used to do, taking care of the home, the routine of housework, taking care of ME and feeling the joy of serving me, just like I used to. Mike was fulfilling the more feminine role and experiencing greater joy from doing that. And I remembered and understood that joy so well. Looking at him, watching him as he looked at me, with tears on his cheeks, waiting for me to say something, waiting for me to lead him to the next phase of our lives, smiling as he did so, I suddenly saw what I had missed all this time - he was HAPPY. He was really really happy living my old life. I understood that happiness so well. How selfish of me to think about taking that away from him. He continued, "I want you to let me do this - I want your permission to be your housewife" He has never ever asked me for permission for anything ever. And now he wanted me to give him permission to be my housewife? Where was that wonderful strong confident go getter manly husband? I sat up straight and looked him in the eye. And I now realised that that strong confident masculine husband that I had been searching for was not lost anymore. That person was still at this table. It just was not Mike. To be continued...