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I reread the last letter and put it on the top of the pile. Twenty-two love letters written to my father over thirty years ago by a woman who was not my mother. They started friendly, a bit formal even, in the early days of their illicit relationship. But after he’d fucked her, they were full of her passion for him, then later her worry for the child he’d made her pregnant with, and finally her despair when he abandoned her to stay with my mother. I could see from the dates on the letters this other woman was pregnant at the same time as my mother was carrying me. Tricky Dicky was living up to his nickname.

“You were a cunt, Dad. A fucking cunt. But you always knew that, didn’t you?” My words bounced off the walls of his living room as I waited for his ghost to answer. He’d been dead a week, so his spectral self must be up and around. Although, it would be ironic if the man who was missing from so much of my life should be present in his afterlife.

I remembered our last phone call and how I’d phoned the hospice afterward just to check he was there and not pulling some stunt. Tricky Dicky had form. Why should he not lie about his death?

I went to see him before the end. The strapping six-foot-four man, with a shock of black hair and handsome looks that led his dick into trouble, had been reduced by cancer to a thin, bald, dried-up husk. All I could think as I looked at him was Gollum’s big brother. He was genuinely happy to see me. Cried even.

“Thank you for coming, son. I wanted to do something for you before I check out. I want to leave you the house and contents. Do what you like with it. Sell it and buy somewhere that will give you happier memories. My solicitor’s details are on this card. You just have to agree to be my executor. I don’t think your mum would want to do it.” The effort of holding the card out to me was making his hand tremble, and I took it before he dropped it. He smiled. “Must be worth at least half a million even in the state it’s in. I wish my dad had given me such a present.”

I stared hard. “Thanks. But I’d trade it all to have had a father that was there when mum and I needed him. But that was a gift you were not prepared to give us. A last act of contrition does not wipe your slate clean, Dad.”

He started crying, and I let him go until the sobbing got louder and ended in a hacking cough. I pulled a tissue from the box on his bedside cabinet. “Here you are, and wipe that snot bubble. It makes you look like a baby.”

We made small talk, and I nodded as he wittered on remembering family outings; good times I had no memory of. I wondered if the cancer had reached his brain. But we are all heroes of our own story, aren’t we? If the facts don’t fit, we just ignore them. In the end, I shook his hand and kissed him on his clammy forehead and left. We both knew we would not meet again.

*

So here I was, two weeks later, sitting at his desk and taking care of business. A few last bequests sorted, and I was looking down my nose at the remains of his life, wondering if there was anything I would want to keep as a reminder of the man who walked out when I was eight.

I blame it on those antique programmes that fill daytime TV. Why else would I have checked the joints and underside of the drawers to confirm the writing bureau was a genuine antique and not a reproduction? Then I was off, looking for secret compartments, and I found two. One with bank account details, including confirmation he’d closed it ten years ago. The other containing twenty-two love letters. The bastard had pulled his last stroke, leaving me with the problem of what to do with them.

My initial thought was to burn them. They should go up in flames along with his body. But then I saw the heartbreak and distress of the other woman, and I thought I owed her something. Closure is too American a term for me. Perhaps an understanding. I wanted her to know he was a lousy father, and she was better off without him in her life. I told myself it was for her benefit; it was just a bonus it was another way for me to punish him. I put the letters in my messenger bag and took a last look around the place. I’d put it on with the estate agent next week. They’d advised me to clear the house first, but I’d get around to that. I just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. I pulled the front door closed. I would not be coming back.

I’d been busy catching up on work I’d let slide while I’d dealt with Richard’s funeral and the aftermath. Freelance graphic designers don’t get compassionate leave, so I’d pulled a couple of all-nighters to get back on track. The letters were forgotten, and I stumbled across them a couple of days later as I searched for something else in my bag, and thought my idea of contacting the writer after thirty-seven years was ridiculous. They were saved by my faulty shredder. I tried the first one but as usual, the machine was gummed up so I took it out of its envelope to make it easier. That reminded me of the address, and curiosity made me Google it and bring up a street view. The houses surrounding the 1930s semi showed evidence of recent renovation, but the one I was interested in seemed untouched since the 1980s. Could the writer still be living there? I checked one of the property websites, which showed no sales activity on the property in the last twenty years. Invested now, I checked the electoral register which showed the same female name for almost forty years. I could not throw the letters away when they could be the property of June Watson.

I had no phone number for the house; besides, it was the sort of thing you had to deal with face to face. I would go to the house and say who I was and offer to return some correspondence she might have written. I would leave it to her to decide what to do with them.

 

*

The following day I stood on the doorstep visualizing a grey-haired lady not too dissimilar from my mother. I was surprised when the door opened.

“Hello, can I help you?” The brown-haired woman looked to be in her mid-thirties, although I’m lousy with women’s ages. She was slim and had an attractive face, were it not currently screwed up watching a strange man with suspicion.

“I’m sorry, I was expecting June Watson. This is her house, isn’t it?” I hoped my weak smile did not make me look like a salesman or a Jehovah's Witness.

“My mother died six months ago. What is your business with her?” She tensed up.

I realized how stupid my idea was. “I’m sorry to hear that. You have my condolences. It’s just that I er… I bought a bureau at a house clearance sale and I found some letters your mother had written in a secret compartment. I wanted to give them back to her and tell her the person she wrote to was also recently deceased.” She gave me an odd look. “Sorry, I sound like a lunatic. Sorry to have bothered you, I’ll be off.” I turned on the path.

“No, you won’t!” Her hand on my shoulder was firm, and she turned me around. She was closer than I expected and we collided. I reached out to stop her from tripping and ended up with my hands on her hips, face to face. She gasped. I could not find words. Physical contact had caught us unawares and heightened our reactions to being in close proximity. I had not had a girlfriend since Holly left three years ago, so the entire experience was strange.

I met her gaze, and my mouth worked again. “The letters are of an intimate nature. You won’t want to think of your mother differently.” If there were better words, I could not find them.

Her eyes opened wide. “Who the hell are you are? And let go of me. I demand you give me those letters.” She pushed my hands off her hips and held her hand out for me to hand them over.

I opened my messenger bag. “Can I just ask you one thing? Do you have an older sister?”

In that moment, the implications of what I said registered with her, and her legs gave way. I caught her in time, my hands around her waist and her one arm around my neck. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to shock you. Can I help you inside? I’ll explain everything I know.”

She nodded and allowed me to lead her into the kitchen and sit her at the table. She started crying. “I always knew, but mum never explained. She would not tell me what she and dad argued about and why she did not make more of a fuss when he left. Said I was a kid and would not understand. She avoided the conversation for the rest of her life.” She dabbed her eyes with a tissue.

“I’m sorry to have distressed you, Ms…” I took her hand. There was a sensation about touching this woman I could not explain.

“Good god. You don’t even know my name. I’m Catherine Watson, June’s only daughter.” She looked down at her hand in mine but did not remove it. Did she have the same feeling?

“I’m Lawrence Matthews. Like I said, I came across your mother's letters in an old bureau I bought at an auction and thought she might want them back. It’s not the sort of thing you can say over the phone. I’d be suspicious if someone contacted me with such a story.”

“Can I see the letters?” Catherine asked.

I pulled the pack out of my bag and offered her the first one.

Her hand went to her mouth. “Oh, my god. That is mum’s handwriting. The date on the franking says November 1981. Why is she writing to a post office box?”

“Ms. Watson, the man she wrote to, was married. I think he took precautions not to have letters turn up at his home.” I could not look her in the eye.

“Have you read them all, Lawrence?” She felt the weight of the correspondence.

“They broke my heart, Catherine. Save yourself the pain. Let me take them with me. Pretend the last fifteen minutes never happened.” I went to get up, but she gripped my hand.

“No, you don’t. Mum’s dead but her story’s not over. I’ve had this stuck feeling ever since she passed. I have to know so I can move on.”

“Okay, Catherine. That is your right.” I got up to leave.

“Lawrence, can I take your number? I may want to speak to someone about this. I don’t think I can face the rest of the family.”

“Of course.” I took her phone and dialed mine. It buzzed in my pocket. She smiled.

This time she let me stand. “It was a very considerate thing you did. Let me thank you on behalf of my mother.” She stood and shook my hand. But then she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

I felt myself redden. She saw me to the door and waved me goodbye. I dreaded turning around as a reached the corner, in case she was watching me.

 

I sat on the Tube replaying our encounter. I had mentally prepared to meet her mother, and I was going to explain myself so she could put to an end her memories of my father. Meeting Catherine scuppered that. My overpowering memory was the warmth of her skin. The weight of her body against mine. Her hair against my cheek. Then reluctantly, the fact she was my half-sister. I could not feel revulsion for my sensual thoughts. All I had now was a profound sense of loss that I would never see her again.

Two days later Catherine phoned. “I thought if I spoke to you Lawrence, I could stop crying,” she sniffed.

“And how is that going?” I asked. She started bawling again.

“I have to get through this Lawrence. I was hoping you could help me?”

“In what way?” My antennae were rising.

“I was hoping you could find out from the auctioneers, where the bureau came from. I want to see the house and get a feel for who my real father was. Then I can put this to bed. Will you help me?”

A thousand contradictory emotions went through my head. My reaction at hearing her voice told me how much I’d missed her, and my mind was racing ahead at the possibilities of seeing her again. But a tiny common-sense voice was telling me it was a bad idea. If she was to find out who I really was, she’d think my interest in her was creepy.

“Let me see what I can do. If the place is up for sale, we might get a viewing as potential buyers,” I said.

“That’s a good idea, Lawrence. We could pretend to be a loved-up couple buying their first home together. We might have to be a bit touchy-feely, if you could stand that?”

Common sense didn’t stand a chance. I swallowed hard. “I’ll let you know when we’ve got an appointment.”

 

*

That bloody desk was heavy, and I was sure I could hear the old bastard laughing at me from below as I dragged it into the garage and hid it under a blanket. I piled a couple of boxes of books on top for good measure and gave the house a quick once over to make sure there was nothing linking to me. I thought I’d done a good job, but then I spotted the drag marks on the carpet leading to the hallway door to the garage. They were bound to raise suspicion. I vacuumed the carpets to cover my tracks. All through my subterfuge, I was thinking, ‘I am my father’s son.’

I knew Catherine wanted to put a face to the object of her mother’s letters, so I obliged her by finding a photo of the old man in cricket whites at a works social. It was a professional shot. Black and white, with the rest of the team surrounding him while he received a cup. The typed note pasted to the back said, ‘Richard Evans, team captain receives the trophy for winning the ICI interplant cricket tournament 1986.’ My heart stopped for a minute and then I thanked God mum had returned to her maiden name when she divorced him. I put it in a spare frame and placed it on the sideboard. Tricky Dicky always took a good photo. You could see why he didn’t have trouble getting women. I wished he’d passed that trait on to his son. When Catherine saw what a wrong ‘un he was, she’d sympathize with her mother’s plight and put a lid on the matter. At least that is what I hoped.

My phone alarm went off fifteen minutes before I was supposed to meet Catherine with the estate agent. I had not put the house on the market yet, so there was no way that couldn’t happen. I’d channelled my father to come up with a plausible excuse and made my call.

“Hello, Catherine. Slight problem. The estate agents’ kid had had an accident at nursery and she had to go off. I said we couldn’t reschedule, so she let me have the keys on a promise I return them straight afterwards. Come straight to the house. I’ll text you the address.”

“Well played, Lawrence. I’d like to look around without an agent breathing down my neck. Pity though, I was looking forward to playing your pushy girlfriend.” Catherine laughed.

My heart was pounding. The excitement of an illicit meeting, the fear of being caught out. Is this what my father lived for?

I let her in. I fumbled with the worn lock. You had to know how to catch it just right to open it. As a stranger, I should not have that skill.

Hello, Catherine. Bloody lock. The new owner will need to get this fixed.” With my nerves, I didn’t look at her until she came in. Then wow. She took off her coat and was wearing a fitted wrap-over dress in a clingy material. My eyes were drawn to her shapely breasts and the curve of her thighs. She was also wearing makeup and her hair was held in a low ponytail. I realized I’d been quiet for a good five seconds and went red. “Sorry, Catherine.”

She laughed. “It’s supposed to do that. I thought the agent might have been a man, and I wanted to make him obliging.”

“Where do you want to start?” I had to take my eyes off her.

“Can I just wander about to get a feel?” She scanned the hallway as if to commit the details to memory.

I was feeling nervous I’d missed something incriminating.

“I wonder where he used to meet my mum?” Catherine said. “I mean, she was married; he was married. He couldn’t bring her here.”

“He probably had a car. Or used a mate’s place. Or a hotel. It might not have been the romantic relationship your mum’s letters suggested. I’m sorry, Catherine.”

She looked at me. There was a tear in the corner of her eye. “You’re right, Lawrence. Why can’t women accept sex for what it is? Why do they have to romanticize it and end up disappointed?”

I wanted to put my arms around her and kiss her. “It’s the way it was before the internet. Now they send half-naked pictures to each other before the first date. So they know what they’re getting.”

She laughed. “Men must love that.”

“Not all men. Some want to discover the person first.” I held her gaze, and she reddened and looked away embarrassed.

 

The kitchen held little imprint of my father. I struggled to remember him cooking more than beans on toast, and then under sufferance. We went through the upstairs rooms and she opened his wardrobe. A collection of smart but old-fashioned suits hung in plastic bags.

“He must have been dapper in his day. Quite a stylish character,” said Catherine.

I didn’t want her to be impressed by him. “Looks like he was a bit of a peacock, if you ask me. Why would a family man need all these fancy clothes, if not to impress other women?” I hoped I was coming across casual rather than bitter.

“Do you think he cheated on his wife after he finished with my mum?”

“He probably had the taste for it. Couldn’t stop himself. Today some doctors want to treat sex addiction as an illness. I think in his day it was a sport.”

We browsed the bathroom and spare bedroom and were about to head downstairs when she spotted my childhood bedroom. I had not looked in there. My palms were sweating.

Catherine pushed the door open. “Oh. He had a son.”

The room looked abandoned, because it was. After their divorce, I spent many desultory alternate weekends with dad. He spent most of the time complaining about mum’s unreasonableness and how difficult it was to keep the house and find the money for the deposit on her bungalow. I reminded him it was my home as well, and he gave me a sour look. He tried to interrogate me about any men who might visit. ‘You only have two uncles, Laurie. Any more are something else.’ I told mum, and she levelled with me. ‘Your father wants to know if I have a lover, so he can stick him for some of his maintenance burden.’

I realized I must have drifted, and when I came too, Catherine had opened the wardrobe. “His son was in the Scouts.”

My heart was in my mouth. She was looking at a Blue Tacked photo of me in uniform with the rest of the troop.

“I think they are the Beavers. Younger than Scouts.”

“Were you one, Lawrence? I wonder which one is his son?” She ran her finger over the photo of the ten boys.

I thought I would shout out from the picture. I had to distract her. “Kids change so much at that age. He probably looks nothing like that anymore.” But I did. My hair covered my sticky-out ears these days, but the eyes, nose, and mouth were me.

“You’re probably right. I hope he had a nice life.” Catherine closed the wardrobe door and a 10,000-pound weight came off my chest. “Let’s look downstairs. Perhaps there’s a picture of my dad.”

 

We arrived in the living room where she discovered the photo from the cricket match. She pulled a pair of black glasses out of her bag. “Don’t laugh” she said. She put them on.

“You look like a sexy librarian.” Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut? I was useless at this stuff. Not my father’s son at all. I squirmed in embarrassment.

Catherine pulled the tie out of her hair and shook her head. “And now Lawrence?”

“Now you just look sexy. I’m going to get a glass of water. Would you like one?” I turned and headed for the kitchen, just avoiding tripping over my tongue.

I came back with two glasses to find her looking at her phone. “I took a photo of the photo so I can see better.” I had not thought of that. She was using the magnifier app to study the old man’s face. “I think I’ve got his eyes and mouth.”

“Your hair is lighter.”

“I’ve been dying it for years. I think his is the same colour as yours. What do you think?”

I was sure she was going to confront me. “It’s a black-and-white photo. You can’t tell.”

“I’ve worked out how they met from the inscription. Mum used to work for a builder’s merchants. I think he sold paint for ICI.” Catherine had the old man bang to rights. His sales patch was South East England. He’d be away for days at a time. Ideal for a man with his hobbies. “I wonder what happened to his family? I mean, we are relatives.”

What the fuck? Was she going to ask me to help find myself? It had all gone horribly wrong. “You were very shocked when I told you. His wife may not be alive. His son might not want painful old wounds reopened.” I hoped I sounded considered rather than defensive, but I was out of my depth.

“Maybe you’re right, Lawrence. I should leave it here. Thank you for helping me find some answers.” She leaned over and I was expecting a kiss on the cheek. Instead, she kissed me full on the lips. My arms went around her waist. It was all I could do not to slip my tongue into her mouth. We stood awkwardly in the embrace, waiting for the next move. Just like we had the last time. “I’d like to thank you properly for your help.”

My eyes were as wide as saucers.

She laughed. “Not like that. I’d like to cook you a meal. Unless you would prefer to go out to dinner?”

“No, that would be lovely.”

“Good. Tuesday evening at my place. Is it a date?”

I nodded. I could not trust my mouth with words.

 

*

I turned into her road, trying to sort my scrambled thoughts. It was not meant to go this far. I was just going to be a good Samaritan for her mother. But when I saw Catherine, it all changed. I could not refuse her. I wanted to tell her the truth, that we were related. She was my half-sister, for god’s sake. But the feelings I had for her can’t be all wrong, can they? I’d Googled endless articles on forbidden love between blood relatives. What the fuck do they know? As long as we don’t have kids, the only problems are moral aren’t, they? Other people’s morality. I would tell her. I would have to tell her before the inevitable happened. We were attracted to each other. It was natural. I would tell her and it would break my heart. And hers too, if I was reading things right.

I pressed the bell, as nervous as hell. Catherine opened the door, and I presented the bunch of flowers I’d been strangling all the way from the station. She looked at them and laughed. The sound made my heart soar. I could not tell her.

She was wearing a sleeveless glittery black dress with spaghetti straps. It showed off her honey-coloured arms and shoulders. The old man had Mediterranean heritage, and it had passed down the line. More in her than me, although I did tan super fast, and it lasted ages. I followed her down the hall, trying not to stare at her arse and legs in dark tights and black high heels. I was glad I’d worn a proper shirt, trousers, and shoes for a change.

“Do you like my earrings?” Catherine said over her shoulder.

“Er… sure. They’re nice.”

She laughed. She knew where I’d been looking.

The kitchen was a collage of mouthwatering smells.

“Dinner will be an hour, I’m slow cooking a piece of lamb. A Sicilian recipe.” She poured us two glasses from an open bottle and we moved into the lounge. A record was playing on an old record player/ radio combination, from back in the day when Hi-Fi equipment was furniture. Dad had a similar setup. Catherine picked up a vinyl LP. “Do you know the same record is in Dad’s house?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I said the same record is in my Dad’s house.”

“Oh, I didn’t notice.” Did I imagine what she said the first time? Guilt plays havoc with the senses.

“Do you think they had a song? My mum and Richard Evans?” She lifted the record sleeve up.

I had to look at it over her shoulder. My lips were inches from her bare shoulder. Her perfume was in my nose. I put my hands in my pockets before they got me into trouble.

“I don’t know, but there’s his theme tune, ‘Music to watch girls by’.”

“You’ve really got it in for him, Lawrence. Is it just because of what he did to my mum? Did you find anything to suggest he’d been like that with other women?” Catherine looked at me.

This was the moment to come clean, to admit who I was and to walk away from her. I was a coward. “No. It’s just good-looking blokes seem to have it all, and don’t realize the value. Let’s not talk about him anymore. His ghost has been over us long enough. I want to know about you.”

We continued our life stories over an excellent meal.

“You know most of mine, Lawrence. What you don’t know is that I was married for five years. It was not a good marriage. When mum got early Alzheimer’s, I said I would not put her in a home. It was a convenient point for Steve to jump ship and I waved him goodbye. I moved in here with her for the last two years. Work was very good about it. I could work from home when I needed to.”

“I’m sorry to hear about the marriage. What do you do for a living?”

“You got it right before. I’m a sexy librarian.” Catherine smiled, and I spluttered into my glass. “Actually, I’m a knowledge officer for a consultancy company. When you think about it, their only asset is know-how. I capture the learnings from our engagements so we can use what works again, ideally with cheaper staff. Although the clients don’t get that benefit.”

“I know your work. I sometimes get jobs where a company is pitching or delivering findings to clients. People don’t want to read, so a picture goes a long way. I started off as a graphic designer, but I’m doing a lot of infographics these days. Animated ones for TV and corporate events as well.”

“Wow. I’m amazed we have not come across each other, Lawrence.”

Catherine was beautiful and smart. What were the odds I would find someone like her in real life? “London is a big place. People cross every day and never meet.

“I’m glad we did. From your opinion of Richard Evans, I assume you don’t have a wife or girlfriend you’ve escaped from this evening? Or are you the biggest player in London?”

“Damn, I’ve been rumbled,” I joked. “The answer is no on either count. My fiancé Holly left three years ago. The vacancy remains unfilled.”

“I’m sorry, it sounds painful.” Catherine wanted to know, but gave me the option of refusing.

I was tired of lying to her. “It was. We’d been together five years. We were trying for a baby with no luck. I’d suggested IVF, but she was against. Besides, we didn’t have the money. Holly came up with a cheaper option. I came home early from a business trip that was supposed to last two days and found her in bed with my best friend.” I swallowed hard at the memory.

“How awful. I’m sorry, Lawrence. I should not have been so pushy.” Catherine’s hand was on mine. The other stroked my cheek.

“I’m okay now. I even apologized to my friend for breaking his nose. Holly’s, broken arm was from her falling out of the bed. I’m not a violent psycho.”

“That’s the last thing I’d call you, Lawrence.”

“I bumped into Gary a year later. He said he had some news if I kept my hands in my pockets. He said Holly made all the running; she said he’d be doing us a favour. She was very persuasive. She had two other boyfriends after me, but neither managed to knock her up. Seems that the problem was not with me.”

“Are kids important to you, Lawrence?”

“With the right person, Catherine. I’d even suggested to Holly that we adopt. It would be great to give a child a loving home.”

She picked up my hand and kissed it. There was a tear in her eye. “Come on. I want to dance with you to the songs of that old crooner.”

 

*

We managed one song before our lips were on each other. My hands were in her hair as I nibbled her earlobe. She sighed and undid my shirt. Her nails raked at my chest. When the only sounds we could make were sighs and moans, we took it upstairs.

I looked at the single bed. “I got so lonely in a double bed after I split from Steve.” Catherine apologized. She was nervous. I unzipped her dress, and it fell to the floor. I held her hand to step out of it and picked it up. “Tights are so unflattering, aren’t they? No wonder men want women to traipse around in stockings and suspenders.”

I looked at the front of my trousers tenting. “I think they are doing a good enough job.”

She laughed, and I lay her on the bed before she could find other faults.

I undid her black bra. Her breasts were large for her frame and cascaded into my eager hands. My mouth moved from one to the other. Her brown nipples stiffened. I kissed down her stomach and she pushed me back.

“No. You first Lawrence.” She made me stand and unzipped me. Before I could say anything, Catherine took me in her mouth and teased the underside of my cockhead with her tongue. I shook. She leaned forward, taking more of my cock in every dip until her lips touched my balls. I have never had a blow job like it. With her fingers behind my balls, she could feel my cum rising. “It’s okay, Lawrence. Let it go. All in my mouth. I want you to.”

I doubt I would have been able to do otherwise, and I shot five big spurts which Catherine swallowed without gagging. I lay her back on the bed.

“I hope you don’t think I’m a slut. It’s just that I don’t want to disappoint you.” She became teary, and I held her.

I sensed there was an issue, but I didn’t want to push it. “Let’s just cuddle for a while.”

Ten minutes later we were breathing hard again. “Please fuck me now, Lawrence.”

I threw back the duvet and pulled her tights and knickers down in one go. She’d trimmed her pussy to a designer stubble. She had pouty lips and a prominent clitoris. It couldn’t be a fear that she looked odd that was the problem. “You are beautiful down there, Catherine.” Before she could object, my face was between her thighs, my tongue raking her soaking cleft. She tensed up, but I splayed her legs and circled her clit with my tongue. She squirmed. “God Lawrence, I think I’m going to cum.” To guarantee the result, I slid two fingers into her pussy and found her G-Spot after a bit of searching. She gave me a clue. “Yes, there. Just there. You’ve got it from both ends. Oh my god, my god!” Catherine made an animal sound as she came. Part scream, part grunt. I’d never heard it’s like before. She rode my face. Holding my tongue on point with her hand on the back of my neck until she fell backwards, spent.

“You made me cum. You made me cum.” She was crying happy tears.

“I don’t think you’re finished, Catherine.” Her weak objections melted as I opened her thighs again. My left hand flashed across her clit as the right probed inside her pussy. Her hips bucked like she was trying to throw me from a saddle and she stiffened as she came again. The third time she was too far gone to complain as I slid my little finger into her bum hole and took her over the edge. Her legs snapped shut on my arm like a bear trap as she shuddered.

“No more please, Laurence. I think you’ll kill me.”

I don’t claim any studly skills, but there had to have been a problem in her past. Catherine lay in the fetal position, wiping her tears with the back of her hand and keeping an eye on mine lest I inflict more pleasure on her. “I don’t come during sex, Lawrence.”

“Well, that’s a lie.”

“No, I mean, in the past. I don’t know what itTo continue reading this story you must be a member. Join for FREE here.

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The Changeling

The changeling Hoping to get some ideas for my software business I had been to a EU sponsored conference at Bled in Slovenia. I had picked up a lot of good ideas and was looking forward to getting home to work on them, so once back in my hotel I logged on to check my flight with Adria Airlines. I was annoyed to find that my flight had been delayed by a whole day, but decided to make the best of it by exploring the Triglav mountain area, so using the hire car, I set off through several...

2 years ago
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Pornchanger

When Jon woke up, he could feel rain hitting his skin. Slowly he sat up and looked around, shaking his head. He quickly realized that he was naked and that he sat in the middle of a forest. Slowly he looked around, noticing the smoking pieces laying around. Slowly a bit of his memory came back. He had been on the way home from a business meeting in a neighbor city and had taken the, slightly longer, route over the mountain pass to enjoy a bit the storm raging over the mountainside. Then, on the...

2 years ago
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Lifechanger

In all your life you could only feel one way about yourself. You were a loser. Everything about you could be described as "below average" everything from your eyesight to the size of your penis. You were socially inept. You frequented the library, you would spend your time reading romances and erotica, wishing that you could have something like the characters in the stories. Despite everything you told yourself, despite all of your efforts, your attempts at improving any aspect of yourself...

Fantasy
1 year ago
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The Seachange

Jack and Dianne had lived a comfortable life in Melbourne..... the capital city of Victoria, Australia. Jack, the senior accountant of a major corporation had worked 30 years. Dianne, a housewife who loved entertaining. But, after 30 years of work, Jack and Dianne wanted to retire....to enjoy their remaining days in comfort and peace. Fresh air beckoned.....a country lifestyle. Jack and Dianne packed up, and bought a lovely house in Toolern Vale, Victoria. The air was clean, the horses were...

2 years ago
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Pounding by Daddy in the Changerooms

I was single, bored and masturbating way to often. I was young, innocent, and i was in my last year of high school. I had done everything with a previous girlfriend, from kissing to sex and I was straight of course, but had a pure obsession with older men. I spent a lot of my time, stripping, rubbing my hard cock, fingering myself at the sight of and older man fucking a younger boy. I went on websites, playing with them over webcam and still do to this day. But I was still a virgin, wanting...

2 years ago
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Wild Sex In The Pool8217s Changeroom

Hi, everybody! This is my third story here and the reactions and steamy emails I have received for my previous story have been overwhelming. I particularly have a thing for women older than me and I have been to their service of all those who have contacted me. I welcome all suggestions and emails especially from women and girls in Bangalore. I’m 26 years old now and this story is about a year old with my then girlfriends who was of my age. I’m 5.10 with an athletic physique with a well-endowed...

2 years ago
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The Role Exchanger

Just a heads up, this story is a bit odd and the TG elements in it are fairly light, but I do hope you enjoy it. And I wrote this story for my own amusement while playing around, so if you don't like it... too bad. The Role Exchanger By Morpheus The college courtyard provided a scene much like every other morning, being filled with a throng of students. Several dozen young men and women were scattered about, going about their normal routines as they awaited the start of...

1 year ago
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The Changeover

Note: the author encourages unauthorised reposting, sequels, and blatant plagiarism of this work. THE CHANGEOVER By Wyrdey There are many scholarly theories about the Changeover - why it happened, how it happened. They talk about 'social forces' or 'chemical pollutants' or 'historical inevitability'. None of them are even remotely true. The lunatic fringe have their theories as well - They prefer 'the wrath of god' or 'alien intervention'. They're closer, but still...

2 years ago
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GenderChanger

Copyright© 2004 by Kien Reti He pressed the blinking red button on the cube. A luminous three-dimensional display popped up in mid-air. There were blocks of text in easy-to-read glowing green letters, and what looked like a side panel of multi-colored push-buttons. This had to be some kind of fancy hologram. Mark XXIV GenderChanger® Choose an Option: [1] PARTIAL CHANGE (genitalia only, secondary sex characteristics unaffected) [2] COMPLETE CHANGE (down to the...

2 years ago
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Reality Changers

The strip club's base beat in time with the feelings of guilt and fear that pulsed through Max's heart. His wife, Amber, as going to kill him. Todd Farnsworth he cursed in his mind. Todd always thought a strip club was the perfect place to seal a business deal. "They create a bond among the players," he'd said when Max had complained about it. Max looked up at the female associate on the other side. Janice looked at her watch then at the exit. Max agreed with her. The sooner they were out...

2 years ago
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Eric Olafson Neo Viking Vol 1Prelude Part 7 XChange

5004, Year Isegrim stood at the bar in the Xchange cafe, watching through the large windows into the large warehouse, as his men unloaded the last crates of Flicker fish and Fangsnapper meat. The door opened and along with a flurry of snow flakes and a gush of cold wind Leif Elhir stomped in, cleaning his heavy boots over the snow grate. He looked around to see who was there and then he noticed Isegrim. “I see the winds also dragged in the steward of the Ragnarsson riches, running errands...

3 years ago
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Game Changer

I’m in my seventies now and only discovered my bi side when I was in my thirties. We weren’t swingers but my ex-wife Barbara and I were very sexually active and uninhibited. We were engaging in oral sex a good ten years before it was socially acceptable. In the mid-sixties when she came home from giving birth to our first child with her pussy shaved. She liked the way it felt when I went down on her, so Barbara kept it shaved. Again that was almost fifteen years before bald pussies came in...

Gay Male
2 years ago
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Game Changer

I'm in my seventies now and only discovered my bi side when I was in my thirties. We weren't swingers, but my ex-wife Barbara and I were very sexually active and uninhibited. We were engaging in oral sex a good ten years before it was socially acceptable. In the mid-sixties when she came home from giving birth to our first child with her pussy shaved she liked the way it felt when I went down on her, so she kept it shaved. Again, that was almost fifteen years before bald pussies became in...

Bisexual
2 years ago
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Blackmailing Turned Out To Be Life Changer

Hi. This is Aakash Gandhi from Chandigarh. Basically I’m an engineering student and 20 years old. I’m a regular reader of ISS and thought of sharing my recent experience too! It’s very long story but I’m sure you’ll enjoy till the end. Coming to the story, this story is about me and my cousin sister sneha whom I can fuck whenever i want due to beautiful incident that happened in my life. We have a joint family and live under same house. In my family, i have an elder sister and mom. Both are out...

Incest
2 years ago
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The Fairest of Exchanges

One good turn deserves another. In the bedroom that might translate as ‘one good sucking deserves a muffing’. I enjoyed this fairest of exchanges again just this morning. Let me share my experience with you… I woke early and looked at my girlfriend as she lay sleeping beside me. She was turned towards me and her beautiful face was partly covered by her long blonde hair. Her lips are the most sensual I have ever seen. Just looking at them makes me want to cum in her mouth. I have told her this...

1 year ago
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IrreFutable Changes

In the medical world, it got called the Hormone-Oriented Sexual Transmutative Disease. The disease was transmittable through sexual activity and, as its symptoms and causes became more well-known, it got classified as an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) very quickly. Many people were fearful of the disease. They were never sure if they'd catch it, nor how severe its effects would be, except that they could catch it through unprotected sex. They'd avoid any irresponsible activity whatsoever,...

Fetish
3 years ago
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SRU Going Through Some Changes

This is a bit of a strange one. I had originally planned on it being rather short, but somehow it grew just a little bigger than I had intended. Still, I hope you enjoy. Any one who wishes to archive this story may do so, under the provisions that they notify me of doing so and that there is no charge for it. SRU: Going Through Some Changes By Morpheus Sitting around my dorm room was getting old real fast. Lately I'd been feeling a mixture of stress and boredom, both broken...

2 years ago
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Archangel

I don’t know where Ceridwen came from. I think she’s a melange of the tired city girls you see every day on the London commute. Our city is hard and jagged, and those of us lucky enough to have someone should be glad, too many people here are alone. — I was tired and cold. The Victoria line platform at Vauxhall was busy and I clasped my violin case to me as I dodged around other people and made my way towards the train station. It was a windy evening, with drizzle and low clouds scudding...

2 years ago
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The Change

Anna had started her day at the store in a funk; not quite depressed, but certainly not excited to be there. She usually enjoyed her job and liked to help customers. Finally by mid-morning, she hit a brighter spot. Anna giggled lightly as the slim man looked over the display of matching soft-cup bras and panties. He looked slightly out of place, even with his long hair braided and tied off with a bright pink bow, the tight sleeveless shift dress in a gaudy pink-themed print, and...

1 year ago
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A Plague of Changes

A Plague of Changes By Morpheus Chaos exploded around me and the horrendous noise rolled over me like thunder, threatening to deafen me from the raw force of it. Everywhere I looked, there were wild and ferocious creatures that could end my life... or worse. I shuddered slightly as I looked around the complete madhouse that I was trapped within. The zoo known as high school. I took another look around and shook my head, glancing back to the drivers ed pamphlet in my hands. I was...

2 years ago
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SRU The Ring of Change

SRU: The Ring of Change By Allen W. "Spells R Us? When did this open?" Mark thought. Hesitating for a moment in the doorway he decided to step inside. "Hi Mark." Said an old man wearing a bathrobe. "Uh...Hi." "I know exactly what you need." The man said reaching behind the counter. "I... uh... don't really need anything... I was just looking..." "Nonsense Mark!" Said the old man pulling out a little ornate ivory box covered in dust. "This is exactly what you need...

3 years ago
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The Change

The Change By ZeDD My name is Teddy. I occasionally go out with friends and have something of a steady girlfriend, though we both see others whenever we feel like it. I'm in my 20's and living the easy free life of a bacholer. At least I was before I changed into a sexy bombshell named Penelope Benton! Now I'm living the easy free life of a unemployed woman! And it all began with a stupid text number someone scrawled on a piece of paper! I couldn't really explain why I did it....

1 year ago
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Eddies Change

This story is inspired by the many authors of TG fiction out there that I have read, I hope you like it. This story contains an Adult Content and has scenes of Forced Feminization/Humiliation, so if you are under 21 or are offended go and watch Barney or something. Eddie's Change By Serena Lawhead Chapter 1 : A change for the better "Dammit Eddie, will you get off your back side and do some work around here" shouted Suzi, Eddie's wife of nearly 5 years. Eddie looked up...

1 year ago
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DMGC The Department of Magical Gender Change

When magic spells are cast, some are very specific, but others are vague on the details. If a wizard changes a man into a lovely maiden, he might decide what the new woman looks like and how she's dressed. But what happens if the change is triggered by a magical object, or an ambiguously worded wish? Who determines what standard of beauty to use? Who determines what clothes she's wearing after the transformation and makes sure that it's color-coordinated? Who decides on her hair...

2 years ago
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A TechnoChange

A TECHNO-CHANGE by greyguy (Original submission) X-rated - Synopsis: Ken Grantham is disillusioned with his lot in life and convinced that he should have been someone else. While searching for his favourite downloads on the Internet one night, he comes across a life-changing computer program. Categories: Sci-Fi, magical transformations Author's note: This is my first attempt at a TG story, but I have been a fan of this style of writing for a very long time. I got the idea...

4 years ago
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PLEASURE ISLAND THE POOLSIDE ENCOUNTER Chapter 7A Wendys Changes

PLEASURE ISLAND: THE POOLSIDE ENCOUNTER Chapter 7A Wendy's Changes Hours and days of feeling the vibrations through your clit, the soaking of your panties and the pool of juices that had formed on the blanket of the bed you finally hear your release commanded from the other room and you are all too happy to comply with her wishes. "Cum for me now!" Wendy demands. You scream out into the ball gag as loud as you can. The explosion that happens inside of you is as physical as the mental...

3 years ago
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The Wind of Change

The Wind of Change Connie and I had been married for a little over 18 months when the news broadcasts first warned of the impending collision of two asteroids which were both projected to miss Earth by something around a million miles. There was allegedly little to no danger projected to be present according to the so-called expert astronomers but they did say we would be able to see the collisions aftermath in the evening skies a few days after the collision. Okay, so why should we...

1 year ago
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ChChChChanges

Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes (Part 1) Hey everyone, the Island man is back! At the request (encouragement they would tell you) of my employer I went back to school to complete an additional degree so I had to take a little hiatus from writing - but I'm done (at least for now). It's been quite a while since I have contributed to the community and felt it was time to give back again. It's been a very busy time - I'm sure you all understand how it goes ... family, career and life happens....

1 year ago
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A game that changes

This is an inspired project that I think can be fun. The following links are what inspired my direction, but please feel free to own your own direction for this story. The Game that Changes is fluid, and the game master can change play of the game on a whim i.e. if a master feels the player needs a Sims like game then the mode will feel like the Sims, but this player needs a fighting game, an adventure game, sports game, etc then the game shifts to manipulate the player, so the player will...

Fantasy
2 years ago
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Ring on the Changes

This story was custom written to Circe's specifications as a prize for my fourth story contest. Ring on the Changes By Morpheus The Dragon's Trove was located in an old, red brick building, with a large window in the front that had a carefully painted picture of a dragon wrapped around a large pile of books on it. Within the used bookstore, only half of it was filled with the books that the sign represented and more than half of these were of the science fiction or fantasy genre,...

3 years ago
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The Change

The Change By Erica Wright Started: 08/28/09 I'm a huge Sci-Fi and Fantasy fan, but I've never really had the desire to blend my love of Sci-Fi with my love of adult fiction. This story is the result of the first time I felt that desire and what happened. Originally the story was going to use some kind of nano-technology to allow the growth and absorption of sexual organs, (i.e. my 'wife' in the story could 'grow' a ten inch penis, and I could 'grow' breasts and a vagina...) Once I...

3 years ago
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The Big Change

Janet L. Stickney [email protected] The Big Change I had been dressing up since I was about seven, always very careful not to get caught, and I had always been successful... until I turned 14. Then he saw me. My best friend in the whole world had simply walked in the house, opened my bedroom door, and saw me standing there, completely decked out, from makeup to dress, pantyhose and low heels. My hair was tied up in a high ponytail, which exposed my clip on earrings. You...

2 years ago
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XChange

Pills Pink pills change males to females. Blue pills change females to males. Purple pills (X-Trans) change males or females into transgenders, can be combined with pink or blue. X-Change (Formula subject to change) Acquired from unlicensed "street" vendors. Changed (defective/in testing) formula. Cheapest. High pregnancy risk. Can lead to mental and/or continuing physical changes. Pregnancy results in permanence. More potential effects...(increased hormones/estrogen/testosterone, missing...

2 years ago
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Bureaucratic Benefits

It was one of those never-ending affairs that I hate to attend but, given my status in the current administration, I was assigned to be one of the administration's representatives. That meant that the guest of honor was not sufficiently important or high enough up the diplomatic ladder to justify one of the more significant names from the administration. It didn't bother me that I was not higher on the ladder — I believed that the work I did was important and I felt good doing it. That...

3 years ago
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Face the Strange Chapter 711 How Many Special People Change

FACE THE STRANGE by Crazy Baron Chapter 7: How Many Special People Change Mom's words instantly swept away all of my thoughts and feelings and plans for the immediate future, together with the remnants of my inebriation. Their place was taken by one single overwhelming emotion, anxiety. I had feared precisely this moment ever since I had been told my transformation was probably irreversible, and hoped that I might somehow be able to avoid it; but now there was nothing I could...

2 years ago
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Loving Change

Loving Change Are you sure this will work?" the young woman asked quizzically. "Money back guarantee," the elderly clerk replied as he folded a long silk pink slip with a bottle of unmarked lotion and put both in the bag. "I hope he likes it," the women said as she took the bag and headed back into the mall. "I know she will," the clerk stated out of earshot of the young woman. *** *clink* The touch of wine glasses signaled more than six lunar cycles. "That was a...

1 year ago
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Tokens Spare Change

This story was written over a period of about 4 months as a serial story for another group. When I first started writing this story, I had no idea where it would go. Tokens: Spare Change By Morpheus Prologue A slender man quickly made his way along the sidewalk, intent on his destination and not brooking any delays. Every several minutes the man glanced down at his watch, frowning just a little more deeply and quickening his step that much more. At that rate it might not be...

3 years ago
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Winds of Change

Winds of Change By: Light Clark Synopsis: Ian hated the life that he'd been given. School, home, and everything in between was just unbearable. Then one day, he took a different path during that inbetween and discovered something that could change it all, but it was a gamble. Would it be worth the risk? Warning: This story is 'technically' set in the Whateley universe. It uses no characters or places from that universe; just borrows a few terms and general thematics. It is...

3 years ago
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Salto Vorto The Dance of Change

Casey and his mother had eagerly anticipated the event for months, perhaps years, subconsciously - The Annual Autumn Mother/Son - Son/Mother Dance, held by their secluded little town's high school. During the Spring school recess, the town's elders assembled and issued its list of this year's "Selected", the high school seniors and their mothers, who were to eligible to participate in the dance. And while the thought of being one of The Selected surprised him, he never really had any...

2 years ago
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Winds In Change

WINDS IN CHANGE by Spanky de Bautumn I was in a rut, spinning my wheels, I needed a change. I'm not a singer, I'm not a performer, I'm not even a good musician, but people have told me that I have a knack for writing. So, I've learned enough guitar to give my poetry some melody and for the past six months have been playing at open mikes and coffee houses in Hollywood and the Valley. I am currently between jobs and doing some telemarketing selling ink cartridges for printers and...

2 years ago
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Some things never change

Some things never change By Trainmaster Synopsis: A geeky tenacious boy, leading a Boy Scout troop on a 50-mile hike, turns into a beautiful poised young lady when the Genderwave overtakes them on the trail. Her (former) father becomes the emotional lightning rod for everyone on the hike, and finds out that changes of sex aren't as important as the things that don't change. My son Stuart was a lanky kid with a heart of gold and a determination to be successful at all he did. The...

1 year ago
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Change

Change by parker Anxious, I checked my watch for the fifth time in as many minutes. How long could it possibly take her to change? Women! The dinner started in half an hour, and the election was tight enough without me being late for my own fundraising events. I looked around the clothing store, hoping to find a female attendant to check the changing rooms, but the store seemed empty. I walked over to where a hung curtain separated the changing area from the rest of the store....

1 year ago
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Personality Change

A work of fiction.Lillian Maynard was a sixty year old widow, her husband had left her f******n years earlier. Her son Jeff who Lillian had late in life was only two when his father left and so never knew him. The boy was now sixteen, a bright boy who worked for a small IT company close to where he lived. His relationship with his mother was fairly formal.After her divorce from her husband Lillian turned to religion and became a devout Christian, didn’t drink, a non smoker and wouldn’t have...

4 years ago
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Altered Fates Changes

Altered Fates: Changes By Morpheus My toolbox felt heavy in my hand as I examined the room. It was a real mess. The walls were scorched, even badly burned in spots, the obvious marks of a fire. However, to my expert eye, the damage was only skin deep, fairly easy to repair. Still, it would several days to replace the sheet-rock and repair the walls, not to mention redoing the carpeting and paint. But it would give me a nice hefty paycheck. Apparently the fire had been caused by...

4 years ago
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Changes in Paradise Chapter 14 Choosing Change

Disclaimer: If you're underage, stop reading. If you're offended by transgender or transsexual ideas, stop reading; and if you're unlikely to enjoy erotic descriptions of sex, stop reading. This story is definitely adult material. Finally, if mermaids aren't your "thing," read this story anyway; it might change your mind. Please read "Changes In Paradise, parts 1 - 13," if you haven't already, and please take a moment to post a comment to the site on which this story appeared, or...

2 years ago
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Changes

Changes By Julie O Edited By Itinerant Chapter 1 "How did I do?" asked sixteen-year-old Scott Helms as he took a long drink of water. "You were perfect," replied Jack Roberts. "I couldn't be prouder of you and the way you stood up to the defense today." "How long was I in there today?" asked Scott. "I sort of lost...

3 years ago
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Seasons Change

No Time No time left for you On my way to better things No time left for you I'll find myself some wings No time left for you Distant roads are calling me No time left for you. No time for a summer friend No time for the love you send Seasons change and so did I You need not wonder why You need not wonder why There's no time left for you No time left for you. No time left for you On my way to better things No time left for you I'll find myself some wings No time left for you Distant roads...

1 year ago
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SRU The Whistle of Change

SRU: Whistle of Change By Larahose Jimmy Davey was 5'9 1/2" tall and weighed about 175 lbs. He was a 24-year-old college graduate finally on his own after working the last couple years to save money while living at home with his parents. Jimmy was finally enjoying the freedom of wearing female clothing while relaxing at home. You see he has been a life-long crossdresser. Jimmy was very dissatisfied with the drudgery of his male life. He often dreamed of going out in...

4 years ago
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Sometimes the More Things Change

Sometimes the More Things Change ... by Bill Hart A year had passed since Dr. Tomlin had convinced the powers that be of the potential implied by her radical theories on the nature of time and the possibility of time travel. She'd often wondered during the months of negotiations with the government if the time taken would have been substantially reduced if she'd been a man. Now, Dr. Marlene Tomlin, lost in thoughts of past events, stood and stared at the newly-constructed...

2 years ago
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An Unexpected Change

An Unexpected Change Al little more than two years ago, I was faced with what many men would have considered a difficult decision, which turned out to have been a blessing in disguise. Several non-malignant tumors had been found in my testicles and prostate, while they were not life threatening my Doctor assured me that they could very easily become cancerous if left unchecked. In addition, they were causing pain so ignoring them was rapidly not becoming an option. The doctor wanted...

1 year ago
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Love in the Verge of Changes

Love in the Verge of Changes Synopsis: After strange balls fell on Earth, the World goes through a massive change. Could the love of our two protagonist survive such turn in their live? Author's note: this is a work of fiction, so is completely fictitious, any resemblances both in the content or in the character is purely by chance. It is my first story that I post and I hope people will like it. I plan to write it as a three chapters story, and I hope to finish the other...

1 year ago
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Price of Power 4Britneys Big change

Price of Power 4 Britney's Big change Near the middle part of the 21st century, several cosmic events occurred at the same time-a massive solar flare, an extra solar comet with a tail of unknown radiation passed near earth, and an experimental power source being developed in the pacific area went online. The results were unexplainable-almost seven million people (out of a population of seven billion) developed some sort of superhuman ability. Some of these were physical, others...

1 year ago
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Rons Change

Ron's Change By Margaret Jeanette Sue and Ron Horn had a good marriage. Ron was an all-state baseball player in high school and had dated Sue since his junior year. They just celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary. Ron has a good job in customer relations with a construction company. They are attending the company picnic. Sue is talking to Karen who is Ron's secretary. "Well, Karen, how do you like working with Ron?" Sue asked. "I like the job. It is very...

2 years ago
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Bureaucracy 2

Her first meeting of the day and every day is with her boss Ulani. Tall and commanding, with cold eyes, Ulani succeeds at everything. She has the largest office of an executive at her level because she said she wanted it. "Come the fuck in, then," she beckons, placing her hand on Aria's back. She's completely clean—a fitness freak—but has all the cocaine energy of the 80s. A swarm of tasks, updates, and other such morsels fill the air until Ulani halts, mid-sentence, fixing her cold blue...

Masturbation
2 years ago
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Bureaucracy 1

She rises at approximately 7am. With some effort she rights her aching body, peels away her warm night clothes, and drifts towards the shower. The hot water wakes her gently, as images from the past night's dreams begin to reassemble.As the lust percolating in her unconscious begins to pour its way down into her body, she feels swollen in her own hands. Her ass and breasts seem heavy, ripe.Her heart flutters as she steps to the glass wall and pins her arm against it. With her hand trapped over...

Masturbation
2 years ago
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Melissas Change

Melissa's Change by Ron L. Miss Sarah Lawrence stood at the bottom of the stairs leading to the entrance to the local museum. She was counting heads as a troop of girls, aged 15 and 16, traipsed up to the museum. As head mistress of the `Holly Preparatory School for Girls', it was one of her functions to keep track of all girls in her charge. She took her job seriously. The Holly school was a very exclusive school for girls from wealthy parents. The parents of these sweet...

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